With Understanding
有了理解

apokteino
阿波克泰诺

Summary:
总结：

Winchester takes a deep breath. "I'm your soulmate."
温彻斯特深吸了一口气。“我是你的灵魂伴侣。”

Castiel should be saying something reassuring, something to convince the psychopath in front of him that he can be molded and should be kept alive. He is a trained FBI agent that has been in the Behavioral Analysis Unit for nearly a year. He knows what to do when kidnapped. Instead, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" comes out.
卡斯蒂尔应该说一些令人放心的话，一些让他面前的精神病患者相信他可以被塑造并且应该活着。他是一名训练有素的联邦调查局特工，在行为分析部门工作了近一年。他知道被绑架时该怎么做。相反，“你他妈怎么了？

(Supposed serial killer Dean Winchester kidnaps his soulmate, FBI Agent Castiel Novak. What ensues is a battle of wills ¨C one determined to be loved, and one determined to be free.)
（所谓的连环杀手迪恩·温彻斯特绑架了他的灵魂伴侣、联邦调查局特工卡斯蒂尔·诺瓦克。随之而来的是一场意志之战——一个决心被爱，一个决心自由。

Notes:
笔记：

? Translation into ÖÐÎÄ available: ¡¾·­Òë¡¿With Understanding /Äõ°®ÇôÇé by apokteino, PonyPokey
？可翻译成 ÖÐÎÄ：¡3/4·Òë¿With Understanding /Äõ°®ÇôÇé by apokteino， PonyPokey

AN: Warnings will be added as the story progresses. I do have a fair bit already written, but I'm not totally sure about all the warnings the story will need, so for now I'm choosing not to use the Archive warnings.
AN：随着故事的进展，警告将被添加。我确实已经写了相当多的内容，但我并不完全确定故事需要的所有警告，所以现在我选择不使用存档警告。

AN2: Knowledge of Criminal Minds is totally unnecessary. I deliberately wrote them assuming most readers would be unfamiliar with the characters, and ultimately Dean and Castiel are the sole focus of the story.
AN2：犯罪心理的知识是完全没有必要的。我故意写它们，假设大多数读者不熟悉这些角色，最终迪恩和卡斯蒂尔是故事的唯一焦点。

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Chapter 1
第一章

Chapter Text
章节正文

Wyoming is chilly this time of year.
每年的这个时候怀俄明州都很冷。

The cave where Dean Winchester left his victims is even more so. Castiel, even after a year of being in Virginia with the BAU, has never gotten used to the cold. In the local police station it's warmer, and Castiel is able to sit back and relax, staring at the photos Cheyenne's forensics took.
迪恩·温彻斯特留下受害者的洞穴更是如此。卡斯蒂尔，即使在弗吉尼亚州与 BAU 一起呆了一年后，也从未习惯寒冷。在当地警察局，天气比较暖和，卡斯蒂尔可以坐下来放松一下，盯着夏安的法医拍摄的照片。

There's nothing much left behind except bones with bite marks, left in sloppy piles. Like almost everything about Dean Winchester, it doesn't make much sense. Frankly, the only reason they even found this particular little hideout is because of the nearby fire he'd set. Almost like he'd intended to destroy evidence, except he didn't burn the bodies, instead a random area. None of it matches the psychology of his past crimes, either in signature of sadism. Plus the local medical examiner said some of the bones were thirty years old, which suggests Dean may have picked up where John Winchester left off.
除了有咬痕的骨头，草率地堆成一堆，什么也没留下。就像迪恩·温彻斯特的几乎所有事情一样，这没有多大意义。坦率地说，他们找到这个特别的小藏身处的唯一原因是因为他在附近放火。几乎就像他打算销毁证据一样，只不过他没有焚烧尸体，而是焚烧了一个随机的区域。这些都与他过去犯罪的心理不符，无论是虐待狂的标志。此外，当地法医说其中一些骨头已经有三十年的历史了，这表明迪恩可能从约翰·温彻斯特离开的地方继续了。

Maybe.
或。

Because then why was he going around pretending to be FBI, asking about the missing persons cases? Before the actual FBI got involved?
因为那他为什么要假装是联邦调查局，询问失踪人口案件？在真正的联邦调查局介入之前？

"Definitely one of our weirder cases," SSA Hotchner says, walking into the room. His boss is a good man, and a great boss ¨C he'd taken Castiel under his wing with all the extensive experience and knowledge he had, and Castiel will never forget that. "The MO is all over the place."
“绝对是我们更奇怪的案件之一，”SSA Hotchner 走进房间说道。他的老板是个好人，也是一个伟大的老板——他用他拥有的丰富经验和知识将卡斯蒂尔置于自己的羽翼之下，卡斯蒂尔永远不会忘记这一点。“MO 到处都是。”

Castiel nods in agreement. "Ten years he's been on our radar, and he has yet to repeat a crime."
卡斯蒂尔点头表示同意。“他已经在我们的关注范围内十年了，而且他还没有重蹈覆辙。”

"No Sam Winchester, this time," Hotchner says. "Though as often as one of them has been declared dead, I don't think that's indicative of anything." He pauses. "Aren't you supposed to be asleep? I thought I ordered you to keep to sixteen hour shifts. Most likely he's not even in the state."
“这次没有山姆·温彻斯特，”霍奇纳说。“虽然他们中的一个人经常被宣布死亡，但我认为这并不代表什么。”他停顿了一下。“你不应该睡着吗？我以为我命令你保持十六小时轮班。很可能他甚至不在州内。

Castiel shrugs uncomfortably. "I just have this feeling he's still here. Watching us. I can't explain it."
Castiel 不自在地耸了耸肩。“我只是有一种感觉，他还在这里。看着我们。我无法解释。

Hotchner eyes him. "Gut instinct?"
霍奇纳看着他。“直觉？”

Castiel has never gone with his gut. He's too in his head for that. A lot of friends had told him that. "Yes. As bizarre as I know it sounds."
Castiel 从来没有随心所欲。他太在脑子里了。很多朋友都告诉过他。“是的。我知道这听起来很奇怪。

"It would be uncharacteristic. He's never stayed behind to taunt law enforcement before. Shown absolutely no interest in having our attention or keeping track of his case." Hotchner mulls it over. "Follow it up."
“这很不寻常。他以前从未留下来嘲讽执法部门。对引起我们的注意或跟踪他的案件完全没有兴趣。霍奇纳沉思着。”跟进。”

Castiel follows it up for the rest of the week, but Dean Winchester never shows.
卡斯蒂尔在本周剩下的时间里跟进了它，但迪恩·温彻斯特从未出现过。

----------------------------

Castiel drops his keys in that ridiculous little wicker basket that his brother Balthazar insisted on buying him upon concluding that there wasn't a single personal touch in Castiel's apartment. ("But the books!" Castiel had insisted. "Doesn't count," Balthazar said.) He does his usual cursory check on all the rooms before taking off his gun and badge, then goes for a bottle of water in the fridge. There's leftover takeout in there, too, which is tonight's probable dinner. He picks up a random box and sniffs. Ah, broccoli and beef. Sounds good.
卡斯蒂尔把钥匙放进了那个荒谬的小柳条篮里，他的兄弟巴尔萨扎坚持要给他买的，因为他得出的结论是卡斯蒂尔的公寓里没有一点个人风格。（“但是书！”卡斯蒂尔坚持说。“不算数，”巴尔萨泽说。在摘下枪和徽章之前，他像往常一样粗略地检查了所有房间，然后去冰箱里拿了一瓶水。里面还有剩下的外卖，这可能是今晚的晚餐。他随便拿起一个盒子闻了闻。啊，西兰花和牛肉。 听上去很好。

He swings shut the refrigerator door, then something makes him freeze. Listening.
他一动关上冰箱门，然后有什么东西让他僵住了。 注意的。

An arm reaches from behind him and snakes around his neck while a foot kicks the back of his knee, forcing him to collapse. Training and experience kick in and he twists, seeing a flash of a needle. The man behind him is strong and just as trained, because he doesn't let go, maneuvering to get Castiel back into a choke-hold. He drops the needle to get a better hold on Castiel, and Castiel distantly sees it shatter on the floor.
一只手臂从他身后伸出，蜿蜒绕在他的脖子上，同时一只脚踢了他的膝盖后部，迫使他倒下。训练和经验开始发挥作用，他扭动身体，看到一根针闪过。他身后的男人很强壮，也同样训练有素，因为他不放手，机动地让卡斯蒂尔重新陷入窒息状态。他放下针头以更好地抓住卡斯蒂尔，卡斯蒂尔远远地看到它在地板上碎裂。

Castiel steps to his left and continues twisting his torso, trying to put his right leg behind his attacker's to kick him off balance. But instead his attacker starts pulling him back, forcing all of Castiel's weight onto his neck. He knows what he's doing, and dark spots are starting to color Castiel's vision. Castiel shoves backwards, trying to reach a wall so he can get leverage back and hears something crash to the ground, but his attacker still doesn't let up. Getting desperate, he goes for his attacker's eyes, but his attacker just shifts his head out of range.
卡斯蒂尔走到他的左边，继续扭动他的躯干，试图将他的右腿放在攻击者的腿后面，让他失去平衡。但他的攻击者却开始将他拉回来，将卡斯蒂尔的所有重量压在他的脖子上。他知道自己在做什么，黑点开始给卡斯蒂尔的视线上上色。卡斯蒂尔向后推，试图到达一堵墙，这样他就可以重新获得杠杆，并听到有什么东西撞到地上，但他的攻击者仍然没有松懈。他绝望了，去抓住攻击者的眼睛，但他的攻击者只是将头移出了射程。

That's when he passes out.
就在那时，他昏倒了。

Castiel wakes up in a car trunk. It's pitch black and the car isn't moving, but he can tell what it is by the shape of the space he inhabits. He's cuffed behind his back, and his ankles are tied together and a heavy gag sits in his mouth. He listens for a couple of minutes, then starts trying to get his hands in front of him before realizing that his hands have been tied to his feet. Well, fuck.
卡斯蒂尔在汽车后备箱里醒来。漆黑一片，汽车没有动，但他可以通过他所居住的空间的形状来判断那是什么。他被铐在背后，脚踝被绑在一起，嘴里塞着一个沉重的堵嘴。他听了几分钟，然后开始试图把手放在他面前，然后才意识到他的手被绑在了脚上。好吧，他妈的。

The car shakes and a car door slams shut. Footsteps get closer. Castiel closes his eyes and goes still, not reacting when cool air hits him.
车子摇晃着，车门砰的一声关上了。脚步声越来越近。卡斯蒂尔闭上眼睛，一动不动，当冷空气吹到他身上时，他没有反应。

"Don't bother," a strangely familiar voice says. "I know you're awake."
“别打扰，”一个奇怪而熟悉的声音说。“我知道你醒了。”

Castiel opens his eyes.
卡斯蒂尔睁开眼睛。

Dean Winchester stares back at him. He smiles gently at Castiel and then shows him a needle. "Only a sedative, I swear. It'll make this easier."
Dean Winchester 回头盯着他。他对 Castiel 温柔地笑了笑，然后给他看了一根针。“我发誓，只是镇静剂。这会让这件事变得更容易。

Castiel does his best to glare a threat.
卡斯蒂尔竭尽全力瞪着威胁。

"You've lost ten pounds in the last six months," Winchester says randomly. "So I won't give you the full dose."
“在过去的六个月里，你已经减掉了十磅，”温彻斯特随机说。“所以我不会给你全剂量的。”

Castiel rolls his eyes, but doesn't bother to pointlessly struggle when Winchester places the needle at his arm, injecting into muscle. Within about thirty seconds, Winchester giving him a concerned look the whole time, he loses consciousness. Twice more he rises from that darkness, to find Winchester staring down at him. Sometimes he thinks he hears Winchester apologize, before the next prick of pain.
卡斯蒂尔翻了个白眼，但当温彻斯特将针头放在他的手臂上，注射到肌肉中时，他懒得毫无意义地挣扎。大约三十秒内，温彻斯特一直关切地看着他，他失去了知觉。他又两次从黑暗中站起来，发现温彻斯特正低头盯着他。有时他认为他听到了温彻斯特的道歉，然后才来到下一阵疼痛。

The third time he wakes up on a soft bed. He's lying on what feels like a very fluffy blanket, his hands and feet unbound. That impression lasts until he moves, when he feels something very heavy on his ankle. The world swims for a second when he opens his eyes, but he finds himself staring at a concrete ceiling. Looking around gives him concrete, windowless walls and an open doorway, beyond which there's a similar hallway. It looks halfway industrial, halfway like a fallout shelter. Another doorway leads to a bathroom that looks like it came from the fifties.
第三次他在柔软的床上醒来。他躺在一条感觉非常蓬松的毯子上，手脚没有被束缚。这种印象一直持续到他移动，这时他感觉到脚踝上有很重的东西。当他睁开眼睛时，世界游动了一秒钟，但他发现自己盯着一个混凝土天花板。环顾四周，他看到了混凝土的、没有窗户的墙壁和一个敞开的门，门外还有一条类似的走廊。它看起来一半是工业，一半是避难所。另一个门口通向一间浴室，看起来像是五十年代的浴室。

And there on his ankle is a manacle, padded to be comfortable on the inside. A heavy chain is attached to it, disappearing off the bed.
他的脚踝上有一个手袋，里面很舒服。一条沉重的链子系在上面，从床上消失了。

Castiel slowly sits up, Dean Winchester nowhere in sight.
卡斯蒂尔慢慢坐了起来，迪恩·温彻斯特不见踪影。

The room is empty besides the bed, so he follows the chain to a bolt in the floor, which it's locked to. It looks embedded in the concrete, so there's no way he's going to break out of this by sheer strength. The lock looks weird, and Castiel can't tell by looking at it how it functions, so he probably can't pick it. Great.
房间除了床之外是空的，所以他顺着链子找到地板上的一个螺栓，它被锁在上面。它看起来嵌入了混凝土中，所以他不可能凭借纯粹的力量从这里挣脱出来。这把锁看起来很奇怪，卡斯蒂尔看不出它是如何运作的，所以他可能无法挑开它。 伟大。

The chain itself is about twenty feet long. It will easily let him into the bathroom, and perhaps a few feet into the hallway.
链条本身大约有二十英尺长。它很容易让他进入浴室，也许可以进入走廊几英尺。

The room blurs when Castiel stands up, the chain making a loud clanging noise when the slack falls to the floor. His legs are shaky and cramping, his stomach is groaning, and his throat is a dry wasteland. He stumbles over to the hall door, feeling absurdly weak. His body is refusing to obey his commands properly, almost like that time he got shot back when he was a police detective and spent a week in the hospital, except there's not a mark on him. How long was he in that car trunk?
当卡斯蒂尔站起来时，房间变得模糊，当松弛的链子掉到地板上时，链条发出巨大的叮当声。他的双腿颤抖着抽筋，他的肚子在呻吟，他的喉咙是一片干燥的荒地。他跌跌撞撞地走到大厅门口，感觉虚弱得离谱。他的身体拒绝正确地服从他的命令，几乎就像他当警探时被枪击回并在医院住了一个星期一样，只是他身上没有留下任何痕迹。他在那个汽车后备箱里呆了多久？

The hallway is empty save for more doors, all shut. It's long, though, and curves around out of sight. There's no way this is a house.
走廊空无一人，除了更多的门，都关着。不过，它很长，而且弯着弯，看不见。这不可能是一栋房子。

Swallowing dryly, he looks back at the bed and sees a water bottle lying in the blankets. It might be drugged, but hey, been there and done that plus being chained to the floor. A little pit of hysteria rises in his chest and is killed in his head; he will remain calm and use his mind. He sits, massaging his calves with one hand while he drinks with the other.
他干巴巴地咽了咽口水，回头看向床，看到毯子里放着一个水瓶。它可能是被下药的，但是嘿，去过那里，做过那件事，再加上被锁在地板上。他的胸口升起一小窝歇斯底里，在他的脑海中被杀死;他会保持冷静，动用他的头脑。他坐着，一只手按摩小腿，另一只手喝水。

"I can help with that."
“我可以帮忙。”

Castiel chokes on his water.
卡斯蒂尔被他的水呛住了。

Winchester is standing at the doorway, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a very worn black t-shirt. He's barefoot. Castiel didn't even hear him coming. "The muscle cramping? I could massage it, I mean you probably wouldn¡¯t let me get close enough ¡­" he trails off, looking uncomfortable and somewhat embarrassed. "Uh, how about some ibuprofen? Black tea? Sam always swore by its anti-flammory-something properties."
温彻斯特站在门口，穿着一条运动裤和一件非常破旧的黑色 T 恤。他赤着脚。Castiel 甚至没有听到他来的声音。“肌肉抽筋？我可以按摩它，我的意思是你可能不会让我足够靠近——”他走开了，看起来不舒服，又有些尴尬。“呃，来点布洛芬怎么样？ 红茶？ 山姆总是对它的反火种特性发誓。

Sam swore, past tense. Winchester looks hopeful, staring at him while waiting for an answer. Castiel needs to be careful here. "Ibuprofen and tea would be good, thank you."
山姆发誓，过去式。温彻斯特看起来充满希望，盯着他等待答案。卡斯蒂尔在这里需要小心。“布洛芬和茶会很好，谢谢你。”

Winchester immediately smiles, like the sun coming out. "I'll be back."
温彻斯特立即微笑，就像太阳出来一样。“我会回来的。”

Castiel goes through a short series of stretches before Winchester comes back, but he keeps a careful eye on the door.
在温彻斯特回来之前，卡斯蒂尔经历了一系列短暂的伸展运动，但他一直密切关注着门。

Winchester approaches the door slowly ten minutes later. He has a pill bottle in one hand and the tea in the other. Rather than enter, he places the two items on the floor just inside the room, within easy reach of Castiel but still far enough away that Castiel would have had a hard time rushing him. "Here you go." Then he retreats to the hallway, out of Castiel's reach.
十分钟后，温彻斯特慢慢地走近门口。他一手拿着药瓶，另一只手拿着茶。他没有进去，而是把两件东西放在房间里的地板上，卡斯蒂尔触手可及，但距离足够远，卡斯蒂尔很难赶他。“给你。”然后他退到走廊上，卡斯蒂尔够不到。

Eyeing him silently for almost a full minute, Castiel then grabs the pill bottle first and looks for the description of the pill before opening it up and taking a few out. They match. He takes the tea, which is still pretty hot, and swallows several down with a sip of it. He looks up at Winchester and waits, but Winchester seems fairly content to just stand there and look at him.
卡斯蒂尔默默地盯着他看了将近一分钟，然后他先抓起药瓶，寻找药丸的描述，然后打开它，取出一些。他们很匹配。他接过茶，茶还很热，喝了一口就咽了下去。他抬头看着温彻斯特等待，但温彻斯特似乎很满足地站在那里看着他。

Castiel clears his throat, back up a bit. The rest of tea is a fairly effective weapon if his question doesn't go over well. "So, why am I here?"
卡斯蒂尔清了清嗓子，稍微后退了一点。如果他的问题没有得到很好的理解，剩下的茶是一个相当有效的武器。“那么，我为什么在这里？”

Winchester takes a deep breath. "I'm your soulmate."
温彻斯特深吸了一口气。“我是你的灵魂伴侣。”

Castiel should be saying something reassuring, something to convince the psychopath in front of him that he can be molded and should be kept alive. He is a trained FBI agent that has been in the BAU for nearly a year. He knows what to do when kidnapped. Instead, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" comes out.
卡斯蒂尔应该说一些令人放心的话，说服他面前的精神病患者，他可以被塑造，应该活着。他是一名训练有素的联邦调查局特工，已经在 BAU 工作了近一年。他知道被绑架时该怎么做。相反，“你他妈怎么了？

"Probably a lot," Winchester admits.
“可能很多，”温彻斯特承认。

Castiel tries to backtrack, for survival's sake. "I mean ¨C why? Why me?"
卡斯蒂尔为了生存而试图回头。“我的意思是——为什么？为什么是我？

Winchester grimaces a bit. "Look, I'm sure you're being nice and calm about this because you think I'm going to torture and kill you, but that isn't what this is about. I swear. I won't hurt you."
温彻斯特做了个鬼脸。“听着，我敢肯定你对这件事很友善和冷静，因为你认为我会折磨和杀死你，但这不是事情的意义所在。 我发誓。 我不会伤害你的。

"I've seen your file, Dean."
“我看过你的档案了，迪恩。”

Nodding wryly, Winchester says, "Yeah. I know. I saw you in Wyoming. That, um. Kind of triggered this."
温彻斯特苦笑地点点头，说：“是的。 我知道。 我在怀俄明州见过你。那个，嗯。有点触发了这一点。

Clenching the tea mug, Castiel asks, "What do you mean?" He needs to follow Winchester down this rabbit hole, figure out a weakness, figure out a way to get Dean to a mental place to let Castiel go. Build a relationship.
卡斯蒂尔握紧茶杯，问道：“你什么意思？他需要跟着温彻斯特走进这个兔子洞，找出一个弱点，想办法让迪恩回到一个精神状态，让卡斯蒂尔离开。建立关系。

"Almost two years ago now, my brother was dying. So I asked Anna ¨C well ¨C well what she is isn't important, but I asked her if I'd be with Sam, in heaven, you know? And she said yes, that we were soulmates, but that I had two soulmates, just like Sam. A platonic and a romantic one." Dean picks at thread from his sweatpants. "I asked her for my soulmate's name, and she gave me yours. Castiel Novak."
“大约两年前，我哥哥快要死了。所以我问安娜，她是什么并不重要，但我问她我是否愿意和山姆在一起，在天堂，你知道吗？她说是的，我们是灵魂伴侣，但我有两个灵魂伴侣，就像山姆一样。一个柏拉图式的，一个浪漫的。迪恩从运动裤上抠了一根线。”我问她我灵魂伴侣的名字，她给了我你的名字。卡斯蒂尔·诺瓦克。

Castiel stares at Dean. "But we had never met. Right?" He doesn't recall ever meeting Dean, not even a chance meeting, and Castiel's memory is not as good as Reid's but it's still very good.
卡斯蒂尔盯着迪恩。“但我们从未见过面。对吧？他不记得见过迪恩，甚至不记得偶遇过，卡斯蒂尔的记忆力不如里德，但仍然很好。

"Right," Dean says, nodding. "And usually they do, I mean cupids, they do that kind of thing. But you're a man, so it wasn't, uh, ideal. For the cupids' purpose. Breeding wise." Dean shuts his eyes. "Forget I said that last part."
“对，”Dean 说，点点头。“通常他们会这样做，我是说丘比特，他们会做那种事情。但你是个男人，所以这并不理想。为了丘比特的目的。繁殖明智。Dean 闭上眼睛。”忘了我说了最后一部分。”

Dean Winchester, dangerous serial killer, believes in cupids. "Okay. Okay." And he can't get much farther.
迪恩·温彻斯特，危险的连环杀手，相信丘比特。“好吧。好吧。”他不能走得更远了。

"So then I asked some other questions," Dean rallies, "and apparently if soulmates don't meet in this life they don't always share an afterlife. But sometimes they do. So, you and I could have ended up in the same heaven anyway. Possibly. And when Sam ¡­ when Sam passed, I couldn't do much of anything. But then I got to thinking that you and I might be spending eternity together or not ¨C and I couldn't let that go. I know how I feel about Sam, about my brother, and to feel that for someone else?" Dean stops.
“所以然后我问了一些其他问题，”迪恩说，“显然，如果灵魂伴侣在今生没有相遇，他们并不总是共享来世。但有时他们会遇到。所以，无论如何，你和我最终可能会进入同一个天堂。 可能。 当山姆去世时，我什么也做不了。但后来我想到你和我可能会一起度过永恒，或者不会——我不能放手。我知道我对山姆、对我兄弟的感觉，以及对其他人的这种感觉？迪恩停了下来。

"You wanted that chance," Castiel says slowly.
“你想要那个机会，”卡斯蒂尔缓缓说道。

"Yeah. And then I saw you in Wyoming. I mean obviously I looked you up way before that, before you were even with the BAU, but when I saw you ¨C I can't explain it." Dean meets Castiel's gaze, eyes absurdly green. "But I knew you. I had to know you."
“是的。然后我在怀俄明州看到了你。我的意思是，显然我早在那之前就查过你了，甚至在你加入 BAU 之前，但当我看到你时，我无法解释。迪恩与卡斯蒂尔的目光对视，眼睛绿得离谱。”但我认识你。我必须认识你。

So Dean thinks he loves him, that he will feel something deeply for Castiel. He may already do so, in some twisted, possessive sense of the word, given how stalkers usually operate. It's in Castiel's best interests to go along with it for as long as possible and not aggravate any mental illness Dean may have. The BAU had a hard time nailing that down when Dean and Sam Winchester's crimes were so varied, psychologically speaking, so Castiel is mostly operating in the blind. However, he was likely had an abusive childhood, given what Castiel knows of John Winchester's extracurricular activities when Dean was a child, so Castiel will need to be very careful not to trigger that. And he will need to play up any feelings of love or affection Dean has, while not popping Dean's delusions about monsters. (Castiel has seen the Baltimore tape.)
所以迪恩认为他爱他，他会对卡斯蒂尔产生深深的感受。考虑到跟踪者通常的运作方式，他可能已经这样做了，在某种扭曲的、占有欲的意义上。尽可能长时间地配合它，不加重迪恩可能患有的任何精神疾病符合卡斯蒂尔的最大利益。从心理上讲，当迪恩和山姆·温彻斯特的罪行如此多样化时，BAU 很难确定这一点，所以卡斯蒂尔主要是在盲人中运作的。然而，考虑到卡斯蒂尔对约翰·温彻斯特小时候约翰·温彻斯特的课外活动的了解，他可能有一个受虐待的童年，所以卡斯蒂尔需要非常小心，不要触发这种情况。他需要渲染迪恩的任何爱或感情，同时不要戳破迪恩对怪物的妄想。（卡斯蒂尔看过巴尔的摩的录像带。

But Dean also has the self-awareness to know Castiel's immediate assumption, and assure him otherwise. This will be a tight-rope, to not be obvious about gaining Dean's trust.
但迪恩也有自我意识，知道卡斯蒂尔的直接假设，并向他保证并非如此。这将是一条钢丝，要获得迪恩的信任并不明显。

Castiel licks his lips and notes how Dean's eyes follow the motion. "And the chain?" he asks, lifting his right leg.
Castiel 舔了舔嘴唇，注意到 Dean 的眼睛是如何跟随这个动作的。“链子呢？”他抬起右腿问道。

"Sorry," Dean says. "But you are an FBI agent. It stays."
“对不起，”迪恩说。“但你是联邦调查局特工。它留下来。

"Can I ask a question, then?"
“那么，我可以问一个问题吗？”

"You can always ask questions," Dean says immediately. "I know this is pretty fucked up, okay? But my entire life is fucked up, so. Ask."
“你总是可以问问题，”迪恩立即说。“我知道这很糟糕，好吗？但我的整个生活都搞砸了，所以。问。

"We've met. Correct? Isn't that sufficient?"
“我们见过面。 正确？ 这还不够吗？

"But you don't ¨C" Dean stops himself.
“但你没有——”迪恩停了下来。

Love you, Castiel thinks, feeling a chill. How far will Dean take this? To rape? Dean sounds like an intimacy stalker, while still retaining the knowledge that Castiel doesn't want or return the desire, like the incompetent subtype of stalker. "Thank you for the tea."
爱你，卡斯蒂尔想着，感到一阵寒意。迪恩会走多远？强奸？迪恩听起来像一个亲密跟踪者，同时仍然保留着卡斯蒂尔不想要或回报欲望的知识，就像无能的跟踪者亚型一样。“谢谢你喝茶。”

Dean smiles. It's a nice smile, and Castiel really understands how so many witnesses and side characters in Dean's crimes were so taken and charmed by him. When he lights up, so does the room. He's very charismatic. "Be honest, okay? About anything, about everything."
迪恩笑了。这是一个美好的微笑，卡斯蒂尔真的理解迪恩罪行中的那么多证人和配角是如何被他如此吸引和着迷的。当他亮起来时，房间也会亮起来。他很有魅力。“说实话，好吗？关于任何事情，关于一切。

Castiel nods, after a second. "All right. There's no consequences for something I say?"
卡斯蒂尔点点头，过了一秒钟。“好吧。我说的话没有后果吗？

"No, no no. Absolutely not. I didn't bring you here to hurt you, I swear. I want to know you, and this is the only way that was ever going to happen. What with the whole wanted-by-the-FBI thing." Dean looks down. "Like I said, you're my soulmate."
“不，不，不。 绝对不行。 我把你带到这里不是为了伤害你，我发誓。我想认识你，这是唯一会发生的方式。联邦调查局通缉的整个事情呢？迪恩低头。“就像我说的，你是我的灵魂伴侣。”

Castiel watches as Dean seems to go through some kind of internal struggle. When Dean seems to have regained control, he asks, "May I have some dinner, then? Or breakfast? What time is it?"
卡斯蒂尔看着迪恩似乎正在经历某种内心的挣扎。当迪恩似乎重新获得了控制权时，他问道：“那么，我可以吃点晚饭吗？还是早餐？现在几点了？

"Dinner," Dean says, sounding grateful. "I'll get you a clock. Do you need anything else?"
“晚餐，”迪恩说，听起来很感激。“我给你拿一个时钟。你还需要什么吗？

Castiel pauses. "Something to read?"
卡斯蒂尔停顿了一下。“有什么要读的？”

"Oh man, wait til you see the library!" Dean says. "Sam just about had an orgasm. A nerd orgasm."
“哦，伙计，等你看到图书馆！”迪恩说。“山姆差点达到高潮。书的高潮。

Castiel blinks, and then Dean is gone. Castiel finds himself staring down at his slowly cooling black tea. He has been kidnapped by Dean Winchester, the serial killer who he was tracking five weeks ago. And apparently Dean has been aware of him for some time ¨C two years? Castiel was in a field office in Texas back then, living near his brother. That means Dean likely knows where Balthazar lives. You've lost ten pounds in the last six months. Castiel had his last physical checkup six months ago. Could Dean have gotten Castiel's records somehow?
卡斯蒂尔眨了眨眼，然后迪恩就消失了。卡斯蒂尔发现自己正低头盯着慢慢冷却的红茶。他被迪恩·温彻斯特绑架了，迪恩·温彻斯特是他五周前追踪的连环杀手。显然迪恩已经知道他有一段时间了——两年了？卡斯蒂尔当时在德克萨斯州的一个外地办事处，住在他兄弟附近。这意味着迪恩可能知道巴尔萨泽住在哪里。在过去的六个月里，你已经减掉了十磅。卡斯蒂尔在六个月前进行了最后一次体检。迪恩会以某种方式得到卡斯蒂尔的记录吗？

Confusion, anger and a fair amount of fear stew together in Castiel's gut, making a powerful pot of panic. Castiel puts the mug on the ground ¨C Dean probably doesn't have a table in here for fear of Castiel throwing at him or making a weapon of it ¨C and sits on the floor, crossed-legged, so he can meditate. His colleagues at work had sometimes teased him about his determined calm, about how it overflowed into his personal life and made him incapable of having fun, of relaxing. But here, it will save his life. Because there is no personal life anymore.
困惑、愤怒和相当多的恐惧在卡斯蒂尔的内心中沸腾在一起，形成了一锅强大的恐慌。卡斯蒂尔把杯子放在地上——迪恩这里可能没有桌子，因为害怕卡斯蒂尔向他扔球或用它做武器——然后盘腿坐在地板上，这样他就可以冥想了。他的同事们有时会取笑他坚定的冷静，说他如何溢出到他的个人生活中，让他无法享受乐趣和放松。但在这里，它会挽救他的生命。因为已经没有个人生活了。

Not as long as Dean has him.
只要迪恩有他，就不会。

The metal on his ankle is cold, even with the padding.
他脚踝上的金属很冷，即使有衬垫。

----------------------------

Dean returns an hour later with dinner. It's burgers, so no utensils, just a paper plate. He also brings another water bottle, sealed, and sets that in the doorway, too. He smiles faintly at Castiel. "I'll be right back."
一个小时后，Dean 带着晚餐回来了。这是汉堡，所以没有餐具，只有一个纸盘。他还带来了另一个密封的水瓶，也放在门口。他对 Castiel 淡淡地笑了笑。“我马上回来。”

Castiel uses the time to grab the burger and bring it back to the bed. It's actually a double cheeseburger, with very fresh lettuce and tomato, even a few strips of bacon rolled around the beef. It looks homemade, so Dean went to some trouble to make it. That suggests that Dean is worried about Castiel's opinion of him, which is good. Certainly better than the opposite.
卡斯蒂尔利用这段时间抓起汉堡，把它带回床上。这实际上是一个双层芝士汉堡，里面有非常新鲜的生菜和番茄，甚至还有几条培根卷在牛肉上。它看起来是自制的，所以迪恩费了点心才做。这表明迪恩担心卡斯蒂尔对他的看法，这很好。当然比相反的要好。

The first bite is like heaven. The cheese, melted just so, and the beef is fresh and spiced well, and BBQ sauce drips down Castiel's fingers. It feels like he hasn't eaten anything in weeks. He can't help a small moan.
第一口就像天堂一样。奶酪融化得恰到好处，牛肉新鲜，香料味十足，烧烤酱顺着卡斯蒂尔的手指滴下来。感觉他已经好几个星期没有吃东西了。他忍不住发出一声轻微的呻吟。

"Erm," Dean says.
“呃，”迪恩说。

Castiel does not choke, this time. Instead he nods at Dean and takes a gulp of water.
卡斯蒂尔这次没有哽咽。相反，他向迪恩点了点头，喝了一口水。

Dean places a few books in the doorway. "Reading material. I don't exactly know your tastes, so I just picked a few things at random." He shifts on his feet. "You mind if I join you for dinner? I'll stay out here."
Dean 在门口放了几本书。“阅读材料。我不太清楚你的口味，所以我只是随意挑选了几样东西。他站了起来。”你介意我和你一起吃晚饭吗？我会留在这里。

Hesitating, Castiel finally replies, "All right."
卡斯蒂尔犹豫了一下，终于回答道：“好吧。

Quick flash of a smile, and Dean is gone. He tries to count the footsteps he can hear, wondering how far the kitchen is. How big this place is. Dean is nearly gone five minutes, then he returns with his own loaded paper plate. He settles on the floor in the hallway, leaning up against the far wall, and without any commentary begins to eat.
很快地闪过一丝微笑，迪恩就走了。他试着数着他能听到的脚步声，想知道厨房有多远。这个地方有多大。迪恩快走了五分钟，然后他拿着自己装满的纸盘回来了。他坐在走廊的地板上，靠在远处的墙上，没有任何评论就开始吃东西。

It's almost companionable. Almost.
这几乎是可以陪伴的。 几乎。

When Castiel is licking his fingers, Dean begins, "So, there's probably a few things I should get straight."
当卡斯蒂尔舔他的手指时，迪恩开始说，“所以，我可能应该弄清楚一些事情。

Castiel nods cautiously.
卡斯蒂尔小心翼翼地点了点头。

"One, if you do manage to get close enough to attack or kill me, that's not in your best interest. We're in the middle of nowhere in a building that doesn¡¯t exist on any county or state records. No one visits. I don't keep the key anywhere on me or in your reach, so you can't knock me out and go for a run. I'd really like not to have to worry about that, and give you whatever you want or need without fear of being attacked."
“第一，如果你确实设法靠近到足以攻击或杀死我，那不符合你的最佳利益。我们身处一栋在任何县或州记录中都不存在的建筑物中。没有人来访。我不会把钥匙放在我身上或你够得着的地方，所以你不能把我击倒并去逃跑。我真的不想担心这一点，给你任何你想要或需要的东西，而不必担心被攻击。

Mouth dry, Castiel asks, "And two?"
口干舌燥，Castiel 问道，“还有两个？

"As long as you bear in mind my first point, I'll make the chain longer and give you more free run. Three, I'm not going to rape you. Or torture you. Or kill you. I'm not a murderer. I've killed, I won't deny that, but I never killed anyone who didn't have it coming. Most of the murders pinned on me were committed by other people." Dean grimaces. "Or not-people. I'm sure you think I'm crazy for believing in monsters, but that¡¯s what I hunt. Not innocent people."
“只要你牢记我的第一点，我就会让锁链更长，让你有更多的自由。第三，我不会强奸你。或者折磨你。或者杀了你。我不是杀人犯。我杀过人，我不会否认这一点，但我从来没有杀过任何没有杀人的人。大多数绑在我身上的谋杀案都是其他人犯下的。迪恩做了个鬼脸。”或者不是人。我敢肯定你认为我因为相信怪物而疯了，但这就是我猎杀的东西。不是无辜的人。

"Am I guilty?" Castiel snaps without thinking about it.
“我有罪吗？”卡斯蒂尔不假思索地厉声说道。

Dean flinches. "No. You're not." He pauses, and Castiel breathes a little easier. "There are ¨C there are crimes I have committed, that were wrong. This is one. I know it is. I kidnapped you. But Sam made me promise ¡­"
迪恩退缩了。“不。你不是。他停顿了一下，卡斯蒂尔呼吸得稍微轻松了一些。”我犯了错的罪行。这是其中之一。我知道是。我绑架了你。但山姆让我答应了¡”

"Promise what?" Castiel prompts.
“答应什么？”卡斯蒂尔提示道。

Dean shakes his head. "So, we clear on those points?"
Dean 摇了摇头。“所以，我们澄清了这些点？”

"Can you prove the third?" Castiel asks.
“你能证明第三个吗？”卡斯蒂尔问道。

"I can," Dean says. "Sorta. I can provide proof I'm not crazy, if that'll help."
“我可以，”迪恩说。“有点。我可以提供证据证明我没有疯，如果这有帮助的话。

That should be interesting. "I would like to see that."
这应该很有趣。“我想看到这一点。”

Dean grins, a bit of sadness in his eyes. "I'll see if I can arrange it, then." He gets up and gathers his paper plate and napkin. "It's after ten. You still hungry?"
迪恩咧嘴一笑，眼中带着几分悲伤。“那我看看能不能安排一下。”他起身收拾纸盘和餐巾纸。“十点多了。你还饿吗？

"Can I have something for later?" Castiel asks.
“我可以有点东西备用吗？”卡斯蒂尔问道。

"Sure," Dean agrees. "Powerbars, something like that?"
“当然，”Dean 同意道。“Powerbars，类似的东西？”

"Yes."
“是的。”

Dean goes to get it. Castiel tests the length of the chain, and finds he can get about three feet into the hallway. He could reach the far wall if he lay down on his stomach or knelt. So Dean was theoretically in reach this whole time. Castiel knows, of course, that if he actually tried approaching Dean could have backed up a few feet ridiculously easily. But it suggests that Dean does want to get close, his protestations of innocence aside.
Dean 去拿它。Castiel 测试了链条的长度，发现他可以进入走廊大约三英尺。如果他趴下或跪下，他可以到达远处的墙壁。所以理论上 Dean 一直都在触手可及的地方。当然，Castiel 知道，如果他真的试图接近 Dean，他可以很容易地后退几英尺。但这表明 Dean 确实想靠近，撇开他对无辜的抗议不谈。

Castiel is still wearing the slacks and undershirt he was wearing in his apartment, though. Dean doesn't just want him ¨C he wants Castiel to return that desire.
不过，卡斯蒂尔仍然穿着他在公寓里穿的休闲裤和汗衫。迪恩不仅想要他——他希望卡斯蒂尔回报这种愿望。

How far will Castiel let him go? How far will Castiel himself go?
卡斯蒂尔会让他走多远？卡斯蒂尔本人会走多远？

Day one.
第一天。

Chapter 2
第二章

Notes:
笔记：

Warnings: some violence, non-consensual cuddling.
警告：一些暴力，未经同意的拥抱。

Chapter Text
章节正文

Castiel decides to take a shower in the morning, before realizing he can't get his pants off. So the set of neatly folded pajamas left just outside the door are pretty useless.
卡斯蒂尔决定早上洗个澡，然后才意识到他无法脱掉裤子。所以留在门外的一套折叠整齐的睡衣就没什么用了。

He gets his first good look at himself when he realizes there's a small mirror. There's one big line of a bruise along his neck where Dean had choked him to unconsciousness. His throat doesn't hurt much otherwise, which means Dean had attempted to do a fairly safe chokehold, and the bruises are mostly because Castiel resisted. He skims the bruises with his fingertips, but they aren't that sensitive. His wrists are a little raw from being bound and stung when he washed his hands and face, but since he had socks on his ankles are fine. He does a quick washcloth cleaning of chest and armpits.
当他意识到有一面小镜子时，他第一次仔细地看了一眼自己。他的脖子上有一大排瘀伤，迪恩把他掐死了。除此之外，他的喉咙并没有太大的疼痛，这意味着迪恩试图做一个相当安全的掐住脖子，而瘀伤主要是因为卡斯蒂尔反抗了。他用指尖掠过瘀伤，但它们并没有那么敏感。他的手腕在洗手和洗脸时被绑住和蜇伤，有点生硬，但因为他的脚踝上有袜子，所以没事。他用毛巾快速清洁胸部和腋窝。

The mirror is, unfortunately, rather securely attached to the wall. Castiel could shatter it with a blanket-covered fist, but if Dean is telling the truth, killing his captor is a bad idea. If no one knows to check this building, he could starve to death before being found. He supposes he could try to torture Dean into cooperation, but frankly he doesn't think he has the stomach for that, or even that it would be at all effective once Dean was out of his control. Or he could cut off his foot. Which. No. Even if a mirror shard would do the job, which it probably wouldn't.
不幸的是，镜子相当牢固地固定在墙上。卡斯蒂尔可以用毯子覆盖的拳头打碎它，但如果迪恩说的是实话，杀死绑架他的人是个坏主意。如果没有人知道检查这栋建筑，他可能会在被发现之前饿死。他认为他可以尝试折磨迪恩让他合作，但坦率地说，他认为自己没有胃口这样做，甚至认为一旦迪恩脱离他的控制，这根本不会有效。或者他可以砍掉他的脚。 哪。 不。 即使镜像碎片可以完成这项工作，但它可能不会。

So he returns to the bed and waits with a copy of Moby Dick in hand. Still no clock.
于是他回到床上，手里拿着一本《白鲸记》等待。还是没有时钟。

He looks up at a knock to the door frame. Dean is there, a wall clock in hand. "Good morning. 9:00am, you slept a while." He places it in the doorway. "I'll go make breakfast. Do you need anything?"
他抬头看着敲门声。迪恩在那里，手里拿着一个挂钟。“早上好。上午 9：00，你睡了一会儿。”他把它放在门口。“我去做早餐。你需要什么吗？

Suddenly, Castiel feels horribly uncomfortable. He tells Dean anyway. "I need a way to change clothes."
突然，卡斯蒂尔感到非常不舒服。无论如何，他还是告诉迪恩。“我需要一种换衣服的方法。”

But Dean just nods like he was expecting this question. "I know. I didn't want to undress you while you were asleep, but I've got some pants for you that button up the sides." He points at the set of pajamas Castiel hadn't looked closely enough at. "Um, you'll have to rip the ones you have. Sorry. I'm not sure I trust you with a pair of scissors."
但 Dean 只是点点头，就像他预料到这个问题一样。“我知道。我不想在你睡着的时候给你脱衣服，但我有一条裤子给你，两边扣上纽扣。他指着 Castiel 没有仔细看的那套睡衣。”嗯，你得撕掉你手头的。 不好意思。 我不确定我是否信任你一把剪刀。

Did Dean really miss the fact the bathroom has a mirror? Also, asleep? "All right."
Dean 真的错过了浴室里有镜子的事实吗？还有，睡着了？“好吧。”

Dean leaves. Then returns. "Breakfast preferences?"
迪恩离开了。然后回来了。“早餐偏好？”

"I don't have any," Castiel replies honestly. "I usually just eat whatever's at work."
“我没有，”卡斯蒂尔诚实地回答。“我通常只吃工作中的任何东西。”

Dean nods and takes off for good this time. Castiel grabs the pajamas ¨C dark blue, no pattern, and just like Dean said each leg has buttons up the side. He guesses they're intended for the disabled or anyone who find it difficult to stand up and put on pants normally. Ripping the seams on his slacks is a lot harder than he expected, but he does manage it. The shower is amazing, with hot pressure that lets Castiel actually relax. He dresses in the pajamas, and then peeks out of the bathroom.
迪恩点点头，这次永远起飞了。卡斯蒂尔抓起睡衣——深蓝色，没有图案，就像迪恩说的那样，每条腿的侧面都有纽扣。他猜想它们是为残疾人或任何难以正常站起来穿裤子的人准备的。撕开休闲裤的接缝比他想象的要困难得多，但他确实做到了。淋浴很棒，热压让卡斯蒂尔真正放松。他穿上睡衣，然后从浴室里探出头来。

Eggs, bacon and a piece of toast wait on a paper plate, with a plastic fork. Dean isn't in sight. He waits for two minutes until Dean ¨C slowly ¨C walks up in the hallway and then stands at the doorway, his own plate in hand.
鸡蛋、培根和一块吐司放在纸盘上，拿着塑料叉子。迪恩不在身边。他等了两分钟，直到迪恩“慢慢地”走到走廊上，然后站在门口，手里拿着自己的盘子。

Before Dean can speak, Castiel asks, "Bon app¨¦tit?"
在迪恩开口之前，卡斯蒂尔问道：“好吗？

Dean grins, realizing Castiel waited for him, and sits cross-legged on the floor. "Yep."
迪恩咧嘴一笑，意识到卡斯蒂尔在等他，盘腿坐在地板上。“是的。”

It's just as good as dinner the night before. At least his kidnapper is a good cook. Castiel waits until they're both done eating, then readies himself, because this is going to sound awkward but he doesn't have a better way of saying it. "Dean, we're soulmates, right?"
这和前一天晚上的晚餐一样好。至少他的绑架者是个好厨师。卡斯蒂尔等到他们都吃完饭，然后做好准备，因为这听起来很尴尬，但他没有更好的表达方式。“迪恩，我们是灵魂伴侣，对吧？”

The look on Dean's face suggests he knows Castiel is humoring him on that point, but Dean nods anyway.
Dean 脸上的表情表明他知道 Castiel 在这一点上逗他，但 Dean 还是点了点头。

"Can you tell me, then, what happened to you? That you live the life you do?" Castiel asks.
“那么，你能告诉我，你发生了什么事吗？你过着现在的生活？卡斯蒂尔问道。

A pained smile crosses Dean's face before he hangs his head. "Yeah, I guess that's fair. But y'know, I'm not good at talking about it. So bear with me, okay?"
迪恩的脸上浮现出痛苦的笑容，然后低下了头。“是啊，我想这很公平。但你知道，我不擅长谈论这件事。所以请耐心等待，好吗？

"I'm listening," Castiel says.
“我在听，”卡斯蒂尔说。

"You know about the fire?" Dean asks.
“你知道火灾吗？”迪恩问道。

Castiel nods. "And that your father took you and Sam across the nation hunting for your mother's killer." While doing his own killings. No one even connected them until Victor Henrickson got creative and started matching their childhood homes with local murders, but he found the same bizarre deaths in places John Winchester had been that he found with Dean and Sam Winchester.
卡斯蒂尔点点头。“而且你父亲带着你和山姆走遍全国寻找杀害你母亲的凶手。”在自己杀人的时候。直到维克多·亨里克森发挥创意并开始将他们童年的家与当地的谋杀案相匹配之前，甚至没有人将他们联系起来，但他在约翰·温彻斯特所在的地方发现了与他在迪恩和山姆·温彻斯特身上发现的同样离奇的死亡事件。

"He was hunting monsters. Wendigos, rugarus, simple salt and burns ¨C ghosts, I mean ¨C black dogs. Witches. Demons. You name it. He raised us as hunters, taught us to do the same thing he did." Dean pauses, spinning his fork on his paper plate. "The supernatural has been following my family for generations." Dean waves his fork at the ceiling. "Including this place."
“他在猎杀怪物。温迪戈斯、鲁加鲁斯、简单的盐和烧伤——幽灵，我的意思是——黑狗。 女巫。 恶魔。 凡是你能想到的。他把我们当作猎人抚养长大，教我们做他做过的同样的事情。Dean 停了下来，在纸盘上旋转着叉子。“超自然现象已经跟随我的家族几代人了。”Dean 挥舞着叉子指着天花板。“包括这个地方。”

"Sounds difficult," Castiel says softly. And he's not lying for sympathy; living with a delusional killer as a child must have been incredibly traumatizing.
“听起来很难，”卡斯蒂尔轻声说。他并不是为了同情而撒谎;小时候和一个妄想杀手一起生活一定是难以置信的创伤。

"I love hunting," Dean says with a small smile. "Always did. Sam got out for a while, but he got pulled back in when Jess died. I'm sure you know about that."
“我喜欢打猎，”迪恩微笑着说。“总是这样。山姆出去了一段时间，但当杰西死后，他又被拉了回来。我相信你知道这一点。

Castiel nods. "Is Sam ¡­?" he asks, hoping for a confirmation.
Castiel 点点头。“是 Sam 吗？”他问道，希望得到确认。

Dean just nods tightly. "He died for a spell, one that closed the gates of hell."
迪恩只是紧紧地点了点头。“他死于一个咒语，一个关闭地狱之门的咒语。”

"I'm sorry." ...

"Oh, come on, you think I'm a total lunatic," Dean replies, rising to his feet, antsy and agitated energy vibrating off of him.
“哦，来吧，你以为我是个彻头彻尾的疯子，”Dean 回答道，站了起来，焦躁不安的能量从他身上振动出来。

"My older brother died in Afghanistan," Castiel tells him on impulse. "I do understand, on some level, what it is to lose someone like that."
“我的哥哥死在阿富汗，”卡斯蒂尔一时冲动地告诉他。“在某种程度上，我确实理解失去这样的人是什么感觉。”

Dean's bitter strength fades into something softer. He nods without saying anything, shifting from foot to foot in the doorway. Finally, "Can I come in? Just inside the doorway? Easier to talk. I won't go near you, just sit on the floor."
迪恩的苦涩力量逐渐消失，变成了更柔和的东西。他点点头，什么也没说，在门口从一只脚移动到另一只脚。最后，“我可以进来吗？就在门口？更容易说话。我不会靠近你，只是坐在地板上。

"Okay," Castiel agrees warily.
“好吧，”卡斯蒂尔小心翼翼地同意了。

Dean settles just inside the room, sitting with his back to the wall. And then, quietly and with halting words, he tells Castiel the story of his life. Taking his brother's life in hands at four, and never letting go ¨C through all the parent meetings he attended and John missed, through the first sex talk, through Sam leaving for college. His life revolved around Sam's. He doesn't say that directly, of course, but in this case Castiel trusts the unsaid more. It echoes in 'He was my responsibility' and 'It was my job to take care of him.' There's a deep grief behind those words; Dean hasn't recovered from Sam's death. It probably triggered Castiel's kidnapping more than anything else.
迪恩在房间里安顿下来，背对着墙坐着。然后，他安静地、断断续续地向卡斯蒂尔讲述了他的生活故事。四岁时，他将弟弟的生命掌握在手中，从未放手——他参加的所有家长会，约翰错过了，通过第一次性谈话，通过山姆去上大学。他的生活围绕着山姆的生活展开。当然，他没有直接说出来，但在这种情况下，卡斯蒂尔更相信未说出口的东西。这在“他是我的责任”和“照顾他是我的工作”中得到回响。这句话背后隐藏着深深的悲伤;迪恩还没有从山姆的死中恢复过来。这可能比其他任何事情都更引发了卡斯蒂尔的绑架。

Slowly, in between hunts ¨C Dean seems determined to explain exactly what he was doing in the cases the FBI is aware of, and quite a few they're not (Castiel is taking mental notes about dates and locations) ¨C he explains how a demon killed his mother, Mary, and his father's quest for revenge. Sam's, too. The story gets grander as it goes, from a demon harassing them to the fallen angel Lucifer needing Sam as a vessel. But to Castiel's surprise, it never falters. There's no missing pieces. Any question Castiel asks, Dean is able to answer without altering earlier facts. It's not like the delusional meanderings of a schizophrenic at all, and for psychosis it's extremely organized and internally consistent.
慢慢地，在狩猎之间——迪恩似乎决心在联邦调查局知道的案件中准确解释他在做什么，而很多案件他们不知道（卡斯蒂尔正在心里记下日期和地点）——他解释了一个恶魔如何杀死了他的母亲玛丽，以及他父亲的复仇之旅。山姆也是。故事随着发展而变得更加宏大，从恶魔骚扰他们到堕落天使路西法需要山姆作为容器。但令卡斯蒂尔惊讶的是，它从未动摇过。没有遗漏的碎片。卡斯蒂尔提出的任何问题，迪恩都能在不改变先前事实的情况下回答。这根本不像精神分裂症患者的妄想曲折，对于精神病来说，它是非常有条理的，内部一致。

Even during the pain that flickers in Dean's eyes when he tells Castiel of hell. Of breaking in hell. Dean could have easily skipped that portion, and him telling Castiel feels like a confession, one that Castiel isn't honestly sure what to do with.
即使在迪恩告诉卡斯蒂尔地狱时，他眼中闪烁的痛苦。闯入地狱。迪恩本可以轻易地跳过那部分，而他告诉卡斯蒂尔感觉就像是一种忏悔，卡斯蒂尔老实说不确定该怎么做。

He does know he's going to leave this conversation with a lot more sympathy and empathy for Dean than he started with, even if he thinks Dean is probably crazier than expected.
他确实知道，在离开这次谈话时，他会比一开始对迪恩有更多的同情和同情，即使他认为迪恩可能比预期的更疯狂。

"Well, fuck man, I think I need a beer after all that," Dean says, rubbing his face tiredly.
“好吧，他妈的，我想我需要喝杯啤酒，”迪恩说，疲惫地揉了揉他的脸。

Castiel looks at his wall clock, sitting flat on the floor for a lack of nails. "It's only noon."
Castiel 看着他的挂钟，因为没有钉子而平坐在地板上。“现在才中午。”

"It's not morning, that's all that counts," Dean says, rising to his feet and stretching. "You want one?"
“现在不是早上，这才是最重要的，”迪恩说，站起来伸了个懒腰。“你想要一个？”

"No, thank you," Castiel says. He needs his wits.
“不，谢谢你，”卡斯蒂尔说。他需要他的智慧。

Dean pauses at the doorway. "Water? Juice? Milk? The milk in your fridge was going bad, I couldn't tell if you don't actually like it or it was just all the traveling you did."
Dean 在门口停了下来。“水？ 汁？ 牛奶？ 你冰箱里的牛奶变质了，我无法判断你是真的不喜欢它，还是只是你所做的所有旅行。

Does Dean even know he's doing that, mixing in little details that say he knows Castiel better than he should? "Juice, please."
Dean 甚至知道他正在这样做吗，混合了一些小细节，表明他比他应该的更了解 Castiel？“请喝果汁。”

Dean ends up nursing the beer for more than an hour. When Castiel shows no sign of initiating conversation, Dean takes over with good cheer.
迪恩最终喝了啤酒一个多小时。当卡斯蒂尔没有表现出开始交谈的迹象时，迪恩高兴地接手了。

Castiel listens. He analyzes. He does what he does best, intellectualizing it.
卡斯蒂尔倾听。他分析。他做他最擅长的事情，将其理智化。

There's what Dean tells him, and there's what Castiel understands. Dean, in an effort to win Castiel over, tells Castiel funny stories from his past, his most interesting hunts, things about Sam. While they are mostly factual ("Yeah, man, fairies exist and they're mostly the reason for all those UFO weirdos."), Castiel sees Dean's emotional state in them, too ("Sam had a great time when he ran off, found that out one time when we died, but oh man when Dad ¨C anyway, those sad puppy eyes Sam could throw, let me tell you!").
有迪恩告诉他的，也有卡斯蒂尔理解的。迪恩为了赢得卡斯蒂尔的支持，向卡斯蒂尔讲述了他过去的有趣故事、他最有趣的狩猎、关于山姆的事情。虽然它们大多是事实（“是的，伙计，仙女是存在的，它们主要是所有 UFO 怪人的原因”），但卡斯蒂尔也在他们身上看到了迪恩的情绪状态（“山姆逃跑时玩得很开心，有一次我们死了就发现了，但是哦，天哪，当爸爸——无论如何，山姆可以扔出那双悲伤的小狗眼睛，让我告诉你！

Dean is lonely. Dean has been alone for much of his life, even when surrounded by his family. Only in the last six or seven years before his death was Sam truly a partner to him, sharing in both his crimes and his daily life. And now that Sam is gone, Dean is floundering.
迪恩很孤独。迪恩一生的大部分时间都是孤独的，即使被家人包围。直到他去世前的最后六七年，山姆才真正成为他的伴侣，分担他的罪行和日常生活。现在山姆走了，迪恩正在挣扎。

Castiel is not a replacement, precisely. Dean didn't have a sexual relationship with Sam. Dean wants to fall in love, and 'Anna', whoever she is, has convinced Dean that he can only truly do that with Castiel. Whether Dean wants Castiel to join in his criminal activities is debatable, but in theory Castiel would make an excellent killing partner because of his time in the FBI.
准确地说，卡斯蒂尔不是替代者。迪恩没有与山姆发生性关系。迪恩想要坠入爱河，而“安娜”，无论她是谁，都让迪恩相信他只能真正与卡斯蒂尔一起做到这一点。迪恩是否希望卡斯蒂尔加入他的犯罪活动还有待商榷，但从理论上讲，卡斯蒂尔会成为一个优秀的杀戮伙伴，因为他在联邦调查局工作过。

Some gut instinct, though, tells Castiel that Dean choosing him has nothing to do with that.
不过，一些直觉告诉卡斯蒂尔，迪恩选择他与此无关。

When Dean leaves to make dinner, Castiel weighs the pros and cons of opening up to Dean in turn. Pros: makes him a human in Dean's eyes, makes Dean more sympathetic and empathetic to Castiel's perspective and needs, likely would engender more trust on Dean's part. Cons: attaches Dean even more firmly to Castiel, encourages Dean to think Castiel is falling in love, possibly gives Dean information that can be used against Castiel and his family. Though the pros might make the last irrelevant. And Dean likely knows quite a bit about Castiel, including family details. It's not like it's hidden.
当迪恩离开去做晚饭时，卡斯蒂尔权衡了向迪恩敞开心扉的利弊。优点：让他在迪恩眼中成为一个人，让迪恩对卡斯蒂尔的观点和需求更加同情和同情，可能会在迪恩方面产生更多的信任。缺点：让迪恩更加坚定地依附于卡斯蒂尔，鼓励迪恩认为卡斯蒂尔正在坠入爱河，可能会向迪恩提供可用于对付卡斯蒂尔和他的家人的信息。尽管优点可能会让最后一个变得无关紧要。迪恩可能对卡斯蒂尔了解很多，包括家庭细节。这并不是说它是隐藏的。

After dinner, which Castiel deliberately shares with Dean ¨C Dean taking his spot near the doorway, but inside the room, without asking permission ¨C Castiel begs off any more conversation, saying he's tired.
晚饭后，卡斯蒂尔故意与迪恩分享——迪恩在门口附近占据了位置，但在房间里，没有征得许可——卡斯蒂尔恳求不再交谈，说他累了。

"Of course, yeah. Good night, Cas. I'll just switch the light off out here, okay?"
“当然，是的。晚安，卡斯。我把外面的灯关掉，好吗？

"Good night, Dean."
“晚安，迪恩。”

Castiel's sleep is troubled.
卡斯蒂尔的睡眠很麻烦。

-----------------------

Castiel wakes to the odd sensation of absolutely knowing that someone is watching him. He bolts upright, eyes taking in the whole room, unfamiliar walls staring back at him, and then he searches both doorways and there's Dean, and then he remembers. ...

"Fuck," he mutters, covering his face. ...

"Sorry, I'm sorry, I was just looking in, I swear, I wasn't being a total creep," Dean says, looking desperate to be believed. He's only wearing a pair of boxes and another worn t-shirt, muscular legs and slightly hairy feet bare. "In fact, I'll just go and get the day started," he says and then he's jogging out of sight and hearing before Castiel can react. ...

Castiel waits for his heart to slow before he lets himself think. Pros. Cons. ...

A couple of hours later, Dean returns with breakfast and an apology. "Sorry, had to take care of something before I could make waffles." He's got a sturdier paper plate this time, and a real fork to go with the waffles, which are dripping with syrup. ...

"Dean, do you ever intend on letting me go?" ...

Dean freezes in the middle of placing it on the floor. Then he looks Castiel in the eye and answers quietly, "I don't know." ...

And Castiel takes the leap. "Dean, please. They surely know I'm gone by now. My brother Balthazar is probably worried out of his mind." ...

Dean's face goes blank. Then he sets down the waffles and walks away.
迪恩的脸一片空白。然后他放下华夫饼走开了。

"Shit shit shit," Castiel whispers. He screwed that up. Too soon, too little emotional connection to Castiel's plight.
“该死的狗屎，”卡斯蒂尔低声说。他把这件事搞砸了。太早了，与卡斯蒂尔的困境的情感联系太少了。

Pacing doesn't have the same satisfaction when there's a chain dragging along the floor, so Castiel does situps instead. When his empty stomach roils in protest, he does pushups. Then squats. He can't practice a lot of the martial arts he knows because of his leg being restrained, but he does some. When his muscles ache, he finally gives up and grabs another book from the pile Dean left. This one purports to be a thorough scientific and historic examination of mermaids.
当地板上有一条链条拖着时，踱步就没有同样的满足感了，所以卡斯蒂尔反而做仰卧起坐。当他空腹反抗时，他会做俯卧撑。然后深蹲。由于腿被束缚，他无法练习很多他所知道的武术，但他还是练习了一些。当他的肌肉酸痛时，他终于放弃了，从迪恩留下的书堆里拿起了另一本书。这本书据称是对美人鱼的彻底科学和历史研究。

"Cas?" Dean's voice is gentle. ...

Castiel looks up to see Dean leaning against the door frame. "Yes?" he says, voice steady.
Castiel 抬起头，看到 Dean 靠在门框上。“是吗？”他说，声音稳定。

"Can I come in?"
“我可以进来吗？”

Hesitating a second, but deciding he needs to give Dean something, he nods.
犹豫了一会儿，但决定他需要给迪恩一些东西，他点了点头。

But rather than stop just inside, Dean walks all the way over to Castiel and very gingerly sits on the edge of the bed. Castiel puts the mermaid book aside and watches. Dean silently holds out his hand, an emotional but otherwise unreadable expression on his face.
但迪恩并没有停在里面，而是一路走到卡斯蒂尔身边，非常小心翼翼地坐在床边。卡斯蒂尔把美人鱼书放在一边看着。迪恩默默地伸出手，脸上露出一种情绪激动但无法辨认的表情。

"You want to ¡­ hold my hand."
“你想握住我的手。”

Dean lifts his chin with a rather 'fuck you' expression on his face. "Yeah."
迪恩抬起下巴，脸上露出一种相当“去你妈的”的表情。“是的。”

"I'm not gay," Castiel blurts.
“我不是同性恋，”卡斯蒂尔脱口而出。

Dean blinks, dropping his hand. Then says, "What about the guy in college?"
迪恩眨了眨眼睛，放下了手。然后说，“那个在大学里的人呢？

How does Dean even know about that? Did he hire a private investigator, or did he do it himself? "I wanted to piss someone off, so I made out with him," Castiel replies. "It worked."
迪恩怎么知道这件事？是他雇了私家侦探，还是他自己做的？“我想惹别人生气，所以我和他亲热了，”卡斯蒂尔回答道。“它奏效了。”

"Oh, you're going to have tell me what prompted that," Dean says with a saucy grin, like an ember coming to life. When Castiel doesn't react, that grin fades. He holds out his hand again, palm up. "Please, Cas."
“哦，你会告诉我是什么促使了这一点，”Dean 带着俏皮的笑容说，就像一颗余烬复活了。当 Castiel 没有反应时，那笑容就消失了。他再次伸出手，掌心朝上。“拜托了，Cas。”

With a deep breath, a thousand doubts flashing through his mind, Castiel lays his hand in Dean's, palm down, almost like they're about to shake hands.
深吸一口气，脑海中闪过一千个疑惑，Castiel 将手放在 Dean 的手中，掌心朝下，几乎就像他们即将握手一样。

Dean's smile is heartbreakingly happy. He doesn't say anything, doesn't do anything except take a gentle grip on Castiel. It would be easy for Castiel to pull away, but he lets the touch linger. Dean's hand is warm and his skin very calloused, not just from holding and using knives, swords and guns, but also from simple manual labor. But physically, he looks well-cared for. Strong, healthy.
迪恩的笑容是令人心碎的幸福。他什么也没说，除了轻轻地抓住卡斯蒂尔之外什么也没做。卡斯蒂尔很容易抽开，但他让触摸挥之不去。迪恩的手很温暖，皮肤非常老茧，不仅是因为拿着和使用刀、剑和枪，还因为简单的体力劳动。但从身体上看，他看起来得到了很好的照顾。强壮，健康。

Castiel realizes he's afraid. Not just afraid ¨C terrified. In a way he hadn't let himself acknowledge until right now. Dean has absolute power over him. All Castiel can do is say no, and Dean doesn't have to listen to that. And if he says yes, does that give more or less control?
卡斯蒂尔意识到他很害怕。不仅仅是害怕——害怕。在某种程度上，他直到现在才让自己承认。迪恩对他拥有绝对的权力。卡斯蒂尔所能做的就是说不，迪恩不必听。如果他答应，这会或多或少地控制权吗？

Worry fills Dean's face. "What's wrong?"
迪恩的脸上充满了担忧。“怎么了？”

Castiel looks away.
卡斯蒂尔移开视线。

"You look scared. I won't hurt you, Cas."
“你看起来很害怕。我不会伤害你的，卡斯。

"My brother always calls me Cassie. I hate it."
“我哥哥总是叫我卡西。我讨厌它。

"I can call you Castiel, if you want," Dean says hesitantly.
“如果你愿意的话，我可以叫你卡斯蒂尔，”迪恩犹豫地说。

Castiel looks into Dean's green eyes. "Cas is fine. I'm just ¨C I'm just ¨C" He trails off. He tries to take his hand away, but Dean tightens his grip and Castiel gives in, worried what Dean will do if he pushes it.
卡斯蒂尔看着迪恩的绿色眼睛。“卡斯很好。我只是”我只是“他走开了。他试图把他的手移开，但迪恩握紧了手，卡斯蒂尔屈服了，担心如果他推了它，迪恩会做什么。

Gaze never faltering, Dean brings Castiel's hand up and kisses it, then lets Castiel go. He stands up and leaves Castiel's bed, backing up until he's in the hall. "I'm sorry, Cas, that I can't let you go. Not yet." Then he leaves, Castiel listening closely until he hears the soft padding stop.
目光从未动摇，Dean 举起 Castiel 的手亲吻了它，然后放开了 Castiel。他站起来离开 Castiel 的床，后退直到他来到大厅。“对不起，Cas，我不能让你走。还没有。然后他离开了，Castiel 仔细听着，直到他听到柔软的填充物停止了。

Touching Castiel, then letting him go. Castiel both hopes and fears that's a metaphor for what will happen ¨C because it means he'll get out of here. But after what? ...

-----------------------

Dean mostly leaves Castiel alone for the next several days. He comes by to give Castiel meals, and to add a mini-fridge to Castiel's room, filled with yogurts (Castiel's favorites) and juice and a carton of milk. There's one of each kind of fresh fruit in season, clearly an attempt to please on Dean's part. He doesn't linger during meals like before. Castiel in turn paces every corner of his room, examines the lights for weaknesses (none; he's pretty sure he'd shock himself trying to do anything with it, because it's ancient), attacks the lock in the bolt with fork spines (uselessly) and ponders what he could make out of a mini-fridge. Dean replaces any books he puts in the hall with even more random texts, mixed with some actual fiction.
在接下来的几天里，迪恩大部分时间都让卡斯蒂尔一个人呆着。他过来给卡斯蒂尔吃饭，并在卡斯蒂尔的房间里加了一个迷你冰箱，里面装满了酸奶（卡斯蒂尔的最爱）和果汁以及一盒牛奶。每种当季的新鲜水果都有一种，显然是为了取悦迪恩。他不会像以前那样在吃饭时逗留。卡斯蒂尔反过来在房间的每个角落踱步，检查灯光是否有弱点（没有，他很确定他试图用它做任何事情会让自己感到震惊，因为它很古老），用叉刺攻击螺栓上的锁（无用），并思考他能用迷你冰箱做什么。迪恩用更随机的文字替换了他放在大厅里的任何书籍，并混合了一些实际的小说。

Castiel also ponders violence. He somehow doubts Dean would let him, say, starve, even if Castiel physically assaulted Dean any time he got close. It's his last refuge of resistance against Dean's power over him.
卡斯蒂尔也思考着暴力。他不知何故怀疑迪恩会让他挨饿，比如说，即使卡斯蒂尔在迪恩靠近时对他进行人身攻击。这是他抵抗迪恩对他的力量的最后避难所。

And deep within, he panics.
在内心深处，他感到恐慌。

His team at the BAU knows by now that he's missing. If Dean cleaned up, they may not know he was taken from his apartment, but he somehow thinks that Dean didn't really care about that. If they found the broken needle, it'll be obvious he was kidnapped and not simply killed. There's a thousand ways that they could discover it was Dean Winchester ¨C a security camera, a noisy neighbor, any number of other mistakes Dean could have made.
他在 BAU 的团队现在知道他失踪了。如果迪恩清理干净，他们可能不知道他是从他的公寓里带走的，但他不知何故认为迪恩并不真正关心这一点。如果他们找到了断针，很明显他是被绑架的，而不是简单地被杀的。他们有一千种方法可以发现这是迪恩·温彻斯特——一个安全摄像头、一个吵闹的邻居，以及迪恩可能犯的许多其他错误。

If Hotchner and the rest know, then Balthazar has been informed. He's Castiel's next of kin. And for all his brother's bluster and sparkle, this was also the man who called Castiel every single week to tell him to be safe.
如果霍奇纳和其他人知道，那么巴尔萨泽已经被告知了。他是卡斯蒂尔的近亲。尽管他哥哥大声喧哗，但这也是那个每周都给卡斯蒂尔打电话告诉他注意安全的人。

Dean is an organized, visionary serial killer, no matter how normal and kind he may seem (kidnapping itself aside). He may seem stable and he hasn't exhibited psychosis in Castiel's presence save for his explanations of past behavior, but he could become unhinged at any point. Castiel can't forget that.
迪恩是一个有组织、有远见的连环杀手，无论他看起来多么正常和善良（绑架自己不谈）。他可能看起来很稳定，除了对过去行为的解释之外，他在卡斯蒂尔面前没有表现出精神病，但他随时都可能变得精神错乱。卡斯蒂尔不能忘记这一点。

One morning, Dean comes in and says, not looking at Castiel, "I'm going to leave you with a few weeks' worth of food. I have a hunt I can't get out of."
一天早上，迪恩进来，没有看卡斯蒂尔，说：“我要给你留下几周的食物。我有一场无法摆脱的狩猎。

Castiel is at a loss for words, then he asks, "What if you're killed? What happens to me?"
卡斯蒂尔无言以对，然后他问道：“如果你被杀了怎么办？我怎么办？

"I won't be," Dean says, and now he sounds entirely confident. "Don't worry."
“我不会的，”迪恩说，现在他听起来完全自信。“别担心。”

-----------------------

Logically, Castiel knows the following: he needs human contact, and if Dean is the only human contact he can get, he will take it; he will crave it. Lack of human contact is a form of torture. He knows this, but he still counts the days, waiting for Dean to return.
从逻辑上讲，卡斯蒂尔知道以下几点：他需要人与人接触，如果迪恩是他唯一能得到的人际接触，他就会接受;他会渴望它。缺乏人际接触是一种折磨。他知道这一点，但他仍然数着日子，等待迪恩回来。

-----------------------

In order to stay sane, Castiel imposes a strict schedule, enforced by his wall clock that still sits on the floor. He exercises four times a day. The first few days he almost took it down to three, but came to the conclusion he'd need it near the end of his confinement. He's not rationing food. He's chosen to believe that Dean is correct and will come back ¨C and not leave Castiel here to starve to death, or in a situation where he has to try to chop off his own foot. It's an odd sort of faith to have, one that exists more out of a need for it to exist than any actual trust.
为了保持理智，卡斯蒂尔制定了一个严格的时间表，由他仍然放在地板上的挂钟强制执行。他每天锻炼四次。最初几天，他几乎把锻炼减少到三天，但在禁闭快结束时得出结论，他需要它。他没有配给食物。他选择相信迪恩是对的，并且会回来——而不是让卡斯蒂尔在这里饿死，或者在他不得不试图砍掉自己的脚的情况下。这是一种奇怪的信仰，这种信仰的存在更多是出于对它存在的需要，而不是任何实际的信任。

Dean gave him an absolute mountain of books to read. Castiel is limiting himself to one a day and makes up quizzes in his head that he has to answer the next morning. There's basically fiction and more creative fiction, but like Dean's own explanations of the supernatural, it's surprisingly internally consistent. He starts cross referencing.
迪恩给了他一大堆书供他阅读。卡斯蒂尔将自己限制在每天一本，并在脑海中编造测验，他必须在第二天早上回答。基本上有小说和更有创意的小说，但就像迪恩自己对超自然现象的解释一样，它令人惊讶地在内部保持一致。他开始交叉引用。

On day fifteen, he's meditating on the floor when he hears Dean come down the hall.
第十五天，他正在地板上冥想，这时他听到迪恩从走廊下来。

"Cas? You okay?"
“案子？你还好吗？

Cas opens his eyes and lets the words stewing in his gut for the past two weeks come out. "What do you think? I haven't heard another human voice in two weeks. I'm forced to live in the same ninety square feet. I can't walk without being reminded of how trapped I am. I don't even have sunlight. I'm absolutely fucking peachy."
卡斯睁开眼睛，让过去两周在他内心酝酿的话说出来。“你怎么看？我已经两个星期没有听到另一个人的声音了。我被迫住在同样的九十平方英尺里。我走路时不能不被提醒我是多么被困住。我甚至没有阳光。我绝对他妈的桃色。

Dean pales. "I didn't think ¨C I didn't ¨C"
迪恩脸色苍白。“我没想到，我没想到”

"But you did."
“但你做到了。”

"I was alone for longer than that," Dean says, reflexively explaining. "In purgatory. Almost a year. I didn't even think about it. I'm sorry. Before you I would go a month or longer between seeing someone else, but I wasn't in one room and I had a TV ¨C shit, Cas, I'm sorry."
“我独自一人的时间比这更长，”迪恩条件反射地解释道。“在炼狱里。快一年了。我什至没有想过。 对不起。 在你之前，我会间隔一个月或更长时间才能见到别人，但我不在一个房间里，而且我有一台电视——狗屎，卡斯，对不起。

"Fuck you," Castiel snarls. "Some soulmate." And that jab was intended only to hurt.
“去你妈的，”卡斯蒂尔咆哮道。“某个灵魂伴侣。”而那一击只是为了伤害。

It succeeds. Dean flinches.
它成功了。迪恩退缩了。

Castiel feels guilty, then feels angry he feels guilty. But it does stop any desire to continue ranting, and Castiel focuses on breathing evenly. He feels a sharp pang of loss when Dean leaves, which just pisses him of further. Dean didn't know? Is he even telling the truth when he says he's been alone longer? Purgatory? It didn't escape Castiel's notice that most of Dean's stories stopped four years ago. Can Castiel trust him that he didn't do this to torture Castiel? Fuck.
卡斯蒂尔感到内疚，然后感到愤怒，他感到内疚。但这确实阻止了任何继续咆哮的欲望，卡斯蒂尔专注于均匀呼吸。当迪恩离开时，他感到一阵剧烈的失落，这只会让他更加生气。迪恩不知道？当他说他独自一人的时间更长时，他甚至说的是实话吗？ 炼狱？ 卡斯蒂尔并没有逃过注意，迪恩的大部分故事在四年前就停止了。卡斯蒂尔能相信他这样做不是为了折磨卡斯蒂尔吗？ 他妈的。

Castiel's childhood was one clean of curses, and now he wants to spill every single one he's learned in every dirty backroom.
卡斯蒂尔的童年充满了诅咒，现在他想把他在每一个肮脏的密室里学到的每一根诅咒都说出来。

Then Dean returns, book in hand. Castiel stares at him dumbly, but Dean just walks in without asking and sits in his usual spot, book in hand.
然后迪恩回来了，手里拿着书。卡斯蒂尔呆呆地盯着他，但迪恩只是不问就走了进来，坐在他平常的位置上，手里拿着书。

Dean clears his throat, still not making eye contact. "I figure you're not too likely to want to chat with me right now, 'cause you're pissed and I get that. I understand. So, I'm going to read this. 'Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange of mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense. Mr. Dursley was ¡­'"
Dean 清了清嗓子，仍然没有进行眼神交流。“我想你现在不太可能想和我聊天，因为你很生气，我明白这一点。 我理解。 所以，我要读这篇文章。“女贞大道四号的德思礼夫妇很自豪地说，他们完全正常，非常感谢你们。他们是你最不会想到的那些人，因为他们就是不讲这种胡说八道。德思礼先生是......”

The words sate some need in Castiel for another person's voice. Chapter three passes before Castiel feels like interrupting. "Where were you?"
这句话满足了卡斯蒂尔对另一个人声音的一些需求。第三章过去了，卡斯蒂尔想打断他。“你在哪里？”

Dean looks up, startled. "Anna needed help with something."
迪恩惊讶地抬起头。“安娜需要帮忙。”

"Anna, the one who told you we were soulmates?"
“安娜，那个告诉你我们是灵魂伴侣的人？”

Dean puts the book down. "Yeah. She's an angel. The one who pulled me out of hell, actually."
迪恩放下书。“是的。她是天使。实际上，是把我从地狱里拉出来的人。

Castiel stares at him. Why is he even surprised? Dean had told him that him and Sam were meant to be angelic vessels, but he didn't think Dean would still be in contact with an 'angel' after those particular murders occurred. But now Dean talking about cupids makes more sense.
卡斯蒂尔盯着他。他为什么会感到惊讶？迪恩告诉他，他和山姆注定要成为天使的容器，但他不认为迪恩在那些特定的谋杀案发生后仍然会与“天使”保持联系。但现在迪恩谈论丘比特更有意义。

When Castiel continues to say nothing, Dean asks, "What do you need, Cas?"
当卡斯蒂尔继续什么也没说时，迪恩问道：“你需要什么，卡斯？

"Keep reading."
“继续阅读。”

Dean reads.
迪恩读着。

-----------------------

Dean does everything he can to apologize except let Castiel go. Now that Castiel has let Dean get enough close for an attack and not taken the opportunity, Dean provides Castiel with a side table, a chair, a flatscreen TV, a DVD player (plus DVDs) and a bookcase. A set of cards. An ipod. Nothing that Castiel can actually use to communicate with the outside world, but enough to keep him entertained well enough as a prisoner.
迪恩竭尽全力道歉，除了让卡斯蒂尔离开。现在卡斯蒂尔已经让迪恩足够接近攻击并且没有抓住机会，迪恩为卡斯蒂尔提供了一张边桌、一把椅子、一台平板电视、一台 DVD 播放器（加上 DVD）和一个书柜。一套卡片。一个 ipod。卡斯蒂尔实际上无法用任何东西来与外界交流，但足以让他作为囚犯玩得足够开心。

He even, somewhat hilariously to Castiel, gives Castiel a bell to ring when he wants something.
他甚至对卡斯蒂尔来说有点搞笑，当卡斯蒂尔想要什么时，他会给他一个铃铛。

It strikes Castiel as somewhat counter-intuitive to Dean's goal. He wants Castiel to fall in love with him, to be emotionally dependent on him, and isolating him serves that far better than giving Castiel whatever he wants, excepting his freedom. Because of course Castiel did want Dean to come back during those two weeks. Hearing Dean read Harry Potter to him was comforting. He felt warm emotions in response to that care, despite knowing the psychological reasons for it.
这让卡斯蒂尔觉得这有点违反迪恩的目标。他希望卡斯蒂尔爱上他，在情感上依赖他，而孤立他比给卡斯蒂尔任何他想要的东西要好得多，除了他的自由。因为当然，卡斯蒂尔确实希望迪恩在那两周内回来。听到迪恩给他读《哈利·波特》是令人欣慰的。他对这种关心感到温暖的情绪，尽管知道其中的心理原因。

Dean serves Castiel three delicious meals a day and spends each with Castiel, sitting just inside the doorway against the wall.
迪恩每天为卡斯蒂尔提供三顿美味的饭菜，每顿饭都和卡斯蒂尔一起度过，就坐在门口靠墙的地方。

"So your brother calls you Cassie?" Dean asks, eating pasta.
“所以你哥哥叫你 Cassie？”Dean 一边吃着意大利面，一边问道。

Castiel shrugs, twirling his fork. "To annoy me."
卡斯蒂尔耸了耸肩，转动着叉子。“惹恼我。”

"You don't talk to your sister?"
“你不和你姐姐说话？”

Castiel pauses, glances up at Dean. "Just Balthazar."
卡斯蒂尔停了下来，抬头看了一眼迪恩。“只是巴尔萨泽。”

"What are they like?"
“他们是什么样子的？”

Should he tell Dean about his family? It would help Dean empathize with him more, but Castiel also fears it will make them targets if Castiel fails to cooperate.
他应该告诉迪恩他的家庭吗？这将有助于迪恩更加同情他，但卡斯蒂尔也担心如果卡斯蒂尔不合作，这会让他们成为目标。

"I won't hurt them," Dean adds. "I know that's what you're thinking, that if you talk them I'll notice them more or something. And I know I can tell you I'm not that kind of person until my face is blue, but seriously ¨C this is kind of pointless, Cas, if you hate me."
“我不会伤害他们，”Dean 补充道。“我知道你就是这么想的，如果你和他们说话，我会更多地注意到他们什么的。而且我知道我可以告诉你，直到我的脸发青，我才知道我不是那种人，但说真的——如果你恨我的话，这有点毫无意义，Cas。

Castiel blinks, puts his plate down.
卡斯蒂尔眨了眨眼，放下了盘子。

"I just want to know you better. Fill in the blanks. You already know so much about me." Dean pauses. "Please?"
“我只是想更好地了解你。填空。你已经对我了解了很多。迪恩停顿了一下。”请吗？”

What Castiel knows of Dean's psychology actually supports that; his current behavior through this kidnapping, at least. Though probably the entire BAU could write a book on Dean Winchester and not untangle everything. "We were very tight-knit when I was young. Our parents and the four of us kids. It wasn't like my parents purposefully kept us separate from others, from our peers, just that everything was wrapped up so tightly in being a son, or brother."
卡斯蒂尔对迪恩心理的了解实际上支持了这一点;至少他目前在这次绑架中的行为是这样。尽管可能整个 BAU 都可以写一本关于迪恩·温彻斯特的书，但无法理清一切。“我年轻的时候，我们关系非常紧密。我们的父母和我们四个孩子。我的父母并不是故意将我们与他人、同龄人分开，只是一切都紧紧地包裹在作为一个儿子或兄弟身上。

Dean is listening raptly.
迪恩正在沉迷地听着。

"My dad worked in carpentry. When I was about six he started teaching me, along with Michael and Balthazar. Hael was too young back then. But I remember spending hours in his workshop, sanding wood, helping Michael stain completed projects. We didn't talk, we just built. Creating piece after piece of art, for hours every day after school. It was like we had our own language, which no one else spoke. Even though we were all years apart, there we were the same. And I loved that, back then. All I wanted or needed was my family." Castiel looks up to see Dean, eyes soft and mouth firm. "When I was fifteen, Michael joined the military. And all of the sudden there was a missing piece. A missing happiness. I didn't see him again until years later, only four years before he died."
“我父亲从事木工工作。当我大约六岁时，他开始教我，还有迈克尔和巴尔萨扎。那时海尔还太年轻。但我记得在他的工作室里花了几个小时，打磨木头，帮助迈克尔在完成的项目上染色。我们没有说话，我们只是建造。每天放学后，我们花几个小时创作一件又一件艺术品。就像我们有自己的语言，没有人说。尽管我们相隔多年，但在那里我们是一样的。那时我喜欢这一点。我想要或需要的只是我的家人。卡斯蒂尔抬起头看到迪恩，眼神柔和，嘴巴坚定。”我十五岁那年，迈克尔参军了。突然间，少了一块。一种缺失的幸福。直到多年后，我才再次见到他，就在他去世前四年。

"I'm sorry," Dean says quietly. He looks down at his hands. "And I understand that. A lot. Like family is your whole world."
“对不起，”Dean 轻声说。他低头看着自己的手。“我明白这一点。 好多。 就像家人就是你的整个世界一样。

"Going to college was really hard for me, to associate with other people in the way ¡­ in the way normal people do." Castiel shrugs. "But it was also a new, open world, that I eventually grew to love living. Hael still lives at home, and she's happy there. I get letters from my parents, but I know they don't open mine, because I left like Michael did. I think because they don't want to feel pain if I ¡­ well, if I die."
“上大学对我来说真的很困难，要像正常人那样与其他人交往。”卡斯蒂尔耸耸肩。“但这也是一个新的、开放的世界，我最终开始喜欢生活。海尔仍然住在家里，她在那里很开心。我收到父母的信，但我知道他们不会打开我的信，因为我像迈克尔一样离开了。我想是因为他们不想在我好的时候感到痛苦，如果我死了。

"But not Balthazar?"
“但不是巴尔萨泽？”

Castiel smiles. "Balthazar blossomed a lot more than I did. He embraced living out in the world like an addict. He doesn't like that my job is so dangerous, but he does understand, so he supports me." His smile fades. "I know he's worried." Castiel decides to let it go at that.
卡斯蒂尔微笑着。“巴尔萨泽比我开花结果。他像个瘾君子一样拥抱在世界上生活。他不喜欢我的工作如此危险，但他确实理解，所以他支持我。他的笑容消失了。”我知道他很担心。“卡斯蒂尔决定就这样放手了。

"Thank you, Cas." Sincere, heart-felt.
“谢谢你，卡斯。”真诚，发自内心。

Castiel stares nothing, remembering that familiar ache of wanting something that doesn't really exist the way you thought it did. Maybe Dean does understand that. Then he tries to jerk himself out of it, focus on something else. "I don't suppose you made dessert?"
Castiel 什么也没盯着，想起了那种熟悉的痛苦，想要一些并不像你想象的那样真正存在的东西。也许 Dean 确实明白这一点。然后他试着把自己从中抽搐出来，专注于其他事情。“我想你不是做甜点吗？”

"I've got some pie," Dean says. "Cherry and apple." At Castiel's look, he adds, "Hey, I love me some pie. Better than cake."
“我有一些馅饼，”迪恩说。“樱桃和苹果。”看着卡斯蒂尔的眼神，他补充道，“嘿，我喜欢我吃点馅饼。比蛋糕还好。

"Cherry, please."
“樱桃，拜托了。”

"Cherry it is!"
“是樱桃！”

-----------------------

Castiel is just beginning to get used to his new normal (thirty-eight days) when Dean upsets it. Just after lunch, Dean disappears for several hours in the bunker. Castiel is starting to get an idea of how big the place is based on little things Dean has said about having a commercial size kitchen, barracks, and 'the dungeon.' Plus the comment about how 'even this place' has been followed by the supernatural. Castiel still can't decide if he was referencing his own family in regards to this place. If so, that would be a good way for the FBI to track him down, even if the connection is a few generations past.
卡斯蒂尔刚刚开始适应他的新常态（三十八天），迪恩就打乱了它。午餐后，迪恩在地堡里消失了几个小时。卡斯蒂尔开始根据迪恩所说的关于拥有商业规模的厨房、军营和“地牢”的小事来了解这个地方有多大。再加上关于“甚至这个地方”如何被超自然现象所追随的评论。卡斯蒂尔仍然无法决定他是否指的是他自己的家人。如果是这样，这将是联邦调查局追踪他的好方法，即使这种联系已经过去了几代人。

Dean knocks on the door frame and Castiel looks up from his ipod. He doesn't have any kind of internet connection, of course, but Dean lets him write songs he wants on a piece of paper. It'd come with a selection of eighties rock.
迪恩敲了敲门框，卡斯蒂尔从他的 iPod 上抬起头来。当然，他没有任何互联网连接，但迪恩让他在一张纸上写下他想要的歌曲。它会选择八十年代的摇滚乐。

In his hand Dean holds a cuff, more silver than steel. It looks too big for a wrist. "Hey, Cas. This is for you."
迪恩手里拿着一个手铐，比钢铁还银。它看起来对手腕来说太大了。“嘿，卡斯。这是给你的。

Very carefully, Castiel puts the ipod down. "What do you mean?" he asks warily.
卡斯蒂尔非常小心地放下了 iPod。“你什么意思？”

Dean enters without permission and holds it out. "If you put this on, I'll take the other one off."
迪恩未经允许就进来，把它拿了出来。“如果你穿上这个，我就把另一个脱掉。”

"Why would you do that?" It has no chain, no link for a chain. Instead scrolling text circles it. The closure doesn't have a lock either.
“你为什么要这样做？”它没有链条，没有链条的链接。相反，滚动文本会圈出它。闭合也没有锁。

"It has a spell on it," Dean says, green eyes flicking up. "You won't be able to leave the bunker, or go in any area I made off-limits. But you could get around a lot easier, and it's a lot lighter, and you wouldn't have to wear those pants."
“它上面有咒语，”迪恩说，绿色的眼睛向上弹了一下。“你将无法离开掩体，也无法进入我禁止进入的任何区域。但你可以轻松地四处走动，而且它更轻，而且你不必穿那条裤子。

Castiel has to shut down the urge to immediately say yes. If Dean believes this little thing will keep Castiel locked in here, he can use that. As soon as this other one is released, he can attack Dean and get out of here. He won't have to kill Dean, just disable him for a few hours, steal Dean's car. Hope surges, wild. Should he wait? No. He has to take this opportunity. "Okay." And holds out his hand.
卡斯蒂尔必须抑制立即答应的冲动。如果迪恩相信这个小东西会把卡斯蒂尔锁在这里，他就可以利用它。一旦另一个人被释放，他就可以攻击迪恩并离开这里。他不必杀死迪恩，只需让他瘫痪几个小时，偷走迪恩的车。希望涌动，狂野。他应该等待吗？ 不。 他必须抓住这个机会。“好。”并伸出手。

Dean grins at him, like he's won something.
迪恩对他咧嘴一笑，好像他赢了什么一样。

The cuff opens easily and he places it on his left ankle, closing it with a quiet snip. The edges of the closure seem to disappear as he does it, but he doesn't let that worry him. They can use the jaws of life or something to get it off if need be.
袖口很容易打开，他把它放在左脚踝上，轻轻地剪了一下。当他这样做时，封口的边缘似乎消失了，但他并没有让这让他担心。如果需要的话，他们可以用生命的下巴或其他东西来把它取下来。

"I'll be back with the key for that one," Dean says, pointing at the chain, and then he sweeps out of the room. He's back in less than five minutes, oddly shaped key in hand and kneels at Castiel's feet.
“我会带着那把钥匙回来的，”Dean 说，指着链子，然后他扫出了房间。不到五分钟，他就回来了，手里拿着形状奇特的钥匙，跪在 Castiel 的脚边。

As soon as the old manacle falls away, Castiel kicks Dean in the face hard enough it'd knock out most people. Dean lands with a grunt, blood flowing from his nose, but he's already twisting, legs moving to sweep Castiel's out from under him. Castiel just steps back out of reach, and then when Dean gets to his knees he uses his height advantage again, going in for several quick, downward jabs. He wants to knock Dean out.
当旧手铐脱落时，卡斯蒂尔就狠狠地踢了迪恩的脸，足以击倒大多数人。迪恩咕噜一声落地，鲜血从鼻子里流出来，但他已经扭动了身体，双腿移动着将卡斯蒂尔从他身下扫了出去。卡斯蒂尔只是向后退一步，靠近他，然后当迪恩跪下时，他再次利用他的身高优势，快速向下刺击了几次。他想把迪恩击倒。

Then Dean jolts forwards, hitting Castiel's midsection. Castiel ducks to the side before Dean can bring him to the wall, and after that it becomes an equal fight.
然后迪恩向前颠簸，击中了卡斯蒂尔的腹部。在迪恩将他带到墙上之前，卡斯蒂尔躲到一边，之后就变成了一场平等的战斗。

Castiel started mixed martial arts training in college, but the NY police force and the FBI polished it to a fine sheen. Castiel's technique is beautiful and he spars regularly. Dean has the experience of countless dirty fights, and he's good. Ruthless. Their battle is over the whole room, using the TV and chair, even the table. In another fight, Dean would win on the basis of knowing not only how to give a hit but how to take it, how to turn any situation against his attacker. But his head has been knocked around and it slows his reflexes enough that Castiel is able to use his better training and get a perfect hit in.
卡斯蒂尔在大学时就开始接受综合格斗训练，但纽约警察部队和联邦调查局将其打磨得光彩斑斓。卡斯蒂尔的技术很漂亮，他经常陪练。迪恩有无数次肮脏战斗的经验，而且他很优秀。 无情。 他们的战斗是整个房间，使用电视和椅子，甚至桌子。在另一场战斗中，迪恩获胜的基础不仅是知道如何击中，而且知道如何承受，如何扭转任何情况对攻击者不利。但他的头被撞了，这减慢了他的反应速度，以至于卡斯蒂尔能够利用他更好的训练并获得完美的打击。

Dean goes down, out cold.
迪恩倒下，冷得不行。

Castiel stares down at his unconscious body for several precious seconds. Adrenaline and a strange sort of terror mix. Then he grabs his old manacle and puts it around Dean's ankle, but the damn thing won't close. The weirdly shaped key is no help. Deciding he doesn't have the time to find a way to restrain Dean, he takes off.
卡斯蒂尔低头盯着他昏迷不醒的身体宝贵的几秒钟。肾上腺素和一种奇怪的恐惧混合在一起。然后他抓住他的旧手铐，把它套在迪恩的脚踝上，但那个该死的东西无法闭合。形状怪异的钥匙无济于事。他决定没有时间找到一种方法来约束迪恩，于是他起飞了。

Being in the hall feels weird. Scary. Has he really gotten so used to being kept in a single room?
在大厅里感觉很奇怪。 可怕。 他真的习惯了被关在一个房间里吗？

He bolts. Doors blur as he runs down hallways, searching for stairs. He goes past a huge locker room, past a gigantic library that looks like something out of a movie set, and then finds the stairs to the upper part of the bunker. He runs up and sees the kitchen. Knives. A set of car keys on the counter.
他飞奔而去。当他沿着走廊跑去寻找楼梯时，门变得模糊不清。他经过一个巨大的更衣室，经过一个看起来像电影布景的巨大图书馆，然后找到了通往地堡上部的楼梯。他跑上去，看到了厨房。 刀。 柜台上的一套车钥匙。

Oh God, yes.
哦，天哪，是的。

Then something jerks on his left ankle and he falls flat on his face.
然后他的左脚踝上有什么东西猛地抽搐，他倒在了地上。

He looks behind him, at his ankle, but there's nothing in the wide doorway for Castiel to trip on. He pulls backwards, but his left foot won't move. Mind whirling with confusion, he goes the other direction, back to the hallway. Nothing impedes him. Then he steps forward, and his left ankle catches again.
他看向身后，看向自己的脚踝，但宽阔的门口里没有任何东西可以绊倒卡斯蒂尔。他向后拉，但他的左脚动弹不得。他困惑地转了过来，朝另一个方向走去，回到走廊。没有什么能阻碍他。然后他向前迈步，他的左脚踝再次卡住。

The cuff won't pass the doorway.
袖带不会穿过门口。

What the fuck?
搞什么？

He lifts his left leg like he's stepping over something and tries again, but the ankle cuff freezes him in midair. He can rotate his ankle and the angle of the cuff relative to the floor, but it won't move forward no matter how hard he pulls, how hard he pushes with all his weight. The rest of his body will move over the invisible line, but not the cuff. What is this?
他抬起左腿，就像跨过什么东西一样，然后再试一次，但脚踝袖口将他冻在了半空中。他可以旋转脚踝和袖带相对于地板的角度，但无论他多么用力拉动，用他多么用力地推动，它都不会向前移动。他身体的其余部分会越过看不见的线，但不会移动袖口。 这是怎麽？

Dean said it was a spell. But Dean is insane. Magic isn't real.
迪恩说这是一个咒语。但迪恩疯了。魔法不是真的。

The cuff won't let him move. Castiel doesn't ¨C he doesn't ¨C what is happening?
袖口不让他动。卡斯蒂尔没有“他没有”发生了什么？

"Told you," comes Dean's voice.
“告诉过你了，”迪恩的声音传来。

Rather than press up against the invisible barrier, Castiel steps forward so he has room to react.
卡斯蒂尔没有压在无形的屏障上，而是挺身而出，这样他就有反应的空间。

Dean comes up the stairs, wiping his bloody mouth. His noise is still bleeding freely, and he's a cut on his forehead from the TV Castiel had shoved at him. He doesn't look upset so much as he looks pissed.
Dean 走上楼梯，擦了擦他血淋淋的嘴。他的声音还在自由流血，他的额头上被 Castiel 推向他的电视割伤了。他看起来并没有那么沮丧，而是看起来很生气。

Terror thrums. "What did you do to me?" Castiel demands. "What did you do?"
恐惧在跳动。“你对我做了什么？”卡斯蒂尔问道。“你做了什么？”

Dean smiles with bloody teeth. "Magic." He spits out blood. "Also, I've been knocked out a lot over the years. It doesn't take quite as well as it used to."
迪恩笑得满脸血淋漓。“魔法。”他吐出鲜血。“还有，这些年来我被击倒了很多次。现在不像以前那么好了。

Castiel swallows dryly. "Dean ¨C"
卡斯蒂尔干巴巴地咽了口口水。“院长 ̈C”

"Save it," Dean says. "I thought we were past this. At least past you wanting to kick the crap out of me."
“救点它，”迪恩说。“我以为我们已经过去了。至少你想把我踢出去。

"You thought we were past this?" Castiel shouts. "You're my kidnapper! You've held me against my will! My brother ¨C my brother probably thinks I¡¯m dead in some freak's basement!"
“你以为我们已经过去了？”卡斯蒂尔喊道。“你是我的绑架者！你违背我的意愿关押了我！我的兄弟——我的兄弟可能认为我死在某个怪胎的地下室里！

Dean flinches.
迪恩退缩了。

"You're a serial killer with delusions ¨C"
“你是一个有妄想症的连环杀手——C”

"Am I?" Dean demands. "Magic isn't real? Why can't you get past that line, then?" He waves his hand at the kitchen. "My keys are right there. Go get them."
“我是吗？”Dean 问道。“魔法不是真的？那你为什么不能越过那条线呢？他朝厨房挥了挥手。”我的钥匙就在那里。去拿它们。

Castiel stares at him numbly. He needs to get control. Control of the situation and Dean, because if he can't escape then he needs Dean to care for him. "I didn't want to hurt you, Dean."
卡斯蒂尔麻木地盯着他。他需要获得控制权。控制局势和迪恩，因为如果他无法逃脱，那么他需要迪恩照顾他。“我不想伤害你，迪恩。”

Dean's jaw clenches. "Having a hard time believing that right now, Cas."
Dean 咬紧了下巴。“现在很难相信这一点，Cas。”

Castiel laughs, because it's not even a lie. He does care about Dean. Dean is ¨C Dean is funny, and kind in his own way. He's crazy, but he loved his brother. He's capable of love, and selfless sacrifice, and all of that was unspoken, nothing Dean laid claim to. Castiel only wishes Dean could see his way of the delusions he has so tightly wound around himself.
卡斯蒂尔笑了，因为这甚至不是谎言。他确实关心迪恩。迪恩是——迪恩很有趣，而且以他自己的方式善良。他疯了，但他爱他的兄弟。他有能力去爱，有无私的牺牲，而这一切都是不言而喻的，迪恩没有声称的。卡斯蒂尔只希望迪恩能看到他如此紧紧地缠绕在自己身上的妄想。

When there's no more words, Dean gets a set of handcuffs from his pocket and dangles them on one finger. "You going to cooperate?"
当没有更多的话时，迪恩从口袋里拿出一套手铐，把它们挂在一根手指上。“你要合作吗？”

Castiel glares at him. And attacks.
卡斯蒂尔瞪着他。并攻击。

This time Dean doesn't hold back. And Castiel realizes he was holding back before ¨C not a lot, but some. He's able to hold Dean off for several minutes, but he takes blow after blow. Castiel ends up on the floor once Dean uses the bizarre barrier to trip Castiel up. He's lost the fight, he knows that on the intellectual level, but he doesn't give up struggling until Dean grabs his hair and slams his head into the concrete floor hard enough to daze him. Dean rolls him onto his stomach before grabbing his wrists and cuffing him. At that point, feeling sick, Castiel goes limp.
这一次迪恩没有退缩。卡斯蒂尔意识到他之前没有退缩——不是很多，而是一些。他能够阻止迪恩几分钟，但他受到了一次又一次的打击。当迪恩使用奇怪的屏障将卡斯蒂尔绊倒时，卡斯蒂尔最终倒在了地板上。他输掉了这场战斗，他知道在智力层面上这一点，但他并没有放弃挣扎，直到迪恩抓住他的头发，用力将他的头撞到混凝土地板上，让他晕倒。迪恩把他翻到地上，然后抓住他的手腕并戴上手铐。这时，卡斯蒂尔感到恶心，瘫软了。

He wants to cry, realizes he is when it drips off his nose. It's pink from blood. Dean raises him up by the arm just like a police officer would to avoid injury and drags him back to his cell. Castiel has to stumble along on only one good foot, body aching. Dean dumps Castiel on the bed face first.
他想哭，当它从他的鼻子上滴下来时，他意识到自己已经哭了。它是因血而变成粉红色的。迪恩抓住他的手臂，就像警察为了避免受伤一样，把他拖回牢房。卡斯蒂尔只能用一只好脚跌跌撞撞地走，身体疼痛。迪恩先把卡斯蒂尔扔到床上。

When Castiel rolls to the side, his weight uncomfortably on one arm, he sees several smears of blood on the sheets.
当卡斯蒂尔滚到一边，他的体重不舒服地压在一只手臂上时，他看到床单上有几条血迹。

Dean gets close, eyes dark with anger. "You done?"
Dean 走近，愤怒的眼睛漆黑。“你完成了？”

Swallowing bitter blood, Castiel says, "Yes."
卡斯蒂尔吞下苦血，说：“是的。

Dean uncuffs his wrists, and then pulls Castiel's left up and cuffs him to the headboard, which Castiel knows from previous experience is bolted to the wall. Castiel shifts with his right hand so he's on his back and the cuff isn't pulling so hard at his wrist. Dean watches him do it, silent, and then turns on his heel and leaves the room. Cell.
Dean 解开他的手腕，然后把 Castiel 的左手拉起来，把他铐在床头板上，Castiel 从之前的经验中知道床头板是用螺栓固定在墙上的。Castiel 用右手移动，这样他就仰面躺着，袖口在他的手腕上没有那么用力拉扯。Dean 看着他这样做，沉默不语，然后转身离开了房间。 细胞。

Castiel breathes through a tight throat, waiting for him to return. He has no idea how Dean is going to punish him for this, but he's not looking forward to it. He's never tested Dean like this before. Hell, he's never beaten the crap out of Dean before. The fact that Dean returned the favor may not be enough. His body is sore, and he's got cuts on his face and hands, both offensive and defensive injuries. Turning his head still makes his vision blur. Defeated, anxious and afraid, he closes his eyes.
卡斯蒂尔用紧绷的喉咙呼吸，等待着他回来。他不知道迪恩会如何为此惩罚他，但他并不期待。他以前从未像这样考验过迪恩。见鬼，他以前从未打败过迪恩的废话。迪恩回报这个人情的事实可能还不够。他的身体酸痛，脸上和手上都有伤口，无论是进攻还是防守的伤势。转过头还是让他的视线变得模糊。失败、焦虑和恐惧，他闭上了眼睛。

"Cas."
“案子。”

Castiel tries to get a word past his dry throat, fails.
卡斯蒂尔试图从他干涩的喉咙里说出一个词，但失败了。

"Cas, open your eyes. I need to check your head."
“卡斯，睁开眼睛。我需要检查一下你的头。

Dean blurs into existence. He's holding a first aid kit, which he settles on the bed. He leans in with a small flashlight, which he flashes in Castiel's eyes. "Pupils equal and reactive. No concussion," he says. Leaving the kit at Castiel's feet, he moves forward until he can flip up Castiel's shirt, and then he carefully presses down on Castiel's ribcage, checking each rib. "Anything else hurt? Wrists, ankles?"
Dean 模糊地出现了。他拿着一个急救箱，放在床上。他用一个小手电筒俯身，在 Castiel 的眼睛里闪过。“瞳孔是平等的，反应灵敏。没有脑震荡，”他说。把工具包留在 Castiel 的脚边，他向前移动，直到他能掀起 Castiel 的衬衫，然后他小心翼翼地按压 Castiel 的胸腔，检查每根肋骨。“还有什么伤吗？手腕、脚踝？

"My left wrist. I think I sprained it," Castiel finally replies. It's the cuffed one.
“我的左手腕。我想我扭伤了，”卡斯蒂尔终于回答道。是戴着手铐的那个。

Dean silently gets up and gets the key. "You going to fight me?" he asks, poised to uncuff him. "I'm going to switch it to your left."
Dean 默默地站起来，拿到了钥匙。“你要和我打架吗？”他问道，准备解开他的手铐。“我要把它换到你的左边。”

"I won't fight you."
“我不会和你打架。”

Dean switches the cuff to the other wrist, then carefully examines Castiel's right. Castiel has had to get checked out for a broken wrist before, and he recognizes the doctor's method in Dean's. It makes him wonder, for a second, how many injuries Dean and Sam got and patched for each other. "Not broken," Dean decides. "Feet?"
Dean 将袖带换到另一只手腕上，然后仔细检查 Castiel 的右手腕。Castiel 之前曾因手腕骨折而不得不接受检查，他在 Dean 的手腕中认出了医生的方法。这让他想知道，Dean 和 Sam 受了多少伤，并为对方修补了多少伤。“没有坏，”Dean 决定。“脚？”

"My left. Only sprained, I think."
“我的左边。我想只是扭伤了。

Dean nods. "That it besides the cuts and bruises?"
Dean 点点头。“除了割伤和瘀伤之外？”

"Yes."
“是的。”

Dean stares into Castiel's eyes. "I could have really hurt you, you know that, right?"
迪恩盯着卡斯蒂尔的眼睛。“我真的可以伤害你，你知道，对吧？”

"Am I still allowed to be honest?"
“我还能说实话吗？”

Dean purses his lips and doesn't reply, eyes going flat. He gets a disinfectant and cleans Castiel's cuts, but doesn't cover most of them except with a few butterfly bandages. He checks the bruises he can easily see but doesn't comment. Then he goes to the bathroom with the kit to treat his own injuries ¨C Castiel can see him from the bed, going through the same checks and medical care he gave Castiel.
迪恩抿了抿嘴唇，没有回答，眼睛平淡无奇。他拿了消毒剂并清洁了卡斯蒂尔的伤口，但除了用几条蝴蝶绷带外，大部分伤口都没有覆盖。他检查了他很容易看到的瘀伤，但没有发表评论。然后他带着工具包去洗手间治疗自己的伤——卡斯蒂尔可以从床上看到他，接受与卡斯蒂尔相同的检查和医疗护理。

The adrenaline and anger has drained out of Castiel, leaving a deep pit of worry and fear. He watches as Dean climbs back onto the bed, taking up the large empty space on his right, and his breath hitches. Dean lays down close enough that Castiel feel him breathing against Castiel's side. Dean shifts around, clearly getting comfortable, then settles a hand on Castiel's stomach. He glances up at Castiel, green eyes even darker against the dark bruise on his cheekbone that Castiel gave him. He doesn't look angry.
肾上腺素和愤怒已经从卡斯蒂尔身上流失，留下了一个深深的担忧和恐惧。他看着迪恩爬回床上，占据了他右边的大空位，他的呼吸急促。迪恩躺得足够近，卡斯蒂尔感觉到他在卡斯蒂尔的身边呼吸。迪恩转过身来，显然已经舒服了，然后将一只手放在卡斯蒂尔的肚子上。他抬头看了卡斯蒂尔一眼，绿色的眼睛在卡斯蒂尔给他留下的颧骨上的深色瘀伤的衬托下更加黑暗。他看起来并不生气。

The pose is like a parody of lovers, Castiel's arm above his head not to let Dean in, but because he's cuffed. And Dean, curled up to him and only able to find one safe space to put his arm, because the rest of Castiel is too bruised.
这个姿势就像对恋人的模仿，卡斯蒂尔的手臂举过头顶，不是为了让迪恩进来，而是因为他被戴上了手铐。而迪恩，蜷缩在他身边，只能找到一个安全的地方来放他的手臂，因为卡斯蒂尔的其余部分都伤痕累累了。

That hand is like a burn, a mark. Dean has never touched him without asking Castiel's permission since choking him to unconsciousness in his apartment. Perhaps the fact that Castiel has to frame it that way means he shouldn't have expected anything less.
那只手就像烧伤，一个印记。自从在他的公寓里掐住他昏迷以来，迪恩从未在未经卡斯蒂尔许可的情况下触摸过他。也许卡斯蒂尔必须这样构陷的事实意味着他不应该期待更多的事情。

Dean inches closer until they're pressed together from shoulder to knee. He's warm, his body running hot compared to the people Castiel has let into his bed over the years. Something in Castiel wants to relax into it, to give in and give up. Tears prick his eyes, but he forces them back and breathes deeply. This is a touch. That's all it is. Nothing harmful here.
Dean 靠近了几步，直到他们从肩膀到膝盖被压在一起。他很温暖，与 Castiel 这些年来让他上床的人相比，他的身体很热。Castiel 的某种东西想要放松下来，屈服并放弃。泪水刺痛了他的眼睛，但他强迫泪水收回并深呼吸。这是一种触摸。仅此而已。这里没有什么有害的。

Dean is crazy, but he does care about Castiel.
迪恩疯了，但他确实关心卡斯蒂尔。

Then he murmurs into Castiel's shirt, "It'll be okay, Cas. Just rest, okay?"
然后他对着卡斯蒂尔的衬衫喃喃自语，“没事的，卡斯。休息一下，好吗？

Despite himself, after about forty-five minutes of Dean's absolute stillness Castiel does fall asleep. He only realizes it when he wakes up with the vague notion that it's been several hours. For a few seconds he thinks he's home, in his apartment, and then for the next ten to twenty seconds he thinks he's just in his room in Dean's bunker. Then he feels the warm fingers gently stroking his hipbone, just under the waistband of his pants. A rough thumb makes circles, then the tips of Dean's fingers caresses his skin, before doing it all over again. The touch is incredibly intimate. He stops breathing, looking down at Dean, who looks up sleepily.
尽管他自己，在迪恩绝对安静了大约四十五分钟后，卡斯蒂尔确实睡着了。当他醒来时，他才意识到已经过去了几个小时。有几秒钟他以为自己在家，在他的公寓里，然后在接下来的十到二十秒里，他认为自己只是在迪恩地堡里的房间里。然后他感觉到温暖的手指轻轻抚摸着他的髋骨，就在他裤子的腰带下面。一个粗糙的拇指打圈，然后迪恩的指尖抚摸着他的皮肤，然后重新开始。这种触摸非常亲密。他停止了呼吸，低头看着迪恩，迪恩睡眼惺忪地抬起头。

He places his left hand on Dean's. "Please don't," he whispers.
他把左手放在迪恩的手上。“请不要，”他低声说。

Dean withdraws, disappointment clear on his face ¨C as well as a lack of surprise. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I swear I tried to do as little damage as possible."
迪恩退了出去，脸上明显露出失望——也缺乏惊讶。“对不起，我伤害了你。我发誓我尽量减少伤害。

It's certainly true Dean could have broken bones, but Castiel isn't sure he can attribute that to an unwillingness to hurt Castiel. Permanently, anyway. "What are you going to do?"
迪恩确实可能骨折了，但卡斯蒂尔不确定他是否可以将其归因于不愿意伤害卡斯蒂尔。无论如何，永久的。“你打算做什么？”

"Do?" Dean asks, looking puzzled.
“做吗？”迪恩问道，看起来很困惑。

"To me."
“对我。”

Dean sits up, eyeing Castiel closely. "I'll make you a deal."
迪恩坐了起来，仔细地注视着卡斯蒂尔。“我会和你做个交易。”

Heart dropping to his stomach, Castiel asks, "What kind of deal?"
卡斯蒂尔心碎地问道，“什么样的交易？

"First, I want to be sure this ¨C" he waves at Castiel and himself ¨C "doesn't happen again. Your parole. No attacking me. You keep the ankle cuff you have now." He does an odd half shrug. "I won't insist on no escape attempts, just no violence. Second ¡­ second, we share a bed. To sleep," he adds hastily. "Only to sleep. And in return, I'll let you write your brother a letter, letting him know you're okay."
“首先，我想确保这件事”他向卡斯蒂尔和他自己挥了挥手，“不会再发生了。你的假释。不要攻击我。你保留你现在的脚踝袖带。他奇怪地耸了耸肩。”我不会坚持不试图逃跑，只是不使用暴力。第二，我们共用一张床。睡觉，“他匆忙补充道。”只是睡觉。作为回报，我会让你给你兄弟写一封信，让他知道你没事。

Castiel blinks several times.
卡斯蒂尔眨了好几下眼。

Dean licks his lips nervously, wincing his lip starts bleeding again. "What do you say?"
迪恩紧张地舔了舔嘴唇，皱起眉头，嘴唇又开始流血了。“你说什么？”

"I ¡­ can I think about it?"
“我能考虑一下吗？”

"Sure," Dean immediately agrees. He gets off the bed and then pauses mid step. "Do you need to piss yet?"
“当然，”迪恩立即同意了。他从床上下来，然后停了下来。“你还需要撒尿吗？”

"No."
“没有。”

"Okay, good. I'll be back," he says and pads silently out of Castiel's room.
“好吧，很好。我会回来的，”他说着默默地走出了卡斯蒂尔的房间。

Castiel thinks about Michael. He knows the military's SERE code of conduct demands that a prisoner of war not give parole, and to resist whenever possible. The FBI's stance is slightly different due to the nature of their work and those agents are most likely to come in contact with, counter-terrorism excepting. The BAU in particular is focused on the subject's psychology. A visionary killer like Dean is less likely to be persuaded by threats, because he believes he's doing the work of God (or someone equally as important) and is willing to die for the cause. Hedonistic killers are more likely to be persuaded by appealing to their instinct to survive. The key is always to find the weak point and exploit it in order to force surrender or capture.
卡斯蒂尔想到了迈克尔。他知道军方的 SERE 行为准则要求战俘不得假释，并尽可能反抗。由于他们的工作性质和这些特工最有可能接触到的特工，联邦调查局的立场略有不同，反恐除外。BAU 尤其关注主题的心理。像迪恩这样有远见的杀手不太可能被威胁说服，因为他相信自己正在做上帝（或同样重要的人）的工作，并且愿意为这项事业而死。享乐主义杀手更有可能通过诉诸他们的生存本能来被说服。关键始终是找到弱点并利用它来迫使投降或俘虏。

What is Castiel's duty here? Hotchner's voice in the back of his mind says it's to survive long enough to be rescued.
卡斯蒂尔在这里的职责是什么？霍奇纳脑海深处的声音说，这是为了活得足够长的时间才能被救出。

If he writes that letter and Dean actually sends it, he can communicate something to the FBI. Dean's name, their probable location (somewhere in the Midwest, at least two days of travel), his own true status. He has only Dean's word that Dean will follow through, but it's more than Castiel has now.
如果他写了那封信，而迪恩真的寄出了这封信，他就可以向联邦调查局传达一些信息。迪恩的名字，他们可能的位置（在中西部的某个地方，至少两天的旅行），他自己的真实身份。他只有迪恩的话，迪恩会坚持到底，但这比卡斯蒂尔现在拥有的还要多。

Dean walks in with a sealed water bottle, which he opens and then hands to Castiel. The cool water is soothing on Castiel's throat, and for some reason it gives Castiel the courage to speak. "Dean."
迪恩拿着一个密封的水瓶走了进来，他打开了水瓶，然后递给了卡斯蒂尔。凉爽的水在卡斯蒂尔的喉咙上舒缓，不知为何它给了卡斯蒂尔说话的勇气。“迪恩。”

Dean raises his eyebrows in question.
迪恩挑起眉毛。

"Yes. I agree."
“是的。我同意。

A slow, almost bashful smile fills Dean's face. "Do FBI agents swear on their honor?"
迪恩的脸上浮现出一个缓慢的、近乎害羞的微笑。“联邦调查局特工会宣誓他们的荣誉吗？”

Castiel tilts his head. "I can, if you insist."
卡斯蒂尔歪着头。“我可以，如果你坚持的话。”

Dean just smiles again, a sad tinge to it this time. "No, that's not necessary. You'll either keep to it or you won't."
Dean 只是再次微笑，这次带着悲伤的色彩。“不，那没有必要。你要么坚持下去，要么不坚持下去。

True enough. "Will you release me?" Castiel asks, jangling the cuff.
没错。“你愿意放开我吗？”Castiel 问道，叮当作响地敲响了袖口。

Dean stares at him for a long moment. Castiel can't help wondering what's going on his head, if he's doubting Castiel's parole, what he plans on doing tonight, if Castiel is going to get fucked by this in more ways than one. But maybe that's just Castiel's fear. There's really no doubts on Dean's face as much as an analyzing curiosity. Dean digs into his pocket and gets the key, walks to Castiel's side and releases the cuff.
迪恩盯着他看了好一会儿。卡斯蒂尔不禁想知道他头上发生了什么，他是否怀疑卡斯蒂尔的假释，他今晚打算做什么，卡斯蒂尔是否会以多种方式被这件事搞砸。但也许这只是卡斯蒂尔的恐惧。迪恩的脸上真的没有怀疑，而是分析性的好奇心。迪恩掏出口袋，拿到了钥匙，走到卡斯蒂尔身边，松开了手铐。

Rubbing his wrist gives Castiel something to do. Then a thought occurs to him. "Magnets?"
揉搓他的手腕让卡斯蒂尔有事可做。然后他想到了一个想法。“磁铁？”

Dean blinks. "Huh?"
Dean 眨了眨眼睛。“嗯？”

"The ankle cuff," Castiel says. "Is that how you did it? Magnets?"
“脚踝袖口，”卡斯蒂尔说。“你就是这么做的吗？磁铁？

Dean laughs. Full, hearty, sincere. "Dude, I told you. It's magic. I did a spell. I didn't install industrial magnets in the doorways." He rubs his head. "Besides, wouldn't you notice the attraction a lot sooner in that case and be slammed into one of the walls? Instead of just having the barrier there?"
迪恩笑了起来。饱满、爽朗、真诚。“伙计，我告诉过你了。这是魔法。我施展了咒语。我没有在门口安装工业磁铁。他揉了揉头。”再说了，那样的话，你不会早点注意到这个景点，然后被撞到其中一堵墙上吗？而不是在那里设置屏障？

Castiel opens his mouth, then closes it. "True," he mutters.
卡斯蒂尔张开嘴，然后闭上了嘴。“没错，”他喃喃自语。

"You feel well enough to walk? I'll show you where you can go."
“你感觉好到可以走路了吗？我会告诉你你能去哪里。

And Castiel can test this magical barrier. "All right." He gets up, limps over to Dean.
而卡斯蒂尔可以测试这个魔法屏障。“好吧。”他站起来，一瘸一拐地走到迪恩身边。

Dean's expression changes from being amused to concerned in a second. "I forgot about your ankle. Here, hold onto me."
迪恩的表情在一秒钟内从好笑变成了担忧。“我忘记了你的脚踝。来，抓住我。

Castiel hesitates, looking at Dean, and then hesitates again when Dean silently comes to his side. Then he holds out a hand which Dean brings over his shoulder, letting Castiel put his weight onto Dean. Dean doesn't smell like blood anymore, and his hair is still faintly wet. Under the scent of shampoo is Dean himself, a surprisingly pleasant musk.
卡斯蒂尔犹豫了一下，看着迪恩，然后当迪恩默默地走到他身边时，他又犹豫了。然后他伸出一只手，迪恩把手放在他的肩膀上，让卡斯蒂尔把体重放在迪恩身上。迪恩不再有血腥味了，他的头发还隐隐约约湿。洗发水的香味下是迪恩本人，一种令人惊讶的宜人麝香。

This close he can even see the freckles on Dean's face. The way his eyes shift from hazel to green.
这么近，他甚至可以看到迪恩脸上的雀斑。他的眼睛从淡褐色变成绿色。

Dean keeps up a running commentary as they slowly make their way through the permitted parts of the bunker, talking about random hunts ("Then there was the time a chupacabra followed us home. Nice pet. Not.") and more personal details ("First home since Baby. I mean, my car, the Impala. You know what I mean."). Most of the bedrooms are empty; Castiel's was apparently the 'commander' of the 'Men of Letters' and that's why that room alone has its own bathroom. Dean uses the locker room, which Castiel also has access to for no discernible reason. Dean's room ends up being around the turn in the hallway, close to the stairs. When Castiel tries to enter, the ankle cuff stops him again.
当他们慢慢穿过地堡的允许部分时，迪恩继续进行评论，谈论随机狩猎（“然后有一次，一只卓柏卡布拉跟着我们回家。好宠物。不是”）和更多个人细节（“自宝贝以来的第一个家。我的意思是，我的车，黑斑羚。你知道我的意思。大多数卧室都是空的;卡斯蒂尔显然是”文人“的”指挥官“，这就是为什么只有那个房间就有自己的浴室。迪恩使用更衣室，卡斯蒂尔也可以无缘无故地进入更衣室。迪恩的房间最终位于走廊的拐角处，靠近楼梯。当卡斯蒂尔试图进入时，脚踝袖口再次阻止了他。

Of course Dean smirks, but he doesn't say anything except, "I want to trust you, but I'm not stupid." The room itself is homey and full of odd knickknacks, as well as a few distinctly not ornamental weapons on the wall, including an axe. All are well out of Castiel's limited reach. Sam's bedroom is two doors down, marked only with Dean saying, "This is Sam's." He puts a palm on the door, but doesn't open it. Since Dean is supporting a portion of Castiel's weight, Castiel can feel Dean's small shiver.
迪恩当然傻笑了，但他什么也没说，只是说，“我想相信你，但我并不傻。房间本身很温馨，到处都是奇怪的小摆设，墙上还有一些明显不是装饰性的武器，包括一把斧头。所有这些都远远超出了卡斯蒂尔的有限范围。山姆的卧室在两扇门下面，只有迪恩说：”这是山姆的。“他用手掌放在门上，但没有打开。由于迪恩支撑着卡斯蒂尔的一部分重量，卡斯蒂尔能感觉到迪恩的微微颤抖。

"I see," Castiel says softly. He deliberately leans a little into Dean, trying to offer comfort, and Dean gives him a small smile.
“我明白了，”Castiel 轻声说。他故意靠在 Dean 身上，试图安慰他，Dean 给了他一个微笑。

The library is partially accessible. The spell won't let him get farther in than about ten feet, and unlike the other barriers, this one is in midair with no walls nearby.
图书馆是部分可进入的。这个咒语不会让他进入大约十英尺的距离，而且与其他障碍物不同，这个障碍物在半空中，附近没有墙壁。

Dean lets Castiel go, says, "Go ahead. Test it."
迪恩放开了卡斯蒂尔，说：“去吧。测试一下。

Castiel gives him a wary look, but does.
卡斯蒂尔警惕地看了他一眼，但还是这样做了。

Since the cuff is on his sprained ankle, testing it is easy. Castiel hops around, pulling and testing. There's no hum, no visible or audible sign of why he can't move the cuff beyond that point. There's nothing on the ground either. However Dean marked the ¡­ the spell, it didn't leave a sign behind.
由于手铐在他扭伤的脚踝上，所以测试它很容易。Castiel 跳来跳去，拉扯和测试。没有嗡嗡声，没有可见或听见的迹象表明他为什么不能将手铐移到那个点之外。地上也什么都没有。无论 Dean 如何标记“咒语”，它都没有留下任何迹象。

"Baffled?" Dean asks, raising an eyebrow.
“困惑了？”Dean 扬起眉毛问道。

Castiel sits in a chair next to a bookcase. "Tell me about the murders, then."
卡斯蒂尔坐在书柜旁边的椅子上。“那么，告诉我关于谋杀案的事情。”

Dean blinks, but goes with it. He takes a seat out of Castiel's reach, legs spread and relaxed. "It was a wendigo, the case in Wyoming. Basically created when a human eats enough human flesh, then they turn into, you know, that. Only way to kill them is to burn them alive." Dean shrugs. "I wanted to get it asleep in its cave, but it woke up while I was hiking through the forest, so I had to improvise. I'm thinking it killed a few hunters before I got to it. I stayed behind a few days to make sure there wasn't a partner, because I saw some indications there might have been another one, but no dice."
迪恩眨了眨眼，但还是顺其自然。他坐在卡斯蒂尔够不到的地方，双腿张开，放松。“那是温迪戈，怀俄明州的情况。基本上，当人类吃下足够的人肉时，就会变成那个，你知道的，那个。杀死他们的唯一方法就是活活烧死他们。迪恩耸耸肩。”我想让它在它的洞穴里睡着，但它在我徒步穿过森林时醒来，所以我不得不即兴发挥。我想它在我到达它之前就杀死了几个猎人。我呆了几天以确保没有伙伴，因为我看到一些迹象表明可能还有另一个伙伴，但没有骰子。

"And you believe that?"
“你相信吗？”

"I believe it like you believe the sky is blue."
“我相信它，就像你相信天空是蓝色的一样。”

"Except at dawn, dusk or night," Castiel can't help adding.
“除了黎明、黄昏或夜晚，”卡斯蒂尔忍不住补充道。

Dean laughs. "Exactly! Yeah, exactly. I'm the one who's stalking around the darkness and seeing what no one else thinks about, because everyone knows the sky is blue."
迪恩笑了起来。“没错！是的，没错。我就是那个在黑暗中徘徊，看到别人没有想到的事情的人，因为每个人都知道天空是蓝色的。

That ¡­ kind of makes sense.
这有点有道理。

"Is this your proof, then?" Castiel asks. "That everything you've told me is real?"
“那么，这是你的证据吗？”卡斯蒂尔问道。“你告诉我的一切都是真的？”

Dean shifts. "Well. I was thinking about calling Anna here, actually. The ankle cuff you're wearing, I only found a reference to it in the library about a week ago. Started setting it up then."
Dean 转移了一下。“嗯。其实我正在考虑把 Anna 叫到这里来。你戴的脚铐，大约一周前我才在图书馆找到关于它的参考资料。然后就开始设置它了。

"Anna, the angel?"
“安娜，天使？”

Dean nods. "Call in a favor."
迪恩点点头。“帮个忙。”

Castiel supposes he has two options: Dean is right, to some degree, or Castiel has also lost his mind. Madness can be contagious. But Castiel doesn't feel mad, or even the surety of the mad; he feels angry and confused, and hopelessly lost in a world he would have sworn yesterday didn't exist. Of course it's just a cuff that obeys mysterious barriers, not a ghost or an angel of God talking to him, but Castiel's not stupid. Where's there is one crack, there's more.
卡斯蒂尔认为他有两个选择：迪恩在某种程度上是对的，或者卡斯蒂尔也失去了理智。疯狂是可以传染的。但卡斯蒂尔并不感到疯狂，甚至没有疯狂的保证;他感到愤怒和困惑，并无可救药地迷失在一个他昨天发誓不存在的世界里。当然，这只是一个服从神秘屏障的手铐，而不是鬼魂或上帝天使对他说话，但卡斯蒂尔并不傻。哪里有一个裂缝，还有更多。

When he looks up, Dean looks ¨C surprised. "You believe me."
当他抬起头时，迪恩看起来很惊讶。“你相信我。”

"I believe something," Castiel says honestly. He also believes that regardless of magic being real, kidnapping an FBI agent because you think he's your soulmate isn't the sanest of actions. He clears his throat and holds out his hand. "Continue the tour?"
“我相信一些事情，”卡斯蒂尔诚实地说。他还认为，无论魔法是否真实，因为你认为联邦调查局特工是你的灵魂伴侣而绑架他并不是最理智的行为。他清了清嗓子，伸出了手。“继续巡演？”

Dean gives him a look that is grateful and pleased. In a way, it's very easy to please Dean. "Sure."
迪恩给了他一个感激和高兴的眼神。在某种程度上，取悦迪恩很容易。“当然。”

Castiel can't access the kitchen, or the front of the bunker, or the garage, or the firing range, but Dean lets him take a peek at all of them.
卡斯蒂尔无法进入厨房、掩体前面、车库或射击场，但迪恩让他看了一眼。

"There's also a dungeon," Dean admits. "Not a sex-torture dungeon. Honestly. It's just really secure and can be used for a prison for various supernatural creatures, and it has an armory nearby."
“还有一个地牢，”迪恩承认。“不是性折磨地牢。 真诚地。 它真的很安全，可以用作关押各种超自然生物的监狱，而且附近还有一个军械库。

"Well, I don't mind skipping that portion," Castiel says, though of course he wishes he could get a good look at the armory.
“好吧，我不介意跳过那部分，”卡斯蒂尔说，尽管他当然希望自己能好好看看军械库。

Dean grins, then says, "We should head back to your room. Your ankle won't last much longer, anyway. If you push it too far it'll take longer to heal."
Dean 咧嘴一笑，然后说，“我们应该回到你的房间了。反正你的脚踝不会持续太久。如果你把它推得太远，它需要更长的时间才能愈合。

Spoken like it's from personal experience. "All right."
说得像是来自亲身经历一样。“好吧。”

Castiel's room is still a mess. Dean sets him on the bed which, aside from some blood smears, is the only thing in the room left intact. The TV is shattered. The DVD player survived by virtue of being smaller. The chair is missing a leg. The table is still there, having miraculously survived despite a body being thrown on it. The mini-fridge was knocked over and has a dent, but still works. Dean clears away all the debris without comment, taking several trips to do it.
卡斯蒂尔的房间仍然一团糟。迪恩把他放在床上，除了一些血迹外，这是房间里唯一完好无损的东西。电视机被打碎了。DVD 播放器由于体积较小而幸存下来。椅子少了一条腿。桌子还在那里，尽管有一具尸体被扔在上面，但还是奇迹般地活了下来。迷你冰箱被打翻了，有凹痕，但仍然可以使用。迪恩没有发表任何评论就清理了所有的碎片，走了好几趟。

He works despite being just as beaten as Castiel is. Castiel will and has pushed his body to the limit, but that was fairly uncommon and he always had the opportunity to take days off after. Dean doesn't get that. Of course he chose this, but. Feeling absurd even as he does it, Castiel says, "I'm sorry."
尽管他和卡斯蒂尔一样被殴打，但他仍然工作。卡斯蒂尔会并且已经将自己的身体推向极限，但这种情况相当罕见，他总是有机会在之后休息几天。迪恩不明白这一点。他当然选择了这个，但是。卡斯蒂尔虽然这样做，但还是觉得很荒谬，他说：“对不起。

Dean's head whips around. "Do you actually mean that?"
Dean 的头转了过来。“你真的是这个意思吗？”

Castiel shrugs, picking at his blanket. "I think so."
Castiel 耸了耸肩，抠了抠他的毯子。“我想是的。”

Dean looks down. "You can still be honest," he says, answering Castiel's question from hours before.
Dean 低头看去。“你还是可以诚实的，”他回答了 Castiel 几个小时前的问题。

Castiel nods slightly.
卡斯蒂尔微微点头。

After the last round, Dean returns with a piece of paper and a pen. "You write it once, no edits," he says. "Can't say anything about where you are or who took you."
最后一轮结束后，迪恩带着一张纸和一支笔回来了。“你写一次，不做任何编辑，”他说。“不能说你在哪里，或者是谁带走了你。”

That will make hiding a secret message considerably harder, especially since Castiel has next to no experience doing so. Reid always figured out puzzles like that. Castiel takes the paper and pen, staring at the blank page for almost a full minute before working out how he needs to get this message across, quickly and without being terribly obvious. If Dean takes the time to stare at it, he might figure it out ¨C Castiel doesn't know how much Dean does or doesn't know about stenography ¨C so Castiel can only hope this works.
这将使隐藏秘密信息变得更加困难，尤其是因为卡斯蒂尔几乎没有这样做的经验。里德总是能解决这样的谜题。卡斯蒂尔拿起纸和笔，盯着空白页看了将近一分钟，然后弄清楚他需要如何快速地传达这个信息，而且不会非常明显。如果迪恩花时间盯着它看，他可能会弄清楚——卡斯蒂尔不知道迪恩对速记了解多少或不知道——所以卡斯蒂尔只能希望这能奏效。

Dear Balthazar,
亲爱的巴尔萨泽，

Everything is all right. All that's happened is that I went somewhere for a while. Nothing bad has happened, and I haven't been hurt. While I know this seems to have come out of nowhere, I've been thinking about going away and taking a break for a long time. I'm doing well where I am ¨C I'm well fed and I'm finally getting as much sleep as you always said I should. Now, I know this is a little late, but take care of my apartment, will you? Can't lose that good of a lease. Hael's letters must be piling up, please take care of them, too. Even after everything, I want to read them. Save anything our parents send. The FBI has probably fired me by now for taking off so suddenly, but don't worry about that ¨C I'm okay. Really, I'm doing well.
一切都很好。所发生的只是我去了某个地方一段时间。没有发生任何不好的事情，我也没有受伤。虽然我知道这似乎是凭空而来的，但我已经考虑离开休息很长时间了。我在我所在的地方过得很好——我吃饱了，我终于睡得像你一直说的那样多。现在，我知道现在有点晚了，但照顾好我的公寓，好吗？不能失去那么好的租约。海尔的信一定堆积如山，请也好好保管。即使发生了一切，我还是想读一读。保存我们父母寄来的任何东西。联邦调查局现在可能已经解雇了我，因为我突然起飞了，但别担心——我没事。真的，我过得很好。

Michael always said we should take the time in our lives to really live. I'm doing what he wanted, finally. Don't worry about me. While you're a bit of an asshole sometimes, I'll always love you. Even after you stole my first girlfriend. Stay in Texas, be happy. Til then,
迈克尔总是说，我们应该花时间在生活中真正生活。我终于在做他想做的事了。 别担心我。 虽然你有时有点混蛋，但我会永远爱你。即使在你偷走了我的第一个女朋友之后。留在德克萨斯州，快乐。在那之前，

Castiel.
卡斯蒂尔。

"I don't think they're going to think this isn't coerced," Dean says.
“我认为他们不会认为这不是被迫的，”迪恩说。

"You said I couldn't say where I was or what happened, what else do you expect?" Castiel asks, trying not to sweat.
“你说我不能说我在哪里，也说不出发生了什么，你还期待什么？”Castiel 问道，尽量不出汗。

Dean shrugs. "All right."
迪恩耸耸肩。“好吧。”

The first letter of every sentence spells out Dean Winchester, and the second paragraph spells out all Castiel has been able to figure out about where he is - that he's in the Midwest somewhere. Dean has been absurdly careful about not letting slip what state they're in. Castiel isn't sure he knows the point except for this kind of communication, which he frankly didn't think Dean would ever allow. Just in case, Castiel also marks the same letters in random words by shaping the individual letter in a different way than the rest. But he thinks that if Dean actually sends this letter, the BAU won't have a problem figuring out what he's trying to say.
每句话的第一个字母都拼出了迪恩·温彻斯特，第二段拼出了卡斯蒂尔所能弄清楚的关于他在哪里的所有信息——他在中西部的某个地方。迪恩一直非常小心翼翼地不让人们知道他们所处的状态。卡斯蒂尔不确定他是否知道这一点，除了这种交流，坦率地说，他认为迪恩永远不会允许。为了以防万一，卡斯蒂尔还通过以与其他字母不同的方式塑造单个字母来标记随机单词中的相同字母。但他认为，如果迪恩真的寄出了这封信，BAU 就不会有问题弄清楚他想说什么。

And not just the hidden message. But telling Balthazar to take care of his lease, to keep their family's letters.
不仅仅是隐藏的信息。而是告诉巴尔萨泽照顾好他的租约，保留他们家人的信件。

Castiel hasn't given up on escaping. Not yet.
卡斯蒂尔并没有放弃逃跑。 还没有。

Dean actually brings back an envelope and a stamp (a vague 'forever' stamp, to Castiel's disappointment, not a state one) and seals the letter in front of Castiel. He wears gloves. "Next time I'm in a major hub, I'll drop it off. I promise."
Dean 实际上带回了一个信封和一张邮票（一个模糊的“永远”邮票，让 Castiel 失望的是，不是国家邮票），并在 Castiel 面前密封了这封信。他戴着手套。“下次我在一个主要枢纽时，我会把它放下。我保证。

"Thank you, Dean."
“谢谢你，迪恩。”

-----------------------

After dinner, both of them bruised and finally really feeling it, Castiel asks for privacy to take a shower. Dean grants it, of course. He's never even seen Castiel unclothed. As Castiel stands in the hot shower, fully naked, he lets himself think about what's coming next. Sharing a bed with Dean. And not just tonight, but every night that Dean is here.
晚饭后，他们俩都淤青了，终于真正感觉到了，卡斯蒂尔要求隐私去洗澡。迪恩当然答应了。他甚至从未见过卡斯蒂尔脱衣服。当卡斯蒂尔赤身裸体地站在热水淋浴间时，他让自己思考接下来会发生什么。与迪恩同床共枕。不仅是今晚，还有迪恩在这里的每个晚上。

Dean doesn't strike Castiel as a rapist, no. But he also definitely lacks a clear sense of boundary. Castiel doesn't think it's about power so much as a desire to be loved in return. Dean probably made the deal in the first place because he wants intimacy that isn't necessarily sex, but that is still (in Dean's mind, at least) romantic.
迪恩并没有认为卡斯蒂尔是强奸犯，不。但他也绝对缺乏明确的边界感。卡斯蒂尔认为这与其说是权力，不如说是渴望被爱作为回报。迪恩一开始可能达成这笔交易是因为他想要的亲密关系不一定是性，但这仍然（至少在迪恩看来）是浪漫的。

Boxers. Pajama bottoms, a t-shirt. Socks. His armor.
平角褲。 睡裤，T 恤。 袜子。 他的盔甲。

When he opens the bathroom door, letting the steam out, he sees Dean lying on the bed, over the covers, wearing only a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. The light in the hall is still on, but the bedroom one is off, so it's somewhat dark. He looks up at Castiel, mouth slightly open and eyebrows slightly raised in a way that Castiel knows means that Dean is feeling nervous and self-conscious. But he doesn't say, 'It's okay, you can sleep alone.' He doesn't say, 'I'll let go of that part of our deal.' He stares at Castiel, hopeful.
当他打开浴室门，让蒸汽散发出来时，他看到迪恩躺在床上，盖着被子，只穿着一条平角内裤和一件 T 恤。大厅里的灯还亮着，但卧室的灯关着，所以有点黑。他抬头看着卡斯蒂尔，嘴巴微微张开，眉毛微微上扬，卡斯蒂尔知道迪恩感到紧张和难为情。但他没有说，“没关系，你可以一个人睡觉。”他没有说，“我会放弃我们交易的那部分。”他满怀希望地盯着卡斯蒂尔。

"I won't do anything sexual, I swear," Dean tells him.
“我发誓，我不会做任何性的事情，”迪恩告诉他。

Castiel nods, tries to do so with certainty. "I know." He slips into bed, pulling the covers over himself and lies with his back facing Dean.
Castiel 点点头，试图肯定地这样做。“我知道。”他滑上床，拉上被子，背对着 Dean 躺着。

Dean gets under the covers, shaking the bed. A gentle hand touches the small of Castiel's back. "Can I hold you?" Dean whispers.
迪恩钻进被窝里，摇晃着床。一只温柔的手抚摸着卡斯蒂尔的小背。“我可以抱你吗？”迪恩低声说。

Castiel freezes. Then forces himself to relax. "Hands on clothes, not under."
卡斯蒂尔愣住了。然后强迫自己放松。“手放在衣服上，而不是在衣服下面。”

"Noted." Dean's hand moves from his back to settle on his waist. He moves close enough that Castiel can feel his hot breath on the back of his neck, and one leg barely touches the back of Castiel's. But that's as far as he goes. "Good night, Cas."
“注意到了。”Dean 的手从他的背上移到他的腰上。他靠得足够近，以至于 Castiel 能感觉到他脖子后面有热气，一条腿几乎没有碰到 Castiel 的后背。但这就是他所说的。“晚安，Cas。”

Castiel stares at the far wall and wonders what he's gotten himself into.
卡斯蒂尔盯着远处的墙壁，想知道他陷入了什么境地。

Chapter 3
第三章

Notes:
笔记：

Warnings (spoilers): Dubcon kissing.
警告（剧透）：杜布康接吻。

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Chapter Text
章节正文

Dean is curled around Castiel as the big spoon when Castiel wakes up the next morning. All through the night Castiel woke up, afraid because of Dean's nearness and vague half-nightmares. But Dean's been in this same position all night. Thigh to thigh, hip to hip. Dean isn't hard, as far as Castiel can tell. An ankle lies on top of Castiel's, and his t-shirt has rucked up in his sleep enough that Dean's hand on his waist is touching skin. As Castiel's brain really starts working itself into high gear, he hears Dean make a sleepy noise and shift, his hand clenching enough that his nails curl across Castiel's skin. It tickles, and Castiel can't help flinching.
第二天早上卡斯蒂尔醒来时，迪恩蜷缩在卡斯蒂尔身边，就像大勺子一样。整晚，卡斯蒂尔醒来，因为迪恩的靠近和模糊的半噩梦而感到害怕。但迪恩整晚都处于同样的姿势。大腿到大腿，臀部到臀部。据卡斯蒂尔所知，迪恩并不难。脚踝搭在卡斯蒂尔的脚踝上，他的 T 恤在睡梦中已经弄得乱七八糟，以至于迪恩放在他腰上的手接触到了皮肤。当卡斯蒂尔的大脑真正开始高速运转时，他听到迪恩发出一声昏昏欲睡的声音并移动，他的手紧握得足以让他的指甲卷曲在卡斯蒂尔的皮肤上。它很痒，卡斯蒂尔忍不住退缩了。

Dean freezes. "Oh, sorry," he says sleepily, withdrawing and rolling onto his back.
迪恩愣住了。“哦，对不起，”他睡眼惺忪地说，退后并仰面翻滚。

Castiel looks over his shoulder cautiously, but Dean just blinks at him and then rubs his face.
卡斯蒂尔小心翼翼地回头看了看，但迪恩只是对他眨了眨眼，然后揉了揉他的脸。

"G'morning," Dean says, and rolls out of bed.
“早上好，”Dean 说，然后滚下床。

"Good morning."
“早上好。”

Dean pauses at the doorway. "Want to join me for breakfast? I'll set up a dining table where you can sit."
迪恩在门口停了下来。“想和我一起吃早餐吗？我会摆一张餐桌让你坐下。

"All right."
“好吧。”

"Do you need help?" Dean asks. "You will have to get up the stairs."
“你需要帮助吗？”迪恩问道。“你必须上楼梯。”

Castiel hesitates, then nods. "Yes, thank you."
卡斯蒂尔犹豫了一下，然后点了点头。“是的，谢谢你。”

"I just figured you would want to get out of here," Dean says, waving at the room.
“我只是觉得你会想离开这里，”迪恩说，向房间挥手。

Is Dean concerned Castiel doubts his motivation? "I figured that."
Dean 是否担心 Castiel 怀疑他的动机？“我想到了。”

Without any more comment, Dean goes to Castiel's side and gets his shoulder under Castiel's arm, bearing most of their combined weight. Technically, they're closer now than they were in bed, with all of Dean's body pressed up tight against Castiel's. Castiel can even feel the warmth of Dean's exhale. Dean isn't touching Castiel any more than he has to, but he's also not avoiding physical contact. He keeps a slow pace for Castiel, before leaving him in an empty space that Castiel figures is similar enough to a dining room. The kitchen is fully in sight, but the invisible barrier is firmly in place.
迪恩没有再发表任何评论，走到卡斯蒂尔身边，将他的肩膀放在卡斯蒂尔的手臂下，承受着他们总的大部分重量。从技术上讲，他们现在比在床上更近了，迪恩的整个身体都紧紧地压在卡斯蒂尔身上。卡斯蒂尔甚至可以感受到迪恩呼气的温暖。迪恩没有再碰卡斯蒂尔，但他也没有避免身体接触。他为卡斯蒂尔保持着缓慢的步伐，然后把他留在一个空旷的地方，卡斯蒂尔认为这个空间很像餐厅。厨房完全在视线范围内，但无形的屏障却牢牢地固定着。

Dean grabs a folding table and a very, very old wooden chair. Castiel sits and watches as Dean brings in another chair, then goes into the kitchen to begin preparing breakfast. Eggs and toast, this time.
迪恩拿起一张折叠桌和一把非常非常旧的木椅。卡斯蒂尔坐下来，看着迪恩拿来另一把椅子，然后走进厨房开始准备早餐。鸡蛋和吐司，这次是。

"So," Dean begins conversationally, "how did you get into the FBI?"
“那么，”迪恩开始对话，“你是怎么进入联邦调查局的？

Castiel frowns. "Do you not already know the answer?"
卡斯蒂尔皱起眉头。“你还不知道答案吗？”

Dean freezes in the middle of breaking an egg. "Facts on paper aren't the same," he says at last.
迪恩在打碎鸡蛋的过程中冻僵了。“纸上的事实不一样，”他最后说。

Deciding to accept that even he doesn't actually buy it, Castiel says, "I almost followed Michael into the military, but Balthazar convinced me that I could do good here, too." Castiel hesitates. "He actually got very drunk and told me that he knew Michael was going to end up dead, and he didn't want me dead, too. I don't even know if he remembered it in the morning, but the look in his eyes ¡­"
卡斯蒂尔决定接受连他自己都不买账的事实，他说，“我差点跟随迈克尔参军，但巴尔萨泽说服了我，我也可以在这里做好事。卡斯蒂尔犹豫了。”他实际上喝得酩酊大醉，告诉我他知道迈克尔最终会死，而且他也不想让我死。我什至不知道他早上是否记得这件事，但他的眼神......”

Dean is looking at him, soft and concerned. He nods silently, complete understanding in his eyes.
迪恩看着他，温柔而关切。他默默地点了点头，眼中充满了完全的理解。

"So, double major in criminal justice and psychology led me directly into law enforcement. While working as a police officer I got my masters in criminal psychology. Worked in homicide for a bit, then applied to the FBI. After that, it was just a matter of working within the agency and getting work done on cases. I was lent to the BAU during a specific case, but they ended up keeping me." Castiel spreads his hands. "Not much more to it than that."
“所以，刑事司法和心理学双学位让我直接进入了执法部门。在担任警察期间，我获得了犯罪心理学硕士学位。在凶杀案工作了一段时间，然后申请了联邦调查局。之后，只是在机构内工作并完成案件工作。在一个特定案件中，我被借给了 BAU，但他们最终留下了我。卡斯蒂尔摊开双手。”仅此而已。”

Dean nods thoughtfully. He grabs two slices of bread and pops them in the toaster. "You like the work?"
迪恩若有所思地点了点头。他抓起两片面包，把它们放进烤面包机里。“你喜欢这份工作吗？”

"I do. It's satisfying to bring people to justice and prevent more crime from occurring." Castiel shrugs. "Well, when it actually works out that way. There's often unsolved cases, and even more paperwork."
“我愿意。将人们绳之以法并防止更多犯罪发生是令人满意的。卡斯蒂尔耸耸肩。”好吧，当事情真的以这种方式进行时。经常有悬而未决的案件，甚至更多的文书工作。

"I hear ya," Dean says, laughing. "Hunting is the same way. Well, excluding the paperwork. That was more like wasting your time on kids playing pranks."
“我听到了，”迪恩笑着说。“打猎也是一样。好吧，不包括文书工作。这更像是把你的时间浪费在孩子们恶作剧上。

Interesting that Dean views it as similar to law enforcement. A similar kind of job, anyway. The invisible magical barrier is three feet away. How much of what Dean says is real? Is it possible he is insane, but some of what he speaks of is true? Even a broken clock is right twice during the day. Or has Dean been misjudged all along? But if so, how the hell has no one noticed that the supernatural is real after all this time? "Dean ¡­"
有趣的是，迪恩认为这类似于执法部门。无论如何，一种类似的工作。看不见的魔法屏障就在三英尺外。迪恩说的有多少是真实的？有没有可能他疯了，但他所说的一些是真的？即使是坏掉的时钟，白天也有两次正确。还是迪恩一直被误判了？但如果是这样，这么长时间后，怎么没有人注意到超自然现象是真实的呢？“迪恩 ¡”

"Yeah?" Dean flops scrambled eggs onto two plates and taps the counter while he waits for the toast.
“是吗？”迪恩把炒鸡蛋扔到两个盘子里，一边敲着柜台，一边等待吐司。

"Do you like me?"
“你喜欢我吗？”

Confusion flashes across Dean's face. "Of course I do."
迪恩的脸上闪过一丝困惑。“我当然知道。”

"But why? You don't even know me. Why are you going to all this trouble to keep me here? I know you said we were soulmates, but I have a hard time accepting ¨C after everything you¡¯ve told me ¨C that you believe in any kind of fate."
“但为什么？你甚至不认识我。你为什么要费尽心思把我留在这里？我知道你说我们是灵魂伴侣，但我很难接受”在你告诉我的一切之后“你相信任何一种命运。

Dean ignores the toast that pops up. Instead, he walks to Castiel. Then, he kneels, almost like he's about to propose, but his face is deadly serious. "I don't believe in fate, you're right. But I believe what I feel. What I know. My gut." He looks away for a moment. "I love Sam. I will never stop loving Sam. That God or whoever made us brothers, I don't care about that. It's the same with you. I can't, I can't be apart from you, now that I know you. Losing Sam nearly killed me. You would finish the job, and I made a promise to him that I'd live."
迪恩没有理会弹出的祝酒词。相反，他走向卡斯蒂尔。然后，他跪了下来，几乎就像他即将求婚一样，但他的脸却严肃得要命。“我不相信命运，你是对的。但我相信我的感受。我所知道的。我的直觉。他移开了一会儿视线。”我爱山姆。我永远不会停止爱山姆。上帝或任何让我们成为兄弟的人，我不在乎这些。你也是一样。我不能，我不能和你分开，现在我认识你了。失去山姆差点要了我的命。你会完成这项工作，我向他承诺我会活下去。

Castiel breathes. Thinks. Wonders.
卡斯蒂尔喘了口气。 认为。 奇迹。

Dean inhales and exhales rapidly, emotion rising in his eyes. "You and me, we do the same thing. We help people. Even after all the shit I have put you through, you give a damn about me. And that's before you even believe that I'm not a serial killer. I want you, Cas. And I'm willing to wait until you feel the same way."
Dean 快速吸气和呼气，眼中升起情绪。“你和我，我们做同样的事情。我们帮助别人。即使我让你经历了这么多狗屎，你还是在乎我。而那是在你甚至相信我不是连环杀手之前。我想要你，卡斯。而且我愿意等到你也有同样的感觉。

Castiel looks away. "I ¡­ I don't know if I can do that, Dean."
Castiel 移开视线。“我不知道我能不能做到，Dean。”

Dean rises to his feet. "It's okay," he says. Is all he says. "You want cheese on your eggs?"
迪恩站了起来。“没关系，”他说。这就是他所说的。“你想在鸡蛋上加奶酪吗？”

Clearing his throat gives him a second to adapt. "Very well."
清清嗓子给了他一秒钟的适应时间。“很好。”

"You know, that's another thing about you," Dean says, grabbing a block of cheese. "You always speak so correctly. 'All right,' 'Very well,' and 'Thank you.' It's, y'know, cute."
“你知道，这是你的另一件事，”迪恩说，抓起一块奶酪。“你说话总是那么正确。'好吧，'很好'，'谢谢你。'你知道，这很可爱。

"Proper diction is cute?" Is Dean flirting with him?
“正确的措辞很可爱？”迪恩在和他调情吗？

"Yep," Dean says with a grin, grating the cheese quickly and dumping it on both plates. He hands Castiel his.
“是的，”Dean 笑着说，迅速地将奶酪磨碎，然后倒在两个盘子上。他把他的递给 Castiel。

Definitely flirting. After promising that he's never going to let Castiel go, and more or less promising to stop any escape attempts. Maybe Dean sees that kind of obsession as romantic. Did he feel the same way about Sam, that possessive need to be near his brother? How had Sam responded? Sam went to college for four years, had an entire life that was, from what the FBI can tell, perfectly normal. Then Dean came, his girlfriend died under suspicious circumstances, and he was on the road for the rest of his life. "I see," he says as neutrally as possible, then digs into breakfast.
绝对是调情。在承诺他永远不会放过卡斯蒂尔之后，或多或少地承诺会阻止任何逃跑的企图。也许迪恩认为这种痴迷是浪漫的。他是否对山姆有同样的感觉，那种靠近他兄弟的占有欲？山姆是如何回应的？山姆上了四年大学，从联邦调查局的角度来看，他的一生都是完全正常的。然后迪恩来了，他的女朋友在可疑的情况下去世了，他的余生都在路上。“我明白了，”他尽可能中立地说，然后吃起早餐。

"What do you want to do today?" Dean raises an eyebrow.
“你今天想做什么？”迪恩扬起眉毛。

"Go for a walk outside?" Castiel asks dryly.
“去外面散步？”卡斯蒂尔干巴巴地问道。

"I can get a shitton of nature documentaries, if you want." It comes out slightly garbled, then Dean swallows. "Though I can't promise they won't put me to sleep."
“如果你愿意的话，我可以拍一堆自然纪录片。”它说出来有点乱码，然后迪恩咽了咽口水。“虽然我不能保证他们不会让我入睡。”

Castiel gathers the last of the eggs on his toast. "How about arranging to meet Anna? I'd like to see proof of your story."
卡斯蒂尔把最后的鸡蛋放在吐司上。“安排见见安娜怎么样？我想看看你故事的证据。

Dean nods. "Anna is pretty busy trying to play sheriff in heaven, but I'll set it up."
迪恩点点头。“安娜正忙着在天堂扮演警长，但我会安排的。”

"Thank you." Pause. "Thanks."
“谢谢。” 暂停。 “谢谢。”

Dean laughs.
迪恩笑着说。

-------------------------

That night, Castiel lays on his right side ¨C facing the other side of the bed ¨C just to see what Dean will do. Dean crawls into bed wearing only his boxers and a t-shirt, like the night before, but this time he faces Castiel and just looks at him. He starts with Castiel's waist, where a sliver of skin shows. Then up his chest to his neck, lingering there, before staring hard at Castiel's lips and his eyes. He examines the healing bruises and cuts he'd left on Castiel's skin, expression both intent and concerned. His gaze even drifts to Castiel's messy hair and to where Castiel's hand lies flat on the bed. "Good night," Dean says.
那天晚上，卡斯蒂尔躺在他的右侧——面向床的另一边——只是为了看看迪恩会做什么。迪恩像前一天晚上一样只穿着平角内裤和一件 T 恤爬上床，但这次他面对卡斯蒂尔，只是看着他。他从卡斯蒂尔的腰部开始，那里露出了一丝皮肤。然后从他的胸部到脖子，在那里徘徊，然后认真地盯着卡斯蒂尔的嘴唇和眼睛。他检查着他在卡斯蒂尔皮肤上留下的愈合瘀伤和伤口，表情既专注又关切。他的目光甚至飘向卡斯蒂尔凌乱的头发和卡斯蒂尔的手平放在床上的地方。“晚安，”迪恩说。

-------------------------

Castiel wakes up with a moving pillow. It takes him a full second to realize his head is lying on Dean's chest, that he's got an arm slung over Dean's stomach and his leg pressed against Dean's. He can feel the short and wiry hairs on Dean's leg, and he twitches when Dean flexes his foot, skin sliding on skin. He can feel his face heat up with embarrassment, and a small amount of humiliation. He can't believe he did in this in his sleep. He's rarely even slept in the same bed as someone else, how could he be this comfortable with another person? He'd expected to wake up repeatedly (half scared of his mind) like he did last night, not ¡­ cuddle.
卡斯蒂尔醒来时，枕头会移动。他花了整整一秒钟才意识到自己的头靠在迪恩的胸前，他有一只手臂搭在迪恩的肚子上，他的腿压在迪恩的肚子上。他能感觉到迪恩腿上短而结实的毛发，当迪恩弯曲脚时，他抽搐了起来，皮肤在皮肤上滑动。他能感觉到自己的脸因尴尬和少量的羞辱而发热。他不敢相信自己在睡梦中做到了这一点。他甚至很少和其他人睡在同一张床上，他怎么会和另一个人在一起这么舒服呢？他本以为会像昨晚一样反复醒来（半害怕），而不是拥抱。

Castiel begins to shift off, as circumspectly as possible.
Castiel 开始尽可能谨慎地离开。

"Don't go," Dean whispers.
“别走，”迪恩低声说。

Rather than answer out loud, Castiel sits up and turns away. Dean doesn¡¯t stop him.
卡斯蒂尔没有大声回答，而是坐起来转身离开。迪恩没有阻止他。

"Cas, please."
“卡斯，拜托了。”

Castiel wraps his arms around himself, as if to hold himself in. In control. He rubs his face and breathes deeply, but he still feels the beginnings of a sob welling in his chest. Fear has been his constant companion, rarely acknowledged but ever present. Castiel has been put under huge stress before, during fights with criminals, being shot, going to the FBI, then catching serial killers. But at the end of a few weeks (usually), he went home. He de-stressed.
卡斯蒂尔用双臂搂住自己，仿佛要把自己抱住。控制着。他揉了揉脸，深呼吸，但他仍然感觉到胸口开始抽泣。恐惧一直是他永恒的伴侣，很少被承认，但始终存在。卡斯蒂尔以前承受过巨大的压力，在与罪犯打架、被枪杀、去联邦调查局、然后抓捕连环杀手时。但在几周结束时（通常），他回家了。他减压了。

So in a way, Castiel knows this has been building.
所以在某种程度上，卡斯蒂尔知道这一直在建立。

The bed shakes when Dean gets up, and then Dean is circling the bed, head dipping to look Castiel in the eye.
当迪恩起床时，床摇晃了起来，然后迪恩在床上转了一圈，低着头看着卡斯蒂尔的眼睛。

Castiel finally looks at him, miserable. He shakes.
卡斯蒂尔终于看着他，痛苦不堪。他颤抖着。

Dean looks shocked. "Cas. What's wrong?"
迪恩看起来很震惊。“卡斯，怎么了？”

Castiel covers his face, pulls his hair. "Dean, please leave me alone."
卡斯蒂尔捂住脸，拉扯头发。“迪恩，请别打扰我。”

"No. No, not until I know you're okay. You're freaking me out here, are you having a panic attack?"
“没有。不，直到我知道你没事。你在这里把我吓坏了，你是不是惊恐发作了？

"Please." Castiel swallows. "I need to regain control."
“拜托了。”卡斯蒂尔咽了咽口水。“我需要重新获得控制权。”

Dean is silent for almost a full minute. Then, "You're collapsing under the stress. I've been expecting this, but I thought it would happen a lot sooner."
迪恩沉默了将近整整一分钟。然后，“你在压力下崩溃了。我一直在预料到这种情况，但我认为它会更早发生。

Castiel pulls up his knees, lays his head on them, and puts his hands over his head. He feels the dip in the mattress as Dean settles on the bed. Then an arm wraps around his shoulders, bringing him in to the warm body next to him. The serial killer next to him. The maybe/maybe not insane Dean Winchester, who the FBI has hunted for a decade. A cuff that won't let Castiel run, one that he has no explanation for. The possibility of his own insanity. Castiel is horribly weak for letting this effect him this much, but he can't help the deep shuddering breaths he has to take. It feels like it lasts forever, the surges of panic that he fights down, the sobs that want to come out ¨C but he refuses. He fucking refuses.
卡斯蒂尔抬起膝盖，把头放在膝盖上，双手放在头上。当迪恩坐在床上时，他感觉到床垫的浸入度。然后一只手臂搂住他的肩膀，把他带到他身边温暖的身体里。他旁边的连环杀手。也许/也许不是疯子迪恩·温彻斯特，联邦调查局已经追捕了他十年。一个不让卡斯蒂尔逃跑的手铐，他无法解释。他自己精神错乱的可能性。卡斯蒂尔因为让这件事对他产生如此大的影响而非常虚弱，但他无法控制他必须深呼吸。感觉它会永远持续下去，他压制住的恐慌，想要出来的抽泣——但他拒绝了。他他妈的拒绝了。

He pushes Dean off and stands, staring resolutely at the bathroom door. "I want to take a shower."
他推开迪恩，站起来，坚定地盯着浴室的门。“我想洗个澡。”

Dean steps away. "I'll make some oatmeal. Easy on the stomach." Then he's gone.
迪恩走开了。“我来做点燕麦片。对胃很舒服。”然后他就走了。

Forty days in. Forty-two or forty-three, if you count the ones he spent unconsciousness. He takes a shower so hot that his skin flushes red and dresses in the clothes Dean gives him. He eats the food Dean gives him. He reads the books that Dean gives him. He has nothing of his own.
四十天过去了。四十二或四十三天，如果算上他昏迷不醒的那段时间。他洗了个澡，热得皮肤通红，穿上了迪恩给他的衣服。他吃迪恩给他的食物。他读迪恩给他的书。他没有自己的东西。

Dean chatters for the rest of the day, talking about his favorite movies and TV series (Dr. Sexy? Really?), blathering about food prices and how expensive gas is these days. He spends an entire hour discussing car maintenance with himself. Despite Dean's attempts, though, Castiel remains wired the rest of the day.
迪恩在一天剩下的时间里喋喋不休，谈论他最喜欢的电影和电视剧（性感博士？真的吗？），大肆谈论食品价格和现在的汽油有多贵。他花了整整一个小时与自己讨论汽车保养。然而，尽管迪恩做出了尝试，卡斯蒂尔在那天剩下的时间里仍然保持着联系。

B y the time evening comes, Castiel is exhausted and falls asleep before Dean comes to bed.
傍晚时分，卡斯蒂尔筋疲力尽，在迪恩上床睡觉之前就睡着了。

In the middle of the night he wakes to whispers. Dean whispering, so very quietly, "I'll take care of you. I'll take good care of you."
半夜，他在窃窃私语中醒来。迪恩低声说，非常安静，“我会照顾你的。我会好好照顾你的。

In the morning, Dean is curled around him protectively, murmuring comforts sleepily whenever Castiel moves.
早上，迪恩保护性地蜷缩在他身边，每当卡斯蒂尔移动时，他就会睡眼惺忪地喃喃自语。

The day after that, day forty-two, Castiel wakes to Dean's hand splayed across his stomach, under his shirt. Castiel should be angry with Dean for not following his request, but he doubts it was intentional. Dean is snoring loudly in his ear, but even in his sleep when Castiel tries to get up, he clenches tight and mutters something Castiel can't make out. Day forty-three, Dean kisses the back of his neck before fully waking up and then apologizes. Day forty-four, Dean thanks him before they go to bed for not freaking out on him. Castiel is bemused but says, "You are welcome."
第二天，也就是第四十二天，卡斯蒂尔醒来时发现迪恩的手张开在他的腹部，在他的衬衫下面。卡斯蒂尔应该对迪恩没有听从他的要求感到生气，但他怀疑这是故意的。迪恩在他耳边大声打鼾，但即使在睡梦中，当卡斯蒂尔试图起床时，他也会紧紧地握紧，喃喃自语着卡斯蒂尔听不清的话。第四十三天，迪恩在完全醒来之前亲吻了他的后颈，然后道歉。第四十四天，迪恩在他们睡觉前感谢他没有吓坏他。卡斯蒂尔很困惑，但说：“不客气。

Day forty-five, Castiel has a nightmare.
第四十五天，卡斯蒂尔做了一场噩梦。

It's vague, but terrifying in its vagueness, the way dreams sometimes are. Dean is a focal point of it, appearing and disappearing. Demons and ghosts flicker in and out, and Dean is there, but Castiel can't tell if he's helping them or hunting them. Then it changes to the bunker, and Dean is curled around him, and Castiel can't tell if he's helping Castiel or hunting him.
它很模糊，但模糊中却很可怕，就像梦有时一样。迪恩是它的焦点，出现和消失。恶魔和鬼魂忽隐忽现，迪恩就在那里，但卡斯蒂尔分不清他是在帮助他们还是在追捕他们。然后它变成了地堡，迪恩蜷缩在他身边，卡斯蒂尔分不清他是在帮助卡斯蒂尔还是在追捕他。

Then he wakes up with a cry.
然后他哭醒了。

"Cas! Cas, calm down, it's okay, it was just a dream," Dean murmurs into his ear. His arm is around Castiel's shoulders, hand rubbing Castiel's arm.
“卡斯！卡斯，冷静点，没关系，这只是一个梦，”迪恩在他耳边喃喃自语。他的手臂搂着卡斯蒂尔的肩膀，手揉着卡斯蒂尔的手臂。

A rather telling dream. "I'm fine, I'm fine," he assures Dean, looking up and seeing a glimpse of Dean's face. But he doesn't push Dean away. He can't bring himself to do it. He turns and Dean shifts with him, and this time the faint light from the hall lands directly on Dean.
一个相当有说服力的梦。“我很好，我很好，”他向迪恩保证，抬起头，瞥见迪恩的脸。但他没有推开迪恩。他无法让自己这样做。他转身，迪恩也跟着他移动，这一次大厅里发出的微弱光线直接落在迪恩身上。

It's a handsome face. A familiar face, these days. No longer just a flat picture or a few seconds of grainy security camera footage. Castiel knows what Dean looks like when he's hiding something, when he's putting on a fa?ade, when he's focused entirely on Castiel.
这是一张英俊的脸。最近，一张熟悉的面孔。不再只是一张平面照片或几秒钟的颗粒状安全摄像头镜头。卡斯蒂尔知道迪恩在隐藏什么时，当他装出假象时，当他完全专注于卡斯蒂尔时，他是什么样子。

"What?" Dean asks.
“什么？”迪恩问道。

Castiel lays down with his back to Dean. Then he grabs Dean's hand and pulls it over his waist. Dean freezes, stiff as a board, then slowly relaxes into Castiel's back.
Castiel 背对着 Dean 躺下。然后他抓住 Dean 的手，把它拉到他的腰上。Dean 僵住了，僵硬得像一块木板，然后慢慢地放松到 Castiel 的背上。

By the time Dean's relaxed entirely, Castiel has forced himself to sleep.
当迪恩完全放松时，卡斯蒂尔已经强迫自己睡着了。

-------------------------

Day seventy-two, Dean fails to take as shower before bed. That doesn¡¯t actually bother Castiel ¨C Dean generally smells fine after a day of not showering, and usually hasn't for at least that long after one of his one or two day hunts. (Castiel keeps a mental list of dates and details, though of course Dean refuses to let locations slip.) A little stronger than normal, but not unpleasant. He lets Dean curl right up to him as usual, warmth seeping through two layers of clothing.
第七十二天，迪恩没有在睡前洗澡。这实际上并不困扰卡斯蒂尔——迪恩在一天不洗澡后通常闻起来很香，而且通常至少在他一两天的狩猎之后不会闻到那么长时间。（卡斯蒂尔在脑海中列出了日期和细节，但迪恩当然拒绝透露地点。）比平时强一点，但并不令人不快。他像往常一样让迪恩蜷缩在他身边，温暖渗入两层衣服。

In the middle of the night he wakes up to feel Dean's erection pressed against his back. Dean thrusts lazily, but he's muttering something Castiel can't make out, so he's still asleep. Castiel's never been so close to another aroused man, and having a man's cock shifting against the small of his back isn't something he ever expected to experience. Not until Dean captured him and used the word 'soulmate,' anyway. And while Dean's insisted on sharing the same bed for a month, he's never attempted to sexually assault Castiel. Not even a kiss, the half-asleep one excepting. Just ¡­ hugs. Cuddling.
半夜，他醒来时感觉到迪恩的勃起压在他的背上。迪恩懒洋洋地抽插着，但他嘟囔着卡斯蒂尔听不懂的话，所以他还在睡着。卡斯蒂尔从未与另一个被唤醒的男人如此亲近，而且男人的阴茎在他的小背上移动并不是他所期望的经历。无论如何，直到迪恩抓住了他并使用了“灵魂伴侣”这个词。虽然迪恩坚持要同睡一张床一个月，但他从未试图对卡斯蒂尔进行性侵犯。甚至没有一个吻，除了半睡半醒的吻。只是¡拥抱。 拥抱。

Castiel is suddenly sweating, panicking. Has he gotten lazy, complacent? He stopped worrying about this when he should have been thinking about it every night.
卡斯蒂尔突然出汗，惊慌失措。他是不是变得懒惰了，自满了？当他每天晚上都应该考虑这个问题时，他不再担心这个问题。

Thinking about escape every night. Not letting himself get into the rhythm of good food and a warm body to sleep next to.
每天晚上都想着逃避。不让自己进入美食和温暖身体睡在旁边的节奏。

Dean thrusts again, a warm, hard line against Castiel.
迪恩再次，对卡斯蒂尔采取了一条温暖而强硬的线。

Castiel is frozen on the bed. What should he do? Wake up Dean? Dean would probably just back up and apologize. He inches forward, away from Dean, then quietly slips off their bed. His bed. That Dean shares.
卡斯蒂尔僵在床上。他该怎么办？叫醒迪恩？迪恩可能会退后一步道歉。他向前走几步，远离迪恩，然后悄悄地从他们的床上溜了下来。他的床。迪恩分享的。

"Hmmf?" Dean asks.
“嗯？”迪恩问道。

Castiel turns and stands near the bathroom door.
卡斯蒂尔转身站在浴室门附近。

Dean blinks at him, then blinks at his own body. "Oh. Shit. Sorry, Cas." He shifts the sheets around. "I'll, um. Go take care of this. Somewhere else," he adds hastily.
Dean 对他眨了眨眼，然后对着自己的身体眨了眨眼。“哦。妈的。对不起，Cas。他把床单挪了挪。”我会的，嗯。去处理这件事。别的地方，“他匆忙补充道。

Castiel just nods awkwardly.
卡斯蒂尔只是尴尬地点点头。

Still, when Dean stands, Castiel gets a good look at Dean's cock, outlined by his boxers instead of hidden. When he meets Dean's eyes, Dean is giving him an odd little half-grin, like he's not sure if he should be pleased.
尽管如此，当迪恩站起来时，卡斯蒂尔还是仔细观察了迪恩的阴茎，他的拳击手勾勒出轮廓，而不是隐藏起来。当他与迪恩的眼睛对上时，迪恩给了他一个奇怪的半笑，就像他不确定自己是否应该高兴一样。

Castiel goes to the bathroom and shuts the door, then slides down the other side of it until his head is on his knees.
卡斯蒂尔去洗手间关上门，然后从门的另一边滑下来，直到他的头跪在地上。

Fuck.
他妈的。

-------------------------

Castiel watches Dean make breakfast, humming a Metallica song as he goes. He breaks eggs one-handed and prefers his toast on the burnt side. He loves a lot of popular culture, but refuses to admit anything past what his father raised him and Sam on. He wants to be happy, and has spent most of his life not attaining that goal. But Castiel makes him happy. Even like this, with Castiel having given him so little.
卡斯蒂尔看着迪恩做早餐，边走边哼着一首金属乐的歌曲。他单手打碎鸡蛋，更喜欢烤焦的一面烤面包。他喜欢很多流行文化，但拒绝承认除了他父亲抚养他和山姆之外的任何事情。他想要快乐，并且一生的大部分时间都没有实现这个目标。但卡斯蒂尔让他快乐。即使这样，卡斯蒂尔给他的也很少。

Dean switches to 'Hey Jude,' glancing at Castiel. "I really am sorry," he says suddenly.
Dean 切换到“嘿，裘德”，瞥了卡斯蒂尔一眼。“我真的很抱歉，”他突然说。

Castiel smiles at him. "I know."
卡斯蒂尔对他微笑。“我知道。”

Dean returns to breakfast, looking pleased. It's a familiar sight these days. Castiel has seen Dean in almost variation possible, happy and sad, angry and depressed. Eager to please, easy to please ¨C those most of all, recently, as Castiel has relaxed and let Dean in. He's no longer capable of viewing Dean objectively. He knows this. He has spent too long in the hands of his captor to not empathize, to not care. He knows too much about Dean, and Dean has done too little to earn Castiel's hatred.
迪恩回到早餐，看起来很满意。这些天来，这是一个熟悉的景象。卡斯蒂尔看到迪恩几乎可以变化，快乐和悲伤，愤怒和沮丧。渴望取悦，容易取悦——最重要的是，最近，卡斯蒂尔放松了下来，让迪恩进来了。他再也无法客观地看待迪恩了。他知道这一点。他在绑架者手中度过了太久，以至于没有同情，没有关心。他对迪恩了解太多，而迪恩为赢得卡斯蒂尔的仇恨做得太少了。

He still wants to go home. But when Dean touches him there's something carried along with the fear, a yearning to respond. And he wasn't lying about telling Dean he's not gay, but it's like something in him recognizes Dean.
他仍然想回家。但当迪恩触摸他时，恐惧伴随着某种东西，一种回应的渴望。他告诉迪恩他不是同性恋并没有撒谎，而是他内心的某种东西认出了迪恩。

He's losing his mind. He needs to get out of here.
他正在失去理智。他需要离开这里。

" ¨C for a few days," Dean finishes.
“几天，”迪恩说完。

"Huh?" Castiel asks, having missed most of that.
“嗯？”卡斯蒂尔问道，他错过了大部分内容。

"I'm going on a hunt, I should be gone no more than two days," Dean says. "You need anything before I go?"
“我要去打猎，我应该离开不超过两天，”迪恩说。“在我走之前你需要什么吗？”

Castiel thinks fast. "There's a book referenced in one you gave me ¨C it's about faerie circles. Can you find it in the library before you leave?"
卡斯蒂尔快速思考。“你给我的一本书中提到了一本书——它是关于仙灵圈的。你能在离开之前在图书馆找到它吗？

"Sure," Dean agrees instantly.
“当然，”Dean 立即同意。

Two hours after lunch, Dean brings it to him. It's ridiculously old, this particular copy being almost a hundred years old, and the original much more so than that. Castiel can tell from the spelling that is so different from modern English. It looks like late medieval English. Everic Cercle.
午餐两小时后，迪恩把它带给了他。它古老得离谱，这本特别的副本已经有将近一百年的历史了，而原件远不止于此。卡斯蒂尔从拼写中可以看出与现代英语截然不同。它看起来像中世纪晚期的英语。埃弗里克·塞克尔。

He'd actually found reference to it in one of the first books Dean gave him, a mermaid book. But that was back when he still thought magic was pure bullshit.
事实上，他在迪恩给他的第一本书中发现了这一点，一本美人鱼书。但那是在他仍然认为魔法纯粹是胡说八道的时候。

It's been a long time since he learned Middle English and he wishes Reid were here, but he's able to get through most of it well enough. By the time he's reached a quarter of the way through the book, he still hasn't found what he's looking for. He carefully puts it aside when he hears Dean coming down the hall.
他已经很久没有学中古英语了，他希望里德在这里，但他已经很好地完成了大部分内容。当他读到这本书的四分之一时，他仍然没有找到他要找的东西。当他听到迪恩从大厅走下来时，他小心翼翼地把它放在一边。

Dean has multiple glass storage containers stacked upon each other. At least one is lasagna, and he sees some salad in there, too. He puts them all in Castiel's mini-fridge. Castiel already has a stack of water bottles and soda, even a beer or two (not that Castiel has ever had any of that). Dean wipes his hands on his pants and gives Castiel a small smile. "Well, I'm taking off."
Dean 有多个玻璃储物容器堆叠在一起。至少一个是烤宽面条，他看到里面也有一些沙拉。他把它们都放在 Castiel 的迷你冰箱里。Castiel 已经有一堆水瓶和苏打水，甚至还有一两杯啤酒（并不是说 Castiel 从来没有喝过这些）。Dean 在裤子上擦了擦手，对 Castiel 微微一笑。“好吧，我要起飞了。”

Castiel nods. An insane part of him wants to say 'Be safe,' but he resists. "I will see you in a few days, then."
卡斯蒂尔点点头。他内心疯狂的部分想说“注意安全”，但他拒绝了。“那我过几天再见。”

Then Dean's gone. Castiel returns to his book and finishes it. There, three hundred pages in, is a spell that a sorcerer used centuries before to escape a faerie circle. He broadened the limits of the binding spell so far that he was able to simply walk out. Once he left the borders, that particular effect of the faerie ring dissipated. Castiel doubts that this spell will do the same, but it won't matter if he can get far enough away. He can figure out a better way to get the cuff off if he's safely away from Dean, in the hands of local law enforcement or the FBI.
然后迪恩就走了。卡斯蒂尔回到他的书上并读完了它。那里有三百页，是一个巫师在几个世纪前用来逃离仙灵圈子的咒语。他扩大了束缚咒语的范围，以至于他能够简单地走出去。一旦他离开边界，仙灵戒指的特殊效果就消失了。卡斯蒂尔怀疑这个咒语是否会起到同样的作用，但他是否能走得足够远并不重要。如果他安全地远离迪恩，在当地执法部门或联邦调查局的手中，他可以想出更好的方法来解开手铐。

The ingredients of the spell aren't horribly hard to come by, but will be somewhat hard to explain to Dean. Sage, rosemary (fresh), an offering (the beer will do) and a piece of quartz for focusing. Intent and talent, too, of course. Castiel doesn't know about talent, but he sure as hell has the intent.
咒语的成分并不难获得，但向迪恩解释会有些困难。鼠尾草、迷迭香（新鲜）、祭品（啤酒就可以了）和一块用于集中注意力的石英。当然，还有意图和天赋。卡斯蒂尔不知道天赋，但他肯定有意图。

Assuming the spell works, Castiel will need to search the bunker for anything he can use. Even potentially the spell used on the cuff. He'll need appropriate clothing for the weather and weapons. Dean keeps his bedroom door locked even though Castiel has the ankle cuff, so it's possible he keeps other rooms locked while he's gone. But not the library.
假设该咒语有效，卡斯蒂尔将需要在掩体中搜索他可以使用的任何东西。甚至可能是袖口上使用的咒语。他需要适合天气的衣服和武器。尽管卡斯蒂尔戴着脚铐，迪恩还是锁着卧室的门，所以他有可能在他离开时锁上其他房间。但不是图书馆。

When Dean comes back, he's got a list of meals.
当迪恩回来时，他有一份饭菜清单。

Bemused, Dean says, "You want sage as a garnish with your eggs? Okay ¡­ Pork roast with rosemary? I can get behind that. What made you think of stuff for me to make?"
迪恩很困惑，说：“你想用鼠尾草作为鸡蛋的装饰吗？好的 ¡ 迷迭香烤猪肉？我可以支持它。是什么让你想到让我做的东西？

Castiel lifts one shoulder. "Boredom."
卡斯蒂尔抬起一只肩膀。“无聊。”

Three days later, Castiel brings up the focusing crystal. "For meditation," he says. "That's why I need it."
三天后，卡斯蒂尔拿出了聚焦水晶。“用于冥想，”他说。“这就是我需要它的原因。”

Dean squints at him. "You don't seem like the type to need crystals."
Dean 眯着眼睛看着他。“你看起来不是那种需要水晶的人。”

Castiel shrugs casually. "I also didn't think magic existed, but clearly it does. I want to see if it makes a difference. You know I meditate regularly."
卡斯蒂尔漫不经心地耸了耸肩。“我也不认为魔法存在，但显然它确实存在。我想看看它是否会产生影响。你知道我经常冥想。

"Yeah, sure. I'm sure we've got some in our spell supplies."
“是的，当然。我敢肯定，我们的法术补给品中有一些。

And Castiel waits for his opportunity.
卡斯蒂尔等待着他的机会。

-------------------------

Day ninety-two, Castiel is woken out of a deep sleep by Dean thrashing around. He's whimpering and his legs kick out, hard enough to bruise. Castiel edges away, trying to decide what to do. Waking Dean with a shoulder on the hand might be dangerous ¨C Dean is highly skilled and if he's asleep, he may not take precautions not to hurt Castiel. Not that Castiel is some damsel in distress, but there's confidence and over-confidence. So Castiel slips out of bed, out of reach of those flailing limbs. He goes to the hallway where the room light switch is, and flips it on.
第九十二天，卡斯蒂尔从沉睡中被迪恩扭来扭去。他呜咽着，双腿被踢了出来，硬到足以瘀伤。卡斯蒂尔慢慢走开，试图决定该怎么做。用肩膀扛在手上叫醒迪恩可能会很危险——迪恩技术娴熟，如果他睡着了，他可能不会采取预防措施来避免伤害卡斯蒂尔。并不是说卡斯蒂尔是一个陷入困境的少女，而是有自信和过度自信。于是卡斯蒂尔从床上滑了下来，远离了那些挥舞的四肢。他走到房间电灯开关所在的走廊上，打开了它。

Dean's face is contorted like he's in pain.
迪恩的脸扭曲得像很痛苦。

"Dean!" Castiel calls. "Dean, wake up." He approaches the bed cautiously, still out of reach, and knocks on the wall. "Dean!"
“迪恩！”卡斯蒂尔叫道。“迪恩，醒醒。”他小心翼翼地走近床边，仍然够不着，敲了敲墙壁。“迪恩！”

Dean bolts upright. His eyes are glazed, but they slowly focus on Castiel. "Cas?"
Dean 直起身子。他的眼睛呆滞，但慢慢地聚焦在 Castiel 身上。“卡斯？”

Still cautious, Castiel sits on the bed and places a hand on Dean's shoulder. "You okay?"
卡斯蒂尔仍然小心翼翼地坐在床上，将一只手放在迪恩的肩膀上。“你还好吗？”

Dean grabs Castiel's wrist, not to stop him, but to hold on. "Cas." He closes his eyes and breathes deep. "Oh, fuck. Haven't had one of those in a while. I usually sleep so well with you."
Dean 抓住 Castiel 的手腕，不是为了阻止他，而是为了坚持住。“卡斯。”他闭上眼睛，深吸一口气。“哦，他妈的。已经有一段时间没有这样的了。我通常和你一起睡得很好。

"You want to talk about it?"
“你想谈谈吗？”

Dean shakes his head, looking ¡­ looking scared. It's not really an expression Castiel has ever seen. "Come to bed?"
Dean 摇了摇头，看起来很害怕。这并不是 Castiel 从未见过的表情。“上床睡觉？”

Castiel hesitates and then lays down. Rather than let Castiel hold him ¨C as Castiel expected ¨C Dean curls protectively around him, instead. Dean's head on Castiel's shoulder, his arm around Castiel's back and his right leg slung over Castiel's lower body. He presses his nose into the nape of Castiel's neck and wraps his arms around Castiel. It's not all that different from how they normally sleep, because Dean is a stealth cuddler, but something about how Dean is doing so while awake and in the light gives Castiel pause. If someone saw them like this, they would think they were lovers.
卡斯蒂尔犹豫了一下，然后躺了下来。迪恩没有像卡斯蒂尔所期望的那样让卡斯蒂尔抱着他，而是保护性地蜷缩在他身边。迪恩的头靠在卡斯蒂尔的肩膀上，手臂搂着卡斯蒂尔的背，右腿搭在卡斯蒂尔的下半身。他把鼻子贴在卡斯蒂尔的颈背上，用双臂搂住卡斯蒂尔。这和他们平时睡觉的方式没有太大区别，因为迪恩是一个隐秘的拥抱者，但迪恩在清醒和光线下这样做的方式让卡斯蒂尔停了下来。如果有人看到他们这样，他们会认为他们是恋人。

"You have nightmares often?" Castiel asks. "Normally?"
“你经常做噩梦？”卡斯蒂尔问道。“通常吗？”

"Without you, yeah. I mean, I always slept better with Sammy in the same room and after hell, I couldn't even spend the night with a girl. Too dangerous. But you ¨C you're fine." Dean exhales, hot against Castiel's skin. "I think I love you, Cas."
“没有你，是的。我的意思是，我总是和萨米在同一个房间里睡得更好，在地狱之后，我什至不能和一个女孩过夜。太危险了。但你——你很好。迪恩呼了口气，热辣地贴在卡斯蒂尔的皮肤上。”我想我爱你，卡斯。”

Castiel tenses. Does Dean expect him to say the same?
卡斯蒂尔紧张起来。迪恩希望他也会说同样的话吗？

"You don't have to say anything," Dean whispers, voice breaking. "I just ¡­ thank you, Cas. For being here. You could be throwing punches left and right, and instead you let me sleep in the same bed, let me hold you."
“你什么都不用说，”迪恩低声说，声音有些破碎。“我只是谢谢你，卡斯。你来到这里。你可能会左右挥拳，而是让我睡在同一张床上，让我抱着你。

Castiel doesn't know what to say. Say he cares about Dean, too? It's true, but it's also true he intends on escaping next time Dean leaves on a hunt. Somehow he thinks saying that and then doing that would be very painful for Dean.
卡斯蒂尔不知道该说什么。说他也关心迪恩？这是真的，但也是真的，他打算在下次迪恩去打猎时逃跑。不知何故，他认为说出这句话然后这样做对迪恩来说会非常痛苦。

Dean shifts, loosening his hold on Castiel. "Cas."
Dean 转身，松开了对 Castiel 的控制。“卡斯。”

Castiel looks back at him.
卡斯蒂尔回头看着他。

And Dean leans in, green eyes intense, and presses his lips against Castiel's. Castiel sees it coming and freezes. Dean's lips are soft and the contact is gentle and warm.
迪恩俯身，绿色的眼睛强烈，将嘴唇贴在卡斯蒂尔的嘴唇上。卡斯蒂尔看到它来了，僵住了。迪恩的嘴唇柔软，接触温柔而温暖。

Something in Castiel breaks a little.
卡斯蒂尔的某个东西有点坏了。

Dean withdraws maybe an inch, and Castiel can see all his freckles and the love ¨C insane as it may be ¨C in his eyes. Without thinking about it, Castiel places a hand on Dean's neck and pulls him back in. He kisses Dean, presses into him. Dean lets loose a small sob and responds, licking the seam of Castiel's lips, sucking on his lower lip, withdrawing only to come close again, like he wants to give Castiel a thousand little kisses. The next time Dean tries to lick his way into Castiel's mouth, Castiel lets him. He can feel the unfamiliar stubble on Dean's chin, the power behind how Dean holds him still to deepen the kiss.
迪恩后退了大约一英寸，卡斯蒂尔可以看到他所有的雀斑和爱——尽管它可能是疯狂的——在他眼中。卡斯蒂尔想都没想，就把一只手放在迪恩的脖子上，把他拉了回去。他亲吻了迪恩，压在他身上。迪恩轻轻地抽泣了一声，回应道，舔了舔卡斯蒂尔的嘴唇，吮吸着他的下唇，退了出去，然后又靠近了，就像他想给卡斯蒂尔一千个小吻一样。下次迪恩试图舔进卡斯蒂尔的嘴里时，卡斯蒂尔让他这样做了。他能感觉到迪恩下巴上陌生的胡茬，迪恩如何让他保持不动以加深吻背后的力量。

As the kiss goes from gentle to hot, Castiel's chest tightens and a weird tension sits low in his stomach. Dean fucks his mouth with his tongue, and he's good at it. He hits every sensitive part of Castiel's mouth in a way Castiel's few lovers never really did.
随着这个吻从温柔到炽热，卡斯蒂尔的胸膛收紧了，一种奇怪的紧张感在他的胃里低处。迪恩用舌头操他的嘴，他很擅长。他以卡斯蒂尔的几个情人从未真正做过的方式击中卡斯蒂尔嘴里的每一个敏感部位。

A hand skims up Castiel's shirt and a thumb strokes his nipple.
一只手掠过卡斯蒂尔的衬衫，拇指抚摸着他的。

Castiel shoves Dean off, saying, "Stop, stop."
卡斯蒂尔推开迪恩，说：“停下来，停下来。

"Sorry, sorry," Dean says immediately, backing away, hands held up. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have taken it that far," he says, mouth red and wet.
“对不起，对不起，”Dean 立即说，向后退去，举起双手。“对不起，我不应该走那么远，”他说，嘴巴又红又湿。

Castiel heaves several large breaths and wipes his mouth. His hand shakes. He recognizes that tension he was feeling as arousal, as sexual attraction. Whether it's his own or some fucked up response to his situation, he doesn't know.
Castiel 大口地吸了几口气，擦了擦嘴。他的手颤抖着。他意识到他感受到的那种紧张是兴奋的，是性吸引力。是他自己的，还是对他处境的某种糟糕的反应，他不知道。

"Are you okay?" Dean asks.
“你还好吗？”迪恩问道。

Reckless and wild, his thoughts spinning out of control and his knowledge of Stockholm Syndrome somehow unimportant, Castiel says, "Kiss me."
卡斯蒂尔鲁莽而狂野，他的思绪失控，他对斯德哥尔摩综合症的了解不知何故并不重要，他说，“吻我。

Dean is the one to hesitate this time, but when Castiel simply waits for him he leans forward and presses a second gentle kiss to Castiel's mouth. He leans over Castiel, propped up by his hands so his body doesn't touch Castiel's. Castiel breathes into each kiss, each a little harder than the last. He cups Dean's face, running his fingertips over Dean's stubble ¨C the guy he kissed in college is a faint memory and was smooth shaven, so it's a new texture, a new experience. Running his fingers through the short hair at Dean's nape makes Dean shiver and bring his body closer to Castiel's. He can feel Dean's leg, which positioned between his knees, hitch up so his strong thigh presses against Castiel.
迪恩是这次犹豫不决的人，但当卡斯蒂尔只是等他时，他身体前倾，在卡斯蒂尔的嘴上轻轻地吻了第二个。他靠在卡斯蒂尔身上，用双手支撑，这样他的身体就不会碰到卡斯蒂尔的身体。卡斯蒂尔对每一个吻都呼吸着，每一个吻都比上一个更用力。他捧着迪恩的脸，用指尖抚摸迪恩的胡茬——他在大学时亲吻的那个家伙是一段模糊的记忆，而且剃得很光滑，所以这是一种新的质感，一种新的体验。用手指抚摸迪恩颈背的短发让迪恩颤抖起来，并将他的身体靠近卡斯蒂尔的身体。他能感觉到迪恩位于他膝盖之间的腿被搭上，这样他强壮的大腿就压在卡斯蒂尔身上。

Castiel should be panicking, but instead he just lays there and kisses and kisses.
卡斯蒂尔应该惊慌失措，但他只是躺在那里亲吻又亲吻。

Dean breaks off the kiss and Castiel opens his eyes. He watches as Dean leverages himself off of Castiel, so he's kneeling next to him instead of on top of him. Dean's cock is tenting his boxers and he presses his hand down on top of it, half to hide it from Castiel, half to hold himself in. He stares at Castiel with nearly all pupil eyes, darkly aroused.
迪恩打断了这个吻，卡斯蒂尔睁开了眼睛。他看着迪恩从卡斯蒂尔身上撬开自己，所以他跪在他旁边而不是在他身上。迪恩的阴茎正在他的平角内裤上，他把手压在上面，一半是为了躲避卡斯蒂尔，一半是为了把自己抱住。他几乎全是瞳孔的眼睛盯着卡斯蒂尔，黑暗地兴奋起来。

"You're not ready for this," Dean says.
“你还没有准备好，”迪恩说。

"No, I'm not," Castiel responds.
“不，我不是，”卡斯蒂尔回答道。

Dean gets off the bed and stumbles to the bathroom. He shuts the door behind him and after a minute Castiel hears the shower turn on. It doesn't stop the sound of Dean's loud moan, and Castiel knows precisely what is happening behind that door. Castiel touches himself through his pants, but he's not hard. He still listens as Dean jacks off with short, hitching breaths that lead into a long sigh.
迪恩下了床，跌跌撞撞地走到了浴室。他关上身后的门，一分钟后，卡斯蒂尔听到淋浴器打开了。这并没有阻止迪恩大声的呻吟声，卡斯蒂尔确切地知道那扇门后面发生了什么。卡斯蒂尔隔着裤子摸了摸自己，但他并不硬。他仍然听着迪恩用短促的呼吸自慰，然后长长地叹了口气。

Castiel is losing his mind.
卡斯蒂尔正在失去理智。

He leans over the side of the bed and throws up. There's not much there except bile, because he ate more than seven hours ago. He stares at it, still feeling sick. He covers his face when the shower turns off and Dean quietly opens the bathroom door. "I'm sorry," he says before Dean can say anything.
他靠在床边，呕吐了起来。除了胆汁，那里没有太多东西，因为他七个多小时前就吃过了。他盯着它，仍然感到恶心。当淋浴关掉时，他捂住了脸，Dean 悄悄地打开了浴室的门。“对不起，”在 Dean 说什么之前，他说。

"Don¡¯t worry about it," Dean says equally quietly. "I'll clean it up."
“别担心，”迪恩同样轻声说道。“我会清理的。”

"I can do it," Castiel says, feeling like he should clean up his own mess. His own stupidity. What the hell was he thinking? It's only been three months, why does it feel like a year? How could he have let himself fall to manipulation in only three months?
“我能做到，”卡斯蒂尔说，觉得他应该收拾自己的烂摊子。他自己的愚蠢。他到底在想什么？才三个月，怎么感觉像一年？他怎么可能在短短三个月内让自己陷入纵之中？

"Cas."
“案子。”

When no other words are forthcoming, Castiel finally looks at him.
当没有其他话说出来时，卡斯蒂尔终于看着他。

"It's okay. Really. Just rest, okay?"
“没关系。 真。 休息一下，好吗？

Dean returns five minutes later with cleaning supplies and gets the job done quickly. Castiel just watches him do it, numb. When Dean leaves with the soiled washcloths Castiel gets up and goes to the bathroom, stopping before the sink so he can stare into the mirror.
五分钟后，迪恩带着清洁用品回来了，很快就完成了工作。卡斯蒂尔只是看着他这样做，麻木了。当迪恩拿着脏毛巾离开时，卡斯蒂尔起身去洗手间，在水槽前停下来，这样他就可以盯着镜子看。

He looks ragged. His hair is past regulation length now and has started to curl a little at the ends. Although he has dark lines under his eyes, the rest of him looks healthy. He has muscle and a decent amount of fat on his bones. He's slightly lighter than he was at the FBI, but not by much ¨C most of that weight-loss stress induced, because Dean feeds him well.
他看起来衣衫褴褛。他的头发现在已经超过了规定长度，并且开始在末端卷曲一点。虽然他的眼睛下面有黑纹，但他的其余部分看起来很健康。他的肌肉和骨头上有相当多的脂肪。他比在联邦调查局时略轻，但大部分减肥压力并没有引起多少，因为迪恩给他喂得很好。

But his eyes. He looks lost.
但他的眼睛。他看起来迷失了方向。

As an FBI agent who has dealt with cases of abduction, even long-term imprisonment, he knows that the relationship a prisoner can have with his captor is complicated. But, although many of those criminals had issues that led to the crime, none of them were like Dean. Because for all of Dean's insane thinking, he's not wrong when it comes to the nature of the world. At least partially, if not totally. The expected impatience and consequent violence has never happened. He's a predatory kidnapper, but it's not about power or even primarily sexual satisfaction (though today proved it to definitely be an element). It's about a specific goal. Dean wants to make Castiel into a partner.
作为一名处理过绑架案件甚至长期监禁案件的联邦调查局特工，他知道囚犯与绑架者的关系很复杂。但是，尽管这些罪犯中的许多人都有导致犯罪的问题，但他们都不像迪恩那样。因为尽管迪恩有这么多疯狂的想法，但在谈到世界的本质时，他并没有错。至少部分，如果不是全部的话。预期的不耐烦和随之而来的暴力从未发生过。他是一个掠夺性的绑架者，但这与权力无关，甚至与性满足无关（尽管今天证明这绝对是一个因素）。这是关于一个特定的目标。迪恩想让卡斯蒂尔成为一个伙伴。

The life Dean has lived, if what he says is true, has led him to this point ¨C but that life was one of sacrifice. Dean is not mentally well, but neither is he entirely insane. Even his motives may be based on fact.
迪恩所过的生活，如果他所说的是真的，那么他就走到了这一步——但那种生活是牺牲的。迪恩精神不好，但也不是完全疯了。甚至他的动机也可能基于事实。

Or is all that a lie, a comfort Castiel tells himself to justify allowing his kidnapper to initiate the beginnings of a sexual relationship?
或者这一切都是谎言，是卡斯蒂尔告诉自己的安慰，以证明允许他的绑架者开始性关系的合理性？

He could have said no. He did say no, and Dean listened. Then he said yes.
他本可以说不。他确实说不，迪恩听了。然后他说是。

"You a fucking fool," Castiel tells his reflection. You need to escape, he adds silently.
“你他妈的傻瓜，”卡斯蒂尔告诉他的倒影。你需要逃脱，他默默地补充道。

Footfalls warn Castiel that Dean has returned. "Cas?"
脚步声警告卡斯蒂尔迪恩回来了。“卡斯？”

"In here," Castiel says automatically.
“在这里，”卡斯蒂尔自动说道。

Dean rounds the corner. "You want to go back to sleep?"
迪恩绕过拐角。“你想回去睡觉吗？”

Castiel shrugs. He doesn't know.
卡斯蒂尔耸了耸肩。他不知道。

Dean pauses and picks up a corner of the blanket, pulling at a thread. "Seriously, Cas. Do you want to talk?"
Dean 停了下来，拿起毯子的一角，拉了一根线。“说真的，Cas。你想谈谈吗？

"I think talking about my imprisonment with my captor is counter-productive."
“我认为与绑架者谈论我被监禁会适得其反。”

Dean just frowns at him. "I know this isn't easy for you. I can help with that, at least." He throws up his hands. "Or yell at me. Scream in my face and tell me how you hate me. Look, I bottle things up. I always have. It worked for a long time, but then I'd break down. That's where you're heading, and I don't want to see that happen. Cas, I don't want you to suffer."
迪恩只是皱着眉头看着他。“我知道这对你来说并不容易。至少我可以提供帮助。他举起双手。”或者对我大喊大叫。当着我的面尖叫，告诉我你有多恨我。听着，我把事情压在心里。我总是这样。它奏效了很长时间，但后来我就会崩溃。这就是你要去的地方，我不想看到这种情况发生。卡斯，我不想让你受苦。

Castiel looks at him incredulously. "Then let me go!"
卡斯蒂尔难以置信地看着他。“那就放开我吧！”

Dean's face falls. "Anything but that, Cas. Please."
Dean 的脸沉了下来。“除了这个，Cas，拜托了。”

"I hate you," Cas whispers, but it's not true.
“我恨你，”卡斯低声说，但事实并非如此。

"Good," Dean says loudly. "Let it out. Come on, Cas. You ¨C"
“很好，”迪恩大声说。“把它放出来。来吧，卡斯。你——C”

"Fuck off, Dean," Castiel snarls. "You're not a therapist. I don't care what your reasoning is, you're the one inflicting this on me."
“滚蛋，迪恩，”卡斯蒂尔咆哮道。“你不是治疗师。我不在乎你的理由是什么，你才是把这件事加在我身上的人。

Dean finally gets his hackles up. "You asked me to kiss you."
迪恩终于竖起了鬃毛。“你让我吻你。”

"I'm asking you to let me go," Castiel snaps.
“我请求你放开我，”卡斯蒂尔厉声说道。

Dean takes a deep breath. "I can't do that. You know that."
迪恩深吸了一口气。“我不能那样做。你知道的。

"You can, you simply refuse to."
“你可以，你只是拒绝。”

Dean folds his arms. "All right, fine. I'm not a therapist. I've taken you prisoner. But Cas, I love you. You're my soulmate. Doesn't that count for something?"
迪恩抱起双臂。“好吧，好吧。我不是治疗师。我俘虏了你。但是卡斯，我爱你。你是我的灵魂伴侣。这不算什么吗？

Maybe it does. And that scares the hell out of him. "I don't want to talk about this."
也许确实如此。这让他吓坏了。“我不想谈论这个。”

Dean sighs, long and deep. "All right. Come to bed, then? I won't touch you."
迪恩叹了口气，长而深。“好吧。那上床睡觉吧？我不会碰你的。

Castiel follows him to the bed, gets in on his side. Dean takes the other and keeps to it, not curling up to Castiel or touching him at all. It feels weird, to have Dean here but not to be in physical contact. Castiel supposes that Dean, however much he is not a therapist or a psychologist, knows the power of touch, and he's used it from the beginning. Castiel thought Dean wanted sex by making the deal, but maybe it wasn't that at all. Maybe he knew that he had to go slow. That Castiel would get used to physical comfort.
卡斯蒂尔跟着他走到床边，侧身而上。迪恩接过另一个并坚持下去，根本没有蜷缩在卡斯蒂尔身边，也没有碰他。迪恩在这里却没有身体接触，感觉很奇怪。卡斯蒂尔认为迪恩，无论他多么不是治疗师或心理学家，他都知道触摸的力量，而且他从一开始就使用了它。卡斯蒂尔认为迪恩通过做交易想要性，但也许根本不是这样。也许他知道他必须慢慢来。卡斯蒂尔会习惯身体上的舒适。

Dean's no idiot. Castiel knows that much. And to escape, he's going to have to outsmart him.
迪恩不是白痴。卡斯蒂尔知道这么多。为了逃脱，他必须智胜他。

-------------------------

Three days later, Dean leaves for a two-day hunt. (Castiel curses his freakout after Dean was gone two weeks, because Dean doesn't go on long hunts anymore.) Castiel waits three hours to make sure Dean isn't going to return to grab some random forgotten item, then begins. Castiel grabs his herbs, some of it picked off of meals and some of it clean because Dean used it as a garnish. The mirror has served as good hiding place, something for Castiel to stare at it while hoping this new plan will work. He also has the book, but he's got the spell memorized now.
三天后，迪恩出发去进行为期两天的狩猎。（在迪恩离开两周后，卡斯蒂尔诅咒他的怪胎，因为迪恩不再进行长时间的狩猎了。卡斯蒂尔等了三个小时，以确保迪恩不会回来拿一些随机被遗忘的物品，然后开始了。卡斯蒂尔抓起他的草药，其中一些是从饭菜中摘下来的，还有一些是干净的，因为迪恩用它作为装饰。这面镜子是很好的藏身之处，卡斯蒂尔可以盯着它看，同时希望这个新计划能够奏效。他也有这本书，但他现在已经记住了咒语。

He burns both the sage and the rosemary, walking in a circle. He feels like an idiot, but tries to put that out of his mind when he does the final component, which is continuing to walk in that circle while chanting the right words and having the right mental intent. According to the book, there should be a rush of air when the spell is functioning. It will last no more than three days.
他烧掉鼠尾草和迷迭香，绕圈走。他觉得自己像个白痴，但当他做最后一个部分时，他试图把它从脑海中抛开，即继续在那个圆圈中行走，同时念诵正确的单词并具有正确的心理意图。根据书中的说法，当咒语发挥作用时，应该有一股空气。它不会持续超过三天。

Nothing happens.
什么也没发生。

Castiel grabs the book and rereads it. Talent. And intent.
卡斯蒂尔抓起书并重读了一遍。 人才。 和意图。

He takes five minutes to meditate, then tries again. And again. Each attempt takes more than an hour. The third time, he tests the barrier in the library, but it's still there. The fourth and fifth fail, and mounting frustration makes Castiel curse at the sky. He blanks his mind again. He puts everything except the spell out of his mind. His hopes and fears are put away.
他花了五分钟冥想，然后再试一次。再试一次。每次尝试都需要一个多小时。第三次，他测试了图书馆的屏障，但它仍然在那里。第四次和第五次失败了，越来越大的挫败感让卡斯蒂尔对着天空咒骂。他再次让自己的大脑一片空白。他把除了咒语之外的所有东西都从脑海中抛开。他的希望和恐惧都被抛弃了。

He walks in a slow circle. He finishes the last word, "Relesen!"
他缓慢地绕着一圈走。他说完了最后一个字，“雷莱森！

Wind whistles. ...

Castiel freezes, then bolts for the library. He pauses at the blank point on the floor where the barrier rests, then he steps across it. Fully.
卡斯蒂尔愣住了，然后冲向图书馆。他在屏障所在的地板上的空白处停了下来，然后他跨过了它。 完全地。

He begins to laugh, wild. He lets loose for almost a full minute and then forces down the slightly hysterical joy. He needs to act quickly and intelligently.
他开始狂笑起来。他放松了将近一分钟，然后强行压抑了略带歇斯底里的喜悦。他需要迅速而聪明地采取行动。

First, he finds heavier clothes and a pair of Dean's boots. The clothes smell like him, and it makes Castiel falter for a second before he's able to refocus. It's been nearly four months, which means it's now January. At night it could get to freezing. Second, he finds a knapsack that he fills with water and sealed food. Then he begins a thorough search of the bunker.
首先，他找到了较重的衣服和一双迪恩的靴子。这些衣服闻起来像他，这让卡斯蒂尔在重新集中注意力之前踉踉跄跄了一秒钟。已经过去了将近四个月，这意味着现在是一月。到了晚上，天气可能会结冰。其次，他找到了一个背包，里面装满了水和密封的食物。然后他开始对地堡进行彻底的搜索。

Dean's bedroom is still locked. So is the armory and dungeon, and several random rooms in the hall. He doesn't find any keys. Sam's room is unlocked, but largely empty; Castiel carefully doesn't touch anything and closes the door. There's a garage full of cars from the fifties, but none of them will start. He does find a gun (ironically a Glock Model 22 pistol) loaded, hidden near the front door. (He doesn't go out yet. His heart is racing.) He grabs a kitchen knife as a secondary weapon. He searches the library and finds a locked cage which contains boxes with labels like Cursed Object #72. He doesn't find anything regarding the ankle cuff anywhere, not in the obvious spots (like on one of the two major desks) or in any of the stacks. After an hour, he concludes that he probably isn't going to find it in any kind of reasonable length of time. There's an old phone, disconnected. No random cells lying around.
迪恩的卧室仍然锁着。军械库和地牢也是如此，大厅里的几个随机房间也是如此。他没有找到任何钥匙。山姆的房间没有锁，但基本上是空的;卡斯蒂尔小心翼翼地没有碰任何东西，关上了门。有一个车库，里面装满了五十年代的汽车，但没有一辆车启动。他确实发现一把上膛的枪（具有讽刺意味的是，是一把格洛克 22 型手枪），藏在前门附近。（他还没有出去。他的心跳加速。他抓起一把菜刀作为辅助武器。他搜查了图书馆，发现了一个上锁的笼子，里面装着像诅咒之物 #72 这样的标签的盒子。他在任何地方都没有找到任何关于脚踝袖口的东西，无论是在明显的地方（比如在两张主要桌子上的一张）还是在任何书堆中。一个小时后，他得出结论，他可能不会在任何合理的时间内找到它。有一部旧手机，断开了连接。周围没有随机的细胞。

He finds mail in the foyer. It doesn't have a real address listed, but it does have a PO box and state.
他在门厅里找到了邮件。它没有列出真实地址，但确实有一个邮政信箱和州。

Kansas. He's in Kansas. Dean Winchester's birth state.
堪萨斯州。 他在堪萨斯州。迪恩·温彻斯特的出生州。

Possibly near Witchita, the location of the PO box, but it's also possible Dean just chose the highest population city for that. Possibly near Lawrence, his home town.
可能在邮政信箱所在地威奇塔附近，但也有可能迪恩只是为此选择了人口最多的城市。可能在他的家乡劳伦斯附近。

Castiel will have to hike out, if Dean was telling the truth about being in the middle of nowhere. He approaches the front door, each step closer making him queasier. He wants to throw up from sheer nervousness. A wild thought passes through his head that Dean is waiting on the other side of that door, ready to take him down. That this is all a test.
Castiel 将不得不徒步出去，如果 Dean 说的是关于身处偏僻地方的真相的话。他走近前门，每靠近一步，他就会感到恶心。他想因为纯粹的紧张而呕吐。一个疯狂的想法在他的脑海中闪过，Dean 正在那扇门的另一边等着，准备把他带下来。这都是一次考验。

Fuck that. ...

Castiel opens the door and sees a road. It doesn't have any painted lines on it, so it's either small or a country road. Or private. The air is cool and there's a breeze, the first Castiel has felt for months. He can't help but stop and take several deep breaths of the clean air. Then he walks out entirely, looking behind him. Like he suspected, the entrance is just at ground level, and most of the bunker is underground. There's a building set above the entrance, but Castiel doesn't know what it is. Perhaps where the generator is stored ¨C judging from the size of the bunker, it probably has its own well, generator, and whatever else they would need to keep off any official paperwork.
卡斯蒂尔打开门，看到了一条路。它上面没有任何画线，所以它要么是小路，要么是一条乡间小路。或者私人。空气凉爽，微风徐徐，这是卡斯蒂尔几个月来第一次感受到的。他忍不住停下来，深呼吸了几口干净的空气。然后他完全走了出去，看向身后。正如他所怀疑的那样，入口就在地面上，而大部分地堡都在地下。入口上方有一座建筑，但卡斯蒂尔不知道那是什么。也许发电机存放在哪里——从掩体的大小来看，它可能有自己的水井、发电机，以及他们需要的任何其他东西来阻止任何官方文书工作。

Beyond that lies nothing but yellowing grass and brush. Miles and miles of it.
再往前，除了泛黄的草和灌木丛之外什么都没有。数英里又数英里。

Castiel is dizzy. The grass swims and he has to close his eyes, and his heart wants to beat out of his chest. He swallows past a dry throat. The sun is blinding, even with his eyes shut. Now is not the time to get agoraphobic. He forces even breaths and then opens his eyes. He doesn't want to walk along the road, even though that's probably the best way to get noticed. He wants to get farther away before he does that, because some part of him fears that Dean is on his way back, for some reason. It could be anything. Dean's come home early from hunts before.
卡斯蒂尔头晕目眩。草在游动，他不得不闭上眼睛，他的心脏想从胸口跳出来。他咽了咽口水，喉咙干涩。即使他闭着眼睛，阳光也很刺眼。现在不是产生广场恐惧症的时候。他强迫均匀呼吸，然后睁开眼睛。他不想沿着路走，尽管这可能是引起注意的最好方式。他想在这样做之前走得更远，因为出于某种原因，他内心的某些部分担心迪恩正在回来的路上。它可以是任何东西。迪恩以前打猎回家很早。

Home. ...

Castiel puts the knapsack over his shoulder and begins to run not quite parallel to the road. He sprints at first on instinct, then stops himself and goes at a steady jog instead. He needs to pace himself. He drinks plenty of water, knowing he can't afford to stop to find any for at least for the first day and that he needs to go a long distance.
卡斯蒂尔把背包扛在肩上，开始不完全平行地跑。他一开始是本能地冲刺，然后停下来，开始稳步慢跑。他需要调整自己的节奏。他喝了很多水，知道至少在第一天他不能停下来找水，而且他需要走很长的路。

The fear and worry fade as physical movement takes over. Before Dean, he went on regular runs, both for the physical exercise and to clear his mind. At midday, he slows to a walk. The street is about two hundred yards to his left, so he's out of sight from the road. He hasn't heard any cars or trucks come by, so it's probably not a well-traveled road and he's safer here, where Dean can't see him. When he gets to a major road, then he'll start asking for help. ...

Night comes before a crossroads. ...

Dean's heavy jacket, oppressive during the day, becomes warm and comfortable as the temperature drops. Castiel keeps up his pace, knowing he needs to keep his blood flowing. The sliver of a moon is enough that he can avoid major obstacles, though the ground itself is too dark to see. He might have to stop and sleep for a few hours, but he's hoping that around the next gentle hill will be a highway. ...

He hears a car on the road. Deep, loud ¨C a muscle car with a powerful engine. Dean drives a 67 Impala. Castiel slowly kneels on the ground, listening as the car slows. Then stops. The engine dies. ...

What if the ankle cuff has some kind of magical tracking device? ...

Castiel bolts.
卡斯蒂尔螺栓。

He's far enough from the road that Dean shouldn't be able to hear him running as long as he's fairly careful, so he runs at close to full speed in the opposite direction of the car noise. When he's out of breath, he pauses and takes out the Glock he'd found. Adrenaline is making everything sharp and clear, and his hand doesn't shake.
他离马路足够远，只要他相当小心，迪恩就应该听不到他奔跑的声音，所以他以接近全速的速度朝与汽车噪音相反的方向奔跑。当他气喘吁吁时，他停下来拿出他找到的格洛克。肾上腺素让一切都变得尖锐而清晰，他的手没有颤抖。

Is he willing to kill Dean, if that is what it takes to escape?
如果这是逃跑所需要的，他愿意杀死迪恩吗？

He takes the safety off and keeps running. He only stops when he hears the sound of someone else moving through the brush. FBI training says to identify himself so he doesn't shoot an innocent bystander, but logic says there's no way an innocent bystander followed him out here. He has to resist the urge to shoot in the general direction of the noise.
他取下保险装置并继续奔跑。只有当他听到其他人穿过灌木丛的声音时，他才会停下来。联邦调查局的训练说要表明自己的身份，这样他就不会射杀无辜的旁观者，但逻辑表明，无辜的旁观者不可能跟着他走到这里。他必须克制住向噪音的大致方向开枪的冲动。

It becomes quiet.
它变得安静。

It reminds him of Dwight Hiller case, where he chased the suspect into a forest and was on his heels for nearly fifteen minutes before the serial killer went to ground. Him and Hotch spent the next half hour searching the surrounding area before they found him. Back when he was the hunter.
这让他想起了德怀特·希勒案，他将嫌疑人追到森林里，在连环杀手倒地之前跟在了他身后近十五分钟。他和霍奇在接下来的半个小时里搜索了周围地区，才找到了他。回到他还是猎人的时候。

Castiel very much feels like prey right now. He scans the area around him, eyes alert to every sway of grass.
卡斯蒂尔现在感觉自己像猎物。他扫视着周围的区域，眼睛警惕着草的每一次摇摆。

Then there's a crunch right behind him, and a hand closes on his wrist. Castiel twists and aims and he sees the flash of green eyes and ¨C
然后他身后传来一声嘎吱声，一只手紧握在他的手腕上。卡斯蒂尔扭动身子瞄准，他看到了一闪而过的绿色眼睛和“C

He doesn't fire.
他不开火。

Dean is on him the next second, breaking his hold on the Glock with enough force to almost snap bone. Then he's lunging over his body, trying to push Castiel to the ground. If Dean can get him there, Castiel knows he's lost the fight. Dean is heavier and stronger than he is, and being on the ground would give him too great an advantage. Castiel twists to the side, breaking Dean's hold and struggling to his feet. Rather than stay on the defensive, he goes on the attack, trying desperately to disable Dean. But in a matter of seconds Dean reacts and uses his slightly greater reach to knock away Castiel's arms, and Castiel takes a very hard blow to the chin. Dean is close enough that Castiel tries to kick and trip him up, anything to put Dean back on the defensive, but Dean is quick as lightning and won't give an inch. They trade blows, hurting each other, but Castiel can't seem to gain an advantage.
下一秒，迪恩就扑向他，以足以折断骨头的力量打破了他对格洛克的控制。然后他冲过他的身体，试图将卡斯蒂尔推倒在地。如果迪恩能把他带到那里，卡斯蒂尔就知道他输掉了这场战斗。迪恩比他更重、更强壮，在地上会给他带来太大的优势。卡斯蒂尔扭到一边，挣脱了迪恩的控制，挣扎着站起来。他没有保持守势，而是继续进攻，拼命试图使迪恩瘫痪。但在几秒钟内，迪恩做出了反应，用他稍大的臂力击开了卡斯蒂尔的手臂，卡斯蒂尔的下巴受到了非常重的打击。迪恩离得足够近，卡斯蒂尔试图踢他并绊倒他，任何能让迪恩重新陷入防守的手段，但迪恩速度快如闪电，一寸也不让步。他们互相打击，互相伤害，但卡斯蒂尔似乎无法获得优势。

This is going to end up the way their last fight did, Castiel realizes. He doesn't know where the gun went, but he knows where the kitchen knife is.
卡斯蒂尔意识到，这将像他们上次战斗一样结束。他不知道枪去了哪里，但他知道菜刀在哪里。

He drops to the ground and goes for it. Fingers fumble around the handle, and then Dean is forcing him to the ground with his greater weight. Castiel slashes blindly, and Dean shouts in pain.
他倒在地上，然后去抓。手指在手柄上摸索，然后迪恩用他更大的重量将他推倒在地。卡斯蒂尔盲目地砍了下来，迪恩痛苦地喊道。

"Fuck, fuck ¨C Cas, stop!"
“操，操——凯斯，停下来！”

Castiel scrambles away, but Dean, despite being injured, follows closely and doesn't let him get up. Castiel goes to slash again, but Dean dodges and does something Castiel can't see in the dark, some move Castiel doesn't expect, and they crash into each other.
卡斯蒂尔争先恐后地逃跑，但迪恩尽管受伤了，还是紧紧跟在后面，不让他站起来。卡斯蒂尔再次去砍，但迪恩闪避并做了一些卡斯蒂尔在黑暗中看不到的事情，一些卡斯蒂尔没有预料到的举动，他们撞到了对方。

Pain flashes and Castiel cries out. It seizes through his body and he feels himself go limp in shock.
疼痛一闪而过，卡斯蒂尔大喊一声。它抓住了他的身体，他感到自己在震惊中瘫软了。

"Cas?" Dean is fumbling around his wrists, and Castiel feels the familiar cold, hard line of a handcuff.
“卡斯？”迪恩在手腕上摸索着，卡斯蒂尔感觉到了手铐上熟悉的冰冷、坚硬的线条。

"My stomach," Castiel says. "The knife." And he breathes raggedly. Why does he lose every single time he goes against Dean in a fight? He has a ludicrous thought that he should insist they spar, so Castiel can beat his ass next time. Or he should have fired, like he was trained. He's an FBI agent and he failed to fire.
“我的肚子，”卡斯蒂尔说。“刀。”他呼吸粗暴。为什么他每次在战斗中与迪恩交手时都会输？他有一个荒谬的想法，他应该坚持让他们对打，这样卡斯蒂尔下次就可以打他的屁股了。或者他应该开枪，就像他受过训练一样。他是一名联邦调查局特工，但他没有开枪。

"Fuck," Dean whispers. "Okay, I'm going to pick you up and get you to the car, there's light and bandages. Don't struggle, okay? Don't move."
“操，”迪恩低声说。“好吧，我去接你，送你上车，那里有灯和绷带。不要挣扎，好吗？别动。

Dean gets an arm under Castiel's, across his back, and then his other under Castiel's leg. A bridal carry. Dean stands, pulling Castiel close, and Castiel breathes into Dean's shirt, his right hand on his stomach. He can feel the bleed flowing from the wound. It's deep. The world wavers as Dean walks through the rough ground, moving as quickly as possible. Castiel relaxes, almost against his will, feeling like he's a child that's being rocked to sleep.
Dean 将一只手臂放在 Castiel 的背下，横跨他的背，然后另一只手臂放在 Castiel 的腿下。新娘背负。Dean 站起来，把 Castiel 拉近，Castiel 对着 Dean 的衬衫吸了一口气，右手放在他的肚子上。他能感觉到伤口流血。很深。当 Dean 走过崎岖不平的地面时，世界动摇欲坠，以最快的速度移动。Castiel 放松了下来，几乎违背了他的意愿，感觉自己就像一个被摇晃着睡着的孩子。

Reality returns when Dean settles him against a car. The car, Dean's Impala. The movement jars his injury and he groans. Dean opens the car door and sets up a flashlight on the ground before pushing Castiel's bloody hands away and taking a look at the knife wound. "Okay, it's deep but it didn't hit anything major. Stay here." Dean gets up, leaves, and then returns with a blanket. "Press that on it. Hard as you can."
当迪恩把他靠在一辆车上时，现实又回来了。那辆车，迪恩的黑斑羚。这个动作使他的伤势震动，他呻吟起来。迪恩打开车门，在地上放了手电筒，然后推开卡斯蒂尔血淋淋的手，看了看刀伤。“好吧，它很深，但它没有击中任何大东西。留在这里。迪恩起身，离开，然后带着毯子回来。”按它。尽你所能。

Castiel obeys.
卡斯蒂尔服从了。

Dean slips an arm under Castiel's so he can heave him up and into the waiting backseat.
Dean 把一只胳膊伸到 Castiel 的胳膊下面，这样他就可以把他抱起来，坐到等待的后座上。

Castiel closes his eyes.
卡斯蒂尔闭上眼睛。

"Cas, you need to stay awake," Dean orders from the front seat, and then everything begins to gently sway.
“卡斯，你需要保持清醒，”迪恩在前排座位上命令，然后一切都开始轻轻摇摆。

"I want to go home," Castiel tells him.
“我想回家，”卡斯蒂尔告诉他。

Dean is quiet for almost five minutes. Then, soft, "You are home."
迪恩沉默了将近五分钟。然后，轻声说，“你回家了。

Time passes in stops and starts, while Castiel contemplates his failure to obey his training. Really, his failure to remain unaffected by Dean. He got involved. Emotional. Hotchner would be disappointed. Understanding, but definitely disappointed.
时间在停地流逝，而卡斯蒂尔则思考着他没有服从他的训练。真的，他未能不受迪恩的影响。他参与其中。 感情的。 霍奇纳会失望的。理解，但绝对失望。

He lets Dean bridal carry him back into the bunker. Which he knows now is really a bunker. Dean carries him into his room and handcuffs him to the headboard again. Castiel catches a flash of his pale face before he leaves for the infirmary. He returns in probably less than a minute, clearly running, with a basket full of hospital grade medical supplies.
他让迪恩新娘把他抬回地堡。他现在知道这真的是一个地堡。迪恩把他抱进他的房间，再次将他铐在床头板上。卡斯蒂尔在前往医务室之前瞥见了他苍白的脸。他可能不到一分钟就回来了，显然是在奔跑，手里拿着装满医院级医疗用品的篮子。

"Can I pass out now?" Castiel asks.
“我现在可以昏倒吗？”卡斯蒂尔问道。

Dean looks up from Castiel's wound, expression grim. "Go ahead."
迪恩从卡斯蒂尔的伤口上抬起头来，表情严峻。“去吧。”

Castiel does.
卡斯蒂尔做到了。

-------------------------

Castiel wakes up naked.
卡斯蒂尔赤身裸体地醒来。

He has the uncomfortable sensation of air on skin first and shivers. Then the rest of his mind kicks online and he realizes he's only covered by a towel, which is laid over his genitals. When he opens his eyes, he realizes that he's still on his bed in his room, unbound this time. The knife wound hurts, but probably not as much as it should, and most of the pain feels internal, like his skin has been numbed. A bandage covers it, so Castiel can't see the damage done. He pokes at it, but it's securely taped.
他首先感到空气沾在皮肤上的不舒服的感觉，然后颤抖起来。然后他的脑海中浮现出来，他意识到自己只是被一条毛巾盖在了他的生殖器上。当他睁开眼睛时，他意识到自己还在房间的床上，这次没有被束缚。刀伤很痛，但可能没有应有的那么痛，而且大部分疼痛都是在内部感觉的，就像他的皮肤被麻木了一样。绷带覆盖着它，所以卡斯蒂尔看不到造成的伤害。他戳了戳它，但它被牢牢地贴了起来。

"How do you feel?" Dean's voice comes out of nowhere.
“你感觉怎么样？”迪恩的声音不知从何而来。

No, not nowhere. Dean is sitting on a chair Castiel has never seen, pulled up to the bed. He's got a book in hand, something with an unintelligible title. He's got little smears of blood on his face and hands, as well as a few bruises and cuts that Castiel gave him in their short fight. His expression is blank as he stares down at Castiel.
不，不是无处可去。Dean 坐在 Castiel 从未见过的椅子上，被拉到床上。他手里拿着一本书，书名难以理解。他的脸上和手上有小血迹，还有 Castiel 在他们短暂的战斗中给他留下的一些瘀伤和割伤。他低头盯着 Castiel，表情茫然。

How does he feel? Castiel doesn't even want to answer. Exhausted. Depressed.
他感觉如何？卡斯蒂尔甚至不想回答。 用尽。 沮丧。

"Well, I can tell you how I feel, which is pretty fucking pissed."
“好吧，我可以告诉你我的感受，这他妈的很生气。”

Castiel sighs.
卡斯蒂尔叹了口气。

"I thought we made a deal for no more violence," Dean snaps. "Or do you not keep your word?"
“我以为我们达成了不再暴力的协议，”迪恩厉声说道。“还是你不信守诺言？”

"I didn't attack you," Castiel replies shortly. "I defended myself."
“我没有攻击你，”卡斯蒂尔简短地回答道。“我为自己辩护。”

"Oh yeah? You aimed a gun at my head! Did you forget that part?"
“哦，是吗？你用枪指着我的头！你忘记了那部分吗？

Partially. "I didn't fire." He stares at Dean. "I didn't fucking pull the trigger, and I should have."
部分地。 “我没有开枪。”他盯着 Dean。“我他妈的没有扣动扳机，我应该扣动扳机。”

Dean throws the book to the floor and stands. He looms over Castiel, then leans over to place a hand on either side of Castiel's head.
迪恩把书扔到地上，站了起来。他笼罩在卡斯蒂尔身上，然后俯身将一只手放在卡斯蒂尔头的两侧。

Castiel raises both hands to keep him away, suddenly frightened that he's pushed Dean too far.
卡斯蒂尔举起双手让他远离，突然害怕自己把迪恩推得太远了。

Dean flinches as if that were a slap. He stands straight and then carefully takes one of Castiel's hands, clearly telegraphing his movements. Castiel lets him, as curious as he is afraid. But all Dean does is sit down, holding one of Castiel's hands in both of his, staring down at them with a deeply conflicted look on his face.
迪恩退缩了，仿佛那是一记耳光。他站直了身子，然后小心翼翼地握住卡斯蒂尔的一只手，清楚地表明了他的动作。卡斯蒂尔让他，既好奇又害怕。但迪恩所做的只是坐下来，双手握住卡斯蒂尔的一只手，低头盯着他们，脸上带着深深的矛盾。

"Dean, where do you honestly see this ending?" Castiel asks.
“迪恩，老实说，你怎么看这个结局？”卡斯蒂尔问道。

Dean very slowly looks up, green eyes dark. "You staying here. You wanting to stay here, with me. Even if we never kiss again, if you would just ¨C"
Dean 缓缓地抬起头，绿色的眼睛漆黑。“你留在这里。你想留在这里，和我在一起。即使我们再也不会接吻，如果你愿意就”C”

Castiel waits, but Dean doesn't finish.
卡斯蒂尔等着，但迪恩没有说完。

"Is this about making out?" Dean asks finally. "Is that why you ran?"
“这是关于亲热吗？”迪恩终于问道。“这就是你逃跑的原因吗？”

"Dean, I ran because you're holding me against my will. You're holding me prisoner. And no matter how much I like you, that fact isn't going away. Not until this magical ankle cuff goes."
“迪恩，我逃跑是因为你违背我的意愿关押了我。你囚禁了我。无论我多么喜欢你，这个事实都不会消失。直到这个神奇的脚踝袖口消失。

"If I took it off," Dean says lowly, "you would run. You would escape." He suddenly laughs a little. "I found your spell. Damn clever, you know that? I never thought you'd find that kind of thing in that book, much less figure out how to get the ingredients and do it. I can see why the FBI wanted you."
“如果我把它摘下来，”Dean 低声说，“你会逃跑的。你会逃脱的。”他突然笑了起来。“我找到了你的咒语。该死的聪明，你知道吗？我从没想过你会在那本书里找到那种东西，更不用说弄清楚如何获得原料并去做了。我明白为什么联邦调查局要你了。

Castiel decides to go with the slight change in topic. "How did you find me? How did you even know I was gone?"
卡斯蒂尔决定接受话题的轻微变化。“你是怎么找到我的？你怎么知道我走了？

Dean digs into his pocket and waves a smart phone. "Motion sensors linked to a silent alarm system. Not so much aimed at you as keeping you safe. I wanted to know if anyone got in. As soon as one was tripped, I turned around."
迪恩掏出口袋，挥舞着一部智能手机。“运动传感器连接到一个静音警报系统。与其说是针对你的，不如说是保护你的安全。我想知道是否有人进来。一旦有人被绊倒，我就转身。

"I'm in danger? I thought you said no one knew about this place?" Castiel asks.
“我有危险吗？我以为你说没人知道这个地方？卡斯蒂尔问道。

"They don't. As far as I know. But I do have some enemies ¨C king of hell, alphas. That kind of thing. Of course there's protections all over the place, and this is one of the most secure in the entire bunker, so you don't need to worry. Even if some bad guys found it, they wouldn't get in, or get very far."
“他们没有。据我所知。但我确实有一些敌人——地狱之王，阿尔法。那种东西。当然，到处都有保护措施，这是整个地堡中最安全的保护措施之一，所以你不必担心。即使一些坏人发现了它，他们也不会进去，或者走得很远。

"But I was out in the brush, how did you find me? Does the ankle cuff track me?"
“但我在灌木丛里，你是怎么找到我的？脚踝袖口会跟踪我吗？

Dean nods. "Yeah, it does. I reset the thing while you were out."
Dean 点点头。“是的，确实如此。我在你外出的时候重置了这个东西。

Well. That answers that. The vague sense of pressure to continue his escape fades, as does some tension. He's still a prisoner, but at least it's familiar. And somewhere deep inside, in a place Castiel doesn't really want to admit exists, there's relief. He rubs his eyes, feeling exhausted despite the fact he's technically had some rest.
井。 这回答了这个问题。继续逃跑的隐约压力感消失了，一些紧张感也消失了。他仍然是一个囚犯，但至少很熟悉。在内心深处的某个地方，在卡斯蒂尔不太想承认存在的地方，有一种解脱。他揉了揉眼睛，尽管从技术上讲他已经休息了一会儿，但他还是感到疲惫不堪。

"Do you want a blanket?" Dean asks. "I kept you uncovered until you woke up just to keep an eye on the bleeding, and the other ones that were on the bed are in the wash."
“你想要一条毯子吗？”迪恩问道。“我一直把你遮盖在你醒来之前，只是为了注意流血情况，床上的其他人都在洗。”

Castiel nods. "Yes. Thank you."
卡斯蒂尔点点头。“是的。谢谢你。

Dean stands, then remains there awkwardly before adding, "Sorry about your clothes. There was so much blood, I didn't know if you were injured anywhere else, so I had to cut it all off. I wasn't sneaking a peek."
Dean 站了起来，然后尴尬地呆在那里，然后补充道，“对不起你的衣服。血太多了，我不知道你是否在其他地方受伤，所以我不得不把它全部剪掉。我没有偷看。

Castiel pauses, keeping his expression open. "Did you want to?"
卡斯蒂尔停顿了一下，保持着开放的表情。“你想吗？”

Dean first looks wary, before blushing. Then he smirks. "You're an extremely attractive man, Castiel Novak. I'll be right back." He returns five minutes later with a fluffy blanket, which he carefully settles around Castiel. "Do you want to sleep? I was going to sleep in my own bed tonight, I don't want to roll over on you or something and open your stitches."
Dean 先是一脸警惕，然后脸红了。然后他傻笑了。“你是一个非常有魅力的人，Castiel Novak。我马上回来。五分钟后，他带着一条蓬松的毯子回来，小心翼翼地把毯子放在 Castiel 身上。”你想睡觉吗？今晚我打算睡在自己的床上，我不想翻身压在你身上什么的，缝开你的缝线。

"Yes, I'd like to rest."
“是的，我想休息一下。”

Dean stands there a moment longer, shifting on his feet. "We'll talk about the escape attempt tomorrow," he says. "Sleep well."
迪恩又站在那里一会儿，站了起来。“我们明天再谈逃跑的企图，”他说。“睡个好觉。”

To his surprise, Castiel does.
令他惊讶的是，卡斯蒂尔做到了。

Chapter 4
第四章

Notes:
笔记：

Warnings (spoilers!): Dubious consent to sex, edging into non-consensual sex.
警告（剧透！）：对性行为的可疑同意，逐渐导致未经同意的性行为。

Chapter Text
章节正文

Castiel wakes up with the need to piss. He knows he's going to need help to get to the bathroom without causing damage to his injury, but he's still naked under the towel and blankets. It's not like Dean hasn't seen it by now, but it still makes Castiel uncomfortable. Unlike the other times he was injured and then ended up in a hospital, Dean isn't a professional, and his interest in Castiel's body is sexual.
卡斯蒂尔醒来时需要小便。他知道他需要帮助才能在不对伤势造成伤害的情况下去洗手间，但他仍然赤身裸体地在毛巾和毯子下。迪恩现在不是没有看到，但这仍然让卡斯蒂尔感到不舒服。与其他时候受伤然后住进医院不同，迪恩不是专业人士，他对卡斯蒂尔身体的兴趣是性的。

Is that something he could use? Castiel blinks at the ceiling, realizing that it is. If Castiel is willing to ¡­ to ¡­
这是他可以使用的东西吗？卡斯蒂尔眨了眨眼睛看着天花板，意识到确实如此。如果卡斯蒂尔愿意“到

"Rise and shine," Dean says, walking into the room. "Bathroom?"
“起来发光吧，”迪恩说，走进房间。“浴室？”

Castiel nods stiffly.
卡斯蒂尔僵硬地点了点头。

"Don't worry, I used to do this for Sam all the time," Dean says, opening the bathroom door and lifting the toilet seat. "He used to do it for me, too, for that matter. Just think of me as a hot nurse."
“别担心，我以前一直为山姆做这件事，”迪恩说，打开浴室门，抬起马桶座圈。“就这一点而言，他也曾经为我做过这件事。就把我当作一个热护士吧。

Castiel can't help cracking a smile.
卡斯蒂尔忍不住露出了笑容。

It makes Dean beam in response. He pulls back Castiel's blankets, but leaves the towel in place. Pain radiates from the stomach wound, which three or so inches above his left hipbone. It's wide, almost four inches, but Castiel is willing to trust Dean when he says it didn't hit any internal organs. Dean frowns down at him before taking off and then returning with a safety pin, which he uses to pin the fairly large towel around Castiel's hips. Then he pulls Castiel's arm over his shoulders and lifts.
这让迪恩回应了笑容。他拉开卡斯蒂尔的毯子，但把毛巾留在原地。疼痛从胃部伤口中散发出来，该伤口位于他左髋骨上方三英寸左右。它很宽，将近四英寸，但当他说它没有击中任何内脏时，卡斯蒂尔愿意相信迪恩。迪恩在起飞前皱起眉头看着他，然后拿着一根安全别针回来，他用它把相当大的毛巾别在卡斯蒂尔的臀部上。然后他将卡斯蒂尔的手臂拉到他的肩膀上并抬起。

Once he gets Castiel situated, he leaves for almost ten minutes to allow Castiel privacy. Then he carries most of Castiel's weight back to the bed.
一旦他找到卡斯蒂尔，他就离开了将近十分钟，以允许卡斯蒂尔隐私。然后他把卡斯蒂尔的大部分重量带回床上。

Then he leaves again to make breakfast. Castiel is alone with his thoughts. That thought.
然后他又离开去做早餐。卡斯蒂尔独自一人思考。那个想法。

He could offer Dean a deal ¨C sex for his freedom. Some kind of pre-determined time that Castiel would allow and participate in sexual acts in return for being released. If Dean agreed to it, Castiel believes it's fairly likely he would follow through.
他可以为迪恩提供一项交易——为了他的自由而发生性行为。卡斯蒂尔会允许并参与性行为以换取被释放的某种预先确定的时间。如果迪恩同意，卡斯蒂尔相信他很可能会坚持到底。

Is he willing to go that far? To go home?
他愿意走那么远吗？回家？

Many kidnapping victims have suffered much worse than he has. Castiel knows that for a fact. Dean treats him well, considering he is Dean's prisoner and considering Dean's ultimate goal. He's not being tortured. Rape is off the table, even if some forms of sexual contact are not. His life isn't threatened. But he also knows that Dean is willing to make this captivity long-term. Years. Maybe even decades. And Castiel no longer trusts in his ability to escape ¨C Dean has both a remote location and magic at his disposal. Convincing Dean to let him go seems unlikely at best. Whether his claim that they are soulmates is true or not, Dean is convinced it is, and considering his history he's going to stick to that to the death.
许多绑架受害者遭受的痛苦比他严重得多。卡斯蒂尔知道这一点是事实。迪恩对他很好，考虑到他是迪恩的囚犯，也考虑到迪恩的最终目标。他没有受到酷刑。强奸是不可能的，即使某些形式的性接触不是。他的生命没有受到威胁。但他也知道迪恩愿意长期囚禁。 年。 甚至可能几十年。卡斯蒂尔不再相信他逃脱的能力——迪恩既有偏远的地点，也有魔法可供他使用。说服迪恩放他走充其量似乎不太可能。无论他声称他们是灵魂伴侣的说法是否属实，迪恩都相信这是真的，考虑到他的历史，他将坚持这一点至死不渝。

He wants Balthazar. He wants the freedom to go where he pleases. He wants to see his colleagues and friends. He wants to go back to his job at the FBI and catch criminals. He may have been single and with few friends, but he was happy and fulfilled.
他想要巴尔萨泽。他想要自由，可以去他想去的地方。他想见他的同事和朋友。他想回到联邦调查局的工作，抓捕罪犯。他可能单身，朋友很少，但他很快乐，很满足。

He would be more or less prostituting himself. Sex. With Dean. A man. It's not really the male part that bothers him ¨C Castiel has never really been attracted to men, but it's not like the idea inherently disgusts him. He doesn't feel attraction until he cares for someone anyway.
他或多或少会卖淫。 性。 和迪恩在一起。一个男人。困扰他的并不是真正的男性部分——卡斯蒂尔从未真正被男人吸引过，但这个想法并不是让他天生厌恶。无论如何，除非他关心某人，否则他不会感到吸引力。

It's rendering himself that vulnerable willingly, to satisfy someone else, to buy something for himself.
这是让自己变得那么脆弱，心甘情愿地满足别人，为自己买点东西。

Dean returns cheerful and with waffles stuffed with jam and cream cheese, meant to be eaten like a sandwich ¨C presumably to be easier on Castiel's injury.
迪恩兴高采烈地回来了，手里拿着塞满果酱和奶油芝士的华夫饼，本来可以像三明治一样吃——大概是为了减轻卡斯蒂尔的伤势。

He waits until Castiel is half-done before saying, a bit of anger returning to his tone, "So, about yesterday."
他等到卡斯蒂尔说了一半才说，语气中又恢复了一点愤怒，“所以，大约是昨天的事情。

Castiel sits his waffle/sandwich down. "How about we make a deal?"
卡斯蒂尔坐下他的华夫饼/三明治。“我们做个交易怎么样？”

Dean blinks, clearly taken aback. "What kind of deal?"
迪恩眨了眨眼睛，显然是吃了一惊。“什么样的交易？”

Biting down the urge to throw up, Castiel says evenly, "I will willingly have sex with you, and in ret urn you let me go."
卡斯蒂尔忍住呕吐的冲动，平静地说，“我愿意和你发生性关系，作为回报，你放过我。

Dean gapes at him. "I ¨C what? Are you serious?"
迪恩瞪大了眼睛看着他。“我什么？你是认真的吗？

"Yes."
“是的。”

Dean grits his teeth. "No. Eat your breakfast."
迪恩咬牙切齿。“不。吃早餐吧。

But Castiel isn't going to be dismissed that easily. "It's what you really want from me, Dean. You could take it by force, but I know you don't want to do that. I'm offering you a way to get what you want, and I get what I want."
但卡斯蒂尔不会那么容易被解雇的。“这是你真正想从我这里得到的，迪恩。你可以用武力夺走它，但我知道你不想那样做。我为你提供了一种得到你想要的东西的方法，而我得到了我想要的东西。

"No, Cas. I said no. No way is that ever happening."
“不，卡斯。我说不。这不可能发生。

Feeling the opportunity slip out of his fingers, Castiel asks, "Why?"
卡斯蒂尔感觉机会从他的指缝中溜走，问道：“为什么？

"I'm not going to rape you!"
“我不会强奸你的！”

"It wouldn't be rape, Dean. I'd be consenting."
“这不会是强奸，迪恩。我会同意的。

Dean's mouth opens and closes. "You telling me the law would see it that way? That I wouldn't be charged with rape if I ever got caught?"
迪恩的嘴张开又闭上。“你告诉我法律会这么看？如果我被抓到，我不会被指控强奸？

Castiel looks away.
卡斯蒂尔移开视线。

"And what about you? Are you saying you wouldn't feel raped?" Dean presses.
“那你呢？你是说你不会感到被强奸吗？迪恩追问道。

"That's rich coming from you! You want me to choose to be with you ¨C to be your lover, partner in crime, whatever ¨C while I'm chained up." Castiel splutters for a second, then continues, "Do you think I'm ever going to be able to make that decision without it being coerced?"
“这真是来自你的财富！你希望我选择和你在一起——成为你的情人、犯罪伙伴，无论什么——当我被锁起来的时候。卡斯蒂尔喋喋不休地说了一会儿，然后继续说道，”你认为我能够在不被胁迫的情况下做出这个决定吗？

Jaw clenching, Dean gets up and stalks out of the room.
迪恩咬紧下巴，站起来大步走出房间。

Castiel sets the sandwich to the side, appetite gone and a headache mounting. He rubs his temples, fear and frustration warring with each other. He tries to think logically, try to decide what to do next. If Dean is so opposed to Castiel having sex with him for that reason, that suggests that if Castiel refuses to rescind the offer, Dean may stay away from him. In that way. It's not what Castiel planned, but it should work. And considering Castiel asked Dean to kiss him, considering Castiel even enjoyed it, that's probably for the best.
卡斯蒂尔把三明治放在一边，食欲不振，头痛加剧。他揉了揉太阳穴，恐惧和沮丧相互交战。他试图逻辑思考，试图决定下一步该做什么。如果迪恩因为这个原因如此反对卡斯蒂尔与他发生性关系，那就表明如果卡斯蒂尔拒绝撤销这个提议，迪恩可能会远离他。以这种方式。这不是卡斯蒂尔的计划，但它应该奏效。考虑到卡斯蒂尔要求迪恩亲吻他，考虑到卡斯蒂尔甚至很享受，这可能是最好的。

When Dean returns an hour later, expression blank as he grabs Castiel's plate, all Castiel says is, "The offer stands."
一个小时后，当迪恩回来时，他面无表情地抓起卡斯蒂尔的盘子，卡斯蒂尔只说：“报价有效。

Dean glares at him and goes.
迪恩瞪了他一眼，然后走了。

--------------------------------

The bad mood lasts three days. For once, Castiel is the one who gives Dean space to think and process. Dean keeps up the meals (Castiel's leash is set at about the same distance into the kitchen as before; he lost access entirely to the library), but offers very little conversation with them. Although there is a lot of staring. It's like he's trying to figure out a way to defeat Castiel's last words, and can't.
坏心情持续了三天。这一次，卡斯蒂尔是给迪恩思考和处理空间的人。迪恩继续吃饭（卡斯蒂尔的皮带与以前一样，他与厨房的距离大致相同，他完全无法进入图书馆），但很少与他们交谈。虽然有很多凝视。就好像他想办法打败卡斯蒂尔的遗言，但做不到。

The third night, Dean enters the room and asks, "Can I sleep in here?"
第三天晚上，迪恩走进房间问：“我可以睡在这里吗？

Castiel looks over at him, sees the bags under Dean's eyes and the way he shifts his weight from foot to foot. Castiel will still hold to his end of their one deal. "All right."
Castiel 看着他，看到了 Dean 眼袋，以及他将体重从一只脚转移到另一只脚的方式。Castiel 仍然会坚持他们的一笔交易。“好吧。”

Dean is cautious when he crawls into bed. Castiel's been sleeping on his back for obvious reasons, so Dean only slides a leg against his, his hands in front of him not quite touching Castiel's arm. Then, Dean says quietly, "I can make you happy. I can give you whatever you want."
迪恩爬上床时很小心。卡斯蒂尔一直仰卧睡觉，原因显而易见，所以迪恩只将一条腿靠在他身上，他身前的双手并没有完全接触到卡斯蒂尔的手臂。然后，迪恩轻声说，“我可以让你开心。我可以给你任何你想要的东西。

"Dean ¡­"
“院长 ¡”

"What is there that I can't offer you?" Dean demands.
“有什么我不能给你的？”迪恩问道。

"Freedom," Castiel states flatly.
“自由，”卡斯蒂尔平淡地说。

"Cas ¨C"
“案例 ̈C”

"My home. My apartment. My relationship with my family. My job at the FBI. Can you give me those things, Dean? Here? Because the way I see it, you can only give me those things by letting me go."
“我的家。我的公寓。我与家人的关系。我在联邦调查局的工作。迪恩，你能给我这些东西吗？ 这里？ 因为在我看来，你只能让我走，才能给我这些东西。

Dean looks miserable, lips pursed.
迪恩看起来很痛苦，抿着嘴唇。

Castiel tries to shove down the impulse to feel sorry for him. "Go to sleep, Dean."
卡斯蒂尔试图压抑住为他感到难过的冲动。“睡觉吧，迪恩。”

--------------------------------

"Cas! Come to the kitchen!" Dean's voice echoes from the hall.
“卡斯！到厨房来！迪恩的声音在大厅里回荡。

Castiel puts down his book (a brand new thriller from John Grisham, because Dean isn't stupid) and carefully leverages himself off the bed. It's been a week and he's healing fast with no signs of infection, but he still has to be cautious in how he moves. Going down the hall is easy, up the stairs a bit harder. He finds Dean standing in the middle of the kitchen, phone in hand. Which is unusual; he usually keeps his phone out of reach of Castiel at all times, for obvious reasons.
卡斯蒂尔放下他的书（约翰·格里沙姆的一部全新惊悚小说，因为迪恩并不傻），小心翼翼地将自己从床上拉了下来。已经一周了，他正在快速康复，没有感染的迹象，但他仍然必须小心行动。走下走廊很容易，上楼梯有点困难。他发现迪恩站在厨房中央，手里拿着手机。这很不寻常;出于显而易见的原因，他通常总是把手机放在卡斯蒂尔够不到的地方。

"I got a text from Anna, she'll be by any minute now," Dean says, smiling.
“我收到了安娜发来的短信，她现在随时都会来的，”迪恩微笑着说。

A woman pops out of thin air.
一个女人凭空冒出来。

Castiel starts backwards, pain flaring. "What the ¨C"
卡斯蒂尔向后开始，疼痛发作。“什么””

"Cas," Dean says as if this is perfectly normal, "this is Anna."
“卡斯，”迪恩说，好像这很正常，“这是安娜。

She gives Dean a fond smile, then turns her attention to Castiel, who is still trying to process the fact that she simply appeared out of nowhere. Not near a door. Or a window. Behind a table, even. She tilts her head, blinking thoughtfully at him. She looks young, no more than mid-twenties, with red hair past her shoulders. Her clothing is normal, too ¨C just a pair of jeans and a simple shirt, with a colored denim jacket on top. She doesn't really look like an angel, just a pretty young woman.
她给了迪恩一个亲切的微笑，然后把注意力转向卡斯蒂尔，卡斯蒂尔仍在努力处理她只是凭空出现的事实。不是靠近门。或者窗户。甚至在桌子后面。她歪着头，若有所思地对他眨了眨眼。她看起来很年轻，不到二十多岁，红发披在肩上。她的衣服也很正常——只有一条牛仔裤和一件简单的衬衫，上面套着一件彩色牛仔夹克。她看起来并不像天使，只是一个漂亮的年轻女子。

"Hello, Castiel. It's good to finally meet you," she says. She steps forward and places two fingers to his forehead, not reacting to his instinctive flinch. "That's better."
“你好，卡斯蒂尔。很高兴终于见到你了，”她说。她走上前，将两根手指放在他的额头上，没有对他本能的退缩做出反应。“这样更好。”

The pain from the knife wound is gone. Castiel lifts up his shirt and peels back the gauze and finds nothing but smooth, perfectly normal skin. He's shocked almost speechless. "How did you do that?"
刀伤的疼痛消失了。Castiel 掀起衬衫，剥开纱布，发现除了光滑、完全正常的皮肤之外什么也没有。他震惊得几乎说不出话来。“你是怎么做到的？”

"Healing is an innate ability for angels. Only demons require power in the form of a deal."
“治愈是天使与生俱来的能力。只有恶魔需要交易形式的力量。

Castiel stares at her. "Are you really an angel?"
卡斯蒂尔盯着她。“你真的是天使吗？”

As if in response, all the lights flicker. One explodes into sparks. Castiel starts again, but then two absolutely massive shadows appear on the walls behind Anna, lit by the flickering lights. Wings, in a high display posture, or like a bird in flight. A faint blue light glows in her eyes. All the hairs on Castiel's arms stand up and he feels a chill work down his spine. He knows, he just knows that what he's looking at isn't human.
仿佛是回应，所有的灯光都闪烁了。其中一盏爆炸成火花。卡斯蒂尔再次开始，但随后安娜身后的墙壁上出现了两个绝对巨大的影子，被闪烁的灯光照亮。翅膀，以高高的姿势展示，或者像一只飞翔的鸟。她的眼睛里闪烁着淡淡的蓝光。卡斯蒂尔手臂上所有的毛发都竖起来了，他感到脊背发凉。他知道，他只知道他所看的不是人类。

Then the lights come back on and the shadows fade into the light.
然后灯光重新亮起，阴影逐渐消失在光线中。

Castiel stares at Anna the angel, mouth open.
卡斯蒂尔张着嘴盯着天使安娜。

Dean saunters over and leans in. "That was my recommendation. Much more convincing than getting annoyed and arguing about it like Anna did when we first met."
迪恩大摇大摆地走过去，俯身而出。“这是我的建议。比我们第一次见面时安娜那样生气和争论要有说服力得多。

Anna eyes him, visibly amused. "I should have known you'd be so much trouble."
安娜看着他，显然很有趣。“我早知道你会这么麻烦。”

Castiel's knowledge of angels ¨C real ones, anyway ¨C is limited to what Dean has told him. For the most part it's not good news, with a majority of angels either being ambivalent or hostile to humanity. Anna is the exception, the angel who rebelled with him to stop the apocalypse. Castiel should probably be trying to convince her that rescuing him is the right thing to do, but he can't wrap his brain around the fact that angels are real. That the apocalypse happened and was stopped by two young men from Kansas. Because if she ¡­ then he ¡­
卡斯蒂尔对天使的了解——无论如何，都是真实的天使——仅限于迪恩告诉他的。在大多数情况下，这不是好消息，大多数天使要么对人类持矛盾态度，要么怀有敌意。安娜是个例外，那个和他一起反抗阻止世界末日的天使。卡斯蒂尔可能应该试图说服她，拯救他是正确的事情，但他无法理解天使是真实存在的事实。世界末日发生了，并被两个来自堪萨斯州的年轻人阻止了。因为如果她“那么他”。

There is one truth: either he is mad, or Dean is not.
有一个事实：要么他疯了，要么迪恩没有。

"Give him a sec," Dean advises Anna. "He knows the story, pretty much, but now he knows it's true. How goes it in heaven?"
“给他一会儿，”迪恩建议安娜。“他几乎知道这个故事，但现在他知道这是真的。天堂怎么样了？

"Better. Hannah has been a huge help. Metatron is being held where Gadreel once was, while we decide what to do with him."
“好一点了。汉娜帮了大忙。梅塔特隆被关押在加德里尔曾经所在的地方，而我们则决定如何处理他。

"Does God exist?" Castiel blurts.
“上帝存在吗？”卡斯蒂尔脱口而出。

Both Anna and Dean look at him.
安娜和迪恩都看着他。

"Yeah," Dean says. "He does. Somewhere."
“是的，”迪恩说。“他有。在某个地方。

"He has not been present for some time," Anna says delicately. "But I assure you He does exist."
“他已经有一段时间没有出现了，”安娜温柔地说。“但我向你保证，他确实存在。”

Castiel sits at the table Dean set up for him and Castiel to eat every morning. And processes. So. The devil and the archangel Michael are in hell together. Raphael is dead. (Dean was a bit hazy on how.) Gabriel was Loki for millennia. Demons exist, and not just in the fevered imaginations of visionary killers. Some of the people Castiel has put in prison claimed to be possessed ¨C how many actually were? His mind is tipping, sliding fast into the idea that all that Dean is claimed is true.
卡斯蒂尔坐在迪恩每天早上为他和卡斯蒂尔准备的桌子旁。还有流程。 所以。 魔鬼和大天使米迦勒一起在地狱里。拉斐尔死了。（迪恩有点模糊不清是怎么做的。加布里埃尔是洛基几千年来的存在。恶魔是存在的，而不仅仅是在有远见的杀手的狂热想象中。卡斯蒂尔关进监狱的一些人声称被附身了——实际上有多少人？他的思绪正在倾斜，迅速滑入迪恩所声称的一切都是真实的想法。

"So who's Gadreel? He was in prison?" Dean asks Anna. "That doesn't sound good."
“那么加德里尔是谁？他在监狱里？迪恩问安娜。”这听起来不太好。”

Anna frowns. "We are ¡­ reevaluating cases like his. So much has happened in heaven that forgiveness is going to have to be a long-term goal." She dips her head. "So far, he has been cooperative and has acted in good faith."
安娜皱起眉头。“我们正在重新评估像他这样的案件。天堂发生了太多事情，宽恕必须成为一个长期目标。她低下头。”到目前为止，他一直很合作，并且是真诚的。”

Dean stares at the floor. "And Sam?"
Dean 盯着地板。“山姆呢？”

"Mending his relationship with your father."
“修复他和你父亲的关系。”

Dean snorts. "Yeah, that'll take the rest of eternity."
迪恩哼了一声。“是的，那将花费永恒的剩余时间。”

Castiel needs to get out of here. Though if he did, could he ever go back to life as it was, knowing what he knows now? But ¨C but he has to try. Escape has been his one constant besides Dean. "Anna ¨C"
卡斯蒂尔需要离开这里。不过，如果他这样做了，他能回到原来的生活，知道他现在所知道的吗？但是，他必须尝试。除了迪恩之外，逃跑一直是他不变的。“安娜——”

"I think it is time for us to speak, Castiel," Anna says, interrupting him. She takes four steps to his side and taps his forehead.
“我想我们是时候说话了，卡斯蒂尔，”安娜说，打断了他。她走到他身边四步，拍了拍他的额头。

They now stand in a field with dying grass that pokes at Castiel's bare feet. The sky is a bright blue, and the air cool. Castiel has no idea where they are, or why. Or how. Did they fly? Do angels even fly? Dean said they teleported. Where is he? How did he get here? Holy fuck, Dean was telling the truth, wasn't he? He is so fucked. He needs to get out of here. So he stares at Anna and tries to get back on track. "Listen to me. I'm an FBI agent who has been kidnapped ¨C"
他们现在站在一片田野里，那里长满了枯草，刺伤了卡斯蒂尔赤脚。天空是明亮的蓝色，空气很凉爽。卡斯蒂尔不知道他们在哪里，也不知道为什么。或者怎么飞。他们飞了吗？天使会飞吗？迪恩说他们是传送的。 他在哪？ 他是怎么来的？天哪，迪恩说的是实话，不是吗？他太操了。他需要离开这里。所以他盯着安娜，试图回到正轨。“听我说。我是一名被绑架的联邦调查局特工”C”

Anna waves a hand in dismissal. "Human laws are of no concern to me. I owe several large debts to Dean, just as he owes me. You are less in the face of that." Her expression softens. "I am not without sympathy for your situation. But you are with your soulmate. A cupid would have arranged a gentler meeting, but with Dean is not a bad place for you to be, Castiel Novak."
安娜摆摆手表示不屑一顾。“人类的法律对我来说无关紧要。我欠迪恩几笔大债，就像他欠我的一样。面对这一点，你就没那么多了。”她的表情变得柔和了。“我对你的处境并非没有同情。但你和你的灵魂伴侣在一起。丘比特会安排一次更温和的会面，但和迪恩在一起对你来说也不是一个坏地方，卡斯蒂尔·诺瓦克。

"How about moral law?" Castiel asks. "That would seem to be in the purview of an angel."
“道德法则怎么样？”卡斯蒂尔问道。“这似乎属于天使的职权范围。”

Anna smiles. "You're smart. A good match for Dean."
安娜微笑着。“你很聪明。很适合迪恩。

"You didn't answer my question."
“你没有回答我的问题。”

"I have removed myself from that equation. And I know Dean. He won't hurt you."
“我已经把自己从这个等式中剔除了。而且我认识迪恩。他不会伤害你的。

Castiel stares at her for a second. "He's beaten me hard enough to leave cuts and bruises. He slammed my head into the floor hard enough to daze me. You don't think that's hurting me?"
卡斯蒂尔盯着她看了一秒钟。“他把我打得很厉害，留下了割伤和瘀伤。他把我的头狠狠地撞在地板上，让我晕倒了。你不认为这伤害了我吗？

"Why did he commit such acts?" Anna asks.
“他为什么要做出这样的行为？”安娜问道。

"I tried to escape and go back to my family," Castiel replies, choosing his words carefully.
“我试图逃跑并回到我的家人身边，”卡斯蒂尔回答道，小心翼翼地选择他的措辞。

Anna searches his face. "I owe him. I will not help you escape."
安娜打量着他的脸。“我欠他。我不会帮你逃跑的。

"Some angel you are, then," Castiel says, unable to repress his anger and frustration.
“那么，你就是天使，”卡斯蒂尔说，无法抑制他的愤怒和沮丧。

Anna actually winces. "You would not be the first to say so. But if were it not for Dean, I would still be, in his words, heartless. If Dean ever does put you in real danger, pray to me and I will help you. But I cannot promise more than that."
安娜实际上皱起了眉头。“你不会是第一个这么说的人。但如果不是迪恩，用他的话说，我仍然会无情。如果迪恩真的让你处于真正的危险之中，请向我祈祷，我会帮助你。但我不能承诺更多。

Castiel turns away and resists the urge to scream at the blue sky ¨C how long has it been? ¨C but only does so just long enough to regain control, and then he returns his attention to Anna. "Where are we?"
卡斯蒂尔转过身去，克制住对着蓝天尖叫的冲动——已经有多久了？“但这样做的时间刚好足以重新获得控制权，然后他将注意力转移到安娜身上。”我们在哪里？”

Anna gives him a gentle look. "You asked for proof. Dean asked for understanding. This is both." She walks a few feet and then pauses. "Come."
安娜温柔地看了他一眼。“你要求证据。迪恩要求理解。两者都是。她走了几英尺，然后停了下来。”来。”

Fortunately, Castiel grew up mostly barefoot, so his feet survive the hundred yard or so trip. They're in a cemetery, and in the distance Castiel sees several men and the Impala. And Dean. Anna stands there as well, along with an older man Castiel doesn't recognize.
幸运的是，卡斯蒂尔从小大部分时间都是赤脚长大的，所以他的脚在一百码左右的路程中幸存下来。他们在一个墓地里，在远处，卡斯蒂尔看到了几个男人和黑斑羚。还有迪恩。安娜也站在那里，还有一个卡斯蒂尔不认识的老人。

He watches as Anna throws a Molotov cocktail at the blond man, shouting, "Hey, asshole!" He then disappears with a scream, and then Sam turns.
他看着安娜向金发男子扔燃烧瓶，大喊：“嘿，混蛋！”然后他尖叫着消失了，然后山姆转过身来。

But that isn't Sam, because Castiel knows this story.
但那不是山姆，因为卡斯蒂尔知道这个故事。

He lurches forward, but Anna, slight as she is, merely has to hold his arm. "This has already happened. I am only showing you the past, we cannot change it."
他向前倾斜，但安娜虽然身材娇小，但只需要握住他的手臂。“这已经发生了。我只是向你展示过去，我们无法改变它。

Castiel watches, breathless with shock, as Anna is killed. As the older man is killed. Bobby Singer, perhaps, someone Dean's spoken of as a foster father. He watches as Lucifer ¨C and it really must be Lucifer, because everything Dean has told him is true ¨C beats the shit out of Dean, who just keeps saying, "It's okay. I'm here. I'm here. I'm not gonna leave you." He's waiting to die with his brother, and Castiel, who has known Dean for five months, sees that he's okay with that. As long as he's with Sam.
卡斯蒂尔震惊得喘不过气来，看着安娜被杀。当那个年长的人被杀时。鲍比·辛格，也许是迪恩所说的养父。他以路西法的身份观看，这真的一定是路西法，因为迪恩告诉他的一切都是真的——C 打败了迪恩的狗屎，迪恩只是不停地说：“没关系。 我在这里。 我在这里。 我不会离开你的。他等着和他的兄弟一起死去，而认识迪恩五个月的卡斯蒂尔认为他可以接受这一点。只要他和山姆在一起。

His throat tightens when Sam takes control. When Michael returns, and Sam pulls two archangels into the pit ¨C a doorway to hell that Castiel has seen with his own two eyes. Even though he knows Sam's soul eventually escaped, seeing the reality of someone going to hell is shocking. Dean is left alone. And he is alone, even after watching Anna come back to life, and then Bobby with her. The look of utter devastation on Dean's face is unforgettable.
当山姆控制权时，他的喉咙发紧了。当迈克尔回来时，山姆把两个大天使拉进了坑里——这是卡斯蒂尔亲眼所见的通往地狱的大门。尽管他知道山姆的灵魂最终逃脱了，但看到有人下地狱的现实还是令人震惊的。迪恩独自一人。他独自一人，即使在看着安娜复活，然后鲍比和她一起。迪恩脸上彻底崩溃的表情令人难忘。

"Do you see?" Anna asks, quiet.
“你看到了吗？”安娜安静地问道。

Castiel turns to her and doesn't know what to say. He can feel the tears building, but he doesn't let them fall. Dean's pain is suddenly considerably more real to him.
卡斯蒂尔转向她，不知道该说什么。他能感觉到眼泪在积聚，但他没有让眼泪掉下来。迪恩的痛苦突然对他来说变得更加真实。

Anna taps his forehead again. This time he arrives in the bunker, but in a spot he's not normally allowed ¨C Sam's room. Sam is sitting on the bed, looking haggard. Ill. Castiel has seen healthier looking cancer patients. Castiel stares at him, feeling like he could walk over there and tap Sam on the shoulder and have a conversation. Anna places a small hand on his shoulder, like steel. "This is the past," Anna tells him again and Castiel nods slightly. He waits.
安娜再次拍了拍他的额头。这次他到达了地堡，但在一个通常不允许他进入山姆房间的地方。山姆坐在床上，看起来憔悴不堪。卡斯蒂尔见过看起来更健康的癌症患者。卡斯蒂尔盯着他，觉得他可以走过去拍拍山姆的肩膀，然后交谈。安娜将一只小手放在他的肩膀上，就像钢铁一样。“这是过去了，”安娜再次告诉他，卡斯蒂尔微微点头。他等着。

Dean wanders in from the hallway and takes a chair. "Sam," he says. Just that.
Dean 从走廊走进来，坐了一把椅子。“山姆，”他说。就这样。

Sam looks up, exhausted and pained. "Dean, I have to do this. We've had this discussion a million times and I ¨C"
山姆抬起头，疲惫而痛苦。“迪恩，我必须这样做。我们已经讨论过一百万次了，我 ̈C”

"I know, Sam," Dean interrupts. "Fuck." He rubs his face, then looks up at Sam with tears shining in his eyes. "I just came to here to say. That. For what it's worth, you have my blessing."
“我知道，山姆，”迪恩打断道。“操。”他揉了揉脸，然后抬头看着山姆，眼里闪烁着泪水。“我只是来这里说的。 那。 就其价值而言，你得到了我的祝福。

Sam smiles, slow and heartbreaking. There's a softness and sincerity to it that Castiel has rarely seen and a profoundly deep love in his eyes. "I can finish the last trial and cure Crowley. Close hell, Dean. Think of how many lives we'll save."
山姆微笑着，缓慢而令人心碎。卡斯蒂尔很少见到的柔软和真诚，眼中流露出深沉的爱。“我可以完成最后的试炼并治愈克劳利。关闭地狱，迪恩。想想我们能拯救多少生命。

"But I'm going with you," Dean finishes.
“但我要和你一起去，”迪恩结束了。

The smile falls from Sam's face. "Dean, you can have a life, a good life ¨C"
山姆的脸上露出了笑容。“迪恩，你可以过上好日子，过上好日子——”

"And you can't?" Dean demands. "You think living is worth anything to me without you? You think I won't put a bullet in my brain two seconds after you go?"
“你不能吗？”迪恩问道。“你认为没有你，活着对我来说什么价值吗？你以为你走后两秒钟我不会把子弹射进我的大脑？

Sam stares at him, a line between his eyebrows. "Talk to Anna."
山姆盯着他，眉间划了一条线。“和安娜谈谈。”

Dean huffs out a surprised laugh. "What? Why?"
迪恩惊讶地笑了起来。“什么？为什么？

"Please. For me. The rest can wait until then."
“拜托了。 给我的。 其余的可以等到那时。

Dean tries to stare him down, but Sam just gives Dean a calm and steady gaze in response. Almost a full minute of pure silence passes before Dean gets up, slow and painful, and then he nods. "Okay, Sam," he says quietly and goes.
Dean 试图盯着他，但 Sam 只是平静而稳定地看了 Dean 一眼作为回应。在 Dean 起身之前，几乎整整一分钟的纯粹沉默过去了，缓慢而痛苦，然后他点了点头。“好吧，Sam，”他轻声说完就走了。

Sam lies down on the bed, staring at the ceiling as he takes even breaths.
山姆躺在床上，盯着天花板，呼吸均匀。

"Dean asked me to come, and then asked what would happen to him and Sam when they die. If they would share a heaven," Anna says. Sam, of course, doesn't react, just lies there resting. Castiel can't even move, frozen to the spot with a torrent of emotions that he can't suppress. "That's when I told him about you. I didn't know then that Sam had planned that conversation, but Sam knew that Jessica was his soulmate along with Dean ¨C I had that talk with him long ago ¨C so he suspected Dean had one as well. Sam, in a way, always planned for Dean to know you. Whether he anticipated the lengths Dean would go to I can't say, but you were his last hope for keeping his brother alive."
“迪恩让我来，然后问他和山姆死后会发生什么。如果他们能共享一个天堂，”安娜说。当然，山姆没有反应，只是躺在那里休息。卡斯蒂尔甚至无法动弹，僵在原地，情绪如洪流，无法抑制。“就在那时，我告诉他关于你的事。那时我并不知道山姆计划了那次谈话，但山姆知道杰西卡是他的灵魂伴侣，还有迪恩——我很久以前和他谈过——所以他怀疑迪恩也有。在某种程度上，山姆一直计划着让迪恩认识你。我不能说他是否预料到迪恩会不惜一切代价，但你是他让他兄弟活下去的最后希望。

Castiel wipes his eyes. Had he been there for Michael's last moments, would his brother's dying wish been any less powerful? Of course Castiel wouldn't have kidnapped Dean, but Dean doesn't have the advantage of a normal life.
卡斯蒂尔擦了擦眼睛。如果他在迈克尔的最后时刻陪伴在身边，他哥哥临终的愿望会不那么强大吗？当然，卡斯蒂尔不会绑架迪恩，但迪恩没有正常生活的优势。

Finally, Castiel says, "Is everything Dean told me true?"
最后，卡斯蒂尔说，“迪恩告诉我的一切都是真的吗？

"About his history? Yes." Anna tilts her head. "His emotions, probably not."
“关于他的历史？是的。安娜歪着头。”他的情绪，可能不是。”

Castiel laughs despite himself.
卡斯蒂尔不顾自己笑了起来。

"Do you understand?" Anna asks.
“你明白吗？”安娜问道。

"Yes." Castiel looks at Sam, still breathing evenly on the bed, fast looking like he's going to drop off into sleep. "Yes, I think I do."
“是的。”Castiel 看着 Sam，仍然在床上均匀地呼吸，看起来快要睡着了。“是的，我想我愿意。”

With another tap to his forehead, Anna returns them both to the present-time bunker. Dean is sitting at their breakfast table and he looks up with the rush of air that sends a few random pieces of paper (with recipes on them, mostly) scattering. "That wasn't long," Dean observes, rising to his feet.
安娜又轻了敲额头，把他们俩送回了现在的地堡。迪恩坐在他们的早餐桌旁，他抬起头，一股空气让几张随机的纸片（上面大部分是食谱）散落一地。“时间不长，”迪恩观察着，站了起来。

He looks like Dean that Castiel knows well. Older than the one he saw in the past, more character to his handsome face. As always, he looks at Castiel with a mixture of love and caution. And deep inside that is something else ¨C a pinprick of something not quite sane. Sam's death broke irrevocably broke part of Dean, and the rest of Dean's mind is centered around that moment, that act of sacrifice. But Dean still is Dean ¨C a good man who fought too many hard battles, and is now fighting his last one, a battle to survive, and his weapons are a desperate series of actions.
他看起来像卡斯蒂尔熟悉的迪恩。比他过去看到的那个人更老，英俊的脸更有个性。一如既往，他用爱和谨慎的眼神看着卡斯蒂尔。而在内心深处，还有别的东西——一种不太理智的东西的针刺。山姆的死不可挽回地摧毁了迪恩的一部分，而迪恩的其余思想都集中在那一刻，那个牺牲行为。但迪恩仍然是迪恩——一个打了太多苦战的好人，现在正在打他的最后一场战斗，一场生存之战，他的武器是一系列绝望的行动。

Castiel steps forward and embraces him.
卡斯蒂尔走上前拥抱了他。

Dean freezes for a second before returning the hug, wrapping his strong arms around Castiel and holding on tight. "Hey," he whispers into Castiel's shoulder.
Dean 愣了一秒钟，然后回以拥抱，用强壮的手臂搂住 Castiel 并紧紧抓住。“嘿，”他对着 Castiel 的肩膀低声说。

Throat tight, Castiel can't say anything.
喉咙紧绷，卡斯蒂尔什么也说不出来。

"I will take that as my leave," Anna's voice comes from behind them. "Good luck, both of you." Papers scatter again.
“我就把它当作我的离开，”安娜的声音从他们身后传来。“祝你们俩好运。”文件再次散落。

After a minute, Castiel releases Dean.
一分钟后，卡斯蒂尔释放了迪恩。

"Where'd she take you?" Dean asks, keeping a hand on Castiel's waist.
“她带你去哪里？”Dean 问道，一只手搂着 Castiel 的腰。

Blue eyes meet green. "Does it matter?"
蓝色的眼睛与绿色的眼睛相遇。“这有关系吗？”

The corner of Dean's mouth quirks. "Guess not."
Dean 的嘴角一皱。“猜不见。”

"Dean ¨C"
“院长 ̈C”

"Yeah?" Dean asks, that caution returning.
“是吗？”Dean 问道，那种谨慎又回来了。

"I'm rescinding my offer."
“我要撤销我的提议。”

Dean smiles. Because he may not know the details, but he knows as well as Castiel what that means. It's not a fight as much as it is a surrender. An acknowledgement that their relationship isn't going to go that way, whatever happens next. "Okay. Good."
迪恩微笑着。因为他可能不知道细节，但他和卡斯蒂尔一样知道这意味着什么。这与其说是一场战斗，不如说是一场投降。承认他们的关系不会朝着那个方向发展，无论接下来发生什么。“好吧。很好。

"I'm sorry about Sam," Castiel says. "He seemed like a good man."
“我对山姆感到抱歉，”卡斯蒂尔说。“他看起来是个好人。”

A sadness enters Dean's eyes. "He was. And thanks."
迪恩的眼中浮现出悲伤。“他是。谢谢。

"Why is mending his relationship with your father going to take an eternity?"
“为什么修复他和你父亲的关系需要永恒的时间？”

Dean laughs.
迪恩笑着说。

--------------------------------

Castiel has come to an irreversible conclusion: he's not capable of killing Dean. He's not willing.
卡斯蒂尔得出了一个不可逆转的结论：他没有能力杀死迪恩。他不愿意。

He hasn't told Dean that yet, though. Instead, a hundred and fifty-two days in, their life together reaches another level of steady rhythm. They watch tv shows and movies every night on a massive, comfortable couch in a converted den, sleep in the same bed, and then Dean makes them breakfast in the morning. Dean bought a laptop with no internet access (though Castiel knows the bunker has a satellite connection) for Castiel to use. He plays a lot of Tetris. Dean still talks about Sam, but now Castiel talks about Michael and Balthazar and Hael. In return, Dean shares what it was like growing up as a hunter, and not the sanitized version he gave Castiel before.
不过，他还没有告诉迪恩这一点。相反，一百五十二天过去了，他们共同的生活达到了另一个稳定的节奏。他们每天晚上在改建的书房里一张舒适的大沙发上看电视节目和电影，睡在同一张床上，然后迪恩早上给他们做早餐。迪恩买了一台无法上网的笔记本电脑（尽管卡斯蒂尔知道地堡有卫星连接）供卡斯蒂尔使用。他玩了很多俄罗斯方块。迪恩仍然谈论山姆，但现在卡斯蒂尔谈论迈克尔、巴尔萨泽和海尔。作为回报，迪恩分享了作为猎人的成长经历，而不是他之前给卡斯蒂尔的消毒版本。

One morning after lunch, Dean comes in from one of his supply runs that typically take around four to five hours. Except this time instead of holding groceries, he's holding an absolute mountain of newspapers. Dean plops them onto the kitchen table.
一天早上午餐后，迪恩从他的一次补给中进来，通常需要大约四到五个小时。只不过这一次他拿着的不是杂货，而是堆积如山的报纸。迪恩把它们扑通一声放在厨房的桌子上。

Castiel raises an eyebrow.
卡斯蒂尔扬起眉毛。

"You've learned enough from me and read enough of the library that I think you could find hunts."
“你已经从我那里学到了足够多的东西，也读了足够多的图书馆，我想你可以找到猎物。”

Castiel divides the pile into four for easier access. He looks at the array of newspapers from all over the country. "Where did you even get all of these?"
Castiel 将这堆报纸分成四份，以便于取用。他看着来自全国各地的报纸。“你从哪里得到这些？”

"Bobby set it up," Dean replies. "Back when he was alive, he was kind of hunter central when it came to information. He'd find hunts and call hunters like me and Sam to take care of them if they were out of his area."
“鲍比设置了它，”迪恩回答道。“当他活着的时候，当涉及到信息时，他有点像猎人。他会找到狩猎地点，如果他们不在他的地区，他会打电话给像我和山姆这样的猎人来照顾他们。

"By the time these get here, isn't the information old?"
“等这些人到这里，信息不是很旧吗？”

"I'm looking for long term trends," Dean says. "Dad was a genius at it, Sam was pretty good, and I'm ¡­ not that great, honestly. If it's something I've seen before, I recognize it, but if it's just random shit across states? Then I don't see it. But you caught serial killers for a living, if anyone could see long-term stuff, it's you."
“我正在寻找长期趋势，”迪恩说。“爸爸是这方面的天才，山姆很不错，老实说，我不是那么好。如果这是我以前见过的东西，我会认出它，但如果它只是跨州随机的狗屎？那我就看不到了。但你以抓连环杀手为生，如果有人能看到长期的东西，那就是你。

Castiel snorts. "I wonder what Bobby could have done with ViCAP."
卡斯蒂尔哼了一声。“我想知道鲍比能用 ViCAP 做什么。”

"Ah ah, don't think he didn't have access. Hunters know hackers too, you know."
“啊啊，别以为他没有访问权限。猎人也认识黑客，你知道的。

Castiel pauses in his examination of the newspapers. "Is that how you got my file? You know things about me that were only in my FBI file."
Castiel 在检查报纸时停了下来。“你就是这样得到我的档案的吗？你知道关于我的事情，而这些事情只在我的 FBI 档案中。

Dean shrugs uncomfortably. "Yeah, I know someone. She didn't exactly know why I was asking for it, though."
Dean 不自在地耸了耸肩。“是的，我认识一个人。不过，她并不完全知道我为什么要这样做。

That suggests that Anna may be the exception in terms of accepting Dean's kidnapping of Castiel. After Anna had dismissed it so easily Castiel had come to the conclusion that even if other hunters didn't agree with Dean's actions, they wouldn't do anything about it. Especially since Castiel was FBI, and law enforcement is a complication at best for hunters, at worst an enemy. But perhaps that was a rather narrow view of the group of people that know about the supernatural.
这表明安娜在接受迪恩绑架卡斯蒂尔方面可能是例外。在安娜如此轻易地驳回它之后，卡斯蒂尔得出的结论是，即使其他猎人不同意迪恩的行为，他们也不会对此采取任何行动。特别是因为卡斯蒂尔是联邦调查局，执法对猎人来说充其量只是一个复杂问题，最坏的情况是敌人。但也许这是对了解超自然现象的人群的相当狭隘的看法。

"So, you think you're up for it?" Dean asks, eyes brightly hopeful.
“所以，你认为你已经准备好了？”迪恩问道，眼睛里充满了希望。

"Well, it gives me something to do," Castiel says with a smile.
“嗯，这让我有事可做，”卡斯蒂尔笑着说。

In the end, Dean gets Castiel a larger table set up in one of the rooms that Castiel is allowed access to. More than nine feet long and four feet wide, it lets Castiel spread out the newspapers, all of which are about a week to three weeks old. He decides not to dismiss solved crimes, since those could also have supernatural elements that the local law enforcement missed. After that, he uses a board on the wall to pin things up. He finds two potential hunts in the first five days, both of them a series of weird killings that span across state lines.
最后，迪恩给卡斯蒂尔买了一张更大的桌子，放在卡斯蒂尔被允许进入的一个房间里。它长九英尺多，宽四英尺多，让卡斯蒂尔可以摊开报纸，所有报纸都大约有一周到三周的历史。他决定不驳回已破获的犯罪，因为这些也可能含有当地执法部门遗漏的超自然元素。之后，他用墙上的一块木板把东西钉起来。在前五天里，他发现了两起潜在的狩猎事件，都是一系列跨越州界的奇怪杀戮。

The sixth day, he finds himself.
第六天，他找到了自己。

It's a small article from Stafford, Virginia (near Quantico), saying that FBI agent Castiel Novak, a member of the BAU, has been missing for nearly six months. He's believed to be a victim of a kidnapping deliberately aimed at a member of law enforcement. It doesn't mention Dean or any suspects, just that the investigation is ongoing. It's pretty factual, save for a quote from Balthazar Novak, saying, "My brother is still alive and waiting for us to find him. He's a fighter. Please, if anyone knows anything, help my brother come home to his family."
这是一篇来自弗吉尼亚州斯塔福德（匡蒂科附近）的小文章，称 BAU 成员、联邦调查局特工卡斯蒂尔·诺瓦克 （Castiel Novak） 已经失踪近六个月。据信，他是一起故意针对一名执法人员的绑架案的受害者。它没有提到迪恩或任何嫌疑人，只是调查正在进行中。这非常真实，除了引用巴尔萨扎·诺瓦克的一句话，他说：“我兄弟还活着，等着我们找到他。他是一名战士。如果有人知道什么，请帮助我兄弟回家与家人团聚。

It kicks the breath out of Castiel. When he inhales, it's with tears blurring his vision. He wipes his eyes, but everything blurs again almost instantly. He traces Balthazar's words, the first words from his brother that he's heard in six months.
它把卡斯蒂尔的气息踢了出去。当他吸气时，泪水模糊了他的视线。他擦了擦眼睛，但几乎瞬间一切都又变得模糊了。他追踪着巴尔萨泽的话，这是他六个月来听到他哥哥的第一句话。

Then he pushes away the newspaper and sobs into his hands. For the first time, he breaks down, taking short and fast breaths as his body jerks with the force of his crying. He doesn't know how long it lasts, just that by the end of it he's exhausted.
然后他推开报纸，对着他的手抽泣。他第一次崩溃了，呼吸短促，身体因哭泣的力量而抽搐。他不知道这种情况持续了多久，只是到最后他已经筋疲力尽了。

With numbness creeping throughout his entire body, he gets to his feet and walks to his room, then lays down and pulls the cover over him. And he doesn't move.
他全身麻木，站起来，走到自己的房间，然后躺下，把被子盖在身上。他一动也不动。

Dean comes in at some point, resting a hand on Castiel's forehead. "Cas? You okay, Cas? You don¡¯t have a fever, are you sick?"
迪恩不知何时进来，将一只手放在卡斯蒂尔的额头上。“卡斯？你还好吗，卡斯？你没有发烧，你生病了吗？

Castiel doesn't respond.
卡斯蒂尔没有回应。

"Cas, what's wrong?"
“凯斯，怎么了？”

Silence.
沉默。

A hand stroking Castiel's hair. "Okay," Dean says at last. "I'll be back in a bit with dinner." He leaves, time passes, and then he returns. "I found the article," Dean says quietly. "I'm sorry, Cas."
一只手抚摸着 Castiel 的头发。“好吧，”Dean 终于说。“我一会儿就回来吃晚饭。”他离开了，时间过去了，然后他又回来了。“我找到了那篇文章，”Dean 轻声说。“对不起，Cas。”

He leaves Castiel alone for the night.
他让卡斯蒂尔一个人过夜。

--------------------------------

Castiel can't muster the appetite to eat breakfast, even though Dean made his favorite (scrambled eggs with salsa and sour cream). He stares down at the full plate for nearly fifteen minutes before Dean silently takes it away and replaces it with a cup of water.
卡斯蒂尔无法鼓起胃口吃早餐，尽管迪恩做了他最喜欢的（莎莎酱和酸奶油炒鸡蛋）。他低头盯着满满的盘子看了将近十五分钟，然后迪恩默默地把它拿走，换上一杯水。

"Drink," Dean says, standing over him. "Cas, you have to drink water. I'll let food slide for now, but you need water."
“喝吧，”Dean 站在他身边说。“Cas，你必须喝水。我暂时让食物溜走，但你需要水。

Castiel drinks half of it mechanically.
卡斯蒂尔机械地喝了一半。

"Okay, good." Dean sounds relieved. "You want me to put on a movie? Something so stupid and inaccurate it's laughable? I've got Mission Impossible. The entire series of movies, if you want. Just tell me what you need, Cas."
“好吧，很好。”Dean 听起来松了一口气。“你想让我拍一部电影吗？什么这么愚蠢、不准确，可笑？我有《碟中谍》。如果你愿意的话，整个系列电影。只要告诉我你需要什么，Cas。

Castiel closes his eyes and rests his head on his arms, blocking Dean out as much as he's able.
卡斯蒂尔闭上眼睛，把头靠在手臂上，尽可能地挡住迪恩。

"Gotcha," Dean mutters, and leaves the kitchen.
“明白了，”迪恩喃喃自语，然后离开了厨房。

A buzz distracts Castiel from his depression. After a second, it repeats. Confused, Castiel raises his head and looks around the kitchen. There, lying on the counter, is Dean's cell phone. The phone is set to vibrate and someone is calling. Technically, it's just outside of Castiel's reach because he can't reach any of the counters or the appliances. But it's so close. After a minute of Castiel staring it, it goes still and then beeps once. Someone left a voicemail.
一阵嗡嗡声分散了卡斯蒂尔的注意力，让他从抑郁中解脱出来。一秒钟后，它重复了。卡斯蒂尔感到困惑，抬起头，环顾厨房。柜台上躺着迪恩的手机。电话设置为振动，有人在打电话。从技术上讲，它只是卡斯蒂尔够不到的地方，因为他无法接触到任何柜台或电器。但它离得太近了。卡斯蒂尔盯着它看了一分钟后，它静止了下来，然后发出了一声哔哔声。有人留下了语音邮件。

He rises to his feet and looks around him. He's got dishes and a pan in reach. A plastic bag from the trash. He goes to the pan that Dean cooked the eggs in and estimates it will increase his reach by a foot and a third. He walks until the ankle cuff stops him, then leans forward as far as he can while still maintaining his height, pan stretched out in front of him.
他站起来，环顾四周。他拿着盘子和平底锅。垃圾桶里的一个塑料袋。他走到迪恩煮鸡蛋的平底锅前，估计这会让他的触手可及的地方增加一英尺又三分之一。他走到脚踝袖口阻止他，然后尽可能地向前倾身，同时保持身高，平底锅在他面前伸展。

It barely touches the tip of the phone. Castiel wavers and the pan smacks the end of the phone, flipping it end over end before it clatters to the floor. Scraping the pan along the floor like a cup, he brings the phone to him and then picks it up in his own two hands.
它几乎没有碰到手机的尖端。Castiel 摇摇晃晃，平底锅拍打着手机的末端，把它翻到一头又一端，然后它咔哒作响地摔在地板上。他像杯子一样沿着地板刮擦平底锅，把手机拿到他面前，然后用自己的两只手捡起它。

He stares at it. He presses the on button, and it flashes to a password screen. Underneath that is the ability to make an emergency call. Pressing that, it takes him to a dialer.
他盯着它。他按下开机按钮，它闪烁到密码屏幕。下面是拨打紧急电话的能力。按下它，它会把他带到一个拨号器。

The numbers waver and he blinks rapidly.
数字摇摆不定，他迅速眨了眨眼。

Then he puts in Balthazar's number. The call symbol taunts him, so close, all he has to do is press it and Balthazar will be there. The FBI will track the phone and find it here, or some cell phone tower near here. He can go home.
然后他输入了巴尔萨泽的号码。通话符号嘲讽他，离得如此之近，他所要做的就是按下它，巴尔萨泽就会在那里。联邦调查局会追踪手机并在这里找到它，或者在这里附近的某个手机信号塔找到它。他可以回家了。

Dean would be arrested. He'd never be able to come back to the bunker, but Anna could get him out of prison. Couldn't she?
迪恩会被逮捕。他永远无法回到地堡，但安娜可以把他从监狱里救出来。她不能吗？

Why is he hesitating?
他为什么犹豫不决？

"Cas."
“案子。”

Castiel whirls and sees Dean standing in the doorway.
卡斯蒂尔转过身来，看到迪恩站在门口。

Dean raises his hands like Castiel is about to shoot him. "I see you found my phone," Dean says gently. "Saw you looking at it for a good minute there, Cas. Think you could hand it to me?"
Dean 举起双手，就像 Castiel 要向他开枪一样。“我看到你找到了我的手机，”Dean 温柔地说。“看到你在那里看了好一分钟，Cas。你觉得你可以把它交给我吗？

"But my brother," Castiel says automatically.
“但是我的兄弟，”卡斯蒂尔自动说道。

"I'll find a way for you to talk to him, okay? I promise. Please, Cas."
“我会想办法让你和他谈谈，好吗？ 我保证。 拜托了，卡斯。

It suddenly occurs to Castiel that Dean should have just assaulted him and taken the phone. Castiel was clearly too out of it to hear him coming back. Why didn't Dean just take it by force? What would he do if Castiel pressed the call button? Would he attack Castiel then?
卡斯蒂尔突然想到，迪恩应该袭击他并拿走电话。卡斯蒂尔显然太不自在了，听不到他回来的声音。迪恩为什么不强行拿走它？如果卡斯蒂尔按下通话按钮，他会怎么做？那他会攻击卡斯蒂尔吗？

"I know you don't want me to go to prison," Dean says softly. "I know that, Cas. You don't want to hurt me, do you?"
“我知道你不想让我进监狱，”迪恩轻声说。“我知道，卡斯。你不想伤害我，是吗？

"No," Castiel whispers.
“不，”卡斯蒂尔低声说。

Dean takes one careful step forward. Castiel doesn't press the call button. "I promise I'll take care of you. I promise, Cas."
迪恩小心翼翼地向前迈出了一步。卡斯蒂尔没有按下呼叫按钮。“我保证我会照顾你的。我保证，卡斯。

Hand shaking, Cas holds out the phone. Dean takes it, turns it off and slips it into a pocket.
卡斯握着手，拿出手机。迪恩接过它，关掉它，把它塞进口袋里。

Castiel knows one of the major symptoms of Stockholm Syndrome is when the captive refuses to leave captivity. Refuses to take opportunities to escape. But when Dean takes Castiel into his arms, pulling his body close to Dean's, he still finds comfort in it. He lets Dean hold him, lets Dean press Castiel's head to his shoulder, and lets Dean take his hand and lead him to their couch. Their couch. Their bed. When did Castiel start considering all of this his? When did he consider it to belong to both of them? He uses words in his own head like they're a couple, and not captive and captor.
卡斯蒂尔知道斯德哥尔摩综合症的主要症状之一是俘虏拒绝离开囚禁。拒绝抓住机会逃跑。但当迪恩将卡斯蒂尔抱在怀里，将他的身体拉近迪恩的身体时，他仍然从中找到安慰。他让迪恩抱着他，让迪恩将卡斯蒂尔的头压在他的肩膀上，让迪恩拉着他的手，把他带到他们的沙发上。他们的沙发。他们的床。卡斯蒂尔什么时候开始考虑这一切是他的？他什么时候认为这是属于他们俩的？他在自己的脑海中用词，就像他们是一对情侣一样，而不是俘虏和俘虏。

Dean's hands are gentle on his face, stroking along his cheekbones. "Cas?"
Dean 的手温柔地抚摸着他的脸，抚摸着他的颧骨。“卡斯？”

Castiel focuses on him.
卡斯蒂尔专注于他。

"Cas. Thank you. Thank you," Dean says.
“Cas.谢谢你。谢谢你，”Dean 说。

"I'm losing my mind," Castiel tells Dean.
“我快失去理智了，”卡斯蒂尔告诉迪恩。

"You're not ¨C"
“你不是 ̈C”

"I am! You kidnapped me, Dean, and I've failed twice to get away from you. I know what Stockholm Syndrome is, I've seen it in victims, I'm a fucking FBI agent. I'm trained. I know better than anyone exactly ¨C exactly what's happening, and it still fucking happens." He takes a deep breath. "Dean."
“我是！你绑架了我，迪恩，我两次都没能摆脱你。我知道斯德哥尔摩综合症是什么，我在受害者身上见过它，我他妈的是一个联邦调查局特工。我受过训练。我比任何人都清楚——到底发生了什么，而且它仍然他妈的正在发生。他深吸了一口气。”迪恩。”

"This isn't like those cases, that's not us, that's not who we are," Dean insists. Passionate. "I'm not some random kidnapper, and you're not some random victim. I'm your soulmate, we were meant to be together and it's only heaven's fault that we're not. We're together, Cas. That's everything. That's fucking everything. Screw what the world thinks about it."
“这不像那些案例，那不是我们，那不是我们，”迪恩坚持说。 热情。 “我不是一个随机的绑架者，你也不是一个随机的受害者。我是你的灵魂伴侣，我们注定要在一起，我们没有在一起只是天的错。我们在一起了，卡斯。这就是一切。这他妈的一切都是。去他妈的世界对它的看法。

"But I miss ¨C"
“但我想念 ̈C”

"I'll find a way for you to talk to him, I made that promise and I will keep it." Firm. Unyielding. "Cas. Stop thinking. There will be time and energy for that later. Right now, you're ¨C you're overwhelmed. You need to calm down. Please."
“我会想办法让你和他谈谈，我做出了这个承诺，我会信守的。” 公司。 不屈。 “卡斯，别想了。以后会有时间和精力。现在，你已经不知所措了。你需要冷静下来。拜托。

Castiel exhales, deep and long.
卡斯蒂尔呼出一口气，深沉而悠长。

"Okay? You with me?"
“好吗？你和我在一起？

Castiel nods. "I'm with you."
卡斯蒂尔点点头。“我和你在一起。”

Dean pulls Castiel into his arms again, so that Castiel is curled up on his side and settled between Dean's legs. One hand runs through his hair, five lines of firm pressure. The other makes circles on his back, fingers pressing into tightened muscles until they relax. After a few minutes, Dean rearranges them slightly so his back is pressed against the couch and then he holds Castiel. Holds him in. Degree by degree, Castiel collapses against him until there's nothing between them, until Castiel falls.
迪恩再次将卡斯蒂尔拉进怀里，让卡斯蒂尔蜷缩在他的一侧，坐在迪恩的两腿之间。一只手穿过他的头发，用力按压五行。另一只手在他的背上画圈，手指按压紧绷的肌肉，直到它们放松。几分钟后，迪恩稍微重新排列它们，让他的背部压在沙发上，然后他抱住卡斯蒂尔。把他抱住。卡斯蒂尔一次又一次地倒在他身上，直到他们之间什么都没有，直到卡斯蒂尔倒下。

He just falls.
他只是摔倒了。

--------------------------------

Castiel wakes up in bed. He's been stripped down to just his boxers, and Dean is curled around him in the same. Up until now, he'd never felt Dean's bare stomach against his bare back. That much skin. Dean seems to run hot, almost hot enough to cause Castiel to sweat where their skin touches. When Castiel twitches, Dean tightens his hold and squirms closer, murmuring something in his sleep as his palm presses against Castiel's stomach, tickling. Dean's knees hit the back of Castiel's and a calloused foot runs along his right ankle. Castiel lies there, thinking, but his thoughts seem to stop a few points into a process. His mind can't pull it together.
卡斯蒂尔在床上醒来。他已经脱光了，只剩下他的平角内裤，而迪恩也蜷缩在他身边。到目前为止，他从未感觉到迪恩裸露的腹部贴在他裸露的背部上。那么多皮肤。迪恩似乎很热，几乎热到足以让卡斯蒂尔在皮肤接触的地方出汗。当卡斯蒂尔抽搐时，迪恩收紧了他的手，蠕动得更近，在睡梦中喃喃自语，同时他的手掌压在卡斯蒂尔的肚子上，挠痒痒。迪恩的膝盖撞到了卡斯蒂尔的后部，一只长满老茧的脚沿着他的右脚踝滑过。卡斯蒂尔躺在那里，思考着，但他的思绪似乎停在了几个点上。他的大脑无法把它拉在一起。

Then Dean rubs against him, and he's hard.
然后迪恩蹭了蹭他，他就硬了。

Dean starts and wakes himself up. Instead of stilling unnaturally like someone caught, he simply shifts over and pulls back the covers. Like someone who has done this before. He slips out of bed, and Castiel turns over to look at him.
迪恩开始并叫醒自己。他没有像被抓住的人那样不自然地静止不动，而是简单地转过身来拉开被子。就像以前做过这样的人一样。他从床上溜了下来，卡斯蒂尔转过身来看着他。

"You're awake?" Dean whispers.
“你醒了？”迪恩低声说。

Castiel nods.
卡斯蒂尔点点头。

Rather than leave, Dean circles to Castiel's side of the bed and kneels on the floor. "How are you doing?" Dean asks quietly.
迪恩没有离开，而是绕到卡斯蒂尔床边，跪在地板上。“你好吗？”迪恩轻声问道。

"Why are you whispering?" Castiel asks, voice pitched just as quietly out of habit.
“你为什么要低声说？”卡斯蒂尔问道，声音同样出于习惯而低沉。

"Why are you?" Dean smiles. He strokes Castiel's cheek with the back of his hand, then leans in and gently places a kiss on Castiel's forehead, then on his lips. When Castiel only blinks at him, he goes in for another, this one longer. His hands frame Castiel's face, not quite holding him still, but definitely holding him.
“你为什么？”迪恩微笑着。他用手背抚摸着卡斯蒂尔的脸颊，然后俯身轻轻地在卡斯蒂尔的额头上亲了一口，然后又在他的嘴唇上亲了一口。当卡斯蒂尔只对他眨了眨眼时，他又进去了，这个时间更长。他的手勾勒着卡斯蒂尔的脸，虽然没有完全把他抱住，但绝对是抱着他。

The third kiss, Castiel responds. He opens his mouth a little bit and Dean takes the opportunity immediately, licking the inside of his mouth and then sucking on his bottom lip. He pauses only to breathe warm air into Castiel's mouth, then kisses him again and again. Castiel explores the sensation of stubble and the softness of Dean's lips, curious. A tense arousal sits low in his body, a clash of desire and fear.
第三个吻，卡斯蒂尔回应道。他张开嘴，迪恩立即抓住机会，舔了舔他的嘴里，然后吮吸了他的下唇。他停顿了一下，只是向卡斯蒂尔的嘴里呼吸温暖的空气，然后一次又一次地亲吻他。卡斯蒂尔好奇地探索着胡茬的感觉和迪恩嘴唇的柔软。一种紧张的兴奋在他的身体低处，一种欲望和恐惧的冲突。

Dean withdraws only to rise to his feet and kneel on the bed, leaning over Castiel with one hand holding him up. He's close enough that even though they're not touching, Castiel can feel the heat emanating from his body.
迪恩退后，却站起来跪在床上，靠在卡斯蒂尔身上，一只手托住他。他离得足够近，即使他们没有接触，卡斯蒂尔也能感觉到他身上散发出的热量。

He kisses Castiel more wildly, leaving Castiel's lips wet before he moves to Castiel's jaw. He plants little sucking kisses along his neck and Castiel gives a whole-body twitch. A moan slips out and Castiel freezes in surprise. Dean matches the noise with a moan of his own, panting against Castiel's neck.
他更疯狂地吻了卡斯蒂尔，让卡斯蒂尔的嘴唇湿润，然后移到卡斯蒂尔的下巴上。他在脖子上种下了小小的吸吮吻，卡斯蒂尔全身抽搐。一声呻吟声传出，卡斯蒂尔惊讶地愣住了。迪恩将噪音与他自己的呻吟声相匹配，靠在卡斯蒂尔的脖子上喘着粗气。

Dean uses his free hand to skim along Castiel's body, starting at this cheek before running down his neck to his chest, open palm against Castiel's pectoral. Then he slides his hand down Castiel's side, to where his boxers sit on his hips. He rubs the skin there, where Castiel's hipbone juts out, just like the first time Castiel slept in the same bed as Dean. Castiel, every nerve in his body screaming different things at him, thinks it must be deliberate.
迪恩用他空着的手掠过卡斯蒂尔的身体，从脸颊开始，然后沿着他的脖子一直延伸到他的胸部，张开手掌抵在卡斯蒂尔的胸肌上。然后他把手从卡斯蒂尔的身体上滑下来，到他的拳击手坐在他臀部的地方。他揉了揉那里的皮肤，卡斯蒂尔的髋骨突出的地方，就像卡斯蒂尔第一次和迪恩睡在同一张床上一样。卡斯蒂尔，他身体的每一根神经都在对他尖叫着不同的东西，认为这一定是故意的。

Those fingers stroke along the boxer's band, then slip under, tracing the trail of hair that leads to Castiel's cock.
这些手指沿着拳击手的带子抚摸，然后滑下去，追踪通往卡斯蒂尔阴茎的头发痕迹。

Castiel grabs that hand in panic and Dean immediately stops. "Okay," Dean whispers into Castiel's mouth.
卡斯蒂尔惊慌失措地抓住了那只手，迪恩立即停了下来。“好吧，”迪恩在卡斯蒂尔的嘴里低声说。

He withdraws his hand, but instead of backing off like Castiel expects him to, he lowers the lower half of his body so that Dean's cock is pressed against Castiel's thigh and thrusts against it, so Castiel can clearly feel the hard line of his cock, even the soft weight of his balls. Dean kisses Castiel as he does it, open-mouthed and then biting his lips very gently. Castiel groans and thrusts upward on instinct, finding Dean's thigh a pleasurable pressure.
他收回了手，但并没有像卡斯蒂尔期望的那样后退，而是降低了下半身，让迪恩的阴茎压在卡斯蒂尔的大腿上并推向它，这样卡斯蒂尔就可以清楚地感觉到他阴茎的坚硬线条，甚至是他睾丸的柔软重量。迪恩一边亲吻卡斯蒂尔，一边张开嘴，然后非常轻柔地咬住他的嘴唇。卡斯蒂尔呻吟着，本能地向上抽插，发现迪恩的大腿是一种愉悦的压力。

"I ¨C oh," Castiel says, voice pitched too high. "Dean." He places both hands on Dean's chest and applies light pressure, like a question, like asking.
“我——哦，”卡斯蒂尔说，声音太高了。“迪恩。”他将双手放在迪恩的胸前，轻轻按压，像提问，像在问。

"Please," Dean begs, voice filled with arousal. "Like this? Please." He takes one of Castiel's hands and kisses it before letting him go and riding Castiel's thigh again, one long, slow thrust. "Cas, I want you so bad."
“求求你了，”迪恩恳求道，声音中充满了兴奋。“像这样？求求你了。他握住卡斯蒂尔的一只手，亲吻了它，然后放开他，再次骑在卡斯蒂尔的大腿上，一次又长又缓慢的。”卡斯，我非常想要你。”

Castiel doesn't know what to do, what to think. He can tell he's half-hard, and that he's not going to come without being touched. But he's not sure he wants to come. He's not sure he wants Dean to come on him, either. Panic robs him of his words and makes him breathe fast. Dean responds to his silence by kissing him again, carefully and thoroughly. He doesn't keep riding Castiel, instead focusing all his efforts into turning Castiel on ¨C first just the kissing, then a thumb lightly caressing his nipple. Dean scratches up his ribs lightly, before pressing his palm against Castiel's skin, into the small of his back so he can encourage Castiel to thrust upward. Castiel lets his hands fall to his sides.
卡斯蒂尔不知道该做什么，不知道该怎么想。他看得出来，他已经硬了一半，而且他不会在不被触碰的情况下高潮。但他不确定自己是否想来。他也不确定自己是否希望迪恩来攻击他。恐慌夺走了他的话语，让他呼吸急促。迪恩再次亲吻他，小心而彻底地回应他的沉默。他没有继续骑在卡斯蒂尔身上，而是集中所有精力让卡斯蒂尔兴奋——首先只是亲吻，然后用拇指轻轻抚摸他的。迪恩轻轻地抓挠他的肋骨，然后将手掌压在卡斯蒂尔的皮肤上，进入他的小背，这样他就可以鼓励卡斯蒂尔向上推。卡斯蒂尔让他的手垂在身体两侧。

It's all strange and new. The sensation of another man instead of a woman, the way Dean's body is so much harder and larger. Dean's cock, separated from Castiel's skin by only thin fabric. Once he hit thirty, Castiel never expected to share a bed with a man. And he definitely never expected it to be like this, where Dean has so much power over him.
这一切都是奇怪和新的。另一个男人而不是女人的感觉，迪恩的身体如此坚硬和更大。迪恩的阴茎，与卡斯蒂尔的皮肤仅隔着薄薄的布料。三十岁后，卡斯蒂尔从未想过会和一个男人同床共枕。而且他绝对没想到会是这样的，迪恩对他有如此大的权力。

In some way, Castiel chose Dean by not dialing his brother. Can he go back from that? Does he want to?
在某种程度上，卡斯蒂尔选择了迪恩，没有给他的兄弟打电话。他能从中回去吗？他想回去吗？

As if finally sensing his panic, Dean lays on top of him with the majority of his weight, chest to chest, hip to hip, his legs over Castiel's. His cock is a warm, solid line against Castiel's stomach, side by side with Castiel's own half-hard cock. One of his hands holds some of his weight, and the other holds down Castiel's wrist. "Shh," Dean whispers into Castiel's ear. "Calm down. I'm here." He kisses Castiel's neck. "I can make you feel so good, if you let me."
仿佛终于感觉到了他的恐慌，迪恩用大部分的体重趴在他身上，胸对胸，臀部对臀部，双腿放在卡斯蒂尔的腿上。他的阴茎是一条温暖的实线贴在卡斯蒂尔的腹部上，与卡斯蒂尔自己半硬的阴茎并排。他的一只手握住了部分重量，另一只手按住了卡斯蒂尔的手腕。“嘘，”迪恩在卡斯蒂尔耳边低语。“冷静点。我在这。”他亲吻了卡斯蒂尔的脖子。“如果你允许我，我可以让你感觉很好。”

Dean's weight holds him down and still. It gives him no choice. Staring into Dean's green eyes, Castiel slowly calms down. He can give in. He can do that. Then it's not his responsibility. Fear of being vulnerable ratchets upwards at the same time his body relaxes.
Dean 的重量压住了他，一动不动。这让他别无选择。凝视着 Dean 的绿色眼睛，Castiel 慢慢地平静下来。他可以屈服。他可以做到。那么这不是他的责任。对脆弱的恐惧在他的身体放松的同时逐渐上升。

"That's it, Cas. That's it. Can I touch you?" Dean asks. "My hand around you? My mouth?"
“就是这样，Cas。就是这样。我可以摸摸你吗？”Dean 问道。“我的手搂着你？我的嘴？

Castiel opens his mouth but no words come out. He's not even sure what he would say. Then, "Okay."
卡斯蒂尔张开嘴，但没有说出任何话来。他甚至不确定自己会说什么。然后，“好吧。

Dean breaks into a full, wide smile. He lifts off of Castiel enough to slip a hand to Castiel's boxers, then under the band, until his hand meets Castiel's cock. This time Castiel doesn't stop him. He grips it firmly and strokes, thumb rubbing the slit with each repetition. Castiel thrusts upwards and moans, following his body's instinct to chase the pleasure. His hands clench into fists at his sides. "Oh fuck," Dean says. "You're beautiful like this."
迪恩露出了一个灿烂的笑容。他从卡斯蒂尔身上抬起，将一只手滑到卡斯蒂尔的四角内裤上，然后滑到带子下面，直到他的手碰到卡斯蒂尔的阴茎。这一次卡斯蒂尔没有阻止他。他牢牢地抓住它并抚摸，每次重复时拇指都会摩擦缝隙。卡斯蒂尔向上抽插并呻吟着，跟随他身体追逐快感的本能。他的双手在身体两侧握成拳头。“哦，操，”迪恩说。“你这样很漂亮。”

After a few more long strokes, Dean rises up slightly. He shifts where Castiel can't see, then Castiel feels the bare and damp head of Dean's cock against his upper thigh, and Dean thrusts lightly, leaving a wet line of precome.
又长了几下后，迪恩微微站起来。他移动到卡斯蒂尔看不见的地方，然后卡斯蒂尔感觉到迪恩裸露潮湿的阴茎头抵住他的大腿上部，迪恩轻轻抽插，留下一条湿漉漉的前线。

He's having sex with Dean. With his captor. Everything else about Dean ¨C the supernatural being real, saving the world ¨C fades into nothing. There's just him and Dean, in the same bed.
他正在和迪恩发生性关系。和他的俘虏。关于迪恩——超自然存在，拯救世界——的其他一切都化为乌有。只有他和迪恩在同一张床上。

Dean's hand is on his cock, working him to a full erection. In return Castiel can feel the soft skin of Dean's cockhead. He can even feel where it flares outward an inch from the tip, can feel it when his whole cock pulses with arousal. He grips Dean's arms, to push him away or pull him closer, something, but he can't move any further. Dean takes it as a sign of welcome, kisses the center of Castiel's chest, just over his heart. Some part of Castiel wants to panic, is panicking. Another part says, This is going to happen. Let Dean take control. This is not your responsibility.
迪恩的手放在他的阴茎上，使他完全勃起。作为回报，卡斯蒂尔可以感觉到迪恩阴茎头柔软的皮肤。他甚至可以感觉到它在距离尖端一英寸的地方向外张开，当他的整个阴茎因兴奋而跳动时也能感觉到。他抓住迪恩的手臂，推开他或拉近他，什么的，但他不能再动了。迪恩把它当作欢迎的标志，亲吻了卡斯蒂尔的胸膛中央，就在他的心脏上方。卡斯蒂尔的某些部分想要恐慌，正在恐慌。另一部分说，这将会发生。让迪恩掌控一切。这不是你的责任。

Castiel doesn't know how long it's been, how long Dean's been riding his thigh or caressing Castiel's dick. But he feels the orgasm closing in, his balls tightening up. He moans without control and his head tips backwards as his entire body tenses up and then he comes. Hot and fast into Dean's hand.
卡斯蒂尔不知道已经过去了多久，迪恩骑在他的大腿上或爱抚卡斯蒂尔的鸡巴有多久了。但他感觉到高潮越来越近，他的睾丸收紧了。他不受控制地呻吟着，他的头向后倾斜，整个身体都绷紧了，然后他就高潮了。热而快地进入迪恩的手中。

"Oh, Cas," Dean says, sounding faint. He thrusts against Castiel's thigh one more time and then hot liquid spills over Castiel's skin.
“哦，卡斯，”迪恩说，听起来很微弱。他再次推击卡斯蒂尔的大腿，然后滚烫的液体洒在卡斯蒂尔的皮肤上。

Castiel lays there, panting and wrung out, marked by semen. His own, and Dean's. His mind is blank and floating. He can do nothing more than stare at the ceiling, even when Dean leaves the bed. Even when Dean returns, gently pulls off his boxers and then cleans up their semen. He's naked, and Dean is naked, but they've had sex now, so what does that last line of defense matter? Castiel let this happen. He can't go back. If he said no tomorrow to sex, Dean would listen. But sooner or later, Castiel would give in because Castiel is weak.
卡斯蒂尔躺在那里，气喘吁吁，被精液压干，上面有精液的痕迹。他自己的，也是迪恩的。他的大脑是空白的，漂浮着。他只能盯着天花板，即使迪恩离开床。即使迪恩回来，也会轻轻地脱下他的平角内裤，然后清理他们的精液。他赤身裸体，迪恩赤身裸体，但他们现在已经发生了性关系，那么最后一道防线又有什么关系呢？卡斯蒂尔让这一切发生。他不能回去了。如果他明天拒绝做爱，迪恩会听的。但迟早，卡斯蒂尔会屈服，因为卡斯蒂尔很虚弱。

Castiel thinks he consented. He said yes. But at the same time he's not sure he knows what consent is, in this situation.
卡斯蒂尔认为他同意了。他说是的。但与此同时，他不确定在这种情况下他知道什么是同意。

"Fuck, Cas, don't cry," Dean says, sounding panicked. He wipes away Castiel's tears, hesitates, leaves and then returns with the blanket he'd kicked to the floor. He wraps it around Castiel and himself, hugs Castiel close. It's even comforting, to have Dean pressed against him. He's used to it, after five months of sharing a bed. He closes his eyes briefly, noting how different it feels to have skin against skin in this context. It's closer, warmer. Cas moves for the first time, pressing his entire body into Dean's. "Shh, Cas. You did good. I love you, I love you so much."
“操，卡斯，别哭，”迪恩说，听起来很惊慌。他擦干卡斯蒂尔的眼泪，犹豫了一下，离开了，然后带着他踢到地板上的毯子回来了。他把它包裹在卡斯蒂尔和他自己身上，紧紧地拥抱着卡斯蒂尔。迪恩压在他身上甚至令人欣慰。他已经习惯了，在同床共处了五个月之后。他短暂地闭上眼睛，注意到在这种情况下皮肤与皮肤的感觉是多么不同。它更近了，更温暖了。卡斯第一次移动，将整个身体压在迪恩的身上。“嘘，卡斯。你做得很好。我爱你，我非常爱你。

Castiel looks at Dean, who stares back at him with love and worry. He thinks that Dean doesn't understand how it feels to be taken, and to give in to it. Otherwise Dean wouldn't have pushed Castiel this far, because Dean does love him. Possessive, frightening love. But also enough to fill the whole world, totally encompassing love.
卡斯蒂尔看着迪恩，迪恩用爱和担忧盯着他。他认为迪恩不明白被带走并屈服于它的感觉。否则迪恩不会把卡斯蒂尔逼到这一步，因为迪恩确实爱他。占有欲强，可怕的爱。但也足以填满整个世界，完全包含爱。

Castiel squeezes his eyes shut and then whispers, "I know."
卡斯蒂尔闭上眼睛，然后低声说：“我知道。

Chapter 5
第五章

Notes:
笔记：

Warnings (spoilers!): Dubious consent blowjob (receiving), mild self-injury.
警告（剧透！）：可疑的同意口交（接受），轻度自残。

Feedback is always loved!
反馈永远是受欢迎的！

Chapter Text
章节正文

The next morning, Castiel wakes second; Dean is already gone. For a moment he's confused by his nudity, and then he remembers what happened last night.
第二天早上，卡斯蒂尔第二次醒来;迪恩已经走了。有那么一会儿，他被自己的裸体弄得一头雾水，然后他想起了昨晚发生的事情。

He had sex with Dean. He let Dean have sex with him.
他和迪恩发生了性关系。他让迪恩和他发生性关系。

He gets up and walks to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He examines his skin, but Dean was thorough last night ¨C there's no dried semen anywhere. As far as sex goes, it was even fairly tame, what they did. Castiel didn't even really touch Dean, just his arms and chest. And when he looks in the mirror, he looks the same. He supposes. Same hair, getting way too long. Same blue eyes, except they look uncertain and anxious. Two emotions he never had much use for, that during the rare times he did feel them, he was simply able to push them away and continue the task at hand. Because there always was a task ¨C you don't get into the FBI by not working hard.
他起身走向浴室，关上身后的门。他检查了自己的皮肤，但迪恩昨晚很彻底——任何地方都没有干精液。就性而言，他们所做的甚至相当温和。卡斯蒂尔甚至没有真正触摸迪恩，只是触摸他的手臂和胸部。当他照镜子时，他看起来还是一样的。他想。同样的头发，太长了。同样的蓝眼睛，只是看起来不确定和焦虑。两种情绪他从来没有太大用处，在他确实感觉到它们的罕见时刻，他只是能够将它们推开并继续手头的任务。因为总有一项任务——你不会因为不努力而进入联邦调查局。

What is his use now, except to be Dean's?
他现在除了成为迪恩的之外还有什么用？

Of course Dean took that away from him. His job, his purpose. Dean is trying to change Castiel's entire perspective and wrap Castiel's thoughts around him. And he's not failing.
当然，迪恩从他手中夺走了这一点。他的工作，他的目的。迪恩正试图改变卡斯蒂尔的整个观点，并将卡斯蒂尔的想法包裹在他身上。而且他并没有失败。

Castiel drops his head to his chest and grabs the sides of the sink. A little flutter of panic works its way up him, waiting to be spilled out of his mouth. He exhales harshly and wipes his mouth, swallows and swallows.
卡斯蒂尔把头靠在胸前，抓住水槽的两侧。一阵惊慌的颤动从他身上蔓延开来，等待着从他的嘴里溢出来。他粗重地呼了一口气，擦了擦嘴，吞了又咽。

But he runs through a list of all the good Dean has done. Dean and his brother saved the world, not once but at least twice, and that's just the things Castiel knows to be true. Yes, Sam began the apocalypse, but when both heaven and hell are manipulating you that becomes difficult to stop. Castiel is the innocent prisoner of someone who saved the world. Does that even the scale? Does Castiel owe Dean for saving his life and the lives of everyone he loves? Does he owe Dean his body and his loyalty for that?
但他列出了迪恩所做的所有好事。迪恩和他的兄弟拯救了世界，不是一次，而是至少两次，而这正是卡斯蒂尔知道的事实。是的，山姆开始了世界末日，但当天堂和地狱都在纵你时，这就变得很难阻止了。卡斯蒂尔是拯救世界的人的无辜囚犯。这甚至是规模吗？卡斯蒂尔欠迪恩拯救他和他所爱之人的生命吗？他欠迪恩他的身体和他的忠诚吗？

Philosophically, most would say no. Castiel would have. Hotchner and the team would. And even Castiel still does. If he had been able to get away from Dean without putting Dean in prison, he would have done it. He thinks he still would.
从哲学上讲，大多数人会说不。卡斯蒂尔会的。霍奇纳和团队会的。甚至卡斯蒂尔仍然这样做。如果他能够在不把迪恩关进监狱的情况下逃离迪恩，他就会这样做。他认为他仍然会。

And yet, Dean's not a horrible person. That's what makes this so fucking horrible. Castiel can't help but think about how careful Dean has been with him, how much Dean loves him, how Dean tries to please him, and that completely screws up his internal ability to remain objective. Castiel's own conflicted feelings and assorted issues aren't Dean's fault. Well. They are. But it's not intentional on Dean's part. He wants happiness and he can't get it unless he keeps Castiel prisoner. He knows he can't get it otherwise.
然而，迪恩并不是一个可怕的人。这就是让这他妈的如此可怕的原因。卡斯蒂尔不禁想起迪恩对他有多小心，迪恩有多爱他，迪恩如何试图取悦他，这完全破坏了他保持客观的内在能力。卡斯蒂尔自己的矛盾情绪和各种各样的问题并不是迪恩的错。 井。 他们是。但这并不是迪恩故意的。他想要幸福，除非他囚禁卡斯蒂尔，否则他无法得到幸福。他知道否则他无法得到它。

Dean is a good man. Slightly crazy, but a good man. Dean saved the world. Dean let his brother go.
迪恩是个好人。有点疯狂，但是一个好人。迪恩拯救了世界。迪恩放过了他的兄弟。

Dean won't let Castiel go.
迪恩不会放过卡斯蒂尔。

Castiel takes his limp cock in hand, lifts it to examine it. How strange that yesterday Dean made him come. That Dean kissed him and took him apart, and Castiel just lay there and let it happen and didn't fight. How strange that Dean wants this, this part of him.
卡斯蒂尔把他软弱的阴茎拿在手里，抬起来检查它。昨天迪恩让他来了，真奇怪。迪恩亲吻了他，把他拆开了，卡斯蒂尔只是躺在那里，任由它发生，没有战斗。迪恩想要这个，他的这一部分，多么奇怪。

The mirror shows a tired face when he looks up. He doesn't feel like an FBI agent anymore. He doesn't feel that easy confidence and drive to do the job. His thoughts are all twisted up and he can't unravel it. Squinting at the mirror, he decides he doesn't even look like an agent anymore. Hair too long, always wearing t-shirts and sweats.
当他抬起头时，镜子里露出了一张疲惫的脸。他不再觉得自己像个联邦调查局特工了。他没有那么轻松的自信和动力来完成这项工作。他的思绪都扭曲了，他无法解开它。眯着眼睛看着镜子，他决定自己甚至不再像特工了。头发太长，总是穿着 T 恤和运动衫。

Castiel clenches his hand into a fist and swings at the mirror.
卡斯蒂尔握紧了手，握成拳头，对着镜子挥舞。

It shatters into several large pieces, most of which actually stick to the backing. The rest fall into the sink and to the floor. His hand is bleeding from a few deep cuts and when he relaxes his hand from a fist, he feels the motion tug at torn skin. Blood drips off his fingertips. Moving carefully, he picks up a large shard, looking at the edge.
它碎成几块大块，其中大部分实际上粘在背衬上。其余的掉进水槽和地板上。他的手被几道深深的伤口划了下来，当他从拳头上松开手时，他感觉到动作拉扯着撕裂的皮肤。鲜血从他的指尖滴落。小心翼翼地移动，他捡起一大块碎片，看着边缘。

There's a knock at the door. "Cas?" Pause. "I thought I heard something, are you okay?"
有人敲门。“卡斯？” 暂停。 “我以为我听到了什么，你还好吗？”

The shard is sharp on all sides, so if Castiel wants to use it he's going to cut his palm in the process.
碎片的四面都是锋利的，所以如果卡斯蒂尔想使用它，他会在这个过程中割伤他的手掌。

"Cas, you have twenty seconds to respond or I'm coming in."
“卡斯，你有二十秒的时间回应，否则我进来。”

But what would he use it for?
但他会用它做什么呢？

The door opens with a slow creak. Dean is standing in the doorway. Castiel can see his bare feet out of the corner of his eye. Dean takes a tiny step forward, then rocks back on his heel.
门缓慢地吱吱作响地打开了。迪恩站在门口。卡斯蒂尔用眼角的余光可以看到他赤脚。迪恩向前迈出了一小步，然后脚后跟向后摇晃。

Castiel looks up from the bloody mess he's made of himself. "Can I get a haircut?"
Castiel 从他自己身上的血淋淋的烂摊子中抬起头来。“我可以理发吗？”

Dean swallows once, then twice. His eyes are wide. "Sure. Need to clean up first, though. Mind handing me that?" he asks, pointing at the mirror shard. He steps fully into the bathroom and holds out an open palm.
Dean 咽了一口口水，然后咽了两口口水。他睁大了眼睛。“当然。不过，需要先清理一下。介意把那个递给我吗？”他指着镜子碎片问道。他完全走进浴室，伸出一只张开的手掌。

Castiel sets it carefully in his hand.
卡斯蒂尔小心翼翼地将它放在手中。

"Thanks, Cas." He places the shard in the sink and with his other hand he grabs Castiel's upper arm, pulling him to his feet. "I'm going to get you to the kitchen, then clean up your hand."
“谢谢，卡斯。”他把碎片放在水槽里，用另一只手抓住卡斯蒂尔的上臂，把他拉起来。“我要带你去厨房，然后清理你的手。”

And he does just that, Castiel completely compliant when Dean physically puts him in a chair. Dean's slightly out of breath when he returns, but he immediately sets to cleaning out the cuts with rubbing alcohol. He frowns at their size before bandaging the smaller ones. The largest cut, between two knuckles almost up to his wrist, he decides to sew up. It even looks like medical grade thread, the kind that dissolves after a few days. He numbs it first, then puts in perfectly precise stitches.
他就是这么做的，当迪恩把他放在椅子上时，卡斯蒂尔完全顺从了。当他回来时，迪恩有点喘不过气来，但他立即开始用外用酒精清理伤口。他皱起眉头看着它们的大小，然后包扎较小的伤口。最大的伤口，在两个指关节之间，几乎到手腕，他决定缝合。它甚至看起来像医用级线，几天后就会溶解的那种。他先麻木它，然后缝上非常精确的针。

"Cas. Look at me."
“卡斯，看看我。”

Castiel does.
卡斯蒂尔做到了。

"I'm going to make eggs, okay? Then we're going to watch a movie in the den. You need to stay here while I cook. Got it?"
“我要做鸡蛋，好吗？然后我们要去书房看电影。我做饭的时候，你需要留在这里。明白了吗？

Castiel nods.
卡斯蒂尔点点头。

"Okay. Tomorrow when you're a bit healed up, we can cut your hair."
“好。明天等你稍微好一点，我们就可以给你剪头发了。

Dean speeds through breakfast. Castiel, if he didn't know Dean, wouldn't have seen it. But Dean usually makes his way leisurely through cooking, as it's something he enjoys doing. He'll even usually chatter as he goes about past meals, and some hilariously bad ones he made while John left him and Sam alone in a hotel room with only a microwave.
迪恩吃早餐的速度很快。卡斯蒂尔，如果他不认识迪恩，就不会看到它。但迪恩通常会悠闲地做饭，因为这是他喜欢做的事情。他甚至通常会在吃饭时喋喋不休，以及他做的一些搞笑的糟糕食物，而约翰则把他和山姆单独留在酒店房间里，只有微波炉。

He doesn't even bother to put the dishes in the dishwasher. He takes Castiel to their couch and sits him there. Castiel spends almost five minutes staring at the blank TV screen before Dean says hesitantly, "Cas, can you talk to me?"
他甚至懒得把盘子放进洗碗机。他把卡斯蒂尔带到他们的沙发上，让他坐在那里。卡斯蒂尔盯着空白的电视屏幕呆了将近五分钟，然后迪恩犹豫地说：“卡斯，你能和我谈谈吗？

Castiel looks him in the eye. "We had sex."
Castiel 看着他的眼睛。“我们做爱了。”

"Well, technically ¨C you know what, never mind. Yeah, we did. Is that what this is about?"
“嗯，从技术上讲——你知道吗，没关系。是的，我们做到了。这就是关于这个的吗？

Castiel covers his face with his hands. "I don't know."
卡斯蒂尔用手捂住脸。“我不知道。”

"Did you want to? Have sex?" Dean asks.
“你想吗？做爱？迪恩问道。

"I don't know that, either," Castiel says plainly, dropping his hands to look at Dean.
“我也不知道，”Castiel 平淡地说，放下双手看着 Dean。

Poorly hidden shock and guilt flash across Dean's face. He rubs his mouth, not able to meet Castiel's gaze, then nods. "I'm sorry, Cas. I really ¨C I really am so sorry. I've never been that guy." He winces. "Okay, so I have. In hell. But I never meant to hurt you. I should have, we should have talked about it first. I shouldn't have just pushed that on you."
难以掩饰的震惊和内疚在迪恩的脸上闪过。他揉了揉嘴，无法与卡斯蒂尔的目光对视，然后点了点头。“对不起，卡斯。我真的——我真的很抱歉。我从来都不是那个人。”他皱起眉头。“好吧，我有过。在地狱里。但我从来没想过伤害你。我应该，我们应该先谈谈这件事。我不应该把它强加给你。

Castiel frowns, emotions starting to break his numbness. It's uncomfortable and he doesn't like it. "You once told me you had a rule, with Sam. That Winchesters don't apologize, they make it right."
Castiel 皱起眉头，情绪开始打破他的麻木。这很不舒服，他不喜欢这样。“你曾经告诉我，你有一条规则，和山姆在一起。温彻斯特一家不会道歉，他们会纠正错误。

"Tell me, Cas. How do I make it right?" Dean rushes out the words, searching Castiel's eyes.
“告诉我，卡斯。我该怎么说好？迪恩匆忙说出这句话，搜索着卡斯蒂尔的眼睛。

Castiel smiles at him sadly. "You won't."
卡斯蒂尔悲伤地对他笑了笑。“你不会的。”

"You still want to escape," Dean states.
“你还想逃跑，”迪恩说。

"I don't want to hurt you."
“我不想伤害你。”

Dean exhales roughly. "That's why you didn't make the call. Isn't it?"
Dean 粗暴地呼了口气。“这就是你没有打电话的原因。不是吗？

Castiel feels his throat go tight and looks down. "I don't deserve to be a prisoner, but neither do you."
卡斯蒂尔感到喉咙发紧，低头看去。“我不配当囚犯，但你也不配。”

Dean scrambles off the couch to the floor, making Castiel start. He kneels in front of Castiel, and this isn't the first time he's done it, but it's as powerful now as it was then, because Castiel knows that Dean doesn't kneel to anyone. Dean smiles painfully. "I've never apologized so much in life as I have with you. Don't get me wrong, I knew I would have to. That I would need to." He pauses. "I'm working on getting you a way to call your brother without it being tracked. I wanted to wait to tell you for your birthday, in month, but. I'm working on it."
Dean 从沙发上爬到地板上，让 Castiel 开始行动。他跪在 Castiel 面前，这不是他第一次这样做，但现在和当时一样强大，因为 Castiel 知道 Dean 不会向任何人跪下。Dean 痛苦地笑了笑。“我一生中从来没有像对你这样道歉过。不要误会我的意思，我知道我必须这样做。我需要这样做。他停顿了一下。”我正在努力让你找到一种方法，可以在不被跟踪的情况下给你的兄弟打电话。我想等一个月后告诉你生日，但是。我正在努力。

Castiel blinks at him.
卡斯蒂尔对他眨了眨眼。

"The bunker has a secret exit that opens onto a huge field," Dean continues. "I'm going to change the boundaries on the cuff to let you outside."
“地堡有一个秘密出口，通向一个巨大的场地，”迪恩继续说道。“我要改变袖口上的边界，让你出去。”

Castiel knows that perhaps a psychologist would call this emotional manipulation. But while Dean is many things, a manipulator isn't one of them. His mind doesn't work that way. To him, this is a gift. It is to Castiel, too. And that's dangerous. Mouth dry, he says, "Thank you."
卡斯蒂尔知道，也许心理学家会称之为情绪纵。但是，虽然迪恩有很多东西，但纵者不是其中之一。他的思想不是这样运作的。对他来说，这是一份礼物。对卡斯蒂尔来说也是如此。这很危险。他口干舌燥，说：“谢谢你。

Then Dean whispers, "Did I rape you?"
然后迪恩低声说：“我强奸了你吗？

This is manipulation. This is. But even as he knows that any member of the BAU would tell him so, it still affects him. "I don't think so," he says slowly, and he thinks it's the truth.
这就是纵。 这是。 但即使他知道 BAU 的任何成员都会这么告诉他，这仍然影响着他。“我不这么认为，”他缓缓地说，他认为这是事实。

Dean closes his eyes briefly. "Okay. How is your hand doing?" He stands.
迪恩短暂地闭上了眼睛。“好的。你的手怎么样了？”他站了起来。

Curling his hand sparks pain, but the stitches hold. "All right."
卷曲他的手会引发疼痛，但缝线仍然有效。“好吧。”

"Time to go watch a movie, then. You've never watched Men in Black, right?"
“那么，是时候去看电影了。你从来没看过《黑衣人》，对吧？

-----------------------------

Castiel's hand heals slowly. It still protests any movement when Dean sits him in the bathroom with a shaver and gently tilts his head just so, while hair falls to the floor. Dean gets rid of most of the length, so his hair is slightly wild instead of actually curly, and then goes in with a bare shaver around the nape of his neck and his ears. He's quick and practiced, and it makes Castiel wonder if this is another thing Sam and Dean did for each other. He can easily imagine Dean cutting Sam's hair as a child; he was certainly responsible for just about everything else.
卡斯蒂尔的手慢慢愈合。当迪恩拿着剃须刀让他坐在浴室里，轻轻地歪着头，头发掉到地板上时，它仍然抗议任何动作。迪恩去掉了大部分长度，所以他的头发有点狂野，而不是实际上是卷曲的，然后用光秃秃的剃须刀绕住他的颈背和耳朵。他速度很快，训练有素，这让卡斯蒂尔怀疑这是否是山姆和迪恩为彼此所做的另一件事。他很容易想象迪恩小时候给山姆剪头发;他当然对其他一切负责。

Though he expects otherwise, Dean doesn't make another sexual move. Instead he curls around Castiel at night just like before, taking a shower before bed (to masturbate, presumably) and then leaving in the night if he does wake up aroused.
尽管他预计并非如此，但迪恩并没有做出另一次性行为。相反，他像以前一样在晚上蜷缩在卡斯蒂尔身边，睡前洗个澡（大概是为了自慰），然后在晚上离开，如果他确实醒来了。

Which happens a lot more than Castiel remembers.
这种情况发生的次数比卡斯蒂尔记忆中的要多得多。

Some part of Castiel regrets it when Dean leaves, and the rest of him is relieved. He doesn't know what he would do if Dean came on to him again. It was pleasurable and he enjoyed it, at least physically, but it also terrified him and made him feel like he was slipping off an edge he didn't even know was there.
当迪恩离开时，卡斯蒂尔的某些部分后悔了，而他的其余部分则松了一口气。他不知道如果迪恩再次来找他，他会怎么做。这很愉快，他很享受，至少在身体上是这样，但这也让他感到害怕，让他觉得自己正在从一个他甚至不知道的边缘滑落。

But as the days pass, the numbness of losing his brother begins to fade and he relaxes in Dean's presence again.
但随着时间的流逝，失去兄弟的麻木感开始消退，他在迪恩面前再次放松下来。

The day of Castiel's birthday, he wakes up to the faint smell of pancakes and the sound of Dean singing Led Zeppelin. He wanders to the kitchen and finds a plate of pancakes with berries arranged into a smiley face. Whipped cream makes curly hair. He looks up at Dean, unable to repress his smile. "Really, Dean? I'm turning forty, not ten."
卡斯蒂尔生日那天，他在淡淡的煎饼味和迪恩唱齐柏林飞艇的声音中醒来。他走到厨房，发现一盘煎饼，里面有浆果，摆成笑脸。鲜奶油会卷发。他抬头看着迪恩，无法抑制自己的笑容。“真的吗，迪恩？我要四十岁了，而不是十岁。

Dean points a spatula at him. "No complaining!"
迪恩用抹刀指着他。“不抱怨！”

Castiel sits and grabs a fork, still smiling.
卡斯蒂尔坐下来抓起叉子，仍然微笑着。

After flipping a pancake, Dean adds, "I got you presents. I was thinking you could open them at lunch ¨C I made chocolate cheesecake late last night for your cake, like you asked, but I think it could use a few more hours to set. So, cake then presents?"
翻转煎饼后，迪恩补充道，“我给你送了礼物。我以为你可以在午餐时打开它们——我昨晚深夜为你的蛋糕做了巧克力芝士蛋糕，就像你问的那样，但我认为它可能需要几个小时才能凝固。那么，蛋糕然后是礼物？

"All right," Castiel agrees.
“好吧，”卡斯蒂尔同意道。

He's in the middle of eating his pancakes when there's a small flash of light. Castiel looks up, puzzled, and sees Dean standing there guiltily, a small camera in hand.
他正在吃煎饼，突然出现了一道小闪光。卡斯蒂尔不解地抬起头，看到迪恩愧疚地站在那里，手里拿着一个小相机。

"You seriously intend on taking pictures of me opening presents or something?" Castiel asks.
“你真的打算拍我打开礼物什么的？”卡斯蒂尔问道。

Dean clears his throat. "Damn flash. Well. I've been taking pictures longer than that."
迪恩清了清嗓子。“该死的闪光。 井。 我拍照的时间比这更长。

"You've been taking pictures of me." Castiel sets down his fork. "Without my knowledge."
“你一直在给我拍照。”卡斯蒂尔放下叉子。“在我不知情的情况下。”

"Um. Yeah. First just because, and then after you nearly escaped ¨C using the spell ¨C it was like evidence." Dean shrugs and doesn't meet Castiel's eyes.
“嗯。 是的。 首先只是因为，然后在你差点逃脱之后，“使用咒语”，它就像证据一样。迪恩耸了耸肩，没有与卡斯蒂尔对视。

"Evidence of what, kidnapping?"
“绑架，什么证据？”

Dean raises his head at that. "That you were here," he says simply. "That for a while, I had you. That you were mine."
Dean 抬起头来。“你在这里，”他简单地说。“有一段时间，我拥有你。你是我的。

It's disturbing, if only because it does sound like something an obsessive stalker would say. In fact, Castiel has heard words that almost exactly mirror those from stalkers and murderers attempting to justify their actions. Hearing it come out of Dean's mouth shouldn't be a surprise, and yet it is. But rather than keep silent about that conclusion, Castiel asks, "Do you know how incredibly creepy that sounds?"
这令人不安，即使只是因为它听起来确实像一个痴迷的跟踪者会说的话。事实上，卡斯蒂尔听到的话几乎完全反映了跟踪者和杀人犯试图为自己的行为辩护的话。听到它从迪恩嘴里说出来应该不足为奇，但事实确实如此。但卡斯蒂尔并没有对这个结论保持沉默，而是问道：“你知道这听起来有多令人毛骨悚然吗？

"Well. I ¨C okay, yeah." Now Dean looks embarrassed. "It's definitely creepy."
“嗯。我没关系，是的。现在迪恩看起来很尴尬。”这绝对令人毛骨悚然。”

Castiel pauses. "Do I even want to see them?"
卡斯蒂尔停顿了一下。“我什至想见他们吗？”

"It's not like you're naked in any of them!" Dean protests, shoving the camera in Castiel's direction. "Just a few of you sleeping, and reading books and dumb shit like that. Here, take it."
“你穿其中任何一个都不是赤身裸体的！”Dean 抗议道，将相机推向 Castiel 的方向。“你们中只有几个人在睡觉，看书和那种愚蠢的狗屎。来，拿走它。

Castiel picks up his fork. He supposes he should have lost his appetite, but these pancakes are fantastic. So instead he sighs and says, "No, thank you. Just no more taking pictures of me like that. Deal?"
卡斯蒂尔拿起叉子。他认为他应该失去食欲，但这些煎饼太棒了。所以他叹了口气说：“不，谢谢你。只是不要再给我拍那样的照片了。交易？

"Deal," Dean says instantly. He sets the camera on the counter and finishes off the last of the pancake batter before sitting opposite Castiel. He digs into his own pancakes with fervor, apparently satisfied with the deal and not giving it a second thought. It makes Castiel wonder how important those pictures really are to Dean, that he lets it go that easily. Of course Dean could be lying, but Castiel doesn't think he is. As far as Castiel can tell, Dean has never actually lied to him.
“交易，”迪恩立即说。他把相机放在柜台上，吃完了最后一块煎饼面糊，然后坐在卡斯蒂尔对面。他热情地吃着自己的煎饼，显然对这笔交易很满意，没有多想。这让卡斯蒂尔想知道这些照片对迪恩来说到底有多重要，他这么容易就放手了。当然，迪恩可能在撒谎，但卡斯蒂尔不认为他是在撒谎。据卡斯蒂尔所知，迪恩从未真正对他撒过谎。

They watch Hot Fuzz after breakfast (when Castiel says, "This is the most realistic cop movie I've ever seen," Dean bursts out laughing), then Dean asks Castiel to go read something while he gathers the presents from the parts of the bunker Castiel isn't allowed to go.
他们在早餐后观看了《热绒毛》（当卡斯蒂尔说，“这是我看过的最现实的警匪片”时，迪恩大笑起来），然后迪恩让卡斯蒂尔去读点东西，而他则从卡斯蒂尔不允许去的地堡部分收集礼物。

The presents are wrapped in bright blue paper. There are all kinds of odd shapes and sizes. Castiel finds himself both amused and puzzled as the heap gets larger. Dean brings the cheesecake last, lit with four candles. "For each decade," Dean explains. "Forty candles would probably set us on fire."
礼物用亮蓝色的纸包裹着。有各种奇怪的形状和大小。卡斯蒂尔发现自己既好笑又困惑，因为堆越来越大。迪恩最后端来芝士蛋糕，用四支蜡烛点燃。“每十年，”迪恩解释道。“四十支蜡烛可能会点燃我们。”

Castiel smiles.
卡斯蒂尔微笑着。

Dean smiles at him and puts the cake down on the coffee table. "Make a wish."
迪恩对他笑了笑，把蛋糕放在茶几上。“许个愿。”

Castiel pauses, then thinks, Let me get out of this without hurting Dean, and blows the candles out.
卡斯蒂尔停顿了一下，然后想，让我在不伤害迪恩的情况下离开这里，然后吹灭了蜡烛。

They divvy up the cheesecake and Castiel eats enough that his stomach aches afterward. It makes him think of Balthazar, because up until this birthday they'd spent every single one of both their birthdays together, eating cake and ice cream until they were sick. Even when Castiel was the BAU, it was like the universe worked around him and let him spend a few days in Texas. Remembering that turns the sweet taste of the cheesecake slightly bitter.
他们平分了芝士蛋糕，卡斯蒂尔吃得足够多，之后他的胃都痛了。这让他想起了巴尔萨泽，因为直到这个生日，他们每个生日都在一起度过，吃蛋糕和冰淇淋，直到他们生病。即使当卡斯蒂尔还是 BAU 时，就像宇宙围绕着他工作，让他在德克萨斯州呆了几天。记住这一点，芝士蛋糕的甜味变得略带苦涩。

"Well," Dean says. "Time for presents?"
“嗯，”迪恩说。“该送礼物了？”

Castiel nods.
卡斯蒂尔点点头。

Dean sets the closets present just out of Castiel's reach from where he sits on the couch. He licks his lips. "Before you open those, I wanted to offer another one."
Dean 把柜子放在 Castiel 坐在沙发上的地方。他舔了舔嘴唇。“在你打开这些之前，我想再提供一个。”

Castiel looks at him warily. "All right."
卡斯蒂尔警惕地看着他。“好吧。”

Dean kneels in front of him, and sets his hands on Castiel's knees. He gently applies pressure to split them, but when Castiel resists he stops. Castiel's breath hitches.
迪恩跪在他面前，双手放在卡斯蒂尔的膝盖上。他轻轻地施加压力，想要劈开它们，但当卡斯蒂尔反抗时，他停了下来。卡斯蒂尔的呼吸急促。

"Are you ¨C" Castiel begins.
“你是吗，”卡斯蒂尔开始说。

"I want to blow you," Dean says urgently.
“我想给你，”迪恩急切地说。

That knocks the breath out of him. "Oh."
这让他喘不过气来。“哦。”

"Can I? I won't touch you otherwise," he adds hastily. "You don't have to touch me at all, either. I just want ¨C I just want to please you."
“我可以吗？否则我不会碰你，”他匆忙补充道。“你也根本不需要碰我。我只是想要——我只是想取悦你。

Castiel stares at him, completely taken aback. It reminds him of some of his coarser coworkers talking about their girlfriends doing this act for Valentine's Day. Dean offers as if they are boyfriends or something. Something. Dean got off with Castiel, but that doesn't imply a relationship in Castiel's mind. Castiel still doesn't know what to think about the fact they had sex. "I ¨C I don't know how I feel about having sex with you. You're a guy and I'm a prisoner, Dean. We're not lovers."
卡斯蒂尔盯着他，完全吃了一惊。这让他想起了他的一些粗鲁的同事谈论他们的女朋友在情人节做这个行为。迪恩提出，就好像他们是男朋友什么的一样。 东西。 迪恩和卡斯蒂尔下了车，但这并不意味着卡斯蒂尔心目中的关系。卡斯蒂尔仍然不知道该如何看待他们发生性关系的事实。“我不知道我对和你发生性关系有什么感觉。你是男人，我是囚犯，迪恩。我们不是恋人。

"I won't do anything you don't want," Dean says, not reacting to most of that. "That's why I'm asking like this. You say no, then the answer is no." Then he waits.
“我不会做任何你不想做的事，”迪恩说，对大部分事情都没有反应。“这就是我这样问的原因。你说不，那么答案是否定的。然后他等待。

Does Castiel want that? Is he capable of wanting that? Can he trust that desire, if it does exist?
卡斯蒂尔想要那个吗？他有能力想要那个吗？如果那个欲望真的存在，他能相信吗？

Because he thinks it does exist, in some capacity. The first time he kissed Dean, he'd failed to get aroused and couldn't even explain to himself why he'd responded at all. The second time, he'd gotten half hard and then Dean had brought him the rest of the way, to a powerful orgasm. The fact that fear and some degree of pressure lie under that is ¡­ confusing. Castiel doesn't know what to do with the conflicting wants. That Dean is a man is a secondary confusion, but still one that exists; he can't decide how much of his lack of interest in reciprocation is because Dean is a man and how much of it is because Dean is his kidnapper. He wants to escape. He also wants to take comfort in Dean's presence. He liked kissing Dean, even if he found the sex itself overwhelming and passing a boundary. He has let his kidnapper have sex with him, and there's shame in that.
因为他认为它确实存在，以某种身份存在。第一次亲吻迪恩时，他没有被唤醒，甚至无法向自己解释他为什么会做出反应。第二次，他已经硬了一半，然后迪恩把他带到了剩下的路，达到了强烈的高潮。恐惧和某种程度的压力隐藏在这背后这一事实令人困惑。卡斯蒂尔不知道该如何处理相互冲突的需求。迪恩是一个男人是一个次要的困惑，但仍然存在;他无法确定他对回报缺乏兴趣在多大程度上是因为迪恩是一个男人，在多大程度上是因为迪恩是绑架他的人。他想逃跑。他也想在迪恩的存在中得到安慰。他喜欢亲吻迪恩，即使他发现性爱本身是压倒性的，并且越过了界限。他让绑架者与他发生性关系，这很可耻。

He wants to say no. He wants to say yes.
他想说不。他想说是。

"Kiss me first," Castiel blurts.
“先吻我，”卡斯蒂尔脱口而出。

Dean looks at him and then slowly smiles. "You like kissing?"
迪恩看着他，然后慢慢地笑了笑。“你喜欢接吻？”

Castiel shifts on the couch, but Dean is already moving, crawling over to the couch and then climbing next to Castiel. His hand skims along Castiel's jawline, teasing at the growing stubble there, and then he's kissing him.
Castiel 在沙发上移动，但 Dean 已经在移动，爬到沙发上，然后爬到 Castiel 旁边。他的手沿着 Castiel 的下巴线掠过，挑逗着那里越来越长的胡茬，然后他亲吻了他。

Without making a conscious decision to do so, Castiel returns those kisses. He buries his hands in Dean's hair, which is surprisingly soft, and Dean's hands don't wander below his neck. Before long Castiel's lips are swollen with being kissed and lightly bitten and sucked. His mouth feels thoroughly used by the time Dean breaks away.
卡斯蒂尔没有做出有意识的决定，而是回敬了那些吻。他把手埋在迪恩的头发里，头发出奇的柔软，迪恩的手也没有在他的脖子下面游荡。不久之后，卡斯蒂尔的嘴唇因被亲吻和轻轻的咬吮而肿胀。当迪恩挣脱时，他的嘴感觉已经被彻底使用了。

"Are you bisexual?" Castiel asks.
“你是双性恋吗？”卡斯蒂尔问道。

Dean blinks, but pauses and answers. "Yeah. I mean, I didn't often go with guys, the hunting community is a bit conservative that way and Dad would've ¨C well, getting caught by him wouldn't have been a good idea. I had a bit of a reputation as a ladies' man, just because I went after women in a more obvious way." He looks at Castiel intently. "Did you ever think about guys?"
Dean 眨了眨眼睛，但停顿了一下，回答道。“是的。我的意思是，我不经常和男人一起去，狩猎界那样有点保守，爸爸会——好吧，被他抓住不是一个好主意。我有点名声，是因为我以一种更明显的方式追求女人。他专注地看着 Castiel。”你有没有想过男人？”

"To be honest, I didn't think much about sexuality at all," Castiel says. "But all my partners were women."
“老实说，我根本没有过多考虑性问题，”卡斯蒂尔说。“但我所有的伴侣都是女性。”

"Well," Dean says with a little smile, "I've been told my blowjobs are mindblowing. Do you want to give one a try?" He caresses Castiel's cheek. "No pressure, though. Honestly. Say the word and you open your real presents."
“嗯，”迪恩微笑着说，“有人告诉我我的口交很令人兴奋。你想试一试吗？”他抚摸着卡斯蒂尔的脸颊。“不过没有压力。 真诚地。 说出这个词，你就会打开你真正的礼物。

Castiel imagines it. Dean sucking him off. It's a surprisingly submissive role for him to take, considering the psychology behind Dean's kidnapping. But then Dean always subverts expectations. "I ¨C" He swallows, and then silently nods. He thinks he wants this. He'll try it.
卡斯蒂尔想象着。迪恩给他。考虑到迪恩被绑架背后的心理，这对他来说是一个令人惊讶的顺从角色。但迪恩总是颠覆预期。“我——”他咽了咽口水，然后默默地点了点头。他认为他想要这个。他会试试的。

"Tell me if you want to stop," Dean murmurs, sliding down Castiel's body.
“如果你想停下来，告诉我，”迪恩喃喃自语，顺着卡斯蒂尔的身体滑了下来。

Dean's hands smooth along Castiel's thighs and up to the waistband of his sleep pants. He hooks his fingers into the band and pulls gently. Castiel lifts his hips up off the couch and Dean pulls both his boxers and pants down to his knees in one fluid motion. Dean gently works it's down past his knees, to his ankles, so Castiel is essentially naked from the waist down. Dean's hands encourage Castiel to move his lower body closer to Dean, while spreading his legs apart. Castiel's throat goes tight and he feels queasy. He has to resist the urge to pull up his pants and run out of the room. Really, only Dean's hands on his skin stops him.
迪恩的手沿着卡斯蒂尔的大腿滑过，一直到睡裤的腰带。他将手指勾入带子并轻轻拉动。卡斯蒂尔将臀部从沙发上抬起，迪恩以一种流畅的动作将他的平角内裤和裤子拉到膝盖上。迪恩轻轻地从膝盖到脚踝，所以卡斯蒂尔从腰部以下基本上是赤身裸体的。迪恩的手鼓励卡斯蒂尔将下半身移近迪恩，同时将双腿分开。卡斯蒂尔的喉咙发紧，他感到恶心。他必须克制住拉起裤子跑出房间的冲动。真的，只有迪恩的手放在他的皮肤上阻止了他。

Castiel's not anywhere near erect and there's no small amount of uncertainty in allowing Dean to do this, but he bites down hard on his hand when Dean takes his entire soft cock into his mouth and begins to suck.
卡斯蒂尔还没有勃起，允许迪恩这样做存在不小的不确定性，但当迪恩将他整个柔软的鸡巴含进嘴里并开始吸吮时，他用力咬住了他的手。

It's hot and wet and Castiel starts when Dean rakes his nails down the inside of his thighs. After less than a minute, he begins to harden. Dean releases his cock and holds it to lick at the tip and the slit, sucking hard on the head. Then he licks his way down to Castiel's balls, which he hefts gently. By this time, Castiel's cock is fully erect and Dean can't quite fit all of it in his mouth.
天气又热又湿，当迪恩用指甲耙到他的大腿内侧时，卡斯蒂尔开始了。不到一分钟后，他开始变硬。迪恩松开他的阴茎，握住它舔舐尖端和缝隙，用力吸吮头部。然后他舔到卡斯蒂尔的睾丸，轻轻地举起睾丸。此时，卡斯蒂尔的阴茎已经完全勃起，迪恩无法完全将其全部放入嘴里。

Castiel doesn't know what he expected, but he didn't foresee the little frown of concentration on Dean's face and the overwhelming lust in his eyes when he looks up at Castiel. His left hand moves over his pants as he sucks. The expression on Dean's face is just as focused, aroused, and emotional as any lover Castiel's ever had.
卡斯蒂尔不知道他期待了什么，但他没有预见到迪恩脸上专注的皱眉和当他抬头看向卡斯蒂尔时眼中压倒性的欲望。他的左手在吸吮时移过裤子。迪恩脸上的表情和卡斯蒂尔的任何情人一样专注、兴奋和情绪化。

That's what he is in Dean's mind. His lover.
这就是他在迪恩心目中的样子。他的爱人。

What is he to Castiel? Not lover, but something just as intense. He stops fighting that, and places a hand on Dean's head, not forcing him down but just holding him. Dean's head bobs and Castiel spares an instant to think that this is wrong ¨C that letting things go this far is wrong. Castiel's feelings for Dean are growing past fear and worry. They're well into a confused attraction and a reluctant feeling of friendship and intimacy.
他对卡斯蒂尔来说是什么？不是情人，而是同样强烈的东西。他停止了对抗，将一只手放在迪恩的头上，没有强迫他倒下，只是抱住他。迪恩的头摇了摇，卡斯蒂尔有一瞬间认为这是错误的——让事情发展到这一步是错误的。卡斯蒂尔对迪恩的感情正在超越恐惧和担忧。他们陷入了一种困惑的吸引力和一种不情愿的友谊和亲密感。

Dean is his kidnapper, but Dean is also his friend.
迪恩是他的绑架者，但迪恩也是他的朋友。

Castiel's orgasm takes him by surprise. He thrusts upward sharply as he feels it come, and Dean has to hold him down and then everything whites out for a second or two.
卡斯蒂尔的高潮让他大吃一惊。当他感觉到高潮来临时，他猛地向上，迪恩不得不按住他，然后一切都变白了一两秒钟。

Castiel comes down from that high gasping. His cock is still in Dean's mouth, who is holding it there without sucking, as if he knows that that would be overstimulating. Castiel looks down into Dean's green eyes, and has the feeling Dean is grinning at him right now.
卡斯蒂尔从那高亢的喘息中下来。他的鸡巴还在迪恩的嘴里，迪恩把它含在那里，没有吸吮，就好像他知道这会过度刺激。卡斯蒂尔低头看着迪恩的绿色眼睛，感觉迪恩现在正在对他咧嘴笑。

When Dean finally lets Castiel's cock slip out of his mouth, he doesn't spit. "You taste good," Dean tells him instead. "Thank you, Cas."
当迪恩终于让卡斯蒂尔的鸡巴从他嘴里滑出时，他没有吐口水。“你味道很好，”迪恩反而告诉他。“谢谢你，卡斯。”

A little hysterical bubble of laughter rises, but Castiel only lets it escape for a second.
一阵歇斯底里的笑声升起，但卡斯蒂尔只让它逃脱了一秒钟。

Dean looks pleased instead of disturbed. He caresses Castiel's genitals, curious and light instead of arousing. "I hope you don't mind, but, uh, I came in my pants." With that, he pulls Castiel's boxers back up, carefully working it around his ass. He tucks in Castiel's dick with an odd sort of fondness. At the same time, Castiel can see the wet spot in his jeans now. "Do you want a shower? I need to change."
迪恩看起来很高兴而不是不安。他抚摸着卡斯蒂尔的生殖器，好奇而轻松，而不是兴奋。“我希望你不介意，但是，呃，我是穿着裤子来的。”说完，他把卡斯蒂尔的四角内裤拉了回来，小心翼翼地在他的屁股上抚摸。他带着一种奇怪的爱意塞进卡斯蒂尔的鸡巴里。与此同时，卡斯蒂尔现在可以看到他牛仔裤上的湿点。“你想洗澡吗？我需要换衣服。

"Okay," Castiel says.
“好吧，”卡斯蒂尔说。

Rather than leave Castiel alone, Dean leads him to the bedroom and gives him a fluffy towel to use. He even lays out Castiel's clothes. When he's done that, he carefully embraces Castiel, giving a long, firm hug. Castiel finds himself holding onto him frantically, feeling an overwhelming rush of realization. He let Dean give him a blowjob.
迪恩没有让卡斯蒂尔一个人呆着，而是把他带到卧室，给了他一条蓬松的毛巾让他使用。他甚至把卡斯蒂尔的衣服铺好。当他完成这些时，他小心翼翼地拥抱了卡斯蒂尔，给了一个长而坚定的拥抱。卡斯蒂尔发现自己疯狂地抱着他，感到一种压倒性的意识到。他让迪恩给他口交。

He let his kidnapper give him a blow job. And then his kidnapper got off on it.
他让绑架者给他口交。然后他的绑架者就下车了。

Dean turns on the shower and finally leaves, kissing Castiel's hand and then shutting the door.
迪恩打开淋浴，最后离开，亲吻卡斯蒂尔的手，然后关上门。

Halfway through his shower, Castiel gets it. Dean knows Castiel is going to panic afterwards. That's what all that aftercare was about, even the joking. He's predicting Castiel's freakouts and trying to plan around them. For some reason, Castiel finds this comforting. At least one of them knows what to do. This time when he hefts his limp cock and looks at it, warm water sluicing down his back, it doesn't seem so strange that Dean wants him. It seems natural, just a part of Dean like any other part. He wants to cuddle, he wants Castiel to hunt with him, and he wants sex.
洗完澡到一半，卡斯蒂尔明白了。迪恩知道卡斯蒂尔事后会惊慌失措。这就是所有善后护理的意义所在，甚至是开玩笑。他预测了卡斯蒂尔的怪异行为，并试图围绕它们进行计划。出于某种原因，卡斯蒂尔觉得这很安慰。他们中至少有一个人知道该怎么做。这一次，当他举起软弱的阴茎看着它时，温水顺着他的背流下来，迪恩想要他似乎并不奇怪。这似乎很自然，就像其他任何部分一样，只是迪恩的一部分。他想拥抱，他想让卡斯蒂尔和他一起打猎，他想要性爱。

Castiel doesn't have the slightest fucking clue what he wants anymore.
卡斯蒂尔他妈的已经不知道他想要什么了。

Castiel dresses and returns to the den. Dean took the time he had to arrange the presents from largest to smallest. Castiel laughs a little when he sees it, and Dean turns around with a grin on his face. "What? I was bored."
卡斯蒂尔穿好衣服，回到书房。迪恩花时间把礼物从大到小地整理好。卡斯蒂尔看到后笑了笑，迪恩转过身来，脸上挂着笑容。“什么？我很无聊。

The couch seems the obvious place to sit. Surprisingly it doesn't smell like sex. "Which one do I open first?"
沙发似乎是显而易见的坐处。令人惊讶的是，它闻起来不像性。“我先打开哪一个？”

Dean sits next to him and hands him a large present. Castiel looks at the wrapping. The blue covers most of it, but it looks like there was a bare spot that Dean had to cover with one of the old newspapers. Seeing a date makes him remember. "Happy Belated Birthday, Dean."
迪恩坐在他旁边，递给他一份大礼物。卡斯蒂尔看着包装纸。蓝色遮住了大部分，但看起来有一个光秃秃的地方，迪恩不得不用一张旧报纸遮住。看到一个日期让他想起来。“迟来的生日快乐，迪恩。”

Dean blinks.
迪恩眨了眨眼睛。

"January 24th, right?" Castiel asks. "I just realized I completely forgot about that."
“1月24日，对吧？”卡斯蒂尔问道。“我刚刚意识到我完全忘记了这一点。”

"Yeah," Dean says, smiling. "I didn't mind missing it. You were here, it was a good birthday."
“是啊，”迪恩微笑着说。“我不介意错过它。你在这里，这是一个美好的生日。

"You're very strange, Dean."
“你很奇怪，迪恩。”

"Yeah, I know. Now come on, tear the shit out of that and ignore the fact I spent hours wrapping it."
“是的，我知道。现在来吧，把它撕掉，忽略我花了几个小时包起来的事实。

X-Box One, packaged with Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto V, and Assassins's Creed. "Pretty obvious why I got those." A toaster. "We don't have one and I was getting desperate for more gifts." A carefully designed wooden box with a secret lock, and inside of it is salt, iron, a few items he doesn't recognize, and a blessed knife ¨C dull, but still dangerous. "I trust you. They're all for self-protection." A set of clothing, all in Castiel's size. Slacks, socks, t-shirts, dress shirts. Jeans and soft t-shirts. "I thought you might be sick of sweats and weird side-button pants." Shoes. "I can't guarantee no pinching, but they're your size. For when you go outside." A Kindle. "You have too many books, dude. And I say that as someone with a big-ass library."
X-Box One，包装有《使命召唤》、《侠盗猎车手 V》和《刺客信条》。“很明显，我为什么会得到这些。”一个烤面包机。“我们没有，我越来越渴望更多的礼物。”一个精心设计的木箱，上面有一把秘密锁，里面有盐、铁、一些他不认识的物品，还有一把受祝福的刀——钝了，但仍然很危险。“我相信你。它们都是为了自我保护。一套衣服，都是卡斯蒂尔尺码的。休闲裤、袜子、T 恤、正装衬衫。牛仔裤和柔软的 T 恤。”我以为你可能厌倦了运动衫和奇怪的侧扣裤。” 鞋。 “我不能保证不会被夹住，但它们是你的体型。当你出去的时候。一个 Kindle。“你有太多的书了，伙计。我作为一个拥有大图书馆的人这么说。

All that's left is a small box, lovingly wrapped so all the edges are neat, unlike the others. Castiel traces the folded paper and looks up.
剩下的只是一个小盒子，精心包装，所以所有的边缘都很整齐，与其他盒子不同。卡斯蒂尔描摹着折叠的纸，抬起头。

"Before you open that one, Cas." Dean takes a deep breath. "You asked me why I want to keep you here. What my motivation was when I barely knew you."
“在你打开那个之前，卡斯。”迪恩深吸了一口气。“你问我为什么要把你留在这里。当我几乎不认识你时，我的动机是什么。

Castiel listens. This ought to be interesting. Dean always tries to show his thoughts by actions instead of words.
卡斯蒂尔听着。这应该很有趣。迪恩总是试图通过行动而不是言语来表达他的想法。

"Well, now I do know you. And I know it's caused you pain, but I'm so glad you didn't escape. You're really ¨C you're really a good person, not like me. You want to help people and you empathize even with murderers, or me. Even when it was really early on and I was just some crazy kidnapper spouting off nonsense about soulmates and angels. But I ¨C" Dean frowns, looking frustrated.
“好吧，现在我确实认识你了。我知道这给你带来了痛苦，但我很高兴你没有逃脱。你真的是一个好人，不像我。你想帮助别人，你甚至对杀人犯或我也能感同身受。即使当时还很早，我只是一个疯狂的绑架者，大肆宣扬关于灵魂伴侣和天使的废话。但我——”迪恩皱起眉头，看起来很沮丧。

"Dean ¨C"
“院长 ̈C”

"Please," Dean says. "Let me get this out before I go chickenshit."
“拜托了，”迪恩说。“让我在鸡屎之前把这个说出来。”

Castiel nods.
卡斯蒂尔点点头。

"You kick in your sleep," Dean says. "You snore just a little if you sleep on your back. It's almost cute, but also kind of annoying. You cuddle, because you like to be touched, but I think you'd rather kick me in the head again than admit it. I think that's why you like to kiss. You think the best of everyone except yourself. You were lonely, before, but you didn't want to admit it because you loved your job so much that you thought that didn't matter. You wanted a spouse, but feared losing them to your job." He half smiles. "Which trust me, I get. So you thought you'd never get married. You took the job at the FBI because you wanted to make a good mark in the world.
“你在睡梦中踢腿，”迪恩说。“如果你仰卧睡觉，你只会打一点鼾。这几乎很可爱，但也有点烦人。你拥抱，因为你喜欢被抚摸，但我想你宁愿再踢我的头也不愿承认。我想这就是你喜欢接吻的原因。你认为除了你自己之外，每个人都是最好的。你以前很孤独，但你不想承认这一点，因为你太热爱你的工作了，以至于你认为这并不重要。你想要一个配偶，但又害怕因为你的工作而失去他们。”他半笑半笑。“相信我，我明白。所以你以为你永远不会结婚。你接受联邦调查局的工作是因为你想在世界上留下好印记。

"You don't like to show your emotions. You think it's a weakness. Your co-workers told you a lot that you were too in your head and didn't let yourself relax and feel. You were really, really scared when I first took you, but you barely showed it because you were so focused on getting a handle on me and escaping. You're smart. Really smart, like you would totally have caught me if you'd known the supernatural was real kind of smart. I mean, you don't have half the knowledge I do and you still find hunts I'd've missed." He pauses. "The first time you kicked the shit of me, I was proud of you. Because you're so strong. I hated having to hurt you to keep you.
“你不喜欢表露你的情绪。你认为这是一个弱点。你的同事告诉你很多，你太在脑子里了，没有让自己放松和感受。当我第一次带你去的时候，你真的非常害怕，但你几乎没有表现出来，因为你太专注于控制我并逃跑了。你很聪明。真的很聪明，就像如果你知道超自然现象是真的聪明的话，你完全会抓住我。我的意思是，你没有我一半的知识，你仍然会发现我错过的狩猎。他停顿了一下。”当你第一次踢我的狗屎时，我为你感到骄傲。因为你太强壮了。我讨厌为了留住你而伤害你。

"I don't love an image of you. I love you."
“我不喜欢你的形象。我爱你。

A list of traits Dean loves about him is the last Castiel was expecting, and he finds he doesn't know what to say. Thank you? Even more interesting (at least from a psychological perspective) is that none of them were made up or projections. They were more or less true. "Dean ¡­ you know I can't say those words back." Not yet. Maybe not ever.
迪恩喜欢他的一系列特质是卡斯蒂尔期待的最后一个特征，他发现自己不知道该说什么。 谢谢？ 更有趣的是（至少从心理学的角度来看）它们都不是编造的或预测的。它们或多或少是真实的。“院长——你知道我不能回嘴这些话。” 还没有。 也许永远不会。

Dean smiles. "I know. Open it up."
迪恩微笑着。“我知道。打开它。

Castiel rips the paper to find a nondescript cardboard box. But inside is a smart phone. A few years old, probably. It looks like it's been opened up and tinkered with. Turning it on shows it has a battery and a signal.
卡斯蒂尔撕开纸，找到一个不起眼的纸板箱。但里面是一部智能手机。可能已经有几年了。它看起来像是被打开并修补过的。打开它表明它有电池和信号。

Dean waits for Castiel to look at him. "You can place a call to anyone, anywhere. It will last two minutes and then automatically disconnect. One-time use. It can't be traced, even by experts in the FBI. I would bet my life on it."
迪恩等着卡斯蒂尔看着他。“你可以在任何地方给任何人打电话。它会持续两分钟，然后自动断开连接。一次性使用。它无法追踪，即使是联邦调查局的专家也无法追踪。我愿意把我的生命押在上面。

"So I can call my brother," Castiel whispers.
“这样我就可以打电话给我的兄弟了，”卡斯蒂尔低声说。

"There's only two rules: don't tell them where you are or who took you." Dean shrugs. "I know you only know that you're in Kansas somewhere. But one state is kind of small for something as big as the FBI to hunt."
“只有两条规则：不要告诉他们你在哪里或是谁带走了你。”迪恩耸耸肩。“我知道你只知道你在堪萨斯州的某个地方。但对于像联邦调查局这样大的东西来说，一个州有点小。

"They might know the second one," Castiel admits.
“他们可能知道第二个，”卡斯蒂尔承认。

Dean stares at him a second. "The letter? Damn, I know I should have spent more time reading that thing, but I didn't see anything obvious." He looks away and then chuckles. "And to think I thought I'd get found out by physical evidence or a random witness. Well, I did kidnap an FBI agent. I guess I should have expected that."
Dean 盯着他看了一会儿。“那封信？该死的，我知道我应该多花点时间阅读那篇文章，但我没有看到任何明显的东西。他移开视线，然后轻笑起来。”而且我想我以为我会被物证或随机证人发现。好吧，我确实绑架了一名联邦调查局特工。我想我应该预料到这一点。

"So you sent it?"
“所以是你发的？”

Dean looks at him sadly. "Of course I did, Cas. I made a promise. I mean, did you want me to send it certified mail or something?" Dean seems half serious.
Dean 悲伤地看着他。“我当然做到了，Cas。我做了一个承诺。我的意思是，你是想让我给它发挂号信什么的吗？Dean 似乎半认真。

Castiel bursts out laughing.
卡斯蒂尔哈哈大笑起来。

Dean looks at him like he's grown a second head, but he laughs too, like it's catching. "You practically never do that. Smiles and a haha here and there, but not real laughter."
Dean 看着他，就像他长了第二个脑袋一样，但他也笑了，就像在吸引人一样。“你几乎从来不会那样做。到处都有微笑和哈哈，但不是真正的笑声。

Castiel's gaze falters, amusement fading.
卡斯蒂尔的目光动摇了，乐趣逐渐消失。

"Don't stop," Dean says. "I love to hear you laugh."
“不要停下来，”迪恩说。“我喜欢听你笑。”

The phone is heavy in Castiel's hand. He wonders if that speech was about convincing Castiel not to drop information during the call ¨C it could be, but he also doesn't think Dean was lying. "Thank you for this, Dean."
卡斯蒂尔手里的电话很重。他想知道那次演讲是否是为了说服卡斯蒂尔不要在通话中透露信息——这可能是可能的，但他也不认为迪恩在撒谎。“谢谢你，迪恩。”

"You wanna use it now?"
“你现在想用它吗？”

"Dean, where did you get this? You don't have the expertise to do this yourself." Castiel pauses. "Your hacker friend, the same one who got my file?"
“迪恩，你从哪里得到的？你没有专业知识自己做这件事。卡斯蒂尔停顿了一下。”你的黑客朋友，就是那个拿到我文件的人？”

Dean shrugs uncomfortably. "Yeah. I told her I needed to talk to the FBI without being found. For a hunt, of course. I mean, she doesn't know about you. Not know know, I mean. She kind of had to know you were my soulmate because otherwise she wouldn't get the file, but the rest of it is ¨C you know what. Never mind that, it's not important."
Dean 不自在地耸了耸肩。“是的。我告诉她我需要在不被发现的情况下与联邦调查局交谈。当然是为了追捕。我的意思是，她不知道你。不知道，我的意思是。她必须知道你是我的灵魂伴侣，否则她就拿不到文件，但其余的都是——你知道吗。没关系，这并不重要。

It kind of is, but Castiel drops it anyway. Dean set up rules, but should Castiel follow them? What should he say? What if Balthazar gives him trigger phrases, trying to get information? It's entirely possible Hotchner and the team told him Castiel's duress phrases. Castiel didn't call Balthazar before because he was afraid of compromising Dean's safety and freedom, even though he has neither of those himself. If he intended to use this to escape, he should call Hotchner's cell.
有点像，但卡斯蒂尔还是放弃了它。迪恩制定了规则，但卡斯蒂尔应该遵守这些规则吗？他应该说什么？如果巴尔萨泽给他触发短语，试图获取信息怎么办？霍奇纳和团队完全有可能告诉他卡斯蒂尔的胁迫短语。卡斯蒂尔以前没有给巴尔萨泽打电话，因为他害怕危及迪恩的安全和自由，尽管他自己都没有。如果他打算利用这个来逃跑，他应该打电话给霍奇纳的牢房。

Mostly, he just wants to hear Balthazar's voice. And tell Balthazar that he's okay.
大多数情况下，他只是想听听巴尔萨泽的声音。并告诉巴尔萨泽他没事。

Dean is giving Castiel a concerned look, but at the same time he's staying close. Close enough to stop Castiel, presumably. "Talk to him," Dean says. "I know what it's like to miss a brother, Cas."
Dean 关切地看了 Castiel 一眼，但同时他也离得很近。大概，距离足够近，可以阻止 Castiel。“和他谈谈，”Dean 说。“我知道想念一个兄弟是什么感觉，Cas。”

"But that's not enough to stop you," Castiiel points out.
“但这还不足以阻止你，”卡斯蒂尔指出。

Dean frowns, frustrated. "I know. But I'm not ¨C I'm not trying to cut you off, Cas. Honestly."
Dean 皱起眉头，沮丧。“我知道。但我不是——我不是想打断你的话，Cas。老实说。

Castiel rather thinks that Dean's in denial about the degree of hypocrisy here, but it wouldn't be the first time. Trembling just a bit, Castiel inputs Balthazar's number and after a second of hesitation, he hits the call button.
卡斯蒂尔反而认为迪恩否认了这里的虚伪程度，但这已经不是第一次了。卡斯蒂尔有点颤抖，输入了巴尔萨泽的号码，犹豫了一秒钟后，他按下了呼叫按钮。

"Hello?" Balthazar sounds bored. Normal. A Sunday afternoon.
“喂？”巴尔萨泽听起来很无聊。 正常。 一个星期天的下午。

Sudden tears choke Castiel for a second. "Bal?"
突然的眼泪让卡斯蒂尔哽咽了一秒钟。“巴尔？”

"Oh God, Castiel? Cassie? Holy shit, where are you?"
“天哪，卡斯蒂尔？ 凯西？ 天哪，你在哪里？

Castiel takes a shaky breath, any kind of plan he had disintegrating. "It's so good to hear your voice."
卡斯蒂尔颤抖地吸了一口气，他的任何计划都瓦解了。“听到你的声音真是太好了。”

"Cassie, can you talk?" Balthazar is asking if someone is listening, he's using standard protocol that the FBI uses. The phrase will vary depending on the situation, but Castiel knows exactly what Balthazar is asking.
“卡西，你能说话吗？”巴尔萨泽在问是否有人在听，他使用的是联邦调查局使用的标准协议。这句话会根据情况而有所不同，但卡斯蒂尔确切地知道巴尔萨泽在问什么。

Castiel looks at Dean. "Yes. But I'm not alone."
Castiel 看着 Dean。“是的。但我并不孤单。

Balthazar replies immediately, sounding frantic as he asks a trigger phrase, "Are you well?"
巴尔萨泽立即回答，当他问一个触发短语时，听起来很疯狂，“你还好吗？

And Castiel replies, "I'm okay. Balthazar, I'm okay." Not under duress, which 'I'm fine' would have indicated. Castiel wants them to trust what he says, even if he's not exactly not under duress. "I haven't been hurt."
卡斯蒂尔回答说：“我没事。巴尔萨泽，我没事。没有受到胁迫，”我很好“表明了这一点。卡斯蒂尔希望他们相信他所说的话，即使他并不完全没有受到胁迫。”我没有受伤。”

"Where are you? Can you tell me where you are?"
“你在哪里？你能告诉我你在哪里吗？

"No. Balthazar ¨C"
“没有。巴尔萨泽 ̈C”

"Did Dean Winchester take you?" Balthazar asks. "God, Cassie, the FBI has been looking for you everywhere. I've been out of my fucking mind. Hotchner said Winchester took you, has he hurt you? Are you in danger?"
“温彻斯特院长带走了你吗？”巴尔萨泽问道。“天哪，卡西，联邦调查局一直在到处寻找你。我他妈的疯了。霍奇纳说温彻斯特带走了你，他伤害了你吗？你有危险吗？

Castiel breathes for a second, knowing time is running out. Dean looks tense as a wire, poised to take the cell. "Dean has me, yes. He cares about me. He l-loves me." That sounds insane even to Castiel, but it's true. If nothing else it will offer some hope that Castiel is telling the truth about not being hurt, if Castiel tells them his motivations. "Bal, he let me call you to tell you that I'm okay. Honestly, I'm ¨C I'm well fed, I have a memory foam mattress for God's sake. He hasn't hurt me. I don't want you to worry."
卡斯蒂尔呼吸了一秒钟，知道时间不多了。迪恩看起来像一根电线一样紧张，准备夺走牢房。“迪恩有我，是的。他关心我。他爱我。即使对卡斯蒂尔来说，这听起来也很疯狂，但这是真的。如果不出意外的话，如果卡斯蒂尔告诉他们他的动机，这将给他们带来一些希望，即卡斯蒂尔说的是没有受到伤害的真相。”巴尔，他让我打电话告诉你我没事。老实说，我吃饱了，看在上帝的份上，我有一张记忆海绵床垫。他没有伤害过我。我不想让你担心。

A familiar voice enters the call. "Castiel, this is Hotchner. We're tracing this call. I'm going to go through a list of locations. I want you to give me a yes when I say where you are."
一个熟悉的声音打进了电话。“Castiel，我是 Hotchner。我们正在追踪这个电话。我将浏览一份地点列表。我希望你在我说你在哪里时答应我。

"I can't," Castiel says almost immediately. Hot, frustrated tears fall. "I know I'm crazy, but I can't tell you where I am because you would capture Dean." He takes a sobbing breath, but Dean is still just staring at him, watching and listening. "I want to go home, but you can't hurt Dean. He's not, he's not what we thought."
“我不能，”Castiel 几乎立刻就说。滚烫、沮丧的眼泪落了下来。“我知道我疯了，但我不能告诉你我在哪里，因为你会抓住 Dean。”他抽泣着吸了一口气，但 Dean 仍然只是盯着他，看着和听着。“我想回家，但你不能伤害 Dean。他不是，他不是我们想象的那样。

Hotchner's voice is calm. "Did he kidnap you specifically?"
霍奇纳的声音很平静。“他是专门绑架你的吗？”

"Yes. You don't need to worry about anyone else on the team. I swear, I'm okay, Hotch."
“是的。你不需要担心团队中的其他人。我发誓，我没事，霍奇。

Dean taps his wrist.
迪恩轻拍他的手腕。

"Castiel. Hold out. We're coming for you." Hotchner sounds as in control as he ever did.
“卡斯蒂尔。 支持。 我们来找你。霍奇纳听起来像以前一样掌控一切。

The call ends.
通话结束。

Dean gently takes the cell out of his hand and stuffs it in a pocket. "Are you okay, Cas?"
迪恩轻轻地从他手中取出牢房，塞进口袋里。“你还好吗，卡斯？”

No. Castiel remembers thinking that his one duty was to escape. That Hotchner would consider that his sole goal. He expected hearing Balthazar's voice to be painful. But in a way, it's also reminded him that the outside world still exists. That more exists than him and Dean in a bunker somewhere in Kansas. Out there is the FBI, is the BAU. Considering how quickly Hotchner got on the call, they've been waiting for this. They're still looking for him.
不。 卡斯蒂尔记得他当时认为他唯一的职责就是逃跑。霍奇纳会认为这是他唯一的目标。他预计听到巴尔萨泽的声音会很痛苦。但在某种程度上，这也提醒他外面的世界仍然存在。这比他和迪恩在堪萨斯州某处的一个地堡里存在的更多。外面有联邦调查局，就是 BAU。考虑到霍奇纳接听电话的速度有多快，他们一直在等待这个。他们还在寻找他。

Castiel suddenly realizes that if he did escape, he'd have to tell someone what he's done. That he, an FBI agent, had sex with a criminal who had taken him captive. That he had failed to take two genuine opportunities to escape from his kidnapper. What kind of agent does that make him? What kind of man?
卡斯蒂尔突然意识到，如果他真的逃脱了，他必须告诉别人他做了什么。他，一名联邦调查局特工，与一个俘虏他的罪犯发生了性关系。他没有抓住两次真正的机会逃离绑架者。这使他成为一个什么样的特工？什么样的人？

The shame hurts and his eyes become wet.
羞耻感很痛，他的眼睛湿润了。

In some ways, he wishes Dean were a dangerous, psychopathic serial killer. That would be psychologically easier on him, because he would understand it; he would know what to do. Dean's crazy, but in none of the ways Castiel ever thought to have a defense for.
在某些方面，他希望迪恩是一个危险的、精神的连环杀手。这对他来说在心理上会更容易，因为他会理解这一点;他会知道该怎么做。迪恩疯了，但卡斯蒂尔从未想过要辩护。

Dean hugs Castiel, pulling him to his chest. Castiel lets him maneuver him into a more comfortable hold, so that Castiel is tucked under Dean's chin. His body is at an angle to Dean's, curled in so that Dean is like a protective shield.
迪恩拥抱卡斯蒂尔，把他拉到胸前。卡斯蒂尔让他纵他，让他抱得更舒服，这样卡斯蒂尔就被塞在迪恩的下巴下面。他的身体与迪恩的身体成一定角度，蜷缩起来，让迪恩就像一个保护罩。

What would the BAU think if they saw him now? Of course they think Dean is a serial killer, someone who kills innocents, and that's not strictly true. But Castiel is still compromised. Still being held against his will, and taking comfort from his kidnapper. They, out of everyone, would understand, and yet he also knows that they would and should hold him to a higher standard. As for Balthazar? Castiel doesn¡¯t even know.
如果 BAU 现在看到他会怎么想？当然，他们认为迪恩是一个连环杀手，一个杀害无辜的人，但严格来说并不是真的。但卡斯蒂尔仍然受到妥协。仍然违背他的意愿被关押，并从绑架者那里得到安慰。他们，在所有人中，都会理解，但他也知道他们会而且应该以更高的标准要求他。至于巴尔萨泽？卡斯蒂尔甚至不知道。

"So," Dean says, clearing his throat. "What are they thinking?"
“所以，”迪恩清了清嗓子说。“他们在想什么？”

"What?" Castiel is jolted out of his own thoughts.
“什么？”卡斯蒂尔从自己的思绪中惊醒了。

"The FBI. I know you're thinking about it, so talk to me. What do they think about this? About you and me?"
“联邦调查局。我知道你在考虑这个问题，所以和我谈谈。他们对此有何看法？关于你和我？

That's easy. Castiel's had plenty of time to think about what the team would decide about his abduction. The words come, soothing him as they go. "Most likely your profile was that you're a predatory kidnapper, who took me in order to subdue a victim that most would consider powerful. That in turn makes you feel powerful. They probably think there's an element of revenge as well, for me being in law enforcement. You would exercise your control over me through violence and rape. Whether you would take it to murder would depend on your personal psychology, but they would consider my death a likely outcome when you lost interest. Especially once they had your name."
这很容易。卡斯蒂尔有足够的时间思考团队将如何决定绑架他。这句话传来，边走边安抚着他。“很可能你的个人资料是你是一个掠夺性绑架者，他带走我是为了制服一个大多数人认为强大的受害者。这反过来又让你感到强大。他们可能认为我从事执法工作也有报复的成分。你会通过暴力和强奸来控制我。你是否会把它当作谋杀取决于你的个人心理，但当你失去兴趣时，他们会认为我的死是可能的结果。尤其是当他们知道你的名字时。

Castiel pauses. "After the phone call ¨C maybe even after the letter ¨C they probably think that you stalked me for a prolonged period, during which you became convinced we were in a relationship and that I loved you. Kidnapping me would be your attempt at making that fantasy a reality. Depending on my reaction, they would expect for you to rape and torture me into submission. Long-term captivity would be likely, especially since it's been seven months and you haven't killed me yet. The phone call itself they'd consider to be emotional manipulation on your part. A ploy to gain my affection and trust."
卡斯蒂尔停顿了一下。“在打完电话之后，也许甚至在信之后，他们可能认为你跟踪了我很长时间，在此期间你确信我们处于恋爱关系中并且我爱你。绑架我将是你试图让这个幻想成为现实的尝试。根据我的反应，他们会期望你强奸和折磨我，让我屈服。长期囚禁是有可能的，尤其是因为已经七个月了，你还没有杀我。他们认为电话本身是你的情绪操纵。这是为了获得我的感情和信任的策略。

"Well, shit," Dean mutters, looking sickly surprised.
“好吧，该死的，”Dean 喃喃自语，看起来病态地惊讶。

"They probably also think I've begun experiencing Stockholm Syndrome as a coping method to survive captivity, and are planning ways to rescue me without my cooperation." Castiel stops, eyes drifting over his comfortable prison. "I suppose they're not wrong about that."
“他们可能也认为我已经开始经历斯德哥尔摩综合症作为在囚禁中生存的一种应对方法，并且正在计划在没有我合作的情况下营救我的方法。”卡斯蒂尔停了下来，目光在他舒适的监狱上飘移。“我想他们没有错。”

Dean gently turns Castiel's head so he can look him in the eyes. "But you know I love you. Don't you? I really love you. The only reason you still have the cuff is because I know you would run. I know you'd feel that you had to. I want you in my life, Cas. As my partner."
迪恩轻轻地转过卡斯蒂尔的头，这样他就可以直视他的眼睛。“但你知道我爱你。不是吗？我真的很爱你。你还有手铐的唯一原因是因为我知道你会逃跑。我知道你会觉得你必须这样做。我想要你出现在我的生活中，卡斯。作为我的伴侣。

Castiel puts his hand over Dean's, the pain rising in his chest. "I know." He's known that for a long time. He also knows that Dean is distracting him, trying to get him to stop thinking about his brother.
Castiel 把手放在 Dean 的手上，胸口疼痛起来。“我知道。”他早就知道这一点了。他也知道 Dean 在分散他的注意力，试图让他停止想他的兄弟。

"So, did the FBI have a profile of me?" Dean asks, trying to go for playful.
“那么，联邦调查局有我的档案吗？”迪恩问道，试图开玩笑。

"Dean, your profile never made any sense."
“院长，你的个人资料从来没有任何意义。”

"Yeah, but you know the truth. So what would it be?"
“是的，但你知道真相。那会是什么？

"A profile is only a tool, Dean." Castiel spreads his hands. "It helps us and local law enforcement figure out who to look for. If we know who the individual is, a profile is more about understanding what motivates someone and what causes them to commit crimes. Your profile was so confusing because we attributed crimes to you that weren't yours."
“个人资料只是一种工具，迪恩。”卡斯蒂尔摊开双手。“它可以帮助我们和当地执法部门弄清楚要寻找谁。如果我们知道这个人是谁，那么个人资料更多的是了解某人的动机以及导致他们犯罪的原因。你的个人资料太令人困惑了，因为我们将不属于你的罪行归咎于你。

But Dean says only, "And?"
但迪恩只说，“还有？

Castiel thinks about it. "I suppose you would be an intimacy seeking stalker who developed into bride kidnapping."
卡斯蒂尔想了想。“我想你会是一个寻求亲密关系的跟踪者，后来发展成为绑架新娘。”

"Bride kidnapping?" Dean says incredulously.
“绑架新娘？”迪恩难以置信地说。

"You kidnapped me because you want me to be your partner for life. What else would you call it?"
“你绑架我，是因为你想让我成为你终生的伴侣。你还会怎么称呼它？

Dean opens and then closes his mouth.
迪恩张开嘴，然后闭上嘴。

"It still occurs in certain parts of the world. Central Asia and parts of Africa." Castiel is about to go into more detail, but sees that Dean is a combination of upset and disturbed. Going into Dean's various psychological weaknesses and issues that contributed to this behavior would also probably be a bad idea. Dean doesn't deny the illegality and immorality of what he's done to Castiel, but he also doesn't like to be reminded of it.
“它仍然发生在世界的某些地区。中亚和非洲部分地区。卡斯蒂尔正要详细介绍，但发现迪恩既心烦意乱又不安。深入了解迪恩的各种心理弱点和导致这种行为的问题也可能是一个坏主意。迪恩并不否认他对卡斯蒂尔所做的事情是非法和不道德的，但他也不喜欢被提醒。

"I'd never hurt you," Dean says finally. It's his constant fallback, and it's even somewhat true. He's never hit Castiel out of anger, only to subdue him.
“我永远不会伤害你，”迪恩最后说。这是他不断的后备，甚至有点真实。他从来没有因为愤怒而打卡斯蒂尔，只是为了制服他。

"Dean, do you ever feel doubt? About kidnapping me, all of this?" He's never seen Dean have a moment of hesitation about keeping Castiel against his will.
“迪恩，你有没有怀疑过？绑架我，这一切？他从未见过迪恩在违背自己的意愿的情况下犹豫不决。

"No, of course not," Dean replies immediately. Reflexively.
“不，当然不是，”迪恩立即回答。条件反射地。

Castiel doesn't say anything. Just looks at him.
卡斯蒂尔什么也没说。只是看着他。

"Sometimes I think about it, about letting you go, but then. Then I think about what that would be like and I can't, Cas. I know it's fucking selfish, I do." Dean bites his lip. Castiel can't help but see the lost Dean who saw his brother jump into a cage in hell. The Dean that let his brother die, not once but twice, and broke further each time. "But I think you would be happy with me, as my soulmate. I think you can be." He gives Castiel a wry smile. "And you would be a fucking awesome hunter. Better than me."
“有时我会想，想放你走，但后来。然后我想那会是什么样子，但我不能，卡斯。我知道这他妈的自私，我愿意。迪恩咬了咬嘴唇。卡斯蒂尔忍不住看到了那个迷失的迪恩，他看到他的兄弟跳进了地狱的笼子里。那个让他兄弟死去的迪恩，不是一次而是两次，而且每次都进一步崩溃。”但我认为你会对我作为我的灵魂伴侣感到满意。我想你可以。“他对卡斯蒂尔苦笑。”而且你会是一个他妈的了不起的猎人。比我还好。

"I'm an FBI agent, Dean, not a ghost hunter."
“我是联邦调查局特工，迪恩，不是幽灵猎人。”

"I'm a high school dropout. Trust me, you're qualified."
“我是一名高中辍学生。相信我，你有资格。

"Not with a chain on my leg." Castiel lifts his left, where the cuff sits.
“我的腿上没有一条链子。”Castiel 抬起他的左手，袖口所在的地方。

Dean looks down for a moment, then gazes at Castiel. He hefts the phone. "I need to get rid of this. Charlie said I could only use it once."
迪恩低头看了一会儿，然后凝视着卡斯蒂尔。他举起手机。“我需要摆脱这个。查理说我只能用一次。

Charlie. Castiel notes the name.
查理。 卡斯蒂尔记下了这个名字。

"Will you be okay? I'll be right back."
“你还好吗？我马上回来。

Castiel nods. "I'll be fine." And almost laughs because he used his duress word.
卡斯蒂尔点点头。“我会没事的。”而且差点笑，因为他用了胁迫的词。

From the look on his face, Dean doesn't entirely believe him, but he still leaves to dispose of the phone. Castiel stares at his hands and thinks about Balthazar. He sounded so frantic, so worried. It reminds him of when Michael died ¨C Castiel was the one who got the news. Michael had set it up that way because he knew Castiel was the stronger of both of them, that Castiel could take it. He wept in private, but his eyes were dry the day he took the American flag that was draped over his brother's casket. Balthazar was the one who broke down and got black-out drunk. For all of his constant irreverence, Balthazar feels things deeply.
从他脸上的表情来看，迪恩并不完全相信他，但他还是离开去处理手机。卡斯蒂尔盯着他的手，想着巴尔萨泽。他听起来很疯狂，很担心。这让他想起了迈克尔去世的时候——卡斯蒂尔是得到这个消息的人。迈克尔之所以这样设置，是因为他知道卡斯蒂尔是他们俩中更强的一个，卡斯蒂尔可以接受。他私下哭了，但在他拿走挂在他兄弟棺材上的美国国旗的那天，他的眼睛干涩了。巴尔萨泽是那个崩溃并喝醉了的人。尽管巴尔萨泽一直不敬，但他对事情的感受很深。

Balthazar must think Castiel is in danger of dying. Or worse. Somehow Castiel doubts his words comforted his brother all that much, but maybe when the BAU makes another profile that shows Castiel will be held long-term in relative comfort, maybe that will help. They won't tell him the worst of it, at least, like the possibility of rape.
巴尔萨泽一定认为卡斯蒂尔有死亡的危险。或者更糟。不知何故，卡斯蒂尔怀疑他的话是否能安慰他的兄弟，但也许当 BAU 发布另一个个人资料表明卡斯蒂尔将长期处于相对舒适的状态时，也许这会有所帮助。他们不会告诉他最坏的情况，至少，比如强奸的可能性。

But what kind of comfort is that really? Michael died saving a fellow soldier; that didn't help their parents. Dean did everything for his brother, including live. Maybe Castiel should do the same for his, regardless of his shame. Regardless of his caring for Dean.
但这到底是什么安慰呢？迈克尔在拯救一名战友时牺牲;这对他们的父母没有帮助。迪恩为他的兄弟做了一切，包括活着。也许卡斯蒂尔也应该为他做同样的事情，不管他有多羞耻。不管他对迪恩的关心如何。

He still needs to escape from his friend, his not-quite lover, and his kidnapper. He just has to do it on his own; no rescue.
他仍然需要逃离他的朋友、他不太好的情人和他的绑架者。他只需要自己做;没有救援。

A thought occurs to him. When Dean returns, he asks, "If I had called Balthazar and the FBI tracked the call and you were arrested ¨C Anna would have gotten you out, wouldn't she? She's an angel, she can teleport anywhere she pleases."
他突然想到了一个想法。当迪恩回来时，他问道：“如果我给巴尔萨泽打电话，联邦调查局追踪了这个电话，而你被逮捕了——安娜会把你救出来的，不是吗？她是天使，她可以传送到任何她喜欢的地方。

A strange expression crosses Dean's face. "Eventually, yeah. Might have taken a few weeks, even a couple of months before she responded to my prayers."
迪恩的脸上浮现出一种奇怪的表情。“最终，是的。她可能需要几周，甚至几个月的时间才能回应我的祈祷。

"You fucker," is all Castiel can get out.
“你这个混蛋，”卡斯蒂尔只能说出来。

Dean sits and reaches out for Castiel's hand, but Castiel yanks it away. After a moment, Dean says evenly, "I take the precautions I do against being caught because I can't count on that. Anna may be incapable of helping me, or unwilling. She could die in yet another heavenly civil war. And the other angels? They dislike me or hate me outright. There's a reason only Anna knows this place even exists. Not to mention my other enemies. If I'm in prison, I don't have salt, I don't have devil traps, I don't have weapons ¨C I'm an easy target. I might not survive until Anna can come and get me."
迪恩坐下来，伸手去抓卡斯蒂尔的手，但卡斯蒂尔把它拉开了。过了一会儿，迪恩平静地说，“我采取了预防措施，防止被抓住，因为我不能指望这一点。安娜可能没有能力帮助我，或者不愿意。她可能会死在另一场天上的内战中。其他天使呢？他们不喜欢我，或者彻头彻尾地恨我。只有安娜知道这个地方的存在是有原因的。更不用说我的其他敌人了。如果我在监狱里，我没有盐，我没有恶魔陷阱，我没有武器——我很容易成为目标。在安娜来抓我之前，我可能活不下去。

Tension melts out of Castiel. "If you were in my position, Dean, would you escape to be with your family?"
卡斯蒂尔的紧张情绪消失了。“如果你处于我的位置，迪恩，你会逃出来和你的家人团聚吗？”

Dean clenches his jaw. "Your family is safe. Mine never was. And I'll figure out other ways for you to talk to your brother. I swear on my life, Cas."
迪恩咬紧了下巴。“你的家人很安全。我的家人从来都不是。我会想办法让你和你兄弟交谈。我用我的生命发誓，卡斯。

Castiel looks at the torn and shredded wrapping paper that litters the floor. The presents Dean had given him settled on the coffee table. It seems to represent his life, in tatters, gifted with one thing: Dean.
卡斯蒂尔看着散落在地板上的撕碎包装纸。迪恩送给他的礼物落在了咖啡桌上。它似乎代表了他的生活，破烂不堪，被赋予了一件事：迪恩。

Maybe the key to this is to get Dean to trust him. He just has to do it before he loses himself in the process.
也许关键是让迪恩信任他。他只需要在这个过程中迷失自我之前就做到了。

Day one hundred and ninety.
第一百九十天。

Chapter 6 ...

Notes:
笔记：

Warnings (spoilers!): Some violence, some creepiness (no worse than the show), depression.
警告（剧透！）：一些暴力，一些令人毛骨悚然（不比节目更糟糕），抑郁。

Feedback is loved!
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Chapter Text
章节正文

"So, last time I reset your ankle cuff you had screwed up the spell on it," Dean begins one morning, handing Castiel a plate of cheese and fruit, with a little bowl of oatmeal. "So I was able to change the boundaries without taking it off of you."
“所以，上次我重置你的脚踝袖口时，你搞砸了它的咒语，”迪恩在一天早上开始说，递给卡斯蒂尔一盘奶酪和水果，还有一小碗燕麦片。“所以我能够在不把它从你身上拿走的情况下改变界限。”

Castiel pauses, a grape in hand. This is the first time since his birthday that Dean has brought up his promise to expand the boundaries on the cuff. "What does that mean? You have to take it off to let me outside?"
卡斯蒂尔停顿了一下，手里拿着一颗葡萄。这是迪恩自他生日以来第一次提出他扩大袖口边界的承诺。“这是什么意思？你必须把它脱下来才能让我出去？

"I have to take it off to reset it," Dean corrects. "And while I don't think you're going to kick in my skull in my sleep anymore, I can't have you seeing the spell to remove it because you're way too smart and I don't even know how you could use it. But I'm sure you could." He shrugs uncomfortably. "I'm going to have to knock you out." He raises his hands at Castiel's expression. "With drugs, Cas, with a sedative."
“我必须把它取下来重置它，”Dean 纠正道。“虽然我认为你不会再在我睡梦中踢我的头骨了，但我不能让你看到移除它的咒语，因为你太聪明了，我什至不知道你该如何使用它。但我相信你可以。他不舒服地耸了耸肩。”我得把你打晕。“他对着 Castiel 的表情举起双手。”用药物，Cas，用镇静剂。”

"You don't trust me," Castiel says, not sure whether to be disappointed or offended. Though it is an useful insight into Dean's opinion of him. If he's going to convince Dean to trust him, he's going to have to offer some kind of reason he wouldn't escape.
“你不信任我，”卡斯蒂尔说，不知道是该失望还是被冒犯。尽管这是对迪恩对他的看法的有用见解。如果他要说服迪恩信任他，他就必须提供某种他无法逃脱的理由。

"Well. No," Dean replies, wincing. "Not that far. Not enough that I think you wouldn't run, given the chance." He smiles faintly and settles in the chair across the table. "I never thought this would be easy, you know."
“嗯。不，”Dean 皱着眉头回答道。“没那么远。如果有机会，我认为你不会跑的。他淡淡地笑了笑，坐在桌子对面的椅子上。”我从没想过这会很容易，你知道的。”

"What did you think it would be?" Castiel asks, curious how Dean will answer.
“你觉得会是什么？”卡斯蒂尔问道，好奇迪恩会如何回答。

"Ah, well," Dean says, blinking with his hands fidgeting. "Does it matter?"
“啊，好吧，”迪恩说，眨了眨眼睛，双手坐立不安。“这有关系吗？”

"It does to me," Castiel says, not willing to let it go.
“这对我来说确实如此，”卡斯蒂尔说，不愿意放手。

Dean spins his bowl of oatmeal, staring down into it as if he can divine answers that way. The fact that he's worried about Castiel's reaction is both intriguing and telling. After a few seconds, Dean looks Castiel in the eyes and says, "I thought you would fight me differently. That you would curse me and hate me, to start with, that I'd spend all my time convincing you that I'm not a monster and a serial killer. That you would, I don't know, throw shit at me and not let me within ten yards of you. But you never treated me like that. You always treated me like a person, even when you were psychoanalyzing me."
迪恩转动着他的一碗燕麦片，低头凝视着它，仿佛他可以用这种方式占卜答案。他担心卡斯蒂尔的反应这一事实既有趣又能说明问题。几秒钟后，迪恩看着卡斯蒂尔的眼睛说：“我以为你会以不同的方式与我战斗。首先，你会诅咒我、恨我，我会花所有时间让你相信我不是怪物和连环杀手。我不知道，你会向我扔屎，不让我离你十码以内。但你从来没有那样对待我。你总是把我当作一个人对待，即使你在对我进行精神分析。

"We're trained to operate that way," Castiel says, uncertain how to respond. "Demonizing someone doesn't help you understand them."
“我们受过这种作的训练，”卡斯蒂尔说，不确定如何回应。“妖魔化某人并不能帮助你理解他们。”

Dean looks down at the table. "Do you think I'm a monster, Cas?"
迪恩低头看着桌子。“你以为我是个怪物吗，卡斯？”

Castiel's throat goes tight, but he doesn't look away when Dean finally flicks his gaze upward. "No."
Castiel 的喉咙发紧，但当 Dean 终于将目光向上弹时，他没有移开视线。“不。”

"But that I'm broken?" Dean whispers. ...

Castiel lays his hand on the table, palm up. "Dean, you may be broken. But that doesn't make you any less valuable."
卡斯蒂尔把手放在桌子上，掌心朝上。“迪恩，你可能会崩溃。但这并不会降低你的价值。

After a moment, Dean places his hand over Castiel's. "Sap." And he grins, with all the boyish charisma he's capable of.
过了一会儿，Dean 把手放在 Castiel 的手上。“树液。”他咧嘴一笑，带着他所能表现出的男孩般的魅力。

"Don't make me slap you," Castiel replies dryly, not moving his hand.
“别让我打你耳光，”卡斯蒂尔干巴巴地回答，手没有动。

"I don't know, your bitchface is pretty good. You could use that."
“我不知道，你的脸还不错。你可以用它。

Castiel blinks, finally taking his hand back. Dean hangs on for a second before releasing him. "My what?"
卡斯蒂尔眨了眨眼，终于收回了他的手。迪恩坚持了一秒钟，然后松开了他。“我的什么？”

"Bitchface," Dean repeats. "Sam had the best, don't get me wrong. He could communicate about twenty different kinds of disgust with me just with his eyebrows."
“脸，”迪恩重复道。“山姆有最好的，不要误会我的意思。他光是用眉毛就能表达出大约二十种不同的厌恶。

Castiel laughs.
卡斯蒂尔笑了起来。

Dean looks incredibly pleased with himself. "So, can I drug you?"
迪恩看起来对自己非常满意。“那么，我可以给你下药吗？”

This is Castiel's life now. Discussing with his kidnapper whether he consents to be drugged into unconsciousness. "If that's the only way, then yes."
这就是卡斯蒂尔现在的生活。与绑架者讨论他是否同意被下药导致昏迷。“如果这是唯一的方法，那么是的。”

Dean nods, no longer quite as pleased, instead more satisfied. He finishes the last of his oatmeal and then grabs Castiel's empty bowl, taking it to the sink that Castiel still can't access. "Let me get ready. And don't worry ¨C I've got the right kind for this, you're healthy, and I know your weight, so it'll be perfectly safe. I'll see you in your room." With that, he takes off.
Dean 点点头，不再那么高兴，反而更加满意。他吃完了最后一碗燕麦片，然后抓起 Castiel 的空碗，把它带到 Castiel 仍然无法接触到的水槽里。“让我准备好。别担心——我有合适的那种，你很健康，而且我知道你的体重，所以会非常安全。我会在你的房间里见。说完，他就起飞了。

For a moment Castiel contemplates finishing his breakfast, but he feels queasy enough to throw up, and doing that while unconscious would be deadly. So he pushes his plate away and rises to his feet.
有那么一会儿，卡斯蒂尔想吃完早餐，但他感到恶心到要呕吐，在失去知觉的情况下这样做会致命。于是他推开盘子，站起来。

The walls of the bunker are very familiar to Castiel now. In an odd sort of way that Castiel really wishes weren't the case, it even feels like home. Those two huge scratches on the wall aren't creepy, but just part of the scenery. The tiles, chipping at the edges, are no longer out of place, but normal. The lack of windows no longer feels stifling.
地堡的墙壁现在对卡斯蒂尔来说已经很熟悉了。以一种奇怪的方式，卡斯蒂尔真的希望不是这样，它甚至感觉像家一样。墙上的那两个巨大的划痕并不令人毛骨悚然，而只是风景的一部分。边缘碎裂的瓷砖不再不合适，而是正常。没有窗户不再让人感到窒息。

Even Castiel's pacing has been become habit. He doesn't trip up against the magical barrier anymore, automatically staying within bounds.
就连卡斯蒂尔的步伐也已经成为习惯。他不再被魔法屏障绊倒，自动保持在范围内。

His room is no longer the empty prison it was once, either. The bed is stacked with various blankets and pillows. Most of them are blue; Dean copied that from Castiel's apartment. There's a tiny dresser that has Castiel's clothing. The TV is on a low to the ground, solid stand, though of course the larger one is in the den. The mini-fridge hums as it turns on. If Castiel had walked into this place as a crime scene of a kidnapping, he would have been surprised. He might have diagnosed the kidnapper with Lima Syndrome.
他的房间也不再是以前那个空荡荡的监狱了。床上堆满了各种毯子和枕头。其中大部分是蓝色的;迪恩从卡斯蒂尔的公寓里抄来的。有一个小梳妆台，里面放着卡斯蒂尔的衣服。电视机放在一个低到地面的坚固支架上，当然更大的电视机在书房里。迷你冰箱在打开时发出嗡嗡声。如果卡斯蒂尔走进这个绑架案的犯罪现场，他会感到惊讶。他可能会诊断出绑架者患有利马综合症。

He has no real idea if Dean qualifies for that, though.
不过，他并不真正知道迪恩是否有资格这样做。

Dean wasn't in love with Castiel when he took him, but he definitely considered it a possibility. Castiel's not even sure that Dean intended to hold him for all that long in the original plan. And Castiel was so focused on immediate escape that he didn't anticipate he would need (or could) manipulate Dean into releasing him in the long term.
迪恩带走卡斯蒂尔时并没有爱上他，但他绝对认为这是有可能的。卡斯蒂尔甚至不确定迪恩是否打算在最初的计划中关押他那么久。卡斯蒂尔如此专注于立即逃跑，以至于他没有预料到他需要（或能够）纵迪恩长期释放他。

Castiel sits and waits for Dean, trying to repress his usual feelings of anxiety.
卡斯蒂尔坐下来等待迪恩，试图压抑他平时的焦虑感。

"Hey," Dean says, arriving a few minutes later. "You ready?"
“嘿，”Dean 说，几分钟后到达。“你准备好了吗？”

Castiel looks up.
卡斯蒂尔抬起头。

Now that Dean is here, a familiar needle in hand, something in Castiel freezes in fear. He's been in plenty of danger before and felt that distant pulse of fear, but in those cases he had something useful to do and then the situation had passed. Even the time he'd been shot in the line of duty. When Dean grabbed him and put him into a chokehold in his kitchen, it was a place he'd thought he was safe. He'd even done a cursory check before relaxing and unclipping his holster. To be attacked ¨C to be made a victim as surely as those murder victims whose deaths he investigated ¨C had put him into a flavor of terror he'd never experienced before, even as his training kicked in and he fought for his life.
现在迪恩来了，手里拿着一根熟悉的针，卡斯蒂尔的某个东西在恐惧中冻结了。他以前遇到过很多危险，感受到了遥远的恐惧脉搏，但在那些情况下，他有一些有用的事情要做，然后情况就过去了。甚至还有一次他在执行任务时被枪杀。当迪恩抓住他，把他掐在厨房里时，他认为这是一个他很安全的地方。他甚至在放松并解开皮套之前做了粗略的检查。被攻击——成为受害者，就像那些被他调查的谋杀受害者一样——让他陷入了一种他以前从未经历过的恐怖之中，即使他的训练开始了，他为自己的生命而战。

Dean could have easily killed him, had that been his goal. As a professional, Castiel had never blamed murder victims for those easy lapses of concentration and safety. That criminals took advantage was entirely on them. And yet, when it came to his own attack, he cursed his own inattention.
如果这是他的目标，迪恩本可以轻松杀死他。作为一名专业人士，卡斯蒂尔从未将那些容易失去注意力和安全感归咎于谋杀受害者。罪犯利用完全是他们的责任。然而，当谈到他自己的攻击时，他诅咒自己的注意力不集中。

The liquid is slightly cloudy.
液体略带混浊。

"Cas?" Dean is staring at him, worried. "You're freaking me out. You look scared shitless."
“卡斯？”Dean 盯着他，很担心。“你把我吓坏了。你看起来吓得一塌糊涂。

"I was just remembering. My apartment." Castiel looks away and settles on the bed, pulling up his sleeve. "Never mind."
“我只是在想。我的公寓。卡斯蒂尔移开视线，坐在床上，拉起袖子。”没关系。”

The bed shifts as Dean sits down next to him. Out of the corner of his eye, Castiel can see him holding the needle in one, lax hand. "I am sorry for taking you by surprise like that."
当 Dean 坐在他旁边时，床移动了。Castiel 用眼角的余光看到他用一只松弛的手握着针头。“我很抱歉让你大吃一惊。”

Castiel raises his eyes. "You choked me to unconsciousness."
卡斯蒂尔抬起眼睛。“你把我掐得昏迷不醒。”

Dean just looks at him evenly. "I know. If it helps, I've been abducted before. Taken and tortured for some reason or another. Even with Sam, I was jumpy for months after."
Dean 只是均匀地看着他。“我知道。如果有帮助的话，我以前被绑架过。由于某种原因被带走并遭受折磨。即使和 Sam 在一起，我也在之后的几个月里很紧张。

"If you know, why did you do it that way?" Castiel asks. Why did he do it at all?
“如果你知道的话，你为什么要那样做？”卡斯蒂尔问道。他为什么要这样做？

"You reacted too quickly; I couldn't get the needle in. If I had gotten that, you'd have been out like a light in a few seconds with no harm done. I thought about drugging your food, but that's risky because I didn't know how much you would eat, or if you would eat. And I'd planned it for that night because your neighbors wouldn't be around, and no one would see, you know. Me carrying you out." Dean pauses. "It sounds way worse out loud than it did in my head."
“你反应太快了;我无法将针头插入。如果我得到了它，你就会在几秒钟内像一盏灯一样熄灭，而不会造成任何伤害。我想过给你的食物下药，但那很冒险，因为我不知道你会吃多少，或者你是否会吃。我计划在那天晚上，因为你的邻居不在身边，也没有人会看到，你知道的。我把你抱出去。迪恩停顿了一下。”听起来比我脑海里听起来要糟糕得多。”

Castiel huffs a laugh. "You kidnapped a federal agent."
卡斯蒂尔笑了起来。“你绑架了一名联邦特工。”

"It's not that. It's that you didn't deserve it."
“不是那个。而是你不配。

Castiel stares at him, and Dean just returns it calmly. "You can say that, and still keep me here?" Usually with the acceptance of guilt and wrongdoing is the acknowledgement that it must be rectified.
卡斯蒂尔盯着他，迪恩只是平静地回了回去。“你可以这么说，还把我留在这里？”通常，接受内疚和错误行为就是承认必须纠正它。

"I know this is wrong, Cas. But it's worth it, because I have you. And I hope someday you trust me enough to stay." Dean looks away and picks up the needle. He pushes a little of the liquid out, carefully making sure there's no air bubbles before looking at Castiel. "I'm sorry."
“我知道这是错误的，卡斯。但这是值得的，因为我有你。我希望有一天你足够信任我留下来。迪恩把目光移开，拿起针头。他把一点液体推出来，小心翼翼地确保没有气泡，然后看向卡斯蒂尔。”对不起。”

Castiel silently offers his arm. Dean finds his vein in the crook of his elbow and pushes in the plunger. Within a moment Castiel's mind is swimming, then it all goes dark.
卡斯蒂尔默默地伸出了手臂。迪恩在肘弯处找到了他的静脉，并推入柱塞。不一会儿，卡斯蒂尔的思绪就在游动，然后一切都变暗了。

The darkness lasts.
黑暗持续。

Returning to consciousness is hard work. Unlike when waking up from a deep sleep, there's a weird heaviness to all his limbs instead of just his mind. And there's something distinctly artificial about it that Castiel remembers from surgery. It feels like he's fighting through mud, searching for a way to open his eyes to the soft light that lies beyond his lids. His body abruptly begins to respond, and he thrashes. His left hand doesn't move, hits a strong, cold line of something.
恢复意识是一项艰苦的工作。与从深度睡眠中醒来时不同，他的所有四肢都感到一种奇怪的沉重感，而不仅仅是他的思想。卡斯蒂尔从手术中记得它有一种明显的人造的东西。感觉就像他在泥泞中挣扎，寻找一种方法来睁开眼睛，看到眼睑之外的柔和光线。他的身体突然开始做出反应，他猛地抽搐。他的左手一动不动，撞到了一条坚强而冰冷的东西。

He opens his eyes. The ceiling is there, just like when he dropped off. When he looks around, he sees Dean sitting next to him and holding the ankle cuff.
他睁开眼睛。天花板就在那里，就像他下车时一样。当他环顾四周时，他看到迪恩坐在他旁边，拿着脚铐。

It's not on Castiel.
它不在卡斯蒂尔身上。

Castiel bolts upright, but his immediate instinct to get up and do ¨C do something fades when he realizes he's been handcuffed to the bed board. "Dean?"
Castiel 直立了身子，但当他意识到自己被铐在床板上时，他立即站起来做点什么的本能消失了。“迪恩？”

Dean smiles at him, a soft curve. "Hey. You need to be the one to put it back on." He lifts the ankle cuff.
Dean 对他微笑，曲线柔和。“嘿。你需要成为那个人才能把它戴回去。他抬起脚踝袖口。

"Why?" Castiel asks. "Why didn't you do it while I was out?"
“为什么？”卡斯蒂尔问道。“你为什么不趁我出去的时候这样做？”

"It's part of the spell. You have to put it on willingly."
“这是咒语的一部分。你必须心甘情愿地戴上它。

Castiel thinks back to Dean giving it to him originally. "You tricked me!"
卡斯蒂尔回想起迪恩最初给他的情景。“你骗了我！”

"Yeah. I did." Dean smirks. "Not so crazy after all, huh?"
“是的。我做到了。迪恩傻笑着。”毕竟没那么疯狂，是吧？”

He resists his first reaction of anger, closing his eyes briefly.
他克制住了愤怒的第一反应，短暂地闭上了眼睛。

Dean shrugs after a moment. "At the time, you still would have put it on if I said it was part of the spell to make it work, because you still thought I was nuts. About the supernatural," he adds after a moment.
迪恩过了一会儿耸了耸肩。“当时，如果我说这是让它发挥作用的咒语的一部分，你仍然会戴上它，因为你仍然认为我疯了。关于超自然现象，”他过了一会儿补充道。

Castiel supposes that's true. But this new piece of information also leaves him with a choice: he can refuse to put it back on. Dean would have to put the heavy physical chain back on, but Castiel's chances of escape might be stronger when not bound by magic. But even then, his chances are low. He spent forty days trying to find a way to open that manacle and failed. He got farther with the cuff, even if he can't repeat that now.
卡斯蒂尔认为这是真的。但这条新信息也给他留下了一个选择：他可以拒绝重新戴上它。迪恩必须重新戴上沉重的物理锁链，但如果没有魔法的束缚，卡斯蒂尔逃脱的机会可能会更大。但即便如此，他的机会也很低。他花了四十天时间试图找到打开手铐的方法，但失败了。他用手铐走得更远，即使他现在不能重复。

But more importantly, this is also an opportunity to make Dean trust him. And willingly take it off later.
但更重要的是，这也是一个让迪恩信任他的机会。并且稍后心甘情愿地脱掉它。

Dean is still looking at him curiously, cuff in his lap. "Cas?"
Dean 仍然好奇地看着他，手铐在他的腿上。“卡斯？”

Castiel meets his gaze with what he hopes is not resignation, and instead acceptance. "All right." He holds out his right hand, and Dean places the cuff into it.
卡斯蒂尔与他的目光对视，他希望的不是顺从，而是接受。“好吧。”他伸出右手，迪恩将手铐放进去。

"You could switch legs," Dean offers.
“你可以换腿，”迪恩提议。

Castiel shakes his head as he places it on his left, the smooth metal cool against his skin. All he has to do now is close it. "I've got calluses on this ankle now, it's more comfortable." He takes a deep breath and shuts it, the line disappearing. There's no other sign of magic being used.
卡斯蒂尔摇了摇头，将它放在左边，光滑的金属在他的皮肤上凉爽。他现在要做的就是把它关上。“我现在脚踝上长了老茧，更舒服了。”他深吸了一口气，闭上了它，线条消失了。没有其他使用魔法的迹象。

He willingly chained himself. He has to tell himself again that he did it for his own purpose.
他心甘情愿地把自己锁起来。他必须再次告诉自己，他这样做是为了自己的目的。

Dean places his hand on the side of Castiel's face and then goes in for a quick kiss, a peck on the lips. Castiel is so surprised he doesn¡¯t react. "Thank you, Cas."
Dean 把手放在 Castiel 的脸侧，然后快速吻了一下，啄了啄嘴唇。Castiel 很惊讶，他没有反应。“谢谢你，Cas。”

He leaves to grab a key, and then releases Castiel from the handcuffs. Castiel rubs his wrist, feeling slight pain that suggests that he might have been restrained for a few hours with the weight of his arm falling there. Dean takes that wrist and takes over, thumbs smoothing over the muscles and tendons, moving from the inside of his wrist to the space between his fingers. His expression is intent, but also calm and relaxed.
他离开去拿钥匙，然后将卡斯蒂尔从手铐中解脱出来。卡斯蒂尔揉了揉他的手腕，感到轻微的疼痛，这表明他可能被束缚了几个小时，手臂的重量落在那里。迪恩握住那只手腕并接手，拇指抚平肌肉和肌腱，从手腕内侧移动到手指之间的空间。他的表情专注，但也很平静和放松。

"Dean," Castiel begins. "Have you put yourself in danger by keeping me here? By letting a stranger into your only stronghold?"
“院长，”卡斯蒂尔开始说道。“你把我留在这里，把自己置于危险之中吗？让一个陌生人进入你唯一的据点？

"I suppose, technically. If you escaped it would be bad for me," Dean says, shrugging lightly and letting go of Castiel.
“我想，从技术上讲。如果你逃脱了，那对我来说会很糟糕，”迪恩说，轻轻耸了耸肩，放开了卡斯蒂尔。

"Why?"
“为什么？”

"Life isn't worth living without you," Dean says matter-of-factly.
“没有你，生活就不值得活下去，”迪恩实事求是地说。

"But was that what you thought when you first did it?" Castiel asks. "Did you intend to keep me here long-term when you first took me?"
“但你第一次这样做时是这么想的吗？”卡斯蒂尔问道。“当你第一次带我去的时候，你打算把我长期留在这里吗？”

A slight frown appears on Dean's face. "I don't know. I thought about it. Why are you asking, Cas?"
Dean 的脸上微微皱起眉头。“我不知道。我想了想。你为什么要问，Cas？

"What would you do if I did escape?" Castiel asks.
“如果我真的逃脱了，你会怎么做？”卡斯蒂尔问道。

Dean rolls his eyes, rising to his feet. "I don't play what-ifs."
Dean 翻了个白眼，站了起来。“我不会玩假设。”

"I'm trying to understand," Castiel presses. "It would hurt you, wouldn't it? Would you be okay on your own?"
“我正在努力理解，”卡斯蒂尔追问道。“这会伤害你，不是吗？你一个人没事吗？

Dean stares at him with wide eyes.
迪恩睁大眼睛盯着他。

Castiel has two reasons for asking: genuine concern, and to test how far and how much Dean will have to trust him not to run, in order for him to be persuaded to take off the ankle cuff. If Dean fears losing Castiel so much that he can't cope even in the short-term, he may never take off the cuff willingly. Even if he does ultimately desire Castiel to be a free, willing partner.
卡斯蒂尔问这个问题有两个原因：真诚的关心，以及测试迪恩在多大程度上需要信任他不逃跑，以便说服他摘下脚铐。如果迪恩非常害怕失去卡斯蒂尔，以至于他即使在短期内也无法应对，他可能永远不会心甘情愿地摘下手铐。即使他最终确实希望卡斯蒂尔成为一个自由、愿意的伴侣。

Instead of answering the question or getting angry, Dean returns to the bed, uncomfortably close to where Castiel sits.
迪恩没有回答问题或生气，而是回到床上，离卡斯蒂尔坐的地方很近，很不舒服。

"Don't leave me," Dean begs. His shoulders have hunched over, his hands are in front of him and palm up. His body language screams desperation. There's pure agony on his face, enough to shock Castiel into silence. "Everyone ¨C everyone fucking leaves, Cas, and I can't take it anymore. Dad left, Sam left, everyone who has ever mattered left."
“别离开我，”迪恩恳求道。他的肩膀弯着腰，双手放在身前，掌心朝上。他的肢体语言尖叫着绝望。他的脸上流露出纯粹的痛苦，足以让卡斯蒂尔陷入沉默。“每个人都离开了，卡斯，我再也受不了了。爸爸走了，山姆走了，所有曾经重要的人都离开了。

That breaks past Castiel's analytic state of mind, right into his heart. He sits up and opens his arms on instinct, and in a moment Dean is filling them, for once taking comfort instead of offering it. Dean's hands clutch at bunches of Castiel's thin t-shirt, and his torso is twisted so he's facing Castiel ¨C it's a full on hug, with Dean's hand laying Castiel's shoulder. Dean vibrates with tension, with whatever surge of emotion Castiel had prompted. He strokes a hand through Dean's hair, feeling an odd sort of tenderness. He tells the truth when he says, "I'm sorry you lost them, Dean."
这突破了卡斯蒂尔的分析心态，直接进入了他的内心。他坐起来，本能地张开双臂，片刻之后，迪恩填满了双臂，因为这一次是安慰而不是提供安慰。迪恩的手紧紧抓住卡斯蒂尔的一束束薄薄的 T 恤，他的躯干扭曲着，所以他面对着卡斯蒂尔——这是一个完整的拥抱，迪恩的手放在卡斯蒂尔的肩膀上。迪恩因紧张而颤抖，无论卡斯蒂尔引发了什么情绪。他用一只手抚摸着迪恩的头发，感到一种奇怪的温柔。他说实话，他说：“对不起你丢了它们，迪恩。

"I can't lose you, too," Dean murmurs into Castiel's shoulder.
“我也不能失去你，”迪恩对着卡斯蒂尔的肩膀喃喃自语。

And Castiel pets him, calms him. "It's okay," he whispers. "It's okay, Dean," he says, realizing that if he does escape, Dean might suffer a psychological collapse. Possibly even a full collapse of functioning.
卡斯蒂尔抚摸着他，让他平静下来。“没关系，”他低声说。“没关系，迪恩，”他说，意识到如果他真的逃脱了，迪恩可能会遭受心理崩溃。甚至可能是功能完全崩溃。

Is he responsible for that? For Dean? Logic says no, but his emotions say yes. Castiel cares for Dean. He considers Dean a friend, even ¨C a very fucked up friend, but it's the only word that comes close to what Castiel feels. Castiel is all twisted up in Dean's issues, and he can't untangle himself easily. And Dean doesn't want to be untangled, because that tangle is what Dean has used to bolster himself through all the trauma he's experienced.
他对此负责吗？为了迪恩？逻辑说不，但他的情绪说是。卡斯蒂尔关心迪恩。他认为迪恩是一个朋友，甚至“一个非常糟糕的朋友，但这是唯一接近卡斯蒂尔感受的词。卡斯蒂尔在迪恩的问题上陷入了困境，他无法轻易解开自己的纠结。而迪恩不想被解开，因为这种纠结是迪恩用来支撑自己度过他所经历的所有创伤的东西。

Really, Castiel knows that Dean ultimately needs healthy relationships with other people who are aware of the supernatural. He needs the equal give and take of another hunter, but all those who were that for him have died. John, Sam, and Bobby. Dean is likely incapable of trusting another person that much ¨C except for his soulmate.
真的，卡斯蒂尔知道迪恩最终需要与其他了解超自然现象的人建立健康的关系。他需要另一位猎人的平等给予和索取，但所有对他来说都是这样的人都死了。约翰、山姆和鲍比。迪恩可能无法那么信任另一个人——除了他的灵魂伴侣。

That choice, that trust, was made for him. Just like it was with his brother and father. Only Bobby broke the pattern.
那个选择，那个信任，是为他做出的。就像他的兄弟和父亲一样。只有鲍比打破了这种模式。

It's even possible that Castiel isn't helping Dean at all by being here, and is only encouraging an unhealthy dependence on him. But the fact of the matter is that Castiel isn't a psychologist or therapist and he can't say for sure if that's true. He knows that Dean needs him. It's a question whether, if he leaves, Dean will properly adapt or not. But he also knows that he doesn't owe Dean anything. Not truly.
甚至有可能卡斯蒂尔在这里根本没有帮助迪恩，只是在鼓励对他的不健康依赖。但事实是，卡斯蒂尔不是心理学家或治疗师，他无法确定这是否属实。他知道迪恩需要他。如果他离开，迪恩是否会适当地适应，这是一个问题。但他也知道他不欠迪恩任何东西。不是真的。

And yet, Castiel doesn't want to hurt Dean. It feels like a paralyzing paradox.
然而，卡斯蒂尔并不想伤害迪恩。这感觉就像一个瘫痪的悖论。

Dean withdraws a little from their embrace, far enough that he can meet Castiel's gaze. "I can't set you free, but Cas ¨C I'll do anything, absolutely anything else for you."
迪恩从他们的怀抱中退了一点，距离足以与卡斯蒂尔的目光对视。“我不能让你自由，但卡斯，我会为你做任何事情，绝对是其他任何事情。”

Castiel swallows. Then, "I want to talk to Balthazar again. Regularly."
卡斯蒂尔咽了咽口水。然后，“我想再和巴尔萨泽谈谈。定期。

"I'll figure it out," Dean promises. "I will, I swear to you." He takes a deep and trembling breath, eyes wet, and then lets his head fall to Castiel's chest. Castiel runs a hand up from Dean's neck, through his hair, and then repeats the motion. Dean leans on him for another five minutes or so. When he does finally rise to his feet, he looks a lot calmer.
“我会想办法的，”Dean 承诺道。“我会的，我向你发誓。”他颤抖地深吸了一口气，眼睛湿润了，然后把头靠在 Castiel 的胸口。Castiel 用一只手从 Dean 的脖子上伸了过，穿过他的头发，然后重复了这个动作。Dean 又靠在他身上大约五分钟。当他终于站起来时，他看起来平静了很多。

"So, outside?" Castiel asks.
“所以，在外面？”卡斯蒂尔问道。

Dean nods. "I'll show you where your boundaries are."
迪恩点点头。“我会告诉你你的界限在哪里。”

He holds out his hand, and Castiel takes it. Then releases it. "Shoes," Castiel explains. "For the first time in seven months I should need them, right?"
他伸出手，卡斯蒂尔接过了它。然后松开了它。“鞋子，”卡斯蒂尔解释道。“七个月来我第一次需要它们，对吧？”

"Oh, right." Dean laughs a little, still looking a little unbalanced.
“哦，对了。”迪恩笑了笑，看起来还是有些不平衡。

Once Castiel's feet are protected, Dean leads him to a part of the bunker he's never been. The long hallway that Castiel's room sits in has an ending Castiel couldn't pass, with a door he couldn't quite reach. That's where Dean takes him. They go through some areas that look more industrial, with very heavy pipes running along the ceiling. There's a half-door that they both have to crouch to go through, and beyond that tiny room is a flat wall. Dean shows Castiel how to trigger the trapdoor. It leads to a tunnel that slowly rises upward over the course of hundreds of feet, until he faced with yet another steel door.
一旦卡斯蒂尔的脚得到保护，迪恩就把他带到了他从未去过的地堡的一部分。卡斯蒂尔房间所在的长走廊有一个卡斯蒂尔无法通过的终点，有一扇门他无法完全够到。这就是迪恩带他去的地方。他们穿过一些看起来更工业化的区域，天花板上有非常重的管道。有一扇半门，他们都必须蹲下才能穿过，在那个小房间之外是一堵平坦的墙。迪恩向卡斯蒂尔展示了如何触发活板门。它通向一条隧道，在数百英尺的过程中缓慢向上上升，直到他面对另一扇钢门。

But when Dean opens it, sunlight pours through.
但当迪恩打开它时，阳光倾泻而入。

Castiel pushes past him, heart beating fast. When he breaks out into the sunlight, he has to squint at how incredibly bright it is. He'd barely noticed it during his first escape attempt, because he was so focused on running, but now his eyes fill with painful tears.
卡斯蒂尔从他身边推开，心跳加速。当他冲向阳光时，他不得不眯着眼睛看它有多么明亮。在他第一次逃跑时，他几乎没有注意到这一点，因为他太专注于奔跑了，但现在他的眼睛里充满了痛苦的泪水。

He wipes his eyes and forces them open, forces himself to adapt. After a few seconds, he sees a large plain with gently rolling hills. Green plant life dots the landscape with the first signs of spring. The breeze is cool on his skin, but still nowhere near winter, when he was last out here. The sun is low in the sky ¨C sunset is probably an hour or so away. The light gives everything a golden cast.
他擦了擦眼睛，强行睁开眼睛，强迫自己适应。几秒钟后，他看到了一片大片平原，山丘平缓起伏。绿色的植物点缀着春天的最初迹象。微风拂过他的皮肤，但仍然远不及冬天，那是他上次来这里的时候。太阳在天空中低垂——距离日落可能还有一个小时左右的时间。光线给一切带来了金色的光彩。

It's absolutely beautiful.
这绝对是美丽的。

Castiel's chest seizes up and he has to hold in the tears that want to come. Dean gently places a hand on Castiel's back and says quietly, "Would you like to have breakfast up here sometimes?"
卡斯蒂尔的胸口一阵发抖，他不得不忍住想要流泪的眼泪。迪恩轻轻地将一只手放在卡斯蒂尔的背上，轻声说道：“你有时想在这里吃早餐吗？

He nods silently. ...

The boundary extends a few hundred feet in every direction. Castiel's world has suddenly been expanded several times over. Castiel spends the next hour wandering it, just absorbing the fresh air and the feeling of sun on skin. Dean leans against the entrance, which is tucked into one of the rolling hills, and just watches him. Castiel sits in the dirt when the sun begins to set, watching as the edges of the sky darken. The few wispy clouds are lit up a bright orange and pink, and as the minutes pass Castiel can see them go return to gray when the sun sets behind the curve of the earth.
边界向各个方向延伸了几百英尺。卡斯蒂尔的世界突然扩大了好几倍。卡斯蒂尔在接下来的一个小时里徘徊，只是吸收新鲜空气和阳光照在皮肤上的感觉。迪恩靠在入口处，入口隐藏在连绵起伏的山丘中，只是看着他。当太阳开始落山时，卡斯蒂尔坐在泥土中，看着天空的边缘变暗。几朵缕缕的云彩被照亮成明亮的橙色和粉红色，随着时间的流逝，当太阳落在地球曲线后面时，卡斯蒂尔可以看到它们又变成了灰色。

When the last slice of the sun disappears, Castiel hears Dean come up behind him. "Come inside?" Dean asks.
当最后一片太阳消失时，卡斯蒂尔听到迪恩从他身后走来。“进来吗？”迪恩问道。

Castiel takes his hand and Dean pulls him up.
卡斯蒂尔拉着他的手，迪恩把他拉了起来。

That night, Dean breathing into the nape of his neck, Castiel dreams of sunrises.
那天晚上，迪恩对着他的颈背呼吸，卡斯蒂尔梦见了日出。

--------------------------------

Two hundred and forty-seven days in, Dean has enthusiastically embraced his camera. He almost solely takes photos of Castiel, who under normal circumstances would find it creepy, but Dean has taken to both warning him ahead of time and trying to capture moments when Castiel happy. So instead it becomes kind of sweet. When Castiel watches the sunset, Dean takes an image of that. When Castiel finds that new pie recipe delicious, that deserves a photo. When Castiel is amused at something Dean has said or done, he's been known to lunge for the camera, making Castiel laugh.
两百四十七天过去了，迪恩热情地拿起了他的相机。他几乎只给卡斯蒂尔拍照，在正常情况下，卡斯蒂尔会觉得这令人毛骨悚然，但迪恩既提前警告他，又试图捕捉卡斯蒂尔快乐的时刻。所以它反而变得有点甜蜜。当卡斯蒂尔看日落时，迪恩拍了一张照片。当卡斯蒂尔发现新的馅饼食谱很美味时，这值得拍照。当卡斯蒂尔对迪恩的言行感到好笑时，众所周知，他会冲向镜头，让卡斯蒂尔发笑。

Castiel lets himself feel the natural (or perhaps unnatural) affection that comes to him in those times.
卡斯蒂尔让自己感受到那些时候降临到他身上的自然（或者也许是不自然）的感情。

Dean backs off from asking anything sexual of Castiel, but he begins to give him little kisses throughout the day. Often on his hand, sometimes on his lips. It's a bizarre courting technique, but it definitely teaches Castiel not to flinch when Dean wants to get close. So maybe not so bizarre.
迪恩不再向卡斯蒂尔提出任何性问题，但他开始整天给他一个小吻。经常在他的手上，有时在他的嘴唇上。这是一种奇怪的求爱技巧，但它绝对教会了卡斯蒂尔在迪恩想要接近时不要退缩。所以也许没有那么奇怪。

About once every week or so, Castiel tests how much Dean trusts him ¨C by asking a question about where they are, or asking for access to another part of the bunker. But Dean always stops when it comes to anything that would help Castiel escape. Asking for books on spellwork (or anything possibly related) is a firm no. Books on monsters is a reluctant yes, just because Castiel continues to search through newspapers for hunts.
大约每周一次，卡斯蒂尔会通过询问他们在哪里的问题，或者要求进入地堡的另一部分来测试迪恩对他的信任程度。但迪恩总是在任何可以帮助卡斯蒂尔逃脱的事情上停下来。索要有关法术（或任何可能相关的东西）的书籍是坚决拒绝的。关于怪物的书籍是不情愿的，只是因为卡斯蒂尔继续在报纸上搜索狩猎。

At the same time, Dean is relaxing more and more in Castiel's presence. The only problem is that the reverse is also true.
与此同时，迪恩在卡斯蒂尔面前越来越放松。唯一的问题是反之亦然。

Dean comes up to Castiel's spot (a nice, flat rock) outside that morning and says, "I'm going to take care of that hunt you found."
那天早上，迪恩来到卡斯蒂尔在外面的位置（一块漂亮的平坦岩石）说：“我会处理你发现的那块猎物。

Castiel looks up from his book, a fiction thriller. So far Dean has very deliberately avoided anything that has or relates to kidnapping, much to Castiel's amusement. "How long will that take?"
卡斯蒂尔从他的书中抬起头来，这是一部小说惊悚小说。到目前为止，迪恩非常刻意地避免了任何与绑架有关的事情，这让卡斯蒂尔感到很开心。“那需要多长时间？”

Dean settles next to him on the dirt. "Not sure. It's a tough one. I haven't been able to identify what it is either, so it may take longer. I'll leave you with everything you need, like usual. Tomorrow."
Dean 在他旁边的泥土上坐下来。“不确定。这是一场艰难的比赛。我也无法确定它是什么，所以可能需要更长的时间。我会像往常一样把你需要的一切留给你。明天。

"All right."
“好吧。”

Dean gets up to leave.
迪恩起身准备离开。

"Dean?" ...

"Yeah?" ...

"What happens to me if you die out there?" Castiel asks. "You always say that won't happen, but I've heard your stories of how even good hunters can make a simple mistake and die."
“如果你死在那里，我会怎样？”卡斯蒂尔问道。“你总是说那不会发生，但我听说过你的故事，即使是优秀的猎人也会犯一个简单的错误而死。”

Dean shifts on his feet and then clears his throat. "Okay, well. There's a contingency plan, but I can't tell you what it is."
Dean 站了起来，然后清了清嗓子。“好吧，好吧。有一个应急计划，但我不能告诉你它是什么。

Part of Castiel isn't surprised. The rest is torn between feeling grateful and angry. So he decides on a neutral response. "Hmm."
卡斯蒂尔的一部分并不感到惊讶。其余的则在感激和愤怒之间左右为难。所以他决定采取中立的回应。“嗯。”

Dean watches him for a second, but when nothing else is forthcoming he kisses him lightly on the forehead. "See you later."
迪恩看了他一秒钟，但当没有其他事情发生时，他轻轻地吻了吻他的额头。“稍后见。”

That night, it occurs to Castiel that he could kill Dean and then call Anna for help. If he was willing to actually hurt Dean that way. Most likely she'd be extremely angry that he'd done that, but it would force her to release him if she was going to keep her word. Starving to death would be 'major harm,' wouldn't it? For that matter, Dean probably has someone to come by and take care of Castiel if Dean were to die on a hunt. If Castiel restrained Dean long enough, would they come? He could try to convince that person that he was a prisoner and needed to be set free.
那天晚上，卡斯蒂尔想到他可以杀死迪恩，然后打电话给安娜寻求帮助。如果他愿意以这种方式伤害迪恩的话。她很可能会因为他这样做而非常生气，但如果她要信守诺言，这会迫使她释放他。饿死会是“重大伤害”，不是吗？就此而言，如果迪恩在狩猎中死去，迪恩可能有人过来照顾卡斯蒂尔。如果卡斯蒂尔将迪恩束缚得足够长，他们会来吗？他可以试着说服那个人，他是个囚犯，需要被释放。

But there's a decent size chance that wouldn't work. That anyone Dean chose for that task would be loyal to Dean first, and morality second. To overcome their loyalty to Dean, Dean would have to be out of the picture. There are ways Castiel could try to manipulate that outcome, but if it failed it would kill any chance Castiel has of escaping again. He's pretty sure a betrayal ¡­ an act of that magnitude would make Dean decide he could never be trusted.
但有相当大的可能性是行不通的。迪恩为这项任务选择的任何人首先会忠于迪恩，其次是道德。为了克服他们对迪恩的忠诚，迪恩必须退出。卡斯蒂尔可以通过多种方式尝试纵这一结果，但如果失败了，就会扼杀卡斯蒂尔再次逃脱的机会。他很确定背叛——如此严重的行为会让迪恩决定他永远不能被信任。

Fuck. ...

Five boring days later, Dean returns. Castiel's outside again, but the secret exit/entrance that he uses is far enough from the road that he can't even hear the car. Which makes sense, otherwise Dean wouldn't have let him out here. All it would take is one person pulling over to check their map and Castiel would be free. So the door creaks open and Dean is there, standing in the doorway.
无聊的五天后，迪恩回来了。卡斯蒂尔又在外面了，但他使用的秘密出口/入口离马路很远，他甚至听不到车的声音。这是有道理的，否则迪恩不会让他出去。只需要一个人靠边停车检查他们的地图，卡斯蒂尔就会自由了。于是门吱吱作响地打开了，迪恩就在那里，站在门口。

He's limping and his face is bloody. Castiel shoots up and to his side. "Are you okay?"
他一瘸一拐，脸上沾满了血。卡斯蒂尔站起来，跑到他身边。“你还好吗？”

"Could use some stitches," Dean says, looking exhausted. "You game? I'm pretty sure your hands are steadier than mine at this point."
“可以缝几针，”Dean 说，看起来很疲惫。“你玩游戏？我很确定你的手现在比我的更稳定。

"Of course," Castiel says immediately. He gets his arm under Dean's and takes him to the Men of Letters infirmary. It's one of the new places Castiel has access to. Theoretically the place is full of weapons in the form of medical supplies, but like the knife Castiel got for his birthday, Castiel has no real intention of using them.
“当然，”卡斯蒂尔立即说。他把他的胳膊放在迪恩的胳膊下，带他去了文人医务室。这是卡斯蒂尔可以进入的新地方之一。理论上，这个地方到处都是医疗用品形式的武器，但就像卡斯蒂尔生日时得到的刀一样，卡斯蒂尔并没有真正打算使用它们。

Dean knows that, of course. That's the point. He knows Castiel doesn't want to hurt Dean, and definitely not for anything less than an escape.
迪恩当然知道这一点。这就是重点。他知道卡斯蒂尔不想伤害迪恩，而且绝对不是为了逃跑。

He settles Dean on an exam table and cuts off his clothing, despite Dean's protests ("Those were my favorite pants! Aw, c'mon you really liked that shirt.") and cleans up the wounds first. He has huge slashes across his chest and back, and one on his calf on his right leg. Not all of them require stitches, but about half of them do. Castiel's never had to perform first aid with stitches before, but he knows how to do it in theory. Dean has practice, and gives him all the tips. ("Don't pull the thread that hard. Gentle, dude, gentle.")
他把迪恩放在检查台上，不顾迪恩的抗议，剪掉了他的衣服（“那是我最喜欢的裤子！哎呀，来吧，你真的很喜欢那件衬衫。”）然后先清理伤口。他的胸部和背部都有巨大的割伤，右腿的小腿上还有一道。并非所有人都需要缝针，但大约一半需要缝针。卡斯蒂尔以前从未用缝针进行急救，但他在理论上知道如何做。迪恩有练习，并给了他所有的技巧。（“不要那么用力拉线。温柔，伙计，温柔。

Once he's done, he's sweaty and bloody. But for once, he feels somewhat like he once did ¨C a competent officer of the law, not an emotionally-wrought prisoner.
一旦他完成，他就会满头大汗，浑身是血。但这一次，他感觉自己有点像曾经的——一个称职的执法人员，而不是一个情绪化的囚犯。

He also feels protective.
他也感到保护。

"Can you stay?" Dean asks rather blurrily. Now that all the stitching is done, he's drinking vodka. "Just 'til I fall asleep. Man, that was some creepy shit. I hate shadow people, tulpas, so many fucking kinds ..."
“你能留下来吗？”Dean 相当模糊地问道。现在所有的缝线都完成了，他正在喝伏特加。“直到我睡着为止。伙计，那真是个令人毛骨悚然的狗屎。我讨厌影子人，图尔帕斯，这么多他妈的......”

"Of course, Dean." He brings up a rolling chair and settles next to the exam bed, watching Dean take even breaths. The damage was mostly cosmetic. Dean will probably have a few interesting scars, more to add to the collection which Castiel now has memorized. He's seen Dean in every state of undress and knows his body almost as intimately as he knows his own. An hour in, he goes and gets his abandoned book and returns to reading. When Dean murmurs in his sleep, Castiel absentmindedly strokes his forehead until he calms.
“当然，迪恩。”他拿起一张滚动椅，坐在检查床旁边，看着迪恩均匀地呼吸。损伤主要是表面上的。迪恩可能会有一些有趣的疤痕，更多可以添加到卡斯蒂尔现在记住的收藏中。他见过迪恩脱衣服的各种状态，并且几乎像了解自己的身体一样了解自己的身体。一个小时后，他去拿他被遗弃的书，然后重新开始阅读。当迪恩在睡梦中喃喃自语时，卡斯蒂尔心不在焉地抚摸着他的额头，直到他平静下来。

A rattle grabs his attention. He looks up as darkness flickers at the corner of his vision. A small instrument table rolls a few inches.
一声拨浪鼓吸引了他的注意力。他抬起头，黑暗在他的视野角落闪烁。一张小仪器台滚动了几英寸。

He could put it down to his imagination, but he knows better now. He sets down his book and places his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Dean, wake up."
他可以把它归结为他的想象，但他现在更清楚了。他放下书，把手放在迪恩的肩膀上。“迪恩，醒醒。”

"Wazzit?" Dean asks sleepily, eyes closed.
“瓦齐特？”迪恩闭着眼睛睡眼惺忪地问道。

"A tulpa, Dean. That's what it was?" ...

Dean opens his eyes. "Yeah?" ...

"I think I just saw one." ...

Dean bolts upright. "Fuck. Are you sure?" ...

"Sure I saw something, but not certain I know what it is. Blackness just out of sight, and that table started rolling. It can't be a breeze or a minor earthquake; I felt nothing." He stares into Dean's green eyes. "Dean, can those follow people?" ...

Dean rolls off the exam bed. "I've never heard of it, but that doesn't mean it can't happen. Especially since I torched where it was staying. I did a cleansing spell, that should've gotten rid of it, but if that didn't work and its home was gone ¡­" Dean rubs his bottom lip, thinking. "Yeah. It could've attached itself to me." He looks up. ...

Castiel feels a chill and turns. There, flickering down the room like a piece of jello wandering in and out of this dimension, was a black, spidery human figure. He has an instant to feel shock ¨C only his second meeting with a supernatural being ¨C and then Dean grabs him by the arm and runs, dragging Castiel with him. It pulls Dean's stitches, leaving lines of blood and Castiel says, "Your back ¨C" ...

"Don't argue, follow me!" Dean shouts. ...

Castiel looks back again and sees it following them, jolting forward in inches or feet at random intervals. ...

"Holy water, holy water ¨C" Dean is muttering, still pulling Castiel through the hallway. "Blessed by Tibetan monks and some sage ¨C" ...

Dean tries to pull him into the library. ...

"Dean, I can't!" Castiel says, stopping at the entrance. ...

"It's not safe and the library has sigils that protect against supernatural forms ¨C" ...

"I can't," Castiel repeats, looking down at his ankle. ...

Horror and understanding fill Dean's face. He releases Castiel and darts into the library, running through its shelves. Castiel focuses on the hallway, watching the figure steadily approach him. "Dean, can I exorcise it or something?" he calls. ...

When it's six feet away, Castiel realizing he's about to die and he should just run, Dean returns with an ancient looking jar and throws it down the hallway at the shadow. It explodes into a thousand pieces and liquid splashes out of it, causing the shadow to flicker even more and then disappear into wisps of darkness. Castiel grabs Dean's arm, feeling a fear that is entirely different from facing down a human monster. "I don't think that killed it," Castiel finally gets out. ...

"It didn't," Dean says. He looks down at Castiel's ankle. "I need to get somewhere safe and prep the spell. But only the library has sigils that will keep a tulpa like that out." ...

"Dean, I can't go into the library," Castiel says evenly. "You have to remove the cuff." ...

Dean stares at him. Castiel stares at the growing darkness at the end of the hall. ...

"I don't want to die," Castiel tells him. ...

Dean kneels, places his hand on Castiel's ankle, and begins to chant in some alien language. After about twenty seconds, the cuff opens with a quiet click and Castiel kicks it away. ...

The shadow figure flickers in front of him and Castiel raises his arm in self-defense, like he would with a human opponent, but the shadow's arm passes right through him for just a bare second, before re-solidifying. Claws rip into Castiel's skin from his shoulder to his waist and he screams. Dean pulls him through the doorway at the same time. The shadow figure rushes at Castiel, but it scatters into smoke when it gets within an inch of the door. Castiel, panting and in pain, can see the scrolling symbols embedded in the floor. He'd never given them much thought before this, but similar ones cover almost every surface of the bunker. ...

Dean's hands are on his face, his shoulders. "You're okay, it's okay, Cas. They're not deep." ...

Taking few gulping breaths, Castiel nods and struggles to his feet with Dean's help, pain radiating from his core. There's blood, a fair amount of it, but when he looks down he realizes Dean is right ¨C the wounds are only centimeters deep. It mostly shredded his shirt, not his skin. They hurt like hell because the shadow figure clawed him more than it cut, but they're definitely not life-threatening. ...

"You with me?" Dean asks. ...

Castiel nods. Focuses. "How do we get rid of it?" ...

Dean wavers on his feet, still half-naked. "Best way is holy water, holy oil, sage, and a piece of black garnet. I didn't have the garnet so I fudged it a little with a red garnet and a piece of obsidian." He shrugs painfully. "Stupid. It looked like it worked, but it only got the thing mad." ...

"Okay, so we have those things?" ...

Dean squints and looks around. "Yeah. Somewhere." ...

Castiel flinches when he sees the shadow figure throw itself at the open doorway again, but it scatters just like before. Seeing a supernatural creature bound just by an arrangement of symbols is rather amazing, Castiel decides. The ankle cuff itself he's always associated with his captivity, but this ¨C this is protection. "Will that hold?" Castiel asks. ...

"Probably," Dean says, not even looking. Not nearly as enthralled as Castiel, he's already searching the library stacks and that locked cage Castiel couldn't figure out how to open. He takes out a flask and a jug from one part, searches through boxes, and then takes out a tiny little paper envelope. When he opens it, a rough black garnet spills into his palm. "Three out of four." Dean looks at Castiel. "We need fresh sage." ...

Castiel says slowly, "And that's in the kitchen." ...

"Yeah," Dean admits. "We're going to have to run for it." ...

"How?" Castiel demands. "I can't shoot it, and it doesn't look ¨C stabbable." ...

Dean sets the black garnet on a desk and looks around the room. "Okay, so. One of us ¨C you, probably ¨C only needs to keep it busy long enough for me to get the sage. The spell's really short and I still remember it. If I get everything together and you can hold it off I can do the spell in the kitchen and we won't have to risk the run back here." ...

"That's your plan?" Castiel asks, disbelieving. ...

"Welcome to hunting," Dean says, "land of make it up as you go." He shoves into a stack of boxes and finds a tire-iron. Beyond that he grabs a long, cardboard box, which he opens. He gives the contents to Castiel. ...

"It's a stick!" Castiel says incredulously, eyeing the three foot long branch. ...

"A stick blessed by six popes and a full coven of witches," Dean replies matter-of-factly. "It'll work. Just swing at the thing like it's a baseball bat. I'll take the iron." He pauses. "Are you ready for this?" ...

Castiel looks at him steadily, his mind working. "They flicker ahead but they don't teleport long distances, right? Then I think you should go first and sprint for the kitchen. I'll cover your back."
卡斯蒂尔定定地看着他，他的思绪在运转。“他们向前闪烁，但不会传送很远的距离，对吧？那我想你应该先冲向厨房。我会掩护你的后背。

"Sounds like a plan," Dean says dryly.
“听起来像是一个计划，”迪恩干巴巴地说。

Castiel heft his weapon. He doesn't know how much the shadow figure can interact with reality, but he's going to assume it can knock him off his feet if he's not careful enough. He lets his martial arts training take over and balances himself. "Ready."
卡斯蒂尔举起他的武器。他不知道这个影子能与现实互动多少，但他会假设如果他不够小心，它会把他击倒。他让他的武术训练接管并平衡自己。“准备好。”

Dean gives him one last long and searching look, then approaches the door. Castiel keeps on his heels. Dean hesitates at the doorway and then lunges through, swinging his tire-iron as he goes. The shadow figure appears and disappears just as fast, reacting to the iron in Dean's hand. The second after, Castiel is out as well. Dean runs ahead while Castiel faces the shadow figure. It dances closer, and Castiel wields his blessed stick almost like a sword, swinging in a downward arc. It screams, making Castiel's hair stand on end, but it backs off.
迪恩最后看了他一眼，然后走近门口。卡斯蒂尔继续紧随其后。迪恩在门口犹豫了一下，然后冲了进去，边走边挥动着他的轮胎熨斗。影子的出现和消失速度同样快，对迪恩手中的熨斗做出了反应。第二秒，卡斯蒂尔也出来了。迪恩跑在前面，而卡斯蒂尔面对着那个影子。它舞得更近了，卡斯蒂尔几乎像一把剑一样挥舞着他的祝福棍子，以向下的弧线挥舞。它尖叫着，让卡斯蒂尔的头发竖起来，但它还是后退了。

Backing up that way, Castiel keeps the thing at a distance of several feet. Anytime it jumps forward he reacts by slicing through the air before it reappears, and within half a second he's hit it again.
卡斯蒂尔以这种方式后退，将它保持在几英尺的距离内。每当它向前跳跃时，他都会做出反应，在它再次出现之前划破空气，半秒钟内他又击中了它。

Before long, Castiel is near the end of the hallway where it meets with the kitchen, and he can hear Dean speaking quickly in what sounds like Latin.
不久之后，卡斯蒂尔就到了走廊的尽头，那里与厨房交汇，他可以听到迪恩用听起来像拉丁语的语速很快地说话。

The shadow figure twists and turns when it hears Dean and then jolts forward several more feet than it had previously ¨C enough to bring it into Castiel's guard. He falls backwards, sacrificing his footing to slice into the creature, hoping that hurting it will cause it to back off long enough for him to stand.
当它听到迪恩的声音时，影子身形扭曲了身子，然后向前颠簸了几英尺——足以让它进入卡斯蒂尔的守卫。他向后倒下，牺牲自己的脚点切入这个生物，希望伤害它能让它后退足够长的时间让他站起来。

Then it screams again, whirling around almost like a tornado before pieces begin to fall off, like small pieces of tissue. They dissolve when they hit the floor, and when the last piece disappears the keening sound goes with it.
然后它再次尖叫起来，几乎像龙卷风一样旋转，然后碎片开始脱落，就像小纸巾一样。当它们撞到地板时它们就会溶解，当最后一块消失时，尖锐的声音也随之而来。

"Is it dead?" Castiel asks, standing.
“它死了吗？”卡斯蒂尔站着问道。

"Yeah," Dean answers finally. "It's dead."
“是的，”迪恩终于回答了。“它死了。”

Castiel looks back at him, lowering his stick.
卡斯蒂尔回头看着他，放下了棍子。

As one, they realize Castiel is unbound. Free. Castiel can see the foyer which has Dean's keys to the Impala. He can almost see the front door.
作为一个整体，他们意识到卡斯蒂尔是不受束缚的。 自由。 卡斯蒂尔可以看到门厅，里面有迪恩的黑斑羚钥匙。他几乎可以看到前门。

"Cas, don't," Dean says, desperation in his voice. Desperation that wasn't there when they were facing down a shadow figure that kills.
“卡斯，不要，”迪恩说，声音里带着绝望。当他们面对一个杀人的影子时，这种绝望并不存在。

"Dean, I don't want to hurt you. I don't." Castiel is telling the pure truth. "Just let me go ¨C I won't tell anyone where you are. Let me go."
“迪恩，我不想伤害你。我不想。卡斯蒂尔说的是纯粹的真相。”放开我吧——我不会告诉任何人你在哪里。放开我。

"I can't," Dean says, and brings up his tire-iron.
“我不能，”迪恩说，并拿起他的轮胎熨斗。

There's only one way to end this, and they both know it. Either Dean will win, or Castiel will. And Castiel has the feeling that if he loses this fight, he's not going to have the will-power to bring on another.
只有一种方法可以结束这一切，他们都知道这一点。要么迪恩会赢，要么卡斯蒂尔会赢。卡斯蒂尔有一种感觉，如果他输掉了这场战斗，他就没有意志力再打一场。

For once, Dean begins the battle, expression grimly determined. He knows that while their weapons may not be intended as such, they can still do damage. Like Castiel, he has some experience with a long, close-ranged weapon, because he doesn't go for the wide, flashy moves that are shown in film. He's trying to disarm Castiel of his only defense, and he's using his greater weight and momentum to do it. Castiel blocks while he tries to get into Dean's guard, so he can get close enough that the heaviness of the tire-iron won't matter. He's a second too slow and Dean knocks Castiel's hand, the one that holds his weapon. Rather than freeze in shock or try to hold on, he drops it and rushes in, grabbing Dean's tire-iron with his good hand and trying to twist it out of Dean's grip.
这一次，迪恩开始了战斗，表情严峻。他知道，虽然他们的武器可能不是故意的，但它们仍然可以造成伤害。和卡斯蒂尔一样，他对远程近距离武器有一些经验，因为他不喜欢电影中展示的那种宽阔、华丽的动作。他试图解除卡斯蒂尔唯一的防御措施，并且他正在利用他更大的重量和动力来做到这一点。当卡斯蒂尔试图进入迪恩的防守时，他会挡住他，这样他就可以足够接近，轮胎熨斗的重量并不重要。他太慢了一秒钟，迪恩敲了卡斯蒂尔的手，那只拿着他武器的手。他没有震惊地僵住或试图坚持下去，而是扔下它冲了进去，用他的好手抓住了迪恩的轮胎熨斗，试图把它从迪恩的手中拧出来。

They're within a foot of each other, so it becomes a grapple instead of an exchange of blows. Castiel is hurt, but Dean is hurt worse. By getting close enough to grab and twist Dean's wrist, he's able to force Dean to drop the tire-iron, nearly breaking Dean's wrist in the process. It clatters to the floor, a few feet away. Castiel judges the distance, but Dean is on him the next moment and he's fighting dirty.
他们彼此相距不到一英尺，所以这变成了一场擒抱，而不是交锋。卡斯蒂尔受伤了，但迪恩伤得更严重。通过靠近抓住并扭动迪恩的手腕，他能够迫使迪恩放下轮胎熨斗，在这个过程中差点折断迪恩的手腕。它咔哒作响地落在几英尺外的地板上。卡斯蒂尔判断了距离，但下一刻迪恩就在他身上，他正在打肮脏的战斗。

In a way it's a battle of strength, each trying to get the other into a defensive position. Castiel slugs Dean in the jaw, but though it sets him back it doesn't stop him, even as he spits out blood. Attack, block, countermove. Dean is trying to restrain him, not knock him out, so most of his attacks are focused on breaking Castiel's balance, while Castiel is going for the head. He gets another blow in, and Dean responds by digging into Castiel's injury from the shadow figure, dragging nails into the fresh cuts. Castiel can't help but react, and Dean takes advantage, getting his leg behind Castiel's and dropping him to the floor by knocking him off his footing.
在某种程度上，这是一场力量之战，每个人都试图让对方进入防御位置。卡斯蒂尔猛击迪恩的下巴，但虽然这让他退缩，但并没有阻止他，即使他吐血。攻击、格挡、反击。迪恩试图限制他，而不是将他击倒，所以他的大部分攻击都集中在打破卡斯蒂尔的平衡上，而卡斯蒂尔则是为了头部。他又受到了一次打击，迪恩的回应是从影子人物身上挖出卡斯蒂尔的伤口，将钉子拖入新伤口。卡斯蒂尔忍不住做出反应，迪恩趁机将他的腿放在卡斯蒂尔的腿后面，将他从脚上打下来，将他摔倒在地。

Castiel lands badly due to Dean's weight, his head knocking against the hard floor hard enough for him to black out for a second. Dean is straddling him when he comes back to himself.
由于迪恩的体重，卡斯蒂尔着地很严重，他的头撞在坚硬的地板上，足以让他昏厥一秒钟。当他回过神来时，迪恩正在跨坐在他身上。

Pure panic makes Castiel struggle wildly, trying to buck Dean off. It's less a matter of training and more one of desperation.
纯粹的恐慌让卡斯蒂尔疯狂地挣扎，试图击退迪恩。这与其说是训练的问题，不如说是绝望的问题。

"Stop!" Dean shouts. "You've lost!"
“停下来！”迪恩喊道。“你输了！”

Castiel digs in his nails as hard as he can into Dean's skin and Dean curses. Castiel tries to kick him, but Dean sits on his stomach, so Castiel can't get the reach or leverage to kick Dean off. He wriggles and tries to get his feet under him enough to push Dean away, but Dean is both too strong and too heavy.
卡斯蒂尔用尽全力用指甲刺入迪恩的皮肤，迪恩咒骂道。卡斯蒂尔试图踢他，但迪恩坐在他的肚子上，所以卡斯蒂尔无法伸手或杠杆将迪恩踢开。他扭动着身体，试图将脚踩到足以推开迪恩，但迪恩既太强壮又太重。

Within a few minutes, Dean is able to grab one wrist. Then the other. He pushes Castiel's arms to the floor and leans on him with all his weight.
几分钟之内，迪恩就抓住了一只手腕。然后是另一只。他将卡斯蒂尔的手臂推到地板上，用尽全身的重量靠在他身上。

Castiel lets loose a sob. "Don't do this to me," Castiel begs him.
卡斯蒂尔抽泣了一声。“不要这样对我，”卡斯蒂尔恳求他。

Dean's hands tighten on his wrists. "I'm sorry, Cas." He even seems to mean it, sympathy in his eyes.
Dean 的手紧紧地握在手腕上。“对不起，Cas。”他甚至似乎是认真的，眼中充满了同情。

Hot tears roll down Castiel's temples. He keeps struggling. There's a dull pain where he can feel Dean grinding the bones in his wrists together. "Please don't do this," Castiel begs again, voice wavering.
滚烫的泪水顺着卡斯蒂尔的太阳穴滚落。他一直在挣扎。有一种隐隐作痛，他能感觉到迪恩正在磨合他手腕上的骨头。“请不要这样做，”卡斯蒂尔再次恳求，声音颤抖。

"Stop fighting me," Dean demands. "Cas, I don't want to hurt you, just stop!"
“别再和我打架了，”迪恩要求道。“卡斯，我不想伤害你，停下来！”

He goes limp, blinking back more tears.
他瘫软了，眨了眨眼，眼泪又流了下来。

Dean takes several large, heaving breaths while he still holding Castiel down. As soon as he lets up the pressure on Castiel's wrists, Castiel bucks upward again and yanks his entire body to the side, so instead of Dean sitting on his stomach he's on Castiel's back. "Fuck," Dean grunts into his ear, and then Castiel flips Dean off of him entirely now that he can push against the floor. He scrambles away and feels a hand on his foot and kicks out blindly. He feels it land, but doesn't look back to see ¨C instead he scrambles to a standing position.
Dean 大口大口地吸了几口气，同时他仍然按住 Castiel。当他放开对 Castiel 手腕的压力时，Castiel 再次向上弯曲，将他的整个身体拉到一边，所以 Dean 没有坐在他的肚子上，而是坐在 Castiel 的背上。“操，”Dean 在他耳边咕哝了一声，然后 Castiel 把 Dean 完全从他身上甩了下来，因为他可以推到地板上了。他手忙脚乱地走开，感觉到一只手放在他的脚上，然后盲目地踢了出去。他感觉到它落地了，但没有回头看——相反，他争先恐后地站着。

But the world goes black again and tilts.
但世界又变黑了，倾斜了。

When it comes back, Dean's got a hand on his wrist and Castiel is on his knees in front of him.
当它回来时，迪恩的手放在他的手腕上，卡斯蒂尔跪在他面前。

Castiel catches a glimpse of Dean's face, staring down at him with a mixture of anger and horror. But rather than beat Castiel further, Dean starts uses the wrist he's holding to begin dragging him from the kitchen and down the hallway. Castiel knows he has a concussion now and his balance is wrong and he can't quite get his body to move, but he fights Dean anyway. He twists his wrist around, trying to break Dean's hold, but Dean only responds by tugging harder and grabbing Castiel's free hand. Once he does that he gets both wrists in one hand and pulls.
卡斯蒂尔瞥见了迪恩的脸，低头盯着他，带着愤怒和恐惧的混合体。但迪恩并没有进一步击败卡斯蒂尔，而是开始用他握着的手腕开始将他从厨房拖到走廊上。卡斯蒂尔知道他现在脑震荡了，他的平衡不对，他无法完全让自己的身体移动，但他还是与迪恩战斗。他扭动手腕，试图挣脱迪恩的束缚，但迪恩的回应只是更用力地拉扯并抓住卡斯蒂尔空着的手。一旦他这样做了，他就用一只手握住双手腕并拉扯。

After only twenty feet Castiel falls, forcing Dean to hold up his weight by Castiel's wrists. Dean has to use both hands, but he doesn't stop, dragging him along the floor while Castiel tries and fails to gain leverage by standing, his feet and ankles getting scraped up.
仅仅二十英尺后，卡斯蒂尔就摔倒了，迫使迪恩用卡斯蒂尔的手腕支撑着他的体重。迪恩必须用双手，但他没有停下来，把他拖在地板上，而卡斯蒂尔试图通过站立来获得杠杆作用，但他的脚和脚踝被刮伤了。

Most of the way to the library, Castiel gives up and lets the tears come. He's failed, again. The sense of loss is monumental ¨C like Castiel can never go back, like that was his last chance. He's never going to see his brother again and he'll be trapped here for the rest of his life, and sooner or later he's going to like it because Dean is in his head, because Dean is steadily working his way into Castiel's heart, unwilling or not. He stops resisting Dean and makes his body lax, and Dean curses when he almost drops him. Dean's hands are rough and tight on his arms and when Dean goes to readjust his hold, Castiel catches a glimpse of Dean's face. There's a single tear track on one cheek, but his jaw is clenching like he's holding in anger.
在去图书馆的大部分时间里，卡斯蒂尔放弃了，让眼泪流了下来。他又失败了。这种失落感是巨大的——就像卡斯蒂尔再也回不去了，就像那是他最后的机会一样。他再也见不到他的兄弟了，他将被困在这里度过余生，迟早他会喜欢它，因为迪恩在他的脑海里，因为迪恩正在稳步地进入卡斯蒂尔的内心，无论他不愿意与否。他停止反抗迪恩，让他的身体松弛，当他差点把他摔倒时，迪恩咒骂道。迪恩的手粗糙而紧紧地握在他的手臂上，当迪恩去重新调整他的握法时，卡斯蒂尔瞥见了迪恩的脸。一侧脸颊上有一条泪痕，但他的下巴紧咬着，就像他愤怒地憋着一样。

Dean says, "Cas, please."
迪恩说，“卡斯，拜托了。

Castiel looks away, despair rising in his throat.
卡斯蒂尔移开视线，绝望在喉咙里升起。

Dean gets his hands under Castiel's arms and drags him. The hallway is both blurry and dizzying, so he closes his eyes.
迪恩把手放在卡斯蒂尔的胳膊下，拖着他。走廊既模糊又令人眼花缭乱，于是他闭上了眼睛。

Dean drops him against the wall. "Open your eyes," Dean commands.
迪恩把他扔到墙上。“睁开眼睛，”迪恩命令道。

When Castiel does, he sees the ankle cuff in Dean's hands. He wants to vomit. He throws himself onto his side and tries to crawl away.
当卡斯蒂尔这样做时，他看到了迪恩手中的脚踝袖口。他想呕吐。他侧身并试图爬走。

"Cas ¨C Cas!" Rather than a punch or another pull, Castiel feels himself be enveloped in warm arms. They tighten around him, holding on. Dean's legs wrap around his and he shuts his eyes again, as firmly held as any time they'd shared a bed. Dean exhales, hot, against Castiel's neck. "Do you want the chain? Would that be easier for you?"
“卡斯·卡斯！”卡斯蒂尔没有受到一拳的打击，而是感觉自己被温暖的怀抱所包围。他们紧紧地搂着他，紧紧抓住他。迪恩的双腿环住了他，他再次闭上眼睛，就像他们同床共处时一样牢牢地抱着眼睛。迪恩呼了口气，滚烫地靠在卡斯蒂尔的脖子上。“你想要锁链吗？这对你来说会更容易吗？

Bloody, in pain, and dizzy, Castiel just continues to cry. The tiled wall in front of him is blurry from his tears. He can't even think of a response.
血淋淋、痛苦、头晕目眩，卡斯蒂尔只是继续哭泣。他面前的瓷砖墙因他的眼泪而变得模糊。他甚至想不出回应。

Dean says, low and intense, "I love you, Cas. I love your fight, I love how strong you are, but I need you here. Please put it on."
迪恩低沉而激烈地说，“我爱你，卡斯。我爱你的战斗，我爱你的坚强，但我需要你在这里。请穿上它。

Castiel opens his eyes. He reaches out with a shaking hand and takes the silver cuff, which still hangs open. Dean holds his breath. The scrolling text glints in the light. Castiel has to do this. Whether it's to give in and let Dean keep him here, or whether it's to make Dean trust him, he has to do this. As the cuff settles on his bruised and scratched ankle, he doesn't know which reason makes him do it. It closes with a quiet click and the seam disappears almost immediately.
卡斯蒂尔睁开眼睛。他伸出颤抖的手，接过了银色的手铐，手铐仍然挂着。迪恩屏住呼吸。滚动的文字在灯光下闪闪发光。卡斯蒂尔必须这样做。无论是让步让迪恩把他留在这里，还是为了让迪恩信任他，他都必须这样做。当手铐落在他瘀伤和抓伤的脚踝上时，他不知道是什么原因让他这样做。它随着一声安静的咔哒声关闭，接缝几乎立即消失。

"Oh, Cas," Dean whispers into his ear. He rocks Castiel. "Thank you."
“哦，卡斯，”迪恩在他耳边低声说。他摇晃着卡斯蒂尔。“谢谢你。”

Some amount of time passes.
一段时间过去了。

Dean sways back and forth, almost like Castiel's a child that needs to be calmed. When Dean asks, "Can you walk?" Castiel doesn't move. Eventually Dean picks him up in a bridal carry, the world swinging until Castiel closes his eyes and focuses on the feel of Dean's breathing. He's still dizzy and pain pounds at his skull, a throbbing pain that begins at the back of his head. Dean settles him onto his bed, one arm still at his back as Dean tries to sit Castiel up.
迪恩来回摇摆，几乎就像卡斯蒂尔是一个需要平静的孩子。当迪恩问道：“你会走路吗？卡斯蒂尔一动不动。最终，迪恩用新娘背带把他抱起来，世界摇摆不定，直到卡斯蒂尔闭上眼睛，专注于迪恩呼吸的感觉。他仍然头晕目眩，头骨疼痛，一种从后脑勺开始的悸动疼痛。迪恩把他放在床上，一只手臂仍然放在他的背上，而迪恩试图让卡斯蒂尔坐起来。

The world wavers and goes black.
世界摇摆不定，变黑了。

" ¨Cucking hell, shit shit shit," Dean is saying urgently. "Cas, can you open your eyes?"
“̈该死的，该死的，”迪恩急切地说。“卡斯，你能睁开眼睛吗？”

Castiel looks at him blurrily. "Dean?"
卡斯蒂尔模糊地看着他。“迪恩？”

Dean lets out a relieved sigh and caresses the side of Castiel's face. "You with me? You have a concussion. Am I blurry? What day is it?"
迪恩松了一口气，抚摸着卡斯蒂尔的脸侧。“你和我在一起？你脑震荡了。我模糊了吗？今天是哪一天？

"Tuesday," Castiel tells him, feeling confused. Dean sharpens after he blinks a few times. "And no."
“星期二，”Castiel 告诉他，感到困惑。Dean 眨了几下眼后变得尖锐。“没有。”

Dean nods. "Drink this," he says, giving Castiel a glass of water and a pill. "It's Tylenol. And I'm going to get an ice pack for your head. Then just rest. I'll keep an eye on you, I promise. You'll be fine."
Dean 点点头。“喝这个，”他说，给了 Castiel 一杯水和一粒药丸。“是泰诺。我要给你的头拿一个冰袋。然后休息一下。我会留意你的，我保证。你会没事的。

Castiel chooses to believe him.
卡斯蒂尔选择相信他。

--------------------------------

Recovering from the concussion takes time. Castiel spends most of it sleeping, sleepy, or confused, and consequently he and Dean don't discuss Castiel's escape attempt. Instead, Dean spends all his energy taking care of Castiel. He brings him easy on the stomach food and more or less insists on walking him to the bathroom. The first few days he sleeps on the floor, but then he returns to their bed. Although Castiel doesn't think he has a brain bleed or anything, he's also too tired mentally and physically to object or even think about it much.
从脑震荡中恢复需要时间。卡斯蒂尔大部分时间都在睡觉、困倦或困惑，因此他和迪恩没有讨论卡斯蒂尔的逃跑尝试。相反，迪恩把所有的精力都花在了照顾卡斯蒂尔上。他给他带来了轻松的胃食，或多或少地坚持送他去洗手间。最初几天他睡在地板上，但后来他又回到了他们的床上。虽然卡斯蒂尔不认为自己有脑出血什么的，但他的精神和身体也太累了，无法反对甚至想太多。

While Dean is in caretaker mode, Castiel slowly sinks into what he knows is depression. He becomes listless, food loses all flavor, and the physical exercises he's kept up since the beginning of his captivity simply disappear from his routine. Despite the lack of physical activity, he loses weight ¨C quickly enough that Dean finds an ancient scale somewhere and takes Castiel's weight every day. His emotions seem to have mostly fled.
当迪恩处于看护模式时，卡斯蒂尔慢慢陷入了他所知道的抑郁之中。他变得无精打采，食物失去了所有味道，自从他被囚禁以来一直坚持的体育锻炼也从他的日常生活中消失了。尽管缺乏体力活动，但他的体重减轻得足够快，以至于迪恩在某处找到了一个古老的体重秤，并每天测量卡斯蒂尔的体重。他的情绪似乎大部分都逃走了。

Eleven days after Castiel's head injury, after Castiel fails to eat his oatmeal for the second morning in a row, Dean silently gets him dressed and puts on his socks and shoes. Then he leads Castiel out to the back entrance and into the sunlight.
卡斯蒂尔头部受伤十一天后，在卡斯蒂尔连续第二个早上没吃燕麦片后，迪恩默默地给他穿好衣服，穿上袜子和鞋子。然后他把卡斯蒂尔带到后门，来到阳光下。

There's a blanket on some grass, with a few pillows heaped on top.
草地上铺着一条毯子，上面堆着几个枕头。

Dean settles him there with a pillow under Castiel's head, then sits next to him and pulls out a book. The sun is too bright at first, but as the minutes tick by Castiel finds himself relaxing. It doesn't take the numbness away, but there's a small part of him that eases, somehow. He watches little flying bugs meander around, and sees a tiny lizard dart out of the brush and into sight before disappearing again. Birds sing at random intervals. As the hours pass, he watches the shadows move. He sees Dean adjust his sitting position and grimace at his legs, like they've fallen asleep.
迪恩把他安顿好，在卡斯蒂尔的头下放了一个枕头，然后坐在他旁边，拿出一本书。一开始太阳太亮了，但随着时间的流逝，卡斯蒂尔发现自己放松了下来。这并没有消除麻木感，但他的一小部分不知何故放松了下来。他看着小飞虫在周围蜿蜒而过，看到一只小蜥蜴从灌木丛中飞出，进入视线，然后又消失了。鸟儿随机地歌唱。随着时间的流逝，他看着影子移动。他看到迪恩调整了坐姿，对着他的腿做鬼脸，就像他们睡着了一样。

Castiel drifts off.
卡斯蒂尔飘走了。

--------------------------------

Dean talks to him. A lot.
迪恩和他说话。 好多。

Sometimes Castiel likes having the conversation there, even if he doesn't participate. Other times it grates on him, annoyance flaring like the sun, even though he doesn't have the energy to tell Dean to stop. But one thing Dean never does is leave. He sticks by Castiel like glue, barely even dipping out of boundary to check his phone.
有时卡斯蒂尔喜欢在那里进行对话，即使他不参与。其他时候，这让他感到恼火，恼怒像太阳一样燃烧，尽管他没有精力告诉迪恩停下来。但迪恩从不做的一件事就是离开。他像胶水一样紧紧抓住卡斯蒂尔，甚至几乎没有越出边界查看他的手机。

"Sam was really depressed when Jess died. Thought it was his fault. I can't tell you how many hours I spent driving with him brooding next to me. I felt for him, though. Gotta be tough to lose someone you love like that." "After hell, I just wanted to just ¨C disappear. Not die, not go to heaven or hell, just disappear." "Do you know how hard it was to find a front fender for a '67 Impala? Good thing I knew Bobby."
“杰西死时，山姆真的很沮丧。以为这是他的错。我无法告诉你我花了多少小时开车，让他在我旁边沉思。不过，我对他有感觉。像这样失去你爱的人一定很难。”地狱之后，我只想消失。不死，不去天堂或地狱，就消失吧。“你知道为 67 年的 Impala 找到前挡泥板有多难吗？幸好我认识鲍比。

Eventually Dean's one-sided conversation becomes more random, with less attempts to gain empathy or a response.
最终，迪恩的片面谈话变得更加随机，更少尝试获得同理心或回应。

"There's this diner that had a C rating, and man, I'm telling you that was generous ¨C but their pies. Oh my God, their pies. I tried to bribe the waitress into telling me where they got them, but she said they were the only thing keeping the diner open and she didn't want to lose her job." "Hanes, dude. I'm telling you, they're the best underwear." "I was fifteen the first time I hustled someone at pool. Uh, officially. That time Dad was with me, keeping an eye out, you know? I pretended to get drunk, though honestly back then even a beer would've gotten me buzzed. But I got this rich college kid to put a one thousand on the line, and when I took it? That was awesome. Though Dad did have to break up the fight."
“有一家餐馆的评级是 C，伙计，我告诉你那很慷慨——但他们的馅饼。天哪，他们的馅饼。我试图贿赂女服务员告诉我他们从哪里买来的馅饼，但她说这是唯一让餐厅营业的东西，她不想失去工作。”哈内斯，伙计。我告诉你，它们是最好的内衣。“我第一次在泳池里和别人吵架时是十五岁。呃，正式的。那次爸爸和我在一起，留意着，你知道吗？我假装喝醉了，尽管老实说，那时候即使是一杯啤酒也会让我兴奋不已。但我让这个有钱的大学生赌了一千美元，当我拿走它时？那太棒了。虽然爸爸确实不得不打散这场争吵。

Castiel can tell Dean is going on the internet and researching depression, because Dean finds tiny things for him to do or experience. Make tea and sip it as the sun rises and sets. He buys adult coloring books (which Castiel didn't even think existed), which are mostly really large, interesting patterns that he can fill in with waves of color. There's an odd kind of satisfaction to it, even if it makes Castiel feel like he's five at the same time. He takes Castiel on walks, then when Castiel is compliant enough, on runs. That increases his appetite slightly. Dean puts on music that Castiel knows for a fact Dean would previously rather have set himself on fire than listen to.
卡斯蒂尔可以看出迪恩正在上网研究抑郁症，因为迪恩为他找到了一些小事来做或体验。泡茶，在太阳升起和落山时啜饮。他买了成人涂色书（卡斯蒂尔甚至没有想到有），这些图画大多是非常大、有趣的图案，他可以用波浪形的颜色填充。这有一种奇怪的满足感，即使这让卡斯蒂尔感觉自己同时是五岁。他带卡斯蒂尔散步，然后当卡斯蒂尔足够顺从时，他就跑步。这稍微增加了他的食欲。迪恩播放了卡斯蒂尔知道的音乐，事实上迪恩以前宁愿自焚也不愿听。

At night, Dean strips Castiel down to his boxers and gives him a massage. He puts Castiel on his stomach and starts on his lower back, working out all the kinks before going upwards. With two thumbs at the base of his neck, Dean pushes up into Castiel's hairline where Castiel had hit his head. He stops just before he reaches the point of impact. Then he does Castiel's arms and hands, sitting next to him and then switching sides when needed. Castiel's legs get the same treatment.
晚上，迪恩把卡斯蒂尔脱到平角内裤上，给他按摩。他把卡斯蒂尔放在他的肚子上，从他的下背部开始，在向上之前解决了所有的扭结。迪恩用两个拇指放在脖子根部，向上推到卡斯蒂尔撞到他头部的发际线上。他在到达撞击点之前停了下来。然后他抚摸卡斯蒂尔的手臂和手，坐在他旁边，然后在需要时换边。卡斯蒂尔的腿也得到了同样的待遇。

Dean's always careful of Castiel's healing injuries. His feet and ankles are mostly healed, since it was really only scrapes that were the problem. There was a large bruise on Castiel's back, but that's nearly gone.
迪恩总是小心翼翼地照顾卡斯蒂尔正在愈合的伤势。他的脚和脚踝已经痊愈了，因为问题实际上只是擦伤。卡斯蒂尔的背上有一大块瘀伤，但几乎消失了。

It doesn't even twinge when Dean flips him over and begins massaging the front of Castiel's body, starting with gentle pressure on his arms. He avoids Castiel's chest, which is healing rather raggedly ¨C he's going to have scars from the shadow figure. Castiel stares at Dean as he does it, but Dean's expression is only calmly intent, revealing nothing of his thoughts. When Dean works his way down to Castiel's thighs, rather than lie there limply like he had every other night, Castiel spreads his legs apart and lifts one knee. ...

Dean pauses and meets Castiel's eyes. "Cas?" ...

Propping himself up on one arm, Castiel grabs Dean's hand and pulls Dean on top of him. Dean comes without resistance, knee between Castiel's and his hands on either side of Castiel holding himself up. This leaves Castiel's hands free, and he pulls Dean in to kiss him. ...

It's gentle at first. But soon Castiel is pushing into Dean's mouth, practically fucking Dean with his tongue. Then Castiel wraps a leg around Dean's and pulls Dean's body on top of his own. Dean's half-hard cock is resting against Castiel's belly, and for a second Dean thrusts, and then he freezes.
一开始很温柔。但很快卡斯蒂尔就推入迪恩的嘴里，几乎是用舌头操迪恩。然后卡斯蒂尔用一条腿缠住迪恩的腿，将迪恩的身体拉到自己的身体上。迪恩半硬的阴茎靠在卡斯蒂尔的腹部，迪恩抽插了一秒钟，然后他僵住了。

Dean sits up and then levers himself off of Castiel's body, wiping his wet mouth. "Cas, I don't think you really want this. Not right now."
Dean 坐了起来，然后从 Castiel 的身上抽身，擦了擦他湿漉漉的嘴。“Cas，我想你真的不想要这个。现在不行。

"Why?" Castiel asks blankly. He doesn't understand, but he's not totally sure he cares that he doesn't understand.
“为什么？”卡斯蒂尔茫然地问道。他不明白，但他并不完全确定他是否在乎他不明白。

"You're ¨C you're not even hard, Cas." Dean rubs the back of his neck. "I think we need to talk about this first."
“你甚至不硬，卡斯。”迪恩揉了揉他的后颈。“我想我们需要先谈谈这个。”

"Talk?" Castiel repeats, some strange welling of emotion coming past his numbness. "Talk about what? Do I have a choice in anything? Do I get a choice where I live, where I go? How about what I eat? Where I shit? Does it really make a difference if I make a choice about whether to have sex or not? You'll hold me here until I say yes, won't you?"
“说话？”Castiel 重复了一遍，某种奇怪的情绪涌现出他的麻木。“谈什么？我有什么选择吗？我可以选择住在哪里，去哪里吗？我吃什么呢？我在哪里拉屎？如果我选择是否发生性关系，真的会有什么区别吗？你会把我抱在这里，直到我答应，不是吗？

Dean stares at him, breathing hard, then says, "If you never say yes to me again, I will accept that."
迪恩盯着他，呼吸困难，然后说：“如果你再也不会对我说”是“，我会接受的。

Castiel scrambles to his feet, a pure fury rising in him and giving him energy and motivation, filling his entire body and giving him all he needs. He attacks Dean. It's not planned or coordinated, just random swings of his fists in Dean's direction, trying to get closer. Dean backs off rather than try to subdue him, blocking Castiel's strikes while Castiel screams, "I hate you! I hate you!"
卡斯蒂尔争先恐后地站起来，一种纯粹的愤怒在他心中升起，给了他能量和动力，充满了他的整个身体，给了他他需要的一切。他攻击迪恩。这不是有计划的，也不是协调的，只是他随机地向迪恩的方向挥舞拳头，试图靠近。迪恩后退而不是试图制服他，挡住了卡斯蒂尔的攻击，而卡斯蒂尔则尖叫着，“我恨你！我恨你！

Dean backs himself into a wall and Castiel throws himself on him, scratching and kicking. He's well-trained enough that skill leaks past his emotional attacks, but when Dean decides he's had enough, Castiel doesn't have the mental focus to evade.
迪恩把自己推到墙上，卡斯蒂尔扑到他身上，抓挠和踢腿。他训练有素，技巧从他的情绪攻击中泄露出来，但当迪恩认为他已经受够了时，卡斯蒂尔没有精神集中来躲避。

It's a parody of a hug, with Dean holding Castiel's arms down at his sides. Holding him still while Castiel struggles wildly. Incoherent noises of rage spill out, but when he's no longer able to physically express them, he collapses. Dean stumbles but adapts, taking on Castiel's weight.
这是对拥抱的模仿，迪恩将卡斯蒂尔的手臂放在身体两侧。当卡斯蒂尔疯狂挣扎时，他保持不动。语无伦次的愤怒声音溢出，但当他再也无法用身体表达时，他就倒下了。迪恩跌跌撞撞，但适应了，承担了卡斯蒂尔的重量。

"You're okay, you're okay," Dean whispers into his ear. Is he? Castiel doesn't think he is. He's not even sure what compelled him to come onto Dean like that, or to say those things. There's an element of truth in what he said, but he knows that Dean isn't going to force him. Dean might push him, but all it takes is a no and Dean stops. Dean's never going to tie him to a bed and rape him. The question isn't whether Dean will listen, but whether Castiel can say it.
“你没事，你没事，”迪恩在他耳边低声说。是他吗？卡斯蒂尔不认为他是。他甚至不确定是什么迫使他这样来找迪恩，或者说那些话。他说的话有道理，但他知道迪恩不会强迫他。迪恩可能会推他，但只需要拒绝，迪恩就停了下来。迪恩永远不会把他绑在床上强奸他。问题不在于迪恩是否会听，而在于卡斯蒂尔是否能说出来。

But maybe this isn't even about that, either.
但也许这甚至不是关于这个的。

Castiel lost that fight. Now he wants to stop fighting. He's tired ¨C so very tired. He wants to let Dean take care of him.
卡斯蒂尔输掉了那场战斗。现在他想停止战斗。他累了——太累了。他想让迪恩照顾他。

At last, the anger fades.
终于，愤怒消退了。

The depression is still there, faintly humming in the background of his mind, but it's no longer an expanse of gray clouds. Bits and pieces of emotion are shaking loose as he lets himself think that he's not going to escape. That he's not going to try. That he will take his life as it comes, even if that means giving up control of it. He says it, even if he can only whisper: "I give up."
抑郁情绪还在，在他的脑海背景中隐隐约约地嗡嗡作响，但不再是一片灰色的乌云。点点滴滴的情绪正在颤抖，他让自己认为自己不会逃脱。他不会尝试。他会随便接受自己的生活，即使这意味着放弃对生活的控制。他这么说，即使他只能低声说：“我放弃了。

"You're still you, Cas. And it's okay to be here with me," Dean says, but the words drift past Castiel.
“你还是你，卡斯。和我在一起没关系，”迪恩说，但这句话从卡斯蒂尔身边飘过。

Castiel has gone through the five stages of grief for his lost freedom over the past two hundred and ninety-three days.
在过去的两百九十三天里，卡斯蒂尔为失去的自由经历了五个悲伤阶段。

He has finally arrived at acceptance.
他终于接受了。

Chapter 7
第七章

Notes:
笔记：

AN: The research on synthetic and natural happiness is real. Google 'The Science of Happiness' for the TEDtalk about it. Also, this chapter is a bit longer than usual; the next will likely be a bit shorter than usual.
AN：关于合成幸福和自然幸福的研究是真实的。谷歌“幸福的科学”用于 TEDtalk。另外，这一章比平时长一点;下一章可能会比平时短一点。

Warnings (spoilers!): Self harm that is fairly graphic (begins: When he turns, the knife is still on the bed. He should. He should really put that away. He picks it up, but instead of putting it away, he sits down on the bed. and ends He gives Castiel juice and oatmeal, but made enough for himself as well. After every bite Dean takes, he has Castiel take one, too.). Dubious consent to sex (lots of it), and depression.
警告（剧透！）：相当生动的自残（开始：当他转身时，刀还在床上。他应该。他真的应该把它收起来。他捡起它，但他没有把它收起来，而是坐在床上。最后他给了卡斯蒂尔果汁和燕麦片，但也给自己做了足够的果汁和燕麦片。迪恩每吃一口后，他也让卡斯蒂尔吃一口。对性行为的可疑同意（很多）和抑郁。

Chapter Text
章节正文

Not much actually changes. At least on the surface.
实际上并没有太大变化。至少在表面上是这样。

When Castiel wakes in the morning, depressed and tired like he has been for the past five days since his breakdown, Dean's already been up for several hours. He's showered, his hair is already dry, and he's wearing a pair of jeans that Castiel recognizes as one he only wears when he's going to be out of the bunker. He smiles at Castiel, who looks at him blearily from under the covers. "Rise and shine," Dean says, pulling back the comforter and offering Castiel his hand. Cool air rushes in and makes Castiel shiver, even though by now it's the middle of July, and even the bunker (being underground) has warmed up.
当卡斯蒂尔早上醒来时，他像过去五天一样沮丧和疲惫，迪恩已经起床了几个小时。他洗了澡，头发已经干了，他穿着一条牛仔裤，卡斯蒂尔认出这是他离开地堡时才穿的牛仔裤。他对卡斯蒂尔微笑，卡斯蒂尔从被子里呆滞地看着他。“起来发光，”迪恩说，拉开被子，向卡斯蒂尔伸出手。凉爽的空气扑面而来，让卡斯蒂尔瑟瑟发抖，尽管现在已经是七月中旬了，甚至地堡（在地下）也变暖了。

Castiel takes it and lets Dean drag him out of bed.
卡斯蒂尔接过它，让迪恩把他从床上拖下来。

"So, I'm leaving for a hunt in a day or two," Dean says, holding Castiel's hand as they walk down the hallway to the kitchen. He rubs Castiel's thumb in soothing circles. "I've got time. It's a yearly pattern and I've got a solid month before the thing hits again, whatever it is. That means I'm going to town today to get supplies for when I'm gone. Food, shampoo, that kind of thing. Any requests?"
“所以，我一两天后就要去打猎了，”Dean 说，当他们沿着走廊走向厨房时，他握着 Castiel 的手。他抚慰地揉了揉 Castiel 的拇指。“我有时间。这是一年一度的模式，在事情再次袭击之前，我有一个整整一个月的时间，不管它是什么。这意味着我今天要去城里买我离开时的补给品。食物、洗发水，诸如此类的东西。有什么要求吗？

Castiel shakes his head.
卡斯蒂尔摇了摇头。

"Breakfast is crepes. I already made you a sandwich for lunch, it's in your fridge." Dean pauses when Castiel says nothing. "One word. That's all I need."
“早餐是薄饼。我已经给你做了一个三明治当午餐了，它在你的冰箱里。当卡斯蒂尔什么也没说时，迪恩停顿了一下。”一个字。这就是我所需要的。

"Thanks."
“谢谢。”

Dean nods slowly, still keeping his expression cheerful. He sits Castiel down at the kitchen table, where the food is already plated. Dean goes so far as to make sure Castiel picks up his fork. "Okay. I'll see you in a bit." With that, he steps across Castiel's boundary and is out of sight within a minute.
迪恩缓缓点头，仍然保持着愉快的表情。他让卡斯蒂尔坐在厨房的桌子旁，那里的食物已经摆好了。迪恩甚至确保卡斯蒂尔拿起他的叉子。“好吧。我一会儿再见。说完，他跨过了卡斯蒂尔的边界，一分钟之内就消失在了视线之外。

Castiel puts down the fork and winds his way through the bunker, to the secret exit that is his source to outside. The sun has climbed midway into the sky and is rapidly warming the air and ground. That makes Castiel relax instinctively. Sometimes Castiel feels like he can't enough heat. He sits cross-legged on his rock, which isn't yet too hot to settle on in his thin sleep pants. He places his wrists on his knees in the pose he takes for meditation.
卡斯蒂尔放下叉子，蜿蜒穿过掩体，来到秘密出口，这是他通往外面的源头。太阳已经爬到半空中，正在迅速温暖空气和地面。这让卡斯蒂尔本能地放松了。有时卡斯蒂尔觉得自己热量不够。他盘腿坐在岩石上，岩石还不太热，无法穿着薄睡裤。他将手腕放在膝盖上，摆出冥想的姿势。

Michael taught him to meditate, years ago when Castiel was a young teenager. Castiel was going to public school at the time and was finding the transition from being taught by their master's degree mother to irritated and harried public teachers stressful. One day after Michael's football practice, he took Castiel aside in the backyard and had him sit down in the sunlight and just stop. Castiel didn't know it then, but Michael was already planning on going into the military and was taking martial arts. A teacher had recommended it to Michael, and Michael in turn recommended it to Castiel.
迈克尔教他冥想，几年前，当时卡斯蒂尔还是个十几岁的孩子。卡斯蒂尔当时正在上公立学校，发现从由硕士学位母亲教导到烦躁和烦躁的公立教师的转变压力很大。迈克尔足球训练结束后的一天，他把卡斯蒂尔带到后院，让他在阳光下坐下来停下来。卡斯蒂尔当时并不知道，但迈克尔已经计划参军并学习武术。一位老师向迈克尔推荐了它，迈克尔又向卡斯蒂尔推荐了它。

He can still remember Balthazar coming home not much later, and dancing around Castiel singing stupid songs until Castiel cracked up. Michael tried to teach Balthazar too, but he was too lively. He couldn't settle down and found the idea of trying to reach a state of non-conscious thought boring.
他仍然记得不久之后巴尔萨泽回家，围着卡斯蒂尔跳舞，唱着愚蠢的歌曲，直到卡斯蒂尔大开眼界。迈克尔也试图教巴尔萨泽，但他太活泼了。他无法安定下来，发现试图达到无意识思维状态的想法很无聊。

"How can you stand it, Cassie?" Balthazar asked. "Aren't you bored out of your mind sitting there for an hour like that?"
“你怎么能受得了，Cassie？”Balthazar 问道。“你这样坐在那里一个小时不是很无聊吗？”

Deciding it was a serious question, Castiel answered, "I guess sometimes it feels like I want to escape from my own mind. My own thoughts. When I can't control them."
卡斯蒂尔认为这是一个严肃的问题，他回答说：“我想有时感觉我想逃离自己的思想。我自己的想法。当我无法控制它们时。

"Thoughts are meant to be shared," Balthazar replied, "not repressed. Don't be repressed, Cassie. That's Mom and Dad all the way."
“想法是用来分享的，”巴尔萨泽回答道，“而不是压抑。不要被压抑，卡西。那是爸爸妈妈。

Michael gave Castiel a secret smile and a little nod, as if to say, It's okay they don't get it.
迈克尔暗自对卡斯蒂尔微笑，点了点头，仿佛在说，他们不明白也没关系。

That was the beginning of Castiel understanding that he was more like Michael than his parents. That was the beginning of understanding that staying at home in a quiet life wasn't what Castiel wanted, even if going out into the world would one day kill him. It killed Michael. The day Castiel was accepted into the police academy, he knew it might one day take his life, too.
这是卡斯蒂尔开始明白他更像迈克尔而不是他的父母。那是他开始明白呆在家里过着安静的生活并不是卡斯蒂尔想要的，即使有一天出去会杀死他。它杀死了迈克尔。卡斯蒂尔被警察学院录取的那天，他知道有一天也可能夺走他的生命。

Castiel thought many things, but he never expected his life to end up here.
卡斯蒂尔想了很多，但他从未想过自己的生命会落到这里。

Unlike that afternoon more than two decades ago, Castiel's problem isn't too many thoughts. It's the lack of them, the lack of meaningful emotion to drive his mind forward.
与二十多年前的那个下午不同，卡斯蒂尔的问题并不在于太多的想法。而是缺乏它们，缺乏有意义的情感来推动他的思想前进。

Dean is there, of course. Dean's like a whisper in the back of his mind, a series of analyses and calculations he can't stop. But the rest of him is too exhausted and depressed to listen.
当然，迪恩就在那里。迪恩就像他脑海深处的低语，一系列他无法停止的分析和计算。但他的其余部分已经疲惫不堪，压抑得无法倾听。

"Cas?" Dean calls.
“卡斯？”迪恩叫道。

Castiel turns to see Dean standing at the entrance to the bunker.
卡斯蒂尔转身看到迪恩站在地堡入口处。

"You didn't eat breakfast," Dean says, striding forward. "Aren't you hungry?"
“你没吃早餐，”迪恩说，大步向前走。“你不饿吗？”

"I've never told you much about my brother Michael, have I?"
“我从来没有跟你说过我哥哥迈克尔的太多事，是吗？”

"No, you haven't," Dean relies after a moment. "I'd love to hear everything you'd like to tell me, though." He gives Castiel a wry look. "I bet he was an awesome big brother, unlike the last Michael I met."
“不，你没有，”Dean 过了一会儿才回答。“不过，我很想听听你想告诉我的一切。”他苦笑地看了 Castiel 一眼。“我敢打赌，他是一个很棒的大哥，不像我上次见过的 Michael。”

Castiel smiles faintly. "Remind me, sometime later."
卡斯蒂尔淡淡地笑了笑。“提醒我，稍后。”

Dean kneels on the grass next to Castiel and gently places a hand on Castiel's knee. "Cas, are you okay?"
迪恩跪在卡斯蒂尔旁边的草地上，轻轻地将一只手放在卡斯蒂尔的膝盖上。“卡斯，你还好吗？”

Rather than answer, Castiel turns away, settles his hands in his lap and closes his eyes.
卡斯蒂尔没有回答，而是转过身去，将双手放在腿上，闭上眼睛。

The crunch of grass marks Dean's exit, but half an hour later he returns with a plate of fruit and cheese. Castiel eats half of it, for Dean's sake, but can't force down more than that.
青草的嘎吱声标志着迪恩离开了，但半小时后他带着一盘水果和奶酪回来了。为了迪恩，卡斯蒂尔吃了一半，但不能强行吃下更多。

---------------------------------------

Castiel is alone.
卡斯蒂尔独自一人。

It's not the first time, of course. Dean's been going on hunts since a few weeks after initially taking Castiel. Especially in those first months, Castiel always tested the limits of his range and carefully examined every portion of the bunker he had access to for any slipups on Dean's part. Anything that could be useful later or used in an escape. But even nearly ten months in, Dean's still really careful. And despite Castiel telling Dean he's given up, Dean continues to take all his normal precautions, including locked doors.
当然，这不是第一次。迪恩在最初带走卡斯蒂尔几周后就一直在狩猎。尤其是在最初的几个月里，卡斯蒂尔总是测试他的射程极限，并仔细检查他可以进入的地堡的每一个部分，以检查迪恩是否有任何失误。任何以后可能有用或用于逃脱的东西。但即使将近十个月过去了，迪恩仍然非常小心。尽管卡斯蒂尔告诉迪恩他已经放弃了，迪恩仍然采取了所有正常的预防措施，包括锁上门。

Though Castiel supposes the fact that he's checking, even if it's only out of habit, is telling.
尽管卡斯蒂尔认为他正在检查的事实，即使这只是出于习惯，也足以说明问题。

This time, Castiel sits in bed. The blue blankets are soft, the texture itself soothing. He rubs the tips of his fingers along the fuzzy blanket on top with little dolphins splashing across waves. Castiel had laughed when Dean gave it to him.
这一次，卡斯蒂尔坐在床上。蓝色的毯子很柔软，质地本身就很舒缓。他用指尖沿着上面毛茸茸的毯子摩擦，上面有小海豚在海浪中飞溅。当迪恩把它交给他时，卡斯蒂尔笑了。

Light is constant inside the bunker. No moving shadows.
掩体内的光线是恒定的。没有移动的阴影。

Castiel curls his knees up to his chest and settles his chin on his kneecap, listening to the silence. The ipod sits quietly in the corner of the room.
卡斯蒂尔将膝盖蜷缩到胸前，将下巴靠在膝盖骨上，听着寂静。ipod 静静地坐在房间的角落里。

He's alone.
他孤身一人。

He's given up, and he's alone. The sense of purpose that had given him life and energy while Dean was away is gone. He has things to keep him company, things to make noise. TV shows and films. The flatscreen sits unused against the far wall. The computer, with its limited games, is in another room. The den has the gaming console Dean got him for his birthday.
他已经放弃了，他孤身一人。在迪恩不在的时候给他生命和能量的使命感已经消失了。他有东西可以陪伴他，有东西可以制造噪音。电视节目和电影。平板屏幕靠在远处的墙上闲置。电脑和有限的游戏在另一个房间里。书房里有迪恩给他送的生日游戏机。

Castiel gets up and goes to the bathroom. The mirror is gone. Dean cracked the rest of the remaining shards stuck to the backing and removed the entire thing. The floor was carefully swept. Dean has Castiel use an electric shaver for his stubble. He picks it up and then puts it down. He leaves.
卡斯蒂尔起身去洗手间。镜子不见了。迪恩敲碎了粘在背衬上的剩余碎片，并取出了整个碎片。地板被小心翼翼地扫了。迪恩让卡斯蒂尔用电动剃须刀擦胡茬。他把它捡起来，然后放下。他离开了。

In another corner of the room is the small chest Dean gave him, that included salt, iron, and that blessed knife.
房间的另一个角落是迪恩送给他的小箱子，里面有盐、铁和那把受祝福的刀。

A knife.
一把刀。

He kneels on the floor and opens the chest, noting it's carefully packed contents. He shifts past the salt, holy water, holy oil, and various little protective hex bags. The knife even has a sheathe, though Castiel can tell it's not the one that came with the knife, instead a generic one made to fit the slightly curved blade. The hilt is old and weathered by time, and even the blade isn't very sharp. It would cut if enough force is applied, but that's all. Dean strikes Castiel as someone who keeps very good care of his weapons, so it must be deliberate.
他跪在地板上，打开箱子，注意到里面装满了东西。他越过盐、圣水、圣油和各种保护性小六角袋。这把刀甚至还有一个护套，尽管卡斯蒂尔看得出来这不是刀附带的那把，而是一把普通的，是为了适合略微弯曲的刀刃而制作的。刀柄很旧，被时间吹得风化了，甚至连刀刃也不是很锋利。如果施加足够的力，它会割伤，但仅此而已。迪恩认为卡斯蒂尔是一个非常爱护他的武器的人，所以这一定是故意的。

He takes out the bare blade.
他拿出了裸露的刀片。

All at once, he realizes what he intends to do with it. Hurt himself. He doesn't want to die, but he wants to feel pain.
一下子，他意识到自己打算用它做什么。伤害自己。他不想死，但他想感受痛苦。

Balthazar would be so ashamed of him for surrendering. He still thinks that Castiel is fighting, and Castiel isn't.
巴尔萨泽会为他的投降感到羞耻。他仍然认为卡斯蒂尔在战斗，而卡斯蒂尔没有。

No. Stop. He's not going to do this. He sheathes the knife and places it on his bed. "You're losing it," he tells the walls.
不。 停。 他不会这样做。他把刀收进鞘里，放在床上。“你丢了它，”他对墙壁说。

He walks to his fridge, which is full. He opens it and stares at the contents. Dean doesn't list dates, but he does list what each meal is intended for ¨C breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner. It's packed to the brim, and there's shelf-stable food piled in a large cabinet in another room that would last Castiel weeks.
他走到冰箱前，冰箱里装满了。他打开它，盯着里面的东西。迪恩没有列出日期，但他确实列出了每顿饭的用途——早餐、午餐、零食、晚餐。它装得满满当当，另一个房间的一个大柜子里堆着耐储存的食物，可以保存卡斯蒂尔数周。

He traces Dean's sloppy handwriting on the plastic containers, and then shuts the door.
他在塑料容器上描摹了迪恩潦草的字迹，然后关上了门。

After a moment of thought, he goes through his usual set of exercises. Some days it's incredibly difficult to work up the motivation to continue his physical fitness, or to continue the martial arts aspect of his conditioning. But he usually feels better after his body has been active, natural endorphins doing quite a bit to stabilize his mood. Dean knew that instinctively, or perhaps from experience, hence the forced walks and runs. He wouldn't quite drag Castiel along, but he would definitely wait him out and annoy him into compliance.
想了一会儿，他开始了他通常的一套练习。有些日子，要激发继续保持身体健康或继续武术训练的动力是非常困难的。但他通常在身体活跃后感觉好多了，天然的内啡肽对稳定他的情绪起到了相当大的作用。迪恩本能地知道这一点，或者也许是从经验中知道的，因此被迫走路和跑步。他不会完全拖着卡斯蒂尔，但他肯定会等他出去，惹恼他服从。

A hundred sit-ups. Fifty push-ups. Calisthenics and some yoga, then when he's good and warmed up he switches to punches and kicks and various combinations thereof.
一百个仰卧起坐。五十个俯卧撑。健美和一些瑜伽，然后当他身体好起来并热身时，他会切换到拳打脚踢以及各种组合。

Then he goes outside and runs. He has to go in a big circle ¨C small enough it's noticeable it's a circle ¨C and halfway through he switches directions to make sure he still gets all his muscles equally used. By the time he's done thirty rounds, he's thirsty and slightly light-headed. His body is demanding food. He goes back into the bunker and grabs a water. It's not cold, which means he can gulp it down.
然后他走到外面跑。他必须绕一个大圆圈——足够小，可以明显地绕一圈——在中途他改变方向以确保他仍然能平等地使用所有肌肉。当他打完三十轮时，他已经口渴了，头晕目眩。他的身体需要食物。他回到地堡里拿了一杯水。天气不冷，这意味着他可以大口大口地喝下去。

The fridge is two feet from the crate of water bottles.
冰箱距离水瓶箱两英尺。

Somehow reluctant, Castiel opens it and takes out a container labeled lunch. This particular one is a very loaded burger, with a little tiny container of sauce to go with it. Dean knows Castiel likes a vegetable with every meal, so there's also a container of carrots and a little bag of ranch dressing. Castiel rips it open and eats the carrots first, then finishes half of the burger and puts it away.
不知何故，卡斯蒂尔不情愿地打开它，拿出一个标有午餐的容器。这个特别的汉堡是一个装得很重的汉堡，还有一个小容器的酱汁。迪恩知道卡斯蒂尔每顿饭都喜欢吃蔬菜，所以还有一容器胡萝卜和一小袋牧场调料。卡斯蒂尔把它撕开，先吃掉胡萝卜，然后吃完一半的汉堡，把它收起来。

When he turns, the knife is still on the bed. He should. He should really put that away.
当他转身时，刀还在床上。他应该。他真的应该把它收起来。

He picks it up, but instead of putting it away, he sits down on the bed.
他捡起它，但他没有把它收起来，而是坐在床上。

When Hael was fifteen, she woke him up in the middle of the night with bloody hands. His bright and funny little sister was crying because she had self-harmed (on her thighs, so she could hide the scarring) and cut too deeply. Castiel spent the night bandaging her up and then holding her, feeling a deep panic and fear for her life. Two days later, he convinced her to go to their parents and receive medical care. She got better with medication and a therapist, and kept in contact with Castiel even after Michael's death and Castiel's decision to join the police force, though she doesn¡¯t read his letters in return. But she chose to find part-time work that wasn't too stressful for her and stay home. Castiel knows, from her letters, that she leads a happy and quiet life. He's sure she has no idea he's even missing.
当海尔十五岁时，她在半夜用血淋淋的手叫醒了他。他聪明有趣的妹妹哭了，因为她自残了（在大腿上，这样她就可以隐藏疤痕）并且割得太深了。卡斯蒂尔整夜给她包扎，然后抱着她，对她的生命感到深深的恐慌和恐惧。两天后，他说服她去找他们的父母接受医疗护理。她通过药物和治疗师的治疗情况好转，即使在迈克尔去世和卡斯蒂尔决定加入警察部队之后，她仍然与卡斯蒂尔保持联系，尽管她没有阅读他的信作为回报。但她选择找一份对她来说压力不大的兼职工作，呆在家里。从她的信中，卡斯蒂尔知道她过着幸福而安静的生活。他确信她甚至不知道他失踪了。

He remembers when she tried to explain it to him: "If my body hurts, my mind doesn't. At least for a little while."
他记得当她试图向他解释时：“如果我的身体受伤，我的头脑不会受伤。至少在一段时间内是这样。

Castiel, though he never doubted her, had never understood the appeal. Never had the urge. But pain is now his companion, hovering just out of sight, and sometimes he wishes he could spill it out into the open. Some part of him thinks he should cut up his wrists and arms, and show Dean just how much this isolation hurts him. Maybe if he's bleeding that will do the job.
卡斯蒂尔，虽然他从未怀疑过她，但从来不理解这种吸引力。从来没有这种冲动。但痛苦现在是他的伴侣，徘徊在视线之外，有时他希望自己能把它洒在外面。他内心的某些部分认为他应该割断他的手腕和手臂，并向迪恩展示这种孤立对他的伤害有多大。也许如果他流血了，那就可以了。

He examines the edge, testing its sharpness.
他检查了边缘，测试了它的锋利度。

He doesn't believe he's weak. He didn't. He doesn't think Hael was, but in himself he can call this weakness. Pathetic, even.
他不相信自己是软弱的。他没有。他不认为海尔是，但在他自己身上，他可以称之为软弱。甚至很可悲。

The knife becomes too much to hold; he throws it at the wall and feels frustrated tears ready to fall. "Control," he tells himself, shocked to realize how much his voice trembles. "You need to control yourself."
刀变得难以握持;他把它扔向墙上，感到沮丧的眼泪快要掉下来了。“控制，”他告诉自己，震惊地意识到自己的声音有多么颤抖。“你需要控制自己。”

He leaves the room without checking for the knife and does everything possible to keep himself busy. He reorganizes the infirmary, which Dean had stocked thoroughly but haphazardly. That takes four hours. Then he tries to read a book, but stops after realizing he's ten pages in and doesn't know the name of the main character. The gaming console is next, and is slightly more invigorating because he both gets to shoot people and make decisions. He's halfway through a storyline when a sudden exhaustion overtakes him.
他离开了房间，没有检查刀子，并尽一切可能让自己忙碌起来。他重新整理了医务室，迪恩已经彻底但随意地储备了医务室。这需要四个小时。然后他试图读一本书，但在意识到自己已经读了十页并且不知道主角的名字后停了下来。接下来是游戏机，它稍微令人振奋一些，因为他既可以开枪又可以做出决定。故事情节进行到一半时，突然的疲惫笼罩着他。

He feels like he's been fighting all day. Getting up is a lot harder than it should be, and Castiel stumbles to his room and falls to the bed, asleep within minutes.
他觉得自己整天都在战斗。起床比应有的要困难得多，卡斯蒂尔跌跌撞撞地回到他的房间，倒在床上，几分钟后就睡着了。

When he wakes some indeterminable time later, he sees the knife lying on the floor.
当他在某个不确定的时间后醒来时，他看到刀躺在地板上。

It's not like this is a new idea to Castiel. He knows all the various ways people harm themselves and why they do it. For some it's about sparking an emotion (even one that's unpleasant) where there is none, when a person feels emptiness or anhedonia. Castiel suffered from that because of his depression, but his mental downward spiral is progressing to other things now. With Castiel, it's about managing an already existing emotion and causing dissociation. He knows logically that isn't a healthy coping mechanism.
这对卡斯蒂尔来说并不是一个新想法。他知道人们伤害自己的各种方式以及他们这样做的原因。对于某些人来说，当一个人感到空虚或快感缺乏时，这是在没有情绪的地方引发一种情绪（即使是不愉快的情绪）。卡斯蒂尔因为抑郁而遭受了这种痛苦，但他的精神螺旋式下降现在正在发展到其他事情。对于卡斯蒂尔来说，这是关于管理已经存在的情绪并导致分离。从逻辑上讲，他知道这不是一种健康的应对机制。

He will never forget Hael sobbing in his arms, and the blood that had stained his sheets enough he had to throw them away.
他永远不会忘记海尔在他怀里啜泣，以及沾染他床单的血，他不得不把它们扔掉。

Castiel knows that were he in another situation, he'd probably seek cognitive behavioral therapy. He would find someone who could teach him mindfulness and a better way of coping with his emotional state. But he doesn't have that ¨C he has Dean, himself, and a few thousand square feet, if you count outside. He can't escape from the source of the emotional pain or seek treatment for it. He doesn't think he has the strength to do this on his own, and yet he can only depend on himself to get through this.
卡斯蒂尔知道，如果他处于另一种情况，他可能会寻求认知行为疗法。他会找到一个可以教他正念和更好地应对情绪状态的人。但他没有那个——他有迪恩、他自己，还有几千平方英尺，如果你算在外面的话。他无法逃离情感痛苦的根源，也无法寻求治疗。他认为自己没有力量独自做到这一点，但他只能依靠自己来度过难关。

Except Dean. His tormenter. His protector.
除了迪恩。他的折磨者。他的保护者。

Rising out of bed is easy. Going to the knife is like being pulled and pushed at the same time. Holding it in his hands is like inevitability.
从床上站起来很容易。去刀就像同时被拉和推。把它拿在手里就像必然。

The first cut is on the inside of his wrist. He doesn't know why; he supposes it just feels like the obvious place to start. When he watches the blood well up, he realizes he's going to have to explain this to Dean. There's no good reason for Castiel to be holding the knife. He can't plead a kitchen accident or a dropped shaver.
第一道伤口是在他的手腕内侧。他不知道为什么;他认为这只是感觉像是显而易见的起点。当他看着血液涌出时，他意识到他必须向迪恩解释这一点。卡斯蒂尔没有充分的理由拿着刀。他不能为厨房事故或剃须刀掉落辩护。

Panic overrides the pain. Dean will take the knife ¨C Dean will limit what Castiel can do. But maybe Dean should?
恐慌压倒了痛苦。迪恩会拿起刀——迪恩会限制卡斯蒂尔能做的事情。但也许迪恩应该这样做？

He looks down at himself. Dean sees most of him most of the time, but he rarely sees Castiel without his boxers, and practically never without Castiel's prior permission. So the second cut is on his hip. So is the third and fourth. His mind goes blanker with each repetition, with the sharp, throbbing pain of the cuts simply drowning out the rest.
他低头看着自己。迪恩大部分时间都看到了他的大部分时间，但他很少看到卡斯蒂尔不穿他的平角裤，而且几乎从来没有没有未经卡斯蒂尔事先许可。所以第二道伤口是在他的臀部。第三道和第四道也是如此。他的头脑随着每一次重复而变得更加茫然，伤口的尖锐、悸动的疼痛淹没了其余的。

When he reaches disassociation, he pulls up his boxers and pants, spots of blood leaking through the fabric. Knife in hand, he walks down the long tunnel to outside. He reaches the very limit of his boundary, hefts the knife, and then throws it with all the force and power he can into the wild. Then he sinks to the ground and watches the sun move across the sky.
当他解开时，他拉起平角内裤和裤子，血迹从织物中渗出。他手里拿着刀，沿着长长的隧道走到外面。他到达了边界的极限，举起刀，然后用尽全力把它扔进了野外。然后他沉入地面，看着太阳划过天空。

---------------------------------------

Six hours later, that's how Dean finds him.
六个小时后，迪恩就这样找到了他。

"Oh God," Dean says, and Castiel looks up. Dean is in shadow from the angle of the sun; it's midday.
“哦，上帝，”迪恩说，卡斯蒂尔抬起头。迪恩从太阳的角度看在阴影中;现在是中午。

"I tried," Castiel says, the words spilling out as a mirror of his mind. There's a franticness to it, a desperation to make himself understood. Castiel is afraid, terrified, hurting, and he knows it. "I held out. I tried not to, I did everything else and then this morning I couldn't, Dean. I couldn't." He breathes shakily and focuses on Dean's green eyes. Then he does something he's never done before. "Dean, I need help."
“我试过了，”卡斯蒂尔说，这些话像他心灵的镜子一样溢出来。这有一种疯狂，一种让自己被理解的绝望。卡斯蒂尔害怕、害怕、受伤，他知道这一点。“我坚持了下来。我试着不这样做，我做了其他一切，然后今天早上我做不到，迪恩。我做不到。他颤抖着呼吸，专注于迪恩的绿色眼睛。然后他做了一件他以前从未做过的事情。”迪恩，我需要帮助。”

Dean walks to Castiel and goes to his knees, pain, sympathy and horrified understanding on his face. He says, "Of course, Cas. Whatever you need." And he pulls Castiel into his arms, heedless of the blood staining his wrist and leg, until he's completely enveloped Castiel with his body. As if simply by holding on hard enough, Castiel will stop bleeding. His grip is tight and almost bruising, but Castiel sinks into that. He feels it deeper than his skin.
迪恩走到卡斯蒂尔身边，跪下，脸上流露出痛苦、同情和惊恐的理解。他说，“当然，卡斯。无论你需要什么。”然后他把卡斯蒂尔拉进怀里，丝毫不顾及手腕和腿上的血迹，直到他用身体完全包裹住了卡斯蒂尔。仿佛只要用力抓住，卡斯蒂尔就会止血。他的手很紧，几乎是瘀伤，但卡斯蒂尔却沉入其中。他感觉到它比他的皮肤更深。

Breathing into Dean's shoulder, Castiel whispers, "I can't be left alone. You can't leave me here, Dean."
卡斯蒂尔对着迪恩的肩膀呼吸，低声说道，“我不能一个人呆着。你不能把我留在这里，迪恩。

"I'm here, I'm here. I¡¯m not leaving. I'm not going to leave you ever again, okay? You're going to be fine," Dean assures him. "I love you and I'll always take care of you."
“我在这里，我在这里。我不会离开。我不会再离开你了，好吗？你会没事的，”迪恩向他保证。“我爱你，我会永远照顾你。”

Castiel thinks that's what he needs. He needs Dean to take care of him. After a few minutes, Dean gently helps him get up. Dean's expression is that forcibly calm one that Castiel knows well from the immediate aftermath of all his escape attempts ¨C where Dean is shoving down some strong emotional reaction. There's tiny smears of blood on Dean's clothing from where Castiel's bloody clothing met his. But as Dean guides him down the tunnel, down the hallway, and into the bathroom, he decides that Dean doesn't seem to mind.
卡斯蒂尔认为这就是他需要的。他需要迪恩照顾他。几分钟后，迪恩轻轻地扶他起身。迪恩的表情是卡斯蒂尔在他所有逃跑尝试之后就很清楚的那种强行平静的表情——迪恩正在压制一些强烈的情绪反应。迪恩的衣服上有细小的血迹，从卡斯蒂尔的血迹衣服与他的衣服相遇的地方开始。但当迪恩引导他沿着隧道、走廊、进入浴室时，他认为迪恩似乎并不介意。

Dean has Castiel strip naked and then sit on the toilet seat. He grabs a washcloth, wets it, and then cleans up all the blood on Castiel's skin. He's careful around all the cuts, the kind of careful you only get from experience, and doesn¡¯t open any of the scabbing wounds. Probably trying to see how bad the damage is.
迪恩让卡斯蒂尔脱光衣服，然后坐在马桶座上。他抓起一块毛巾，弄湿它，然后清理卡斯蒂尔皮肤上的所有血迹。他小心翼翼地处理所有的伤口，那种只有从经验中才能得到的小心，并且不会打开任何结痂的伤口。可能是想看看伤害有多严重。

"They're all shallow, so that's good," Dean says, offering Castiel a small smile. "They don't look dirty, either. I'm going to just clean them up with disinfectant, okay? Then some large, loose bandages so you don't open any of them back up."
“它们都很浅，所以这很好，”Dean 说，向 Castiel 微微一笑。“它们看起来也不脏。我要用消毒剂清理它们，好吗？然后是一些又大又松的绷带，这样你就不会打开它们了。

"Okay," Castiel says, voice small.
“好吧，”Castiel 说，声音很小。

Dean takes his time doing what he said he would. He moves slowly, as if a quick movement is going to make Castiel startle. Once Castiel is cleaned up and bandaged, Dean grabs a new pair of loose sleep pants and puts them on Castiel. Then he takes Castiel's hand and leads him to the kitchen.
迪恩慢慢地做他说过的事。他动作缓慢，仿佛一个快速的动作会让卡斯蒂尔吓一跳。卡斯蒂尔被清理干净并包扎好后，迪恩抓起一条新的宽松睡裤，给卡斯蒂尔穿上。然后他拉着卡斯蒂尔的手，把他带到了厨房。

He gives Castiel juice and oatmeal, but made enough for himself as well. After every bite Dean takes, he has Castiel take one, too. Once most of the food is gone, Dean again takes Castiel by the hand and takes him to the den, where he sits him down on the couch. He puts on some random Disney film and sits next to Castiel before gently encouraging Castiel to rest his head on Dean's thigh. ...

He strokes Castiel's hair. Every once in a while he pulls his fingers through the wild cowlicks, or runs his hand along Castiel's jawline up to his cheek, rubbing circles on his temple.
他抚摸着卡斯蒂尔的头发。每隔一段时间，他就会用手指穿过狂野的牛蛞蝓，或者用手沿着卡斯蒂尔的下巴线一直抚摸到他的脸颊，在他的太阳穴上画圈。

Something in Castiel loosens. And with that, he begins to weep.
卡斯蒂尔身上的某个东西松动了。说完，他开始哭泣。

Dean just keeps up that same soothing circle of motions. "It's okay, let it out," he murmurs.
Dean 只是保持着同样的舒缓动作圈。“没关系，把它放出来，”他喃喃地说。

The pain seems to reach a fever pitch before it finally settles, and Castiel's mind is left in a blank state of absolute exhaustion. Without trying to, he simply falls asleep.
疼痛似乎在最终平息之前达到了白热化的程度，卡斯蒂尔的头脑处于绝对疲惫的空白状态。他没有尝试，就睡着了。

---------------------------------------

When he wakes up, it's dark and he's in their bed. The sheets even smell freshly laundered. He still has on his sleep pants (with nothing but the bandages on his hip under), but he has no memory of walking back here or being carried. Dean, though, is curled up next to him. One leg is shifted over Castiel's uninjured side, and his hand lies on Castiel's bare belly, while his arm is under Castiel's back with his hand just trailing up over Castiel's shoulder into his hair.
当他醒来时，天已经黑了，他在他们的床上。床单甚至闻起来都是刚洗过的。他还穿着睡裤（除了臀部的绷带之外什么都没有），但他不记得走回这里或被抱着。不过，迪恩却蜷缩在他旁边。一条腿移过卡斯蒂尔没有受伤的一侧，他的手放在卡斯蒂尔裸露的腹部，而他的手臂则放在卡斯蒂尔的背下，他的手刚好越过卡斯蒂尔的肩膀进入他的头发。

"Dean?" Castiel whispers.
“迪恩？”卡斯蒂尔低声说。

"Hm?" Dean says, then starts as if waking up. His face is a mix of shadows, and his expression thus too hard to make out. "Hey, Cas. How are you feeling?"
“嗯？”Dean 说，然后开始醒来。他的脸上混杂着阴影，表情也难以辨认。“嘿，卡斯。你感觉怎么样？

Rather than answer, because he's not entirely sure what would come out of his mouth, Castiel shifts around until he's pressed closer to Dean.
卡斯蒂尔没有回答，因为他不完全确定他嘴里会说出什么，而是转过身来，直到他被逼近迪恩。

"I'll take that as a 'not well', then," Dean says, holding onto him fiercely despite his words. "Do you think you can listen to me?"
“那么，我会把这当作'不好'，”迪恩说，尽管他说话，还是狠狠地抓住了他。“你觉得你能听我说吗？”

Castiel nods.
卡斯蒂尔点点头。

"Look, I get that you're depressed. Honestly. Sometimes I think I've lived half my life feeling depressed."
“听着，我知道你很沮丧。 真诚地。 有时我想我半辈子都感到沮丧。

Hunting monsters, trying to please an impossible father, and raising his younger brother who ran away first chance he got? Castiel can see why, even without the abusive and psychotic elements he thought were present before. Well. Some kind of abuse is probably still true; Dean's never said anything like that, but Castiel can read between the lines well enough.
猎杀怪物，试图取悦一个不可能的父亲，并抚养他第一个机会逃跑的弟弟？卡斯蒂尔明白为什么，即使没有他之前认为存在的虐待和精神病元素。 井。 某种虐待可能仍然是真的;迪恩从来没有说过这样的话，但卡斯蒂尔能很好地读懂字里行间。

"And sometimes ¡­ sometimes you gotta find happiness in the little things. Stupid stuff, like finding a hole in the wall that has the best pies in the southwest. Or saving a kid from a water sprite. Cas, you know you've already saved lives, right? You've found more than a dozen hunts, and most of them were stuff I could take care of. You may not be in the FBI now, but you're still doing good."
“有时——有时你必须在小事中找到快乐。愚蠢的事情，比如在墙上找到一个洞，那里有西南地区最好的馅饼。或者从水精灵手中救出一个孩子。卡斯，你知道你已经救了生命，对吧？你已经找到了十几次狩猎，其中大部分都是我可以处理的事情。你现在可能不在联邦调查局，但你仍然做得很好。

Castiel blinks, hand tightening into a fist against Dean's chest. He presses forward until his face is pressed against Dean's skin. Dean leaving is helping others, but also hurting Castiel. "I ¡­ I never thought about that."
卡斯蒂尔眨了眨眼睛，手紧紧地握在迪恩的胸口上。他向前推进，直到他的脸贴在迪恩的皮肤上。迪恩的离开是在帮助别人，但也伤害了卡斯蒂尔。“我从来没想过。”

Dean has a smile in his voice as he says, "So yeah. Find it in everything. I know it's hard, it's really fucking hard. Just tell me what you need to me to do. And I am working on you seeing your brother." He pauses and shifts uncomfortably, jarring Castiel a little. "I wouldn't keep you here if I didn¡¯t think you could be happy. I think you just have to let yourself, Cas. And let me help."
Dean 的声音里带着微笑，他说：“所以是的。在一切事物中找到它。我知道这很难，这真的他妈的很难。只要告诉我你需要我做什么。我正在努力让你见到你的兄弟。他停顿了一下，不舒服地移动了一下，让 Castiel 感到有些不安。”如果我不认为你会快乐，我就不会把你留在这里。我想你只需要让自己，Cas。让我帮忙。

"I can't be alone," Castiel repeats, knowing it's true. He might have thrown that knife, but there's a hundred other ways he could hurt or kill himself.
“我不能孤单，”卡斯蒂尔重复道，知道这是真的。他可能扔出了那把刀，但他还有一百种其他方法可以伤害或杀死自己。

"I know, I know. And I¡¯m not going to do that to you, I promise. I'm staying."
“我知道，我知道。我保证，我不会那样对你。我会留下来的。

"Dean."
“院长。”

"Yeah?"
“是吗？”

"Can I ¡­ can I ¡­" Castiel knows this is an odd request. "Can we sleep naked?"
“我可以吗，我可以吗？”卡斯蒂尔知道这是一个奇怪的要求。“我们可以裸睡吗？”

Dean pulls away enough to look Castiel in the eye. But he says nothing, doesn't demand anything. Instead he carefully strips off his shirt, pants and boxers, and then helps Castiel do the same. After some reshuffling, they're entwined again, bare skin to bare skin. Dean's soft cock is pressed against Castiel's thigh, and Dean has one hand on Castiel's lower back. Castiel's dick, just as soft, is against Dean's hip. For all of the skin being touched, it's not sexual. Castiel can feel the physical contact melt into his body. He needed this. He doesn't know why, but he needed this.
迪恩拉开了足够多的距离，直视卡斯蒂尔的眼睛。但他什么也没说，什么也没要求。相反，他小心翼翼地脱掉衬衫、裤子和平角内裤，然后帮助卡斯蒂尔做同样的事情。经过一番重新洗牌后，他们再次纠缠在一起，裸露的皮肤与裸露的皮肤。迪恩柔软的阴茎压在卡斯蒂尔的大腿上，迪恩的一只手放在卡斯蒂尔的下背部。卡斯蒂尔的鸡巴同样柔软，贴在迪恩的臀部上。对于所有被触摸的皮肤来说，这都不是性行为。卡斯蒂尔能感觉到身体接触融化在他的身体里。他需要这个。他不知道为什么，但他需要这个。

Perhaps to feel human again, to feel wanted and cared for.
也许是重新感受到人性，感到被需要和被关心。

He doesn't fall asleep again, but instead dozes. Every once in a while he feels Dean touch his cheek, or his bottom lip. Just something small. And once he kisses Castiel on the forehead and murmurs, "I'll take care of you."
他没有再睡着，而是打瞌睡。每隔一段时间，他就会感觉到迪恩抚摸他的脸颊，或者他的下唇。只是一些小东西。有一次，他亲吻了卡斯蒂尔的额头，喃喃地说：“我会照顾你的。

---------------------------------------

Unlike normal, although Dean wakes up first in the morning as usual, he doesn't leave to start breakfast. Instead he stays curled around Castiel and waits for Castiel to get up with him. He stands outside the door when Castiel tells him that he needs to use the bathroom. After that, he helps Castiel step into sweat pants (being careful of the cuts on his hip, once again), because while Castiel might be happy to sleep naked, he would feel weird about walking around naked, alone with Dean or not. And then Dean follows Castiel to the kitchen.
与往常不同的是，虽然迪恩像往常一样早上先起床，但他并没有离开开始吃早餐。相反，他蜷缩在卡斯蒂尔身边，等待卡斯蒂尔和他一起起床。当卡斯蒂尔告诉他需要上厕所时，他站在门外。之后，他帮助卡斯蒂尔穿上运动裤（再次小心他臀部的伤口），因为虽然卡斯蒂尔可能很乐意赤身裸体睡觉，但他会觉得赤身裸体走来走去，无论是否与迪恩单独在一起。然后迪恩跟着卡斯蒂尔来到了厨房。

Castiel sits in his usual chair, hunched over and feeling small. "Eggs and toast?" he asks.
卡斯蒂尔坐在他平时的椅子上，弯着腰，感觉自己很小。“鸡蛋和吐司？”

Dean smiles. "Sure."
迪恩笑了。“当然。”

Castiel watches him go through the process of making it while he thinks. Dean staying so close should irritate him, but it doesn't. Castiel's not sure what to think of it. His shift from only reluctantly taking any comfort Dean offers, to being this needy. That's not a word Castiel has ever applied to himself.
卡斯蒂尔看着他一边思考，一边经历成功的过程。迪恩如此靠近应该会激怒他，但事实并非如此。卡斯蒂尔不知道该怎么想。他从只是不情愿地接受迪恩提供的任何安慰，转变为如此需要帮助。这不是卡斯蒂尔用在自己身上的词。

Dean hums as he breaks open the last egg and turns the burner on. He pops four pieces of bread in the toaster and then goes for the butter in the fridge.
迪恩哼哼着，掰开最后一个鸡蛋，打开了燃烧器。他在烤面包机里放了四片面包，然后去冰箱里拿黄油。