THE FOXHOLE COURT
狐狸洞法院

Nora Sakavic
诺拉·萨卡维奇

ALL FOR THE GAME
一切为了游戏

The Foxhole Court
狐狸洞法院

The Raven King
乌鸦王

All the King's Men
所有国王的手下

Copyright 2013 Nora Sakavic
版权所有 2013 Nora Sakavic

Smashwords Edition
Smashwords 版

CHAPTER ONE
第一章

Neil Josten let his cigarette burn to the filter without taking a drag. He didn't want the nicotine; he wanted the acrid smoke that reminded him of his mother. If he inhaled slowly enough, he could almost taste the ghost of gasoline and fire. It was at once revolting and comforting, and it sent a sick shudder down his spine. The jolt went all the way to his fingertips, dislodging a clump of ash. It fell to the bleachers between his shoes and was whisked away by the wind.
尼尔·乔斯滕 （Neil Josten） 让他的香烟燃烧到过滤器上，没有拖拽。他不想要尼古丁;他想要那股刺鼻的烟雾，让他想起他的母亲。如果他吸得足够慢，他几乎可以尝到汽油和火的幽灵。这既令人反感又令人欣慰，这让他的脊背发凉。震动一直传到他的指尖，将一团灰烬移开。它掉到他鞋子之间的看台上，被风吹走了。

He glanced up at the sky, but the stars were washed out behind the glare of stadium lights. He wondered—not for the first time—if his mother was looking down at him. He hoped not. She'd beat him to hell and back if she saw him sitting around moping like this.
他抬头看了一眼天空，但星星在体育场灯光的刺眼后面被冲昏了。他想知道——这不是第一次——他的母亲是否在低头看着他。他希望不会。如果她看到他这样坐在那里拖地，她就会把他打到地狱里，然后又回来。

A door squealed open behind him, startling him from his thoughts. Neil pulled his duffel closer to his side and looked back. Coach Hernandez propped the locker room door open and sat beside Neil.
一扇门在他身后尖叫着打开，把他从思绪中惊醒。尼尔把行李袋拉近身边，回头看了看。埃尔南德斯教练撑开更衣室门，坐在尼尔身边。

"I didn't see your parents at the game," Hernandez said.
“我没有在比赛中看到你的父母，”埃尔南德斯说。

"They're out of town," Neil said.
“他们不在城里，”尼尔说。

"Still or again?"
“还是再次？”

Neither, but Neil wouldn't say that. He knew his teachers and coach were tired of hearing the same excuse any time they asked after his parents, but it was as easy a lie as it was overused. It explained why no one would ever see the Jostens around town and why Neil had a predilection for sleeping on school grounds.
两者都不是，但尼尔不会这么说。他知道他的老师和教练厌倦了每当他们询问他父母时听到同样的借口，但这是一个容易的谎言，而且被过度使用。它解释了为什么没有人会在镇上看到乔斯滕一家，以及为什么尼尔喜欢在校园里睡觉。

It wasn't that he didn't have a place to live. It was more that his living situation wasn't legal. Millport was a dying town, which meant there were dozens of houses on the market that would never sell. He'd appropriated one last summer in a quiet neighborhood populated mostly by senior citizens. His neighbors rarely left the comfort of their couches and daily soaps, but every time he came and went he risked getting spotted. If people realized he was squatting they'd start asking difficult questions. It was usually easier to break into the locker room and sleep there. Why Hernandez let him get away with it and didn't notify the authorities, Neil didn't know. He thought it best not to ask.
他并不是没有地方住。更多的是他的生活状况不合法。米尔波特是一个垂死的小镇，这意味着市场上有数十栋永远卖不出去的房子。去年夏天，他在一个安静的社区里挪用了一块，那里主要居住着老年人。他的邻居很少离开舒适的沙发和日常肥皂，但每次他来来去去，他都有被发现的风险。如果人们意识到他在蹲下，他们就会开始问一些棘手的问题。闯入更衣室睡在那里通常更容易。为什么埃尔南德斯让他逍遥法外，却没有通知当局，尼尔不知道。他认为最好不要问。

Hernandez held out his hand. Neil passed him the cigarette and watched as Hernandez ground it out on the concrete steps. The coach flicked the crumpled butt aside and turned to face Neil.
埃尔南德斯伸出了手。尼尔把香烟递给他，看着埃尔南德斯在混凝土台阶上把烟磨掉。教练把皱巴巴的屁股甩到一边，转身面对尼尔。

"I thought they'd make an exception tonight," he said.
“我以为他们今晚会破例，”他说。

"No one knew it'd be the last game," Neil said, looking back at the court.
“没有人知道这将是最后一场比赛，”尼尔回头看球场说。

Millport's loss tonight booted them from state championships two games from finals. So close, too far. The season was over just like that. A crew was already dismantling the court, unhinging the plexiglass walls and rolling Astroturf over the hard floor. When they were done it'd be a soccer field again; there'd be nothing left of Exy until fall. Neil felt sick watching it happen, but he couldn't look away.
米尔波特今晚的失利使他们在距离决赛还有两场比赛的情况下被淘汰出州冠军。太近了，太远了。赛季就这样结束了。工作人员已经在拆除球场，解开有机玻璃墙，将 Astroturf 滚到硬地板上。当他们完成时，它又变成了一个足球场;直到秋天，Exy 什么都没有了。尼尔看着这一切发生感到恶心，但他无法移开视线。

Exy was a bastard sport, an evolved sort of lacrosse on a soccer-sized court with the violence of ice hockey, and Neil loved every part of it from its speed to its aggression. It was the one piece of his childhood he'd never been able to give up.
Exy 是一项混蛋运动，是一种进化的长棍网球运动，在足球大小的球场上与冰球的暴力相结合，尼尔喜欢它的每一个部分，从速度到侵略性。这是他永远无法放弃的童年。

"I'll call them later with the score," he said, because Hernandez was still watching him. "They didn't miss much."
“我稍后会给他们打电话，告诉他们比分，”他说，因为埃尔南德斯还在看着他。“他们没有错过太多。”

"Not yet, maybe," Hernandez said. "There's someone here to see you."
“也许还没有，”埃尔南德斯说。“有人来看你。”

To someone who'd spent half his life outrunning his past they were words from a nightmare. Neil leaped to his feet and slung his bag over his shoulder, but the scuff of a shoe behind him warned him he was too late to escape. Neil twisted to see a large stranger standing in the locker room doorway. The wife beater the man wore showed off sleeves of tribal flame tattoos. One hand was stuffed into his jeans pocket. The other held a thick file. His stance was casual, but the look in his brown eyes was intent.
对于一个用半辈子逃避过去的人来说，这些话是噩梦中的话。尼尔跳起来，把包扛在肩上，但身后鞋子的擦痕警告他，他已经来不及逃跑了。尼尔扭动身子，看到一个大个子陌生人站在更衣室门口。该男子佩戴的殴打妻子的袖子展示了部落火焰纹身的袖子。一只手塞进了牛仔裤的口袋里。另一个人拿着一个厚厚的锉刀。他的姿势很随意，但他棕色的眼睛里的神情却是有意的。

Neil didn't recognize him, which meant he wasn't local. Millport boasted fewer than nine hundred residents. This was a place where everyone knew everyone's business. That ingrained nosiness made things uncomfortable for Neil and all his secrets, but he'd hoped to use that small-town mentality as a shield. Gossip about an outsider should have reached him before this stranger did. Millport had failed him.
尼尔不认识他，这意味着他不是当地人。米尔波特拥有不到九百名居民。这是一个每个人都知道每个人的事情的地方。这种根深蒂固的爱管闲事让尼尔和他所有的秘密感到不舒服，但他希望利用这种小镇心态作为盾牌。关于一个外人的八卦应该在这个陌生人之前到达他那里。米尔波特让他失望了。

"I don't know you," Neil said.
“我不认识你，”尼尔说。

"He's from a university," Hernandez said. "He came to see you play tonight."
“他来自一所大学，”埃尔南德斯说。“他今晚来看你打球。”

"Bullshit," Neil said. "No one recruits from Millport. No one knows where it is."
“胡说八道，”尼尔说。“没有人从米尔波特招募。没有人知道它在哪里。

"There's this thing called a map," the stranger said. "You might have heard of it."
“有一种叫做地图的东西，”陌生人说。“你可能听说过。”

Hernandez sent Neil a warning look and got to his feet. "He's here because I sent him your file. He put a note out saying he was short on his striker line, and I figured it was worth a shot. I didn't tell you because I didn't know if anything would come of it and I didn't want to get your hopes up."
埃尔南德斯向尼尔投了警告的眼神，然后站了起来。“他来这里是因为我把你的文件发给了他。他发了一张纸条，说他的前锋线不足，我认为值得一试。我没有告诉你，因为我不知道这是否会有什么结果，我不想让你抱太大希望。

Neil stared. "You did what?"
尼尔瞪着眼睛。“你做了什么？”

"I tried contacting your parents when he asked for a face-to-face tonight, but they haven't returned my messages. You said they'd try to make it."
“当他要求今晚面对面时，我试着联系你的父母，但他们没有回复我的信息。你说过他们会努力做到的。

"They did," Neil said. "They couldn't."
“他们做到了，”尼尔说。“他们做不到。”

"I can't wait for them," the stranger said, coming down to stand beside Hernandez. "It's stupid late in the season for me to be here, I know, but I had some technical difficulties with my last recruit. Coach Hernandez said you still haven't chosen a school for fall. Works out perfectly, doesn't it? I need a striker sub, and you need a team. All you have to do is sign the dotted line and you're mine for five years."
“我等不及他们了，”陌生人说，走下来站在埃尔南德斯身边。“我知道，在赛季末我来到这里是愚蠢的，但我和我的最后一个新兵遇到了一些技术困难。埃尔南德斯教练说你还没有选择秋季的学校。效果很好，不是吗？我需要一名前锋替补，而你需要一支球队。你所要做的就是在虚线上签字，你就属于我五年了。

It took Neil two tries to find his voice. "You can't be serious."
尼尔花了两次尝试才找到自己的声音。“你不能认真。”

"Very serious, and very out of time," the man said.
“非常严重，而且非常不合时宜，”该男子说。

He tossed his file onto the bleacher where Neil had been sitting. Neil's name was scrawled across the front in black marker. Neil thought about flipping the folder open, but what was the point? The man this coach had researched so carefully wasn't real and wouldn't exist much longer. In five weeks Neil would graduate and in six he'd be someone else somewhere very far away from here. It didn't matter how much he liked being Neil Josten. He'd stayed here too long as it was.
他把文件扔到了尼尔坐着的看台上。尼尔的名字被用黑色记号笔潦草地写在前面。尼尔想过把文件夹翻开，但有什么意义呢？这位教练如此仔细研究的那个人不是真实的，也不会存在太久了。五周后，尼尔将毕业，六周后，他将成为离这里很远的地方的另一个人。他有多喜欢成为尼尔·乔斯滕并不重要。他在这里待得太久了。

Neil should be used to this by now. He'd spent the last eight years on the run, spinning lie after lie to leave a twisted trail behind him. Twenty-two names stood between him and the truth, and he knew what would happen if anyone finally connected the dots. Signing with a college team meant more than standing still. It meant he'd be stepping into a spotlight. Prison couldn't stop his father for long, and Neil wouldn't survive a rematch with him.
尼尔现在应该已经习惯了。在过去的八年里，他一直在逃亡，一个又一个地编织谎言，在他身后留下一条扭曲的痕迹。二十二个名字挡在他和真相之间，他知道如果有人最终将这些点联系起来会发生什么。与大学球队签约不仅仅意味着停滞不前。这意味着他将成为聚光灯下的焦点。监狱无法阻止他的父亲太久，尼尔也无法在与他的复赛中幸存下来。

The math was simple, but that didn't make this any easier. That contract was a one-way ticket to a future, something Neil could never have, and he wanted it so badly he ached. For a blinding moment he hated himself for ever trying out for Millport's team. He'd known better than to step on a court. His mother told him he'd never play again. She'd warned him to obsess from a distance, and he'd disobeyed her. But what else was he supposed to do? He'd run aground in Millport after her death because he didn't know how to go on without her. This was the only thing he had left that was real. Now that he'd had a taste of it again, he didn't know how to walk away from it.
数学很简单，但这并没有让这变得更容易。那份合同是一张通往未来的单程票，是尼尔永远不可能拥有的，他非常想要它，以至于很痛。有那么一瞬间，他讨厌自己曾经为米尔波特的球队试训。他知道最好不要踏上球场。他的母亲告诉他，他再也不会打球了。她从远处警告他要痴迷，而他却不服从她。但他还应该做什么呢？她死后，他在米尔波特搁浅，因为没有她，他不知道该如何继续下去。这是他唯一剩下的东西。现在他又尝到了它的滋味，他不知道该如何离开它。

"Please go away," he said.
“请走开，”他说。

"It's a bit sudden, but I really do need an answer tonight. The Committee's been hounding me since Janie got locked up."
“这有点突然，但今晚我确实需要一个答案。自从珍妮被关起来以来，委员会就一直在追捕我。

Neil's stomach hit his shoes at that name. He snapped his gaze from the folder to the coach's face. "Foxes," he said. "Palmetto State University."
尼尔听到这个名字就肚子撞到了鞋子上。他将目光从文件夹上移向教练的脸。“狐狸，”他说。“帕尔梅托州立大学。”

The man—who Neil now knew had to be Coach David Wymack—looked surprised at how quickly he put it together. "I guess you saw the news."
这个人——尼尔现在知道他一定是大卫·威马克教练——看起来对他拼凑得如此之快感到惊讶。“我猜你看到了这个新闻。”

Technical difficulties, he'd said. It was a nice way of saying his last recruit Janie Smalls tried to kill herself. Her best friend found her bleeding out in a bathtub and got her to a hospital just in time. Last Neil heard, the girl was on suicide watch in a psychiatric ward. Typical of a Fox, the anchorman had said in crass aside, and he wasn't exaggerating.
他说，技术困难。这是一个很好的表达方式，说他的最后一个新兵珍妮·斯莫尔斯试图自杀。她最好的朋友发现她在浴缸里流血，并及时将她送到了医院。尼尔最后一次听说，这个女孩正在精神病房接受自杀观察。典型的狐狸，主播在一旁粗俗地说，他并没有夸大其词。

The Palmetto State University Foxes were a team of talented rejects and junkies because Wymack only recruited athletes from broken homes. His decision to turn the Foxhole Court into a halfway house of sorts was nice in theory, but it meant his players were fractured isolationists who couldn't get along long enough to get through a game. They were notorious in the NCAA both for their tiny size and for getting ranked dead-last three years running. They'd done significantly better this past year thanks to the perseverance of their captain and the strength of their new defense line, but they were still considered a joke by critics. Even the ERC, the Exy Rules and Regulations Committee, was losing patience with their poor results.
帕尔梅托州立大学狐狸队是一支由才华横溢的拒绝者和瘾君子组成的球队，因为威马克只从破碎的家庭中招募运动员。他决定将 Foxhole Court 变成某种中途之家，这在理论上是不错的，但这意味着他的球员是支离破碎的孤立主义者，无法相处足够长的时间来度过一场比赛。他们在 NCAA 中臭名昭著，既因为体型小，而且连续三年排名倒数。由于队长的毅力和新防线的实力，他们在过去的一年里表现得更好，但他们仍然被批评者视为一个笑话。就连 ERC，即 Exy 规则和条例委员会，也对他们的糟糕结果失去了耐心。

Then former national champion Kevin Day joined the line. It was the greatest thing that could happen to the Foxes and it meant Neil could never accept Wymack's offer. Neil hadn't seen Kevin in almost eight years, and he'd never be ready to see him again. Some doors had to stay closed; Neil's life depended on it.
然后前全国冠军凯文·戴也加入了队伍。这是狐狸队可能发生的最伟大的事情，这意味着尼尔永远无法接受威马克的提议。尼尔已经将近八年没有见到凯文了，他再也不会准备好见到他了。有些门必须保持关闭状态;尼尔的生命取决于它。

"You can't be here," Neil said.
“你不能在这里，”尼尔说。

"Yet here I stand," Wymack said. "Need a pen?"
“然而我站在这里，”威马克说。“需要笔吗？”

"No," Neil said. "No. I'm not playing for you."
“不，”尼尔说。“没有。我不是为你而战。

"I misheard you."
“我听错了。”

"You signed Kevin."
“你签下了凯文。”

"And Kevin's signing you, so—"
“而且凯文签了你，所以——”

Neil didn't stick around for the rest.
尼尔没有留下来。

He bolted up the bleachers for the locker room. Metal clanged beneath his shoes, not quite loud enough to drown out Hernandez's startled query. Neil didn't look back to see if they were following. All he knew, all that mattered, was getting as far away from here as possible. Forget graduation. Forget "Neil Josten". He'd leave tonight and run until he forgot Wymack ever said those words to him.
他用螺栓固定了更衣室的看台。金属在他鞋底下叮当作响，声音还不足以淹没埃尔南德斯惊讶的询问。尼尔没有回头看看他们是否跟着。他所知道的，重要的是尽可能远离这里。忘记毕业吧。忘掉“尼尔·乔斯滕”吧。他今晚会离开并奔跑，直到他忘记威马克曾经对他说过这些话。

Neil wasn't fast enough.
尼尔不够快。

He was halfway through the locker room when he realized he wasn't alone. There was someone waiting for him in the lounge between him and the front door. Light glinted off a bright yellow racquet as the stranger took a swing, and Neil was going too fast to stop. Wood slammed into his gut hard enough to crush his lungs into his spine. He didn't remember falling, but suddenly he was on his hands and knees, scrabbling ineffectually at the floor as he tried to breathe. He'd puke if he could only manage that first gasp, but his body refused to cooperate.
当他走到更衣室的一半时，他意识到自己并不孤单。有人在他和前门之间的休息室里等他。当陌生人挥杆时，光线从亮黄色的球拍上闪闪发光，而尼尔的速度太快了，无法停下来。伍德用力撞击他的肠道，足以将他的肺压入脊椎。他不记得摔倒了，但突然间，他双手双膝着地，在地板上摸索着，试图呼吸，但无效。如果他能忍受第一次喘息，他就会呕吐，但他的身体拒绝合作。

The buzzing in his ears was Wymack's furious voice, but he sounded a thousand miles away. "God damn it, Minyard. This is why we can't have nice things."
耳边嗡嗡作响的是威马克愤怒的声音，但他的声音却在千里之外听起来。“该死的，明亚德。这就是为什么我们不能拥有好东西。

"Oh, Coach," someone said over Neil's head. "If he was nice, he wouldn't be any use to us, would he?"
“哦，教练，”有人在尼尔的头顶上说。“如果他很好，他对我们没有任何用处，不是吗？”

"He's no use to us if you break him."
“如果你打败了他，他对我们没有用处。”

"You'd rather I let him go? Put a band-aid on him and he'll be good as new."
“你宁愿我放过他？给他贴上创可贴，他就会像新的一样。

The world crackled black, then came into too-sharp focus as air finally hit Neil's tortured lungs. Neil inhaled so sharply he choked, and every wracking cough threatened to shake him apart. He wrapped an arm around his middle to hold himself together and slanted a fierce look up at his assailant.
世界噼啪作响，然后随着空气终于击中尼尔饱受折磨的肺部，世界变得过于清晰。尼尔吸气得如此猛烈，以至于窒息了，每一次剧烈的咳嗽都威胁着要把他震碎。他用一只手臂搂住自己的中间，将自己固定在一起，并斜视着他的袭击者。

Wymack already said the man's name, but Neil didn't need it. He'd seen this face in too many newspaper clippings to not know him on sight. Andrew Minyard didn't look like much in person, blonde and five feet even, but Neil knew better. Andrew was the Foxes' freshman goalkeeper and their deadliest investment. Most of the Foxes were self-destructive, whereas Andrew seemed keen on collateral damage. He'd spent three years at a juvie facility and barely avoided a second term.
威马克已经说出了那个人的名字，但尼尔不需要。他在太多的剪报上见过这张脸，以至于一眼就不认识他。安德鲁·明亚德（Andrew Minyard）本人看起来并不多，金发碧眼，甚至五英尺高，但尼尔更清楚。安德鲁是狐狸队的新生守门员，也是他们最致命的投资。大多数狐狸都是自我毁灭的，而安德鲁似乎热衷于附带损害。他在一家青少年设施呆了三年，勉强避免了连任。

Andrew was also the only person to ever turn down the first-ranked Edgar Allan University. Kevin and Riko themselves set up a meet-and-greet to welcome him to the line, but Andrew refused and joined the dead-last Foxes instead. He never explained that choice, but everyone assumed it was because Wymack was willing to sign his family as well—Andrew's twin Aaron and their cousin Nicholas Hemmick joined the line the same year. Whatever the reason, Andrew was blamed for Kevin's recent transfer.
安德鲁也是唯一一个拒绝排名第一的埃德加艾伦大学的人。凯文和莉子自己安排了一次见面会来欢迎他加入队伍，但安德鲁拒绝了，而是加入了最后的狐狸队。他从未解释过这个选择，但每个人都认为这是因为威马克也愿意签下他的家人——安德鲁的双胞胎亚伦和他们的表弟尼古拉斯·赫米克也在同一年加入了这条线。不管是什么原因，安德鲁都因凯文最近的转会而受到指责。

Kevin played for Edgar Allan's Ravens until he broke his dominant hand in a skiing accident this past December. An injury like that cost him his college contract, but he should have recuperated where he'd have his former team's support. Instead he moved to Palmetto to be Wymack's informal assistant coach. Three weeks ago he was officially signed to next year's starting line-up.
凯文曾效力于埃德加·艾伦的乌鸦队，直到去年 12 月在一次滑雪事故中摔断了惯用手。这样的伤病让他失去了大学合同，但他应该在得到前东家支持的地方进行休养。相反，他搬到了帕尔梅托，成为威马克的非正式助理教练。三周前，他正式签入明年的首发阵容。

The only thing a dismal team like the Foxes could offer Kevin was the goalkeeper who'd once spurned him. Neil spent this spring digging up everything he could find on Andrew, wanting to understand the man who'd caught Kevin's eye. Meeting Andrew face to face was as disorienting as it was painful.
像狐狸队这样惨淡的球队唯一能为凯文提供的就是曾经唾弃他的守门员。尼尔在今年春天里挖掘了他能找到的关于安德鲁的一切，想了解那个引起凯文注意的人。与安德鲁面对面既迷失方向又痛苦。

Andrew smiled down at Neil and tapped two fingers to his temple in salute. "Better luck next time."
安德鲁低头对尼尔微笑，用两根手指敲击他的太阳穴以示敬礼。“下次祝你好运。”

"Fuck you," Neil said. "Whose racquet did you steal?"
“去你妈的，”尼尔说。“你偷了谁的球拍？”

"Borrow." Andrew tossed it at Neil. "Here you go."
“借。”安德鲁把它扔给了尼尔。“给你。”

"Neil," Hernandez said, catching Neil by his arm to help him up. "Jesus, are you all right?"
“尼尔，”埃尔南德斯说，抓住尼尔的胳膊扶他起来。“天哪，你没事吧？”

"Andrew's a bit raw on manners," Wymack said, coming around to stand between Neil and Andrew. Andrew had no problems reading that silent warning. He threw his hands up in an exaggerated shrug and retreated to give Neil more room. Wymack watched him go before looking Neil over. "He break anything?"
“安德鲁在礼貌上有点生硬，”威马克说，走过身来站在尼尔和安德鲁之间。安德鲁毫无问题地阅读了这句无声的警告。他夸张地耸了耸肩，然后退后，给尼尔更多的空间。Wymack 看着他走，然后看向 Neil。“他弄坏了什么？”

Neil pressed careful hands to his ribs and breathed, feeling the way his muscles screamed in protest. He'd fractured bones enough in the past to know he'd gotten lucky this time. "I'm fine. Coach, I'm leaving. Let me go."
尼尔小心翼翼地按着他的肋骨，呼吸着，感受着他的肌肉尖叫着抗议。他过去骨折得足够多，知道这次他很幸运。“我很好。教练，我要走了。放开我。

"We're not done," Wymack said.
“我们还没有完成，”怀马克说。

"Coach Wymack," Hernandez started.
“威马克教练，”埃尔南德斯开始说道。

Wymack didn't let him finish. "Give us a second?"
威马克没有让他完成。“给我们一秒钟？”

Hernandez looked from Wymack to Neil, then let go. "I'll be right out back."
埃尔南德斯从威马克看向尼尔，然后松开了手。“我马上就回来。”

Neil listened to his footsteps as he left. There was a rattle as he kicked the door prop out of its spot and the back door swung closed with an agonizing creak. Neil waited for it to click before speaking again.
尼尔一边离开，一边听着他的脚步声。当他把门道具踢出原位时，传来一声嘎嘎声，后门随着痛苦的吱吱声关上了。尼尔等着它发出咔哒声，然后又开口了。

"I already gave you my answer. I won't sign with you."
“我已经给了你我的答案。我不会和你签字的。

"You didn't listen to my whole offer," Wymack said. "If I paid to fly three people out here to see you the least you could do is give me five minutes, don't you think?"
“你没有听我的全部提议，”威马克说。“如果我花钱让三个人飞到这里来看你，你至少能给我五分钟的时间，你不觉得吗？”

The blood left Neil's face so fast the world tilted. He took a stumbling step back from Wymack, a desperate search for both balance and room to breathe. His duffel banged into his hip and he knotted a hand around its strap, needing something to hold onto. "You didn't bring him here."
鲜血离开尼尔的脸的速度如此之快，以至于世界倾斜了。他跌跌撞撞地从威马克身上后退了一步，拼命地寻找平衡和呼吸空间。他的行李袋撞到了他的臀部，他用一只手拴住了它的带子，需要一些东西来抓住。“你没有把他带到这里来。”

Wymack stared hard at him. "Is that a problem?"
威马克死死地盯着他。“这是个问题吗？”

Neil couldn't tell him the truth, so he said, "I'm not good enough to play on the same court as a champion."
尼尔无法告诉他真相，于是他说：“我还不够好，无法以冠军的身份在同一个球场上打球。

"True, but irrelevant," a new voice said, and Neil stopped breathing.
“没错，但无关紧要，”一个新的声音说，尼尔停止了呼吸。

He knew better than to turn around, but he was already moving.
他知道最好不要转身，但他已经在移动了。

He should have guessed when he saw Andrew here, but he hadn't wanted to think it. There was no reason for a goalkeeper to meet a potential striker. Andrew was only here because Kevin Day never went anywhere alone.
当他看到安德鲁在这里时，他应该猜到了，但他不想这么想。守门员没有理由遇到潜在的前锋。安德鲁之所以来这里，只是因为凯文·戴从未独自去过任何地方。

Kevin was sitting on top of the entertainment center along the back wall. He'd pushed the TV off to one side to give himself more room and covered the space around him with papers. He'd watched this entire spectacle and, judging by the cool look on his face, was unimpressed by Neil's reaction.
凯文坐在娱乐中心后墙的顶部。他把电视推到一边，给自己更多的空间，并用文件盖住了周围的空间。他看过整个场面，从他脸上冷静的表情来看，他对尼尔的反应不以为然。

It'd been years since Neil stood in the same room as Kevin, years since they'd watched Neil's father cut a screaming man into a hundred bloody pieces. Neil knew Kevin's face as well as he knew his own, the consequence of watching Kevin grow up in the public eye from a thousand or more miles away. Everything about him was different. Everything was the same, from his dark hair and green eyes to the black number two tattooed onto his left cheekbone. Neil saw that number and wanted to retch.
尼尔已经好几年没有和凯文站在同一个房间里了，也好几年没有看到尼尔的父亲把一个尖叫的人切成一百块血淋淋的碎片。尼尔了解凯文的脸，就像他了解自己的脸一样，这是在一千英里或更远的地方看着凯文在公众视线中长大的结果。他的一切都不一样了。一切都一样，从他的黑发和绿色的眼睛到他左颧骨上纹身的黑色数字二。尼尔看到这个数字，想干呕。

Kevin had that number back then, too, but he'd been too young to have it done permanently. Instead he and his adopted brother Riko Moriyama wrote the numbers one and two on their faces with markers, tracing them over and over anytime they started to fade. Neil didn't understand it then, but Kevin and Riko were aiming for the stars. They were going to be famous, they promised him.
凯文当时也有这个号码，但他太年轻了，无法永久使用。相反，他和他的养弟森山理子用记号笔在他们的脸上写下数字一和二，每当它们开始褪色时，就会一遍又一遍地描摹它们。尼尔当时不明白，但凯文和莉子的目标是星星。他们会出名的，他们答应过他。

They were right. They had professional teams and played for the Ravens. Last year they were inducted to the national team, the US Court. They were champions, and Neil was a jumble of lies and dead-ends.
他们是对的。他们有职业球队，为乌鸦队效力。去年，他们入选了国家队，即美国法院。他们是冠军，而尼尔是谎言和死胡同的混杂。

Neil knew Kevin couldn't recognize him. It'd been too long; they'd both grown up a world apart. Neil had further disguised his looks with dark hair dye and brown contacts. But why else would Kevin Day be here looking for him? No Class I school would stoop so low, not even the Foxes. Neil's records said he'd only been playing Exy for a year. He'd been very careful this year to act like a know-nothing, even loading up on and lugging around How-To books last fall. It was easy to pretend at first, since he hadn't picked up a racquet in eight years. The fact he was playing a different position now than he'd played at little league helped, since he had to relearn the game from a new perspective. He'd had an enviable and unavoidable learning curve, but he'd still fought hard to not shine.
尼尔知道凯文认不出他来。时间太长了;他们都是在一个不同的世界长大的。尼尔进一步用深色染发剂和棕色隐形眼镜掩饰了他的外表。但凯文·戴为什么会在这里找他呢？没有一所一级学校会弯得这么低，即使是狐狸队也是如此。尼尔的记录显示他只玩了一年的 Exy。今年他非常小心翼翼地表现得像个一无所知的人，去年秋天甚至把作手册带到身边。一开始很容易假装，因为他已经八年没有拿起球拍了。事实上，他现在打的位置与他在少年棒球联盟打过的位置不同，这一事实很有帮助，因为他必须从新的角度重新学习比赛。他有一个令人羡慕且不可避免的学习曲线，但他仍然努力不发光。

Had he slipped? Had it been too obvious that he had past experience he wasn't talking about? How had he caught Kevin's eye despite his best attempts to stay hidden? If it was that easy for Kevin, what sort of beacon was he sending to his father's people?
他滑倒了吗？他有没有谈论的过去的经历太明显了吗？尽管凯文尽了最大努力保持隐藏，但他是如何引起凯文注意的？如果这对凯文来说那么容易，他会向他父亲的族人发出什么样的灯塔？

"What are you doing here?" he asked through numb lips.
“你在这里做什么？”他用麻木的嘴唇问道。

"Why were you leaving?" Kevin asked.
“你为什么要离开？”凯文问道。

"I asked you first."
“我先问过你。”

"Coach already answered that question," Kevin said, a tad impatiently. "We are waiting for you to sign the contract. Stop wasting our time."
“教练已经回答了这个问题，”凯文有点不耐烦地说。“我们正在等待你签署合同。别再浪费我们的时间了。

"No," Neil said. "There are a thousand strikers who'd jump at the chance to play with you. Why don't you bother them?"
“不，”尼尔说。“有一千名前锋会抓住机会和你一起踢球。你为什么不打扰他们呢？

"We saw their files," Wymack said. "We chose you."
“我们看到了他们的文件，”怀马克说。“我们选择了你。”

"I won't play with Kevin."
“我不会和凯文一起玩的。”

"You will," Kevin said.
“你会的，”凯文说。

Wymack shrugged at Neil. "Maybe you haven't noticed, but we're not leaving here until you say yes. Kevin says we have to have you, and he's right."
威马克对尼尔耸了耸肩。“也许你没有注意到，但在你答应之前，我们不会离开这里。凯文说我们必须有你，他是对的。

"We should have thrown away your coach's letter the second we opened it," Kevin said. "Your file is deplorable and I don't want someone with your inexperience on our court. It goes against everything we're trying to do with the Foxes this year. Fortunately for you, your coach knew better than to send us your statistics. He sent us a tape so we could see you in action instead. You play like you have everything to lose."
“我们应该在打开你教练的信的那一刻就扔掉它，”凯文说。“你的档案很糟糕，我不希望像你这样缺乏经验的人出现在我们的球场上。这违背了我们今年试图与狐狸队做的一切。对您来说幸运的是，您的教练知道最好不要将您的统计数据发送给我们。他给我们发了一盘磁带，这样我们就可以看到你的行动。你打得好像你失去了一切。

His inexperience.
他缺乏经验。

If Kevin remembered him, he'd know that file was a lie. He'd know about Neil's little league teams. He'd remember the scrimmage interrupted by that man's murder.
如果凯文还记得他，他就会知道那个文件是谎言。他知道尼尔的小联盟球队。他会记得那个人被谋杀打断的混战。

"That's why," Neil said quietly.
“这就是原因，”尼尔轻声说。

"That's the only kind of striker worth playing with."
“这是唯一值得玩的前锋。”

Relief made Neil sick to his stomach. Kevin didn't recognize him and this was just a horrible coincidence. Maybe it was the world's way of showing him what could happen if he stayed in the same place for too long. Next time it might not be Kevin. Next time it might be his father.
松了一口气让尼尔胃部不舒服。凯文没有认出他，这只是一个可怕的巧合。也许这是世界向他展示如果他在同一个地方呆太久会发生什么的方式。下次可能不是凯文。下次可能是他的父亲。

"It actually works in our favor that you're all the way out here," Wymack said. "No one outside of our team and school board even knows we're here. We don't want your face all over the news this summer. We've got too much to deal with right now and we don't want to drag you into the mess until you're safe and settled at campus. There's a confidentiality clause in your contract, says you can't tell anyone you're ours until the season starts in August."
“你一路走到这里，这实际上对我们有利，”威马克说。“除了我们的团队和学校董事会之外，甚至没有人知道我们在这里。今年夏天，我们不希望你的脸出现在新闻中。我们现在有太多事情要处理，在你安全并在校园安顿下来之前，我们不想把你拖入混乱之中。你的合同中有一项保密条款，规定在八月赛季开始之前，你不能告诉任何人你是我们的。

Neil looked at Kevin again, searching for his real name on Kevin's face. "It's not a good idea."
尼尔再次看向凯文，在凯文的脸上寻找他的真名。“这不是一个好主意。”

"Your opinion has been duly noted and dismissed," Wymack said. "Anything else, or are you going to start signing stuff?"
“你的意见已被适当注意到并驳回，”怀马克说。“还有什么，或者你要开始签东西吗？”

The smart thing to do was bail. Even if Kevin didn't know who he was, this was a terrible idea. The Foxes spent too much time in the news and it'd only get worse with Kevin on the line. Neil shouldn't submit himself to that sort of scrutiny. He should tear Wymack's contract into a thousand pieces and leave.
明智的做法是保释。即使凯文不知道他是谁，这也是一个糟糕的主意。狐狸队在新闻上花费了太多时间，如果凯文在线，情况只会变得更糟。尼尔不应该接受这种审查。他应该把威马克的合同撕成一千块，然后离开。

Leaving meant living, but Neil's way of living was survival, nothing more. It was new names and new places and never looking back. It was packing up and going as soon as he started to feel settled. This last year, without his mother at his side, it meant being completely alone and adrift. He didn't know if he was ready for that.
离开意味着活着，但尼尔的生活方式就是生存，仅此而已。这是新的名字和新的地方，再也没有回头。当他开始感到安定下来时，它就收拾好了。去年，没有母亲在身边，这意味着完全孤独和漂泊。他不知道自己是否准备好了。

He didn't know if he was ready to give up Exy again, either. It was the only thing that made him feel real. Wymack's contract was permission to keep playing and a chance to pretend at being normal a little while longer. Wymack said it was for five years, but Neil didn't have to stay that long. He could duck and run whenever he pleased, couldn't he?
他也不知道自己是否准备好再次放弃 Exy。这是唯一让他感到真实的事情。Wymack 的合同是允许继续打球，并有机会假装正常一段时间。威马克说是五年，但尼尔不必待那么久。他可以随时躲避和奔跑，不是吗？

He looked at Kevin again. Kevin didn't recognize him, but maybe some part of him remembered the boy he'd met so many years ago. Neil's past was locked in Kevin's memories. It was proof he existed, same as this game they both played. Kevin was proof Neil was real. Maybe Kevin was also the best chance Neil had at knowing when to leave again. If he lived, practiced, and played with Kevin, he'd know when Kevin started to get suspicious. The second Kevin started asking questions or looking at him funny, Neil would split.
他又看向凯文。凯文没有认出他，但也许他内心的某些部分记得他多年前遇到的那个男孩。尼尔的过去被锁定在凯文的记忆中。这证明了他的存在，就像他们俩玩的这个游戏一样。凯文证明了尼尔是真实的。也许凯文也是尼尔知道何时再次离开的最佳机会。如果他和凯文一起生活、练习和玩耍，他就会知道凯文什么时候开始怀疑。当凯文开始问问题或好笑地看着他的那一刻，尼尔就会分开。

"Well?" Wymack asked.
“嗯？”威马克问道。

Survival instincts warred with need and twisted into an almost debilitating panic. "I have to talk to my mother," Neil said, because he didn't know what else to say.
生存本能与需求交战，扭曲成一种几乎使人衰弱的恐慌。“我必须和我妈妈谈谈，”尼尔说，因为他不知道还能说什么。

"What for?" Wymack asked. "You're legal, aren't you? Your file says you're nineteen."
“干什么？”威马克问道。“你是合法的，不是吗？你的档案上写着你十九岁。

Neil was eighteen, but he wasn't going to contradict what his forged paperwork said. "I still need to ask."
尼尔当时十八岁，但他不会反驳他伪造的文件所说的。“我还需要问。”

"She'll be happy for you."
“她会为你感到高兴的。”

"Maybe," Neil agreed quietly, knowing it was a lie. If his mother knew he was even considering this, she'd be furious. It was probably a good thing she'd never know, but Neil didn't think "good" was supposed to feel like a knife in his chest. "I'll talk to her tonight."
“也许吧，”尼尔悄悄地同意了，他知道这是个谎言。如果他的母亲知道他正在考虑这件事，她会很生气的。这可能是一件她永远不会知道的好事，但尼尔认为“好”不应该让人感觉像是一把刀插在他的胸口。“今晚我会和她谈谈。”

"We can give you a lift home."
“我们可以送你回家。”

"I'm fine."
“我没事。”

Wymack looked at his Foxes. "Go wait in the car."
威马克看着他的狐狸。“去车里等着。”

Kevin gathered his files and slid off his perch. Andrew waited for Kevin to catch up and led him out of the locker room. Wymack waited until they were gone, then turned a serious look on Neil.
凯文收拾起他的文件，从栖息处滑了下来。安德鲁等凯文追上来，领着他走出了更衣室。威马克等到他们走了，然后严肃地看了尼尔一眼。

"You need one of us to talk to your parents?"
“你需要我们中的一个人来和你的父母谈谈？”

"I'm fine," Neil said again.
“我没事，”尼尔又说。

Wymack didn't even try for subtlety with his next question. "Are they the ones who hurt you?"
Wymack 甚至没有尝试在下一个问题上保持微妙。“他们是伤害你的人吗？”

Neil stared at him at a complete loss. It was blunt enough to be rude on so many levels that there wasn't a good place to start answering it. Wymack seemed to realize that, because he pushed on before Neil could respond.
尼尔完全不知所措地盯着他。这太直白了，在很多层面上都很粗鲁，以至于没有一个好的开始回答。威马克似乎意识到了这一点，因为在尼尔回应之前，他就继续前进。

"Let's try that again. The reason I'm asking is because Coach Hernandez guesses you spend several nights a week here. He thinks there's something going on since you won't change out with the others or let anyone meet your parents. That's why he nominated you to me; he thinks you fit the line. You know what that means, right? You know the people I look for.
“让我们再试一次。我问的原因是因为埃尔南德斯教练猜你每周都会在这里度过几个晚上。他认为发生了什么事，因为你不会和其他人换衣服，也不会让任何人见到你的父母。这就是他提名你给我的原因;他认为你符合这条线。你知道这意味着什么，对吧？你知道我要找的人。

"I don't know if he's right," he said, "but something tells me he's not far off. Either way, the locker room's going to be shut down once the school year ends. You're not going to be able to come here during the summer. If your parents are a problem for you, we'll move you to South Carolina early."
“我不知道他是否正确，”他说，“但有件事告诉我，他离他不远了。无论哪种方式，学年结束后更衣室都会被关闭。夏天你不能来这里。如果你的父母对你来说是个问题，我们会提前把你搬到南卡罗来纳州。

"You'll do what?" Neil asked, surprised.
“你会做什么？”尼尔惊讶地问道。

"Andrew's lot stays in town for summer break," Wymack said. "They crash with Abby, our team nurse. Her place is full, but you could stay with me until the dorm opens in June. My apartment's not made for two people but I've got a couch that's a little softer than a rock.
“安德鲁的地段在暑假留在城里，”威马克说。“他们和我们团队的护士艾比相撞了。她的位置已经满了，但你可以和我在一起，直到宿舍在六月开放。我的公寓不是为两个人建造的，但我有一张比石头还软一点的沙发。

"We'll tell everyone you're there for conditional early practice. Chances are half of them will believe it. You won't be able to fool the rest, but that doesn't matter. Foxes are Foxes for a reason and they know we wouldn't sign you if you didn't qualify. That doesn't mean they know specifics. It's not my place to ask, and I'm sure as hell not going to tell them."
“我们会告诉大家你在那里进行有条件的早期练习。他们中有一半可能会相信。你无法愚弄其他人，但这并不重要。狐狸之所以是狐狸是有原因的，他们知道如果你不符合资格，我们就不会签下你。这并不意味着他们知道具体情况。这不是我问的地方，我敢肯定不会告诉他们。

It took two tries to get the word out. "Why?"
花了两次尝试才把这个消息传出去。“为什么？”

Coach Wymack was quiet for a minute. "Did you think I made the team the way it is because I thought it would be a good publicity stunt? It's about second chances, Neil. Second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as you get at least one more than what anyone else wanted to give you."
威马克教练沉默了一分钟。“你认为我把球队变成现在这样是因为我认为这将是一个很好的宣传噱头吗？这是关于第二次机会，尼尔。第二、第三、第四，不管怎样，只要你得到的至少比别人想给你的多一个。

Neil had heard Wymack referred to as an idealistic idiot by more than one person, but it was hard to listen to him and not believe that he was sincere. Neil was torn between incredulity and disdain. Why Wymack set himself up for disappointment time and time again, Neil didn't know. Neil would have given up on the Foxes years ago.
尼尔听过不止一个人称威马克为理想主义白痴，但很难听他的话而不相信他是真诚的。尼尔在难以置信和蔑视之间左右为难。为什么威马克一次又一次地让自己失望，尼尔不知道。尼尔几年前就会放弃狐狸队。

Wymack gave him a second to think before asking again, "Are your parents going to be a problem?"
威马克给了他思考的时间，然后又问道：“你的父母会成为问题吗？

It was too much to take a chance on, but too much to walk away from. It hurt when he nodded, but it hurt more to see that tired look settle in Wymack's eyes. It wasn't the pity he thought he could see in Hernandez from time to time, but something familiar that said Wymack understood what it cost to be Neil. He knew what it was like to have to fight to wake up and keep moving every day. Neil doubted the man could ever really understand, but even that tiny bit was more than he'd ever gotten in his life. Neil had to look away.
冒险太多了，但又太多了。当他点头时很痛，但看到 Wymack 眼中浮现出那疲惫的表情，更痛。这并不是他认为他时不时在埃尔南德斯身上看到的那种怜悯，而是某种熟悉的东西，表明威马克明白成为尼尔的代价。他知道每天必须努力醒来并继续运动是什么感觉。尼尔怀疑这个人是否能真正理解，但即使是那一点点也比他一生中从未得到的还要多。尼尔不得不移开视线。

"Your graduation ceremony is May eleventh, according to your coach," Wymack said at length. "We'll have someone pick you up from Upstate Regional Airport Friday the twelfth."
“据你的教练说，你的毕业典礼是五月十一日，”威马克长篇大论地说。“我们将在 12 日星期五请人从北部地区机场接您。”

Neil almost pointed out that he hadn't agreed to anything yet, but the words died in his throat as he realized he really was going.
尼尔差点指出他还没有同意任何事情，但当他意识到自己真的要去时，这句话在他的喉咙里死了。

"Keep the papers tonight," Wymack offered, pushing his folder at Neil again. This time Neil took it. "Your coach can fax the signed copies to me on Monday. Welcome to the line."
“今晚把文件留好，”Wymack 提议，再次把他的文件夹推向 Neil。这一次，尼尔接过了。“你的教练可以在周一将签名副本传真给我。欢迎来到这条线。

"Thank you" seemed appropriate, but Neil couldn't manage it. He kept his stare on the floor. Wymack didn't wait long for a response before going in search of Hernandez.
“谢谢”似乎很合适，但尼尔无法控制。他一直盯着地板。怀马克没等多久就去寻找埃尔南德斯。

The back door banged shut behind him, and Neil's nerves broke. He ran for the bathroom and made it to a stall just in time to dry-heave into a toilet.
后门在他身后砰的一声关上，尼尔的神经崩溃了。他跑向浴室，及时到达一个隔间，干涸地进入厕所。

He could imagine his mother's rage if she knew what he was doing. He remembered too well the savage yank of her hands in his hair. All these years spent trying to keep moving and hidden, and now he was going to destroy their hard work. She would never forgive him for this and he knew it, and that did nothing at all to help the clenching feeling in his gut.
他可以想象，如果他母亲知道他在做什么，她会多么愤怒。他记得太清楚了，她用手野蛮地拉扯他的头发。这些年来，他一直在努力保持移动和隐藏，现在他要毁掉他们的辛勤工作。她永远不会原谅他，他知道这一点，但这根本无助于他内心的紧绷感。

"I'm sorry," he gasped out between wet coughs. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
“对不起，”他在湿咳之间喘着粗气。“对不起，对不起。”

He stumbled over to the sinks to rinse his mouth out and stared himself down in the mirrors that hung above them. With black hair and brown eyes, he looked plain and average: no one to notice in a crowd, no one to stick in one's memory. That was what he wanted, but he wondered if it could hold up against news cameras. He grimaced a little at his reflection and leaned closer to the mirror, tugging hard at chunks of hair to check his roots. They were dark enough that he relaxed and leaned back a bit.
他跌跌撞撞地走到水槽前漱口，低头盯着挂在镜子上方的镜子里。黑发棕色的眼睛，他看起来朴素而普通：在人群中没有人会注意到，没有人会留在人们的记忆中。这就是他想要的，但他想知道它是否能经受住新闻摄像机的考验。他看着自己的倒影做了个鬼脸，靠得更近镜子，用力拉扯大块的头发检查他的发根。它们足够暗，他放松了下来，向后靠了一点。

"University," he said quietly. It sounded like a dream; it tasted like damnation.
“大学，”他轻声说。这听起来像一个梦;它尝起来像诅咒。

He unzipped his duffel bag enough to put Wymack's paperwork away. When he returned to the main room, the two coaches were waiting on him. Neil said nothing to them but went past them to the door.
他拉开行李袋的拉链，把威马克的文件收起来。当他回到主房间时，两名教练正在等他。尼尔什么也没对他们说，只是从他们身边走到门口。

Andrew opened the back door of Hernandez's SUV when Neil passed and gave Neil a knowing, taunting smile. "Too good to play with us, too good to ride with us?"
当尼尔经过时，安德鲁打开了埃尔南德斯 SUV 的后门，并给了尼尔一个会心的、嘲讽的微笑。“太好了，不能和我们一起玩，太好了，不能和我们一起骑？”

Neil flicked him a cool look sped up to a jog. By the time he reached the far edge of the parking lot he was running. He left the stadium and the Foxes and their too-good promises behind him, but the unsigned contract in his bag felt like an anchor around his neck.
尼尔轻弹了他一个冷静的眼神，加快了慢跑的速度。当他到达停车场的远端时，他正在奔跑。他离开了体育场、狐狸队和他们太好的承诺，但他包里未签署的合同感觉就像一个锚挂在他的脖子上。

CHAPTER TWO
第二章

Neil long ago lost count of how many airports he'd seen. Whatever insane number it was, he'd never gotten comfortable with them. There were too many people to keep an eye on, and flying with falsified passports was always risky. He'd inherited his mother's connections after her death, so he knew the work was good, but his heart did double-time every time someone asked to see his papers.
尼尔很久以前就记不清他见过多少个机场了。无论这是什么疯狂的数字，他都从来没有对它们感到满意。人太多了，无法监视，持伪造护照飞行总是有风险的。他在母亲去世后继承了母亲的关系，所以他知道这部作品很好，但每次有人要求看他的文件时，他的心都会加倍。

He'd never been through Sky Harbor or Upstate Regional, but there was something familiar about their frenetic pace. He stood off to one side of his gate in Upstate for almost a minute after everyone else from his flight rushed off to Arrivals or their transfers. The crowd swirling around him seemed the usual mix: vacationers, businessmen, and students heading home at the end of the semester. He didn't expect to see anyone he recognized, as he'd never been to South Carolina before, but it never hurt to check.
他从未经历过天港或北部地区，但他们疯狂的步伐有些熟悉。在他的航班上的其他人都赶往到达或转机后，他在北部登机口的一侧站了将近一分钟。围绕着他的人群似乎是平常的混合体：度假者、商人和学期末回家的学生。他没想到会见到他认识的人，因为他以前从未去过南卡罗来纳州，但检查一下总没有坏处。

Finally he followed signs down a hall and up a flight of stairs to Arrivals. Friday afternoon meant the small lobby was comfortably crowded, but spotting the ride Coach Wymack promised him was easier than Neil expected.
最后，他按照指示牌走下大厅，爬上一段楼梯到达大厅。周五下午意味着小大厅很拥挤，但发现威马克教练答应他的游乐设施比尼尔预期的要容易。

It was the weight of his teammate's stare that brought Neil's gaze almost right to him. It was one of the twins. Judging by the calm look on his face, Neil laid his bets on it not being Andrew. Aaron Minyard was oft-referred to as "the normal one" of the two, though that was usually followed by a debate over whether or not he could be sane when he shared genes with Andrew.
正是队友凝视的重量将尼尔的目光几乎直接带到了他身上。那是双胞胎中的一个。从他脸上平静的表情来看，尼尔打赌不是安德鲁。亚伦·明亚德经常被称为两人中的“正常人”，尽管随后通常会发生关于他与安德鲁共享基因时是否能保持理智的争论。

Neil crossed the room to meet him. Neil had been the shortest player on the Millport Dingo line, but he had a good five inches on Aaron. The all-black ensemble Aaron wore did nothing to make him look any taller, and Neil wondered how he could stand wearing long sleeves in May. Neil felt hot just looking at him.
尼尔穿过房间去迎接他。尼尔是米尔波特野狗线上最矮的球员，但他在亚伦身上有五英寸的长。亚伦穿的全黑套装并没有让他看起来更高，尼尔想知道他怎么能在五月穿着长袖。尼尔光是看着他就觉得很热。

"Neil," Aaron said in lieu of hello, and he pointed. "Baggage claim."
“尼尔，”亚伦代替了问候，他指了指。“行李领取。”

"Just this." Neil tapped the strap of the duffel bag hanging off his shoulder. The bag was small enough to be a carry-on and large enough to carry everything Neil owned.
“就这个。”尼尔轻敲了敲挂在肩上的行李袋的带子。这个包足够小，可以作为随身行李，也足够大，可以装尼尔拥有的所有东西。

Aaron accepted that without comment and started away. Neil followed him through sliding glass doors into a muggy summer afternoon. A small crowd was waiting at the crosswalk for the light, but Aaron pushed right through them into the street. Brakes screeched as a taxi slammed to a stop inches from Aaron's pint-sized body. Aaron didn't seem to notice, more interested in getting a cigarette lit and between his lips. He paid even less attention to the rude words the driver yelled at him. Neil made an apologetic gesture at the cabbie and jogged to catch up.
亚伦没有发表任何评论就接受了，然后离开了。尼尔跟着他穿过滑动玻璃门，进入了一个闷热的夏日午后。一小群人在人行横道上等着灯，但亚伦直接穿过他们走到了街上。刹车发出刺耳的声音，一辆出租车在距离亚伦小小的尸体几英寸的地方猛地停了下来。亚伦似乎没有注意到，他更感兴趣的是点燃一支烟，放在他的嘴唇之间。他更不注意司机对他大喊大叫的粗鲁话。尼尔对出租车司机做了个道歉的手势，然后慢跑着追上去。

A sleek black car was parked six rows back in the short-term parking garage. Neil didn't know much about cars in general, but he knew expensive when he saw it. He thought for a moment there must be a smaller car out of sight behind it, but Aaron unlocked it with a button on his key chain.
一辆时尚的黑色汽车停在短期停车场后面的六排。尼尔对汽车一般了解不多，但当他看到它时，他就知道很贵。他一会儿想，它后面一定有一辆较小的汽车看不见，但亚伦用钥匙链上的按钮打开了门。

"Bag in the trunk," he said, opening the driver's door and sitting sideways in the seat to smoke.
“后备箱里的袋子，”他说，打开驾驶员的车门，侧身坐在座位上抽烟。

Neil obediently put his duffel in the back before climbing in the passenger seat. Aaron didn't go anywhere until his cigarette was half-gone. He flicked the butt onto the concrete at his feet and tugged the door closed. A twist of the key in the ignition got the engine humming, and Aaron glanced at Neil again. The ghost of a smile tugged at one corner of his mouth, but it was a decidedly unfriendly expression.
尼尔乖乖地把行李袋放在后面，然后爬上副驾驶座。亚伦哪儿也没去，直到他的烟没了一半。他把枪托弹到脚边的混凝土上，然后把门关上。点火钥匙一转，发动机嗡嗡作响，亚伦再次看了尼尔一眼。他的嘴角勾起了一丝微笑，但那绝对是一种不友好的表情。

"Neil Josten," he said again, as if testing the way it sounded. "Here for the summer, hm?"
“尼尔·乔斯滕，”他又说了一次，仿佛在测试它的声音。“来这里过暑假，嗯？”

"Yes."
“是的。”

Aaron cranked the air conditioner up as high as it could go and put the car in reverse. "That makes five of us, but word is you're going to stay with Coach."
亚伦把空调调到尽可能高，把车倒车。“这样我们就五个人了，但据说你会留在教练身边。”

Coach Wymack warned Neil the cousins Andrew, Aaron, and Nicholas would be in town, but it still didn't add up. Neil knew who that fifth person had to be. He didn't want to believe it even as he knew he should have expected it. Kevin had been glued to Andrew's side since his transfer. Still, Neil had to be sure.
威马克教练警告尼尔，表兄弟安德鲁、亚伦和尼古拉斯会在城里，但这仍然没有加起来。尼尔知道第五个人一定是谁。他不想相信，尽管他知道他应该预料到这一点。自从安德鲁转会以来，凯文一直粘在安德鲁身边。尽管如此，尼尔还是必须确定。

"Kevin stays on campus?" he asked.
“凯文留在校园里？”

"Where the court is, Kevin is. He can't exist without it," Aaron said derisively.
“法院在哪里，凯文就在哪里。没有它，他就无法存在，“亚伦嘲讽地说。

"I didn't think it was the court Kevin was staying for," Neil said.
“我不认为这是凯文留下来的球场，”尼尔说。

Aaron didn't answer. It was a short drive to the parking lot exit and Aaron had cash ready for the lady at the booth. As soon as the bar lifted to let them out, he stepped down on the gas. A horn sounded at them in warning as they cut right into traffic and Neil discreetly tightened his buckle. Aaron either didn't notice or didn't care. When they were on the road, he flicked Neil a sideways look.
亚伦没有回答。驱车到停车场出口不远，亚伦为摊位上的女士准备好了现金。当杠杆升起让他们出来时，他踩下油门。当他们直接切入车流时，一声喇叭声警告他们，尼尔小心翼翼地收紧了他的扣子。亚伦要么没有注意到，要么不在乎。当他们在路上时，他侧头看了尼尔一眼。

"I hear you didn't hit it off with Kevin last month."
“我听说你上个月和凯文没有一拍即合。”

"No one warned me he was going to be there," Neil answered, watching the scenery rush by outside the window. "Maybe you'll forgive me for not reacting well."
“没有人警告我他会在那里，”尼尔回答道，看着窗外的风景匆匆而过。“也许你会原谅我反应不好。”

"Maybe I won't. I don't believe in forgiveness, and it wasn't me you offended. That's the second time a recruit has told him to fuck off. If it was possible to dent that arrogance of his, his pride would have shreds through it. Instead he's losing faith in the intelligence of high school athletes."
“也许我不会。我不相信宽恕，你冒犯的也不是我。这是新兵第二次告诉他滚蛋。如果能够削弱他的傲慢，他的自尊心就会被撕碎。相反，他对高中运动员的智力失去了信心。

"I'm sure Andrew had his reasons for refusing, same as me."
“我敢肯定，安德鲁和我一样，有他拒绝的理由。”

"You said you weren't good enough, but here you are anyway. You think a summer of practices will make that much a difference?"
“你说你不够好，但你还是在这里。你认为一个夏天的练习会产生那么大的影响吗？

"No," Neil said. "It was just too hard to say no."
“不，”尼尔说。“很难拒绝。”

"Coach always knows what to say, hm? It makes it harder on the rest of us, though. Not even Millport should have taken a chance on you."
“教练总是知道该说什么，嗯？不过，这让我们其他人更难。即使是米尔波特也不应该对你冒险。

Neil shrugged. "Millport's too small to care about experience. I had nothing to lose by trying out and they had nothing to gain by refusing me. It was a matter of being in the right place at the right time, I guess."
尼尔耸了耸肩。“米尔波特太小了，不在乎经验。尝试我没有什么可失去的，他们拒绝我也没有什么可获得的。我想，这是在正确的时间出现在正确的地点的问题。

"Do you believe in fate?"
“你相信命运吗？”

Neil heard the faint scorn in the other man's voice. "No. Do you?"
尼尔听到另一个人的声音里带着淡淡的轻蔑。“没有。你是吗？

"Luck, then," Aaron said, ignoring that return question.
“那么运气，”亚伦说，忽略了那个回车问题。

"Only the bad sort."
“只有坏的那种。”

"We're flattered by your high opinion of us, of course."
“当然，我们对你对我们的高度评价感到受宠若惊。”

Aaron pulled at the wheel, sliding the car from one lane to the other without bothering to check the traffic around him. Horns blared behind them. Neil watched in the rearview mirror as cars swerved to avoid hitting them.
亚伦拉着方向盘，将汽车从一条车道滑到另一条车道，而懒得检查周围的交通情况。他们身后响起了号角声。尼尔在后视镜里看着汽车转向以避免撞到他们。

"It's too nice of a car to wreck," he said pointedly.
“这辆车太好了，不能毁坏，”他尖锐地说。

"Don't be so afraid to die," Aaron said as the car kept gliding across the four-lane road to an exit ramp. "If you are, you have no place on our court."
“别那么害怕死，”亚伦说，汽车继续滑过四车道道路到达出口匝道。“如果你是，你在我们的球场上就没有立足之地。”

"We're talking about a sport, not a death match."
“我们谈论的是一项运动，而不是死亡竞赛。”

"Same difference," Aaron said. "You're playing for a Class I team with Kevin on your line. People are always willing to bleed for him. You've seen the news, I assume."
“同样的区别，”亚伦说。“你正在为一支一级球队效力，凯文在你的线上。人们总是愿意为他流血。我想你已经看到了这个新闻。

"I've seen it," Neil said.
“我见过，”尼尔说。

Aaron flicked his fingers as if that proved his point. Neil would be hard-pressed to say he was wrong, so he let it slide.
亚伦弹了弹手指，仿佛这证明了他的观点。尼尔很难说他错了，所以他就顺其自然了。

Kevin Day and his adoptive brother Riko Moriyama were hailed as the sons of Exy. Kevin's mother Kayleigh Day and Riko's uncle Tetsuji Moriyama created the sport roughly thirty years ago while Kayleigh was studying abroad in Fukui, Japan. What started as an experiment spread from their campus to local street teams, then across the ocean to the rest of the world. Kayleigh brought it home with her to Ireland after completing her degree and the United States picked it up soon after.
凯文·戴和他的养弟森山理子被誉为埃克西的儿子。大约三十年前，凯琳的母亲凯莉·戴 （Kayleigh Day） 和里科 （Riko） 的叔叔森山哲司 （Tetsuji Moriyama） 在凯莉在日本福井留学时创造了这项运动。最初的实验从他们的校园传播到当地的街头团队，然后跨越大洋传播到世界其他地方。凯莉在完成学位后将它带回爱尔兰，不久之后美国也把它捡回了。

Kevin and Riko were raised on Exy. When Edgar Allan's massive stadium Castle Evermore, the first NCAA Exy stadium in the United States, was little more than blueprints, Kevin and Riko had custom racquets. After Kayleigh's fatal car accident, Tetsuji took Kevin in, but the Ravens' new coach had no time to raise children. Riko and Kevin spent their formative years at Evermore with the Ravens instead and were considered the team's unofficial mascots. When they weren't being coached by Tetsuji, they were coached by the team, and tutors were brought on-site so they wouldn't have to leave the stadium for school.
凯文和莉子是在 Exy 上长大的。当埃德加·艾伦 （Edgar Allan） 的大型体育场 Castle Evermore（美国第一个 NCAA Exy 体育场）只不过是蓝图时，凯文和里科拥有定制球拍。凯莉发生致命车祸后，哲次收留了凯文，但乌鸦队的新教练却没有时间抚养孩子。Riko 和 Kevin 在乌鸦队度过了他们在 Evermore 的成长岁月，并被认为是球队的非官方吉祥物。当他们没有被哲司指导时，他们是由球队指导的，导师会被带到现场，这样他们就不必离开体育场去上学。

Kevin and Riko grew up in front of cameras, but always with Exy as a backdrop and always together. Until Kevin transferred to Palmetto State, he and Riko were never seen in separate rooms. Their unconventional childhood led many to worry about their psychological well-being but also fueled a rabid obsession with the pair. Riko and Kevin were the face of the Ravens. To many, they were considered the future of Exy.
Kevin 和 Riko 在镜头前长大，但总是以 Exy 为背景，总是在一起。在凯文转学到棕榈州之前，他和里科从未出现在不同的房间里。他们非传统的童年让许多人担心他们的心理健康，但也助长了对这对夫妇的狂热痴迷。Riko 和 Kevin 是乌鸦队的代言人。对许多人来说，他们被认为是 Exy 的未来。

Last December, Riko and Kevin vanished from the public eye for weeks. When spring championships started in January, neither man was on the Ravens' starting line-up. It wasn't until the end of January that Tetsuji Moriyama addressed the topic at a press conference, and the news was a cruel blow to Exy fans everywhere: Kevin Day had broken his playing hand on a skiing trip. According to Tetsuji, Kevin and Riko were too devastated to face either the Ravens or their upset fans just yet.
去年 12 月，Riko 和 Kevin 从公众视线中消失了数周。当春季锦标赛在一月份开始时，两人都没有出现在乌鸦队的首发阵容中。直到 1 月底，森山哲司才在新闻发布会上谈到了这个话题，这个消息对各地的 Exy 粉丝来说都是一个残酷的打击：凯文·戴在一次滑雪之旅中摔断了打球手。根据 Tetsuji 的说法，凯文和莉子太沮丧了，无法面对乌鸦队或他们心烦意乱的球迷。

The next day, Coach Wymack told the press Kevin was recuperating in South Carolina. Hearing Kevin would never play again was bad; finding out he'd left the Ravens was somehow worse for his obsessive fans. If Kevin was relegated to the sidelines as an assistant coach, he should at least lend his prestige and knowledge to his home team. Fans took offense on their beloved team's behalf, but most everyone assumed he'd transfer back as soon as his hand was finished healing. Except Kevin Day signed with the Foxes in March—not as a coach, but a striker.
第二天，威马克教练告诉媒体凯文正在南卡罗来纳州休养。听到凯文再也不会打球了，真是太糟糕了。发现他离开乌鸦队对他痴迷的球迷来说在某种程度上更糟。如果凯文被降级为助理教练，他至少应该将自己的声望和知识借给他的主队。球迷们代表他们心爱的球队感到生气，但大多数人都认为他的手一旦痊愈就会转回来。除了凯文·戴在三月份与狐狸队签约——不是作为教练，而是作为前锋。

His fans went from feeling heartbroken to feeling betrayed. Palmetto State had borne the brunt of that rage since. The university and stadium had been vandalized upwards of a dozen times and there'd been numerous fights on campus. It would only get worse when the season started and people saw Kevin wearing the Foxes' colors. Neil wasn't looking forward to getting in the middle of that mess.
他的粉丝从心碎到被背叛。从那以后，棕榈州立大学首当其冲。大学和体育场遭到十几次破坏，校园内发生了多次打架事件。当赛季开始时，情况只会变得更糟，人们看到凯文穿着狐狸队的颜色。尼尔并不期待陷入这种混乱之中。

The apartment complex where Wymack lived was a twenty-minute drive from the airport. The parking lot was mostly empty, since it was mid-afternoon on a workday, but there were three people waiting on the sidewalk. Aaron was the first out and he aimed the key ring at the back of the car. Neil heard locks pop as he climbed out of the car. Aaron went to meet the others at the curb while Neil retrieved his duffel bag from the trunk. Neil slung it over his shoulder, relaxing a little at the familiar weight of it, and pushed the trunk closed. When he looked up he was the center of attention.
威马克住的公寓大楼距离机场有二十分钟车程。停车场几乎空无一人，因为当时是工作日的下午三点，但人行道上有三个人在等。亚伦是第一个出局的，他将钥匙圈对准了汽车的后部。尼尔从车里爬下来时听到锁砰砰作响。亚伦去路边和其他人会合，而尼尔则从后备箱里拿出他的行李袋。尼尔把它扛在肩上，在熟悉的重量下放松了一点，然后推开了行李箱。当他抬起头时，他成为了关注的焦点。

The twins were standing to either side of Kevin, dressed identically but easily distinguishable by the looks on their faces. Aaron looked bored now that he'd fulfilled his duty in getting Neil here. Andrew was smiling, but Neil knew his cheer didn't mean he was going to play nice. He'd been smiling when he smashed a racquet into Neil's stomach, too.
这对双胞胎站在凯文的两侧，穿着一模一样，但从他们脸上的表情很容易辨认出来。亚伦现在看起来很无聊，因为他已经履行了让尼尔来这里的职责。安德鲁在微笑，但尼尔知道他的欢呼并不意味着他会表现得很好。当他用球拍砸向尼尔的肚子时，他也在微笑。

Nicholas Hemmick was the only one who looked genuinely happy to see Neil, and he stepped up to the curb at Neil's approach. Neil was glad for the distraction, since it kept him from looking at Kevin, and he readily accepted the hand Nicholas offered.
尼古拉斯·赫米克是唯一一个看起来真心很高兴见到尼尔的人，他一看到尼尔走近，就走到了路边。尼尔很高兴这次分散了注意力，因为这让他无法看凯文，他欣然接受了尼古拉斯伸出的手。

"Hey," the other man said, using his grip on Neil's hand to pull him up onto the curb. "Welcome to South Carolina. Flight go okay?"
“嘿，”另一个男人说，用他抓住尼尔的手把他拉到路边。“欢迎来到南卡罗来纳州。航班还好吗？

"It was fine," Neil said.
“没关系，”尼尔说。

"I'm Nicky." Nicky gave Neil's hand another hard squeeze before letting go. "Andrew and Aaron's cousin, backliner extraordinaire."
“我是尼基。”尼基又用力握了握尼尔的手，然后松开了手。“安德鲁和亚伦的表弟，非凡的后线。”

Neil looked from him to the twins and back again. Where the twins were light, Nicky was dark, with jet-black hair, dark brown eyes, and skin two shades too dark to be a tan. He also had the better part of a foot on them. "By blood?"
尼尔从他身上看向双胞胎，又看了看。双胞胎是浅色的，而尼基是黑的，乌黑的头发，深棕色的眼睛，皮肤黑得不像棕褐色。他也有大部分的脚踩在他们身上。“血缘关系？”

Nicky laughed. "Don't look it, right? Take after my mom. Dad 'rescued' her from Mexico during some la-di-dah ministry trip." He made a show of rolling his eyes, then jerked a thumb at the others. "You already met them, right? Aaron, Andrew, Kevin? Coach was supposed to be here to let you in, but he had to head up to the stadium real quick. The ERC called him, probably with more BS about how we haven't publicized our sub yet. In the meantime you're stuck with us, but we've got Coach's keys. Suitcases in the trunk?"
尼基笑了起来。“别看吧？效仿我妈妈。爸爸在一次 la-di-dah 事工旅行中从墨西哥'救出'了她。他做了一个翻白眼的样子，然后对其他人猛地竖了竖拇指。“你已经见过他们了，对吧？亚伦、安德鲁、凯文？教练本来应该来这里让你进来，但他必须很快前往体育场。ERC 给他打电话，可能有更多的 BS 关于我们如何还没有公开我们的潜艇。与此同时，你被困在我们身边，但我们有教练的钥匙。后备箱里的手提箱？

"It's just this," Neil said.
“就是这个，”尼尔说。

Nicky arched an eyebrow at him and looked at the others. "He packs light. I wish I could travel like that, but hell if I ain't materialistic."
尼基对他挑了挑眉毛，看着其他人。“他轻装上阵。我希望我能像那样旅行，但如果我不是物质主义的话，那就了。

"Materialistic is just a start," Aaron said.
“唯物主义只是一个开始，”亚伦说。

Nicky grinned and caught Neil's shoulder, guiding him past the rest toward the front door. "This is where Coach lives," he said unnecessarily. "He makes all the money, so he gets to live in a place like this while we poor people couch surf."
Nicky 咧嘴一笑，抓住了 Neil 的肩膀，引导他越过其他人走向前门。“这是教练住的地方，”他不必要地说。“他赚了所有的钱，所以他可以住在这样的地方，而我们这些穷人则在沙发上冲浪。”

"You have a nice car for someone who thinks he's poor," Neil said.
“对于那些认为自己很穷的人来说，你有一辆好车，”尼尔说。

"That's why we're poor," Nicky said dryly.
“这就是我们很穷的原因，”尼基干巴巴地说。

"Aaron's mother bought it for us with her life insurance money," Andrew explained. "It's no surprise she had to die to be worth anything."
“亚伦的母亲用她的人寿保险金为我们买了它，”安德鲁解释道。“毫不奇怪，她必须死才能有价值。”

"Easy," Nicky said, but he was looking at Aaron when he said it.
“很容易，”尼基说，但他说这句话时正在看着亚伦。

"Easy, easy." Andrew lifted his hands in a careless shrug. "Why bother? It's a cruel world, right Neil? You wouldn't be here if it wasn't."
“简单，简单。”安德鲁举起双手，漫不经心地耸了耸肩。“何必呢？这是一个残酷的世界，对吧，尼尔？如果不是这样，你就不会在这里。

"It's not the world that's cruel," Neil said. "It's the people in it."
“残酷的不是这个世界，”尼尔说。“这是里面的人。”

"Oh, so true."
“哦，太对了。”

They rode the elevator up to the seventh floor in silence. Neil watched the numbers tick above the door so he wouldn't look at Kevin's reflection. Unease over being so high off the ground was almost distraction enough. He preferred staying to lower levels so he could make an easy escape if need be. Jumping out the window here was definitely out of the question. He made a mental note to find any and all fire escapes.
他们默默地乘坐电梯上了七楼。尼尔看着门上方的数字滴答作响，这样他就不会看凯文的倒影。离地如此之高的不安几乎足以分散注意力。他更喜欢呆在较低的楼层，这样如果需要的话，他可以轻松逃脱。在这里跳出窗外绝对是不可能的。他在心里记下了寻找所有消防通道。

Wymack's apartment was number 724. They gathered around the door so Aaron could dig the key out of his pocket. It took him two tries to remember which one he'd put it in. Neil didn't notice when he found it and unlocked the door. He was too busy staring at Aaron's pants pockets. They were much too flat to be hiding a pack of cigarettes, but Neil had seen Aaron put the pack away before crossing the street at the airport.
Wymack 的公寓是 724 号。他们聚集在门周围，这样亚伦就可以从口袋里掏出钥匙。他试了两次才记得他把它放进了哪一个。尼尔发现它时没有注意到，打开了门锁。他忙着盯着亚伦的裤子口袋。他们太扁平了，无法藏一包烟，但尼尔看到亚伦在机场过马路之前把烟包收起来。

"Here you go, Neil," Nicky said, and Neil forced his gaze up to the open doorway. Nicky gestured for him to precede them. "Home sweet home, if anything involving Coach can be called sweet."
“给你，尼尔，”尼基说，尼尔强行将目光移向敞开的门口。尼基示意他走在他们前面。“甜蜜的家，如果有任何涉及教练的事情可以称为甜蜜的话。”

Neil had known since April he'd be crashing on Coach Wymack's couch for a couple weeks. He'd known, in the days following Wymack's visit, that it would be uncomfortable. He still wasn't prepared for the way his stomach roiled inside him now. He'd been on his own since his mother died, and the last man he'd lived with was his father. How was he supposed to let Wymack lock the door every night with both of them under the same roof? He couldn't possibly sleep here; every time Wymack breathed Neil would wake up and wonder who was after him. Maybe he should back out and check into a hotel, but how was he supposed to explain that to Wymack? Would he have to explain? Wymack thought Neil's parents were abusive, so maybe he'd understand Neil's reticence.
尼尔从四月份开始就知道他会在威马克教练的沙发上摔倒几周。在威马克来访后的几天里，他就知道这会很不舒服。他仍然没有为现在胃在他体内翻腾的方式做好准备。自从他母亲去世后，他就一直独自一人，最后一个和他住在一起的男人是他的父亲。他怎么能让威马克每天晚上都锁门，他们两个在同一个屋檐下？他不可能睡在这里;每次威马克呼吸时，尼尔都会醒来，想知道谁在追他。也许他应该退出并入住酒店，但他应该如何向 Wymack 解释这一点？他必须解释吗？威马克认为尼尔的父母虐待，所以也许他会理解尼尔的沉默。

He hadn't expected to lock up like this, and he'd hesitated too long. He saw the look Nicky sent Aaron, curious and confused, and knew he'd made a mistake. Still, it wasn't until Andrew stepped up alongside him to see what the holdup was that Neil could move again. Andrew was smiling, but his pale stare was intense. Neil met his eyes for only a moment and knew it was worse to stay out here with them than it was to cross that threshold. He'd figure it out, but not here and not now, not with Andrew and Kevin as witnesses.
他没想到会这样被关起来，他犹豫了太久了。他看到尼基给亚伦的眼神，既好奇又困惑，知道自己犯了一个错误。尽管如此，直到安德鲁走到他身边，看看阻碍是什么，尼尔才可以再次移动。安德鲁在微笑，但他苍白的目光却很强烈。尼尔只对上了他的眼睛一会儿，他知道和他们呆在这里比跨过那道门槛更糟糕。他会想办法的，但不是在这里，也不是现在，不是安德鲁和凯文作为证人。

Neil stepped over the threshold and started down the hall. The first doorway opened up into the living room Neil would be sleeping in. The couch Wymack had referenced was cleared off and even had a sticky note tacked to it saying that the blankets were in the coffee table drawer. It was the only clean surface in the room. Everything else was covered in paperwork and empty coffee mugs. Overflowing ashtrays were in unhealthy abundance as well.
尼尔跨过门槛，开始沿着走廊走去。第一个门通向尼尔将要睡觉的客厅。Wymack 提到的沙发被清理干净，甚至还贴了一张便利贴，上面写着毯子在咖啡桌抽屉里。这是房间里唯一干净的表面。其他一切都被文书工作和空咖啡杯覆盖。溢出的烟灰缸也非常不健康。

Neil was halfway across the room to look out the window when Nicky spoke up behind him.
Neil 正在房间的一半看向窗外，这时 Nicky 在他身后开口。

"What was that all about?"
“那到底是怎么回事？”

Neil's blood turned to slush. It wasn't the words that got him but the language Nicky used. German was Neil's second language thanks to three years spent living in Austria, Germany, and Switzerland. He remembered more of Europe than he wanted to; most of their time there had been a cold mess. He knew the tang of blood in his mouth was just his imagination, but it was sharp enough to choke him. He could feel his heartbeat on every inch of his skin, going so fast it set him trembling head to toe.
尼尔的血液变成了泥泞。吸引他的不是词语，而是尼基使用的语言。德语是尼尔的第二语言，这要归功于他在奥地利、德国和瑞士生活了三年。他对欧洲的记忆比他想的要多;他们大部分时间都在那里冷得一团糟。他知道嘴里的血腥味只是他的想象，但它的锋利程度足以让他窒息。他能感觉到自己每一寸皮肤都在跳动，心跳得如此之快，以至于他从头到脚都在颤抖。

How did they know he spoke German?
他们怎么知道他会说德语？

Neil had half a mind to run for it, but then Aaron answered, and Neil realized with a sick rush Nicky wasn't talking to him. No, they were talking about him, not intending for him to understand. Neil forced himself to move, finishing his trip to the window. He pushed the curtains back and put his hands to the glass, needing something to steady him while his heart tried to ease back to a normal rhythm.
尼尔有半点心思想跑，但随后亚伦回答了，尼尔病态地意识到尼基没有和他说话。不，他们是在谈论他，而不是想让他理解。尼尔强迫自己移动，结束了他走向窗户的旅程。他推开窗帘，把手放在玻璃上，需要一些东西来稳定他，同时他的心脏试图恢复到正常的节奏。

"Maybe he was savoring the moment," Aaron said.
“也许他正在享受这一刻，”亚伦说。

"No," Nicky said. "That was pure fight or flight. What the hell did you say to him, Andrew?"
“不，”尼基说。“那纯粹是战斗或逃跑。你到底对他说了什么，安德鲁？

Neil looked back at them. Nicky wasn't looking at Andrew, maybe already knowing he wasn't going to get an answer, but was watching Neil across the room. When Neil turned, Nicky gave a bright smile and switched back to English. "How about a tour?"
尼尔回头看着他们。Nicky 没有看 Andrew，也许已经知道他不会得到答案，而是在房间对面看着 Neil。当尼尔转身时，尼基露出灿烂的笑容，然后又换回了英语。“来一次旅行怎么样？”

Neil considered saying something, but he'd already given too much away. "Sure."
尼尔想说点什么，但他已经透露了太多。“当然。”

There wasn't much to look at. A bathroom and kitchen sat opposite each other, and the bedrooms were at the end of the hall. Wymack had converted the second bedroom into an office. The office made up for the bare living room walls: it was covered with newspaper articles, team photos, outdated calendars, and miscellaneous certificates. Two bookshelves lined the wall, one full of Exy books, the other a mishmash of everything from travel guides to classic literature. Wymack's desk was buried in paperwork, not an inch of wood visible, and Neil's file was on top. Holding down one corner was a hefty prescription bottle. Nicky scooped the bottle up with a triumphant sound and twisted the lid off.
没什么可看的。浴室和厨房相对而坐，卧室在大厅的尽头。Wymack 将第二间卧室改造成办公室。办公室弥补了光秃秃的客厅墙壁：上面贴满了报纸文章、球队照片、过时的日历和杂项证书。墙上排列着两个书架，一个摆满了 Exy 书籍，另一个是从旅游指南到经典文学的各种书籍的大杂烩。Wymack 的办公桌被埋在文书工作中，看不到一英寸的木头，Neil 的文件在上面。按住一个角落的是一个沉重的处方瓶。尼基得意地一声把瓶子舀起来，拧开了盖子。

"That's not yours," Neil said.
“那不是你的，”尼尔说。

"Painkillers," Nicky said, ignoring that implicit accusation. "Coach shattered his hip a few years back, you know? That's how he met Abby. She was his therapist, and he got her the job here. Team's still split fifty-fifty on whether or not they're boning. Andrew refuses to vote, which means you're the tiebreaker. Let us know ASAP. I've got money riding on it."
“止痛药，”尼基说，无视这种隐含的指责。“几年前教练摔断了臀部，你知道吗？这就是他认识艾比的方式。她是他的治疗师，他让她在这里找到了这份工作。球队在是否剔骨的问题上仍然以 50 比 50 平分。安德鲁拒绝投票，这意味着你是决胜局。尽快告诉我们。我有钱在上面。

He shook a couple pills into his hand, screwed the lid on, and put the bottle back. Neil looked to see what the others thought of this, but Andrew and Kevin had vanished. Only Aaron remained, and he didn't look at all concerned.
他把几颗药片抖到手里，拧上盖子，然后把瓶子放回去。尼尔看着其他人对此的看法，但安德鲁和凯文已经消失了。只剩下亚伦，他一点也不在意。

"You'll meet Abby tonight at dinner," Nicky said, stuffing the pills into his pocket. "We've got a couple hours to kill before then, so maybe we can take you by the court and let you gawk at it. We've got the perfect number for scrimmages now. Kevin's probably pissing himself in excitement."
“你今晚晚饭时会见到艾比，”尼基说，把药片塞进口袋里。“在那之前我们还有几个小时的时间可以消磨时间，所以也许我们可以带你去球场，让你凝视它。我们现在已经有了完美的混战数字。凯文可能兴奋地撒尿了。

"I doubt that," Neil said, thinking of Kevin's dispassionate expression downstairs.
“我对此表示怀疑，”尼尔说，想起凯文在楼下冷静的表情。

"Kevin doesn't do excited," Aaron agreed, "but since Exy is the only thing he cares about, no one wants you on our court more than he does."
“凯文并不兴奋，”亚伦同意道，“但既然 Exy 是他唯一关心的事情，所以没有人比他更希望你出现在我们的球场上。

Neil's answer got stuck somewhere in his throat as he processed that. It was the same thing Aaron said in the car, almost, except Aaron sounded apathetic now where he'd been scornful earlier. Between that sudden change in attitude, the disappearing pack of cigarettes, and the matching outfits, Neil was starting to second-guess what was going on here. These were just small things, but Neil had learned to survive on the fine details.
尼尔的回答在处理这个问题时卡在了喉咙的某个地方。这几乎是亚伦在车里说的同样的话，只不过亚伦现在听起来很冷漠，而他之前还轻蔑过。在突然的态度转变、消失的香烟包和配套的服装之间，尼尔开始事后猜测这里发生了什么。这些只是小事，但尼尔已经学会了在细节上生存。

"Isn't it difficult playing with him?" he asked, changing what he'd been about to say. "I mean, with him being a champion."
“和他一起玩不是很困难吗？”他问道，改变了他刚要说的话。“我的意思是，他是冠军。”

"Technically we haven't played with him yet," Nicky said. "He just started getting into drills with us last month. If he's anything on the line like he is as an assistant coach, you are going to have the most awful year ever." Despite his ominous words, Nicky sounded amused. "But he's worth it."
“从技术上讲，我们还没有和他一起打球，”尼基说。“他上个月才开始和我们一起训练。如果他像助理教练一样处于危险之中，你将度过有史以来最糟糕的一年。尽管他说了不祥的话，但尼基听起来很有趣。“但他值得。”

"Worth the fights, too?" Neil asked. "Like that one two weeks ago that Aaron said got completely out of hand. How many people got injured in that, again?"
“也值得打架吗？”尼尔问道。“就像两周前亚伦说的那场完全失控的那样。又有多少人受伤了？

There was a slight pause as Aaron thought, and for a moment Neil decided he'd imagined things. Then Aaron answered, "Eleven."
亚伦想着，有那么一会儿停顿了一下，有那么一会儿，尼尔决定他已经想象到了。亚伦回答说：“十一。

It was the right answer; Neil had read about the brawl in an article. But he and Aaron hadn't had that conversation in the car and Aaron should have known that.
这是正确的答案;尼尔在一篇文章中读到了这场斗殴。但他和亚伦没有在车里进行过这样的对话，亚伦应该知道这一点。

Too late, Neil remembered Nicky's exasperated accusation in the living room: "What the hell did you say to him, Andrew?" Neil had assumed Nicky was referring to their first meeting in Millport, but Nicky had been talking about the car ride from the airport. It wasn't Aaron who picked Neil up from the airport after all.
为时已晚，尼尔想起了尼基在客厅里愤怒的指责：“你到底对他说了什么，安德鲁？尼尔以为尼基指的是他们在米尔波特的第一次见面，但尼基一直在谈论从机场乘车出发。毕竟不是亚伦从机场接尼尔。

Neil was annoyed by the trick and relieved he'd seen through it, but caution overrode both. Andrew wasn't cheerful naturally; his mania was drug-induced court-ordered. Two years ago some men attacked Nicky outside of a nightclub. Andrew was within his rights to defend Nicky, but he'd almost killed the four of them. The courts thought his violence to be a gross overreaction and tried to charge him. His lawyers struck a deal instead: Andrew would spend some time in intensive therapy, attend weekly counseling, and take medication.
尼尔对这个诡计感到恼火，并为他看穿了它而松了一口气，但谨慎压倒了两者。安德鲁天生并不开朗;他的躁狂症是药物引起的，法院下令。两年前，一些男子在一家夜总会外袭击了尼基。安德鲁有权为尼基辩护，但他差点杀了他们四个人。法院认为他的暴力行为是严重的过度反应，并试图指控他。相反，他的律师达成了一项协议：安德鲁将花一些时间接受强化治疗，每周参加咨询并服药。

After three years of this they'd let him off his medication long enough to assess his progress. Sobriety at any point before that was a violation of his parole. If the team nurse, Andrew's current psychiatrist, or the court psychiatrist who managed Andrew's parole suspected Andrew wasn't following the rules, they could request a urinalysis. If Andrew failed he'd be charged.
三年后，他们让他停药足够长的时间来评估他的进展。在此之前的任何时候的清醒都违反了他的假释。如果团队护士、安德鲁现任精神科医生或管理安德鲁假释的法院精神科医生怀疑安德鲁不遵守规则，他们可以要求进行尿液分析。如果安德鲁失败了，他就会被指控。

Andrew only had to hold out through spring, but apparently he couldn't wait that long. Neil couldn't believe Andrew would even risk sobriety when the consequences were so steep. He wondered if his arrival had to do with it, if Andrew wanted to meet his newest teammate without a hazy mind, or if Andrew just hated spending his summer break drugged to the gills.
安德鲁只需要坚持到春天，但显然他等不了那么久。尼尔不敢相信安德鲁会冒着清醒的风险，因为后果如此严重。他想知道他的到来是否与此有关，安德鲁是否想在没有朦胧的情况下见到他最新的队友，或者安德鲁是否只是讨厌在暑假中被下药。

As if on cue, Andrew appeared in the doorway with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and Kevin at his back. "Success."
安德鲁仿佛受到暗示，一手拿着一瓶威士忌出现在门口，凯文在他身后。“成功。”

"Ready, Neil?" Nicky asked. "We should probably beat it before Coach shows up."
“准备好了，尼尔？”尼基问道。“我们可能应该在教练出现之前击败它。”

"Why?" Neil pointed at the liquor. "Is this a robbery in progress?"
“为什么？”尼尔指着酒。“这是一起正在进行的抢劫吗？”

"Maybe it is. Will you tell Coach on us?" Andrew asked, sounding entertained by the notion. "So much for being a team player. I guess you really are a Fox."
“也许是这样。你能告诉教练我们吗？安德鲁问道，听起来对这个想法感到高兴。“作为一名团队合作者，就这么多了。我猜你真的是狐狸。

"No," Neil said, "but I would ask him why you're not medicated."
“不，”尼尔说，“但我会问他你为什么不吃药。

There was a heartbeat of startled silence. The only one who didn't react was Andrew; even Kevin looked surprised.
一阵惊愕的沉默。唯一没有反应的是安德鲁;就连凯文也看起来很惊讶。

Nicky was the first to find his tongue, but he reverted to German to ask Aaron, "Am I crazy? Did I just see that happen?"
尼基是第一个找到舌头的人，但他又用德语问亚伦，“我疯了吗？我刚刚看到这种情况发生了吗？

"Don't look at me," Aaron said.
“别看我，”亚伦说。

"I'd prefer an answer in English," Neil said.
“我更喜欢用英语回答，”尼尔说。

Andrew put a thumb to the corner of his mouth and dragged it along his lips to erase his smile. "That sounds like an accusation, but I didn't lie to you."
安德鲁将一根拇指放在嘴角，沿着嘴唇拖拽，抹去他的笑容。“这听起来像是指责，但我没有骗你。”

"Omission is the easiest way to lie," Neil said. "You could have corrected me."
“遗漏是最简单的撒谎方式，”尼尔说。“你本可以纠正我的。”

"Could have, didn't," Andrew said. "Figure it out for yourself."
“本可以，没有，”安德鲁说。“你自己想办法。”

"I did," Neil said. He tapped two fingers to his temple, copying Andrew's mocking salute from their first meeting. "Better luck next time."
“我做到了，”尼尔说。他用两根手指敲击太阳穴，模仿安德鲁第一次见面时嘲讽的敬礼。“下次祝你好运。”

"Oh," Andrew said. "Oh, you might actually turn out to be interesting. For a little while, at least. I don't think the amusement will last. It never does."
“哦，”安德鲁说。“哦，你可能真的会变得很有趣。至少在一段时间内。我认为这种娱乐不会持续下去。它永远不会。

"Don't mess with me."
“别惹我。”

"Or what?"
“或者什么？”

There was a rattle as someone tested the knob on the front door. Andrew's smile was back in a heartbeat, bright and vacant. He turned to Kevin, and Kevin moved at the same time. The whiskey vanished somewhere between them in a practiced move.
有人测试前门的旋钮时，发出嘎嘎声。安德鲁的笑容在心跳中恢复了，明亮而空洞。他转向凯文，凯文同时动了动。威士忌在他们之间的某个地方消失了，这是一次练习。

"Hi Coach," Andrew called over his shoulder.
“嗨，教练，”安德鲁越过他的肩膀喊道。

"Do you have any idea how much I hate coming home and finding you in my apartment?" Wymack demanded from out of sight.
“你知道我有多讨厌回家发现你在我的公寓里吗？”威马克在看不见的地方问道。

Andrew held up his empty hands in an innocent gesture no one believed and stepped into the hallway. Aaron and Kevin went after him, presumably with the alcohol tucked between their bodies, and left Nicky and Neil in the office.
安德鲁举起空空的双手，做出一种没有人相信的无辜姿态，走进了走廊。亚伦和凯文追上他，大概是把酒塞在他们的身体之间，然后把尼基和尼尔留在办公室里。

"I didn't break anything this time," Andrew said.
“这次我没有弄坏任何东西，”安德鲁说。

"I'll believe that after I've checked everything I own." The door slammed down the hall, and it wasn't long before Coach stepped into his office doorway. Clad in jean shorts and a faded tee, Wymack looked more like a garage band rocker than a university coach. Neil guessed he didn't have to look presentable on his home turf, but it was still disorienting.
“在我检查完我拥有的所有东西之后，我会相信这一点。”门砰的一声关上了走廊，没过多久，蔻驰就走进了他的办公室门口。Wymack 穿着牛仔短裤和褪色的 T 恤，看起来更像是一个车库乐队摇滚乐手，而不是一个大学教练。尼尔猜想他不必在自己的主场看起来像样，但这仍然让人迷失方向。

Wymack gave Neil a once-over and nodded. "I see you made it all right. I was pretty sure Nicky's driving was going to get you killed."
Wymack 给了 Neil 一遍，点了点头。“我看你没事。我很确定尼基的开车会让你死的。

Neil felt Nicky watching him and said, "I've survived worse."
尼尔感觉到尼基在看着他，说：“我活得更糟。

"There is no surviving worse driving than that idiot's," Wymack said. "There's just open casket or closed."
“没有比那个白痴更糟糕的驾驶了，”威马克说。“只有打开的棺材或关闭的棺材。”

"Hey, hey," Nicky said. "That's not fair."
“嘿，嘿，”尼基说。“这不公平。”

"Life isn't fair, tweedle-dumb. Get over it. What are you still doing here?"
“生活不公平，笨蛋。克服它。你还在这里做什么？

"Leaving," Andrew said. "Goodbye. Is Neil coming too?"
“离开，”安德鲁说。“再见。尼尔也来吗？

"Going where?" Wymack asked, looking suspicious.
“去哪里？”威马克问道，一脸疑惑。

"Jeez, Coach, what kind of people do you think we are?" Nicky asked.
“天哪，教练，你认为我们是什么样的人？”尼基问道。

"Do you really want me to answer that?"
“你真的要我回答这个问题吗？”

"We're taking him to the court," Aaron said. "We can give him a lift to Abby's after. You didn't need him, did you?"
“我们要把他带到法庭上，”亚伦说。“我们可以送他去艾比家。你不需要他，是吗？

"Just to give him this," Wymack said, and Neil snagged the keys tossed his way. There were two rings looped together, two keys on one and three on the other. Neil eyed them as Wymack ticked them off on his fingers. "Long key is for when the front gate closes at night. Small one gets you into the apartment. The others are for the stadium: outer door, gear room, and court doors. Kevin has a matching set, so make him show you which is which. I expect you to make as much use of them as he does."
“只是为了给他这个，”Wymack 说，Neil 抓住了扔给他的钥匙。有两个环环在一起，一个是两个钥匙，另一个是三个钥匙。尼尔看着他们，威马克用手指勾了勾。“长钥匙是晚上前门关上的时候用的。小的可以让你进入公寓。其他用于体育场：外门、装备室和球场门。凯文有一套配套的，所以让他告诉你哪个是哪个。我希望你能像他一样多地利用它们。

"Thank you," Neil said, clenching his fingers tight enough around them he could feel the teeth digging into his palm. He felt steadier with them in his hand. It didn't matter where he was sleeping or what tricks Andrew was up to. There was a court here and he had permission to play on it. "I will."
“谢谢你，”尼尔说，用手指紧紧地攥住它们，他能感觉到牙齿在他的手掌里扎进去。他觉得手里拿着它们更稳了。他睡在哪里，安德鲁在做什么把戏并不重要。这里有一个球场，他被允许在上面打球。“我会的。”

"Blatant favoritism, Coach," Andrew said.
“公然的偏袒，教练，”安德鲁说。

"If you ever went to the court of your own volition, maybe I'd give you a set too," Wymack said. "Since I don't see that happening anytime this lifetime or next, you can shut up and share with Kevin."
“如果你自愿去球场，也许我也会给你一套，”威马克说。“既然我认为这在今生或下辈子的任何时候都不会发生，所以你可以闭嘴，与凯文分享。”

"Oh, joy, joy," Andrew said. "My excited face begins now. Can we go?"
“哦，喜悦，喜悦，”安德鲁说。“我兴奋的脸现在开始了。我们可以走吗？

"Get out," Wymack said, and Andrew vanished. Kevin and Aaron followed. When Nicky reached the office doorway, Wymack put a hand in his path to stop him. "Don't you dare traumatize him his first day here."
“滚出去，”威马克说，安德鲁消失了。凯文和亚伦紧随其后。当尼基走到办公室门口时，威马克用一只手挡住了他。“你不敢在他来的第一天就给他带来创伤。”

Nicky looked from Wymack to Neil. "Neil's not traumatized, right?"
尼基从威马克看向尼尔。“尼尔没有受到创伤，对吧？”

"Not yet," Neil said.
“还没有，”尼尔说。

After a moment's debate, he shrugged his bag off his shoulder. The thought of leaving it behind made his skin crawl, considering what was hidden inside it, but he didn't trust Andrew's intentions. Neil didn't know why Andrew was sober or why he'd picked Neil up from the airport when it now seemed Wymack had tasked Nicky with that responsibility, but he didn't think Andrew was done playing yet. Neil trusted Wymack more than he did Andrew right now and hoped he wasn't making a mistake.
经过一会儿的辩论，他耸了耸肩，把包从肩上脱了下来。一想到要把它抛在脑后，他就感到毛骨悚然，考虑到里面隐藏着什么，但他不相信安德鲁的意图。尼尔不知道为什么安德鲁清醒，也不知道为什么他从机场接尼尔，而现在看来威马克已经把这个责任交给了尼基，但他认为安德鲁还没有玩完。尼尔现在比对安德鲁更信任威马克，希望他没有犯错。

"Do you have someplace safe I can hide this?" he asked.
“你有安全的地方可以藏起来吗？”

"There's space in the living room," Wymack said.
“客厅里有空间，”威马克说。

Neil glanced at Nicky, wondering how he could elaborate without making them curious enough to pry. He never walked away from his bag unless it was locked up somewhere, usually in his locker at Millport's stadium.
尼尔看了尼基一眼，想知道他怎样才能详细说明，又不让他们好奇到窥探的程度。他从不离开他的包，除非它被锁在某个地方，通常是在米尔波特体育场的储物柜里。

Before he could say anything, Wymack gave Nicky an impatient look. "Why are you still here? Get out."
还没等他说什么，威马克就不耐烦地看了尼基一眼。“你怎么还在这里？滚出去。

"Rude," Nicky said, but he slipped past Wymack and disappeared down the hall.
“粗鲁，”尼基说，但他从威马克身边溜了过去，消失在走廊上。

Wymack looked at Neil again. "How safe is safe?"
威马克又看向尼尔。“安全到什么程度才算安全？”

Neil had never been an easy read before, but then, he'd never let the situation get so completely out of hand, either. On the run his mother had always stayed in control, weaving the perfect stories and choosing ideal marks to help them. Neil had fumbled his way through his transition to Millport, but he could have cut and run at any time if he didn't like the way things were going. This, he desperately wanted to make work, for however long he could hold onto it.
尼尔以前从来都不是一个容易阅读的人，但后来，他也从来没有让情况变得如此完全失控。在逃亡中，他的母亲总是保持控制，编织完美的故事并选择理想的标记来帮助他们。尼尔在过渡到米尔波特的过程中摸索着，但如果他不喜欢事情的发展方式，他可以随时切入和逃跑。这，他迫切地想做作品，无论他能坚持多久。

"It's all I have," Neil said at length.
“这就是我所拥有的，”尼尔长篇大论地说。

Wymack motioned for Neil to get out of his way. Neil watched as he unlocked the bottom drawer on his desk. It was full of hanging files, but Wymack pulled them all out and stacked them on the floor nearby. The pile tilted over as soon as he let go, papers and folders sliding every which way. Wymack didn't even seem to notice, too busy digging a tiny key off his key ring.
威马克示意尼尔让开。尼尔看着他打开了桌子上最下面的抽屉。里面装满了悬挂的文件，但威马克把它们全部拿出来堆在附近的地板上。他一松手，那堆文件就倾斜了，文件和文件夹四处滑动。Wymack 似乎甚至没有注意到，忙着从钥匙圈上挖出一把小钥匙。

"This is only a temporary fix," Wymack said. "When you move into the dorms, you're going to have to figure something else out."
“这只是一个临时解决方案，”Wymack 说。“当你搬进宿舍时，你将不得不想办法。”

He held the key out to Neil. Neil looked from him to the desk to the pile of papers and back again. He opened his mouth, closed it, and tried again. He'd only managed "Why" before Wymack got tired of waiting on him and pushed the key into his palm.
他把钥匙递给尼尔。尼尔从他身上看向桌子，看向那堆文件，然后又回头看。他张开嘴，闭上嘴，然后又试了一次。他只说了“为什么”，然后 Wymack 厌倦了等待他，把钥匙塞进了他的手掌。

"Better hurry before Andrew sends someone looking for you," Wymack said.
“最好在安德鲁派人找你之前快点，”威马克说。

Neil swallowed the rest of his question in favor of stuffing his duffel into the drawer. Luckily most of what was in the bag was clothes, so it fit into the cramped space with a couple shoves. Neil pushed the drawer shut and locked it. He tried to give the key back, but Wymack gave him a pitying look.
尼尔吞下了剩下的问题，转而把行李袋塞进抽屉。幸运的是，包里的大部分东西都是衣服，所以只需推几下，它就可以装进狭窄的空间。尼尔推开抽屉并锁上了它。他试图把钥匙还给他，但威马克却怜悯地看了他一眼。

"The hell would I want that?" Wymack said. "Give it back when you move out."
“我到底想要那个？”“威马克说。“搬出去的时候还给它。”

Neil looked down at the key in his palm, at the security Wymack so easily and unquestioningly gave him. Maybe Neil wouldn't get any sleep tonight, and maybe he'd spend the next couple weeks waking up every time Wymack snored a little too loud, but maybe Neil really was okay here for now.
尼尔低头看着手掌中的钥匙，看着威马克如此轻松、毫无疑问地给他的安全保障。也许尼尔今晚睡不着觉，也许在接下来的几周里，每次威马克打呼噜有点大声时，他都会醒来，但也许尼尔现在真的在这里没事。

"Thank you," he said.
“谢谢你，”他说。

"Move along," Wymack said.
“继续前进，”威马克说。

Neil left the office. The others had left the front door open and were waiting for him in the hallway. Neil slipped the key onto his key ring as he walked to meet them. Andrew led his cousins and Kevin to the elevator while Neil closed the door and locked it behind him. The elevator car arrived only seconds after Neil rejoined them, and they filed inside.
尼尔离开了办公室。其他人把前门开着，在走廊里等他。尼尔在走去迎接他们时将钥匙塞到钥匙圈上。安德鲁带着他的表兄弟和凯文来到电梯，而尼尔则关上门并锁在身后。尼尔重新加入他们几秒钟后，电梯轿厢就到了，他们排成一列。

Neil's fleeting sense of safety vanished the second the doors closed behind him, because the others had arranged themselves in a ring around the walls of the elevator: Nicky and Aaron to his sides and Andrew and Kevin opposite him. All eyes were on Neil.
尼尔转瞬即逝的安全感在门在他身后关上的那一刻消失了，因为其他人已经围在电梯的墙壁上围成一圈：尼基和亚伦在他身边，安德鲁和凯文在他对面。所有的目光都集中在尼尔身上。

Andrew's smile vanished when the elevator started its slow crawl down. Neil returned his stare, every muscle tensed for a fight. At the fifth floor, Andrew pushed away from the back railing and started for Neil. He reached for Neil's keys, but Neil moved the ring out of reach. Andrew tried again, and Neil had to step back to dodge his grab. He backed right into the metal doors and realized a moment too late Andrew didn't care about his keys at all. He buried the ring in his pocket, feeling pinned in. How stupid, that someone so short could have such presence.
当电梯开始缓慢爬下时，安德鲁的笑容消失了。尼尔回头看他，每块肌肉都绷紧了，准备打架。在五楼，安德鲁推开后栏杆，开始找尼尔。他伸手去拿尼尔的钥匙，但尼尔把戒指移到了够不到的地方。安德鲁再次尝试，尼尔不得不后退以躲避他的抓握。他直接回到金属门里，意识到安德鲁根本不在乎他的钥匙，为时已晚。他把戒指埋进口袋里，感觉自己被钉住了。多么愚蠢，这么矮的人竟然能有这样的存在。

"How nice to meet you, Neil," Andrew drawled. "It will be a while before we see each other again."
“很高兴认识你，尼尔，”安德鲁抽了抽嘴。“我们还需要一段时间才能再次见面。”

"Somehow I don't think I'm that lucky."
“不知何故，我认为我没有那么幸运。”

"Like this," Andrew clarified, gesturing between their faces. "It will have to wait until June. Abby threatened to revoke our stadium rights for the summer if we break you sooner than that. Can't have that, can we? Kevin would cry. No worries. We'll wait until everyone's here and Abby has too many other Foxes to worry about. Then we'll throw you a welcome party you won't forget."
“像这样，”安德鲁澄清道，在他们的脸之间打了个手势。“它必须等到六月。艾比威胁说，如果我们早点打破你，就会撤销我们夏天的体育场权利。我们不能有那个，不是吗？凯文会哭。不用担心。我们会等到每个人都在这里，艾比有太多其他狐狸需要担心。然后我们会为你举办一场你不会忘记的欢迎派对。

"You need to rethink your persuasion techniques. They suck."
“你需要重新考虑你的说服技巧。他们很糟糕。

"I don't need to be persuasive," Andrew said, putting a hand to Neil's chest as the elevator slowed to a stop. "You'll just learn to do what I say."
“我不需要说服，”安德鲁说，在电梯减速停下时，将一只手放在尼尔的胸口上。“你只要学会按照我说的去做。”

The doors slid open behind Neil. As soon as they'd parted enough Andrew gave Neil a small push. Neil tripped backward into the lobby. Andrew shoved past him, bumping him from shoulder to hip, and headed for the door. Kevin was a half-step behind him, and Aaron didn't even look at Neil on his way by. Only Nicky stayed behind long enough to smile at Neil.
门在尼尔身后滑开了。他们分开得足够多，安德鲁轻轻推了一下尼尔。尼尔向后绊倒了，走进了大厅。安德鲁从他身边推过，从肩膀撞到臀部，然后朝门口走去。凯文落后他半步，亚伦在路过的路上甚至没有看尼尔一眼。只有尼基在后面呆了足够长的时间，对尼尔微笑。

"Ready for this?" he asked, and he went on ahead.
“准备好了吗？”他问道，然后他继续前进。

Neil remained behind for a few seconds longer to stare at their backs. He was starting to think Kevin wasn't his only problem at Palmetto State. It was almost a relief. Neil couldn't anticipate Kevin; he couldn't ask how much Kevin remembered about his past and he wouldn't know until too late what finally triggered Kevin into remembering him. But Andrew was just a psychotic midget, and Neil had grown up around violence. Handling him would be easy. Neil would just have to be careful.
尼尔又在后面呆了几秒钟，盯着他们的背影。他开始认为凯文并不是他在棕榈州立大学的唯一问题。这几乎是一种解脱。尼尔无法预料到凯文;他无法问凯文对他的过去记忆了多少，直到为时已晚，他才知道是什么最终触发了凯文记住他。但安德鲁只是一个精神病侏儒，而尼尔是在暴力中长大的。对付他会很容易。尼尔只需要小心。

"Ready," Neil said, and started after his teammates.
“准备好了，”尼尔说，然后开始追赶他的队友。

CHAPTER THREE
第三章

Neil spotted the Foxhole Court long before they made it to the stadium parking lot. Built to seat sixty-five thousand fans, it'd been placed on the outskirts of campus where it could tower over the shorter utilities buildings nearby. The paint job only made it stand out more: the walls were a blinding white with obnoxiously bright orange trim. A gigantic fox paw was painted on each of the four outer walls. Neil wondered how much it cost the university to build and how desperately they regretted the investment, considering the Foxes' miserable return.
尼尔早在他们到达体育场停车场之前就发现了狐狸洞球场。它可容纳 65,000 名球迷，被放置在校园郊区，可以高耸于附近较短的公用事业建筑之上。油漆工作只会让它更加突出：墙壁是令人眼花缭乱的白色，带有令人讨厌的亮橙色装饰。四面外墙上各画着一只巨大的狐狸爪。尼尔想知道这所大学的建造成本是多少，以及考虑到狐狸队的悲惨回报，他们对这项投资的后悔程度有多大。

They passed four parking lots before turning into a fifth. There were a couple cars already there, probably for maintenance staff or summer school students, but none were parked at the curb closest to the stadium. The stadium itself was surrounded by a barbed wire fence. Gates were placed equidistant down the length of the fence for handling a game night crowd, and all of them were chained shut.
他们经过了四个停车场，然后变成了第五个停车场。那里已经有几辆车，可能是供维修人员或暑期学校的学生使用的，但没有一辆停在离体育场最近的路边。体育场本身被铁丝网包围。大门沿着栅栏的长度等距放置，以处理比赛之夜的人群，并且所有大门都被锁链锁住。

Neil went up to the fence and stared through it at the outer grounds. It was deserted now, the souvenir stands and food stalls boarded up until the season started again, but he could imagine what it'd look like in a couple months. It made every hair on his body stand on end, and his heartbeat echoing in his ears sounded like an Exy ball rebounding off a court wall.
尼尔走到栅栏前，透过栅栏凝视着外面的场地。现在这里空无一人，纪念品摊位和小吃摊都用木板封起来，直到季节再次开始，但他可以想象几个月后会是什么样子。让他身上的每一根头发都竖起来，耳边回荡的心跳听起来就像一个从球场墙上反弹的 Exy 球。

Nicky clapped a hand to Neil's shoulder. "All the orange grows on you," he promised.
Nicky 用一只手拍了拍 Neil 的肩膀。“所有的橙子都长在你身上，”他承诺道。

Neil twisted his fingers through the metal links and wished he could break the fence down. "Let me in."
尼尔用手指扭动金属链节，希望他能打破栅栏。“让我进来。”

"Come on," Nicky said, and led him down the fence.
“来吧，”尼基说，然后领着他走下栅栏。

They'd reached the end of the gates—they'd parked by 24, and the next was 1. Between the two gates was a narrow door sealed with an electronic keypad. The door led to a hallway that cut the outer grounds in two; whoever made it as far as gate 24 would have to go into the stadium and through the stands to reach gate 1. The others were waiting for Nicky and Neil outside that door. Aaron had brought the whiskey with him.
他们已经到达了大门的尽头——他们在 24 点之前停了车，下一个是 1 点。两扇门之间有一扇狭窄的门，用电子键盘密封。门通向一条走廊，将外面的场地一分为二;无论谁到达 24 号门，都必须进入体育场并通过看台才能到达 1 号门。其他人在门外等尼基和尼尔。亚伦带来了威士忌。

"This is our entrance," Nicky said. "Code changes every couple months, but Coach always lets us know when it does. Right now it's 0508. May and August, get it? Coach and Abby's birth months. Told you they were boning. When's your birthday?"
“这是我们的入口，”尼基说。“代码每隔几个月就会更改一次，但 Coach 总是会在更改时通知我们。现在是 0508。五月和八月，明白了吗？教练和艾比的出生月份。告诉你他们正在骨头。你的生日是什么时候？

"It was in March," Neil lied.
“那是在三月份，”尼尔撒谎。

"Oh, we missed it. But we recruited you in April, so that should count as the world's greatest present. What'd your girlfriend get you?"
“哦，我们错过了。但我们在四月份招募了你，所以这应该算作世界上最伟大的礼物。你女朋友给你买了什么？

Neil looked at him. "What?"
尼尔看着他。“什么？”

"Come on, cute face like yours has to have a girlfriend. Unless you swing my way, of course, in which case please tell me now and save me the trouble of having to figure it out."
“来吧，像你这样的可爱脸蛋必须有女朋友。当然，除非你摇摆不定，在这种情况下，请现在告诉我，省去我必须弄清楚的麻烦。

Neil stared at him, wondering how Nicky could care about such things when the stadium was right there. They knew the code to get inside, but they were standing around like his answer was the secret password. Neil looked from Nicky to the keypad and back again.
尼尔盯着他，想知道尼基怎么会在乎体育场就在那里。他们知道进入的密码，但他们站在一旁，就像他的答案是秘密密码一样。Neil 从 Nicky 身上看向键盘，又看了看。

"What's it matter?" he asked.
“有什么关系？”

"I'm curious," Nicky said.
“我很好奇，”尼基说。

"He means nosey," Aaron said.
“他的意思是爱管闲事，”亚伦说。

"I don't swing either way," Neil said. "Let's go in."
“我不会摇摆，”尼尔说。“我们进去吧。”

"Bullshit," Nicky said.
“胡说八道，”尼基说。

"I don't," Neil said, and impatience put an edge in his voice. It wasn't quite the truth, but it was close enough. "Are we going in or not?"
“我没有，”尼尔说，不耐烦的声音变得尖锐起来。这并不完全是事实，但已经足够接近了。“我们进去还是不进去？”

In response, Kevin tapped in the code and pulled the door open. "Go," he said.
作为回应，凯文点击了密码并拉开了门。“走吧，”他说。

Neil didn't have to be told twice. He went down the hall, already turning his key ring over in his hands. The hall ended at another door marked FOXES. He showed the key ring to Kevin in silent question. Kevin fingered the appropriate key.
尼尔不必被告知两次。他走下大厅，手里已经把钥匙圈翻了过来。大厅的尽头是另一扇标有 FOXES 的门。他向凯文展示了钥匙圈，无声地提问。凯文用手指指着合适的钥匙。

It was strange sliding it into the knob and listening to the lock clack undone. Coach Hernandez occasionally let Neil sleep in the Millport High locker room, but it never occurred to him to give Neil a key. Instead he looked the other way whenever Neil broke in. Keys meant Neil had explicit permission to be here and do what he liked. They meant he belonged.
将它滑入旋钮并听着锁的咔哒声解开，这很奇怪。埃尔南德斯教练偶尔会让尼尔睡在米尔波特高中的更衣室里，但他从未想过要给尼尔一把钥匙。相反，每当尼尔闯进来时，他就会视而不见。凯斯的意思是尼尔得到了明确的许可，可以在这里做他喜欢做的事。他们意味着他有归属感。

The first room was a lounge. Three chairs and two couches took up most of the space, forming a semicircle around an entertainment center. The TV was obscenely large, and Neil couldn't wait to watch a game on it. Posted above the TV on the wall was a list of sports and news channels.
第一个房间是休息室。三把椅子和两张沙发占据了大部分空间，围绕着一个娱乐中心形成了一个半圆形。电视机大得离谱，尼尔迫不及待地想在上面看比赛。墙上电视上方张贴着体育和新闻频道的列表。

The rest of the walls were covered in photographs. Some of them were official: team photos, snapshots of the Foxes' goals, and pictures obviously clipped from newspapers. The majority of the pictures looked like they'd been taken by one of the Foxes themselves. These were scattered anywhere they could fit and held up by tape. Taking up one entire corner was a clump of photos featuring the Foxes' three ladies.
其余的墙壁上都贴满了照片。其中一些是官方的：球队照片、狐狸队进球的快照，以及明显从报纸上剪下来的照片。大多数照片看起来像是狐狸亲自拍摄的。这些散落在可以放下的地方，并用胶带支撑。占据了整个角落的是一堆狐狸队三位女士的照片。

Exy was a co-ed sport, but few colleges wanted women on their lines. According to Fox lore, Palmetto State refused to approve any of the women Wymack asked for his first year. After the Foxes' trainwreck first season, they were a little more willing to listen, and Wymack signed three women. On top of that, he made Danielle Wilds the first female captain in NCAA Class I Exy.
Exy 是一项男女混合的运动，但很少有大学希望女性加入他们的队伍。根据福克斯的传说，棕榈州拒绝批准威马克第一年要求的任何女性。在狐狸队第一个赛季的火车失事之后，他们更愿意倾听，威马克签下了三名女性。最重要的是，他让丹妮尔·怀尔兹 （Danielle Wilds） 成为 NCAA 一级 Exy 的第一位女队长。

If Exy fans weren't kind to the Foxes, they were downright cruel to Danielle. Even her teammates were willing to shred her in public during her first year. The more outspoken misogynists blamed her for the Foxes' failings. Despite the controversy and with only Wymack at her back, Danielle held onto her position. Three years later, it was obvious Wymack made the right choice. The Foxes were still a mess but they fell in behind Danielle and slowly started racking up wins.
如果 Exy 的粉丝对狐狸队不友善，那么他们对丹妮尔就是彻头彻尾的残忍。就连她的队友也愿意在她第一年当众撕碎她。更直言不讳的厌恶女性者将狐狸队的失败归咎于她。尽管存在争议，而且只有威马克在身后，丹妮尔还是坚持了自己的立场。三年后，很明显威马克做出了正确的选择。狐狸队仍然一团糟，但他们落后于丹妮尔，并慢慢开始取得胜利。

Neil's mental picture of Danielle was that of an aggressive and unrelenting woman, but the pictures he was looking at undermined that impression. Danielle was smiling in every photo, a toothy grin that was equal parts menace and mirth.
尼尔对丹妮尔的脑海中的印象是一个咄咄逼人、毫不留情的女人，但他正在看的照片破坏了这种印象。丹妮尔在每张照片中都面带微笑，露齿的笑容既威胁又欢笑。

Nicky noticed his distraction and tapped the faces in the closest photograph. "Dan, Renee, and Allison. Dan's good people, but she'll work you to the bone. Allison's a catty bitch you should avoid at all costs. Renee's a sweetheart. Be nice to her."
尼基注意到他的注意力分散，并轻拍了拍最近照片中的面孔。“丹、蕾妮和艾莉森。丹是好人，但她会把你工作到骨子里。艾莉森是个猫婊子，你应该不惜一切代价避免。蕾妮是个甜心。对她好一点。

"Or else?" Neil asked, because he could hear it in Nicky's tone.
“或者？”尼尔问道，因为他能从尼基的语气中听出。

Nicky only smiled and shrugged.
尼基只是微笑着耸了耸肩。

"Let's go," Kevin said.
“我们走吧，”凯文说。

Neil followed him out of the lounge. A hallway led from the lounge past two office doors labeled DAVID WYMACK and ABIGAIL WINFIELD. A door with a simple red cross on it was next. Further down two doors opposite each other were marked LADIES and GENTLEMEN. Kevin pushed open the GENTLEMEN door a bit, showing Neil a quick glimpse of bright orange lockers, benches, and tiled floor. Neil wanted to explore, but Kevin wasn't slowing on his way down the hall.
尼尔跟着他走出了休息室。一条走廊从休息室通向两扇标有 DAVID WYMACK 和 ABIGAIL WINFIELD 的办公室门。接下来是一扇门，上面有一个简单的红十字。再往下走，两扇相对的门上标有“女士们”和“先生们”。凯文推开了绅士们的门，让尼尔快速瞥见了亮橙色的储物柜、长凳和瓷砖地板。尼尔想探索，但凯文并没有放慢脚步走下大厅。

The hall dead-ended at a large room Neil dimly remembered from news clips. It was the room that opened into the stadium and the only place where the press could meet Foxes after games for interviews and photographs. Orange benches were set here and there, and the floor was white tile with orange paw prints. Orange cones were stacked in a corner, three deep and six high. A white door was on the wall to Neil's right, and an orange door was opposite him.
大厅的死胡同是尼尔从新闻片段中模糊记得的一个大房间。这是通往体育场的房间，也是媒体在赛后与福克斯队会面接受采访和拍照的唯一地方。到处都摆放着橙色的长凳，地板是白色的瓷砖，上面有橙色的爪印。橙色的锥体堆放在一个角落里，三个深，六个高。尼尔右边的墙上有一扇白色的门，对面有一扇橙色的门。

"Welcome to the foyer," Nicky said. "That's what we call it, anyway. By 'we' I mean whatever clever smartass preceded us."
“欢迎来到门厅，”尼基说。“无论如何，这就是我们所说的。我所说的'我们'是指在我们之前的任何聪明的人。

Andrew straddled one of the benches and dug a bottle of pills out of his pocket. Aaron handed Kevin the whiskey they'd snitched. Kevin brought it to Andrew, waited while Andrew shook a pill onto the bench in front of him, and traded him the whiskey for the pill bottle. The medicine disappeared into one of Kevin's pockets, and Andrew swallowed the pill with an impressive swig of whiskey.
安德鲁跨坐在一张长凳上，从口袋里掏出一瓶药丸。亚伦把他们偷来的威士忌递给凯文。凯文把它拿给安德鲁，等着安德鲁把一颗药片抖到他面前的长凳上，然后用威士忌换了药瓶。药消失在凯文的一个口袋里，安德鲁喝了一口威士忌，吞下了药丸。

Kevin looked at Neil and gestured to the plain door across the room. "Gear closet."
凯文看着尼尔，指了指房间对面那扇普通的门。“装备柜。”

"Can we—?" Neil started.
“我们能——？”尼尔开始说。

Kevin didn't let him finish. "Bring your keys."
凯文没有让他说完。“带上你的钥匙。”

Neil met him at the orange door and let Kevin pick out the right key. The other side of the doorway was darkness. There wasn't a ceiling, but Neil could see the walls rising up on either side. Neil followed Kevin into the shadows. Ten steps later he realized they must be in the stadium itself.
尼尔在橙色的门口迎接他，让凯文挑选正确的钥匙。门口的另一边是黑暗。没有天花板，但尼尔可以看到两边的墙壁升起。尼尔跟着凯文走进了阴影。十步后，他意识到他们一定在体育场内。

"You get to see the Foxhole Court looking its best," Nicky said behind him. "We made enough money off Kevin's presence we could get the floors refurbished and walls done. Cleanest this place has been since year one."
“你可以看到 Foxhole Court 看起来最好，”尼基在他身后说。“我们从凯文的存在中赚了足够的钱，我们可以翻新地板和完成墙壁。这个地方从第一年以来就最干净了。

Light from the locker room bled into the stadium, the path to the inner court was too long for it to be much help. Inner court was mostly inky shadows with vague outlines. Neil closed his eyes and tried to imagine it. This space was reserved for the referees, cheerleaders, and teams. Somewhere around here were the Foxes' home benches. The plexiglass walls surrounding the court were invisible in the dark, as was the court itself, but knowing the court was there set Neil's heart racing.
更衣室的光线洒进了体育场，通往内场的路太长了，没有太大的帮助。内庭大多是墨色的阴影，轮廓模糊。尼尔闭上眼睛，试着想象。这个空间是为裁判、啦啦队和球队保留的。这附近的某个地方是狐狸队的主场替补席。球场周围的有机玻璃墙在黑暗中是看不见的，球场本身也是如此，但知道球场在那里让尼尔心跳加速。

"Lights," Aaron called from somewhere behind them.
“灯，”亚伦从他们身后的某个地方喊道。

Neil heard the hum of electricity before the lights came on, starting with emergency lights at his feet and cascading upwards. The stadium came to life before his eyes, row after row of alternating orange and white seats disappearing into sky-high rafters and the court lighting up in front of him. Neil was moving before the ceiling lights turned on, crossing the inner court to the court walls. He pressed his hands to the thick, cold plastic and looked up, where the scoreboards and replay TVs hung over the court's ceiling, then down to the glossy wood. Orange lines marked first, half, and far court. It was perfect, utterly perfect, and Neil felt at once inspired and horrified by the sight of it. How could he possibly play here after playing on Millport's pathetic knockoff court?
尼尔在灯亮起之前就听到了电的嗡嗡声，从他脚边的应急灯开始，一直向上倾泻而下。体育场在他眼前变得生机勃勃，一排又一排橙色和白色交替的座位消失在高耸的椽子中，球场在他面前亮起。尼尔在吸顶灯亮起之前移动，穿过内院来到球场墙壁。他把手按在厚厚冰冷的塑料上，抬头看去，记分牌和重播电视挂在球场的天花板上，然后一直挂在光滑的木头上。橙色线标记了第一场、半场和远场。这是完美的，完全完美的，尼尔看到它时既受到启发又感到恐惧。在米尔波特可怜的仿冒球场上打球后，他怎么可能在这里打球呢？

He closed his eyes and breathed in, breathed out, imagining the way bodies sounded as they crashed into each other on the court, the way the announcer's voice would only come through in muffled, scattered bursts, the roar of sixty-five thousand people reacting to a goal. He knew he didn't deserve this, knew beyond a doubt he wasn't good enough to play on this court, but he wanted and needed it so badly he ached all over.
他闭上眼睛，吸气，呼气，想象着身体在球场上相互碰撞时的声音，播音员的声音只会以低沉、分散的爆发形式传来，六万五千人对一个进球做出反应的欢呼声。他知道自己不配这样，毫无疑问地知道自己不够好，无法在这个球场上打球，但他非常想要和需要它，以至于全身疼痛。

For three and a half weeks, it would be just the five of them, but in June the Foxes would move in for summer practices and in August the season would begin. Neil opened his eyes again, looked at the court, and knew he'd made the right decision. The risks didn't matter; the consequences would be worth it. He had to be here. He had to play on this court at least once. He had to know if the crowd screamed loud enough to blow the roof off. He had to smell the sweat and overpriced stadium food. He needed to hear the buzzer sound as a ball slammed inside the white goal lines and lit the walls up red.
在三个半星期的时间里，只有他们五个人，但在六月，狐狸队将搬进来进行夏季训练，八月赛季将开始。尼尔再次睁开眼睛，看着球场，知道自己做出了正确的决定。风险并不重要;后果是值得的。他必须在这里。他必须至少在这个球场上打一次球。他必须知道人群的尖叫声是否大到足以炸毁屋顶。他不得不闻到汗水和价格过高的体育场食物的味道。当一个球撞入白色球门线并点亮墙壁时，他需要听到蜂鸣器声。

"Oh," Nicky said, leaning against the wall a short ways down from Neil. "No wonder he chose you."
“哦，”尼基说，靠在离尼尔不远处的墙上。“难怪他会选择你。”

Neil looked at him, not really understanding the words, not really listening when his mind was still racing with the tick-tick-tock of a game clock counting down. Past Nicky was Kevin, who'd watched his father take a man apart and gone on to sign with the national team. Kevin was watching him, but the second their eyes met he pointed back the way they'd come.
尼尔看着他，并没有真正听懂这些话，当他的脑海还在随着游戏时钟倒计时的滴答滴答时而飞速运转时，他并没有真正听进去。尼基之后是凯文，他看着父亲拆开一个人，然后继续与国家队签约。凯文正在看着他，但当他们目光相遇的那一刻，他指了指他们来的路。

"Give him his gear."
“把他的装备给他。”

Aaron and Nicky brought Neil back to the locker room. Andrew hadn't followed them into the stadium, but he wasn't in the foyer either. Neil didn't care enough to ask but followed the cousins into the changing room. The front room was lined with lockers, each one marked with the players' numbers and names. Through the doorway at the back Neil could see sinks and he assumed the showers were around the corner out of sight. He was more interested in the locker that had his name on it.
亚伦和尼基把尼尔带回更衣室。安德鲁没有跟着他们进入体育场，但他也不在门厅里。尼尔不在乎问，而是跟着表兄弟们走进了更衣室。前厅两旁摆满了储物柜，每个储物柜都标有球员的号码和名字。透过后面的门口，尼尔可以看到水槽，他认为淋浴就在拐角处，看不见。他对上面写着他名字的储物柜更感兴趣。

Coaches Hernandez and Wymack had spent the last few weeks of Neil's senior year arguing details on what sort of equipment Neil needed. Knowing that everything was going to be here for him wasn't half as good as seeing it. There were five outfits for workouts and a set of both home and away uniforms. Mounds of padding and armor took up most of the space in his giant locker, and his helmet was on the top shelf. Underneath the helmet was something neon orange and shrink-wrapped, and Neil carefully pulled it out to examine it. It opened to reveal a windbreaker that was almost brighter than the stadium paint. "Foxes" and "Josten" were printed on the back in reflective material.
教练埃尔南德斯和威马克在尼尔高年级的最后几周一直在争论尼尔需要什么样的设备的细节。知道一切都会在这里为他服务，这还不如亲眼目睹那么好。有五套锻炼服和一套主客场制服。成堆的衬垫和盔甲占据了他巨大的储物柜的大部分空间，他的头盔放在最上面的架子上。头盔下面是霓虹橙色的东西，用收缩包装，尼尔小心翼翼地把它拿出来检查。打开它，露出一件几乎比体育场油漆还亮的风衣。“狐狸”和“乔斯滕”印在背面，采用反光材料。

"Satellites can pick these up in outer space," he said.
“卫星可以在外太空接收到这些，”他说。

Nicky laughed at that. "Dan commissioned them her first year here. She said she was tired of everyone trying to look past us. People want to pretend people like us don't exist, you know? Everyone hopes we're someone else's problem to solve." He reached out and fingered the material. "They don't understand, so they don't know where to start. They feel overwhelmed and give up before they've taken the first step."
尼基笑了。“丹在这里的第一年就委托他们。她说她厌倦了每个人都试图忽视我们。人们想假装像我们这样的人不存在，你知道吗？每个人都希望我们是别人要解决的问题。他伸出手，用手指抚摸着材料。“他们不明白，所以他们不知道从哪里开始。他们在迈出第一步之前就感到不知所措并放弃了。

Nicky gave himself a small shake and smiled, melancholy instantly replaced by cheer. "You know we donate a portion of ticket sales to charity? Our tickets cost a little more than anyone else's because of it. Renee's idea. Told you she's pure gold. Now come on, let's get you looking foxy."
Nicky 轻轻摇了摇自己，笑了笑，忧郁瞬间被欢呼所取代。“你知道我们把一部分门票销售捐赠给慈善机构吗？因此，我们的门票比其他人的票贵一点。蕾妮的想法。告诉过你她是纯金。现在来吧，让我们让你看起来很狡猾。

He turned away to find his own gear, so Neil pulled out what he needed and brought it to the bathroom. Changing out in a stall was awkward and uncomfortable, but he'd done it so many times he had it down to an art form. He traded out a t-shirt for shoulder and chest padding. He did a couple twists to make sure the straps were snug enough without being too tight, then tugged his jersey on overtop. He could put on shorts around the others, so he returned to the main room to finish dressing.
他转身去寻找自己的装备，于是尼尔拿出他需要的东西，把它带到了浴室。在隔间换衣服既尴尬又不舒服，但他已经这样做过很多次了，他把它简化为一种艺术形式。他用一件 T 恤换成了肩部和胸部的衬垫。他扭了几下，以确保肩带足够紧，但又不会太紧，然后把球衣拉到上面。他可以在其他人周围穿上短裤，所以他回到主房间穿好衣服。

He traded jeans for shorts first, then sat on one of the benches to hook his shin guards into place. He covered those with long socks and put on scuff-free court shoes. He pulled thin cotton gloves on, snapping them closed just above his elbows, and strapped arm guards onto his forearms. He left his outer gloves by his helmet where he could carry them down to the court and pulled his bangs up under an orange bandanna. The last thing to put on was his neck guard, a thin band with a tricky clasp. It was a pain to deal with and occasionally made him feel like he was choking, but it was worth putting up with if it'd protect his throat from a stray ball.
他先把牛仔裤换成了短裤，然后坐在其中一张长凳上，将护胫板挂到位。他用长袜盖住那些人，穿上了无磨损的球场鞋。他戴上薄薄的棉手套，在肘部上方扣上，并在前臂上绑上护臂。他把外手套放在头盔旁边，可以把它们带到球场上，然后把刘海拉到橙色头巾下面。最后要戴上的是他的护颈，这是一条带有棘手扣环的细带子。这很痛苦，偶尔会让他觉得自己窒息了，但如果这能保护他的喉咙免受流浪球的伤害，那就值得忍受了。

They went back to the foyer, and Nicky had Neil unlock the gear door Kevin indicated earlier. Aaron got a bucket of balls while Nicky rolled out the stick rack. The racquets were arranged by numbers, a pair for each player with Neil's at the end. Neil unhooked one and gave it a slow spin, testing the weight and feel of it in his hand. It was dark orange with a single white stripe at the base of the head and white rope netting. It smelled brand new and felt like a dream, and it was all he could do to keep from smashing the taut net against his face. At Millport he'd used one of the older team racquets. This one had been ordered specifically for him, and the thought alone was enough to set his heart racing.
他们回到门厅，尼基让尼尔打开凯文之前指示的装备门。亚伦拿到了一桶球，而尼基则把棍架擀开了。球拍按数字排列，每个球员一对，最后是尼尔的。尼尔解开一个钩子，慢慢旋转，测试它拿在手中的重量和感觉。它是深橙色的，头部底部有一条白色条纹，有白色绳网。闻起来很新，感觉就像一场梦，他能做的就是不让绷紧的网砸到他的脸上。在米尔波特，他使用过一种较旧的球队球拍。这是专门为他订的，光是这个念头就足以让他心跳加速。

Kevin was right where they'd left him, waiting for them in the inner ring. He watched silently as they tugged on their helmets and gloves, and said nothing when Aaron led the way to the home court entrance. Neil used his last key to unlock the door and then stuffed the keys into his glove for safekeeping.
凯文就在他们离开他的地方，在内圈等着他们。他默默地看着他们拉着头盔和手套，当亚伦带路走向主场入口时，他什么也没说。尼尔用最后一把钥匙打开了门，然后把钥匙塞进了手套里保管。

After the door closed behind them, Neil looked at Nicky and asked, "Is Kevin not going to play today?"
门在他们身后关上后，尼尔看着尼基问道：“凯文今天不去玩吗？

Nicky looked surprised that he'd ask. "Kevin only tolerates our court under two conditions: alone, or with Andrew on it. He'll have to get over it this fall when Renee's in goal at games, but for now he can get away with being a snob."
Nicky 看起来很惊讶他会问。“凯文只在两个条件下容忍我们的法庭：单独，或者有安德鲁在场。今年秋天，当蕾妮在比赛中守门时，他将不得不克服它，但现在他可以逃脱势利小人的生活。

"Where's Andrew?"
“安德鲁呢？”

"He just dosed up, so he's out cold somewhere. He's going to crash and reboot into crazy mode."
“他刚刚服药了，所以他在某个地方感冒了。他会崩溃并重新启动进入疯狂模式。

"You don't think he's crazy now?"
“你不觉得他现在疯了？”

"Crazy, nah," Nicky said. "Soulless, perhaps."
“疯了，不，”尼基说。“也许是没有灵魂的。”

Neil looked at Aaron, waiting for him to defend his twin, but Aaron only led the way to half-court. Neil kept pace with Nicky, idly poking his fingers through the netting on his racquet. He looked at Kevin, who was still watching them through the court wall, and asked, "Kevin can't really play, can he? They said it'd be a miracle if he ever picked up a racquet again."
尼尔看着亚伦，等着他防守他的双胞胎，但亚伦只带路到了半场。尼尔跟上尼基的步伐，无所事事地用手指探过球拍上的网。他看着还在隔着球场墙看着他们的凯文，问道：“凯文真的打不上球吧？他们说如果他能再次拿起球拍，那将是一个奇迹。

"His left hand's pretty much out," Nicky said. "He's playing as a rightie from now on."
“他的左手几乎已经伸出来了，”尼基说。“从现在开始，他将担任右撇子。”

Neil stared. "What?"
尼尔瞪着眼睛。“什么？”

Nicky grinned, obviously pleased to have dropped that bombshell. "They don't call him an obsessive genius for nothing, you know."
Nicky 咧嘴一笑，显然很高兴投下了这个重磅炸弹。“他们称他为痴迷的天才并不是无缘无故的，你知道的。”

"It's not genius," Aaron said. "It's spite."
“这不是天才，”亚伦说。“这是恶意。”

"That too," Nicky said. "I wish I could see the look on Riko's face when he sees our first game. Rat bastard."
“那也是，”尼基说。“我希望我能看到 Riko 看到我们的第一场比赛时脸上的表情。老鼠混蛋。

Kevin pounded on the wall in a demand for them to get moving.
凯文敲打着墙壁，要求他们动起来。

Nicky waved a hand at him in dismissal. "We're doing this in our free time, you know!" he yelled, not that Kevin could hear him through the court walls.
尼基向他挥了挥手，表示不屑一顾。“我们是在空闲时间做这件事，你知道的！”他大喊，并不是说凯文隔着法庭的墙壁能听到他的声音。

"Thank you," Neil said belatedly.
“谢谢你，”尼尔迟迟地说。

"Huh? Oh, no. Don't worry about it. You can make it up to me some other time when the others aren't around."
“嗯？哦不。别担心。你可以在其他人不在的时候补给我。

"Can you try and get ass when I'm not standing right here?" Aaron asked.
“当我不站在这里时，你能试着弄屁股吗？”亚伦问道。

"You could leave and let me and Neil get to know each other better."
“你可以离开，让我和尼尔更好地了解彼此。”

"I'll tell Erik on you."
“我会告诉埃里克关于你的。”

"Bald-faced lie. When's the last time you said a civil word to him?"
“秃头谎言。你最后一次对他说一句礼貌的话是什么时候？

Neil didn't know any Foxes past or present with that name. "Who is Erik?"
尼尔不认识任何过去或现在有这个名字的狐狸。“埃里克是谁？”

"Oh, he's my husband," Nicky said happily. "Or will be, eventually. He was my home-stay brother for a year in Berlin and we moved in together after graduation."
“哦，他是我的丈夫，”尼基高兴地说。“或者最终会是。他是我在柏林呆了一年的寄宿家庭兄弟，毕业后我们搬到了一起。

Neil's heart skipped a beat. "You lived in Germany?"
尼尔的心跳加速了。“你住在德国？”

He tried to do the math in his head, guessing Nicky's age against how long ago he'd been in high school. Chances were Neil had already moved on to Switzerland by the time Nicky made it to German soil, but it was such a close call Neil couldn't breathe.
他试着在脑海里算一算，用他上高中多久的时间来猜测尼基的年龄。当尼基到达德国土地时，尼尔很可能已经搬到了瑞士，但这是一次千钧一发的比赛，尼尔无法呼吸。

"Ja," Nicky said. "You heard us earlier with the mumbo-jumbo, right? That was German. The little punks studied it at high school because they knew I could help them pass. If you take German as your elective here, just let me know and I'll tutor you. I'm good with my tongue."
“贾，”尼基说。“你刚才听过我们胡言乱语，对吧？那是德语。小混混们在高中时学习了它，因为他们知道我可以帮助他们通过考试。如果你在这里选修德语，请告诉我，我会辅导你。我的舌头很好。

"Enough. Let's play," Aaron said, putting the bucket of balls down.
“够了。我们玩吧，“亚伦说，放下了一桶球。

Nicky gave an exaggerated sigh. "Anyway, remind me to show you his picture later. Our babies are going to be gorgeous."
尼基夸张地叹了口气。“不管怎样，提醒我稍后给你看他的照片。我们的孩子会很漂亮。

Neil frowned, confused. "He doesn't live here?"
尼尔皱起眉头，感到困惑。“他不住在这里？”

"Oh, no. He's in Stuttgart. Got a job he loves with great career potential, so he couldn't leave to follow me here. I was only supposed to stay long enough to get these kids through high school, but when Coach offered me a scholarship Erik said I should go for it. It sucks being apart for so long, but he came here last Christmas and I'll go there this year. If things ever die down around here I'll even get to spend next summer in Germany." Nicky sent a meaningful look toward the wall where Kevin was watching them.
“哦，不。他在斯图加特。找到了一份他喜欢的工作，职业潜力很大，所以他不能离开跟着我来这里。我本来应该只待足够长的时间让这些孩子完成高中学业，但当教练向我提供奖学金时，埃里克说我应该去争取。分开这么久很糟糕，但他去年圣诞节来过这里，今年我也会去那里。如果这里的事情平息了，我什至明年夏天会在德国度过。Nicky 意味深长地看了 Kevin 看着他们的墙。

They spent the next hour and a half teaching Neil drills. A lot of them Neil had done before, but there were a few he didn't recognize, and it gave him a thrill to learn something new. They ended with a short scrimmage, one striker against two backliners and an open goal. Aaron and Nicky weren't the best defense players in the NCAA by far, but they were far better than any of the high schoolers Neil was used to playing.
他们在接下来的一个半小时里教尼尔练习。尼尔以前做过很多，但也有一些他不认识，这让他很兴奋地学习新东西。他们以一场短暂的混战结束，一名前锋对对两名后卫球员，以及一个空位进球。到目前为止，亚伦和尼基并不是 NCAA 中最好的防守球员，但他们比尼尔习惯打球的任何高中生都要好得多。

Aaron called them to a stop at last and Neil caught the ball on a rebound. When he dropped it into the bucket the others started unstrapping their helmets. Neil squished a flare of disappointment that they were done so soon, but he wouldn't push them to play any longer; Nicky had already said that they were giving up their summer break to play with him.
亚伦终于叫他们停下来，尼尔在篮板球上接住了球。当他把头盔扔进桶里时，其他人开始解开头盔的带子。尼尔压制了一阵失望，因为他们这么快就完成了，但他不会再强迫他们玩下去了;尼基已经说过，他们要放弃暑假和他一起打球。

Nicky smeared his cheek against his shoulder, trying to wipe sweat off onto his jersey. He smiled at Neil. "How's that?"
Nicky 把脸颊贴在肩膀上，试图擦掉汗水到球衣上。他对尼尔笑了笑。“怎么样？”

"It was fun," Neil said. "You two are really, really good."
“这很有趣，”尼尔说。“你们两个真的非常好。”

Nicky beamed, but Aaron snorted. "Kevin would kill himself if he heard that."
尼基笑了笑，但亚伦哼了一声。“如果凯文听到这句话，他会自杀的。”

"Kevin thinks we're a waste of oxygen," Nicky said with a shrug.
“凯文认为我们是在浪费氧气，”尼基耸耸肩说。

"At least you're not going to completely drag us down," Aaron said. "It'll take most the season to get you where we need you to be, but I can see why Kevin picked you."
“至少你不会完全拖累我们，”亚伦说。“需要花大部分时间才能让你到达我们需要你的地方，但我明白凯文为什么选择你。”

"Speaking of…" Nicky tipped his head toward the wall. "Someone's ready to get his hands on you."
“说起来......”Nicky 把头朝墙上倾斜。“有人已经准备好对付你了。”

Neil followed the gesture and looked through the wall toward the Foxes' benches. Andrew had reappeared and was lying flat on his back on the home bench, playing catch with a spare ball. Kevin had gotten his racquet at some point and was spinning it as he watched them. With half the court and a half-inch-thick wall between them, Neil could still feel Kevin's stare like a physical weight.
尼尔顺着这个手势，透过墙看向狐狸队的长椅。安德鲁再次出现，平躺在主场替补席上，用备用球接球。凯文在某个时候拿到了球拍，一边看着他们一边旋转着球拍。半个球场和他们之间有一堵半英寸厚的墙，尼尔仍然能感觉到凯文的目光就像一个身体的重量。

"Fear for your life," Nicky said. "He's not a forgiving tutor, and he doesn't know how to be nice. Kevin can piss anyone off on an Exy court, up to and including a drugged Andrew. Well, anyone except Renee, but she's not human so she doesn't count."
“担心你的生命安全，”尼基说。“他不是一个宽容的导师，他不知道如何友善。凯文可以在 Exy 球场上激怒任何人，包括下药的安德鲁。好吧，除了蕾妮之外的任何人，但她不是人类，所以她不算数。

Neil looked at Andrew again. "I thought his medicine made that impossible."
尼尔再次看向安德鲁。“我以为他的药让这一切变得不可能。”

"Spring was a learning experience." Nicky propped his racquet against his shoulder and started for the door. "Wish you'd seen it. Andrew would've taken Kevin's head off if Kevin hadn't already thrown Andrew's racquet halfway across the court. I can't wait to see how you handle it."
“春天是一次学习经历。”Nicky 把球拍撑在肩膀上，开始朝门口走去。“希望你能看到它。如果凯文没有把安德鲁的球拍扔到球场的一半，安德鲁就会把凯文的头从球场上取下来。我迫不及待地想看看你如何处理它。

"Fantastic," Neil said, grabbing the balls bucket and following them off the court.
“太棒了，”尼尔说，抓起球桶并跟着他们离开了球场。

Andrew sat up as the court door banged closed behind them and tossed his ball to Nicky. He'd brought the whiskey with him and left it on the ground by his feet. Now he scooped it up and twisted the lid off.
安德鲁坐了起来，球场的门在他们身后砰的一声关上，把球扔给了尼基。他把威士忌带在了身边，放在了脚边的地上。现在他把它舀起来，拧开盖子。

"About time," he said. "Nicky, it's so boring waiting on you."
“是时候了，”他说。“尼基，等你真无聊。”

"We're done now," Nicky said, hooking his helmet over the end of his racquet so he could reach for the whiskey. "About time you stop that, don't you think? Abby's going to beat me senseless if she realizes you've been drinking."
“我们现在完成了，”尼基说，把头盔钩在球拍的末端，这样他就可以伸手去拿威士忌了。“你不觉得是时候停止了，不是吗？如果艾比意识到你喝酒了，她会把我打得毫无意义。

"Doesn't sound like my problem," Andrew said with a brilliant smile.
“听起来不像我的问题，”安德鲁笑容灿烂地说。

Nicky looked to Aaron for help, but Aaron went ahead of them to the locker room. Nicky mimed blowing his own brains out and went with him. Neil meant to go after them, but he'd made the mistake of looking at Kevin. Once he met Kevin's eyes, it was hard to look away again.
尼基向亚伦寻求帮助，但亚伦走在他们前面去了更衣室。尼基模仿着把自己的脑子炸掉，然后和他一起去了。尼尔本来想去追他们，但他错了看凯文。一旦他与凯文的目光相遇，就很难再移开视线。

Kevin's expression was indecipherable. Whatever it was, it didn't look particularly happy. "This is going to be a very long season."
凯文的表情难以辨认。不管是什么，它看起来都不是特别高兴。“这将是一个非常漫长的赛季。”

"I told you I wasn't ready."
“我告诉过你我还没有准备好。”

"You also said you wouldn't play with me, but here you are."
“你还说过你不会和我一起玩，但你在这里。”

Neil didn't answer that accusation. Kevin got right in his face and tangled his fingers through the netting on Neil's racquet. When he started to pull it away, Neil held on tighter, silently refusing to let go. Kevin probably could have wrenched it away if he tried a little harder, but he seemed content just to hold on.
尼尔没有回答这一指控。凯文直接扑到他的脸上，用手指穿过尼尔球拍上的网。当他开始拉开它时，尼尔抓得更紧了，默默地拒绝放手。如果凯文再努力一点，他也许可以把它拧掉，但他似乎满足于坚持下去。

"If you won't play with me, you'll play for me," Kevin said. "You're never going to get there on your own, so give your game to me."
“如果你不和我一起打球，你就会为我打球，”凯文说。“你永远无法独自到达那里，所以把你的游戏交给我。”

"Where is 'there'?" Neil asked.
“'那里'在哪里？”尼尔问道。

"If you can't figure that out there's no helping you," Kevin said.
“如果你无法弄清楚这一点，那就没有任何帮助，”凯文说。

Neil gazed back at him in silence, pretty sure 'there' didn't apply to someone like him. Kevin must have seen that in the unimpressed look on his face because he reached up and covered Neil's eyes with his free hand.
尼尔沉默地回头看着他，很确定“那里”不适用于像他这样的人。凯文一定从他脸上不以为然的表情中看出了这一点，因为他伸手用另一只手捂住了尼尔的眼睛。

"Forget the stadium," Kevin said. "Forget the Foxes and your useless high school team and your family. See it the only way it really matters, where Exy is the only road to take. What do you see?"
“忘掉体育场吧，”凯文说。“忘掉狐狸队和你无用的高中球队和你的家人吧。看到它真正重要的唯一方式，Exy 是唯一可以走的路。你看到了什么？

Imagining life in such simplistic terms was so ridiculous Neil almost laughed. He kept the vicious twist of his mouth off his face through sheer willpower alone. Something still must have shown, because Kevin gave his racquet a hard tug.
用如此简单的语言想象生活太荒谬了，尼尔差点笑出来。他仅凭纯粹的意志力就把嘴巴的恶毒扭曲从脸上移开。一定还是有什么东西显现出来了，因为凯文用力拉了一下他的球拍。

"Focus."
“专注。”

Neil tried to picture the world as if Neil Josten was really all there ever had been and would be. It was almost enough to make him despise the persona when he could see it in such easy terms, but he swallowed that distaste and turned his mental gaze toward Exy.
尼尔试图将世界想象成尼尔·乔斯滕真的是曾经和将来的一切。当他能以如此简单的语言看到这个角色时，这几乎足以让他鄙视它，但他吞下了这种厌恶，将精神目光转向了 Exy。

Had the game ever been his, or had it been pulling him to this point? Exy was the only bright point of his shattered childhood. He remembered his mother bringing him to little league Exy games, traveling an hour outside of Baltimore to where no one knew his father and the coaches would actually let him play. He remembered her cheering for him as if their every move and word wasn't scrutinized by gun-toting bodyguards. The memories were fragmented and dreamlike, distorted by the bloody reality of his father's work, but he clung to them. They were the only times he'd ever seen his mother smile.
这场比赛曾经是他的，还是把他拉到了这一步？Exy 是他破碎的童年的唯一亮点。他记得他的母亲带他去看小联盟 Exy 的比赛，从巴尔的摩郊外走了一个小时，到没有人知道他父亲的地方，教练们实际上会让他打球。他记得她为他欢呼，仿佛他们的一举一动和一言不语都没有被持枪的保镖仔细检查。记忆支离破碎，如梦似幻，被父亲工作的血腥现实所扭曲，但他紧紧抓住它们。这是他唯一一次看到母亲微笑。

Neil didn't know how long he played with his little league team, but his hands remembered the weight of a racquet as well as they did that of a gun.
尼尔不知道他在他的小联盟球队打了多久，但他的手记得球拍的重量，就像记得枪的重量一样。

That thought was sobering, as it put him right back to square one and the fact that Neil Josten was a fleeting existence. It was cruel to even dream he could stay like this, but Kevin had escaped, hadn't he? Somehow he'd left that bloody room behind at Edgar Allan and become this, and Neil wanted the same so bad he could taste it.
这个想法发人深省，因为这让他回到了原点，尼尔·乔斯滕是一个转瞬即逝的存在。做梦也想不到他能保持这样，这很残忍，但凯文已经逃脱了，不是吗？不知何故，他把埃德加·艾伦的那个血腥房间抛在脑后，变成了这个人，而尼尔也非常想要，他能尝到它的味道。

"You," Neil said at last. Kevin pulled at his racquet again, and this time Neil let go.
“你，”尼尔终于说。凯文再次拉动他的球拍，这一次尼尔松开了手。

"Tell me I can have your game."
“告诉我，我可以玩你的游戏。”

It wouldn't do them any good, but Neil wasn't going to get into that. "Take it."
这对他们没有任何好处，但尼尔不会参与其中。“拿走。”

"Neil understands," Kevin said, dropping his hand and sending Andrew a pointed look.
“尼尔明白，”凯文说，放下手，尖锐地看了安德鲁一眼。

"Congratulations are in order, I suppose! Since I have none to give, I will tell the others to respond appropriately." Andrew pushed himself to his feet and swallowed more whiskey on the way up. "Neil! Hello. We meet again."
“我想恭喜你了！既然我没有什么可给的，我会告诉其他人适当地回应。安德鲁站了起来，在上山的路上又喝了更多的威士忌。“尼尔！你好。我们又见面了。

"We met earlier," Neil said. "If this is another trick, just let it go."
“我们早些时候见过面，”尼尔说。“如果这是另一个伎俩，那就放手吧。”

Andrew grinned at him around the mouth of his bottle. "Don't be so suspicious. You saw me take my medicine. If I hadn't, I'd be keeled over somewhere by now puking from the withdrawal. As it is, I might puke from all the fanaticism going around."
安德鲁绕着他的瓶口对他咧嘴一笑。“别这么怀疑。”你看到我吃药了。如果我没有，我现在就会从戒断中呕吐到某个地方。事实上，我可能会因为周围的所有狂热而呕吐。

"He's high," Kevin told Neil. "He tells me when he's sober, so I always know. How did you figure it out?"
“他很兴奋，”凯文告诉尼尔。“他什么时候清醒时告诉我，所以我总是知道。你是怎么想出来的？

"They're twins, but they're not the same." Neil lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "One of them hates your obsession with Exy while the other couldn't care less."
“他们是双胞胎，但他们不一样。”尼尔耸了耸肩，抬起一只肩膀。“他们中的一个讨厌你对 Exy 的痴迷，而另一个则不在乎。”

Kevin looked to Andrew, but Andrew only had eyes for Neil. Andrew took a second to process those words before he started laughing. "He's a comedian, too? An athlete and a comic and a student. How multitalented. What a grand addition to the Fox line. I can't wait to find out what else he can do. Perhaps we should throw a talent show and find out? But later. Kevin, we're going. I need food."
凯文看向安德鲁，但安德鲁的眼睛只盯着尼尔。安德鲁花了一秒钟来处理这些话，然后开始笑起来。“他也是喜剧演员？一个运动员、一个喜剧演员和一个学生。多么多才多艺。对福克斯系列来说，这是多么宏伟的补充。我迫不及待地想知道他还能做什么。也许我们应该举办一场才艺表演并找出答案？但后来。凯文，我们走了。我需要食物。

Kevin handed Neil his racquet back and the three went to the locker room. Aaron and Nicky were already in the showers when they arrived. Neil heard water running and sat on a bench in the changing room to wait.
凯文把球拍还给尼尔，三人去了更衣室。当他们到达时，亚伦和尼基已经在洗澡了。尼尔听到水流的声音，坐在更衣室的长椅上等待。

"We're not taking you by Abby's like that," Kevin said. "Wash up."
“我们不会像那样带你去艾比，”凯文说。“洗漱。”

"I won't shower with the team," Neil said. "I'll wait, and if you don't want to wait on me, just go on ahead. I'll find my way there from here."
“我不会和球队一起洗澡，”尼尔说。“我会等的，如果你不想等我，就继续吧。我会从这里找到那里的路。

"Nicky going to be a problem for you?" Andrew asked.
“尼基会成为你的麻烦吗？”安德鲁问道。

Neil didn't like the look of his manic smile, but he liked Andrew's veiled warning less. "It's not about Nicky. It's about my privacy."
尼尔不喜欢他狂躁的笑容，但他不太喜欢安德鲁隐晦的警告。“这与尼基无关。这关系到我的隐私。

Kevin snapped his fingers at Neil. "Get over it. You can't be shy if you're going to be a star."
凯文对尼尔打了个响指。“克服它。如果你想成为明星，你就不能害羞。

Andrew leaned toward Kevin and put a hand to his mouth, but he didn't bother to lower his voice. "He has to hide his ouches, Kevin. I broke into Coach's cabinet and read his files. Bruises, you think, or scars? I think scars, too. Can't be bruises if his parents aren't around to beat him, right?"
安德鲁靠向凯文，把手放在他的嘴边，但他懒得压低声音。“他必须隐藏他的抱怨，凯文。我闯进了 Coach 的柜子，阅读了他的文件。你认为是瘀伤，还是疤痕？我认为伤疤也是。如果他的父母不在身边打他，就不会瘀伤吧？

Neil felt cold all over. "What did you just say?"
尼尔感到浑身发冷。“你刚才说什么？”

"I don't care," Kevin said to Andrew, ignoring Neil.
“我不在乎，”凯文对安德鲁说，没有理会尼尔。

Andrew, in turn, ignored Kevin and gestured at Neil. "Showers aren't communal here. Coach put in stalls when he built the stadium. The board wouldn't pay for it—they didn't see the point—so it came out of Coach's own pocket. See for yourself if you don't believe me. You don't believe me, do you? I know you don't. That's probably for the best."
安德鲁反过来没有理会凯文，向尼尔打了个手势。“这里的淋浴不是公共的。教练在建造体育场时设置了摊位。董事会不会为此付费——他们没有明白这一点——所以它是从教练自己的口袋里掏出来的。如果你不相信我，你自己看看吧。你不相信我吧？我知道你不知道。这可能是最好的。

Neil barely heard him. "You had no right to read my file!"
尼尔几乎听不到他的声音。“你没有权利阅读我的档案！”

He regretted not flipping open the folder when Wymack put it down by him at the stadium. He couldn't believe Hernandez had said such things in his letters to Wymack. He knew Hernandez had to explain his situation, or at least as much as Hernandez understood it to be, to prove Neil was a fit for the Foxes' halfway-house team. Neil still felt betrayed, and on its heels was anger that Andrew had dug up those papers about him.
当威马克在体育场被他放下文件夹时，他后悔没有翻开文件夹。他不敢相信埃尔南德斯在给威马克的信中说过这样的话。他知道埃尔南德斯必须解释他的情况，或者至少像埃尔南德斯所理解的那样，以证明尼尔适合狐狸队的中途球队。尼尔仍然感到被背叛了，随之而来的是安德鲁挖出那些关于他的文件的愤怒。

Andrew laughed, sounding delighted to have crossed such a personal line. "Relax, relax, relax. I made that up. We were locked in Coach Arizona's office to watch your game on the local TV station, and he said our secret meet-and-greet would be easy since you always shower alone last. Told Coach he still couldn't find your parents. Coach asked if they'd be a problem, and Arizona said he didn't know because he hadn't met them a single time. Said they spent a lot of time commuting to their jobs in Phoenix and no time at all checking in on you. But I'm right, aren't I?"
安德鲁笑了起来，听起来很高兴能跨越这样的个人界限。“放松，放松，放松。这是我编造的。我们被锁在亚利桑那教练的办公室里，在当地电视台观看你的比赛，他说我们的秘密见面会很容易，因为你总是最后一个人洗澡。告诉教练他仍然找不到你的父母。教练问他们是否会成为问题，亚利桑那州说他不知道，因为他一次都没有见过他们。说他们花了很多时间在凤凰城上班，根本没有时间检查你。但我是对的，不是吗？

Neil opened his mouth, then closed it before he gave Andrew a piece of his mind. Andrew wanted him to react, so Neil had to reel it in. He sucked in a slow breath through gritted teeth and counted to ten. He only made it to five before Andrew's smile was too much.
尼尔张开嘴，然后闭上嘴，然后向安德鲁表达了自己的想法。安德鲁希望他做出反应，所以尼尔不得不收起它。他咬紧牙关缓缓吸了一口气，数到十。他只到了五点，安德鲁的笑容就太过分了。

Neil didn't believe Andrew about the showers, but it was better to investigate than stay here and take a swing at Andrew. He got off the bench and went to the bathroom. The sinks with their ceiling-high mirrors were the connecting section between the toilets and the showers, and the showers were around the corner out of sight. He edged around for a quick look. Andrew was telling the truth for once. The walls were lined with stalls, tall enough to afford complete privacy and outfitted with locking doors.
尼尔不相信安德鲁关于淋浴的事情，但调查一下总比呆在这里对安德鲁挥舞要好。他从替补席上下来，去了洗手间。带有天花板高镜子的水槽是厕所和淋浴间之间的连接部分，淋浴间就在拐角处，看不见。他转过身来快速看了一眼。安德鲁说的是真话。墙壁两旁摆满了摊位，足够高，可以提供完全的隐私，并配有上锁的门。

"Weird, right?" Andrew said at Neil's ear. Neil hadn't heard his approach over the sound of the cousins' showers. Lashing out was instinctive, but Andrew caught the elbow Neil would have slammed into his ribs. Andrew laughed and retreated a couple steps. "Coach never explained it. Maybe he thought we'd need to grieve our disastrous losses in private. Only the best for his rising stars, right?"
“很奇怪，对吧？”安德鲁在尼尔耳边说。尼尔没有听到他走近的声音，听不到表兄弟们的淋浴声。猛烈抨击是本能的，但安德鲁接住了尼尔本可以撞到他肋骨的肘部。安德鲁笑了起来，后退了几步。“教练从未解释过。也许他认为我们需要私下里为灾难性的损失感到悲伤。只为他的后起之秀提供最好的，对吧？

"I didn't think Wymack recruited rising stars," Neil said, pushing past Andrew for his locker.
“我不认为威马克招募了后起之秀，”尼尔说，推过安德鲁去他的储物柜。

"No," Andrew agreed. "The Foxes will never amount to anything. Try telling Dan that, though, and she'll box your ears." He scooped up his whiskey and started for the door. "Kevin, car."
“不，”安德鲁同意道。“狐狸队永远不会有任何成就。不过，试着告诉丹，她会堵住你的耳朵。他舀起威士忌，朝门口走去。“凯文，车。”

Neil watched the door close behind them before gathering his clothes and heading to the showers. He washed as quickly as he could and grimaced as he got dressed again. Vents kept the air moving, pulling moisture out to cut back on mildew, but the room still felt heavy and wet. Neil felt sticky as he tugged his clothes on. He raked his fingers through his hair as he met up with the cousins in the main room. They showed him where to put his armor so it could air dry and his uniform to be washed. Aaron got the lights on their way out, Neil locked the doors, and they found the other two waiting by the car.
尼尔看着门在他们身后关上，然后收拾好衣服，走向淋浴间。他以最快的速度洗漱，重新穿好衣服时做了个鬼脸。通风口保持空气流动，吸出水分以减少霉菌，但房间仍然感觉又重又湿。尼尔拉着衣服时感到粘稠。他用手指捋了捋头发，在主房间里与表兄弟们会面。他们告诉他把盔甲放在哪里，这样可以风干，还有要清洗他的制服。亚伦在出门的路上点了灯，尼尔锁上了车门，他们发现另外两个人在车边等着。

Nicky took the keys from Andrew and shook them at Neil. "It's your first day, so you get shotgun again. Enjoy it while you can. Kevin hates sitting in back."
尼基从安德鲁手中接过钥匙，对尼尔摇晃。“这是你的第一天，所以你又拿到了霰弹枪。尽可能享受它。凯文讨厌坐在后面。

"I don't have to sit up front," Neil said, but Kevin and the twins were already piling into the backseat with Kevin in the middle. The way they sat put Andrew behind Neil's seat, so Neil hoped the ride was short.
“我不必坐在前面，”尼尔说，但凯文和双胞胎已经挤进了后座，凯文在中间。他们的坐姿让安德鲁坐在尼尔的座位后面，所以尼尔希望这段时间很短。

Abigail Winfield lived in a one-story house about five minutes from campus. Nicky parked at the curb since there were already two cars in the driveway when they arrived. The front door was unlocked, so they let themselves in without knocking, and they were greeted by the thick smells of garlic and warm tomato sauce.
阿比盖尔·温菲尔德 （Abigail Winfield） 住在一栋距离校园约五分钟路程的单层房子里。尼基把车停在路边，因为他们到达时车道上已经有两辆车了。前门没有锁，所以他们没有敲门就进去了，迎接他们的是浓浓的大蒜和热番茄酱的气味。

Coach Wymack and Abigail were in the kitchen already. Wymack was grumbling as he dug through the silverware drawer and Abigail ignored him in favor of stirring something at the stove. Coach spotted the Foxes first and stabbed a finger at Nicky.
威马克教练和阿比盖尔已经在厨房里了。威马克一边抱怨着翻着银器抽屉，阿比盖尔没有理会他，而是在炉子里搅动一些东西。教练首先发现了狐狸队，并用一根手指刺向尼基。

"Hemmick, get over here and be useful for once in your mangy life. Table needs setting."
“海米克，过来，在你疙瘩的生活中派上用场一次。桌子需要摆放。

"Aww, Coach," Nicky complained as Abigail turned. "Why do you always have to pick on me? You already started it. Can't you finish?"
“哎呀，教练，”尼基在阿比盖尔转身时抱怨道。“为什么你总是要挑剔我？你已经开始了。你还不能说完吗？

"Shut your face and get to work."
“闭上脸，开始工作。”

"Can't you two behave when we've got a guest?" Abigail asked, setting aside her spoon and coming to greet them.
“我们有客人的时候，你们两个就不能表现得好吗？”阿比盖尔问道，把勺子放在一边，过来迎接他们。

Wymack raked the group with a look. "I don't see any guests. Neil's a Fox. He's not going to get any special treatment just because it's his first day. Don't want him thinking this team is anything but dysfunctional or June will be a rude wake-up call."
威马克看了一眼。“我没有看到任何客人。尼尔是一只狐狸。他不会因为这是他的第一天而得到任何特殊待遇。不希望他认为这支球队功能失调，否则六月将是一个粗鲁的警钟。

"David? Shut up and make sure the vegetables aren't boiling over. Kevin, check the bread. It's in the oven. Nicky, table. Aaron, help him. Andrew Joseph Minyard, that had better not be what I think it is." She made a grab at the whiskey, but Andrew laughed and ducked out of the doorway. Abigail looked like she wanted to go after him down the hall, but Neil was in her way. He stepped neatly to one side to let her through, but she settled for flicking Nicky a murderous look.
“大卫？闭嘴，确保蔬菜没有沸腾。凯文，检查面包。它在烤箱里。尼基，桌子。亚伦，帮助他。安德鲁·约瑟夫·明亚德，那最好不是我想象的那样。她抓起威士忌，但安德鲁笑了起来，躲出了门口。阿比盖尔看起来想在走廊里追他，但尼尔挡住了她的路。他俐落地走到一边，让她通过，但她却忍住向尼基投去了一个杀气腾腾的眼神。

"What was I supposed to do?" Nicky asked, avoiding her eyes as the three split up to their various chores. "Take it from him? No way in hell."
“我应该做什么？”尼基问道，避开她的目光，三人分头做着各种家务。“从他那里拿走？在地狱里不可能。

Abigail ignored him in favor of facing Neil. "You'd be Neil, then. I'm Abby. I'm nurse for the team and temporary landlord to this lot. They're not harassing you too much, are they?"
阿比盖尔没有理会他，转而面对尼尔。“那你就是尼尔了。我是艾比。我是团队的护士，也是这个地段的临时房东。他们不会骚扰你太多，是吗？

"No worries," Andrew called from out of sight. "He'll actually take work to break, I think. Give me until August, maybe."
“不用担心，”安德鲁在看不见的地方喊道。“我认为，他实际上需要努力才能休息。也许给我到八月。

"If you dare give us a repeat of last year—"
“如果你敢让我们重蹈去年的覆辙——”

"Then Bee will be here to pick the pieces up," Andrew interrupted, reappearing in the doorway at Neil's side. He'd lost the whiskey along the way and he splayed his empty hands at her in a calming gesture. "She did so well with Matt, didn't she? Neil won't even be a blink on her radar. You did invite her over, didn't you?"
“那么蜜蜂会来收拾碎片，”安德鲁打断了他，重新出现在尼尔身边的门口。他一路上丢了威士忌，他向她张开空手，做出一种平静的姿态。“她和马特相处得很好，不是吗？尼尔甚至不会在她的雷达上眨眼。你确实邀请她过来了，不是吗？

"I invited her, but she declined. She thought it would make things awkward."
“我邀请了她，但她拒绝了。她认为这会让事情变得尴尬。

"Things aren't anything but awkward when Andrew and Nicky are around," Coach said.
“当安德鲁和尼基在身边时，事情就变得尴尬了，”教练说。

Andrew didn't even try to defend his honor but looked at Neil. "Bee's a shrink. Used to work in the juvie system, but now she's here. She deals with the really serious cases on campus: suicide watch, budding psychopaths, that sort of thing. That makes her our designated handler. You'll meet her in August."
安德鲁甚至没有试图捍卫自己的荣誉，而是看着尼尔。“蜜蜂是个收缩者。以前在 juvie 系统工作，但现在她在这里。她处理校园里真正严重的案件：自杀观察、崭露头角的精神病患者等等。这使她成为我们指定的处理者。你会在八月见到她。

"Do I have to?" Neil asked.
“我必须这样做吗？”尼尔问道。

"It's mandatory once a semester for athletes," Abby confirmed. "The first time is a casual meet-and-greet so you get to know her and find out where her office is. The second session is in spring. Of course, you're free to visit her any time you like, and she'll talk to you more about scheduling while you're there. Counseling services are included in your tuition, so you might as well make use of it."
“运动员每学期必须上一次课，”艾比证实。“第一次是随意的见面会，这样你就可以了解她并找出她的办公室在哪里。第二届在春季。当然，你可以随时拜访她，当你在那里时，她会和你讨论更多关于日程安排的问题。咨询服务包含在你的学费中，所以你不妨利用它。

"Betsy's amazing," Nicky said. "You'll love her."
“贝琪太棒了，”尼基说。“你会爱她的。”

Neil doubted it, but he let it slide for now.
尼尔对此表示怀疑，但他暂时让它溜走了。

"Let's eat, shall we?" Abby asked, motioning for Andrew and Neil to enter the room.
“我们吃饭吧，好吗？”艾比问道，示意安德鲁和尼尔进房间。

Neil had just about lost his appetite, but he sat at the table as far as he could get from Kevin and Andrew's seats. Conversation died as everyone got settled and served up what they wanted, but it started up again as they dug into chunks of steaming lasagna. Neil tried as best as he could to stay out of it, more interested in seeing the way they interacted.
尼尔几乎失去了食欲，但他坐在桌子旁，尽可能远离凯文和安德鲁的座位。当每个人都安顿下来并端上他们想要的东西时，谈话就停止了，但当他们挖着大块热气腾腾的烤宽面条时，谈话又开始了。尼尔尽量远离它，更感兴趣的是看看他们互动的方式。

From time to time the table split as Kevin and Wymack got caught up talking about spring training and recruits at other schools and Nicky regaled the other half of the table with gossip about movies and celebrities Neil didn't know. Andrew watched Kevin and Wymack, but he had nothing to contribute to the conversation. Instead he hummed to himself and pushed his food around his plate.
当凯文和威马克谈论春训和其他学校的新兵时，桌子时不时地分裂，尼基用尼尔不认识的电影和名人的八卦来取悦桌子的另一半。安德鲁看着凯文和威马克，但他对谈话没有任何贡献。相反，他自言自语地哼了一声，把食物推到盘子里。

It was after ten when Wymack decided it was time to go, and Neil left with him. Getting in the car alone with him was the hardest thing Neil had done all day. Andrew was crazy, but Neil had an ingrained distrust of men old enough to be his father. He spent the entire ride frozen and silent in the passenger seat. Maybe Wymack noticed the rigid set to his shoulders, because he said nothing to Neil until they were back at his apartment.
十点多后，威马克决定该走了，尼尔和他一起离开了。和他单独上车是尼尔一整天做过的最艰难的事情。安德鲁很疯狂，但尼尔对年纪大到可以成为他父亲的男人有着根深蒂固的不信任。他在乘客座位上呆呆地呆着，沉默不语。也许威马克注意到了他肩膀上的僵硬，因为在他们回到他的公寓之前，他什么也没对尼尔说。

When Wymack closed and locked the front door behind them, he asked, "Are they going to be a problem?"
当威马克关上前门并锁上他们身后的前门时，他问道：“他们会成为问题吗？

Neil shook his head and discreetly put more space between them. "I'll figure it out."
尼尔摇了摇头，小心翼翼地在他们之间留出了更多的空间。“我会想办法的。”

"They don't understand boundaries," Wymack said. "If they cross a line and you can't get them to back off, you come to me. Understand? I don't have perfect control over Andrew, but Kevin owes us his life and I can get to Andrew through him."
“他们不了解界限，”怀马克说。“如果他们越过了界限，而你无法让他们退缩，你就来找我。理解？我无法完全控制安德鲁，但凯文欠我们他的生命，我可以通过他找到安德鲁。

Neil nodded and went down the hall to get his bag from Wymack's desk. It'd been locked up all day, but he unloaded it onto the couch anyway to check his things. The second his hands closed over the binder at the bottom of his bag, his heart kicked into overdrive. He wanted to go through it and make sure everything was there, but Wymack was watching him from the doorway.
Neil 点点头，走下大厅，从 Wymack 的办公桌上拿出他的包。它已经锁了一整天，但他还是把它卸到沙发上检查他的东西。当他的手合拢在包底部的活页夹上的那一刻，他的心脏就超速运转了。他想检查一下，确保一切都在那里，但威马克却在门口看着他。

"You plan on wearing the same six outfits over and over again this year?" Wymack asked.
“你打算今年一遍又一遍地穿同样的六套衣服？”威马克问道。

"Eight," Neil said, "and yes."
“八个，”尼尔说，“是的。

Wymack arched an eyebrow at him but didn't push it. "Laundry room is in the basement. Detergent's in the bathroom cabinet under the sink. Use what you need, and take what you want from the kitchen. It'll piss me off more if you act like a skittish stray cat than it will if you eat the last bowl of cereal."
Wymack 对他挑了挑眉毛，但没有推。“洗衣房在地下室。洗涤剂在水槽下面的浴室柜里。使用你需要的东西，从厨房里拿走你想要的东西。如果你表现得像一只胆小的流浪猫，这比你吃最后一碗麦片更让我生气。

"Yes, Coach."
“是的，教练。”

"I've got paperwork to go over. You good?"
“我有文书工作要处理。你好吗？

"I might go running," Neil said.
“我可能会去跑步，”尼尔说。

Wymack nodded and left. Neil set his running pants to one side and stuffed his sleeping pants and tee under the couch for later. He changed in the bathroom and went around Wymack to lock his bag up again. Wymack didn't even look up from the papers he was perusing, though he grunted what might have been a goodbye as Neil left again. Neil locked the door behind him, stuffed the keys to the bottom of his pocket, and took the stairs down to ground level.
威马克点点头，离开了。尼尔把跑步裤放在一边，把睡裤和 T 恤塞到沙发底下，以备后用。他在浴室里换衣服，绕过威马克，再次锁上他的包。Wymack 甚至没有从他正在仔细阅读的文件中抬起头来，尽管当 Neil 再次离开时，他咕哝了一声，这可能是一次告别。尼尔把门锁在身后，把钥匙塞进口袋底部，然后走楼梯下到地面。

He didn't know where he was or where he was going, but that was all right. If he gave his feet a direction, they'd take him running past all of his thoughts, and he'd be happy to let them.
他不知道自己在哪里，也不知道要去哪里，但没关系。如果他给他的脚一个方向，它们就会带他跑过他所有的想法，他会很乐意让它们。

CHAPTER FOUR
第四章

Neil spent the following morning exploring the campus and memorizing its layout. When he was sure he knew his way around, he left school grounds and went for a long run. Gradually he looped his way back around. He had an hour to stretch out and eat lunch before he met the others at the stadium, and he made sure to show up early enough to change in private.
第二天早上，尼尔探索了校园并记住了它的布局。当他确定自己知道自己的路时，他离开了校园，去长跑了。渐渐地，他绕了回去。在体育场与其他人见面之前，他有一个小时的时间来伸展身体并吃午饭，并且他确保早点出现，以便私下换衣服。

When the others arrived, Neil was waiting for them on the court. He watched as Kevin propelled Andrew toward the home goal. Andrew was laughing about something, but Neil couldn't hear what Kevin was saying to him. Aaron and Nicky scattered balls down the first-fourth line, and Nicky rolled a couple Neil's way. Neil spaced them out at half-court around him.
当其他人到达时，尼尔正在球场上等他们。他看着凯文将安德鲁推向主场球门。安德鲁在笑什么，但尼尔听不到凯文对他说什么。亚伦和尼基将球分散到第一和第四线，尼基向尼尔滚了几个球。尼尔在半场围绕着他将他们拉开距离。

They started with drills, some of which Neil practiced yesterday and a few more he didn't know. The exercises gradually increased in difficulty and Neil grimaced a little as Andrew deflected every shot Neil aimed his way. It was only a little comforting that neither Aaron nor Nicky was scoring, either, but Kevin landed almost a third of his shots. It was a poor show from a former national champion, but it was also intensely humbling as Kevin had grown up playing left-handed. Seeing him take on Andrew right-handed was ballsy enough; seeing him actually score was surreal.
他们从训练开始，其中一些是尼尔昨天练习的，还有一些他不知道的。练习的难度逐渐增加，当安德鲁偏转尼尔瞄准他的每一发子弹时，尼尔做了个鬼脸。令人欣慰的是，亚伦和尼基都没有得分，但凯文几乎三分之一的投篮命中了。对于一位前全国冠军来说，这是一场糟糕的表演，但由于凯文从小就打左撇子，这也让人非常谦卑。看到他用右手对阵安德鲁已经够了。看到他真正得分是超现实的。

Kevin kicked them off the court for a water break after an hour and a half of drills, but instead of following the backliners and Neil to the locker room, he stayed behind with Andrew to keep practicing. Neil watched them over his shoulder.
经过一个半小时的训练后，凯文将他们踢出球场休息一下，但他没有跟随后排和尼尔去更衣室，而是留在安德鲁身边继续练习。尼尔在肩膀上看着他们。

"I saw him first," Nicky said.
“我首先看到了他，”尼基说。

"I thought you had Erik," Neil said.
“我以为你有埃里克，”尼尔说。

"I do, but Kevin's on the List," Nicky said. When Neil frowned, Nicky explained. "It's a list of celebrities we're allowed to have affairs with. Kevin is my number three."
“我愿意，但凯文在名单上，”尼基说。当尼尔皱起眉头时，尼基解释道。“这是一份我们被允许与之有染的名人名单。凯文是我的三号人物。

Neil pretended to understand and changed the topic. "How does anyone lose against the Foxes with Andrew in your goal?"
尼尔假装明白，转移了话题。“安德鲁在你的球门中怎么会输给狐狸队？”

"He's good, right? But Andrew sat out most of last year." Nicky shrugged. "Coach didn't need a third goalie when he signed us, so Andrew was a bench warmer up until November. Then the ERC threatened to revoke our Class I status and fire Coach if we didn't start winning more often. Coach bribed Andrew into saving our collective asses with some really nice booze."
“他很好，对吧？但安德鲁去年大部分时间都缺席了。尼基耸了耸肩。“教练在签下我们时不需要第三名守门员，所以安德鲁直到 11 月都是替补热身员。然后 ERC 威胁说，如果我们不开始更频繁地获胜，就会撤销我们的 I 级身份并解雇教练。教练贿赂安德鲁，让他们用一些非常好的酒来拯救我们的集体屁股。

"Bribed?" Neil echoed.
“被贿赂了？”尼尔附和道。

"Andrew's good," Nicky said again, "but it doesn't really matter to him if we win or lose. You want him to care, you gotta give him incentive."
“安德鲁很好，”尼基又说，“但我们输赢对他来说并不重要。你希望他关心，你必须给他激励。

"He can't play like that and not care."
“他不能那样打球而不在乎。”

"Now you sound like Kevin. You'll find out the hard way, same as Kevin did. Kevin gave Andrew a lot of grief this spring," Nicky said as they pushed their way into the locker room. Aaron went ahead of them to the water fountain and Nicky propped himself against the wall to watch Neil. "Andrew walked off the court for an entire month. He said he'd break his own fingers if Coach made him play with Kevin again."
“现在你听起来像凯文。你会像凯文一样艰难地发现。今年春天，凯文给安德鲁带来了很多悲伤，“尼基在他们走进更衣室时说道。亚伦走在他们前面，来到喷泉前，尼基靠在墙上看着尼尔。“安德鲁离开球场整整一个月。他说如果教练让他再次和凯文一起打球，他会打断自己的手指。

The thought of Andrew willingly destroying his talent made Neil's heart clench. "But he's playing now."
一想到安德鲁心甘情愿地摧毁自己的才华，尼尔的心就揪紧了。“但他现在正在打球。”

Nicky took a couple quick sips from the fountain as soon as Aaron stepped out of the way and smeared a hand across his mouth. "Only because Kevin is. Kevin got back on the court with a racquet in his right hand, and Andrew wasn't far behind him. Up until then they were fighting like cats and dogs. Now look at them. They're practically trading friendship bracelets and I couldn't fit a crowbar between them if it'd save my life."
Nicky 在 Aaron 走开并用手捂住他的嘴时，从喷泉里快速喝了几口。“只是因为凯文是。凯文右手拿着球拍回到球场上，安德鲁紧随其后。在那之前，他们像猫和狗一样打架。现在看看他们。他们实际上是在交换友谊手镯，如果能挽救我的生命，我无法在它们之间安装撬棍。

"But why?" Neil asked. "Andrew hates Kevin's obsession with Exy."
“但为什么？”尼尔问道。“安德鲁讨厌凯文对 Exy 的痴迷。”

"The day they start making sense to you, let me know," Nicky said, moving so Neil could get a drink. "I gave up trying to sort it all out weeks ago. You could ask, but neither of them will answer. But as long as I'm doling out advice? Stop staring at Kevin so much. You're making me fear for your life over here."
“当它们开始对你有意义的那一天，请告诉我，”Nicky 说，一边移动，这样 Neil 就可以喝一杯了。“几周前，我放弃了解决这一切的尝试。你可以问，但他们都不会回答。但只要我提供建议？别再盯着凯文看了。你让我担心你在这里的生命安全。

"What do you mean?"
“你什么意思？”

"Andrew is scary territorial of him. He punched me the first time I said I'd like to get Kevin too wasted to be straight." Nicky pointed at his face, presumably where Andrew had decked him. "So yeah, I'm going to crush on safer targets until Andrew gets bored of him. That means you, since Matt's taken and I don't hate myself enough to try Seth. Congrats."
“安德鲁对他来说是可怕的领地。当我第一次说我想让凯文太浪费而无法直截了当时，他就打了我一拳。Nicky 指着他的脸，大概是 Andrew 给他打扮的地方。“所以，是的，我会暗恋更安全的目标，直到安德鲁厌倦他。这意味着你，因为马特被带走了，而且我还没有讨厌自己到尝试赛斯的程度。恭喜。

"Can you take the creepy down a level?" Aaron asked.
“你能把这个令人毛骨悚然的东西降一层吗？”亚伦问道。

"What?" Nicky asked. "He said he doesn't swing, so obviously he needs a push."
“什么？”尼基问道。“他说他不会挥杆，所以显然他需要推动。”

"I don't need a push," Neil said. "I'm fine on my own."
“我不需要推动，”尼尔说。“我自己很好。”

"Seriously, how are you not bored of your hand by now?"
“说真的，你现在怎么不厌倦你的手？”

"I'm done with this conversation," Neil said. "This and every future variation of it. Look, Nicky, I have no problems with your sexuality, but I'm here to play. All I want from any of you is the best you can give me on the court."
“我已经结束了这次谈话，”尼尔说。“这个以及它的每一个未来变化。听着，尼基，我对你的性取向没有问题，但我是来玩的。我只想从你们中的任何一个人那里得到你们在球场上能给我最好的东西。

The stadium door slammed open as Andrew showed up at last. He swept them with a wide-eyed look as if surprised to see them all there. "Kevin wants to know what's taking you so long. Did you get lost?"
体育场的门砰的一声打开了，安德鲁终于出现了。他睁大眼睛扫了扫他们一眼，似乎很惊讶地看到他们都在那里。“凯文想知道是什么让你花了这么长时间。你迷路了吗？

"Nicky's scheming to rape Neil," Aaron said. "There are a couple flaws in his plan he needs to work out first, but he'll get there sooner or later."
“尼基密谋强奸尼尔，”亚伦说。“他的计划中有一些缺陷，他需要先解决，但他迟早会实现这一目标。”

"You're such an asshole," Nicky said as he started for the door.
“你真是个混蛋，”尼基一边说，一边开始朝门口走去。

"Wow, Nicky," Andrew said. "You start early."
“哇，尼基，”安德鲁说。“你早点开始。”

"Can you really blame me?"
“你真的能怪我吗？”

Nicky glanced back at Neil as he said it. He only took his eyes off Andrew for a second, but that was long enough for Andrew to lunge at him. Andrew caught Nicky's jersey in one hand and threw him hard up against the wall. Nicky grunted at the impact but made no move to shove Andrew off when Andrew leaned up against him. Neil looked from Nicky to Aaron, but Aaron appeared unmoved and unsurprised by the sudden violence. Neil looked back at Andrew and waited to see how this played out.
尼基说这句话时回头看了尼尔一眼。他只把目光从安德鲁身上移开了一秒钟，但这已经足够安德鲁冲向他了。安德鲁一只手抓住尼基的球衣，把他狠狠地扔到墙上。尼基在撞击中咕哝了一声，但当安德鲁靠在他身上时，他没有做出任何推开的动作。尼尔从尼基身上看向亚伦，但亚伦似乎不为所动，对突如其来的暴力行为并不感到惊讶。尼尔回头看着安德鲁，等着看结果如何。

"Hey, Nicky," Andrew said in stage-whisper German. "Don't touch him, you understand?"
“嘿，尼基，”安德鲁用舞台低语的德语说。“别碰他，懂吗？”

"You know I'd never hurt him. If he says yes—"
“你知道我永远不会伤害他。如果他答应了——”

"I said no."
“我说不。”

"Jesus, you're greedy," Nicky said. "You already have Kevin. Why does it—"
“天哪，你太贪心了，”尼基说。“你已经有了凯文。为什么——”

He went silent, but it took Neil a moment to realize why. Andrew had a short knife pressed to Nicky's jersey. Where he'd pulled it from, Neil didn't know, but he refused to think Andrew wore one onto the court under his uniform. There had to be rules and regulations against that. The last thing Neil wanted was for Andrew to stab someone in the middle of a game. The Foxes would be banned from the league in an instant.
他沉默了，但尼尔过了一会儿才明白为什么。安德鲁把一把短刀压在尼基的球衣上。尼尔不知道他是从哪里拉来的，但他拒绝认为安德鲁在他的制服下穿着一件衣服上球场。必须有反对这种情况的规章制度。尼尔最不想看到的就是安德鲁在比赛中刺伤某人。狐狸队将瞬间被禁止进入联盟。

"Shh, Nicky, shh," Andrew said, like he was soothing a troubled child. "Why the long face? It's going to be okay."
“嘘，尼基，嘘，”安德鲁说，就像他在安抚一个陷入困境的孩子一样。“为什么长脸？会没事的。

Neil was no stranger to violence. He'd heard every threat in the book, but never from a man who smiled as bright as Andrew did. Apathy, anger, madness, boredom; these motivators Neil knew and understood. But Andrew was grinning like he didn't have a knife point where it'd slip perfectly between Nicky's ribs, and it wasn't because he was joking. Neil knew Andrew meant it. If Nicky so much as breathed wrong right now, Andrew would cut his lungs to ribbons, any and all consequences be damned.
尼尔对暴力并不陌生。他听说过书中的每一个威胁，但从来没有从一个像安德鲁这样笑容灿烂的人那里听说过。冷漠、愤怒、疯狂、无聊;尼尔知道并理解这些动机。但安德鲁咧嘴一笑，就像他没有刀尖一样，刀尖可以完美地滑入尼基的肋骨之间，这并不是因为他在开玩笑。尼尔知道安德鲁是认真的。如果尼基现在呼吸不对，安德鲁会把他的肺割成丝带，任何和所有后果都是该死的。

Neil wondered if Andrew's medicine would let him grieve, or if he'd laugh at Nicky's funeral too. Then he wondered if a sober Andrew would act any different. Was this Andrew's psychosis or his medicine? Was he flying too high to understand what he was doing, or did his medicine only add a smile to Andrew's ingrained violence?
尼尔想知道安德鲁的药会不会让他悲伤，或者他是否也会嘲笑尼基的葬礼。然后他想知道清醒的安德鲁是否会表现得有什么不同。这是安德鲁的精神病还是他的药物？是他飞得太高了，无法理解自己在做什么，还是他的药只是为安德鲁根深蒂固的暴力增添了一丝微笑？

Neil looked to Aaron, waiting for him to interfere. Aaron was tense but quiet as he stared at Andrew's knife. Neil gave him another second, but he couldn't wait forever. He didn't know what would finally set Andrew off and he didn't want to find out.
尼尔看向亚伦，等着他插手。亚伦紧张但安静地盯着安德鲁的刀。尼尔又给了他一秒钟，但他不能永远等待。他不知道最终是什么让安德鲁感到兴奋，他也不想知道。

"Hey," Neil said, looking back at Andrew. "That's enough."
“嘿，”尼尔说，回头看着安德鲁。“够了。”

"Quiet," Nicky said in English, barely louder than a breath of air. "Quiet. It's fine."
“安静，”尼基用英语说，声音勉强超过呼吸空气的声音。“安静。没关系。

"Hey," Neil said again, ignoring him, but he wasn't sure what to say. Questioning Andrew's sanity or calling his bluff would end with Nicky in the hospital. He wouldn't pretend to accept Nicky's advances just to calm Andrew down. What Neil needed was a distraction, something more important to Andrew than Nicky. That left only one thing that Neil knew of. One person, rather.
“嘿，”尼尔再次说，没有理会他，但他不知道该说什么。质疑安德鲁的理智或虚张声势将以尼基住院而告终。他不会为了让安德鲁平静下来而假装接受尼基的示好。尼尔需要的是一种分散注意力的方法，对安德鲁来说比尼基更重要。这只剩下尼尔知道的一件事。相反，一个人。

"Are we playing or what?" he said. "Kevin's waiting."
“我们是在玩还是什么？”“凯文在等。”

Andrew looked at Neil as if that hadn't occurred to him. "Oh, you're right. Let's go or we'll never hear the end of it."
安德鲁看着尼尔，好像他没有想到这一点。“哦，你说得对。我们走吧，否则我们永远听不到结局。

Andrew let go of Nicky and spun away. His knife vanished under his armor before he reached the door. Aaron squeezed Nicky's shoulder on his way out. Nicky looked shaken as he stared after the twins, but when he realized Neil was watching him he rallied with a smile Neil didn't believe at all.
安德鲁放开了尼基，转身离开了。在他到达门口之前，他的刀就消失在了他的盔甲下。亚伦在出去时捏了捏尼基的肩膀。尼基盯着这对双胞胎时看起来很震惊，但当他意识到尼尔在看着他时，他带着尼尔根本不相信的微笑重新振作起来。

"On second thought, you're not my type after all," Nicky said when the door closed behind his cousins. "You need some more water before we hit the court for round two?"
“转念一想，你毕竟不是我喜欢的，”当门在他表兄弟们身后关上时，尼基说。“在我们进入第二轮球场之前，你需要多点水吗？”

"That's not okay," Neil said, pointing at the door.
“那不行，”尼尔指着门说。

"That's nothing," Nicky said.
“那没什么，”尼基说。

Neil caught his arm as Nicky passed and hauled him to a stop. "Don't let him get away with things like that."
当尼基经过时，尼尔抓住了他的手臂，把他拉了下来。“不要让他逃脱这样的事情。”

Nicky considered him for a moment, his smile fading into something small and tired. "Oh, Neil. You're going to make this so hard on yourself. Look," he said, tugging free and turning Neil toward the door. "Andrew is a little bit crazy. Your lines are not his lines, so you can get all huff and puff when he tramps across yours but you'll never make him understand what he did wrong. Moreover, you'll never make him care. So just stay out of his way."
尼基想了想他一会儿，他的笑容逐渐变成了一种小而疲惫的东西。“哦，尼尔。你会让这对自己如此艰难。看，“他说，拉开了她，把尼尔转向门口。“安德鲁有点疯狂。你的台词不是他的台词，所以当他踩过你的台词时，你可能会气喘吁吁，但你永远不会让他明白他做错了什么。而且，你永远不会让他关心。所以就别碍他了。

"He's like this because you let him get away with it," Neil said. "You're putting all of us at risk."
“他之所以如此，是因为你让他逍遥法外，”尼尔说。“你把我们所有人都置于危险之中。”

"That was my fault." Nicky opened the door and waited for Neil to precede him out. "I said something I shouldn't have, and I got what I deserved."
“那是我的错。”尼基打开门，等尼尔先他出来。“我说了一些不该说的话，我得到了我应得的。”

Neil wasn't convinced, but he couldn't demand better explanations for an argument that had happened in German, so he led the way to the inner court. Neil looked first to Andrew, who was jogging to the half-court line, and then to Kevin, who was standing on the fox paw logo at the court's center. Aaron was at the door waiting for Nicky and Neil, and the three entered the court together.
尼尔不相信，但他无法要求对发生在德语中的争论做出更好的解释，所以他带路来到了内院。尼尔首先看向正在慢跑到半场线的安德鲁，然后看向站在球场中央狐狸爪标志上的凯文。亚伦在门口等着尼基和尼尔，三人一起进了球场。

Kevin barely waited for them to stop at his side before dividing them up with a flick of his fingers. "Aaron is with me. Nicky and Andrew get the child. Two-man team scrimmage with an empty away goal."
凯文几乎等他们停在身边，就用手指轻弹一下就把他们分开了。“亚伦和我在一起。尼基和安德鲁得到了孩子。两人混战，客场进球空空。

"I'm not a child," Neil said. "You're only a year older than I am." Two, really, but he wasn't about to tell them he'd lied about both his birthday and his age.
“我不是孩子，”尼尔说。“你只比我大一岁。”两个，真的，但他不打算告诉他们他在生日和年龄上都撒了谎。

Kevin ignored that, but Nicky spoke up, "Shouldn't Andrew be with you and Aaron? Then Neil can practice shooting on him."
凯文没有理会，但尼基开口了，“安德鲁不应该和你和亚伦在一起吗？然后尼尔可以练习对他投篮。

Kevin looked bored by the suggestion. "If I thought he could make it to the goal, I would have set it up that way."
凯文对这个建议看起来很无聊。“如果我认为他能射门，我会这样设置。”

"Them's fighting words," Nicky said, grinning at Neil. "Bring it, kid."
“他们是争吵的话，”尼基说，对尼尔咧嘴一笑。“拿来，孩子。”

There were only five of them, but they set up as if they had two full teams: Neil and Kevin spaced out on the half-court line, Nicky at first-fourth, and Aaron at far-fourth. Andrew acted as dealer from his place in home goal and slammed the ball all the way to the other end of the court. The second Neil heard the crack of Andrew's racquet, he started moving, pushing up before Aaron could close him out.
他们只有五个人，但他们的设置就好像他们有两支完整的球队一样：尼尔和凯文在半场线上间隔开，尼基在第一四名，亚伦在第四名。安德鲁在主场球门的位置上充当了经销商，将球一直击向球场的另一端。当尼尔听到安德鲁球拍的咔嚓声时，他开始移动，在亚伦将他关上之前向上推。

Kevin should have done the same and pushed up the court toward Nicky, but he stayed on the half-court line. Likewise, Aaron let the rebound go past him. Neil didn't stop to think about it but scooped the ball out of the air. He only had it for two seconds before Kevin appeared out of nowhere. Kevin smashed their racquets together so hard the ball popped one way and Neil's racquet flew the other. Neil swore at the sharp pain that stabbed up his arms.
凯文也应该这样做，将球场推向尼基，但他留在了半场线上。同样，亚伦让篮板球越过了他。尼尔没有停下来思考，而是将球从空中舀了出来。他只呆了两秒钟，凯文就突然出现了。凯文用力地将他们的球拍砸在一起，球弹出了一个方向，尼尔的球拍飞到了另一个方向。尼尔对刺痛他手臂的剧痛发誓。

"Keep count," Kevin said before going after the ball.
“数一算，”凯文在追球之前说道。

Neil scrambled for his stick and hurried after him, but Kevin's head-start was too much. Nicky tried to fend Kevin off, but Kevin faked him out and scored a few seconds later. Andrew, who should have been guarding their goal, was using his oversized racquet as a prop. He looked over his shoulder as the goal lines lit up red but didn't react otherwise.
尼尔争先恐后地拿起他的棍子，急忙追上去，但凯文的领先优势太过分了。尼基试图抵挡凯文，但凯文假装他出去，几秒钟后得分。安德鲁本应守卫他们的球门，却用他的超大球拍作为道具。当球门线亮起红色时，他回头看了看，但没有其他反应。

"You could at least try," Kevin said.
“你至少可以尝试一下，”凯文说。

Andrew thought about it, then said, "I could, couldn't I? Maybe next time!"
安德鲁想了想，然后说：“我可以，不是吗？也许下次！

Nicky caught the ball and tossed it to Andrew, who caught it with his goalie glove. The four set up to go again, and Andrew started them off with another vicious serve. This time Kevin jogged to meet Nicky, leaving Neil to get past Aaron. Neil ran for the ball and Aaron fell in alongside him on his way by. As soon as Neil was close enough to catching the ball that body-checking was a legal move, Aaron slammed into him full-force. Neil stumbled, off-balance, and ground his racquet into the floor to stop himself from tripping over his own feet. Aaron caught the ball and threw it right over his head to Kevin. Andrew watched as Kevin scored again.
尼基接住球并将其扔给安德鲁，安德鲁用守门员手套接住了球。四人准备再次进攻，安德鲁以另一个恶毒的发球开始了他们。这一次凯文慢跑去见尼基，留下尼尔越过亚伦。尼尔跑去抢球，亚伦在路过时和他一起倒了下来。当尼尔离接球足够近，身体检查是合法的动作时，亚伦全力撞向他。尼尔跌跌撞撞，失去平衡，将球拍踩在地板上，以防止自己被自己的脚绊倒。亚伦接住球，将球从头顶扔给凯文。安德鲁看着凯文再次得分。

"What's Andrew doing?" Neil asked.
“安德鲁在做什么？”尼尔问道。

"Nothing," Aaron said, as simple as it was obvious, and they set up for another serve.
“没什么，”亚伦说，简单而明显，然后他们准备再发一次。

At the twenty-minute mark, Kevin checked Neil into the wall and pinned him there with a gloved hand to his chest long enough to demand, "Are you even trying?"
在二十分钟时，凯文将尼尔检查到墙上，并用戴着手套的手将他压在胸前足够长的时间，以问道：“你在尝试吗？

Neil shoved him, but Kevin was already leaving, off to grab the ball and score again.
尼尔推了他一把，但凯文已经离开了，去抢球并再次得分。

The court seemed so much larger when he only had one teammate to rely on, and the rules that only let them carry a ball for ten steps made them rely heavily on the court's walls. Neil wasn't used to playing like this. He didn't like it and his unfamiliarity with this style only made it easier for Aaron and Kevin to completely dominate the court.
当他只有一个队友可以依靠时，球场显得那么大，而只允许他们带球十步的规则让他们严重依赖球场的墙壁。尼尔不习惯这样打球。他不喜欢这样，而且他对这种风格的不熟悉只会让亚伦和凯文更容易完全统治球场。

Each set forced Neil to try harder and go faster, but this wasn't Millport. His childhood experience and his speed weren't enough when facing athletes of this caliber. Neil was frustrated, then amazed, then frustrated all over again as the scrimmage wore on. He scored a couple times during the scrimmage, but his goals felt worthless when he didn't have a goalkeeper to contend with.
每一盘都迫使尼尔更加努力，走得更快，但这不是米尔波特。在面对这种水平的运动员时，他的童年经历和速度是不够的。尼尔感到沮丧，然后感到惊讶，然后随着混战的进行，他又感到沮丧。他在混战中进了几球，但当他没有守门员可以对抗时，他的进球感觉毫无价值。

After forty minutes, Kevin called them to an abrupt halt and swept his racquet at the backliners. "Get out. Both of you get out right now."
四十分钟后，凯文让他们突然停下来，并用球拍扫向后线球员。“滚出去。你们俩现在就出去。

"Thank God," Nicky said, and ran for the door.
“感谢上帝，”尼基说，然后跑向门口。

Kevin waited until Aaron pulled the door closed behind them, then grabbed the grated front of Neil's helmet and dragged him toward Andrew's goal. Andrew finally took an interest in the proceedings and stood up straight. Kevin let go when Neil reached the fox paw marking the foul line.
凯文等到亚伦把门关上，然后抓住尼尔头盔的磨碎前部，把他拖向安德鲁的球门。安德鲁终于对这个过程产生了兴趣，站直了身子。当尼尔到达标记罚球线的狐掌时，凯文松开了手。

"Ball," he said, and Andrew tossed it over. Kevin pushed it against Neil's chest until Neil took it. "You stay here and fire on Andrew until he's tired. Maybe you'll score once."
“球，”他说，安德鲁把它扔了过去。凯文把它推到尼尔的胸口，直到尼尔接过它。“你留在这里，向安德鲁开火，直到他累了。也许你会进一次球。

"Uh oh," Andrew said with a laugh. "This won't end well."
“呃哦，”安德鲁笑着说。“这不会有好结果。”

Kevin turned around and left, slamming the door behind him on his way out. Neil collected the bucket of balls from the north home corner where they'd stored it during their scrimmage. He set the bucket on first-fourth and went back to the foul line for his first shot.
凯文转身离开，在出去的路上砰的一声关上了身后的门。尼尔从北主角收集了一桶球，他们在混战中存放了球。他将水桶放在第一四分之一，然后回到罚球线进行他的第一次投篮。

Andrew, who hadn't lifted so much as a finger to stop Kevin from scoring on him, didn't have the same consideration for Neil. He swept his massive racquet around in one long swing and hit the ball so hard Neil heard it bounce off the away court wall behind him. Neil looked over his shoulder, then took another ball from the bucket and tried again.
安德鲁没有动起一根手指来阻止凯文在他身上得分，他对尼尔没有同样的考虑。他在一次长距离挥杆中挥动着巨大的球拍，用力击球，尼尔听到球从他身后的客场墙上弹起。尼尔回头看了看，然后从桶里拿了另一个球，再试一次。

Neil lost track of time after that. Swings and minutes blurred in an exhausting mix. He kept going long after his arms started burning because he didn't know how to stop. Eventually the pain faded in favor of a heavy sense of numbness. He knew Andrew should be tired by now since Andrew had such a heavy racquet and was hitting every ball like he wanted to score a home run, but Andrew didn't even slow down.
从那以后，尼尔就忘记了时间。摇摆和分钟在令人筋疲力尽的混合中变得模糊。在手臂开始燃烧后，他继续前进很长时间，因为他不知道如何停下来。最终，疼痛消退，取而代之的是沉重的麻木感。他知道安德鲁现在应该累了，因为安德鲁的球拍很重，而且每一个球都像他想打本垒打一样，但安德鲁甚至没有放慢速度。

He knew he'd gone too far when he took a swing and lost his grip on his racquet. Andrew laughed as it clattered against the ground and skidded toward the goal. Andrew knocked the ball straight back at Neil, and Neil didn't have a racquet to defend himself with. He brought up his arms to block his face instinctively, but he felt that sharp smack on his forearms even through his arm guards. He stumbled back a step under the impact and shot Andrew a dirty look.
当他挥杆并失去对球拍的抓握时，他知道自己走得太远了。安德鲁笑了起来，它撞在地上，滑向球门。安德鲁将球直接击回尼尔，而尼尔没有球拍可以保护自己。他本能地举起手臂挡住自己的脸，但他感觉到前臂上有一道尖锐的拍打声，甚至隔着护臂。他在撞击下踉踉跄跄地后退了一步，并用肮脏的眼神看了安德鲁一眼。

"Let's go," Andrew said. "Tick tock. I won't wait forever for you."
“我们走吧，”安德鲁说。“滴答作响。我不会永远等你。

Neil knew it was a bad idea, but he went for his racquet anyway. Picking it up hurt, and when he tried to lift it high enough for a swing, his right arm gave a sharp spasm and he lost his grip. His stick hit the court at his feet.
尼尔知道这是一个坏主意，但他还是选择了他的球拍。捡起它很痛，当他试图把它举得足够高以进行挥舞时，他的右臂剧烈痉挛，他失去了抓握力。他的棍子击中了他脚下的球场。

"Oh no," Andrew said. "I think Neil's in trouble."
“哦，不，”安德鲁说。“我认为尼尔有麻烦了。”

Neil crouched and reached for his racquet. It felt like his muscles were unraveling inside of him, twisting into tight balls around his elbow and wrist, but Neil wrapped his fingers around the stick and picked it up. Andrew stood his racquet up in front of him and propped his arms on top of it, waiting and watching as Neil stupidly tried another shot on goal. Neil only got his racquet shoulder height before he dropped it again. The ball rolled harmlessly away.
尼尔蹲下身子，伸手去拿他的球拍。感觉他的肌肉在他体内散开，在他的肘部和手腕周围扭曲成紧绷的球，但尼尔用手指缠住棍子并捡起它。安德鲁将球拍举到他面前，将双臂支撑在球拍上，等待并看着尼尔愚蠢地尝试再次射门。尼尔只得到了球拍的肩膀高度，然后他又把球拍扔了下来。球无害地滚走了。

"Can you or can't you?" Andrew asked.
“你能还是不能？”安德鲁问道。

Defeat tasted sour as Neil crouched by his racquet. "I'm done."
当尼尔蹲在球拍旁时，失败的味道很酸。“我完了。”

Andrew left the goal to meet him but stopped with one foot on Neil's racquet. Neil tried to pull it out from under him, but he didn't have the strength. He was even less successful in his attempt to push Andrew off, and that hurt so much his vision crackled black.
安德鲁离开球门去迎接他，但一只脚踩在尼尔的球拍上停了下来。尼尔试图把它从他身下拉出来，但他没有力气。他试图推开安德鲁的尝试更不成功，这让他的视线变得噼啪作响。

"Get off my racquet."
“离开我的球拍。”

"Make me?" Andrew said, spreading his arms in invitation. "Try, anyway."
“让我？”安德鲁说，张开双臂表示邀请。“无论如何，试试。”

"Don't tempt me."
“别试探我。”

"Such fierce words from such a little creature," Andrew said. "You're not very bright. Typical of a jock."
“这么小的动物说出如此激烈的话，”安德鲁说。“你不是很聪明。典型的运动员。

"Hypocrite," Neil said.
“伪君子，”尼尔说。

Andrew gave him a thumbs-up and pushed past Neil. Neil tried to catch himself before he tipped over, but his hand wouldn't hold his weight. He fell flat on his back and didn't even try to get up. He was too tired to care anymore, so he laid there and listened as Andrew left the court. The door banged closed behind him. Neil rolled his head to one side and watched through the walls as they left.
安德鲁竖起大拇指，推开尼尔。尼尔试图在翻倒之前抓住自己，但他的手无法支撑他的重量。他仰面倒在地，甚至没有试图站起来。他太累了，再也顾不上了，所以他躺在那里，听着安德鲁离开球场。门在他身后砰的一声关上了。尼尔把头转向一边，透过墙壁看着他们离开。

When he was sure they were gone he painstakingly cleaned up the court. His arms were throbbing as he peeled his uniform off, and getting dressed again was almost too much to handle.
当他确定他们已经走了时，他煞费苦心地清理了球场。当他脱下制服时，他的手臂在抽动，重新穿衣服几乎难以承受。

"Damn," he whispered. He'd gone too far today in his determination to keep up with his teammates. If he couldn't control himself and take it one step at a time, there was no way he'd be able to play by the time August rolled around.
“该死的，”他低声说。他今天在跟上队友的决心上走得太远了。如果他不能控制自己，一步一个脚印，到八月到来时，他就不可能上场了。

He ran back to Wymack's place, keeping his pace slower than usual, and took the stairs up to the seventh floor. The apartment door was unlocked, and Wymack was waiting for him in the hall with a can of coffee grinds in his hand.
他跑回威马克的住处，步伐比平时慢了，然后走楼梯上了七楼。公寓门没有锁，Wymack 手里拿着一罐咖啡粉在大厅里等他。

"Kevin called ahead to say you wouldn't be on the court tomorrow and that I should entertain you with clips of past games. He said you tried to blow your arms out against Andrew. I said you weren't that stupid. Which one of us is right?"
“凯文提前打电话说你明天不会上场，我应该用过去比赛的片段来娱乐你。他说你试图对安德鲁大发雷霆。我说你没那么傻。我们谁是对的？

"I might have gotten carried away," Neil said.
“我可能得意忘形了，”尼尔说。

Wymack tossed the coffee to him. Neil caught it instinctively, but he couldn't hold onto it. It bounced off the floor at his feet and the lid popped off to spill grinds everywhere. Wymack stalked toward Neil with a snarled, "You idiot."
威马克把咖啡扔给他。尼尔本能地抓住了它，但他无法抓住它。它从他脚边的地板上弹开，盖子弹开，到处都是磨物。威马克咆哮着走向尼尔，“你这个白痴。

Retreating from a furious older man was so instinctive Neil didn't realize he'd flinched until Wymack froze. Wymack's face went almost dangerously blank and Neil dropped his gaze. He was careful not to look away from Wymack entirely. He needed to see when Wymack started moving again. He waited for Wymack to say something. After an endless, brittle silence, he realized Wymack wouldn't speak until he did.
从一个愤怒的老人手中退缩是如此本能，直到威马克僵住，尼尔才意识到自己已经退缩了。Wymack 的脸几乎变得危险地空白，Neil 垂下了目光。他小心翼翼地不让视线完全从威马克身上移开。他需要看看威马克什么时候又开始移动了。他等着威马克说些什么。在一阵无休止的、脆弱的沉默之后，他意识到威马克不会说话，直到他说话。

"Today was my mistake," Neil said quietly. "It won't happen a second time."
“今天是我的错误，”尼尔轻声说。“这种情况不会再发生第二次了。”

Wymack didn't answer. He didn't come closer, either. At length he pointed at the ground in front of him. "Come here. No," he said when Neil started to reach for the mess at his feet. "Leave it."
威马克没有回答。他也没有靠近。最后，他指了指面前的地面。“过来。不，“当尼尔开始伸手去拿他脚边的烂摊子时，他说。“别管它。”

Neil stepped over it and went to stand in front of Wymack: within arm's reach but just barely. He'd perfected that trick as a kid. He could look at anyone's arms and judge the safe distance from them in a heartbeat. If they had to move to hit him, he had enough time to dodge. Either way he wouldn't catch the full intended force of their blow.
尼尔跨过它，站在威马克面前：触手可及，但只是勉强。他小时候就已经完善了这个技巧。他可以观察任何人的手臂，并在心跳中判断与他们的安全距离。如果他们必须移动来击中他，他有足够的时间躲避。无论哪种方式，他都无法承受他们打击的全部预期力量。

"Look at me," Wymack said. "Right now."
“看看我，”威马克说。“现在。”

Neil dragged his stare up from Wymack's chest to his face. Wymack's expression was still too blank for Neil to feel safe, but he knew better than to look away again.
尼尔将目光从威马克的胸口拖到他的脸上。Wymack 的表情仍然太茫然，Neil 感到不安全，但他知道最好不要再把目光移开。

"I want you to understand something," Wymack said. "I am a loud, grouchy old man. I like to yell and throw things. But I don't throw punches unless some punk is dumb enough to try me first. I have never, ever hit someone without provocation, and I'm sure as hell not going to start with you. You hear me?"
“我想让你明白一些事情，”威马克说。“我是一个吵吵闹闹、脾气暴躁的老人。我喜欢大喊大叫和扔东西。但我不会出拳，除非某个朋克愚蠢到先试我。我从来没有在没有挑衅的情况下打过别人，而且我敢肯定不会从你开始。你听到了吗？

Neil didn't believe him, but he said, "Yes, Coach."
尼尔不相信他，但他说：“是的，教练。

"I'm serious," Wymack said. "Don't you dare be more afraid of me than you are of Andrew."
“我是认真的，”怀马克说。“你不敢怕我，怕我怕得比怕安德鲁还要多。”

Neil could have told him it was Wymack's age that made him such a problem, but he didn't think Wymack wanted to hear it. There was no solution to that problem. "Yes, Coach."
尼尔本可以告诉他，是威马克的年龄让他成为一个这样的问题，但他认为威马克不想听到。这个问题没有解决办法。“是的，教练。”

Wymack gestured over his shoulder and stepped aside. "I already ate, but I haven't put the leftovers away yet. I'll take care of this. You take care of you."
威马克越过他的肩膀比了个手势，然后退到一边。“我已经吃过了，但剩菜还没收起来。我会处理这个。你照顾好你。

Neil ate to the sound of the vacuum. Wymack was in his office by the time Neil was done, and Neil retired to the couch early. He wanted to get his bag and go through his folder, but he didn't want to intrude on Wymack's space, so he stared at the ceiling until he finally fell asleep.
尼尔在吸尘器的声音中吃东西。当尼尔完成工作时，威马克已经在他的办公室里了，尼尔早早地退到了沙发上。他想拿起包，翻阅文件夹，但又不想打扰威马克的空间，所以他盯着天花板，直到他终于睡着了。

It took Neil two weeks to decide he'd never meet Kevin's standards. It got to the point where he saw Kevin's look of cool disapproval every time he blinked. Half of the time Neil didn't know what he was doing wrong and the other half he couldn't change. He clocked a faster mile than any of them, but they were better and stronger than he was. Kevin knew Neil was inexperienced, but he didn't forgive Neil for his mistakes. Neil didn't want pity, but he did want understanding. When he caved and asked Nicky for advice on how to deal with Kevin, Nicky only smiled and said, "I warned you."
尼尔花了两周时间才决定他永远达不到凯文的标准。到了他每次眨眼时都看到凯文冷静的不赞成的表情。一半时间尼尔不知道自己做错了什么，另一半他无法改变。他跑得比他们中的任何一个都快，但他们比他更好、更强壮。凯文知道尼尔缺乏经验，但他并没有原谅尼尔的错误。尼尔不想要怜悯，但他确实想要理解。当他屈服并向尼基请教如何对付凯文时，尼基只是微笑着说：“我警告过你。

It did nothing for Neil's fraying patience. Luckily being angry at himself and loathing Kevin's condescending version of coaching meant he didn't have time or energy to be afraid. Two weeks of playing with the dysfunctional group and Kevin still gave no signs of recognizing him. All Kevin cared about was how short Neil fell on his court—and as far as Neil could tell, it was shorter and shorter by the day. Two weeks of Kevin's scornful dismissal and rude commentary wore away at Neil's resolve to take it easy. He didn't care if he blew out his arms again if it meant Kevin would stop riding him like he was an incompetent preschooler.
这对尼尔日益疲惫的耐心没有任何帮助。幸运的是，对自己生气并厌恶凯文居高临下的执教方式意味着他没有时间或精力去害怕。和这个功能失调的小组一起玩了两个星期，凯文仍然没有认出他的迹象。凯文只关心尼尔在球场上的矮个子——据尼尔所知，一天比一天短。两周来，凯文轻蔑地解雇和粗鲁的评论削弱了尼尔放轻松的决心。他不在乎他是否再次炸断了手臂，如果这意味着凯文会停止骑他，就像他是一个无能的学龄前儿童一样。

Everything was for Exy, from his early morning run to the hours he clocked at the gym to the afternoon scrimmages to the longer run he took in the evenings after dinner. He made loops around the campus and went up and down the stairs in the stadium. No matter what he did he was too slow, and he went to sleep in so much pain every night he could barely change for bed. By the time his third week started, he couldn't even sleep because he was too busy analyzing the day's mistakes.
一切都是为了 Exy，从他清晨的跑步到他在健身房打卡的时间，再到下午的混战，再到他在晚上晚饭后进行的长跑。他在校园里绕了一圈，在体育场的楼梯上上下下。无论他做什么，他都太慢了，每天晚上他都痛苦地睡觉，几乎无法换上床睡觉。到第三周开始时，他甚至无法入睡，因为他太忙于分析当天的错误。

One night he cast aside his blankets in disgust and left the apartment. It was pitch black out, probably somewhere around two in the morning, and it was just cool enough he should've changed out of his pajama pants. He warmed up quickly as he set off for Palmetto State. There were few street lights around Wymack's neighborhood, but when Neil reached Perimeter Road, the winding street that surrounded Palmetto State, the path was better lit.
一天晚上，他厌恶地扔掉毯子，离开了公寓。天黑一片，大概是凌晨两点左右，天气很凉爽，他应该换掉睡裤。当他出发前往棕榈州时，他很快就热身了。威马克的社区周围几乎没有路灯，但当尼尔到达环绕棕榈州的蜿蜒街道周边路时，道路的光线更好了。

Neil knew the way to the stadium by heart even in the dark. There were a couple cars in the parking lot, as usual, and Neil thought he saw the moving figure of a security guard in the next lot. He punched in the code for the Foxes' entrance and opened the door, then stilled with his hand halfway to the light switch. The lights were already on.
即使在黑暗中，尼尔也熟记了通往体育场的路。停车场里有几辆车，像往常一样，尼尔以为他看到了隔壁停车场一个保安的移动身影。他打了狐狸队入口的密码，打开了门，然后用手在电灯开关的一半处静止不动。灯已经亮了。

Belatedly he realized he'd passed the cousins' car. He was so used to seeing it here when they met for scrimmages he hadn't thought it out of place. He frowned over his shoulder at it, wondering if Wymack had heard him leave and called the others to check on him, then pulled the door closed and jogged for the locker room.
姗姗来迟，他意识到自己已经经过了表兄弟的车。当他们相遇混战时，他已经习惯了在这里看到它，他并不认为这不合适。他皱着眉头看着它，想知道威马克是否听到了他离开的声音，并打电话给其他人查看他的情况，然后关上门，慢跑着走向更衣室。

He checked every room but found no sign anyone was there. He stretched out in the foyer before pushing through the back door. He heard the sound of a ball ricocheting off the wall, but with the stadium seating rising up to either side of the Foxes' entry hall, he couldn't see where on the court the others were. He was almost to the inner court before he finally spotted Kevin. Kevin was alone at first-fourth with a bucket of balls, and he was systematically heaving them at the wall. Neil watched in silence, wondering what odd sort of drill he was doing. It took Kevin a dozen shots before Neil realized he was trying to rebound them all from the same spot. Kevin was honing his right-handed aim.
他检查了每个房间，但没有发现有人在那里的迹象。他在门厅里伸了个懒腰，然后推开了后门。他听到球从墙上弹开的声音，但随着体育场座位上升到狐狸队入口大厅的两侧，他看不到其他人在球场上的哪个位置。他快到内院了，才终于发现了凯文。凯文独自一人拿着一桶球，他系统地把球扔到墙上。尼尔默默地看着，想知道他在做什么奇怪的演习。凯文花了十几次投篮，尼尔才意识到他正试图从同一个地方将他们全部篮板。凯文正在磨练他的右手瞄准。

Watching Kevin going at it in the middle of the night, fierce and merciless, was almost enough that Neil forgave him. Kevin was more demanding of himself than he was of anyone around him. He set his standards impossibly high and tried for them with everything he had, and he didn't understand why others wouldn't do the same.
看着凯文在半夜凶狠无情地这样做，几乎足以让尼尔原谅他。凯文对自己的要求比对周围任何人的要求都高。他把自己的标准定得高得不可思议，并用他所拥有的一切去争取，他不明白为什么其他人不会这样做。

Neil was watching Kevin, but it didn't take him long to realize someone else was watching him. He didn't have to look to know who it was; the intensity of the other man's stare set his nerves on edge with its weight. He didn't turn to see where Andrew was but raised his voice enough that Andrew would hear.
尼尔在看着凯文，但没过多久他就意识到其他人在看着他。他不必看就知道是谁;另一个男人的强烈凝视让他的神经因它的重量而紧张起来。他没有转身去看安德鲁在哪里，而是提高了声音，让安德鲁听到了。

"Won't you play with him?"
“你不和他一起玩吗？”

"No," Andrew said, somewhere to Neil's left.
“不，”安德鲁在尼尔左边的某个地方说。

Neil waited, but Andrew didn't elaborate. "I think he'd benefit more if you did."
尼尔等着，但安德鲁没有详细说明。“我想如果你这样做，他会受益更多。”

"And?"
“然后？”

Neil slowly turned, dragging his gaze along the empty home bench to the seats behind it. Andrew was sitting in the first stairwell about ten steps up. He was leaning forward, arms folded across his knees, as he stared Neil down. The blank expression on his face was startling. It'd been weeks since Neil last saw him sober and he'd gotten used to Andrew's drugged mania. Neil almost accused him of violating his parole again before he remembered what time it was. Andrew had likely come off his drugs to sleep.
尼尔慢慢地转过身来，将目光沿着空荡荡的主场长椅拖到后面的座位上。安德鲁坐在大约十级台阶上的第一个楼梯间。他身体前倾，双臂交叉在膝盖上，低头凝视着尼尔。他脸上茫然的表情让人吃惊。自从尼尔上次看到他清醒以来已经有几周了，他已经习惯了安德鲁的下药狂热症。尼尔差点指责他再次违反假释规定，然后他才想起现在是几点。安德鲁很可能已经戒掉了药物来睡觉。

More interesting than Andrew's calm demeanor was the baggy t-shirt and sweatpants Andrew was wearing. Andrew wore long sleeves to pick Neil up from the airport, and Neil had only seen him in court gear since then. Now, without bulky armor and gloves in the way, Neil could finally see Andrew's trademark accessories: black bands that covered his arms from his wrists to his elbows. From what Neil heard, they were a sarcastic joke meant to help people distinguish the twins from one another. Why he had them on in the middle of the night, Neil didn't know.
比安德鲁平静的举止更有趣的是安德鲁穿的宽松 T 恤和运动裤。安德鲁穿着长袖去机场接尼尔，从那以后尼尔只见过他穿着法庭装备。现在，没有笨重的盔甲和手套，尼尔终于可以看到安德鲁标志性的配饰：从手腕到肘部的黑色带子覆盖着他的手臂。据尼尔所听，这是一个讽刺的笑话，旨在帮助人们区分这对双胞胎。尼尔不知道为什么他半夜戴着它们。

He didn't have to ask. Andrew knew what he was looking at. He tucked two fingers into the band on his opposite arm and slid free a long, slim blade. Metal glinted in the overhead lights as Andrew pushed it back under the dark cloth a few seconds later.
他不必问。安德鲁知道他在看什么。他把两根手指塞进另一只手臂的带子里，滑出一把又长又细的刀片。几秒钟后，安德鲁将它推回深色布下，头顶的灯光中闪闪发光。

"Is that your slow attempt at suicide or do you actually have sheathes built into those?" Neil asked.
“这是你缓慢的自杀尝试，还是你真的在其中内置了护套？”尼尔问道。

"Yes."
“是的。”

"That's not the one you tried to cut Nicky with. How many knives do you carry?"
“那不是你试图用那个来割尼基的人。你带多少把刀？

"Enough," Andrew said.
“够了，”安德鲁说。

"What happens when a referee catches you with a weapon on the court?" Neil asked. "I think that's a little more serious than a red card. You'd probably get arrested, and they might even suspend our entire team until they think they can trust us again. Then what?"
“当裁判在球场上用武器抓住你时会发生什么？”尼尔问道。“我认为这比红牌更严重一些。你可能会被逮捕，他们甚至可能会停职我们的整个团队，直到他们认为他们可以再次信任我们。然后呢？

"I'd grieve forever," Andrew dead-panned.
“我会永远悲伤，”安德鲁面无表情地说道。

"Why do you hate this game so much?"
“你为什么这么讨厌这个游戏？”

Andrew sighed as if Neil was being purposefully obtuse. "I don't care enough about Exy to hate it. It's just slightly less boring than living is, so I put up with it for now."
安德鲁叹了口气，好像尼尔故意变得迟钝。“我对 Exy 的关心还不够，以至于讨厌它。只是比生活稍微不那么无聊，所以我暂时忍了下来。

"I don't understand."
“我不明白。”

"That's not my problem."
“那不是我的问题。”

"Isn't it fun?" Neil asked.
“不是很好玩吗？”尼尔问道。

"Someone else asked me that same thing two years ago. Should I tell you what I told him? I said no. Something as pointless as this game is can never be fun."
“两年前，其他人也问过我同样的问题。我应该告诉你我告诉他的事情吗？我说没有。像这个游戏这样毫无意义的东西永远不会很有趣。

"Pointless," Neil echoed. "But you have real talent."
“毫无意义，”尼尔附和道。“但你有真正的天赋。”

"Flattery is uninteresting and gets you nowhere."
“奉承是无趣的，而且不会让你有任何帮助。”

"I'm just stating facts. You're selling yourself short. You could be something if only you'd try."
“我只是陈述事实。你在卖空自己。只要你努力，你就能成为一些东西。

Andrew's smile was small and cold. "You be something. Kevin says you'll be a champion. Four years and you'll go pro. Five years and you'll be Court. He promised Coach. He promised the school board. He argued until they signed off on you."
安德鲁的笑容又小又冷。“你是某事。凯文说你会成为冠军。四年后，你就会成为职业选手。五年后，你将成为法院。他答应了教练。他向学校董事会承诺。他一直争论，直到他们同意你。

"He—what?" Neil stared at him, blood rushing in his ears as he tried to make sense of Andrew's words. Andrew had to be lying to him; Kevin couldn't have said such things about him. Kevin could barely stand to be on the same court with him as far as Neil could tell. What good did it do Andrew to say such obvious lies? Was he trying to rile Neil up?
“他——什么？”尼尔盯着他，耳边流着血，试图理解安德鲁的话。安德鲁一定是在骗他;凯文不可能对他说这样的话。据尼尔所知，凯文几乎无法忍受和他在同一个球场上。安德鲁说这么明显的谎言有什么好处？他是想激怒尼尔吗？

"Then Kevin finally got the okay to sign you and you hit the ground running," Andrew said. "Curious that a man with so much potential, who has so much fun, who could 'be something' wouldn't want any of it. Why is that?"
“然后凯文终于得到了签下你的同意，你开始行动了，”安德鲁说。“很好奇，一个有如此大潜力、有如此多乐趣、可以'成为什么'的人不会想要任何东西。这是为什么？

If Andrew was telling the truth, then Kevin had definitely lied to all of them, and Neil could only guess at one reason why he'd go to such great lengths. Maybe Kevin remembered him after all and was saying whatever he had to in order to recruit Neil. But if that was so, how much did Kevin know? How much did he understand or remember about what happened eight years ago? Did he know Neil's name? Did he know what that name meant?
如果安德鲁说的是实话，那么凯文肯定对他们所有人撒了谎，而尼尔只能猜测他为什么会如此费尽心思的一个原因。也许凯文毕竟还记得他，为了招募尼尔，他想说什么。但如果是这样，凯文知道多少呢？他对八年前发生的事情了解或记得多少？他知道尼尔的名字吗？他知道这个名字是什么意思吗？

"You're lying," Neil said at last, because he needed that to be the truth. "Kevin hates me."
“你在撒谎，”尼尔终于说了，因为他需要这是事实。“凯文讨厌我。”

"Or you hate him," Andrew said. "I can't decide. Your loose ends aren't adding up."
“或者你讨厌他，”安德鲁说。“我无法决定。你的未解决的问题没有加起来。

"I'm not a math problem."
“我不是数学问题。”

"But I'll still solve you."
“但我还是会解决你的。”

Neil turned away without another word. Kevin was gathering his balls, finished with practice. When Kevin started for the door, Andrew moved behind Neil. Neil heard cloth rustle as Andrew stood, and Andrew's shoes tapped quietly on the stairs as he came down to inner court.
尼尔转过身去，没有再说什么。凯文正在收集他的睾丸，完成了练习。当凯文开始向门口走去时，安德鲁走到了尼尔身后。当安德鲁站起来时，尼尔听到布料的沙沙声，安德鲁的鞋子在楼梯上悄悄地敲打着，他走到内院。

"You are a conundrum," Andrew said.
“你是一个难题，”安德鲁说。

"Thank you."
“谢谢。”

"No, thank you," Andrew said as he slipped past Neil without a look back. "I need a new toy to play with."
“不，谢谢你，”安德鲁一边说，一边头也不回地从尼尔身边溜走。“我需要一个新玩具来玩。”

"I'm not a toy."
“我不是玩具。”

"I guess we'll see."
“我想我们拭目以待。”

Kevin had his helmet off as soon as the court door closed behind him. He looked right past Andrew to Neil. Neil stared back at him, looking for the truth on Kevin's face, looking for some reason behind Andrew's big words. Kevin couldn't have heard their conversation all the way out on the court, but Neil still expected him to call Neil by his real name.
凯文在法庭门一关上，就摘下了头盔。他越过安德鲁，看向尼尔。尼尔回头盯着他，寻找凯文脸上的真相，寻找安德鲁大话背后的某种原因。凯文不可能在球场上一直听到他们的谈话，但尼尔仍然希望他能直呼尼尔的真名。

Instead Kevin said, "Why are you here?"
相反，凯文说：“你为什么在这里？

"I wanted to practice."
“我想练习。”

"As if it will help you any."
“好像它会对你有所帮助。”

It was rude, but it was exactly what Neil needed to hear. Andrew had lied to him. Neil could breathe a little easier as he watched Kevin set the bucket of balls on the ground at his feet. Kevin set his racquet and helmet on the home bench to undo his gloves and arm guards. Andrew took them as Kevin peeled them off, tucking the gloves under his arm and looping his fingers through the straps of the guards. He snagged Kevin's helmet by the safety grating across the front and watched Kevin collect his racquet again.
这很粗鲁，但这正是尼尔需要听到的。安德鲁骗了他。尼尔看着凯文把一桶球放在他脚边的地上，呼吸得稍微轻松了一些。凯文将球拍和头盔放在主场替补席上，解开手套和护臂。安德鲁接过它们，凯文把它们剥下来，把手套塞到腋下，用手指穿过守卫的带子。他抓住了凯文前面的安全格栅的头盔，看着凯文再次拿起他的球拍。

"Andrew?" Kevin asked.
“安德鲁？”凯文问道。

"Ready already," Andrew said, and started for the locker room.
“已经准备好了，”安德鲁说，然后开始向更衣室走去。

Neil didn't watch them leave. He sat on home bench and stared at the court, listening to the door close behind them. He reached over and picked a ball out of the bucket, turning it over and over in his fingers.
尼尔没有看着他们离开。他坐在主场的长椅上，盯着球场，听着他们身后关上门的声音。他伸手从桶里捡出一个球，在手指上翻来覆去。

"Court," Neil whispered, then gave himself a violent shake.
“法庭，”尼尔低声说，然后猛烈地摇晃了自己。

He squeezed the ball until his fingers ached, mentally retracing his steps backward. He went to Arizona, then across Nevada to California. He remembered the black sands beach along California's lost coast where his mother finally gave up the fight. He hadn't even realized she'd been injured so badly after running into his father in Seattle. She'd bled most of the way through Oregon, but he hadn't thought it was serious. He hadn't known she was bleeding out on the inside, a kidney and her liver ruptured, her intestines bruised beyond repair.
他挤压球，直到手指疼痛，在精神上向后退缩。他去了亚利桑那州，然后穿过内华达州到达加利福尼亚州。他记得加利福尼亚失落海岸沿线的黑沙滩，他的母亲最终放弃了战斗。他甚至没有意识到她在西雅图遇到他父亲后受了这么重的伤。她在俄勒冈州流了大部分血，但他并不认为这很严重。他不知道她的内脏正在流血，肾脏和肝脏破裂，肠道瘀伤得无法修复。

He didn't know when she figured it out, if she'd known by Portland that something was seriously wrong but was too scared to stop or if she hadn't seen her death coming until they crossed the California border and she started losing consciousness. She should have gone to a hospital, but she'd turned them down the treacherous path to the lost coast instead. They stopped six feet from the tide and she made him repeat every promise she'd ever dragged out of him: don't look back, don't slow down, and don't trust anyone. Be anyone but himself, and never be anyone for too long.
他不知道她什么时候想通了，是她从波特兰知道出了严重的问题，但太害怕而无法停下来，或者她是否直到他们越过加利福尼亚边境才看到自己的死亡即将到来，她开始失去知觉。她本该去医院的，但她却把他们拒绝了，走上了通往失落海岸的危险道路。他们停在离潮水六英尺的地方，她让他重复她从他那里拖出的每一个承诺：不要回头，不要放慢速度，不要相信任何人。除了他自己，做任何人，永远不要做任何人太久。

By the time Neil understood she was saying goodbye, it was too late.
当尼尔明白她要说再见时，已经太晚了。

She died gasping for one more breath, panting with something that might have been words or his name or fear. Neil could still feel her fingernails digging into his arms as she fought not to slip away, and the memory left him shaking all over. Her abdomen felt like stone when he touched her, swollen and hard. He tried pulling her from her seat only once, but the sound of her dried blood ripping off the vinyl like Velcro killed him.
她死去时喘着粗气，气喘吁吁，可能是文字、他的名字或恐惧。尼尔仍然能感觉到她的指甲在他怀里钻进去，她努力不让溜走，这段记忆让他浑身颤抖。当他抚摸她时，她的腹部感觉像石头一样，又肿又硬。他只试过一次把她从座位上拉下来，但她干涸的血液像魔术贴一样从乙烯基上撕下来的声音杀死了他。

He burned the car instead, dumping every emergency case of gasoline they'd bought along the way onto the seats so it'd scorch her down to the bone. He hadn't cried when the flames caught, and he hadn't flinched when he pulled her cooling bones out. He filled her backpack with everything that was left of her, carried her two miles down the beach, and buried her as deep as he could. By the time he found the highway again he was numb with shock, and he lasted another day before he fell to his knees on the roadside and puked his guts out. Somehow he'd made it to San Francisco, but he only stayed a day before setting off for Millport. He took it one step and one mile and one day at a time because anything else was too much for him to handle in his grief.
他反而烧了车，把他们沿途买的每箱应急汽油都倒在座位上，这样她就会被烧焦。当火焰蔓延时，他没有哭泣，当他把她冷却的骨头拉出来时，他也没有退缩。他把她剩下的所有东西都装满了她的背包，把她背到海滩上两英里，尽可能地把她埋得很深。等他再次找到高速公路时，他已经震惊得麻木了，又坚持了一天，才跪倒在路边，吐出内脏。不知何故，他到达了旧金山，但他只停留了一天，然后就出发前往米尔波特。他一步一步，一英里，一天一天地走，因为其他任何事情对他来说都无法在悲伤中处理。

Neil stared at the court in front of him and swallowed once, twice, against the nausea that was crawling up his throat. This was why Wymack's contract, Kevin's lofty ambitions, and Andrew's words meant nothing in the end. It didn't matter what they offered or promised him. Neil wasn't like them. He was nothing and no one, and he always would be. Court wasn't for people like him. He'd take what he could learn and enjoy it while he could, but this was a dream he'd have to wake up from eventually. Wanting anything more than that would just make it harder to walk away.
尼尔盯着眼前的球场，忍住喉咙里爬上来的恶心咽了一口、两下。这就是为什么威马克的合同、凯文的远大抱负、安德鲁的话最终毫无意义。他们向他提出或承诺什么并不重要。尼尔不像他们。他什么都不是，也不是任何人，而且他永远都是。法庭不适合像他这样的人。他会学到他能学到的东西，并尽可能地享受它，但这是他最终必须从梦中醒来的。想要更多的东西只会让离开变得更加困难。

He dropped the ball back into the bucket and went up to the locker room. After making sure Kevin and Andrew really were gone, he changed into his uniform and headed to the court for drills. He wore himself out, putting every thought he had into the moves he was making so he couldn't think about the Foxes or Court or his past. When he was finally done and had cleaned everything up, it was after dawn. He was too tired to go back to Wymack's and knew he'd just get back when Wymack was watching the morning news, so he showered and dressed and fell asleep on one of the Foxes' couches.
他把球放回水桶里，然后走到更衣室。在确定凯文和安德鲁真的离开后，他换上制服前往球场进行训练。他把自己累得筋疲力尽，把他所有的心思都放在他正在采取的动作上，这样他就无法去想狐狸队、宫廷或他的过去。当他终于完成并清理完所有东西时，已经是天亮后了。他太累了，无法回到威马克家，而且知道他会在威马克看早间新闻的时候回来，所以他洗了澡，穿好衣服，在狐狸的一张沙发上睡着了。

He woke up again around noon and headed back to the apartment. His keys got him into the building, but Wymack's door was unlocked again. Neil considered bringing up Wymack's lax security with the coach and then forgot all about it. Even with the door just a couple inches open he could hear furious voices arguing. He put an ear to the crack and held his breath, straining to make out the words.
中午左右，他再次醒来，回到公寓。他的钥匙把他带进了大楼，但威马克的门又没有锁了。尼尔考虑过向教练提起威马克松懈的安全措施，然后就把这件事忘了。即使门只开了几英寸，他也能听到愤怒的声音在争吵。他把耳朵贴在裂缝上，屏住呼吸，努力听清这些话。

"Damn it, Kevin, I said sit down!"
“该死的，凯文，我说坐下！”

"I won't!" Kevin shot back. If Wymack hadn't said his name already, Neil wouldn't have recognized his voice. Kevin's voice was twisted with fear and panic. "How could you let him do this?"
“我不会！”凯文回击道。如果威马克没有说出他的名字，尼尔就认不出他的声音。凯文的声音因恐惧和恐慌而扭曲。“你怎么能让他这样做？”

"I don't have any say in this and you know it. Hey!"
“我对此没有任何发言权，你知道的。嘿！

There was a hard thud as bodies hit the wall, and Neil took advantage of the struggle to slip inside. He closed the door as quietly as he could, but his stealth was a wasted effort. It sounded like Wymack and Kevin were knocking over everything Wymack owned, and Neil winced at the sharp sound of shattering glass.
尸体撞到墙上时，一声重重的砰砰声响起，尼尔趁着挣扎溜了进去。他尽可能安静地关上了门，但他的隐身却是白费力气。听起来像是 Wymack 和 Kevin 正在打倒 Wymack 拥有的一切，Neil 被玻璃破碎的尖锐声音吓了一跳。

"Look at me," Wymack demanded. "Look at me, god damn you, and breathe."
“看看我，”威马克要求道。“看看我，该死的你，然后呼吸。”

"I warned Andrew he was going to come for me. I told him!"
“我警告安德鲁他会来找我。我告诉他了！

"It doesn't matter. You signed a contract with me."
“没关系。你和我签了合同。

"He could pay off my scholarship in a heartbeat. You know he would. He'd pay you off and take me home and I—I can't go back there. I can't, I can't, I won't, I—I have to go. I have to go. I should go now, before he has to come for me. Maybe he'll forgive me if I go back. If I make him hunt me down any more than I have already he'll kill me for sure."
“他可以立即还清我的奖学金。你知道他会的。他会还清你的钱，带我回家，而我——我不能再回去了。我不能，我不能，我不会，我——我必须走。我得走了。我现在应该走，在他来找我之前。如果我回去，也许他会原谅我。如果我让他追捕我，他肯定会杀了我。

"Shut up," Wymack said. "You're not going anywhere."
“闭嘴，”威马克说。“你哪儿也去不了。”

"I can't tell Riko no!"
“我不能告诉莉子不！”

"Then don't say a word," Wymack said. "Keep your mouth shut and let me and Andrew do the talking. Yes, Andrew. Don't tell me you forgot about that psycho. I've got Betsy's number on speed dial. Want me to put you through to her office so you can talk to him? Want to tell him you're thinking about going back?"
“那你一句话也别说，”威马克说。“闭上嘴，让我和安德鲁说话。是的，安德鲁。别告诉我你忘记了那个精神病患者。我在快速拨号上得到了 Betsy 的号码。想让我把你送到她的办公室，这样你就可以和他谈谈吗？想告诉他你正在考虑回去吗？

Silence followed that. Neil waited, holding his breath, until Wymack spoke again. He was quieter this time, but concern made his voice more gruff than comforting.
随后是沉默。尼尔屏住呼吸等待着，直到威马克再次开口。这次他安静了一些，但担忧让他的声音变得粗鲁而不是安慰。

"I'm not letting you go back there," Wymack said. "Nothing says I have to. Your contract says you belong to me. He can send us all the money he wants, but you have to sign off on it before it means anything, and you're not going to. Okay? You let me and Andrew worry about Riko fuck-face. You worry about getting your game and team where they need to be. You promised me you could get us past the fourth match this year."
“我不会让你回到那里，”威马克说。“没有什么说我必须这样做。你的合同说你属于我。他可以把他想要的所有钱寄给我们，但你必须先签字，然后它才有任何意义，而且你不会这样做。好？你让我和安德鲁担心莉子他妈的脸。你担心你的比赛和球队能否达到他们需要的位置。你答应过我，你可以让我们度过今年的第四场比赛。

"That was before," Kevin said, miserable. "This is now."
“那是以前的事了，”凯文痛苦地说。“这是现在。”

"The ERC is giving us until June before they break the news. They saw how many security issues we had over your transfer, so they're waiting until everyone's here where I can keep an eye on them. I told you because you need to know, but I need you to keep it from Andrew until then. Tell me you can see Andrew today and not completely freak out."
“ERC 给我们直到 6 月才会发布消息。他们看到我们在你的转移中遇到了多少安全问题，所以他们等到每个人都来到这里，我可以关注他们。我告诉你是因为你需要知道，但我需要你在那之前瞒着安德鲁。告诉我，你今天可以看到安德鲁，而不是完全吓坏。

"Andrew will figure it out. He's not stupid."
“安德鲁会想办法的。他并不傻。

"Then you have to be the better liar," Wymack said in a hard voice. "The ERC is looking for a reason to take him away from us, and you know they won't give him back. Then where will you be?"
“那你就得成为更好的骗子，”威马克用强硬的声音说。“ERC 正在寻找一个理由将他从我们身边带走，你知道他们不会把他还回来。那你会去哪里？

They were quiet for so long Neil thought they might be done. Finally Kevin said, "Give me your phone."
他们沉默了很长时间，尼尔认为他们可能已经结束了。最后凯文说：“把你的手机给我。

"If you think I'm going to let you use my phone to call him, you—"
“如果你认为我会让你用我的手机给他打电话，你——”

"Jean," Kevin cut in. "I have to call Jean. I have to hear him say it."
“吉恩，”凯文插话道。“我必须给吉恩打电话。我必须听他说。

Apparently that was an acceptable compromise, because Wymack stopped arguing. Neil looked over his shoulder, wondering if he should make a break for it. He didn't know what was going on, but it had to be awful if it'd brought Kevin this far off his condescending perch. He was debating how quietly he could slip out the door when Kevin spoke. Kevin's bleak tone brought Neil up short, as did the French Kevin was speaking.
显然这是一个可以接受的妥协，因为威马克不再争论了。尼尔回头看了看，想知道他是否应该休息一下。他不知道发生了什么，但如果这让凯文离他居高临下的位置这么远，那一定很糟糕。他正在争论，当凯文说话时，他能多安静地溜出门。凯文凄凉的语气让尼尔失望了，凯文说的法国语也是如此。

"Tell me it isn't true," Kevin said. "Tell me he didn't."
“告诉我这不是真的，”凯文说。“告诉我他没有。”

Neil couldn't hear the answer, but the sharp slap of the phone snapping shut again said it wasn't the one Kevin wanted. The couch creaked under someone's body weight and Neil imagined Kevin sinking onto the cushion in despair.
尼尔听不到答案，但电话再次啪地关上，表明这不是凯文想要的。沙发在某人的体重下吱吱作响，尼尔想象着凯文绝望地倒在垫子上。

"Wait here," Wymack said, and a few seconds later he stepped into the hallway. He started a little when he spotted Neil at the end of the hallway but said nothing. Neil watched as he disappeared into the kitchen. He recognized the sound of Wymack's liquor cabinet by now, the click of the lock and the soft clink of the glass doors. Wymack returned with a handle of vodka and dropped it off with Kevin.
“在这里等着，”威马克说，几秒钟后他走进了走廊。当他在走廊尽头发现尼尔时，他开始了一点，但什么也没说。尼尔看着他消失在厨房里。他现在已经认出了威马克酒柜的声音，锁的咔哒声和玻璃门的轻柔叮当声。威马克带着一柄伏特加回来，和凯文一起放下了。

"Drink," he said from out of sight. "I'll be right back."
“喝吧，”他在看不见的地方说。“我马上回来。”

Wymack came back to the hallway. Neil pointed over his shoulder at the door in a question. Wymack followed Neil out of his apartment and closed the door behind him. Neil looked down the hall for stray eavesdroppers, but the other doors were closed.
威马克回到走廊。尼尔越过肩膀指着门问道。威马克跟着尼尔走出了他的公寓，关上了身后的门。尼尔在走廊下方看去寻找流浪的窃听者，但其他门都关着。

"I wasn't going to tell anyone else until June," Wymack said. "How much did you hear?"
“直到六月我才打算告诉其他人，”怀马克说。“你听到了多少？”

"Kevin's having a nervous breakdown," Neil said. "I don't know why."
“凯文精神崩溃了，”尼尔说。“我不知道为什么。”

"Edgar Allan put in a transfer request with the ERC and it was approved this morning. They're part of the southeastern district effective June 1st."
“埃德加·艾伦向 ERC 提出了转会请求，今天早上获得了批准。他们是东南区的一部分，自 6 月 1 日起生效。

It took a minute for Wymack's words to make sense. When it clicked, Neil's stomach bottomed out. It'd been hard enough facing Kevin in Arizona. How could Neil risk meeting Riko too? Just because Kevin didn't remember Neil didn't mean Riko wouldn't either. Neil didn't want to find out the hard way if Riko had the better memory of the two.
威马克的话花了一分钟才明白。当它发出咔哒声时，尼尔的胃触底了。在亚利桑那州面对凯文已经够难了。尼尔怎么会冒险也遇到莉子呢？仅仅因为凯文不记得尼尔并不意味着莉子也不记得。尼尔不想艰难地找出莉子是否对两人的记忆力更好。

"That's impossible," Neil said.
“这是不可能的，”尼尔说。

"Not really. They're the only NCAA Exy team in West Virginia, so it was as easy as a vote and a couple signatures."
“并不真地。他们是西弗吉尼亚州唯一的 NCAA Exy 球队，所以就像投票和几个签名一样简单。

"That's impossible," Neil said again. "We can't play the Ravens. What sane board pits the best and worst teams against each other?"
“那是不可能的，”尼尔又说。“我们不能打乌鸦队。什么理智的董事会让最好和最差的球队相互竞争？

"One that knows there's a lot to gain from it," Wymack said. "Kevin's transfer created a lot of backlash, but it also generated a lot of new interest in Exy. The ERC wants to follow it through to the natural conclusion: Kevin and Riko's reunion on the court, but this time as rivals for the first time ever. It doesn't matter who wins. They know what publicity and funding they can score with such a move."
“一个知道可以从中获益匪浅的人，”怀马克说。“凯文的转会引起了很多强烈反对，但也引起了人们对 Exy 的很多新兴趣。ERC 希望将其贯彻到自然的结论：凯文和里科在球场上重聚，但这次是有史以来第一次作为竞争对手。谁赢并不重要。他们知道这样的举动可以获得多大的宣传和资金。

"I can't play against Riko," Neil said. "I'm not ready."
“我不能和里科比赛，”尼尔说。“我还没准备好。”

"Riko isn't your problem," Wymack said. "Leave him to Matt. Your problem is getting around his backliners and goalkeeper."
“莉子不是你的问题，”威马克说。“把他交给马特吧。你的问题是绕过他的后防线和守门员。

"Can't you protest?" Neil said. "They're setting us up for a match everyone knows we can't win."
“你不能抗议吗？”尼尔说。“他们正在为我们准备一场每个人都知道我们无法获胜的比赛。”

"I could, but it won't do any good," Wymack said. "The ERC doesn't do take-backs, especially when it means spurning a Moriyama. There's something you need to know about the Moriyamas, but I didn't want to have this conversation with you yet. I wanted you settled a bit more, or at least hoped you'd get to know the team better before I dropped this on you. Now that the ERC is forcing my hand, I don't have a lot of choices.
“我可以，但这不会有任何好处，”威马克说。“ERC 不进行收回，尤其是当这意味着拒绝森山时。关于森山一家，你有一些事情需要了解，但我还不想和你进行这种对话。我希望你多安定一点，或者至少希望你在我把这件事交给你之前能更好地了解这个团队。现在 ERC 逼我出手，我没有太多选择。

"What I'm going to tell you is an open secret. That is, we know it," he waved a finger in a circle, likely meaning the Foxes, "but no one outside our team does. It has to stay that way no matter what, do you understand? People could get hurt if this gets out. People could die."
“我要告诉你的是一个公开的秘密。也就是说，我们知道这一点，“他挥动着一根手指围成一圈，可能指的是狐狸队，”但我们团队之外没有人知道。无论如何都要保持这种状态，你明白吗？如果这件事被泄露，人们可能会受伤。人们可能会死。

Neil waved over his shoulder at the apartment doors. "What about them?"
尼尔在公寓门口挥了挥手。“那他们呢？”

"I'm the only one on this floor," Wymack said. "They built this complex around the same time we started construction on the Foxhole Court. Thought our team would be something and people would want to live in the area to be close to the stadium for games. Then we couldn't perform, so the apartments didn't fill. The lower floors are pretty full, and the middle floors get rented out during football season, but top two floors are pretty bare. And no, you can't break into any of them, so don't even think it."
“我是这个楼层唯一的人，”威马克说。“他们大约在我们开始建造 Foxhole Court 的同时建造了这个综合体。以为我们的球队会有所作为，人们会希望住在该地区，以便靠近体育场进行比赛。然后我们无法表演，所以公寓没有满员。较低的楼层非常满，中间楼层在足球赛季期间出租，但顶层的两层却非常光秃秃的。不，你不能闯入其中任何一个，所以别想。

Neil let that accusation go without comment. "You're stalling, Coach."
尼尔对这一指控置之不理。“你拖延了，教练。”

Wymack folded his arms across his chest and stared at Neil. "Do you know why Kevin came to Palmetto State?"
Wymack 双臂交叉在胸前，盯着 Neil。“你知道凯文为什么来到棕榈州吗？”

"He broke his hand," Neil said. "He couldn't play, so he transferred here as an assistant coach. I assumed he was following Andrew."
“他的手骨折了，”尼尔说。“他不能打球，所以他转会到这里担任助理教练。我以为他是在跟踪安德鲁。

"I brought him here," Wymack said. "He showed up at my hotel room at winter banquet with his hand a bloody mess. He didn't want us to notify the Ravens or take him to a hospital, so Abby bandaged him up as best she could and I put him on the bus back to South Carolina with us."
“我把他带到了这里，”威马克说。“他在冬季宴会上出现在我的酒店房间，手上沾满了血。他不想让我们通知乌鸦队或带他去医院，所以艾比尽她所能给他包扎，我把他送上了我们一起返回南卡罗来纳州的公共汽车。

"That doesn't make sense," Neil said. "How'd he get from the ski resort to your hotel?"
“这没有意义，”尼尔说。“他怎么从滑雪场到你的酒店？”

"He wasn't in the mountains," Wymack said.
“他不在山上，”威马克说。

"But he broke his hand in a skiing accident," Neil said.
“但他在一次滑雪事故中摔断了手，”尼尔说。

"Bullshit," Wymack said. "It wasn't an accident."
“胡说八道，”怀马克说。“这不是意外。”

Neil stared blankly at him, and Wymack gave a short nod before explaining.
尼尔茫然地看着他，威马克点了点头，然后解释道。

"The ERC had an end-of-year meeting a few days before the southeastern district's winter banquet. The NCAA advisors got everyone talking about Riko and Kevin. They had some concerns about the season, they said. They were sure Riko was holding Kevin back, that Kevin was selling himself short so as not to outshine Riko on the court. They wanted to know if it was Coach Moriyama's doing. In response Moriyama pitted Riko and Kevin against each other.
“ERC 在东南区冬季宴会前几天举行了年终会议。NCAA 顾问让每个人都在谈论 Riko 和 Kevin。他们说，他们对这个赛季有一些担忧。他们确信 Riko 阻碍了 Kevin，Kevin 在卖空自己，以免在球场上超越 Riko。他们想知道这是否是森山教练所为。作为回应，森山让莉子和凯文相互对抗。

"Riko won," Wymack said, "but I'm thinking he didn't get it fair and square. If he had, maybe things would have turned out differently. As soon as Coach Moriyama dismissed them for the night Riko broke Kevin's hand."
“Riko 赢了，”Wymack 说，“但我认为他没有公平公正地对待它。如果他有，也许事情会有所不同。森山教练一把他们解雇了，莉子就打断了凯文的手。

It was like getting punched in the gut. "What?"
这就像被打在肠子上一样。“什么？”

Wymack dragged his thumb along the back of his hand, tracing the path of Kevin's injury. "Kevin doesn't talk about his time at Evermore, but I could tell it wasn't the first time Riko or Moriyama laid a hand on him. It was just the first time Kevin was smart enough to pack his bags and walk away. So much for family, hm?"
Wymack 用拇指沿着手背拖着，追踪着 Kevin 受伤的路径。“凯文没有谈论他在 Evermore 的时光，但我可以看出这不是 Riko 或 Moriyama 第一次对他下手。这只是凯文第一次聪明到收拾行李走开。家人就这么多了，嗯？

"I don't believe in family."
“我不相信家庭。”

"Neither do I."
“我也不知道。”

He meant it. Neil finally understood that look Wymack sent him in Millport, that perfect understanding that undid Neil's defenses. Neil searched his face, looking for the story behind that exhaustion. Whatever broke Wymack happened so long ago he wasn't even bitter over it anymore, but he was definitely still cracked if he poured so much time into the Foxhole Court.
他是认真的。尼尔终于明白了威马克在米尔波特给他送来的眼神，这种完美的理解打破了尼尔的防守。尼尔打量着他的脸，寻找那种疲惫背后的故事。无论威马克很久以前就发生了什么，他甚至不再为此感到痛苦，但如果他在狐狸洞法庭上投入这么多时间，他肯定仍然会感到沮丧。

"Why doesn't anyone else know what Riko did?" Neil asked.
“为什么没有其他人知道莉子做了什么？”尼尔问道。

"Because Riko is a Moriyama," Wymack said tiredly. "This is where it starts getting messy."
“因为莉子是森山人，”威马克疲惫地说。“这就是它开始变得混乱的地方。”

He thought for a minute, then held up his index fingers. "The Moriyama family is broken in half: the main family and the branch family. The main consists of the first-born sons and the branch is for everyone else. Coach Moriyama—Tetsuji—heads the branch family and his older brother Kengo heads the main. Kengo has two sons, Ichirou and Riko. Because Ichirou was born first, he stayed with Kengo in the main family. Riko was born second, so Tetsuji became his legal guardian and Riko became part of the branch family. Follow?"
他想了想，然后竖起食指。“森山家一分为二：主家和支家。主要由长子组成，分支是为其他人准备的。森山教练——哲司——领导分家，他的哥哥健吾领导主家族。Kengo 有两个儿子，Ichirou 和 Riko。因为一郎是先出生的，所以他和健吾一起留在了主家。莉子是第二个孩子，所以哲司成为他的法定监护人，莉子成为了支家的一员。跟着？

"I think so."
“我想是的。”

"The families are estranged," Wymack said. "Kengo and the main family are up in New York City, where Kengo is CEO of an international trading company. One day he'll pass the business to Ichirou. Tetsuji and Riko get a kickback of the profits, but they're considered unimportant and have no say in any business decisions. That's how Tetsuji had the freedom to study in Japan and develop Exy. So long as he doesn't do anything to damage the family's reputation, he is free to do what he likes, and what he likes is to create the most awful and powerful team in the nation. This all is public knowledge."
“这些家庭关系疏远，”怀马克说。“Kengo 和主要家庭在纽约市，Kengo 是一家国际贸易公司的首席执行官。总有一天，他会把生意交给一郎。Tetsuji 和 Riko 获得了利润的回扣，但他们被认为不重要，并且在任何商业决策中都没有发言权。这就是 Tetsuji 在日本学习和开发 Exy 的自由。只要他不做任何损害家族声誉的事情，他就可以自由地做他喜欢做的事，他喜欢的就是打造全国最糟糕、最强大的球队。这一切都是公众所知的。

Neil looked past Wymack at the door, thinking of Kevin's freak-out. "And the truth?"
Neil 看向门口的 Wymack，想到了 Kevin 的惊慌失措。“真相呢？”

"The real Moriyama family business is murder."
“真正的森山家族企业是谋杀。”

Neil shot a quick look at him. Wymack held up a hand to ward off any questions, his expression grim. "The Moriyamas are an immigrated yakuza group. Do you know what the yakuza are? They're Japanese mafia. Kengo's father brought the group to America a couple decades ago and set up shop up north. I don't know what all they're involved in and I don't want to know. I don't know how much even Kevin knows, since he's attached to Riko and the branch family, but Kevin knows the main family uses Raven games as a cover for big meetings. So many people go in and out of Edgar Allan that it's a convenient way to bring in their far-flung contacts. They've got VIP lounges along the upper floors where they make deals."
尼尔快速看了他一眼。威马克举起一只手来回避任何问题，他的表情很严峻。“森山一家是一个移民的黑帮团体。你知道黑帮是什么吗？他们是日本黑手党。几十年前，Kengo 的父亲将这群人带到了美国，并在北部开了店。我不知道他们参与了什么，我也不想知道。我不知道连凯文都知道多少，因为他依附于莉子和支系家族，但凯文知道主家族使用乌鸦游戏作为大型会议的掩护。如此多的人进出埃德加·艾伦，这是引入他们遥远联系人的便捷方式。他们在楼上的楼层设有贵宾休息室，在那里他们进行交易。

"They're a gang," Neil said slowly.
“他们是一个帮派，”尼尔缓缓地说。

Wymack nodded, watching him carefully and waiting to see how Neil took it. Neil barely noticed the attention. He was thinking back to the last time he'd seen Kevin and Riko together. He remembered scrimmaging and arguing footwork with them. Their game came to an abrupt halt when they were called upstairs. If Neil closed his eyes now he could remember every detail of the room they went to, from its floor-to-ceiling tinted windows to the heavy conference table dominating it. The floor was carpeted, but someone had laid a tarp down on top of it to catch all the blood.
Wymack 点点头，仔细地看着他，等着看 Neil 如何接受它。尼尔几乎没有注意到人们的注意。他回想起上次看到凯文和莉子在一起的情景。他记得与他们争吵和争论步法。当他们被叫上楼时，他们的比赛戛然而止。如果尼尔现在闭上眼睛，他就能记住他们去过的房间的每一个细节，从落地有色窗户到占据房间的厚重会议桌。地板上铺着地毯，但有人在上面铺了一块防水布来接住所有的血迹。

Neil finally knew where he'd been and why. He'd never understood how they went from Exy practices to murder or why Kevin and Riko were there too. But if the Moriyamas were a gang, it made sense. Neil's father worked out of Baltimore and held the eastern ports with an iron grip. His territory's western border would have ended at West Virginia. In that sense he was Tetsuji Moriyama's neighbor, and that would have brought him to Kengo's attention. Neil's father and Riko's father were business partners; that's why Neil was allowed to practice at Edgar Allan's stadium.
尼尔终于知道他去了哪里以及为什么。他从来不明白他们是如何从 Exy 的做法变成谋杀的，也不知道为什么 Kevin 和 Riko 也在那里。但如果森山一家是一个帮派，那也是有道理的。尼尔的父亲在巴尔的摩工作，并铁腕控制着东部港口。他的领土西部边界将在西弗吉尼亚州结束。从这个意义上说，他是森山哲二的邻居，这会引起健吾的注意。尼尔的父亲和莉子的父亲是商业伙伴;这就是为什么尼尔被允许在埃德加·艾伦的体育场练习。

Wymack interpreted his long silence as fear. "I'm telling you this because everyone else here already knows the story from Kevin, but don't worry about the yakuza. Like I said, Kengo and Ichirou mostly keep to New York and couldn't give a flying fuck what Tetsuji and Riko do. The only way it's relevant to us is explaining why Tetsuji and Riko are violent and rotten. They have a lot of power behind their name and a rather twisted view of their place in the world. And we happen to have something of theirs."
威马克将他长时间的沉默解释为恐惧。“我告诉你这些是因为这里的其他人都已经知道凯文的故事了，但不用担心黑帮。就像我说的，Kengo 和 Ichirou 大部分时间都呆在纽约，无法像 Tetsuji 和 Riko 所做的那样飞翔。它与我们相关的唯一方式是解释为什么 Tetsuji 和 Riko 是暴力和腐烂的。他们的名字背后有很大的力量，并且对自己在世界上的地位有着相当扭曲的看法。而我们恰好有他们的东西。

"Kevin," Neil said.
“凯文，”尼尔说。

"I'd hoped they'd thrown him away," Wymack said. "Everyone said Kevin would never play again. Edgar Allan had to release Kevin from his school contract because of the severity of his injuries and Tetsuji didn't argue when I took Kevin on as an assistant coach. I thought they were ready to let him go. But Tetsuji didn't take Kevin in out of the goodness of his heart. He raised Kevin to be a star. He put a lot of time and money into Kevin's development on the court. As far as Tetsuji is considered, Kevin is valuable property. Any profit Kevin makes is rightfully the Moriyamas'."
“我希望他们能把他扔掉，”威马克说。“每个人都说凯文再也不会上场了。埃德加·艾伦 （Edgar Allan） 由于凯文的伤势严重，不得不解除他的学校合同，当我让凯文担任助理教练时，哲司没有争辩。我以为他们已经准备好放他走了。但哲二并没有出于内心的善良而收留凯文。他把凯文培养成明星。他投入了大量的时间和金钱来培养凯文在球场上的发展。就 Tetsuji 而言，Kevin 是宝贵的财产。凯文赚取的任何利润都是森山家族的。

"But Kevin's handicapped."
“但凯文有残疾。”

"He's still a name," Wymack said.
“他仍然是一个名字，”威马克说。

Neil's head was spinning as he tried to sort it all out. "He wants Kevin to transfer back?"
尼尔的头在旋转，他试图理清这一切。“他想让凯文转回来？”

"If he wanted Kevin to transfer, he'd just say so," Wymack said.
“如果他想让凯文转会，他会这么说，”怀马克说。

"Kevin wouldn't really go back," Neil said, disbelieving. "Not after what Riko did."
“凯文不会真的回去的，”尼尔说，难以置信。“不是在莉子做了什么之后。”

Wymack gave him a pitying look. "Tetsuji never formally adopted Kevin. Do you know why? Moriyamas don't believe in outsiders or equals. Tetsuji took Kevin in and took over his training, but he also gave Kevin to Riko—literally. Kevin isn't human to them. He's a project. He's a pet, and it's Riko's name on his leash. The fact he ran away is a miracle. If Tetsuji called tomorrow and told him to come home, Kevin would. He knows what Tetsuji would do to him if he refused. He'd be too afraid to say no."
威马克怜悯地看了他一眼。“哲二从未正式收养过凯文。你知道为什么吗？森山人不相信局外人或平等。哲二收留了凯文并接管了他的训练，但他也把凯文交给了莉子——字面上的意思。凯文对他们来说不是人。他是一个项目。他是一只宠物，皮带上挂着 Riko 的名字。他逃跑的事实是一个奇迹。如果明天哲司打电话告诉他回家，凯文会的。他知道如果他拒绝，哲司会对他做什么。他会害怕拒绝的。

Neil thought he'd be sick. He didn't want to hear anymore of this; he'd already heard too much. He wanted to run until it all started making sense in his head, or at least until the ice left his veins. "Then why go through all the trouble of changing districts?"
尼尔以为他会生病。他不想再听这些了;他已经听得太多了。他想跑，直到这一切在他的脑海中开始有意义，或者至少直到冰离开他的血管。“那为什么要费尽心思换选区呢？”

"The Moriyamas are ready to cash in on their investment," Wymack said. "No one honestly expects Kevin to make a comeback, but he signed with us to play. His arrogance is inspiring, and this year he's still a star. If he can't keep up and perform, the fans and critics will move on and forget about him. Tetsuji thinks he'll burn out, so he has to seize the moment now.
“森山夫妇已准备好兑现他们的投资，”Wymack 说。“没有人诚实地期望凯文会卷土重来，但他和我们签约打球。他的傲慢令人鼓舞，今年他仍然是明星。如果他跟不上表现，球迷和评论家就会继续前进，忘记他。哲二认为他会筋疲力尽，所以他现在必须抓住时机。

"Our teams are going to make a fortune this season. People are going to be hounding us every step of the way and gambling on our games. There'll be TV spots and merchandise and all kinds of publicity stunts. Tetsuji is pitting Riko and Kevin against each other knowing how it'll end. He'll put it all on the table and let his Ravens destroy us on the court. Rake in the winnings, establish Riko as the superior player forever, and relegate Kevin to the has-beens."
“我们的球队本赛季将发财。人们会在每一步都追捕我们，并在我们的游戏上赌博。将有电视广告和商品以及各种宣传噱头。哲次让莉子和凯文相互对抗，知道事情会如何结束。他会把一切都摆在桌面上，让他的乌鸦队在球场上摧毁我们。赚取奖金，让 Riko 永远成为优秀的玩家，并将 Kevin 降级为过去的人。

Neil swallowed hard. "What if Coach Moriyama told him to stop playing?"
尼尔用力咽了咽口水。“如果森山教练让他停止比赛怎么办？”

Wymack was quiet for an endless minute, then said, "Kevin only had the strength to leave because Riko destroyed his hand. That was finally one injustice too many. Because of that I'd like to think Kevin would defy Tetsuji, but it's just as likely we'd never see him with a racquet again. But the day Kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. He has nothing else. He wasn't raised to have anything else. Do you understand? We cannot lose to the Ravens this year. Kevin won't survive it."
威马克沉默了一分钟，然后说道：“凯文之所以有力气离开，是因为莉子毁掉了他的手。这最终是一个不公正太多了。正因为如此，我想凯文会违抗哲司，但我们很可能再也不会看到他拿着球拍了。但凯文永远停止比赛的那一天就是他死去的那一天。他别无他物。他从小就没有被培养成拥有任何其他东西。你明白吗？今年我们不能输给乌鸦队。凯文无法幸存下来。

"We can't win against them," Neil said. "We're the worst team in the nation."
“我们无法战胜他们，”尼尔说。“我们是全国最差的球队。”

"Then it's time to stop being the worst," Wymack said. "It's time to fly."
“那么是时候停止成为最糟糕的人了，”威马克说。“是时候飞了。”

"You don't really think we can," Neil said.
“你真的不认为我们可以，”尼尔说。

"If you didn't think you could, what are you doing here? You wouldn't have signed the contract if you'd already given up on yourself." Wymack half-turned away. "I need to make sure Kevin's not cutting his wrists open in there. It's probably best if he doesn't see you right now. I can call Abby to come get you if you want to hang out with the others, but I need you to keep this a secret from your teammates until June. I need time to figure out how we're going to handle this season."
“如果你认为你做不到，你在这里做什么？如果你已经放弃了自己，你就不会签署合同。威马克半转身离开。“我需要确保凯文不会在那里割开他的手腕。如果他现在不见你，那可能是最好的。如果你想和其他人一起出去玩，我可以打电话给艾比来接你，但我需要你对你的队友保密，直到六月。我需要时间来弄清楚我们将如何应对这个赛季。

"I won't say anything," Neil said, taking a couple steps back. "And don't worry about me. I'll go for a run or something."
“我什么都不说，”尼尔说，后退了几步。“别担心我。我会去跑步什么的。

"Kevin should be out of here by four," Wymack said. "That's when Andrew's done with Betsy, so Nicky will pick him up on his way over to her office."
“凯文应该在四点前离开这里，”威马克说。“那是安德鲁和贝琪的交集的时候，所以尼基会在去她办公室的路上接他。”

Neil nodded and left, taking the stairs back down to the ground level.
尼尔点点头离开，走楼梯回到地面。

Neil thought it would be awful if Kevin remembered the boy with the murderous father, but this was worse. This was Kevin maybe remembering that boy when Kevin belonged to an equally horrific family. Neil didn't remember the Moriyamas, but they'd definitely remember him if they'd done business with his father. The Butcher of Baltimore wasn't a man easily forgotten. Neither was his wife, who'd stolen five million dollars the night she ran away with the Butcher's only son. The Butcher turned his people inside-out for years hunting them down. All of his contacts would have heard of it.
尼尔认为，如果凯文记得那个和凶残的父亲在一起的男孩，那就太糟糕了，但情况更糟。这是凯文也许记得那个男孩，当时凯文属于一个同样可怕的家庭。尼尔不记得森山一家，但如果他们和他父亲做过生意，他们肯定会记得他。巴尔的摩的屠夫并不是一个容易被遗忘的人。他的妻子也没有，她带着屠夫唯一的儿子逃跑的那天晚上偷了五百万美元。屠夫多年来一直将他的人民从里到外追捕他们。他所有的联系人都会听说过这件事。

Somewhere the ERC was reworking and finalizing a schedule that put the Moriyamas in Neil's near future. Neil would quit before that match. He had no choice. He'd play up until their game against the Ravens and then run. If he was lucky, the match would come at the end of the fall season so he wouldn't jeopardize the striker line too much by taking off.
在某个地方，ERC 正在重新制定并敲定一个时间表，将森山一家置于尼尔不久的将来。尼尔会在那场比赛前退出。他别无选择。他会打到对阵乌鸦队的比赛，然后跑。如果他幸运的话，这场比赛将在秋季赛季结束时进行，这样他就不会因为起飞而过多地危及前锋线。

It was stupid and suicidal to stay even that long. Neil knew he should go now, before he met his teammates or the ERC publicized his name or he ever stepped on a court with Kevin Day at his side. It'd seemed an acceptable risk before, since none of his father's people were into sports. The chance of one of them seeing him on TV during a match was negligible so long as Kevin didn't figure him out and give him away. Now that he knew who the Moriyamas were and knew they would be watching him, it made absolutely no sense to stay.
呆那么久也是愚蠢和自杀的。尼尔知道他现在应该离开，在他见到他的队友或 ERC 公开他的名字之前，或者他曾经在凯文·戴 （Kevin Day） 身边踏上球场之前。这在以前似乎是一个可以接受的风险，因为他父亲的族人都没有喜欢运动。只要凯文没有发现他并把他送人，他们中的一个人在比赛中在电视上看到他的机会可以忽略不计。现在他知道森山一家是谁，也知道他们会监视他，留下来绝对没有意义。

Neil had grown up wondering why Kevin and Riko were in that room eight years ago and how they'd overcome it. He'd wondered why their luck and circumstances were so different that they could become international stars while Neil's life spiraled so quickly out of control. He'd hated and worshipped them all his life, jealous of their successes and desperate for them to excel. Now it seemed he'd been wrong all along; Kevin hadn't escaped either.
尼尔从小就想知道八年前为什么凯文和莉子在那个房间里，以及他们是如何克服的。他想知道为什么他们的运气和环境如此不同，以至于他们能够成为国际明星，而尼尔的生活却如此迅速地失控。他一生都憎恨和崇拜他们，嫉妒他们的成功，迫切希望他们出类拔萃。现在看来，他一直都错了;凯文也没有逃脱。

No matter what they did or who they became, maybe they never would.
无论他们做了什么，或者他们成为了谁，也许他们永远不会。

Neil shoved the stairwell door open so forcefully it banged against the wall and was running before he was even halfway across the lobby. He hit full speed before he reached the street, going so fast he was nearly falling over, but he couldn't outrun his thoughts.
尼尔用力推开楼梯间的门，撞在墙上，还没过半个大厅就跑了。他在到达街道之前全速行驶，速度如此之快，几乎要摔倒，但他无法摆脱自己的思绪。

CHAPTER FIVE
第五章

The Foxes weren't scheduled to start their practices until Monday, June 10th, but they were required to move into campus the day before so they had time to get settled in the athletes' dormitory. Neil found their estimated arrival times on a list hanging on Wymack's fridge. The first of them wasn't expected to arrive until two in the afternoon and the last not until five. Neil was impatient to have the whole team together at last. Once they were here, Kevin would have an entire team to yell at and would have to leave Neil alone.
狐狸队原定要到 6 月 10 日星期一才开始训练，但他们被要求在前一天搬进校园，以便他们有时间在运动员宿舍安顿下来。尼尔在威马克冰箱上挂着的一份清单上发现了他们的预计到达时间。预计第一个要到下午两点才能到达，最后一个要到五点才到达。尼尔迫不及待地想让整个团队终于聚在一起。一旦他们来到这里，凯文就会有一整支球队大喊大叫，并且不得不让尼尔一个人呆着。

Kevin was successful so far in keeping his cool in front of Andrew. Neil attributed it to years of smiling at the press and pretending things were fine when he was living with abusive gangster rejects. That stress needed an outlet, though, and Neil was the most convenient target. The two weeks between the ERC's vote and the official start of summer practices were so hard to tolerate that Neil almost learned to hate both Exy and Kevin. Kevin had gone from impossible to please to completely horrible to be around. For the most part, the cousins let Kevin do as he wished with Neil and pretended there was nothing wrong with it.
到目前为止，凯文在安德鲁面前成功地保持冷静。尼尔将其归因于多年来对媒体微笑，并在他与虐待性黑帮拒绝者一起生活时假装一切都很好。不过，这种压力需要一个发泄口，而尼尔是最方便的目标。ERC 投票和夏季训练正式开始之间的两周时间是如此难以忍受，以至于 Neil 几乎学会了讨厌 Exy 和 Kevin。凯文已经从不可能取悦到完全可怕。在大多数情况下，表兄弟们让凯文对尼尔为所欲为，并假装没有问题。

Neil was much better at instigating fights than winning them, but it'd be worth losing if he could just put a fist through Kevin's face once. Starting a fight was too out of character for who he portrayed "Neil" to be, though. As much as Neil hated coming across as a pushover, he didn't have a choice. He couldn't let Kevin or Andrew see the real him. So he gritted his teeth and tried as hard as he could to behave.
尼尔在挑起打架方面比赢得打架要好得多，但如果他能用拳头打过凯文的脸一次，那就值得输了。不过，对于他所扮演的“尼尔”来说，开始打架太不符合性格了。尽管尼尔讨厌给人留下推翻的印象，但他别无选择。他不能让凯文或安德鲁看到真实的他。于是他咬紧牙关，尽力表现。

Now he only had to survive a few more hours. He and his duffel bag caught a ride with Wymack to the stadium, where Wymack collected a package of dorm keys for the team. Neil took his and the paperwork regarding appropriate dormitory behavior. He skimmed over it before signing all the dotted lines. Wymack traded the papers for a school catalogue. Neil had missed the athletes' early registration window because he signed so late, so he'd have to register with the rest of the freshmen class in August. Neil wasn't in any rush; he still didn't know what he was supposed to declare his major as.
现在他只需要再活几个小时。他和他的行李袋和 Wymack 一起搭车去了体育场，Wymack 在那里为球队收集了一包宿舍钥匙。尼尔拿走了他和关于宿舍适当行为的文件。他在签下所有虚线之前浏览了一下。威马克用这些论文换取了学校目录。尼尔错过了运动员的提前注册窗口，因为他签字太晚了，所以他必须在八月份与其他新生班级一起注册。尼尔一点也不着急;他仍然不知道他应该宣布他的专业是什么。

He took the catalogue to the Foxes' lounge and curled up in one of the chairs to flip through it. He knew he should just pick one at random, since he wouldn't even last the semester here, but it was interesting to see how many options Palmetto had. He toyed with the idea of studying something outrageous, but he was too practical to commit. If he wanted something useful, there was only one obvious choice.
他把目录带到狐狸的休息室，蜷缩在其中一张椅子上翻阅。他知道他应该随机选择一个，因为他甚至无法在这里度过一个学期，但看看帕尔梅托有多少选择很有趣。他想过研究一些令人发指的东西，但他太实际了，无法承诺。如果他想要有用的东西，只有一个显而易见的选择。

Foreign languages were the keys to freedom he couldn't live without. Neil was fluent in German. He was second-best at French, thanks to eight months in France and ten months in Montreal. His grasp on them was fading with disuse, though he watched and read foreign news online to keep from losing them entirely. Neil could ask the cousins for help with German, but he didn't want them to know he understood their private conversations. How much French Kevin knew, Neil wasn't sure, but he didn't want to spend more time with Kevin than he had to.
外语是他离不开自由的钥匙。尼尔能说流利的德语。他在法语方面排名第二，这要归功于在法国的八个月和在蒙特利尔的十个月。他对它们的掌握随着废弃而逐渐消失，尽管他在网上观看和阅读外国新闻以避免完全失去它们。尼尔可以向表兄弟们寻求德语帮助，但他不想让他们知道他理解他们的私人谈话。尼尔不确定凯文知道多少弗伦奇，但他不想花更多的时间和凯文在一起。

He perused the modern languages section, debating. There were five languages available as majors and another three that could be minored in. The smart choice was to go with Spanish. Neil's Spanish had never been good and it was long gone by now, washed out by the German and French that followed. If he could pick it up again, it opened up a world of opportunities in the southern hemisphere.
他仔细阅读了现代语言部分，进行了辩论。有五种语言可以作为专业，另外三种可以辅修。明智的选择是选择西班牙语。尼尔的西班牙语从来都不好，现在已经不复存在了，被随后的德国人和法国人冲走了。如果他能再次捡起它，这将为南半球打开一个充满机遇的世界。

He wasted an hour going through the list of requisite courses, looking up class times, and figuring out an ideal schedule. As soon as he thought he had a couple classes nailed down, he found a timing conflict and had to backtrack and start over. The problem was in how much time Neil needed open for practices. When the school year started the Foxes would meet for two hours in the morning and for five hours in the afternoon. Neil also needed to fit in the five weekly hours of tutoring time Palmetto required of all their athletes. It took him six drafts before he found a schedule that worked.
他浪费了一个小时浏览必修课程清单，查找上课时间，并制定理想的时间表。当他以为自己已经确定了几门课时，他发现时间冲突，不得不回头重新开始。问题在于尼尔需要多少时间进行练习。学年开始时，狐狸队早上开会两个小时，下午开会五个小时。尼尔还需要适应帕尔梅托要求所有运动员每周五个小时的辅导时间。他花了六稿才找到一个有效的时间表。

He checked the clock, saw he still had half an hour to kill, and considered running laps. He'd just gotten up when Abby walked in.
他查看了时钟，发现自己还有半个小时可以消磨时间，并考虑跑几圈。他刚起身，艾比就走了进来。

Neil had seen Abby a couple times this summer, mostly when Wymack was feeling too lazy to cook and wanted Abby to do it for him. Neil never sought her company of his own volition, since seeing her meant seeing Andrew's lot. How she could stand having them under her roof, he didn't know.
今年夏天，尼尔见过艾比几次，主要是在威马克懒得做饭，想让艾比为他做饭的时候。尼尔从来不自愿寻求她的陪伴，因为见到她就意味着看到安德鲁的命运。他不知道她怎么能忍受把它们放在她的屋檐下。

"Hey, Neil," Abby said. "You're a little early for the meeting."
“嘿，尼尔，”艾比说。“你来开会有点早了。”

"Coach won't let me into Fox Tower until Matt gets here."
“在马特到达这里之前，教练不会让我进入福克斯塔。”

She checked her watch. "He'll be here before you know it. Since you've got time to spare, we might as well get your physical over with."
她看了看手表。“在你不知不觉中，他就会在这里。既然你有空闲时间，我们不妨把你的身体搞定吧。

"Physical?"
“身体上的？”

"Just a general check-up: weight, height, all that good stuff. We have to do it today instead of tomorrow because there's blood work involved. I can't let you on the court until you've slept it off. When's the last time you saw a doctor?"
“只是进行一般检查：体重、身高，所有这些好东西。我们必须在今天而不是明天进行，因为涉及血液检查。在你睡着之前，我不能让你上场。你最后一次看医生是什么时候？

"A long time ago."
“很久以前了。”

"Don't like doctors?"
“不喜欢医生？”

"Doctors don't like me. Is it necessary?"
“医生不喜欢我。有必要吗？

"You're not playing until I sign off on you, so yes," Abby said, unlocking the medical room door and pushing it open. She flicked on the light on her way inside, seemingly oblivious to the way Neil hadn't moved. It took her a couple minutes before she came looking for him. "Sometime today, preferably. I've got a lot of you to get through."
“在我签字之前你不会玩，所以是的，”艾比说，打开医疗室的门并将其推开。她在进去的路上轻弹了一盏灯，似乎没有注意到尼尔没有动。她花了几分钟才来找他。“最好是今天的某个时候。我有很多人要度过难关。

Neil eased off the chair, grabbed his bag, and went into her office. He left his duffel on the ground at his feet and sat on the bed. The first part of Abby's test was easy like she'd said it would be. He weighed in and let her run through a series of tests from reflexes to blood pressure. She took two vials of blood from his left arm, labeled them, and locked them in a drawer. Then she motioned at him and said, "Shirt off."
尼尔从椅子上下来，抓起他的包，走进她的办公室。他把行李袋放在脚边的地上，坐在床上。艾比测试的第一部分就像她说的那样简单。他权衡了一下，让她进行了从反应到血压的一系列测试。她从他的左臂上取出两瓶血，贴上标签，然后把它们锁在抽屉里。然后她向他示意说：“脱掉衬衫。

Neil stared at her. "Why?"
尼尔盯着她。“为什么？”

"I can't check track marks through cotton, Neil."
“我无法通过棉花检查痕迹，尼尔。”

"I don't do drugs."
“我不吸毒。”

"Good on you," Abby said. "Keep it that way. Now take it off."
“你很好，”艾比说。“保持这种状态。现在把它脱下来。

Neil looked past her at the closed door and said nothing. Abby looked at him and said nothing either. After five minutes of this, she was the first to give in. "I want to make this as painless as possible, but I can't help you if you can't help me. Tell me why you won't take off your shirt."
尼尔看着紧闭的门，什么也没说。艾比看着他，也没说什么。五分钟后，她第一个屈服了。“我想让这一切尽可能轻松，但如果你不能帮助我，我就无法帮助你。告诉我你为什么不脱衬衫。

Neil looked for a delicate way to say it. The best he managed was, "I'm not okay."
尼尔想着一种微妙的表达方式。他做的最好的事情就是，“我不好。

She put a finger to his chin and turned his face back toward her. "Neil, I work for the Foxes. None of you are okay. Chances are I've seen a lot worse than whatever it is you're trying to hide from me."
她把一根手指放在他的下巴上，把他的脸转回她身上。“尼尔，我为狐狸队工作。你们都没事。我很可能见过比你试图向我隐瞒的任何事情更糟糕的事情。

Neil's smile was humorless. "I hope not."
尼尔的笑容毫无幽默感。“我希望不会。”

"Trust me," Abby said. "I'm not going to judge you. I'm here to help, remember? I'm your nurse now. That door is closed, and it comes with a lock. What happens in here stays in here."
“相信我，”艾比说。“我不会评判你。我是来帮忙的，记得吗？我现在是你的护士。那扇门是关着的，它有一把锁。这里发生的事情就留在这里。

"You won't tell Coach?"
“你不会告诉教练吗？”

"This isn't his business," Abby said, gesturing between them with her free hand. "I only report to him if I think it'll affect your performance on the court or if you're breaking the law and I need an intervention."
“这不关他的事，”艾比说，用另一只手在他们之间打了个手势。“只有当我认为这会影响你在法庭上的表现，或者你违法并且我需要干预时，我才会向他报告。”

Neil stared at her, wondering if he could believe her and knowing he didn't have a choice. His skin was already crawling in anticipation of her reaction. "You can't ask me about them," he said at last. "I won't talk to you about it. Okay?"
尼尔盯着她，想知道他是否能相信她，也知道他别无选择。他的皮肤已经在爬行，期待着她的反应。“你不能问我关于它们的事情，”他最后说。“我不会和你谈论这件事。好吗？

"Okay," Abby agreed easily. "But know that when you want to, I'm here, and so is Betsy."
“好吧，”艾比轻松地答应了。“但要知道，当你愿意的时候，我就在这里，贝特西也在这里。”

Neil wasn't going to tell that psychiatrist a thing, but he nodded. Abby dropped her hand, and Neil pulled his shirt over his head before he could lose his nerve.
尼尔不打算告诉那位精神科医生任何事情，但他点了点头。艾比放下了手，尼尔在他失去勇气之前将衬衫拉到头上。

Abby thought she was ready. Neil knew she wouldn't be, and he was right. Her mouth parted on a silent breath and her expression went blank. She wasn't fast enough to hide her flinch, and Neil saw her shoulders go rigid with tension. He stared at her face as she stared at him, watching her gaze sweep over the brutal marks of a hideous childhood.
艾比认为她已经准备好了。尼尔知道她不会，他是对的。她无声地吐了口气，表情一片空白。她的速度不够快，无法掩饰自己的退缩，尼尔看到她的肩膀因紧张而僵硬。他盯着她的脸，而她也盯着他，看着她的目光扫过可怕童年的残酷痕迹。

It started at the base of his throat, a looping scar curving down over his collarbone. A pucker with jagged edges was a finger-width away, courtesy of a bullet that hit him right on the edge of his Kevlar vest. A shapeless patch of pale skin from his left shoulder to his navel marked where he'd jumped out of a moving car and torn himself raw on the asphalt. Faded scars crisscrossed here and there from his life on the run, either from stupid accidents, desperate escapes, or conflicts with local lowlifes. Along his abdomen were larger overlapping lines from confrontations with his father's people while on the run. His father wasn't called the Butcher for nothing; his weapon of choice was a cleaver. All of his men were well-versed in knife-fighting, and more than one of them had tried to stick Neil like a pig.
它从他的喉咙底部开始，一条环状的疤痕在他的锁骨上弯曲下来。一个边缘锯齿状的皱褶在一指宽的地方，这要归功于一颗子弹正好击中了他的凯夫拉背心边缘。从他的左肩到肚脐，有一块无形的苍白皮肤，标记着他从行驶中的汽车上跳下来并在柏油路上撕裂自己的位置。他逃亡生活中褪色的伤疤纵横交错，要么是愚蠢的事故，要么是绝望的逃亡，要么是与当地下层居民的冲突。沿着他的腹部有更大的重叠线，这些线是逃亡时与他父亲的族人对抗时产生的。他的父亲被称为屠夫并不是没有原因的;他选择的武器是切肉刀。他所有的手下都精通刀战，其中不止一个人试图像猪一样刺死尼尔。

And there on his right shoulder was the perfect outline of half a hot iron. Neil didn't remember what he'd said or done to irritate his father so much. Likely it was after another one of the local police's visits. The police and feds had nothing concrete to pin on his father, but they came around as often as they could in hopes of finding something. Neil's job was to stay quiet and still until they left again. Neil guessed he'd twitched a little too much, because as soon as they were gone his father ripped the iron from his mother's hands and smacked Neil with it. Neil still remembered how his skin looked as it peeled off with the metal.
在他的右肩上，有半个热铁的完美轮廓。尼尔不记得他说了什么或做了什么激怒了他的父亲。很可能是在当地警察的另一次访问之后。警察和联邦调查局没有任何具体的东西可以归咎于他的父亲，但他们尽可能多地四处走动，希望能找到一些东西。尼尔的工作是保持安静，直到他们再次离开。尼尔猜他抽搐得有点太厉害了，因为他们一走，他父亲就从他母亲手中扯下熨斗，用它打了尼尔一巴掌。尼尔还记得他的皮肤随着金属剥落时的样子。

Neil twisted his hands in his shirt and lifted his arms, baring his forearms to her. "Do I have track marks?"
尼尔在衬衫里扭动双手，抬起双臂，向她露出前臂。“我有痕迹吗？”

"Neil," Abby said softly.
“尼尔，”艾比轻声说。

"Do I or don't I?"
“我该还是不该？”

Abby's mouth thinned to a hard line as she forcibly redirected her attention back to his physical. The second she gave him the okay to put his shirt on again, Neil yanked it over his head. Abby filled out the rest of her forms in silence.
艾比的嘴变得很硬，她强行将注意力转移回他的身体上。当她允许他重新穿上衬衫的那一刻，尼尔就把它拉过他的头顶。艾比默默地填写了她剩下的表格。

"We're done," Abby said. "Neil—"
“我们完成了，”艾比说。“尼尔——”

"No." Neil grabbed his duffel and escaped her office as quickly as he could.
“没有。”尼尔抓起行李袋，以最快的速度逃离了她的办公室。

He half-expected her to follow him, but Abby stayed in her office and left him alone. Neil flipped through his catalogue, trying to work off his agitation. He wanted a cigarette so bad his fingers ached. He wanted something that would make him feel a little less alone. He shoved his catalogue aside again and checked himself, making sure everything was covered under his shirt. All of his shirts were at least a size too big, since baggy clothes hid his scars better, but Neil still felt raw and exposed.
他半以为她会跟着他，但艾比留在她的办公室里，让他一个人呆着。尼尔翻阅着他的目录，试图缓解他的激动。他非常想要一支烟，手指都疼了。他想要一些能让他感到不那么孤独的东西。他再次把目录推到一边，检查了一下自己，确保所有东西都被衬衫盖住了。他所有的衬衫都至少大了一号，因为宽松的衣服更好地掩盖了他的伤疤，但尼尔仍然感觉原始和暴露。

Neil shoved the catalogue into his bag, hooked the strap over his shoulder, and went down the hall with every intention of waiting the rest of the afternoon in the inner court. He made it as far as the foyer when a door opened behind him. Neil hesitated at the exit and looked back as someone stepped into the lounge at the other end of the hall.
尼尔把目录塞进包里，把带子挂在肩上，然后走下大厅，一心想在内院等一下午。他走到门厅时，一扇门在他身后打开了。尼尔在出口处犹豫了一下，回头一看，有人走进了大厅另一端的休息室。

The new arrival seemed startlingly tall compared to the Foxes Neil had put up with so far this summer. Nicky was almost six feet and Kevin was an inch or two taller, but this man looked halfway to seven. Part of the illusion Neil blamed on his black hair, which he'd gelled up in short spikes around his skull.
与尼尔今年夏天迄今为止忍受的狐狸相比，这位新来的人似乎高得惊人。尼基身高将近六英尺，凯文高一两英寸，但这个人看起来只有七英寸的一半。尼尔将这种错觉部分归咎于他的黑发，他把头发凝结成短尖刺在头骨周围。

The hairstyle was also what kept Neil from recognizing him immediately, as the man hadn't sported such a brazen look last year. By the time he put a name to the man's face, the stranger had crossed the hall to him and put a hand out. Neil accepted his hand and did his best to keep his stare on Matthew Boyd's face. It was difficult; Matt's short sleeves did nothing to hide the faded but obvious track marks on both arms. No wonder Abby was so adamant about that part of the check-up.
发型也是让尼尔无法立即认出他的原因，因为这个男人去年没有表现出如此厚颜无耻的样子。当他把名字放在那个人的脸上时，这个陌生人已经穿过大厅向他伸出了一只手。尼尔接过他的手，尽力盯着马修·博伊德的脸。这很困难;马特的短袖并没有掩盖双臂上褪色但明显的痕迹。难怪艾比对检查的那部分如此坚定。

"Matt Boyd," the man said, giving Neil's hand a firm shake. "I'm a junior this year, and I'm the Foxes' starting backliner. You must be Neil."
“马特·博伊德，”男人说，用力握了握尼尔的手。“我今年是一名大三学生，我是狐狸队的首发后防线。你一定是尼尔。

Neil was saved the trouble of answering. Wymack had heard Matt's arrival and he came out of his office to hurl a key ring at Matt's head. The jangling got Matt's attention and he turned in time to get smacked on the cheek with the keys. Matt snagged the ring as it fell and made a face at his coach.
尼尔省去了回答的麻烦。威马克听到了马特的到来，他从办公室出来，向马特的头扔了一个钥匙圈。叮当声引起了马特的注意，他及时转身，被琴键拍打了脸颊。马特在戒指掉落时抓住了戒指，对他的教练做了一个鬼脸。

"Jesus, Coach, good to see you too. When did we move past a simple 'hello'?"
“天哪，教练，也很高兴见到你。我们什么时候超越了简单的'你好'？

"I could say the same for you, stomping past my open door like that without so much as a by-your-leave," Wymack said.
“我也可以对你说同样的话，就这样跺着脚从我敞开的门前走过，甚至没有离开，”Wymack 说。

"You looked busy."
“你看起来很忙。”

"I'm always busy. That's never stopped you pricks from interrupting me before."
“我总是很忙。这从来没有阻止过你们这些刺穿我的话。

Matt shrugged and looked around. "Where are the monsters?"
马特耸了耸肩，环顾四周。“怪物在哪里？”

"Probably razing Fox Tower to the ground as we speak. You met Neil?"
“在我们说话的时候，可能会将福克斯塔夷为平地。你见过尼尔？

"I was trying." Matt sent Neil a knowing look. "I can't believe you put up with Coach this long. How did you survive?"
“我正在努力。”马特向尼尔投来会心的眼神。“我不敢相信你能忍受教练这么久。你是怎么活下来的？

"I wasn't around much," Neil said.
“我不怎么在身边，”尼尔说。

"Neil's been training with Kevin and Andrew every day," Wymack said.
“尼尔每天都在和凯文和安德鲁一起训练，”怀马克说。

"Oh god," Matt said with feeling."You're awful, Coach."
“哦，天哪，”马特感慨地说。你太糟糕了，教练。

"He knows it," Abby said, stepping in her office doorway and propping her shoulder against the doorframe. "Welcome back, Matt. Did you have a safe drive?"
“他知道，”艾比说，走进她的办公室门口，将她的肩膀靠在门框上。“欢迎回来，马特。你开车安全吗？

"Safe enough, but I drank so much coffee I probably won't sleep for a week." Matt looked to Neil again. "Already settled?"
“很安全，但我喝了太多咖啡，我可能一个星期都睡不着觉。”马特再次看向尼尔。“已经安顿下来了？”

"Coach wouldn't let me move in without you," Neil said.
“没有你，教练不会让我搬进来，”尼尔说。

"Way to keep him waiting," Wymack said. "Take him and get out of here."
“让他久等了，”威马克说。“带上他，离开这里。”

"Come on," Matt said. "I'll swing you past Coach's place to get your things."
“来吧，”马特说。“我会把你摆过去教练的地方去拿你的东西。”

"This is it," Neil said.
“就是这样，”尼尔说。

Matt looked at his bag, then around the room for suitcases that didn't exist. He flicked a questioning look at Wymack, who shook his head, and turned back on Neil. "That's a joke, right? You should see how much I crammed into my truck—and how much I had to leave behind—and you expect to last a year with one bag? That thing have magical expanding powers I don't know about or something?"
马特看了看他的包，然后在房间里找了看不存在的手提箱。他向 Wymack 投去疑问的眼神，Wymack 摇了摇头，然后转身看向 Neil。“这是个笑话，对吧？你应该看看我把多少东西塞进我的卡车里——以及我不得不留下多少——你指望一个袋子能撑一年？那个东西有我不知道的神奇膨胀能力什么的？

"You get to take him shopping later this week," Wymack said. "On your time, not mine. I'm sick of seeing him in the same clothes over and over. Just let me know when you're going and I'll give you the p-card so we can expense it."
“本周晚些时候你可以带他去购物，”威马克说。“在你的时间，而不是我的时间。我厌倦了一遍又一遍地看到他穿着同样的衣服。只要告诉我你什么时候去，我会给你 p 卡，这样我们就可以开支了。

Neil was mildly offended. "I have money."
尼尔有点被冒犯了。“我有钱。”

"Good for you," Wymack said. "I thought you two were leaving."
“对你有好处，”威马克说。“我以为你们两个要走了。”

"Didn't miss you at all," Matt said, but there was no heat in his voice. "Let's go, Neil."
“一点也不想你，”马特说，但他的声音里没有热度。“我们走吧，尼尔。”

Matt's truck was parked two spaces down from Wymack's and Abby's cars, a monstrous blue thing that looked like it could eat a hole through the stadium without slowing. Matt hadn't been joking about how many things he owned: the truck bed was stuffed with furniture and only a dozen taut cords kept anything from falling out. The back seats in the extended cab were also full of suitcases and crates. Matt took a backpack out of the passenger seat and tossed it in back with the rest so Neil could fit. The truck came to life with a quiet roar Neil felt more than heard, and the radio blasted to life a half-second later. Matt cut it off and yanked his door closed.
马特的卡车停在威马克和艾比的车两格外，这是一个巨大的蓝色东西，看起来可以不减速地在体育场内吃掉一个洞。马特并没有开玩笑说他拥有多少东西：卡车车厢里塞满了家具，只有十几根绷紧的绳子可以防止任何东西掉下来。加长驾驶室的后座上也装满了手提箱和板条箱。马特从副驾驶座上拿出一个背包，把它和其他背包一起扔进后面，这样尼尔就可以坐下。卡车在尼尔感受到的安静的轰鸣声中恢复了生机，半秒钟后收音机响起。马特打断了门，猛地关上了门。

"We're not all bad, just so you know," Matt said as he pulled out of the parking lot. "Dan hated that your first impression of us would be the do-nothings. She was pretty sure you wouldn't stick around long enough to meet the rest of us. She thought about coming back to campus early to be a buffer, but Coach told her not to bother. Said you had to deal with them eventually."
“我们并不都是坏人，只是你知道的，”马特一边说，一边把车停在停车场。“丹讨厌你给我们的第一印象是无所事事。她很确定你不会呆得足够长的时间来见我们其他人。她想过早点回到校园做缓冲，但教练告诉她不要打扰。说你最终必须对付他们。

"They're interesting," Neil said.
“他们很有趣，”尼尔说。

"Interesting," Matt repeated. "That's the tamest description of them I've ever heard. Seriously, though. If they give you any trouble, just let me know. I'll kick Kevin's ass for you."
“有意思，”马特重复道。“这是我听过的最温和的描述。不过，说真的。如果他们给你带来任何麻烦，请告诉我。我会替你踢凯文的屁股。

"Thanks, but I can handle them on my own."
“谢谢，但我可以自己处理。”

"I thought I could handle them, too." Matt raked a hand through his hair, skewing his spikes every which way. "Andrew made it pretty clear he wasn't going to be handled by anyone. You change your mind, you know where to find me. My offer's good through graduation."
“我以为我也能应付他们。”马特用一只手捋了捋他的头发，把他的尖刺歪向四方。“安德鲁非常明确地表示，他不会被任何人处理。你改变主意，你知道在哪里可以找到我。我的录取通知书一直到毕业都是好的。

Neil wouldn't need Matt's help, but he said, "Thanks."
尼尔不需要马特的帮助，但他说，“谢谢。

Matt pointed out the windshield. "There it is."
马特指了指挡风玻璃。“就在那里。”

Most of Palmetto State's buildings, offices, and dormitories were inside the giant loop known as Perimeter Road. Fox Tower was one of the few exceptions, but only because a stray hill forced Perimeter to hug the campus green near the clock tower. The hill might have been a nice spot for students to picnic between classes, except someone thought to build the athletes' dormitory on the peak. It stood four stories tall and had its own computer lab and parking lot.
帕尔梅托州立大学的大部分建筑物、办公室和宿舍都位于被称为周边路的巨型环路内。福克斯塔是为数不多的例外之一，但这只是因为一座杂山迫使 Perimeter 拥抱钟楼附近的校园绿地。这座山可能是学生在课间野餐的好地方，除了有人想在山顶建造运动员宿舍。它有四层楼高，有自己的计算机实验室和停车场。

The parking lot was out back, and Andrew's car was the only one parked there. Matt skipped all the lined spaces in favor of pulling up at the curb. It took both of them to unload the truck onto the sidewalk, and Neil waited with the pile while Matt parked. Getting everything inside and up to the third floor was a nightmare, especially since several pieces of furniture wouldn't fit in the elevator. The stairwell was too narrow to make it easy on them, and the handrail kept getting in their way as they tried to turn corners at the landings. It was made only more difficult by the serious height difference between them and the fact Neil had his duffel bag on him. He didn't want to leave it either in their room or Matt's truck, so he carried it up and down on every trip.
停车场在后面，安德鲁的车是唯一停在那里的。马特跳过了所有排成一排的空间，转而把车停在路边。他们俩花了时间才把卡车卸到人行道上，尼尔拿着那堆卡车等着，而马特则停车。把所有东西都搬进去并上到三楼是一场噩梦，尤其是因为电梯里装不下几件家具。楼梯间太窄了，不方便他们，当他们试图在平台转弯时，扶手不断挡住他们的路。他们之间的严重身高差异以及尼尔身上背着行李袋的事实使事情变得更加困难。他不想把它留在他们的房间里，也不想把它留在马特的卡车上，所以他每次旅行都带着它来回走动。

Their suite was room 321. A kitchenette was off to one side right inside the door and the front room was a spacious living room. Three bare desks lined the walls, waiting to be covered in schoolwork and books. A short hall dead-ended at the bathroom and branched off into the bedroom. Two beds were bunked against one wall and a third bed was raised chest-height against the other to fit shelving and dressers under it. There was only one closet, but hanging dividers hung off the empty pole.
他们的套房是 321 号房间。门内的一侧有一个小厨房，前厅是一个宽敞的客厅。墙上排列着三张光秃秃的桌子，等待着被作业和书籍覆盖。一个短大厅在浴室里死胡同，分支到卧室。两张床靠着一面墙铺，第三张床靠在另一面墙上抬高到胸部高度，以容纳架子和梳妆台。只有一个壁橱，但空杆上挂着悬挂的隔板。

It was trial and error to make everything fit. Eventually they pushed all the desks to the wall by the window, almost close enough to be touching, so Matt could put his couch against one long wall and a coffee table in the middle of the living room. He'd taken the shelves out of his entertainment center for the drive, but most of the bolts were still in place. It took only a couple minutes to put it together again, and Matt promptly filled it with a TV and game systems. Neil left him to organize his movies and went back to the bedroom.
需要反复试验才能让一切变得合适。最终，他们把所有的桌子都推到窗边的墙上，几乎可以触摸到，这样马特就可以把沙发靠在一堵长墙上，把一张咖啡桌放在客厅中间。他已经把娱乐中心的架子拿出来开车，但大部分螺栓还在原位。只用了几分钟就把它重新组装起来，马特立即用电视和游戏系统装满了它。尼尔离开他整理电影，回到卧室。

The mattresses were bare, which meant Neil was going to have to buy sheets. He hadn't slept in a real bed since he left Seattle. He'd broken into cars to borrow backseats in California, slept on the bus to Nevada, and dozed in passenger seats while hitchhiking with truckers to Arizona. His house in Millport had been unfurnished, so he'd slept on the floor with shirts as his pillow. Wymack's couch was the nicest thing he'd had in over a year, but now he had a bed.
床垫是光秃秃的，这意味着尼尔将不得不买床单。自从离开西雅图以来，他就没有睡过真正的床。他在加利福尼亚州闯入汽车借后座，睡在去内华达州的公共汽车上，在与卡车司机搭便车前往亚利桑那州时在乘客座位上打瞌睡。他在米尔波特的房子没有家具，所以他睡在地板上，枕着衬衫。Wymack 的沙发是他一年多来拥有的最好的东西，但现在他有一张床。

Sleeping alone would be disorienting. He'd gotten in the habit of sleeping in his mother's bed, as her paranoia didn't want him out of her reach. They slept back to back, guarding each other, the guns under their pillows uncomfortable but reassuring lumps.
独自睡觉会让人迷失方向。他养成了睡在母亲床上的习惯，因为她的偏执不希望他离开她的范围。他们背靠背睡觉，互相保护，枕头下的枪支不舒服，但令人放心。

"I'm heading out to get Dan and Renee from the airport," Matt said from the doorway. "Want to come with?"
“我要出去接丹和蕾妮离开机场，”马特在门口说。“想和你一起去吗？”

"I've got to run by the store," Neil said. "Do you care which bed you sleep in?"
“我必须跑到商店旁边，”尼尔说。“你在乎你睡在哪张床上吗？”

"I'm too tall to sleep up top," Matt said, "and Seth keeps weird hours, so unless you've got a thing with heights you're better off in the loft. I'll be back in an hour or so, and you can hitch a ride with us to the court when the girls are settled. Dan won't believe you're okay until she sees you with her own eyes."
“我太高了，不能睡在上面，”马特说，“而且赛斯的工作时间很奇怪，所以除非你有高处的东西，否则你最好在阁楼里过。我大约一个小时后会回来，等女孩们安顿好后，你可以和我们搭便车去法院。丹不会相信你没事，除非她亲眼看到你。

"I'll be back by then," Neil said, so Matt left.
“到时候我会回来的，”尼尔说，于是马特离开了。

Neil waited until the door closed behind him before shrugging his bag off his shoulder. He walked laps around the dorm room again, this time with a sinking feeling in his gut. His locker was on the other side of campus, and Wymack's locked cabinet was even further away. The only quasi-secure place in the entire room was his dresser, and that was just because the drawers closed all the way. Nothing had a lock on it except the front door.
尼尔等到门在他身后关上，才耸了耸肩。他又在宿舍里走了几圈，这一次他的内心有一种下沉的感觉。他的储物柜在校园的另一边，而威马克上锁的柜子则更远。整个房间唯一准安全的地方是他的梳妆台，这只是因为抽屉一直关上。除了前门之外，没有任何东西上锁。

He could bring the duffel with him, seeing how it was only two miles to the store, but he needed to buy so many things he knew he couldn't carry it all back. He ran through the timing in his head instead, adding up Matt's drive to the airport, the wait for the girls' luggage to show up at the belt, and the trek back. Even if Matt was only gone an hour, he and Neil should get back to the dormitory around the same time. The suite's lock was going to have to be enough for now. Neil could look for a better solution at the store.
他可以带行李袋，因为距离商店只有两英里，但他需要买很多东西，他知道他不能把它们全部带回去。相反，他在脑海中计算着时间，将马特开车去机场、等待女孩们的行李出现在腰带上，以及长途跋涉回来的时间加起来。即使马特只走了一个小时，他和尼尔也应该在同一时间回到宿舍。套房的锁现在必须足够了。尼尔可以在商店寻找更好的解决方案。

He dug his wallet out of the duffel's end pocket and stuffed the bag into his dresser's bottom drawer. It barely fit, but at least it closed. He pressed his fingers to the wood for a second, looking for the courage to walk away, and triple-checked the lock on his way out.
他从行李袋的末端口袋里掏出钱包，把袋子塞进梳妆台最底层的抽屉里。它勉强适合，但至少它关闭了。他用手指按在木头上一秒钟，寻找走开的勇气，在出去的路上三次检查了锁。

The next room down was the girls', and the cousins' room was after that. Nicky was lounging in his doorway. He smiled when he saw Neil.
下一个房间是女孩们的房间，表兄弟们的房间在后面。尼基懒洋洋地躺在门口。当他看到尼尔时，他笑了。

"Hey, stranger," Nicky said. "What'd you think of Matt?"
“嘿，陌生人，”尼基说。“你觉得马特怎么样？”

"He seems fine," Neil said, not slowing on his way by.
“他看起来还不错，”尼尔说，在路上没有放慢脚步。

"He is fine," Nicky called after him with a laugh.
“他很好，”尼基笑着叫他。

Neil took the stairs down, checked his watch at the front door, and ran to the store. The conditioned air felt like heaven on his warm skin as he paced the aisles, taking what he needed without lingering long over the details. He stocked up on everything from bed sheets to hair dye and groceries, and then backtracked for a messenger bag. His duffel bag was the perfect size for everything he owned, which meant there was no spare room for schoolbooks and notepads. He checked the small hardware section, didn't find a lock he thought he could install on anything in his room, and went back to the office and school supplies.
尼尔走下楼梯，在前门看了看手表，然后跑向商店。当他在过道上踱步时，经过调节的空气在他温暖的皮肤上感觉就像天堂一样，拿走他需要的东西，而不是在细节上徘徊太久。他囤积了从床单到染发剂和杂货的所有东西，然后回头买了一个斜挎包。他的行李袋尺寸非常适合容纳他拥有的所有物品，这意味着没有多余的空间放置课本和记事本。他检查了小硬件部分，没有找到他认为可以安装在房间里任何东西上的锁，然后回到办公室和学习用品。

At the end of the row were fireproof safes: too small to fit his bag, definitely too small to fit his clothes, but large enough for what he needed to hide most. Neil lugged one with him to checkout and piled everything onto the belt. The safe made his trip back to the dormitory more than a little awkward, since it was too heavy fit into a bag without tearing it.
排在最后一排是防火保险箱：太小了，放不下他的包，绝对小了，放不下他的衣服，但足够大，可以容纳他最需要隐藏的东西。尼尔拖着一个去结账，把所有东西都堆在皮带上。保险箱让他回到宿舍的路有点尴尬，因为它太重了，不能装进一个袋子里，又不会撕开它。

He knew he made good time, but the girls' flight must have landed ahead of schedule, because Matt's truck was in the parking lot when Neil returned. Neil detoured past it and put a hand to the hood, but he couldn't tell if the heat was from the sun or the engine. He shouldered his way inside and ran upstairs with his heart hammering in his chest.
他知道自己赶得很开心，但女孩们的航班一定提前降落了，因为尼尔回来时马特的卡车正在停车场。尼尔绕道经过它，把手放在引擎盖上，但他分不清热量是来自太阳还是发动机。他扛着肩膀走进去，心在胸口砰砰直跳地跑上楼。

Nicky's door was closed, but now the girls' was partly open. Neil heard voices on his way past but didn't slow to say hello. He hurried to his room. Only when he tested the knob and found it still locked could he breathe a little easier.
尼基的门是关着的，但现在女孩们的门部分开着。尼尔在路过的路上听到了声音，但并没有放慢脚步打招呼。他急忙跑回自己的房间。只有当他测试旋钮并发现它仍然锁着时，他才能呼吸得轻松一些。

He dumped his bags on the bedroom floor to sort through his new things. The sheets went up onto his loft still in their packaging and he piled his scant groceries on top of the dresser. He ripped the cardboard padding off his small safe, skimmed the directions and warnings, and pushed everything else aside to get his bag. It took work to get the drawer open, since his duffel was such a tight fit, but he finally pried the duffel loose and dropped it in front of him. He unzipped it in one long move, folded the flap out of the way, and froze.
他把包扔在卧室地板上整理新东西。床单还在包装中，被送到了他的阁楼上，他把他那稀少的杂货堆在梳妆台上。他撕下小保险箱上的纸板垫，浏览了方向和警告，然后把其他东西都推到一边去拿他的包。由于他的行李袋太紧了，他花了很长时间才打开抽屉，但他最终把行李袋撬开，把它扔在了他面前。他用一个长长的动作拉开了拉链，把翻盖折叠起来，然后僵住了。

On first glance, his bag looked undisturbed. Everything was still in there in the same order he'd left it in, folded but crinkled from recent rough treatment. But Neil got his paranoia from his mother and he packed his clothes in a very specific way. Even a cautious thief would be fooled, since Neil folded everything the same. Neil's code was in the tags. He always bent the tags twice on a shirt in the top layer.
乍一看，他的包看起来毫无干扰。所有东西都还在那里，按照他留下的顺序，折叠起来，但因最近的粗暴对待而起皱。但尼尔从他的母亲那里得到了他的偏执狂，他以一种非常特殊的方式收拾衣服。即使是谨慎的小偷也会被愚弄，因为尼尔把所有东西都折了一样。Neil 的代码在标签中。他总是在衬衫的顶层将标签弯曲两次。

Someone had gone through Neil's things and put it all back—the same order, the same layers, the same neat folds—but the tags were all pressed flat by a too-careful hand.
有人把尼尔的东西翻了一遍，把它们都放回去了——同样的顺序，同样的层次，同样整齐的褶皱——但标签都被一只过于小心的手压平了。

Neil yanked his clothes out and threw them, digging frantically for the binder buried underneath it all. From cover to cover it looked like a stalker's journal. Plastic sheet protectors were stuffed full of newspaper clippings, photographs, and anything else he could find on Kevin and Riko. The clippings were glued to computer paper, which Neil put back-to-back in the plastic slips to create a hidden inner pocket. In those pockets were Neil's most important possessions.
尼尔把他的衣服拉出来扔掉，疯狂地挖着埋在衣服下面的活页夹。从头到尾，它看起来就像一本跟踪者的日记。塑料片保护套里塞满了剪报、照片以及他能找到的关于凯文和莉子的任何其他东西。剪报粘在电脑纸上，尼尔将其背靠背放入塑料纸条中，形成一个隐藏的内袋。这些口袋里是尼尔最重要的财产。

Most slips hid money: certificates for five-digit amounts he could cash out when he needed them, numbers detailing where he and his mother had hidden money while on the run, and rubber-banded stacks of bills. A list of emergency contacts, coded as an immature nursery rhyme, was toward the back. Only one of them lived in the United States. His mother married into an American crime family, but she'd been raised in a British one. Her brother, Stuart Hatford, gave her the list when she ran away from her husband. She in turn gave it to Neil when she died.
大多数单据都藏有钱：五位数的证明，他可以在需要时兑现，详细说明他和母亲在逃亡时藏钱的地方的数字，以及橡皮筋成堆的钞票。紧急联系人名单，编码为一首不成熟的童谣，在后面。他们中只有一个人住在美国。他的母亲嫁给了一个美国犯罪家庭，但她是在英国一个犯罪家庭长大的。当她逃离丈夫时，她的兄弟斯图尔特·哈特福德给了她这份名单。她死后又把它送给了尼尔。

Stuart's phone number was on the next page, buried in a sheet covered top to bottom with random numbers. Neil could only find it using his birth name. It was down as many rows as there were letters in his first name and over as many as there were in his last. Neil had never called it, and he hoped he never had to. There was no point in running away from a murderous family if he just ran into the arms of another one.
斯图尔特的电话号码在下一页，埋在一张从上到下覆盖着随机数字的纸上。尼尔只能用他的本名找到它。它排在他名字的字母排上，排在他名字的字母上，排在他姓氏的字母上。尼尔从来没有打过电话，他希望他永远不必打电话。如果他只是跑进另一个家庭的怀抱，那么逃离一个凶残的家庭是没有意义的。

The last slip in his binder contained a forged optometrist's note. Neil didn't need a prescription, but he couldn't buy colored contacts without a measurement of his eyes' diameter and curvature. Tucked in with it was a box of brown lenses.
他活页夹的最后一张纸条上有一张伪造的验光师的纸条。尼尔不需要处方，但如果没有测量眼睛的直径和曲率，他就无法购买彩色隐形眼镜。里面塞着一盒棕色镜片。

Neil thumbed through the money and did the math in his head. He came up with the right amount, but that didn't make him feel better. If someone had gone through his things and found this binder, then found what it was hiding, how was he supposed to explain himself? Just in cash and certificates Neil was carrying a quarter of a million dollars.
尼尔翻阅着钱，在脑海中算了算。他想出了合适的数量，但这并没有让他感觉好些。如果有人翻阅了他的东西，找到了这个活页夹，然后找到了它藏着什么，他应该如何解释自己？尼尔仅凭现金和证书就携带了 25 万美元。

The fact someone had deliberately come in here and dug through his bag made his stomach hurt with hot anger. The smart thing to do was pretend to not notice anything amiss and wait for the thief to come to him. That was what his mother would do. Unfortunately, Neil had inherited his father's temper, and he'd finally had enough.
有人故意进来翻他的包，这让他的胃疼得热火滚烫。明智的做法是假装没有注意到任何不对劲，然后等待小偷来找他。这就是他母亲会做的。不幸的是，尼尔继承了他父亲的脾气，他终于受够了。

It could have been Matt, but Neil doubted it. It wasn't that he trusted Matt; Neil didn't trust anybody, especially not a man he'd just met. Timing cleared Matt because there was no way he could get to the airport and back, help the girls get their things upstairs, and still have time to unpack and repack Neil's bag. That left one obvious suspect.
可能是马特，但尼尔对此表示怀疑。这并不是说他信任马特;尼尔不信任任何人，尤其是他刚认识的男人。时机让马特明白了，因为他无法往返机场，帮助女孩们把东西搬上楼，还有时间拆开尼尔的包包。这留下了一个明显的嫌疑人。

Neil slipped a finger into the spine of his binder and pulled out the two thin needles that remained of his mother's set of lock picks. He held them between his lips so he wouldn't lose them and set the lock on his safe. He stuffed his binder inside, slammed it closed, and hooked a second lock through the safe's handle. He gave the handle a couple fierce yanks to make sure the locks caught and shoved the safe under his pile of clothes. He spit the picks into his palm and stormed out of his room, slowing just long enough to lock the door behind him.
尼尔将一根手指伸进活页夹的书脊，拔出他母亲那套开锁器剩下的两根细针。他把它们夹在嘴唇之间，以免丢失它们，并把锁锁放在了保险箱上。他把活页夹塞进去，砰的一声关上，然后把第二把锁挂在保险箱的把手上。他狠狠地拉了几下把手，以确保锁被锁住，然后把保险箱塞到他的衣服堆下面。他把镐吐到手掌上，冲出房间，放慢了速度，刚好把门锁在身后。

Neil checked Andrew's door and was unsurprised to find it locked. Neil crouched and got to work, but it didn't take long. It was a cheap lock and easier to handle than the one at his old locker room. Whoever built the dormitory hadn't counted on people like Neil and Andrew, it seemed. Neil rose to his feet, stuffed his picks in his pocket, and shoved the bedroom door open.
尼尔检查了安德鲁的门，发现门锁着，并不感到惊讶。尼尔蹲下开始工作，但没过多久。这是一把便宜的锁，比他旧更衣室的那把更容易作。无论谁建造了宿舍，似乎都没有指望像尼尔和安德鲁这样的人。尼尔站起来，把镐塞进口袋里，推开卧室的门。

Andrew's group was scattered around the living room. Aaron and Nicky were half-sunk into matching beanbag chairs as they played a video game, Kevin was reading a magazine at one of the desks, and Andrew was sitting on the desk closest to the window so he could smoke. They all went still when the door opened and stared at Neil.
安德鲁的团队分散在客厅周围。亚伦和尼基半沉在配套的豆袋椅上玩电子游戏，凯文正在其中一张桌子上看杂志，安德鲁坐在最靠近窗户的桌子上抽烟。当门打开时，他们都静止不动，盯着尼尔。

Andrew was the first to react. He flicked his cigarette out the window and smiled. "Try again, Neil. You're in the wrong room!"
安德鲁是第一个做出反应的人。他把烟甩出窗外，笑了笑。“再试一次，尼尔。你走错了房间！

Aaron paused the game with a stab of his finger and looked at Nicky. "We locked that," he said in German, not quite a question.
亚伦用手指刺了一下游戏，看着尼基。“我们锁定了，”他用德语说，这不是一个问题。

"Last I checked," Nicky answered. He switched to English to offer Neil a friendly, "Hey, sounds like Matt's back. You meet Dan and Renee yet?"
“我上次检查过，”尼基回答。他换成英语，向尼尔友好地表示，“嘿，听起来像马特的回来。你见过丹和蕾妮吗？

The double deceit in their words and Nicky's smile just further infuriated Neil. If the cousins were going to keep using German thinking they could go behind everyone's backs with it, Neil would keep his fluency a secret until the last possible moment. That didn't mean Neil couldn't hit back, so he switched to French and focused his anger on Kevin.
他们话语中的双重欺骗和尼基的微笑只会进一步激怒尼尔。如果表兄弟们要继续使用德语，认为他们可以背着所有人去，尼尔会把他的流利程度保密到最后一刻。这并不意味着尼尔不能反击，所以他改用法语，将愤怒集中在凯文身上。

"Stay out of my things," he snapped. He wished he could take some satisfaction in the shell-shocked looks the language and his furious tone earned, but he felt nothing. "The next time one of you goes where you don't belong I swear I'll make you regret it."
“别管我的东西，”他厉声说。他希望自己能从语言和愤怒的语气中得到一些震惊的表情，但他什么也感觉不到。“下次你们中的一个人去不属于你的地方时，我发誓我会让你们后悔的。”

It was an age before anyone responded. Nicky was too busy gaping at Neil to say anything, and Aaron was staring at Kevin as he waited for a translation. Andrew's surprise gave way to what a fool might mistake for delight, and he leaned forward on the desk.
在很长一段时间内，才有人做出回应。尼基忙着瞪大尼尔，什么也没能说，而亚伦则盯着凯文等待翻译。安德鲁的惊讶让位于傻瓜可能会误认为是喜悦，他靠在桌子上。

"Wow, another one of Neil's many talents. How many can one man have?"
“哇，尼尔众多才能中的另一个。一个人能有多少人？

Neil ignored him in favor of Kevin. "Tell me you understand."
尼尔不理他，转而支持凯文。“告诉我你明白了。”

"I understand," Kevin said in French, "but I don't care."
“我明白，”凯文用法语说，“但我不在乎。

"Start caring. I've let you push me around for two weeks because I know how scared you are about the district change, but I've had enough. Andrew's going to find out about it at tonight's meeting. You should be prepping to handle that explosion instead of harassing me."
“开始关心吧。我让你推着我两周，因为我知道你对选区的变化有多害怕，但我已经受够了。安德鲁将在今晚的会议上了解这件事。你应该做好应对爆炸的准备，而不是骚扰我。

"You worry about your incompetence. I'll worry about Andrew."
“你担心自己的无能。我会担心安德鲁的。

"You'd better," Neil said. "Put a leash on your pet monster or I will."
“你最好，”尼尔说。“给你的宠物怪物拴上皮带，否则我会的。”

"A frightened child like you?"
“像你这样受惊的孩子？”

"Fuck you, cripple."
“去你妈的，瘸子。”

Across the room Kevin's face went white. "What did you call me?"
房间对面，凯文的脸都发白了。“你叫我什么？”

"I called you a deadweight has-been," Neil said.
“我称你为无谓，”尼尔说。

Kevin was out of his chair so fast he knocked it over. Neil backed out of the room and slammed the door closed between them. He'd only made it two steps back toward his room when Kevin yanked the door open again.
凯文从椅子上站起来的速度太快了，把椅子撞翻了。尼尔退出房间，砰的一声关上了他们之间的门。他才向房间后退两步，凯文又猛地把门拉开了。

Kevin got his hands on Neil's neck in an instant and slammed Neil up against the opposite wall. Neil dug his fingers into Kevin's wrists, trying to loosen Kevin's grip enough that he could breathe. He tried to knee Kevin, but Kevin crushed him against the wall with his own body.
凯文瞬间把手放在尼尔的脖子上，将尼尔撞到了对面的墙上。尼尔将手指伸进凯文的手腕，试图松开凯文的手，让他能够呼吸。他试图跪下凯文，但凯文用自己的身体将他压在墙上。

"What the fuck did you call me?" Kevin demanded again.
“你他妈叫我什么？”凯文再次问道。

Neil didn't have the breath to answer. It didn't matter; Kevin's angry voice and the loud smack of Neil's body against the dormitory's concrete walls was enough to fill the hall with Foxes. Andrew was the first to show up in the cousins' doorway, but Matt was the one who went for Kevin. He wrapped an arm around Kevin's throat and wrenched Kevin's head back at a dangerous angle.
尼尔没有气来回答。没关系;凯文愤怒的声音和尼尔的身体撞击宿舍混凝土墙壁的响亮声音足以让大厅里挤满了狐狸。安德鲁是第一个出现在表兄弟家门口的人，但马特是去找凯文的人。他用一只手臂搂住凯文的喉咙，以危险的角度将凯文的头向后扭。

"Get off him, Day," Matt snarled.
“，戴，”马特咆哮道。

"Whoa, whoa, calm down," Nicky said over Andrew's shoulder. "Come on, Matt."
“哇，哇，冷静点，”尼基越过安德鲁的肩膀说。“来吧，马特。”

Kevin let go of Neil with one hand and drove an elbow into Matt's ribs. Matt grunted and tightened his grip, forcing Kevin to release Neil entirely if he hoped to breathe anytime soon. Matt hauled Kevin away from Neil, but Kevin wiggled free two steps later and swung at Matt. Matt deflected it with one swipe and punched Kevin hard enough to send him sprawling.
凯文一只手松开了尼尔，用肘部刺入了马特的肋骨。马特咕哝了一声，收紧了手，如果凯文希望很快能呼吸的话，他就强迫他完全松开尼尔。马特把凯文从尼尔身边拉开，但凯文两步后扭动着挣脱，向马特挥舞。马特一挥就偏转了球，狠狠地打了凯文一拳，让他瘫倒在地。

The look on Matt's face said he was just getting started, but Andrew stepped between them before Matt could go after Kevin again. Andrew was smiling and his stance was casual, but Matt knew better than to try his luck against the short psychopath. Matt took a step back, silently conceding the fight, and shot Neil a worried look. Kevin got to his feet behind Andrew and glared at Neil. Neil refused to look at anyone at all and pretended the far wall was the most interesting thing he'd seen in years.
马特脸上的表情表明他才刚刚开始，但在马特再次追赶凯文之前，安德鲁就挡在了他们中间。安德鲁面带微笑，姿势随意，但马特知道最好不要对这个矮个子精神病患者碰碰运气。马特后退了一步，默默地承认了这场战斗，并向尼尔投去了一个担忧的眼神。凯文站在安德鲁身后，瞪了尼尔一眼。尼尔根本不肯看任何人，假装远处的墙是他多年来见过的最有趣的东西。

The girls chose that moment to step in. One moved up alongside Matt, expression tight with anger. She swept a dark look between Andrew's group and Neil and said, "What do you think you're doing? It's our first day back. Why are we fighting already?"
女孩们选择了那个时刻介入。其中一个人走到马特身边，表情因愤怒而紧绷。她在安德鲁的团队和尼尔之间扫了一眼，说：“你以为你在做什么？这是我们回来的第一天。我们为什么已经打架了？

"Technically we never left," Andrew said, "and Neil's been here a couple weeks, so it's your first day back, not ours." He leaned to one side, looking past her to her roommate. "Hello, Renee. About time!"
“从技术上讲，我们从未离开过，”安德鲁说，“尼尔已经在这里呆了几个星期，所以这是你回来的第一天，而不是我们的第一天。他靠在一边，越过她看向她的室友。“你好，蕾妮。是时候了！

The first girl didn't give Renee a chance to answer. "Explanation now, Andrew."
第一个女孩没有给蕾妮回答的机会。“现在解释一下，安德鲁。”

"You're looking at me like it's my fault." Andrew wagged a finger at her. "Look again, why don't you? Neil's at our room, which meant he brought the fight to us. Dan, your bias is cruel and unprofessional."
“你看着我，好像这是我的错。”安德鲁对她摇了摇手指。“再看看，你为什么不呢？尼尔在我们的房间里，这意味着他把战斗带到了我们面前。丹，你的偏见是残忍和不专业的。

Danielle Wilds turned on Neil next. The Foxes' captain was taller than he was, but not by much. Her brown hair was cut mercilessly short and was disheveled from moving in. She swept Neil with a quick head-to-toe, brown eyes narrowed. "What's the problem?"
丹妮尔·怀尔兹 （Danielle Wilds） 接下来对尼尔发起了攻击。狐狸队的队长比他高，但并不高。她的棕色头发被无情地剪短了，因为搬进来而凌乱。她从头到脚快速扫过尼尔，棕色的眼睛眯起。“有什么问题？”

"There isn't one," Neil said. When Dan jerked a hand between him and Kevin, Neil shrugged. "Just a difference of opinions. Nothing that matters."
“没有，”尼尔说。当丹在他和凯文之间猛地拉了一只手时，尼尔耸了耸肩。“只是意见分歧。没什么重要的。

"We're getting along splendidly," Andrew said. "Neil even agreed to ride to the stadium with us."
“我们相处得很好，”安德鲁说。“尼尔甚至同意和我们一起骑车去体育场。”

"Oh did he?" Dan asked, obviously skeptical.
“哦，他是吗？”丹问道，显然是怀疑的。

They all looked at Neil. The fact it was suicidal didn't mean much anymore, not when Andrew's lot had been through his things. Neil had massive damage control to do.
他们都看着尼尔。自杀这一事实已经没有多大意义了，当安德鲁的命运已经结束了他的东西时，就更不用说了。尼尔有大量的损害控制要做。

"Yes," Neil said. "I figured Matt's truck would be full, so I took them up on their offer."
“是的，”尼尔说。“我想马特的卡车会满员，所以我接受了他们的提议。”

Dan looked ready to argue, but Matt quieted her with a touch on her arm. Dan sent Andrew a suspicious glare, then shook her head. "I don't know who started this, but the fighting stops now."
丹看起来准备争辩，但马特用轻轻的抚摸她的手臂让她安静下来。丹狐疑地瞪了安德鲁一眼，然后摇了摇头。“我不知道是谁发动的，但战斗现在停止了。”

"Always the optimist," Andrew said, and gave Neil his two-fingered salute. "See you soon. Don't run off, okay?"
“永远是乐观主义者，”安德鲁说，并用两根手指向尼尔敬礼。“再见。别跑了，好吗？

"Wouldn't dream of it," Neil lied.
“做梦也想不到，”尼尔撒谎。

Andrew vanished into his room. Aaron and Nicky followed. Kevin was the last to move. He sent Neil a chilly look in parting and slammed the door behind him. Neil was left staring after them and wondering how he was supposed to survive that car ride.
安德鲁消失在他的房间里。亚伦和尼基紧随其后。凯文是最后一个搬家的。他向尼尔投去了一个冰冷的眼神，然后砰的一声关上了身后的门。尼尔盯着他们，想知道他应该如何在那次乘车中生存下来。

CHAPTER SIX
第六章

Neil left reality behind when he stepped into Dan's room. Spending a month with Andrew's cracked lot and a volatile Wymack had almost irreparably damaged his image of the Foxes. Now he was sipping on a glass of sweet iced tea and eating cookies Renee had brought with her from home. They asked him about the fight only once more, and when Neil brushed it aside, didn't press him. Now the girls were going over charity projects they wanted to involve the Foxes in this fall.
当尼尔走进丹的房间时，他把现实抛在了脑后。与安德鲁的裂痕和不稳定的威马克一起度过了一个月，几乎无法挽回地损害了他对狐狸队的形象。现在他正在喝着一杯甜冰茶，吃着蕾妮从家里带来的饼干。他们只问了他一次关于打架的事情，当尼尔把它放在一边时，没有逼迫他。现在，女孩们正在讨论她们想让狐狸队参与今年秋天的慈善项目。

Dan sat propped against Matt's shoulder, fingers twined with his, and nodded as Renee ticked ideas off on her fingers. She seemed friendly enough now that Andrew was out of sight, but Neil had already noted her spine. She was made of sterner stuff, his mother might have said. Neil guessed she had to be to captain a ragtag team like this.
丹靠在马特的肩膀上坐着，手指与他的手指缠绕在一起，当蕾妮在她的手指上勾选想法时，丹点了点头。现在安德鲁已经看不见了，她看起来很友好，但尼尔已经注意到了她的脊椎。她是由更严厉的东西做的，他的母亲可能会说。尼尔猜她一定是这样的乌合之众的队长。

Her roommate Renee was a mystery. The Foxes' senior goalkeeper had bright white hair cut to her chin. The bottom two inches of her hair were dyed in alternating pastel colors. It was interesting enough to warrant a second look, but downright odd when paired with her scant make-up, conservative clothes, and delicate silver cross necklace. Nicky had called her the sweetheart of the team. Neil understood why as he listened to her talk. He had no idea how she qualified for the Foxes' halfway-house team.
她的室友蕾妮是个谜。狐狸队的高级守门员将亮白色的头发剪到下巴。她头发的底部两英寸被染成交替柔和的颜色。这很有趣，值得再看一遍，但当搭配她简陋的妆容、保守的衣服和精致的银色十字架项链时，就显得非常奇怪了。尼基称她为球队的甜心。尼尔听着她的演讲明白了为什么。他不知道她是如何获得狐狸队中途之家球队的资格的。

At five Wymack called to let them know Seth and Allison were on their way to campus from the airport. They were clearing away their glasses when Nicky showed up for Neil.
五点，威马克打电话告诉他们赛斯和艾莉森正在从机场前往校园的路上。当尼基出现在尼尔面前时，他们正在清理眼镜。

"I'm timing you," Dan said, showing Nicky her watch. "I know how long it takes to get to the court from here, especially with the way you drive. You take him straight there, you get me?"
“我在给你计时，”丹说，向尼基展示了她的手表。“我知道从这里到球场需要多长时间，尤其是你的驾驶方式。你直接带他去那里，你明白我了吗？

Nicky waved her off. "Have a little faith in a guy, Dan."
Nicky 挥手让她离开。“对一个男人有一点信心，Dan。”

"That's Renee's job, not mine. Mine is to make sure we start the year with ten working bodies."
“那是蕾妮的工作，不是我的工作。我的任务是确保我们以十个工作机构开始新的一年。

"It's not like we're going to kill him."
“我们不会杀了他。”

"Kevin already tried," Matt pointed out.
“凯文已经尝试过了，”马特指出。

"Nah, that was just a love tap." Nicky beckoned to Neil. "Can we go? These people are making me feel extremely unwelcome."
“不，那只是一个爱的敲击。”尼基向尼尔招手。“我们可以走吗？这些人让我感到非常不受欢迎。

He didn't wait for Neil but vanished into the hallway. When Neil stepped out of the girls' room, Nicky was jogging to the stairwell. Neil had to hurry after him. Nicky waited until they were in the stairwell to slow. He arched his eyebrows at Neil in exaggerated surprise. "So you speak French."
他没有等尼尔，而是消失在走廊里。当尼尔走出女孩的房间时，尼基正在慢跑到楼梯间。尼尔不得不赶紧追上他。尼基等到他们到了楼梯间才放慢速度。他夸张地惊讶地对尼尔拱起眉毛。“所以你会说法语。”

"Yes," Neil said.
“是的，”尼尔说。

Nicky waited a beat to see if he'd elaborate on his own. "Why French?"
Nicky 等了一会儿，看看他是否会自己详细说明。“为什么是法语？”

"My mother's family is French." It was a lie that probably had his British mother rolling over in her sandy grave. "She didn't really give me a choice on which language to study at school. How did Kevin learn?"
“我母亲的家人是法国人。”这是一个谎言，可能让他的英国母亲在她的沙坟里翻了个身。“她并没有真正让我选择在学校学习哪种语言。凯文是怎么学会的？

"You don't know?" Nicky asked. "You knew he'd understand you."
“你不知道？”尼基问道。“你知道他会理解你的。”

"I heard him use it once," Neil said.
“我听他用过一次，”尼尔说。

"Jean taught him," Nicky said. "Jean Moreau? He's a backliner the Ravens imported from Marseille. He and Kevin were tight, and he taught Kevin French on the sly. Hey, maybe you can teach me a couple good pickup lines. Kevin refuses to help."
“吉恩教了他，”尼基说。“让·莫罗？他是乌鸦队从马赛引进的后锋。他和凯文关系密切，他偷偷地教凯文法语。嘿，也许你可以教我几句好的搭讪台词。凯文拒绝帮忙。

"I'm pretty sure I never learned the things you want to say."
“我很确定我从来没有学会过你想说的话。”

"What a waste," Nicky complained.
“真是浪费，”尼基抱怨道。

Andrew was leaning against the car waiting for them. Kevin was already in the passenger seat, and Aaron was in the backseat alone. Andrew was between Neil and the door, so Neil had to stop in front of him. Nicky kept going around the car to the driver's seat, leaving Neil to Andrew's nonexistent mercy.
安德鲁靠在车上等着他们。凯文已经坐在副驾驶座上，亚伦独自坐在后座上。安德鲁在尼尔和门之间，所以尼尔不得不停在他面前。尼基一直绕着车子走到驾驶座上，让尼尔任由安德鲁不存在的摆布。

"You waited for us," Andrew said with feigned surprise. "A liar who practices occasional honesty. Clever. Keeps people guessing. Very effective. I would know. I do it myself, you see. Come on, then. After you."
“你等我们了，”安德鲁假装惊讶地说。“一个偶尔实行诚实的骗子。聪明。让人们不断猜测。非常有效。我会知道的。你看，我自己做。那么，来吧。在你之后。

Neil climbed into the backseat. Andrew followed him in, sandwiching Neil between him and his brother. Nicky already had the engine going. As soon as Andrew yanked his door shut Nicky peeled out of there like he wanted to take the asphalt with him. Neil automatically reached for his seatbelt, but one of the brothers was sitting on it.
尼尔爬上后座。安德鲁跟着他进去，把尼尔夹在他和他哥哥之间。尼基已经启动了引擎。安德鲁一拉上门，尼基就从那里脱了出来，就像他想带走柏油路一样。尼尔自动伸手去拿安全带，但其中一个兄弟坐在安全带上。

Andrew sprawled against his side. "After everything we've done for you, you have to start a fight with us. For shame, Neil."
安德鲁趴在他的身边。“在我们为你做了一切之后，你必须和我们开始战斗。真丢人，尼尔。

"You started this fight a month ago," Neil said. "If you want it to stop, leave me alone."
“你一个月前就开始打架了，”尼尔说。“如果你想停止它，就别打扰我。”

"I like fighting. It's just troublesome when Coach and Abby and the other busybodies start crying foul. Show some consideration."
“我喜欢战斗。当教练、艾比和其他大忙人开始大喊大叫时，这很麻烦。表现出一些体贴。

"You show some consideration and stay out of my things."
“你表现出一些体贴，不要干我的东西。”

"How do you know it was us, anyway? Maybe it was Matt. Innocent until proven guilty fails on an Exy court."
“你怎么知道是我们呢？也许是马特。在被证明有罪之前是无辜的，在 Exy 法庭上失败了。

"I haven't heard you deny it yet."
“我还没听你否认呢。”

"You wouldn't believe me anyway."
“反正你不会相信我。”

"I don't believe anything you say."
“我不相信你说的任何话。”

"Believe this, Neil: you can't put a leash on me. Don't think you can, okay? And don't be stupid enough to tell other people you will. It's not safe. You'll make me want to break you."
“相信这一点，尼尔：你不能给我拴住皮带。你以为你不能，好吗？不要愚蠢到告诉别人你会的。这不安全。你会让我想打碎你。

"You?" Neil said. "You can't."
“你？”尼尔说。“你不能。”

Andrew's smile curved wider. "Ohhh, that sounds like a challenge. Mother may I?"
安德鲁的笑容弯得更大了。“哦，这听起来像是一个挑战。母亲，我可以吗？

"Your mother's dead. I don't think she cares what you do."
“你母亲死了。我认为她不在乎你做什么。

"I know for sure she never did," Andrew said. "Well, she had to take offense to the dying part, but I thought that was rather fun. But you're right." He slapped the heel of his palm against his temple as if something obvious had just occurred to him. "I do as I please. Consider this your official invite, you suicidal wretch. I'm bringing you to Columbia with us this Friday."
“我确信她从来没有这样做过，”安德鲁说。“好吧，她不得不对垂死的部分感到生气，但我认为这很有趣。但你是对的。他用手掌的脚跟拍了拍太阳穴，仿佛有什么明显的事情突然出现在他身上。“我随心所欲。把这当作你的正式邀请吧，你这个有自杀倾向的可怜人。本周五我将带你和我们一起去哥伦比亚。

He let go of Neil and held up five fingers, smiling at Neil through them. "You have five days to meet the others. Five days of practices and all of Coach's ridiculous bonding nonsense. Then it's our turn on Friday. You can get to know us off the court."
他松开了尼尔，竖起五根手指，隔着手指对尼尔微笑。“你有五天的时间与其他人见面。五天的练习和教练所有荒谬的联系废话。然后周五轮到我们了。你可以在场外了解我们。

"We'll take you out to dinner," Nicky said over his shoulder. "We used to live in Columbia, so we know all the best spots. Even better, we've got a free place to crash so we don't have to worry about driving back drunk or exhausted. It'll be a blast."
“我们带你出去吃晚饭，”尼基越过他的肩膀说。“我们曾经住在哥伦比亚，所以我们知道所有最好的地方。更好的是，我们有一个免费的车厢，这样我们就不必担心醉酒或精疲力尽地开车回来。这将是一场爆炸。

"I don't drink or dance," Neil said.
“我不喝酒也不跳舞，”尼尔说。

"That's all right," Andrew said. "Kevin doesn't dance anymore and I never do. You can drink soda and talk to us while the others make fools of themselves. We can't get through this year with this little misunderstanding between us, so we'll take a night off and fix it."
“没关系，”安德鲁说。“凯文不再跳舞了，我也从来不跳舞了。你可以喝苏打水和我们说话，而其他人则出丑。我们之间有这个小误会，我们无法度过这一年，所以我们会休息一晚来解决它。

'Fix' was a strange choice of words. Neil knew one of them would have to break for them to get along, and he was pretty sure Andrew understood that too. It was obvious Andrew expected him to be the first to give ground.
“修复”是一个奇怪的词语选择。尼尔知道他们中的一个人必须分手才能相处，他很确定安德鲁也明白这一点。很明显，安德鲁希望他是第一个让步的人。

Neil knew he should. It was past time to concede. But Neil wanted to prove him wrong, no matter how stupid it was. "If I go, promise me you'll never touch anything of mine ever again."
尼尔知道他应该这样做。认输的时候已经过去了。但尼尔想证明他错了，无论多么愚蠢。“如果我走了，请答应我，你再也不会碰我的任何东西了。”

"So possessive," Andrew said.
“占有欲太强了，”安德鲁说。

"Of course I am," Neil said. "Everything I own fits in one bag."
“我当然是，”尼尔说。“我拥有的所有东西都可以放在一个包里。”

Andrew considered that, then answered with a mad grin. "Okay. One night with us, and no more break-ins. Friday night will be fun."
安德鲁考虑了一下，然后疯狂地笑着回答。“好的。和我们一起度过了一晚，不再有闯入。周五晚上会很有趣。

Neil highly doubted that.
尼尔对此表示高度怀疑。

They reached the stadium a full minute ahead of their more law-abiding teammates and waited on the curb for Matt's truck to arrive. As soon as the upperclassmen parked and got out, Andrew pointed at Neil.
他们比更守法的队友早了整整一分钟到达体育场，并在路边等待马特的卡车到达。高年级学生一停好车下车，安德鲁就指着尼尔。

"Look, one piece."
“看，一件。”

"Are you bleeding anywhere?" Matt asked.
“你在哪里流血了吗？”马特问道。

"Nowhere vital," Neil said.
“没有重要的地方，”尼尔说。

Renee intervened before her friends could react. "Why don't we wait inside for Seth and Allison? We've got a while and it's a little warm out here."
蕾妮在她的朋友们反应过来之前就介入了。“我们为什么不在里面等赛斯和艾莉森呢？我们还有一段时间，这里有点暖和。

"Maybe they'll get in a crash and won't make it," Nicky said hopefully.
“也许他们会撞车，无法成功，”尼基满怀希望地说。

"Really, Nicky," Renee said. "That's a little inappropriate, don't you think?"
“真的，尼基，”蕾妮说。“这有点不合适，你不觉得吗？”

She said it gently, with the hint of a smile on her face, but Neil still felt the rebuke. It was subtler but somehow deadlier than the dirty looks Matt and Dan were sending Nicky, maybe because she was so sweetly disappointed in Nicky's attitude. Nicky dropped his gaze from hers and gave an uncomfortable shrug.
她温柔地说，脸上带着一丝微笑，但尼尔仍然感受到了责备。这比马特和丹给尼基的肮脏目光更微妙，但不知何故更致命，也许是因为她对尼基的态度感到非常失望。Nicky 把目光从她身上移开，不舒服地耸了耸肩。

"Let's go," Dan said, and led the way into the locker room.
“我们走吧，”丹说，然后带路走进更衣室。

Wymack and Abby were perched on the entertainment center in the lounge when they arrived. Dan's annoyance faded under real warmth as she greeted the pair. Andrew's group went straight to one of the couches while Matt waited for the girls on the other. Neil picked a chair where he could keep an eye on everyone. After Renee's friendly greetings, she retired to Matt's couch. They left a space between them for Dan. Dan stayed with Wymack a while longer, chatting animatedly about the summer Exy major leagues.
当他们到达时，Wymack 和 Abby 坐在休息室的娱乐中心。当丹向两人打招呼时，她的恼怒在真正的温暖下消失了。安德鲁的团队直接走到其中一张沙发上，而马特则在另一张沙发上等待女孩们。尼尔选了一张椅子，可以监视每个人。在蕾妮友好的问候之后，她退到马特的沙发上。他们给丹留出了空间。丹在威马克那里呆了一段时间，热烈地谈论着夏季的 Exy 大联盟。

It took almost twenty minutes for the final two Foxes to arrive, and Neil felt the tension in the room change when the door banged open. Neil noted his teammates' reactions and mentally divided the team into four groups: Dan's three, Andrew's four, the new arrivals, and himself.
最后两只狐狸花了将近二十分钟才到达，当门砰的一声打开时，尼尔感觉到房间里的紧张气氛发生了变化。尼尔注意到队友的反应，并在精神上将球队分为四组：丹的三组、安德鲁的四组、新来的和他自己。

Seth Gordon was the first into the room and he brought an attitude problem with him. He didn't look happy to see any of them again after only a month apart and he barely grunted at the staff in greeting. He took a second to scowl fiercely at Neil, but that was it. He threw himself into one of the open chairs, all long limbs and black anger, and glared at the doorway as he waited for his companion to arrive.
塞斯·戈登是第一个进来的，他带来了态度问题。在相隔仅一个月后，他看起来并不高兴再次见到他们中的任何一个人，他几乎没有对工作人员咕哝一声打招呼。他花了一秒钟对尼尔狠狠地皱眉，但仅此而已。他扑进一张敞开的椅子上，四肢修长，怒气熏天，瞪着门口，等待着他的同伴到来。

Allison Reynolds was only a few seconds behind him. She stopped in the doorway to glower across the room at her surly teammate. Neil had seen pictures of Allison when researching the Foxes, but she still required a second look. The Reynolds were billionaires thanks to their world-class luxury resorts. Allison grew up a modern-day princess and a celebrity through her association with her family's clients. Rumor had it she lost her inheritance when she chose Exy and public schools over joining the family business, but Allison still looked like a catwalk star. Everyone else was in jeans and rumpled from moving in. Allison looked ready for a photo shoot with perfect platinum curls, spiked heels, and a skintight dress.
艾莉森·雷诺兹 （Allison Reynolds） 只落后他几秒钟。她在门口停了下来，瞪着房间对面她脾气暴躁的队友。尼尔在研究狐狸队时看过艾莉森的照片，但她仍然需要再看一遍。雷诺兹家族因其世界一流的豪华度假村而成为亿万富翁。艾莉森通过与家族客户的交往成长为现代公主和名人。有传言说，当她选择 Exy 和公立学校而不是加入家族企业时，她失去了遗产，但艾莉森看起来仍然像个走秀明星。其他人都穿着牛仔裤，因为搬进来而皱巴巴的。艾莉森看起来已经准备好拍摄照片了，她留着完美的铂金卷发、尖刺高跟鞋和紧身连衣裙。

"Nice to see you two, too," Wymack said dryly.
“也很高兴见到你们两个，”威马克干巴巴地说。

Allison skipped him to nod at Abby. "You survived the summer."
艾莉森跳过他，向艾比点了点头。“你熬过了夏天。”

"By the grace of God," Abby said. "It doesn't get easier, that's for sure."
“靠着上帝的恩典，”艾比说。“这并没有变得更容易，这是肯定的。”

Allison swept the room with a look, lip curling a little in scorn as she spotted Andrew's group. Her gaze settled on Neil and she studied him a moment, expression calculating.
艾莉森扫了一眼房间，当她看到安德鲁的团队时，嘴唇轻蔑地翘了起来。她的目光落在尼尔身上，她打量了他一会儿，表情有些算计。

"I'm going to sit with you," she said.
“我要和你坐在一起，”她说。

She crossed the room to perch on the arm of his chair. There wasn't really room for her there; she had to lean against him to keep her balance. She wound an arm around his shoulders to keep from sliding off and crossed her legs at the knee. The move slid her short hem further up, showing off a healthy stretch of toned, tanned thighs.
她穿过房间，坐在他的椅子扶手上。那里没有真正的空间容纳她;她不得不靠在他身上以保持平衡。她用一只手臂搂住他的肩膀，以免滑落，并在膝盖处交叉双腿。这一举动将她的短下摆进一步向上滑动，展示了健美、晒黑的大腿。

Neil saw it in his peripheral vision but kept his gaze on Allison's face. His skin stung with the memory of his mother's heavy blows. Life on the run meant no time for friends or relationships, but that didn't stop Neil from checking out girls as he grew older. His mother's watchful eye noticed his lingering looks and increasing distraction. Afraid he'd spill their secrets over a childish crush, she beat him like she could kill his hormones with her bare hands. A few years of this violence and Neil finally got the hint: girls were too dangerous to consort with. Allison was beautiful but off-limits.
尼尔在余光中看到了这一点，但目光一直盯着艾莉森的脸。他的皮肤因母亲遭受重击的记忆而刺痛。逃亡生活意味着没有时间交朋友或交际，但这并没有阻止尼尔随着年龄的增长去寻找女孩。他母亲的注视注意到他挥之不去的眼神和越来越分心。由于担心他会因为一个幼稚的暗恋而泄露他们的秘密，她殴打了他，就像她可以徒手杀死他的荷尔蒙一样。这种暴力经历了几年，尼尔终于得到了暗示：女孩太危险了，不能与之交往。艾莉森很漂亮，但被禁止进入。

"I can move if you want to sit here," Neil said.
“如果你想坐在这里，我可以动一下，”尼尔说。

"No, this is fine." She smiled, but it had a smug edge to it, probably because Seth was glaring at them like he could kill them with willpower alone. Allison looked back at Wymack and flicked her fingers in an impatient gesture. "This will be quick, won't it? It was a long flight and I'm exhausted."
“不，这没关系。”她笑了笑，但又带着一种得意的感觉，可能是因为赛斯瞪着他们，就像他可以仅凭意志力杀死他们一样。艾莉森回头看着威马克，不耐烦地弹了弹手指。“这会很快，不是吗？这是一次长途飞行，我筋疲力尽。

"You're the ones slowing this down," Wymack said, and stabbed a finger at Neil. "First order of business: Neil Josten, our new striker sub. Got anything to say?" When Neil shook his head, Wymack jerked a thumb between Allison and Seth. "You already met everyone else. Here's the last of them: Seth Gordon, starting striker, and Allison Reynolds, our defensive dealer. Questions, comments, concerns? Anyone?"
“是你们在拖慢这一切的速度，”Wymack 说，然后用一根手指刺向 Neil。“首要任务：尼尔·乔斯滕，我们的新前锋替补。有什么要说的吗？当尼尔摇摇头时，威马克在艾莉森和赛斯之间猛地用拇指。“你已经见过其他人了。这是其中的最后一位：首发前锋塞斯·戈登和我们的防守经销商艾莉森·雷诺兹。问题、意见、疑虑？有人吗？

Seth pointed at Neil and said angrily, "I'm fucking concerned—"
赛斯指着尼尔，愤怒地说，“我他妈的很担心——”

Neil guessed Wymack had heard this argument before, because he spoke over Seth like he didn't hear him. "All right, then. Moving on. Abby?" Abby got down from her perch and passed out stapled packs of paper. "Same boring forms as always. Sign your name on the appropriate lines and give these back to me first thing tomorrow. You can't practice until I have these on file.
尼尔猜测威马克以前听过这个争论，因为他对赛斯说话，就像他没有听到他一样。“好吧，那么。继续前进。艾比？艾比从栖息处下来，分发了装订的纸包。“一如既往的无聊形式。在适当的行上签上你的名字，明天第一件事就是把这些还给我。在我把这些存档之前，你不能练习。

"Summer practices start at 8:30. Enjoy sleeping in while you can, because we're moving to 6:00 when the semester starts. We're meeting at the gym. I repeat, we're meeting at the gym. If you're late because you came here instead of there I will put my shoe through your face. You've only been gone for a month. I know you all know how this works."
“夏季训练从 8：30 开始。尽可能享受睡懒觉的乐趣，因为当学期开始时，我们将移至 6：00。我们在健身房见面。我再说一遍，我们在健身房见面。如果你迟到是因为你来这里而不是那里，我会把我的鞋子穿过你的脸。你才离开一个月。我知道你们都知道这是如何运作的。

"Yes, Coach," the team chorused.
“是的，教练，”球队齐声说道。

"Physicals get done before you leave today. Andrew, you're first. Seth, you're going second. The rest of you draw straws or something. It's up to you. Don't even think of leaving before you've seen Abby." He gave Andrew's lot the evil eye. Andrew and Nicky affected innocent looks that fooled no one.
“今天离开之前要完成体检。安德鲁，你是第一个。赛斯，你要排在第二位。你们其他人抽吸管什么的。这取决于你。在你见到艾比之前，甚至不要想着离开。他给了安德鲁的命运邪恶的目光。安德鲁和尼基影响了无辜的外表，没有愚弄任何人。

Abby went to stand behind Kevin. Wymack hesitated before reaching for the papers stacked facedown at his side. "Last order of business from me today is our schedule."
艾比走到凯文身后。Wymack 犹豫了一下，然后伸手去拿脸朝下堆放在他身边的文件。“我今天的最后一件事是我们的日程安排。”

"Already?" Matt asked. "It's only June."
“已经了？”马特问道。“现在才六月。”

"We don't have dates yet, but the ERC's made some changes that will make this spring look like a cakewalk. They're notifying the coaches in our district one by one to try and control the fallout. It has potential to get ugly."
“我们还没有日期，但 ERC 做了一些改变，这将使今年春天看起来轻而易举。他们正在一一通知我们地区的教练，以试图控制后果。它有可能变得丑陋。

"How could it be worse than the shit we dealt with last year?" Seth asked.
“怎么可能比我们去年处理的狗屎更糟糕呢？”赛斯问道。

Matt counted off on his fingers. "The break-ins, threatening phone calls, rabid press, vandalism…"
马特用手指数着。“闯入、威胁电话、狂热的媒体、故意破坏......”

"Personal favorite was when someone told the police we were running a meth lab out of the dorm," Dan said sourly. "Police raids are awesome."
“我个人最喜欢的是有人告诉警察，我们正在宿舍外经营一个冰毒实验室，”丹酸溜溜地说。“警察的突袭真是太棒了。”

"The death threats were creative, though," Nicky said. "Maybe this time they'll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let's vote. I nominate Seth."
“不过，死亡威胁是有创意的，”尼基说。“也许这一次他们会坚持到底，真的杀死了我们中的一个人。让我们投票吧。我提名赛斯。

"Fuck you, faggot," Seth said.
“去你妈的，基佬，”赛斯说。

"I don't like that word," Andrew said. "Don't use it."
“我不喜欢这个词，”安德鲁说。“不要用它。”

"I would say 'fuck you, freak', but then you wouldn't know which one of you I was talking to."
“我会说'去你妈的，怪胎'，但那样你就不知道我在和你们中的哪一个人说话。”

"Don't talk to us at all," Aaron said. "You never have anything useful to say."
“根本不要和我们说话，”亚伦说。“你从来没有什么有用的话要说。”

"Enough," Wymack said. "We don't have time for petty bullshit this year. We've got a new school in our district."
“够了，”怀马克说。“今年我们没有时间做琐碎的废话。我们学区有一所新学校。

Neil glanced at Kevin where he sat white-faced and rigid. Four men on one couch meant Andrew's group was sitting crushed together with Kevin and Andrew in the middle. Even on drugs Andrew couldn't miss the way Kevin went tense, but with his medicine in his veins he thought it was funny. He grinned up at Kevin, but the smile evaporated off his face when Wymack spoke.
尼尔瞥了一眼凯文，他面色苍白，僵硬地坐着。四个男人坐在一张沙发上，这意味着安德鲁的团队被压在一起，凯文和安德鲁坐在中间。即使吸毒，安德鲁也不能错过凯文紧张的样子，但随着他的血管里流淌着药物，他觉得这很有趣。他对凯文咧嘴一笑，但当威马克说话时，他脸上的笑容消失了。

"Edgar Allan's come south."
“埃德加·艾伦南来了。”

Shock silenced the team, but not for long.
震惊让球队安静下来，但时间不长。

"No way," Dan said sharply. "That isn't funny, Coach."
“不可能，”丹尖锐地说。“这不好笑，教练。”

Seth apparently thought otherwise because he started laughing. Aaron, Nicky, and Matt drowned each other out as they demanded explanations. Allison made a shrill noise of disbelief that left Neil's right ear ringing. Renee, like Neil, watched Andrew and Kevin and said nothing.
赛斯显然不这么认为，因为他开始笑了。亚伦、尼基和马特在要求解释时互相淹没了对方。艾莉森发出难以置信的尖锐声音，让尼尔的右耳响了起来。蕾妮和尼尔一样，看着安德鲁和凯文，什么也没说。

Wymack tried explaining the ERC's logic, but he kept his attention on Andrew. It didn't take the team long to notice his distraction. The hubbub slowly died out. As it did, Andrew's smile returned. This time it was all teeth. Andrew's drugs made him manic, but they didn't make him any less vicious. Neil knew what that smile meant and braced for violence.
Wymack 试图解释 ERC 的逻辑，但他将注意力集中在 Andrew 身上。没过多久，团队就注意到了他的分心。喧嚣慢慢平息了。就这样，安德鲁的笑容又回来了。这次全是牙齿。安德鲁的药物使他变得躁狂，但并没有让他变得不那么恶毒。尼尔知道那个微笑意味着什么，并做好了暴力的准备。

"Hey, Kevin," Andrew said. "Hear that? Someone really misses you."
“嘿，凯文，”安德鲁说。“听到了吗？有人真的很想念你。

"The ERC shouldn't have approved it," Kevin said, so quietly Neil barely heard him.
“ERC 不应该批准它，”Kevin 说，所以 Neil 几乎听不到他的声音。

"You said he would come for you."
“你说过他会来找你。”

"I didn't know it would be like this."
“我不知道会是这样的。”

"Liar," Andrew said, and Kevin flinched.
“骗子，”安德鲁说，凯文退缩了。

Andrew twisted to sit sideways on the couch so he could see Kevin better. It put his back against Nicky's side. Nicky leaned away from his deranged cousin, knuckles white where he was holding onto the arm of the couch. Andrew either didn't notice or didn't care how uncomfortable he was making Nicky. He had eyes only for Kevin. Kevin looked sick to his stomach, but he wasn't panicking over this bombshell. Andrew had no problems interpreting that pseudo-strength.
安德鲁扭身侧身坐在沙发上，这样他就可以更好地看到凯文。这让他背对着尼基的身边。尼基从他精神错乱的表弟身上靠开，指关节发白，他抓着沙发的扶手。安德鲁要么没有注意到，要么不在乎他让尼基有多不舒服。他的眼睛只盯着凯文。凯文看起来胃部不适，但他并没有因为这个重磅炸弹而惊慌失措。安德鲁毫不费力地解释了这种伪力量。

"You did know about this," Andrew said. "How long? One day, two days, three four five?"
“你确实知道这件事，”安德鲁说。“多久？一天，两天，三四五？

"Coach told me when it was approved in May."
“教练在五月份批准时告诉我。”

"May. May, Day. Mayday. A little curious, Kevin Day. When were you going to tell me?"
“五月，五月，日。求救。有点好奇，凯文·戴。你什么时候告诉我？

"I told him not to," Wymack said.
“我告诉他不要这样做，”怀马克说。

"You picked Coach over me?" Andrew asked, and laughed. "Ohhhh my. Favoritism, deception, betrayal, how familiar. After all I've done for you."
“你选择了教练而不是我？”安德鲁问道，然后笑了起来。“天哪。偏袒、欺骗、背叛，多么熟悉。毕竟我为你做了这一切。

"Andrew, knock it off," Abby warned him.
“安德鲁，把它打掉，”艾比警告他。

"Help me," Kevin said, almost a whisper.
“帮帮我，”凯文说，几乎是耳语。

Andrew clucked his tongue and cocked his head to one side. "Help you? Help a man who lies to my face for a month? How?"
安德鲁咯咯地吐了吐舌头，把头偏向一边。“帮帮你？帮助一个当面骗我一个月的男人？怎么样？

"I want to stay," Kevin said. "I'll ask you again: don't let him take me away."
“我想留下来，”凯文说。“我再问你一次，别让他带走我。”

"You're the one who would tell him yes," Andrew said. "Maybe you forgot."
“你是那个会告诉他是的人，”安德鲁说。“也许你忘记了。”

"Please."
“拜托。”

"You know how much I hate that word."
“你知道我有多讨厌这个词。”

Kevin stared down at his hands where they were clenched in his lap, eyes on the scar that ran across the back of his hand. Neil had only gotten glimpses of it, since he didn't want Kevin to catch him staring. It was a jagged mess along the thin bones of his hand. However Riko broke his hand, it hadn't been a clean strike. Andrew heaved an exaggerated sigh and held his hand out, blocking Kevin's view of his scar.
凯文低头盯着他紧握在腿上的双手，眼睛盯着他手背上的伤疤。尼尔只是瞥见了它，因为他不想让凯文发现他盯着他看。这是他手上细骨上的锯齿状的混乱。无论莉子如何摔断了他的手，这都不是一次干净利落的打击。安德鲁夸张地叹了口气，伸出手，挡住了凯文看他伤疤的视线。

"Look at me," Andrew said.
“看看我，”安德鲁说。

Kevin turned a haunted look on him. Neil wasn't sure how Andrew could smile at such an empty stare, drugs notwithstanding. Neil felt Kevin's despair all the way across the room, and it was such a familiar feeling he thought he'd be sick.
凯文用鬼魂的眼神看着他。尼尔不确定安德鲁怎么会对着如此空洞的目光微笑，尽管他吸毒了。尼尔在房间里一直感受到凯文的绝望，这种感觉是如此熟悉，他以为自己会生病。

"It'll be fine," Andrew said. "I promised, didn't I? Don't you believe me?"
“会没事的，”安德鲁说。“我答应过，不是吗？你不相信我吗？

It took a while, but at last Kevin visibly relaxed. The dead edge melted out of his eyes as he absorbed every ounce of strength Andrew could give him. The unwavering trust Kevin had in Andrew was amazing. How Kevin thought one psychotic midget could protect him against a family as twisted as the Moriyamas, Neil didn't know. Neil thought he should be impressed, but all he felt was bitterness. He swallowed hard against the churning in his stomach and looked away.
过了一段时间，但凯文终于明显放松了下来。当他吸收安德鲁能给他的每一分力量时，死角从他的眼睛里融化了。凯文对安德鲁坚定不移的信任令人惊叹。凯文认为一个精神病侏儒如何保护他免受像森山一家这样扭曲的家庭的侵害，尼尔不知道。尼尔认为他应该被打动，但他感到的只是苦涩。他忍住胃里翻腾的声音，用力咽了咽口水，把目光移开了。

Wymack watched them a minute longer, then nodded. "The ERC will make their official announcement later this month. They agreed to wait until you were all here where it's easier for us to protect you. That doesn't mean you can be careless. Chuck—that's our university president Charles Whittier, Neil—has reissued orders that reporters stay off our campus without a police escort this summer. You'll see twice as many campus police around, and I need all of you to save their number to your phones just in case. Understand?"
Wymack 又看了他们一分钟，然后点了点头。“ERC 将于本月晚些时候正式宣布。他们同意等到你们都来这里，这样我们更容易保护你们。这并不意味着你可以粗心大意。查克——也就是我们的大学校长查尔斯·惠蒂尔、尼尔——再次下令，今年夏天记者在没有警察护送的情况下离开我们的校园。你会看到周围的校园警察数量是原来的两倍，我需要你们所有人把他们的号码保存在手机上，以防万一。明白吗？

Neil didn't own a phone, but he joined the others in saying, "Yes, Coach."
尼尔没有手机，但他和其他人一起说：“是的，教练。

The room went quiet, and Neil couldn't stand it anymore. "Anything else, Coach, or are we finished?"
房间里安静了下来，尼尔再也受不了了。“还有什么，教练，或者我们完了吗？”

"This is a big deal," Dan said. "It changes everything. You don't understand."
“这是一件大事，”丹说。“它改变了一切。你不明白。

"Neil found out when Kevin did," Wymack said. "I already had the talk with him, so he understands just fine. And no, there's nothing else. Abby, they're all yours. Do with them what you will."
“尼尔在凯文发现时发现了，”威马克说。“我已经和他谈过了，所以他很理解。不，没有别的了。艾比，它们都是你的。随心所欲地对待他们。

Neil got to his feet and started for the door without a backward glance. Dan tried to call him back for his physical, but Abby quieted her.
尼尔站起来，向门走去，没有回头看一眼。丹试图给他回电话检查身体检查，但艾比让她安静下来。

Renee caught up with him outside. "Unfortunately this news means Andrew can't give you a ride back to the dorm," she said. "Kevin needs him right now and that trumps whatever agreement you two had. If you're okay with waiting a bit, though, you're more than welcome to ride with us. There's plenty of room in Matt's truck."
蕾妮在外面追上了他。“不幸的是，这个消息意味着安德鲁不能送你回宿舍，”她说。“凯文现在需要他，这胜过你们两个达成的任何协议。不过，如果您愿意稍等片刻，我们非常欢迎您与我们一起骑行。马特的卡车里有足够的空间。

Neil meant to say no, but what came out was, "Why does Kevin trust Andrew?"
尼尔本想说不，但结果却是，“凯文为什么信任安德鲁？

Renee smiled. "Because he knows he can."
蕾妮笑了。“因为他知道他可以。”

"With so much at stake," Neil pressed, as if she didn't understand what was going on as well as he did. Maybe she didn't. Maybe she couldn't understand what Kevin was risking and what he would face if Andrew failed. She wasn't like them. She was normal, or as normal as the Foxes could hope to be. Gangs and blood feuds were things out of movies. Neil hated that she couldn't understand, but he hated more that he did. "With so much at stake he honestly thinks Andrew is enough?"
“事关重大，”尼尔追问道，好像她不像他一样了解发生了什么。也许她没有。也许她不明白凯文冒着什么风险，如果安德鲁失败了，他将面临什么。她不像他们。她很正常，或者像狐狸们希望的那样正常。帮派和血海深仇是电影里的东西。尼尔讨厌她无法理解，但他更讨厌他这样做。“事关重大，他真的认为安德鲁已经足够了？”

Renee held out her hand to him. "Neil," she said, so gently he wondered if she'd even heard him. "Neil, please wait for us."
蕾妮向他伸出了手。“尼尔，”她说，如此温柔，他想知道她是否听到了他的声音。“尼尔，请等我们。”

"No," Neil said, taking a step back. "I know the way. Thank you."
“不，”尼尔说，后退了一步。“我知道路。谢谢。

He rolled his papers into a tube and jogged away. She didn't call after him, but he felt her stare on the back of his head. As soon as he reached the far edge of the parking lot he sped up to a full-out run.
他把文件卷进一个管子里，慢跑着走开。她没有追赶他，但他感觉到她盯着他的后脑勺。当他到达停车场的远端时，他就加速了全力以赴。

The run did nothing to calm the restless anxiety gnawing at his stomach. He reached the dorm in worse spirits than he'd left the stadium. He tried to distract himself by putting his things away, but he ended up pacing the room with his empty duffel bag in his hands. His fifth time around he couldn't take it anymore. He fell to his knees and yanked at his dresser, hurriedly unloading his few outfits so he could get to his safe. He punched the code in and undid the combination lock, needing to see his binder. He went through it cover to cover, checking and recounting everything.
跑步并没有平息啃咬他胃部的不安不安。他到达宿舍时的心情比离开体育场时还要糟糕。他试图通过收起东西来分散自己的注意力，但他最终手里拿着空行李袋在房间里踱步。他的第五次来，他再也受不了了。他跪倒在地，猛拉梳妆台，匆忙卸下几件衣服，这样他就可以去保险箱了。他打了密码，解开了密码锁，需要看看他的活页夹。他从头到尾地检查并讲述了一切。

He shouldn't have come here. He shouldn't have stayed once he heard about the district change and found out who the Moriyamas were. Andrew getting into his things should be the last straw, even though Andrew hadn't said anything yet about what was in Neil's folder. Maybe Andrew wasn't smart enough to check the slips, or maybe he'd written the folder off the second he realized it was basically a shrine to Kevin and Riko. But Neil couldn't just assume Andrew hadn't found his money. For all he knew Andrew was waiting to throw it in his face later.
他不应该来这里。一旦他听说了地区变更并发现森山一家是谁，他就不应该留下来。安德鲁进入他的东西应该是最后一根稻草，尽管安德鲁还没有说出尼尔文件夹里的东西。也许安德鲁不够聪明，无法检查这些单据，或者也许他在意识到这基本上是凯文和莉子的神殿的那一刻就把文件夹写掉了。但尼尔不能就这样假设安德鲁没有找到他的钱。尽管他知道安德鲁正在等着稍后把它扔到他的脸上。

Panic told him to go now, but Neil couldn't move. A quieter voice beneath his fear kept him from getting up again. Neil still remembered Kevin's breakdown at Wymack's last month. Kevin's fear cut him wide open because Neil knew that feeling. Every day Neil woke up and relearned how to breathe. He gave himself two minutes every morning to calculate his chances of getting caught, weigh the benefits of staying wherever he was, and talk himself through his fear.
帕尼克让他现在就走，但尼尔动弹不得。在他恐惧之下，一个更安静的声音阻止了他再次站起来。尼尔还记得凯文上个月在威马克的崩溃。凯文的恐惧让他敞开了大嘴，因为尼尔知道那种感觉。每天尼尔醒来，重新学会如何呼吸。他每天早上给自己两分钟的时间来计算自己被抓住的机会，权衡无论身在何处都呆着的好处，并说服自己克服他的恐惧。

Did Kevin do the same? The dead look Kevin turned on Andrew today was the same look Neil saw in his reflection. When Neil stopped acting, when he stopped worrying about who was watching, when he let go of the lies that kept him alive, that was the only expression he could make.
凯文也这样做了吗？凯文今天对安德鲁的死气沉沉的表情与尼尔在倒影中看到的表情相同。当尼尔停止表演时，当他不再担心谁在看时，当他放下让他活着的谎言时，这是他唯一能做出的表情。

Neil repacked his safe and dug out the cigarettes he'd bought at the store earlier. He went to the window, undid the two locks that kept it closed, and shoved the pane up as far as he could. A screen kept him from leaning out, but he pressed against it so hard it creaked. He lit a cigarette and watched it burn. The acrid smell of smoke and fire took the edge of his nerves, but the familiar and quiet grief that followed made everything worse.
尼尔重新收拾好保险箱，翻出了他之前在商店买的香烟。他走到窗户前，解开了锁着窗户的两把锁，把玻璃推得尽可能远。一块屏风阻止了他探出头来，但他用力压在它上，吱吱作响。他点燃了一支烟，看着它燃烧。浓烟和火的刺鼻气味占据了他的神经边缘，但随之而来的熟悉而安静的悲伤让一切变得更糟。

No matter how alike he and Kevin really were, the critical difference between them made Neil feel worlds away from all of this. Kevin had Andrew to lean on, and Neil had no one at all to confide his hopelessness and loneliness in. Whether Neil left today or tomorrow or next week, he'd leave alone. Two, five, ten years from now, if Neil was even still alive, he'd still be alone. He could be anyone, anywhere in the world, but he'd be alone until the day he died. He'd never trust anyone enough to let them in.
无论他和凯文真的多么相似，他们之间的关键区别让尼尔感到与这一切截然不同。凯文有安德鲁可以依靠，而尼尔根本没有人可以倾诉他的绝望和孤独。无论尼尔今天、明天还是下周离开，他都会独自离开。两年、五年、十年后，如果尼尔还活着，他仍然会孤独。他可以是世界上任何地方的任何人，但他会孤独地直到他死去的那一天。他永远不会信任任何人让他们进来。

And that was why Neil couldn't go.
这就是尼尔不能去的原因。

Even if everything in Neil screamed at him to run, Neil couldn't do it, not after seeing that little show between Kevin and Andrew today. Maybe he was pathetic, or maybe he was too jealous to walk away. Maybe Neil just needed to understand.
即使尼尔的一切都尖叫着让他逃跑，尼尔也做不到，在今天看到凯文和安德鲁之间的那场小表演之后。也许他很可怜，也许他太嫉妒了，不敢走开。也许尼尔只需要理解一下。

Why did Kevin always get more? Kevin lived with an awful family, but he had a home and a reputation and a following. He grew up in the spotlight while Neil was left looking over his shoulder in a dozen countries around the world. Kevin lost his hand but gained his freedom. He was stubborn enough and skilled enough to pick up where he'd left off, even if it meant learning how to play with his weaker hand. He had a coach and a teammate willing to defy the Moriyamas for him. Why? Why did Kevin deserve all that?
为什么凯文总是得到更多？凯文和一个糟糕的家庭住在一起，但他有一个家、一个声誉和一个追随者。他在聚光灯下长大，而尼尔则在世界上十几个国家/地区寻找他的肩膀。凯文失去了手，但获得了自由。他足够固执，足够熟练，可以从上次停下的地方继续，即使这意味着要学习如何用他较弱的手来玩。他有一位教练和一位队友愿意为他反抗森山一家。为什么？为什么凯文应得这一切？

Why did he deserve Neil? Why should Neil hesitate here and worry about him when Neil's own life was on the line? After the way Kevin treated him this summer, Neil should be happy. This was the perfect time to duck out. The team would assume Neil was a scared kid who couldn't deal with the Moriyama truth and the press would be too busy following Kevin and Riko to dwell on another failed Fox. Neil should send Riko an anonymous thank-you card and go over the border to Mexico.
为什么他配得上尼尔？当尼尔自己的生命处于危险之中时，尼尔为什么要在这里犹豫不决并担心他？在凯文今年夏天对待他的方式之后，尼尔应该很高兴。这是躲开的最佳时机。团队会认为尼尔是一个害怕的孩子，无法处理森山的真相，而媒体会忙于关注凯文和莉子，而无暇纠缠于另一个失败的福克斯。尼尔应该给莉子寄一张匿名感谢卡，然后越过边境前往墨西哥。

But Neil couldn't, not yet.
但尼尔做不到，现在还不能。

He shook a clump of ash off onto the windowsill and pushed his finger against it, smearing it into a dark streak on the white paint. He looked up at the clouds and searched them for his mother's furious face. "One of us has to make it, Mom."
他把一团灰烬抖到窗台上，用手指抵住它，在白色油漆上涂成一条黑色的条纹。他抬头看着云层，寻找着母亲愤怒的脸。“我们中的一个人必须成功，妈妈。”

It wasn't going to be Neil. It was obvious he was too stupid to survive without his mother if he let himself get into messes like this. But maybe Kevin could do it. Maybe he'd get through this somehow, riding his talent and Andrew's psychotic obsession and Wymack's fierce protection. Maybe he'd get through this season on the Foxes' roster and be safe. He'd recover and he'd be free. Neil couldn't leave until he knew Kevin would be okay. He didn't want to find out from half the world away.
不会是尼尔。很明显，如果他让自己陷入这样的混乱之中，他就太愚蠢了，没有母亲就无法生存。但也许凯文可以做到。也许他会以某种方式度过难关，利用他的才华、安德鲁的精神病痴迷和威马克的猛烈保护。也许他会在狐狸队的名单上度过这个赛季并且安全。他会康复，他会自由的。尼尔不能离开，直到他知道凯文会没事。他不想从半个地球之外发现。

He sucked in a slow, deep breath, trying to inhale as much smoke as he could, and watched as his cigarette burned down to the filter. He went through two more cigarettes before his roommates showed up. Neil stubbed the third out when he heard the front door open and scraped ash off the windowsill onto the carpet. He ground the ash in with a shoe, stuffed what was left of the butt into his pack for later, and kicked his things into some semblance of order. His safe was closed and locked, so he went out to greet his teammates. He felt distant as he watched them walk in. Maybe he was already dying, his stupid soul fading from his short body in preparation for a brutal end.
他缓慢地深吸一口气，试图尽可能多地吸入烟雾，看着他的香烟烧到过滤器里。在室友出现之前，他又抽了两支烟。当尼尔听到前门打开的声音时，他把第三个铲了出去，并将窗台上的灰烬刮到地毯上。他用鞋子把灰烬磨碎，把剩下的屁股塞进背包里以备后用，然后把他的东西踢得井井有条。他的保险箱被关上并锁上，所以他出去迎接他的队友。当他看着他们走进来时，他感到很遥远。也许他已经快要死了，他愚蠢的灵魂从他矮小的身体上消失，准备一个残酷的结局。

Seth came in first and heaved his suitcases off to one side. He was mid-rant and needed his hands free for angry gesturing. Matt was behind him with a tolerant look on his face and a third bag in his hands. Matt pushed the door shut and passed the bag to Seth, who threw it after the others.
赛斯第一个进来，把他的行李箱搬到一边。他正在咆哮，需要腾出双手来做出愤怒的手势。马特在他身后，脸上带着宽容的表情，手里拿着第三个袋子。马特推上门，把袋子递给赛斯，赛斯把袋子扔到其他人身后。

Neil wasn't sure who Seth was angriest at: Abby, Allison, or Andrew's group. His rant went back and forth between all of them without a logical pattern. He stopped only when he ran out of colorful language. Finally he threw his hands up in disgust and turned on Neil. "And to make it all worse, I get stuck with a fucking amateur as a sub!"
尼尔不确定赛斯对谁最生气：艾比、艾莉森还是安德鲁的团队。他的咆哮在他们所有人之间来回切换，没有逻辑模式。只有当他用完丰富多彩的语言时，他才停下来。最后，他厌恶地举起双手，转向尼尔。“更糟糕的是，我被一个该死的业余爱好者当替补困住了！”

"Kevin approved him," Matt said.
“凯文批准了他，”马特说。

"Like that makes me feel any better." Seth glared at Neil. Neil stared back, unimpressed by his rage. His apathy only served to incense Seth further. "We were a bad joke; now we're a practical one. When the others find out about this, we're going to win our games only because they'll be too busy laughing to take us seriously. We were supposed to make it this year. I trusted him to pick our sub because he said he could get us past the championships death match. But this is repulsive."
“这样让我感觉好多了。”赛斯瞪了尼尔一眼。尼尔回头凝视着，对他的愤怒不以为然。他的冷漠只会进一步激怒赛斯。“我们是一个糟糕的笑话;现在我们是一个务实的人。当其他人发现这件事时，我们会赢得比赛，只是因为他们会忙于笑而没有认真对待我们。我们本来应该在今年参加。我相信他会选择我们的替补，因为他说他可以让我们通过冠军死亡竞赛。但这令人厌恶。

"At least give Neil a chance," Matt said.
“至少给尼尔一个机会，”马特说。

"Day's fucking with us," Seth said. "It isn't right."
“戴和我们他妈的在一起，”赛斯说。“这是不对的。”

"This attitude isn't right," Matt said, pointing at him. "Kevin would never recruit someone just to make us look bad—we do that well enough on our own. If you want us to win this year, act like it. We need a cohesive offensive line. Since you and Kevin are a lost cause, you're going to have to make it work with Neil."
“这种态度不对，”马特指着他说。“凯文永远不会为了让我们看起来很糟糕而招募一个人——我们自己做得足够好。如果你想让我们今年获胜，那就像它一样行动吧。我们需要一条有凝聚力的进攻线。既然你和凯文是一个失败的事业，你就必须和尼尔一起努力。

"He's short, he can't play, and he looks like he has an attitude problem."
“他个子矮，不会打球，而且看起来态度有问题。”

"Coach says he's got potential." Matt looked at Neil. "Andrew says you're fast."
“教练说他有潜力。”马特看着尼尔。“安德鲁说你很快。”

Neil frowned. "When did he say that?"
尼尔皱起眉头。“他什么时候说的？”

"When do you think, wiseass?" Seth asked. "We talked all kinds of shit about you after you booked it."
“你觉得什么时候，聪明人？”赛斯问道。“在你预订之后，我们谈论了关于你的各种狗屎。”

"Dan asked what they thought of you," Matt said before Neil could react. "Nicky thinks you need more time with us. Aaron says you have to be more aggressive. Kevin didn't say anything, which would normally be weird since Kevin's not known for mincing words, but I guess he's distracted. But Andrew bets you can outrun everyone on this team. Coach said you clocked a four-minute mile back in Arizona. That true? You're a little short to run so fast."
“丹问他们对你的看法，”马特在尼尔反应过来之前说道。“尼基认为你需要更多时间和我们在一起。亚伦说你必须更具侵略性。凯文什么也没说，这通常会很奇怪，因为凯文不以拐弯抹角而闻名，但我想他分心了。但安德鲁打赌你可以跑得比这支球队的每个人都快。教练说你在亚利桑那州跑了四分钟一英里。这是真的吗？你跑得这么快有点矮。

"I like running," Neil said.
“我喜欢跑步，”尼尔说。

"Fuck running," Seth said. "Learn to score. Word is you still can't score on Andrew."
“他妈的跑，”赛斯说。“学会得分。有消息说你仍然无法在安德鲁身上得分。

"No," Neil admitted. "Not yet."
“不，”尼尔承认。“还没有。”

"When you do, you can talk to me," Seth said. "Until then, stay out of my way and try not to drag down my line too much."
“当你这样做时，你可以和我谈谈，”赛斯说。“在那之前，不要妨碍我，尽量不要拖太多。”

"Welcome to the Foxhole Court," Matt added dryly as Seth grabbed his suitcase and stormed into the bedroom. "Hey, let's hit downtown for dinner tonight. We might as well enjoy ourselves before this blows up in our faces, and I don't want to be here when Andrew's between doses. Can you two handle each other while I check with the girls?"
“欢迎来到狐狸洞法院，”马特干巴巴地补充道，赛斯抓起他的手提箱冲进卧室。“嘿，今晚我们去市中心吃晚饭吧。我们不妨在这件事在我们面前爆发之前享受一下，当安德鲁在两次服药之间时，我不想在这里。在我和女孩们核实的时候，你们两个能互相处理吗？

"Probably," Neil said.
“可能吧，”尼尔说。

He and Seth managed to get along until Matt came back, but that was only because they ignored each other. Seth was busy moving in and Neil was happy to stay out of his way. When Seth was done with the bedroom and had moved on to the living room, Neil tidied up the mess he'd made earlier. Matt set up his computer at one of the desks and killed time online until it was time to rendezvous with the others.
他和赛斯一直相处，直到马特回来，但这只是因为他们忽视了对方。赛斯忙着搬进来，尼尔很乐意不碍事。当赛斯收拾完卧室并搬到客厅时，尼尔收拾了他之前弄得一团糟。马特把电脑放在其中一张桌子上，在网上消磨时间，直到与其他人会合。

"Downtown" referred to a long street of shops branching off the campus just a short ways from Fox Tower. Mostly the stores sold campus gear, but there were a couple bookstores and a half-dozen pubs. It was like a ghost town now with so few students around. Half of the places they passed had signs up that they'd reopen closer to fall. The rest stayed open in hopes of drawing in the summer school students and the athletes that would be filtering in over the next couple weeks.
“市中心”指的是距离福克斯塔不远的校园外的一条长长的商店街。大多数商店出售校园装备，但也有几家书店和六家酒吧。现在就像一座鬼城，周围的学生很少。他们经过的地方有一半挂着标志，表明他们将在临近秋天重新开放。其余的保持开放，希望吸引暑期学校的学生和将在接下来的几周内渗透进来的运动员。

They ended up at a place that was half-bar, half-pizza joint. The L-shaped corner booth was perfect for Neil, who could take an end spot on the bench and watch his teammates. He expected the same loud madness he'd seen at Wymack's house his first night in South Carolina, especially after seeing the tension Seth and Allison added to the team, but he was pleasantly surprised. Whatever their differences, the upperclassmen had had years to get used to them, and they carried a table-wide conversation for most of dinner. Even Seth and Allison made attempts to get along, though Neil attributed that civility to the beer.
他们最终来到了一个半酒吧、半披萨店的地方。L 形的角落展位非常适合尼尔，他可以在替补席上占据一个端位并观看队友。他期待着他在南卡罗来纳州的第一个晚上在威马克家看到的同样响亮的疯狂，尤其是在看到赛斯和艾莉森为球队增加的紧张气氛之后，但他感到惊喜。不管他们有什么不同，高年级学生已经有好几年的时间来适应他们了，他们在晚餐的大部分时间里都在满桌交谈。甚至赛斯和艾莉森也试图相处，尽管尼尔将这种礼貌归功于啤酒。

He stayed out of all of it, and for the most part they let him. He'd done the meet-and-greet thing with Dan's group after his fight with Kevin, and Seth and Allison simply didn't care to know him better. The only times anyone asked him anything at dinner was when Dan or Matt wanted his opinion on the matter at hand.
他没有参与这一切，而且大部分时间他们都让他。在与凯文打架后，他与丹的团队进行了见面和问候，而赛斯和艾莉森根本不想更好地了解他。晚餐时唯一有人问他什么的时候，是丹或马特想听他对手头的事情的看法。

They were halfway through dinner when Dan and Matt ducked out. Neil saw them leave, but aside from Allison nudging Renee meaningfully, no one said anything about it. No one mentioned the district change, either, though it had to be on everyone's mind. They pretty much had the restaurant to themselves, but the lack of other chatter meant their voices carried easier.
晚餐吃到一半时，丹和马特躲了出去。尼尔看到他们离开，但除了艾莉森意味深长地推了推蕾妮之外，没有人说什么。也没有人提到选区的变化，尽管每个人都必须想到它。他们几乎独享了这家餐厅，但没有其他闲聊意味着他们的声音更容易传达。

Dan and Matt came back eventually, looking a little worse for wear. Dan picked up their check from the bartender on her way back to the table. Seth toasted Matt with what was left of his beer, but his eyes were on Allison when he did so.
丹和马特最终回来了，看起来磨损得有点糟糕。丹在回到餐桌的路上从调酒师那里拿起了他们的支票。赛斯用剩下的啤酒向马特敬酒，但当他这样做时，他的目光却集中在艾莉森身上。

Dan and Matt led the way back to the dorm hand in hand. Renee walked behind them with Seth and Allison. Neil was happy to take up the rear. When they made it back to their floor, Nicky was waiting for them in the hallway.
丹和马特手牵手带路回到宿舍。蕾妮和赛斯和艾莉森一起走在他们身后。尼尔很乐意在后面。当他们回到自己的楼层时，尼基正在走廊里等他们。

"Hey, Renee," Nicky said. "You mind calling Andrew's phone?"
“嘿，蕾妮，”尼基说。“你介意给安德鲁打电话吗？”

"Did he lose it?" Renee asked, pulling hers out of her small purse.
“他丢了吗？”蕾妮问道，从她的小钱包里掏出她的钱包。

"I did," Nicky said. "And, uh, the man carrying it. He's not answering any of my calls."
“我做到了，”尼基说。“还有，呃，那个拿着它的人。他没有接听我的任何电话。

"Jesus, Nicky," Matt said. "Coach told you to keep an eye on him tonight."
“天哪，尼基，”马特说。“教练告诉你今晚要留意他。”

"I know what he said." Nicky made a face at Matt. "You try it sometime."
“我知道他说了什么。”Nicky 对 Matt 做了个鬼脸。“你找点试试。”

"Where's Kevin?" Dan demanded.
“凯文呢？”丹问道。

"Hasn't left his bed since we got back," Nicky said. "Aaron's watching him."
“自从我们回来后，我就没有离开过他的床，”尼基说。“亚伦在看着他。”

Renee held up a hand to ask for quiet. Everyone fell silent immediately to watch her. She had her phone at her ear but said nothing, likely listening to it ring on the other end. Neil knew someone picked up by the way Renee smiled, but he didn't know how Renee could smile so warmly when she was speaking to Andrew.
蕾妮举起一只手请求安静。大家立刻沉默了，看着她。她把手机放在耳边，但什么也没说，可能是听着电话在另一端响起。尼尔知道有人从蕾妮的微笑中发现了，但他不知道蕾妮在和安德鲁说话时怎么会笑得这么热情。

"Did I wake you?" she asked in lieu of hello. "I was hoping to talk to you tonight, but Nicky says you've wandered off. Oh? All right, then. I'll try again tomorrow. Lunch, perhaps? Okay. Good night."
“我叫醒你了吗？”她代替了问候。“我本来想今晚和你谈谈，但尼基说你走失了。哦？好吧，那么。我明天再试一次。也许是午餐？好。晚安。

She hung up and put her phone away. "He's at Coach's. Maybe Coach wanted to make sure he took his medicine tonight." Renee gave Nicky's shoulder an encouraging squeeze. "He's safe. Kevin's safe. Get some rest. There's nothing else we can do tonight except lock our doors and pray."
她挂断了电话，把手机收起来。“他在教练家。也许教练想确保他今晚吃了药。蕾妮鼓励地捏了捏尼基的肩膀。“他很安全。凯文很安全。休息一下。今晚除了锁上门祈祷之外，我们别无他法。

"Thanks," Nicky said, and he disappeared back into his room.
“谢谢，”尼基说，然后他消失在自己的房间里。

They split up to their rooms to prep for bed. Neil climbed up the wooden ladder to his loft and stretched out on the mattress. The simple pleasure of having a real bed didn't last long. After the lights were out and his roommates had quieted down, Neil was left with just the darkness and his thoughts. He lay awake long into the night thinking about Kevin, and when he slept, he dreamed of his father waiting for him on the Foxhole Court.
他们分开回到自己的房间准备睡觉。尼尔爬上木梯来到阁楼，在床垫上伸了个懒腰。拥有一张真正的床的简单乐趣并没有持续多久。灯熄灭，室友们安静下来后，尼尔只剩下黑暗和他的想法。他睡到深夜都想着凯文，睡觉时，他梦见父亲在狐狸洞庭院等他。

CHAPTER SEVEN
第七章

By Neil's third day on the court, he had no idea how the Foxes made it to championships last spring. His guess that the team was made up of four groups was partially accurate, but the lines he'd drawn were flexible. Whenever Allison and Seth were fighting, Allison ended up with the girls and Seth retreated to Matt. It seemed Allison and Seth didn't believe in middle ground: either they were slinging vile insults at each other or they were making out in the locker room regardless of whoever might be around. Neil didn't know what triggered the abrupt and constant change in emotions. He hoped he never understood.
尼尔在球场上的第三天，他不知道狐狸队是如何进入去年春天的冠军的。他猜测球队由四组组成，部分准确，但他画的线很灵活。每当艾莉森和赛斯打架时，艾莉森最终都会和女孩们在一起，赛斯则退回到马特身边。艾莉森和赛斯似乎不相信中间立场：要么他们互相辱骂，要么在更衣室里亲热，不管周围有谁。尼尔不知道是什么引发了情绪的突然而不断的变化。他希望自己永远不明白。

The entire first week of summer practices was eaten up by in-fighting as the court hierarchy fell into place again. When Dan was acting as their captain, she ruled them with the same angry spine Neil saw that first day. She didn't hesitate to push people into line and the Foxes let her have the final say in everything. Even Andrew followed her orders, though Neil guessed it was because he was amused by her supposed fearlessness.
随着球场等级制度再次到位，整个夏季训练的第一周都被内讧吞噬了。当丹担任他们的队长时，她用尼尔第一天看到的同样愤怒的脊梁来统治他们。她毫不犹豫地把人们推到队伍里，狐狸队让她对一切有最终决定权。就连安德鲁也听从了她的命令，尽管尼尔猜测这是因为他被她所谓的无所畏惧逗乐了。

Kevin knew more about the sport than any of them ever would and he had some lingering authority from his stint as their assistant coach, but his cold personality was a turn-off and his approach made it hard for the others to listen to him without snapping back. He caused the majority of the arguments that week, and most of those fights were between him and Seth. Kevin and Seth hated each other with a loathing second only to what Seth and Nicky felt for each other. It took only one wrong word to turn their arguments into physical brawls. The fighting hit a peak on Wednesday afternoon when Andrew left practice early for his weekly therapy session. The second he vanished, Seth went for Kevin with fists flying.
凯文对这项运动的了解比他们中的任何人都多，他在担任助理教练期间拥有一些挥之不去的权威，但他冷酷的性格让人反感，他的做法让其他人很难听他的话而不反击。那一周的大部分争吵都是他引起的，其中大部分争吵都是他和赛斯之间的。凯文和赛斯互相憎恨，其厌恶程度仅次于赛斯和尼基对彼此的感情。只需要一个错误的词，他们的争论就变成了肢体冲突。周三下午，安德鲁提前离开训练，参加每周一次的治疗，战斗达到顶峰。他消失的那一刻，赛斯挥舞着拳头去找凯文。

Matt was the brute force that kept them in line when Dan's words weren't enough. Because of Kevin's injury and Andrew's apathy, Matt was also the best player the Foxes had. Neil privately thought Matt should have been named captain because of the solidarity he could bring the team. Whatever happened between him and Andrew last year, he seemed to have an understanding with the cousins, which meant the Foxes had a solid defense line. His relationship with Kevin was harder for Neil to figure out. His skill and commitment meant Kevin was willing to work with and listen to him, but the two of them went from perfect understanding to outright antagonism constantly. It reminded Neil a little of Allison and Seth, except without the desperate sexual undertones.
马特是当丹的话还不够时让他们保持一致的蛮力。由于凯文的受伤和安德鲁的冷漠，马特也是狐狸队最好的球员。尼尔私下里认为马特应该被任命为队长，因为他可以为球队带来团结。无论去年他和安德鲁之间发生了什么，他似乎都与表兄弟们达成了默契，这意味着狐狸队拥有了一道坚固的防线。他和凯文的关系对尼尔来说更难弄清楚。他的技巧和承诺意味着凯文愿意与他合作并倾听他的意见，但他们两个不断从完全理解变成彻头彻尾的对立。这让尼尔想起了艾莉森和赛斯，只是没有绝望的性暗示。

Renee was next in line and the eye of the storm. She doled out friendly advice, encouraged her teammates' efforts, and played mediator occasionally. She didn't get involved in the others' fights, either to take sides or preach peace, and no one argued with a word she said. Even Andrew seemed quite taken with her. Neil saw them talking off to the side several times throughout the week. It was obvious no one else approved of their odd friendship, but neither goalkeeper paid any mind to the unhappy looks sent their way. Neil wasn't sure what to make of it. He was less sure what to think about Renee, so he avoided her whenever he could.
蕾妮是紧随其后的，也是风暴之眼。她提供友好的建议，鼓励队友的努力，偶尔也会扮演调解人的角色。她没有卷入别人的争斗，要么站队，要么宣扬和平，也没有人为她说的一句话争论。就连安德鲁似乎也很喜欢她。尼尔看到他们在一周内多次在一旁交谈。很明显，没有其他人赞成他们奇怪的友谊，但两位守门员都没有在意他们不高兴的眼神。尼尔不确定该怎么看待它。他不太确定该怎么看待蕾妮，所以他尽可能避开她。

The rest of the Foxes fell in under them in an ever-shifting order. Seth's position on the team varied the most. He was the team's only fifth-year, since everyone else from his starting line had quit or flunked out by now, but he was too much of an isolationist to make much of a difference on the court. His mood was so volatile Neil was sure he had to be on something. Why Abby and Wymack hadn't put an end to it, Neil didn't know. Allison carried weight because of her seniority and her aggressive attitude on the court, but she absolutely loathed the cousins and didn't like working with them.
其余的狐狸队则以不断变化的顺序落入他们之下。赛斯在球队中的位置变化最大。他是球队唯一的五年级球员，因为他的首发线上的其他人现在都已经退出或失败了，但他太孤立了，无法在球场上发挥太大作用。他的情绪如此不稳定，尼尔确信他一定在做什么。为什么艾比和威马克没有结束这一切，尼尔不知道。艾莉森因为她的资历和她在球场上的咄咄逼人的态度而负重，但她绝对厌恶表兄弟，不喜欢和他们一起工作。

Aaron was a better player than Nicky was, but he kept a clinical distance from it all. Nicky gave it everything he had, but he liked dramatic plays and liked picking fights with Allison and Seth even more. Andrew's position was hard to figure out. His influence over Kevin and his skill made him useful, but he put in as little effort as Wymack let him get away with.
亚伦是一名比尼基更好的球员，但他与这一切保持着临床距离。尼基竭尽全力，但他喜欢戏剧性的戏剧，更喜欢与艾莉森和赛斯打架。安德鲁的立场很难弄清楚。他对凯文的影响和他的技能使他很有用，但他付出的努力与威马克让他逃脱的努力一样少。

Neil didn't have a place in that hierarchy yet. His teammates held so little regard for him he didn't even have the dubious honor of being dead last. He wasn't surprised, since he was an inexperienced newcomer to their mess, but that didn't make it easier to deal with. Dan tried her hardest to include him, checking on him anytime she was near him on the court, but she had her hands full managing the rest of her team. Allison didn't take Neil seriously, Matt was too far away to help, and Neil didn't want to deal with Renee. The cousins were keeping their distance this week. That left Seth and Kevin.
尼尔还没有在这个等级制度中占有一席之地。他的队友们对他非常不重视，他甚至没有最后一名的可疑荣誉。他并不感到惊讶，因为他是他们烂摊子中一个没有经验的新手，但这并没有让事情变得更容易处理。丹尽最大努力让他参与进来，每当她在球场上靠近他时都会检查他，但她忙于管理团队的其他成员。艾莉森没有把尼尔当回事，马特离得太远，帮不上忙，尼尔也不想对付蕾妮。这周，表兄弟俩保持距离。这就剩下赛斯和凯文了。

Kevin and Seth had to deal with Neil since he was on their line, but Neil would rather they ignored him entirely. Nothing he did was right in their eyes. They tore him apart and kicked him aside as useless no matter how hard he tried. Neil hated their attitudes, but he was determined not to lose his temper in front of the team again. Luckily the strikers were as willing to fight over him as they were with him, so he took what comfort he could in watching Seth and Kevin duke it out with fists and sticks.
凯文和赛斯不得不对付尼尔，因为尼尔是他们的线路，但尼尔宁愿他们完全无视他。在他们眼中，他所做的一切都是正确的。他们把他撕成碎片，把他踢到一边，认为无论他怎么努力都没用。尼尔讨厌他们的态度，但他决心不再在球队面前发脾气。幸运的是，前锋们和他一样愿意为他而战，所以他尽可能地安慰着看着赛斯和凯文用拳头和棍棒决斗。

Wymack rarely interfered in the fighting. He let them brawl and then punished them with intense cardio and excruciating drills. Seemed he'd long ago decided his team could only function by testing themselves against each other and establishing their own ranking. Neil thought it madness at first, but as the week progressed he could see the team finally figuring out the limits and alliances between them.
威马克很少干涉战斗。他让他们争吵，然后用剧烈的有氧运动和令人痛苦的训练来惩罚他们。似乎他很久以前就决定他的团队只能通过相互测试并建立自己的排名来运作。尼尔一开始认为这很疯狂，但随着一周的过去，他可以看到团队终于弄清楚了他们之间的界限和联盟。

By the time Friday rolled around, Neil was desperate for the weekend. The stress of worrying about Kevin and Riko, the irritation and exasperation over his teammates' behavior on the court, and Kevin and Seth's unending, angry condescension were wearing him down. He couldn't deal with it any longer, but he couldn't escape from it, either. He spent all day with the Foxes at practice, then went back to the dorm and saw them all evening too. Neil was being suffocated by their very presence. All he wanted to do was vanish from campus for the weekend. He had to find some breathing room before he cracked.
到周五到来时，尼尔已经迫切地想过周末了。担心凯文和莉子的压力，对队友在球场上行为的恼怒和愤怒，以及凯文和赛斯无休止的愤怒居高临下，都让他疲惫不堪。他再也无法应对了，但他也无法逃脱。他和狐狸队一起训练了一整天，然后回到宿舍，也整晚都见到了他们。尼尔被他们的存在吓得窒息了。他想做的就是周末从校园里消失。他必须在破裂之前找到一些喘息的空间。

He'd forgotten about Andrew's plans for him. When Neil left the shower after Friday's practice he expected everyone else to be gone. Neil rode to practices with the team, sharing the bed of Matt's truck with Allison, Seth, and Renee, but he always ran back to the dorm alone afterwards. The others caught on within a couple days that Neil liked leaving after them, and none of them had asked him why. They didn't try to change his mind and stopped waiting on him after the second day. Maybe it was a Fox thing, knowing when there were boundaries they really shouldn't cross and questions they'd never get answers to. Neil wasn't sure, but he appreciated it.
他已经忘记了安德鲁对他的计划。当尼尔在周五的训练结束后离开淋浴间时，他预计其他人都会离开。尼尔和球队一起骑车去训练，与艾莉森、赛斯和蕾妮共用马特卡车的车厢，但之后他总是独自跑回宿舍。其他人在几天内就发现尼尔喜欢在他们身后离开，而且他们都没有问过他为什么。他们没有试图改变他的想法，第二天后就不再等他了。也许这是福克斯的事情，知道当他们真的不应该跨越界限和他们永远得不到答案的问题时。尼尔不确定，但他很感激。

Friday was different, though. Neil lugged his dirty uniform into the locker room and saw Nicky waiting on one of the benches with a black gift bag.
不过，周五不同。尼尔拖着脏兮兮的制服走进更衣室，看到尼基拿着一个黑色的礼品袋在其中一张长椅上等着。

"You survived your first week," Nicky said. "Did you have fun?"
“你熬过了第一周，”尼基说。“你玩得开心吗？”

"Is it going to be like this all summer?"
“整个夏天都会这样吗？”

"Pretty much," Nicky said. "At least it's never boring, right?"
“差不多，”尼基说。“至少从来不会无聊，对吧？”

Neil dropped his uniform in one of the laundry baskets, checked his locker to make sure it was secure, and turned to find Nicky standing right at his back. Neil put a hand up to shove Nicky out of his space. Nicky was expecting it and pushed the black bag into Neil's open palm.
尼尔把他的制服扔进一个洗衣篮里，检查他的储物柜以确保它安全，然后转身发现尼基就站在他的背后。尼尔举起一只手，将尼基推出他的空间。尼基在意料之中，把黑色袋子塞进了尼尔张开的手掌里。

"This is for you," Nicky said. "Andrew said you don't have anything appropriate for where we're going. He told me what size to get you, and I picked it out. Trust me, it's awesome."
“这是给你的，”尼基说。“安德鲁说你没有任何适合我们要去的地方的东西。他告诉我要给你买什么尺码，我挑选了它。相信我，这太棒了。

Neil stared at him, thrown. "What?"
尼尔盯着他，被扔了。“什么？”

"You didn't forget about our party, did you? Here." Nicky hooked the twine handle over Neil's fingers. Neil watched him do it, trying to remember the last time someone gave him a gift and coming up blank. That his first one should be from Andrew was unsettling.
“你没有忘记我们的聚会，是吗？在这里。尼基把麻绳柄勾在尼尔的手指上。尼尔看着他这样做，试图回忆上次有人送他礼物是什么时候，然后一脸茫然。他的第一个应该是安德鲁发来的，这令人不安。

Nicky misinterpreted his discomfort as suspicion and laughed. "No catch. It's more for us than you, honestly. We can't be seen with you in public if you look like a raggedy hobo. No offense." He waited a beat before finally realizing something wasn't right. "Neil?"
尼基将他的不适误解为怀疑，笑了起来。“没有问题。老实说，这更适合我们而不是你。如果你看起来像一个衣衫褴褛的流浪汉，我们就不能在公共场合和你在一起。无意冒犯。他等了一会儿，才终于意识到事情不对劲。“尼尔？”

"Thank you," Neil said, but even he heard the uncertainty in it.
“谢谢你，”尼尔说，但即使是他也听到了其中的不确定性。

Nicky studied him. Neil stared back, refusing to give anything else away. Finally Nicky tweaked Neil's hair. "We'll pick you up at nine, all right? I suggest napping until then. We'll be out all night. We've got all the right contacts to keep the party going until dawn." Nicky grinned and gave Neil's hair another tug. "Speaking of, ditch them tonight. Your contacts, I mean."
尼基研究着他。尼尔回头凝视着，拒绝透露任何其他东西。最后，尼基给尼尔理了理头发。“我们九点来接你，好吗？我建议在那之前小睡一下。我们会整晚都在外面。我们有所有合适的联系人，可以让派对持续到黎明。Nicky 咧嘴一笑，又拽了拽 Neil 的头发。“说到，今晚就抛弃他们吧。我的意思是你的联系人。

Neil's stomach roiled. "Shut up."
尼尔的胃在翻腾。“闭嘴。”

Nicky gave an exaggerated look around as if checking for eavesdroppers. "Look, it's not like they're a secret. Anyone who's looking can see the ring in your eyes that means you're wearing lenses. I saw 'em day one. I just didn't think they were fashion lenses until Andrew said so. And seriously? Brown? How boring can you be?"
尼基夸张地环顾四周，似乎在检查是否有窃听者。“听着，这不像是秘密。任何在看的人都可以看到你眼中的环，这意味着你戴着镜片。我第一天就看到了他们。我只是不认为它们是时尚镜头，直到安德鲁这么说。说真的？棕色？你能有多无聊？

"I like brown."
“我喜欢棕色。”

"Andrew doesn't," Nicky said. "Take them out."
“安德鲁没有，”尼基说。“把他们拿出来。”

"No."
“没有。”

"Please," Nicky said. "No one's going to see you but us, and we already know they're a lie. Don't wear them."
“拜托，”尼基说。“除了我们之外，没有人会看到你，我们已经知道他们是谎言。不要穿它们。

"Or what?" Neil asked.
“或者什么？”尼尔问道。

Nicky's silence was answer enough. Neil was ready to brush that warning off, but he caught himself. He was sure he could hold his ground against Andrew, but he wasn't facing Andrew alone. He was going out with Andrew's entire group half the state away from here. Nicky was honestly trying to help him get the night off on the right foot. Neil didn't think much of that consideration. He knew which side Nicky would take if things got ugly.
尼基的沉默已经足够回答了。尼尔准备置之不理，但他发现了自己。他确信自己可以坚守阵地对抗安德鲁，但他面对的并不是安德鲁一个人。他要和安德鲁的整个团队一起出去，离这里有半个州。尼基老实说，试图帮助他以正确的方式度过这个夜晚。尼尔并没有多想这个考虑。他知道如果事情变得丑陋，尼基会站在哪一边。

"Nine," Nicky said again, when Neil didn't answer, and left.
“九点，”尼基又说了一遍，尼尔没有回答，然后离开了。

Neil gave him a few minutes' head start. When he was sure the cousins were long gone, he jogged across campus to the library and killed a few hours scouring the news in the computer lab. He picked up a small dinner on the way back to the dorm at one of the university's three convenience stores.
尼尔给了他几分钟的领先时间。当他确定表兄弟们早已不在时，他慢跑穿过校园来到图书馆，并在计算机实验室里搜索新闻，消磨了几个小时。他在返回宿舍的路上，在大学的三家便利店之一买了一顿小晚餐。

His dorm room was empty. He dimly remembered Matt saying something about going to the movies with Dan. Neil didn't know where Seth was, but luckily he was still gone when it was time for Neil to get ready. He was alone, but Neil checked the lock on the dorm door before gathering his clothes. The bedroom didn't have a lock, which bothered him, but the bathroom did. He shut himself in there to get ready.
他的宿舍空无一人。他依稀记得马特说过一些和丹一起去看电影的话。尼尔不知道赛斯在哪里，但幸运的是，当尼尔准备的时候，他仍然不在。他独自一人，但尼尔在收拾衣服之前检查了宿舍门上的锁。卧室没有锁，这让他很困扰，但浴室有。他把自己关在那里做好准备。

When he was finished changing, he took a long minute to study his reflection. He wasn't sure what to make of the result. No matter how many times he and his mother changed their identities and languages, one thing stayed the same: they aimed for nondescript fashion that would blend in with an everyday crowd. Neil wore faded tees and plain jeans and worn sneakers, generally in pale colors that helped wash him out further.
当他换完衣服后，他花了很长时间研究他的倒影。他不确定该如何看待这个结果。无论他和他的母亲改变了多少次身份和语言，有一点是一样的：他们的目标是与日常人群融为一体的不起眼的时尚。尼尔穿着褪色的 T 恤和素色牛仔裤，穿着破旧的运动鞋，通常颜色较浅，有助于进一步洗掉他。

This outfit was the complete opposite, and every piece of it was black. The cargoes were light and cut to accommodate a pair of heavy boots. The shirt was long-sleeved, tight, and fashioned to look like it'd torn through in places. A charcoal inner layer peeked out through the gashes, hiding Neil's skin, but he ran his hands over the cloth a dozen times to make sure there weren't any open holes. He was sure he could feel his scars through the thin cloth.
这件衣服完全相反，每一件都是黑色的。货物很轻，剪裁得可以容纳一双沉重的靴子。这件衬衫是长袖的，紧身的，看起来像是有些地方被撕破了。一层木炭内层从伤口中露出来，遮住了尼尔的皮肤，但他用手在布上摸了十几下，以确保没有任何开放的洞。他确信他能透过薄布感觉到自己的伤疤。

There was only one thing left to change. Neil's stomach churned a little with nerves when he took his contacts out. He blinked a couple times, adjusting to their absence, and flushed the brown lenses down the toilet. A glance at the mirror almost took his breath away. It'd been over a year since Neil had seen his real eyes, since he never left bed without putting his contacts in. His eyes were a chilly shade of blue that only looked brighter against his black hair and clothes. He couldn't look at them for long; they were his father's eyes.
只剩下一件事需要改变。当尼尔拿出隐形眼镜时，他的胃有点紧张。他眨了几下眼，适应了他们的缺席，然后把棕色镜片冲进了马桶。瞥了一眼镜子，他几乎屏住了呼吸。尼尔已经一年多没有看到他的真眼了，因为他从来没有不戴隐形眼镜就离开床。他的眼睛是一双冰冷的蓝色，在他黑色的头发和衣服的映衬下显得更加明亮。他不能看他们太久;那是他父亲的眼睛。

Neil gathered his clothes and left the bathroom. As he turned into his bedroom to drop his clothes off, he caught a glimpse of Andrew's group in the living room. Andrew had picked his lock again. Neil debated how much damage the thick heels of his new boots would do against Andrew's face and liked what his mind came up with.
尼尔收拾好衣服，离开了浴室。当他转身进入卧室准备放下衣服时，他瞥见了客厅里安德鲁的一群人。安德鲁又把锁撬开了。尼尔争论着他的新靴子的粗跟对安德鲁的脸会造成多大的伤害，并喜欢他的想法。

He put his laundry into the bottom drawer of his dresser, which he'd decided to use in lieu of a hamper, and turned to see Andrew in the doorway to the bedroom. Andrew lounged against the doorframe, arms folded over his chest, and studied Neil. Neil took the chance to look him over, noting first and foremost the lack of an expression on Andrew's face. Andrew was sober tonight. Neil wondered if Andrew understood the terms of his parole or just didn't care.
他把衣服放进梳妆台最底层的抽屉里，他决定用它来代替篮子，然后转身看到安德鲁在卧室的门口。安德鲁靠在门框上，双臂交叉在胸前，打量着尼尔。尼尔趁机打量了他一眼，首先注意到安德鲁脸上没有表情。安德鲁今晚很清醒。尼尔想知道安德鲁是否理解他的假释条款，或者只是不在乎。

Neil couldn't leave with Andrew in the way, so he stopped as close to Andrew as he dared and waited for Andrew to move. Andrew did, but only to reach out for Neil with one hand. Neil tensed as Andrew's fingers wrapped around the back of his neck, but Andrew only wanted to pull Neil's head down. Neil focused on Andrew's cheekbone so as not to go cross-eyed and let Andrew study his eyes.
尼尔不能在安德鲁的挡路的情况下离开，所以他尽可能地靠近安德鲁，等待安德鲁移动。安德鲁做到了，但只是用一只手伸向尼尔。当安德鲁的手指缠绕在他的后颈时，尼尔绷紧了，但安德鲁只想把尼尔的头拉下来。尼尔把注意力集中在安德鲁的颧骨上，以免斗鸡眼，让安德鲁研究他的眼睛。

"Another bit of unexpected honesty," Andrew said. "Any particular reason?"
“又有一点意想不到的诚实，”安德鲁说。“有什么特别的原因吗？”

"Nicky asked nicely. You might try it sometime."
“尼基问得很漂亮。你也许有一天可以尝试一下。

"We already talked about this. I don't ask." Andrew gave Neil another slow once-over and let go. "We're going."
“我们已经讨论过这个问题了。我不问。安德鲁又慢了一遍尼尔，然后松开了手。“我们要走了。”

Nicky perked up as the two stepped into the living room, but his happy expression faltered when he got a look at Neil. "Oh, man. Neil, you clean up good. Can I say that, or is that against the rules? Just—damn. Aaron, don't let me get too drunk tonight."
当两人走进客厅时，尼基振作起来，但当他看到尼尔时，他高兴的表情动摇了。“哦，伙计。尼尔，你清理得很好。我可以这么说吗，还是违反规则？只是——该死的。亚伦，今晚别让我喝得太醉了。

Andrew stopped by Nicky long enough to pull a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He lit one, never mind that the dormitory rooms came equipped with smoke detectors, and put his lighter in Nicky's face.
安德鲁在尼基身边停了足够长的时间，从口袋里掏出一包烟。他点燃了一根，别管宿舍里装有烟雾探测器，然后把打火机放在尼基的脸上。

"Don't make me kill you," Andrew said.
“别让我杀了你，”安德鲁说。

Nicky held up his hands in self-defense. "I know."
尼基举起双手进行自卫。“我知道。”

"Do you?"
“你是吗？”

"Promise," Nicky said weakly.
“答应，”尼基虚弱地说。

Andrew put his lighter away and left the room. Kevin and Aaron followed. Nicky raked Neil with a last appreciative look and went out to the hall. He waited with Neil while Neil locked the door. They trailed the others downstairs to the car in silence.
安德鲁把打火机收起来，离开了房间。凯文和亚伦紧随其后。尼基用最后的欣赏眼神耙了尼尔一眼，然后走到了大厅里。他和尼尔一起等着，而尼尔则锁上了门。他们默默地跟着其他人下楼到车上。

Neil ended up in the same spot as last time, stuck between Aaron and Andrew in the backseat. Neil expected trouble, but the brothers propped themselves against their respective windows and dozed off within minutes of leaving campus. Neil couldn't sleep in such company, so he spent the hour wondering how many things could go wrong tonight. It was an extensive list.
尼尔最终和上次一样，被困在后座的亚伦和安德鲁之间。尼尔预料到会遇到麻烦，但兄弟俩靠在各自的窗户上，在离开校园几分钟后就打瞌睡了。尼尔在这样的陪伴下睡不着觉，所以他花了一个小时想知道今晚会出多少问题。这是一个广泛的清单。

When the car's headlights first started flashing over exit signs for Columbia, Nicky motioned over his shoulder at Neil. "Wake Andrew up, will you? Preferably without touching him."
当汽车的前灯第一次开始在哥伦比亚的出口标志上闪烁时，尼基越过肩膀向尼尔示意。“叫醒安德鲁，好吗？最好不要碰他。

"What?" Aaron asked sleepily, rousing at Nicky's voice.
“什么？”亚伦睡眼惺忪地问道，被尼基的声音唤醒了。

"I can't remember which exit we decided was the shortcut. You?"
“我不记得我们决定哪个出口是捷径。你？

Aaron answered by reaching around Neil and pushing Andrew's shoulder. Andrew's reaction was immediate and violent. Aaron got his hand out of the way in time, but there was nowhere for Neil to go. Andrew's elbow slammed into his diaphragm hard enough to double Neil up over his knees. Aaron, completely unsympathetic, snapped his fingers over Neil's head at Andrew.
亚伦回应道，伸手绕过尼尔，推了推安德鲁的肩膀。安德鲁的反应是立即而激烈的。亚伦及时把手让开，但尼尔无处可去。安德鲁的肘部狠狠地撞在他的横膈膜上，足以让尼尔的膝盖翻倒。亚伦完全没有同情心，用手指在尼尔的头上对安德鲁打了个响。

"Exit," he said.
“退出，”他说。

Andrew braced himself on Neil's back and leveraged himself between the front seats. He watched until they passed a sign and said, "Not yet. It's the exit that has Waffle House."
安德鲁靠在尼尔的背上，在前排座椅之间支撑自己。他看着他们经过一个标志，然后说：“还没有。这是华夫饼屋的出口。

"This is South Carolina," Nicky said. "Every exit leads to Waffle House. Still breathing, Neil?"
“这是南卡罗来纳州，”尼基说。“每个出口都通向华夫饼屋。还在呼吸，尼尔？

"Yes," Neil said hoarsely. "I think."
“是的，”尼尔沙哑地说。“我想。”

Andrew dropped back into his seat and let go of Neil. Neil managed to sit up, but he couldn't help pressing a hand to his shirt. It felt like Andrew's elbow had blown a hole right through him. He flicked a look at Aaron, who shrugged at his silent accusation, and then at Andrew. Andrew didn't return it, too distracted by his hands. He had them up in front of him, but it wasn't until a car passed going the other direction that Neil realized what he was looking at. In the flash of light from passing headlights Neil saw Andrew's fingers were trembling.
安德鲁坐回座位上，放开了尼尔。尼尔设法坐了起来，但他忍不住把一只手按在衬衫上。感觉安德鲁的肘部把他炸开了一个洞。他瞥了一眼亚伦，亚伦对他无声的指责耸了耸肩，然后又看了看安德鲁。安德鲁没有回它还，因为他的手太分心了。他把它们放在他面前，但直到一辆汽车驶过，朝另一个方向驶去，尼尔才意识到他在看什么。在经过的车灯闪光中，尼尔看到安德鲁的手指在颤抖。

"Nicky," Andrew said.
“尼基，”安德鲁说。

Nicky glanced back. He couldn't see tremors in the darkness, but he saw where Andrew was looking. Nicky swept across lanes toward their exit. "We're almost there."
尼基回头看了一眼。他在黑暗中看不到颤抖，但他看到了安德鲁在看的地方。尼基扫过小巷，走向他们的出口。“我们快到了。”

"Pull over."
“靠边停车。”

"We're on an exit ramp."
“我们正处于出口坡道上。”

"Now."
“现在。”

Nicky didn't argue again. He pulled off onto the almost nonexistent shoulder, braking so hard Neil expected the car to fishtail. Horns blared as a car whipped past them. Andrew shoved his door opened, leaned out of the car as far as he could, and dry-heaved into the weeds alongside the road. Neil was sitting close enough to him to feel the way Andrew's entire body shook with the effort. It sounded like Andrew was tearing his esophagus to shreds.
尼基没有再争辩。他把车停在几乎不存在的路肩上，刹车太用力了，尼尔以为汽车会变成鱼尾。当一辆汽车从他们身边驶过时，喇叭声响起。安德鲁推开车门，尽可能地从车里探出头来，干涸地钻进路边的杂草丛中。尼尔坐得离他足够近，可以感觉到安德鲁的整个身体都随着努力而颤抖。听起来安德鲁正在将他的食道撕成碎片。

"Where are your crackers?" Nicky asked when Andrew was left gasping for breath.
“你的饼干在哪里？”尼基问安德鲁什么时候喘不过气来。

"He took them earlier," Kevin said.
“他早些时候拿走了它们，”凯文说。

"All of them?" Nicky asked, horrified. "Jesus, Andrew."
“他们所有人？”尼基惊恐地问道。“天哪，安德鲁。”

"Shut up," Andrew said, and spat a couple times. He reached blindly for Kevin's headrest, found it on the third try, and pulled himself back inside the car. "Just get us there."
“闭嘴，”安德鲁说，然后吐了几口唾沫。他盲目地伸手去拿凯文的头枕，第三次尝试就找到了，然后把自己拉回了车里。“就把我们带到那里吧。”

Nicky floored it, but once they entered the outskirts of Columbia night traffic slowed them down. Their first destination was a restaurant called Sweetie's. It was too late for dinner, but the parking lot was packed. Nicky dropped them off at the door so he could circle and look for a spot. There were four groups ahead of them waiting for seats. Andrew detoured to the salad bar and grabbed two handfuls of cracker packets from a bucket on the end. Kevin watched as Andrew methodically ate his way through them. Andrew answered with a baleful look.
尼基把它放在地板上，但一旦他们进入哥伦比亚郊区，夜间交通就减慢了他们的速度。他们的第一个目的地是一家名为 Sweetie's 的餐厅。晚饭时间已经太晚了，但停车场已经挤满了人。尼基把它们送到门口，这样他就可以转一圈，找个地方。他们前面有四组人在等位。安德鲁绕道来到沙拉吧，从末端的桶里抓了两把饼干包。凯文看着安德鲁有条不紊地吃掉它们。安德鲁用一种恶毒的表情回答。

He finished his snack before Nicky joined them. A few minutes later they were finally seated at a booth in the back. Before the host could leave Andrew stuffed his empty cracker packets into the man's apron. The host didn't even bat an eye at such rudeness but left them with their menus. Their waitress wasn't far behind him, and Nicky handed the menus back unread.
在尼基加入他们之前，他吃完了零食。几分钟后，他们终于坐在后面的一个包厢里。在主人离开之前，安德鲁把他空的饼干包塞进了男人的围裙里。主人甚至没有眨一下眼睛，而是给他们留下了菜单。他们的女服务员就在他身后不远处，尼基把菜单交了回来，没有读过。

"We're just here for the ice cream special," Nicky said.
“我们只是来这里吃冰淇淋特价，”尼基说。

"No problem," she said. "I'll get that right to you."
“没问题，”她说。“我会把这件事告诉你的。”

Nicky's smile disappeared the second she left and he turned a concerned look on Andrew. Andrew sat cradling his face in one hand. The other hand was flat on the table in front of him, and his shaking was more pronounced now. A shudder passed through Andrew's frame. Andrew sucked in a long breath through clenched teeth.
尼基离开的那一刻，她的笑容就消失了，他关切地看着安德鲁。安德鲁坐着，一只手捂着脸。另一只手平放在他面前的桌子上，他的颤抖现在更加明显了。安德鲁的身躯里传来一阵颤抖。安德鲁咬紧牙关长长地吸了一口气。

Kevin pulled a bottle of pills out of his pocket and set them on the table, halfway between himself and Andrew. "Just take it."
凯文从口袋里掏出一瓶药片，放在桌子上，放在他和安德鲁之间。“拿走吧。”

Andrew went perfectly still as he stared at the bottle. "Fuck you."
安德鲁盯着瓶子一动不动。“去你妈的。”

Neil finally understood. "You're going through withdrawal."
尼尔终于明白了。“你正在经历戒断。”

Andrew ignored him. "Put that away before I shove it down your throat."
安德鲁没有理会他。“在我把它塞进你的喉咙之前，把它收起来。”

Kevin frowned but did as he was told.
凯文皱起眉头，但还是按照他的吩咐去做了。

It didn't take long for their ice cream to arrive. Their waitress passed out bowls and set a pile of napkins in the middle of the table. As soon as she left, Andrew scattered the napkins with an impatient hand. Underneath them all was a pile of packets full of pale yellow powder.
没过多久，他们的冰淇淋就到了。他们的女服务员分发了碗，并在桌子中间放了一堆餐巾纸。她一走，安德鲁就用一只不耐烦的手把餐巾纸撒了散。在它们下面是一堆装满淡黄色粉末的包裹。

"We're in public," Aaron said.
“我们在公共场合，”亚伦说。

Andrew ignored him in favor of ripping open two bags and upending them into his mouth.
安德鲁没有理会他，而是撕开两个袋子，把它们倒进嘴里。

Nicky nudged Neil. "Try the ice cream. You'll love it."
尼基轻推了尼尔一下。“尝尝冰淇淋。你会喜欢的。

Neil obediently dipped into the mound he'd been served, but he didn't let Nicky or the food distract him from Andrew. Andrew collected the rest of the packets and hid them in one of his pockets. Moving was a mistake, judging by the tight look on his face. Andrew pressed the side of his hand hard against his mouth and swallowed so hard Neil heard it across the table.
尼尔乖乖地浸入了他端上来的土堆里，但他没有让尼基或食物分散他对安德鲁的注意力。安德鲁把剩下的包裹捡起来，藏在他的一个口袋里。从他脸上紧绷的表情来看，移动是一个错误。安德鲁用力将手的一侧贴在嘴上，用力咽了咽口水，尼尔听到了桌子对面的声音。

It took Andrew another minute before he relaxed enough to start eating. Whatever he'd taken must have dulled the edge of his withdrawal, because he was back to a calm façade by the time he finished eating. When the bill arrived, Andrew pushed it Aaron's way, and Aaron clipped a small stack of twenties to the check. Neil looked back as they left, seeing first the people taking cracker packets from the salad bar and second the waitress pocketing the money they'd left her.
安德鲁又过了一分钟才放松到开始吃东西。无论他吃什么，一定都让他的退缩变得迟钝了，因为当他吃完饭时，他已经恢复了平静的外表。当钞票到达时，安德鲁把它推给亚伦，亚伦把一小叠二十块钱夹在支票上。他们离开时，尼尔回头看了一眼，首先看到人们从沙拉吧拿了饼干包，其次是女服务员把他们留给她的钱装进口袋。

It was a short drive from the restaurant to their real destination of the night. Eden's Twilight was a two-story nightclub a couple blocks from the main road. There was a line of people waiting to get in, and the clothes they wore made Neil's outfit look plain. Most of the men wore leather, half the women had corsets, and a good number of both genders were covered in buckles and chains.
从餐厅到他们当晚的真正目的地只有很短的车程。伊甸园的暮光之城是一家两层楼的夜总会，距离主干道只有几个街区。排着长队等着进去，他们穿的衣服让尼尔的装扮显得朴素。大多数男人穿着皮革，一半的女人穿着紧身胸衣，男女中都有相当多的带扣和链子。

Neither the line nor the fashion deterred the cousins. Nicky pulled up the curb by the door and let them out. The pair of bouncers at the entrance perked up at their arrival, and Aaron greeted them with a complicated fist bump and handshake Neil didn't try to understand. One of the bouncers dug an orange tag out of his back pocket and handed it over, and Aaron brought it to Nicky. Nicky attached it to the rearview mirror and drove away to park the car somewhere.
无论是线条还是时尚，都没有阻止表兄弟。尼基把路边的路边拉了出来，让他们出去。入口处的两名保镖在他们到来时振作起来，亚伦用复杂的拳头碰撞和握手迎接他们，尼尔没有试图理解。其中一名保镖从他的后口袋里掏出一个橙色标签递过去，亚伦把它带到了尼基面前。尼基把它贴在后视镜上，然后开车去把车停在某个地方。

Andrew saluted the bouncers on his way by and led the way into the club, bypassing the line entirely. Kevin followed, and Aaron motioned for Neil to go ahead of him.
安德鲁在路上向保镖敬礼，并带路进入俱乐部，完全绕过了队伍。凯文跟在后面，亚伦示意尼尔走在他前面。

A second set of doors opened into a madhouse. The four were standing on a dais that wrapped around the floor and was crowded with tables. Stairs led down to a packed dance floor. Somewhere stairs led up to the second floor, which was more a balcony than anything else. The DJ was off the floor on a platform of his own, positioned halfway between floors. Speakers taller than Neil lined the walls, and Neil could feel the bass crunching against his bones.
第二组门打开，通向疯人院。四人站在一个环绕着地板的讲台上，桌子上挤满了桌子。楼梯通向拥挤的舞池。某处有楼梯通向二楼，那里更像是一个阳台，而不是其他任何东西。DJ 离开地板，坐在他自己的平台上，位于楼层之间的中间。墙上排列着比尼尔还高的扬声器，尼尔能感觉到低音在他的骨头上嘎吱作响。

Neil stopped staring so he wouldn't fall behind and followed Kevin around the room. It took a bit of searching before they found a table. It was covered with glasses, but the stools were abandoned, so they claimed it. Andrew cleared away the cups while Aaron hunted down two more chairs. As soon as they were set, Andrew snagged his fingers in Neil's collar and pulled Neil after him toward the bar.
尼尔不再盯着他，以免落后，跟着凯文在房间里转了一圈。他们花了一点时间才找到一张桌子。上面盖着眼镜，但凳子被遗弃了，所以他们认领了它。安德鲁清理了杯子，而亚伦则又找了两把椅子。他们一准备好，安德鲁就用手指抓住了尼尔的衣领，把尼尔拉向酒吧。

Three bartenders were on staff, but Andrew was interested in a specific one and willing to wait for him. When the man finally made it to them, he flashed Andrew an easy smile. "Back so soon, Andrew? Who's your newest victim?"
三名调酒师在职，但安德鲁对一位特定的调酒师很感兴趣，并愿意等他。当那个人终于来到他们身边时，他向安德鲁露出了一个轻松的微笑。“这么快就回来了，安德鲁？谁是你最新的受害者？

"A nobody," Andrew said. "It's the usual for us."
“一个无名小卒，”安德鲁说。“这对我们来说是平常的。”

The man nodded and looked at Neil. "And for you?"
男人点点头，看着尼尔。“那是为了你呢？”

"I don't drink," Neil said.
“我不喝酒，”尼尔说。

"Soda, then," the man said, and pushed away to put their order together. He returned with a tray of drinks. Andrew wielded it with an easy expertise that made Neil wonder if he'd ever worked here before. When the bartender slid Neil his glass of soda last, Andrew led the way back through the crowd, pushing drunks out of his way with his free hand. Nicky was waiting for them at the table and leaned out of the way for Andrew to put the tray down past him.
“那么，苏打水，”男人说，然后推开去把他们的订单放在一起。他端着一盘饮料回来了。安德鲁以一种简单的专业知识运用它，这让尼尔怀疑他以前是否曾经在这里工作过。当调酒师最后给尼尔喝一杯苏打水时，安德鲁带路穿过人群，用另一只手将醉汉推开。尼基在餐桌旁等着他们，他探出身子让安德鲁把托盘放在他身边。

"Cheers," Nicky yelled, and they drank as one.
“干杯，”尼基大喊，他们一起喝了起来。

Neil went through his soda quicker than he meant to. The others were drinking at an unhealthy speed and Nicky prodded at Neil to keep up. The soda made him feel dehydrated and the caffeine went to his head faster than he expected. He'd mostly given up soda when he tried out for the Millport Dingos last year, so he wasn't used to it anymore. When he got up to help Andrew get the second round of drinks, he thought about switching to water, but the bartender poured his soda before he could ask.
尼尔喝苏打水的速度比他想要的要快。其他人正在以不健康的速度喝酒，尼基催促尼尔跟上。苏打水让他感到脱水，咖啡因进入他的头的速度比他预期的要快。去年他为米尔波特野狗队试训时，他基本上放弃了苏打水，所以他不再习惯了。当他起身帮安德鲁拿第二轮饮料时，他想换水，但酒保还没来得及问，就把苏打水倒了。

Andrew's packets from Sweetie's reappeared as soon as they made it back to the table. Andrew waggled one at Neil in taunting invitation. When Neil just looked at him, Andrew smirked and passed them out to the others instead. Even Kevin took one, which Neil found disappointing for some reason.
安德鲁从甜心那里得到的包裹一回到餐桌上就又出现了。安德鲁向尼尔摇了摇，以示嘲讽的邀请。当尼尔只是看着他时，安德鲁傻笑着把它们递给了其他人。甚至凯文也拿了一个，尼尔出于某种原因感到失望。

"Cracker dust," Nicky said as he ripped his packet open. "Heard of it? Tastes like sugar and salt and gives you a small rush. Sure you don't want in?"
“饼干粉尘，”尼基一边说，一边撕开他的包裹。“听说过吗？尝起来像糖和盐，让你有点兴奋。你肯定不想进去吗？

"Drugs are stupid."
“毒品是愚蠢的。”

"Ouch," Andrew said with a cold smile. "That's judgmental."
“哎哟，”安德鲁冷冷地笑着说。“这是评判性的。”

"I'm not going to apologize for thinking you're being idiotic."
“我不会因为认为你很白痴而道歉。”

"Is your spine the spine of the righteous?" Andrew wondered. "Are you trying your best to step on my toes because you're feeling the tragic weight of the holier than thou?"
“你的脊梁是义人的脊梁吗？”安德鲁想知道。“你是不是因为感受到比你更圣洁的人的悲惨重量而尽力踩在我的脚趾上？”

"Righteousness is for people who don't know any better."
“正义是给那些不知道更好的人。”

"Easy, easy," Nicky said, distributing shots around the table. The bartender had put a bit of soda in a shot glass for Neil for this round, and Nicky set it down in front of Neil. "Dust isn't bad. It just makes the night more interesting. You think Kevin would risk his future over a night out at the club?"
“简单，简单，”尼基说，在桌子周围分发镜头。调酒师在小酒杯里放了一点苏打水给尼尔，尼基把它放在尼尔面前。“灰尘还不错。这只会让夜晚变得更加有趣。你认为凯文会冒着未来的风险去俱乐部过夜？

"What future?" Neil asked.
“什么未来？”尼尔问道。

Kevin shot Neil a black look, but Nicky intervened before he could say anything. "Drink with us if you won't dust with us," Nicky said, holding his open packet in one hand and his shot in the other. "Down the hatch on three."
凯文黑着看了尼尔一眼，但尼基还没来得及说什么就介入了。“如果你不和我们一起掸灰尘，就和我们一起喝吧，”尼基说，一只手拿着打开的包装，另一只手拿着他的酒。“三点下舱门。”

Arguing would be fruitless when the four had left their common sense at the door, so Neil picked up his glass in silence. Nicky counted them off, and Neil knocked his shot back. As soon as it hit the back of his throat, Neil knew he'd made a serious mistake.
当四个人把常识留在门口时，争吵是徒劳的，所以尼尔默默地拿起了酒杯。尼基数了数，尼尔击退了他的球。当它击中他的喉咙后部时，尼尔就知道他犯了一个严重的错误。

His sodas had tasted sweet, but this shot was almost unbearably so, and the aftertaste on Neil's tongue wasn't sugar. Neil lurched to his feet, but Andrew grabbed him by his hair and slammed him back into his seat. A cruel twist pulled his head back at a dangerous angle, and Andrew slammed Neil's hand flat against the tabletop. Neil lifted his other hand to pry Andrew's fingers off, but Nicky caught his wrist.
他的苏打水尝起来很甜，但这次喝得几乎令人难以忍受，尼尔舌头上的回味不是糖。尼尔踉跄着站起来，但安德鲁抓住他的头发，把他摔回座位上。一个残酷的扭动将他的头以危险的角度向后拉，安德鲁将尼尔的手平放在桌面上。尼尔抬起另一只手想要撬开安德鲁的手指，但尼基抓住了他的手腕。

"Just noticed, did you?" Andrew asked. "You're an idiot."
“你刚刚注意到了，是吗？”安德鲁问道。“你是个白痴。”

"Y-you—" Neil sputtered.
“你——你——”尼尔结结巴巴地说。

"Did you think you were safe because you were up there ordering your own drinks? Roland knows what it means when I bring outsiders here."
“你认为你是安全的吗，因为你在那里点了自己的饮料？罗兰知道我把外人带到这里意味着什么。

Neil wrenched his hand out from under Andrew's, but Andrew gave his head a warning yank. A bolt of heat went down Neil's neck. Neil hissed in pain and went still. Andrew slid out of his chair and leaned against Neil, letting Neil take his weight while he checked Neil's eyes.
尼尔从安德鲁的手下拧了出他的手，但安德鲁警告地拉了拉他的头。一阵热气顺着尼尔的脖子流了下来。尼尔痛苦地发出嘶嘶声，一动不动。安德鲁从椅子上滑下来，靠在尼尔身上，让尼尔承受他的重量，同时他检查了尼尔的眼睛。

"Almost there," he said. "Give it a minute and then it'll really hit. Until then, why don't you go have a little fun? The night is still young."
“快到了，”他说。“给它一分钟，然后它就会真正击中。在那之前，你为什么不去玩一玩呢？夜晚还很年轻。

Neil hadn't seen Aaron get up, but he was waiting behind Neil when Andrew let go. Neil reached for Andrew with lethal intent, but Aaron grabbed the back of his chair and pulled hard enough to topple it over. The world spun in a sickening rush even after Neil hit the ground. When Aaron tried to pull Neil to his feet, Neil swung at him and missed. Neil could feel the drugs eating through his system. His heart pounded harder than the bass did, shaking him apart from the inside out.
尼尔没有看到亚伦站起来，但他正在尼尔身后等着，安德鲁松开了手。尼尔带着致命的意图伸手去找安德鲁，但亚伦抓住了他的椅背，用力拉扯，把它推倒了。即使在尼尔倒地之后，世界也在令人作呕的匆忙中旋转。当亚伦试图将尼尔拉起来时，尼尔向他挥舞，但没有击中。尼尔能感觉到药物吞噬着他的系统。他的心脏比贝斯更猛烈地跳动，将他从内到外摇晃开来。

It took both Nicky and Aaron to get Neil up. They hauled him away from the table. Neil stumbled more than once, unable to feel the ground under his feet. He tried pulling out of Aaron's grip, but he didn't succeed until they'd reached the stairs down to the dance floor. Then Aaron let go without warning. Neil tripped down the stairs with only Nicky to break his fall. Nicky looped an arm around his waist and dragged him deeper into the writhing throng.
尼基和亚伦都花了时间才把尼尔叫起来。他们把他从桌子上拖了下来。尼尔不止一次地踉跄着，感觉不到脚下的地面。他试图从亚伦的手中抽身，但直到他们到达通往舞池的楼梯时，他才成功。然后亚伦毫无征兆地松开了手。尼尔从楼梯上绊倒，只有尼基阻止了他的摔倒。Nicky 用一只手臂搂住他的腰，把他拖进了扭动的人群中。

Bodies and lights blurred around him, making Neil nauseous. He clawed bloody lines down Nicky's arm as he fought to get free. Nicky didn't let go until they'd reached the middle of the dance floor. He pulled Neil up against him and caught Neil's chin in his fingers to force his head back.
他周围的身体和灯光变得模糊，让尼尔感到恶心。当尼基挣扎着挣脱时，他沿着尼基的手臂划出血迹。尼基直到他们到达舞池中间才松手。他把尼尔拉到他身上，用手指抓住尼尔的下巴，迫使他的头向后仰。

Nicky's kiss was harder than Neil expected it to be, and there was more than just tongue in it. Beneath the burn of vodka Nicky shared with him was the sweet tang of cracker dust. Neil didn't mean to swallow, but it hurt too much to hold it in his mouth.
尼基的吻比尼尔想象的要用力，而且不仅仅是舌头。在尼基与他分享的伏特加的燃烧之下，是饼干粉尘的甜味。尼尔没有吞咽的意思，但含在嘴里太痛了。

"This is how the game goes," Nicky said against his lips. "Stop fighting if you want to survive."
“比赛就是这样进行的，”尼基对着嘴唇说。“如果你想活下来，就停止战斗。”

"Fuck you," Neil snarled.
“去你妈的，”尼尔咆哮道。

"Good luck, Neil."
“祝你好运，尼尔。”

Nicky let go and vanished into the throng of dancers too fast for Neil to follow. The sudden loss of support made him fall. He couldn't feel his legs. It took serious work to get into a crouch, and a couple strangers had to help him up from there. Neil used the momentum to stumble away, but he didn't know which way he was supposed to be going. He couldn't see the exit through all these people, especially with the lights flashing all around him.
尼基松开了手，消失在舞者的人群中，速度太快了，尼尔无法跟上。突然失去支持，让他跌倒了。他感觉不到自己的腿。蹲下需要付出艰苦的努力，几个陌生人不得不把他从那里扶起来。尼尔利用这股势头跌跌撞撞地走开了，但他不知道自己应该走哪条路。他透过所有这些人看不到出口，尤其是当他周围的灯光闪烁时。

A hand came up against the small of his back and shoved. The push got him free of the crowd and sent him crashing into the back wall. Andrew propped his shoulder against the dark paint just out of arm's reach. Neil wanted to rip his throat open, but it was taking everything he had to just stay standing. He settled for channeling his hatred into a fierce look.
一只手抵住他的小背，推了推。推搡使他摆脱了人群，并撞到了后墙上。安德鲁用肩膀抵住手臂够不到的深色油漆。尼尔想撕开他的喉咙，但这需要他用尽一切来保持站立。他决定将仇恨转化为凶狠的眼神。

"Such ingratitude," Andrew said. "Those drinks were expensive."
“真是忘恩负义，”安德鲁说。“那些饮料很贵。”

"I hate you."
“我恨你。”

"Take a number and get in line with the rest of this team. I won't lose any sleep over it."
“拿一个数字，与这支球队的其他成员保持一致。我不会因此而失眠的。

"Don't sleep. I'll kill you."
“别睡觉。我会杀了你。

"Will you?" Andrew asked. "Will you do it yourself, or will you pay someone else to handle the mess? You certainly have enough money to outsource it to a proper hit man. One wonders what a no-one like you is doing with such a fortune."
“你愿意吗？”安德鲁问道。“你会自己动手，还是付钱给别人来处理烂摊子？你当然有足够的钱把它外包给一个合适的杀手。人们想知道像你这样的人用这么多财富做什么。

"I found it on the sidewalk."
“我在人行道上发现了它。”

"Really," Andrew drawled. "Is that why you won't spend it, or do you just like looking like a homeless person? The team is split, you know. Most of them think you're trailer trash like Dan. Renee knows better. So do I. I think you're something a little more like us." Andrew leaned toward him and enunciated every syllable. "Runaway."
“真的，”安德鲁抽了抽嘴。“这就是你不花钱的原因，还是你只是喜欢看起来像个无家可归的人？你知道，团队是分裂的。他们中的大多数人认为你和丹一样是拖车垃圾。蕾妮更清楚。我也是。我认为你更像我们。安德鲁向他靠过身来，念出了每一个音节。“逃跑了。”

If Neil was sober, he'd be better steeled to hear that word. With cracker dust in his system and angry music drumming his skin to bits, he couldn't hide his flinch. "Mind your own business."
如果尼尔清醒的话，他会更坚定地听到这个词。他的体内充满了饼干灰尘，愤怒的音乐将他的皮肤敲得粉碎，他无法掩饰自己的退缩。“管好你自己的事。”

"Tonight is Mind Neil's Business Night," Andrew said. "Didn't you notice? Give me something real or I won't let you stay here."
“今晚是 Mind Neil 的商业之夜，”安德鲁说。“你没注意到吗？给我一些真实的东西，否则我不会让你留在这里。

"This isn't your team. It isn't your say."
“这不是你的团队。这不是你的发言权。

"Don't tempt me to prove you wrong. How about I call the police and ask them to run a real check on you? You think they'll find anything interesting?"
“别诱惑我证明你错了。我打电话给警察，让他们对你进行真正的检查怎么样？你认为他们会发现什么有趣的东西吗？

"That's a hollow threat," Neil said. "The police would never do favors for someone like you."
“这是一个空洞的威胁，”尼尔说。“警察永远不会帮你这样的人忙。”

"I know a cop who would," Andrew said. "If I called him tonight and told him you're a serious problem child, he'd make it a priority. How cold is your trail?"
“我认识一个警察会这样做，”安德鲁说。“如果我今晚打电话给他，告诉他你是一个严重的问题孩子，他会把它放在首位。你的踪迹有多冷？

"Shut up," Neil said. "Why can't you leave me alone?"
“闭嘴，”尼尔说。“你为什么不能放过我？”

"Because I don't trust the way you look at him," Andrew said. "Edgar Allan is in our district and you are on my team. You, a know-nothing from Arizona who somehow managed to catch Kevin's eye. You, a lie from head to foot, with a bag full of money and a hard-on for everything Kevin and Riko. Do you understand?"
“因为我不相信你看他的方式，”安德鲁说。“埃德加·艾伦在我们地区，你在我的团队中。你，一个来自亚利桑那州的一无所知的人，以某种方式引起了凯文的注意。你，从头到脚都是谎言，带着一个装满钱的袋子，对凯文和莉子的一切都很苛刻。你明白吗？

Neil did, but he was as baffled as he was furious. "I'm not a mole. Are you kidding me?"
尼尔照做了，但他既困惑又愤怒。“我不是内奸。你在开玩笑吗？

"Prove it," Andrew said. "You take a minute to think it over. Think how badly you want to try my patience right now. I'll be back."
“证明一下，”安德鲁说。“你花点时间考虑一下。想想你现在有多想试试我的耐心。我会回来的。

Andrew pushed away from the wall and slipped into the crowd. Neil watched him go, then braced himself against the wall and started down the length of it. He didn't know which way led to the door, but if he could at least find a stairwell off the dance floor he could figure something out. His survival was contingent on him getting out of this club while he still had some of his wits about him.
安德鲁推开墙壁，溜进了人群中。尼尔看着他走，然后靠在墙上，开始沿着墙走下去。他不知道哪条路通向门，但如果他至少能在舞池外找到一个楼梯间，他就能想出一些办法。他的生存取决于他是否离开这个俱乐部，而他仍然有一些智慧。

He finally spotted the stairs through a gap between bodies. He started up, only to be stopped as Nicky came down them. Nicky took his shoulders to push him back into the crowd, ignoring the way Neil shoved and pushed to break free. This kiss tasted worse, and Neil went numb from his mouth down.
他终于从尸体之间的缝隙中发现了楼梯。他开始行动，但当尼基从他们身上下来时，他被拦住了。Nicky 拉着他的肩膀把他推回人群中，无视 Neil 推搡挣脱的方式。这个吻味道更糟，尼尔从嘴巴往下都麻木了。

The rest of the night was shattered colors and lights.
剩下的夜晚是破碎的色彩和灯光。

CHAPTER EIGHT
第八章

Neil woke up in a bed he didn't recognize in an equally unfamiliar room. He knew that disorienting feeling by name after moving so often, so it wasn't cause for immediate alarm. The weight of arms around him was one his body knew, but somehow it was confusing. There was something wrong with it that his hazy mind wasn't ready to process and he blinked hard against the headache pounding at his skull. He felt half-dead, though he couldn't for the life of him figure out why.
尼尔在一张他不认识的床上醒来，在一个同样陌生的房间里。他知道这种迷失方向的感觉，因为他经常搬家，所以这不会立即引起惊慌。他身体知道他周围手臂的重量，但不知何故，这令人困惑。这有点不对劲，他朦胧的头脑还没有准备好处理，他用力眨了眨眼睛，顶着头骨的头痛。他感觉自己半死不活，尽管他一辈子都想不通为什么。

His first attempt at moving sent a stab of pain down his spine, so he relaxed against the sheets. The hold on him tightened a little in response to his shifting.
他第一次尝试移动时脊椎一阵刺痛，于是他放松地靠在床单上。随着他的移动，对他的控制稍微收紧了。

"Mom?" he said, but it came out slurred at best and barely intelligible.
“妈妈？”他说，但充其量是含糊不清的，几乎听不懂。

The person behind him still understood, judging by the amused, "Not quite."
身后的人还是明白了，从好笑的样子来看，“不完全是。

Neil knew that voice. Suddenly the events of the previous night slammed awake in his mind, flickering laser lights and music and bodies and Andrew's voice at his ear. He bolted upright but didn't make it far. The resulting pain had him collapsing against the mattress once more. Nicky caught at his hair to push his head off the side of the bed. There was a trash can there that Neil barely registered before he was throwing up into it. Nicky murmured reassurances Neil couldn't really hear.
尼尔知道那个声音。突然，前一天晚上的事情在他的脑海中猛然醒来，闪烁的激光灯、音乐、身体和安德鲁的声音在他耳边响起。他直立起来，但没能走多远。由此产生的疼痛让他再次倒在床垫上。Nicky 抓住他的头发，把他的头从床边推开。那里有一个垃圾桶，尼尔在扔进去之前几乎没有登记过。尼基喃喃地安慰着尼尔听不见。

As soon as Neil could breathe again, he twisted and shoved at Nicky as hard as he could. He was too sick and weak to push Nicky off the other side of the bed, but the boots he was still wearing would leave bruises on Nicky's arms and chest.
尼尔一能再次呼吸，就用尽全力扭动和推搡尼基。他病得太虚弱了，无法将尼基从床的另一边推下来，但他仍然穿着的靴子会在尼基的手臂和胸前留下瘀伤。

"Hey, hey," Nicky said, trying to deflect him. "It's fine. Ouch! Relax, will you?"
“嘿，嘿，”尼基说，试图转移他的注意力。“没关系。哎哟！放松一下，好吗？

"Don't you fucking touch me," Neil said savagely.
“你他妈的别碰我，”尼尔野蛮地说。

Nicky retreated from Neil and sat on the edge of the bed instead. Neil struggled to get up, using the headboard and nightstand as support. Standing took so much out of him he had to stop and catch his breath once he made it there.
尼基从尼尔身边退开，坐在床边。尼尔挣扎着站起来，用床头板和床头柜作为支撑。站着让他失去了很多东西，一旦他到达那里，他就不得不停下来喘口气。

"He's awake?" someone asked from the door.
“他醒了吗？”有人在门口问道。

Neil snatched the alarm clock up and hurled it at the new arrival, who ducked out of the way just in time. It crashed off the doorframe. Aaron waited until it had fallen to the floor before stepping back into the doorway. Neil meant to look for another weapon, but moving so fast turned his stomach inside out. He grabbed at the trash can again and choked so hard he almost fell over.
尼尔抢过闹钟，扔向新来的人，后者及时躲开了。它从门框上摔下来。亚伦等到它掉到地板上，才走回门口。尼尔本想寻找另一种武器，但移动得如此之快，把他的胃翻了个底朝天。他再次抓住垃圾桶，哽咽得差点摔倒。

"Where's Andrew?" Nicky asked, climbing off the bed and coming around to Neil's side.
“安德鲁呢？”尼基问道，从床上爬下来，绕到尼尔身边。

"He and Kevin went to get us brunch."
“他和凯文去给我们吃早午餐。”

"I don't think Neil can eat anything."
“我认为尼尔什么都吃不下。”

"He can watch."
“他可以看。”

Nicky laid a careful hand on Neil's shoulder. "Come on. I'll get you some water."
尼基小心翼翼地把手放在尼尔的肩膀上。“来吧。我给你拿点水。

Neil shook him off, but his legs didn't want to carry him. Nicky let him try standing twice before looping an arm around Neil's back and steadying him. "Easy, now. I'm just going to help you to the kitchen, okay? No funny stuff, I promise."
尼尔甩开他，但他的腿不想扛住他。尼基让他尝试站立两次，然后用一只手臂搂住尼尔的背并稳住他。“现在很简单。我只是要扶你去厨房，好吗？我保证，没有有趣的东西。

"Like I trust you."
“就像我相信你一样。”

"Like you've got a choice," Aaron said, and left ahead of them.
“就像你有一个选择，”亚伦说，然后走在他们前面。

Nicky helped Neil down the hall to the kitchen and set him up at the table with a glass of water. Neil's throat burned, but he refused to drink it. He settled for glaring at Nicky. Nicky looked to Aaron for help. Aaron stared back over the top of his coffee mug, unsympathetic and unhelpful. Nicky sighed and turned to Neil again.
尼基扶着尼尔沿着走廊走到厨房，把他放在桌子旁，端上一杯水。尼尔的喉咙灼热，但他拒绝喝。他只好瞪了 Nicky 一眼。尼基向亚伦寻求帮助。亚伦回头盯着他的咖啡杯顶部，毫无同情心，也无济于事。尼基叹了口气，再次转向尼尔。

"Can I check on your head, or are you going to bite me if I touch you?"
“我可以检查一下你的头，还是如果我碰你，你会咬我？”

"What did I say last night?" Neil asked.
“我昨晚说了什么？”尼尔问道。

"Nothing to me besides an admirably creative death threat." Nicky's mouth quirked in the start of a smile but he suppressed it, maybe understanding Neil would punch him for it. "I don't know how your conversation with Andrew went, but it didn't end well. Rumor has it you paid a busboy a hundred bucks to knock you out. Way to cut our night short."
“对我来说，除了令人钦佩的创造性死亡威胁之外，什么都没有。”Nicky 的嘴角在微笑开始时颤抖了一下，但他压抑住了，也许明白 Neil 会因此打他一拳。“我不知道你和安德鲁的谈话进展如何，但结局并不好。有传言说你付给一个服务员一百美元来把你击倒。缩短我们夜晚的方式。

Neil didn't remember that, and the gaps in his memory left him cold all over.
尼尔不记得了，记忆中的空白让他浑身冰冷。

"Drink up," Nicky said. "You'll need all the water you can get today. Crackers'll dehydrate you like no one's business."
“喝吧，”尼基说。“你需要今天能得到的所有水。饼干会让你脱水，就像不关任何人的事一样。

Neil answered by upending his glass onto the floor.
尼尔回答说，把酒杯倒在地板上。

"That's mature," Aaron said.
“这已经成熟了，”亚伦说。

Neil threw the glass at him. Aaron smacked it away and let it shatter on the ground.
尼尔把酒杯扔向他。亚伦把它拍开，让它在地上碎裂。

Nicky sighed. "Don't say I didn't warn you. You can have the shower first, okay? By the time you're out Andrew will be back and you can ask him about last night."
尼基叹了口气。“别说我没有警告过你。你可以先洗个澡，好吗？等你出去的时候，安德鲁会回来的，你可以问问他昨晚的事情。

Nicky guided Neil to the bathroom. He started to say something else, but Neil shut the door in his face and locked it. Neil took advantage of the privacy to seethe, giving himself a full thirty seconds to silently rage over last night's stupidity. Then he balled it up and shoved it deep. Anger wasn't going to help him right now, and it wouldn't erase whatever did or didn't happen last night.
尼基引导尼尔去洗手间。他开始说别的话，但尼尔当着他的面关上了门并锁上了门。尼尔利用隐私沸腾，给自己整整三十秒的时间默默地为昨晚的愚蠢行为发怒。然后他把它团起来，深深地推了进去。愤怒现在对他没有帮助，也不会抹去昨晚发生或没有发生的任何事情。

Neil checked his head in the mirror and found a sizeable lump near his left ear. He felt it out with careful fingers, then drank handfuls of water from the sink. When the buzzing in his head died a little and his throat wasn't burning quite so bad he took stock of the room. There was a pile of new clothes on the closed toilet lid. The shower was stocked, and a clean towel hung from a hook on the back of the door. A window between the mirror and the shower had white translucent glass to block the outside world.
尼尔对着镜子检查了自己的头，发现左耳附近有一个相当大的肿块。他用小心翼翼的手指摸了摸，然后从水槽里喝了一把水。当他脑海中的嗡嗡声稍微平息了一点，喉咙也没有那么严重时，他盘点了一下房间。紧闭的马桶盖上有一堆新衣服。淋浴间备有备品，门后面的挂钩上挂着一条干净的毛巾。镜子和淋浴间之间的一扇窗户有白色的半透明玻璃，可以挡住外面的世界。

Right now, the window was the only thing that really mattered. Nicky wanted Neil to wait for Andrew, but Neil couldn't stick around that long. There was no way he was getting in the car with them for the long ride back to Palmetto. He'd get the answers and explanations he needed, but not in unfamiliar territory with all of them against him.
现在，窗户是唯一真正重要的事情。尼基想让尼尔等安德鲁，但尼尔不能待那么久。他不可能和他们一起上车，长途跋涉返回帕尔梅托。他会得到他需要的答案和解释，但不会在陌生的领域，因为所有这些人都对他不利。

In the zippered coin section of his wallet was an emergency pair of contacts. Neil ripped open the foil packets and put them on, then changed out of his club clothes and into the jeans and tee. The outfit was almost a perfect fit. Remembering how they'd figured out his size only ignited his anger further. Neil stuffed his discarded club clothes into the toilet, shoving them as deep into the water as he could and closing the lid on them. He rattled the shower curtain open, cut on the water as high as he could, and pulled the curtain closed again. The sound of the water was almost enough to hide the sound of Neil opening the window. Getting out took some serious wiggling since it wasn't quite big enough for him, but desperation was a valuable lubricant.
在他钱包的拉链硬币部分有一对紧急联系人。尼尔撕开铝箔包穿上，然后换下俱乐部服，换上牛仔裤和 T 恤。这套衣服几乎非常合身。想起他们是如何计算出他的体型的，只会进一步点燃他的愤怒。尼尔把他丢弃的俱乐部衣服塞进马桶里，尽可能地把它们塞进水里，然后盖上盖子。他嘎嘎作响地打开浴帘，尽可能高地切开水面，然后再次拉上窗帘。水声几乎足以掩盖尼尔打开窗户的声音。出去需要一些严重的摆动，因为它对他来说还不够大，但绝望是一种宝贵的润滑剂。

Lingering sickness from the drugs kept him from moving as quickly as he wanted to, but he'd traveled in far worse shape and he refused to give up. He cut through the subdivision without knowing where he was going and thumbed through his wallet to count bills. He'd taken to carrying several hundred dollars on him at a time, preparations for the worst-case scenario of not having his binder around. He had more than enough to get back to the upstate.
药物带来的挥之不去的疾病使他无法像他想要的那样快速行动，但他的旅行状况要糟糕得多，他拒绝放弃。他在不知道要去哪里的情况下穿过分区，用拇指翻阅钱包数钞票。他开始一次随身携带几百美元，为没有活页夹的最坏情况做准备。他有足够的钱回到北部。