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Chapter Text  章節正文

Beomgyu’s mother pulls him aside on the third day of Chuseok. 
中秋節第三天，范奎的母親把他拉到一旁。

“You look a little flushed, darling,” she says, brushing the hair off his forehead with the hand that isn’t carrying a plate of songpyeon. “Is it that time?” 
「親愛的，你看起來有點臉紅呢，」她說著，用沒端著松糕盤子的那隻手撥開他額前的髮絲。「是發情期到了嗎？」

Beomgyu ducks his head out of reach. “Eomma, no,” he whines. “It’s just hot in there. I’ve been sweating all day.” 
范奎把頭一偏，躲開她的手。「媽，才不是，」他嘟囔著。「只是裡面太熱了。我一整天都在流汗。」

“No one else is sweating,” she says, furrowing her brows. “Take your patch off. Let me scent you.”
「其他人都沒在流汗啊，」她皺起眉頭說道。「把抑制貼撕下來。讓我聞聞你的信息素。」

Beomgyu cringes further away. “I’m not a kid,” he complains. “I deal with my heats. I get my injections.” 
范奎更加嫌惡地往後縮。「我又不是小孩，」他抱怨道。「我能處理發情期。我有按時打抑制劑。」

His mother purses up her lips dubiously. 
他母親狐疑地抿起嘴唇。

“I know preheat when I see it,” she says. “Your pupils are enormous.” 
「我一看就知道你發情了，」她說。「你的瞳孔都放大了。」

Beomgyu crinkles his nose at her. “Because it’s dark in there. I’m not in preheat.” 
范奎皺著鼻子反駁：「因為裡面很暗。我才沒有發情前期。」

It’s bright in the hallway, though. He grabs a cake from the plate, stuffing it into his mouth, hoping she doesn’t call him out on it. 
不過走廊確實很亮。他從盤子裡抓了塊蛋糕塞進嘴裡，希望她別當場拆穿他。

“I can get you an appointment at the walk-in clinic, if you need emergency suppressants,” she persists. 
「如果你需要緊急抑制劑，我可以幫你預約免掛號診所。」她堅持說道。

“‘On’t need any-thing,” Beomgyu garbles, mouth full, and his mother pinches his arm through the sleeve of his modern hanbok. Maybe it’s the hanbok that’s making him warm all over, or just the sheer number of family members crowded into their living room.
「不-需-要。」範奎含糊不清地回答，嘴裡塞滿食物，他的母親隔著現代韓服的袖子擰了他的手臂。或許是這身韓服讓他渾身發燙，也可能是客廳裡擠了太多親戚的緣故。

“Swallow before you speak,” she says. “Beomgyu, you’ve got a temperature. I can practically feel it through your clothes.”
「吞下去再說話。」她說。「範奎，你在發燒。我隔著衣服都能感覺到熱度。」

Beomgyu swallows. “I’ll get checked out when I get back to Seoul,” he says. “Maybe it’s the inhibitor patches. Remember when I had that allergic reaction?” 
範奎嚥下食物。「等我回首爾再檢查，」他說，「可能是抑制貼片的關係。記得我之前過敏那次嗎？」

“Darling…”  「親愛的…」

“I’m not a kid, eomma,” Beomgyu says. “I’m twenty-six. I’ve got this. Don’t worry about me, okay?” 
「媽，我已經不是小孩了，」范奎說。「我二十六歲了。我能處理的。別擔心我，好嗎？」

His mother sighs. 
他母親嘆了口氣。

“Just let me know if you need anything.” she says. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
「有需要什麼就告訴我，」她說。「別做傻事。」

“What would I do that’s stupid?”
「我能做出什麼蠢事？」

She gives him a look that screams many, many, things, Beomgyu.
她給了范奎一個充滿千言萬語的眼神。

“I promise I won’t do anything stupid. I promise.”
「我保證不會做任何蠢事。我發誓。」

“Good,” she says. “For example, getting on a train back to Seoul tomorrow when you’re in preheat. That would be stupid.”
「很好，」她說。「比如說，明天發情期前兆時還搭火車回首爾。那就很蠢。」

“Yep, that would be stupid. Good thing I’m not in preheat.” 
「沒錯，那樣就太蠢了。幸好我還沒進入預熱狀態。」

She shakes her head at him, starting to smile. 
她對他搖了搖頭，開始露出微笑。

“Look at your rosy cheeks,” she says. “You always get so pink before your heat starts. I remember your first one, you thought you had a rash, remember?” 
「看看你那紅撲撲的臉頰，」她說。「每次發情期快開始前你總是這麼紅。我還記得你第一次發情時，還以為自己起疹子了呢，記得嗎？」

Beomgyu hides behind his cake. “Not flushed,” he says. “Just sunburn.”
Beomgyu 躲在他的蛋糕後面。「才沒有臉紅，」他說。「只是曬傷而已。」

It’s not a good excuse. Back home, he spends all day in his office. When would he get sunburned? But the last thing he wants to do is keep talking about his heats with his mother, and mercifully, she lets him get away with it. It’s a holiday, and no one wants to argue on Chuseok.  
這不是個好藉口。回到家後，他整天都待在辦公室裡。怎麼可能會曬傷？但他最不想做的就是繼續和母親討論他的發情期，而謝天謝地，她這次放過了他。畢竟是節日，誰會想在秋夕這天吵架呢。

The thing is, Beomgyu hasn’t been keeping up with his injections. He’s good about taking his birth control pills, but those suppressant shots hurt. Sue him for missing them every now and then. It’s a bit risky to skip a month — the shots keep his pheromone levels low enough for him to work in a mostly-alpha office without attracting much attention, and the inhibitor patches he wears do the rest of the work of erasing his scent. Missing a shot means his patches have to do more work, and missing too many of them means his heat cycle might kick in again. 
問題是，范奎最近都沒按時打抑制劑。避孕藥他倒是記得天天吃，但那些抑制劑注射實在太痛了。偶爾漏打幾次也不能怪他吧？跳過一個月確實有點風險——這些針劑能讓他的費洛蒙維持在低水平，讓他在滿是 Alpha 的辦公室工作時不至於太引人注目，再加上他貼的抑制貼片能消除氣味。少打一針就意味著貼片要負擔更多工作，如果漏打太多針，他的發情期可能又要來了。

That would be bad. Really, really bad. Beomgyu hasn’t been in heat since his last boyfriend broke up with him, and that was two years ago. Sure, it’s more natural to get your heats instead of suppressing them, or whatever — and all those trendy omega magazines have been pushing the natural heat movement pretty hard lately — but Beomgyu can’t imagine suffering through days of bone-shaking horniness without an alpha to help him through it. Or a beta. Anyone with a dick, really. 
那可不行。真的、真的不行。范奎自從上次和男友分手後就沒再經歷過發情期，那已經是兩年前的事了。當然，比起壓抑發情期，順其自然確實更健康——最近那些時髦的 Omega 雜誌也大力鼓吹自然發情運動——但范奎實在無法想像，在沒有 Alpha 幫助的情況下，獨自熬過那幾天令人骨頭發酥的情慾高漲。或者 Beta 也行。說真的，只要有根老二的人都行。

He’s missed a monthly shot before without issue, though. He totally forgot about his appointment in March, and nothing bad happened. The monthly shots are more of a precaution; it takes more than a month for the hormone dose to wear off and for the heat cycle to kick in again. He should be fine. The fever that’s making him quake on the train is just a bout of the flu. Or a bad cold. 
不過他之前也曾經漏打過一次月針，也沒出什麼問題。三月份那次回診他完全忘記了，結果什麼事都沒有。其實月針更多是預防性質的，荷爾蒙劑量要超過一個月才會完全代謝，發情週期才會重新啟動。他應該不會有事。現在讓他在電車上發抖的發燒，八成只是流感。或者重感冒而已。

The train is halfway to Seoul, but it feels like it’s crawling. Beomgyu curses himself for not splurging on the high-speed rail. If he had, he’d be at home by now, cuddled into his cozy bed in his studio and calling Kai to come over and bring him soup and medication. Instead, he’s huddled in a ball against the window of the train, trying to temper his shivers against the solid side of the train. The train’s constant jerking and lurching isn’t helping with his nausea, though. That’s a new symptom. He definitely didn’t feel nauseated before getting on the train. 
火車才開到首爾半路，卻慢得像在爬行。范奎懊悔自己沒狠下心買高鐵票，不然現在早該窩在工作室的溫暖被窩裡，打電話叫凱伊帶湯藥來照顧他了。此刻他只能蜷縮在車窗邊，試圖靠著車廂牆壁壓制陣陣顫抖。但列車不斷顛簸搖晃，反而讓噁心感更嚴重——這可是新症狀，上車前明明還好好的。

Beomgyu pulls out his phone to send a text to Kai, but his fingers are shaking too badly to type. This must be one bad case of flu. He curls up into a smaller ball instead, closing his eyes and pleading with the train to go faster. He can feel himself falling into a feverish daze, time passing intangibly, people coming and going as the train makes a stop, and then another. 
范奎掏出手機想傳訊息給 Kai，但手指抖得太厲害根本打不了字。這流感肯定來勢洶洶。他索性把自己蜷縮成更小的球狀，閉上眼睛祈禱列車能開快點。他能感覺自己正陷入高燒的恍惚狀態，時間流逝得難以捉摸，列車停靠時人們來來去去，一站又一站。

“Excuse me,” a voice says. “Sir? Wake up, sir.”
「不好意思，」一個聲音說道。「先生？醒醒，先生。」

Beomgyu startles, his eyes flying open. A hand is shaking him by the shoulder, and his eyes focus on a stranger looming above him, a young woman with a pretty face and too-long eyelashes. An omega. 
范奎猛然驚醒，雙眼倏地睜開。有隻手正搖晃他的肩膀，他視線聚焦在眼前俯身靠近的陌生人——那是位睫毛過分修長的漂亮年輕女性。是個 Omega。

“Sir, it’s dangerous for you to be here,” she says in a hushed voice. “Do you have pills you can take? Emergency suppressants?”
「先生，您待在這裡很危險，」她壓低聲音說。「您有帶藥嗎？緊急抑制劑之類的？」

“Wha?” Beomgyu mumbles, rubbing one eye.
「啥？」范奎揉著一隻眼睛咕噥道。

“Your heat,” the woman says, her eyes widening. “Everyone here can smell it. Those alphas at the end of the car are talking about you, and it sounds…well, I thought you should be aware of it. Just in case.”
「你的發情期，」女人瞪大了眼睛說道。「這裡每個人都聞得到。車廂那頭的幾個 Alpha 正在談論你，而且聽起來…嗯，我覺得你該知道這件事。以防萬一。」

Beomgyu shakes his head, trying to put the pieces together. 
范奎搖搖頭，試圖拼湊出頭緒。

“Not…in heat? I’m in heat?” he says, his voice cracking as it figures himself out. He lifts a hand to scratch at the patch over his scent gland, making sure that it’s still there, and instead he’s treated to a massive wave of his own scent. It’s usually so faint, just a whiff of peaches when he takes his inhibitor patch off at the end of the day. It hasn’t been so strong since the last time…
「不是...發情期？我在發情期？」他說道，聲音隨著自我理解而破碎。他抬手抓撓著氣味腺體上的貼片，確認它是否還在，卻被自己濃烈的氣味迎面襲擊。平日這氣味總是淡得幾乎聞不到，只有每天結束時撕下抑制貼片才會飄出一絲桃子香。自從上次之後...就沒這麼強烈過。

“Oh fuck,” Beomgyu gasps. He’s in heat, on a fucking train, and his mother was right. He doesn’t know if he’s done anything this stupid in his life. He needs to get home, stat, or to somewhere private where he can ride this out safely. 
「靠，」范奎倒抽一口氣。他正在發情期，而且還他媽的在火車上，老媽說得沒錯。他這輩子從沒幹過這麼蠢的事。得趕快回家，立刻，或是找個隱密的地方安全度過這段時期。

Why is he in heat? He only missed one shot, right? Or did he miss two? Did he make his August appointment, or was that the one he missed because of Kai’s birthday party? What about July? Was that the one where he had to stay late at the office? 
他為什麼發情了？他只漏打了一針，對吧？還是漏了兩針？他有趕上八月的預約嗎？還是那次因為 Kai 的生日派對而錯過了？那七月那次呢？是不是因為加班所以沒去成？

“I can stay with you, if you want,” the woman says, sounding worried. “My boyfriend is a beta. He can keep an eye on you too.”
「如果你需要的話，我可以陪著你，」女人擔憂地說。「我男友是 beta，他也能幫忙照看你。」

“Please,” Beomgyu chokes out, clutching his hands over his scent glands as if it could keep his pheromones from spilling out. “How long until Seoul?” 
「拜託，」范奎緊抓著自己的氣味腺體，彷彿這樣就能阻止費洛蒙外洩，聲音哽咽地問。「還要多久到首爾？」

“Not long,” she says. “A half hour.” 
「很快，」她回答。「再半小時。」

Beomgyu finds his phone where it lays abandoned in his lap and holds it up with jittering hands. 
Beomgyu 在腿上找到了被遺棄的手機，用顫抖的雙手將它舉起。

“Passcode is zero-three-one-two,” he mumbles. “Could you…could you call the contact ‘Hueningie?’” 
「密碼是零三一二，」他低聲說道。「可以…可以幫我把聯絡人存成『Hueningie』嗎？」

Kai barely manages to drag Beomgyu out of the cab and into the elevator. Beomgyu’s limbs have gone weak, flopping all over Kai’s body, and a dull ache is starting to grow in his belly. He’s trying to ignore the feeling of dampness building in his underwear, but it’s getting impossible to ignore it. 
Kai 勉強將 Beomgyu 拖出計程車、塞進電梯。Beomgyu 四肢癱軟，整個人掛在 Kai 身上，腹部開始隱隱作痛。他試圖忽略內褲逐漸濕潤的觸感，但那感覺愈發難以忽視。

“Just one more minute, hyung,” Kai says, clutching Beomgyu around the waist with one arm and hauling his overnight bag back up on his shoulder with the other. 
「再撐一分鐘就好，哥。」Kai 單手環住 Beomgyu 的腰，另一手將過夜包重新甩上肩頭。

Beomgyu moans in return. His stomach is still churning. He’s still lucid, but only barely — his body is starting to take over from his brain, and he knows it’ll only get worse from here. He manages to resist the urge to grind up on Kai’s thigh. 
Beomgyu 以呻吟回應。他的胃仍在翻攪。意識雖還清醒，但也僅止於此——身體正逐漸脫離大腦控制，他知道情況只會更糟。他勉強壓抑住蹭向 Kai 大腿的衝動。

“Almost there. Almost there.” 
「快到了。 快到了。」

The elevator doors open, and Kai hauls Beomgyu down to the third apartment on the left. Beomgyu feels Kai’s hand brush by him as he reaches for the keypad, and the touch sends a fiery jolt through his body. 
電梯門開啟，Kai 拽著 Beomgyu 走向左側第三間公寓。當 Kai 伸手按密碼鍵盤時，Beomgyu 感覺他的手輕擦過自己，那觸碰像電流般灼熱地竄過全身。

“Fuck,” Beomgyu chokes.  「幹，」范奎嗆到。

“I got you, hyung. I got you.” 
「我抓住你了，哥。我抓住你了。」

Kai curses as he fumbles through the code, but a moment later Beomgyu hears his door swing open, and Kai pulls him the last few steps over to his bed. He throws Beomgyu down onto the mattress, collapsing next to him. 
Kai 低聲咒罵著輸入密碼，片刻後 Beomgyu 聽見房門彈開的聲響。Kai 拽著他踉蹌走完最後幾步，將他摔進床墊，自己也跟著癱倒在一旁。

“Kai-ya,” Beomgyu whispers. His scent glands are thrumming all over his body, in his neck, his wrists, his inner thighs, the backs of his knees.
「Kai-ya，」範奎輕聲喚道。他的氣味腺體在全身顫動著，頸側、手腕、大腿內側、膝蓋後方都在發燙。

“What can I get you?” Kai asks, out of breath. “Do you have, like, emergency pills?”
「你需要什麼？」Kai 氣喘吁吁地問。「你有帶那種...緊急藥丸嗎？」

Beomgyu shakes his head feebly. He’s never prepared for this kind of situation. He’s always assumed his shots would prevent an unwanted heat, and those plan-b heat suppressant pills are expensive to buy for no reason.
范奎虛弱地搖搖頭。他從未為這種情況做好準備。他一直以為自己打的抑制劑能防止發情期到來，而那些事後避孕用的發情抑制藥丸貴得要命，沒事根本不會去買。

“Do you think it’s too late to take them? I could go to the drugstore, but honestly…hyung, you’re pretty far gone.”
「你覺得現在吃還來得及嗎？我可以去藥局買，但老實說...哥，你現在狀況已經很嚴重了。」

“Help,” Beomgyu says, waving a hand limply in the air and letting it fall again. He squeezes his thighs together to help with the burn in his scent glands, but it only makes his underwear feel wetter. 
「幫幫我，」范奎說著，無力地揮了揮手又垂下。他夾緊雙腿想緩解腺體的灼熱感，卻只讓內褲感覺更濕了。

“I can’t,” Kai says apologetically, and it’s true. Another omega can’t really give Beomgyu what he needs right now, even if Kai was willing to destroy their friendship and get naked with him. “You know I can’t. Is it…is it getting bad?”
「我沒辦法。」Kai 歉疚地說，這是事實。另一個 Omega 此刻確實無法給予 Beomgyu 所需的幫助，即便 Kai 願意毀掉他們的友誼與他裸裎相見。「你知道我辦不到的。情況是不是...變糟了？」

“Need help,” Beomgyu says, his voice getting desperate. “Taehyun?” 
「幫幫我，」范奎說道，聲音越來越絕望。「泰賢？」

“Hyung, I love you, but I’m not letting you fuck my boyfriend,” Kai says. “Do you have…um. Like. Um. A dildo?”
「哥，我愛你，但我不會讓你上我男友的。」Kai 說。「你有...呃。就是。呃。假陽具嗎？」

Beomgyu moans. He does, but it’s not going to be enough. Fuck, he’s such an idiot. A heat without a heat partner will be absolute misery. Why was he so irresponsible with his health? Sure, life has been busy, and he’s never been too good at self-care. But this was beyond irresponsible. This was dangerous, and he’s about to pay the price. 
Beomgyu 發出呻吟。雖然這麼做，但遠遠不夠。該死，他真是個白痴。沒有伴侶的發情期絕對是場災難。為什麼他對自己的健康如此不負責任？當然，生活一直很忙碌，而他向來不擅長自我照顧。但這次已經不只是不負責任了，根本是玩命，而他即將為此付出代價。

He should have recognized the symptoms. Even his mother could tell, but to be honest, it’s been so long since he’s had a heat that he barely even thinks about them. His pheromones are so thoroughly suppressed that he might as well be a beta. No one’s treated him like the omega that he is since…
他早該察覺那些徵兆。連他母親都看得出來，但說實話，距離上次發情已經太久，久到他幾乎忘了這回事。他的費洛蒙被抑制得如此徹底，簡直就像個 Beta。自從...之後，就再也沒有人把他當成 Omega 對待。

“Let me call Yeonjun-hyung,” Kai says desperately. 
「讓我打電話給 Yeonjun 哥，」Kai 絕望地說。

Yeonjun. Yeonjun has a dick. Beomgyu feels a flood of relief, all the heat in his belly cooling for a moment. 
Yeonjun。Yeonjun 有根老二。Beomgyu 感到一陣如釋重負，腹中的燥熱瞬間冷卻下來。

“Junie-hyung can help,” he says. It’ll be awkward to spend his heat with one of his best friends, sure, but they’ll probably laugh about it afterwards. He’s always thought Yeonjun was hot, anyway, and he trusts him completely. He can think of worse things than spending a day or two fucking Yeonjun. 
「Junie 哥可以幫忙。」他說。當然，跟最好的朋友之一度過發情期是有點尷尬，但事後他們大概會一笑置之。反正他一直覺得 Yeonjun 很性感，而且完全信任他。比起花一兩天跟 Yeonjun 上床，他還能想到更糟的事。

Kai shakes his head, pulling out his phone. “He’s in Busan for a shoot,” he says. “But he’ll know what to do.” 
Kai 搖搖頭，掏出手機。「他在釜山拍攝，」他說。「但他會知道該怎麼做。」

While Kai waits for Yeonjun to pick up his call, Beomgyu manages to stagger to his feet and off to the bathroom. His apartment is tiny, a one-room efficiency, so it only takes four steps for him to reach the sink and practically collapse into it. He runs the water as cold as it goes and slaps his wet hands over his burning-up face. He’s shivering and burning, starving and nauseated, wobbly on his feet but too restless to lay back down. He pulls the top two buttons of his shirt open, letting the cool air of his apartment flood his flushed skin, but it does little to alleviate the cooped-up feeling in his chest. 
當 Kai 等著 Yeonjun 接電話時，Beomgyu 勉強撐起身子搖搖晃晃走向浴室。他的公寓小得可憐，是個單間套房，只要四步就能抵達洗手台，整個人幾乎癱軟在洗臉盆上。他把水龍頭轉到最冷，用冰涼的雙手拍打自己發燙的臉頰。他渾身發抖卻又燥熱難耐，飢腸轆轆卻又反胃作嘔，雙腿發軟卻又焦躁得無法躺下。他解開襯衫最上面兩顆鈕扣，讓公寓裡的涼空氣灌入泛紅的肌膚，但胸口的悶熱感絲毫沒有緩解。

He can feel his thoughts starting to take shape, veering towards that one track that they’ll stay on for the rest of heat. Alpha. Need alpha.
他能感覺到自己的思緒開始成形，逐漸偏向那個在發情期間會持續縈繞的念頭。Alpha。需要 Alpha。

“…Might be dangerous,” he hears Kai saying anxiously. “What if he’s a creep?”
「...可能會很危險。」他聽到 Kai 焦慮地說。「萬一他是個變態怎麼辦？」

Beomgyu tries to splash more water on his face, but most of it goes down his front. 
范奎試圖往臉上潑更多水，但大部分都灑在了胸前。

“I can ask him,” Kai says. “Although maybe you should do it.”
「我可以問他，」凱說。「不過也許你該自己去問。」

“Ask me what?” Beomgyu croaks out, straightening up and looking himself in the mirror. He looks absolutely terrible. His too-long bangs are plastered to his sweaty forehead, and dark circles ring his brown eyes. His lips are torn up from gnawing on them during that terrible, stressful last half-hour of his train ride. 
「問我什麼？」范奎沙啞地問道，一邊直起身子望向鏡中的自己。他看起來糟透了。過長的瀏海黏在汗濕的額頭上，褐色的眼睛周圍掛著黑眼圈。在火車上那煎熬又緊張的最後半小時裡，他不停咬嘴唇，現在嘴唇都裂開了。

“I’ll put hyung on speaker,” Kai calls out, and Beomgyu forces himself back into the main room. 
「我把哥開擴音囉。」Kai 喊道，Beomgyu 只好強迫自己回到主房間。

“Beomie?” Yeonjun’s voice says. “How you feeling?”
「Beomie？」然竣的聲音傳來。「你還好嗎？」

“Like shit.” Beomgyu waddles back to the bed, and Kai helps him lay back down, holding his phone in one hand and pulling the blankets up over him with the other. 
「爛透了。」范奎搖搖晃晃地走回床邊，在 Kai 的協助下重新躺下。Kai 一手拿著手機，另一手替他拉好被子。

“I’m sorry this is happening, babe,” Yeonjun says apologetically. “Did you miss a shot?”
「抱歉發生這種事，寶貝，」然竣歉疚地說。「你沒打中嗎？」

“Duh,” Beomgyu grumbles. “And don’t call me babe if you won’t come fuck me.”
「廢話，」范奎嘟囔著。「如果你不來上我，就別叫我寶貝。」

“Hyung!” Kai says, scandalized, but Yeonjun laughs on the other side of the phone.
「哥！」Kai 驚呼，語氣中帶著不敢置信，但電話那頭的 Yeonjun 卻笑了起來。

“My loss,” he says. “Look, I don’t know how you feel about this, but I was just telling Kai about some options for you. To help.”
「我的損失，」他說。「聽著，我不知道你對這件事有什麼感覺，但我剛才只是在跟 Kai 討論一些能幫到你的選項。」

“Help,” Beomgyu whimpers, clutching his thighs together again under the blanket. It’s far too hot under there, but now that he’s bundled in, he can’t imagine leaving. 
「幫幫我，」范奎嗚咽著，再次在毯子下夾緊雙腿。那裡頭熱得要命，但既然已經裹成一團，他實在無法想像要怎麼離開。

“How badly do you need an alpha?” 
「你到底有多需要一個 Alpha？」

Beomgyu moans.  Beomgyu 呻吟著。

“Pretty badly,” Kai supplies.
「糟透了。」Kai 回答。

“I know a service,” Yeonjun says. “It’s super legit. Not shady at all. Wooyoung used to use them before he got on suppressants.” 
「我知道有個服務，」然竣說。「超級正規的，一點都不可疑。宇燦開始用抑制劑之前都用他們家的。」

A service? An alpha service? 
一項服務？給 Alpha 的服務？

Beomgyu’s eyes shoot open, finding Kai’s. Kai looks worried, like he’s afraid Beomgyu is about to blow up at Yeonjun for suggesting it. 
范奎猛然睜開雙眼，對上了凱的視線。凱看起來憂心忡忡，似乎擔心范奎會因為然竣的提議而當場爆發。

“A prostitute?” Beomgyu says faintly.
「妓女？」范奎虛弱地說。

“I mean, if you wanna be like that about it, sure,” Yeonjun says. “It’s all very above board, though. I can get you the number. I think you’re supposed to book in advance, but they might do same-day service.”
「我是說，如果你真想這樣的話，當然可以。」然竣說道。「不過這一切都很光明正大啦。我可以幫你拿到電話號碼。雖然通常要提前預約，但他們可能也接受當天服務。」

“I’m not hiring a prostitute,” Beomgyu says numbly. “I can’t.”
「我不是要叫妓女。」杋圭木然地說。「我做不到。」

It’s not that he has an issue with sex workers. It’s just… that’s not what heat has been about for him. Every time he’s had his heat, he’s been able to share it with someone he loves, and any time he hasn’t had someone to love, he’s suppressed his heats. He’s never shared a heat with a stranger. A dear friend like Yeonjun would be okay, but a stranger?
他並不是對性工作者有什麼偏見。只是……發情期對他來說從來不是這樣。每次發情期來臨，他都是與心愛之人共度，若是沒有愛人在身邊，他就會選擇壓抑情慾。他從未與陌生人共度發情期。像然竣這樣親密的朋友或許還可以，但陌生人？

He’s never even slept with a stranger, honestly. Beomgyu’s friends tease him for being a bit of a prude, and he has to admit it’s not totally inaccurate. He’s picky, okay? And a romantic. Sex might not be about love for everyone, but it is for Beomgyu. 
說真的，他連跟陌生人睡過都沒有。范奎的朋友總笑他是個老古板，他也不得不承認這說法不算全錯。他就是挑剔嘛，怎樣？而且還是個浪漫主義者。對某些人來說，性愛不一定要跟愛情掛鉤，但對范奎而言卻是如此。

“Suit yourself, Gyu-ya,” Yeonjun says. Beomgyu can practically hear him shrug. “But if you want to try it, you gotta call soon. Before you’re too far gone to consent. This place cares about that. I’m telling you, it’s all above board. Very legitimate.”
「隨你便囉，Gyu-ya。」然竣說道。範奎幾乎能聽見他聳肩的聲音。「但如果你想試試看，最好快點打電話。趁你還沒醉到不能同意的時候。這地方很在意這個。跟你說，一切都很正規。完全合法。」

“How do you even know so much about it?” Kai asks, intrigued. “Not like you ever needed an alpha service.” 
「你怎麼會知道這麼多？」凱伊好奇地問道。「你又不需要 alpha 服務。」

“Oh, Wooyoungie spilled all the details after one of his heats, when they sent him a total hunk. He said it was the best sex he’d had since—”
「喔，宇真那小子在一次發情期後全招了，他們給他送了個超壯的猛男。他說那是他至今為止最棒的一次——」

A wave of pain hits Beomgyu straight in the guts, and he doubles over in bed, tucking his legs to his stomach and letting out a deep groan. 
一陣劇痛直擊范奎的腹部，他蜷縮在床上，雙腿緊貼著肚子，發出一聲深沉的呻吟。

“Damn,” Kai says immediately. “Hyung…”
「靠，」Kai 立刻說道。「哥…」

“Help,” Beomgyu whimpers.
「幫幫我...」范奎嗚咽著說。

“Kai-ya, just give them a call for him,” Yeonjun says. “Check it out, Beomgyu, okay? You’re not the first omega to hire a service, and you won’t be the last. It’s for your own health.” 
「Kai-ya，你就幫他打個電話吧，」然竣說。「試試看嘛，范奎，好嗎？你不是第一個雇用這種服務的 omega，也不會是最後一個。這可是為了你的健康著想。」

Beomgyu can feel a heavy gush of slick working its way into his underwear. He squirms, trying to get comfortable, but it’s like his body is covered in mosquito bites, itching every time he moves. It’s enough to make a man desperate. 
范奎能感覺到一股黏膩的液體正滲入他的內褲。他不安地扭動身體，試圖讓自己舒服些，但全身上下就像被蚊子叮咬般，每次移動都帶來難耐的搔癢。這足以讓一個男人發狂。

Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad, letting a professional help him. It’s for his health, right? Beomgyu doesn’t have an ethical problem with hiring a sex worker — it’s just his own dumb romantic brain telling him that heats are for your partner. But it doesn’t really count as a stranger hook up. It would be like…getting treatment for a health problem. That’s what he can tell himself. 
或許讓專業人士幫忙也沒那麼糟。這是為了他的健康，對吧？范奎對於雇用性工作者並沒有道德上的問題——只是他那愚蠢的浪漫腦袋總在說發情期該留給伴侶。但這其實不算隨便找陌生人解決。這更像是...為健康問題尋求治療。他可以這樣說服自己。

“Fine,” Beomgyu gasps. “Call them. I’ll think about it.” 
「好吧，」范奎氣喘吁吁地說。「打電話給他們。我會考慮看看。」

“I’ll text you the number, Kai-ya,” Yeonjun says. “Beomie, get a heating pad. It’ll help with the cramps.”
「我會把號碼傳給你，Kai-ya。」Yeonjun 說。「Beomie，去拿個熱敷墊，對抽筋有幫助。」

“How are you so good at heat stuff?” Kai asks, sounding a bit awed. 
「你怎麼這麼擅長處理熱能的事？」Kai 問道，語氣中帶著一絲驚嘆。

“Every alpha should know about heats. You’re telling me Taehyunnie doesn’t help you with yours? Pamper you and shit?”
「每個 Alpha 都該懂發情期吧。你是說泰亨那小子沒幫你度過發情期？沒好好寵你之類的？」

“No, he pampers me just fine,” Kai says crossly.
「才沒有，他對我夠好了啦，」Kai 沒好氣地說。

“Texting you that number,” Yeonjun says. “Keep me updated, okay?” 
「我會傳那個號碼給你，」然竣說。「記得隨時告訴我狀況，好嗎？」

Beomgyu doesn’t own a heating pad. He presses on his stomach instead as Kai waits for Yeonjun’s text, balling his hands into fists and curling his body around them to try to punch his uterus into submission. He knows it’s no good. Nothing will help like a deep, hard fucking will help. He remembers it clearly, the relief of being filled up, the euphoria of being knotted. All the pain and anxiety and tension in his body melting away, replaced with the most beautiful calmness, a full-body high that left him floating. Fuck, he wants it. He needs it. 
范奎沒有暖宮貼。在等待然竣回訊時，他只能用手按壓腹部，將拳頭緊握成球狀，蜷縮起身體試圖用這種方式鎮壓造反的子宮。他知道這沒用。沒有什麼能比一場酣暢淋漓的性愛更能解決問題。他清晰記得那種被填滿的釋然感，被結紮時飄飄欲仙的狂喜。所有疼痛、焦慮與緊繃都隨之消融，取而代之的是最美妙的平靜，那種讓整個人飄浮起來的極致快感。該死，他想要。他需要。

Does he need it badly enough to fuck a total stranger?
他真的有那麼需要，需要到願意跟一個完全陌生的人上床嗎？

“Hello?” Kai says into the phone. “Is this…um, Luxury Pleasures?”
「喂？」Kai 對著電話說道。「請問是...呃，『奢華享樂』嗎？」

Beomgyu can hear the cringe in Kai’s voice as he says it, but the phone isn’t on speaker anymore, so he can’t quite make out the person’s response on the other end. 
Beomgyu 能從 Kai 的聲音裡聽出那股尷尬，但電話已經沒開擴音了，所以他聽不太清楚電話那頭的人說了什麼。

“Yeah. Good. Um, I’m calling to ask about…well, do you offer, like, same-day service? Emergency service? My friend is going into heat, and it’s bad.”
「對，很好。呃，我打來是想問一下…你們有提供當天服務嗎？緊急服務？我朋友進入發情期了，而且情況很糟。」

Kai casts Beomgyu another worried look, as if Beomgyu is about to deny it, but he won’t. It’s true. This is bad.
Kai 又擔憂地看了 Beomgyu 一眼，彷彿 Beomgyu 會否認似的，但他不會。這是事實。情況不妙。

“Oh…cool. No, he’s not a returning customer. Yeah. Um, let me ask him.” Kai lowers the phone, covering it with his hand. “She says they still have one alpha available for today, but you’d have to pay a premium fee for using same-day service as a new customer. Oh, but there’s a discount on this guy, because he’s a rookie. So maybe that evens out.”
「喔…酷。不，他不是回頭客。嗯，讓我問問他。」Kai 把電話拿低，用手摀住話筒。「她說今天還有一位 alpha 有空檔，但新客戶使用當日服務要加收急件費。不過這傢伙有折扣，因為他是菜鳥。所以可能剛好抵銷掉。」

“When could he get over here?” Beomgyu chokes out. “Soon?”
「他什麼時候能過來？」范奎哽咽著說。「很快嗎？」

“You don’t wanna know the price?”
「你不想知道價錢嗎？」

“Soon?” Beomgyu moans again. The price doesn’t matter. He’ll pay whatever it takes to end this. 
「快好了嗎？」范奎又呻吟了一聲。代價無所謂，只要能結束這一切，他願意付出任何代價。

Kai quickly lifts the phone again. “I think he’s fine with that. When could you send him over? We’re in Sillam-dong, if that…oh, great.” He mouths within the hour at Beomgyu, and Beomgyu just nods frantically. 
Kai 迅速又拿起電話。「我想他沒問題。你什麼時候能把他送過來？我們在 Sillam-dong，如果那...哦，太好了。」他對 Beomgyu 做了個「一小時內」的口型，Beomgyu 只是慌亂地點點頭。

“What else would we have to do?” Kai asks, and then falls silent as the voice on the other end starts talking, and talking. It feels like an eternity before Kai finally starts talking again, and in that eternity, Beomgyu can almost palpably feel the pheromones start pouring even more heavily out of his scent glands. 
「我們還能有什麼事要做？」Kai 問道，接著便陷入沉默，聽著電話那頭的聲音開始滔滔不絕。在彷彿永恆的靜默後，Kai 終於再次開口，而在那漫長的等待中，Beomgyu 幾乎能實質感受到信息素正從他的氣味腺體更加洶湧地傾瀉而出。

“Okay, so he’ll sign the form when the alpha gets here,” Kai says. “Yeah, he’s on birth control. Right?” He shoots a look at Beomgyu, and Beomgyu nods again. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll show him the profile. Can you send it to this number?” 
「好，所以等那位 Alpha 到了他就會簽表格。」Kai 說道。「對，他有在吃避孕藥。沒錯吧？」他朝 Beomgyu 使了個眼色，Beomgyu 又點了點頭。「嗯，好。我會給他看檔案。你能把資料傳到這個號碼嗎？」

There’s a bit more back and forth as Kai fumbles for Beomgyu’s wallet and gives the woman on the other line a bunch of information: his date of birth, his height and weight, his credit card number for the deposit. Noticeably not his name, though. Beomgyu figures most people hiring an alpha through a service would rather remain anonymous, and he doesn’t blame them. If this information somehow leaked, that he’d hired a sex worker, it would probably make life difficult for him at his boring office job. Plus, this kind of thing is questionably legal, existing in a gray area where there are laws against it that go generally unenforced. Probably better for the service to not have a record of his identity, just in case there’s a crackdown one day.
凱手忙腳亂地翻找著范奎的錢包，同時和電話那頭的女人來回確認了一連串資訊：他的出生日期、身高體重、信用卡號碼作為押金。但明顯刻意避開了姓名。范奎心想，大多數透過仲介雇用 alpha 的人應該都想保持匿名，這點他完全能理解。要是這種事不小心外流——比如他雇用了性工作者——肯定會讓他在那間無聊的辦公室裡更難混下去。更何況這種交易本身遊走法律灰色地帶，雖然有禁止條文卻鮮少執行。對仲介來說不留下客戶真實身份紀錄或許更安全，以防哪天突然大掃蕩。

When Kai hangs up the phone, Beomgyu sits straight up in bed.
凱掛斷電話後，范奎立刻從床上坐直了身子。

“Someone’s coming?” he says. 
「有人來了？」他說。

“Wow. Quick change in mood, huh?” 
「哇，情緒轉變得真快啊？」

“Shut up,” Beomgyu snaps. “You have no idea how wet I am.”
「閉嘴啦，」范奎不耐煩地打斷。「你根本不知道我現在有多濕。」

Kai’s eyebrows shoot up, but he manages to regain his composure. They don’t talk about the details of their heats that often — well, Beomgyu has barely had heats. Kai gets it, though. He hasn’t taken suppressant shots in years, not since he started dating Taehyun. He’s used to this feeling. 
愷的眉毛瞬間挑起，但他很快恢復鎮定。他們很少談論發情期的細節——說實話，范奎幾乎沒經歷過幾次發情期。不過愷能理解，自從和泰賢交往後，他已經好幾年沒打抑制劑了，早就習慣這種感覺。

“Like I said. The alpha will be here within the hour,” Kai says, scrolling through his phone. “She said she’d send me a text with, like, the dude’s info. Normally you’d get to pick who you want, but this is the only one who’s free today. He had a cancellation or something.”
「就像我說的，那個 Alpha 一小時內就會到。」Kai 滑著手機說道。「她說會傳簡訊給我，裡面會有那傢伙的資料。通常你可以自己挑人，但今天只有他有空。好像是有人取消預約還是怎樣。」

“And what else do I need to do?”
「那我還需要做什麼？」

Kai shrugs. “Sign a consent form when he gets here, something saying you agree to the terms of service. So try to keep yourself lucid, because apparently he can deny you service if you’re too far gone. Oh, and you’re supposed to promise that you’re clean. But he’s gonna use a condom anyway.”
Kai 聳了聳肩。「等他到了簽份同意書，就是同意服務條款之類的。所以盡量保持清醒，因為聽說如果你狀況太糟，他有權拒絕服務。喔對了，你得保證自己沒染病。不過他反正會戴套。」

Beomgyu swallows. Kai is saying it all matter-of-factly, to try to not make it weird, but the word condom makes it all feel much, much realer. It’s starting to sink in that there’s a stranger on his way to his apartment to fuck him. He casts a glance down his body, at his sweaty, half-opened shirt, at the waistband of his slick-drenched pants. He’s not exactly going to be putting his best foot forward, looking like this. 
Beomgyu 嚥了嚥口水。Kai 用一副公事公辦的語氣說著這些，試圖讓場面不那麼尷尬，但「戴套」這個詞讓整件事突然變得無比真實。他開始真切意識到，此刻正有個陌生人要來他的公寓上他。他低頭瞥了眼自己——汗濕半敞的襯衫、浸滿潤滑液的褲腰。以這副模樣見人，實在稱不上什麼得體形象。

But the dude’s just coming to fuck him. He’s seen much worse, probably. 
但這傢伙只是來上他的。他大概見過更糟的。

Kai’s phone buzzes. 
Kai 的手機震動了一下。

“Wanna see him?” he says, spinning the phone around towards Beomgyu. 
「想看看他嗎？」他說著將手機轉向范奎。

Beomgyu leans in. There’s a picture of an alpha on Kai’s screen, a selfie taken in a mirror. The man isn’t wearing a shirt, and his gray sweatpants are slung low on his hips, revealing decently chiseled abs and a hint of a v-line disappearing into his waistband. Normal alpha material. The shape of his defined waist reminds Beomgyu of someone, though he immediately beats that thought out of his head. He’s tried very hard to not think about him too much over the last two years. 
范奎湊近螢幕。愷的手機上是一張 alpha 男性的自拍鏡像照，那人沒穿上衣，灰色運動褲鬆垮地掛在胯骨，露出線條分明的腹肌和隱沒在褲頭的人魚線。標準 alpha 的料子。那精瘦腰身的輪廓讓范奎想起某個人，但他立刻把這念頭趕出腦海。過去兩年來，他費盡心力避免過度想起那個人。

The phone is positioned over the man’s face, blocking all but a strip of his forehead and his short-cropped black hair. 
手機剛好擋住男子的臉，只露出一截額頭和剪得極短的黑髮。

“I guess he wants to stay anonymous too,” Kai says, peering over the phone to get an upside-down glimpse of the photo. “Makes sense. It’s not exactly a job you could put on a resumé, is it?”
「我猜他也想保持匿名吧，」Kai 說著，從手機上方窺視那張上下顛倒的照片。「這很合理。畢竟這可不是能寫在履歷上的工作，對吧？」

“What if he’s ugly?” Beomgyu whines. 
「萬一他很醜怎麼辦？」范奎哀嚎道。

Kai slaps his thigh over the blanket. 
Kai 隔著毯子拍了下自己的大腿。

“Don’t be mean,” he scolds. “And anyway, you’re not really in a position to reject him for being ugly, are you?”
「別這麼刻薄，」他責備道。「再說，你也沒資格嫌人家醜吧？」

No, he isn’t. At the very least, the man looks tall, from how high up he rises against the nondescript door behind him. Beomgyu’s always liked tall alphas. 
不，他不是。至少從他身後那扇平凡無奇的門作為參照，這男人看起來相當高大。范奎向來偏愛高挑的 Alpha。

Beomgyu gives the phone back to Kai, curling up on the bed again. 
范奎把手機還給凱，又蜷縮回床上。

“Any other info?” he asks.
「還有其他資訊嗎？」他問。

“Yeah. They sent a few facts. His name…well, this isn’t his real name. Apollo,” Kai scoffs. “Wow. I bet he’s a douchebag, picking Apollo for his fake name. And shouldn’t he have chosen, like, a god of love? Cupid or some shit?”
「有啊。他們傳了一些資料過來。他的名字...呃，這不是他的本名。阿波羅，」凱嗤之以鼻。「哇靠。選阿波羅當假名，我打賭這傢伙肯定是個混蛋。他怎麼不選個愛神之類的？邱比特還是啥的？」

“Anything else?” Beomgyu is too flustered to laugh about this with Kai. Sure, it’s a tacky name, but if anything, the fact that this dude has such a dumb pseudonym makes it easier to remember that this is just a service. It’s nothing major, nothing significant. Just a day or two of meaningless sex with Apollo the sex god. 
「還有嗎？」范奎心煩意亂得沒法跟著凱一起嘲笑這件事。沒錯，這名字是很俗氣，但正因為這傢伙用了這麼蠢的化名，反而更容易讓人記住這只是場交易。沒什麼大不了的，沒什麼特別的。不過就是和一尊叫阿波羅的性愛之神來個一兩天無意義的性愛罷了。

“He’s twenty-seven. His favorite animal is a rabbit. Why do they think you need to know that? Hmm…oh my god. His favorite sex position…”
「他二十七歲。最喜歡的動物是兔子。他們幹嘛覺得你需要知道這些？嗯…天啊。他最愛的性愛姿勢…」

“What is it?”  「這是什麼？」

“Maybe I’ll let you discover that,” Kai chortles, locking his phone. “He’ll be here for a whole day, after all. And you can re-up for another one after that. Plenty of time to learn his kinks. Which are apparently many, by the way, according to this profile.” 
「或許該讓你自己發現，」Kai 咯咯笑著鎖上手機。「他可是要待上一整天呢。之後你還能續約。有的是時間摸清他的癖好——順帶一提，根據這份檔案，他的癖好顯然不少。」

Beomgyu tries to stick his tongue out and ends up licking his dry lips instead. 
Beomgyu 本想吐舌頭，結果只舔到自己乾裂的嘴唇。

“Water,” he rasps. “Help me stay together.”
「水，」他沙啞地說。「幫我撐住。」

“Just another half-hour or so,” Kai says, getting off the bed. “You can do it, hyung.” 
「再半小時左右就好，」Kai 說著從床上下來。「哥你可以的。」

They pass the time watching TikToks on Kai’s phone, pointless videos that somehow both race by and move at a snail’s pace. Around fifteen minutes into the wait, Kai gets up to do some tidying, putting away the clothes in Beomgyu’s overnight bag and wiping down his kitchen as if he has a guest to impress, and Beomgyu just lays in bed in the tiniest ball he can crunch himself into, murmuring weak words of gratitude every few minutes. 
他們靠著看 Kai 手機上的 TikTok 打發時間，那些毫無意義的影片不知為何既飛快流逝又慢如蝸牛。等待約莫十五分鐘後，Kai 起身開始整理，把 Beomgyu 過夜包裡的衣服收好，還擦拭了廚房，彷彿要招待什麼貴客似的。而 Beomgyu 只是蜷縮成最小的一團躺在床上，每隔幾分鐘就虛弱地喃喃道謝。

“It’s nothing, hyung. You’d do the same for me.”
「沒什麼啦，哥。換作是你也會為我這麼做的。」

“You’re gonna leave before he gets here, right?”
「在他到之前你會先離開，對吧？」

“I kind of want to see him, actually,” Kai says, shifting from one foot to the other and twiddling Beomgyu’s broom between his hands. “Just to make sure he doesn’t look like a psychopath. Or an axe murderer. That okay?”
「其實我有點想見他，」Kai 一邊說，一邊來回踱步，手裡把玩著 Beomgyu 的掃帚。「只是想確認他看起來不像個神經病，或是連環殺人魔。這樣可以嗎？」

Beomgyu normally would be embarrassed about the prospect of Kai coming face to face with the mysterious Apollo, but he can’t find it within himself to protest. It’s sweet, actually, the way Kai cares about him. 
照理說 Beomgyu 應該會對 Kai 要親自會面神秘 Apollo 這件事感到尷尬，但他發現自己完全提不起勁反對。說真的，Kai 這樣關心他的方式還挺窩心的。

“Did you tell Taehyun?” 
「你有告訴太顯嗎？」

“I will when I get home,” Kai says, turning back to his sweeping. “And he won’t judge you, hyung. Well, he’ll judge you for missing your shots. He’ll put a reminder in his own calendar and bug you monthly.”
「回家再說，」Kai 轉過身繼續掃地。「而且他不會評判你的，哥。不過他倒是會因為你投籃失準而碎念，還會在自己行事曆設提醒，每個月都來煩你。」

Beomgyu doesn’t know what he’d do without his friends. They rallied around him in his darkest days, and now that he’s back on his feet, they’re the found family that keeps him going. 
范奎不知道沒有朋友的話他該怎麼辦。在他最黑暗的日子裡，他們團結在他身邊，而現在他重新站起來了，他們就是支撐他繼續前進的家人。

“Kai-ya, thank you,” Beomgyu croaks out. “This means everything to me.”
「Kai-ya，謝謝你，」范奎沙啞地說。「這對我來說意義重大。」

“I know,” Kai says, dropping the broom. He comes over to the bed, reaching out a hand to grab Beomgyu’s sweaty one. “Your first heat since he left, right?”
「我知道，」Kai 放下掃把，走到床邊伸出手握住范奎汗濕的手。「這是他離開後你的第一次發情期，對吧？」

Beomgyu nods.   范奎點點頭。

“I’m sorry you have to spend it like this,” Kai says quietly. “It’ll be over soon. It won’t be too bad.”
「很抱歉你得這樣度過，」Kai 輕聲說。「很快就會結束的，不會太糟。」

Beomgyu squeezes Kai’s hand and closes his eyes.
Beomgyu 緊握著 Kai 的手，閉上了雙眼。

“Just wake me up when he’s here,” he says, dropping their grasp and burying his face in the pillow. He needs to focus on his breathing, tap into some supernatural calm inside him that will let him last another half hour without giving in and humping anything in sight. All he needs is to last until he signs that consent form, and then he can give in to the all-consuming desperation gnawing at his edges.
「等他到了再叫醒我。」他說著鬆開手，把臉埋進枕頭裡。他必須專注在呼吸上，挖掘體內某種超自然的平靜，好讓自己再撐半小時而不屈服於衝動，對眼前任何東西發情。他只需要撐到簽署那份同意書，之後就能放任那股啃噬著他邊緣、令人窒息的絕望佔據自己。

It feels like just a minute until Kai is shaking him awake. 
感覺才過了一分鐘，Kai 就搖醒了他。

“Buzzer rang,” he says. “Hyung, hyung. He’s here.” 
「鬧鐘響了，」他說。「哥，哥。他來了。」

Beomgyu blinks, trying to untangle himself from his blanket. 
范奎眨了眨眼，試圖從毯子中掙脫出來。

“Here?”  「來了？」

“The alpha. Apollo.”  「那個阿爾法。阿波羅。」

As if on cue, he feels a fresh swell of warmth between his legs. Holy fuck, this heat is coming on strong. 
彷彿被安排好似的，他感覺到雙腿間又湧起一股新的燥熱。靠北，這股熱潮來得真猛。

“Shit,” he curses, managing to swing his legs out of bed. “How do I…do I look?”
「幹，」他咒罵著，勉強把腿從床上挪下來。「我看起來...怎麼樣？」

“Um,” Kai says, not able to get the lie out in time. “Fine.”
「呃，」凱伊來不及編出謊言，只能擠出：「還行。」

Beomgyu rubs his eyes. Whatever. It’s just a stranger. No need to impress him.
Beomgyu 揉了揉眼睛。算了，不過是個陌生人罷了，沒必要討好他。

A knock echoes through the door, and Kai’s eyes go wide.
敲門聲在門上迴盪，Kai 的眼睛睜得大大的。

“Answer it,” Beomgyu says.
「接啊。」范奎說。

“O—okay,” Kai stammers, scurrying for the door. Beomgyu thinks he sees his hand trembling as he reaches for the handle, and drops his own eyes to the floor. This is unbearably awkward. He can’t look.
「好、好吧。」Kai 結結巴巴地說，慌張地朝門口跑去。Beomgyu 覺得自己看見他伸手握門把時手在發抖，於是垂下視線盯著地板。這尷尬得令人難以忍受，他無法直視。

Kai pulls the door open.
Kai 拉開了門。

“Oh,” he says. “What?” 
「噢，」他說。「怎麼了？」

“Kai-ya?”   「凱呀？」

The voice is familiar. Far too familiar. 
這聲音很熟悉。熟悉得過分。

“Did…did you hire me?”
「你...是你雇用我的嗎？」

No fucking way.  開什麼玩笑。

“Choi Soobin-ssi,” Kai stutters, and Beomgyu’s eyes fly to the open door. 
「崔秀彬先生，」Kai 結結巴巴地說，范奎的目光立刻飛向敞開的門。

It’s him. Choi Soobin. The only man he’s ever truly loved, the only person who’s ever swept him off his feet. The only alpha he thought he would ever want.
是他。崔秀彬。唯一真正愛過的男人，唯一讓他心動不已的人。唯一他以為自己會想要的 Alpha。

The man who broke his heart two years ago, leaving their apartment and never coming back.
兩年前那個傷透他心、離開他們公寓後再也沒回來的男人。

Soobin’s eyes wander over Kai’s shoulder and land on Beomgyu. 
秀彬的目光越過凱的肩膀，落在范奎身上。

“Fuck,” he says. “Beomgyu?” 
「幹，」他說。「范奎？」

Beomgyu’s tongue is frozen behind his teeth. His breath is stuck in his throat, like his body forgot how to inhale.
范奎的舌頭僵在齒間。他的呼吸卡在喉嚨裡，彷彿身體忘記了如何吸氣。

“You hired me?”   「你雇用我？」

Beomgyu doesn’t answer. 
范奎沒有回應。

Soobin stands on the other side of the threshold, as frozen as Beomgyu’s speech. He’s as tall as Beomgyu remembers, filling out most of the doorframe, though his body seems thicker under his tight long-sleeved shirt. In one hand he carries a leather satchel, the other clutching a folder with papers haphazardly sticking out of it. The hand spread out on the back of the yellow cardstock is large and thick, covered in defined veins that catch the raking, sparse light of the hallway.
秀彬站在門檻的另一側，像杋圭的沉默一樣僵立著。他如杋圭記憶中那般高大，幾乎填滿整個門框，儘管那件緊身長袖襯衫下的身軀似乎更壯實了些。他一手拎著皮革公事包，另一手緊抓著文件夾，裡頭的紙張凌亂地探出邊緣。那隻攤開在黃色卡紙背面的手掌寬厚粗大，佈滿青筋，在走廊稀疏的斜光下格外分明。

Beomgyu’s eyes walk up to his face, and then he has to look away. He’s tried so hard to forget that face. Full, pouty lips, pinchable cheeks, sly, turned-up eyes. A long, pale neck that Beomgyu has layered with hickeys dozens — no, hundreds — of times. 
范奎的目光緩緩爬上他的臉龐，隨即又不得不別開視線。那張臉他拼命想忘記——豐潤的噘唇、讓人想捏的雙頰、狡黠上挑的眼角。還有那截蒼白的修長頸項，范奎曾在上頭烙下數十次——不，數百次——的吻痕。

Choi fucking Soobin is the alpha that’s supposed to fuck him through his heat.
該死的崔秀彬就是那個應該在他發情期時操他的 Alpha。

“I should go,” Kai squeaks.
「我該走了。」凱伊小聲說道。

Beomgyu looks at him in a panic. No way. Kai isn’t leaving him, is he? With Soobin? His ex? There’s no way. This is a joke. Soobin isn’t going to stay, right?
范奎驚慌地看著他。開什麼玩笑。Kai 不會要丟下他吧？和秀彬一起？他的前任？這不可能。這一定是個玩笑。秀彬不會留下來的，對吧？

But before Beomgyu can muster up the strength to command Kai to stay, he’s already grabbing his jacket from the back of one of Beomgyu’s dining chairs and sprinting for the door again. 
但還沒等范奎鼓起勇氣命令 Kai 留下，他已經從范奎餐椅背上抓起外套，再次朝門口衝去。

“Good to see you, Soobin-ssi,” he says in a forced, tiny voice, casting a look over his shoulder at Beomgyu that Beomgyu can’t quite read. “Text me if you need anything, hyung, okay?”
「很高興見到你，秀彬先生。」他用一種勉強擠出的細小聲音說道，同時回頭瞥了范奎一眼，那眼神讓范奎難以解讀。「如果有需要什麼就傳訊息給我，哥，好嗎？」

“Kai-ya,” Beomgyu pleads weakly, but Kai is already gone, brushing past Soobin’s shoulder on the way out and knocking him half sideways. Soobin rights himself, still stuck in the doorway, and Beomgyu sucks in a deep, long breath for the first time, his lungs screaming out for oxygen after being deprived for far too long. 
「凱伊啊...」范奎虛弱地哀求著，但凱伊已經離開，經過秀彬身邊時還撞得他踉蹌了一下。秀彬在門口站穩身子，而范奎終於深深吸了一口長氣，他的肺部在長時間缺氧後正瘋狂渴求著氧氣。

Cinnamon. The most intoxicating, overwhelming wave of cinnamon hits him, sinking in through his nose and settling in his throat. Cinnamon and cloves and allspice, a warm mug of apple cider. The scent of autumn, a wool sweater, cuddling by the fire. Soobin’s scent was always the one Beomgyu craved the most. He’s hated the whole season ever since Soobin left. He hasn’t drank cider since. 
肉桂。那股最令人陶醉、最濃烈的肉桂香氣撲鼻而來，滲入鼻腔，沉澱在喉間。肉桂與丁香、多香果的氣息，像是一杯溫熱的蘋果酒。秋天的味道，羊毛毛衣，依偎在爐火邊。秀彬的氣味一直是范奎最渴望的。自從秀彬離開後，他就恨透了整個季節。再也沒喝過蘋果酒。

“Um,” Soobin says. “It’s…it’s good to see you, Beomgyu.”
「呃，」秀彬說。「很...很高興見到你，范奎。」

Beomgyu shakes his head.  范奎搖了搖頭。

“Should I come in?”  「我該進來嗎？」

“I don’t know,” Beomgyu chokes, but his body is reacting to Soobin’s scent, and fast. His legs are starting to tremble, his thighs quivering. Alpha, alpha. Soobin’s head between his legs, Soobin’s hips parting them, Soobin’s cock entering him. He needs it. 
「我不知道，」范奎哽咽地說，但他的身體對守彬的氣味反應迅速。他的雙腿開始顫抖，大腿不住地抖動。Alpha，alpha。守彬的頭埋在他的雙腿之間，守彬的臀部將它們分開，守彬的陰莖進入他體內。他需要這個。

He hates how much he needs it.
他厭惡自己如此需要它。

Soobin steps over the threshold and closes the door behind him. 
守彬跨過門檻，隨手關上身後的門。

“I didn’t know it was you,” he says quietly. “I wouldn’t have come. Let me just…let me just fill out the form, saying I showed up and you weren’t in the right state. You can just sign it, and I’ll get out of your hair.” 
「我不知道是你，」他輕聲說道。「我就不會來了。讓我...讓我填個表，說我來過了但你狀態不對。你只要簽個名，我馬上就走。」

Beomgyu squeezes his eyes shut and nods. It’s for the best. 
范奎緊閉雙眼點了點頭。這樣對大家都好。

He can feel Soobin entering the room, his scent growing stronger as he grows closer. There’s the dull thud of his satchel landing on Beomgyu’s table, and the rustling sound of him rifling through his folder. 
他能感受到玟準走進房間的氣息，隨著距離拉近，那股熟悉的氣味越發濃烈。帆布包沉悶地落在范奎桌上的聲響，還有他翻動文件夾時發出的沙沙聲。

Something about that rustling reminds Beomgyu of the sheets in their old apartment. Soobin liked to change them twice a week, so they’d always be crisp. Beomgyu remembers the way they felt sliding over his skin as Soobin inched towards him in bed, wrapping his strong arms around him and pulling him tight. The coolness of the pillowcase on his cheek as Soobin turned his head to the side and ravaged his neck, teasing his teeth over his scent gland, want me to bite you, Gyu-ya? Want to always be mine?
那陣沙沙聲不知怎地讓范奎想起他們舊公寓的床單。玟準總喜歡每週換兩次床單，所以永遠帶著清新的觸感。他記得當玟準在床上緩緩靠近時，嶄新床單滑過肌膚的觸感——那雙有力的手臂環抱住他，將他緊緊摟住。玟準側頭啃咬他頸間時，枕套涼意貼著臉頰的記憶突然鮮明，犬齒在腺體上流連的酥麻感彷彿重現：要我標記你嗎，奎呀？想永遠屬於我嗎？

Beomgyu moans. The rustling sound freezes.
Beomgyu 呻吟了一聲。那陣窸窣聲戛然而止。

“Everything okay?” Soobin says warily.
「你還好嗎？」秀彬謹慎地問道。

“Fine,” Beomgyu gasps, clutching his hands to his neck again. But just like it did on the train, it does nothing at all to block his pheromones. All it does is nudge into his patch, jostling it. 
「沒事，」杋圭喘著氣，再次用手緊抓著脖子。但就像在火車上一樣，這完全無法阻擋他的費洛蒙。唯一的作用就是蹭到他的抑制貼，讓它移位了。

“Holy shit,” Soobin says, and suddenly he sounds affected. The room is filling with Beomgyu’s pheromones too, peaches mixing with the cinnamon. Soobin knows that scent as well as Beomgyu knows his. “Shit. How long have you been like this?”
「天啊，」秀彬說，突然他的聲音聽起來受到了影響。房間裡也充滿了杋圭的費洛蒙，桃子的香氣混雜著肉桂。秀彬對這氣味的熟悉程度，就像杋圭熟悉他的一樣。「該死。你這樣多久了？」

“None of your business.” Beomgyu ducks his head, trying to swing his hair over his neck.
「不關你的事。」杋圭低下頭，試圖用頭髮遮住脖子。

“You’re in heat. Properly in heat,” Soobin says. His voice is growing deeper, and Beomgyu feels it behind his navel. And then lower, and lower. 
「你發情了。真的發情了。」秀彬說。他的嗓音越來越低沉，而杋圭感覺那股震顫從肚臍後方開始蔓延。接著往下、再往下。

“What’s it to you?” Beomgyu says, trying to sound tough. His voice is a whimper.
「關你什麼事？」范奎試圖讓自己聽起來強硬些，但他的聲音卻像在嗚咽。

“You hired me,” Soobin says. “It’s literally my job.”
「是你僱用我的，」秀彬說。「這本來就是我的工作。」

“Since when?” Beomgyu spits back. “And I hired Apollo. Not you. You’re supposed to be designing airplanes, or whatever.”  
「什麼時候的事？」范奎反駁道。「我僱用的是阿波羅，不是你。你應該去設計飛機還是什麼的才對。」

Two years ago, Soobin was a fucking engineer. He wore a tie to work every day and complained about the coffee in the break room. He wasn’t working for an alpha service, selling his chiseled body. He didn’t even have a chiseled body. 
兩年前，秀彬還是個該死的工程師。他每天打著領帶上班，抱怨休息室的咖啡難喝。那時他還沒在為阿爾法服務公司工作，出賣自己精雕細琢的身材。事實上，他那時根本沒有什麼精雕細琢的身材。

Whatever happened in those two years that caused Soobin to be here instead of in that office is a complete mystery to Beomgyu. His friends all told him to cut off all contact, to let himself heal. And he had. Well, he’d cut off all contact, at least. The healing has been a slower process.
這兩年間究竟發生了什麼事，讓秀彬出現在這裡而非那間辦公室，對范奎來說完全是個謎。朋友們都勸他斷絕所有聯繫，讓自己好好療傷。他也照做了。至少，他確實切斷了所有聯繫。至於療傷的過程，則緩慢得多。

“I’m not here to talk about myself,” Soobin says shortly. The rustling resumes. 
「我不是來談論自己的。」秀彬簡短地說。沙沙聲再次響起。

“Good. ‘Cause I don’t want to hear it.” 
「很好。因為我不想聽。」

Beomgyu’s heart is starting to pound arrhythmically. He can hear it in his ears. He wonders if Soobin can hear it too. 
范奎的心跳開始不規則地加速。他聽得見自己耳中的鼓動。他不禁想著，秀彬是否也聽得見。

He was so attuned to Beomgyu’s body, back when they were together. He could detect the slightest changes in his mood from across the room. Any hint of a shift in his scent would send Soobin into high alert, racing to check on him.
當他們還在一起時，秀彬對范奎的身體變化總是瞭若指掌。即使隔著整個房間，他也能察覺范奎最細微的情緒波動。只要范奎的氣味有一絲變化，秀彬就會立刻進入警戒狀態，飛奔到他身邊查看。

But that was Beomgyu’s Soobin, and this is Apollo. 
但那是屬於范奎的秀彬，而眼前這位是阿波羅。

“Here,” Soobin says. “Just come sign this, and I’ll get going. It’s the denial of service form.”
「這裡，」秀彬說。「簽完這個我就可以走了。這是服務拒絕表。」

Beomgyu staggers to his feet. He holds his breath again, inching across the room on shaky legs. He feels like his heartbeat is getting more and more manic the closer he gets to Soobin. It’s as if the alpha has a magnetic field around him that’s making Beomgyu’s body go haywire, and the worst thing is, Beomgyu doesn’t hate it. He remembers this, too. He used to love this feeling, the feeling of giving up all control, of letting Soobin take care of him. 
范奎搖搖晃晃地站起身。他再次屏住呼吸，顫抖著雙腿在房間裡緩慢移動。他感覺自己越靠近秀彬，心跳就越發狂亂。彷彿那個 Alpha 周身環繞著某種磁場，讓范奎的身體完全失控——最糟糕的是，范奎並不討厭這種感覺。他也記得這種感受。他曾經多麼迷戀這種感覺，這種完全交出掌控權、任由秀彬照顧他的感覺。

Soobin holds a pen out towards him, and Beomgyu’s eyes fall on his fingertips, the bulging veins on the back of his hand. He reaches out his own hand, watching it quiver in midair, clutching his thighs together just in case his body decides to gush slick at the worst possible time. 
秀彬朝他遞出一支筆，杋圭的目光落在他指尖，以及手背上凸起的青筋。他伸出自己的手，看著它在半空中顫抖，同時緊緊夾住雙腿，以防身體在最糟糕的時刻突然分泌出濕液。

His hand lands on the pen, and his fingertips brush Soobin’s skin. 
他的手落在筆上，指尖輕觸到秀彬的肌膚。

Beomgyu is on fire. Alpha came back for you, his brain screams. Soobin came back for you, alpha wants you, wants to care for you—
範奎渾身發燙。Alpha 回來找你了，他的腦海尖叫著。秀彬回來找你了，alpha 想要你，想要照顧你——

“Help,” Beomgyu gasps, collapsing into Soobin’s outstretched arm. 
「幫幫我，」範奎喘息著，跌進秀彬伸出的臂彎裡。

“Oh, Beomgyu,” Soobin exhales. His arms are warm around Beomgyu’s back. The waffle knit of his shirt rubs roughly against Beomgyu’s cheek, cradled into his chest, and Beomgyu whimpers. Oh, he’s missed this. He hates himself, he hates himself for missing this. He told himself he’d never smell this scent again, and that he didn’t need it. That he was stronger than this, but here he is, breaking into a thousand pieces in Soobin’s arms. 
「噢，範奎啊，」秀彬輕嘆。他環抱範奎後背的手臂溫暖無比。格紋針織衫的布料粗糙地摩擦著範奎埋在他胸前的臉頰，範奎忍不住嗚咽出聲。天啊，他多想念這一切。他恨透了自己，恨自己竟然如此懷念。他曾發誓再也不聞這股氣息，告訴自己根本不需要。他以為自己比這更堅強，但此刻他卻在秀彬懷裡碎成千片。

“Hurts,” Beomgyu whines.
「好痛，」範奎啜泣道。

Soobin’s hand falls to Beomgyu’s back, right to the sore spot in the small of it. Exactly where his back pain always hits a few hours into his heat. Beomgyu faintly wonders if Soobin remembered, or if it’s just chance. It’s been so long.
秀彬的手落在范奎的背上，正好是他發情期幾小時後總會疼痛的那個位置。范奎隱約想著，秀彬是否記得這件事，或者只是巧合。已經過了這麼久了。

“Sign it, Beomie,” Soobin says. “Sign—sign it. Take the pen.” 
「簽名吧，Beomie。」Soobin 說。「簽——簽下去。把筆拿好。」

His fingertips are digging, digging into Beomgyu’s back. His words rumble through his chest, echoing into Beomgyu’s ear.
他的指尖深深陷入范奎的背脊，話語從胸腔震顫而出，迴盪在范奎耳畔。

“Alpha,” Beomgyu whimpers. 
「Alpha...」范奎嗚咽著。

“No,” Soobin grunts out. “You’re—you’re in no…you don’t mean it.” 
「不要，」秀彬低聲咕噥。「你——你根本沒...你不是認真的。」

His other hand is cupping Beomgyu’s jaw, falling right into place. His thumb lands in the soft spot against the high point of Beomgyu’s neck, where he used to poke him to make him giggle. 
另一隻手捧起范奎的下顎，拇指精準抵住那處柔軟——范奎頸側最敏感的位置，從前只要輕戳這裡就能讓他咯咯笑起來。

Beomgyu is in agony, so many types of agony. 
Beomgyu 正深陷痛苦之中，各種各樣的痛苦。

“Take care of me,” he whispers. “I mean it. Take me before I pass out.” 
「照顧我，」他低聲說道。「我是認真的。在我昏過去之前帶走我。」

Soobin’s face scrunches up like he’s in acute pain. Beomgyu knows that look. He’s trying to hold out, to resist the clarion call of Beomgyu’s scent. Back when they were dating, he never could for long. And today, Soobin heaves out a deep breath and pushes Beomgyu off his chest, prodding him towards one of the dining chairs at his little table.  
秀彬的臉皺成一團，彷彿正承受劇烈疼痛。范奎認得那表情。他正在努力抵抗范奎氣息的清晰召喚。當初交往時，他從來就撐不了多久。而今天，秀彬深深吐了口氣，將范奎從胸前推開，催促他走向小餐桌旁的其中一張餐椅。

“Sit,” he commands, and Beomgyu drops immediately. A shiver of relief cascades down his spine. Alpha.  
「坐下，」他命令道，范奎立刻跌坐下來。一陣解脫的顫慄沿著脊椎流竄而下。Alpha。

Soobin rifles through his folder again, pulling out a different document. 
秀彬再次翻找文件夾，抽出另一份文件。

“Read,” he says, placing it in front of Beomgyu. “You need to fill it out completely. If you miss a row, it’s proof that you’re not capable of consenting anymore, and I’ll leave. Sign at the bottom, and call me over when you’re done.”
「讀吧，」他說著，把文件放在范奎面前。「你得完整填寫每一欄。要是漏掉任何一列，就證明你已經沒有能力表達同意，我會直接離開。在最下面簽名，填完再叫我。」

“Call you—”  「打給你——」

Soobin turns on his heel and strides over to the window, tossing it open and sticking his head out of it. 
秀彬轉身大步走向窗戶，一把推開窗戶，將頭探了出去。

“Just—your scent is strong,” he says, his voice barely carrying over the sudden influx of street noise. “Better if I’m over here.” 
「只是——你的氣味太濃了，」他的聲音幾乎被突然湧入的街頭喧囂淹沒。「我還是站這邊比較好。」

Beomgyu drops his eyes to the document. His vision is starting to get wavy around the edges, and he blinks five times, trying to clear it. Read the document. He can handle this. He’s not too far gone yet, and all he has to do is get through this document, and then he’ll get to get fucked. 
范奎垂下視線看著文件。他的視野邊緣開始變得模糊，他眨了五次眼，試圖讓視線恢復清晰。讀完這份文件。他能應付的。他還沒完全失控，只要撐過這份文件，他就能好好被幹一場。

It shouldn’t come as a shock that the document is all about sex. It starts with a lengthy disclaimer waiving the alpha service of liability in the case of any sex-related injuries, and goes on to inquire in great detail about Beomgyu’s preferences, “to inform your alpha of the best way to fulfill your specific omegan needs!” Beomgyu feels himself blushing as he reads row after row of specific kinks, checking off “no” for most of them. He’s immensely glad that Soobin’s head is halfway out his window, his broad back turned to him instead of watching him check off no to ‘puppy play.’
這份文件全是關於性愛，其實一點也不令人意外。開頭是一長串免責聲明，聲明若發生任何與性相關的傷害，Alpha 服務方概不負責，接著便鉅細靡遺地詢問範奎的偏好，「以便讓您的 Alpha 了解如何最完美地滿足您這位 Omega 的特殊需求！」範奎讀著一行又一行具體的性癖好選項，在大多數項目旁勾選「否」時，感覺自己臉頰發燙。他非常慶幸秀彬此刻正把半個身子探出窗外，寬闊的背脊背對著他，沒看見他在「寵物扮演」項目旁打了拒絕的勾。

Reading all these sex words isn’t helping Beomgyu with the problem between his legs, even when most of them aren’t things he’d want to try. He wonders if Soobin can smell how his scent is surely growing riper, tarter, an acidic edge of need creeping into it. He finds himself staring at the back of Soobin’s wide shoulders, jolting himself out of a mild daze and dropping his eyes again to hesitate with the pen hovering over the no next to ‘spanking.’
讀著這些露骨的性愛詞彙，對范奎腿間的問題毫無幫助，儘管大部分內容都不是他想嘗試的。他不禁懷疑秀彬是否聞得到自己逐漸濃郁的氣息，那股帶著迫切需求的酸澀氣味正悄然蔓延。當他發現自己正盯著秀彬寬闊的後背發愣時，猛然回神，再次垂眸猶豫地將筆懸在「打屁股」選項的「不」字上方。

Soobin used to spank him over his knee, leaving red handprints that lasted for twenty-four hours. He’d kiss every long red mark afterwards, the best boy for me, Gyu-ya.  
秀彬以前會把他按在腿上打屁股，留下持續二十四小時的紅手印。事後他會親吻每道長長的紅痕，說著「我們家最乖的寶寶，奎奎啊」。

Beomgyu checks off yes next to ‘spanking’ and speeds on to the next row. He must be as red as those handprints. 
Beomgyu 在「打屁股」旁邊打了勾，然後迅速跳到下一行。他的臉肯定跟那些手印一樣紅了。

Filling out the form isn’t hard, even with his hand trembling and his vision slowly getting blurrier and blurrier. He knows he’s approaching the point of no return, but he’s been holding himself together for so long by now that another few minutes of lucidity is a manageable hurdle. It’s only the last question that gives Beomgyu pause.
填寫表格並不困難，即使他的手在顫抖，視線也逐漸變得越來越模糊。他知道自己正接近無法回頭的臨界點，但至今為止他已經撐了這麼久，再多保持幾分鐘清醒還是可以應付的。只有最後一個問題讓范奎猶豫了。

I consent to sexual intercourse with the alpha that has been provided by Luxury Pleasures, with the caveat that I may retract my consent at any time during my heat by stating my established safe word (indicated on line twelve above) and ask for the immediate departure of said alpha. 
我同意與由 Luxury Pleasures 提供的 Alpha 進行性行為，但附帶條件是：在發情期間，我隨時可以透過說出預設的安全詞（如上方第十二行所示）撤回同意，並要求該名 Alpha 立即離開。

Soobin offered to go. Soobin knows this is a bad idea, just like Beomgyu does. Beomgyu shouldn’t sign this. No matter how horny he is, how comforting Soobin’s arms felt wrapped around him, Beomgyu knows this will set him back two years of healing. 
秀彬主動提議要去。秀彬知道這是個壞主意，就像範奎也心知肚明一樣。範奎不該簽下這份合約。無論他現在有多飢渴、秀彬環抱他的臂膀有多令人安心，範奎都清楚這會讓他兩年來的療癒進度倒退。

He’s never understood why Soobin left. As far as Beomgyu was concerned, everything had been going smoothly; three years of unfettered happiness, unblemished devotion. It had only been a minor rough patch, a few weeks of tension leading to a fight that Beomgyu had assumed would blow over. But Soobin had left the apartment, fuming and keyed up from that temper that had always leaned slightly too volatile, and he’d never come back. Two days later, Beomgyu returned from work to find Soobin’s belongings gone from their apartment. All that was left was a note on the table. You’ll do fine, angel. Chin up.
他始終無法理解為何秀彬會離開。就範奎所知，一切原本都進行得很順利；那是三年毫無拘束的幸福時光，純粹無瑕的奉獻。不過是遇到一點小摩擦，幾週的緊繃氣氛導致一場爭吵，範奎原以為這很快就會過去。但秀彬當時氣沖沖地離開公寓，那總是略顯暴躁的脾氣讓他情緒激動，而他再也沒有回來。兩天後，範奎下班回家，發現秀彬的物品已從他們的公寓消失。桌上只留下一張字條。你會沒事的，天使。抬頭挺胸。

Chin up. Six months of absolute devastation. Another year of spontaneous breakdowns in the bathroom at work, grief coming on with no warning. And now, just as Beomgyu has barely gotten back on his feet, Soobin is here in his new apartment, asking for him to consent to heat sex. Beomgyu should say no.
抬頭挺胸。整整六個月徹底崩潰的日子。又一年在工作場合的洗手間裡突然情緒潰堤，毫無預警襲來的悲痛。而現在，就在範奎好不容易剛重新站穩腳步時，秀彬出現在他的新公寓，要求他同意發情期性愛。範奎應該要拒絕的。

How many times has he thought about getting closure? About what it would be like to have one last night together, to show Soobin everything he’s been missing out on? To make him regret it, and to sate his own tiny, nagging desire for one final memory? 
他有多少次想過要徹底了斷？想過最後共度一夜會是什麼樣子，向秀彬展示他錯過的一切？讓他後悔，同時滿足自己內心那微小卻揮之不去的渴望，創造最後的回憶？

It’s not healthy. It’s not responsible. Yeonjun would slap him if he heard him talking about it, and his therapist would tell him it’s just another manifestation of his masochistic urge to feel something, even if it’s feeling pain.
這樣並不健康，也不負責任。如果然竣聽到他這樣說，肯定會賞他一巴掌，而他的心理治療師則會告訴他，這不過是他自虐傾向的另一種表現——渴望感受些什麼，哪怕是痛苦也好。

Yeonjun isn’t here, though. His therapist isn’t here. The only thing that’s here is Soobin, and this pen in Beomgyu’s hand, and this one little document that stands between himself and Soobin’s warm touch all over his body, one last time.
延俊不在這裡。他的心理治療師也不在。這裡只有秀彬，還有炳圭手中的這支筆，以及這份薄薄的文件——它橫亙在炳圭與秀彬最後一次溫暖觸碰之間。

Beomgyu signs his name on the dotted line. 
炳圭在虛線上簽下了自己的名字。

“You done?” Soobin asks immediately. He must have heard the scratching of the pen.
「你寫完了？」秀彬立刻問道。他一定是聽到了筆尖的沙沙聲。

“Yeah,” Beomgyu says. “Check my work?” 
「嗯，」范奎說。「幫我檢查一下？」

Soobin doesn’t laugh. He pushes himself off the window frame, slamming it shut again, and strides back over to the table. When he picks up the form, he gives it a five-second scan, not nearly long enough to have read all the information on it, and his eyes settle on the bottom line. On Beomgyu’s signature. 
秀彬沒有笑。他從窗框邊起身，再次用力關上窗戶，大步走回桌邊。當他拿起表格時，只草草掃視了五秒鐘——根本不足以讀完上面所有資訊——目光最終落在最下方那行。落在范奎的簽名上。

“Looks good,” he says, lowering the paper and dropping it on the table. “Hm.”
「看起來不錯，」他說著，將紙張放下並丟在桌上。「嗯。」

“Hm?”   「嗯？」

Beomgyu peers up at him, trying not to blink. It might make him seem stronger, like he isn’t trembling inside about the prospect of what’s about to happen. 
範奎抬眼望著他，努力不讓自己眨眼。這樣或許能讓他看起來更堅強些，彷彿他對於即將發生的事內心毫無顫抖。

Soobin meets his gaze. His expression is steely. 
秀彬迎上他的目光，神情冷峻如鋼。

“You’re absolutely sure about this?”
「你確定要這樣做嗎？」

Soobin was always delicate with Beomgyu. Tender and deliberate, until that day when he left. 
Soobin 對待 Beomgyu 向來細膩溫柔，總是小心翼翼——直到他離開的那天。

“Sure,” Beomgyu says. 
「好啊。」范奎說。

Soobin swallows, and Beomgyu watches his Adam’s apple bob. “This is professional, okay? Remember that. I’m a professional, and you’re my client.”
秀彬嚥了嚥口水，范奎看著他的喉結上下滾動。「這是專業服務，懂嗎？記住這點。我是專業人士，而你是我的客戶。」

“Client,” Beomgyu repeats. His head falls to one side, and he struggles to right it. His neck is going weak.
「客戶，」范奎重複道。他的頭歪向一邊，努力想擺正。他的脖子越來越沒力氣了。

Soobin watches his motion, his fingertips playing with the corner of the signed document. 
秀彬注視著他的動作，指尖把玩著那份簽署文件的邊角。

“You still like it when the alpha takes charge?” he asks in a formal, composed voice.
「你還是喜歡 alpha 主導的感覺嗎？」他以一種正式而沉穩的聲線問道。

Beomgyu feels a massive spike of adrenaline, plunging straight to his core. 
范奎感到一陣強烈的腎上腺素飆升，直衝他的核心。

“You’d know that if you read the sheet,” he says, breathless.
「你要是看過資料就會知道了，」他氣喘吁吁地說。

“I don’t have to read the sheet to know what you like,” Soobin says. “I have you memorized.”
「我不用看那張紙也知道你喜歡什麼，」秀彬說。「我已經把你記在腦海裡了。」

He lowers his head, his eyes raking over Beomgyu’s face. Beomgyu tries not to imagine what he must look like: flushed, sweaty, needy. It’s certainly not the casual, collected look he’d always pictured he’d have in his fantasy scenarios of what would happen if Soobin ever showed up again. In the version in his brain, he’d look extremely cool, not sickly and gross. 
他低下頭，目光掃過范奎的臉龐。范奎努力不去想像自己現在的模樣：臉頰泛紅、汗濕、渴求著。這絕對不是他幻想中若秀彬再次出現時，自己會展現的那種隨性從容的模樣。在他腦海的版本裡，他應該看起來酷到不行，而不是病懨懨又狼狽。

“Go to the bed,” Soobin says, and Beomgyu’s blood churns. He stands, faster than he realized he could, swaying on his feet, and Soobin reaches out a hand to steady him. He raises his eyebrows. 
「到床上去，」秀彬說，范奎的血液頓時沸騰。他站起來的速度快得連自己都驚訝，腳步踉蹌，秀彬伸手扶穩他，挑了挑眉。

“Still obedient, huh?” Soobin says softly.
「還是這麼聽話啊？」秀彬輕聲說道。

Beomgyu holds in a moan, his eyebrows tensing. It isn’t fair for Soobin to use their history against him like this, to pull up memories that Beomgyu has long suppressed. Not if he’s trying to be professional about it, at least. And Soobin seems to read Beomgyu’s cue, letting his own face fall.
範奎忍住了呻吟，眉頭緊蹙。秀彬這樣利用他們的過往來對付他，翻出範奎早已壓抑的記憶，實在太不公平了——至少在他試圖保持專業態度的時候不該這樣。而秀彬似乎讀懂了範奎的暗示，讓自己的表情也黯淡下來。

“I’m sorry,” Soobin says. “This is a service. I won’t keep…just forget who I am, Beomgyu. Go to the bed and take off your clothes. I’ll take care of you.” 
「對不起，」秀彬說。「這是服務。我不會再...就忘了我是誰吧，杋圭。到床上去把衣服脫掉。我會照顧你的。」

Beomgyu steps the three steps over to the bed with his eyes closed. It feels like the temperature is skyrocketing, that every piece of clothing he removes is only making him hotter. He peels off his shirt and starts working on his pants, and behind him, he can hear the sound of Soobin rifling around in his satchel. 
杋圭閉著眼睛，三步併作兩步走到床邊。他感覺溫度正在飆升，每脫掉一件衣服只讓他覺得更熱。他脫下襯衫，開始解開褲子，身後傳來秀彬在背包裡翻找的聲音。

His pants fall to the floor, and the rustling noise ceases. 
他的褲子滑落在地，窸窣聲戛然而止。

“Fuck, Beomgyu,” Soobin says in a strained voice. Beomgyu’s underwear must be visibly wet, even from behind. “You’re so far gone.” 
「操，范奎，」秀彬用緊繃的聲音說道。范奎的內褲肯定已經濕透了，連從背後都能看得一清二楚。「你已經完全不行了。」

“Shut up,” Beomgyu chokes. He falls face forward onto his bed, still wearing his soaked underwear, and a second later two hands come to rest on his hips.  
「閉嘴啦，」范奎哽咽道。他整個人往前撲倒在床上，身上還穿著那條濕透的內褲，不到一秒就有雙手搭上了他的腰際。

“Can I help with this?”
「需要我幫忙嗎？」

Yes, yes, yes. Can’t he tell how badly Beomgyu needs him? It doesn’t matter how reckless this is. Every second thought that Beomgyu had when Soobin first stepped over the threshold is long gone. 
要，要，當然要。難道他看不出范奎有多需要他嗎？管他什麼魯莽不魯莽。當秀彬最初跨過門檻時，范奎腦中閃過的所有遲疑念頭早已煙消雲散。

“Do what I’m paying you for,” Beomgyu says to his bedspread, wriggling his hips in Soobin’s hands.
「做我付錢請你來做的事，」范奎對著床單說道，臀部在秀彬手中扭動。

Soobin doesn’t wait a moment longer. His fingers hook under the elastic of Beomgyu’s underwear, tugging it down his legs, and the moment the elastic has slipped over his feet, Soobin spreads them wide. 
秀彬沒有再多等一秒。他的手指勾住范奎內褲的鬆緊帶，將它往下拉過雙腿，當鬆緊帶滑過腳踝的瞬間，秀彬立刻將他的雙腿大大分開。

Beomgyu can practically feel Soobin’s stare between his legs. God knows how many times Soobin has seen him like this — they dated for three whole years, for fuck’s sake. But in the two years since their break up, Beomgyu has hardly been with anyone else, and it’s only the pulsing, itchy desperation of his heat that’s saving him from a crippling wave of self-consciousness as Soobin’s eyes rake over his cunt. He’s glad he can’t see Soobin’s face, just in case something about Beomgyu isn’t to his liking anymore, and it shows in his expression. Soobin’s features were always painfully transparent back when they dated. 
范奎幾乎能感受到秀彬的目光正盯著他的雙腿之間。天知道秀彬已經看過他這樣多少次了——他們可是整整交往了三年，該死的。但在分手後的這兩年裡，范奎幾乎沒和任何人親密過，此刻只有發情期那陣陣發燙、令人焦躁的渴望，才能讓他在秀彬的目光掃過他的私處時，免於被強烈的自我意識擊垮。他慶幸自己看不見秀彬的臉，萬一現在的自己有什麼地方不再符合對方的喜好，那表情肯定會洩露一切。當初交往時，秀彬的表情總是透明得令人心痛。

The omega inside Beomgyu has no time for self-consciousness, though. It wants to show off, to make his alpha want him. 
然而范奎體內的 omega 根本無暇顧及自我意識。它只想炫耀，想讓他的 alpha 渴望他。

He spreads his legs even wider, and his clit rubs on the bedspread. He whimpers needily.
他將雙腿張得更開，陰蒂摩擦著床單，飢渴地嗚咽著。

Soobin exhales. “You—you should get on your knees.”
秀彬嘆了口氣。「你——你應該跪下。」

“Knees?” Beomgyu repeats, struggling to get his weak legs under him.
「跪下？」范奎重複道，努力讓虛弱的雙腿支撐自己。

“Knees. Present for me.” 
「膝蓋。獻給我。」

Oh, present. Present for his alpha. Beomgyu can do that. 
噢，禮物。送給他的 Alpha 的禮物。Beomgyu 可以做到的。

Beomgyu crawls forward onto the bed, steadying himself on his knees. He drops his head and shoulders to the bed, arching like his life depends on it. Anything to get fucked sooner. He finally peers back at Soobin, catching a glimpse over his shoulder, and the alpha’s eyes are glued to Beomgyu’s crotch, his hands working through his own belt buckle. His cheeks look pink, Soobin’s signature sign of getting horny, and Beomgyu’s omega sighs in relief. Alpha wants him. 
Beomgyu 跪著爬上床，穩住自己的膝蓋。他將頭和肩膀垂到床上，弓起身子彷彿生命就靠這一刻。只要能快點被上，什麼都行。他終於回頭偷瞄 Soobin，越過肩膀瞥見 Alpha 的目光緊盯著 Beomgyu 的胯下，雙手正解著自己的皮帶扣。Soobin 的臉頰泛紅，這是他情慾高漲的招牌跡象，Beomgyu 體內的 Omega 頓時鬆了口氣。Alpha 想要他。

Beomgyu wiggles his ass in the air. 
Beomgyu 在空中扭了扭屁股。

“No need to show off,” Soobin says, just above a hiss. “You’re paying me for this, you don’t have to earn it.” 
「不用炫耀，」秀彬壓低聲音說道。「你付錢給我做這件事，不需要再額外討好。」

“Alpha,” Beomgyu whines. He sounds like a bitch. Was he always this pathetic in heat?
「Alpha，」范奎嗚咽著。他的聲音聽起來像個婊子。發情期的他總是這麼可悲嗎？

“I’m almost ready, babe.” 
「我快準備好了，寶貝。」

Beomgyu can’t remember if Soobin used to call him babe. Maybe Apollo says that to all his clients. 
范奎不記得秀彬以前是否會叫他寶貝。或許阿波羅對所有客戶都這麼說。

He watches Soobin’s pants fall to the floor, and the mattress sinks as Soobin kneels behind him in his boxers. 
他看著秀彬的長褲滑落地面，當秀彬只穿著四角褲跪到他身後時，床墊隨之下沉。

“Finally,” Beomgyu gasps. “Fuck me.”
「終於，」范奎喘息道。「幹我。」

“Too soon. I’ll hurt you.” 
「還太早。我會弄痛你的。」

One of Soobin’s broad hands comes to rest on Beomgyu’s ass, fingers spanning its curve. Beomgyu presses it back into his hand instinctively. Even just this touch, just a palm on his fiery skin, feels like a salve to his raw nerves.
秀彬寬大的手掌覆上范奎的臀，指節順著曲線展開。范奎本能地向那掌心頂去。光是這樣的觸碰，僅僅是掌心貼著他發燙的肌膚，就彷彿能安撫他緊繃的神經。

“This first,” Soobin almost whispers. 
「先這樣，」秀彬近乎耳語地說。

Beomgyu can’t spare a thought for why Soobin’s voice sounds like that, tentative and dry and laden with heaviness, because his fingers are pressing into Beomgyu’s cunt, and Beomgyu wails. Something is filling him, finally. 
范奎沒空去想為什麼秀彬的聲音聽起來那樣，猶豫、乾澀又帶著沉重的負擔，因為他的手指正壓進范奎的私處，范奎忍不住哭喊出聲。終於有什麼東西填滿了他。

“Please,” he moans, bucking back on Soobin’s hand to take him deeper. He can’t tell how many fingers Soobin has in him; he barely notices what he’s even doing with them. All that matters is that Beomgyu is full of alpha. 
「拜託，」他呻吟著，向後頂著秀彬的手，想讓對方進得更深。他分不清秀彬究竟塞了幾根手指進來；甚至無暇顧及那些手指正在做些什麼。此刻唯一重要的是，范奎體內滿滿都是阿爾法的氣息。

Soobin curses, sliding his other hand up to Beomgyu’s back to stabilize him.
秀彬咒罵了一聲，另一隻手滑上範奎的背部穩住他。

“Just one minute,” he says. “You’re…you’re more ready than I thought.”
「再一分鐘就好，」他說。「你...你比我想像中還準備好了。」

“Fucking duh,” Beomgyu chokes. Soobin’s fingers are seeking out his g-spot, and Beomgyu’s toes curl up as he nails it. “Please p—please, alpha. More. Fuck me.” 
「廢話，」範奎哽咽道。秀彬的手指正尋找著他的 G 點，當準確觸及時，範奎的腳趾蜷縮起來。「拜託—拜託了，Alpha。再多一點。幹我。」

“Not yet. Gotta—follow protocol.”
「還沒。得——照規矩來。」

Fuck his protocol. Beomgyu wants more now. Fingers feel nice, but cock is better. He slides his knees even further apart, arching as far as his back will bend, and drops a hand between his legs to rub his clit. His vulva is throbbing with need, and every little bit of pleasure helps.  
去他的規矩。范奎現在想要更多。手指感覺不錯，但陰莖更好。他將膝蓋分得更開，背部盡可能地向後彎曲，一隻手滑到雙腿間摩擦自己的陰蒂。他的陰戶因渴望而悸動，每一絲快感都令人愉悅。

“Beomgyu,” Soobin says in a choked voice as Beomgyu’s fingertips nearly brush against his own palm. “Okay, okay. Gimme a sec.” 
「范奎，」守彬聲音沙啞地說，當范奎的指尖幾乎碰到自己的手掌時。「好、好，等我一下。」

His fingers withdraw, leaving Beomgyu achingly empty. He lets out a frustrated, angry sound, slithering his own fingers into his empty hole. They’re so much smaller than Soobin’s, and his body hates it. He still feels empty, even with three of them inside him. 
他的手指抽了出來，讓范奎感到空虛難耐。他發出沮喪又憤怒的聲音，將自己的手指滑入空蕩的穴口。它們比守彬的小多了，他的身體對此感到不滿。即使塞進三根手指，他仍然覺得空虛。

Beomgyu hears fabric dropping, and a crinkling sound, and his brain can’t process why Soobin isn’t fucking him already. He asked for it, he’s paying for it, he needs it.
范奎聽見布料落地的聲響，還有窸窣的摩擦聲，他的大腦無法理解為什麼秀彬還不立刻上他。明明是他要求的、是他付的錢、是他此刻最渴求的。

“Fuck me?” Beomgyu asks childishly. He pulls his useless fingers out and scrunches his fists into the blanket to distract from the pain building back up in his belly.
「幹我？」范奎孩子氣地問道。他抽出那幾根沒用的手指，將拳頭攥進毯子裡，試圖轉移腹部重新升起的疼痛感。

“Condom,” Soobin grunts. 
「保險套。」秀彬低哼道。

Right. Condom. Beomgyu sighs as he waits, starting to wiggle his hips again, but Soobin is back in just a moment. 
對，保險套。范奎嘆著氣等待，又開始扭動臀部，但秀彬很快就回來了。

“Ready?”  「準備好了嗎？」

“Yes, yes, I’m—”  「好了，好了，我——」

Oh, fuck. Beomgyu almost screams. Soobin is everything his body has been demanding. His grip is rough around Beomgyu’s waist, his thick thighs already nearly flat against the backs of Beomgyu’s as he rolls into him in one long motion. Beomgyu feels hot, heavy pressure inside him, his jaw going slack as Soobin fills him incessantly.
噢，幹。范奎差點叫出聲。秀彬完全就是他身體渴求的一切。那雙大手粗暴地掐住他的腰際，當秀彬一記長驅直入時，結實大腿幾乎完全貼上范奎的臀瓣。體內被熾熱沉重的壓迫感填滿，下顎隨著秀彬持續的頂入而失守鬆懈。

His shape is too familiar. Beomgyu spares just a moment to think it — Soobin, his Soobin, back inside him — but then Soobin bottoms out, and Beomgyu gives his thoughts over to that primal side of him. The side of him that needs to get fucked badly enough that he’s fucking his ex again what the fuck —    
這輪廓熟悉得過分。范奎僅剩的理智閃過這個念頭——秀彬，他的秀彬，再次進入他體內——但隨即秀彬直抵最深處，范奎將思緒全數交給本能。那個飢渴到不惜與前任再度交纏的自己，該死的到底在搞什麼——

“Beomie, holy shit,” Soobin groans. “Holy shit.”
「范奎，天啊，」秀彬呻吟道。「天啊。」

That can’t be professional. 
這不可能是專業的。

Soobin draws out, and Beomgyu’s body itches with how badly he needs him back.
秀彬緩緩退出，範圭的身體因極度渴望他回來而發癢。

“Go, go,” Beomgyu whimpers, and immediately, Soobin slams into him. 
「快、快點，」範圭嗚咽著，秀彬立刻狠狠撞進他體內。

All that matters is that it’s sex with an alpha. That’s all Beomgyu’s body needed, an alpha, any alpha. It feels like pain relief is being injected straight into his veins, each one of Soobin’s rapid, heavy thrusts mellowing out the ache in his core. Beomgyu lets out a long, happy moan, punctuated by the rhythm of Soobin pounding into him, oh-ohh-ah.
重要的是這是一個 alpha 的性愛。這就是範圭身體所需要的，一個 alpha，任何 alpha 都行。這感覺就像止痛劑直接注入他的血管，秀彬每一次快速而沉重的抽插都緩解了他體內的疼痛。範圭發出長長的、愉悅的呻吟，隨著秀彬撞擊的節奏斷續響起，哦-哦-啊。

“Good?”   「舒服嗎？」

Soobin’s voice sounds distant, like it’s floating through fog. It’s only been a few moments, but Beomgyu’s omega is already relaxing, his burning need giving in to an overwhelmingly sated warmth. His weakening knees tremble, and Soobin’s hands tighten around his waist to keep them anchored together. 
秀彬的聲音聽起來很遙遠，彷彿穿過迷霧飄來。才過了片刻，范奎的 omega 已經放鬆下來，那股灼熱的需求屈服於一種極度滿足的溫暖。他發軟的雙膝顫抖著，秀彬的手在他腰間收緊，將兩人牢牢固定在一起。

“More. More,” Beomgyu begs.
「還要。還要，」范奎哀求著。

Soobin lifts his leg, propping it up by Beomgyu’s side for more leverage, and the motion buries his cock even deeper into Beomgyu’s body. 
秀彬抬起腿，抵在范奎身側以獲得更多支撐，這個動作讓他的陰莖更深地埋入范奎體內。

“Tell me if it’s too deep,” Soobin says gruffly, just as Beomgyu’s brain thinks deeper deeper deeper.
「太深的話要說。」秀彬粗聲說道，此刻範奎腦中只想著更深、更深、再深一點。

The details are a blur. Soobin pounds him like a machine, over and over and over. Silent and accurate, exactly what Beomgyu is paying for. It’s scientific, but Beomgyu doesn’t mind the clinical quality of his thrusts, the way his hands stay firmly put on Beomgyu’s waist instead of wandering over his skin. His body is getting what it needs, and that’s what matters.
細節已模糊不清。秀彬像機器般一次又一次地撞擊著他，沉默而精準，正是範奎所付費買到的服務。這過程充滿科學性，但範奎並不介意那抽插中帶有的臨床感，也不介意那雙手始終固定在他腰際而非游移於肌膚之上。他的身體正獲得所需，這才是重點。

He forgot how everything is magnified during heat, how the slap of Soobin’s balls into his vulva triggers waves of crippling warmth, how the friction on his g-spot sends pleasure spearing through his core. Beomgyu closes his eyes to focus on the sensation, exhaling and letting his lungs stay empty until he starts to feel lightheaded. He doesn’t want anything inside him but Soobin’s dick, not even air. 
他忘了在發情期時所有感官都會被放大——秀彬的囊袋拍打在他陰唇上引發的灼熱浪潮，G 點摩擦時貫穿核心的尖銳快感。範奎閉上眼專注感受，吐盡氣息讓肺部保持真空直到頭暈目眩。此刻他體內除了秀彬的陰莖什麼都不想要，連空氣都是多餘。

“Breathe,” Soobin commands, and Beomgyu immediately obliges, sucking in a breath. The hairs on the back of his neck stand up. “Is this what you need?”
「呼吸。」秀彬命令道，範奎立即順從地深吸一口氣，後頸寒毛直豎。「這就是你需要的？」

His voice still has that clipped, sharp quality, like he’s gathering information in a study. It’s a strange question. Of course it’s what Beomgyu needs. Soobin’s never had to ask before. Maybe this is just part of his protocol, checking in. 
他的聲音依然帶著那種簡短尖銳的特質，彷彿正在研究室裡收集數據。這是個奇怪的問題。這當然是范奎需要的。秀彬以前從不需要這樣問。也許這只是他標準程序的一部分，例行確認。

“Fucking more,” Beomgyu pants.
「他媽的還要，」范奎喘著氣說。

“Here.” Soobin angles Beomgyu’s hips down, forcing him into a deeper arch. He leans over Beomgyu’s back, blocking out the overhead light, and one hand works its way into Beomgyu’s hair while the other wraps around his front, sliding down his belly. 
「這裡。」秀彬將杋圭的臀部往下壓，迫使他彎出更深的弧度。他俯身在杋圭背上，遮住了頭頂的光線，一隻手探入杋圭的髮間，另一隻手則環繞至他身前，沿著腹部緩緩下滑。

“Want it harder?” he mutters. “Need to get taken, right?” 
「想要更用力嗎？」他低聲說道。「需要被佔有，對吧？」

He yanks Beomgyu’s head back right as his fingertips meet Beomgyu’s clit.
就在他的指尖觸碰到範奎的陰蒂時，他猛地將範奎的頭向後拉。

Beomgyu doesn’t need to say yes. Soobin rails him, hard, just how he always wanted it years ago, and nothing’s changed. The harder Soobin takes him, the more he feels nothing but full, and that’s what his body is demanding. He feels himself tipping closer to delirium. Sweat is trailing down the sides of his neck, dripping under his chin, and his mind starts to blank on who exactly is doing this to him. It’s an alpha, filling him and stretching him and rhythmically circling his clit with his rough, heavy fingers, and soon that alpha will give him the knot he needs. That’s all that matters. 
範奎不需要開口答應。秀彬就這樣粗暴地操他，就像多年前他一直渴望的那樣，一切從未改變。秀彬佔有得越粗暴，他只感到越發充實，這正是他身體所渴求的。他感覺自己正逐漸陷入迷亂。汗水沿著他的頸側滑落，滴到下巴下方，他的意識開始模糊，記不清究竟是誰在這樣對待他。是個 Alpha，正填滿他、撐開他，用粗糙沉重的手指有節奏地摩擦他的陰蒂，很快那個 Alpha 就會給他需要的結。這才是最重要的。

Nothing about this feels like Soobin anymore, anyway. Years ago, Soobin used to bite beautiful marks into him, nip frantic lines across his back and up his neck, lave his tongue over his red skin and praise him for taking the pain so well. Soobin would yank his hair so hard that strands came out, blabber his name so many times that by the time they were locked together by his knot, Beomgyu barely knew what it meant anymore. Years ago, the air would fill with such a heavy layer of cinnamon that Beomgyu could almost swear he could see Soobin’s scent, not just smell it. 
無論如何，這一切早已不復當年的秀彬。多年前，秀彬總會在他身上留下漂亮的咬痕，在他背脊與頸項間烙下狂亂的紅痕，用舌尖舔舐他泛紅的肌膚，稱讚他如此能忍痛。秀彬會粗暴地扯他頭髮直到髮絲脫落，反覆呢喃他的名字，待到結將他們鎖在一起時，范奎幾乎已不記得那名字的意義。多年前，空氣中總瀰漫著濃郁的肉桂香，濃得讓范奎幾乎能發誓自己看見了秀彬的氣味，而不僅是聞到。

But this time, Soobin does none of it. His rhythm is methodical, formulaic, like he learned to fuck from a textbook. The room smells only like Beomgyu, with just the faintest whiff of spice. When Beomgyu squirms, his arms caving in, Soobin holds him in place with a firm hand in his hair, but nothing more. The angle of his cock is brutal into Beomgyu’s g-spot, almost too on-target, with none of the erratic frenzy that used to send his rhythm all off-kilter whenever he got worked up. 
但這次，秀彬什麼都沒做。他的節奏有條不紊、公式化，彷彿是從教科書上學來的性愛技巧。房間裡只瀰漫著範奎的氣味，夾雜著一絲淡淡的香料味。當範奎扭動身軀、雙臂蜷縮時，秀彬只是用一隻手牢牢抓住他的頭髮固定位置，除此之外別無其他動作。他陰莖的角度狠狠頂進範奎的 G 點，幾乎精準得過分，完全沒有過去那種每當他興奮時就會讓節奏亂了套的狂亂激情。

Beomgyu feels himself sinking further and further into his pose, his soaked cunt embarrassingly high in the air and his noises growing needier and needier, bitchy little squeals that should be driving Soobin’s alpha absolutely crazy. He wants to know — is it working, does alpha want him? Will alpha breed him, is he good enough? His omega is in charge, and it’s desperate, but Soobin is an anonymous, silent entity above him, nothing but a cock in his hole. Might as well be a fucking machine.
范奎感覺自己愈陷愈深，濕透的私處羞恥地高翹著，發出的聲音也越來越飢渴——那些矯揉造作的細碎嗚咽本該讓守彬的 alpha 徹底瘋狂。他迫切想知道：這樣有效嗎？alpha 想要他嗎？會讓他受孕嗎？自己夠不夠好？他的 omega 本能完全佔據上風，渴求得發狂，但頭頂的守彬只是個沉默的匿名存在，除了插進穴裡的性器外什麼都不是。簡直跟情趣用品沒兩樣。

And when Beomgyu whimpers a pathetic, satisfied sound, clenching up and falling apart as his orgasm finally overtakes him, all Soobin does is murmur “that’s it. Just there. You want a knot now?” 
當范奎發出可憐兮兮的滿足嗚咽，在高潮襲來時渾身緊繃又癱軟之際，守彬只是低喃著：「對，就是那裡。現在想要結了嗎？」

“F-fuck, yes,” Beomgyu gasps out. He’s ready to get pushed under, to be fully sated. Just needs a knot, any knot. 
「操、要...」范奎喘息著回答。他已經準備好被徹底壓制，被完全滿足。現在只需要一個結，隨便什麼結都好。

Maybe it’s for the best that Soobin doesn’t speak again. The only thing Beomgyu thinks Soobin used to say when his knot hit him was love, love, love you so much, Beomgyu-ya.
或許守彬不再開口反而是好事。范奎只記得從前當那個結頂進來時，守彬總會反覆說著：愛你，好愛你，范奎啊。

Soobin grips Beomgyu’s shoulders in his hands, bracing himself, and drills him. No languid, lingering thrusts. It’s brutal and efficient, working himself up as fast as he can. 
秀彬緊握著范奎的肩膀，穩住自己，然後猛烈地衝刺。沒有緩慢而纏綿的抽送，只有粗暴而高效的動作，盡可能快地讓自己興奮起來。

“Knotting,” Soobin grunts. “C-coming.”
「要結了，」秀彬低吼著。「快、快來了。」

There’s too much air between them. No contact but Soobin’s hips slapping Beomgyu’s ass, his fingernails digging into Beomgyu’s shoulders. 
他們之間的空隙太多。除了秀彬的臀部拍打著范奎的屁股，以及他的指甲深深陷入范奎的肩膀外，幾乎沒有其他接觸。

Suddenly, the pressure triples inside Beomgyu’s cunt, and then some. Beomgyu screams, sliding his legs as far apart as they’ll go, and he can practically feel the gush of pheromones pouring through his body and out through his scent glands. He’s still wearing an inhibitor patch, but it’s doing absolutely nothing. 
突然間，范奎體內感受到的壓力暴增了三倍，甚至更多。范奎尖叫著，將雙腿盡可能地張開，他幾乎能感覺到費洛蒙如潮水般湧過全身，並從他的氣味腺體中噴發而出。他仍然貼著抑制貼片，但那東西此刻完全起不了作用。

The stretch is impossibly painful yet more pleasure than his body knows how to handle, a debilitating mix of sensation that he hasn’t felt in years. “Can’t,” he moans, “can’t handle it…”
這種拉伸帶來的痛苦超乎想像，卻又夾雜著他身體無法承受的快感，這種令人癱軟的感官混合已經多年未曾體驗。「不行...」他呻吟著，「受不了了...」

Soobin massages his thumbs into Beomgyu’s back, murmuring, “you can. You need it.” 
秀彬用拇指按壓著范奎的背部，低聲呢喃：「你可以的。你需要這個。」

He’s right. As the sudden shock of the knot inflating subsides, something new settles into Beomgyu’s body: an all-encompassing calm. His cramps have washed away, his desperate need sated. He starts sliding down onto his belly, and Soobin follows him, cock still lightly jerking inside Beomgyu’s cunt as the knot locks into place. He hadn’t made a single sound. If not for the knot that’s now threatening to tear him apart, Beomgyu wouldn’t have known that Soobin came at all. 
他說得對。當結突然膨脹的衝擊感逐漸消退時，某種全新的感受在范奎體內沉澱下來——一種包覆全身的平靜。痙攣已然褪去，那份焦灼的渴求也獲得滿足。他開始緩緩趴伏下來，而秀彬跟著壓上，在結鎖進體內的同時，陰莖仍在他穴裡微微抽動。秀彬沒發出半點聲響。要不是此刻那個結正威脅著要將他撕裂，范奎根本不會知道秀彬已經射了。

For a fleeting moment, Beomgyu wants to look back at Soobin’s face, to see if the bliss that he’s feeling is painted over Soobin’s features, too. Instead, he lets his eyes close. Too tired.
有那麼一瞬間，范奎想回頭看看秀彬的臉，確認對方是否也和自己一樣沉浸在歡愉中。但他終究閉上了眼睛。太累了。

Beomgyu tilts his hips down under Soobin’s weight, arching up automatically as if he could direct all the cum that’s shooting into him deeper into his womb, but it’s useless. There’s no gush of hot feeling inside him, just latex stretched thin around the bulging knot. Beomgyu had forgotten about the condom, in all his desperate horniness. They never used to use condoms. Something feels wrong about it this way, like his body is thirsty and unable to quench it. 
范奎在秀彬的重量下微微塌腰，又本能地拱起背部，彷彿這樣就能讓射進體內的濃精更深地灌入子宮，但這毫無意義。他體內沒有溫熱液體奔湧的感覺，只有被膨脹的結撐得極薄的保險套。在先前的意亂情迷中，范奎完全忘了保險套的存在。他們以前從不用保險套的。這種方式讓他覺得哪裡不對勁，就像身體明明渴得要命，卻怎麼也解不了渴。

The words for the best wander through Beomgyu’s hazy thoughts. Fuck knows how many people Soobin has slept with, and he hadn’t shown Beomgyu any proof of being clean. It was probably in that folder, but Beomgyu hadn’t cared much about asking for it. It’s for the best that this sex is protected, no matter how strange it feels for there to be a layer of latex between them. 
「最好的選擇」這幾個字在范奎模糊的思緒中游移。天知道秀彬睡過多少人，而且他也沒向范奎證明自己沒病。那些證明大概都在那個資料夾裡吧，但范奎當時也懶得多問。反正戴套做愛最安全，儘管隔著那層乳膠的感覺實在有夠詭異。

He barely notices that Soobin is moving, rolling onto his side and carefully pulling Beomgyu onto his, too. The knot tugs at Beomgyu’s entrance, and Soobin shushes his tiny whimpers at the little pricks of pain. 
他幾乎沒注意到秀彬在移動，側過身並小心翼翼地將范奎也拉過來。結在范奎的入口處拉扯，秀彬輕聲安撫他因微微刺痛而發出的細小嗚咽。

“You take it easy,” he says, draping an arm over Beomgyu’s front to stabilize him. “Relax. This is part of it.”
「你放輕鬆點，」他說著，伸手環住范奎的胸前穩住他。「別緊張，這是必經過程。」

Cuddling? Cuddling is part of the service? Beomgyu supposes that makes sense, when knotting is part of the service, and there’s not much else to do while you’re knotted. Somehow, he hadn’t anticipated this, though. And now he’s trapped, locked onto his ex for god knows how long. All he wants to do is slip under, let go of consciousness, give into the all-encompassing warmth flooding his brain, and for him to do it, he has to give himself over to Soobin.
抱抱？抱抱也是服務的一部分嗎？范奎想了想倒也合理，畢竟連結都算在服務範圍內了，而且結在一起時確實也沒別的事可做。只是他壓根沒預料到這點。現在可好，他被迫和前男友緊密相連，天曉得還要維持多久。他只想沉溺其中，放棄意識，任由那股席捲全身的暖流淹沒大腦——而要做到這點，他必須完全把自己交給秀彬。

It’s hard to resist the instinct to melt back into Soobin’s arms. His body isn’t quite the same as it used to be — it feels firmer against Beomgyu’s than it did back then, the arm across his chest far more muscled — but it’s still Soobin. With his eyes closed, they might as well be back in bed in their old apartment, falling asleep knotted together like it’s any normal heat.
要抵抗本能、不讓自己融化在秀彬懷裡實在太難。那具身軀已不復從前——貼著范奎時能感受到更結實的肌肉線條，橫在他胸前的臂膀也比當年更為精壯——但這依然是秀彬。閉上眼睛時，他們彷彿又回到了舊公寓的床上，像任何一次普通的發情期那樣交纏著入睡。

Beomgyu must have stiffened up in Soobin’s arms at the memory, because Soobin freezes up, too, and he lifts his hand to Beomgyu’s throat, stroking a thumb slowly over his scent gland. He picks at the edge of Beomgyu’s inhibitor patch, just barely hanging onto his skin, and it triggers an immediate reaction, calming pheromones flooding Beomgyu’s system.
范奎可能因回憶而在秀彬懷裡僵直了身子，因為秀彬也突然靜止不動，抬手撫上他的喉嚨，拇指緩緩摩挲著氣味腺體。他輕扯著范奎幾乎脫落的抑制貼邊緣，這舉動立刻引發連鎖反應，安撫費洛蒙如潮水般湧入范奎體內。

“Really, Beomgyu. Relax. It’s my job.” 
「真的，范奎，放輕鬆。這是我的工作。」

“How…how long until…” Beomgyu breathes. How long will they be like this, locked together? This was always his favorite part of heat sex. Whispering to each other as the minutes stretched on, whining that it was taking too long, Soobin grinding the knot up into his g-spot to render him useless again and teasing him for being such a good omega. But it’s not exactly like any of that’s going to be happening this time, and Beomgyu feels overwhelmed and exhausted. He doesn’t want to have to think about this. He’s afraid if he does, he’ll only start regretting it.
「還…還要多久…」范奎喘息著問道。他們這樣緊密相連的狀態還要持續多久？這原本是他最喜歡發情期性愛的部分。隨著時間流逝，彼此耳語呢喃，抱怨著時間過得太慢，秀彬將結磨蹭著他的敏感點讓他再次癱軟無力，並調侃他是個多麼完美的 Omega。但這次情況顯然不會如此發展，范奎感到既壓抑又疲憊。他不想再去思考這些。他害怕一旦開始想，只會讓自己後悔。

“Just sleep. We’ll talk when you wake up.”
「睡吧，等你醒來我們再談。」

Beomgyu gives in to the numbness overtaking him. It’s only right as he drifts off that he thinks he smells it: cinnamon, a single, harsh tendril of it filling his chest with warmth.
Beomgyu 屈服於逐漸籠罩他的麻木感。就在他即將飄然入睡之際，他彷彿聞到了那股氣息：肉桂，一縷強烈而刺鼻的香氣，讓他的胸口充滿溫暖。

The first time Beomgyu opens his eyes again, it’s to the feeling of Soobin carefully sliding out of him after the knot finally deflates. He has no idea how long it’s been, but by the time he’s regained consciousness enough to realize what’s happening, he feels a hollow vacancy between his thighs, his own dried slick and nothing else. He wriggles his hips instinctively, trying to seek out his alpha again, but Soobin is already gone, crawling over him on the bed with the spent condom in his hand. He doesn’t notice that Beomgyu is blinking his eyes open until he’s on the way back from the trash can in the bathroom. 
當范奎再次睜開雙眼時，感受到的是秀彬在結終於消退後小心翼翼從他體內抽離的觸感。他不清楚究竟過了多久，但當他恢復足夠意識理解現狀時，只覺大腿間空蕩蕩的，僅殘留著自己乾涸的體液。他本能地扭動腰肢想找回他的 Alpha，秀彬卻已不在原處——正握著用過的保險套從他身上爬過床鋪。直到秀彬從浴室垃圾桶折返時，才發現范奎正眨著迷濛的眼睛甦醒過來。

Beomgyu rubs a hand over one of his unfocused eyes, trying to focus on Soobin’s naked body. All he can really see in this bleary state is that he’s so tall, too tall for Beomgyu’s tiny studio apartment. 
范奎揉了揉模糊的雙眼，試圖聚焦在秀彬赤裸的身軀上。在這朦朧的視線中，他只能看出對方實在太高了，高得與自己狹小的單身公寓格格不入。

Soobin notices Beomgyu’s hand moving and pauses, halfway back to the bed.
秀彬注意到范奎的手在動，原本要回到床邊的動作頓時停住。

“Awake? Anything hurting?”
「醒了嗎？有哪裡痛嗎？」

Beomgyu frowns, focusing on his own body. Does anything hurt? He tries to move his legs, but they feel like they’re weighed down. He thinks he has a low fever. 
范奎皺起眉頭，感受著自己的身體狀況。有哪裡痛嗎？他試著移動雙腿，卻感覺像被重物壓著。他覺得自己似乎有點低燒。

“Back to sleep,” Soobin murmurs. “You’re not ready for more yet.”
「繼續睡吧，」秀彬低語道。「你還承受不了更多。」

More? Definitely not. Beomgyu turns his head into the pillow. He knows that carnal need will rear its head again, but right now, he just feels groggy and half-dead.
更多？當然不行。杋圭把臉埋進枕頭裡。他知道那股肉慾很快又會甦醒，但此刻他只覺得昏沉欲死。

“Here.” Beomgyu feels soft cloth sliding over his legs, and the mattress sinks as Soobin lays back down next to him, pulling the throw blanket from his little sofa over both of their bodies. “Get on my chest.”
「過來。」杋圭感覺柔軟布料滑過雙腿，床墊隨著秀彬重新躺下而凹陷，那條從沙發上扯來的薄毯覆蓋住兩人身軀。「趴到我胸口上。」

Beomgyu shakes his head childishly into the pillow. 
杋圭孩子氣地把頭往枕頭裡蹭了蹭。

“Get back over here, Beomie. You need an alpha.” 
「給我回來，范奎。你需要一個 Alpha。」

Soobin doesn’t let Beomgyu refuse again. He pulls Beomgyu’s head off the pillow, guiding it towards his chest instead, and Beomgyu doesn’t complain. The moment his cheek makes contact with Soobin’s broad sternum, all his muscles relax, like his limbs are exhaling. 
秀彬不讓范奎再次拒絕。他將范奎的頭從枕頭上抬起，引導其靠向自己的胸膛，而范奎沒有抱怨。當臉頰觸及秀彬寬闊的胸骨時，他全身肌肉瞬間放鬆，彷彿四肢都在嘆息。

“That’s it,” Soobin says quietly. His hands are laced firmly together on on the small of Beomgyu’s back, as if keeping each other from wandering. “I knew this would help. Just keep sleeping it off.” 
「這樣就對了，」秀彬輕聲說道。他的雙手在范奎腰後緊緊交握，像是防止彼此游移。「我就知道這會有幫助。繼續睡吧，讓它過去。」

“Stop acting like…an omega expert,” Beomgyu breathes. “Annoying.” 
「別裝得像是...Omega 專家，」范奎低聲喘息。「煩死了。」

Soobin doesn’t say anything. He holds very still, and Beomgyu feels his own fever melting into Soobin’s cool skin, as if the alpha’s presence is melting away his pain. His head is turned so that his breathing doesn’t skate down Beomgyu’s face and disturb his slumber. 
秀彬沒有回應。他保持靜止不動，范奎感覺自己的高熱正融入秀彬涼爽的肌膚，彷彿這位 Alpha 的存在正消融他的痛苦。秀彬偏著頭，避免呼息拂過范奎臉龐驚擾他的睡眠。

Beomgyu’s eyelids flutter closed, the side of his lashes tickling Soobin’s bare skin, but Soobin doesn’t flinch.
范奎的眼皮輕輕闔上，睫毛輕搔著秀彬裸露的肌膚，但秀彬沒有退縮。

“Sleep,” Soobin whispers. “I’ve got you.”
「睡吧，」秀彬低語。「有我在。」

The second time Beomgyu opens his eyes, it’s to a crippling pain lashing through his belly.
當范奎再次睜開雙眼時，腹部傳來一陣劇烈疼痛。

“Ah, fuck,” he gasps, suddenly wide awake. His eyes shoot open to find that it’s gone dark in his apartment. He’s nearly face-down on Soobin’s chest, their bare legs entwined, but the pain is too sudden and severe for him to dwell on how much of their skin is in contact with each other’s. 
「啊，該死，」他猛然驚醒，倒抽一口氣。睜眼只見公寓已陷入黑暗。他幾乎整張臉都貼在秀彬胸膛上，兩人赤裸的雙腿交纏，但這突如其來的劇痛讓他無暇思考彼此肌膚相貼的面積有多大。

“Cramps?”  「經痛？」

Soobin is already flying into action, rolling Beomgyu off his body and onto his side on the bed so that he can clamber over him and head to his satchel. Beomgyu wonders for a second if Soobin had been asleep at all, turning his head to watch him opening his bag and fumbling in it. It’s too dim for Beomgyu to properly size up his body, which is a shame. If he just made the grave mistake of fucking his hot ex, he might as well get to appreciate his looks.
秀彬已經迅速行動起來，把范奎從自己身上翻到床側，好讓他能爬過去拿自己的背包。范奎有一瞬間懷疑秀彬到底有沒有睡著，他轉頭看著對方打開背包在裡面翻找。光線太暗讓范奎無法好好打量他的身材，真是可惜。如果他剛剛犯下和火辣前任上床的嚴重錯誤，至少該好好欣賞對方的外貌。

“What…what’re you doing?”
「你...你在幹嘛？」

“Making you tea,” Soobin says, no-nonsense. “Chamomile and ginger. Anti-inflammatory.”
「給你泡茶。」秀彬直截了當地說，「洋甘菊加薑，消炎的。」

He pulls a tin out of his satchel and looks towards the kitchen nook.
他從背包裡掏出一個錫罐，目光投向廚房角落。

“Do you still have that kettle? The purple one?”
「你那把紫色水壺還在嗎？」

“You carry tea with you?”
「你隨身帶茶葉？」

“Yeah, duh,” Soobin says, not looking at him and turning to Beomgyu’s cabinets. “What kind of heat service would this be if I wasn’t taking care of you during your heat?”
「這還用說，」秀彬頭也不回地轉身翻起范奎的櫥櫃。「要是我沒在你發情期照顧你，這算哪門子的發情期服務？」

“I mean, you did,” Beomgyu points out. “You knotted me.”
「我是說，你確實這麼做了，」范奎指出。「你標記了我。」

His belly twinges at the words. 
他的腹部因這些話而抽痛。

“You’re paying for a minimum of twenty-four hours of service,” Soobin prattles off, opening and closing a cabinet. “That means me helping with your symptoms between knots. Unless you want me to neglect you?”
「你付的是至少二十四小時的服務費，」秀彬一邊開關櫃子一邊絮絮叨叨，「這意味著我得在結節之間幫你緩解症狀。除非你想被我晾著不管？」

He shoots Beomgyu a look over his shoulder, dark eyes piercing through the dimness above his blurry features, and Beomgyu’s uterus chooses that exact moment to hate him again. He grimaces as another wave of pain pummels him. 
他轉頭瞥了范奎一眼，昏暗光線中那雙銳利的黑眸穿透模糊的輪廓直射而來，而范奎的子宮偏偏在此刻再度對他燃起恨意。又一波劇痛襲來，讓他忍不住齜牙咧嘴。

“Thought so,” Soobin says, turning back to his search.
「早料到了，」秀彬說著轉回身繼續翻找。

“Lower left,” Beomgyu pants, and Soobin finds the kettle in the lower left cabinet. 
「左下邊。」范奎氣喘吁吁地說，於是秀彬在左下方的櫥櫃裡找到了熱水壺。

They don’t talk again until Beomgyu is delicately propped up against his headboard, a hot mug of tea in his hands and two ibuprofen pills on his nightstand, also whipped out of Soobin’s satchel.
直到范奎被小心翼翼地安置在床頭板前，手裡捧著一杯熱茶，床頭櫃上擺著兩顆從秀彬背包裡翻出來的布洛芬藥片時，他們才又開口說話。

“That thing is bottomless,” Beomgyu says weakly, nodding at the bag and taking a sip as Soobin settles down on the edge of the bed next to him. Luckily Soobin had the presence of mind to pull a corner of the throw blanket over his naked lap, because Beomgyu isn’t sure how he’d be able to sit casually next to him, sipping tea and making small talk, if they were both fully naked. 
「那東西根本深不見底，」範奎虛弱地說著，朝袋子點了點頭，一邊啜飲著茶。此時秀彬在他身旁的床沿坐下。幸好秀彬還記得用毛毯一角遮住自己赤裸的大腿，否則範奎實在無法想像，要是兩人都光著身子，還怎麼能若無其事地並肩坐著喝茶閒聊。

Soobin grunts affirmatively, but doesn’t say anything, and they both fall silent again. Beomgyu tries not to look at his face, but there aren’t many other places to look in his apartment, and his eyes inevitably wander over Soobin’s body instead. Safer to look there than at his face.
秀彬含糊地應了一聲，但沒再多說什麼，兩人又陷入沉默。范奎試著不去看他的臉，但公寓裡能看的地方實在不多，視線終究還是游移到秀彬身上。盯著身體總比盯著臉安全些。

“You work out now,” he says, stupidly. 
「你現在有在健身。」他傻傻地說。

“Mhm,” Soobin says. “Helps with the job.”
「嗯，」秀彬說。「對工作有幫助。」

“How so?”  「怎麼說？」

Soobin scoffs. “People tip better when you’re hotter,” he says, and Beomgyu lets his eyes fall to his mug. 
秀彬嗤之以鼻。「長得越好看小費拿越多啦，」他說道，而范奎的視線則垂落至自己的馬克杯上。

Right. They haven’t talked about his job yet — they’ve barely talked. There are so many unspoken things sitting between them, so many changes neither of them has acknowledged. Things that were never supposed to have to be acknowledged, when they were never supposed to see each other again. That’s what happens after break ups: your whole history disappears, along with the future that never was. The story they had been making together is over, and this strange epilogue was never supposed to be written. 
沒錯。他們還沒談到他的工作——他們幾乎沒怎麼交談。兩人之間有太多未說出口的話，太多雙方都未曾承認的改變。這些原本就不該被提起的事，在他們原本不該再見面的前提下。分手後就是這樣：你們共同的過去連同從未實現的未來一起消失。他們一起譜寫的故事已經結束，而這個奇怪的後記本不該被寫下。

Out of the corner of his eye, Beomgyu notices Soobin’s hands fidgeting in his lap.
余光中，范奎注意到秀彬的手在膝蓋上不安地動著。

“Nice apartment,” Soobin says awkwardly. 
「這公寓不錯啊。」秀彬尷尬地說。

It’s Beomgyu’s turn to scoff. His apartment is completely unextraordinary.
這回輪到范奎嗤之以鼻。他的公寓根本毫無特別之處。

“No, really. You got that velvet couch you wanted.”
「不騙你，你真的買到那張天鵝絨沙發了。」

“Yeah, the loveseat version,” Beomgyu says. Not enough room here for the sectional he had always wanted to get for their old apartment. “And guess what? It’s as hard to clean as you’d said it would be.” 
「對啊，是雙人座的版本。」范奎說。這裡的空間不夠放他原本想為舊公寓添購的 L 型沙發。「你猜怎麼著？它跟你說的一樣難清理。」

Soobin gives him one single laugh. “Glad I was right,” he says. 
秀彬輕笑了一聲。「很高興我是對的。」他說。

Beomgyu doesn’t know what to say to that, and thankfully, Soobin seems to recognize that as the one who killed the conversation, it’s his job to restart it. 
范奎不知道該怎麼接話，幸好秀彬似乎意識到是自己把話題聊死了，該由他來重新開啟對話。

“Seeing anyone?” he asks. “Oh. I mean — sorry. Dumb question.”
「有在跟誰交往嗎？」他問道。「噢，我是說——抱歉。這問題真蠢。」

“Obviously not,” Beomgyu says wryly, lifting the mug of Soobin’s tea. “Last-minute call to an alpha service doesn’t exactly scream in a relationship, does it?”
「顯然沒有，」范奎苦笑著舉起那杯秀彬的茶。「臨時打電話叫 Alpha 服務，怎麼看都不像是有穩定關係的樣子，對吧？」

Soobin shrugs. “Not exactly. But I don’t know your life.”
秀彬聳了聳肩。「不完全是。但我不了解你的生活。」

No, he doesn’t.  不，他沒有。

“Well, I’m not. Seeing anyone, that is. Um, you?”
「呃，我沒有。我是說，我現在沒跟任何人交往。你呢？」

Soobin shakes his head.  秀彬搖了搖頭。

“Not since this job. It’s not a great one for dating,” he says, and now all that Beomgyu can think is that he was dating. He’s dated since they broke up, while all Beomgyu has done is mope and stew and cry and patch up his broken heart. Great. Just great. Exactly what he wanted to hear. 
「自從接了這份工作就沒談了。這工作實在不適合約會。」他說道，此刻范奎腦中只盤旋著一個念頭：他談過戀愛。分手後他談過戀愛，而范奎只會自怨自艾、生悶氣、掉眼淚，縫補自己破碎的心。太好了。真是太好了。這正是他想聽到的。

“So why’d you take the job? Easy way to get laid?” 
「那你幹嘛接這工作？方便約炮嗎？」

It’s a stupid, rude thing to say, and Beomgyu immediately regrets it. He wishes his eyes didn’t flutter up to Soobin’s face, because Soobin just gives him a withering look, and Beomgyu lifts his mug to his lips, ducking behind it. 
這句話既愚蠢又無禮，范奎說完立刻後悔了。他真希望自己沒有抬眼看向秀彬的臉，因為秀彬只是投來一個令人萎靡的眼神，范奎只好舉起馬克杯擋住臉，躲在其後。

Soobin’s face is as pretty as it ever was, even with this stern expression. His cheeks might be a smidge thinner, but Beomgyu knows his dimples are still hiding in them. He hopes he doesn’t have to see them tonight. So far, he’s been too consumed with his heat symptoms to have an emotional breakdown, but the dimples might push him over the edge. Too many memories of those dimples smiling at him.
秀彬的臉龐依舊如昔美麗，即使此刻板著嚴肅表情。他的臉頰或許消瘦了些，但范奎知道那對酒窩仍藏在底下。他希望今晚別看到它們出現——至今為止，發情症狀已讓他無暇情緒崩潰，但若看見那對酒窩，恐怕會成為壓垮他的最後一根稻草。太多回憶裡，那對酒窩都衝著他微笑。

“I didn’t mean that,” Beomgyu says in a small voice. “Just…um, yeah. How’d you end up here? What happened to the Boeing job?”
「我不是那個意思，」范奎小聲說道。「只是...嗯，對了。你怎麼會來這裡？波音的工作怎麼了？」

“I lost it, obviously,” Soobin says, flicking a piece of lint off the blanket. “There was a big round of lay-offs at the beginning of last year. I wasn’t senior enough to make the cut.”
「當然是丟了，」秀彬彈掉毯子上的一根棉絮。「去年初公司大規模裁員，我資歷不夠深，沒能留下。」

“Ah. Sorry to hear that.”
「啊，真遺憾。」

Soobin shrugs.   秀彬聳了聳肩。

“Tough job market out there,” he says. “I got tired of waiting tables. And this pays better, while I keep sending out a billion applications.”
「現在工作真難找，」他說。「我已經厭倦端盤子了。這份工作薪水更好，而且我可以繼續投遞無數份履歷。」

Beomgyu gives him a tiny nod. 
范奎微微點了點頭。

“You? Still at that law firm?” 
「你呢？還在那間律師事務所嗎？」

“Mhm. And it’s still boring.” Soobin has spent hours of his life hearing Beomgyu complain about his dull receptionist job, so he just nods too.
「嗯，還是很無聊。」Soobin 這輩子已經聽 Beomgyu 抱怨他那無趣的接待員工作好幾個小時了，所以他只是點點頭。

“And the guys? They’re all good?”
「其他人呢？他們都還好嗎？」

“You haven’t heard from any of them?”
「你沒跟他們任何人聯絡嗎？」

Soobin shakes his head, and Beomgyu feels a rush of cruel pride. At least all their friends stuck with Beomgyu after the break up. Even Kai, who Beomgyu had always assumed was more Soobin’s friend than his own. Beomgyu never asked them all to stop seeing Soobin, but as far as he knows, they all did anyway.
秀彬搖了搖頭，范奎心中湧起一股殘酷的驕傲。至少分手後，所有朋友都選擇站在范奎這邊。就連凱也是——范奎一直以為凱跟秀彬的關係比自己更親近。范奎從未要求大家別再見秀彬，但據他所知，大家確實都這麼做了。

“Junie-hyung’s gotten a lot of jobs lately. He walked in Paris fashion week.” Soobin makes an appropriately pleased sound. “And Taehyunnie and Kai are still sickening about each other.”
「俊哥最近接了很多工作，還走了巴黎時裝週。」秀彬發出恰到好處的讚嘆聲。「泰賢和凱還是整天黏在一起噁心死人。」

“It was nice to see Kai, even for just a second,” Soobin says. “Would you mind…if I texted him some time?”
「能見到 Kai 真好，哪怕只有一瞬間。」Soobin 說。「你介意...我偶爾傳訊息給他嗎？」

“I just told you he’s taken,” Beomgyu says, but Soobin shakes his head. 
「我剛不是說他已經有對象了，」范奎說道，但秀彬搖了搖頭。

“I just meant, like, he’s your friend. That could be weird.”
「我只是想說，他是你朋友。這樣可能會有點尷尬。」

Beomgyu shrugs. It probably would be, but it would make him seem overdramatic to say it. 
范奎聳聳肩。確實可能會，但說出來又顯得自己太戲劇化。

“I’d just like to catch up. He’s…well, he’s one of the things I miss most.” Soobin picks at the loose weave of the blanket, dropping his voice. “Maybe second most.” 
「我只是想敘敘舊。他...嗯，他是我最想念的人之一。」秀彬撥弄著毛毯鬆脫的線頭，壓低聲音說：「可能是第二想念的。」

It takes Beomgyu’s brain three times as long to process the implications of that statement than it should, because his body chooses that exact moment to start shivering uncontrollably. 
范奎的大腦花了比平常多三倍的時間才消化完那句話的含意，因為他的身體偏偏選在這個時刻開始不受控制地發抖。

“Fever?” Soobin says automatically, looking up. “Take the meds, they’ll lower—”
「發燒了？」守彬下意識抬頭說道，「吃藥吧，會退——」

“Hold up,” Beomgyu interrupts. Soobin is lifting his hand toward Beomgyu’s face, as if about to feel his forehead for his temperature, and Beomgyu slaps it away. “That’s rich, coming from you.”
「等等，」范奎打斷他。守彬正抬手要探向范奎的臉，像是要摸他額頭量體溫，范奎一把拍開他的手。「你還真好意思說。」

“What’s rich?” Soobin frowns, furrowing his thick brows.
「什麼好意思？」守彬皺起濃眉，一臉困惑。

“You’re saying you miss me?”
「你是說你想我？」

Soobin hesitates. His thoughts must be racing to think of a smooth follow-up. After all, it’s fucking bold to tell the person you dumped that you miss them. Bold, and shitty, and fuck, here come the emotions, a swell of bitter longing in Beomgyu’s throat.
秀彬猶豫了。他的腦中肯定正飛速運轉，試圖想出一個圓滑的接話。畢竟對被自己甩掉的人說想念，簡直他媽的大膽到極點。既大膽又混蛋，而該死的，情緒就這樣湧上來了，那股苦澀的渴望哽在范奎的喉頭。

Beomgyu clutches his mug tighter, like a shield between them, and swallows. He cannot get upset. He won’t let himself get upset. There’s nothing to get upset about, right? He doesn’t even want Soobin anymore.  
范奎更用力地握緊馬克杯，彷彿那是兩人之間的盾牌，然後嚥了嚥口水。他不能失控。他絕不允許自己失控。根本沒什麼好失控的，對吧？他早就不想要秀彬了。

“Is that not okay?” Soobin asks in a small voice. 
「這樣不行嗎？」秀彬小聲地問道。

“Not okay,” Beomgyu tries to snarl. It comes out limp. 
「不好。」范奎試圖低吼，卻顯得有氣無力。

It’s quiet, for a moment. Beomgyu watches Soobin’s face fall. He looks weirdly hurt, which feels unfair. 
一時之間，空氣安靜了下來。范奎看著秀彬的表情垮了下來。他看起來莫名受傷，這感覺很不公平。

“Sure, whatever,” Soobin says. “I shouldn’t have said it. Sorry.”
「好吧，隨便你。」秀彬說。「我不該那樣說的。抱歉。」

He grabs the pills, handing them over wordlessly and watching Beomgyu swallow them. When he reaches for the now half-empty mug. Beomgyu doesn’t relinquish it. 
他抓起藥丸，一言不發地遞過去，看著杋圭吞下。當他伸手去拿那半空的馬克杯時，杋圭卻不肯鬆手。

“I’ve just thought about you a lot,” Soobin says. “Wondering if I should look you up, just to see how you’re doing. And I’m glad I got to see for myself that you’re…doing well.”
「我只是經常想起你，」秀彬說。「一直在猶豫該不該查查你的近況，看看你過得好不好。現在能親眼確認你...過得不錯，我很開心。」

Yeah, maybe now, Beomgyu thinks bitterly. Not last year. Not before that. Not after you fucking left.
是啊，也許現在是過得不錯，杋圭苦澀地想。但去年不是。在那之前也不是。在你他媽離開後更不是。

The last thing he wants is for Soobin to know how much it hurt. 
他最不願意的就是讓秀彬知道自己當時有多痛。

“Yeah, doing…doing well,” Beomgyu says. 
「嗯，還...還不錯，」范奎說。

Soobin wraps his hand around the handle of the mug, his fingertips grazing Beomgyu’s. “Let me refill this.” 
秀彬的手環繞著馬克杯的把手，指尖輕觸范奎的。「讓我幫你續杯。」

His fingers are twice the size of Beomgyu’s, and the moment they come into contact, a slice of pain cuts through Beomgyu’s core. He winces, doubling over his belly as heat flashes through his collar. It feels like the universe is punishing him. Touch his ex, get smited.
他的手指比范奎的大上一倍，當兩人肌膚相觸的瞬間，一陣劇痛貫穿范奎的核心。他皺起臉，彎腰摀住腹部，熱度瞬間竄上頸部。這感覺就像宇宙在懲罰他——碰觸前任，就得承受天譴。

“Lay down,” Soobin says quickly. “On your back.” 
「躺下，」秀彬迅速說道。「仰躺著。」

Beomgyu obeys. Soobin pulls the mug from his weakening grasp and moves it to the night stand, the refill forgotten. Instead, he curls his fingertips over Beomgyu’s belly through the blanket, pressing right where it aches, and Beomgyu gasps as another wave of pain hits him. 
範奎順從了。秀彬從他逐漸無力的手中接過馬克杯，將它移到床頭櫃上，忘了要再倒一杯。相反地，他隔著毯子將指尖覆上範奎的腹部，正好按在疼痛的位置，當又一波痛楚襲來時，範奎倒抽了一口氣。

“The meds will help in a few minutes,” Soobin says, rolling his fingers firmly into Beomgyu’s aching womb. “Try and focus on your breathing.”
「藥效幾分鐘後就會發揮作用，」秀彬說著，手指堅定地在範奎疼痛的子宮上揉按。「試著專注在你的呼吸上。」

“I fucking know,” Beomgyu grits out. He scrunches his eyes closed and breathes out slowly, four counts. He hasn’t had to do any of this since his last heat with Soobin, and Soobin was always so good during his heats. Always took such good care of him. My eomma raised a good alpha, he’d laugh. Just get back in bed, angel. I’ll get you something to eat. 
「我他媽知道，」範奎咬牙說道。他緊閉雙眼，緩緩吐氣，數了四下。自從上次和秀彬一起度過發情期後，他就沒再需要做這些了，而秀彬總是在他發情期時表現得如此出色。總是把他照顧得無微不至。我媽養了個好 Alpha，他會笑著說。快回床上吧，天使。我去給你弄點吃的。

The more Beomgyu lets those locked-away memories creep in, the more he hurts, physically. It’s like his thoughts are gnawing at his chest, giving him heartburn along with his cramps. 
隨著范奎讓那些被封存的記憶逐漸浮現，他的身體就越發疼痛。彷彿思緒正在啃噬他的胸膛，讓他在痙攣之餘還伴隨著陣陣心悸。

Somewhere to his left, a phone buzzes. 
在他左側某處，手機震動了起來。

“Yours,” Soobin says. “Do you want it?” 
「你的，」秀彬說。「想要嗎？」

“Could you…” Beomgyu grimaces through another cramp. “Tell me who it’s from?”
「可以幫我...」范奎因又一陣痙攣而皺起臉。「看看是誰打來的嗎？」

There’s the sound of Soobin fumbling around in the clothes that Beomgyu had dropped on the floor. 
Soobin 在 Beomgyu 扔在地上的衣物間摸索的聲音傳來。

“Kai,” he says. 
「凱，」他說。

Beomgyu reaches out his hand for the phone. Fucking Kai. He could have stopped this, if he’d only…
Beomgyu 伸手去拿手機。該死的 Kai。如果他當時能...這一切就不會發生了...

Soobin puts the phone into his hand. Beomgyu cracks an eye open, unlocking it.
Soobin 將手機遞到他手中。Beomgyu 睜開一隻眼，解鎖了手機。

hueningie  輝映
Update? Round one done?
更新？第一輪完成了嗎？

me  我
you’re a bastard  你這個混蛋
leaving like that  就這樣離開

hueningie  輝映啊
U rather I stay and watch? :P
你寧願我留下來看著嗎？ :P
Sorry hyung   對不起 哥
Honestly I felt so much better leaving u with him than a stranger
說真的，把你交給他照顧比交給陌生人讓我放心多了
Ur safe with him  有他在你很安全
Even if he sucks
就算他很遜

me  我
fuck that  去他的

hueningie  休寧凱
Be mad when heat’s over 
熱度消退時才發怒
Why are u even texting me 
你幹嘛還傳訊息給我
U should be getting dick
你應該要來點屌

me  我
:skull:  💀

Soobin’s fingers dig into the soft flesh of Beomgyu’s belly, and Beomgyu lets the phone slide through his fingertips. 
秀彬的手指陷入范奎柔軟的腹部肌膚，范奎任由手機從指間滑落。

“You wish he’d kicked me out, right?” Soobin says quietly. 
「你希望他把我趕出去，對吧？」秀彬輕聲說道。

Everything hurts so much. It’s starting to get hard to think again, just like at the start of all this, but not because of lust, because of pain. Beomgyu wishes Soobin’s touch wasn’t helping, but he knows that it is. It’s taking the edge off. Alpha cares. His body feels it in its bones, even if it’s a lie.
一切都痛得要命。思緒又開始變得混亂，就像這一切剛開始時那樣，但這次不是因為慾望，而是因為疼痛。范奎希望秀彬的觸碰沒有幫助，但他知道確實有。那緩解了痛苦。Alpha 在乎。他的身體從骨子裡感受到了，即使這是個謊言。

“Sort of,” Beomgyu mutters.
「算是吧，」范奎咕噥著。

Soobin doesn’t respond right away. Beomgyu can’t look at him. He doesn’t want to know how he reacted to that. 
秀彬沒有立刻回應。范奎不敢看他。他不想知道秀彬對這句話有什麼反應。

“Makes sense,” Soobin says finally. His motion stills on Beomgyu’s stomach, and almost instantly, Beomgyu cries out again.
「有道理。」秀彬最終說道。他的手仍停在范奎的腹部，幾乎就在同一刻，范奎又痛呼出聲。

“Fuck,” he curses, curling onto his side around his evil, angry womb.
「幹。」他咒罵著，蜷縮起身子護住那作惡發疼的子宮。

In an instant, Soobin is there again, sliding under the blanket, pressing their naked bodies together. He hauls one of Beomgyu’s legs up over Soobin’s own hips, hugging their fronts as close as they can go. Beomgyu barely notices that one of his hands is dropping down below his own waist until it dips between his legs. He squeals, but Soobin is only checking to see whether he’s slicking up again. His fingers ghost over the folds of Beomgyu’s cunt for a split second before they disappear, leaving Beomgyu aching for something he didn’t realize he wanted yet. If he wasn’t slicking up before, he will be now.
霎時間，秀彬又回到原位，滑進被窩裡，讓兩具赤裸的身軀緊密相貼。他將杋圭的一條腿架到自己腰際，讓兩人前胸緊密相嵌。杋圭幾乎沒注意到秀彬的手正滑向自己腰際，直到那隻手探入他雙腿之間。他驚喘出聲，但秀彬只是要確認他是否又濕了。指尖在杋圭私處的皺褶間輕掠而過，轉瞬即逝，卻讓杋圭莫名渴望起自己尚未意識到的需求。如果先前還沒濕，現在肯定要濕了。

“Soon,” Soobin says. His hand floats to Beomgyu’s forehead, brushing his bangs off his sweaty skin.
「再等一下。」秀彬說道。他的手輕撫過杋圭額頭，將汗濕的瀏海撥開。

Beomgyu begs, “give me.”   范奎哀求道：「給我。」

“You’re not ready yet. Soon.”
「你還不夠準備好。再等等。」

Soobin’s face is so close, and this time, Beomgyu has nowhere else to look. 
秀彬的臉靠得好近，這次，范奎無處可逃。

“I’m helping, right?” Soobin whispers, his eyes unblinking. 
「我在幫忙，對吧？」秀彬低語，眼睛一眨不眨。

Of course he’s helping. If he wasn’t helping, he wouldn’t be here. Beomgyu nods weakly. 
他當然在幫忙。若沒在幫忙，他就不會在這裡。范奎虛弱地點頭。

“You…you still want this?” 
「你...你還想要這樣嗎？」

Beomgyu can’t fathom why his voice sounds so thin, why his eyes are so fucking big. 
范奎無法理解為什麼自己的聲音聽起來如此微弱，為什麼眼睛該死地睜得這麼大。

“Yeah,” he breathes.  「嗯，」他輕聲應道。

“You can tell me to leave. If you don’t want me.”
「你可以叫我離開。如果你不想要我的話。」

“Hyung, shut up,” Beomgyu spits out, as sharply as he can muster. “I know.” Don’t make me think about it. The last thing he wants is a reminder that yes, he’s doing this to himself. He could do the right thing for his mental health, tell Soobin he’s done more than enough, and suffer through the rest of his heat alone. The pain wouldn’t be too bad. It would be better in the long run than spending hours cuddling with Soobin as if they were still lovers, letting him dote on him like nothing has changed. 
「哥，閉嘴，」范奎盡可能尖銳地吐出這句話。「我知道。」別讓我思考這件事。他最不想要的就是被提醒——沒錯，這是他自作自受。他本可以為自己的心理健康做出正確選擇，告訴守彬他已經做得夠多了，然後獨自熬過剩下的發情期。痛苦不會太劇烈。長遠來看，這總比花數小時與守彬依偎在一起、假裝他們仍是戀人，讓他像什麼都沒變過般寵溺自己來得好。

But he won’t tell him to leave. He’s a coward. A masochistic, hedonistic coward, and he needs this comfort, this pleasure. He wants the shadow of being loved like this, just for one more day.
但他不會叫他離開。他是個懦夫。一個自虐又享樂的懦夫，他需要這份慰藉，這份歡愉。他渴望被這樣愛著的幻影，哪怕再多一天也好。

“Hyung,” Soobin repeats faintly, and Beomgyu almost snaps I’m not your fucking hyung, dumbass before he realizes it was just an echo. Oh. 
「哥...」秀彬又輕聲喚道，范奎差點脫口而出「誰他媽是你哥，白癡」，才發現那只是回音。啊。

“S-sorry,” he stammers. “Soobin…Soobin-ssi.” 
「對、對不起，」他結結巴巴地說。「秀彬...秀彬先生。」

“No, don’t. That’s too fucking weird.” Soobin lowers his head on the pillow, bending his long neck until their foreheads are pressed together. He closes his eyes, and Beomgyu stares at his lashes, full and dark. “Keep calling me hyung, Beomgyu-ya.”
「別，這樣太他媽奇怪了。」秀彬把頭埋進枕頭，修長的脖頸彎曲直到兩人額頭相抵。他閉上眼睛，范奎盯著那濃密烏黑的睫毛。「繼續叫我哥吧，范奎啊。」

Beomgyu hesitates, and then gives Soobin a quiet okay.
范奎猶豫了一下，然後輕聲對秀彬說了聲「好」。

“Unless you don’t want to?”
「除非你不想？」

It would feel much weirder to call him anything else. Beomgyu opens his mouth to confirm, but just then his back twinges, right behind his left ovary. His hand flies to it, and just a moment later, Soobin’s palm is pressing there too. 
用其他稱呼反而會感覺更奇怪。范奎正想開口確認，但就在這時，他的背部突然抽痛了一下，位置正好在左側卵巢後方。他的手立刻按了上去，片刻後秀彬的手掌也覆上了那個位置。

“Oh,” Beomgyu says, letting his own hand relax as Soobin massages his sorest muscle.
「噢。」范奎讓自己的手放鬆下來，任由秀彬按摩他最痠痛的肌肉。

“Tell me when the other side starts,” Soobin says. The words sound so casual, meaningless, as if they don’t belie so much history, the significance of how he even knows the right side will start aching any moment now. 
「另一邊開始的時候告訴我。」秀彬說道。這話聽起來如此隨意、毫無意義，彷彿它們並未隱藏那麼多過往，也看不出他為何能預知右側隨時會開始疼痛的重要性。

“You’re good at your job,” Beomgyu says without thinking.
「你很擅長你的工作。」范奎不假思索地說。

“Hm?” Soobin’s eyes open.
「嗯？」秀彬睜開眼睛。

“I mean. Caring—caring for omegas. You must be popular.”
「我是說。照顧——照顧 omega 們。你一定很受歡迎。」

“Eh,” Soobin says. “Not every omega’s like you.”
「呃，」秀彬說。「不是每個 Omega 都像你這樣。」

“What d’you mean?”  「你這話是什麼意思？」

“I mean, if every omega winced just like you did when your back starts hurting, then I’d always know when to rub their backs,” Soobin says. “But they don’t. So I’m pretty average at my job.” 
「我是說，如果每個 Omega 背痛時都像你一樣皺眉，那我就永遠知道什麼時候該幫他們按摩背部了，」秀彬說。「但他們不會。所以我的工作表現其實很普通。」

“So does that mean I’m getting special treatment?” Beomgyu says, his voice wavering.
「所以這表示我受到特別待遇了嗎？」范奎的聲音有些顫抖。

Soobin laughs. “Not special treatment, Beomgyu-ya. Just…the only treatment I really know how to give. Your treatment. You trained me well.”
秀彬笑了。「不是特別待遇啦，範奎啊。只是...這是我唯一懂得給予的待遇。你的待遇。你把我訓練得很好。」

Beomgyu’s mind races. He needs to keep joking around, keep this light. “So now you’re saying you treat all your clients the way you used to treat me? Way to make a guy feel special.”
範奎的思緒飛轉。他得繼續開玩笑，保持輕鬆的氛圍。「所以你現在是說，你用以前對待我的方式對待所有客戶？真是讓人感覺特別呢。」

“Well, that happens when you break up with someone,” Soobin says lightly. “You lose exclusivity rights.” 
「嗯，分手後就是這樣啊，」秀彬輕鬆地說。「你失去了專屬權。」

He’s smiling, those terrible dimples popping into his cheeks. He’s capable of laughing about their break up. Beomgyu wants to nitpick at Soobin’s phrasing, don’t put it on me, but if he does, he might burst into tears. 
他微笑著，那對可惡的酒窩又浮現在臉頰上。他居然能對他們的分手一笑置之。範奎想挑剔秀彬的用詞——別把責任推給我——但如果這麼做，他可能會當場哭出來。

“Who were you supposed to be with today? The cancellation?” Beomgyu has to move on. He’s not sure why he’s asking, but talking about Soobin’s job is the furthest possible conversation topic from the life they used to share together. It feels like the safest thing to talk about, if they’re going to talk about anything while pressed together so intimately, with Soobin’s hand massaging circles into the small of Beomgyu’s bare back.
「你今天本來應該跟誰在一起？被取消的那個？」范奎必須轉移話題。他不確定自己為什麼要問，但談論秀彬的工作，大概是離他們曾經共享的生活最遙遠的話題了。如果他們要在如此親密的距離下交談——秀彬的手還在范奎裸露的腰際畫著圈按摩——這似乎是最安全的選擇。

Soobin shrugs. He adjusts his touch, shifting it towards the other side of Beomgyu’s back just as the pain starts to migrate. “No idea. New client.”
秀彬聳聳肩。當疼痛開始轉移時，他調整了觸碰的位置，將手移向範奎背部的另一側。「不知道。新客戶。」

“Do you have any favorites?”
「你有特別喜歡的類型嗎？」

Soobin shakes his head.  秀彬搖了搖頭。

“Regulars?”  「常客？」

“Regulars, sure. But no favorites.”
「常客，沒錯。但沒有特別偏愛的。」

Beomgyu ponders that for a moment, and Soobin’s brows furrow slightly. 
范奎思索了片刻，秀彬的眉頭微微皺起。

“You sure you want to talk about this? You don’t want to rest?”
「你確定要現在談這個？不想先休息嗎？」

“I like…hearing your voice,” Beomgyu admits. “It feels…soothing.”
「我喜歡…聽你的聲音，」范奎坦承道。「感覺…很療癒。」

It does. Like a second round of painkillers, hitting just as the first ones are starting to sink in. The right side of his back isn’t hurting nearly as much as the left side was.
確實如此。就像第二輪止痛藥，在第一輪藥效剛開始發揮作用時接踵而至。他右側背部的疼痛感遠不及左側來得劇烈。

“I can just talk to you, then,” Soobin says. “Read something out loud. Or talk about the show I’m watching. Would that be good?”
「那我直接跟你聊天就好，」秀彬說。「大聲唸點什麼，或者聊聊我正在追的劇。這樣可以嗎？」

“It’s an anime, right?”  「是動漫對吧？」

Soobin makes a face. “A drama, actually. You know I don’t just watch anime.”
秀彬做了個鬼臉。「其實是部戲劇啦。你知道我不只看動畫的。」

“I don’t know,” Beomgyu says pointedly, and Soobin squeezes him the slightest bit tighter, fingers firmer into his sore muscles. 
「我不知道，」范奎刻意強調道，而秀彬將他摟得更緊了些，手指在他酸痛的肌肉上施加更多力道。

“Fair,” he says. “What if I told you I’d kicked the anime habit entirely?”
「好吧，」他說。「要是我告訴你我已經完全戒掉動漫了呢？」

“You’d be lying. Right?”  「你肯定在說謊。對吧？」

Soobin laughs. His laugh is higher than his voice, piercing. Beomgyu’s brain registers his happiness as if serotonin is flooding his own body instead. Alpha happy. 
秀彬笑了。他的笑聲比說話聲更高亢，帶著穿透力。范奎的大腦感知到他的快樂，彷彿血清素正湧入自己體內。Alpha 開心了。

“Completely lying,” Soobin says. “You sure you don’t want me to just put some music on or something? My voice is so weird.”
「完全在說謊，」秀彬說。「你確定不要我放點音樂什麼的嗎？我的聲音超怪的。」

“Not weird,” Beomgyu exhales. He cuddles his forearms into Soobin’s chest, pressing one palm to his heart. They’re close enough he swears he can hear it pounding. 
「不怪啊，」範奎呼出一口氣。他把前臂蜷縮在秀彬胸前，一隻手掌貼著對方的心臟。他們靠得如此之近，他發誓自己能聽見那急促的心跳聲。

Soobin shakes his head. “You’re the one with the nice voice,” he says. “Not to, like, bring up memories. But…”
秀彬搖搖頭。「你才是聲音好聽的那個，」他說。「不是要刻意提起回憶啦。但...」

“I remember,” Beomgyu murmurs. 
「我記得，」范奎低語道。

“Yeah,” Soobin says softly. “It always helped me sleep. Better than any sleeping pill.”
「嗯，」秀彬輕聲說道。「這總能幫助我入睡，比任何安眠藥都有效。」

Beomgyu focuses on his breathing. In, out. They’re just talking, just Soobin’s low, hushed voice filling his ears, calming his omega. No need for this to be meaningful.
範奎專注於自己的呼吸。吸氣，吐氣。他們只是在聊天，只有秀彬低沉輕柔的聲音縈繞耳際，安撫著他的 omega 本能。不需要賦予這對話太多意義。

“Glad I could help,” Beomgyu says.
「很高興能幫上忙，」范奎說道。

“Did you ever sing for anyone else?”
「你曾為其他人唱過歌嗎？」

Beomgyu shakes his head, and Soobin purses his lips. 
范奎搖了搖頭，秀彬抿起嘴唇。

“You really should,” he says. “You’re too good to only sing lullabies to your insomniac boyfriends.”
「你真的應該這麼做，」他說。「你這麼優秀，不該只為失眠的男友唱搖籃曲。」

Boyfriend, singular, but then Beomgyu basically already told Soobin that he hadn’t dated anyone else. Soobin’s just being polite. 
男友，單數，但范奎基本上已經告訴秀彬他沒和其他人交往過。秀彬只是出於禮貌。

“Keep talking,” Beomgyu whispers, ducking his chin to his chest and closing his eyes. 
「繼續說，」范奎低語，將下巴抵在胸前並閉上眼睛。

“About you?”  「關於你？」

“About…whatever.”   「關於…隨便什麼都好。」

Soobin hums, thinking. 
秀彬輕哼著思索。

“There was this one song you used to sing for me. It had kind of like a…I dunno, a refrain or something at the end. Like, la la la — I mean, it sounds stupid when I try to do it, but it was different when you sang it. Do you remember that one?”
「以前有首歌你常唱給我聽。結尾有段像是…副歌之類的？就是啦啦啦——我唱起來可能很蠢，但你唱的時候感覺完全不同。你還記得那首歌嗎？」

Beomgyu remembers, but he doesn’t say anything. He’s supposed to be trying to rest, which is a good excuse to not engage. His brain is slowing down, anyway, from all this alpha attention. 
范奎記得，但他什麼也沒說。他應該要試著休息，這倒是個不錯的藉口不用參與。反正，因為這些阿爾法的關注，他的腦袋已經開始遲鈍了。

“It was pretty,” Soobin says simply. He lowers his hand to Beomgyu’s hip, just barely cupping his ass, but it’s only to hike Beomgyu’s leg farther up on his own body, locking them a little closer together. 
「很美。」秀彬簡單地說。他將手滑到范奎的臀部，幾乎是輕輕托住他的屁股，但只是為了把范奎的腿更往上抬到自己身上，讓兩人貼得更緊一些。

Beomgyu’s breathing stutters.
Beomgyu 的呼吸變得斷斷續續。

“I know, babe,” Soobin says quietly. “You feeling a little better?”
「我知道，寶貝。」秀彬輕聲說道。「感覺好點了嗎？」

“Babe,” Beomgyu repeats, his stupid mouth saying it before his lazy brain can stop it.
「寶貝，」范奎又喊了一聲，他那張蠢嘴總是在遲鈍的大腦來不及阻止前就脫口而出。

Soobin pauses. “Fuck, I’m sorry. It slipped out.”
秀彬頓了一下。「靠，抱歉。不小心說溜嘴了。」

“S’okay,” Beomgyu says. “Just a word.”
「沒關係啦，」范奎說。「不過就是個詞。」

“Yeah. A lot of people like hearing it.” 
「是啊。很多人愛聽這個。」

So it’s just an Apollo thing.
所以這只是阿波羅的專屬特權。

“I guess I did say yes to ‘pet names,’” Beomgyu mutters, and Soobin chuckles.
「我猜我確實答應了『愛稱』這回事，」范奎低聲咕噥，秀彬輕笑出聲。

“I know. Well, I don’t know, actually. Didn’t read your form.”
「我知道。呃，其實我不知道啦。沒看你的表格。」

Beomgyu’s eyes open to Soobin’s smug grin, and a little fire ignites in his belly.
范奎睜開眼就看見秀彬那得意的笑容，一股無名火頓時在腹中燃起。

“Isn’t that…wrong of you? Like, dangerous?”
「這樣...不太對吧？我是說，很危險不是嗎？」

“Why is it dangerous? I told you. I have you memorized.”
「為什麼危險？我告訴過你了。我已經把你記在腦海裡了。」

“What if I’ve changed? Could…could get you fired.” 
「如果我變了呢？可能會...可能會害你被開除。」

It’s a feeble attack, but all of a sudden Beomgyu can smell the tiniest hint of cinnamon in the air. Soobin’s eyes flash wide for a moment, and Beomgyu’s heart thrums. 
這攻擊雖然微弱，但范奎突然聞到空氣中飄來一絲肉桂香氣。秀彬的雙眼瞬間睜大，范奎的心臟隨之怦然跳動。

“Your safe word is blueberry,” Soobin says. “You said yes to five things on that form, didn’t you? Want me to name them?”
「你的安全詞是藍莓，」秀彬說道。「你在那份表格上同意了五件事，對吧？要我一一列出來嗎？」

“Show off,” Beomgyu chokes out. Oh, fuck. It’s building up inside him. Alpha knows him so well, alpha can take care of him—
「臭顯擺。」范奎嗆聲道。噢，該死。那股衝動正在他體內積聚。Alpha 太了解他了，Alpha 能照顧好他——

“And you thought about saying yes to ‘choking,’ too, but you pussied out. Right?”
「你連『掐脖子』都考慮要答應了，最後卻慫了對吧？」

Beomgyu feels his face crumple, and Soobin just laughs, gleeful. 
范奎感覺自己的臉皺成一團，而秀彬只是開心地大笑。

“Look at this,” he says, skimming his fingertips straight down the cleft of Beomgyu’s ass to his perineum, where slick is beginning to drip. “Oh, poor baby. So eager.”
「看看這個，」他說著，指尖順著范奎臀縫直滑到會陰處，那裡已經開始滲出濕滑液體。「噢，可憐的小寶貝。這麼迫不及待。」

“Not eager. Can’t help it.”
「不是心急。是情不自禁。」

“Your pussy’s eager, then,” Soobin says, tenderly prodding at Beomgyu’s entrance. Fuck, when did he get so wet? Just a few minutes ago he was in crippling pain, and now it’s like someone flicked a slick-production switch in his cunt. “It’s hungry, Beomie. Let me feed it?” 
「看來你的小穴很渴望呢，」秀彬輕柔地探入范奎的入口時說道。該死，他什麼時候變得這麼濕？幾分鐘前他還痛得要命，現在卻像有人打開了他下體的潤滑開關。「它餓壞了，范奎呀。讓我餵飽它好嗎？」

He presses in two fingers, and Beomgyu gasps as his hole swallows them up.
他將兩根手指推入，范奎的穴口立刻吞沒了它們，讓他倒抽一口氣。

“Good?” Soobin asks, lowering his voice to something gentler.
「舒服嗎？」秀彬壓低嗓音，語氣更加溫柔地問道。

Beomgyu nods frantically. The pads of Soobin’s fingers are sinking deeper into him, nudging up against something tender. He can feel his body responding, slick gushing around his opening, getting him ready for more. Eager.
范奎瘋狂點頭。秀彬的指腹正更深地埋入他體內，抵上某處敏感的點。他能感覺自己的身體在回應，穴口不斷泌出濕滑液體，為接納更多做準備。如此渴求。

“Keep talking,” Beomgyu croaks in a dry, unflattering whisper. 
「繼續說啊。」范奎用沙啞難聽的氣音低語。

Soobin’s eyebrows raise, but he gives him an exaggerated, pitying look, pouting out his full lips.
秀彬挑起眉毛，卻擺出誇張的憐憫表情，豐滿的嘴唇噘了起來。

“My omega’s still in pain? Need more attention?” 
「我的 Omega 還在痛嗎？需要更多關注嗎？」

It’s borderline condescending, role play. Beomgyu feels woozy. “Yes, yes.”
這簡直是居高臨下的角色扮演。范奎感到一陣暈眩。「好、好...」

Soobin lifts his head, leaning it over Beomgyu’s ear to whisper right into it. 
秀彬抬起頭，將頭靠在範奎耳邊輕聲低語。

“Don’t worry about a thing, baby. Alpha’s got you now. You just focus on getting wet for me, and then I’ll take you just the way you need it.”
「別擔心，寶貝。現在有 Alpha 罩著你。你只要專心為我濕透就好，我會用你最需要的方式要你。」

Beomgyu feels his features contort. He’s pathetic. “Faster,” he breathes, squirming desperately on Soobin’s thick fingers. 
范奎感覺自己的五官扭曲。他真是可悲。「再快點，」他喘息著，在守彬粗壯的手指上絕望地扭動。

“Oh, you’re not coming like this,” Soobin says, though Beomgyu feels his fingers dig deeper. “You’re coming on my cock. It’s what’s best for a heatsick boy like you.” 
「噢，這樣可射不出來，」守彬說，儘管范奎感覺他的手指插得更深。「你要在我老二上高潮。這對你這種發情的小傢伙最合適。」

“‘M not heatsick,” Beomgyu gasps, though his skin is aflame and his thoughts are blurry.
「我才沒中暑，」范奎氣喘吁吁地說，儘管他的皮膚發燙，思緒模糊。

Soobin pulls his head back, propping himself up on his free elbow and using that hand to feel Beomgyu’s forehead. “No? So what’s this fever? What about all the cramps, Beomie?”
秀彬將頭往後仰，用空著的那隻手肘撐起身體，伸手摸了摸范奎的額頭。「沒有？那這發燒是怎麼回事？還有那些抽筋呢，范奎？」

Under the blanket, his fingers are still buried in Beomgyu’s cunt. He flicks his thumb back down Beomgyu’s crotch, grazing over his untouched asshole, and Beomgyu flinches. He definitely didn’t say yes to ‘anal’ on that form.
在毯子底下，他的手指仍埋在范奎的私處。他將拇指滑回范奎的胯部，輕擦過未被碰觸的後庭，范奎頓時瑟縮了一下。那份表格上他絕對沒勾選「肛交」的選項。

“I know,” Soobin smiles. “Just teasing.”
「我知道，」秀彬笑著說。「只是逗你玩。」

He combs his fingers back through Beomgyu’s hair, fanning them out on the crown of his head and gripping onto his hair with just a hint of bite.
他將手指梳過范奎的髮絲，在頭頂展開後微微施力揪住他的頭髮。

“You’d let me, though. If I wanted to. Wouldn’t you?”
「你會讓我這麼做的，對吧？如果我想的話。」

Beomgyu whines noncommittally.
范奎不置可否地哼了一聲。

“You’d be a good omega for your alpha,” Soobin murmurs, his eyes fixed on Beomgyu’s lips. “You’d take my cock up that tiny ass, if I asked nicely.” 
「你會是個很棒的 omega，配你的 alpha。」秀彬低語，目光緊盯著范奎的唇。「只要我好好開口，你就會用那小巧的屁股接納我的陰莖。」

“Hyung,” Beomgyu gasps. “Hyung, oh my god...”
「哥...」范奎喘息著。「哥，天啊...」

Soobin blinks. “Too much?” he asks, but Beomgyu doesn’t answer fast enough. Instead, Soobin is moving, rolling Beomgyu flat onto his back, unwinding his fingers from his hair and his cunt. 
秀彬眨了眨眼。「太過火了嗎？」他問道，但范奎沒有立刻回答。於是秀彬動了起來，將范奎平躺放倒，手指從他的髮絲與私處緩緩抽離。

“You ready now? Worked up enough?” Soobin asks, kneeling between Beomgyu’s spread legs and casting a glance down his sweaty body, as if evaluating it. It’s shockingly cold without the blanket around them, without Soobin’s body all over his own, and Beomgyu whimpers. “I’m sorry, Beomie. Am I pushing you too far?”
「現在準備好了嗎？夠興奮了嗎？」秀彬跪在范奎張開的雙腿間，目光掃過他汗濕的身軀，彷彿在評估什麼。沒有毯子覆蓋、失去秀彬體溫包裹的肌膚驟然發冷，范奎忍不住嗚咽出聲。「對不起，范奎。我是不是逼你太緊了？」

What? No, he’s everything Beomgyu needs, he’s just right. Is something wrong? Does he not want Beomgyu? 
什麼？不，秀彬正是范奎渴求的一切，他完美得恰到好處。難道出了什麼問題？難道他不再想要范奎了？

“Okay, okay,” Soobin says, seeing the panicked reaction flash across Beomgyu’s face. “You’re all good. I got a little… let me get the condom, okay?”
「好啦，好啦。」看到杋圭臉上閃過驚慌的表情，秀彬連忙說道。「你沒事啦。我只是有點...讓我去拿保險套，好嗎？」

Beomgyu watches him scurry away through slitted eyes, hurrying back with a yellow foil package retrieved from his satchel. Knotting condom, XL.
Beomgyu 瞇著眼看他匆匆離去，又急忙從背包裡掏出一個黃色錫箔包回來。打結保險套，XL 尺寸。

“Big,” Beomgyu mumbles. He lets his knees flap out wide to the sides and stares at Soobin’s crotch. He hasn’t really gotten a good look at his cock yet, and now that he’s sizing it up, he’s just glad that he knows from experience how well it fits inside him. It truly looks massive, too many inches of bulging flesh. Its skin is flushed a dark pink, redder around the base where Soobin’s knot will form. 
「好大，」Beomgyu 咕噥著。他讓膝蓋向兩側大大張開，盯著 Soobin 的胯下。他還沒好好看過那根傢伙，現在仔細打量，只慶幸自己憑經驗知道它有多適合塞進自己體內。那東西看起來確實巨碩，鼓脹的肉柱長得驚人。表皮泛著深粉色，根部周圍更顯潮紅，那是 Soobin 的結即將成形的位置。

“Checking me out?” 
「在欣賞嗎？」

Soobin drops back onto the bed, tossing the condom aside and grabbing Beomgyu’s thighs in his hands. He presses them back towards his head and fixes his gaze back on Beomgyu’s cunt. His tongue darts out, wetting the corners of his lips, and the sight of it, pink and glistening, makes Beomgyu feel actively crazed. 
秀彬往後倒在床上，隨手將保險套扔到一旁，雙手抓住范奎的大腿。他將范奎的雙腿壓向頭部，目光重新鎖定在那私密之處。他的舌尖輕探，潤濕了嘴角，那粉嫩閃爍的景象讓范奎感到一陣瘋狂的躁動。

“You…you fit,” Beomgyu says, trying to explain his gawking.
「你…你很適合，」范奎試圖解釋自己為何盯著看。

Soobin chuckles.  秀彬輕笑出聲。

“‘Course I fit. I’m made for this, Beomgyu-ya,” he says, eyes still glued to Beomgyu.
「當然適合啊。我可是天生就該這樣，范奎啊。」他說道，目光依然緊盯著范奎。

His hands drop, and Beomgyu feels his touch on his labia, spreading them, oh god. They must be sticky, thick heat-slick coating his soft skin in layers.
他的手垂落，范奎感受到他的指尖觸碰著自己的陰唇，將它們撥開，天啊。那裡一定濕黏不堪，層層熱液覆蓋著他柔嫩的肌膚。

“I don’t really need to lick you, but I want to. Is that okay?”
「其實我不一定要舔你，但我想這麼做。可以嗎？」

“Okay, that’s okay.” Beomgyu can barely think, he’s so pent up. It’s all building up so fast. Of course it’s okay, it’s more than okay.
「好...可以的。」范奎幾乎無法思考，他已經壓抑太久了。快感來得如此迅速。當然可以，這簡直再好不過。

“I really should give you the full slate of options,” Soobin says, circling a fingertip around Beomgyu’s entrance, biding his time. “I’m supposed to, but I sort of forgot.”
「我確實該給你完整的選擇權，」守彬說著，指尖在范奎的入口處緩緩畫圈，刻意拖延時間。「照理說是該這樣的，但我有點忘了。」

“Op—options?”  「選……選項？」

“Yeah. Foreplay options. I have, like, eight different vibrators. The little egg ones, and one that bends to hit your g-spot. And I know it’s not really your thing, but if you wanted, I’ve got a few things for here—” A fingertip grazes Beomgyu’s puckered asshole again, and Beomgyu squirms, trying to dodge.
「對啊，前戲的選項。我有大概八種不同的按摩棒，像是小蛋型的那種，還有一款可以彎曲刺激 G 點的。雖然我知道這不太合你口味，但如果你有興趣，我這邊也有些東西可以...」指尖再次輕掠過范奎緊縮的後庭，讓他扭動身子試圖閃躲。

“The fuck,” he gasps in surprise, his eyes finding that cursed satchel across the room. “No, just licking’s fine.”
「靠，」他倒抽一口氣，目光落在房間對面那個該死的隨身包上。「不用了，舔舔就好。」

“Figured,” Soobin says, dragging his finger back up to Beomgyu’s pussy. “But if you wanna take a peek, let me know.”
「猜到了，」守彬說著把手指移回范奎的私處。「不過如果你想看看，隨時跟我說。」

“Don’t need yours.”  「不需要你的。」

“Oh?” Soobin’s touch pauses. “Really? Sex toys, you?”
「哦？」秀彬的動作頓了一下。「真的？情趣用品，你？」

“Keep moving,” Beomgyu begs, and Soobin obliges. “Why’s that a surprise?”
「繼續動，」范奎哀求道，秀彬照做了。「這有什麼好驚訝的？」

“What do you have?” Soobin says. When Beomgyu looks at him he’s frowning, almost disappointed, and Beomgyu feels a bit shriveled inside. Alpha unhappy. 
「你有什麼？」秀彬說。當范奎看向他時，他皺著眉頭，幾乎是失望的表情，讓范奎內心感到一陣萎縮。Alpha 不開心。

“Uh, vibrator, and...” 
「呃，震動棒，還有...」

Soobin plunges a fingertip through Beomgyu’s folds.
秀彬將指尖探入范奎的私密處。

“I…I can’t think,” Beomgyu stammers.
「我...我沒辦法思考，」范奎結結巴巴地說。

“Hm.” Soobin drops his gaze again. “Less of a prude than you used to be, then.” He lowers himself onto his elbows, broad shoulders overwhelming the space between Beomgyu’s legs. “If you want a round three after this, maybe you give me a demonstration first?”
「嗯。」秀彬再次垂下目光。「看來沒以前那麼假正經了。」他用手肘撐著身子，寬闊的肩膀佔據了范奎雙腿間的空間。「如果之後還想來第三回合，要不要先示範給我看？」

Beomgyu can’t imagine why he would. Not when Soobin is so good at pleasuring him, and when Beomgyu’s paying good money to get to be a pillow prince. Well, he assumes it’s good money. Kai never told him the price. 
范奎實在想不通為什麼要這麼做。尤其是當秀彬如此擅長取悅他，而范奎可是花了大錢才能當個枕邊王子。嗯，他猜那應該算不少錢吧，畢竟愷從沒告訴過他確切價格。

Soobin lowers his lips to Beomgyu’s cunt and presses a kiss to his clit. Just the tiniest moment of contact, but Beomgyu’s back arches sharply in response, and he whines, mmhh.
秀彬將雙唇貼上范奎的花穴，在陰蒂上輕輕一吻。雖然只是最細微的觸碰，范奎的背脊卻立刻敏感地弓起，發出嗚咽般的呻吟：「嗯⋯⋯」

“Such a pretty cunt,” Soobin murmurs. He kisses him again. “Cutest little clit.”
「真是個漂亮的小穴。」Soobin 低聲呢喃，再次吻上他。「最可愛的小豆豆。」

He drags the tip of his tongue across it, a slow, heavy motion.
他用舌尖緩緩地、重重地劃過那處敏感。

Beomgyu can’t watch this, but his eyes won’t look away. Soobin’s head fills the space between his legs perfectly, and he looks up at him as he does it again, licking him in slow motion.
范奎無法直視這一幕，但他的視線卻無法移開。秀彬的頭完美地填滿他雙腿之間的空間，當他再次動作時，他抬頭望著他，以慢動作般的速度舔舐著他。

“Hyung,” Beomgyu gasps. His hands fly to Soobin’s hair, twisting into its roots. His hair is shorter than it used to be, harder to grip onto. 
「哥...」范奎喘息著。他的雙手猛然抓住秀彬的頭髮，指節深深陷入髮根。那頭短髮比從前更難抓握，髮絲短得幾乎要從指間溜走。

“That’s it, Gyu-ya,” Soobin says. “Pull as hard as you want.”
「就是這樣，Gyu-ya，」秀彬說。「想拉多用力都行。」

He grins, his dimples popping out for just long enough to make Beomgyu’s heart skip.
他咧嘴一笑，酒窩短暫地浮現，足以讓范奎的心跳漏了一拍。

Beomgyu can’t breathe. Soobin’s tongue is sloppy at first, lapping all over him, flicking down to his hole to taste his slick, tracing over the folds of his labia like he’s exploring. But then he zeroes back in on Beomgyu’s clit, his eyes closing as he concentrates, and all it takes is thirty seconds for Beomgyu to shatter into a gasping, writhing, begging mess.
范奎無法呼吸。秀彬的舌頭起初笨拙地舔舐著他全身，向下探至他的穴口品嚐濕滑的愛液，像在探索般描繪著他陰唇的皺褶。但隨後他又專注地回到范奎的陰蒂上，閉上眼睛集中精神，僅僅三十秒就讓范奎崩潰成喘息、扭動、哀求的一團糟。

Soobin’s lips are latched on around him, his tongue licking fast, hot lines over Beomgyu’s most sensitive spot, and a mind-numbing swell of sensation overtakes him. He can’t think, he can’t move, his face must be frozen into something hideous. He’s yanking Soobin’s hair so hard it must be torture, gripping on to help him ride out the wave. Soobin doesn’t seem to notice, though. He doesn’t stop until Beomgyu is twitching, hips bucking with overstimulation, and even then when he finally pulls back, panting and soaked all down his chin, his fingers are still digging white spots into Beomgyu’s thighs. 
秀彬的雙唇緊貼著他，舌頭快速舔舐著范奎最敏感的部位，灼熱的觸感帶來令人麻木的快感浪潮淹沒了他。他無法思考、無法動彈，臉部肯定扭曲成可怕的模樣。他用力拉扯秀彬的頭髮到近乎折磨的程度，緊抓著以幫助自己度過這波高潮。但秀彬似乎渾然不覺。他持續動作直到范奎因過度刺激而抽搐顫抖、臀部不斷抽動，即使最終氣喘吁吁地退開時——下巴全濕透了——他的手指仍在范奎大腿上留下泛白的指痕。

“Taste so good,” he grunts. “Beomgyu-ya…”
「味道真好，」他低哼著。「范奎啊…」

Soobin licks him one more time, from bottom to top, drinking his slick. 
秀彬又舔了他一次，從下往上，嚥下他的濕潤。

“No, no, not that,” Beomgyu moans. He just came, but it doesn’t matter, he needs more, needs a knot. Sanity gone. Just thirst, hunger, need. “Hyung, quickly, fuck—”
「不、不要那樣，」範奎呻吟著。他才剛高潮過，但那不重要，他還想要更多，需要被填滿。理智盡失。只剩下渴求、飢餓與慾望。「哥，快點，幹我——」

Soobin hauls his head up, and for the first time, he looks as desperate as Beomgyu feels. His pupils are blown wide, racing across Beomgyu’s torso and across the crumbled up blankets next to them, searching for the condom. When he finds it, he lifts himself up on his knees between Beomgyu’s spread legs, and Beomgyu writhes in his hulking shadow. 
秀彬抬起頭，第一次看起來和範奎一樣迫切。他的瞳孔放大，目光在範奎的身軀與他們身旁皺成一團的毯子間游移，尋找著保險套。當他找到後，便在範奎張開的雙腿間跪起身子，範奎在他巨大的陰影下扭動著。

“You’re so—so…”  「你真是——真是……」

“I know,” Soobin says under his breath, brushing whatever compliment Beomgyu was about to spill out aside. He leans down onto Beomgyu’s chest with one hand, splaying his fingers out from nipple to nipple and pressing him flat into the bed to keep him from squirming. With the other, he lifts the condom wrapper to his teeth, tearing it open. Beomgyu wants those teeth in his skin, ripping into his veins, opening him instead.
「我知道。」秀彬低聲說道，將範奎即將脫口而出的讚美輕輕撥開。他單手撐在範奎胸前，手指從乳頭滑向另一側乳頭，將他整個人壓進床墊裡防止扭動。另一手則用牙齒撕開保險套包裝。範奎渴望那排牙齒能咬進自己皮膚，撕開血管，直接剖開他。

Soobin rolls the condom on with one hand, stretching it down his thick length, and Beomgyu pulls his legs back, spreading himself. Ready, ready, so ready — but Soobin doesn’t thrust into him. Instead, he lowers himself down over Beomgyu, twinning their bodies. He smears his rubber-clad cock over Beomgyu’s wet cunt with one hand and nuzzles his nose into Beomgyu’s ear, hovering above him on one elbow. Beomgyu can feel the heat of his chest scorching his own tender skin.
秀彬單手套上保險套，順著粗長性器往下捋。範奎屈起雙腿主動張開自己。準備好了，完全準備好了——但秀彬沒有直接進入。他反而整個人壓下來與範奎身體交疊，用戴著套的陰莖蹭過範奎濕漉漉的穴口，手肘撐在範奎耳側，鼻尖磨蹭他的耳廓。範奎能感受到對方胸膛散發的熱度灼燒著自己敏感的肌膚。

“You okay looking at me?” Soobin whispers. 
「看著我沒關係嗎？」秀彬輕聲問道。

“Yes. Yeah—anything. Just do it.”
「好。嗯——怎樣都行。快點進來。」

Beomgyu probably should think before he speaks, but in the moment, all he wants was a cock in him, and faster.
范奎或許該先思考再開口，但此刻他只想讓那根東西快點插進自己體內。

“Whatever you want,” Soobin says, looking down their bodies, flicking his cock up Beomgyu’s slit and back down it. “Fuck, you feel so…”
「隨你高興。」守彬低頭看著兩人交疊的身軀，用龜頭在范奎的股縫間上下磨蹭。「操，你感覺真他媽...」

The head of his cock catches on Beomgyu’s hole, and Beomgyu twitches his hips just enough to press himself down on him. Oh, feels just right.
當龜頭頂端卡進穴口時，范奎扭動腰肢讓自己緩緩沉坐下去。噢，這感覺恰到好處。

“Gyu-ya,” Soobin gasps. He feels even thicker at this angle, even with just an inch of him inside.
「Gyu-ya，」秀彬喘息著。這個角度讓他感覺自己更加粗壯，即使只進入了一英寸。

“Go slow,” Beomgyu whimpers. “Take me slow.”
「慢一點，」范奎嗚咽道。「慢慢來。」

“Slow,” Soobin repeats. He lets go of his own dick, lifting his hand to Beomgyu’s leg instead, and hooks his calf over his own shoulder, splitting him open to tear him in half. “Bit by bit, okay?”
「慢一點，」秀彬再次說道。他放開自己的陰莖，轉而將手搭在範奎的腿上，並將他的小腿勾到自己肩上，將他分開到幾乎要撕裂的程度。「一點一點來，好嗎？」

Slowly, methodically, Soobin thrusts into him, inch by inch. Beomgyu feels like he’s already moulded to him, like his cock is snapping back into its rightful place. Their first session earlier pounded Beomgyu’s body into submission enough to be able to take this second round easily. The hard part is that this time, Soobin’s face is right there, huffing heavy breaths into his ear. And when he finally sinks in all the way, he lifts his head to gaze into Beomgyu’s eyes, stroking his hair back off his sweaty forehead. 
緩慢而有條不紊地，秀彬一寸寸地推進他體內。杋圭感覺自己早已為他塑形，彷彿他的性器正回歸應屬之地。先前的初次交合已將杋圭的身體馴服得足以輕鬆承受這第二回合。艱難之處在於這次秀彬的臉龐近在咫尺，灼熱氣息不斷噴灑在他耳際。當他終於完全沒入時，秀彬抬起頭凝視杋圭雙眼，手指輕梳過他被汗水浸濕的額前碎髮。

“Good?” he asks softly, giving his hips a final grind into Beomgyu’s pelvis. His cock grazes Beomgyu’s cervix. Shit, it makes his whole belly seize up. “Fuck, too deep?”
「舒服嗎？」他輕聲問道，臀部最後一次抵著范奎的骨盆磨蹭。他的陰莖擦過范奎的子宮頸。該死，這讓他的整個腹部都緊繃起來。「操，太深了嗎？」

“Good pain,” Beomgyu breathes.
「美好的痛，」範奎輕聲說道。

Soobin’s face is already soft, but it softens more.
秀彬的臉龐原本就柔和，此刻更顯溫柔。

“You,” he says, lowering his voice to something hushed, low, “are such—” fuck, he’s thrusting again, shallow jerks of his hips that leave almost his entire shaft still buried in Beomgyu —  “a good omega. Take it better than anyone.”
「你，」他壓低嗓音，用近乎氣音的沙啞聲線說道，「真是個——」該死，他又開始抽送，淺淺地頂弄著，幾乎整根性器仍埋在範奎體內——「完美的 Omega。比誰都懂得接納。」

‘Praise.’ It’s on that sheet, marked off with a yes. Soobin knows what Beomgyu likes.
「讚美。」那張清單上寫著，還打了個勾。秀彬知道玟奎喜歡什麼。

“Oh,” Beomgyu breathes. “Ahh, pl-please.”
「喔，」玟奎輕喘著。「啊，拜、拜託。」

“Taking me even though it’s too fucking deep. Taking all of me. So good.” 
「明明插得這麼深還是把我全吃進去了。好棒。」

Beomgyu nods, lips falling open, eyes frozen on Soobin’s jaw. 
玟奎點點頭，雙唇微張，目光緊盯著秀彬的下顎線條。

“Stay with me,” Soobin murmurs. “Don’t slip away.” 
「留在我身邊，」秀彬低語道。「別溜走。」

He splays his hand out flat on the underside of Beomgyu’s knee, ticklish, and builds up a slow, deep rhythm. Each thrust is disgustingly wet-sounding, so smooth with slick that Beomgyu hardly feels the friction of the latex on his sensitive opening. It’s stopped hurting inside, the hollow ache in his cervix melting into a warm numbness. All his body wants is to take it exactly the way his alpha wants to give it to him, to be the perfect hole for him to fuck—
他將手掌平貼在范奎的膝蓋下方，那觸感令人發癢，逐漸建立起緩慢而深沉的節奏。每次挺進都伴隨著令人臉紅心跳的濕潤聲響，過分順滑的潤滑讓范奎幾乎感受不到乳膠在他敏感入口處的摩擦。內裡的疼痛已然消退，子宮頸深處的空洞痛楚逐漸化為溫暖的麻木。此刻他的身體只想完全順應 alpha 給予的方式，成為對方最完美的性器容器——

“Faster, now, faster,” Beomgyu whimpers, and Soobin’s brows tense up. His fingertips dig into the meat of Beomgyu’s thigh, and his next thrust is so forceful it almost feels like a stab. Beomgyu’s neck seizes up, his jaw goes slack, feels so good, he’s an animal.
「快點，現在，再快點，」范奎嗚咽著，秀彬的眉頭緊皺。他的指尖陷入范奎大腿的肉裡，下一次的衝刺猛烈得幾乎像是一記刺擊。范奎的頸部繃緊，下顎鬆弛，感覺太棒了，他簡直像頭野獸。

“Just like that,” Soobin groans, “take me, Gyu-ya…”
「就是這樣，」秀彬低吟著，「接納我，奎呀⋯⋯」

It’s so hot underneath Soobin’s overwhelming body, sweat pooling in Beomgyu’s navel. He rakes his nails down the back of Soobin’s neck, every thrust of Soobin’s hips fucking a weak ahh ahh out of his lips, and Soobin’s teeth are cutting into his own lower lip, grimacing through his pleasure. It’s like he’s trying not to speak, like he’s already said too much, and Beomgyu wants to hear him, hear him saying all the things he used to say. 
在秀彬壓倒性的身軀下熱得發燙，汗水在範奎的肚臍積聚。他的指甲劃過秀彬後頸，每當秀彬腰胯挺進，就從他唇間逼出虛弱的啊、啊聲，而秀彬的牙齒正咬著自己的下唇，在快感中皺著臉。彷彿在竭力不讓自己開口，彷彿已經說得太多，而範奎想聽他說，聽他說那些曾經常說的話。

Why did Soobin stop talking? Why didn’t he talk the first time? It’s so much better with Soobin’s low voice in Beomgyu’s ears, his perfect face right there to look at. This time, it’s really, really Soobin, like a dream. Beomgyu’s alpha is back. 
為什麼秀彬不再說話了？為什麼第一次時他沉默不語？當秀彬低沉的嗓音在範奎耳邊響起，那張完美的臉龐近在眼前，這感覺實在好太多了。這次真的是、真的是秀彬，像夢一樣。範奎的阿爾法回來了。

“Hyuu—nng. Gonna, ahh, wanna…”
「嗯——啊。想要，啊，好想…」

“Say it,” Soobin orders, choked. “Say—say it. Tell me?”
「說出來，」秀彬命令道，聲音哽咽。「說——說出來。告訴我？」

What does Beomgyu want?  範奎想要什麼？

“Pup,” he whispers. Fuck.
「小狗狗，」他低語。靠。

“Pup you,” Soobin groans, ramming his hips in suddenly and pinning them there. Beomgyu wails. “How much, babe?”
「讓你當小狗狗，」秀彬突然挺腰頂入，將他釘在原地。杋圭哀嚎。「想要多少，寶貝？」

“Always,” Beomgyu whimpers. It’s clicking together in his brain, why they’re doing this, what he’s here for — “wanna always be pupped…”
「永遠，」杋圭嗚咽著。他腦中逐漸明白他們為何這麼做、自己為何在這裡——「想永遠當小狗狗⋯⋯」

‘Breeding play.’ Yes number two on that form.
『繁殖扮演』。沒錯，問卷上的第二項。

“Fuck, Beomie,” Soobin curses. He drops his hand, fingers raking across Beomgyu’s damp, tender belly, scratching red lines into it with his nails. “Want a baby in here? Want me to put one in you?”
「操，範奎，」秀彬咒罵著。他放下手，手指劃過範奎濕潤柔軟的腹部，指甲在上面刮出紅痕。「想在這裏懷個孩子嗎？想讓我放一個進去嗎？」

Beomgyu scrunches up his face and lifts his other leg back towards his head too, trying to open up more, make more room for him, to take him deeper. Let him right into his womb. “Two, give me two.”
Beomgyu 皺起臉，將另一條腿也往頭部抬起，試圖敞開更多空間，讓他能進入更深處。讓他直達自己的子宮。「兩根，給我兩根。」

“God,” Soobin moans, grabbing both of Beomgyu’s ankles and hammering into his soft flesh. “You—fuck, fuck my seed into you—”
「天啊，」秀彬呻吟著，抓住範奎的雙腳踝，猛烈撞擊他柔軟的軀體。「你——該死，讓我的種子灌進你裡面——」

Ugh, Beomgyu wants to tease him for that. It’s such a cringy thing to say. But he can’t, not when Soobin’s seeing through him. Soobin knows that he wants it, he’s always wanted it, he’s missed it so much. He cries out instead, clamping down on Soobin’s cock. Soobin is losing control, and Beomgyu knows all his signs too well. He sees that vein going mad in Soobin’s jaw, feels his tempo getting erratic inside him. 
呃，範奎真想為這句話嘲笑他。這台詞實在太尷尬了。但他做不到，尤其當秀彬正看穿他的時候。秀彬知道他想要，他一直都想要，他思念這感覺想到發狂。於是他改為放聲哭喊，緊緊夾住秀彬的陰莖。秀彬正在失控，而範奎對他的所有徵兆都瞭若指掌。他看見秀彬下顎那條暴起的青筋，感受著體內那逐漸凌亂的節奏。

“Knot, knot me, please,” Beomgyu pleads. He can barely speak from the weight of his own legs pressed back into his chest. His words are half air. “Knot so I can—I can…” 
「綁住我，求求你綁住我，」范奎哀求道。他的雙腿被壓在胸前，幾乎說不出話來，字句都化為斷續的氣音。「綁緊我才能...我才能...」

Soobin grabs Beomgyu’s hands and pins them back to the pillow, their fingers interlaced, clammy palm to palm. His lips mouth something soundless, and oh, Beomgyu’s memorized that face. He’s so entranced by it that at first, he hardly feels the knot. The way Soobin’s lower lip quivers, how his forehead wracks with tension while his jaw slackens. All that’s missing is the words that Beomgyu knows he won’t say anymore. Love, angel. 
秀彬抓住杋圭的手，將它們壓回枕頭上，十指緊扣，掌心相貼。他的唇無聲地蠕動著，噢，杋圭早已將那張臉銘記於心。他如此著迷，以至於起初幾乎沒察覺到那個結。秀彬下唇顫抖的方式，前額緊繃卻下顎鬆弛的模樣。唯一缺少的，是杋圭心知他再也不會說出口的那句話。愛你，天使。

Then Soobin pulls back a bit too far, the knot nearly ripping through Beomgyu’s tight entrance, and his thoughts white out. 
然後秀彬退得太遠，那個結幾乎要撕裂范奎緊緻的入口，他的思緒瞬間一片空白。

“Babe,” he thinks Soobin is whispering. “So good. Taking me so good, so good.”
「寶貝，」他覺得秀彬在低語。「好棒。你讓我好舒服，真的好舒服。」

“B—baby,” Beomgyu whimpers. Baby. 
「寶—寶貝，」范奎嗚咽著。寶貝。

“We’re making one, right?” Soobin breathes into his ear, grinding the knot into him. “Right now, making one. Let me feel you come, Gyu-ya. You want to, for me.” 
「我們正在創造一個，對吧？」秀彬在他耳邊低語，將那結塊深深壓入。「就是現在，正在創造。讓我感受你高潮吧，奎啊。為了我，你想要這麼做的。」

Soobin came in him, he filled him, alpha wants him.
秀彬在他體內釋放，將他填滿，Alpha 渴望著他。

“Always wanted to fuck you pregnant,” Soobin whispers. “Oh, Beomgyu. You’d be so pretty, round like that.”
「一直想讓你懷上我的孩子，」秀彬低語。「啊，范奎。你懷孕的樣子一定很美，肚子圓滾滾的。」

Beomgyu feels like the walls are closing in on him. Soobin leans his weight into him a little deeper, something slotting into place inside his cunt, and Beomgyu surrenders. It’s all-encompassing, warmth splintering all through his limbs, his muscles clenching up tight on the knot. There, oh, good. 
范奎感覺四周的牆壁正向他壓迫而來。秀彬將重量更深地壓進他體內，某種東西在他穴道裡卡定位，范奎徹底臣服了。這感覺鋪天蓋地，暖意在他四肢百骸炸裂開來，肌肉緊緊絞住那個結。就是那裡，噢，太棒了。

Soobin’s chest is heaving on Beomgyu’s own, his neck inches from his lips. Beomgyu inhales, filling his hollow lungs with Soobin’s scent. It’s concentrated when he’s so close to his scent gland. Spicier. 
秀彬的胸膛在範奎身上劇烈起伏，他的頸部距離範奎的唇只有幾吋之遙。範奎深吸一口氣，讓秀彬的氣息填滿自己空虛的肺腑。當他如此靠近對方的氣味腺體時，那氣息變得更加濃郁。更辛辣。

“I’m sorry,” Soobin says quietly. He’s out of breath. His face is pressed into the pillow next to Beomgyu’s head, and his words are barely audible. “I didn’t mean to. I promise I didn’t mean to.”
「對不起，」秀彬輕聲說道。他氣喘吁吁，臉埋在範奎頭側的枕頭裡，話語幾乎難以聽清。「我不是故意的。我發誓真的不是有意的。」

“To what?”  「為了什麼？」

“Bring all that back up again. All the…the shit we used to say. I’m sorry. That was over the line.” 
「把那些話都重新說一遍。所有那些...我們以前說的屁話。對不起，我太過分了。」

Beomgyu comes shattering down to earth. He clutches the back of Soobin’s neck, clinging on like a baby.
范奎瞬間從雲端跌落。他緊抓著秀彬的後頸，像個孩子般緊緊攀附著。

“S’okay,” he whispers. “Was on the form. Breeding.”
「沒關係，」他低語道。「表格上本來就有寫。配種。」

Beomgyu started it, anyway. He’s pathetic. He’s so weak. 
反正都是範奎起的頭。他真是可悲。軟弱得不像話。

“Right,” Soobin says. “On the form.”
「對啊，」秀彬說。「表格上寫的。」

He wraps his arms under Beomgyu’s shoulders and finally lets his full weight compress Beomgyu into the mattress, guiding his legs out to either side of him.
他雙手環過範奎的肩膀下方，終於讓全身重量將範奎壓進床墊裡，同時引導他的雙腿向兩側分開。

“Legs around my back,” he murmurs, and Beomgyu crosses his limp ankles around Soobin’s hips. He coughs, his chest caving in. 
「把腿環在我背上，」他低語道，範奎便將無力的腳踝交叉勾住秀彬的腰際。他咳了一聲，胸口隨之凹陷。

Soobin is enveloping him, squeezing him tight, and Beomgyu is totally stifled. He thinks he wants fresh air, but he isn’t sure, and he can’t escape, anyway. They’re knotted. 
秀彬緊緊環抱著他，用力到讓范奎幾乎窒息。他覺得自己需要新鮮空氣，卻又不那麼確定，反正也逃不開。他們像打了死結般纏繞在一起。

Fuck, this is awkward. 
靠，這也太尷尬了。

“Um,” Beomgyu says. Soobin’s face is still tucked into the pillow, but he’s only inches away. There’s no hiding from him this time. There’s no hiding from everything that just spilled out of both of them.
「呃，」范奎開口。秀彬的臉還埋在枕頭裡，但兩人近在咫尺。這次他無處可躲，也躲不開剛才從彼此心底傾洩而出的一切。

“Tell me if you’re uncomfortable,” Soobin says, an edge of sterility slipping back into his voice. “I can flip us around.”
「不舒服要說，」秀彬的聲線又帶上那抹疏離感，「我們可以換姿勢。」

“Nah, it’s…it’s good like this,” Beomgyu says, faintly. 
「不，這樣...這樣就很好，」范奎輕聲說道。

“Cool,” Soobin says. His hips twitch, and Beomgyu’s breath hitches as the motion jerks the knot. But Soobin steadies himself immediately, and neither of them says anything. Instead they just breathe together, intertwined and totally silent. 
「酷，」秀彬說。他的臀部抽動了一下，這個動作扯動了結，讓范奎的呼吸一滯。但秀彬立刻穩住自己，兩人都沒有說話。他們只是靜靜地一起呼吸，交纏在一起，完全沉默。

Oh fuck, this is awkward. Beomgyu closes his eyes and wills himself to fall asleep again. He’s supposed to fall asleep. He’s content and sated and his omega should be ready for a nice, long nap. He’s wrapped up in a cocoon of alpha scent, alpha arms and alpha cock. His body certainly feels like it’s bedtime, all his muscles limp and leaden. But he’s far too alert to fall asleep. 
噢該死，這太尷尬了。范奎閉上眼睛，試圖讓自己再次入睡。他應該要睡著的。他感到滿足而飽足，他的 omega 應該準備好來個美好而漫長的午睡。他被 alpha 的氣味、alpha 的手臂和 alpha 的陰莖包裹著，像個繭一樣。他的身體確實感覺像是該睡覺了，所有的肌肉都鬆弛而沉重。但他太清醒了，根本睡不著。

“If you can’t relax, maybe try to sing,” Soobin murmurs.
「如果你無法放鬆，也許試著唱歌，」秀彬低聲說道。

“Sing?”  「唱歌？」

Soobin turns his head, and Beomgyu turns his to match. Their lips are just centimeters away from each other.
秀彬轉過頭，而范奎也跟著轉頭與他對視。兩人的唇瓣僅相距幾公分。

“Like you would sing for me,” Soobin says. “Sing for yourself. It might calm you down.”
「就像你會為我唱那樣，」秀彬說。「為你自己唱吧。或許能讓你平靜下來。」

“I’m calm,” Beomgyu insists. His eyes are fixed on Soobin’s lips, and he feels restless. Something feels like it isn’t enough. That fraction of space between their lips. The silence that they can’t quite fill. Maybe it’s the fucking condom, keeping them separate even as they’re locked together.
「我很平靜，」范奎堅持道。他的目光緊盯著秀彬的雙唇，卻感到焦躁不安。總覺得還少了些什麼。那唇間微小的距離。那無法完全填補的沉默。或許是那該死的保險套，即使他們緊密相連卻仍將彼此隔開。

“You’re not,” Soobin says. “Sing, Beomgyu-ya. A lullaby, please.” 
「你才沒有呢，」秀彬說。「唱首歌吧，杋圭呀。拜託，搖籃曲就好。」

Beomgyu closes his eyes and picks a song at random. Something he’d been listening to on the way to Daegu, on his peaceful train ride, not the catastrophic one back home. He doesn’t know the words, but his alpha wants him to sing, so he sings it, filling in the blanks with solfège syllables. 
Beomgyu 閉上眼睛隨機選了一首歌。那是他前往大邱時在平靜火車旅途中聽的曲子，不是那趟災難般的返家旅程。雖然不懂歌詞，但他的 alpha 想聽他唱歌，於是他跟著哼唱，用音階唱名填補記不起來的段落。

Soobin doesn’t seem to mind. Beomgyu feels his breathing slowing down, as if this singing was to soothe Soobin, instead of Beomgyu. 
秀彬似乎不以為意。範奎感覺自己的呼吸逐漸平緩，彷彿這歌聲是為了安撫秀彬，而非範奎自己。

Halfway through, Beomgyu feels his grip give out on the back of Soobin’s neck, and his arms drift over Soobin’s broad, square shoulders, flopping out to their sides. His voice falters. 
唱到一半時，範奎感到自己原本搭在秀彬後頸的手失去了力氣，雙臂滑過秀彬寬闊方正的肩膀，無力地垂落在兩側。他的歌聲開始顫抖。

In an instant, one of Soobin’s hands shoots out from under Beomgyu’s shoulders, snaking its way down Beomgyu’s wrist to settle heavily on his hand.
剎那間，秀彬的一隻手從範奎肩膀下方迅速伸出，沿著範奎的手腕蜿蜒而下，重重地覆在他的手上。

“Keep going,” Soobin commands, lacing their fingers together. 
「繼續唱。」秀彬命令道，同時將兩人的手指緊緊交纏在一起。

It’s not fair that it works. Soobin knows him too well. Beomgyu wants to stay alert, but he barely notices when the song runs out. Soobin is stroking his thumb to the rhythm, and it’s easier to drift than to keep singing. Beomgyu feels calmer with every breath, lulled by cinnamon and cloves.
這不公平，但就是有效。秀彬太了解他了。范奎想保持警覺，卻幾乎沒注意到歌曲已經結束。秀彬正隨著節奏輕撫他的拇指，比起繼續唱歌，此刻更容易讓思緒飄遠。隨著每一次呼吸，范奎感到愈發平靜，被肉桂與丁香的氣息所安撫。

It’s not that he sleeps, it’s that he…stops thinking, stops worrying. He hibernates under Soobin’s warmth. 
他並非真的睡著，而是...停止了思考、停止了擔憂。他在秀彬的溫暖中進入冬眠狀態。

“Good boy,” Soobin whispers into his ear, an unknown quantity of time later. “You stay here. I’m pulling out, okay?”
「乖孩子。」不知過了多久，秀彬在他耳邊輕聲說道。「你留在這裡。我要退出來了，好嗎？」

Beomgyu exhales. He tries to clench around the knot, and there’s no knot anymore. At least thirty minutes must have passed, maybe more. That must have been at least a half-hour knot, from the sheer size of it. 
范奎呼出一口氣。他試圖夾緊那個結，但結已經不在了。肯定至少過了三十分鐘，或許更久。從那結的大小來看，至少是個持續半小時的結。

For such a large person, Soobin is feather-light as he pulls out of him. His hands ghost over Beomgyu’s chest, tucking the blanket up to his chin and making sure both his arms are fully covered. 
對於如此高大的人來說，秀彬抽身時輕如羽毛。他的手指掠過范奎的胸膛，將毯子拉至下巴處，確保他的雙臂都被完全蓋好。

“I’ll make you something to eat. When you’re ready.” 
「我會準備些吃的。等你準備好。」

Beomgyu’s eyes float open. He watches Soobin peel off the condom, tying it neatly where it flares out at the base and inspecting it for leaks. Part of his protocol, probably. 
范奎緩緩睜開雙眼。他看著秀彬取下保險套，在底部膨起處俐落地打結，仔細檢查是否有滲漏。這大概是他的一貫程序。

“Time?” Beomgyu croaks. He has absolutely no sense of it. For hours now, he’s been in every state but fully lucid — in a fog, in pain, in desperate need, asleep. He knows it was light when Soobin got here, and then dark, and now his vision seems vaguely gray. 
「幾點了？」范奎沙啞地問。他完全沒有時間概念。過去幾個小時裡，他始終處於各種狀態——恍惚、疼痛、極度渴望、昏睡——唯獨沒有完全清醒。他記得秀彬來時天還亮著，後來變暗，現在視線所及似乎籠罩著朦朧的灰。

“I don’t know,” Soobin says. “It doesn’t matter.” 
「我不知道，」秀彬說。「這不重要。」

He stands, reaching for his boxers. When he pulls them on, he looks back over his shoulder at Beomgyu, swaddled up in the bed and half-dazed.
他站起身，伸手去拿他的內褲。當他穿上時，他回頭看了一眼蜷縮在床上、半夢半醒的范奎。

“Beomie, eyes closed,” Soobin says, and the world goes dark again. 
「范奎，閉上眼睛，」秀彬說，世界再次陷入黑暗。

As awkward as it was to be trapped underneath Soobin, it’s somehow even more awkward to sit across the table from him, eating a bowl of porridge under his watchful glare. Soobin’s foot is tapping under the table, the only noise in the room, and Beomgyu pulls his bathrobe tighter around his chest as he brings another shaky spoonful to his lips. Considering that it’s a mysterious bowl of instant porridge that materialized from Soobin’s satchel, it tastes pretty decent.
雖然被秀彬壓在身下很尷尬，但不知怎麼地，坐在他對面、在他嚴厲的目光下吃著一碗粥，感覺更加尷尬。秀彬的腳在桌下輕敲著，這是房間裡唯一的聲響，范奎把浴袍在胸前拉得更緊，顫抖地又送了一匙粥到嘴邊。考慮到這碗神秘的即食粥是從秀彬的背包裡變出來的，味道還算不錯。

“Sure you don’t want me to help?” Soobin says warily. 
「你確定不用我幫忙？」秀彬謹慎地問道。

Beomgyu shakes his head for the third time, but his hand trembles, some of the porridge slipping off the spoon. Soobin’s foot stops jittering.
玟奎第三次搖頭拒絕，但他的手微微顫抖，一些粥從湯匙上滑落。秀彬停止抖動的腳。

“I mean it,” Beomgyu says, trying to sound forceful. “Stop…stop watching me. I’m fine.”
「我是認真的，」玟奎試圖讓語氣聽起來堅定。「別...別盯著我看。我沒事。」

He is feeling fine, actually. Pretty much fine. He slept for long enough that it’s fully bright out, and resting helped burn off his fever. Plus, Soobin made him drink some purple electrolyte beverage that tasted like garbage but did give him the promised energy boost. His brain feels woozy, but his slick production has tapered off, for now. Really, all he wants right now is to nest.
其實他感覺還不錯。真的還不錯。他睡了足夠長的時間，外面已經完全天亮，休息也幫助他退燒了。而且，秀彬逼他喝了些紫色電解質飲料，味道像垃圾但確實如承諾的給了他能量補充。他的腦袋還有點暈，但至少暫時止住了發情期的分泌。說真的，他現在只想好好築個巢。

Beomgyu doesn’t even remember the last time he felt a nesting urge. His suppressant shots cut off all those omega instincts, and he certainly didn’t feel any of them in the lead up to this heat, or else he’d have figured it out long before that train ride back from Daegu. Now, though, it feels like all his missing urges are catching up with him, and he longs to burrow into a soft, warm pile of Soobin’s old university hoodies. Soobin used to set aside all his worn clothes for the week before Beomgyu’s heat, any shirt and sweaters and sweatpants that weren’t too gross, so that when the need started, Beomgyu would have a nice pile to burrow into.
范奎甚至不記得上次感受到築巢衝動是什麼時候了。他的抑制劑注射阻斷了所有 Omega 本能，在這次發情期來臨前他確實沒感受到任何徵兆，否則早在從大邱搭火車回來前就會察覺。但現在，那些被壓抑的衝動似乎全數反撲，他渴望鑽進一堆柔軟溫暖的玟熙大學時期舊連帽衫裡。玟熙過去總會在范奎發情期前一週預留所有穿過的衣物——只要不是太髒的 T 恤、毛衣和運動褲都行——這樣當需求來臨時，范奎就有個舒適的衣堆可以窩進去。

There’s nothing good to nest with in this apartment. Everything smells like omega. The only thing that smells right is Soobin himself, and now Beomgyu wishes he was sitting in his lap, tucked into his arms. Maybe that would scratch the nesting itch.
這間公寓裡根本沒有適合築巢的東西。每樣東西都帶著 Omega 的氣味。唯一聞起來對勁的只有玟熙本人，現在范奎多希望自己能坐在他腿上，被他摟在懷裡。或許這樣能緩解那股築巢的渴望。

Soobin is still staring at him, and Beomgyu wonders if he should just ask. Soobin would say yes.
玟熙仍盯著他看，范奎猶豫著是否該直接開口。玟熙肯定會答應的。

“Could you just go away?” Beomgyu says instead. “Just give me a bit of space.” 
「你能不能先離開？」范奎最終卻這麼說。「給我一點空間就好。」

For a moment, Soobin doesn’t move, and Beomgyu thinks he’s going to scold him. He shouldn’t be fighting his omega instincts. If his omega wants more alpha, he should give him more alpha. But then Soobin stands up, his chair squeaking on the floor as he slides it back. 
有一瞬間，秀彬沒有動作，範奎以為他要責罵自己。他不該抗拒 omega 的本能。如果他的 omega 想要更多 alpha，他就該給他更多 alpha。但接著秀彬站起身，椅子在地板上發出吱呀聲響，被他向後推開。

“Make sure you finish eating,” he says, wandering pointedly towards the corner of the room that serves as Beomgyu’s little living room. He stations himself at the narrow bookcase with his back turned and busies himself with reading the book titles, the only real way to give Beomgyu any privacy in this tiny apartment.
「記得把飯吃完。」他說著，刻意走向房間角落——那裡是範奎的小小客廳區域。他背對著範奎站在狹窄的書架前，假裝專心閱讀書名，在這間小公寓裡，這是唯一能真正給範奎一點隱私的方式。

“Thanks,” Beomgyu mumbles, and tries to focus on eating. It’s hard to do so when Soobin is only in his boxers, and now Beomgyu’s just staring at his ass, the shape of it barely visible through the striped fabric. 
「謝謝。」範奎含糊地應道，試著專心吃飯。但當秀彬只穿著四角褲站在那兒時實在很難做到——現在範奎正盯著他的臀部瞧，條紋布料下若隱若現的曲線。

“Eat, Beomgyu,” Soobin commands with his back still turned, and Beomgyu is glad he can’t see him blush. 
「吃飯，範奎。」秀彬頭也不回地下令，範奎慶幸他看不見自己漲紅的臉。

He eats with as much gusto as he can, willing his lazy muscles to work faster. If he finishes faster, he can hide in his pillows again, and maybe not have to interact with Soobin again until the next wave of arousal hits him. And then it will surely be the twenty-four hour mark, and Soobin will leave. There’s no way Beomgyu is re-upping for another day, even though he knows he has at least another twelve hours left on the worst of his heat. 
他盡可能大口地吃著，試圖驅使懶散的肌肉動作更快些。如果吃得快點，就能再次躲進枕頭堆裡，或許直到下一波發情熱來襲前都不用再和秀彬互動。屆時肯定已滿二十四小時，秀彬就會離開。范奎絕對不會再續一天，儘管他知道自己最難熬的發情期至少還有十二小時。

Just as Beomgyu’s spoon scrapes the bottom of the porridge bowl, Soobin speaks again. 
就在范奎的湯匙刮到粥碗底部時，秀彬又開口了。

“You still have this,” he observes. 
「你還留著這個啊。」他注意到。

“What?”   「什麼？」

“This.” Soobin bends to lift something tucked into the narrow space between the bookcase and the loveseat. It’s a laptop case, a red-and-blue canvas sleeve with a leather zipper pull. Nothing special, except...
「這個。」秀彬彎腰從書櫃和雙人沙發間的狹縫中抽出一樣東西。那是個筆電包，紅藍相間的帆布套，配著皮革拉鍊頭。沒什麼特別的，除了......

“Oh. Yeah,” Beomgyu says, heat flaring in his chest. He drops his spoon. “Sorry.”
「喔。對啊。」范奎說著，胸口一陣發熱。他失手掉下湯匙。「抱歉。」

“Why sorry?”  「幹嘛道歉？」

“You can have it back, if you want.”
「如果你想要的話，可以拿回去。」

“Nah. I mean, I bought a new case, obviously,” Soobin says, fingering the pull. “Don’t really need it back.”
「不用了。我是說，我已經買了新殼，很明顯吧。」秀彬用手指撥弄著拉環，「真的不需要拿回來。」

“Um. I probably should have thrown it out,” Beomgyu says. “I just figured…you left it behind when you left, and the one I had was shittier. Might as well upgrade.” 
「呃...我大概早該把它丟掉的，」范奎說，「我只是想...你離開時把它落下了，而我原本那個更爛。不如趁機升級一下。」

Soobin lets out a quiet scoff, shaking his head. He bends to put the case back. 
秀彬輕蔑地哼了一聲，搖搖頭。他彎腰把箱子放回去。

“What was that?” Beomgyu asks. 
「那是什麼意思？」范奎問道。

“Nothing.”  「沒有。」

“No, what was that for?” 
「不，你那是什麼意思？」

Soobin looks up at the ceiling for a moment, exhaling. 
秀彬抬頭望向天花板片刻，嘆了口氣。

“You mean when you kicked me out,” he says. “But semantics, right?”
「你是說你把我趕出去那次，」他說。「不過就是咬文嚼字，對吧？」

“Are you…are you serious?”
「你...你是認真的嗎？」

Beomgyu’s fingers fly together, twisting into a knot. He didn’t kick Soobin out. That’s a joke.
范奎的手指快速交纏，扭成一個結。他沒有把秀彬趕出去。那是開玩笑的。

“Uh, yeah,” Soobin says to the bookcase. “I left the case by accident, because I had to get all my shit out in a rush, because you wanted me gone. So, like, you can keep it, but it’s a little—”
「呃，對啊，」秀彬對著書櫃說。「我不小心把盒子落下了，因為你急著趕我走，害我匆忙收拾所有東西。所以...你可以留著它，但那有點——」

Beomgyu hears him like he’s underwater. The words are all distorted.
範奎聽他說話的聲音像是隔著水層，字句全都扭曲變形。

“You’re not fucking serious,” Beomgyu says. “You’re not…” 
「你他媽的在開玩笑吧，」范奎說。「你該不會…」

He starts to rise out of his chair, panic bubbling inside him. What the fuck? 
他從椅子上猛然起身，恐慌在體內翻湧。搞什麼鬼？

“Look, let’s not start this,” Soobin says, back still turned. “Did you finish—”
「聽著，我們別再吵這個了，」秀彬說，依然背對著他。「你完成了——」

“Too late,” Beomgyu says. “You’re not telling me you left…because I told you to? You’re not saying that.”
「太遲了，」范奎說。「你該不會要說你離開...是因為我叫你走的？你不會是這個意思吧。」

“Get the fuck out,” Soobin says, imitating a high voice that sounds nothing like Beomgyu. He turns around, finally, and his face is flushed around the jaw. “You told me to leave, Gyu-ya.”
「給我滾出去，」秀彬模仿著一點也不像范奎的尖細嗓音。他終於轉過身來，下顎周圍泛著紅暈。「是你叫我走的，奎啊。」

“I didn’t mean for good! We were—we were fighting, I just wanted—”
「我又不是要你永遠離開！我們那時——我們在吵架，我只是想——」

“You wanted me out,” Soobin repeats.
「你想要我離開，」秀彬重複道。

“But you’re the one who didn’t come back! You’re the one who made the choice!”  
「但沒回來的人是你！做選擇的人也是你！」

Beomgyu presses his fists into the table to support his wobbly legs. He feels like the world is crumbling around him, like all the careful walls he’s built to protect himself are collapsing at the foundations. 
范奎用拳頭抵著桌子，支撐自己發軟的雙腿。他感覺世界正在崩塌，那些精心築起保護自己的高牆，正從根基處開始瓦解。

It had been a bad fight, sure. Beomgyu remembers saying those words — get the fuck out, hyung. I can’t do this anymore. But who hears those words, and just leaves? Who hears them and gives up on three years of love, all because of a dumb fight about…god, what had it even been about? 
那確實是場激烈的爭吵。范奎記得自己說過那些話——哥你他媽滾出去，我受夠了。但誰會聽到這種話就真的離開？誰會因為一場愚蠢的爭吵...天啊，他們當時到底在吵什麼？就為這個放棄三年的感情？

Beomgyu knows he remembers, and that he’s stewed about it hundreds of times before, sitting in that hurt and wondering why Soobin cared so much about whatever it was that it made him leave. His brain can’t put the details together right now, though. It’s only been working half-time for a full day, and now his body is in revolt too, struggling to process every terrible, reality-shattering word that Soobin is saying.
范奎知道自己記得這件事，而且他已經反覆思索了上百次，沉浸在那份痛苦中，不斷想著為什麼秀彬會如此在意那件事，以至於選擇離開。但此刻他的腦子無法將細節拼湊完整。整整一天，他的思緒都只有一半在運轉，而現在他的身體也開始反抗，艱難地消化著秀彬所說的每一句殘酷、粉碎現實的話語。

Soobin narrows his eyes into slits.
秀彬瞇起眼睛。

“That’s bullshit,” he says, in a quiet voice. “You made it very clear you didn’t want me back, Beomgyu.”
「這根本是胡說八道，」他輕聲說道。「你明明很清楚表示過不想要我回來，范奎。」

“How?”  「怎麼會？」

“Fucking blocking me, for one. On every type of social media.” Soobin lifts his hand and ticks down a finger. “Hiding from me. Not coming back to the apartment the whole next day, when I tried to find you. I even called your mother, and she said if you didn’t want to see me, I shouldn’t follow you.” He puts another finger down. “And then Kai. Telling Kai to tell me you were through with me, when I saw him. How else was I supposed to take that?” 
「首先，他媽的封鎖我。所有社群媒體都封鎖。」秀彬舉起手，扳下一根手指。「躲著我。隔天一整天都沒回公寓，我試著找你。甚至打電話給你媽，她說如果你不想見我，我就不該追著你。」他又扳下一根手指。「然後是 Kai。當我見到 Kai 時，你叫他轉告我我們結束了。不然我還能怎麼解讀？」

One of Beomgyu’s legs gives out, and he staggers against the table. 
範奎的一條腿突然發軟，踉蹌地撞上桌子。

“I didn’t tell Kai that,” he says faintly. He’s sure he didn’t. He wouldn’t have done that.
「我沒跟 Kai 那樣說，」他虛弱地反駁。他確定自己沒說過。他不會那樣做的。

“I met up with him the week after, and he told me to give it up,” Soobin says, crossing his arms. “So I did. What other choice did you leave me?”
「一週後我見到他，他叫我放棄，」秀彬交叉雙臂說道。「所以我放棄了。你還留給我什麼選擇？」

No. Beomgyu can’t listen to this anymore. He lets his elbows buckle, sending himself careening back into his chair, and blinks at his lap. Breathe. He knows he’s supposed to breathe when he feels the panic starting, his therapist told him to, but he isn’t sure how. He’s about to hyperventilate in a way he hasn’t in months, and his fucking heat is only making this worse. He’s shivering again, like a cold, clammy hand is gripping him around the neck. 
不。范奎再也聽不下去了。他手肘一軟，整個人重重跌回椅子上，低頭盯著自己的大腿發愣。呼吸。他知道恐慌發作時該深呼吸，心理治療師是這麼教他的，但他現在完全不知道該怎麼呼吸。他即將經歷數月未有的過度換氣症狀，而該死的發情期只會讓情況更糟。他又開始發抖，彷彿有隻冰冷黏膩的手正掐住他的脖子。

Beomgyu thinks Soobin might be saying anything, but his ears are filled with white noise. He’s not equipped to handle how upside down this all is, how backwards it is from what he knows to be the reality. Beomgyu didn’t do this to them. Soobin is the one that broke up with him and ruined their whole life together, the future that Beomgyu had longed for. This feels like a sick, terrible joke. 
范奎覺得秀彬可能正在說話，但他耳裡只充滿白噪音。他完全無法理解這一切為何如此顛倒錯亂，與他所認知的現實完全背道而馳。范奎沒有對他們做過這種事。是秀彬先提分手、毀了他們共同的生活，毀了范奎曾經渴望的未來。這感覺像個惡劣至極的玩笑。

“Oh, fuck,” Soobin’s voice says. “Okay, Beomie. Breathe.”
「噢，幹，」秀彬的聲音傳來。「好了，范兒。深呼吸。」

Beomgyu wants to speak again, but he can’t figure out what to say next. You— you’re the— I never—
范奎想再開口，卻不知道接下來該說什麼。你——是你——我從來——

“This was a mistake.” Soobin crouches next to him, resting a heavy hand on Beomgyu’s shoulder, trying to steady him. “I never should have said anything. Not during your heat. Let’s forget it, Gyu-ya, just try and relax, okay?”
「這真是個錯誤。」秀彬蹲在他身旁，沉甸甸的手搭在范奎肩上試圖讓他冷靜。「我根本不該說的，特別是在你發情期。我們忘了這事吧，奎啊，試著放鬆好嗎？」

“You have— no idea,” Beomgyu shudders out. Fuck, he’s going to cry. “No idea what it was like—”
「你根本——不懂，」范奎顫抖著說。該死，他要哭了。「根本不知道那感覺——」

“Do you need me to hold you? Will that help?”
「需要我抱著你嗎？這樣會好點嗎？」

“Can’t do this to me,” Beomgyu sniffs. Soobin’s other hand finds its way into Beomgyu’s lap, and Beomgyu grips it like a lifeline, his little fingers clinging onto Soobin’s thick ones. The hand on his shoulder feels like an anchor. “Can’t do this to me.”
「不能這樣對我，」范奎吸著鼻子說。秀彬另一隻手滑進范奎腿間，范奎像抓住救命稻草般緊握那隻手，纖細手指纏上秀彬粗壯的指節。肩上的手掌宛如船錨般穩固。「不能這樣對我。」

“I didn’t mean to,” Soobin says, anguished.
「我不是故意的，」秀彬痛苦地說。

“Why did—why did you, in the first place, you left, why did you leave in the first place—even if you…”
「為什麼——為什麼你一開始要走，為什麼你一開始就離開——就算你...」

“Gyu-ya, really, let’s just drop it, let me carry you to—”
「奎啊，真的，我們就別管了，讓我抱你到——」

“Why did you leave?” Beomgyu chokes out, scrunching up his eyes. “You left, I said it but you’re the one who left, and, I don’t know why you were even mad at…”
「你為什麼要走？」范奎哽咽著說，緊閉雙眼。「是你離開的，我說過但先離開的人是你，而且，我甚至不知道你為什麼要生氣...」

“You don’t remember?” Soobin says. “Beomie, I was so frustrated. I was just trying to help you, and you were being so…so cruel to me about it. You don’t remember?” 
「你不記得了嗎？」秀彬說。「范奎，我那時真的很沮喪。我只是想幫你，你卻對我那麼...那麼殘忍。你真的不記得了嗎？」

Beomgyu tries to make sense of that. Cruel?
范奎試圖理解這句話。殘忍？

“Forget it,” Soobin says. He slides the hand on Beomgyu’s shoulder around to hook under his armpit, starting to lift him. “Really, this was a bad idea. You’re not in a state to talk about—”
「算了，」秀彬說。他原本搭在范奎肩上的手滑到腋下，開始扶他起身。「真的，這不是個好主意。你現在的狀態不適合談——」

“Help you,” Beomgyu echoes, trying to place those words. “You wanted to help me.”
「幫你，」范奎喃喃重複，試圖理解這些話。「你想幫我。」

“Yeah.” Soobin hesitates, and Beomgyu hangs from his hand, still half-seated. “Which is what I should be doing now, so let’s get you over to the bed, okay?”
「嗯。」秀彬遲疑了一下，而範奎仍半坐著，手還掛在他手上。「這正是我現在該做的，所以我們把你扶到床上去好嗎？」

“I remember,” Beomgyu says faintly. The pieces are all coming back together, and of course he remembers. He’s spent hours remembering, trying to rationalize why it all went wrong. “You made me feel so worthless.”
「我記得，」範奎虛弱地說。記憶碎片逐漸拼湊起來，他當然記得。他花了好幾個小時回憶，試圖合理化這一切為何會出錯。「你讓我覺得自己一文不值。」

Soobin lets out a frustrated sound. 
秀彬發出一聲挫敗的嘆息。

“I wasn’t…wasn’t good enough anymore,” Beomgyu says. “You hurt me so much.”
「我已經...已經不夠好了，」范奎說。「你傷我太深。」

“See, we’re just gonna go in circles if we keep talking about it,” Soobin says, yanking Beomgyu all the way to his feet. “I’m just gonna upset you more. I’m not here to upset you.”
「你看，我們再這樣討論下去只會原地打轉，」秀彬說著，一把將范奎整個拉起身。「我只會讓你更難過。我來這裡不是為了讓你難過的。」

“Hurt for months,” Beomgyu whimpers. He doesn’t want to keep talking and show how weak he is, but he’s losing control. “A year. More.” 
「痛了好幾個月，」范奎啜泣道。他不想繼續說下去暴露自己的脆弱，但他已經失控了。「一年。更久。」

“You know, I’m setting a lot aside to help you right now, and I don’t appreciate that you’re acting like the only one who gets to be hurt about it,” Soobin says angrily. “Alphas aren’t goddamn rocks. I have feelings too, and I’ve been trying to ignore them to help you, and then you go and blame me—”
「你知道嗎，我現在擱置了很多事來幫你，而你表現得好像只有你能為這件事受傷一樣，這讓我很不舒服，」秀彬憤怒地說。「Alpha 又不是該死的石頭。我也有感覺，而且我一直試著忽略它們來幫你，結果你卻反過來責怪我——」

“You don’t get to hurt,” Beomgyu cries. “Only me. You didn’t want to be with me anymore.”
「你沒資格難過，」范奎哭喊著。「只有我能。是你不想再跟我在一起了。」

“What the fuck did I do to you to make you think that?”
「我他媽到底對你做了什麼，讓你這麼想？」

Beomgyu doesn’t understand. He’s just sobbing now, held up by Soobin’s strong hands, his face crumpled and collapsing. He can’t see Soobin through his tears.
范奎不明白。此刻他只是啜泣著，被秀彬有力的雙手扶著，臉皺成一團、垮了下來。淚眼模糊中，他看不清秀彬。

Soobin waits for an answer. When he doesn’t get one, he pulls Beomgyu into his chest, and Beomgyu sobs into his bare skin.
秀彬等待著答案。沒等到回應，他將范奎拉進懷裡，范奎便貼著他赤裸的肌膚啜泣。

“I’ve wondered it so many times,” Soobin says, almost to himself. “Why this is what you wanted.”
「我想過好多次，」秀彬幾乎是自言自語地說，「為什麼這就是你想要的。」

“You…left,” Beomgyu chokes out, hiccuping. Squeaky, panicked, desperate syllables. “Wanted…to leave.” 
「你…走了，」范奎哽咽著說道，聲音斷斷續續。那語調尖細、慌亂又絕望。「想…要離開。」

“And you wanted me to stay away.” Soobin says it to Beomgyu’s scalp, pressing the words into his sweaty hair.
「而你想要我離得遠遠的。」守彬這句話是對著范奎的頭頂說的，字句都壓進他汗濕的髮絲裡。

Beomgyu is so confused, so overwhelmed. No matter what Soobin is saying, the fact is that Soobin left. He’s the one that opened that door and walked through it. Beomgyu never would have done it. He didn’t want it.
范奎太困惑了，完全被情緒淹沒。不管守彬現在說什麼，事實就是守彬離開了。是他親手打開那扇門走出去的。范奎永遠不會這麼做。他根本不想要這樣。

His breath is catching in his throat, coming out in stutters. He wants to tell Soobin how wrong he is, how terrible he was, make him feel all the hurt that Beomgyu remembers so viscerally, but all he can do is tremble and choke on his saliva.
他的呼吸卡在喉嚨裡，斷斷續續地吐出來。他想告訴守彬他錯得多離譜，當時有多過分，讓他感受所有范奎至今仍刻骨銘心的痛楚，但他只能顫抖著，被自己的唾液嗆到。

“Don’t leave,” he whimpers. “Please…”
「別走，」他嗚咽著說。「拜託…」

“Gyu-ya, your heart’s going crazy,” Soobin says, pressing a hand around the back of his neck to feel his pulse. “I fucked this up. Whatever…whatever happened back then, we don’t need to talk about it. I’m supposed to be helping, not hurting.” 
「奎啊，你的心跳得好快，」秀彬說著，一手按上他的後頸測量脈搏。「我搞砸了。不管…不管當初發生什麼事，我們都不必再提。我應該要幫你，而不是傷害你。」

“‘M…nng, hyung, I don’t—don’t leave, you—”
「嗯…唔，哥，我…不要走，你——」

“And up,” Soobin says, and suddenly Beomgyu is horizontal, lifted up in Soobin’s arms, bridal-style. “This is getting us nowhere. I’m not leaving, Beomie. Let’s not make this miserable.”
「起來，」秀彬突然將抱著的昡奎打橫抱起，用公主抱的姿勢。「這樣下去沒完沒了。我不會走的，昡咪。別讓情況變得更糟。」

“T-too late…” Beomgyu hiccups, breaking up his syllables. 
「太…太遲了…」范奎抽噎著，話語斷斷續續。

“Breathe,” Soobin says, walking him over to the bed. “Here. Please, let’s drop all this and get through this together, okay?”
「深呼吸。」秀彬說著，一邊將他帶到床邊。「來，拜託，我們先把這些都放下，一起撐過去好嗎？」

He lowers Beomgyu to the mattress, and Beomgyu can’t help his instincts. He reaches for him, grabbing at his shoulders, trying to pull him closer. Alpha will calm him. It doesn’t matter that alpha is the problem. Alpha is the solution, too. 
他將范奎輕輕放倒在床墊上，而范奎無法控制自己的本能。他伸手抓住秀彬的肩膀，試圖將對方拉近。Alpha 能安撫他。即使 Alpha 正是問題的根源也無所謂。Alpha 同時也是解藥。

Fuck, he’s so weak during heat. Beomgyu feels like he’s going to vomit. He barely holds in a retch, turning it into a sob instead.
該死，發情期的他實在太脆弱了。范奎感覺自己快要吐了。他勉強壓下一陣乾嘔，卻轉化為一聲啜泣。

“Beomgyu-ya,” Soobin says softly. He lays down beside him, taking Beomgyu’s hand in his own. Beomgyu’s vision is too teary to make out his expression. “Let’s just…let’s just let this be a bubble, for a few more hours. A little bubble of good things, and I can help you with your pain, and we don’t have to hurt each other.”
「范奎啊。」秀彬輕聲喚道。他在范奎身旁躺下，握住對方的手。范奎的視線因淚水模糊，看不清他的表情。「我們就...就讓這成為一個泡泡，再維持幾小時。一個充滿美好事物的小泡泡，我可以幫你緩解痛苦，我們不必再互相傷害。」

“You don’t want that,” Beomgyu breathes. 
「你不想要那樣。」范奎輕聲說。

“Yes, I do,” Soobin says, and Beomgyu sniffs deeply. “I want to enjoy this, if you can too. Yeah?”
「不，我想要。」秀彬說著，范奎深深吸了口氣。「我想享受這個，如果你也能的話。好嗎？」

Beomgyu doesn’t answer.   Beomgyu 沒有回答。

Soobin fumbles for the blanket again, tucking it up around them. He reaches a hand inside the front of Beomgyu’s bathrobe and strokes his bare chest, caressing his flat breast almost absent-mindedly. Beomgyu feels a twitch of arousal in his nipple.
秀彬再次摸索著毯子，將它拉上來裹住兩人。他伸手探進范奎浴袍前襟，撫摸他赤裸的胸膛，幾乎是心不在焉地輕揉著他平坦的胸脯。范奎感覺自己的乳頭因興奮而微微顫動。

“Can I make you feel safe again?” Soobin says quietly. “You did earlier, right? Even though…it’s me?”
「我能讓你再次感到安心嗎？」秀彬輕聲問道。「你剛才確實有這種感覺對吧？即使...對象是我？」

Beomgyu nods. He’s felt a lot of things over the past day, but he hasn’t ever felt unsafe. Kai was right about that, in his text.
范奎點了點頭。過去這一天他經歷了各種情緒，但從未感到不安。就像 Kai 在簡訊裡說的那樣。

“Tell me something you liked about today,” Soobin says. “Something that made you happy. Good things.”
「告訴我你今天喜歡的某件事，」秀彬說。「讓你開心的事。美好的事物。」

Beomgyu’s brain latches onto the task. Soobin strokes over his sensitive skin, flooding his body with calming and gentle sensations, and that wildfire of panic is dying down inside him. He can pull himself together enough to answer a simple question. Something that he liked about today, before everything went to shit. 
范奎的思緒專注於這個任務。秀彬輕撫著他敏感的肌膚，溫柔的觸感如潮水般湧入體內，那股恐慌的野火正在體內逐漸熄滅。他終於能勉強集中精神回答這個簡單的問題。在一切變得糟糕之前，今天有什麼讓他喜歡的事。

“Um, you…you got hotter,” Beomgyu says, and scrunches up his nose. Mortifying.
「呃，你...你變得更性感了，」范奎說著，皺了皺鼻子。真是羞死人了。

But Soobin just laughs, a giddy cackle.
但秀彬只是咯咯地笑，笑得像個傻孩子。

“You like my new body?” he asks, and Beomgyu nods. “Glad to put it to good use.”
「喜歡我的新身材嗎？」他問道，范奎點點頭。「很高興能好好利用它。」

“Hate these,” Beomgyu murmurs, gesticulating limply in the general direction of Soobin’s abs and letting his hand fall to the bed.
「討厭這些，」范奎低聲咕噥，無力地朝秀彬腹肌的方向比劃了一下，然後讓手垂落在床上。

“Yeah, I know,” Soobin says unapologetically. “Sorry they come so easily. Alpha genes.” 
「嗯，我知道。」秀彬毫無歉意地說。「抱歉它們這麼容易就冒出來了。Alpha 基因嘛。」

His thumb hesitates over Beomgyu’s hardening nipple. 
他的拇指在逐漸硬挺的範奎乳頭上方遲疑著。

“Let me say something about you?” he asks, and keeps talking before Beomgyu can answer. “You still keep magazines in the bathroom. Reading material, right? That made me smile, when I saw that. It’s cute.”
「讓我說說你的事好嗎？」他問道，沒等範奎回答就繼續說：「你還在浴室裡放雜誌。閱讀材料對吧？我看到的時候忍不住笑了，很可愛。」

“Supposed to…compliment me,” Beomgyu says, pouting out his lower lip and blinking his eyes rapidly to try to clear his tears. Soobin stamps his thumb down on Beomgyu’s nipple, making him gasp.
「這算是...誇我嗎？」範奎嘟起下唇，快速眨著眼睛試圖止住淚水。秀彬突然用拇指重重按壓範奎的乳頭，讓他倒抽一口氣。

“Fine. Bratty,” Soobin says. “You finally grew your hair out. You had talked about it for so long.”
「好吧。小屁孩，」秀彬說。「你終於把頭髮留長了。你講這件事講超久的。」

“You like it?” Beomgyu asks.
「你喜歡嗎？」范奎問道。

“Looks great,” Soobin says simply.
「看起來很棒。」秀彬簡短地回答。

Beomgyu squeezes his thighs together under his robe, just in case.
杋圭在睡袍下夾緊雙腿，以防萬一。

“More, please.”  「再來一點，拜託。」

It’s all a facade, an illusion. But it’s so much easier than living in reality, the one where Soobin came back and told Beomgyu that his nightmare was all his own fault. 
這一切都是假象，一場幻覺。但比起活在現實中要容易多了——那個秀彬回來告訴范奎，他的噩夢全是自己造成的現實。

Soobin exhales and scoots his body closer to Beomgyu’s, slithering an arm under his neck.
秀彬呼出一口氣，將身體挪近范奎，手臂像蛇般滑入他的頸下。

“Okay. Um, I liked… well, you smile in your sleep,” Soobin says. “It’s so fun to watch you.”
「好。嗯，我喜歡...那個，你睡覺時會微笑的樣子，」秀彬說，「看著你這樣很有趣。」

“Creep,” Beomgyu breathes. 
「變態，」范奎輕聲說道。

Soobin pinches his nipple. It shoots a yelp out of Beomgyu’s throat, and his cunt clenches. 
秀彬捏了一下他的乳頭。這讓范奎喉間迸出一聲驚叫，他的下體也隨之緊縮。

“I smell that, you know,” Soobin says, flicking his eyes down towards Beomgyu’s pelvis. 
「我聞得到，你知道嗎，」秀彬說著，目光向下掃向范奎的骨盆處。

“I like your voice,” Beomgyu says mindlessly. “Like it so much, hyung. When you talked me to sleep.”
「我喜歡你的聲音，」范奎不假思索地說。「好喜歡，哥。當你哄我入睡的時候。」

“Yeah. Anything to make you sleep-smile.” 
「嗯，只要能讓你睡著時露出笑容，什麼都行。」

Beomgyu ducks his head towards Soobin’s body. That word, anything. He used to think he’d do anything to have this again, and now he does. Just a few more hours in this bubble of Soobin being his, even though the wound was just freshly opened. 
杋圭把頭埋進守彬懷裡。那個詞——「什麼都行」。他曾經以為自己願意付出任何代價換回這一切，而現在他確實得到了。即使傷口才剛被撕開，他仍貪戀著這個守彬屬於他的泡沫，哪怕只能再多維持幾小時。

“I wanna smell you,” he murmurs. 
「我想聞你的味道。」他低聲呢喃。

“Oh,” Soobin says. “Um…”
「喔，」秀彬說。「呃⋯⋯」

He tugs Beomgyu even closer, crooking his elbow around his neck.
他將范奎拉得更近，手臂彎曲環繞著他的頸部。

“Don’t…don’t actually scent me,” he says, hesitating, but Beomgyu doesn’t have to. Soobin’s scent gland is an inch away, and it’s radiating calmness and relief and anxiety and desire, detectable even without Beomgyu making physical contact. Beomgyu lets each of Soobin’s emotions wash through him, inhaling with his eyes closed. He can feel Soobin’s fingers splay out across his ribs, wrapping around his side and gripping him tight, hanging on. 
「別...別真的標記我，」他猶豫地說道，但范奎不需要這麼做。秀彬的氣味腺就在咫尺之遙，散發著平靜、解脫、焦慮和渴望，即使范奎沒有實際接觸也能察覺。范奎讓秀彬的每一種情緒流過自己，閉上眼睛深深吸氣。他能感受到秀彬的手指張開覆在他的肋骨上，環抱著他的側身並緊緊抓住，不肯鬆手。

“Beomgyu,” Soobin whispers. “It’s okay if I fuck you again, right? When you need it again. You’re okay with that?”
「范奎，」秀彬低語。「如果我再和你做愛，可以嗎？當你再次需要的時候。你願意嗎？」

“Mhm,” Beomgyu hums.  「嗯，」範奎輕哼一聲。

“Because I’m going to have to. If we keep it up like this. I’m going to have to. Probably one more time before your session ends. And if it’s going to upset you, I don’t want to…”
「因為我不得不這麼做。如果我們繼續這樣下去，我必須這麼做。可能在你療程結束前還得再來一次。但如果這會讓你難過，我不想...」

Worry flares in Soobin’s scent. It almost annoys Beomgyu to smell it. Why does Soobin get to act like the good guy, when he’s done so much damage? 
秀彬的氣味中突然閃現焦慮。這幾乎讓范奎聞了感到惱火。為什麼秀彬可以裝好人，明明他造成的傷害這麼多？

“Yeah, yeah. Want it.”
「嗯，嗯。 想要。」

“I made you cry, though,” Soobin says, and Beomgyu whines. He doesn’t want to second guess himself, and Soobin is only making it harder. 
「但我害你哭了，」秀彬說，范奎發出不滿的嗚咽聲。他不想質疑自己的決定，而秀彬只會讓這變得更困難。

“Don’t ruin the bubble,” Beomgyu says. “Take care of me?” 
「別破壞這美好的泡沫，」范奎說。「好好照顧我，好嗎？」

Soobin’s hand is so warm on Beomgyu’s chest. 
秀彬的手貼在范奎胸前，溫暖得令人心顫。

“That’s what I’m here for,” Soobin murmurs.
「這就是我在這裡的原因，」秀彬低語道。

Fifteen minutes later, Beomgyu is back on his knees, the bathrobe falling down his shoulders and Soobin’s nails digging into his hips. Good? Soobin asks between thrusts, anything hurts, Gyu-ya? It might as well be yesterday, might as well be that first time again. Clinical, efficient, effective. Beomgyu is too afraid to ask for more again, and Soobin wouldn’t give it, anyway. Not after the breakdown that just happened after they crossed the line.
十五分鐘後，范奎再度跪伏，浴袍滑落肩頭，秀彬的指甲深深陷進他腰際。舒服嗎？秀彬在進出間啞聲詢問，會痛嗎，奎啊？恍如昨日，恍如初次。精準、俐落、有效。范奎不敢再奢求更多，而秀彬也不會給予——自從他們越界後那場崩潰，一切早已不同。

Beomgyu moans into his own drool, face-down on the pillow. He balls his fists into the mattress, and one of his fingertips snags on the torn condom foil. He grips that instead, its jagged edges rough on the lines of his palm, and braces his core for another mind-numbing release.
范奎臉朝下埋在枕頭裡，對著自己的口水呻吟。他將拳頭緊握在床墊上，其中一根手指勾到了被撕開的保險套包裝。他轉而抓住那片鋸齒狀的箔紙，粗糙邊緣磨蹭著掌紋，繃緊核心準備迎接又一次令人神智渙散的高潮。

This is all that he’s paying for. He’s just an omega in need, and Soobin is just the alpha he hired. Their past is over, and it has to stay that way.
這就是他付錢買的服務。他只是一個發情的 Omega，而珉炫只是他雇來的 Alpha。他們的過去已經結束，也必須保持這樣。

It’s weird how time passes during heat. Some of Beomgyu’s favorite heats felt like they lasted forever, like time just ceased to exist entirely. Not sleeping, not eating, not feeling anything but Soobin’s skin on his own, his moans underneath him. Those heats felt as if they’d never end, like they’d never have to leave the other’s embrace. 
發情期中的時間流逝總是很奇妙。范奎最喜歡的幾次發情期彷彿永無止境，時間就像完全不存在。不睡覺、不吃飯，除了珉炫的肌膚相貼與身下的呻吟外什麼都感覺不到。那些發情期彷彿永遠不會結束，好像他們永遠不必離開彼此的懷抱。

Other heats passed in a blink, just a flash of squealing and yelping as Soobin chased him around the apartment and tackled him onto the couch. Just falling asleep knotted and waking up a full eight hours later with his cramps calming down and his fever abating. 
有些發情期卻轉瞬即逝，當珉炫在公寓裡追著他跑、將他撲倒在沙發上時，只留下短暫的尖叫與喘息。就這麼在結的狀態下睡去，八小時後醒來時抽痛已然緩解，熱度也逐漸消退。

Most heats existed somewhere in the middle. Half in pain, half in pleasure, time creeping as Soobin massaged his aching muscles and then flying by as Soobin pounded him into the mattress. Heat wasn’t all good, or all bad. Just part of life with Soobin, always with Soobin. 
大多數的發情期都處於中間地帶。一半痛苦，一半歡愉，當秀彬按摩他酸痛的肌肉時時間緩慢流逝，而當秀彬將他壓進床墊時光陰又飛快掠過。發情期不全然美好，也不全然糟糕。只是與秀彬共度的人生片段，永遠有秀彬相伴的日常。

Beomgyu had barely even gotten heats before they met. He was late to present, eighteen years old, and as soon as his heats had settled into a regular schedule, his pediatrician put him on the suppressant shots. He didn’t have another heat until he was twenty-one, three months after Soobin had walked him home from dinner with all their university friends and kissed him breathless on the stoop outside his tiny student apartment. 
在遇見秀彬之前，范奎幾乎沒經歷過幾次發情期。他是晚分化者，十八歲才出現第二性徵，當他的發情期剛形成規律週期，小兒科醫師就讓他開始注射抑制劑。直到二十一歲那年，在大學朋友聚餐後秀彬送他回到學生公寓，在那間狹小住所的門階上將他吻得喘不過氣的三個月後，他才再次迎來發情期。

I know it’s soon, Soobin had said, but I’ve wanted you since first year, Gyu-ya. I want to take care of you. Don’t you trust me? 
「我知道這有點快，」秀彬曾這樣說，「但從大一開始我就想要你了，奎啊。我想照顧你。難道你不信任我嗎？」

It felt good to be so wanted. Beomgyu didn’t need him to ask twice. Three years of sharing his most vulnerable self with Soobin, and he’s never felt so loved since. It envelops him in his dreams, that feeling of Soobin wanting him. What a cruel dream. He hasn’t had it in years, but it’s back with a vengeance. 
被如此渴望的感覺真好。范奎根本不需要他問第二遍。三年來將最脆弱的自己交付給秀彬，此後他再也未曾感受過這般被珍視的滋味。這份被渴望的溫暖甚至包裹著他的夢境。多麼殘忍的夢啊。多年未現的幻夢，如今卻帶著加倍的痛楚捲土重來。

Beomgyu is only half awake, and the first thing he notices as he begins to regain consciousness is that he’s hungry again. Completely ravenous. He must be on the downswing of his heat, when his normal body functions start to slowly regain control over his sex drive. If Soobin were here, he would feed him, like he always does. But even in his dreams, Beomgyu knows that he’s been alone for years.
范奎半夢半醒間，恢復意識時首先察覺到的就是自己又餓了。飢腸轆轆。想必是發情期開始進入尾聲，身體機能逐漸從性慾支配中恢復正常。要是秀彬在的話，肯定會像往常那樣餵他吃東西。但即使在夢裡，范奎也清楚自己已經獨自生活好幾年了。

Dreams feel so real during heat. He inhales, and he can almost swear that Soobin’s scent is really present, like he’s is back with him. That can’t be, though. When he cracks his eyes open, he’s in his studio apartment, the one that Soobin has never been a part of. Just him, alone in his bed, with a very uncomfortable dampness between his thighs.
發情期的夢境總是特別真實。他深深吸氣，幾乎能發誓空氣中真的飄著秀彬的氣味，彷彿那人又回到身邊。但這不可能。當他勉強睜開眼睛時，映入眼簾的是自己從未與秀彬同住過的小套房。只有他獨自躺在床上，雙腿間黏膩的不適感格外鮮明。

He stretches, smashing his hand into the headboard and cursing. 
他伸了個懶腰，手肘狠狠撞上床頭板，忍不住咒罵出聲。

The toilet flushes beyond the closed bathroom door. 
緊閉的浴室門後傳來馬桶沖水聲。

“Kai-ya?” Beomgyu croaks. Kai is the only one who he can imagine would be there during his heat. 
「Kai-ya？」范奎沙啞地呼喚。此刻他能想像唯一會陪在發情期自己身邊的人只有 Kai。

The bathroom door opens, and Soobin steps through it. 
浴室門打開了，秀彬走了進來。

“What about Kai?” 
「那 Kai 呢？」

Beomgyu blinks. Soobin, here? Weird dream.
范奎眨了眨眼。秀彬在這裡？真是個奇怪的夢。

A look of realization washes over Soobin’s face. “Oh. That must have been a deep sleep.”
一抹恍然大悟的神情掠過秀彬的臉龐。「噢，那一定是場很沉的睡眠。」

He steps towards the bed, and Beomgyu just stares at him, mouth gaping. He looks so real. Long, handsome face, weirdly chiseled body. The sun is setting, and harsh orange rays cut across his bare chest, shadows pooling between his collar bones. 
他朝床鋪走近，而范奎只是張著嘴呆望著他。他看起來如此真實——修長俊朗的臉龐、稜角分明的身軀。夕陽西下，刺眼的橙光斜切過他赤裸的胸膛，在鎖骨間投下陰影。

“That’s a good sign,” Soobin says, looming closer. “I think the brain fog would always hit when things were wrapping up, remember?” 
「這是好徵兆，」秀彬俯身靠近說道。「記得嗎？以往事情要結束時，腦中總會突然一片空白。」

Soobin slides into bed, and Beomgyu realizes that there’s already a warm spot next to him. Soobin isn’t just here. He’s been here.
秀彬滑進被窩，范奎這才發現自己身旁早已有個暖熱的位置。秀彬不僅在這裡——他早已在此停留多時。

Maybe this is real, and everything else was a dream. The worst nightmare: Soobin leaving. It’s the only way to explain why Soobin would be here. He never left at all. 
或許這才是現實，其他一切都只是場夢。最可怕的惡夢：秀彬離開。這是唯一能解釋為什麼秀彬會在這裡的原因。他根本從未離開。

“Hyung?” Beomgyu whispers, almost mouthing it.
「哥？」杋圭輕聲喚道，幾乎只是用氣音。

“Mhm?” Soobin is tucking Beomgyu back into his rightful place, head to his chest.
「嗯？」秀彬正把杋圭重新摟回他該在的位置，讓他的頭靠在自己胸前。

“Cuddle.”  「抱抱。」

Soobin huffs out a breath. “Is this not enough cuddling for you?”
秀彬嘆了口氣。「這樣抱你還不夠嗎？」

For some reason, it feels like it isn’t. There’s a hollowness inside Beomgyu’s chest that he desperately needs to fill. He splays his hand out over Soobin’s ribs, tracing their familiar lines. 
不知為何，范奎總覺得還不夠。他胸口有種空洞感，亟需被填滿。他將手掌貼上秀彬的肋骨，沿著熟悉的線條輕撫。

“Never enough,” Beomgyu says. His usual answer. 
「永遠不夠，」范奎說。這是他一貫的回答。

Soobin coughs, bringing one of his own hands to Beomgyu’s and stilling its motion.
秀彬輕咳一聲，將自己的手覆上范奎的手，止住他的動作。

“Um, I hope it’s okay that I stayed,” he says. 
「呃，希望我留下來沒關係，」他說。

“Hm?”  「嗯？」

“Technically I should have left two hours ago, but you were asleep, and I…uh, I didn’t want to leave you if you weren’t ready to be alone,” Soobin says. “And I didn’t want to wake you up and ask. So…I stayed, but I can leave, if you’re…”
「嚴格來說我兩小時前就該走了，但你睡著了，而我...呃，我不想在你還沒準備好獨處時離開你。」秀彬說。「而且我也不想叫醒你詢問。所以...我就留下了，但如果你...我現在可以離開。」

Beomgyu furrows his brow.
杋圭皺起眉頭。

“Leave?”   「離開？」

“Yeah. If you wanted me to leave I can just not charge you for the last two hours, seeing as I didn’t ask you for an extension, either, so it seems unfair to charge—”
「對。如果你想讓我走的話，最後這兩小時我就不收費了，畢竟我也沒問你要不要延長時間，這樣收費感覺不太公平——」

Beomgyu’s heart plummets. It…it wasn’t a nightmare. The head fog is clearing, the confusion is washing away, and…Soobin isn’t his anymore. He’s just here because Beomgyu is paying him.
范奎的心沉到了谷底。這...這不是噩夢。腦中的迷霧逐漸散去，困惑也隨之消退，而...秀彬已經不再屬於他了。他會在這裡，只是因為范奎付錢給他。

“Oh my god,” he gasps. A crippling pain shoots through his chest, like years of loneliness are striking him at once. His panic is so visceral every time it strikes. He has Xanax, but even if he could walk himself to his medicine chest, he can’t imagine anything numbing this pain. 
「天啊，」他倒抽一口氣。一陣劇痛穿透胸口，彷彿多年的孤寂瞬間襲來。每次恐慌發作時，那種痛苦都如此真實。他有鎮定劑，但即使能勉強走到藥櫃前，也無法想像有什麼能麻痺這種痛苦。

“Beomie?”   「范奎？」

“Oh my god. Hyung, you’re—you’re—”
「天啊。哥，你——你——」

“Right here,” Soobin fills in, clutching Beomgyu around the waist. Beomgyu can’t see his face, he can’t place his tone, but he’s barely listening. He’s clawing at Soobin’s chest, he needs Soobin to stay here, Soobin is back and he’s about to slip away again and he just wants to leave him again and—
「就在這裡，」秀彬接話，一手緊摟住范奎的腰際。范奎看不見他的表情，也辨不出他話裡的語氣，但他幾乎沒在聽。他正用指甲抓撓著秀彬的胸膛，他需要秀彬留在這裡，秀彬回來了卻又要再次溜走，他只想再次拋下他然後——

“Beomgyu, baby, breathe,” Soobin urges. “I can stay. Let me stay.”
「范奎，寶貝，呼吸，」秀彬催促道。「我可以留下來。讓我留下來。」

“You—you want to be with me?”
「你...你想和我在一起？」

“Yeah, of course.”  「嗯，當然。」

Beomgyu has no idea what that means. Now, or forever? He just wants this nightmare to end. Please. He tilts his head up on Soobin’s chest, drilling his chin into Soobin’s sternum as if he could nail it to his bed and keep him here forever, and Soobin’s free hand flies to Beomgyu’s cheek, thumbing over his cheekbone. His face looks pained. 
范奎完全不明白那是什麼意思。 是現在，還是永遠？ 他只希望這場噩夢能結束。 拜託了。 他將頭靠在秀彬的胸膛上，下巴抵著秀彬的胸骨，彷彿能將他釘在床上永遠留在這裡。 秀彬空著的那隻手迅速撫上范奎的臉頰，拇指輕撫他的顴骨。 他的表情看起來痛苦不堪。

“You…you know what’s going on right now, right?” Soobin asks, and something in Beomgyu’s eyes must tell him what went wrong. “Gyu-ya, fuck. Maybe it’s best if I do leave—”
「你... 你知道現在發生什麼事，對吧？」秀彬問道，范奎眼中的某些東西一定讓他察覺出了問題。 「奎啊，該死。 或許我最好還是離開——」

“God, no,” Beomgyu chokes out. “I just want—just want you to—”
「天啊，不是的，」范奎哽咽地說。「我只是想要——只是想要你——」

His chin is quivering. It’s sinking in, the panic fading to a numb resignation, and he hasn’t felt grief this fresh in years. Like he’s losing him all over again.
他的下巴顫抖著。 現實逐漸清晰，恐慌褪去，取而代之的是麻木的認命，他已經多年未曾感受過如此新鮮的悲痛。 就像他再次失去他一樣。

“Want me to?”  「想要我怎麼做？」

“Be…be here. Be with me. Mine.” 
「留...留下來。陪著我。你是我的。」

He says it so mindlessly, his thoughts driven only by his need. The desperation of heat, the need for togetherness, the way his rational thoughts are muted and his body is driven only by raw emotion. 
他毫無意識地脫口而出，思緒完全被慾望驅使。發情期的迫切渴望、對親密接觸的需求，理性思考被壓抑，身體只受原始情感支配。

“Shit,” Soobin curses, gliding his other hand up to Beomgyu’s neck, burrowing in his fingertips.
「該死，」秀彬咒罵著，另一隻手滑上范奎的後頸，指尖深深陷入肌膚。

“Pl-please…can’t be…alone.”
「拜、拜託…不要…一個人…」

“I’m here, angel,” Soobin says.
「我在這裡，天使，」秀彬說。

A terrible, weak whimper rips out of Beomgyu’s throat. Soobin’s eyes go wide. 
一聲痛苦而虛弱的嗚咽從范奎喉間迸出。秀彬瞪大了雙眼。

Angel. Two years since he’s heard it. Time rewinds in an instant, like it never passed at all. Beomgyu can’t breathe.
天使。已經兩年沒聽到這個稱呼了。時間在瞬間倒流，彷彿從未流逝。范奎幾乎無法呼吸。

“Fuck,” Soobin whispers. 
「幹，」秀彬低聲說道。

“S…Soobin,” Beomgyu whimpers.
「秀...秀彬，」范奎嗚咽著。

He barely has time to process the hunger that washes over Soobin’s face before Soobin hauls him up by the neck and kisses him. He’s rough, yanking him into place and prying Beomgyu’s lips open, and Beomgyu goes pliant on top of him, his shock melting instantly into aching desire. 
他還來不及消化秀彬臉上閃過的飢渴神情，秀彬就掐住他的後頸將他提起，狠狠吻了上去。這個吻粗暴又強勢，秀彬一把將他拽到定位，撬開范奎的雙唇，而范奎順從地趴在他身上，震驚瞬間化為灼熱的渴望。

Their lips slot together, the perfect fit. Soobin plunges into his mouth, licking a hot stripe across Beomgyu’s teeth, and he tastes like apple cider, like warm, cozy comfort. Beomgyu claws at his cheeks, digging his thumbs into his dimples, pressing his lips heavily into Soobin’s full ones. They’ve barely been out of contact for the last twenty-four hours, but it might as well be the first time they’re touching for how badly Beomgyu needs to feel him. 
他們的唇瓣完美契合。秀彬長驅直入探進他口中，火熱的舌掃過范奎的齒列，嚐起來像蘋果酒，溫暖又令人安心。范奎用指甲刮搔他的臉頰，拇指深陷那對酒窩，將自己的唇重重壓在秀彬豐潤的唇上。過去二十四小時他們幾乎形影不離，但此刻的肌膚相親卻讓范奎渴求得像是初次觸碰。

This is such well-worn territory, yet the newness of it is startling. Soobin kisses him like he’s conquering his body, painting the inside of Beomgyu’s mouth with his own spit, drowning out Beomgyu’s peach taste with his cinnamon. Beomgyu doesn’t remember if he ever kissed him with such urgency, but he hardly wants to think about their past anymore. Just wants to live here, in this moment, with Soobin’s hands all over the nape of his neck, their tongues tumbling together. 
這片領域如此熟悉，卻又新鮮得令人驚異。秀彬親吻他的方式彷彿在征服他的身體，用唾液浸染著范奎的口腔，肉桂氣息淹沒了范奎的蜜桃滋味。范奎不記得自己是否曾如此急切地吻過他，但他已不願再回想過往。只想活在當下，此刻，任秀彬的雙手遊走於他的頸後，兩人的舌頭纏綿交織。

His lips glide across Beomgyu’s, over to the corner of his mouth, then down his cheek, kissing everywhere. Down his chin, across his jaw, hot and wet and lingering, like each kiss could tattoo his skin. 
他的唇滑過范奎的唇瓣，游移至嘴角，再沿著臉頰向下親吻。掠過下巴，撫過顎線，每個吻都熾熱潮濕而綿長，彷彿要在肌膚上烙下印記。

“Mine, mine,” he murmurs. “All for me.”
「我的，都是我的。」他低聲呢喃。

Every noise Beomgyu makes comes out as a whine. Mmm, he breathes, shuddering deeper into Soobin’s arms. Soobin’s kisses drop lower, lips trailing down the side of Beomgyu’s neck now. “Oh, hyung. Oh, please do, please—”
范奎發出的每個聲音都化為嗚咽。嗯——他喘息著，更深地顫抖著偎進秀彬懷中。秀彬的吻逐漸下移，雙唇此刻正沿著范奎的頸側游走。「噢，哥。拜託，求你——」

“Here?” Soobin growls. He bites down on the corner of Beomgyu’s inhibitor patch, ripping it from his skin and spitting it off into the bedding. Beomgyu cries out at the sharp pain of the adhesive tearing off of him, but then Soobin rolls the tender, thin skin covering Beomgyu’s scent gland through his lips, and the sweet aroma of peaches explodes into the room. 
「這裡？」秀彬低吼著，用牙齒咬住范奎抑制貼的邊角，粗暴地從他皮膚上撕下，吐在床單上。黏膠撕離的劇痛讓范奎叫出聲，但隨即秀彬用嘴唇含住覆蓋范奎氣味腺的那片細嫩薄皮，甜美的蜜桃香瞬間在房內炸開。

“Oh my god,” Beomgyu squeals. The room is spinning. A rush of pheromones floods through Beomgyu’s body, pooling in his cunt. He grinds down on something, anything, wiggling his pelvis against Soobin’s thigh below him, and Soobin loves it. Even if Beomgyu couldn’t feel the swell of his erection against his stomach, he can smell his satisfaction. 
「天啊...」范奎尖聲喘息。整個房間天旋地轉，洶湧的費洛蒙衝刷過他全身，匯聚在下身。他難耐地扭動腰臀，在秀彬大腿上磨蹭著任何能接觸的部位，而秀彬愛極了他這般模樣。即使范奎感受不到對方抵在自己腹部的勃起，也能從氣味中嗅出他的滿足。

Soobin scrapes his sharp canines over Beomgyu’s scent gland. His fingers clench up on Beomgyu’s neck, like he’s barely holding back. 
秀彬用尖銳的犬齒刮過范奎的氣味腺，手指在他頸後收緊，彷彿用盡全力在克制。

“Would you let me?” 
「你會讓我這麼做嗎？」

Beomgyu’s head lolls on his spine. Oh fuck, fuck. 
范奎的頭無力地垂在頸椎上。操，該死。

“I could have you forever,” Soobin hisses to Beomgyu’s skin. “Just one bite, and you’re mine. Could have you however I wanted, you’d be so…so good for me…”
「我可以永遠擁有你，」秀彬對著范奎的肌膚低語。「只要咬一口，你就是我的。想怎麼對你都行，你會為我變得...如此順從...」

‘Mating play.’ The final yes on that form. But Soobin didn’t read the form.
『交配遊戲。』表格上最後一個勾選項目。但秀彬根本沒看那份表格。

Soobin presses his teeth into him again, just the flat fronts of his incisors, and Beomgyu whines for his canines back. He just wants Soobin to bite him, to have him, to want him. He grinds his pelvis down again and honest-to-god almost comes, just from the friction of Soobin’s thigh on his clit. 
秀彬再次用牙齒抵住他，這次只用門牙的平坦面，范奎嗚咽著渴望他的犬齒回來。他只想要秀彬咬他、佔有他、渴望他。他再次扭動胯部，老實說差點就要高潮，僅憑秀彬大腿摩擦他陰蒂的觸感。

“Fuck, feels good?” 
「幹，爽嗎？」

“Have me,” Beomgyu begs, clawing at his chest. 
「要我，」范奎哀求著，抓撓著他的胸膛。

Soobin grabs his ass, hauling him closer, and Beomgyu settles around his hips. His cunt glides over Soobin’s shaft, wet lips along his hot length, and they both moan. 
秀彬一把抓住他的臀瓣，將他拉得更近，范奎順勢跨坐在他腰際。他的私處沿著秀彬的陽具滑動，濕潤的唇瓣摩擦著發燙的柱身，兩人同時發出呻吟。

“Angel, fuck…”  「天使，操...」

Beomgyu kisses him this time, and he can’t stop. He’s frantic, grinding his clit on Soobin’s cock, bringing their lips together so forcefully that Soobin’s head slams back into the headboard. He kisses him over and over, first his top lip and then his bottom. Soobin’s hands tug at Beomgyu’s ass cheeks, pulling them wide apart, and he works one fingertip all the way down to Beomgyu’s opening. 
這次換成范奎主動吻他，他停不下來。他瘋狂地磨蹭著自己的陰蒂抵在秀彬的陰莖上，用力到讓兩人的唇瓣緊密貼合，甚至讓秀彬的後腦勺撞上了床頭板。他一遍又一遍地親吻著，先是上唇再是下唇。秀彬的雙手抓著范奎的臀瓣，將它們用力掰開，並用一根手指探向范奎的穴口。

Beomgyu gasps, and Soobin clutches his other arm around his waist desperately. Beomgyu can feel his heartbeat pounding against his own chest. 
范奎倒抽一口氣，秀彬則用另一隻手臂緊緊環住他的腰際。范奎能感受到對方的心跳正劇烈地撞擊著自己的胸膛。

“Needed this,” Soobin groans, two fingers buried inside him. His voice is tight, almost pained, and Beomgyu just wants him to take whatever he wants from him, to use him for his pleasure. Wants to be his omega. He feels Soobin’s cock twitch under his belly, and his brain snaps onto a new track: please him. 
「好需要這個...」秀彬呻吟著，兩根手指埋在他體內。他的聲音緊繃，幾乎帶著痛楚，而范奎只想讓他隨心所欲地索取，用自己來取悅他。渴望成為他的 Omega。當他感覺到秀彬的陰莖在自己腹部下方抽動時，腦中突然閃過新的念頭：取悅他。

“Wanna suck you,” Beomgyu whimpers, trying to peel their chests apart, but Soobin shakes his head. 
「想幫你口...」范奎嗚咽著試圖分開兩人緊貼的胸膛，但秀彬搖了搖頭。

“No. Let me take care of you.”
「不，讓我來照顧你。」

Beomgyu is salivating. He won’t take no for an answer. “Wanna taste,” he says. “Miss your taste, hyung.”
范奎正垂涎欲滴。他不接受拒絕。「想嚐嚐，」他說。「想念你的味道，哥。」

“Yeah? You still think about it?”
「是嗎？你還想著那件事？」

Beomgyu darts his tongue out of his mouth hungrily, and that’s enough of an answer for Soobin. “Fuck, angel,” he swears, furrowing his thick brows. “What do you…do you think about?”
范奎飢渴地伸出舌頭，這對秀彬來說已經足夠說明一切。「該死，天使，」他咒罵著，濃眉緊蹙。「你...你都想了些什麼？」

“Swallowing you,” Beomgyu whispers. He has, so many times. The satisfaction of those first bitter drops hitting the back of his throat.
「吞下你，」范奎低語道。他已經這麼做過無數次了，那些最初苦澀的液滴滑入喉嚨的滿足感。

Soobin’s face seizes up. He works his fingers out of Beomgyu’s cunt, sliding them between their bellies instead to stroke over the tip of his cock, and in a moment he’s pressing two fingers roughly through Beomgyu’s lips. Beomgyu can taste both of them on his fingertips, Soobin’s salty precum and the tang of Beomgyu’s slick. 
秀彬的臉部肌肉瞬間緊繃。他將手指從范奎的私處抽離，轉而在兩人腹部之間滑動，輕撫自己勃起的頂端，隨即粗暴地將兩指塞入范奎唇間。范奎的舌尖能同時嚐到兩種滋味——秀彬鹹澀的前液與自己分泌的濕滑甜腥。

Beomgyu closes his eyes and sucks. Soobin’s skin is rough, but his motion is gentle, the pads of his fingers pressing softly into the flat of Beomgyu’s tongue.
范奎闔眼吮吸。秀彬的皮膚粗糙，動作卻異常輕柔，指腹溫柔地壓在范奎平坦的舌面上。

“Prettiest like this,” Soobin murmurs. Wish you could always have something in your mouth, he used to say. 
「這樣最美，」秀彬呢喃道。他總愛說：真希望你嘴裡永遠含著點什麼。

With his eyes closed, Beomgyu could probably convince himself that nothing has changed, if he wanted to. That they’re still back then. But there are just enough clues to prove to him that no, everything has changed. Soobin’s chest is too firm under his own for nothing to have changed. He can feel his own long hair tickling the back of his neck, longer than it ever was when Soobin was his boyfriend. And — “I should get a condom, right?” Soobin whispers, tentatively. That’s changed.
閉上眼睛的話，范奎或許能說服自己一切如常，如果他願意的話。彷彿他們還停留在從前。但現實有太多蛛絲馬跡提醒著他：不，一切都變了。秀彬的胸膛過於結實地抵著他，這絕非往昔。他能感覺自己過肩的長髮搔著後頸——這長度遠超過當年秀彬還是他男友時的髮型。而當秀彬試探性地低語：「我該去拿保險套對吧？」這句話本身，就是最明顯的改變。

Everything has changed, but not what they really want from each other. Beomgyu’s wanted it the whole heat, and he’s not heatsick anymore. Maybe, now, he can finally have it.
萬物皆變，唯獨彼此心底真正的渴望依舊。整個發情期范奎都在渴望這個，現在他終於不再被熱潮折磨。或許此刻，他終於能如願以償。

“No,” Beomgyu pleads around Soobin’s fingers, his eyes flying open. “No.”
「不要...」范奎在秀彬指間含糊哀求，猛然睜開濕潤的眼睛。「不要...」

“No?” Soobin’s face softens in surprise. He lowers his hand, grazing his wet fingertips over Beomgyu’s lower lip. “You don’t want to—”
「不要？」秀彬驚訝地放柔表情，垂手將濕潤的指尖擦過范奎的下唇。「你不想——」

Beomgyu fumbles for Soobin’s erection, sliding his little hand along its length. He tries to clamber over it on his knees, his mind singly fixed on his goal, and Soobin curses.
范奎笨拙地摸索著秀彬的勃起，用他小巧的手順著長度滑動。他試圖用膝蓋攀爬過去，腦中只專注於目標，讓秀彬忍不住咒罵。

“Shit, I’m not supposed to— fuck, you want me raw?” 
「該死，我不該——操，你想要我不戴套嗎？」

Beomgyu lunges for his lips again, straddling Soobin’s hips. Needs him raw.
范奎再次撲向他的唇，跨坐在秀彬的腰間。需要他不戴套。

“God, I’m— Gyu-ya.” Soobin grabs Beomgyu’s face, pulling it an inch away and holding it there in his strong hands. The head of his cock is twitching in Beomgyu’s palm, just an inch from his cunt. “You’re in heat, Beomie, you’re not thinking—”
「天啊，我——奎啊。」秀彬捧住范奎的臉，將它拉開一寸距離，用他有力的雙手固定住。他的龜頭在范奎掌心抽動，距離他的陰部僅一寸之遙。「你在發情期，范奎，你根本沒在思考——」

It’s not about the heat. Beomgyu forgot about his heat.
這與發情期無關。范奎已經忘了自己正處於發情期。

“I want this,” Beomgyu begs. “Hyung, I want this. Don’t you want this?” 
「我想要這個，」范奎哀求道。「哥，我想要這個。難道你不想要嗎？」

Soobin groans, agonized.
秀彬痛苦地呻吟著。

“I need this,” Beomgyu whispers, and Soobin pulls his head in for another kiss, just a quick one.
「我需要這個，」范奎輕聲說道，秀彬隨即將他的頭拉近，又給了他一個短暫的吻。

“Beomgyu, I…”   「範奎，我…」

Beomgyu knows he’s won. Soobin wants it as badly as he does, and he won’t deny his omega. Beomgyu watches Soobin’s Adam’s apple twitch as he swallows hard, his eyes flicking down to his cock in Beomgyu’s hand.
范奎知道自己贏了。秀彬和他一樣渴望，而且不會拒絕他的 omega。范奎看著秀彬的喉結隨著艱難吞嚥的動作顫動，視線往下瞥向被自己握住的性器。

“I’m…I’m clean. I promise,” Soobin mutters, cheeks pinking. 
「我…我很乾淨。我保證，」秀彬低聲說道，臉頰泛紅。

Beomgyu hadn’t thought about that for a second, to be honest. His face must show it, because one of Soobin’s dimples quivers into his blushing cheek.
老實說，范奎根本沒想過這問題。他的表情肯定洩漏了心思，因為秀彬泛紅的臉頰上，一個酒窩正微微顫動著。

“God, no self-preservation at all,” he says, barely smirking.  
「天啊，一點自我保護意識都沒有，」他勉強扯出一抹笑說道。

“Hyung,” Beomgyu complains, and Soobin lets go of his face, dropping his hands to loosely cup Beomgyu’s waist. Beomgyu is finally free to take what he wants, and all he wants is Soobin, so badly. 
「哥，」杋圭抱怨道，秀彬這才鬆開他的臉，雙手滑落輕輕環住杋圭的腰際。杋圭終於能隨心所欲地索取，而他渴求的只有秀彬，如此強烈。

“All yours, angel,” Soobin breathes. 
「全都給你，天使，」秀彬低喘著說。

Beomgyu sinks down on him without another word, skin on skin, flinging his head back and letting gravity do the work. 
杋圭不再多言，讓肌膚相貼著沉下身去，仰頭任由重力牽引。

Soobin lets out a long, low, wounded sound as Beomgyu takes him to the root, every inch of him. The slide feels smoother without the latex between them, and Soobin’s shape is carved into him by now. He goes in so easily. It feels so right. Beomgyu’s jaw falls open. 
當 Beomgyu 將他完全納入時，Soobin 發出一聲長而低沉的痛吟。沒有乳膠阻隔的進入更加順滑，此刻 Soobin 的形狀早已刻進他體內。如此輕易地深入，感覺如此契合。Beomgyu 的下頜無力地鬆開。

“Oh, Beomgyu,” Soobin moans. He heaves one heavy thrust upwards, sinking in even deeper. Beomgyu arches back to fit him instinctively, flinging his hands back to rest on Soobin’s thighs. His knees are trembling into the mattress, a flash of warmth rushing through his neck that he doesn’t think has anything to do with his heat cycle.
「噢，范奎，」秀彬呻吟著。他用力向上頂入，埋得更深。范奎本能地向後弓起身子迎合他，雙手向後撐在秀彬的大腿上。他的膝蓋在床墊上顫抖，一股暖流竄過頸部——他確信這與發情期無關。

Beomgyu moves like he’s in a dream, even though this is achingly real. His hips grind down, well practiced, and Soobin’s hands race over his chest, gripping him higher and higher on the ribs until they’re practically in his underarms. They’re huge around his narrow ribcage, making him feel so safe. 
范奎的動作如夢似幻，儘管此刻真實得令人發疼。他熟練地擺動腰肢，秀彬的手掌在他胸前游移，沿著肋骨越攀越高，幾乎要探入腋下。那雙大手環住他纖細的肋籠，讓他感到無比安心。

It’s different to be on top, riding him, giving him pleasure. Soobin never used to be able to control himself during sex, and this time is no different. His nails are harsh on Beomgyu’s skin, his breath is coming out like gasps, his hips slam up heavily up to meet Beomgyu’s. Soobin sinks in everywhere. Beomgyu’s ears, his cunt, his hands around Soobin’s thighs, even the lingering taste in his mouth — Soobin, Soobin. 
騎乘的體位截然不同，由他主導節奏、給予歡愉。秀彬在性事中向來難以自制，這次也不例外。指甲深深掐進范奎的肌膚，喘息聲支離破碎，腰胯猛烈上頂與范奎交合。秀彬無處不在。范奎的耳際、腿心、緊抓秀彬大腿的指節，甚至唇齒間殘留的氣息——全是秀彬，秀彬。

“Here, come here,” Soobin begs, and Beomgyu collapses onto his chest. He barely gets a glimpse of Soobin’s flushed, anguished face before he falls into the pillow next to him, the world going dark. 
「過來，快過來。」秀彬懇求著，范奎隨即癱倒在他胸前。范奎只來得及瞥見秀彬那泛紅、痛苦的面容，便倒向一旁的枕頭，世界陷入黑暗。

“There, god, just like…oh my god.” Beomgyu’s words are muffled in the pillow, but Soobin knows what he means, that the angle is just right like this for Beomgyu to grind his clit down on him. He clutches Beomgyu’s body, so small on his chest, one hand gripping his ass and the other snaking up the nape of his neck. He’s murmuring something, a kind of desperate, throaty hushing sound. 
「就是那裡，天啊，就像...噢我的天。」范奎的聲音悶在枕頭裡，但秀彬明白他的意思，這個角度剛好能讓范奎的陰蒂在他身上摩擦。秀彬緊摟著范奎嬌小的身軀，一手抓著他的臀部，另一手滑上他的後頸。他低聲呢喃著，發出某種絕望而沙啞的安撫聲。

He smells ecstatic. This is what sex should smell like, to Beomgyu. Like Soobin, overwhelmed with pleasure.
他聞起來狂喜不已。對范奎而言，這才是性愛該有的氣味。就像秀彬，被快感徹底淹沒。

“Pretty baby,” Soobin mumbles. His face is all over Beomgyu’s neck now, and he nips him again, right where his neck meets his collar bone. And again, under his scent gland, Beomgyu writhing tight in his arms. He lets go of Beomgyu’s ass just long enough to bring his hand back down, hard. It’s a quick, harsh slap, an outburst from his need to press his shape into Beomgyu’s flesh. “Beomgyu, baby.”
「漂亮寶貝。」秀彬含糊地說著。他的臉現在完全埋在范奎的頸間，又在那頸骨與鎖骨相接處輕咬一口。接著是氣味腺下方，范奎在他懷中劇烈扭動。秀彬短暫鬆開范奎的臀部，只為能重重地再次拍打。那是快速而粗暴的一掌，源自他渴望將自己烙印在范奎肌膚裡的衝動。「范奎，寶貝。」

Beomgyu feels his handprint on his ass as if it’s red-hot.
范奎感覺屁股上的手印彷彿燒紅般灼熱。

“‘M pretty?”  「我漂亮嗎？」

“Beautiful, beau—fuck, so beautiful.” 
「美極了，美——操，太美了。」

Bite me, bite me, Beomgyu thinks, wildly. All Soobin does is nip him again, but it’s so close to what he wants. He feels Soobin’s legs sliding up on the bed, planting his feet so that he can thrust into him harder, and Beomgyu wants that, too. 
咬我，咬我啊，范奎瘋狂地想著。秀彬只是又輕咬了他一口，但這已經接近他想要的。他感覺秀彬的雙腿在床上滑動，腳掌抵著床鋪好更用力地頂入，而范奎也渴望著這樣。

Something about this sex feels…unafraid, like Soobin is himself again, like Beomgyu can give him everything and hold nothing back. Soobin babbles, on and on, incessant nonsense against Beomgyu’s skin, throaty groans getting headier and headier. His teeth and lips and tongue are all over Beomgyu’s neck, his fingers drilling into Beomgyu’s skin, and Beomgyu combs his own fingers through Soobin’s hair, one hand bracing himself against the headboard so he can grind down harder, take Soobin deeper. Made for me, fucking take me, Soobin can’t hold his thirst in anymore, and Beomgyu is fading, his willpower eroding. He jerks his hips at a new angle, a final, desperate motion before goes totally boneless on Soobin’s body, and Soobin inhales as if he’s in pain.
這場性愛有種…無所畏懼的感覺，彷彿秀彬又做回了自己，彷彿范奎能給他一切且毫無保留。秀彬喋喋不休地呢喃著，在范奎肌膚上持續說著無意義的話語，沙啞的呻吟聲越來越濃烈。他的牙齒、嘴唇和舌頭游移在范奎的頸間，手指深深陷入范奎的肌膚，而范奎則用手指梳理著秀彬的髮絲，一手撐著床頭板讓自己能更用力地擺動腰肢，讓秀彬進入得更深。為我而生，他媽的佔有我，秀彬再也無法壓抑渴望，而范奎逐漸失去力氣，意志力被侵蝕殆盡。他以新角度猛然扭動腰臀，在徹底癱軟在秀彬身上前做出最後絕望的動作，秀彬倒抽一口氣彷彿承受著痛楚。

“So close, beautiful,” Soobin pants, and noses into Beomgyu’s scent gland, dead on. 
「快到了，寶貝，」秀彬喘息著，精準地將鼻尖抵上范奎的氣味腺體。

Why is it this that pushes him over the edge? No one’s scented him in years. The pillow swallows up Beomgyu’s wail, and perfect, golden numbness washes up his body. He wants to say his name, Soobin, Soobin hyung I’m coming I’m coming, but the words don’t make it out of his mouth.
為何偏偏是這個將他推過臨界點？多年來無人曾標記過他的氣味。枕頭吞噬了范奎的哭喊，完美而金色的麻木感席捲全身。他想喊出對方的名字，秀彬、秀彬哥我要去了我要去了，但話語卻卡在喉間無法吐出。

Soobin is groaning below him, fuuuck. He wraps his lips around Beomgyu’s scent gland and sucks, drinking him in. Oh, fuck, he’s knotting, and Beomgyu just manages to relax his muscles, to make room for the bulge between his still-convulsing thighs. 
秀彬在他身下發出呻吟，操。他將嘴唇貼上范奎的氣味腺體吸吮，品嚐著他的氣息。噢，該死，他正在成結，范奎只能勉強放鬆肌肉，為那仍在抽搐的大腿間膨脹的結騰出空間。

“Hyung,” he chokes. 
「哥，」他哽咽道。

Soobin tears his lips away. 
秀彬猛然移開雙唇。

“Angel,” he whimpers. “I—I—”
「天使，」他嗚咽著。「我——我——」

Beomgyu kisses him. He can’t stand to hear him say anything when he’s knotting, anything other than what he always said, but he can’t stand to hear him say that, either. 
范奎吻了他。他無法忍受在結紮時聽到他說任何話，除了他常說的那句，但就連那句話他也聽不下去。

All of a sudden, he finds himself on his back, with Soobin’s heavy weight compressing him. Soobin had rolled them over in half a second. His knot is somehow, incomprehensibly, still inflating, and now his tongue is deep in Beomgyu’s mouth. They’re so entwined that their skin is stuck together with their sweat, sharp pains when Beomgyu tries to peel his leg off Soobin’s hip. 
突然間，他發現自己被壓在身下，秀彬沉重的體重壓得他喘不過氣。秀彬在轉瞬間就翻轉了兩人的位置。那結塊仍以難以理解的方式持續腫脹著，此刻他的舌頭正深深探入范奎口中。他們交纏得如此緊密，以至於汗水將肌膚黏在一起，當范奎試圖將腿從秀彬腰際抽離時，尖銳的疼痛便隨之而來。

Soobin only stops kissing him to dive back down to his neck. “Fucking beautiful,” he whispers, “full of me, like you should be,” and Beomgyu moans back yes, yes, yes. Soobin thrusts the knot deeper inside Beomgyu’s cunt, and Beomgyu can feel exactly how full he is, how his load is barely escaping around Beomgyu’s entrance, dripping onto the bedding. He thrusts his head back to give Soobin better access, and Soobin nips at the soft spot below his chin, where Beomgyu is most vulnerable. 
秀彬只暫停了親吻，轉而埋首於他的頸間。「美得該死，」他低語道，「就該這樣被我填滿。」范奎則以呻吟回應著：對、對、就是這樣。當秀彬將結塊更深地頂入范奎體內時，范奎能清晰感受到自己被撐開的飽脹感，那些液體幾乎要從入口溢出，滴落在床單上。他向後仰頭讓秀彬更容易動作，秀彬便啃咬起他下巴下方最柔軟脆弱的部位。

They had this down to a science, back then, and apparently, old habits die hard. 
當時他們已將此事發展成一門精準的學問，顯然，舊習難改。

“Thank you,” Soobin whispers. “I needed to stay.”
「謝謝，」秀彬輕聲說。「我需要留下來。」

Beomgyu just nods, limp on the bed.
范奎只是點點頭，無力地癱在床上。

“Couldn’t leave…couldn’t leave you,” Soobin breathes into Beomgyu’s neck, and then he sniffs, and Beomgyu knows he’s crying. 
「不能離開...不能離開你，」守彬在范奎頸邊低語，接著他吸了吸鼻子，范奎知道他哭了。

Maybe Beomgyu’s the one that cried first, actually. All he knows is a moment later, when Soobin kisses him again, his own cheeks are damp too. 
或許其實是範奎先哭的。他唯一知道的是，當秀彬再次吻上他時，自己的臉頰也早已濕透。

The knot lingers, and lingers, and still Soobin is kissing Beomgyu. He feels like he’s floating. His lips ache, his tongue tires, but Soobin won’t leave his mouth, and Beomgyu keeps him there with his hands as tight as they can be in his short hair. The tears fade, wiped away by Soobin’s thumbs, and Soobin only pulls away to kiss him elsewhere. His chin, his nose, his eyelashes. 
那個結依然存在，持續縈繞，而秀彬仍在親吻范奎。他感覺自己飄浮著。嘴唇發疼，舌頭疲憊，但秀彬不願離開他的唇，范奎也用雙手緊緊抓住他短髮，將他留在原處。淚水逐漸消退，被秀彬的拇指拭去，而秀彬只會稍微退開，轉而親吻其他地方。他的下巴、鼻子、睫毛。

He kisses Beomgyu’s ear, and Beomgyu seizes the moment. He noses into Soobin’s scent gland, too. 
他親吻范奎的耳朵，范奎抓住這個機會。他也湊近秀彬的氣味腺體。

Fuck, Beomgyu will smell like him for days. His scent is a downpour. 
該死，接下來幾天范奎身上都會帶著他的氣味。那氣息濃烈得像場傾盆大雨。

“So good,” Soobin murmurs. “Baby, you’re so soft.” 
「好舒服，」秀彬低語道。「寶貝，你好柔軟。」

Beomgyu just presses in harder. He knows he’ll regret this, but he won’t let himself think right now. No consequences yet. No need to process what just happened. He’s still technically in heat, and that can be his excuse for the enormity of the mistake he just made.
范奎只是更加用力地壓上去。他知道自己會後悔，但此刻他拒絕思考。還沒有任何後果需要承擔。不必去消化剛才發生的事。嚴格來說他還處於發情期，這可以成為他犯下這個天大錯誤的藉口。

Soobin doesn’t roll off of him as the knot fades. He props himself up on his elbows, digging them in on either side of Beomgyu’s head, and stares down at him, his brows creasing. His pretty cheeks are still a bit damp, and the redness under his dark eyes make them look enormous. 
秀彬沒有在結消退後從他身上離開。他用肘部撐起身體，將手肘抵在范奎頭部兩側，低頭凝視著他，眉頭微皺。他漂亮的臉頰仍有些濕潤，深色眼眸下的紅暈讓那雙眼睛顯得格外大。

“Hey,” he says softly. 
「嘿，」他輕聲說道。

His cock is soft enough that it slides out of Beomgyu as he repositions himself, and Beomgyu feels a hot trickle of cum leaking out of him and down his perineum. It would be gross if it wasn’t so satisfying. 
他的陰莖已經軟到能在調整姿勢時從范奎體內滑出，范奎感覺到一股溫熱的精液從體內流出，順著會陰往下淌。若不是這麼滿足的話，這感覺其實挺噁心的。

“We don’t have to talk about it.”
「我們不必談這個。」

Beomgyu blinks up at him. God, Soobin is so beautiful. So beautiful, and so close to him. It’s hard to clear his mind when Soobin is inches away, pensive and tear-streaked. 
範奎眨著眼望向他。天啊，修彬真是美極了。如此美麗，又離他這麼近。當修彬近在咫尺、若有所思且淚痕斑斑時，實在很難讓思緒保持清明。

“What is there to say?” Beomgyu asks. 
「有什麼好說的？」範奎問道。

“I don’t know,” Soobin says. 
「我不知道。」秀彬說。

He falls quiet, and Beomgyu gazes up at him. He’s trapped, but he doesn’t want to move anymore.
他陷入沉默，而範奎仍凝視著他。他感到被困住了，卻已不想再移動。

“Just…thanks for that, I guess.” Soobin drops his own gaze to Beomgyu’s throat. It must be purple all over. 
「那個...謝了。」秀彬的視線落在范奎的頸部，那兒想必已佈滿紫紅痕跡。

Why thanks? Did you…did you want that? Did you miss that, like I did? Beomgyu doesn’t ask any of his questions. 
為什麼道謝？難道你...你也想要這樣？像我一樣渴望著嗎？范奎將所有疑問都咽了回去。

“Thank you, too,” Beomgyu says softly, and his lip quivers. 
「也謝謝你。」范奎輕聲說道，嘴唇微微顫抖。

He doesn’t really know what emotion is spilling out of him. Sorrow, at the loneliness that he knows is ahead. The pain of nostalgia, that wound that never heals. A hint of something beautiful, that they were able to do this, one more time. Beomgyu doesn’t know when he’ll have it again, when he’ll find someone who makes him feel the way Soobin does. Did. 
他其實分不清自己湧現的是什麼情緒。是預見未來孤獨的悲傷，是那永不癒合的懷舊傷痛，還是夾雜著一絲美好——慶幸他們能再次擁有這一刻。范奎不知道何時能重溫這種感受，何時能再遇見像守彬這樣觸動他的人。曾經的那個守彬。

Soobin kisses his teary cheek. 
守彬吻去他臉上的淚痕。

“I think you were always too good for me,” he says. 
「我覺得你一直都比我好太多了。」他說道。

Beomgyu scrunches his eyes up, but no more tears fall. The statement is so final, and something in him can’t bring himself to be sad about it anymore.
范奎瞇起眼睛，但沒有再掉淚。這句話如此決絕，而他內心某處已無法再為此感到悲傷。

They broke up for a reason. No matter how good this felt, there was a reason. And Beomgyu remembers it now, clear as day, the more his heat fades away. 
他們分手是有原因的。無論此刻感覺多美好，當初就是有原因。隨著發情熱逐漸消退，范奎現在想起來了，清晰得如同白晝。

Months of little comments, Beomgyu, are you happy like this? Beomgyu, don’t you want to be more? Soobin thriving at his perfect job, his life coming together while Beomgyu’s stayed stuck in the mud. Beomgyu watching from the sidelines as Soobin grew into someone who needed more, more than just a homebody of an omega with a dead-end job and no ambition. 
數個月來那些細碎的疑問——范奎，這樣你快樂嗎？范奎，難道你不想追求更多嗎？秀彬在理想工作中如魚得水，人生漸入佳境，范奎卻始終困在泥沼裡。他只能眼睜睜看著秀彬成長為需要更多的人，遠超過一個安於現狀、做著沒前途工作又毫無野心的 Omega。

He remembers the paranoia that ate away at his confidence every time Soobin came home late from a work function, smelling like liquor and high on his blossoming future. The pit in Beomgyu’s stomach growing heavier and heavier each time he realized that maybe, they just didn’t fit anymore. And Soobin dismissing all of it, of course I want you, Beomgyu-ya. But it wouldn’t kill you to grow up a little, you know? Have you thought about grad school?
他記得每次秀彬因工作應酬晚歸時，那股啃噬他自信的偏執感——秀彬身上總帶著酒氣，對蒸蒸日上的未來充滿亢奮。每次意識到他們或許已不再適合時，範奎胃裡那塊沉甸甸的石頭就越發沉重。而秀彬總是輕描淡寫帶過：我當然要你啊，範奎呀。但你也該學著成熟點了吧？考慮過讀研究所嗎？

There were a lot of reasons. Soobin didn’t just leave. Somewhere inside him, Beomgyu wanted him to. He must have wanted him to. 
有太多原因了。秀彬並非一走了之。在範奎內心某處，其實是希望他離開的。他肯定曾這麼希望過。

He thinks Soobin can feel it too. That this was the last hurrah, and it’s over. 
他想秀彬也能感受到。這是最後的狂歡，而現在一切都結束了。

“I loved you so much,” Beomgyu says. 
「我曾經那麼愛你，」范奎說。

Soobin rests his forehead on Beomgyu’s. 
秀彬將額頭輕靠在范奎的額上。

“I loved you too, angel. I…”
「我也愛過你，天使。我…」

Beomgyu kisses him. He’s afraid to hear anything more. There were so many reasons, he tells himself, but a little flame is flickering to life deep in his chest. 
范奎吻住了他。他害怕聽到更多話語。他告訴自己這有太多理由，但胸口深處卻有簇小小的火苗正隱隱燃起。

Soobin’s voice sits heavily in his ears. You were always too good for me. I loved you too, angel. 
秀彬的嗓音沉甸甸地壓在他耳際。你總是太好，我配不上你。我也愛過你，天使。

Soobin stays for another half hour, holding him, stroking his hair and his neck and his lips.
秀彬又待了半小時，抱著他，輕撫他的髮絲、頸項與唇瓣。

“Your fever’s gone,” he says, finally straightening up to mop up between Beomgyu’s legs with a comically large wad of tissues.
「你退燒了。」他說著，終於直起身子，用一大團誇張的衛生紙擦拭範奎腿間。

“Would you leave if it wasn’t?”
「如果不是這樣，你會離開嗎？」

Soobin smiles.   秀彬微微一笑。

“Absolutely not,” he says. “Taking care of you, remember?” 
「絕對不行，」他說。「照顧你，記得嗎？」

“You did good,” Beomgyu says, and smiles back.
「你做得很好，」范奎說著，回以微笑。

Soobin’s smile falters, and his motion halts. But just as quickly as he stopped, he starts back up again, giving Beomgyu’s inner thigh a final wipe and hauling himself off towards the bathroom. Beomgyu stays in bed as he reassembles himself, watching him wipe his body down with a damp washcloth through the open bathroom door. 
秀彬的笑容僵了一下，動作也停頓了。但就像他停下來時一樣迅速，他又繼續動作，最後擦拭了一下范奎的大腿內側，然後起身走向浴室。范奎躺在床上看著他整理自己，透過敞開的浴室門看著他用濕毛巾擦拭身體。

“How’d you pick Apollo, by the way?” Beomgyu asks, as Soobin pulls his pants back on. 
「對了，你怎麼會選阿波羅？」范奎問道，這時秀彬正把褲子穿回去。

“I can’t believe it took you this long to give me shit about that,” Soobin says. “They gave me two options: Apollo or Adonis.”
「真不敢相信你現在才拿這件事來糗我，」秀彬說。「他們給了我兩個選擇：阿波羅或阿多尼斯。」

Beomgyu snorts, and Soobin grins sheepishly. “Yeah. Wasn’t a hard choice.” 
范奎哼了一聲，秀彬不好意思地咧嘴笑了。「對啊。這選擇不難做。」

It’s almost completely dark out, and Soobin switches on the side lamp next to Beomgyu’s bed, the first light they’ve had on all heat. Beomgyu’s apartment is painfully ordinary in the incandescent light, haphazardly assembled from secondhand furniture and lacking all the warm little touches that their shared one used to have. He never got around to hanging up his photographs in this one. 
外頭幾乎全黑了，秀彬打開范奎床邊的檯燈，這是他們在發情期開的第一盞燈。在白熾燈光下，范奎的公寓平凡得令人難受，隨意拼湊的二手家具，缺少了他們以前合租時那些溫馨的小細節。他在這裡一直沒時間掛上他的照片。

“I’ll leave you some tea, okay?” Soobin says, turning back to his satchel, stacking up the forms scattered around the table. “Your heat’s not really over, you know.”
「我給你留些茶，好嗎？」秀彬說著，轉身拿起他的背包，整理散落在桌上的表格。「你知道的，你的發情期還沒完全結束。」

“I know,” Beomgyu complains. “Fuck, it’s my own heat, hyung. I know how it works.”
「我知道啦，」范奎抱怨道。「靠，這是我自己的發情期耶，哥。我清楚得很。」

“Anyone you can call if you feel sick again?”
「要是又不舒服的話，有誰能聯絡嗎？」

He shoots Beomgyu a look over his shoulder, and Beomgyu nods.
他回頭瞥了范奎一眼，范奎點了點頭。

“Who? Kai?”  「誰？凱嗎？」

Beomgyu nods again.  范奎又點了點頭。

“Let me call him,” Soobin says. “He can come be with you, in case you get sick in the next few hours.”
「我打電話叫他來吧，」秀彬說。「萬一你接下來幾個小時不舒服，他可以陪著你。」

“No need,” Beomgyu mumbles. “I can take care of myself.” He’s absolutely going to call Kai the instant Soobin leaves, but for some reason, he doesn’t need Soobin to know that. He’d rather Soobin think he was extremely chill about this, that he isn’t about to pour all the details of what just happened out to his best friend and possibly have another good cry about it. 
「不用了，」范奎含糊地說。「我能照顧好自己。」他絕對會在秀彬離開後立刻打電話給凱，但不知為何，他不想讓秀彬知道這件事。他寧願秀彬以為他對這件事超級淡定，以為他不會把剛才發生的一切細節都告訴最好的朋友，甚至可能再為此好好哭一場。

“Sure thing,” Soobin says, though his voice sounds dubious. “You could…um, you could call me back here, if you need me later. I don’t have anything scheduled for a few days.”
「當然沒問題，」秀彬說，雖然他的語氣聽起來充滿懷疑。「你...呃，晚點如果需要我，可以打電話叫我回來。我這幾天都沒什麼行程。」

“Yeah, sure,” Beomgyu says. He doesn’t have Soobin’s number anymore. He blocked and deleted it years ago.
「嗯，當然。」范奎說。他早就沒有秀彬的電話號碼了。幾年前他就封鎖並刪除了那個號碼。

This might be the last time I see you, Beomgyu thinks, watching Soobin put on his shoes. If it is, he thinks he’ll be okay. All things considered, it could have been much worse. He was safe with Soobin. Soobin…Soobin still cares about him enough to have taken very, very good care of him. And whatever happened at the end there, that last time…whatever happened is over now. It doesn’t have to mean anything. 
這可能是我最後一次見到你了，范奎心想，看著秀彬穿鞋的動作。如果真是如此，他覺得自己應該能承受。總的來說，情況本來可能更糟。和秀彬在一起時他是安全的。秀彬...秀彬仍然在乎他，在乎到願意非常、非常細心地照顧他。而無論最後那次發生了什麼...無論發生了什麼，現在都結束了。那些事不必再有任何意義。

Soobin stands. He’s all dressed, his satchel closed up, his shoes on.
秀彬站起身。他已經穿戴整齊，手提包扣好，鞋子也穿上了。

“Well,” he says. “So. Um, I guess…I’ll head out.”
「呃，」他說。「那個...嗯，我想...我該走了。」

“Yep,” Beomgyu says, swallowing. He lets his eyes circle around Soobin’s face one more time. He already has him memorized, but one last look won’t hurt. 
「嗯。」范奎嚥了口唾沫說道，目光再次在秀彬臉上流轉。他早已將對方的容貌銘記於心，但最後再看一眼也無妨。

“Be well, Gyu-ya,” Soobin says, shifting from foot to foot. “Get your suppressant shots on time, okay?” 
「保重啊，奎呀。」秀彬來回踱著步說道：「記得按時打抑制劑，知道嗎？」

Beomgyu huffs out a single, dry laugh. 
范奎發出一聲乾澀的短笑。

“Take care, hyung,” he says, trying to sound as normal as possible. He tightens his thighs together under his blanket, just in case. “Um, good luck with the job search.”
「哥也要照顧好自己。」他試著讓語氣聽起來盡量平常，同時在毯子下悄悄夾緊雙腿以防萬一。「那個...祝你找工作順利。」

Soobin steps to the door, his broad shoulders filling out the doorframe. He opens it, and doesn’t look back. 
秀彬走向門口，寬闊的肩膀幾乎填滿了門框。他開門離去，沒有回頭。

Beomgyu listens to his footsteps grow softer down the hallway. The moment he hears the distant ding of the elevator doors opening, he scrambles for his phone, abandoned on the end table. 
範奎聽著走廊上漸行漸遠的腳步聲。當遠處傳來電梯門開啟的叮咚聲時，他慌忙抓起被遺忘在茶几上的手機。

He needs Kai, now. He scrolls through his contacts so fast that he overshoots Kai’s number and almost calls his dentist instead, and when he makes the right call, it feels like it rings for an eternity. 
他現在需要凱。他飛快滑動聯絡人名單，甚至不小心滑過凱的號碼差點打給牙醫。當他終於撥對電話時，等待接通的鈴聲漫長得像永恆。

When Kai finally answers, he barely gets through the first syllable of Beomgyu’s name before Beomgyu is blubbering at him.
當凱終於接起電話，才剛發出範奎名字的第一個音節，範奎就已經對著電話泣不成聲。

“Kai-ya, holy shit. Oh my god, oh my god.”
「凱呀，靠北。我的天啊，我的天啊。」

“Hyung, calm down,” Kai’s voice says. “Are you okay? Did he leave?”
「哥，冷靜點，」凱的聲音傳來。「你還好嗎？他走了嗎？」

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m—I’m fine. I’m not fine. He literally just left, and…holy shit, Kai-ya.”
「嗯。嗯，我——我沒事。我一點都不好。他真的就這樣走了，然後...天啊，Kai-ya。」

“Is that Beomgyu hyung?” 
「是 Beomgyu 哥嗎？」

Taehyun’s voice, more distantly.
泰亨的聲音，從更遠處傳來。

“Can you come over?” Beomgyu begs. “I need you, like, now.”
「你能過來嗎？」範奎哀求道。「我需要你，現在就要。」

“What happened?” Kai asks, his tone slightly frantic.
「發生什麼事了？」休寧凱問道，語氣有些慌亂。

“I don’t even know,” Beomgyu says. “But I need to tell you everything. Literally everything.”
「我也不知道，」範奎說。「但我得把所有事都告訴你。真的是所有事。」

“Is he still heatsick? He shouldn’t be alone if he’s symptomatic.”
「他還在發情熱嗎？如果有症狀的話不該讓他獨處。」

“Taehyun-ah, shush,” Kai says. “Hyung, calm down. How’s your heat?”
「泰亨啊，安靜點，」凱說。「哥，冷靜點。你的發情期怎麼樣了？」

“Eh. Mostly done. But that’s not the—”
「呃。差不多結束了。但那不是——」

“If you’re not still blasting pheromones, I’m coming over too, and I’m making you eat a real meal,” Taehyun interrupts. Kai must have put Beomgyu on speaker, because his voice is a lot louder than it was before. “We have galbi-jjim and I’m bringing it.” 
「如果你沒有持續釋放費洛蒙，我也要過去，而且我會逼你吃頓正餐，」泰亨打斷道。凱伊八成開了擴音，因為他的聲音比剛才大聲許多。「我們有燉牛小排，我會帶過去。」

“Shut up with the heat shit. I’m fine,” Beomgyu complains. “Not the point.”
「別再提什麼熱不熱的。我沒事啦，」范奎抱怨道。「重點不是這個。」

“What’s the point, then?” 
「那重點是什麼？」

“He called me angel,” Beomgyu whines.
「他叫我天使，」范奎哀嚎道。

Silence on the other side.
電話那頭陷入沉默。

“Fuck,” Kai says. “We’re coming. Put a fresh patch on for Taehyunnie, okay?”
「靠，」Kai 說。「我們馬上到。幫 Taehyunnie 換個新貼片，好嗎？」

“What do you think I’m going to do, jump him?” Taehyun’s voice says dismissively. 
「你以為我要幹嘛，撲倒他嗎？」Taehyun 的聲音帶著不屑。

“Come now,” Beomgyu says. “No patch needed. The whole place smells like Soobin, anyway.”
「拜託，」Beomgyu 說。「根本不用貼片。這整間屋子都是 Soobin 的味道。」

“Fuck, fuck,” Kai says, more panicked this time. “Okay, we’ll be there in…”
「幹、幹，」Kai 這次更慌張了。「好，我們...分鐘內到...」

“Fifteen minutes,” Taehyun cuts in. “I’m calling a cab.” 
「十五分鐘，」泰亨插話。「我要叫計程車。」

Kai cuts right to the chase.
凱伊直接切入重點。

“Tell me everything,” he says, settling in cross-legged on Beomgyu’s bed. “Every single thing. That you remember, at least.”
「全部告訴我，」他盤腿坐在範奎的床上說道。「每一件事。至少是你記得的。」

He’s staring at Beomgyu’s neck, but he doesn’t say anything about the hickeys. At least not yet.
他盯著範奎的脖子，但對那些吻痕隻字未提。至少現在還沒。

“Taehyun can’t yell at me,” Beomgyu says. “You promise you won’t yell at me, Taehyun-ah?”
「泰亨不能對我大吼，」範奎說。「你保證不會對我大吼的，對吧泰亨？」

“Why would I yell at you?” Taehyun turns the stove on underneath the pot of galbi-jjim to reheat it. He’s already set Beomgyu up with one of Kai’s heating pads, in case his cramps come back, and turned the kettle on to boil for another cup of tea. Truly, Beomgyu doesn’t know what he did to deserve his friends. 
「我幹嘛對你大吼？」泰亨轉開爐火，重新加熱那鍋燉排骨。他已經替范奎準備了凱伊的暖包，以防他的抽筋又發作，還燒了開水準備再泡一杯茶。說真的，范奎真不知道自己何德何能擁有這些朋友。

“Because I did a dumb thing. A really dumb thing.”
「因為我做了件蠢事。超級蠢的事。」

“Oh, hyung,” Kai breathes. “You didn’t, like…”
「噢，哥，」Kai 輕聲說道。「你該不會…」

He doesn’t finish, so Taehyun does it for him. 
他話沒說完，Taehyun 便替他接了下去。

“Tell him you want him back, or something?” he says, no-nonsense. “Because you don’t. Think about how well you’ve been doing, hyung. You don’t need someone who doesn’t want you.”
「告訴他你想復合之類的？」他直截了當地說。「但你根本不想。想想你最近過得多好，哥。你不需要一個不想要你的人。」

“No, no, nothing like that. I, like…um, we fucked without a condom,” Beomgyu says in a rush.
「不是、不是那種事。我是說...呃，我們沒戴套就做了。」範奎一口氣說完。

Kai squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, and over in the kitchen, Taehyun groans.
愷凱閉上眼睛片刻，廚房那頭傳來太顯的呻吟聲。

“Hyung,” Kai says. “God, please tell me you’re actually taking your birth control.” 
「哥，」凱伊說。「天啊，拜託告訴我你有在乖乖吃避孕藥。」

“I’m not that stupid,” Beomgyu says. “Kai-ya…he…he cried. Like, we both cried. And he thanked me.”
「我沒那麼蠢啦，」范奎說。「凱伊啊...他...他哭了。我們兩個都哭了。他還跟我道謝。」

“He thanked you?”   「他跟你道謝？」

“He…he told me I was too good for him. Oh my god, and…” It’s coming back to him. Kai. Soobin had talked about Kai. 
「他...他說我對他太好了。我的天，然後...」記憶逐漸清晰。凱伊。秀彬剛才提到凱伊了。

“And what?” Kai asks, anxiously.
「然後呢？」Kai 焦急地問道。

“Did you tell him not to contact me?” Beomgyu says. “After we broke up. Did you see him?” 
「你有叫他別聯絡我嗎？」Beomgyu 說。「我們分手後。你有見到他嗎？」

Kai blinks, furrowing his brow.
Kai 眨了眨眼，皺起眉頭。

“I…I did,” he says. “You didn’t know that? I thought that’s what you wanted, hyung.”  
「我...我有，」他說。「你不知道嗎？哥，我以為那是你想要的。」

Beomgyu flings his hands to his face. The flame in his chest is catching on something, growing stronger.
范奎雙手摀住臉龐。胸口的火焰正蔓延開來，愈發熾烈。

“Okay, pause,” Taehyun says. “You’re getting ahead of yourself, hyung. I think you need to start from the beginning. From when Kai left. What happened?” 
「等等，暫停一下。」太顯說。「哥，你太心急了。我覺得你該從頭開始講。從凱離開那時候說起。發生了什麼事？」

What happened? Beomgyu doesn’t know anymore. 
發生了什麼事？范奎已經搞不清楚了。

“From the beginning,” Beomgyu says, dropping his hands and taking a deep breath. 
「從頭開始吧。」范奎放下雙手，深深吸了口氣說道。