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Psychology 心理学
Your Limitations Are Not What You Think
你的局限并非你所想
Once you know this, you’ll see yourself in a new light
一旦你了解了这一点，你就会以全新的视角看待自己
约书亚·厄尔在 Unsplash 上拍摄的照片
We hear about limitations often in the self-development and therapy world. They are blights on our proverbial landscapes to be fought, tooth and nail. We must reduce or get rid of them as though they are ticks that could make us unwell (I’m thinking of Lyme disease).
在自我发展和治疗领域，我们经常听到关于局限性的说法。它们是我们比喻性风景上的污点，需要全力以赴地与之斗争。我们必须减少或摆脱它们，就好像它们是会让我们生病的蜱虫（我想到了莱姆病）。
Unlike ticks, though, your limitations aren’t sucking your lifeblood. Indeed, they aren’t what you think.
但与蜱虫不同的是，你的局限性并不会吸走你的生命之血。事实上，它们并非你想象的那样。
What do we mean by limitations?
我们所说的局限性是什么意思？
The limitations we’re talking about refer to the painful stories and beliefs we have about ourselves. They aren’t about things we can’t (yet) do, like fly off a building without wings or play the trumpet when we’ve never picked one up before. (Note: Even these things are changeable. We could take hand gliding lessons or trumpet playing classes.)
我们所说的局限性指的是我们对自己拥有的痛苦故事和信念。它们不是指我们（尚未）能做的事情，比如不借助翅膀从建筑物上飞下来，或者在我们从未拿起过小号之前就演奏它。（注：即使是这些事情也是可以改变的。我们可以参加滑翔伞课程或小号演奏班。）
Self-made limitations, those we speak of here, could be that we’re victims, unlovable, or not capable of being successful. We could believe we aren’t good enough, lovable enough, or smart enough. Limitations (to the untrained eye) are about being insufficient.
我们这里所说的自我设限，可能是我们觉得自己是受害者、不值得被爱，或者没有能力获得成功。我们可能认为自己不够好、不够可爱或不够聪明。在未经训练的人看来，局限性就是指不足。
How can we get rid of limitations?
我们如何摆脱局限性？
Many years ago, I trained in hypnotherapy, counselling, and neuro-linguistic programming. One message that stood out was that no part of me (or anyone else) was bad.
多年前，我接受了催眠疗法、咨询和神经语言编程的培训。其中一个让我印象深刻的信息是，我（或任何其他人）的任何部分都不是坏的。
This is profound rather than fly-by-night, menial information. My tutors taught me that every aspect of the personality and each personal quality exists for a good reason.
这是一种深刻而非肤浅、琐碎的信息。我的导师告诉我，人格的每个方面和每个个人品质的存在都有其充分的理由。
All behaviours stem from the often hidden belief that we’re doing the right things for our survival and well-being.
所有的行为都源于我们常常隐藏的信念，即我们正在为生存和幸福做正确的事情。
How does this relate to limitations?
这与局限性有什么关系呢？
We create limitations subconsciously because they do something positive for us. This is true even when we dislike them. We may think it’s best to try to get rid of them without understanding how they benefit us, but this is unhelpful in the long run.
我们下意识地创造局限性，因为它们对我们有积极的作用。即使我们不喜欢它们，也是如此。我们可能认为最好在不了解它们如何使我们受益的情况下试图摆脱它们，但从长远来看，这并无帮助。
The limitations we think we’ve overcome return because their purpose remains. Once we recognise how they help us, we can find more suitable methods of doing what they do that we prefer. Then we break free from them.
我们认为已经克服的局限性会重新出现，因为它们的目的仍然存在。一旦我们认识到它们如何帮助我们，我们就可以找到更合适的方法来做它们所做的事情，而且是我们更喜欢的方式。然后我们就从它们中解脱出来了。
Knowing what I’ve told you can help you see why repeating affirmations to overcome limitations doesn’t work. It may seem to work in the short term, but later, the feeling that you’re not good enough or can’t get what you want will arise again.
了解了我告诉你的这些，可以帮助你明白为什么重复肯定语来克服局限不起作用。短期内它可能看似有效，但之后，你不够好或无法得到你想要的东西的感觉会再次出现。
How can you handle limitations?
你该如何处理局限？
First, we can understand that limitations are boundaries. We’ve unconsciously, or sometimes consciously, put them in place to help us avoid pain. We tell ourselves we can’t travel, for example, due to not being capable of handling getting from A to Z. Really, we could learn to manage. But we prefer to stay in our comfort zone, where we think we’re safest.
首先，我们可以理解局限是边界。我们无意识地，有时是有意识地设置它们，以帮助我们避免痛苦。例如，我们告诉自己无法旅行，因为我们无法应付从 A 地到 Z 地。实际上，我们可以学会处理。但我们更喜欢待在舒适区，在那里我们认为自己最安全。
Another example is that we tell ourselves we are unlovable. Our inner narrative is that nobody will find us special. But when we look into our past, we find that someone has let us down horribly, and we want to avoid that happening again. The story about being unlovable stops us from engaging with people and risking getting hurt.
另一个例子是，我们告诉自己我们不讨人喜欢。我们内心的叙述是，没有人会觉得我们特别。但是，当我们回顾过去时，我们发现有人让我们非常失望，我们想避免再次发生这种情况。关于不讨人喜欢的说法阻止我们与人交往并冒着受伤的风险。
The initial step to handling your limitation is discovering what it does for you. Uncover the hidden need. Since it’s a secret from your awareness, the true reason for your limitation won’t be obvious.
处理你的局限性的第一步是发现它为你做了什么。 揭开隐藏的需求。 因为这是你意识中的一个秘密，所以你局限性的真正原因不会显而易见。
Sometimes a therapist or wise, close friend can see the truth and tell you. At others, they aren’t privy to enough knowledge about you to know, and you can dig.
有时，治疗师或明智的密友可以看到真相并告诉你。 在其他时候，他们没有足够的关于你的知识来了解，你可以挖掘。
When dealing with my limitations, I begin by checking what they prevent me from doing. For example, for years, I told the story that I wasn’t a natural dessert cook. I didn’t have the knack for baking cakes, but I would love to be able to do it.
在处理我的局限性时，我首先检查它们阻止我做什么。 例如，多年来，我一直说我不是一个天生的甜点厨师。 我没有烤蛋糕的诀窍，但我很想能够做到。
I oohed and aahed at others’ baking talents and wistfully explained I wished I were more like them.
我对别人的烘焙天赋赞不绝口，并惆怅地解释说我希望自己更像他们。
Sunny Nguyen 在 Unsplash 上拍摄的照片
When I looked more closely, I saw that I could easily learn to bake, but I didn’t want to! I did many other things I preferred, and enjoyed the convenience of buying readymade cakes, so baking was unnecessary.
当我仔细观察时，我发现我可以很容易地学会烘焙，但我不想学！我做了很多其他我更喜欢的事情，并且享受购买现成蛋糕的便利，所以烘焙是不必要的。
I’d conjured the story (limitation) because I got the message that it was healthy and friendly to bake my cakes instead of popping to the bakery. People in my social circle were terrific cake makers, and I thought I needed to match them.
我编造了这个故事（限制），因为我收到的信息是，自己烘焙蛋糕而不是去面包店买蛋糕是健康和友好的。我社交圈里的人都是很棒的蛋糕制作者，我认为我需要和他们一样。
As soon as I recognised my limitation story was untrue, I stopped feeling guilty about not baking and embraced buying cakes. The only thing I needed to change was comparing myself to the bakers in my circle. The truth is, we choose how to spend our time and which qualities and skills to work on, and baking, thus far, isn’t on my to-do list.
一旦我意识到我的限制故事是不真实的，我就不再为不烘焙而感到内疚，而是欣然接受购买蛋糕。我唯一需要改变的是将自己与我圈子里的烘焙师进行比较。事实是，我们选择如何度过我们的时间，以及培养哪些品质和技能，到目前为止，烘焙不在我的待办事项清单上。
Once you uncover the truth behind your limitation, you can work out how to handle whatever bothers you, or how else to stay safe. It could be that, like in my situation, your limitation is worth keeping, and you need only rename it. Stop calling it a limitation and find a more empowering way to talk and think about it.
一旦你揭开限制背后的真相，你就能想出如何处理困扰你的事情，或者如何保持安全。可能像我的情况一样，你的限制值得保留，你只需要重新命名它。不要再称其为限制，而是找到一种更积极的方式来谈论和思考它。
If you want to change, but need to stay in your comfort zone longer, that’s fine. Not travelling, driving, or having a new relationship can wait. When you’re ready, your so-called limitation will drop away fast.
如果你想改变，但需要更长时间地待在舒适区，那也没关系。不旅行、不开车或不建立新的关系可以等待。当你准备好时，你所谓的限制会很快消失。
