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— DAY ??? —
— 第？？？天 —

Takumi wakes up to an empty room.
拓海醒来时，房间空无一人。

He has no idea what day it is. Someone had shut off Sirei’s announcements ages ago, and he’d spent so long drifting in between states of consciousness that he had long since lost hope of keeping track. The only thing he could be confident in was that they hadn’t reached Day 100 yet, otherwise he would no longer be here. 
他不知道今天是第几天。不知何时，有人关掉了 Sirei 的公告，而他长时间在清醒与昏沉之间徘徊，早已放弃了计数的希望。他唯一能确定的是，他们还没有到达第 100 天，否则他也不会还留在这里。

His eyes flicker around the stuffy room. It’s unusual for him to wake up without any external prompting, but not unheard of, and apprehension curdles in his stomach. There was no good way to wake up ever since he had been left in this bed-bound state, but he truly loathes waking up alone: all he can do is stare endlessly at the ceiling, not knowing when he will fall asleep again or how long he has to wait until someone comes to give his brain some sort of stimuli, no matter how horrible.
他的眼睛在闷热的房间里四处扫视。没有外界的刺激就醒来对他来说并不常见，但也并非闻所未闻，一种不安在他胃里翻腾。自从他陷入这种卧床不起的状态后，醒来从来都不是一件好事，但他尤其讨厌独自醒来：他只能无休止地盯着天花板，不知道自己何时会再次入睡，也不知道要等多久才会有人来给他的大脑一些刺激，无论那刺激多么糟糕。

The first few times he had woken up like this, he remembers spending hours trying to scream, as though his incapacitation was something he could simply overcome by sheer will alone. By now, he had long since learned that there was simply no point. He felt nothing more than an all-consuming numbness; it was like someone had scooped out his insides and replaced it all with tar. 
最初几次这样醒来时，他记得自己花了几个小时试图尖叫，仿佛他的瘫痪可以通过纯粹的意志力克服。如今，他早已明白这样做毫无意义。他感受到的只有一种令人窒息的麻木；就像有人掏空了他的内脏，用沥青取而代之。

He lays there dead-eyed, waiting, with nothing to do except listen to the natural creaking sounds of the small building. 
他死气沉沉地躺在那里，等待着，除了聆听小屋自然的吱嘎声外，无事可做。

After twenty-eight minutes of staring at the clock, he hears a sound at the door. His eyes flick over to see who his guest of the day is, and a cold shiver runs through him when he realizes that it’s Eito. 
盯着时钟看了二十八分钟后，他听到了门口的动静。他的目光转向门口，想看看今天的访客是谁，当意识到是英藤时，一阵寒意窜遍全身。

There were a handful of people that he considered more tolerable than the rest. Gaku was probably his favorite, since he’d been so thoroughly beaten into submission after that first time that he seemed to live in constant fear of ever overstepping again with anything he did. Eito, however… 
他觉得有几个人比其他人更值得容忍。Gaku 大概是他最喜欢的，因为自从第一次被彻底制服后，他似乎一直生活在对再次越界的恐惧中，无论做什么都小心翼翼。然而，Eito……

He enters the room humming happily to himself which is, in itself, a bad sign. It takes only a handful of seconds before he notices that Takumi is conscious, making a small “Oh!” of surprise as he hurries over to the bedside. 
他哼着欢快的曲调走进房间，这本身就是一个不祥的征兆。仅仅几秒钟后，他就注意到琢磨已经醒了，惊讶地轻呼一声“哦！”，然后快步走到床边。

“You’re awake! How are you feeling?” 
“你醒了！感觉怎么样？”

Acting as though Takumi can reply to him is a new one. He doesn’t know what sick game Eito is playing, but he doesn’t want to participate. Takumi puts all of his energy into manifesting the words “I hate you,” with only his eyes. 
仿佛笃定高见会回应他似的，这倒是新鲜。他不知道英都又在玩什么把戏，但他可不想参与。高见用尽全力，只用眼神传达出“我讨厌你”的信息。

It doesn’t seem to work, because Eito stands there as though he’s actually expecting a response and isn’t just subjecting Takumi to some bizarre roleplay scenario. After a short pause, he titters.
似乎没什么效果，因为英都站在那里，仿佛真的在等待回应，而不仅仅是在对高见进行某种怪异的扮演游戏。短暂的停顿后，他轻声笑了起来。

“I guess you haven’t noticed yet,” he says. He smiles, unbearably, insufferably fond. “Takumi, could you try moving around for me?”
“我想你还没注意到，”他说道，笑容温柔得让人难以承受。“巧，你能试着动一动吗？”

Now he’s really confused. Experimentally, Takumi tries to move his arms— and, as promised, it seems that he has full control of his body again, albeit with some stiffness. The movement is accompanied by an odd jingling sound from the direction of his left hand, and it takes a moment for him to realize that he can turn his own head to look at what made the noise. It turns out to be a handcuff attached to a long silver chain that stretches out of sight off the side of his bed. 
现在他真的困惑了。实验性地，拓海试着移动他的手臂——正如所承诺的，他似乎重新获得了对自己身体的完全控制，尽管有些僵硬。这个动作伴随着他左手方向传来的奇怪叮当声，他花了一会儿才意识到自己可以转头去看是什么发出的声音。结果发现是一副手铐，连接着一条长长的银链，链子从床边延伸出去，消失在视线之外。

His eyes go wide as he snaps his head back to stare at Eito, who is making a thoroughly pleased face at him. 
他的眼睛因惊讶而睁大，猛地转头盯着英人，只见对方正一脸满意地看着他。

“Now try talking?” He prompts.
“现在试试说话？”他提示道。

“Eito,” Takumi gasps hoarsely, his voice sticking in his throat after going disused for so long. “What…?”
“英人，”琢磨沙哑地喘息着，声音因长时间未使用而卡在喉咙里。“什么……？”

Eito’s face splits into a cheerful smile, and with no preamble, he announces: “I killed V’ehxness.” 
英人的脸上绽开一个灿烂的笑容，毫不铺垫地宣布道：“我杀了 V’ehxness。”

“What?!”    “什么？！”

He can’t help himself — sure, he didn’t actually know what day it was, but he was confident that this was still weeks ahead of schedule. 
他情不自禁——当然，他并不知道今天是哪一天，但他确信这仍然比预定时间提前了好几周。

“Oh, yes. It happened yesterday. I came and showed you her head right after, but I suppose you don’t remember that… Oh, well.” He sighs airily, apparently unbothered. “Anyways, we’d already decided that the reward for whoever killed her would be five days of uninterrupted time with you. You should have seen how everyone went after her when she finally showed her face!”
“哦，是的。事情发生在昨天。我一结束就带着她的头来见你了，不过我想你大概不记得了……哦，算了。”他轻松地叹了口气，显然毫不在意。“总之，我们已经决定，杀死她的人将获得与你连续相处五天的奖励。你真该看看她终于露面时，大家是如何争先恐后地追杀她的！”

Horror washes over him all over again. “F-Five days…?” 
恐惧再次席卷全身。“五……五天？”

“Technically, it started yesterday,” Eito clarifies, clicking his tongue in annoyance. “But you were unconscious for nearly a full day after I gave you the counteragent to the paralytic, so now it’s already the evening of our second day.”
“严格来说，是从昨天开始的，”英藤纠正道，不耐烦地咂了咂舌。“但我在给你注射解药后，你昏迷了将近一整天，所以现在已经是第二天的晚上了。”

Takumi stares at him blankly. None of this was making any sense — why would Eito, of all people, want to take him off the drug when it had been his idea in the first place?
拓海茫然地盯着他。这一切都毫无道理——为什么偏偏是英人，当初是他提议用药的，现在却想让他停药？

He can’t seem to focus on forming sentences out of his thoughts, so before he can string the words together to ask about it, Eito has already continued talking:
他似乎无法集中精神将思绪组织成句子，还没等他串联起词语来询问，英人已经继续说道：

“I’m sorry about the handcuff,” he says, and he seems genuinely apologetic. “The others don’t know I’m doing this. If you’d gotten up and walked around while I wasn’t here, they might get upset with me. I hope you can forgive my selfishness, Takumi…” 
“抱歉给你戴上了手铐，”他说道，语气中透着真挚的歉意，“其他人不知道我在这么做。如果我不在时你起身走动，他们可能会对我发火。希望你能原谅我的自私，拓海……”

As much as he hates to admit it, it’s a sensible enough precaution for him to have taken, though it makes him feel stupid for not noticing he could move the entire time he was alone.
尽管他不愿承认，但这确实是个明智的预防措施，尽管这让他觉得自己傻透了，竟然没注意到自己一直都能动。

“It’s fine,” he sighs. “I’m not mad.” 
“没事的，”他叹了口气，“我没生气。”

Even despite the reassurance, Eito is still giving him an expectant look. Realizing what it is that Eito truly wants, Takumi dutifully decides to play his part. 
尽管得到了安慰，英人仍用期待的眼神看着他。察觉到英人真正想要的，琢磨便尽职地决定扮演好自己的角色。

“Come closer,” he murmurs. “I can’t reach you.”
“靠近点，”他低语道，“我够不着你。”

He realizes that there is more than enough give that he could have just moved over, but he feels very, very tired. Thankfully, Eito is more than eager to do what he asks: he is on the bed in an instant, and the mattress creaks with the added weight as Eito climbs on top of him and boxes him in with his arms. 
他意识到自己本可以挪动一下，腾出足够的空间，但他感到非常、非常疲惫。幸运的是，英人非常乐意满足他的要求：他立刻上了床，随着英人爬到他身上并用双臂将他圈住，床垫因增加的重量而发出吱嘎声。

The familiarity of the scene paralyzes him. A sick feeling bubbles up in his stomach and his heart hammers against his ribs as he tries not to remember being trapped in this same position, what feels like a hundred times with a hundred people, limp and helpless. 
眼前的景象熟悉得让他僵住。一股恶心的感觉在胃里翻腾，心脏猛烈撞击着胸腔，他竭力不去回想自己曾无数次陷入同样的境地，面对无数人，无力而瘫软。

“Don’t—” He chokes out, squeezing his eyes shut to block out the view. It helps, a little, but he still feels overwhelmingly as though he can’t breathe. “Not like that. Lie next to me. Please.”
“不要——”他哽咽着，紧闭双眼以避开眼前的景象。这稍稍有些帮助，但他仍感到窒息般的压迫。“不要那样。躺在我旁边。求你了。”

“Is something wrong, Takumi?” Eito asks, his voice tinged with worry.
“怎么了，拓海？”英人问道，声音中带着一丝担忧。

Takumi forces himself to shake his head. It wouldn’t benefit him if he told the truth, anyways - at worst, Eito might get the wrong idea if he immediately starts freaking out and conclude that he’s better off back on the drugs, and that idea terrifies him more than anything else. 
Takumi 强迫自己摇了摇头。无论如何，说出真相对他并无益处——最坏的情况是，Eito 可能会误解，如果他立刻开始惊慌失措，并得出结论认为他最好还是回到药物中，这个想法比任何事情都更让他感到恐惧。

Thankfully, Eito takes his response at face value. He immediately acquiesces to the request, curling up next to Takumi’s body like a large dog, resting his head on his chest like a pillow. His body is warm, and a strange part of Takumi’s brain finds comfort in his company despite everything. It takes a few more minutes until he feels like he can breathe again, but Eito simply lays there in a patient silence. 
幸运的是，Eito 对他的回答信以为真。他立刻答应了这个请求，像一只大狗一样蜷缩在 Takumi 身边，把头枕在他的胸口，仿佛那是一个枕头。Eito 的身体很温暖，尽管发生了这么多事，Takumi 的脑海中某个奇怪的部分却在他的陪伴下感到一丝安慰。又过了几分钟，Takumi 才觉得自己又能呼吸了，而 Eito 只是静静地躺在那里，耐心地等待着。

“You’ve done a good job, Eito,” he finally says once he’s confident he can keep his voice even. He can’t bring himself to put any emotion into the words, but he doesn’t think it matters. “I’m very happy. Thank you.” 
“干得不错，Eito。”他终于开口，确保自己的声音平稳。他无法在话语中注入任何情感，但觉得这并不重要。“我非常高兴。谢谢你。”

Raising a shaking hand, he drops it gently on top of Eito’s head and strokes him in a petting motion. The man next to him gives a shivering, shuddering gasp, his eyes fluttering shut in bliss as Takumi continues the movement down his spine, then tenderly traces his way back up to the top of his head. Over and over, he repeats it, until eventually his hand stops shaking. 
颤抖着手抬起，他轻轻地放在英人头顶，温柔地抚摸着。身旁的男人发出颤抖而战栗的喘息，双眼因愉悦而轻闭，随着拓海的动作，他的手顺着脊椎缓缓下滑，又温柔地一路抚回头顶。一遍又一遍，他重复着这个动作，直到最后，他的手不再颤抖。

“I love you, Takumi,” Eito whispers, the affection in his voice nearly overwhelming. “Everyone else thinks they love you the same way, but I… I’m the only one… who would truly do anything for you…”
“我爱你，拓海，”英人轻声呢喃，声音中的深情几乎令人窒息。“其他人也说他们爱你，但只有我……我是唯一一个……愿意为你做任何事的人……”

It doesn’t take very long until Eito’s breathing slows and he slips into a peaceful sleep. Takumi continues to pet him, finding the repetitive motion just engaging enough to be soothing.
没过多久，英人的呼吸渐渐放缓，安然入睡。拓海继续抚摸着他，这种重复的动作恰到好处地让人感到安心。

He spends the rest of the night staring blankly at the ceiling. 
他整晚都呆呆地盯着天花板。

— DAY ??? +1 —
— 第???天 +1 —

Takumi jolts awake in a cold sweat. 
琢海猛然惊醒，冷汗淋漓。

He must have eventually fallen asleep, because there is now sunlight filtering into his room and the spot beside him in the bed is empty and cold. For a brief moment, he is temporarily overtaken by the fear that either yesterday had been a dream or that Eito had been lying, but a few moments of shuffling around in the bedding satisfies him that his circumstances are unchanged. 
他想必是终于睡着了，因为阳光已透过窗户洒进房间，床边空荡荡的，冰冷一片。有那么一瞬，他恐惧地以为昨天的一切要么是个梦，要么是英都的谎言，但他在被褥中摸索片刻，便确信自己的处境并未改变。

“Thank god,” he mutters to no one in particular. 
“谢天谢地。”他喃喃自语，仿佛在对着空气说话。

It’s at this point that it occurs to him that there is someone else in the room with him, and he suddenly sits up to see Eito lounging on his couch and staring at him, a book in one hand that’s half-lowered towards the coffee table. He must have been waiting for him to wake up, which was a mildly unpleasant thought to entertain, but it was a step up from his recent habit of lying next to him and outright watching him sleep. 
就在这时，他意识到房间里还有别人，猛地坐起来，看到英人懒洋洋地躺在沙发上，盯着他看，一只手拿着一本书，半垂向咖啡桌。他一定是在等他醒来，这个想法让人有些不快，但比起他最近的习惯——躺在他旁边，直接看着他睡觉——这已经算是进步了。

“Takumi!” He exclaims happily, already moving towards the bed.
“拓海！”他开心地喊道，已经朝床边走去。

In a single smooth motion, he wraps Takumi in a suffocating embrace, coiling around him like a snake. Takumi is forced to lay back down as Eito nuzzles him, shoving his face into the crook of Takumi’s neck as he takes a long, deep inhale of his scent. Not knowing what else to do, Takumi raises his arms to loosely hold him. 
他以一个流畅的动作，将拓海紧紧抱住，像蛇一样缠绕着他。拓海被迫躺回床上，英人用脸蹭着他，把脸埋在拓海的颈窝里，深深地吸了一口他的气息。不知所措的拓海只好抬起手臂，轻轻地抱住他。

“I’m so happy you’re awake, Takumi…” Eito whispers, his breath hot and ticklish against his throat. “I’ve missed you.”
“你醒了，我真高兴，拓海……”英人低声耳语，呼吸热乎乎的，痒痒地拂过他的喉咙。“我想你了。”

“I’ve been right here this entire time,” Takumi mutters. 
“我一直都在这里。”拓海低声说道。

Eito raises his head and shakes it, his eyes wide as he stares at Takumi. “Not in the way that I meant. You don’t understand how unbearable it is to spend every day tolerating those stinking, disgusting animals. I do it for you, of course. But, every time they talk, ugh.” He shudders. “It’s been so long since the last time I could hear your clear, beautiful voice…”
英人抬起头，摇了摇头，睁大眼睛盯着拓海。“不是我说的那种方式。你不知道每天忍受那些臭气熏天、令人作呕的动物有多难熬。我这么做当然是为了你。但每次他们说话，呃。”他颤抖了一下。“我已经很久没有听到你那清晰、美丽的声音了……”

He burrows his face back into Takumi’s chest, his fingers clinging to his shirt. “That was why I had to be the one to kill V’ehxness… I needed you. You’re all I have…”
他把脸埋回拓海的胸膛，手指紧紧抓住他的衬衫。“这就是为什么我必须亲自杀死 V’ehxness……我需要你。你是我的一切……”

Takumi stares at him, unnerved by his sudden desperation. “Eito…” 
拓海盯着他，被他突如其来的绝望所困扰。“英人……”

A complicated mixture of emotions roils in his chest. The way Eito describes the world is truly horrifying; he can’t imagine surviving like that, or what he would do if someone entirely normal suddenly showed up. Would he also react like this…? 
他的胸中翻涌着复杂的情绪。英都描述的世界确实令人恐惧；他无法想象自己如何能在那样的环境中生存，更不知道如果一个完全正常的人突然出现，他会怎么做。他也会这样反应吗……？

…He doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to think about it anymore, so he just angles his head to the side so he can rest his chin on the crown of Eito’s head. He smells faintly like laundry detergent and nothing else, the scent soothing without being overbearing. With a sigh, he settles into Eito’s embrace.
…他不知道。他不想再思考这个问题了，于是只是将头偏向一侧，让下巴轻轻搭在英藤的头顶。英藤身上隐约散发着洗衣液的清香，没有其他气味，这种淡淡的香气令人感到舒适而不突兀。他叹了口气，安心地依偎在英藤的怀抱中。

He thinks he must doze off at some point, but it’s hard to tell. After spending so long living in a fugue, he finds it difficult to keep his thoughts from unravelling even while fully conscious. A glance at the clock tells him they’ve been lying there for about an hour, and though Eito hasn’t moved the entire time, he’s confident he hasn’t fallen asleep, either.
他觉得自己一定是在某个时刻打盹了，但很难确定。在长期处于恍惚状态后，即使完全清醒，他也难以保持思绪的连贯。看了一眼时钟，他知道他们已经躺了大约一个小时，尽管英人一直没动，但他确信英人也没有睡着。

“Eito,” he starts. “I have a question.”
“英人，”他开口道，“我有个问题。”

Eito makes an enquiring sound in response. Takumi goes silent for a little while, occupying himself by coiling and uncoiling a strand of Eito’s hair around his fingers.
英人发出一声询问的声响作为回应。琢磨沉默了一会儿，用手指缠绕并松开英人的一缕头发，以此打发时间。

“Why did you take me off of the drug?”
“你为什么把我从药物中解脱出来？”

He’s fairly certain that he’s pieced together the answer from their earlier conversation, but he still wants to hear it directly from Eito. He needs to know exactly what his angle is if he’s going to get anything out of this for himself. 
他相当确定自己已经从他们之前的对话中拼凑出了答案，但他仍然想直接从英都那里听到。如果他想从这次会面中为自己争取到什么，他需要确切地知道英都的立场。

Eito raises his head again, their faces now inches away. Gingerly, he reaches out an ungloved hand and cups Takumi’s cheek, and Takumi lets him. 
英都再次抬起头，两人的脸现在只有几英寸的距离。他小心翼翼地伸出一只没戴手套的手，轻轻捧住拓海的侧脸，而拓海任由他这么做。

“Didn’t I explain it earlier? It’s because I missed you. I missed hearing your voice, I missed seeing you fight… I-It’s inappropriate of me, of course, to project such human behaviour on someone like you,” he says shyly, a flush creeping to his cheeks. “But as long as I can be with you like this, I’m happy…”
“我不是之前解释过了吗？因为我想念你。我想念听到你的声音，想念看到你战斗……当然，像我这样的人对你投射如此人类的情感是不合适的，”他羞涩地说道，脸颊上泛起红晕。“但只要能像这样和你在一起，我就很开心了……”

Eito tilts his head at him, his expression soft in a way that makes nostalgia squeeze Takumi’s chest. “So… in exchange for my selfishness… I decided that I’ll do anything I can to fulfill all your needs during our time together. But unless you tell me, I won’t know… so what do you want, Takumi?”
英人歪着头看他，脸上那抹柔和的神情让拓海心中涌起一阵怀念，胸口微微发紧。“所以……为了弥补我的自私……我决定在这段时间里尽我所能满足你的一切需求。但除非你告诉我，否则我不会知道……那么，你想要什么呢，拓海？”

Takumi stares at him, surprised by his answer. Eito has never made much sense to him, but even he can tell that something has changed in his attitude during the time he’s spent paralyzed. Unkindly, he might even say that Eito seems strangely desperate, and he files that thought away for careful consideration later. 
拓海盯着他，对他的回答感到惊讶。英人一直让他觉得难以理解，但即便如此，他也能察觉到在他瘫痪期间，英人的态度发生了变化。不客气地说，他甚至觉得英人显得异常急切，这个念头被他暂时搁置，留待日后仔细思考。

“Oh, and don’t worry,” Eito adds. “Now that things have settled down, I took off the handcuff while you were sleeping. I wouldn’t want to give you the impression that I think I can control you, after all.” 
“哦，别担心，”英人补充道，“既然事情已经平息，趁你睡觉时我把手铐解开了。毕竟，我可不想让你觉得我能控制你。”

The unspoken implication is that Eito either thinks that he couldn’t possibly escape, or that it wasn’t even an option that Takumi would consider in the first place. Takumi doesn’t know which one makes him feel worse. He decides to just focus on the question he’d been asked. 
他无法逃脱，或者高见根本不会考虑逃跑这个选项。琢磨不透哪一种更让他难受。他决定专注于被问到的问题。

“I want to…”  “我想……”

He doesn’t know. He can’t remember the last time he wanted anything, let alone the last time anyone actually listened to him. He casts his gaze blankly around the room, trying to think of something simple and achievable. 
他不知道。他不记得上次想要什么，更别提上次有人真正听他说话是什么时候了。他茫然地环顾房间，试图想出一些简单且可实现的事情。

“...Right now, I guess I just want to take a shower.”
“……现在，我想洗个澡。”

He doesn’t think a shower will be enough to get rid of the layer of filth he feels coated in, but it’s a start. 
他觉得冲个澡不足以洗去那层令他感到浑身不净的污垢，但这是个开始。

Eito briefly looks surprised, but his expression quickly softens. “Of course. I’d be happy to help you—”
英人短暂地露出惊讶的表情，但很快神情就柔和下来。“当然，我很乐意帮你——”

“By myself, ” Takumi grits out. He ignores the hurt expression on Eito’s face at the rejection and instead focuses on extracting himself from the body coiled around him. He swings his legs over the side of the bed, a slight shiver running through him at the cool feeling of the floor on the bottoms of his bare feet. He tries to push himself off the bed…
“我自己来。”拓海咬牙说道。他无视了英人脸上因被拒绝而受伤的表情，转而专注于从缠绕着自己的身体中挣脱出来。他双腿跨过床沿，赤脚踩在冰凉的地板上，微微打了个寒颤。他试图撑起自己离开床……

…And stops, realizing for the first time how feeble his legs and arms have become. Even with the supplements the SDU has been giving him to prevent his muscles from atrophying, weeks of disuse have left him with the motor skills of a particularly inept fawn. Anxiety roots him to the bed for a long minute. When he becomes acutely aware of the feeling of Eito staring at his back, he realizes that he can’t put it off any longer. 
…然后停了下来，第一次意识到自己的四肢变得多么虚弱。尽管 SDU 一直在给他补充营养，防止肌肉萎缩，但数周的闲置已让他动作笨拙，如同一只特别不灵活的小鹿。焦虑让他久久地僵在床上。当敏锐地感觉到 Eito 盯着他的后背时，他意识到不能再拖延下去了。

He takes a breath to steel himself, then slowly gets to his feet. His legs wobble as he puts his weight onto them, but he stays standing. Confidence comes back to him as he takes a few more steps, slowly but without significant issues, and then with no warning he puts his weight down wrong and stumbles.
他深吸一口气，鼓起勇气，然后缓缓站起身。当他将体重压在腿上时，双腿微微颤抖，但他依然站稳了。随着他再走几步，虽然缓慢但并无大碍，信心逐渐回归。然而，毫无预兆地，他错误地施力，踉跄了一下。

His sense of balance is too weak for him to recover. In the split-second he has to form a singular thought as his perspective flips upside-down, Takumi gracefully accepts his inevitable fate of smashing the back of his skull into the floor. 
他的平衡感太弱，无法恢复。在那瞬间，他的视角翻转，脑海中只来得及闪过一个念头，高见优雅地接受了后脑勺即将撞向地板的必然命运。

There’s suddenly a hand around his arm before he can completely collapse, and Eito appears beside him in an instant, holding him securely. 
就在他即将完全倒下的瞬间，一只手突然抓住了他的手臂，英藤瞬间出现在他身旁，稳稳地扶住了他。

“Takumi, are you alright?” He gasps. His glasses are askew; in any other circumstance, Takumi would have found it endearing.  
“高见，你还好吗？”他喘着气问道。眼镜歪斜着；在其他情况下，高见可能会觉得这很可爱。

Takumi stares at him, wide-eyed and speechless. A deep, gnawing pit has opened up in his stomach. He has never been this dependent on another person in his entire life, and it makes him feel pathetic. 
拓海瞪大眼睛，哑口无言。他的胃里仿佛被挖出了一个深不见底的洞。他这辈子从未如此依赖过另一个人，这让他感到无比可悲。

After a long pause, he recovers enough to speak:
经过长时间的停顿，他终于恢复了说话的力气：

“...I’m fine. Thanks,” he mutters, yanking his arm away from Eito’s grip. He’s still a little unsteady, but he doesn’t need to be coddled.  
“……我没事。谢谢。”他低声说道，用力从英都的手中抽回手臂。虽然还有些不稳，但他不需要被过度照顾。

If Eito is anything, he’s persistent, and he rambles undeterred by Takumi’s cold response.
如果说英都有什么特点，那就是坚持不懈，他毫不在意拓海冷淡的回应，继续喋喋不休。

“Are you sure? It would have been terrible if I hadn’t just been there to catch you, and that was on dry ground. What if you slip in the shower? You could hit your head and never wake up again, or worse…”
“你确定吗？如果刚才不是我正好在那里接住你，那可就糟了，而且那还是在干燥的地面上。要是你在浴室里滑倒怎么办？你可能会撞到头，再也醒不过来，或者更糟……”

A chill runs through him at the thought. If he was rendered brain dead, with the way the SDU was now, they would never kill him even with the knowledge that he could just as easily be revived. Eito makes a compelling point: that outcome would be even worse than being paralyzed. 
想到这里，他不禁打了个寒颤。如果他变成植物人，以 SDU 现在的状况，他们绝不会杀他，即使知道他可以轻易被复活。英都说得有道理：那种结果比瘫痪还要糟糕。

Takumi decides that he just has to stomach this. 
拓海决定忍下这一切。

“Fine.”  “好吧。”

Eito breaks out into a simple and overjoyed smile. “I’m so happy I can be useful to you, Takumi.”
英人露出了一个简单而欣喜的笑容。“能帮上你的忙，我真的很高兴，拓海。”

It takes some pushing to get Eito to shut up about wanting to serve his every need and actually get into the bathroom, but the two of them make it there eventually. From there, Takumi watches vacantly as Eito strips naked in front of him. He knows that in the not-so-distant past he would’ve been beyond flustered by this scenario, but now he feels nothing at all. It’s all become routine to him. 
费了好一番功夫才让英人闭上嘴，不再絮叨着要满足他的每一个需求，并终于进了浴室，但两人最终还是到了那里。随后，拓海茫然地看着英人在他面前脱光衣服。他知道在不久之前，自己面对这种情况一定会慌乱不已，但现在他毫无感觉。这一切对他来说已经成了家常便饭。

It’s not until Eito is pawing at his clothing that Takumi becomes conscious of the fact that he’s even wearing clothing. Eito must have dressed him at some point while he was unconscious, though he honestly can’t place in his memories when it would’ve been. He smacks Eito’s hands away from his body. 
直到英人开始摆弄他的衣服，琢磨才意识到自己竟然还穿着衣服。在他昏迷期间，英人肯定在某一刻给他穿上了衣服，尽管他实在想不起来具体是什么时候。他拍开了英人伸向自己身体的手。

“At least let me undress myself,” he says tiredly. 
“至少让我自己脱衣服吧。”他疲惫地说道。

Eito raises his hands in front of his face in a gesture of surrender. “If that’s what you want.” 
英藤举起双手，做出投降的姿势。“如果你想要那样的话。”

Undressing himself is a painful process, but he manages it without incident. He’s left with the large white shirt bundled in his hands, and he stares at it for a moment. He’d only been dressed in an oversized t-shirt and boxers, but he finds it vaguely touching that Eito had bothered at all. Everyone else had been happy to leave him naked the entire time. The thought makes him feel slightly insane, but this was probably one of the more considerate things anyone had done for him since he’d been paralyzed. 
自己脱衣服是个痛苦的过程，但他还是顺利完成了。他手里只剩下那件宽大的白衬衫，盯着它看了一会儿。他原本只穿着一件 oversized 的 T 恤和内裤，但英藤竟然费心给他穿上了衣服，这让他感到一丝温暖。其他人都很乐意让他一直赤裸着。这个想法让他觉得自己有点疯狂，但这可能是他瘫痪以来，别人为他做的最体贴的事情之一了。

It suddenly occurs to him that he doesn’t own any shirts this big. Which means… 
他突然意识到，自己并没有这么大的衬衫。这意味着……

He looks up at Eito, not missing the ravenous look in his eyes before he tries to mask it with an innocent smile. Takumi scowls and throws the shirt into a corner. 
他抬头看向英人，没有错过他眼中那贪婪的目光，尽管英人试图用一个无辜的微笑来掩饰。琢磨皱起眉头，将衬衫扔到角落。

“Alright,” he says, taking a deep and steadying breath. “I’m ready. But keep your hands to yourself while we’re in there.”
“好吧，”他说，深吸一口气，稳住情绪。“我准备好了。但我们在里面的时候，你别碰我。”

Eito hums his assent before getting into the shower and turning on the water. Unease curls in his stomach, but Takumi has no choice but to follow him into the small stall. 
英人哼了一声表示同意，然后走进淋浴间，打开了水。不安在他胃里打转，但琢磨别无选择，只能跟着他进入狭小的隔间。

Everything starts fine. Eito is annoyingly clingy, but mostly in the sense of wanting to do everything for him, so Takumi just rolls his eyes and lets him take care of washing his hair. If he closes his eyes and detaches himself from the reality of the situation, it’s pleasant to have someone scratching their nails through his scalp. As he eases into it, he begins to become convinced that he had been overly paranoid.
一切开始时还算正常。英人烦人地黏人，但主要是想为他做所有事，所以琢磨只是翻了个白眼，让他帮忙洗头发。如果他闭上眼睛，不去想现实中的情况，有人用指甲轻轻刮过头皮的感觉其实挺舒服的。随着他逐渐放松，他开始相信自己之前可能过于多疑了。

Suddenly, he becomes aware of the fact that Eito has one hand on the dip of his waist. A wave of nausea rolls through him, but he swallows it down. Eito had just been all over him in the bed, and that had been fine. He reassures himself that this shouldn’t be any different. 
突然间，他意识到英人正用一只手搭在他腰际。一阵恶心感涌上心头，但他强忍了下去。刚才在床上，英人还紧紧缠着他，那都没什么。他安慰自己，这次应该也没什么不同。

The next moment, he feels a second hand tracing the curve of his hip down to caress the soft flesh of his outer thigh. Before he realizes it, he’s already hyperventilating, the sound of static overwhelming in his head. 
下一刻，他感觉到另一只手沿着他的臀部曲线滑下，轻抚他大腿外侧柔软的肌肤。还没等他反应过来，就已经开始急促呼吸，耳边充斥着静电的嘈杂声。

He can’t—   他不能——

He takes a step back, and Eito follows. He’s trapped here, in this tiny space, and he knows what comes next. 
他后退一步，英人紧随其后。他被困在这个狭小的空间里，他知道接下来会发生什么。

He can’t—   他不能——

Takumi doubles over, retching translucent liquid onto the shower floor. He coughs and gags, but all that comes out of his body is more of that disgusting slurry of nutrients they had been giving him. There’s something dirty inside of him and he needs to get it out, he needs to get it out he needs to—
拓海弯下腰，将透明的液体呕吐在淋浴间的地板上。他咳嗽着，干呕着，但他的身体只能吐出更多那些他们一直在给他灌输的恶心营养糊。他体内有什么脏东西，他必须把它弄出来，他必须把它弄出来，他必须——

He feels a hand on his back and, before he can think about what he’s doing, he slaps it away harshly. The abrupt movement upsets his already-weak sense of balance and sends him crashing into the wall, and he limply slides down the tile to collapse in a broken heap on the floor. His vision spins and blurs, hot tears sliding down his face and mixing with the water endlessly pelting him from above. He doesn’t know when he started crying, but he wants it to stop. He just wants it all to stop. 
他感到一只手搭在背上，还没来得及思考自己在做什么，就狠狠地将那只手拍开。突如其来的动作扰乱了他本就虚弱的平衡感，使他重重撞向墙壁，然后无力地顺着瓷砖滑下，瘫倒在地板上，碎成一团。他的视线旋转模糊，滚烫的泪水滑过脸颊，与头顶不断倾泻而下的水流混在一起。他不知道自己何时开始哭泣，但他希望这一切停止。他只想这一切都停止。

“Takumi—”  “拓海——”

“Get away from me! Don’t touch me!” He rasps hoarsely, and perhaps it’s a small mercy that he can’t get any louder. If anyone outside heard him yelling, it would all be over, and this thought sends another violent shiver coursing through his entire body. Too afraid to say anything else, he shakes his head roughly and curls inwards on himself.
“离我远点！别碰我！”他嘶哑地喊道，或许无法再大声喊叫是一种小小的仁慈。如果外面有人听到他在喊叫，一切就都完了，这个念头让他的全身又一阵剧烈颤抖。他太害怕再说什么，只能猛烈地摇着头，将自己蜷缩起来。

He keeps his eyes fixed on the section of wall directly in front of him, so the only part of Eito that he can see is his feet. For a few long, agonizing seconds, Eito doesn’t move. Finally, he turns off the showerhead, then turns and walks out of sight.  
他的目光始终紧盯着正前方的那堵墙，因此唯一能看到的只有 Eito 的脚。漫长的几秒钟里，Eito 一动不动，令人煎熬。最终，他关掉了淋浴头，转身走出了视线。

Over the static buzzing in his brain, he faintly hears the sounds of Eito moving around the room — likely getting dressed, a detached part of him rationalizes — and then he hears the front door open and shut, and then there is only silence.
在他的脑海中，静电般的嗡鸣声之上，他隐约听到了 Eito 在房间里走动的声音——可能是正在穿衣服，他理性的一部分如此分析着——然后他听到了前门打开又关上的声音，接着便只剩下寂静。

Several hours pass without Eito reappearing.
几个小时过去了，Eito 没有再出现。

Takumi remains in a motionless ball huddled on the bathroom floor.
Takumi 依旧一动不动地蜷缩在浴室的地板上。

He watches the stream of sunlight from the crack in his blinds crawl slowly across the floor as the day deepens. When the sun finally sets and his room begins to plunge into darkness, he realizes that he didn’t hear Eito lock the door. He could leave whenever he wanted to. Even if someone else saw him, he could just make a run for it. It wasn’t like he needed any supplies; he had nowhere to go. All he needed to do was get outside of the Wall of Fire, and then… 
他看着从百叶窗缝隙中透进的阳光缓缓地在地板上移动，随着时间的推移，阳光逐渐加深。当太阳终于落下，房间开始陷入黑暗时，他意识到自己并没有听到 Eito 锁门的声音。他可以随时离开。即使有人看到他，他也可以直接跑掉。他并不需要任何物资；他无处可去。他只需要离开火墙，然后……

He doesn’t move. He doesn’t even look at the door. 
他没有动。他甚至没有看向门口。

Well, maybe he couldn’t outrun them, he reasons. He could barely walk to his bathroom by himself. The rest of them had been fighting this entire time, and all he’d done was lay in bed all day. As much as it makes his skin crawl, at least with Eito he has a chance of getting what he wants. He was better off staying in the room. 
好吧，也许他跑不过他们，他这样想着。他几乎连自己去浴室都走不动。其他人一直在战斗，而他整天只是躺在床上。尽管这让他感到浑身不自在，但至少和英藤在一起，他还有机会得到他想要的。他最好还是留在房间里。

He buries his face in his knees and lets out a shuddering breath. Hot tears prick at his eyes, and he doesn’t know why. There must be something wrong with him. That must be why he overreacted earlier, and the day before, too. 
他把脸埋在膝盖里，颤抖着呼出一口气。热泪刺痛了他的眼睛，他不知道为什么。他一定是哪里出了问题。这一定是他之前反应过激的原因，还有前一天也是。

Maybe Eito won’t come back. Or maybe he will, but he’ll have the paralyzing drug with him. Or maybe he’ll tell someone about what happened, and they’ll come with the drug, and either way, someone will pin him down and force it deep down his throat and… 
也许英藤不会回来。或者他可能会回来，但会带着那种让人瘫痪的药物。或者他会把发生的事情告诉别人，他们会带着药物来，无论哪种情况，都会有人把他按住，强行把药物灌进他的喉咙，然后……

For a long time, his head swims in a never-ending spiral of thoughts.
长久以来，他的思绪如漩涡般不断盘旋，无法停歇。

At some point, long after the room has gone pitch-black, Takumi becomes faintly aware of being wrapped in something warm and heavy, and then there is a feeling of weightlessness as he is scooped up off the ground and carried out of the bathroom. He doesn’t stay awake for any longer than that, his consciousness drifting away from him as he settles in the tender embrace of the person holding him.
不知何时，房间已陷入一片漆黑。在黑暗中，拓海隐约感到自己被某种温暖而沉重的东西包裹，随后便是一阵失重感，他被从地上抱起，带离了浴室。他并未清醒太久，意识便在那个温柔怀抱中渐渐远去。

—

He dreams of Nozomi. 
他梦见了望。

She appears as she died, her face an indistinguishable mass of pulpy flesh, every limb broken and bent wrong. She can’t walk, so she crawls, inching slowly towards him and leaving a streak of blood behind her as she drags herself along the ground. 
她以死时的模样出现，脸庞是一团难以辨认的烂肉，四肢尽断，扭曲变形。她无法行走，只能爬行，缓慢地向他挪动，身后拖出一道血迹。

He’s lying prone in his bed, and he can’t move or speak. He can only watch helplessly as she steadily gets closer, the room filled with the wet sounds of meat being dragged and the grating, shuddering rasps of her breathing through her collapsed throat. Eventually she makes it to the bed and begins trying to climb up, her bloated fingers scrabbling at the fabric. She slips, crashing violently to the floor, and then tries again. She slips, and tries again.
他躺在床上，动弹不得，也无法出声。只能无助地看着她逐渐逼近，房间里回荡着肉体被拖拽的湿漉声，以及她通过塌陷的喉咙发出的刺耳、颤抖的呼吸声。最终，她爬到了床边，开始试图攀爬上来，肿胀的手指在床单上抓挠。她滑落下来，重重摔在地上，然后再次尝试。她滑落，又再次尝试。

She slips, and tries again.
她失手了，便再次尝试。

After a torturous eternity, she manages to get her upper body onto the bed, and then it’s a simple task to get the rest of her up, too. She grabs onto Takumi’s limp body for purchase as she drags herself on top of him, overwhelming him with the sweet stench of rotting meat. 
经过一段漫长而痛苦的挣扎，她终于将上半身挪到了床上，接下来的任务就简单多了，她顺利地爬了上去。她抓住高美瘫软的身体作为支撑，将自己拖到他身上，腐烂肉体的恶臭扑面而来，将他淹没。

He can’t even close his eyes. He can only stare at what used to be her face, her bright bloody eyes glittering with hatred, her throat gurgling as she tries to form words. He can’t hear her, but he can guess what she’s trying to say to him.
他甚至无法闭上眼睛。他只能盯着她曾经的面容，那双血红的眼睛闪烁着仇恨的光芒，喉咙发出咕噜咕噜的声音，试图说出话来。他听不见她的声音，但他能猜到她想对他说什么。

I’m sorry, he thinks desperately, as if an apology is what she wants to hear. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. 
对不起，他绝望地想着，仿佛道歉是她想听到的。对不起。对不起。

She makes a peculiar wheezing sound, almost as if she’s laughing. She collapses on top of him, suffocating him in blood and filth, but the sound doesn’t stop. 
她发出一种奇特的喘息声，几乎像是在笑。她倒在他身上，用鲜血和污秽窒息着他，但那声音并未停止。

He thinks he can hear something faintly in the distance, as though he’s being spoken to from underwater, but he’s too overwhelmed by the rot seeping into his eyes, his nose, his mouth, and all around him, all he can hear is Nozomi—
他觉得自己隐约听到了远处传来的声音，仿佛有人在水中对他说话，但腐烂的气息渗入他的眼睛、鼻子、嘴巴，以及周围的一切，他只能听到 Nozomi 的声音——

“Takumi!”   “拓海！”

Takumi’s eyes snap open to a bright room, and above him there is only Eito, his expression twisted in concern. 
拓海猛地睁开眼睛，映入眼帘的是一个明亮的房间，而上方只有英人，他的表情因担忧而扭曲。

— DAY ??? +2 —
— 第???天 +2 —

Takumi is propped up in his bed, listlessly pushing his breakfast around on the plate that Eito had given him. It was a considerate spread — a varied selection of his favorites, with nothing harsh on the stomach — but he just couldn’t find the motivation to actually eat any of it. 
拓海靠在床上，无精打采地用叉子拨弄着英人给他端来的早餐。那是一份体贴的餐点——各种他喜欢的食物，没有任何刺激胃口的成分——但他就是找不到动力去吃任何一口。

He’d been so overwhelmed when he’d woken up from his nightmare that he’d started sobbing, and Eito had held him until he had worn himself out and slipped into a dark and dreamless state of unconsciousness. When he’d woken back up in the late afternoon, he’d felt thoroughly disgusted. As much as he wanted to get in the shower and scrub himself until he bled, he at least had the self-awareness to understand that it was probably a bad idea after yesterday.
他从噩梦中惊醒时，情绪彻底崩溃，忍不住啜泣起来。英都紧紧抱着他，直到他精疲力竭，陷入一片黑暗无梦的昏迷状态。当他在下午晚些时候再次醒来时，感到无比厌恶。尽管他很想冲进浴室，把自己搓洗到流血，但他至少还有自知之明，明白经过昨天的事，这可能不是个好主意。

He hadn’t wanted to look at Eito any longer after that, so he’d sent him to get him something to eat. Now, he was realizing that he wasn’t hungry and that Eito was going to get very suspicious if he kept acting so hysterical all the time. 
在那之后，他不想再看到英人，便打发他去给自己弄点吃的。此刻，他意识到自己并不饿，而如果继续这样歇斯底里下去，英人肯定会起疑心。

At least Eito had dressed him in his own clothing while he was unconscious this time. 
至少这次 Eito 在他昏迷时给他穿的是自己的衣服。

He forces himself to put a piece of food in his mouth, and then he forces himself to chew and swallow it. He repeats this successfully a few times until he decides he’s eaten an appropriately normal amount. He puts his utensils down and looks up at Eito, who has been anxiously watching him this entire time, and he feels nothing at all. 
他强迫自己将一口食物放进嘴里，然后又强迫自己咀嚼并咽下。他成功地重复了几次，直到他认为自己已经吃了一个正常人应有的量。他放下餐具，抬头看向艾托，对方一直焦虑地注视着他，而他内心毫无波澜。

“Sorry for acting like that yesterday,” he says, his voice perfectly even. “I think I’ve just been in this room for too long.” 
“抱歉，昨天那样失态了，”他语气平稳地说道，“我想我只是在这个房间里待得太久了。”

He tries his best to smile. He thinks it works. Eito looks slightly less tense, so he marks it as a success. His gaze slides to the side and stays there. Now that he can sit up and turn his neck, he has discovered a whole world of new and exciting parts of the room that he can aimlessly stare at until the details are etched into his brain. 
他尽力挤出一个微笑。他觉得效果不错。英人看起来稍微放松了些，于是他将其视为一次成功。他的目光滑向一旁，停留在了那里。现在他能坐起来转头了，他发现了一个全新的世界，房间里有无数新奇有趣的角落，他可以漫无目的地盯着看，直到这些细节深深印在脑海里。

After a while of this, Eito suddenly breaks the silence. 
过了一会儿，英人突然打破了沉默。

“Takumi?”  “拓海？”

Takumi gives a hum of acknowledgement, not bothering to look up.
拓海发出一声轻哼表示回应，懒得抬头。

“Do you want to leave?”
“你想离开吗？”

That gets his attention. Takumi jolts and stares at Eito. 
这话引起了他的注意。拓海猛地一惊，盯着英人。

“What? I— Uh—” He stammers, temporarily struck dumb, before his lagging brain finally realizes that Eito hadn’t meant it like that. The reality of his situation sets in again, snuffing out the fire in his heart just as quickly as it had been kindled.
“什么？我——呃——”他结巴着，一时语塞，直到迟钝的大脑终于意识到英斗并不是那个意思。现实的处境再次袭来，心中的火焰如同被点燃时一样迅速熄灭。

“...I don’t know,” he lies. It sounds forced, even to him. “But some fresh air would probably be good for me.” 
“……我不知道，”他撒谎道。即便对他自己来说，这话也显得生硬。“但也许呼吸点新鲜空气对我有好处。”

Eito doesn’t reply immediately. There is a strangeness to his expression — something dark and inscrutable behind his eyes. It shakes Takumi; he has become so used to the painful simplicity of this version of Eito and his eager, bare-faced devotion, that he had already begun to forget just how little he had ever understood him. 
英斗没有立即回应。他的表情有些异样——眼中藏着某种深沉而难以捉摸的东西。这让拓海感到不安；他已经习惯了眼前这个简单而痛苦的英斗，以及他那毫不掩饰的热情与忠诚，以至于他几乎忘记了，自己从未真正理解过他。

Takumi looks away first, suddenly anxious.
拓海率先移开了视线，突然感到一阵焦虑。

“Nevermind. That was stupid,” he mutters bitterly. “I know it’s not possible.” 
“算了。那很蠢。”他苦涩地低声说，“我知道那不可能。”

The sound of Eito’s voice brings Takumi’s eyes back to him, and he is surprised to see that he is slightly frowning.
英都的声音让拓海重新看向他，惊讶地发现他微微皱着眉头。

“Please don’t misunderstand. I said I would fulfill your wishes, didn’t I? I wouldn’t lie about a thing like that. I was just thinking about how we could manage it.”
“请别误会。我说过我会实现你的愿望，不是吗？我不会在这种事情上撒谎。我只是想该怎么做到。”

Takumi bites back an impulsive comment about how he would lie about a thing like that, knowing that being snarky would do nothing to help him right now. Eito continues:
拓海忍住了脱口而出的话，心想他肯定会在这事上撒谎，但他知道现在耍嘴皮子对他毫无帮助。英都继续说道：

“We could probably sneak out at night without anyone noticing, even if it was only for a little while.” Eito places a hand loosely on his chin, his finger tapping his lips thoughtfully. “You would just need to be prepared to act like you’re still drugged.”
“我们或许能在夜里悄悄溜出去，哪怕只出去一会儿，也不会有人察觉。”英人随意地把手放在下巴上，手指若有所思地轻点着嘴唇。“你只需要准备好装作还在药效中的样子。”

With a plan beginning to take actual shape, something like hope bubbles in his chest. Takumi feels the tightly-wound tension in him begin to uncoil.
随着计划逐渐成形，一丝希望在他心中萌生。琢磨感到内心紧绷的弦开始松动。

“Right,” he says. “Of course.”
“好的，”他说。“当然。”

Eito gives his most pleasant smile, which is coincidentally the one that Takumi trusts the least. “I would have to carry you, of course. It’d be impossible to explain it if someone saw you walking around.” 
英藤露出他最愉快的微笑，巧合的是，这也是拓海最不信任的微笑。“我当然得背你。如果有人看到你四处走动，那就没法解释了。”

“...Right,” Takumi repeats, much slower this time. He’s too tired to bother arguing with Eito’s logic. 
“……好的，”拓海这次重复得慢了许多。他太累了，懒得和英藤的逻辑争论。

Despite Eito’s generally off-putting oddities, Takumi can’t help but feel a sense of gratitude towards him. He tries to ignore the reminder ever-present in the back of his mind that Eito doesn’t exactly have a choice in the matter. 
尽管英藤的古怪行为通常让人不快，但拓海还是忍不住对他产生了一丝感激之情。他试图忽略脑海中一直存在的提醒：英藤在这件事上并没有太多选择。

With nothing much to do in the small room while he waits for nightfall, Takumi quickly realizes that it had been a blessing that he had slept so much of the day away. Out of sheer boredom he eventually gets up and joins Eito on the couch, silently settling next to him. He leans his cheek against Eito’s shoulder, intending to zone out and read along with him, but after a minute it occurs to him that he still isn’t flipping to the next page. He looks up at Eito through his lashes and finds that he’s staring at him with a bizarre and slightly unnerving intensity.
在等待夜幕降临的小房间里无事可做，Takumi 很快意识到，那天他睡了那么久其实是一种幸运。纯粹出于无聊，他最终起身，走到沙发旁，默默地坐在 Eito 旁边。他将脸颊靠在 Eito 的肩上，打算和他一起沉浸在阅读中，但过了一分钟，他意识到 Eito 仍然没有翻到下一页。他透过睫毛抬头看向 Eito，发现他正以一种奇怪且略显不安的专注目光盯着自己。

“Uh?” Takumi says, all his intelligence culminating into that single noise.
“呃？”Takumi 发出了一声，仿佛所有智慧都凝聚在了这个音节中。

“...Oh,” Eito responds after a lengthy pause, seemingly taking that long to recognize that he had been spoken to. “I was just surprised that you suddenly got so close. You were so upset yesterday when I touched you, after all. Well, not just then. In general, actually.”
“……哦，”Eito 在长时间的停顿后回应道，似乎花了这么长时间才意识到自己被搭话了。“我只是有点惊讶你突然靠得这么近。毕竟昨天我碰你的时候，你那么生气。其实不只是那时候，平时也是。”

Somewhere in his jumbled and unpleasant memories of yesterday, Takumi did distantly remember telling Eito not to touch him. He hadn’t expected Eito to actually listen, but it explained why he had been acting so skittish today. 
在昨天那些混乱而不愉快的记忆中，Takumi 确实隐约记得告诉过 Eito 不要碰他。他没想到 Eito 真的会听，但这解释了为什么今天 Eito 表现得如此紧张。

…The first part of what Eito had said only occurs to him after a delay, and he suddenly startles away and puts a few good inches of distance between them on the couch. Takumi’s mouth goes dry. He hadn’t even thought about what he’d been doing, and it had obviously been intimate.
…直到片刻后，英都那番话的前半部分才在他脑海中浮现，他猛地一惊，迅速从沙发上挪开，拉开了几英寸的距离。琢磨的喉咙发紧，他甚至没意识到自己刚才在做什么，显然那举动相当亲密。

His brain helpfully screams at him: With Eito?!
他的大脑在他耳边尖叫：和英人？！

Takumi coughs, and begins to launch into a calm and eloquent explanation of his behaviour:
宝木微微咳嗽，开始平静而雄辩地解释自己的行为：

“I, uh.”   “我，呃。”

Eito silently stares at him with both eyebrows raised. Takumi stares back, all coherent thoughts evaporating, and concludes that he really might be going crazy from being in this place for too long. 
英藤默默地盯着他，双眉扬起。宝木回瞪过去，所有连贯的思绪都蒸发殆尽，得出了一个结论：他可能真的因为在这个地方待得太久而疯了。

“I wasn’t thinking,” he blurts out, shamelessly throwing out the most half-assed excuse of his entire life. “Sorry. Can we not talk about this anymore?”
“我没想那么多，”他脱口而出，毫无羞耻地抛出了他一生中最敷衍的借口。“对不起。我们能不能别再谈这个了？”

“If you say so…” Eito slowly replies. He’s clearly unwilling to let it go, but unfortunately for him Takumi does say so, and he also isn’t above flexing his divine influence to get out of an awkward situation. 
“既然你这么说……”英人缓缓回答。他显然不愿就此罢休，但遗憾的是，拓海确实这么说了，而且他也不介意利用自己的神力来摆脱尴尬的局面。

“Anyways,” Takumi segues smoothly, “I came over here because I was bored and wanted to know what you’re reading. We have to kill a few hours, right?” 
“话说回来，”拓海流畅地转移话题，“我来这里是因为无聊，想看看你在读什么。我们得打发几个小时，对吧？”

That sparks something in Eito’s eyes, and he immediately launches into an explanation about how strikingly similar the biology was here compared to the old planet Earth. It is, frankly, not a topic that Takumi even slightly cares about, but Eito’s voice is pleasant to listen to and he loves to hear himself talk, so Takumi lets himself zone out as Eito’s rambling washes over him.
这话让英人的眼睛一亮，他立刻开始解释这里与旧地球的生物学有多么惊人地相似。坦白说，拓海对此毫无兴趣，但英人的声音听起来很悦耳，而且他喜欢自言自语，所以拓海任由自己神游，让英人的喋喋不休如潮水般冲刷着自己。

They pass the time comfortably like this in muted and mostly one-sided conversation, and gradually the sky darkens until the room is too dark for them to read the pages. When Eito gets up to turn on one of the lights, he passes by the window and stops to peek out of it.
他们就这样舒适地度过时光，在安静且多半是单向的对话中，天空逐渐暗了下来，直到房间变得太暗，无法阅读书页。当英人起身去开灯时，他经过窗户，停下来向外窥视。

“Oh,” he says softly. “It’s… pouring rain outside, Takumi.” 
“哦，”他轻声说道，“外面……下着大雨呢，琢磨。”

Takumi stares at him blankly. He’s not sure why this should matter to the point that Eito sounds so grave.
拓海茫然地盯着他。他不明白为什么这件事会让英人如此严肃。

“...So?” He prompts.  “……所以呢？”他催促道。

Eito hesitates before he answers, and Takumi’s stomach flips with dread. 
英人犹豫了一下才回答，拓海的心中涌起一阵不安。

“Well… I mean. You’ve been in here all this time, so your immune system is probably very weak. I’ve read that being out in the cold and the rain used to make even healthy people get sick,” he explains. “And it’s not like they bothered to supply us with rain jackets or umbrellas… If I was going to make either, I would need materials that I don’t have right now. Can’t we postpone this until tomorrow? It would be terrible if you got sick, especially under my watch…”
“嗯……我是说，你一直待在这里，免疫系统可能已经很弱了。我读到过，过去即使是健康的人，在寒冷和雨中也会生病。”他解释道，“而且他们也没费心给我们提供雨衣或雨伞……如果我要做其中任何一样，现在也没有材料。我们能不能推迟到明天？如果你生病了，那就糟了，尤其是在我照顾你的情况下……”

Takumi immediately balks at the proposition. Tomorrow isn’t an option. 
琢己立刻对这个提议表示反对。明天不行。

“Are you serious?” He scoffs. “No.” 
“你是认真的吗？”他嗤之以鼻。“不行。”

Now that the idea of getting out of this prison has been placed in front of him, the thought of having it snatched away — and over something so stupid — makes him unreasonably upset. After everything he’s been responsible for, he must deserve very little, but surely he can at least have this.
现在，越狱的想法已经摆在他面前，想到这个念头可能因为如此愚蠢的原因被剥夺，他感到异常愤怒。尽管他犯下了种种罪行，理应得到的很少，但至少这一点他应该拥有。

“Takumi…”   “拓海……”

Eito takes a cautioning step towards him, and Takumi’s fear response immediately kicks into high gear. He grits his teeth and jumps to his feet, impulsively storming to the door and already ripping it open before Eito can even react beyond a squawk of protest. He is immediately lashed in the face by a gust of wind and cold rain, but he is undeterred as he rushes outside barefoot.
艾托朝他迈了一步，高见立刻被恐惧驱使，全身紧绷。他咬紧牙关，猛地站起身，冲动地冲向门口，还没等艾托反应过来，只是发出一声抗议的叫声，他已经把门拉开。一股冷风夹杂着雨点迎面扑来，但他毫不在意，赤着脚冲了出去。

He doesn’t care anymore if someone sees him. He’ll figure it out. He can always threaten to jump off the roof to buy himself time if he needs it; even with the Revive-o-Matic, he knows that any one of them would be whipped into a frenzy at the idea of pushing him to kill himself in such a gruesome way.
他再也不在乎是否有人看见他了。他会想办法的。如果需要，他总能威胁要从屋顶跳下去来争取时间；即使有复活机，他也知道，只要一想到他会以如此可怕的方式自杀，他们中的任何一个人都会陷入疯狂。

He feels much sturdier on his feet than he had yesterday, but the wind is unforgiving, so his steps are slow. Eito could have easily caught up to him and dragged him back before he even makes it halfway across the roof, but it never happens, and he doesn’t turn around to check if he is being followed. He stops when he finally makes it to the fence, reaching out and clutching the mesh so tightly that the wire digs into his palms. His chest heaves as he takes several deep gulps of the chill air.
他的脚步比昨天稳健了许多，但无情的风让他走得很慢。英藤本可以轻易追上他，在他还没走到屋顶一半时就拽他回去，但这种情况从未发生，他也没有回头查看是否有人跟随。当他终于走到围栏边时，他停了下来，紧紧抓住网格，以至于铁丝深深嵌入掌心。他大口喘息，深深吸入几口冰冷的空气，胸膛剧烈起伏。

His throat burns and the rain is like ice against his skin, but he feels alive for the first time in weeks.
他的喉咙灼热，雨水如冰般打在皮肤上，但他感觉自己几周以来第一次真正活了过来。

The erratic hammering of his heart against his ribs eventually abates as he stands there. He lets go of the fence and takes a step back, shaking his head like a dog to get the hair out of his eyes, and nearly jumps out of his skin when he notices that Eito has been standing beside him.
他的心跳在胸腔内剧烈撞击，最终渐渐平息。他松开扶着的栅栏，后退一步，像狗一样摇摇头，甩开眼前的头发，却差点被站在身旁的英藤吓得跳起来。

“Holy shit,” he swears, feeling winded. 
“我靠，”他喘着气咒骂道。

Eito responds with his most innocent smile. Takumi gapes at him. 
英人回以最无辜的微笑。琢磨瞪大了眼睛看着他。

“You did that on purpose!” He hisses.
“你是故意的！”他低声怒道。

“I would never do that to you, Takumi. But I’ll keep it in mind for next time.”
“我绝不会那样对你，拓海。不过下次我会记住的。”

“Keep it in mind in what way— ” He rubs a hand down his face. “No, you know what, I don’t care. Don’t answer that.”
“记住什么方式——”他用手揉了揉脸。“算了，无所谓。别回答了。”

Eito shuts his mouth obligingly. Takumi mutters a half-hearted insult under his breath and turns back to face the purple flames, watching the random arcs they make towards the sky. As much as he had startled him, Eito clearly had no intention of bringing him back by force, and it makes him realize that he must have overreacted earlier. His earlier irritation ebbs out of him as he stands there and relinquishes himself to the unceasing wind and rain, closing his eyes and choosing not to think of anything more than breathing.
艾托顺从地闭上了嘴。琢磨半心半意地低声咕哝了一句骂人的话，然后转回身面对那紫色的火焰，看着它们随意地向天空舞动。尽管刚才被吓了一跳，但艾托显然没有强行带他回去的打算，这让他意识到自己之前可能反应过度了。站在那里，他放下了先前的烦躁，任由无休止的风雨冲刷，闭上眼睛，只专注于呼吸，不再多想。

After several minutes, a quiet voice beside him breaks the silence:
几分钟后，身旁一个轻柔的声音打破了沉默：

“This planet… really is beautiful.”
“这颗星球……真的很美。”

Takumi opens his eyes and looks at Eito. It is too dark to see beyond the Wall of Fire, but that doesn’t seem to matter, at this moment; there is a faraway look on his face. 
鹰见睁开眼睛，看向英都。火墙之外的景象太过黑暗，无法看清，但此刻这似乎并不重要；他的脸上带着一种遥远的神情。

Eito keeps his gaze straight and smiles, but there is no mirth to it. 
英都直视前方，露出了微笑，但那笑容中却没有一丝欢愉。

“Humanity is truly despicable. They start a war they can’t finish, then conscript innocents to fight for them without ever meaning to tell them even half of the truth. What an ugly, repulsive species…”
“人类真是卑鄙至极。他们挑起无法终结的战争，然后征召无辜者为他们作战，却从未打算告知他们哪怕一半的真相。多么丑陋、令人作呕的物种……”

Takumi still can’t quite deduce the emotion in his eyes when Eito turns and looks at him, raising a hand to cradle Takumi’s cheek. He flinches involuntarily at the touch, but Eito doesn’t seem to mind. 
当英人转身看向拓海时，拓海仍无法完全解读他眼中的情感，英人抬起手，轻轻托住拓海的脸颊。拓海不由自主地微微一颤，但英人似乎并不在意。

“I’m so glad we were blessed by you, Takumi,” he says. “You could give us a purpose… a direction. Your hand could guide us when the TRC faltered. We aren’t fighting for humanity and its ugliness. We’re fighting for you and your happiness.” 
“我真高兴我们能得到你的祝福，拓海，”他说道，“你能给我们一个目标……一个方向。当 TRC 动摇时，你的手可以指引我们。我们不是为人性和它的丑陋而战。我们是为了你，为了你的幸福而战。”

Takumi hears himself make some mindless comment in agreement, and it’s enough to get Eito to drop his hand, seemingly satisfied. 
拓海听到自己随口附和了几句，这足以让英人放下手，似乎感到满意。

A pang of guilt thrums through him and settles like a weight in his gut. This was not the first time he had heard Eito go on one of his zealous rants, but it was the first time he had ever really thought about it. Before this, Eito had always been steered by his anti-human ideology beyond all else. No matter how terrible and incomprehensible it may have seemed to Takumi, to see it so easily replaced by this drug-induced fanaticism was eerie.
一阵内疚的刺痛在他心中涌动，像重物般压在胃里。这不是他第一次听到英人发表他那狂热的言论，但这是他第一次真正思考这个问题。在此之前，英人总是被他那反人类的意识形态所驱使，无论对拓海来说多么可怕和难以理解，看到它如此轻易地被这种药物引发的狂热所取代，令人感到诡异。

He tried to tell himself that it was fine. Eito was clearly happier like this, and he hadn’t even killed any of the SDU nor had they been forced to kill him. Surely it was a happy ending for someone so twisted, given that a scant few weeks ago he couldn’t have imagined ever reconciling with Eito. 
他试图告诉自己这没关系。英人显然比以前更快乐了，而且他也没有杀死任何 SDU 成员，他们也没有被迫杀他。对于一个如此扭曲的人来说，这无疑是一个幸福的结局，毕竟就在几周前，他甚至无法想象能与英人和解。

The reassurance did little to dissuade the sick feeling in his stomach. He didn’t want to think about it anymore, and being outside under the open sky was suddenly making him feel tiny and overwhelmed in a way he hadn’t felt since he had first arrived here a lifetime ago. 
这份安慰并未能驱散他胃里的不适感。他不愿再想下去，而此刻置身于开阔的天空下，他突然感到自己渺小而无所适从，这种感觉自他初次来到这里后便再未有过。

“Let’s go back, Eito,” he murmurs. 
“我们回去吧，Eito。”他低声说道。

Eito doesn’t say a word in response; he only turns and dutifully follows him like an obedient pet. 
Eito 没有回应，只是转身像一只听话的宠物一样，忠实地跟在他身后。

When they return to Takumi’s room, the sound of the door closing behind him is like a death sentence.
当他们回到 Takumi 的房间时，身后门关上的声音如同死刑宣判。

Takumi’s movements are automatic as he strips off his wet clothes, his mind blank as he drops the items into a soaking pile in the bathroom. He stares at his hands for a minute, struggling to remember what comes next, until Eito appears at his side with a towel. 
Takumi 的动作机械般地脱下湿衣服，脑中一片空白，将衣物丢进浴室里浸湿的一堆。他盯着双手，努力回想接下来该做什么，直到 Eito 拿着毛巾出现在他身旁。

“Allow me.”   “让我来。”

Takumi is too exhausted to resist as Eito dries him off with all the tender reverence of someone truly caressing a god. A part of his brain registers the experience as pleasant, but he is overwhelmed by the gnawing emptiness in his chest.
高见疲惫得无力抗拒，英斗以一种虔诚的温柔为他擦拭身体，仿佛在抚摸一位真正的神明。他的大脑有一部分感受到这种体验是愉悦的，但胸中的空虚感却让他难以承受。

“I’m going to bed,” Takumi announces as soon as Eito is finished.
“我要去睡觉了。”英斗一完成，高见便宣布道。

Eito nods. “I’ll take a shower first. I wouldn’t want to get into the bed smelling like a wet dog.”
英人点点头。“我先去洗个澡。我可不想带着一身湿狗味上床。”

He turns to make his way towards the shower, then seems to suddenly think of something, because he spins back around so quickly that it nearly startles Takumi. 
他转身准备去洗澡，却似乎突然想起了什么，猛地转回身来，快得差点吓到 Takumi。

“Not that I think you do, of course! You always smell perfect,” Eito clarifies, beaming cheerfully, before turning back around on his heel a second time. 
“当然，我并不是说你真的有那味道！你总是香喷喷的，”英人笑着补充道，脸上洋溢着愉快的笑容，然后再次转身离开。

Takumi isn’t exactly convinced, but he also doesn’t care. He probably does smell like a sweaty, damp animal, but it would still be downright heavenly compared to what he knows Eito is usually forced to endure. 
琢磨并不完全相信，但他也不在意。他可能确实闻起来像只汗湿的动物，但比起他知道英人平时被迫忍受的那些气味，这已经算是天堂了。

He gets dressed out of habit and pulls on a shirt and a pair of sweatpants, and then he crawls into the gentle embrace of his bedsheets. As he settles into the bed, it occurs to him that he should have thanked Eito, but the moment is long gone. He rolls over so that his back is facing the bathroom and curls in on himself, clutching his arms.  
他习惯性地穿上衣服，套上一件 T 恤和运动裤，然后钻进了柔软的床单中。当他躺下时，突然想到自己应该感谢英人，但那个时机已经过去了。他翻过身，背对着浴室，蜷缩起身子，双臂紧紧抱住自己。

Unable and unwilling to fall asleep, Takumi watches the shadows playing on the wall as Eito moves around. There is a buzzing in his skull that won’t go away, making it hard to focus on any one thought for very long. He thinks about Eito. He thinks about Nozomi, then Karua. He thinks about the Futurans and the TRC and the SDU. He thinks about how the rain had felt against his skin. He thinks his heart hurts, and he doesn’t know why. 
无法入睡却又不想入睡，拓海看着英人走动时在墙上舞动的影子。脑海中嗡嗡作响，挥之不去，让他难以长时间专注于任何一个念头。他想起了英人。接着是望，然后是卡鲁阿。他想到了未来人和 TRC，还有 SDU。他想起了雨水打在皮肤上的感觉。他觉得心痛，却不知为何。

Eventually the sound of the shower stops, and shortly thereafter the bathroom light turns off and plunges the room into darkness. It doesn’t take long for Eito to join him in the bed, molding himself to the arch of Takumi’s back as though it’s where he belongs. 
淋浴的水声终于停了，不久后浴室的灯也熄灭了，房间陷入一片黑暗。没过多久，英人便上了床，他贴合着拓海的后背，仿佛那里就是他的归宿。

“Takumi?” Eito whispers. 
“拓海？”英人轻声唤道。

Takumi stays silent, measuring his breaths and pretending to be asleep. 
拓海保持沉默，调整着呼吸，假装已经入睡。

“I wish we could stay like this forever, just the two of us,” he continues quietly. “I don’t need anyone or anything else, and I could take care of everything for you. There would only need to be me and you.”
“真希望我们能永远这样，只有我们两个人，”他继续轻声说道，“我不需要任何人或任何东西，我可以为你打理一切。只需要有我和你。”

He speaks with an unconcealed and breathless fervour. The confession is practically a vow, and yet Takumi’s heart doesn’t even stir. While Eito’s devotion is a particular peculiarity, he has heard something similar from everyone in the SDU. This isn’t the real Eito, and the Takumi he is in love with isn’t real, either. 
他的话语中带着毫不掩饰的急切与热情。这番告白几乎像是一个誓言，然而拓海的心却毫无波动。尽管英人的忠诚是一种特别的特质，但他从 SDU 的每个人那里都听过类似的话。这不是真正的英人，而他所爱上的拓海也不是真实的。

In a different context and a different time, hearing these words whispered to him in the dead of night might have truly done something to him. His traitor brain recalls the first hundred days he’d spent here, and how he might have felt if that Eito, as much a liar as this one, had said these things to him. His heart twinges. 
在另一个时空、另一个背景下，若在深夜里听到这些耳语，或许真会对他产生些许影响。他的背叛之脑回想起最初在这里度过的百日时光，以及倘若那个同样满口谎言的英人对他诉说这些话，他可能会有的感受。他的心微微抽痛。

Eito’s voice pulls him away from his spiral. 
英人的声音将他从思绪的漩涡中拉回。

“But I know you don’t want that,” he says, so quietly that Takumi feels the movement of his lips against his skin better than he hears the words. 
“但我知道你并不想要那样。”他轻声说道，声音轻得让琢磨感觉他的唇瓣在皮肤上的触动比听到的话语更为清晰。

Takumi doesn’t know what he wants anymore. 
琢磨已经不知道自己想要什么了。

Eito’s hands suddenly slide under his shirt. His body immediately goes rigid as a spike of fear pierces his skull, but Eito only snakes his arms around Takumi’s body in a tight hug. Gradually, once he’s certain it’s safe, Takumi relaxes into his hold. 
英人的手突然滑入他的衬衫下。他的身体立刻因恐惧而僵硬，仿佛一根尖刺刺穿了他的头颅，但英人只是紧紧地用双臂环抱住琢磨的身体。渐渐地，当确定一切安全后，琢磨放松下来，依偎在他的怀抱中。

Once the rush of anxiety passes, it occurs to Takumi that Eito’s skin is unusually chilled. Idly, he wonders if Eito made a habit of taking cold showers, or if this had just been an exception. 
当焦虑的冲动过去后，琢磨注意到英都的皮肤异常冰冷。他漫不经心地想着，英都是否习惯洗冷水澡，还是这只是个例外。

He almost opens his mouth to ask, then decides against it. The knowledge wouldn’t benefit him. Even still, he can’t stop the thought swirling in his brain—
他几乎要开口询问，但随即打消了这个念头。知道这些对他并无益处。即便如此，他脑海中仍无法停止这个想法的盘旋——

How many mundane little habits did Eito have that he will never know about?
江藤有多少平凡的小习惯是他永远不会知道的呢？

The longer this goes on, the less he feels like he understands. He decides that it doesn’t matter, even if he had wanted it to.
时间越久，他越觉得自己无法理解。他决定这无关紧要，即便他曾希望自己能理解。

Tomorrow is the last day he has.
明天是他最后的日子。

— DAY ??? +3 —
— 第???天 +3 —

Today, they’ve swapped places. Eito is lying on his bed reading while Takumi is seated on the couch, listlessly scooping up the last of the congee that Eito had brought him for breakfast today. It was probably nice, given Eito's pride about preparing it himself, but he couldn’t taste any of it. 
今天，他们互换了位置。江藤躺在床上读书，而拓海则坐在沙发上，无精打采地舀起江藤今天早上为他带来的粥的最后一口。考虑到江藤对自己准备的早餐颇为自豪，这粥可能味道不错，但他却尝不出任何滋味。

His eyes have been practically fixed on the clock on the wall ever since he woke up. Today was the last day of their arrangement, and that meant he had until midnight before the trap would close around him again.
他的目光几乎从醒来起就一直紧盯着墙上的时钟。今天是他们约定的最后一天，这意味着他必须在午夜之前，否则陷阱将再次将他困住。

Takumi carefully sets aside his bowl and takes a deep breath, preparing himself for the conversation he’s spent the last three days endlessly running through in his head. 
琢磨小心翼翼地放下碗，深吸一口气，为这场他过去三天里在脑海中反复演练的对话做准备。

“Eito, there’s something I need you to do for me.” 
“英人，我有件事需要你帮我做。”

Eito immediately perks up at the sound of his voice, his book already set aside as though he’d never been reading it, his attention wholly devoted. 
英人立刻被他的话吸引，书本早已搁置一旁，仿佛从未读过，全神贯注地倾听着。

“Yes? Anything for you, Takumi.”
“什么事，拓海？”

Takumi maintains his gaze for a long moment. Finally, he exhales.
拓海长久地凝视着他，最终叹了口气。

“I want you to kill me,” he says simply. “Really, truly, kill me.” 
“我想让你杀了我，”他平静地说道，“真正地，彻底地杀了我。”

Predictably, Eito blanches and suddenly jolts up in the bed. “W-What?” 
不出所料，英人脸色发白，突然从床上坐了起来。“什——什么？”

Takumi doesn’t repeat himself. He watches Eito, carefully gauging every reaction: His bare hands clench into white-knuckled fists; his mouth twists into an ugly snarl; hurt and betrayal writes itself plainly across his face. 
琢磨没有重复自己的话。他注视着英人，仔细观察着每一个反应：他的赤裸双手紧握成拳，指节发白；他的嘴角扭曲成一个丑陋的怒容；受伤和背叛的表情清晰地写在他的脸上。

“Why, Takumi?” He demands, hissing. “Are you trying to take away our happiness again? Our reason for living? The only good thing we could have in this awful place?”
“为什么，琢磨？”他咬牙切齿地问道。“你又想夺走我们的幸福吗？我们活下去的理由？在这个糟糕的地方我们唯一能拥有的美好事物？”

Takumi calmly shakes his head, affecting what he hopes is just the right level of detached displeasure. He’s always been a terrible actor, but he finds this performance much easier than he had anticipated.
琢磨平静地摇了摇头，装出一副恰到好处的冷漠不满的样子。他一直是个糟糕的演员，但他发现这场表演比他预想的要容易得多。

“You’ve triumphed over the Futurans. No one else could possibly be a threat to you, not even humanity. There’s more waiting out there for all of you than just fighting. And I’m not happy like this, Eito.” He fans his hands out in front of him to imply that he means it generally, and not just in this moment. “Tomorrow, everything goes back to how it was. A god shouldn’t be a human body locked in a cage. It isn’t what I want, I just couldn’t say it. You’d taken that ability away from me.” 
“你已经战胜了未来人。没有人能再威胁到你，即便是人类也不行。等待你们的，远不止战斗。而我并不愿意这样，英人。”他双手向前摊开，暗示他指的是整体情况，而不仅仅是在此刻。“明天，一切都将恢复原状。神不该被困在人类的躯壳里，被囚禁。这不是我想要的，只是我无法说出口。你剥夺了我表达的能力。”

Takumi keeps his tone calm, but he can tell by Eito’s flinch that the shock and shame of his disapproval was as unbearable as if he’d been shouting. 
拓海语气保持平静，但他能从英人那一颤中察觉到，自己的不赞同所带来的震惊与羞耻，如同大声呵斥般令人难以忍受。

“I hadn’t… I… I’m sure I could convince the rest of them to change things back to how they were,” Eito says, and the fact that he’s begging is blatant. “They would listen to me.”
“我还没……我……我相信我能说服其他人把事情变回原来的样子，”英藤说，他的乞求显而易见。“他们会听我的。”

Of course, Nozomi isn’t a part of this equation. There is no changing things back when someone is dead. Takumi very carefully keeps his hands out of sight as he slowly flexes and un-flexes them once to steady himself before he answers. 
当然，诺佐美不在这个等式中。当有人死去时，事情无法再回到从前。琢磨非常小心地把手藏在视线之外，慢慢地握紧又松开一次，以稳定自己，然后才回答。

“That’s not what I asked for. If that was what I’d be happy with, I would’ve said that.” 
“那不是我要求的。如果那是我能接受的，我早就这么说了。”

“I’m…” Eito starts again, hesitating. He isn’t looking at Takumi anymore, his gaze instead fixed on some unimportant corner of the room. “...It doesn’t matter how you are. You’re still our God. W-We’re all perfectly happy for things to stay like this—”
“我……”英藤再次开口，犹豫不决。他不再看着琢磨，而是盯着房间里某个无关紧要的角落。“……无论你变成什么样，你依然是我们的神。我们……我们都完全愿意事情保持这样——”

“You’d be happy,” he snaps. He quickly reels his tone back in; he has to approach this the right way. “But what about me? Is your happiness more important than mine?” 
“你会高兴的，”他厉声说道。他迅速调整了语气；他必须以正确的方式处理这件事。“但对我来说呢？你的幸福比我的更重要吗？”

Eito clamps his jaw shut, his throat working as he tries to think of a rebuttal. Takumi hadn't once taken his eyes off of Eito’s face, so he hadn’t missed the split-second flicker of defiance before he could smooth out his expression again. He’s clever, but not infallible, and Takumi hasn’t forgotten what happened the last time he told Eito what he wanted. He pounces on the opportunity before the conversation can get away from him. 
英人紧闭双唇，喉咙蠕动着试图想出反驳的话。琢磨一直紧盯着英人的脸，所以他没错过那一瞬间的反抗神色，尽管英人很快又恢复了平静的表情。他很聪明，但并非无懈可击，而琢磨也没有忘记上次告诉英人自己想要什么时发生的事。他抓住机会，不让对话失控。

“And I don’t think you’re telling the truth, either.”
“我也不认为你在说实话。”

Eito’s eyes snap back to him, wide and desperate.
英藤的目光猛地转回他身上，眼中满是惊恐与绝望。

Takumi continues relentlessly: “Would you really be happy, Eito? After today, everything goes back to how it was. There isn’t another V’ehxness to kill. There’s nothing. You’ll have to go back to sharing me with everyone else. In fact, after five days of monopolizing me, they’ll probably give you even less time with me.” 
拓海毫不留情地继续说道：“你真的会开心吗，英藤？从今天起，一切都会回到原样。不会再有下一个 V’ehxness 需要消灭。什么都没有了。你得重新和别人分享我。事实上，经过这五天的独占，他们可能会给你更少的时间和我在一起。”

Eito stays silent, a truly hopeless expression settling over his face. Bullseye, Takumi thinks, a thrill running down his spine as he realizes that he’s getting somewhere. He’s spent enough time being one-sidedly subjected to Eito’s feverish rants to figure out that he’s a selfish and possessive person by nature, and that this whole arrangement has been less than ideal for him this entire time. 
英藤沉默不语，脸上浮现出一种真正的绝望表情。靶心，拓海心想，意识到自己终于有所进展，一股兴奋感沿着脊椎窜上来。他花了足够多的时间被动地承受英藤狂热的咆哮，终于明白他本质上是个自私且占有欲极强的人，而这段关系从一开始就对他来说并不理想。

Takumi gets up from the couch and begins taking careful, measured steps towards the bed. 
拓海从沙发上起身，小心翼翼、步伐稳健地朝床边走去。

“Even if I’m alive,” he continues slowly, “you’ll never hear my voice again.” 
“即使我还活着，”他缓缓继续道，“你再也不会听到我的声音了。”

He reaches the foot of the bed and presses a knee down into the bedding next to Eito’s thigh. With a palm pressed to his chest, Takumi pushes him down into the comforter and slides on top of him to straddle him. He doesn’t think about it when his hands settle loosely on Eito’s neck, as though it’s where they’re meant to be. He feels Eito’s pulse jackhammering under his fingers as he stares up at him like a man starved, looking very much as though he wants the two of them to devour each other in the truest sense of the word. 
他走到床边，将膝盖压在英人腿旁的被褥上。手掌按在英人的胸口，拓海将他推倒在被褥中，然后跨坐在他身上。当他的手自然地落在英人的脖子上时，他并未多想，仿佛那本就是它们该在的地方。他感受到英人脉搏在指尖下狂跳，英人仰望着他，眼神如同一个饥饿的人，仿佛想要在最真实的意义上将两人彼此吞噬。

“Just think of it like… a reward. That’s what this was supposed to be for you, right? Is there any greater reward than knowing you’re serving my final desires? I wouldn’t ask anyone else to do this for me, Eito,” he implores, words suddenly tumbling out of him in a frenzy. “You’re the only person I can trust with this. You said it yourself, didn’t you? That you’re the only one who would do anything for me?” 
“就把它当作……一种奖励吧。这本应是给你的奖励，不是吗？还有什么比知道你在实现我最后的愿望更丰厚的回报呢？我不会要求其他人替我做这件事，英人，”他恳求道，话语突然如狂潮般倾泻而出。“你是唯一一个我能信任的人。你自己也说过，不是吗？你是唯一一个愿意为我做任何事的人。”

He knows he isn’t being fair, but none of this has been fair. He thinks of Nozomi and grits his teeth, his fingers tensing against the fragile bones of Eito’s throat for a single moment before he slides his hands away to ball the sheets instead.
他知道自己不公平，但这一切从来都不公平。他想起望，咬紧牙关，手指在英都脆弱的喉骨上紧绷了一瞬，随即松开手，攥紧了床单。

“You’re the only person who can do this for me, Eito,” he quietly adds. The truth of it makes him want to sob. “Please. Promise you’ll do it.” 
“你是唯一能为我做这件事的人，英都，”他轻声补充道。这个事实让他想哭。“求你了。答应我，你会做的。”

For a long, long time, the room is silent. Finally:
很长、很长时间，房间里一片寂静。终于：

“Alright, Takumi. If it’s for you… I promise.”
“好吧，拓海。如果是为了你……我答应。”

Takumi shuts his eyes in relief.
高见闭上眼睛，松了一口气。

“Thank you,” he breathes.
“谢谢你，”他轻声说道。

Eito shifts uneasily under him. “But… to stay dead… Do you mean absorbing your hemoanima?”
英人不安地在他身下动了动。“但是……要一直‘死’下去……你是说吸收你的血魂吗？”

A high flush colors his cheeks as he suggests it, his voice breathy. It would clearly be easy enough to convince him to do it, but Takumi shakes his head. Beyond the itching discomfort that he feels at the idea of Eito absorbing his hemoanima and the consequences it might have, that solution is too easy. 
他提出这个建议时，脸颊泛起红晕，声音轻柔。显然，要说服他这么做并不难，但高见摇了摇头。除了想到英人吸收他的血魂以及可能带来的后果时感到的不适外，这个解决方案也太过简单了。

“No. All I need to do is lose enough blood, and then the machine can’t revive me.” 
“不，我只需要失血过多，机器就无法复活我了。”

Eito nods. It doesn’t seem like this is new information to him. 
英人点了点头。对他来说，这似乎并不是什么新信息。

It takes the remainder of Takumi’s energy to smile. “I’ll let you choose the method, then. Just make sure no one else finds out. They wouldn’t understand… not like you do, Eito.”
拓海用尽剩下的力气笑了笑。“那方法就由你来选吧。只是别让其他人知道，他们不会理解的……不像你，英人。”

Eito looks him straight in the eyes. “I’ve said it before, haven’t I? You can trust me.”
英人直视着他的眼睛。“我之前不是说过吗？你可以相信我。”

He can say it as many times as he wants and Takumi will never believe him, but this time he truly has no other choice. He slides off of the man under him, releasing him, and Eito silently gets up and exits the room with a promise that he’ll return with what he needs as soon as he can. 
无论他说多少次，拓海都不会相信他，但这次他真的别无选择。拓海从他身上滑下来，放开了他，英人默默地起身，承诺会尽快带着所需的东西回来，然后离开了房间。

Once he’s finally alone, Takumi remains motionless on the bed for a few minutes, waves of blank static crashing in his skull.
当终于独处时，拓海在床上静止不动了几分钟，脑海中空白静电般的波澜不断冲击。

It worked. It really worked. 
成功了。真的成功了。

The moment that realization settles in his brain, he’s suddenly overwhelmed by the now-familiar feeling of nausea, and he barely makes it to the bathroom before he’s vomiting into the toilet.
当这一认知在他脑海中扎根的瞬间，他突然被那股熟悉的恶心感淹没，几乎来不及冲进浴室，便对着马桶呕吐起来。

—

Eito takes long enough that Takumi decides to have a shower. He turns the temperature up until it’s scalding, but he can barely feel it. He doesn’t even feel as though he’s in control of his body as he watches himself towel off and mechanically return to the bed. 
英人花了很长时间，以至于琢磨决定去洗个澡。他把水温调到滚烫，却几乎感觉不到。他甚至觉得自己无法控制身体，看着自己用毛巾擦干，机械地回到床上。

He doesn’t bother re-dressing himself. It feels pointless. His stomach is a tangled knot of both fear and anticipation, sending tiny shivers running through him as he lays there staring at the ceiling.
他没有费心重新穿好衣服，觉得那样做毫无意义。他的胃里纠结着恐惧和期待，让他躺在那里盯着天花板时，感到一阵阵微弱的颤抖。

He must nod off at some point, because the room is suddenly much darker when he’s startled by the sound of the door. Terror grips him for a split second at the possibility that Eito hadn’t kept his word, but he relaxes again when no one else comes in after him. 
他一定是在某个时刻打了个盹，因为当他被开门声惊醒时，房间突然变得暗了许多。有那么一瞬间，他因担心英斗没有遵守承诺而感到恐惧，但当没有人跟着进来时，他又放松了下来。

“Sorry for the wait,” he murmurs as he approaches the bed. “It was difficult to get everything I needed without anyone seeing what I was grabbing. It’s been a few days, so they were all begging to know how you’ve been doing.” 
“抱歉让你久等了，”他低声说着，走近床边。“在不被人发现的情况下拿到我需要的东西很困难。已经过去几天了，所以他们都急切地想知道你怎么样了。”

Takumi raises an eyebrow at him, and Eito returns a subdued smile. “Don’t worry. None of them know. This is all our little secret, Takumi.” 
琢磨对他扬了扬眉毛，英斗回以一个克制的微笑。“别担心，他们都不知道。这是我们之间的小秘密，琢磨。”

Eito begins pulling various supplies out of where he’s hidden them in his clothing and deposits them on the bed. There are several bottles of liquids with medical labels, but Takumi’s eyes are drawn to the large knife that he lays down without fanfare. Takumi knows nothing about knives, but it seems like the type that would be used for butchering. He feels his mouth go dry as he stares at it, a horrible feeling twisting in his stomach.
英人开始从衣服里藏匿的地方取出各种物资，放在床上。有几瓶标有医用标签的液体，但拓海的目光却被那把毫无修饰地放在一旁的大刀吸引。拓海对刀具一无所知，但它看起来像是用来屠宰的那种。他盯着那把刀，感到口干舌燥，胃里翻腾着一股可怕的感觉。

“Not like I really wanted to have to keep talking to them, anyways,” Eito mutters as he sorts through the bottles, oblivious to the crisis that Takumi is currently experiencing. “Getting in my face with their stinking, disgusting breath…”
“反正我也不想一直跟他们说话，”英人一边整理瓶子，一边嘟囔着，完全没意识到拓海此刻正经历的危机。“他们那臭气熏天的恶心口气，简直扑面而来……”

He shivers, clearly repulsed even by the memory, but the sour look on his face is replaced with a fond smile the instant he turns to look at Takumi. Takumi rips his eyes away from the knife, hoping the shadows in the room will mask the sickened expression he knows he’s making. “The instant I was back here, though… I felt calm. You truly are my only comfort.” 
他打了个寒颤，显然光是回忆就让他感到厌恶，但当他转头看向拓海时，脸上的厌恶表情立刻被一抹温柔的微笑取代。拓海急忙移开视线，不敢再看那把刀，希望房间里的阴影能掩盖住他脸上那显而易见的痛苦表情。“但一回到这里，我就感到平静了。你真的是我唯一的慰藉。”

Takumi knows he should feel guilty, but he doesn’t. He does, at least, understand that what he is asking of Eito is far more demanding than the same request would be to anyone else. It occurs to him that he should sweeten the deal, if only out of fear that Eito will back out if he’s not constantly being pushed forward.
拓海知道自己应该感到愧疚，但他没有。至少，他明白自己对英斗的要求远比对其他人提出同样请求要苛刻得多。他想到，为了不让英斗因缺乏持续推动而退缩，他应该给这个交易加点甜头。

“As a… as a reward,” Takumi starts, feeling like his tongue is sticking to his mouth with every word. He can barely hear himself over the sound of blood rushing in his ears. “For doing this. You can do anything you want to my body, before and after I die. And only you get this privilege.” 
“作为……作为奖励，”拓海开口道，每说一个字都感觉舌头粘在嘴里。他几乎听不见自己的声音，耳中只有血液奔涌的轰鸣。“为了做这件事。在我生前死后，你可以对我做任何你想做的事。而且只有你有这个特权。”

He feels numb as he lays out the offer. He tells himself that it doesn’t matter. At least this way, everything that happens from now on is because he asked for it. 
他说出这个提议时感觉麻木。他告诉自己这无关紧要。至少这样，从现在开始发生的一切都是因为他主动要求的。

The invitation prompts a deep flush to form on Eito’s cheeks, the colour pleasant against his pale skin. 
这个邀请让英人脸上泛起深深的红晕，在他苍白的皮肤上显得格外动人。

“Can I kiss you?” He immediately demands.
“我可以吻你吗？”他立刻要求道。

Takumi rolls his eyes up and keeps them fixed anywhere other than Eito’s face, embarrassed by the straightforward and strangely modest request. “I-If you want…”
拓海翻了个白眼，目光四处游移，就是不看英斗的脸，被这直白却又莫名谦逊的请求弄得有些窘迫。“你……你要是想的话……”

It’s not as if he can say no. Eito is eager as he ducks in and presses their lips together, innocent at first but quickly turning needy as his mouth moves down to Takumi’s neck. He eases himself halfway onto the bed with a knee between Takumi’s thighs and his hands loosely gripping his waist and shoulder. He still has his gloves on from being outside, and the feeling of the cool leather stroking his bare skin makes Takumi shiver. 
他无法拒绝。英人急切地俯身，将双唇紧贴，起初纯真，但随着他的唇移向琢美的脖颈，迅速变得渴望。他半跪在床上，膝盖分开了琢美的双腿，双手松松地抓住他的腰和肩膀。他外出时戴着手套，那冰凉的皮革触碰裸露肌肤的感觉让琢美颤抖。

He mouths at Takumi’s throat like a starved animal. His tongue slides across his skin hungrily until he reaches his shoulder, and then he gently presses his teeth down. 
他像一头饥饿的野兽，对着 Takumi 的喉咙张口欲噬。舌头饥渴地滑过皮肤，直到肩头，然后轻轻地咬了下去。

An aroused whimper escapes Takumi unbidden, and he clamps his jaw down, humiliated. The noise only seems to encourage Eito; he suddenly bites down hard enough to leave a mark. Takumi jumps slightly from the sudden jolt of pain, but forces himself to refrain from making any more noises. Eito runs his tongue over the bitemark a few times in a soothing gesture before he pulls back, his eyes heavy with lust as he casts an appraising look at his work, a satisfied smile playing on his lips. 
高见不由自主地发出一声激动的呜咽，随即紧咬牙关，感到一阵羞辱。这声音似乎更激起了英人，他突然用力咬下，足以留下痕迹。高见因突如其来的疼痛微微一颤，却强迫自己不再发出任何声响。英人用舌头轻轻舔舐了几下咬痕，以示安抚，随后退开，眼中满是欲望，他审视着自己的杰作，嘴角浮现出一抹满意的微笑。

Takumi tries to ignore the bizarre pang of disappointment as Eito releases him and gets off of the bed, his focus already returning to the task at hand. Frankly, he had expected more after Eito had behaved himself for four days. He tries to focus on the throbbing in his shoulder instead, but the ache only makes lust coil in his stomach, and a fantasy suddenly springs to mind of biting Eito back so hard that he bled—
高见试图忽视那一丝莫名的失望感，当英人放开他并从床上起身时，他的注意力已经回到了手头的任务上。坦白说，他本以为在英人安分了四天后会有更多进展。他试图专注于肩膀上的阵阵疼痛，但这种痛感反而让欲望在胃里翻腾，一个幻想突然浮现：狠狠咬回去，让英人流血——

He quickly redirects every ounce of brain power towards watching what Eito is doing, which turns out to be grabbing one of the bottles and a hypodermic needle from the bedside table. 
他迅速将所有注意力转向观察英人的动作，发现他正从床头柜上拿起一瓶药和一支注射器。

“This is the anaesthetic—”
“这是麻醉剂——”

Takumi grabs his wrist and stops him before he can say anything else. “No.”
高见抓住他的手腕，阻止他继续说下去。“不行。”

He immediately regrets it, but it’s not like he can take it back. He reassures himself that it can’t be a suitable punishment if he’s numb to the entire experience.
他立刻就后悔了，但话已出口，无法收回。他安慰自己，如果他对整个过程毫无感觉，那就不算合适的惩罚。

Nozomi hadn’t been given the privilege of choice, after all. 
望美终究没有得到选择的权利。

Eito hesitates, and then he seems to think better of arguing with Takumi and puts the bottle and needle back. He wordlessly fetches a towel from the bathroom and hands it to Takumi.
艾托犹豫了一下，随后似乎觉得与拓海争论不妥，便把瓶子和针放了回去。他默默地从浴室拿来一条毛巾，递给拓海。

Takumi takes it and stares at it blankly. “What’s this for?”
拓海接过毛巾，茫然地盯着它。“这是干什么用的？”

“Twist it up and put it in between your teeth so you don’t bite off your tongue. And… so that everyone else doesn’t hear you screaming. Hopefully.” 
“拧紧后咬在嘴里，这样你就不会咬断舌头。还有……这样其他人就听不到你的尖叫声了。希望如此。”

“Right,” Takumi mutters. It makes sense, but the candid explanation makes the reality of the situation set in as much as seeing the knife had.
“对，”拓海低声说道。这解释很直白，但与看到刀子一样，让现实的残酷感深深刺入心中。

With shaking hands he does as Eito explained, securing the thick fabric in his mouth so that his jaw is immobile. While he does this, Eito undresses down to nothing, then grabs a different bottle from the side table along with a thin patch of gauze. He doesn’t have to ask what it is; the second he uncaps it, the overbearing smell of antiseptic wafts over him. 
他颤抖着手，按照英人解释的那样，将厚厚的布料固定在嘴上，使下巴无法动弹。与此同时，英人脱得一丝不挂，然后从床头柜上拿起另一瓶药和一块薄薄的纱布。他无需询问那是什么；瓶盖一打开，刺鼻的消毒水味便扑面而来。

Eito positions himself on top of Takumi, crouching on his knees as he starts wiping down his stomach. 
英人跪在拓海上方，开始擦拭他的腹部。

Until this point, it hadn’t occurred to him that Eito was going to gut him. An involuntary whimper escapes him, and Eito’s hand stops, his eyes flicking up to look at him. Takumi shakes his head minutely, hoping that he understands that he’s telling him to continue.
直到这一刻，他才意识到英人真的要剖开他的肚子。他不由自主地发出一声呜咽，英人的手停了下来，目光上移，看向他。琢磨微微摇头，希望他能明白这是让他继续的意思。

He tries to remind himself that he had asked for this.
他试图提醒自己，这是他要求的。

It doesn’t take long for Eito to finish preparing him, and he replaces the antiseptic with the knife. He wields it with casual, practiced ease, and Takumi tries and fails to find comfort in this as he watches the blade descend towards his stomach. 
英人没花多少时间就准备好了，他用刀替换了消毒剂。他挥刀的动作轻松自如，显然是练过的，而琢磨试图从中找到一丝安慰，却未能如愿，因为他看着刀刃朝自己的腹部落下。

“Bite down,” Eito orders.
“咬住，”英人命令道。

The initial prick of the knife against his skin is surprisingly bearable. It prompts a small bead of blood that quickly transforms into a thin rivulet, and while he’s transfixed by the sight, Eito presses the knife in deeper.
刀尖初次触碰皮肤的刺痛感出乎意料地可以忍受。一滴血珠迅速化作细流，就在他目不转睛地盯着这景象时，英藤将刀刃更深地压了进去。

A muffled yell tears out of his throat as he feels his skin being torn apart, and he thrashes instinctively. Eito clicks his tongue and pulls the knife away before his flailing can make things worse, and Takumi can only stare at him with wide-eyed terror, his chest heaving. He has experienced death many times by now, but never so slowly, and it hurts.
一声闷哼从他喉咙里撕裂而出，皮肤被撕裂的感觉让他本能地挣扎起来。英藤咂了咂舌，在他把事情弄得更糟之前抽回了刀，拓海只能惊恐地睁大眼睛盯着他，胸膛剧烈起伏。他经历过多次死亡，但从未如此缓慢，而这痛苦不堪。

“Stay still,” Eito hisses, pressing his free palm down flat against his shoulder as he pins his legs firmly between his thighs. He steadies his hand again with remarkably quick efficiency before plunging the knife back into Takumi’s stomach, sliding it through the layers of fat and muscle as he cuts him open.
“别动，”英藤低声呵斥，用空着的手掌紧紧按住他的肩膀，双腿牢牢夹住他的腿。他以惊人的速度稳住手，再次将刀刺入拓海的腹部，刀刃穿过层层脂肪和肌肉，将他切开。

Even despite Eito’s best efforts to hold him down, Takumi bucks violently underneath him. The pain is unbearable, red-hot and all-consuming, ripping through his brain and wiping out all other awareness or sensation. His screams are incoherent and wordless as tears and mucus and saliva stream down his face. His hands scratch uselessly against the bedding, fisting and un-fisting until his nails are pressing so deeply into his palms that he must be drawing blood.
尽管英人竭尽全力按住他，拓海仍在身下猛烈挣扎。疼痛难以忍受，炽热且无处不在，撕裂着他的大脑，抹去了所有其他的意识和感觉。他的尖叫声含糊不清，泪水、鼻涕和唾液顺着脸颊流下。他的双手徒劳地在床单上抓挠，时而紧握时而松开，直到指甲深深陷入掌心，必定已经渗出了血。

He must black out at some point, because the next thing he knows is that the towel is gone and Eito’s lips are pressed wetly against his. His capacity for rational thought is long gone; the animal part of his brain takes over as Eito licks hungrily into his mouth, and their teeth clack painfully as Takumi surges upwards to meet him with blind, delirious need. Eito makes a low whining sound at the reciprocation, bringing a hand up to hold Takumi’s jaw steady as he leans in and consumes him.
他一定是在某个时刻失去了意识，因为当他再次清醒时，毛巾已经不见了，英藤的嘴唇湿漉漉地压在他的唇上。他的理性思维早已消失殆尽；当英藤饥渴地舔舐他的口腔时，他大脑中动物性的部分接管了一切，高海盲目而狂热地迎上去，两人的牙齿痛苦地碰撞在一起。英藤因这种回应发出了一声低沉的呜咽，他抬起一只手稳住高海的下巴，倾身向前，将他完全吞噬。

His legs are still pinned, but his hands have nowhere to go and everywhere to be; he winds up wrapping them around Eito in a desperate embrace, one hand grabbing a fistful of his hair and forcing them impossibly closer, as though hoping that they can kiss their way inside of each other. 
他的双腿仍被压制，但双手却无处可去，又无处不在；他最终绝望地将双臂环绕在英人身上，一只手抓住一把他的头发，强迫他们无法再靠近，仿佛希望他们能通过亲吻进入彼此的身体。

He can’t breathe. He can’t think. His stomach is on fire. The small room stinks overwhelmingly of sweat and copper. Eito’s breath is hot and frenzied against him. He hears a high, desperate moan, and realizes that it’s coming from his own throat. His eyes roll up into his skull as he abandons himself to the pleasure and pain crashing into him in vicious waves. 
他无法呼吸，无法思考。他的胃部如火烧般疼痛。狭小的房间里充斥着汗水和铜锈的刺鼻气味。英人的呼吸灼热而狂乱地扑在他身上。他听到一声高亢而绝望的呻吟，意识到那是从自己喉咙里发出的。当快感和痛苦如猛烈的海浪般冲击着他时，他的眼睛翻向上方，完全沉溺其中。

He feels lightheaded by the time Eito releases him, and he collapses bonelessly into the bed, blinking rapidly as he tries to process anything other than the confusing intensity of the lust and pain rolling through his stomach. Above him, Eito’s lips are smeared with blood, his face flushed and hair disheveled. Takumi imagines that he must look the same. 
当英人放开他时，他感到头晕目眩，无力地瘫倒在床上，快速眨眼试图处理除了胃部翻滚的欲望和痛苦之外的任何事情。在他上方，英人的嘴唇沾满鲜血，脸颊泛红，头发凌乱。琢磨着自己一定也看起来同样狼狈。

Eito’s gaze shifts down, and Takumi’s eyes follow. There is a long gash running from his sternum nearly to his hips, blood gushing from it in sluggish waves and soaking the bed with crimson. Above him, Eito’s lips stretch into a wide, manic smile as he brings a hand down to trace the slit in his stomach. A breathless laugh escapes him.
英藤的目光向下移去，拓海也随之看去。一道长长的伤口从他的胸骨几乎延伸到髋部，鲜血如缓慢的波浪般从中涌出，将床单染成深红。在他上方，英藤的嘴唇咧开，露出一个狂野的笑容，他伸手抚过拓海腹部的裂口。一阵窒息般的笑声从他口中逸出。

“You’re beautiful, Takumi. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” 
“你真美，Takumi。是我见过最美的事物。”

He pushes his fingers inside the wound without warning, and Takumi lets out a startled yelp at the pain that instantly ricochets up to his brain as he’s groped from the inside. Once satisfied, Eito pulls his bloodied hand out from him and brings it up to his own mouth. 
他毫无预警地将手指推入伤口，Takumi 因突如其来的剧痛惊叫出声，疼痛瞬间直冲大脑，仿佛被从内部侵犯。Eito 满意后，将沾满鲜血的手从他体内抽出，举到自己嘴边。

“Even your blood tastes sweet,” he gasps out, euphoric. 
“连你的血都如此甜美。”他陶醉地喘息道。

Takumi is too busy devoting all his energy to staying conscious to process what Eito is saying to him. He can’t imagine that it will take very long with an injury this severe to lose enough blood for his purposes, but he needs to stay awake as long as possible to make sure nothing goes wrong. 
Takumi 正竭尽全力保持清醒，无暇顾及 Eito 对他说的话。他无法想象在这种重伤下还能坚持多久才会失血过多，但他必须尽可能保持清醒，确保一切顺利。

He doesn’t even realize that he had become half-hard until he feels a hand wrapping around his dick. It takes another moment until he realizes that it’s own hand held within Eito’s. Confusion mixes with lust and briefly overwhelms him, prompting him to whimper uselessly in response to the sensation. 
直到感觉一只手握住他的阴茎，他才意识到自己已经半勃起了。又过了一会儿，他才意识到那是自己的手，被英藤握在掌中。困惑与欲望交织，短暂地淹没了他，让他不由自主地发出无助的呜咽，回应着这股快感。

From somewhere above him, he hears Eito speaking deliriously as he starts to jerk him off. 
从他头顶的某个地方，他听到英人开始迷迷糊糊地说着话，同时开始为他手淫。

“I-I’ve never felt so strongly before in my life than I do for you, Takumi. I love you. I would never have been able to forgive you if you had asked anyone else to do this for you. I’m happy it could be me.”
“我一生中从未对任何人有过如此强烈的感觉，除了你，拓海。我爱你。如果你让其他人来做这件事，我永远都无法原谅你。我很高兴那个人是我。”

Even through the cacophony of sensation, Takumi hears it clearly in his voice: unmistakable, familiar loathing. 
即便在感官的喧嚣中，拓海仍清晰地听出了他声音里的那份：无可错认、熟悉至极的憎恶。

“I love you. I love you…”
“我爱你。我爱你……”

Takumi whines and moans wordlessly as Eito presses his thumb to his cockhead. His neck arches back as his eyes flutter shut as he succumbs to the pleasure crawling up his spine. His brain is already overwhelmed and overstimulated; it doesn’t take very long until the arousal building in his gut reaches an untenable point. 
当英斗用拇指按压在他的龟头上时，拓海无言地呻吟着。他的脖子向后仰起，眼睛闭上，沉醉于沿着脊椎爬升的快感中。他的大脑已经不堪重负，刺激过度；没过多久，体内积聚的欲望就达到了无法承受的顶点。

His body jerks painfully as he climaxes, his cum splattering mostly onto his own hand. Euphoria spreads warmly through him as he lays there, and his vision blurs and slides as he watches Eito lift his hand and lick it clean before dropping it limply back to his side. 
他的身体痛苦地抽搐着，达到了高潮，精液大部分溅在了自己的手上。当他躺在那里时，极乐的感觉温暖地蔓延全身，视线模糊不清，看着英斗抬起手，舔干净后无力地垂下。

The fondness on Eito’s face is inescapable and unbearable. Distantly, Takumi registers that he can see Eito’s lips moving, but he can’t hear any of the words he’s saying. 
英人脸上那抹深情令人无法忽视，也难以承受。遥远的意识中，琢磨察觉到自己能看到英人的嘴唇在动，却听不见他说的任何话语。

He can feel his consciousness unravelling. He feels very, very tired. 
他感觉到自己的意识正在消散。他感到非常，非常疲惫。

Takumi’s lips curve into a beatific smile as he raises his other, bloodied hand to caress Eito’s cheek. His thumb traces a red streak along the bottom of his eye, and he finds the sight mesmerizing. Eito gently closes his eyes as he leans into the touch, raising his own hand to clasp Takumi’s before it can slip away.
当高美用另一只沾满鲜血的手抚摸英人的脸颊时，他的嘴唇弯成了一个安详的微笑。他的拇指沿着英人眼底划出一道红色的痕迹，他觉得这景象令人着迷。英人轻轻闭上眼睛，将脸颊贴近那触碰，抬起自己的手握住高美的手，以免它滑落。

Takumi gives one last, rattling inhale, and as he succumbs to the gentle blanket of darkness lapping at the edges of his vision, he puts all the hatred in his heart into his final words:
高美发出最后一声颤抖的吸气，当他屈服于那轻柔的黑暗浪潮，逐渐吞没他视野的边缘时，他将心中所有的仇恨倾注在最后的话语中：

“We both deserve this, Eito.” 
“我们都应得这个，英人。”

—

Eito is left alone in a silent room.
艾托独自一人，置身于寂静的房间中。

“Takumi,” he calls softly, even knowing that there won’t be an answer. 
“拓海，”他轻声呼唤，尽管明知不会有回应。

He traces his fingers along Takumi’s face, gingerly brushing aside a few stubborn strands of hair that have stuck to his skin. With his soft face and gentle features, he makes an attractive corpse.
他沿着拓海的脸庞轻轻抚摸，小心翼翼地拨开几缕粘在皮肤上的顽固发丝。他那柔和的面容和温婉的特征，使他成为一个迷人的尸体。

“You really are cruel,” Eito whispers. “You must have hated me.”
“你真是残忍，”英人低语道，“你一定很恨我吧。”

There is still a fading warmth to his body, and Eito leans in to press a chaste kiss to his lips before they can turn cold. An unnameable, unknowable emotion grips his heart so tightly that it feels as though someone has reached into his chest to crush it. 
他的身体尚存一丝余温，英人俯身在他唇上印下一个纯洁的吻，生怕那温度转瞬即逝。一种难以名状、无法言喻的情感紧紧攫住了他的心，仿佛有人伸进他的胸膛，将心脏狠狠捏碎。

“But I forgive you, Takumi. I still love you more than anything. This rotten, ugly, uncaring world didn’t deserve someone as beautiful as you. That was why you were unhappy.” 
“但我原谅你，拓海。我依然爱你胜过一切。这个腐朽、丑陋、无情的世界不配拥有像你这样美好的人。这就是你不开心的原因。”

Eito smiles, picking up the knife and idly examining the blood-slicked blade. It’s not the ideal tool, but it’s sharp, and he can make it work. 
英人微笑着，拿起刀，漫不经心地检查着沾满血的刀刃。这不是最理想的工具，但它很锋利，他可以利用它。

“In our next life… and all the ones after it… I promise I’ll find you again, Takumi.” 
“在来世……以及之后的每一世……我保证我会再次找到你，拓海。”