Texto do Capítulo
8 de junho de 1999
Melbourne
Harry,
As coisas têm sido difíceis por aqui. Chorei até dormir ontem à noite porque vi meus pais – eles não me viram. Eu estava me escondendo nas sombras. E agora me sinto uma covarde. Eu sei que vim aqui para fazê-los lembrar, mas eles parecem tão bem sem mim que tenho que me perguntar se essa é a decisão certa. Eu sinto falta deles. Muito. Mas será que eles sentem minha falta? Dá para sentir falta de algo que você não lembra? De alguém? Talvez seja cedo demais. Talvez Ron estivesse certo... como ele está, aliás? Ele ainda está bravo comigo? Porque eu fui embora? Espero que não, mas eu também conheço o Ron. Sei que vai levar muito para ele sequer falar comigo de novo.
Mas eu não quero ficar remoendo isso.
Eu adoraria receber uma carta sua, de verdade. Eu sei que essa não é a sua coisa favorita no mundo, mas eu preciso de um pouco de... incentivo. Você pode me emprestar um pouco da sua coragem, Harry? Só para eu conseguir seguir em frente com isso?
Sem falar que podemos testar esse novo sistema de correspondência! Quero dizer, uma coruja demoraria muito para chegar até você. Na minha opinião, essa nova forma de simplesmente colocar o envelope naquela fenda mágica no Ministério é muito melhor. E mais rápida para distâncias tão longas.
Não se esqueça de me contar tudo sobre você.
Hermione.
10 de junho de 1999
Londres
Hermione,
Você não estava errada. Isso não é minha coisa favorita no mundo. E, de novo, você não estava errada, Ron ainda está bravo com você por ter ido embora. Eu tentei falar com ele, mas ele continua dizendo que se você o amasse de verdade, teria ficado. Com o que eu discordo completamente. Eu acho que ele deveria ter ido com você, na verdade. Já faz um ano desde aquela Batalha, desde que perdemos o Fred. E eu não sei por quanto tempo mais o Ron vai continuar segurando isso. Foi muito difícil para mim entender, mas precisamos viver. É assim que vamos mostrar ao mundo que Voldemort não venceu. Vamos viver. E ser felizes por isso.
Então.
Com isso em mente, a única coisa que tenho a dizer para você é: seus pais vão ficar emocionados ao se lembrarem de você. Eu sei disso. E você deve isso a si mesma. Você fez tantos sacrifícios, sofreu e lutou bravamente para garantir que eles tivessem paz. Eles parecem felizes por sua causa, Hermione. Não duvide desse amor. Eu sei que eu voaria de volta para os braços dos meus pais se tivesse a chance. Não desperdice a sua. Espero ler sobre como as coisas foram na sua próxima carta.
Em outras notícias, finalmente decidi começar o Treinamento de Auror. Sei que você provavelmente está comemorando agora... Eu consigo até ver seu rosto se iluminando. Sei que demorei bastante para decidir, mas é isso. Não me vejo fazendo outra coisa além disso, não é loucura? Alguém poderia pensar que, depois de passar a vida inteira perseguindo e fugindo de Voldemort, eu ficaria cansado disso, mas aparentemente não. O Treinamento começa no próximo mês, pelo menos algumas aulas já começam. Você vai estar de volta até lá? Com certeza, né?
Sinto sua falta. Quero dizer, é estranho não ter você por perto. Desde antes da caçada, nunca ficamos tanto tempo sem nos ver pelo menos uma vez por semana. Você sabia disso? Percebi isso nos últimos dias...
Mas me conte mais sobre o que você está fazendo aí na Austrália. Está se divertindo? Espero muito que você não esteja passando o dia inteiro escondida no quarto do hotel, lendo. Ah, enquanto escrevia percebi que estou certo. Hermione, saia! Explore! (Eu sei que é mais fácil falar do que fazer, mas tente mesmo assim, por mim, tá?)
Antes de terminar esta carta, tem outra coisa que quero te contar. Sei que você vai se surpreender com isso, mas estou me sentindo estranho perto da Ginny. Não sei o que é. É só uma sensação que não vai embora. Então, as coisas estão um pouco ‘caóticas’ entre nós.
Bem, é isso.
Espero receber notícias suas em breve.
Harry.
16 de junho de 1999
Melbourne
Harry,
Eu sei que demorei mais do que o esperado para responder sua carta, mas foi só porque a li dez vezes seguidas e depois segui seu conselho. Porque você estava certo, eu estava me escondendo dentro do quarto do hotel. Então, saí para explorar. E deixa eu te contar uma coisa, esse lugar é incrível. Estou encantada, honestamente. Foi bom tirar minha mente dos meus problemas por um tempo. E quando me aventurei pela Melbourne Mágica, me apaixonei por ela. As pessoas são tão calorosas. E está ensolarado o tempo todo. Com certeza parece o completo oposto de Londres. O que não é algo ruim. Mas, sim, algumas coisas não mudam, porque, acredita que algumas pessoas me reconheceram? Eu estava tranquilamente comendo em um restaurante e uma família se aproximou de mim. Eles perguntaram se eu era a Hermione Granger. Foi tão estranho. Quase ri de nervoso. E não consigo imaginar como foi para você quando tinha onze anos. Tão jovem e encontrando todas aquelas pessoas que te viam como um salvador - me incluo nisso. Essa família me disse que era de Londres e estava apenas visitando. Nem consigo escrever tudo que eles me disseram. Eles estavam tão agradecidos, Harry. Eu chorei quando eles foram embora. Eu senti... um alívio repentino que não sentia há muito tempo. Que talvez eu nunca tenha sentido em toda a minha vida.
E quando voltei para a Melbourne dos Trouxas, fui direto para a casa dos meus pais. Muito obrigada pelas suas palavras. Elas me impulsionaram a tentar ver as coisas de forma diferente. Eu estava com tanto medo de que eles fossem mais felizes sem mim que não estava pensando na coisa mais lógica: eles me amam. Só precisavam se lembrar disso.
Desfazer o feitiço que lancei anos atrás não foi fácil, mas com certeza valeu a pena. Eles ficaram um pouco perdidos no começo, mas quando me viram e souberam—estou chorando só de pensar nisso. Foi uma emoção que me dominou completamente. De novo, Harry, muito obrigada.
Tenho passado esses dias com eles, visitando todos os pontos turísticos que pudermos. Está sendo incrível.
Mas, chega de falar sobre mim!
Você estava totalmente certo, eu realmente gritei de empolgação quando li que você decidiu ser um Auror. Acho que isso é... perfeito para você. Não por causa da vida que você teve enquanto crescia, mas porque você se importa. Você se importa com as pessoas e quer fazer o melhor para todos. Você quer dar o seu melhor para os outros e isso é realmente incrível. Estou muito orgulhosa de você. Você vai ser um Auror incrível, Harry.
Agora... eu realmente fiquei muito surpresa ao ouvir sobre isso entre você e a Ginny. Que tipo de sentimento é esse? Estranho em que sentido? Tenho certeza de que você vai descobrir logo. Mas estou aqui se você precisar desabafar sobre isso. Sempre.
Eu também sinto sua falta.
Hermione.
June 17th, 1999
London
Hermione,
I’m very happy for you.
I never doubted that you could do it. You are, after all, a Gryffindor! Haha, are we ever going to let go of this idea of bravery we got from Hogwarts and our House? I honestly don’t think so. Which is a bit odd, isn’t it? If you think about it, dividing everyone in Houses like that wasn’t the smartest idea. Because, I mean, you could have easily been sorted into Ravenclaw, and I- I never told this to anyone - but I was almost sorted into Slytherin. Can you believe it? Do you think we would still be friends if that had happened?
Anyway, I hope you’re enjoying your days with your parents. And don’t worry about taking longer to answer me, I completely understand.
I have to say that I wasn’t that surprised that a family approached you. You know how things have been here since that Battle and all the news that got out on the weeks after I obliterated Voldemort. I can barely walk around in peace. But I think it’s getting a bit better. I mean, it’s been a year, so…
And I have to ask… when you said that you included yourself in the people that saw me as a savior, were you serious? I think we never talked about it, did we? When we first met on that train, were you fascinated and such?
About Ginny. I really don’t know how to explain it. But I don’t feel the need to be with her all the time anymore. You know how it was when things finally settled down, don’t you? Ginny and I barely left the bedroom for days. We were free to live our love and I was overwhelmed with the emotion. I was kind of obsessed with her. But I’m not sure I feel that way still. Of course I love her, but when we kiss I don’t want it to be forever. When we hug, I don’t feel like I could hug her until I die. Am I being too dramatic? Because I’m sure you’re thinking it.
Well, I don’t know.
And tell me when you’re coming back!
Harry.
June 19th, 1999
Melbourne
Harry,
Oh, you won’t believe this. I was almost sorted into Ravenclaw! For real! The Hat kept talking inside my head and when it decided, it just said that me being a Ravenclaw was an easy decision, but being a Gryffindor was the right one. Crazy. And no, I don’t think we would be friends if you had been sorted into Slytherin. I mean, Draco Malfoy would be your best friend. Can you imagine it? Oh, would you have become the new Dark Lord if that had been the case? It’s an interesting theory.
I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that yes, I was very fascinated by you when we first met. I read everything I possibly could about you even before reading ‘Hogwarts, A History’. But I have to be honest, you were nothing like the savior that I was expecting to meet. I remember thinking that it couldn’t possibly be real that the boy who had stopped Voldemort couldn’t even perform a simple spell to fix his glasses. So, I wasn’t that impressed… I can almost see the face you’re making, so, let me finish. In the end you were much better than the savior I imagined, Harry. And I’ll be forever thankful that you gave me the chance of being your friend.
But enough of this or else your Leo ego won’t fit inside itself.
And, yeah, do you know another trait of a Leo? Drama.
I do think you’re being a bit too dramatic when it comes to Ginny and your relationship. It’s normal for that wild passion to dim with time, Harry. If you still love her I think you should simply talk to her, try to understand together. I mean, two days before I left - a month ago - you told me that you were thinking about asking her to marry you! What happened with that? You seemed so sure.
About when I’m going back… Harry, I don’t know. I’ve made some friends here because I’m always at Magical Melbourne and- I didn’t want to tell you this now, but I’m considering staying here for real. Definitely. However, this is not a certainty yet, I’m still thinking. And even if I do decide to stay, I’m going back to London to at least fetch my things and talk to everyone. To Ron. We do need to decide if we want to be together or not. But in all honesty, I think I already know the answer to this. All I have to say is that this is not going to be an easy conversation.
Please, don’t tell this to anyone, though. I’m just sharing my thoughts with my best friend here. So, let’s leave this between us for now.
Still missing you!
Hermione.
June 20th, 1999
London
Hermione,
Am I supposed to believe that you’re missing me when you tell me that you’re going to move to Melbourne? What the hell?
June 21st, 1999
Melbourne
Harry,
Please, don’t be angry at me. Our friendship won’t change if I decide to stay here. Please, come on.
I do miss you. With all my heart.
June 22nd, 1999
Melbourne
Harry,
Are you really not going to write me back?
Don’t do this, please.
July 2nd, 1999
Melbourne
Harry,
I can’t stop thinking about the week we spent together here in Melbourne. I’m so glad you surprised me like that. And I’m also so sad that we had to say goodbye. I already miss you, even if it has been only a few days. But I’m relieved that we had the chance to talk about everything face-to-face. I know that now you understand me better. I mean, you understand my decision of staying here. At least for these two years while I go through the Healer Internship. And I’m sorry if I kind of hid this from you, but as I said, I was trying to find the right moment to let you know.
I’ve been thinking a lot about our friendship since you left.
It’s even a bit hard for me to put into words. I couldn’t stop remembering everything we’ve been through together. Have you ever stopped to really think about it? We almost died in that hunt, Harry. But if I could go back in time and decide again, I would choose to stay by your side each and every turn. I know we don’t talk openly about this, but when Ron left us that night… leaving you did not cross my mind. Not even for a second. I’m not sure about what I’m trying to say, I just want you to know that what I feel for you, Harry, is… bigger than this distance between us. Even with 16,903.84km physically separating us, nothing is going to change. Ever.
Look at me, being all sentimental and stuff.
But, do tell me, how are things there? Have you talked to Ginny? Was she angry?
I hope to hear from you soon.
Hermione.
July 4th, 1999
London
Hermione,
As you said, maybe we never talked about what happened when Ron left us in that tent. And this might sound crazy, but I never realized how much better I express myself in written words. So, here it goes… I was so afraid that you would leave me too. But at the same time I wanted you to go. Because I knew that you would have a better chance without me. I knew that you could survive on your own without having the burden of traveling with Harry Potter. After all, I was the one Voldemort wanted. But I’m so glad you stayed. Even on those cold and silent nights when we barely had the energy to talk or do anything, I could hear you breathe near me and that gave me courage. Just to have you there… it meant the world to me. Because deep down I always felt like I should do everything alone. I thought that defeating Voldemort was my burden. But you made me realize that I didn’t have to feel alone until the very last moment. You carried that burden with me. You shared everything with me, Hermione. Only both of us know how it was and how we felt. I know it was hard for you to stay there without Ron, but I’m so thankful that you did. I think I could never really show you how much. So, I hope you know that whenever you need me, for whatever you need me, I’ll be here.
Now, who’s being the sentimental one, huh?
I also miss you already. And I loved our week together, you were right, Melbourne is amazing. And what about that bloke that kept trying to put his hands on you whenever he got the chance? Alex or something? Is he going to the same Internship as you? I mean, have you talked to Ron? Don’t you think you should talk to him first before going out with anyone else? I’m intruding a bit, I know, but I worry, that’s all.
About Ginny… yeah, she was angry. To say the least. I mean, I should have told her that I was going to spend a week with you, but I decided on the last minute and, you know, I just went! She almost bit my head off when I came back. Which was understandable. But then we had a huge fight. Which was also… expected. I’m confused. It’s hard to understand my emotions towards her. I still care, a lot. But I just don’t feel like she’s… it.
Maybe it will go away, this strange feeling. I mean, everything you said made sense, but I don’t know for how long I need to wait for it to happen. At the moment she’s not talking to me and I have to confess that I’m not really missing her. So, what does that say about our relationship? I think I know the answer. I’m just not ready to deal with it.
And, yeah, with the Auror Training and stuff, I wonder if I’ll have the time - or the energy - to keep fighting Ginny. To be honest, Hermione, I want to focus on the Training. Solemnly on the Training…
But, well, write me back!
Harry.
July 8th, 1999
London
Hermione,
How come you came to London and didn’t seek me out? What happened? Should I go to Melbourne? Do you need me? I heard that you came by real fast to talk to Ron…
July 10th, 1999
Melbourne
Harry,
I’m sorry about going to London and leaving so fast without seeing you. I was just… overwhelmed. I really went to talk to Ron. As you said in your other letter and as we’ve talked about while you were here, Ron and I needed closure.
Of course we had a fight. Of course he blamed everything on me. Of course he keeps saying that I want you, that I always wanted you. He can be truly exhausting sometimes. I tried to explain to him that we weren’t happy together, I tried to tell him that our love was fueled by passion that burned real fast, but he wasn’t listening. Not really. He said he never wants to see me again. That he’s glad I’m staying in Melbourne and all that. It hurt. I mean, I know he’s also hurt, but I’m sad about our friendship. I do wonder if we’ll be able to salvage it. At least, at the moment we won’t. Not for a long while, maybe. Because I won’t seek him out. Not this time. I have to focus on my Internship and on everything that I’m going to live here. But, please, do keep me posted on how he’s doing, I worry. I know he’s having a hard time dealing with Fred’s absence… but I swear, Harry, I tried everything. I- he always refused to open up to me and I can’t read minds! It’s like he wanted me to do everything he expected of me without talking about it. But I’m just another human trying to figure things out- he never wanted to go on this journey with me, he just wanted me to be there for him.
So, yeah, of course I’m sad.
I never imagined things would go like this. When we were younger I used to dream about marrying Ron and having a bunch of kids with him. I used to think that we were perfect for each other, that he just had to open his eyes and stop being so stubborn. But as often, reality is so different from what we imagine in our heads. We hurt each other a lot, Harry. But in a way, it was for the best. I can’t help being relieved that it happened so early in our relationship. Because we would suffer a lot more if we were married with kids and then realized that we were absolutely wrong for each other.
I know we’ll find a way of overcoming this, but we’ll need time. A lot of time. And I just hope Ron realizes that I root for his happiness. I really hope he finds someone that will make him smile more. Someone that he’ll be comfortable enough to open himself to - because I wasn’t that person, Harry. I never will be.
Wow, I wrote a lot already. I know I still need to answer your other letter, but I’m yawning while writing this, so, wait for the next one!
Hermione.
July 11th, 1999
London
Hermione,
Are you sure you don’t want me to go to you?
Just say the word.
July 13th, 1999
Melbourne
Harry,
Thank you so much for offering me your time, but it’s fine. I want you to get ready for the Training, I know they require a lot from the new Aurors and I’m sure you’re already reading all the theory, RIGHT? Please tell me you’re not going to do the same thing you did with ‘Hogwarts, A History’. Read the theory!
Things are better now, I promise. Yes, I cried a lot but it was exactly what I needed… How’s Ron?
Now, after a long delay, I’m going to answer your other letter. Sorry about taking so long.
You have no idea how emotional I felt when I read your words, Harry. About that hunt and what we went through together. For as long as I’m here I’m going to keep walking by your side. Don’t you ever think that you’re alone. You’re not. If everyone in this world abandons you, know that I won’t. Never.
I have to say, I love our letters. It’s so odd that we feel more comfortable in saying things that we never did like this. I really like it.
And his name is Alec. Hahahah. Harry, come on, I’m not thinking about getting involved with anyone right now. I’m committed to my Internship and that’s all. I know you’re going to say that I may not want anything, but he does and such, well, let him be, he might give up eventually.
So, about Ginny. Well, to be honest I don’t want to talk about Ginny. I want to talk about you. I don’t know what she’s feeling and she never really gave me that liberty to talk about everything, so, I’m only thinking about you here.
The thing is… sometimes it’s hard to face some decisions, Harry.
You said yourself that you already know what it means - the fact that you don’t miss her. I’m not here to make this decision for you, but I’m going to have your back regardless what you decide. Ending things won’t be easy. But being with someone that you’re not in love with anymore is not easy either.
Hermione.
July 25th, 1999
London
Hermione,
I’m sorry it took me so long to write back, but some of the classes of the Training started this week and I barely had the time to breathe! What about your Internship? Has it begun? Tell me everything about it, I want to know!
So, I can’t tell you how Ron is, because, well, we’re not talking. Hermione, you should have told me the awful things he said to you! I went to his place to see how he was doing and he started to shout at me. He kept saying that we were traitors, that we were shagging behind his back and all that. I’m sorry to say that I let my temper take the best of me. We kind of… punched each other. Yeah, I know, you’re rolling your eyes. But he was talking shit about you, about what you shared and how could I listen to that without reacting?
There’s that.
And there’s also the fact that I ended things with Ginny. You were right, either decision would be hard to deal with, but to keep ourselves tied to this relationship that was going nowhere would be… tragic. I really want to focus on the Auror Training and Ginny finally got into that international Quidditch Team she was dreaming about. Different from our friendship, I don’t think my relationship with her would survive the distance. So, it was for the best. I’m very fine with it, you don’t need to worry about me.
Harry.
P.s. I’m reading all the theory.
P.p.s. I don’t think this Alex guy is going to give up so easily.
July 26th, 1999
Melbourne
Harry,
I can’t believe that you and Ron got into a fist fight. For fuck’s sake.
At the moment I’m at the Hospital and I don’t exactly have that much time to answer you, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m here if you need me. Don’t hesitate in reaching out, okay?
I miss you.
August 2nd, 1999
London
Hermione,
How come the days went by so fast while you were here? I’m so glad we got to spend these days together, especially my birthday. If I’m honest, I was really set on ignoring it this year. I mean, I’m not exactly talking to the Weasleys and they were always the ones who used to put together some kind of celebration, so, I was going to ignore it like I did for eleven years of my life.
But then, two days before it, you knocked on my door.
Yeah, you really surprised me. I thought we wouldn’t see each other until the end of the year! Really, thank you. For coming and making my days a bit happier. I’ve been so swamped with the Training that I’m barely thinking about anything else.
It was nice to see that you’re well. And I won’t forget that you dragged me to your place so we could organize your things better. You owe me one, Hermione.
You know, I keep thinking about that club we went on my birthday. We drank so much that I can’t quite remember what happened. Do you? It all became kind of a blur. I guess I exaggerated while celebrating!
And how are you? Write me soon!
I’m already wearing those new boots you got me. Thanks, they’re perfect!
Harry.
August 9th, 1999
Melbourne
Harry,
I miss you already.
And of course I wouldn’t let you spend your birthday alone! I figured you would do exactly that, so, as you know, I got these few days off. I’m glad I did. But I’m kind of paying the price now being a bit behind in a few techniques, which sucks. You know how much I hate being the second best in class. Potions, 6th year, remember, Mr Potter? Anyways, Alec is the best in class now.
Well, I’m not sure about what happened at the club either! We really exaggerated, but it was fun, wasn’t it? I’m sure we both needed to vent a little bit.
And, again, thank you for ‘voluntarily’ helping me organize my flat! I have no idea if I’ll go back to London someday, but it’s nice to know that things are where they’re supposed to. It’s also nice that I was finally able to bring most of my things to my place here.
I would write more, but I’m quite swamped.
Hermione.
August 16th, 1999
London
Hermione,
I miss you too.
And I also don’t have the time right now.
I’m kicking ass at the Training, you would be proud of me.
Still not talking to Ron. Neither is Ginny talking to me. It sucks a bit because I miss being at the Burrow or around them. But I know this is going to solve itself. I just know it.
Are you going to ever get a break on your Internship? I’ll really get those two weeks off at the end of the year. Maybe we could spend them together, what do you think?
P.s. Has Alex asked you out?
August 26th, 1999
Melbourne
Harry,
I’m very proud of you, for sure. I never doubted that you would kick ass.
I’m sorry things are a mess with Ron and Ginny. But you’re right, time heals everything, we just need to be patient.
Oh, I won’t be free at the end of the year! You know how Hospitals are, we barely get the time to put our heads on the pillow and we’re already back inside, saving lives and such. But that doesn’t mean we can’t see each other. I’m sure I’ll be able to spare some hours. And Christmas day. You can spend it with me and my family! Oh, it’s going to be amazing! It’s settled!
And his name is Alec. Yes, he asked me out. I said no.
September 1st, 1999
London
Hermione,
I finally have some free time to write you a proper letter. The problem is that the reason why I have this free time is not that nice. I got injured real bad at the Training and they told me to take one week off. Which is ridiculous since I’m fine. Yeah, maybe I hit my head too hard and lost my memory for a few hours, but I’m all good now, I promise. My memory is a bit wobbly in some aspects, but it’s all coming back naturally. So, don’t worry.
I have some news! I’ve made some good friends at the Training. I mean, of course I still miss Ron and everything, but it’s nice to have some other friends to talk to and have some laughs. I’m sure you would love them. And maybe one guy is just talking to me in hopes that I’ll introduce him to you. Tsc. Poor bloke. He’s not good enough for you. Not even close. Neither is Alex. I’m glad you said no to him. I mean… the whole thing with Ron is so recent and all that…
I was thinking that today marks eight years since we met. Can you believe it? At the same time that it’s been so long, it feels like it was yesterday. And with all the free time I have in my hands at the moment, I kept thinking about that night when we chased Quirrell down that trapdoor. I mean, Hermione, you were twelve and you saved me from drinking poison. If it weren’t for you I don’t think I would have been able to solve that potion riddle alone.
We had no idea what was about to happen, but as I walked away from you I knew that I wanted you to be safe. Really. It was the only thing in my mind.
Do I look like an old man reminiscing? I don’t know, I guess it’s the memory thing.
And your birthday is soon! I’m planning on going to Melbourne. To spend at least three days with you. It’s already set and I don’t care if you stay the whole day at the Hospital, I’ll be there when you get back!
Oh, I would love to spend the Holidays with your family. Thank you so much for this. But do tell me what presents I should get to your parents!
I guess that’s it for now. I’m going to sleep because these healing potions I’m taking are knocking me out.
I’ll be waiting for your letter.
Harry.
September 2nd, 1999
London
Hermione,
I just remembered something from my birthday.
Did we… kiss? I- I have this memory, but I’m so confused…
Please, let’s talk about it.
(…)