A WHISPER OF SOLACE
一缕慰藉的耳语

A TAINTED TINSELTOWN BOOK
浮华之城的污点之书

MILENA MCKAY
米莱娜·麦凯

Copyright © 2022 by Milena McKay
版权所有 © 2022 米莱娜·麦凯

This is a work of fiction.
本作品纯属虚构。

Any similarities with real life events are coincidental and unintentional.
与现实事件的任何相似之处均属巧合，并非有意为之。

All rights reserved.
版权所有。

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the
未经书面许可，不得以任何形式或通过任何电子、机械方式复制本书任何部分，包括信息存储和检索系统。

author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
除书评中允许的简短引用外，未经作者许可不得使用。

For permission, contact mckay.undercover@gmail.com
如需授权，请联系 mckay.undercover@gmail.com

Cover and art design by Em @onewritergirl
封面及美术设计由 Em @onewritergirl 完成

 PRAISE FOR “THE HEADMISTRESS”
《女校长》获誉如下

This is a book you’re going to want to have on your bookshelf, both digital and physical, and read again and again for many years. I know I will.
这本书值得你同时拥有电子版和实体版，多年后仍会反复品读。我定会如此。

— JUDE SILBERFELD, W W W.JUDEINTHESTA RS.COM
——朱迪·西尔伯菲尔德，www.judeinthestars.com

The writing is gorgeous. It’s lush and descriptive on an emotional level. I highlighted so many passages simply because I enjoyed rereading them to savor
文笔绝美。情感丰沛的描写令人沉醉。我标注了大量段落，只因重读时每个词都值得细细品味。

each word. McKay executes fantastic world building in The Headmistress turning Three Dragons Academy into a character as important as Sam and
麦凯在《女校长》中构建了惊艳的世界观，将三龙学院塑造成与萨姆同等重要的角色

Magdalene.
抹大拉。

— VICTORIA THOMA S, W W W.THELESBIA NREVIEW.COM
——维多利亚·托玛斯，女同书评网

If you are looking for an exquisitely written book with beautiful metaphors, well-fleshed characters, a little action/intrigue, and a beautiful romance, look no
若你正寻觅一部文笔精妙、隐喻优美、人物丰满、情节暗藏玄机且爱情动人的佳作，那么

further. The Headmistress is one of a kind.
《女校长》堪称不二之选。

— GA BY MA URINO, W W W.LEZREVIEW BOOKS.COM

 To those who take the first step,
致那些迈出第一步的人，

and to the therapists who hold their hands on this long journey…
以及在这漫长旅程中始终相伴的治疗师们……

"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."
"你或许无法掌控发生在你身上的所有事，但你可以决定不让这些事击垮你。"

— MAYA A NGELOU
— 玛雅·安杰卢

 CONTENTS
目录

I. Whisper
一、低语

1. Neve’s Silence And Empty Spaces
1. 尼芙的沉默与虚空

2. Neve’s Prerogative
2. 妮芙的特权

3. Neve Singes Wings
3. 妮芙灼伤羽翼

4. Neve And The 21 Blocks
4. 妮芙与二十一区

5. Neve’s Epiphany
5. 妮芙的顿悟

6. Neve Gets Hurt
6. 妮芙受伤

7. Neve Holds Back The River
7. 妮芙力挽狂澜

II. Solace
二、慰藉

8. Neve As Prey
8. 沦为猎物的妮芙

9. Neve As Hunter
9. 猎手涅瓦

10. Neve Runs Wild
10. 狂野奔袭的涅瓦

11. Neve’s Scars
11. 涅瓦的伤痕

12. Neve’s Full And Unreserved Surrender
12. 涅瓦全然无保留的臣服

13. Neve Moves Mountains
13. 妮芙移山

14. Neve’s City Of Bays
14. 妮芙的港湾之城

15. Neve In The Path Of The Hurricane
15. 飓风路径上的妮芙

16. Neve In The Eye Of The Storm
16. 风暴之眼中的妮芙

17. Neve’s Battles And War
17. 妮芙的战役与战争

18. Neve And Spaces No Longer Empty
18. 妮芙与不再空旷的空间

Acknowledgments
致谢

About the Author
关于作者

Also by Milena McKay
米莱娜·麦凯的其他作品

PART I
第一部

WHISPER
低语

 1

NEVE’S SILENCE AND EMPTY SPACES
妮芙的沉默与虚空

’ve been fucking my studio’s spokesperson for the past four months. I cannot seem to quit her. I’m here for you to make sure I do.”
过去四个月我一直在睡工作室的发言人。我似乎就是戒不掉她。我来找你就是为了确保我能彻底了断。

“I She had strolled into this session with a well-formed plan of how things would go. Having done her research, she did not expect her words to
她走进这次会面时，心中早已盘算好了一切。做过充分调研的她，没料到自己的话会

shock the sphinx-like therapist. And yet, while the silver-haired woman with more letters after her name than the alphabet contained, did not blink an
这位如狮身人面像般沉静的治疗师竟也面露惊色。然而，尽管这位银发女士名字后缀的字母比整个字母表还多，她却连眼睛都没眨一下。

eye, the gold-tipped fountain pen in her hand stopped its movement. Good. Professional, but there was a tell that what she’d heard gave her pause.
她手中的金尖钢笔停止了移动。很好。专业，但有个细节表明她听到的话让她停顿了一下。

It boded well for Neve Blackthorne, who, in turn, gave nothing away. Instead, she sat down in a comfortable chair opposite the older woman and
这对妮芙·布莱克索恩来说是个好兆头，而她依旧不动声色。她只是在对面的舒适座椅上坐下，面对着那位年长的女性，

thought that the sole shock-and-awe of her appearance, not to mention the trademark low, quiet timbre of her voice, always accomplished their desired
心想自己惊鸿一瞥的出场效果——更不用说她那标志性的低沉柔和嗓音——总能达成预期的

effect.
震慑效果。

Neve had selected Helena Moore after thorough research of the top Los Angeles psychologists. A search she had, for once, not delegated to her
妮芙经过对洛杉矶顶尖心理学家的全面调研后，最终选择了海伦娜·摩尔。这是她破天荒没有委派他人

trusted assistant. Barnaby would have asked questions, but even if he would not have dared–out of self-preservation if nothing else–he would have still
值得信赖的助手。巴纳比本会提出疑问，但即便他不敢——哪怕仅仅出于自我保护——他也依然会

wondered. And needing a shrink meant showing weakness. Barnaby wouldn’t judge her–he was enraptured by her–but all the people standing in line
心生疑虑。而需要心理医生就意味着暴露弱点。巴纳比不会评判她——他完全被她迷住了——但那些屏息以待

with bated breath, waiting for her to slip up, detesting her very existence, surely would.
排队等着看她出丑、对她存在本身都深恶痛绝的人们，肯定会这么做。

Neve knew she was easy to hate. Many did, in fact. She had money, she had connections, but most importantly, she had the kind of power that made
内芙知道自己容易招恨。事实上很多人确实恨她。她有钱，有人脉，但最重要的是，她拥有那种让人

or broke not just individuals, but entire companies. And she did all of that. Routinely, in fact. She was ruthless and her armor knew no chinks. Neve
她摧毁的不仅是个人，更是整个公司。而她做这些事时——事实上是例行公事般——冷酷无情，铠甲毫无破绽。内芙

flicked a tiny piece of lint off her pencil skirt and crossed her legs. The most powerful woman, nay person, in the movie industry did not show weakness.
轻轻弹去铅笔裙上的一粒棉絮，交叠起双腿。这位电影界最具权势的女性——不，应该说是最具权势的人——从不显露丝毫脆弱。

If she did, the sharks would come circling right away.
若她示弱，鲨鱼们便会立刻蜂拥而至。

So Neve had taken up the search herself. And all the roads had led to this distinguished, hardly perturbable woman who was now regarding her out
于是内芙亲自展开了调查。而所有线索都指向眼前这位气度非凡、几乎不为所动的女士，此刻对方正用

of watery, gray eyes. Perhaps they’d once been a lively charcoal. If charcoal was even ever lively.
那双水汪汪的灰色眼眸。或许它们曾经是活泼的炭黑色。如果炭黑也能称得上活泼的话。

Neve bit the inside of her cheek, centering herself. She was rambling inside her own head. No matter how much of a show she was putting on, the
内芙咬着口腔内壁，让自己集中精神。她正在脑海里漫无边际地胡思乱想。无论她表现得多么镇定自若，

sheer idea of being here, of talking about things she kept secret, this whole wretched situation she found herself in, was appalling. Her skin crawled,
光是想到要在这里，谈论那些她深藏的秘密，想到自己陷入的这个糟糕透顶的处境，就令人作呕。她的皮肤阵阵发麻，

goosebumps running up and down her arms from the utter invasion of privacy she was about to embark upon. And all these thoughts running wild,
想到即将开始的这场对隐私的彻底侵犯，鸡皮疙瘩便爬满了她的双臂。而这些疯狂奔涌的念头，

seemingly unstoppable, were shaking her focus.
看似不可阻挡的动摇着她的专注力。

Helena Moore tapped the Montblanc against her notepad. Despite her earlier surprise at Neve’s opening salvo, her face seemed to have lost some of
海伦娜·摩尔用万宝龙钢笔轻敲记事本。尽管她最初对妮芙的开场攻势感到惊讶，但此刻她脸上

its trepidation.
的畏惧已消退几分。

“I am not an addiction specialist, and you speak about her as if she was…” The soothing voice did nothing to actually calm Neve’s frayed nerves.
"我并非成瘾问题专家，而你谈论她的方式仿佛她是个..." 这安抚性的嗓音丝毫未能平息妮芙紧绷的神经。

She knew her face did not show her disquiet. Years of practice to not give an inch in this high-stakes game of poker that was her life had taught her as
她深知自己的面容未泄露丝毫不安。多年在这种如同人生赌局般的高压游戏中寸步不让的历练，早已教会她这一点。

much. Neve deliberately uncrossed her legs. The fact that this woman still saw enough to make such a pinpoint assertion grated on her.
妮芙刻意地松开交叠的双腿。这女人竟能洞察至此并做出如此精准的断言，令她如鲠在喉。

“As if she was a drug. She is.” The truth behind the words sent a chill down her spine. Her words were quiet, and she permeated their usual cadence
"就像她是毒品一样。她确实是。"这句话背后的真相让她脊背发凉。她放轻了声音，刻意打乱惯常的说话节奏

with impatience to avoid this very line of inquiry. Or was it to hide the pool of dread in her stomach? No, that was absolutely not it. Neve dismissed the
掺入不耐烦，就是为了避开这个话题。又或者，是为了掩盖胃里翻腾的恐惧？不，绝对不是这样。妮芙立即否定了这个念头。

thought right away.
立刻想到。

The reason why she was here was no longer important. It was how to move forward—to escape this vicious cycle she rode—that was paramount.
她为何在此已不再重要。关键是如何前进——逃离她深陷的恶性循环。

Yet Dr. Moore seemed hellbent on thwarting her with useless questions. Neve waved a hand, effectively ending this particular avenue of
然而摩尔医生似乎铁了心要用无谓的问题阻挠她。奈芙一挥手，果断切断了这条谈话线。

conversation. “None of it matters. I have chosen you.” She allowed cutting coldness to dominate her voice and smiled. A sharp, lethal smile, showing
"这些都无关紧要。我选择了你。"她让锋利的寒意主宰自己的声音，露出微笑。一个尖锐而致命的微笑，

fangs. If she was to have to drag herself through shards of broken glass, she would do her best to scare the living daylights out of this unflappable
獠牙。倘若她必须拖着身躯穿过碎玻璃的利刃，她定要让这个处变不惊的家伙吓得魂飞魄散。

woman in the process. At least something to look forward to as she flayed herself alive. Or ‘opened up’, as the therapist would surely call it. Neve
在这个过程中，至少还有值得期待的事——当她活生生剥开自己的时候。或者用治疗师肯定会说的那个词："敞开心扉"。内芙

almost sneered at the ridiculous concept.
几乎对这种荒谬的概念嗤之以鼻。

This time, the highly esteemed and world-renowned Dr. Moore did blink, and then, drawing a deep breath, she set her notebook aside, steepling her
这一次，备受尊崇且举世闻名的摩尔博士确实眨了眨眼。她深吸一口气，将笔记本放到一旁，十指交叉抵住下巴——

hands to either give herself time to recover from essentially being put in a very uncomfortable place, or to simply regroup. Neve didn’t care about the
她双手交叠，要么是为了给自己时间从这种极度不适的处境中恢复，要么只是为了重新整理思绪。内芙根本不在乎这位

good doctor’s feelings. She was here to rid herself of this horrendous, unexplainable weakness and to move forward. If it gave this woman pause, or if it
善良医生的感受。她来此只为摆脱这种可怕又难以解释的软弱，继续前行。如果这让对方迟疑，或是

disgusted her, Neve cared very little.
令她作呕，内芙也毫不在意。

As time dragged and silence reigned, Neve observed the steepled hands. They bore the signs of age, but also showed a tremendous, likely decades-
时间缓慢流逝，沉默持续蔓延。内芙注视着那双指尖相抵的手。它们带着岁月的痕迹，却也展现出一种极可能历经数十年

long level of care from what she guessed were high-class manicurists and expensive moisturizers. Graceful, attractive, capable hands. Like Audrey’s.
从她猜测是高级美甲师和昂贵护手霜的长期护理中得来的。优雅、迷人、能干的双手。就像奥黛丽的那样。

Except Audrey’s were only twenty-eight years old and bore neither the signs of age, nor of expensive care. Yet they were beautiful. Neve swallowed.
只不过奥黛丽的才二十八岁，既没有岁月的痕迹，也没有昂贵护理的迹象。但它们依然很美。妮芙咽了咽口水。

A discreet cough of the owner of the older pair of hands penetrated her daydreaming, embarrassing her at being caught. Dr. Moore gave her a long,
那双年长些的手的主人一声轻咳打断了她的白日梦，让她因被抓包而窘迫。摩尔医生长久地

assessing look and seemed to have come to a decision of sorts. “Tell me about her then, this drug of yours.”
打量着她，似乎做出了某种决定。"那就跟我说说她吧，你所谓的这种药。"

Neve smiled again, and she knew it looked fake. It was the kind of expression you’d paint on when you were backed into a corner and tried to put a
内维又笑了，她知道这笑容看起来很假。这是那种当你被逼入绝境时，试图装出的一种表情。

pretty face on a difficult situation. But it was also the smile of a chess player who understood she had met a worthy adversary for the first time in a long
困境中仍保持优雅的面容。但这也是一个棋手的微笑，她深知自己终于遇到了久违的劲敌。

time. Helena Moore would be an unpalatable experience, simply by virtue of what she was—a therapist Neve was forcing herself to see—but she would
时间。海伦娜·摩尔会是个令人不快的存在，仅仅因为她的身份——一个内芙强迫自己去见的心理治疗师——但她会

also prove a challenge. And Neve Blackthorne never once shrunk from those.
同样构成挑战。而内芙·布莱克索恩从未退缩。

“As I said before,” she replied as she ran her thumbs over her fingernails, feigning supreme interest in her own immaculate manicure. “She is a
“正如我之前所说，”她一边回答，一边用拇指摩挲着自己的指甲，假装对完美无瑕的美甲表现出极大兴趣。“她是

spokesperson for the studio. My Vice President of Communication’s protégée, in fact. He calls her ‘the brightest new star on the scene.’”
电影工作室的发言人。准确来说，是我们传播副总裁的门徒。他称她为‘业界最耀眼的新星’。”

Dr. Moore’s gray eyes were sharp and knowing. “And what would you call her?”
摩尔博士灰色的眼眸锐利而洞悉。“那你会怎么称呼她呢？”

Danger, punishment, penance. Pleasure, temptation, escape. Neve had many choice appellations for one Audrey Clare Avens. Yet she stilled her
危险、惩罚、赎罪。欢愉、诱惑、解脱。对于奥黛丽·克莱尔·艾文斯，内芙心中有许多精妙的称谓。但她还是克制住了

heart, looked Dr. Moore straight in those knowing eyes, and lied.
摩尔医生那双洞悉一切的眼睛直视着，她撒了谎。

“I don’t call her anything at all.”
"我根本不称呼她任何名字。"

They were going to get caught, Neve thought as she panted her orgasm through her clenched teeth, back pressed hard against the door of her ground floor
他们会暴露的——尼芙咬紧牙关压抑着高潮的喘息，后背死死抵在一楼办公室的门板上时这样想着。

office. They were going to get caught, and it would be a disaster. The Wicked Queen of Tinseltown, the CEO of Gannon McMillan Pictures, one of the Big Six
他们会暴露的，那将是一场灾难。这位好莱坞的恶毒女王，六大电影公司之一甘农·麦克米伦影业的 CEO

studios in Hollywood and hence the world, was going to be found with her tongue down her Junior Communications Executive’s throat, with skilled fingers–the
好莱坞乃至全球最大制片厂之一的公关总监，竟被人发现与初级传播执行深吻交缠，她那娴熟的手指——

same ones Neve could not help but think about during her earlier session with the therapist–three knuckles deep inside her, and that maddening thumb rubbing
这正是内芙在早些时候与治疗师会面时无法不去回想的场景——三根指节深深探入体内，那恼人的拇指还在不断摩挲

circles over her clit.
在她的阴蒂上画着圈。

They were going to get caught, and it would all be her own doing. Because it simply wasn’t enough for her. Nothing was when it came to Audrey Avens.
他们会被抓住的，而这全是她一手造成的。因为对她来说，这远远不够。只要是牵扯到奥黛丽·埃文斯的事，就永远没有满足的时候。

Audrey Avens who had fucked her in the executive bathroom just this morning and who looked so deeply irresistible, Neve had orchestrated this complete sham
奥黛丽·埃文斯今早刚在行政洗手间与她翻云覆雨，那副模样令人难以抗拒——而此刻，内芙精心策划了这场彻头彻尾的骗局

of, ‘I am going home with a migraine and someone please deliver this speech to me, because I have to be at this useless event that I, for some reason, simply
“我偏头痛要回家，谁能帮我把这份演讲稿送来，因为我必须参加这个毫无意义的活动，而我不知为何非得出席不可。”

cannot miss. Oh, and bring it over ASAP, meaning you Gustavo can’t do it since you’re otherwise engaged, and let me send Barnaby on a fake assignment to
绝不能错过。对了，尽快送过来，意思是你古斯塔沃不行，因为你另有安排，让我派巴纳比去执行个假任务

Anaheim, which may as well be the Yukon in this traffic.’
安纳海姆，这交通状况简直跟育空地区没两样。

So of course, Audrey, who could read her and her whims like an open book, volunteered to drop off the papers, hence here they both were, Neve with her
奥黛丽能像读一本摊开的书那样读懂她和她那些心血来潮的念头，自然主动请缨去送文件，于是她们俩就这样待着——内芙

head thrown back, breath coming in the long exhalations of someone who’d just survived a near heart attack, and Audrey studying her with that possessive gleam
仰着头，呼吸如同刚逃过心脏病发作的人那般绵长，而奥黛丽用那种艺术家端详完美杰作般的占有欲目光

an artist usually gives a well-made creation. Well, she did this to Neve, left her breathless and shaking and disheveled, and still so hungry for more.
打量着她。是啊，她就是这样对待内芙的，让她气喘吁吁、颤抖不已、衣衫凌乱，却仍渴求更多。

The knowing expression did not falter when Neve met it head-on with her less than steady gaze. How many people looked her in the eyes these days?
当内芙用不甚稳定的目光迎上那道了然的眼神时，对方的神情没有丝毫动摇。如今还有多少人敢直视她的双眼呢？

Gustavo? On occasion. Morag? Her stylist knew better. In fact, absolutely everyone in Hollywood knew better. You never looked Neve Blackthorne in the eye.
古斯塔沃？偶尔会。莫拉格？她的造型师更懂规矩。事实上，好莱坞所有人都心知肚明——你永远不该直视妮芙·布莱克索恩的眼睛。

And yes, she had cultivated the affectation herself. After all, one never stared directly at a cobra either.
没错，这种做派正是她亲手培养的。毕竟，人们也从不会直视眼镜蛇的双眼。

And yet, here was this twenty-something girl who went to battle with Neve and for Neve every day and never once wavered, never once cowered before her.
然而眼前这个二十出头的姑娘，却日日为妮芙冲锋陷阵，从未动摇，从未在她面前退缩过。

Like an equal. Utterly fearless. Or utterly foolish. Maybe both. Even now she looked at Neve with an expression of sly fondness, even a little triumph, and just as
像平起平坐的伙伴那样。全然无畏。抑或全然愚蠢。或许两者兼有。即便此刻，她望向妮芙的眼神仍带着狡黠的宠溺，甚至几分胜利般的得意，恰如

Neve was about to say something, Audrey slowly licked her fingers, one by one pulling them between those delectable lips, and all thoughts simply vanished from
内芙正欲开口，奥黛丽却缓缓舔舐着自己的手指，将那些诱人的指尖一根接一根含入唇间，刹那间

Neve’s mind.
内芙脑中一片空白。

“I’ll take a shower before I go. Gustavo and his hound nose are bound to smell you on me, and where would that lead us?”
"出发前我得冲个澡。古斯塔沃和他那猎犬般的鼻子肯定会闻出你留在我身上的气息，到时候我们怎么解释？"

And then, like she hadn’t rocked Neve’s world in more ways than one in the past five minutes, Audrey gave her a lingering wet kiss, making sure Neve tasted
随后，奥黛丽给了她一个缠绵的湿吻，确保内芙尝到了自己的味道——仿佛过去五分钟里那场天翻地覆的欢愉从未发生过。

herself, her own ruin. One more touch of lips and Audrey was gone from the room. The taste of ruination lingered.
她亲手造就了自己的毁灭。再一个轻吻之后，奥黛丽便离开了房间。毁灭的余味仍在唇间萦绕。

Neve had come very close to said destruction several times in her life. Her divorce had been bad. It was public and humiliating, and Neve had felt like a
内芙一生中曾多次濒临这种毁灭。她的离婚堪称灾难——众目睽睽之下受尽屈辱，让她感觉自己是个

complete failure. Despite everything, she had once been fond of that good-for-nothing cheater who’d thrown her over for a younger model. Having affection for
彻头彻尾的失败者。尽管经历了这一切，她曾真心爱过那个没出息的骗子，那个为了更年轻的模特抛弃她的男人。但仅有爱意

him had not been enough, and she’d been unable to give him anything else, no matter how hard she’d made herself try. And so he’d done something that, in her
远远不够，无论她如何强迫自己努力，终究给不了他更多。于是他做出了在她看来

eyes, was both anathema and the greatest of insults. He’d left.
那双眼睛，既是禁忌又是最大的侮辱。他已经离开了。

Armand Melgren was a French-American millionaire from a distinguished family whose lineage and stock portfolio were unimpeachable. He was well read,
阿尔芒·梅尔格伦是一位法裔美国百万富翁，出身名门望族，其血统和股票投资组合都无可挑剔。他学识渊博，

well traveled, and well versed in the art of playing the games rich and famous people played.
见多识广，深谙富豪名流们玩的那些游戏规则。

And unlike with most people, Neve could stand spending time with him, both vertically, at various parties and professional outings they were obligated to
与大多数人不同，内芙能够忍受与他共处，无论是垂直场合——在各种他们不得不参加的派对和职业聚会上，

attend, and occasionally horizontally, on their California King bed, where she was just as happy to lose sight of him as she was to have him reach for her. It was a
她时而侧卧，时而平躺在那张加州大床上，既乐于看他伸手触碰自己，也同样享受他消失在视线中的时刻。这充分

high testament to how well she had taught herself to tolerate him.
证明她已练就了极佳的忍耐功夫。

If there was one thing Neve Blackthorne had learned early, it was that if it’s not so bad, if you could stand it, no matter what it actually was, then you could
如果说妮芙·布莱克索恩早早领悟了一件事，那就是：只要情况不算太糟，只要你能忍受——无论那究竟是什么——你就能

successfully power through. If you could just endure it.
成功挺过去。只要你咬牙坚持住。

Life wasn’t meant to be roses. It was mostly thorns. And so, with Armand, she had never expected overwhelming happiness and instead settled for quiet,
生活本就不是玫瑰满径，而多是荆棘丛生。因此，与阿尔芒在一起时，她从未奢求过极致的幸福，只求一份宁静的慰藉。

inauspicious contentment. Boring dinners and boring sex. Boring togetherness amidst long periods of living their own busy, fulfilling lives as high-powered
不祥的满足感。乏味的晚餐与无趣的性爱。在各自忙碌充实的精英生活间隙里，勉强维持着索然无味的相伴。

executives. She’d silently and gratefully tolerated that.
高管们。她默默地、感激地忍受了这一切。

Apparently Armand could not. And in the process of being caught by the ever-hungry-for-a-scandal paparazzi–with his pants down on top of his secretary–
显然，阿曼德没能做到。就在他被那些永远渴望丑闻的狗仔队逮个正着时——裤子褪到脚踝压在女秘书身上——

he’d made a spectacle of Neve.
他让妮芙成了众人眼中的笑柄。

Unsurprisingly, the media and the world had taken his side. She was too cold. Too distant. Too unlikeable. All his former girlfriends were on DMZ TV with
不出所料，媒体和舆论都站在他那边。她太冷漠。太疏离。太不讨喜。他所有前女友都上了 DMZ 电视台，

gossip about their relationship and how Armand was an angel incarnate, and that surely Neve had driven him to cheat. He even believed as much himself.
大谈他们的恋情，说阿尔芒简直是天使化身，肯定是妮芙逼得他出轨。连他自己都对此深信不疑。

“If you would’ve been as enthusiastic about sex with me as you are about corporate takeovers or the new movie rights you seem to acquire like handbags
"要是你对我能有收购公司或抢购电影版权——就像买手袋那样——一半的热情，我们也不至于走到这地步。"

these days, maybe I wouldn’t need someone else to sleep with me!”
这些日子，或许我根本不需要别人陪我睡觉！

Neve had chosen not to rise to the bait, which only infuriated both Armand and his media-hungry hordes–or should she say attention whores?–even more. Still,
妮芙选择不接这个话茬，这反而让阿曼德和他那群嗜媒体如命的跟班——或者该说是渴求关注的婊子们？——更加暴跳如雷。不过，

it hadn’t been so bad. Neve could stand it, and she did.
情况也没那么糟。妮芙能忍受，她也确实忍下来了。

Very soon her success in rebuilding a floundering movie studio and returning it to the Olympic Pantheon of Hollywood had become the dominant story.
很快地，她成功重整一家濒临倒闭的电影公司、使其重返好莱坞奥林匹斯神坛的壮举，就成了最轰动的新闻头条。

Gannon McMillan Studios’ revival took precedence, even over sex scandals, as the old, stuffy Hollywood institution that was on its way out and circling the
甘农·麦克米伦工作室的复兴成为首要任务，甚至超越了性丑闻的关注度。这家古板守旧的好莱坞老牌机构曾一度濒临倒闭，如今却

bankruptcy drain made its grand entrance back into the limelight. New movies filmed, new rights acquired, new stars, new directors, a brand-new executive office.
破产阴云再度成为万众瞩目的焦点。新电影开拍，新版权购入，新星崛起，新导演加盟，还有焕然一新的行政办公室。

Neve Blackthorne took Hollywood by storm.
内芙·布莱克索恩在好莱坞掀起了一阵风暴。

With a well-written column here, a strategically placed photograph there, and, of course, the rapturous success of Gannon McMillan, the world had moved on,
一篇精心撰写的专栏，一张恰到好处的照片，再加上甘农·麦克米伦那令人陶醉的成功，世界已然翻篇

and she was once again triumphant.
她再度凯旋而归。

You should have known better. Nothing is ever easy for you. The other shoe will drop.
你早该明白的。对你而言，从来就没有容易二字。另一只靴子终将落下。

The voice in her head sounded suspiciously like one from a past she dared not revisit. A past she could not stand. A past that she had to hug herself against
脑海中那个声音，像极了她不敢重温的往昔——那段令她窒息的过往，那段她必须蜷缩着身子

with chilled and trembling hands as she tried to push it away.
用冰冷颤抖的双手拼命推开的记忆。

Still, she should have known better. She should have expected that the voice would be right. For the other shoe had dropped.
可她本该更清楚。她早该料到那个声音是对的。因为另一只靴子终于落地了。

The protracted custody battle had been worse. It was even more public than the divorce. Fuming and hurt over losing that battle and having to pay through the
漫长的抚养权争夺战更为惨烈。甚至比离婚官司更公开化。阿曼德因败诉而暴怒不已，又因违反婚前协议条款不得不支付巨额赔偿

nose for breaching the terms of their prenup, Armand was speaking to the press at every turn. He was going to have his way and hurt Neve where it mattered
他抓住每个机会向媒体发声。他铁了心要在要害处刺痛内芙——不仅要夺走她的孩子

most. He was going to take away her child and further embarrass her in the court of public opinion.
还要让舆论法庭进一步羞辱她。

And so the monikers, the horrible little stories of her tantrums and irascibility, her demanding nature, and her alleged disregard for labor laws—or any laws
于是那些绰号——关于她暴脾气、易怒性格的可怕小故事，她苛刻的本性，以及据称对劳动法（乃至任何法律）

when it came to her precious studio—started trickling down to the media. DMZ was having a blast assigning her a new nickname every other day. You name it, she
在她珍视的工作室面前——都视若无睹的传闻，开始逐渐流传到媒体上。DMZ 媒体乐此不疲地每隔几天就给她起个新外号。你能想到的，

was called it.
她都被人叫过。

The Wicked Queen. The Demon. The Frigid Bitch.
恶毒女王。恶魔。冷血贱人。

Well, perhaps she warmed up to the first two much more than to the last one.
也许她对前两个的态度确实比对最后一个热情得多。

She had endured that storm as well. After all, it was bearable, because she had hope that in the end, she’d prevail in court, and that allowed her to be able to
她也熬过了那场风暴。毕竟还能忍受，因为她始终怀有希望，坚信自己终将在法庭上胜诉，正是这份信念支撑着她

still stand it all. Barely, but she could. The thought of only having supervised visits once in a blue moon with her precious boy was the first thing in a long time that
勉强承受住了一切。想到今后只能在极少数被监督的情况下见到心爱的儿子，这是许久以来

had made her afraid.
第一次让她感到恐惧的事。

Still, with her toddler by her side, she appeared dignified and stoic, if aloof and indeed cold in all photos. Armand’s vindictiveness and dirty tactics ended up
尽管如此，她带着蹒跚学步的孩子时，在每张照片中都显得端庄而坚忍，尽管疏离且确实冷漠。阿曼德的报复心和卑劣手段最终

costing him. The court disregarded all innuendo and gossip and gave the couple joint physical custody of the minor Harlan Melgren Blackthorne, age four. She also
让他自食恶果。法庭无视所有影射与流言，判决这对夫妇共同拥有四岁幼子哈兰·梅尔格伦·布莱克索恩的实体监护权。她还

got her son for all the holidays in what she suspected was an attempt by the judge to stick it to her ex-husband for being a smarmy idiot.
获得了所有节假日的抚养权——她怀疑这是法官对她那个虚情假意的白痴前夫的特殊关照。

However, despite a horrible divorce, an awful custody battle, and countless other scandals and public flagellations of her character, nothing could come close
然而，尽管经历了糟糕的离婚、痛苦的监护权争夺战，以及无数其他丑闻和针对她人格的公开抨击，没有什么能比得上

to the potential threat of getting caught having a sordid little affair with a girl twenty years her junior and her subordinate.
与一个比她年轻二十岁且是她下属的女孩发生不光彩的婚外情，她可能面临被发现的威胁。

 “You’ll be ruined. Worse than nothing. Finished. Just like I told—”
"你会身败名裂。比一无所有更惨。彻底完蛋。就像我告诉过你的——"

Her limbs went numb, and she shook her head, attempting to clear it. With difficulty, she rid her thoughts of the memories. They were just that, memories. And
她的四肢发麻，摇了摇头，试图清醒过来。她艰难地将那些回忆从脑海中驱逐出去。那些只是回忆而已，而且

everything had happened so long ago, perhaps it was all in her mind? Time had the horrible ability to distort reality.
一切都发生在很久以前，也许这一切都只是她的臆想？时间有着扭曲现实的可怕能力。

“Don’t tell… Don’t tell…”
“别说出去…千万别说出去…”

On the heels of the loud hiss came a whisper, and Neve closed her eyes. Not real. None of it was real.
伴随着刺耳的嘶嘶声，传来一阵低语，尼芙闭上了眼睛。不是真的。这一切都不是真的。

She had to focus because none of her previous brushes with ruin could even attempt to come close to how horrible being caught would be. In fact, it would be
她必须集中精神，因为之前所有与毁灭擦肩而过的经历，都无法与此刻被抓的恐怖相提并论。事实上，那将是

the absolute worst thing that could happen to her. It would destroy her. And that she could not stand. For the first time in her 48 years, Neve Blackthorne had
她所能遭遇的最糟糕的事。那会彻底毁了她。而她绝对无法承受。在尼芙·布莱克索恩 48 年的人生中，这是第一次

reached a level where the things occurring around her and to her were ones she would not be able to survive. And yet, for all her fear, she could not help herself.
她所处的境地已恶化到周遭发生的一切都令她难以承受。然而尽管恐惧万分，她却无法自控。

Drug of choice indeed.
真是上瘾的良药。

Lost in thought, standing on the back deck of her sprawling Malibu mansion overlooking her private section of beach, Neve missed Audrey coming out of the
内芙站在她位于马里布的豪宅后甲板上，俯瞰着私人海滩区域陷入沉思，没注意到奥黛丽从

shower. Over her shoulder, she could see the girl making her way through the debris they’d left strewn around the office, gingerly picking up her clothes. Wrapped
浴室出来。她余光瞥见那女孩正小心翼翼地在散落办公室的狼藉中拾捡衣物。

in just her towel, Audrey turned her head and caught Neve staring. A warm, adoring, cheeky grin and the towel was dropped. Utterly fearless. Was it a wonder
奥黛丽仅裹着毛巾转过头，恰好撞见内芙直勾勾的目光。她露出一个温暖、爱慕又顽皮的笑容，随即松开了毛巾。毫无畏惧。这怎能不让人

she couldn’t help herself?
她实在无法自持？

Neve turned away so sharply, the vertebrae in her neck popped. She didn’t know why, only that the moment was becoming too much. Too intimate. Too
内芙猛地别过脸去，脖颈的脊椎发出"咔"的声响。她不明白缘由，只觉此刻氛围已然过度。太过亲密。太过

affectionate. Too hungry. She pretended that she was giving Audrey her privacy to get dressed and not that she was terrified by what was happening between
缠绵。太过饥渴。她假装是在给奥黛丽留出穿衣的私密空间，而非被两人之间正在发生的一切吓到

them. The juxtaposition of the two states, hers and Audrey’s, did not escape her. Naked and bold, fully dressed and petrified.
她与奥黛丽两种状态的鲜明对比无法忽视。赤裸而大胆，衣冠楚楚却呆若木鸡。

A low vibration from Audrey’s phone, thrown hastily on the desk, jerked Neve back from her musings. She flinched, and the fear stung her again. Par for the
奥黛丽匆忙扔在桌上的手机发出低沉震动，将内芙从沉思中惊醒。她浑身一颤，恐惧再次刺痛全身。果不其然

course, her breath became shallow as she listened to every word.
她的呼吸随着每个字眼变得急促起来。

Caught, caught, caught… They would get caught.
暴露了，暴露了，暴露了……他们终将败露。

But Audrey’s voice was calm, nonchalant even, as she answered.
但奥黛丽回答时的声音却异常平静，甚至带着几分漫不经心。

“...no, no, boss, I’ll be back in the office in about an hour.” Gustavo, Gannon McMillan’s Vice President For Communications. Audrey called him that.
"...不用了老板，我大概一小时后就回办公室。"古斯塔沃——甘农·麦克米伦公司的公关副总裁。奥黛丽总是这么称呼他。

Ironically, not even on her first day had Audrey referred to Neve as anything remotely similar. Granted, absolutely nobody addressed Neve as anything but Neve,
讽刺的是，即便在入职第一天，奥黛丽也从未用任何类似"老板"的称谓称呼过内芙。当然，公司里确实没人敢对内芙使用其他称呼，

but the point was well made. Gustavo was Audrey’s boss, Neve was Gustavo’s boss, and everything that was happening here was so completely inappropriate it
但这恰恰印证了关键：古斯塔沃是奥黛丽的上司，内芙又是古斯塔沃的顶头上司，而此刻正在发生的一切简直荒谬至极

was horrifying. “Yes, I delivered…” Oh, did Audrey ever deliver. She delivered each and every time.
太可怕了。"是的，我做到了..."哦，奥黛丽确实做到了。她每一次都完美呈现。

“Neve? Well, you know what Neve always says. So more of the same…” Yes, yes, harder, more, more, more… “I’ll see you soon, and we’ll talk about the
"内芙？你知道内芙总爱说什么。老一套罢了..."对，对，再用力些，继续，继续..."我们很快会见面，到时候讨论下

early screenings for Unity. I have questions and I think others will, too.”
《团结》的试映会。我有疑问，其他人肯定也有。"

Neve tuned out the business talk. Neve had never tuned out business talk in her life. Yet, here she was, turning away again and stepping onto the warm sand.
内芙屏蔽了这些商业谈话。她这辈子从没屏蔽过工作对话。但此刻，她却再次转身，踏上了温暖的沙滩。

Bracketed by two sets of cliffs, the mansion was the only way to access the ocean shore.
这座宅邸夹在两处峭壁之间，是通往海滩的唯一路径。

As always, the sand beneath her bare feet centered her somewhat. And the continuous whisper of the ocean, its foamy fingers trying to catch her ankles,
赤足下的细沙一如既往地让她感到些许安定。而海浪持续的低语，它泛着泡沫的浪花试图轻抚她的脚踝，

calmed her. She stood still, inhaling the salty air, the peace of it, the permanence. These were two redeeming qualities this place had held for her–the true scent that
抚平了她的心绪。她静静伫立，呼吸着咸涩的空气，感受这份宁静与永恒。这是此地仅存的两项可取之处——那种

only the Pacific Ocean held–and the silence. No, LA was never silent–neither was NY, the city of her past that she cherished above others–but here, on her own
唯有太平洋才拥有的真实气息——以及寂静。不，洛杉矶从不寂静——她所珍视的纽约故城也同样喧嚣——但在这里，在她独处的这片海滩上

slice of beach and facing her own piece of ocean, it was quiet.
一片海滩，面朝属于她自己的那片海，静谧无声。

She had traveled all over the world, seen and experienced things that other people only dreamed of. She had resigned herself to never really having a home.
她走遍世界各地，见识并体验了他人只能梦想的事物。她早已接受了自己永远不会真正拥有一个家的事实。

Splitting her work life between LA, NY, and Europe wasn’t conducive to much stability. Neve still remembered the conversation she’d had with Gustavo after
她在洛杉矶、纽约和欧洲三地奔波的工作状态很难维持稳定。内芙仍清晰记得与古斯塔沃的那次谈话

she’d bought the Malibu mansion.
她买下了马里布的那栋豪宅。

“It’s beautiful here.” He’d sipped his brandy gingerly, savoring both the liquid and the sunset over the ocean. But she knew him too well, and she knew he was
“这里真美。”他小心翼翼地啜饮着白兰地，品味着酒液与海上落日。但她太了解他了，她知道他正

hiding behind compliments.
用赞美掩饰着什么。

“Say what you mean to say.” Her voice was rough even to her own ears.
“有话直说。”连她自己都觉得嗓音沙哑。

“Nothing really. With Harlan at boarding school weekdays, this place is… Well, it’s a big, empty space, Neve. Just like that penthouse of yours in Manhattan.”
“其实没什么。现在哈伦平日都住寄宿学校，这地方…怎么说呢，就是个空荡荡的大盒子，内芙。就像你在曼哈顿的那套顶层公寓。”

He was, at times, with one or two exceptions, her only friend, and so she allowed him the horrible presumptuousness by simply shrugging off his concern or
除了一两个例外，他时常是她唯一的朋友，因此她默许了他那令人不快的冒昧，只是对他的关切——或

whatever it was he was trying to convey.
无论他想表达什么——耸耸肩一带而过。

“I like empty. And I like this.” She had inhaled the ocean scent. The unique blend of salt and wind and all the possibilities.
"我喜欢空荡。也喜欢这个。"她曾深深吸进海的气息。那种盐、风与无限可能交织的独特味道。

The scent enveloped her now still, years later, and so did the silence. The mansion was more lived-in, but no less empty. And the ocean still called to her like
多年后的此刻，这气息依然包裹着静止的她，寂静亦然。宅邸多了些生活痕迹，却未减空寂。而海洋仍像当年

nothing else. Well, perhaps there was someone else who called to her like the ocean…
别无他物。或许，还有一个人如海洋般呼唤着她……

And tonight, the two combined. The salt and the wind were infused with the subtle scent of Chanel N°5, a perfume that Audrey favored. On her skin, the
而今晚，两者交融。咸涩的海风里渗入香奈儿五号若有似无的气息——那是奥黛丽钟爱的香水。在她肌肤上，

tender notes of peach and vanilla came through most prominently, and they were the ones Neve could still sense on her own skin and hands.
桃子和香草的温柔气息最为鲜明，这些味道至今仍萦绕在涅芙的肌肤与指间。

“I have to head back, Neve.” Audrey’s voice managed to sneak up on her, sounding now right next to her shoulder. They were of a height, and it was at once
"我得回去了，涅芙。"奥黛丽的声音突然贴近她肩头响起。她们身高相仿，这声低语

refreshing and disturbing not to be looking up into her partner’s eyes. Granted, she did so enjoy looking up at Audrey when she knelt in front of her, and when
不必抬头直视伴侣的眼睛，这感觉既新鲜又令人不安。当然，她确实喜欢跪在奥黛丽面前时仰视她的模样，也爱看

those eyes unfocused in pleasure.
那双因欢愉而失焦的眼眸。

“Neve?” The voice was gentle, never rising, even in inquiry. Not a single high tone. Not a decibel out of place. Audrey was a fast learner in more things than
"妮芙？"那声音温柔得从不抬高，连询问时也不例外。没有一丝高亢的语调。每个分贝都恰到好处。奥黛丽学东西很快，远不止

just how to please The Wicked Queen of Tinseltown.
如何取悦这位浮华城邪恶女王这点本事。

“I heard you.”
“我听见了。”

Audrey finally came into focus and stood close to Neve, shoulder to shoulder, watching the sunset. Despite an hour-long–if she was lucky–drive back to
奥黛丽终于回过神来，站到尼芙身旁与她肩并肩，一同注视着落日。尽管她还得花上一个小时——如果运气好的话——才能开车回到

Gannon, Audrey seemed in no hurry at all.
甘农镇，但奥黛丽看起来一点儿也不着急。

“Gustavo has thoughts on Unity.”
“古斯塔沃对 Unity 有些想法。”

Unity was their grand, new production touching on the #metoo movement. Neve should care more about this. It was a script she personally appreciated.
《团结》是他们涉及#MeToo 运动的重要新作。内芙本该更重视这个项目。这是她个人非常欣赏的剧本。

Hand-selected. Right now, it seemed somehow unimportant, despite being her one big awards contender this season.
精挑细选。尽管这是本季她最有希望冲击奖项的作品，此刻却莫名显得无关紧要。

“I have mine,” Audrey continued. “You know I stay out of the production details, but some issues will complicate the marketing strategy, and this is why I’d
"我有我的考虑，"奥黛丽继续道，"你知道我从不过问制作细节，但有些问题会让营销策略复杂化，所以我想..."

like to be in on every single early strategy meeting…”
参加每一场前期策略会议...

Smart, thoughtful, brave. Everything Neve had ever wanted. Everything Neve could never have.
聪慧、体贴、勇敢。内芙曾渴望的一切。内芙永远无法拥有的一切。

“Is there a reason I need to know all this? Are there issues with the strategy I am not aware of?”
"我需要知道这些的理由是什么？战略中存在我不知晓的问题吗？"

Anyone else would cower instantly. A raised eyebrow from Neve was a sure signal of impending doom. Audrey just smiled, a corner of her mouth lifting first
换作旁人早就畏缩了。内芙只需挑眉就预示着厄运降临。奥黛丽却先勾起半边嘴角

before the full dazzling grin revealed itself.
随后绽放出夺目的灿烂笑容。

“No issues. Yet. But all things considered, I’d like it to stay that way. And I’d like to consult with Jameson Walker. Her book raised the bar for any #metoo
“目前没有问题。但综合考虑，我希望保持现状。我想咨询詹姆斯·沃克。她的书为所有#MeToo 运动

productions. Shame she wasn’t brought in as a consultant. Still, I’ll take what I can.”
相关作品树立了新标杆。可惜她没被聘为顾问。不过，能争取的我会尽量争取。”

Yes, very smart indeed.
确实非常明智。

“Audrey, if there are no issues, the details do not interest me.” But she nodded slightly, because the suggestions were great. Sure, absolutely not Audrey’s job,
“奥黛丽，如果没有问题，细节我不感兴趣。”但她微微点头，因为这些建议很棒。当然，这绝对不是奥黛丽的分内之事，

not even close, but a consultation with the leading expert in the field didn’t hurt anybody, even if they were doing it for PR’s sake.
还差得远呢，但咨询一下该领域的顶尖专家对谁都没坏处，哪怕他们只是为了公关目的才这么做。

Audrey extended her hand, and it took all of Neve’s strength to neither flinch nor lean into the touch, but the girl simply tucked a strand of Neve’s hair behind
奥黛丽伸出手，内芙用尽全力才既没有退缩也没有迎向那触碰，但女孩只是将内芙的一缕发丝轻轻拨到

her ear.
她耳后。

 “I’ll see you tomorrow for the staff meeting.” A kiss on her cheek, as gentle as the voice that said the goodbyes, and the girl was gone, leaving behind just the
"明天员工会议见。"一个落在她脸颊上的吻，如同道别时温柔的嗓音，随后女孩便离开了，只留下

scent, Chanel N°5 disintegrating into its sweet variables.
香奈儿五号的芬芳，在甜美的变调中逐渐消散。

“Tomorrow,” Neve whispered, so quietly, she wasn't sure whether she'd said it or wished it. She wanted so much to see Audrey tomorrow and for everything
"明天，"内芙轻声呢喃，声音轻得连她自己都不确定是说出口了还是仅仅在许愿。她如此渴望明天能见到奥黛丽，渴望一切

to be as it was tonight. But fear was pulsing strong and heavy in her chest and she knew that tonight was the night when something had to give. Give in, give out, or
都能像今晚这样。但恐惧在她胸口沉重而剧烈地跳动着，她知道今晚就是必须做出抉择的夜晚。屈服，崩溃，或是

give up, though, she wasn’t entirely certain which.
放弃，尽管她并不完全确定该选择哪一种。

Somehow in her ruminations about ruin, the past, present, and future, an absolute certain divorce from her current husband hadn’t even registered as another
在她对毁灭、过去、现在与未来的沉思中，与现任丈夫彻底离婚这件事甚至未被列为奥黛丽事件败露后的又一

casualty of Audrey and her getting caught. But a divorce would absolutely follow.
附带损失。但离婚绝对会接踵而至。

Hers and Dmitriy’s marriage was a business merger. God knew, there were few things worse in mergers than embarrassing dalliances made horribly public. She
她与德米特里的婚姻本就是商业联姻。天知道，在并购交易中，没有什么比令人难堪的私情被公之于众更糟糕的了。她

knew Dmitriy wasn’t faithful to her. She did not expect him to be. His affairs were acceptable, since he limited them to high society and kept them quiet. Neve’s
清楚德米特里对她不忠。她也不指望他忠诚。他的风流韵事尚可接受，毕竟只限于上流社会且秘而不宣。而内芙的

extensive network of informants had apprised her of the news of his occasional night with a widowed baroness Von Something-or-Other every time he was in
遍布各地的线人网络早已向她透露，每逢他来到伦敦，总会与某位丧偶的冯姓男爵夫人共度良宵。

London. He was being discreet and rather posh, all things considered.
平心而论，他行事谨慎且颇为体面。

But Neve’s affair with an underling would rock their carefully staged arrangement like an earthquake. He would divorce her in an instant, and, the humiliating
但内芙与下属的私情会像地震般撼动他们精心维持的婚姻假象。他会立即提出离婚，而

public scrutiny aside, she would get stuck with alimony payments this time around, footing the bill for atrocious habits like cigars, golf, and rum. Who in their right
且抛开当众受辱不谈，这次她还得支付赡养费，为那些雪茄、高尔夫和朗姆酒之类的恶劣嗜好买单。哪个头脑清醒的

mind thought drinking rum was acceptable anywhere but on a tropical island? So gauche.
谁会觉得喝朗姆酒在任何地方都合适，除了热带岛屿？真是有失体统。

She still remembered how he had finally accepted that she’d never again need him for anything other than the public eye.
她仍记得他是如何最终接受这个事实——除了在公众视线中，她再也不需要他为她做任何事。

“I appreciate the honesty, Neve, I truly do. It’s very Russian of you, cold, detached, calculated. No emotion. I can deal with that.”
“我欣赏你的坦诚，内芙，真的。这很俄罗斯，冷漠、疏离、精于算计。没有感情。我能应付。”

Very Russian had almost made her flinch, but only for a second. Close, but no cigar for him on that one. And she dared not think of how close he had come to
“很俄罗斯”这个评价几乎让她退缩，但只有一瞬间。他差点就猜中了，但还不够准确。而她不敢去想他离真相有多近

figuring out the truth. She’d extended her hand, and he’d shaken it, sealing the deal.
她伸出手，他握住了它，协议就此达成。

But Russian or not, he wouldn’t be by her side if she and Audrey were caught. And they would be and soon. Neve could feel it in her bones that were still
但无论他是不是俄罗斯人，如果她和奥黛丽被抓，他都不会站在她这边。而她们很快就会被抓——内芙从骨子里都能感觉到这一点，尽管她的骨头还

thoroughly melted from the mind-blowing series of orgasms that beautiful mouth and those graceful fingers had given her.
沉浸在那张美妙嘴唇和灵巧手指带来的一连串令人神魂颠倒的高潮余韵中。

“I have to end this.”
"我必须结束这一切。"

How many times had she told herself this? In fact, she had taken to talking to herself out loud, which was embarrassing enough on a whole new level. And
她已这样告诫自己多少次了？事实上，她开始习惯大声自言自语，这又让尴尬程度达到了全新高度。

mostly, all she was telling herself was that one sentence.
而多数时候，她翻来覆去念叨的只有那一句话。

“I have to end this.”
"我必须结束这一切。"

This… whatever the hell this was that had her pouncing on Audrey the moment she crossed the threshold of whatever clandestine space they found themselves
这种...无论这该死的状况是什么——只要奥黛丽踏入他们所在的任何隐秘空间，她就会立刻扑上去——

in. Whatever the hell this was that had her locking them in the small office on the ground floor of her Malibu mansion and fucking Audrey within an inch of her life,
不知这究竟是怎么回事，竟让她将她们反锁在马里布豪宅底层的小办公室里，把奥黛丽操得几乎昏死过去，

three fingers pumping furiously until she clutched and bit her lips to muffle her cry.
三指疯狂抽插直到她咬紧嘴唇抑制住尖叫。

Whatever the hell this was that had Neve swiftly kneeling at Audrey’s feet to taste her essence off her still quivering thighs and lips and clit and make Audrey
不知这究竟是怎么回事，竟让内芙迅速跪在奥黛丽腿间，舔舐她仍颤抖的大腿、唇瓣和阴蒂上的蜜液，

come again, simply because Neve could. Simply because, for some utterly maddening reason, nothing in the world felt like having this girl come for her, around her
只因为内芙做得到。只因为——出于某种令人发狂的理由——这世上再没有什么比让这个女孩为她高潮更美妙的事。

fingers, in her mouth, fall apart with her name on her plump, reddened lips, pouty from all the kissing, biting and sucking Neve had bestowed on them.
她纤长的手指探入对方口中，随着那丰润红艳的唇瓣间溢出自己的名字而彻底失控——那双唇因内芙反复的亲吻、啃咬与吮吸早已红肿微翘。

And in the past four months, Neve had bestowed a lot and often and so damn hungrily, because she simply could not get enough. She was half crazy with this
过去四个月里，内芙总是如此贪婪地索求，频率高得惊人，因为她永远觉得不够。这种

reckless need. She played it fast and loose and selfishly risked them both for a few moments of the dazzling heat of Audrey taking her in the CEO’s private
不顾一切的需求让她几近癫狂。她肆意妄为，自私地将两人置于危险之中，只为换取奥黛丽在 CEO 私人浴室里给予的炽热欢愉，

bathroom or sticking her hand under Neve’s skirt in the back of the company limo before some award ceremony.
或是某次颁奖礼前在公司豪华轿车后座将手探入她裙摆的片刻刺激。

Her days and her nights were filled with memories of Audrey’s skin, with the sounds she made, with the shy smiles she gave her as she was trying to pick her
她的日日夜夜都萦绕着对奥黛丽肌肤的回忆，那些她发出的声响，以及她试图挑选时投来的羞涩微笑

panties off the floor, only to discover them soaked and ripped, because Neve hadn’t been able to wait. She never could, anyway. Not for new scripts, not for the
从地板上捡起内裤，却发现它们已经湿透撕裂，因为内芙根本等不及。她向来如此。等不了新剧本，也等不了

final cut of a movie, and not for her black coffee. So why should she wait to suck on Audrey’s clit when she could smell her arousal the moment their lips touched
她等待的从来不是电影最终剪辑版，也不是她那杯黑咖啡。既然双唇相触时就能嗅到奥黛丽的情动气息，又何必苦等舔舐阴蒂的时机

as she pushed her against the office door?
当她把她抵在办公室门上时？

Her own arousal would spike even higher, since Audrey’s wetness meant she was thinking about Neve on her way to the mansion on the ocean shore, no
奥黛丽自身的欲望会愈发高涨，毕竟她湿漉漉的状态说明——在前往海滨别墅的路上——她满脑子都是内芙的身影

doubt imagining all the things Neve would do to her and she would do to Neve.
毫无疑问，她幻想着内芙会对她做的一切，以及她将如何回应内芙的挑逗。

“And my God, did Audrey ever do to you!” Neve shook her head even as the words left her mouth in a breathy whisper. In fact, she did to Neve better than
"天啊，奥黛丽对你做的事简直！"内芙摇着头喃喃低语，气息变得急促。实际上，她带给内芙的体验远胜

anyone, better than Dmitriy, back when they still pretended the marriage wasn’t what it really was, and better than Armand with his ardor. Neve had always tried
任何人——胜过德米特里（在他们还假装婚姻美满时），也胜过热情似火的阿曼德。内芙始终试图

to dodge those bruise-inflicting aberrations, pretending to throw her head back in the throes of passion.
为了躲避那些会留下淤青的异常举动，她假装在激情的阵痛中仰头后倾。

“Throes of passion…”
"激情的阵痛……"

Turns out she had not known what that phrase meant until Audrey took her at her desk, kneeling before her and spreading her legs, pulling her thong to the side
直到奥黛丽在办公桌前按住她，跪在她面前分开她的双腿，将她的内裤拨到一边时，她才真正明白这个短语的含义。

and silently proceeding to turn her brain to mush, her body into fire, and her world into bedlam. And if that wasn’t passionate enough, Audrey had continued by
奥黛丽沉默着将她的理智搅成浆糊，身体点燃成火焰，世界颠覆成疯人院。若这还不够激情，奥黛丽便继续

taking her forcefully, from behind, on her knees, in her office after hours.
加班后，在办公室里从背后强行让她跪着承受。

Neve walked closer to the ocean, the crush of the waves against the cliffs soothing as much as the solitude. Another clandestine encounter she’d gotten out of
内芙走向海边，海浪拍打悬崖的声音与孤独感一样令人平静。又一次秘密幽会，她安然无恙地脱身了。

unscathed. Dmitriy would be home later tonight. Or he would not. Either was fine by her. Her son was at his boarding school. She was alone, and she was safe.
德米特里今晚可能会回家。也可能不回。她无所谓。儿子在寄宿学校。她独自一人，很安全。

Again. This time.
又一次。这次也是。

Yet the grip of fear didn’t leave her as she settled into the deck chair and closed her eyes. With her mind in upheaval and her heart rate spiking, Neve clutched
然而当她躺进甲板躺椅闭上双眼时，恐惧的钳制仍未离开。思绪翻腾，心跳加速，尼芙紧紧攥着

her jacket tightly in her hands, her fingers coming across a pin with the studio logo on it. The metal glinted in the fairy lights strung on the deck, a tangible
手中的夹克，指尖突然触到一枚印有工作室 logo 的徽章。金属在甲板串灯下闪烁微光，这个具象化的

representation of everything she stood to lose if their little interludes were to be discovered.
信物代表着她可能失去的一切——倘若他们那些隐秘的幽会被发现。

She was still throbbing between her thighs, but she chose to ignore that sensation. Tonight, more than on any other night, she felt reckless, too careless in her
大腿内侧的悸动仍未平息，但她选择无视这种感受。今夜比以往任何夜晚都更让她感到肆意放纵，

actions, and it scared her. Dmitriy could have walked in at any moment. The lengths she went to, to be with this girl. The lengths she went to, to be taken by this
她的所作所为令她自己都感到害怕。德米特里随时可能走进来。她为了与这个女孩在一起付出了多大的代价。她为了被这个

girl. It was too much, and it was time to stop.
女孩占有付出了多大的代价。这一切太过分了，是时候停止了。

She had been selfish in allowing this affair to begin, and she was selfish to end it simply because her own fear was choking her.
她当初允许这段关系开始是自私的，如今因为自己的恐惧而选择结束同样自私。

“It was nothing. Nothing at all.” She said it out loud, if only to hear the words spoken. She remembered saying them ages ago, trying to find a way out of
"这没什么。根本不算什么。"她大声说道，仿佛只是为了听见这些话说出口。她记得很久以前也说过同样的话，试图寻找脱身

having been caught with something or another.
因某事被逮个正着。

Neve sighed, and images of bright green eyes invaded her mind. Guilt flooded right on the heels of all that brightness. To be touched… To be seen… To simply
内芙叹了口气，翠绿眼眸的影像侵入她的脑海。紧随那片明亮而来的是汹涌的愧疚。被触碰…被注视…在那些

feel something among the dead and decayed silk and velvet and glossy photographs of high and drunk actors and perverted producers and directors.
死气沉沉的丝绸天鹅绒之间，在醉醺醺的演员与变态制片导演的亮面照片堆里，竟能感受到一丝生机。

They all left her cold, encased in ice. But for those fleeting minutes, Audrey made her feel alive. Made her feel unfettered joy, perhaps for the first time since
这一切都让她如坠冰窟。但就在那转瞬即逝的几分钟里，奥黛丽让她感觉自己真实地活着。或许是自...以来第一次，让她体会到无拘无束的欢愉。

Harlan’s birth. But all this feeling alive be damned when she was hyperventilating on a beach at midnight in agony. After four months of living and breathing said
哈兰出生时的情景。但当她在午夜的海滩上痛苦地喘息时，所有这些活着的感受都见鬼去吧。在经历了四个月肆意奔涌的

sheer unrestrained joy, Neve was ending it.
纯粹欢愉后，妮芙决定结束这一切。

Decision made, she gave the ocean one last look. It frothed back at her, always in motion, always there for her brooding and her tempestuous isolation. She
决心已定，她最后望了一眼大海。海浪翻涌着回应她，永远涌动不息，永远包容着她阴郁的沉思与暴烈的孤独。她

walked through the quiet mansion, the soft snores of her son’s dog in his crate accompanying her as she switched off the lights along the way.
穿过寂静的宅邸，儿子的小狗在笼子里发出轻柔的鼾声，陪着她一路关掉沿途的灯光。

Neve supposed it was a fitting comparison, her turning off the light in the spaces still permeated with the subtle scent of peaches and vanilla, and her
尼芙觉得这个比喻很贴切——她关掉灯，房间里仍飘着淡淡的桃子和香草气息，而她

extinguishing the life out of her affair with Audrey while walking through the eerie darkness of her home. She knew that what she had to do next would hurt her to
正穿过家中诡异的黑暗，亲手掐灭与奥黛丽这段情缘的生命之火。她明白接下来要做的事会让自己

some extent, but it would hurt the girl more and both would be plunged into darkness for a while. But it had to be done.
承受某种程度的痛苦，但那个女孩会伤得更深，两人都将暂时坠入黑暗。可这是必须的。

Ironically, she wasn’t thinking about how she would break it to Audrey. This time it was the ‘how’ that was irrelevant after all, since the result would be equally
讽刺的是，她根本没考虑该如何向奥黛丽开口。这一次，"方式"终究无关紧要，因为结局同样

devastating. While Neve could chalk her own attraction to the girl up to a midlife crisis or to pure indulgence and selfishness, she was old enough and experienced
毁灭性的。虽然内芙可以将自己对那个女孩的迷恋归咎于中年危机，或是纯粹的放纵与自私，但她已足够年长且阅历丰富

enough to know that there was love in Audrey’s eyes when she looked at her, true love and all-consuming trust and adoration. Audrey loved her, and Neve,
到足以看清奥黛丽注视她时眼中的爱意——那是真挚的爱，是毫无保留的信任与倾慕。奥黛丽爱着她，而内芙，

continuing the pattern of being selfish and self-indulgent, was about to destroy that love.
延续着自私放纵的行事作风，即将亲手摧毁这份爱。

They were going to get caught. It would be an unacceptable ending to an otherwise most satisfactory entanglement. So Neve braced herself to do what must
他们终将败露。对于这段原本令人无比满足的纠葛而言，这样的结局实在难以接受。于是内芙强迫自己去做那件必须

be done. If her heart ached just a little in the process, she would write it off as penance for acting so out of character.
完成就好。如果在这个过程中她的心隐隐作痛，她会把这当作对自己反常行为的惩罚一笔勾销。

 2

NEVE’S PREROGATIVE
妮芙的特权

ypothetically, what would happen?” At Neve’s slight head tilt, Dr. Moore elaborated. “Indulge my curiosity. If you were caught, what would
假设一下，会发生什么？"看到妮芙微微偏头，摩尔医生进一步解释道。"满足一下我的好奇心。如果你被抓住了，会

“H happen?”
"会发生什么？"

The therapist’s face betrayed none of the curiosity she professed. It held a neutral expression, but Neve could see that something was lurking
治疗师的脸上丝毫未显露她声称的好奇。那表情波澜不惊，但尼芙能察觉到某种情绪正潜伏在

underneath the poised veneer. They were evenly matched then, both cat and mouse in this game.
那镇定自若的表象之下。此刻他们势均力敌，在这场游戏中既是猫也是鼠。

“Juno Buchanan would fire me posthaste since a ‘morals clause’ is written into my otherwise ironclad contract. No matter how valued I am by the
"朱诺·布坎南会立即解雇我，因为我的铁板合同里写着'道德条款'。无论我在制片厂董事会眼中多受重视，

studio’s board, no matter how much money I make them. And believe me, I make a lot of money.”
无论我为他们赚多少钱。相信我，我确实赚得盆满钵满。"

That was all true, but Juno, as the board’s chairwoman, would take one look at the morning papers and sign Neve’s fate before she took the first sip
这些都是事实，但作为董事会主席的朱诺只需扫一眼晨报，就会在啜饮第一口之前签下尼芙的命运。

of whatever convoluted soy chai spice concoction she passed off as drinkable these days.
无论这些日子她用什么复杂的豆奶香料混合物冒充可饮用的东西。

Dr. Moore made a note, which, for some reason, grated on Neve’s nerves more than her previous lack of note-taking. She chose to ignore her own
摩尔医生做了笔记，不知为何，这比之前不做笔记更让尼芙心烦。她选择忽略自己的

irritation.
烦躁情绪。

“Armand would challenge the current custody decision, arguing that someone who was fired for sexual harassment at the workplace simply could
"阿尔芒将质疑当前的监护权判决，他认为一个因职场性骚扰被解雇的人根本不可能"

not continue to raise and educate an impressionable nine-year-old.”
继续抚养和教育一个易受影响的九岁孩子。

Dr. Moore nodded, and Neve closed her eyes at the onslaught of unpleasant thoughts.
摩尔博士点了点头，而内芙在这波不愉快思绪的冲击下闭上了眼睛。

“The press would go berserk and paint me as a sexual predator in the throes of a midlife crisis, seducing a naive ingenue who is under my
"媒体会疯狂报道，把我描绘成陷入中年危机性骚扰的性捕食者，引诱一位天真的年轻女孩——她还是我"

supervision. A lesbian sexual predator, of all things.”
监管。一个女同性恋性侵犯者，真是讽刺至极。”

The thought of the potential fallout of being outed and othered yet again made her want to vomit. She’d be eviscerated, trampled by the press and in
想到可能再次被曝光和排斥的后果，她恶心得想吐。媒体和公众舆论会将她撕碎践踏。

the court of public opinion. No, coming out wasn’t an option.
不，出柜绝非可行之选。

“So either way, you’d be finished in the world of high-flying executives, despite the movie industry being tremendously liberal and tending to protect
“所以无论如何，你都会在高层管理者的世界里完蛋，尽管电影行业极其开放且倾向于保护”

its own. Is that what you’re saying?” Dr. Moore’s pen made a couple more notes. Neve gritted her teeth.
"你是这个意思吗？"摩尔医生的笔又记了几笔。内芙咬紧了牙关。

“It is liberal, and it is protective, but you have to be male to qualify for either of those benefits. If I was a man, nobody would bat an eye if I was
“它既开明又具有保护性，但你必须身为男性才能享有这些权益。如果我是男人，我做什么都不会有人侧目。”

banging my own employee. They’d even overlook the homosexual aspect of it. But Hollywood, like any other industry in the world, is unforgiving to
和我自己的员工搞上了。他们甚至能对同性恋这事睁一只眼闭一只眼。但好莱坞和世界上其他行业一样，对这种事绝不姑息。

women. You have to be perfect. And there better not be any scandal attached to you if you are the CEO of one of the most important studios in
女性。你必须做到完美无缺。若你身为最重要制片厂之一的 CEO，身上最好别沾任何丑闻。

Tinseltown.”
浮华城。

Neve shook her head, and she and Dr. Moore looked at each other in complete understanding, for perhaps the first time. Yes, every woman
内芙摇了摇头，她和摩尔医生相视一眼，第一次达成了完全的默契。是的，每个女人

understood Neve’s point. Then Neve lowered her gaze. Because there was more to this. There was always more.
都明白内芙的意思。随后她垂下眼眸。因为事情远不止如此。永远都有更深的内情。

“That said, I am not blind to my reputation, to my history, or to who my enemies are.”
"话虽如此，我并非对自己的名声、过往或是敌人一无所知。"

Surprisingly, Dr. Moore smiled.
令人意外的是，摩尔医生竟然笑了。

“Oh, the industry would pounce on you, no question. The ensuing cabal would be legendary. There would be dancing and singing, and declarations
"噢，业界绝对会对你群起而攻之，毫无疑问。随之而来的阴谋集团将成为传奇。人们会载歌载舞，高呼着

that ‘the Wicked Queen is dead! Long live another Queen!’ Allison Summers would be licking her chops at the prospect.”
'邪恶女王已死！另一位女王万岁！'艾莉森·萨默斯光是想到这个场景就会垂涎三尺。"

Neve actually shuddered. What a horrible visual that was. Allison Summers was the only other woman CEO in town, helming Laurner Studios, and
妮芙真的打了个寒颤。这画面实在太可怕了。艾莉森·萨默斯是城里另一位女性 CEO，执掌劳纳影业，而且

she fancied herself worthy competition for Neve and Gannon. A most horrid, tasteless woman.
她竟自诩能与内芙和甘农一较高下。真是个粗鄙不堪、毫无品味的女人。

The look on Dr. Moore’s face was now one of complete and utter enjoyment. “Are you familiar with the Ice Queen trope?”
摩尔医生脸上此刻洋溢着十足的愉悦神情。"你熟悉'冰雪女王'这个角色套路吗？"

Neve blinked. She wasn’t sure what exactly she’d expected from her sessions with Dr. Moore, but discussing literary and cinematic cliches was
内芙眨了眨眼。她不确定自己原本对摩尔医生的治疗课程有何期待，但讨论文学和电影中的陈词滥调

definitely not it.
显然不在其列。

“Are you actually saying…?” How incredibly ridiculous could this conversation become?
“你该不会是想说……？”这场对话还能荒谬到什么程度？

“Prominent characteristics of an Ice Queen, aside from power, intelligence, and beauty, are decisiveness, detachment, and at times cruelty. In fact,
“冰霜女王的显著特征，除了权势、智慧与美貌外，还包括决断力、超然态度，有时甚至是残忍。事实上，

they are some of the most defining ones. Today, you have displayed all of them. I’m frankly looking forward to what other traits you’ll exhibit. And if it
这些恰恰是最具标志性的特质。今日你已悉数展现。坦白说，我很期待你还会显露出哪些特质。尤其想看看

will be fear driving them, as it often does for the famed Ice Queens. Self-preservation is a powerful incentive, after all.”
是否如那些著名的冰霜女王们一样——驱动这些特质的根源会是恐惧。毕竟，自我保护可是最强大的驱动力。”

“Tropes? Cliche characters? What method of treatment is this?” Neve’s voice slipped into one of her coldest tonalities. She also quieted, and Dr.
“套路？刻板角色？这是什么治疗方法？”尼芙的声线陡然降至冰点。她同时压低音量，迫使

Moore was forced to still her breathing to hear her speak. As tactics went, this one always paid off. If she wasn’t so confused, Neve would be pleased.
摩尔医生屏息才能听清。作为策略，这招屡试不爽。若非此刻满心困惑，尼芙本该为此得意。

“It’s not. In fact, it has nothing to do with treatment of any kind. You didn’t come here to be treated, Neve. You’re here to speak your mind in a safe
“不是治疗。实际上这与任何疗法都无关。你前来就诊并非为了治疗，尼芙。你需要的是在安全

environment and to have a mostly mute sounding board to bounce your own thoughts off. I guide those thoughts, ask you questions, but you generally
环境中畅所欲言，并有个几乎沉默的共鸣板来梳理思绪。我引导这些想法，向你提问，但通常

spend our hour entirely in your own head.”
把你的时间完全耗费在自己的思绪里吧。

Dr. Moore’s smile faded somewhat as Neve simply stared at her.
当内芙只是直直盯着她时，摩尔医生的笑容略微褪去。

“Ah-ah,” a raised finger stopped Neve’s words. “I’m not saying you don’t need treatment. I’m not saying I can’t help you. I’m saying you are
"哎——"一根竖起的手指打断了内芙的话。"我不是说你不需要治疗。不是说我没法帮你。我是说你

screwing around on more than just your husband. You are sitting here and wasting my time. But since you are dead-set on keeping up these pretenses, I
玩弄的不仅是你丈夫的感情。你坐在这里浪费我的时间。但既然你执意要继续这些伪装，我

thought I might as well inject some themes into our mostly one-sided conversations.”
我想不妨在我们这场基本是单向的对话里注入些主题。

“What are you saying?” Neve still thought that this session was beyond surreal and even more insulting.
"你在说什么？"内芙仍觉得这次会面荒诞至极，甚至更觉受辱。

“Since I’m not treating you, we could talk about other things. But I have to say the similarities, the whole Ice Queen concept, it’s fascinating.”
"既然我不是在治疗你，我们可以聊聊其他事。但我必须说这些相似之处，整个'冰雪女王'的设定，实在引人入胜。"

“You see me as a character and I fascinate you?” Two could play this game, Neve decided.
"你把我看作一个角色，而你觉得我很有趣？"内芙决定奉陪这场游戏。

“I imagine you, the not-so-real you—or the Neve Blackthorne that you project into the world—fascinates an inordinate amount of people. I also
我想象中的你——那个不那么真实的你，或者说你向世界展现的"尼芙·布莱克索恩"形象——令无数人为之着迷。我也

imagine you are well aware of that. The persona is too well practiced, she doesn’t miss, she lands every blow she delivers, from the eyebrow-raise to the
想象你对此心知肚明。这个形象经过千锤百炼，从挑眉到嘴角微扬的每个表情都精准无误，每一次出击都正中靶心。但真正让我着迷的是

curl of your mouth. But what is fascinating to me is what makes you, what makes that persona, what it has become.”
塑造你的本源，造就这个人格的原因，以及它最终演变成的模样。

Dr. Moore took the pen that she had been toying with and pointed it squarely at Neve.
摩尔医生把玩着手中的钢笔，突然笔尖直指尼芙。

“You came in here today and declared that you are ridding yourself of your ‘silly infatuation’ with Audrey. Then you proceeded to detail how you’ll
“你今天走进来，宣称要摆脱对奥黛丽那‘愚蠢的迷恋’。接着你详细阐述了具体

do it. And you also told me you’ve already started by asking your assistant to arrange a lunch with your—by your own account—in-name-only husband,
执行方案。你还告诉我已经付诸行动——让助理安排与你口中‘名义上的丈夫’共进午餐，

while your lover was standing right there.” The pencil ticked off Dr. Moore’s perfectly manicured fingers one by one.
而当时你的情人就站在旁边。”铅笔轻叩着摩尔医生精心修剪的手指，一根接一根。

Neve suppressed the sudden urge to slap the woman. The gall! The sheer insufferable courage of talking to her this way. Nobody else dared. Maybe
奈芙强忍住扇这女人耳光的冲动。好大的胆子！竟敢用这种口气对她说话。从没有人敢这样。或许

Audrey. Maybe that was the undefinable thing that attracted Neve to her. Neither Audrey Avens nor Helena Moore gave a damn about who Neve
奥黛丽。或许正是这种难以名状的特质吸引了妮芙。无论是奥黛丽·埃文斯还是海伦娜·摩尔，都毫不在意妮芙·布莱克索恩的

Blackthorne was. They talked to her any way they wanted to and said what they meant. And wasn’t that the one refreshing quality that drew Neve like
显赫身份。她们随心所欲地与她交谈，直言不讳。而这难道不正是最令人耳目一新、让妮芙为之倾倒的

no other?
独特魅力吗？

And so she laughed. A genuine laugh, to which Dr. Moore’s answering smile blossomed fully.
于是她笑了。那笑声真挚动人，引得摩尔医生脸上绽放出会心的笑容。

“Alright, I’ll play, Dr. Moore.”
"好吧，我奉陪，摩尔医生。"

After all, Helena Moore and her damn pen were right about one thing. She did land every blow she delivered. She’d had plenty of time to practice
毕竟海伦娜·摩尔和她那该死的钢笔说对了一件事。她每次出手都精准命中目标。她有足够的时间来练习

her aim. Life had taught her well.
如何瞄准。生活早已教会她这门课。

“You’re chipper this morning,” Morag’s voice, dripping with sarcasm, jarred Neve out of her uncharacteristic stupor.
"今早你可真活泼，"莫拉格充满嘲讽的声音将妮芙从反常的恍惚中惊醒。

Her stylist’s gumption, however, wasn’t out of character. But her own apathy certainly was. Several sleepless nights meant that, by the time Morag had rolled
她造型师的莽撞倒不算反常。但尼芙自己的冷漠却实属罕见。连续几夜无眠后，当莫拉格驱车驶入

into the Malibu mansion for the daily session of transforming Neve into the Hollywood icon she was, Neve had a well-defined plan of action with only one
马里布豪宅进行每日的明星形象打造时，尼芙早已拟定好行动方案，唯一的目标就是

objective. She had to end her affair with Audrey, and she had to end it on such terms that this little weakness Neve had for her would never again have the
必须结束与奥黛丽的这段情缘，而且要断得干净彻底，绝不再给自己任何纵容这份软弱的机会。

opportunity to be indulged. She had to remove Audrey from her life in order to preserve said life.
为了保全现有的人生，她必须将奥黛丽彻底清除出自己的生活。

If Audrey hated her just a little when all was said and done, it was a price Neve was willing to pay. This whole affair, she’d decided, was down to boredom
如果最终奥黛丽对她怀有一丝恨意，那也是内芙愿意付出的代价。归根结底，她认定这场风波不过是出于无聊

and self-indulgence, after all. She’d handle it. The alternative was unthinkable, and this particular course of action she could tolerate. Or so she’d told herself
和自我放纵罢了。她能应付。其他选择都不可想象，而这条特定路径尚在她容忍范围内。至少她是这样整夜

throughout the night.
反复告诫自己的。

“It’s 6 AM, McKinley.” Even as she said it, she knew she wasn’t fooling anybody, least of all her stylist of more than twenty years. At times, Neve thought of
"现在才早上六点，麦金利。"话一出口她就知道骗不了任何人，尤其是与她合作二十余年的造型师。有时内芙会觉得

Morag as a friend. And wasn’t it a kick in the ass to acknowledge that there were precious few in her life whom she could call that? Morag, Gustavo if she
莫拉格作为朋友。承认自己生命中能称之为朋友的人屈指可数，这感觉真他妈糟心。莫拉格算一个，古斯塔沃勉强也算——

squinted, because they worked together, and sometimes some lines were not to be blurred, and Neve was above all his boss. She examined her face in the large
眯起眼睛，因为他们共事时有些界限不容模糊，而内芙终究是他的上司。她对着巨大的镜子端详自己的脸庞

mirror, where Morag was busy with her hair.
镜前，莫拉格正忙着梳理她的头发。

A memory from the previous week intruded. Audrey had sat on the couch in the downstairs office, with Neve slumped, straddling her lap, having just come
上周的一段记忆突然闯入脑海。奥黛丽坐在楼下办公室的沙发上，内芙刚回来就瘫软地跨坐在她腿上。

almost out of her mind, the strength of the orgasm surprising her. The maddening fingers were still inside her. And then Audrey reached up with her other hand and
她几乎神志不清，高潮的强度令她自己都感到惊讶。那令人发狂的手指仍在她体内。接着奥黛丽抬起另一只手，

slowly traced her cheekbone. The fingertips were gentle as they followed the hollow of her cheek before sliding to her mouth and tracing the lower lip.
缓缓描摹她的颧骨。指尖温柔地沿着她脸颊的凹陷游走，随后滑至唇边，轻抚下唇。

“You have the most fascinating face.” The voice had been quiet, and for some reason, tears had welled behind Neve’s eyes. “Well, everything about you is
"你有一张最迷人的脸。"那声音很轻，不知为何，内芙的眼眶却涌起了泪水。"其实你的一切都

fascinating. The hair, rich, full, iconic, the cut Morag gives you is unsurpassed. The Lady In Black. Black hair, black silk dresses and skirts, red lips, black heels
令人着迷。这头发——浓密、丰盈、独具标志性，莫拉格为你设计的发型无人能及。黑衣女士。乌黑秀发，黑色丝绸连衣裙与半身裙，红唇，黑色高跟鞋"

with red soles. An icon.” Audrey’s voice sounded hollow, like she was simply making a detached observation.
红底鞋。一个标志。"奥黛丽的声音听起来空洞，仿佛只是在做一个超然的评价。

“But it’s your face. When all the trappings are gone, when you’re naked with me like this. Wanton, hungry, free. Skin, bone, muscles, tendons. This is the best
"但这是你的脸。当所有伪装褪去，当你像这样赤裸地与我相对。恣意，饥渴，自由。肌肤，骨骼，肌肉，筋腱。这才是最真实的"

you. It’s still your face that draws me most. The sharp planes of the cheekbones are too prominent, the lower lip too full, and the jaw… God, your jaw… I keep
你。最吸引我的仍是你的面容。颧骨的棱角过于分明，下唇又太过饱满，而你的下颌……天啊，你的下颌……我始终

fantasizing about touching this very line, where it meets the neck.” Audrey’s fingers followed the words, and then the cool lips placed a single chaste kiss right
幻想着触碰这条线，就在它与脖颈相接之处。”奥黛丽的手指追随着文字，随后那冰凉的唇瓣在此处落下一个纯洁的轻吻。

below the ear before the fingers moved lower. Neve swallowed and felt her neck move against the faint touch.
耳垂下方，手指继续向下游移。内芙喉头微动，颈间肌肤轻颤着蹭过那若即若离的触碰。

“And your eyes. Your violent, violet eyes.” The fingers now wrapped themselves gently around the base of her neck, not applying any pressure, but their sheer
“还有你的眼睛。你那暴烈的紫罗兰色眼眸。”此刻，他的手指轻轻环住她的后颈，没有施加丝毫压力，但那纯粹的

presence made Neve even wetter. Audrey was looking her straight in the eyes, violet-blue meeting bright green, and when the hand that had remained between
奥黛丽的存在让内芙更加湿润。她直视着内芙的眼睛，紫罗兰蓝与明亮的绿色相遇，那只仍停留在

Neve’s legs finally moved, the palm pressing firmly into her clit, Neve thought she’d pass out.
妮芙的双腿终于动了，手掌紧紧压住阴蒂，她觉得自己快要晕过去了。

The words, the hand on her neck, the pressure on her clit… But it had been the unblinking stare, the complete focus those eyes held in them. Full of purpose,
那些话语，那只抚在她颈间的手，施加在她敏感处的压力……但最令她难以招架的是那道毫不躲闪的凝视，那双眼睛里凝聚的全然专注。那目光如此坚定，

full of love, Neve had not been able to face them any longer, so she’d closed her own, giving herself up to the moment, cursing her own weakness, cursing
盛满爱意，内芙再也无法直面，只得闭上自己的眼睛，彻底沉溺于此刻，咒骂着自己的软弱，咒骂着

Audrey’s power, and craving more, always craving more. Always fearing more.
奥黛丽掌控她的力量，却又渴求更多，永远渴求更多。也永远恐惧更多。

But now her own eyes looked back at her, the mirror reflecting the same emotion she knew Audrey had been able to see in her that day. Fear. Audrey hadn’t
但此刻镜中回望她的双眼，正映出与当日奥黛丽在她眼中所见如出一辙的情绪——恐惧。奥黛丽那时

said anything, but she was too gentle, too accommodating, too much afterwards. And Neve feared even more.
她什么都没说，但事后却表现得过于温柔、过于迁就、过于体贴。这让内芙更加害怕了。

Belatedly, she noticed that the practiced, if slightly jerky movements of a different pair of talented hands had stopped, and Morag was looking right back at her,
她后知后觉地注意到，镜中那双技艺娴熟却略显生涩的巧手停下了动作——莫拉格正透过镜子直视着她，

their gazes meeting in the mirror.
两人的目光在镜中交汇。

“Now you have got me concerned.” The thick Scottish brogue was untamed after decades in LA, and it gave Neve comfort that some things, no matter how
"现在你让我担心了。"即便在洛杉矶生活了数十年，那浓重的苏格兰口音依然未改。这让内芙感到安慰：有些东西，无论经历

ephemeral the world was, simply never changed.
这世界转瞬即逝，却从未改变。

“I’m just tired.” It wasn’t a deflection, not that much of a lie. She was tired, and the sleepless night had nothing to do with it. Despite the long shower she’d
"我只是累了。"这不是推托之词，也不算完全的谎言。她确实疲惫不堪，而那个无眠之夜与此无关。尽管睡前她

taken before going to bed, she could still feel Audrey’s touch on her skin, could still smell those tantalizing remnants of peaches and vanilla. Wasn’t it strange that,
洗了很久的澡，奥黛丽的触碰仍残留在她肌肤上，那诱人的桃子与香草气息仍萦绕鼻尖。多么奇怪啊，

out of the dozen or so ingredients that particular perfume was composed of, the two most basic notes—the sweet and fruity and thoroughly dependable ones—
在那款香水所含的十几种成分中，最基础的两个香调——甜美果香与令人安心的基调——

were the ones that Audrey’s skin held and safeguarded and that clung to her, and hence to Neve, through a full day and then through an evening of rather strenuous
那些气味正是奥黛丽的肌肤所保留并守护着的，它们紧紧依附在她身上，也因此整日萦绕着内芙，甚至持续到晚间相当激烈的

activities.
活动之后。

“I guess you are tired. That’s not like you at all. And you just confessing to it like this is even more disconcerting.” Morag took up the brush again, the long
“我想你是累了。这可一点都不像你。而且你就这么直接承认更让人不安。”莫拉格又拿起梳子，长长的

strokes pleasantly massaging Neve’s scalp. “You’d normally be asking me twenty different questions at once, whom I saw, what’s new, and what the word on the
梳齿轻柔按摩着内芙的头皮。“平时你总会同时问我二十个不同问题——见了谁、有什么新鲜事、街坊有什么

street is.”
街道在哪。”

Neve gave a sly smile at that, the corners of her as yet uncoated lips lifting a fraction.
内芙闻言露出狡黠的微笑，尚未涂口红的唇角微微上扬。

“I don’t have to prompt you, McKinley. If there’s anything I need to know, you’ll tell me, and if there’s anything juicy enough that I don’t need to know, you’ll
“我根本不用提醒你，麦金利。该让我知道的事你自然会告诉我，而那些劲爆到不该让我知道的事——”

still tell me, since you can’t help yourself. Gossip and this,” she gestured towards the array of makeup scattered on the vanity, “is something you are simply amazing
“你照样会忍不住说出来。”她对着梳妆台上散落的化妆品做了个手势，“八卦和这些玩意儿，可是你最拿手的好戏。”

at.”
啊。

“Ha, flattery will get you everywhere, but it will not make me less concerned about your current state. Fine, lass, I’ll drop this and since you’re asking nicely—“
"哈，奉承话倒是挺受用，但这可没法让我少担心你现在的状况。好吧丫头，既然你态度这么好，我就不多说了——"

“I haven’t asked at all, but you are clearly chomping at the bit to tell me something massive, so out with it before you choke on it.”
"我压根没求你，不过你显然憋着个重磅消息要告诉我，趁还没被噎着赶紧说吧。"

Their eyes locked in the mirror again. “Grace Bishop is having an affair with her PA.”
两人的目光在镜中再次交汇。"格蕾丝·毕晓普和她的私人助理有染。"

Neve twisted her mouth in a show of disappointment. “Really. Groundbreaking news, McKinley.” The sarcasm-infused drawl did not deter Morag.
奈芙撇了撇嘴，佯装失望。"真是。惊天动地的消息啊，麦金利。"这充满讽刺的拖长语调并未动摇莫拉格。

“Her very young, very female PA.”
"她那位非常年轻、非常女性化的私人助理。"

Oh… That stopped Neve short. The bile rose in her throat, and she gripped her chair’s armrests until her knuckles turned white. Morag was prattling on, and
哦...这句话让奈芙猛然僵住。胆汁涌上她的喉咙，她死死抓住椅子扶手，指节都泛白了。莫拉格还在喋喋不休地说着，

Neve forced her fists to unclench very slowly and very deliberately, as not to attract attention to her moment of abject horror. She blinked once, twice, and tried to
奈芙极其缓慢且刻意地松开紧握的拳头，以免旁人注意到她方才的极度惊恐。她眨了眨眼，一次，两次，试图

focus on what her stylist was saying.
专注于她的造型师所说的话。

Bishop had been a constant presence on big and small screens throughout the years, her focus on the stability of long-term TV dramas that guaranteed a steady
多年来，毕晓普始终活跃于大小荧幕之间，她专注于长期电视剧的稳定性，这种坚持确保了稳定的

income and constant exposure. Still, her occasional appearances in artsy movies were always memorable and usually garnered her attention and awards. In fact, a
收入与持续曝光。尽管如此，她在文艺片中的偶尔亮相总是令人难忘，通常能为她赢得关注与奖项。事实上，

year ago she’d starred in one of Gannon’s critically acclaimed melodramas and was nominated for a slew of things, winning a Golden Globe. These movies that
一年前，她主演了加农执导的一部广受好评的情节剧，获得多项提名并斩获金球奖。这些电影

Neve green-lit weren’t profitable. Not in the least. But they were art, and Neve would get her investment back on the blockbusters Gannon churned out like
内芙批准的项目从不盈利。毫不夸张地说，一个子儿都赚不到。但它们是艺术，而内芙能从甘农那些如

clockwork. And that money would pay for her true passion. Well-made, classic cinema.
流水线生产的商业大片中收回投资。这些钱将用来滋养她真正的激情——那些制作精良的经典电影。

 Neve liked her choices, in as much as she could appreciate the art of them, the creativity of the acting, and the master at work that Grace Bishop clearly was.
内芙欣赏自己的选择，她能从这些作品中领略艺术性，感受演员的创造力，更清楚地认识到格蕾丝·毕夏普确实是位大师级人物。

But what made Bishop even more extraordinary was her daring, take-no-prisoners approach to life. Her social media was a fascinating carousel of emotions. She
但让毕夏普更显非凡的，是她那种无所畏惧、毫不妥协的人生态度。她的社交媒体就像旋转木马般展示着令人着迷的情感万象。

was interesting and engaging, fun and charismatic. She was also very married. To some C-list actor. And Neve wasn’t aware the marriage was a sham. Come to
她风趣迷人，充满魅力又讨人喜欢。但她也早已名花有主——嫁给了某个三流演员。而内芙并不知道这段婚姻只是个幌子。

think of it…
想想看…

“Her husband is threatening a public scandal.” As if reading her thoughts, Morag spoke with uncharacteristic rancor. “I heard he’s been blackmailing her for a
“她丈夫扬言要闹出丑闻。”莫拉格仿佛看透了她的心思，语气中带着罕见的刻薄，“听说他一直在勒索她——”

couple of months now, and she is draining her bank accounts to keep him quiet. The girl she’s involved with had a breakdown, and Grace put her up in some clinic.
几个月过去了，她正耗尽银行存款来让他闭嘴。与她有染的那个女孩精神崩溃了，格蕾丝把她安置在某家诊所里。

From what I heard, Grace had real feelings, and it was a love story, nothing dirty or reprehensible. That’s all I know.”
据我所知，格蕾丝动了真情，这是段纯粹的爱情故事，没有任何不堪或该受谴责的地方。我就知道这么多。

“They will crucify Bishop.” Neve had to shake her head at her own outburst.
"他们会把主教钉上十字架的。"内芙不得不摇头自嘲自己的失态。

Morag tsked at her unexpected movement. “Hold still, will ‘ya? What’s gotten into you today?” Neve chose to ignore the rhetorical question, and Morag went
莫拉格被她突然的动作咂了下舌。"别乱动行吗？你今天怎么回事？"内芙选择无视这个反问，莫拉格继续

on. “Yes, yes, that they will. You know how it goes in this town. And she’s got some projects lined up…”
说道："是啊，他们肯定会。你清楚这镇子的风气。况且她手头还有几个项目在排期……"

Neve tuned Morag out again. Yes, she knew how it went in this town. The C-lister husband would eventually no longer be satisfied with whatever blackmail
尼芙再次屏蔽了莫拉格的声音。是的，她清楚这座城市的游戏规则——那个三流丈夫终将不满足于格蕾丝支付的封口费

money he was getting from Grace and sell his story to the highest bidder. Bishop would be publicly eviscerated, not simply outed, but outed as an adulterer as well.
转而把故事卖给最高出价者。毕晓普不仅会被公开出柜，更会以出轨者的身份身败名裂。

The power dynamics of that relationship, in the age of #metoo, would play a major role as well. Neve suppressed a shudder.
在#MeToo 时代，这段关系中的权力动态也将成为致命伤。尼芙强压下涌起的战栗。

“You will be next… You know it… All secrets and all lies come out…”
"下一个就是你...你心知肚明...所有秘密与谎言终将败露..."

“Don’t tell… Don’t tell…”
“别说…千万别说…”

The voices appeared again, sharp and loud, overwhelming her. Her ears were ringing as she tried to return her focus to the present and to Grace Bishop. Her
那些声音再次出现，尖锐而响亮，压得她喘不过气。她耳鸣阵阵，努力将注意力拉回当下，拉回格蕾丝·毕晓普身上。她的

career would be effectively over. A shiver ran down Neve’s spine. Minus the blackmail, which really was the last thing she needed, she could be Grace Bishop.
职业生涯将就此终结。尼芙感到脊背发凉。抛开勒索不谈——那确实是她最不需要的——她本可以成为格蕾丝·毕晓普。

She was Grace Bishop. All that was left was the public exposure and her life, too, would be virtually over.
她就是格蕾丝·毕晓普。现在只差公开曝光这一步，而她的人生，也将在实质上走向终结。

Morag’s steady tug on her hair made her raise her eyes.
莫拉格持续拉扯她的头发，迫使她抬起眼睛。

“Now, tell me what’s going on with you, lass. You have got this look as if you’ve seen a ghost, and it wasn’t friendly.”
"好了，告诉我你怎么回事，姑娘。你看起来像见了鬼似的，而且那鬼还不怎么友好。"

Neve forced a smile, calling all her acting prowess into action. “Are ghosts ever friendly?”
妮芙挤出一个笑容，调动起全部的演技。"鬼魂什么时候友好过？"

Another “tsk” followed from her stylist, this time one that smacked of exasperation.
她的造型师又"啧"了一声，这次带着明显的恼怒。

“I’m thinking about going to New York at the end of the week.” She observed carefully as her stylist tried and failed to school her facial expressions. Then,
"我在考虑这周末去纽约。"她仔细观察着造型师试图控制面部表情却失败的样子。接着，

abandoning all pretense, Morag sighed and put her hands on her hips.
莫拉格放弃了所有伪装，叹了口气，双手叉腰。

“New York? You’re supposed to go a month from now. I know your every move, Blackthorne. I have your schedule memorized better than mine.”
"纽约？你原定是一个月后才去的。布莱克索恩，你的一举一动我都了如指掌。我对你行程表的熟悉程度胜过自己的。"

“I have business.” Neve raised the telling eyebrow, which Morag chose to ignore. Neve should really know better.
"我有公事。"尼芙挑起那根会说话的眉毛，莫拉格选择视而不见。尼芙真该更懂事些。

“Business my arse! Tired, spacing out, now going to New York four weeks before you’re due there!”
"生意个屁！明明累得走神，现在却要在预定时间前四周跑去纽约！"

“You’re forgetting yourself.” Her quiet words sobered Morag in a second.
"你失态了。"她轻声一句话瞬间让莫拉格清醒过来。

“Ay, apologies. I’ll clear my schedule. There’s just a museum opening and a couple of premieres in the coming days. I only have four or five clients. I’ll send
"唉，抱歉。我会调整行程。接下来几天就剩个博物馆开幕式和几场首映礼要参加。手头只有四五个客户，我会派

someone else in my stead.”
其他人替我去。"

Neve watched carefully as Morag performed the mental gymnastics of laying waste to what she knew was an overflowing calendar full of appointments. Neve
尼芙注视着莫拉格进行着心理博弈，看她如何将明知排得满满当当的行程表清空。事实上尼芙

made sure of this in fact - that Morag was one of the most, if not the most successful stylist in LA. One word from the Wicked Queen opened all doors in this
非常清楚——莫拉格即使不是洛杉矶最成功的造型师，也绝对是其中之一。"邪恶女王"一句话就能在这里打开所有大门

town, after all.
毕竟只是个小镇。

Plus, Morag was sensationally talented, so garnering the reputation of being able to please her, the ever-impossible-to-please Neve Blackthorne, was just an
更何况，莫拉格才华横溢，能取悦她——这个永远难以取悦的内芙·布莱克索恩——本身就是

added bonus. But as unpredictable as she could be, she’d leave Morag behind on this one. If she was strategically retreating from LA and from Audrey, there was
额外的收获。但尽管她行事难以预料，这次她会选择独自离开。既然要战略性撤离洛杉矶和奥黛丽，

no need to upend Morag’s life in the process.
没必要连莫拉格的生活也一并搅乱。

“I’m going alone.”
“我一个人去。”

Morag actually gasped and clutched the brush to her chest.
莫拉格真的倒吸一口气，把梳子紧紧按在胸前。

“Nobody touches your face but me. And if more people knew I do your hair as well, I’d never ever sleep in this town and be booked ‘till the Rapture. So the
“除了我谁都不准碰你的脸。要是更多人知道连你的头发也是我打理的，这镇上我就别想睡觉了——预约能排到末日降临。所以——”

same goes for this beauty.” Morag actually ran her fingers almost reverently through the now perfect coif.
“这宝贝也一样。”莫拉格几乎是用虔诚的手指抚过那现已完美的发髻。

“I’m sure I’ll survive on my own for a couple of days, because yes, nobody touches me but you.”
“我肯定能独自撑过这几天，毕竟除了你，没人会碰我。”

She’d missed the double entendre in her implication until Morag barked a laugh before sobering.
她原本没意识到自己话里的双关意味，直到莫拉格突然大笑，随后又恢复了严肃。

“More’s the shame that. Married to a prince you are, handsome as the devil himself. And yet he touches that titled bitch in London more than he touches you.”
“这可真是糟透了。你嫁的可是位王子，英俊得像个魔鬼。但他在伦敦碰那个有头衔的贱人比碰你还勤快。”

Having Morag know everyone and be sought after by the whole town had its perks, since she was Neve’s chief informant. But sometimes, just sometimes,
莫拉格认识所有人，又备受全镇追捧，这对内芙来说是种优势，因为她是自己的首席线人。但有时候，真的只是有时候，

Neve wished Morag would have a little less information and would tell her even less of what she knew. Not that Dmitriy having an affair bothered her. He was a
内芙希望莫拉格能少知道些事，对她透露的信息也能更少些。倒不是说德米特里的出轨让她困扰。他这个人——

healthy man with obvious needs, as much as this excuse disgusted her. But it was the implication evident in Morag’s voice, that Neve was somehow the victim in
一个有着明显需求的健康男人，尽管这个借口让她感到恶心。但莫拉格语气中隐含的意思更令人生厌——仿佛内芙才是某种意义上的受害者。

this arrangement of theirs, that rankled her.
他们的这种安排让她感到不快。

“Be that as it may. After tomorrow’s premiere, you can have a week off from our early mornings.”
"即便如此。明天的首映式结束后，你可以休息一周不用早起。"

The hands returned to her hair, and the brush carefully made its way through the dark tresses, with Morag huffing a breath, then going to work on her face.
那双手又回到她的发间，梳子小心翼翼地穿过乌黑的发丝，莫拉格轻叹一口气，接着开始打理她的面容。

And Neve returned to her brooding and her planning.
而内芙则继续沉浸在她的沉思与谋划中。

“Barnaby, coffee.” Her modulated tones obviously disturbed the atmosphere at Gannon McMillan, since several heads shot up from behind computer monitors and
"巴纳比，咖啡。"她刻意控制的声调显然打破了甘农·麦克米伦公司的氛围，几颗脑袋立刻从电脑显示器后探了出来

from the waiting room in front of her office. Normally, Barnaby, as her assistant, oversaw supplying Neve with liquid gold. But lately, Audrey had taken to bringing
还有她办公室前等候区的人。通常作为助理的巴纳比会负责为内芙递上这"液体黄金"，但最近奥黛丽开始主动承担

her the mouthwatering brew on Tuesdays, since the day started with a briefing by the comms team, with Gustavo’s people delivering the latest on how the studio’s
每周二，她都能品尝到那令人垂涎的饮品，因为这天总是以通讯团队的简报会开始，古斯塔沃的手下会带来工作室最新动态的汇报

projects were faring in the news. Although de facto, it was Audrey who was running the show.
项目在新闻中的表现如何。虽然实际上，是奥黛丽在掌控全局。

Neve shaking up the new normal caused Audrey to stare at her and Barnaby to squeak and stutter.
内芙打破新常态的举动让奥黛丽盯着她看，巴纳比则发出吱吱声，结结巴巴起来。

“But, but… Audrey just… on your desk…” Oh, if he only knew what Audrey had done on that desk. Shaking her head to indicate displeasure with him for
“但是，但是……奥黛丽刚刚……在你的桌上……”哦，要是他知道奥黛丽在那张桌上做了什么就好了。她摇着头，表示对他的不满

daring to question her and to clear it of the lascivious thoughts, Neve raised an eyebrow and Barnaby scurried away.
敢于质疑她并清除那些淫秽念头时，内芙挑了挑眉，巴纳比便慌忙溜走了。

“Somebody, please arrange for an hour of free time today for lunch. Gustavo, I don’t care what nonsense you want to rope me into this afternoon, or who you
"今天午餐时间务必给我安排一小时空闲。古斯塔沃，不管下午你想用什么荒唐事缠住我，也不管你

want me to see or be seen with, clear my schedule. I want to have a moment to just enjoy myself from time to time. My husband will be joining me.”
要我去见谁或与谁同席——把我的日程清空。我需要偶尔享受属于自己的时光。我丈夫会陪我共进午餐。"

Even as she said it, Neve was aware that Audrey’s eyes went from bright with excitement to startled and hurt. “I think the Providence would be perfect for a
话音刚落，内芙就注意到奥黛丽的眼神从兴奋明亮转为震惊受伤。"我觉得普罗维登斯餐厅就很适合"

nice meal. Michael Cimarusti and Dmitriy are good friends. We love going there.”
美食佳肴。迈克尔·西马鲁斯蒂和德米特里是挚友。我们总爱去那儿。

She deliberately used plural pronouns and affected an air of genteel enthusiasm. It was important not to overplay her hand, to not dive in too deep too soon.
她刻意使用复数人称代词，装出一副优雅热忱的模样。关键在于不能操之过急，要避免过早暴露真实意图。

Despite her youth, which vexed Neve daily, Audrey’s intelligence impressed Neve just as often. She’d never believe a rushed attempt at deceit.
尽管奥黛丽的年轻时常让妮芙感到恼火，但她的聪慧同样频繁地令妮芙印象深刻。仓促的欺骗绝不可能让她信服。

“Neve—,” Audrey was obviously not going to question Neve’s sudden eagerness at spending any amount of time with her husband outside of official functions.
"妮芙——"奥黛丽显然不打算追问，为何妮芙突然热衷于在正式场合之外与她丈夫共度时光。

They didn’t discuss personal matters a whole lot or, in fact, matters of any kind, because fucking really consumed all their encounters. But Audrey, being as
他们很少谈论私事，事实上几乎不聊任何话题，因为每次见面都沉浸在翻云覆雨中。但以奥黛丽那般

observant as she was, must have figured that Neve and Dmitriy had a relationship that, while professionally beneficial to both, was mostly window dressing. Still,
敏锐的观察力，想必早已看穿妮芙与迪米特里的关系——虽对双方事业有利，本质上不过是装点门面。尽管如此，

Neve did not care to hear what Audrey had to say.
妮芙根本不想听奥黛丽发表高见。

Thankfully, Barnaby’s arrival with her coffee ended any line of inquiry, and the morning passed in a flurry of meetings. In a lull, she remembered her earlier
幸好巴纳比端着咖啡出现打断了所有试探，整个上午都在接连不断的会议中飞逝。间隙时她突然想起

conversation with Morag.
与莫拉格的对话。

“Barnaby, get me Grace Bishop’s agent. Whoever that may be–”
"巴纳比，帮我联系格蕾丝·毕晓普的经纪人。不管那人是谁——"

“I’ll look into it.” At her glare at his interruption, he closed his mouth with a resounding snap.
"我会去查。"见她因被打断而瞪眼，他啪地一声立刻闭上了嘴。

“That would be Jude Caulfield.” Audrey’s voice sounded competent as ever. Neve inclined her head.
"应该是裘德·考尔菲德。"奥黛丽的声音一如既往地干练。内芙微微点了点头。

“Well then, Barnaby, get me Caulfield and arrange for Gustavo and Audrey to have a very visible lunch with Bishop herself.”
“那好，巴纳比，去把考尔菲尔德找来，安排古斯塔沃和奥黛丽与毕晓普本人来场高调午餐。”

“Is something about to go down? Are we averting a disaster? Should I keep my ear to the ground?” Barnaby, who on a good day read the room like a pro,
“是要出什么事了吗？我们正在避免一场灾难？需要我继续暗中留意吗？”平日里擅长察言观色的巴纳比，

was not doing a great job of it today. Still, he was one of her best spies, along with Morag.
今天却完全不在状态。不过他仍是她最得力的间谍之一，与莫拉格不相上下。

“Yes, yes, and yes. And if there’s ever a need to remind people that I happen to appreciate the talent of Grace Bishop, today might be that day, Barnaby.”
“没错，没错，都没错。如果哪天需要提醒人们——我恰好很欣赏格蕾丝·毕晓普的才华，今天或许就是那个日子，巴纳比。”

As he busied himself writing down the latest directive, Neve caught Audrey’s nod. It was apparent she was also in the loop, and somehow, that nod of
正当他忙着写下最新指示时，内夫注意到了奥黛丽的点头。显然她也知情了，不知怎的，那个点头

approval brightened Neve’s day. Which was clearly absurd, and something she wanted to avoid at all costs. Brightened? Nonsense! She did not care at all about
认可让妮芙的心情明亮起来。这显然很荒谬，是她无论如何都要避免的。明亮起来？胡说八道！她根本不在乎

esteem in general, and Audrey’s in particular. In fact, it was one of the big reasons she was trying to extricate herself from Audrey by going to this cursed lunch with
普遍而言的尊重，尤其是奥黛丽的尊重。事实上，这正是她试图通过参加这场该死的午餐来摆脱奥黛丽的主要原因之一。

her husband.
她的丈夫。

“Is that all?” Neve gathered her papers. All these maudlin thoughts were getting to her. She had a studio to run.
“就这些？”尼芙整理着文件。这些伤春悲秋的念头让她心烦。她还有个工作室要打理。

“A situation involving the two male leads of Stay.” Audrey’s voice had that resolute, no-nonsense tone to it. She had Neve’s full attention. Stay was one of
“《停留》两位男主角出了状况。”奥黛丽的声音带着斩钉截铁的果断。这句话让尼芙瞬间集中了注意力。《停留》可是

Gannon’s most profitable and well-viewed shows, acclaimed by both critics and audiences alike.
甘农公司最赚钱且收视率最高的剧集之一，评论界和观众都交口称赞。

Suddenly, an unfamiliar voice interjected.
突然，一个陌生声音插了进来。

“Oh, nothing really. The guys were joking with the fans. Twitter is making more of it than it warrants because of the fannish obsession with that one actress.”
"哦，没什么大不了的。那群家伙只是在和粉丝开玩笑。推特上小题大做，就因为那些粉丝对那位女演员的痴迷。"

Neve turned her head slightly in the direction of the underling speaking. Donald Zayn. Donny to his friends. Assistant Vice President for Talent. Well-
妮芙微微转头看向说话的属下。唐纳德·赞恩。朋友们都叫他唐尼。艺人事务副总监助理。嗯——

connected, supposedly a mean poker face. Plays Thursday nights with Juno and her cabal. Hence the position at Gannon. High enough to make a ton of money,
据说人脉很广，擅长扑克脸。每周四晚上都和朱诺那帮人玩牌。所以才能在甘农公司谋得这个职位。高到能赚大钱，

not significant enough to get in Neve’s way. Which may have been a smart plan by Juno when she’d foisted this poker buddy of hers on the Studio. Shame really…
又不足以妨碍妮芙的工作。这可能是朱诺当初硬塞这个牌友进制片厂的聪明策略。真是可惜啊……

The actual Vice President, Samira Khan, was on vacation, Neve registered vaguely. Well, Samira would have to return much sooner than planned.
真正的副总裁萨米拉·汗正在休假，内芙恍惚地记起。看来萨米拉得提前结束假期了。

“An obsession with an actress?” In the reigning silence, her quiet tone sounded carefully neutral. Knowing that tone led only to one thing and one thing alone,
"对一位女演员的痴迷？"在弥漫的沉默中，她刻意保持中立的语气显得格外清晰。熟悉她的人都知道，这种语调往往预示着唯一的结果。

Gustavo suddenly found the windows interesting, and Barnaby busied himself with writing something in his notebook. Probably a reminder that Gannon would be
古斯塔沃突然对窗户产生了浓厚兴趣，巴纳比则忙着在笔记本上写写画画——八成是在提醒自己甘农即将

hiring a new Assistant Vice President for Talent.
招聘一位新的艺人管理副总监。

Finally, Donny spoke again, “Well, yeah, the length the fans go to make this one couple–ship or whatever those goofs call these things–happen is kind of
终于，唐尼又开口了："是啊，粉丝们为了撮合这对 CP——或者不管那些傻瓜怎么称呼这种关系——所做的事情实在有点

embarrassing. We have been firm that this is a family show, and no gay relationships will exist on it. Still, they keep pushing. Twitter, Instagram, polls. It’s unhealthy.
令人尴尬。我们一直强调这是家庭向节目，不会出现同性恋情。可他们还是不断在推特、Ins 和投票里刷屏，这种执念很不健康。"

So the guys, the actors, rightfully laughed it off. Nothing serious, really. All in good fun.” He took a long swig from his glass and wiped his sweaty brow. But his
"所以演员们笑一笑就过去了，这很合理。本来就不是什么严肃的事，大家图个乐子而已。"他猛灌了一口酒，擦了擦汗涔涔的额头。但

smile was wide, and he seemed rather proud of his assessment of the situation.
他笑得咧开了嘴，似乎对自己这番形势分析相当得意。

Neve thought if this guy was able to fool Juno, she was either bad at poker or Donny was slipping, because he reeked of fear and of self-importance and she
妮芙心想，如果这家伙能骗过朱诺，那要么是朱诺牌技太差，要么就是唐尼状态下滑——因为他浑身散发着恐惧和自负的气息，而她

could read him like an open book. Not a particularly interesting one. A DNF from her.
能像读一本摊开的书那样看透他。还不是什么有趣的书。在她这儿直接标记为"未读完"。

“Audrey?” Neve did not take her eyes off Donny. He gulped and tried to regroup. Under Neve’s scrutiny, his hand trembled slightly when he re-filled his glass
"奥黛丽？"妮芙的视线始终没离开唐尼。他咽了咽口水试图重整旗鼓。在妮芙的注视下，他拿起水壶重新斟酒时，手微微发抖。

from the pitcher. Barnaby lowered his head, almost burying it in the notebook. Gustavo was now looking at the opposite wall. Audrey’s eyes were locked on
巴纳比低着头，几乎要把脸埋进笔记本。古斯塔沃此刻正盯着对面的墙壁。奥黛丽的目光则牢牢锁定在——

Neve.
涅瓦。

“On an Instagram live, the two actors in question mocked a group of fans that attend most of the show related events and have a podcast dedicated to it. The
在一场 Instagram 直播中，两位涉事演员嘲笑了经常参加该剧相关活动并为其开设播客的粉丝群体。

group has been actively trying to lobby for a potential relationship between the two female main characters. The video is all over twitter, and by afternoon will
该团体一直在积极游说，试图促成两位女主角之间的潜在感情线。这段视频已在推特上疯传，预计到下午就会——

surely be featured in most of the fandom-related outlets.”
"这无疑会成为大多数同人圈相关媒体的焦点内容。"

Donny’s brow was now drenched, and the tissue he was trying to use to save his dignity was not helping. Neve had not taken her eyes off him as Audrey
唐尼的额头此刻已布满汗珠，他试图用来维护尊严的纸巾根本无济于事。奥黛丽说话时，妮芙的目光始终未从他身上移开。

spoke.
轻声诉说。

“So let me make sure I understand, Donny.” She drawled out his name with particular distaste and lowered her voice further. His eyes grew huge listening to
"让我确认一下我是否理解对了，唐尼。"她拖长音调念出他的名字，语气中透着明显的厌恶，同时将声音压得更低。听到这番话，他的眼睛瞪得溜圆。

her, unable to look away. “A show that is the flagship for this age group dedicated lineup, teases–practically queerbaits–a relationship between two women. It sells
她无法移开视线。"作为这个年龄段专属阵容的旗舰节目，它戏弄——几乎可以说是刻意卖弄——两个女性之间的暧昧关系。这完全是在利用

like hotcakes. Fans set up sites, polls, and get the ship in question to trend on Twitter every so often, thus encouraging us to make this happen. And instead of
像热销品一样抢手。粉丝们建立网站、发起投票，时不时让这对 CP 登上推特热搜，从而促使我们实现这个愿望。然而我们非但没有

supporting the fandom that creates a constant stream of free publicity and promoting our show, its stars mock said fans, losing the studio all these free content
支持这个持续创造免费宣传、推广我们剧集的粉丝群体，反而让明星们嘲讽这些粉丝，导致工作室失去所有这些免费内容

creators, resulting in a PR disaster? Am I getting all this right?”
创作者，最终酿成公关灾难？我的理解没错吧？

Audrey nodded, Gustavo coughed, and Barnaby hid entirely behind his notebook, his shoulders shaking ever so slightly.
奥黛丽点点头，古斯塔沃轻咳一声，而巴纳比完全躲在了笔记本后面，肩膀微微颤抖着。

“Looks like I am. So Donny here is also of the opinion that all of the above is not serious. And in good fun. Was ‘locker room joke’ going to be your next
“看来我是这样。所以唐尼也认为以上这些都不算严重。而且只是开个玩笑。你接下来是不是要说‘更衣室玩笑’？”

argument to dismiss misogyny?” He swallowed audibly, but remained silent. Neve ran her fingers over the rim of her glass, making it sing. In the quiet of the
“这就是你用来反驳厌女症的理由？”他明显咽了口唾沫，却仍保持沉默。内芙用手指轻抚杯沿，让玻璃杯发出清鸣。在这片寂静中

conference room, for a second, it was the only sound that could be heard. “So, this good fun has cost my studio money and generated quite a lot of bad publicity,
会议室里，那一刻这是唯一能听见的声音。"所以，这场'欢乐'让我的工作室赔了钱，还招来了不少负面报道，

Donny.”
唐尼。

Neve closed her laptop with a quiet snap. Her staff flinched as if she’d fired a gun. Everyone knew the next words would lower the boom. And who was she
尼芙轻轻合上笔记本电脑，发出咔嗒一声轻响。她的员工们像听到枪声般浑身一颤。所有人都知道接下来的话将掀起风暴。而她

to deny them the satisfaction?
又何必剥夺他们期待已久的快感？

“Have those actors fired from my show. And Barnaby, have security escort Donny from the building.”
"把那些演员从我的节目里开除。还有巴纳比，让保安把唐尼请出大楼。"

Her assistant, it seems, had known what was coming before she even spoke, because he simply opened the doors to the conference room and several
她的助理似乎在她开口前就预见了这一切，因为他只是默默推开会议室的门，几名

uniformed men materialized like magic.
身着制服的男子如魔术般凭空出现。

“What? You can’t! Juno will have your ass. You frigid bitch.” Donny’s screams echoed loudly as he was being escorted from the room. Neve almost winced
"什么？你们不能这样！朱诺会要了你们的命。你这个性冷淡的婊子。"唐尼被押出房间时，他的尖叫声回荡着。内芙几乎要退缩

before grinding her teeth and moving on.
但随即咬紧牙关继续前行。

“Oh, and Barnaby, get me the agents for those actresses. Let’s see how inclined everyone is toward LGBTQIA representation.”
"对了，巴纳比，把那些女演员的经纪人找来。我们来看看大家对 LGBTQIA 群体代表权到底有多热衷。"

Audrey folded her hands over her laptop’s keyboard. “I am certain that they will be very amenable. And that would also be Jude Caulfield. For both of them. I
奥黛丽将双手叠放在笔记本电脑键盘上。"我确信他们会非常配合。裘德·考尔菲德也是。对他们两个来说都是如此。"

looked it up while you were giving that asshole all the rope in the world to hang himself.”
趁你给那混蛋留足余地自掘坟墓的时候，我查过了。

“Is Caulfield suddenly the agent for everyone? Bishop, now these two?” Neve tipped her chin up in inquiry.
"考尔菲尔德突然成了所有人的代理吗？先是毕晓普，现在又是这两个人？"内芙扬起下巴质问道。

“Just for gay Hollywood.” Audrey’s whisper made Neve smile. Of course, Audrey would know.
"只为好莱坞的同志。"奥黛丽的低语让妮芙笑了。当然，奥黛丽会知道。

Neve surveyed the table. “Opinion?” Gustavo just waved his hand at Audrey, and she took a deep breath before speaking.
尼芙环视会议桌。"意见如何？"古斯塔沃只是朝奥黛丽摆了摆手，她深吸一口气后开始发言。

“Well, if you go forward with the LGBTQIA rep on this show, it will cause some waves. We will have to be ready for considerable pushback. It is a flagship for
"如果坚持在这部剧里加入 LGBTQIA 群体代表，肯定会引发轩然大波。我们必须准备好应对强烈反对。毕竟这部剧是旗舰作品

a reason. But there’s also a rather large LGBTQIA fanbase that can swing our way, with Laurner canceling their one queer rep show.”
自有其道理。不过劳纳电视台砍掉他们唯一酷儿代表剧集后，我们倒是能争取到相当庞大的 LGBTQIA 粉丝群体支持。"

Neve made a mental note to look into the cancellation issue. There was always something she could pick up from other people’s trash. There was a certain
尼芙暗自记下要调查这次砍剧事件。别人丢弃的垃圾里，总能淘到些有价值的东西。这其中显然

irony in that thought, one she did not wish to revisit just now. An irony that, if she had any say, she’d never think about at all, along with everything else from her
这个念头中的讽刺意味，是她此刻不愿重温的。这种讽刺——倘若她能做主，她宁愿永远不去想它，连同她过往的一切

past.
都抛诸脑后。

Dragging herself back to the present, she did not miss the way Audrey had navigated the complex waters in front of her. It made Neve proud. It also made
强迫自己回到当下，她注意到奥黛丽如何巧妙地周旋于眼前的复杂局面。这令妮芙感到骄傲，同时也让她

Neve wet. She wanted to roll her eyes at herself in disgust.
情动不已。她厌恶得想冲自己翻个白眼。

 “And you have the problem of having Juno and the Board.” Audrey’s quiet but decisive voice went on. “We are progressive, thanks primarily to your ability to
“你还要面对朱诺和董事会的问题。”奥黛丽平静但果断的声音继续道。“我们之所以能保持进步，主要归功于你凭借公司盈利

blunt the more conservative elements of the business by virtue of how profitable we are. But this is a two-pronged issue. You just fired and humiliated her man, and
能力压制了那些更保守的商业势力。但这是个双刃剑。你刚解雇并羞辱了她的亲信，现在

are you saying you are swinging radically left with a family values show? And then there’s Grace Bishop…” Yes, Audrey made her very wet. Too bad Neve’s
又要推出宣扬家庭价值观的节目向左急转？更别提还有格蕾丝·毕晓普……”没错，奥黛丽让她欲火中烧。可惜内芙的

decision was firm.
决定已经不可动摇。

“Leave Juno to me. As for family values… Where is Samira?”
“朱诺交给我处理。至于家庭观念……萨米拉在哪？”

“Bahamas.” Gustavo’s expression was one of longing. His love for the islands was no secret. “Her first vacation in three years–”
“巴哈马群岛。”古斯塔沃脸上写满向往，他对那片岛屿的喜爱人尽皆知。“她三年来第一次休假——”

“Too bad for Samira. Get her back ASAP. She should know better than to leave that empty suit in charge of her department.”
“萨米拉真不走运。立刻召她回来。她早该明白不该让那个草包主管她的部门。”

As she paused, Barnaby raised his hand.
她停顿之际，巴纳比举起了手。

“Ah, Neve… That LGBTQIA rep? What should I tell Jude Caulfield?”
"啊，内芙...那个 LGBTQIA 代表角色？我该怎么跟朱迪·考尔菲德说？"

“There is a script circulating that would be perfect for her clients. A small-budget artsy thing but with a lot of potential. Maybe not Academy Award potential,
"现在有个正在流传的剧本，非常适合她的客户。虽然是小成本艺术片，但潜力巨大。可能够不上奥斯卡水准，

but festival-circuit-worthy. I think the fans will be pacified if we put the two actresses in question as lovers in a movie and give them tons of lesbian content while
但绝对值得走电影节路线。我觉得只要让那两位争议女演员在电影里演情侣，塞满女同情节，

leaving the show to enjoy its high ‘family values’ rating.”
同时让剧集继续保持'家庭价值观'的高收视率，粉丝们应该就能消停了。"

Neve grimaced in disgust and made the air quotes gesture. Still, she knew her overall resolution to the situation was underhanded and exploitative. Which made
奈芙厌恶地皱起眉，做了个"引号"手势。但她心知肚明，自己对这事的处理手段既卑劣又投机取巧。这让她

her no better than Donny. But this was business. And she saved the show and some acrimony with the Board while also giving the fans what they wanted.
和唐尼没什么两样。但这就是生意。她既保住了节目，避免了与董事会的冲突，又满足了粉丝的期待。

“And Gustavo? The sheer distance of how far beneath me this issue is, is rather astounding. You all should be doing your jobs, and I hope to never hear about
"至于古斯塔沃？这件事的微不足道程度简直令人震惊。你们都应该各司其职，我希望永远不要再听到

this again. Also, make sure the showrunners don’t just kill off or write off those mouthy idiots. Recast. The characters continue. The actors do not. Am I clear?
相关汇报。另外，确保节目组别直接写死或开除那些多嘴的白痴。换演员。角色保留。演员滚蛋。我说得够清楚吗？

Dismissed.”
“散会。”

Gustavo whistled and left, smirking. She could hear him mumbling, “Fuck around and find out, I guess,” to Barnaby, who replied with an awed, enamored
古斯塔沃吹着口哨离开了，脸上挂着得意的笑容。她听见他低声对巴纳比说“看来有人非要自讨苦吃”，而巴纳比用充满敬畏与迷恋的语气

murmur of, “I love her when she’s like that,” as they exited.
喃喃回应道“她这副模样真让我着迷”，两人随即离开了会议室。

As the staff filed out of the conference room, Neve did not miss Audrey’s hot, lingering gaze. It appeared that her being ruthless and a little vindictive was doing
当员工们陆续走出会议室时，内芙没有错过奥黛丽那道炽热而缠绵的视线。显然，她展现出的冷酷与些许报复心正在

it for more than just Barnaby. Maybe she hadn’t lost her touch at all. That executive bathroom was looking very appealing to her right about now. Too bad she had
这不仅是为了巴纳比。或许她从未失去过那份敏锐。此刻，那个高管专用洗手间对她而言显得格外诱人。只可惜她还得

a lunch to go to.
赶赴一场午餐约会。

Sitting across the table from Dmitriy, after being greeted and air-kissed by Chef Cimarusti himself, Neve started having second thoughts about her plan. Not so
当主厨西马鲁斯蒂亲自迎接并行了贴面礼后，坐在德米特里对面的尼芙开始对自己的计划产生动摇。倒不是

much about ending things with Audrey. That had to be done, if only to spare herself the persistent panic attacks and visions of being drawn and quartered in the
对与奥黛丽分手这件事犹豫——这必须做个了断，哪怕只是为了摆脱那些持续的恐慌发作和被五马分尸的可怕幻象。

court of public opinion after being dragged naked through Beverly Hills.
在舆论法庭上被扒光示众后。

This indulgence of her whim had gone on for far too long. She was jumping at her own shadow. Every meeting with Juno was agony, trying to decipher her
她这种任性妄为已经持续太久了。她草木皆兵，每次与朱诺会面都是折磨——既要费力解读她那些

usual pontificating monologues and wondering whether she knew and when the hammer would fall. And now she had fired Donny, and Juno would be in her hair
惯常的说教式独白，又提心吊胆地揣测她是否知情，以及何时会大祸临头。现在她解雇了唐尼，朱诺很快就会

about him soon enough.
为此来纠缠不休。

God, Neve just wanted her life back, and it was past time to send Audrey along to finally start her own. If only she wasn’t so damn appealing. And if she
天啊，内芙只想找回自己的生活，现在正是时候让奥黛丽离开去开始她自己的新生活。如果她没有这么该死的迷人就好了。如果她

wasn’t as infatuated with Neve. The conversation with Dr. Moore about the godforsaken Ice Queens came to mind, and Neve pushed it away ruthlessly. Her
没有如此痴迷于内芙。与摩尔医生关于那些该死的冰霜女王的谈话突然浮现在脑海，内芙粗暴地将这个念头赶走。她的

therapist knew nothing. And she was right about nothing.
心理医生什么都不懂。她说的每句话都是错的。

The sudden barrage of thoughts intruding on her mind made her head spin. She could feel the cold sweat pooling at the base of her spine. Her breathing was
突然涌入脑海的思绪让她头晕目眩。她能感觉到冷汗顺着脊背往下流。她的呼吸变得

becoming shallow, and she closed her eyes to take a second.
她的呼吸变得急促，她闭上眼睛稍作停顿。

Not now, not now, God, not now…
不要是现在，不要是现在，天啊，不要是现在……

She was sitting in the middle of a beautiful restaurant, prominently enough that there would be DMZ pictures of them by the end of the hour. She was doing so
她正坐在一家高档餐厅的中央位置，显眼到一小时内就会有狗仔拍下他们的照片。而她此刻

while eating delicious food and ordering a lovely Zinfandel…. She took careful, deliberate breaths, flexing her fingertips around her glass, the cold condensation
正享用着美食，点了一瓶美味的仙粉黛……她小心翼翼地控制呼吸，指尖在凝结着水珠的冰凉酒杯上轻轻摩挲

soothing her. When her hands stopped shaking, she lifted the glass and took a sip, then another. The room stopped spinning.
安抚着她。当双手不再颤抖时，她举起酒杯抿了一口，又一口。房间终于停止了旋转。

Her thoughts returned to the luxuries surrounding her. All of those beautiful, grounding things were being squashed into absurd boredom by having to share
她的思绪重新回到周遭的奢华陈设上。所有这些美好而令人心安的物件，却因不得不与德米特里共享

them with Dmitriy. He was neither arid nor sniveling. But for the life of her she couldn’t figure out what in the world she had ever seen in him.
而变得荒谬乏味。他既不乏味也不懦弱。可她绞尽脑汁也想不明白，自己当初究竟看中了他哪一点。

He gave her that absolutely gorgeous smile of a man who knew how dramatically handsome he was. And handsome he was indeed. He was also talented and
他朝她露出那种心知自己英俊得惊人的完美笑容。他确实英俊非凡，才华横溢又

on a fast track to being one of the most sought-after directors in Hollywood, after establishing himself as a jury favorite in Cannes, Venice, and Berlin for years. His
在戛纳、威尼斯和柏林电影节常年获得评委会青睐后，他正迅速成为好莱坞最炙手可热的导演之一。他的

intellectual cinema had paved the way for him to make the jump across the Atlantic, straight into the embrace of pretty much all six of the studio greats. His project
充满哲思的电影为他铺平了横跨大西洋的道路，几乎直接投入六大电影公司的怀抱。他的项目

queue was massive, and strictly speaking, Neve wasn’t entirely certain if he really needed her as much as she needed an intelligent, in-demand, never-home,
排期极为密集，严格来说，内芙并不完全确定他是否真的像她需要一位聪明、抢手、永远不着家的

beautiful husband to show the world.
完美丈夫来向世界炫耀那样需要她。

She could hear Dr. Moore in her ear. Stop avoiding the truth. Yes, he was handsome. He was talented. He was interesting. Just not to her.
她耳边仿佛回响着摩尔医生的声音：别再逃避真相了。没错，他确实英俊，才华横溢，也很有趣——只是对她而言并非如此。

Yes, Dr. Moore, he is all of these things, and all I want is for bright green eyes to look at me and those soft hands to run up and down my neck.
是的摩尔医生，他具备所有这些优点，而我渴望的只是那双明亮的绿眼睛能注视我，那双柔软的手能在我颈间游走。

And thus Dmitriy, for all his brilliant mind and wonderful talent, was rather insipid in comparison. And wasn’t that a kick in the teeth?
于是相比之下，尽管德米特里才智超群、才华横溢，却显得索然无味。这难道不是一记响亮的耳光吗？

Neve was taken aback by the realization that four months of affecting extreme professional preoccupation while getting her spokesperson out of her various
内芙突然意识到，这四个月来她假装全神贯注于工作，其实是为了摆脱代言人身份带来的种种困扰，这个发现让她猝不及防。

designer clothes could open one’s eyes to the total lacking in one’s own husband.
名牌服饰能让人看清自己丈夫的种种不足。

She knew exactly what she’d been thinking two years ago when she chose him, and the proof of how correct her thinking was, was reflected in the number of
她清楚地记得两年前选择他时的想法，而这份选择有多正确，从那些数字中就能得到印证

paparazzi who were lined up outside to get a glimpse of them. Was it really his fault that Neve found Audrey so delightful, in or out of attire? That even an hour with
那些在门外排队的狗仔队只为一睹他们的风采。尼夫觉得奥黛丽如此迷人——无论着装与否——这真的能怪他吗？即便只与她共处一小时

Dmitriy felt wasted? And yet, for her plan of self-reclamation to succeed, she would have to be convincing enough in her attempts to make it look like she had a
德米特里感到心力交瘁？然而，要使她的自我救赎计划成功，她必须在尝试中表现得足够令人信服，让人以为她确实怀有

quasi-normal marriage with him.
与他维持表面正常的婚姻。

Audrey, her bright and insightful Audrey, would never believe that Neve was suddenly in love with him. She knew too well that Neve didn't spare much thought
聪慧敏锐的奥黛丽绝不会相信妮芙突然爱上了他。她太清楚妮芙从不多费心思

for her husband. But Audrey also knew that some things were just too precious for Neve to lose. Her son, her career, and her public image always came first. So
考虑丈夫。但奥黛丽也明白，有些东西对妮芙而言珍贵到不能失去。她的儿子、事业和公众形象永远排在首位。因此

all Neve had to “sell” Audrey on was an honest effort to preserve either or all three of her treasures, her trifecta.
妮芙只需向奥黛丽"兜售"一个事实：她正在真诚努力保全这三样珍宝中的任意或全部，她的人生三重奏。

And to top it all off, Neve was well-aware that Audrey—who knew Neve was faking it for publicity and respectability to absolve herself of her crimes—would
最要命的是，内芙心知肚明——奥黛丽清楚她为了洗脱罪名而假装体面博取公众好感——

likely not jump until she was pushed. And so Neve had to push. Hard. Hard enough that Audrey would never look back.
除非被逼到绝境，否则绝不会主动跳坑。所以内芙必须推这一把。要狠。狠到让奥黛丽永无回头之路。

As their lunch ended, Neve made it a point to kiss Dmitriy squarely on the lips in front of the paparazzi. His distinct surprise at an unexpected display of
午餐结束时，内芙特意当着狗仔队的面与德米特里来了个结结实实的唇吻。他被这突如其来的亲昵惊得明显一愣，

affection, as well as his not-at-all-subtle lascivious glance down her Marc Jacobs blouse, spelled that she would likely have some explaining to do sometime soon.
再加上他毫不掩饰地朝她马克·雅各布衬衫里瞟去的猥琐眼神，都预示着她很快得费些口舌解释了。

It didn’t matter. She had one purpose today: making a statement. Since one could always count on there being photographers in front of the Providence, one could
无所谓。她今天只有一个目的：表明立场。既然普罗维登斯酒店门前总有摄影师蹲守，那么

also be sure the picture of the kiss would make its way online before her driver delivered her to the office.
还要确保那张接吻的照片在她司机送她到办公室之前就在网上传开。

If Neve was curious whether her plan of feeding the lens-carrying sharks had worked, all she had to do to confirm her success was to see Audrey parked outside
如果内芙好奇她喂养携带镜头的鲨鱼计划是否奏效，只需看到奥黛丽停在门外就能确认成功了

her office with a thunderous face.
她脸色阴沉地走进办公室。

“Good thing you’re here,” Neve took her time to put her sunglasses in their case, instantly dismissing Audrey who was standing at attention, vibrating like a
“幸好你来了，”妮芙慢条斯理地把太阳镜收进镜盒，对站得笔直、浑身紧绷的奥黛丽看也不看就打发道

tight string. Yes, Neve knew well enough what Audrey wanted to tell her. But she was in no mood for recriminations, and Audrey really should know better than to
紧绷的弦。是的，尼芙很清楚奥黛丽想对她说什么。但她此刻无心听任何指责，而奥黛丽也该明白

even attempt any such thing here at the office.
在办公室里甚至都不敢尝试这种事。

“I want you to work with David and Stephen. They’re messing up their respective media presence in the worst way. You were right during the morning briefing,
“我希望你和戴维、斯蒂芬合作。他们各自在媒体上的表现糟糕透顶。今早简报会上你说得对，

I believe they could benefit from your guiding hand in devising their publicity strategy. Their project is already a failure, I don’t want the size of the failure to be
我认为他们在制定宣传策略时很需要你的指导。这个项目已经失败了，我不希望失败的规模

known outside my walls. Oh, and let Gustavo know how it went afterwards.” Neve glided into her office, thus forestalling any attempt by Audrey to press Neve
传到外界。对了，事后记得向古斯塔沃汇报情况。"妮芙翩然走进办公室，打断了奥黛丽继续追问的

for answers.
企图。

She clenched her jaw as she watched Audrey walk away. Petty, petty, petty. She closed her eyes and wanted to lay her head on the cool surface of her glass
她紧咬下颌看着奥黛丽离去。小气，小气，真小气。她闭起眼睛，想把额头贴在冰凉的玻璃桌面上

desk. Giving Audrey a job that any lackey in the communications department could and usually did handle, was petty. Telling her to then report to Gustavo instead
把任何通讯部门的小喽啰都能处理、通常也确实由他们经手的活儿派给奥黛丽，实在小气。还要求她之后向古斯塔沃汇报，更是过分。

of herself was cruel. And highly effective, since Audrey knew well enough that Neve would always, always, always manipulate her time and her obligations in such
她对自己太残忍了。这招极其有效，因为奥黛丽很清楚，内芙永远、永远、永远都会这样操纵她的时间和责任。

a way that they’d end up alone together.
一种让他们最终独处的方式。

“Well, some things need to be blunt and obvious, so there will be no doubts afterwards.”
“有些事情就得直截了当、明明白白，这样事后才不会产生任何疑虑。”

“You said something, Neve?” Barnaby’s uncertain voice sounded from outside her door. Neve rolled her eyes at her own foolishness of speaking out loud.
“你刚才说话了吗，尼芙？”巴纳比迟疑的声音从门外传来。尼芙对着自己脱口而出的蠢话翻了个白眼。

“Yes, how hard is it to pick the phone up when it’s ringing, Barnaby?”
“是啊，电话响的时候接起来能有多难，巴纳比？”

Since the phones were not, in fact, ringing, Neve could see her assistant’s pretty face contort into a mask of utter incomprehension, then concern. Well, at least
鉴于电话其实根本没响，尼芙能看见她那位俊俏助理的脸上先是浮现出全然困惑的表情，继而转为担忧。好吧，至少

he was the highest-paid PA in Hollywood.
他是好莱坞薪资最高的私人助理。

Neve shook her head. Her little misdirection with Audrey had ensured that she would be too busy to unload on her the number of questions Neve knew her
妮芙摇了摇头。她对奥黛丽使的小小障眼法确保了她会忙得无暇向自己抛出一连串问题——妮芙心知肚明这场小把戏会引发多少疑问。

little production was generating. It also guaranteed Audrey’s absence from her sight for a while.
这个安排也保证了奥黛丽能暂时离开她的视线。

Her quiet, dark house kept all her dirty secrets of temptation and satiation. Not only did she not want to answer questions, but she also didn’t trust herself to
她幽暗静谧的宅邸封存着所有关于诱惑与餍足的肮脏秘密。她既不愿回答问题，更不敢保证

be alone with Audrey.
与奥黛丽独处时能把持住自己。

With both her and Audrey focusing more on other types of pursuits and letting some of the more mundane professional responsibilities slide by in the past four
她和奥黛丽过去四个月都更专注于其他类型的追求，让一些更平凡的职业责任悄然溜走。

months, Neve had enough things to assign to Audrey to keep her occupied for a couple of weeks at least.
内芙有足够多的事情可以指派给奥黛丽，至少能让她忙上几周。

While Audrey was busy and very obviously quietly stewing at Neve for evading her and brushing her off, Neve herself was reminiscing about those
当奥黛丽忙于工作，并明显因内芙的逃避和敷衍而暗自恼火时，内芙自己却在怀念那些

aforementioned pursuits that she was now missing. Such activities as sneaking into the CEO’s private bathroom for a quick afternoon fuck, with Audrey bending
她如今怀念的上述追求。比如溜进 CEO 的私人浴室来一场午后的速战速决，看着奥黛丽弯下腰

her over the sink and taking her from behind, her skirt hastily pulled up and her ass cheek stinging with a red imprint from several slaps delivered by a sure hand,
他将她按在水槽边从后进入，匆忙撩起的裙摆下，臀瓣上还留着几道掌掴后的红痕，

while long fingers stroked her into a quick, hard climax. Those memories made her forget why she was sending Audrey to join some godforsaken crew in
修长手指的撩拨让她迅速攀上激烈高潮。这些回忆让她忘了为何要送奥黛丽去加入温哥华那支见鬼的

Vancouver tomorrow.
勘探队。

After two weeks of subterfuge, Neve was getting closer to the edge. Her trip to New York had come and gone. And so had Audrey’s dispatch to Vancouver.
两周的躲闪周旋后，妮芙已濒临崩溃。她的纽约之行来了又走。奥黛丽被派往温哥华的日子也同样流逝。

After tossing and turning in bed for what seemed like forever, she finally relented and climbed down to the study to curl up on the couch. She loved this room.
她在床上辗转反侧了仿佛永恒之久，最终妥协地爬下床，来到书房蜷缩在沙发上。她深爱这个房间。

Every single surface here held memories of her and Audrey.
这里的每一寸表面都承载着她与奥黛丽的回忆。

One particular memory came unbidden. It had been a night just like this, just over four months ago, a week after Audrey had knelt in front of her for the very
一段特别的记忆突然浮现。那是个与今夜极为相似的晚上，就在四个多月前，奥黛丽第一次跪在她面前的一周后。

first time. They’d still been shy with one another, still tentative. If their office trysts and after-work-quickies were fast and furious, this one evening had been tender
彼时她们仍对彼此羞怯，仍带着试探。如果说办公室幽会和下班后的速战速决是激烈狂热的，那么那个夜晚则格外温柔

and filled with some tentative emotion that Neve was afraid to analyze in-depth.
某种试探性的情绪充盈着内芙的内心，她不敢深入剖析。

Dmitriy was on a trip, and Neve had been pacing the ground floor ready to ravish Audrey on sight, burning up with hunger and desire. However, the storm
德米特里外出旅行，内芙在一楼来回踱步，准备一见奥黛丽就将其占有，饥渴与欲望灼烧着她。然而暴风雨

outside had Audrey arriving late and soaked to the bone. So when Audrey’s cold, trembling lips had touched hers, Neve had quieted her ardor and unconsciously
导致奥黛丽迟到且浑身湿透。当奥黛丽冰冷颤抖的唇触碰到她的时，内芙平息了炽热情欲，下意识地

set to warm Audrey up instead of setting her on fire, as appeared to be their normal.
开始为奥黛丽取暖而非点燃她——这似乎与她们往常的相处模式不同。

The memory was so vivid, perhaps enhanced by the same sounds of rain coming down and the same darkness of the room. These memories, the good ones
记忆如此鲜活，或许是被同样的雨声和房间的黑暗所强化。这些回忆，那些美好的

and the bad, were a complete sensory overload. Neve had almost been able to taste the droplets on Audrey’s skin as she’d uncovered her body and slowly traced
美好与糟糕交织，形成一场感官的全面冲击。当奥黛丽展露身躯，缓缓描摹肌肤上的水珠时，内芙几乎能尝到那晶莹的滋味。

the translucent skin with her lips and fingertips, every so often returning to that generous mouth that welcomed her with warming lips and an agile tongue that
她用双唇和指尖轻抚那半透明的肌肤，不时又回到那张丰盈的唇——那用温热的唇瓣与灵巧舌尖迎接她的唇

seemed to understand the need to soothe instead of inflame. She couldn’t get enough of those gentle kisses, the slide of supple lips over hers, the sweet taste of
似乎明白需要安抚而非激化矛盾。她沉醉于那些温柔的吻，唇瓣轻滑过她的唇，那甜美的滋味

Audrey permeating her conscience, burrowing into her very soul.
奥黛丽渗透进她的意识，深深钻入她的灵魂深处。

She couldn’t taste enough either, yet her mouth was tender, savoring every second and every touch and every shared breath. Those lips with their Cupid’s bow
她也尝不够，但双唇已酥麻，细细品味每一秒、每一次触碰和每一口共享的呼吸。那爱神之弓般的唇峰

that she traced with the tip of her tongue causing Audrey to shiver, sigh contentedly, and try to catch Neve’s tongue with her own.
被她用舌尖描摹，引得奥黛丽战栗轻颤，满足地叹息，试图用自己的舌捕捉内芙的舌尖。

Neve playfully withdrew her mouth just out of reach, and Audrey smiled at the surprising mischievousness. That smile was so bright, so genuine in its happiness
内芙顽皮地缩回嘴唇让她够不着，奥黛丽对这意外的淘气报以微笑。那笑容如此灿烂，洋溢着发自内心的欢欣

and tenderness, that Neve was momentarily struck speechless. It was too much. There had been too much emotion on Audrey’s beautiful face, too much sincerity
那份柔情让内芙一时语塞。这太过分了——奥黛丽美丽的脸上承载了太多情绪，太多真挚

and guilelessness, and so Neve had to kiss that smile, feeling it grow even more under her mouth.
与无邪，内芙不得不吻上那抹微笑，感受它在自己唇下愈发绽放。

That night she’d undressed Audrey for the very first time. The sight of all that flawless, pale skin, the curving lines of full breasts, her sculpted waist, and the
那夜她第一次为奥黛丽褪去衣衫。无瑕的雪白肌肤，丰盈胸脯的曼妙曲线，精雕细琢的纤腰，以及

flare of her hips, had Neve’s hands trembling. They stood so close, their mouths seemingly unable to part for more than mere seconds to draw breath, Audrey
骤然展开的臀线，令内芙双手颤抖。她们贴得极近，双唇分离仅够喘息须臾便又胶着，奥黛丽

naked and Neve fully clothed.
赤裸的肌肤与穿戴整齐的奈芙。

Neve thought she had never experienced anything more erotic in her life. Her fingers moved of their own accord, tracing lines and curves until finding wetness
奈芙觉得此生从未体验过如此情色之事。她的手指不受控制地游走，描摹着每一处曲线，直至触到那片湿润

and heat. They both moaned loudly at the touch, and even though they’d been doing this for a week, Neve felt like she was touching Audrey for the first time.
与灼热。两人同时因这触碰发出呻吟，尽管这样的亲密已持续一周，奈芙却觉得仿佛初次抚触奥黛丽。

Perhaps she was. And so her fingers were feather-soft, teasing, light, and tender, playing in the wet folds, making Audrey tremble with want, making her plead
或许真是初次。于是她的手指如羽毛般轻柔，带着挑逗的力度，在那片湿润的褶皱间温柔嬉戏，惹得奥黛丽因渴望而战栗，发出声声哀求

quietly—for what she perhaps didn’t know herself.
她安静地——或许连她自己也不明白为何如此。

Just when she had Audrey on the very edge, Neve had slipped two fingers inside, gently bringing her to a shuddering orgasm.
就在奥黛丽即将到达临界点时，内芙将两根手指滑入，轻柔地引领她颤抖着抵达高潮。

On that rainy night, with the sound of the storm outside cocooning them in this room and separating them from the rest of the world and from their lives, Neve
在那个雨夜，屋外风暴的声响将他们包裹在这个房间里，与外界和他们的生活隔绝，内芙

had been gentle and unhurried. Maybe for the first and only time since their affair had commenced, she’d also been unafraid. Unafraid of the emotion behind the
动作温柔而从容。或许这是她们关系开始以来第一次也是唯一一次，她不再感到恐惧。不再畏惧这背后涌动的情感。

touch of her fingertips and of the feeling behind the caress of her lips.
她指尖的触碰和唇间爱抚所蕴含的深情。

She had never again allowed herself to be this unafraid, and the enormity of all she had to lose had firmed her hands and rushed her mouth afterwards.
她再未允许自己如此毫无畏惧，而可能失去一切的恐惧随即让她的双手变得坚定，双唇变得急促。

Neve had also never indulged in thinking of that night, yet now that she was ending all of it, the taste of Audrey as Neve had licked her off her fingers in the
内芙也从未纵容自己去回想那夜，但此刻当她决意结束这一切时，那晚欢愉后她舔舐指尖奥黛丽味道的记忆

afterglow, was returning to her just like the memory, its vividness transcendent.
正带着超越现实的鲜活感，重新涌上心头。

Lying on the couch, Neve was feeling decidedly out of sorts. With the past haunting her at every corner, she was disoriented and yearning.
躺在沙发上，内芙感到异常烦躁。过往的阴影在每个角落纠缠着她，令她迷失方向又充满渴望。

She was also totally disgusted with herself for acting in a way that would have appalled her younger self. Younger self? Her current self was appalled as well.
她同样对自己感到极度厌恶——现在的行为方式连年轻时的自己都会震惊。年轻时的自己？现在的她也同样震惊。

Appalled at her cowardice, at her indecisiveness, at her weakness when it came to Audrey.
震惊于自己的怯懦，震惊于自己的优柔寡断，震惊于面对奥黛丽时表现出的软弱。

The Queen who ran an Empire with an iron fist was playing childish games to rid herself of a problem of her own making. Heavens, Audrey wasn’t a problem.
这位以铁腕统治帝国的女王，此刻竟像孩子般耍着幼稚把戏，试图摆脱自己制造的问题。天啊，奥黛丽根本不是问题。

She was a beautiful girl who’d had the misfortune of falling for her. But she was also the temptress who consumed Neve’s days and nights and drove her out of her
她是个不幸爱上她的美丽女孩。但同时也是那个占据内芙日夜心神、将她逼出理智的妖女

mind with fear. Fear for her and, if Neve was entirely honest with herself, fear of her. Audrey scared her, scared her breathless.
心中充满恐惧。既为她担忧，又——若内芙对自己足够诚实的话——对她感到畏惧。奥黛丽令她害怕，怕到几乎窒息。

The power she unknowingly wielded over Neve was unprecedented. Audrey could equally elate and destroy her with one word, and Neve never felt more
她无意中对内芙施加的影响力前所未有。奥黛丽只需一句话就能让她欣喜若狂或万念俱灰，内芙从未如此强烈地

alive than when she was under that power. It was intoxicating, it was terrifying, and it had Neve behaving like a scheming high-schooler, playing games and creating
她比受制于那股力量时更鲜活。这种感觉令人沉醉，也令人恐惧，让内芙表现得像个诡计多端的高中生，玩着心机游戏，制造着......

stratagems to drive her away.
用尽手段想把她赶走。

She should just tell her, should just confess that she hadn’t slept normally in weeks, that her mind was tearing itself apart with panic and desire, and that this
她本该直接告诉奥黛丽，坦白自己已经好几周没睡好觉，内心被恐慌与渴望撕扯得四分五裂，这种

situation was completely unsustainable. But confessing her fear to Audrey was even more ludicrous to her than playing these silly games. No, Neve couldn’t
状况根本难以为继。但对奥黛丽袒露恐惧，在她看来比玩这些愚蠢把戏更荒唐。不，妮芙绝不能

confess a weakness to anyone. After all, the Wicked Queen had no weaknesses.
向任何人示弱。毕竟邪恶女王从无软肋。

Still, the games had to stop, because as much as panic was choking her, Neve had her dignity, and this whole situation had devolved into something
然而游戏必须结束，因为尽管恐惧令她窒息，但尼芙仍保有尊严，而整个局面已演变得

unbecoming of her. The games would stop tomorrow, she decided. And Dr. Moore would be right once again. Cruelty for the sake of self-preservation would
有失她的身份。她决定明天就终止这场游戏。摩尔医生将再次被证明是对的。为了自保而残忍行事，

reign as the Ice Queen’s signature trait yet again.
将再度成为冰霜女王的标志性特质。

 3

NEVE SINGES WINGS
尼芙灼伤羽翼

o you play chess?” Dr. Moore stood up and gracefully walked toward a side cabinet. Neve watched her move, eyes narrowing. She was up to
“你会下国际象棋吗？”摩尔医生起身优雅地走向边柜。内芙眯起眼睛注视着她的动作。她正打算

“D something, but this particular session was on the heels of many a sleepless night, and her mind and heart were just not in it.
做些什么，但这次咨询前她已连续多日失眠，此刻她的心思根本不在状态。

“I don’t, no. Games are for children.” Neve shook her head, and her rain-straight hair caressed her jaw, the action serving as a distraction and a
“不会，那是小孩子玩的。”内芙摇头时，雨水般笔直的发丝拂过下颌，这个动作既是分心之举

circuit breaker for her, preventing a mental short. The advantage of sensory stimulation without having to bite the inside of her cheek. “I do know the
也是她的情绪断路器，防止思维短路。用感官刺激替代咬腮帮子的自伤行为。“不过我确实知道

rules, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“如果你问的是这个，那确实有规则。”

“You are something, you know that?” The doctor was grinning at her.
“你可真有意思，知道吗？”医生冲她咧嘴一笑。

“I am not sure you mean that as a good thing, but I do, in fact, know that.”
“我不确定你这话是不是褒义，不过我的确知道自己挺特别的。”

Dr. Moore actually chuckled before she placed a beautiful white wooden chess board between them on the coffee table. She took out a tall, slim
摩尔医生轻笑出声，将一个精美的白色木质棋盘放在咖啡桌上。她取出一个细高的

figurine, setting the piece on the board.
雕像，将棋子落在棋盘上。

“This is you.” Neve watched as the marble Queen occupied her place on a square. A Pawn followed, “This is your marriage to Dmitriy.”
"这代表你。"尼芙看着大理石雕成的皇后占据棋盘一格。接着是一枚兵卒，"这象征你与德米特里的婚姻。"

“You’re not subtle at all, Doctor. Sure, I married him for a purpose and he is useful, but a Pawn?”
"您的隐喻可一点都不含蓄，医生。没错，我嫁给他是别有目的，他确实有用，但只配当个兵卒？"

“Pawns are expendable. There are many of them.” Dr. Moore’s voice did not show any particular emotion. She drew another figure out of the
"兵卒本就是消耗品。棋盘上从来不缺这类棋子。"摩尔医生的声音不带任何情绪。她又从棋盒中取出另一枚

satchel and placed it to the left of the Queen. “The Bishop is your job.” Before Neve could say anything, a Knight found his place next to the Bishop.
将皮包放在女王棋左侧。"主教由你负责。"未等内芙开口，一名骑士已立于主教身侧。

“This is Harlan.”
"这位是哈兰。"

And finally, a Rook stood next to the Knight. “Your outing as such.”
最后，一辆战车停在骑士身旁。"你的郊游成果。"

Neve actually wanted to yawn. “If this was a book or a movie, people in the reviews would be griping that your metaphors lack not just subtlety but
内芙几乎要打哈欠。"若这是本书或电影，评论家准会抱怨你的隐喻不仅缺乏精妙"

originality. And they would be right on the money. Rook, castle walls, how droll…”
原创性。他们确实一针见血。车，城堡墙，多么滑稽..."

Finally, when Dr. Moore raised her eyes, she was holding a King in her hands. But she didn’t place him on the board.
最后，当摩尔博士抬起眼睛时，她手里握着一枚国王棋。但她没有把它放在棋盘上。

“All these pieces? They’re the lines of defense. Whether a Queen, the most powerful figure on the whole board, needs them or not, is beside the
"所有这些棋子？它们都是防线。无论王后——整个棋盘上最强大的棋子——是否需要它们，都无关

point. You told me about all the lines that you would never cross. I think it is more than that. All those lines are your defenses. Against whatever it is you
紧要。你告诉过我那些你永远不会越界的底线。我认为远不止如此。所有这些界限都是你的防御。对抗着无论什么

are protecting yourself from.”
你在防备什么。”

Neve felt herself stiffen and swallowed hard, then narrowed her eyes to study Dr. Moore's. They showed something that was short of genuine interest.
内芙感到身体一僵，艰难地咽了咽口水，随后眯起眼睛审视摩尔医生的神情。那双眼睛里流露出的并非真正的关切。

Neve was yet to put her finger on the exact emotion that was projected at her. So she just nodded, awaiting further commentary from the therapist.
内芙尚未能准确识别对方投射来的情绪。于是她只是点点头，等待这位治疗师继续发言。

“These pieces, they simultaneously protect you and you protect them. To attain the latter, you have put your plan in motion.” Again, the words were
“这些碎片既在保护你，同时你也在守护它们。为了实现后者，你已经启动了你的计划。” 又一次，这些话语

spoken with no inflection, no question.
语调平缓，不带疑问。

She reached out and carefully—avoiding touching Dr. Moore’s fingers, dreading any additional sensory stimulation—took the King out of her hand
她伸出手，小心翼翼地——避免触碰到摩尔医生的手指，生怕任何额外的感官刺激——从对方手中取走了"国王"

and then placed him back in the satchel. “There’s no King in this story. And let me indulge your preposterous metaphorical farce here, Doctor. The
然后将它放回布袋。"这个故事里没有国王。容我配合您荒谬的隐喻把戏，医生。

Queen needs her life back.” She felt like her own words were bubbling to the surface and she was unable to stop them. “I need my life back.” If her
王后需要拿回自己的人生。"她感觉自己的话语正不受控制地涌上喉头，"我需要拿回我的人生。"如果她的

voice sounded unconvincing to her own ears, she chose to ignore it.
她听着自己的声音都觉得缺乏说服力，于是选择置之不理。

“So you’ve been saying since you darkened my doorstep the first time. Are you trying to convince me or yourself? And does it even matter, Neve?
"从你第一次踏进我家门槛就这么说。你是想说服我还是说服你自己？这真的重要吗，尼芙？"

We’re in Hollywood, after all, it’s all an illusion.”
毕竟我们身处好莱坞，一切都是幻象。

“I’m convinced. In fact, I have been convinced since I realized the girl imagines herself to have some sort of feelings for me.” She knew she’d
"我信了。事实上，自从发现那姑娘自以为对我怀有某种感情时，我就深信不疑了。"她知道自己

almost spat out the word ‘feelings’ and saw the infinitesimal change in Dr. Moore’s face. Now Neve could tell exactly what she was confronted with.
她几乎是咬牙切齿地说出"感情"这个词，同时注意到摩尔医生脸上细微的表情变化。此刻的妮芙完全明白自己面对的是什么。

Deep disapproval. Well, she had seen worse. She had been subjected to worse.
深深的否定。不过，更糟糕的情况她也见识过，更恶劣的对待她都承受过。

“Decisiveness. Doing what has to be done. What needs to be done, despite peril, or at times despite rhyme or reason. That’s another Ice Queen trait,
"决断力。做必须做的事。无论面临危险，有时甚至无需理由也要完成的事。这是另一位冰霜女王的特质，

you know.”
你知道的。"

Neve rolled her eyes. “We are back at this again.”
妮芙翻了个白眼。"我们又回到这个话题了。"

“In books, the character in question always makes the hard and often harsh decision, obviously for the greater good, or for her own good.”
"在书里，那个角色总会做出艰难甚至残酷的决定，显然是为了更大的利益，或是为了她自己好。"

“Obviously.” Neve mocked.
"显然。"妮芙模仿着说道。

Dr. Moore’s eyes crinkled now, but there was no mirth in them, and she continued speaking as if Neve’s sarcastic retort did not register.
摩尔医生的眼角此刻堆起了皱纹，但眼中毫无笑意，她继续说着话，仿佛没注意到妮芙那充满讽刺的反驳。

“You believe you’re doing the right thing. Despite how many lies you tell yourself, or me, or her.”
“你以为自己在做正确的事。无论你对自己、对我、还是对她撒了多少谎。”

“I am empowering her to move forward!” The impassive woman did not flinch at Neve’s outburst, and her expression of deep disapproval didn’t
“我是在帮她向前走！”面对内芙的爆发，那个冷漠的女人纹丝不动，她脸上深切的反对神情也丝毫未减。

change. “And it’s like ripping off a bandaid. Quick and done.”
“这就像撕掉创可贴。快刀斩乱麻。”

Dr. Moore watched her thoughtfully before lowering her gaze. Yet there was nothing demure about her words when they came.
摩尔医生若有所思地注视着她，随后垂下目光。但当她开口时，言辞却毫不委婉。

“You are hurting her. But then you do have a reputation for it…”
“你正在伤害她。不过你确实在这方面‘声名远扬’……”

Neve raised an imperious eyebrow and was satisfied that Dr. Moore’s remark seemed to hang in the air, the good doctor apprehensive enough,
尼夫傲慢地扬起眉毛，满意地看着摩尔医生的话悬在半空中，这位善良的医生明显踌躇起来，

seeming to calculate whether to continue.
似乎在权衡是否要继续说下去。

“Speaking of reputation…” Dr. Moore’s careful tone made Neve’s hackles rise. “I’ve done some research. Discreetly, of course. You do have one in
“说到名声……”摩尔医生谨慎的语气让尼夫的后颈汗毛倒竖。“我做了些调查。当然，是很谨慎的。你确实有个

this town. The epithets vary, but there’s a red line. You’ve been called ‘the sun’ quite often. I think it started with a particularly ass-kissing journalist
这座城。称号五花八门，但都踩了红线。你常被称作"太阳"。我猜是某个马屁精记者起的头

trying to depict you as Louis the Fourteenth, and how the French king was influential in the arts flourishing under him. But then the myth of you as the
把你比作路易十四，吹嘘这位法国国王如何推动艺术繁荣。后来你就被神话成了

sun took off. Did you know this?”
太阳。知道这事吗？

Neve turned away in utter disgust. Not this old chestnut.
内芙满脸厌恶地转过身去。又是这套陈词滥调。

“I’m familiar with the article.” The man never worked on the West Coast again. For all the gauche metaphors.
"那篇文章我很熟悉。"此后那人再未在西海岸工作过。只因那些拙劣的比喻。

“Ha!” Dr. Moore actually laughed, and Neve flinched, the loud noise jarring in its unexpectedness. She gripped the armrests tighter, her knuckles
"哈！"摩尔医生竟笑出声来，突如其来的响亮笑声惊得妮芙一颤。她攥紧扶手，指节

going white.
都泛了白。

“He’s not the only one who’s referred to you this way, Neve. I found it particularly telling that it’s used both in a very flattering light, pun intended—
"用这种方式形容你的可不止他一个，妮芙。最耐人寻味的是这个说法既带着奉承——双关语可是有意为之——"

the power you have, the way you elevate projects from total obscurity and turn seemingly dead and buried things into living breathing masterpieces…”
你所拥有的力量，那种将项目从彻底默默无闻中提升、把看似消亡埋葬的事物转化为鲜活杰作的能力..."

This time Neve did not turn away nor scoff. A compliment was a compliment, and this one happened to be absolutely true. She was the best at what
这次内芙既没有转身离开也没有嗤之以鼻。赞美就是赞美，而这次恰好完全属实。她确实是这个领域里

she did.
最出色的。

Dr. Moore went on, “All things in Hollywood revolve around you—but then there’s also the other side of that power and how most things that come
摩尔博士继续说道："好莱坞的一切都围绕着你运转——但这种力量还有另一面，大多数经你触碰的事物"

too close to you, well, die for lack of a better word.”
离你太近，嗯，用个不太恰当的说法就是自取灭亡。

Neve sat quietly, her heart pounding in her ears. Perhaps her lack of outward reaction emboldened Dr. Moore.
妮芙静静坐着，耳中回荡着自己剧烈的心跳声。或许是她毫无外在反应的表现给了摩尔医生勇气。

“All this talk about you being the sun made me think of Icarus. Are you familiar with the myth?”
"总听人说你是太阳，这让我想起伊卡洛斯。你知道这个神话吗？"

“I am.”
"知道。"

“Don’t you think that Audrey is your Icarus and you are singeing her wings for getting too close to you?”
"难道你不觉得奥黛丽就是你的伊卡洛斯，而你却因她靠得太近而灼伤了她的翅膀？"

Neve gritted her teeth, trying to tamper down a sudden wave of nausea. Dr. Moore went on, her pen ticking off one more finger on her hand. “While
妮芙咬紧牙关，强压下突然涌起的恶心感。摩尔医生继续说着，手中的笔在她指间又轻叩了一下。"虽然

perfectly fitting, the Icarus myth only applies so far.”
伊卡洛斯的神话十分贴切，但只能解释部分情况。"

Bile in her mouth, Neve raised her chin, ready for the punch. The therapist delivered. “The sun didn’t hurt itself when Icarus died. And you are
妮芙嘴里泛着苦味，她扬起下巴，准备迎接重击。心理医生果然出招了："伊卡洛斯坠落时，太阳可没有受伤。而你呢——"

hurting yourself.”
伤害自己。”

Before Neve could reply, Dr. Moore’s voice full of derision added, “As for the band-aid… I don’t know. It feels very much like for both of you, the
内芙还没来得及回答，摩尔医生充满嘲讽的声音又补充道：“至于创可贴……我不知道。对你们俩来说，这创可贴似乎已经

band-aid has been there for quite some time and might even have become a second skin. So you’re flaying her and yourself. Is that what you’re saying?”
存在很久了，甚至可能成了第二层皮肤。所以你在剥她的皮，也在剥自己的皮。你是这个意思吗？”

“Don’t tell… Don’t tell…” The hushed whisper seemed to paralyze her for a second before she turned away, knowing that her silence spoke volumes.
“别说……别告诉……”这低声的呢喃让她僵住了一瞬，随后她转过身去，明白自己的沉默已说明一切。

If Dr. Moore noticed her reaction, she did not show it. Her follow-up was disarming. “Well, at least in the fashion of the best Ice Queens, you’re being
如果摩尔医生注意到她的反应，也没有表现出来。她接下来的话让人卸下心防："至少以最标准的冰女王作风来说，你这次倒是"

decisive about it.”
雷厉风行。

There was even less to say after that, and Neve sat in her chair, fingers steepled in front of her, thinking of the decision and the plan that she was
之后更无话可说。内芙坐在椅子上，十指交叉抵在面前，思索着那个即将施加于奥黛丽——也施加于她自己身上的

about to unleash on Audrey. On herself.
决定与计划。

Damn Dr. Moore and her insightfulness.
该死的摩尔医生和她那敏锐的洞察力。

With so many of her recent actions being so unlike her, Neve thought ruefully that she might as well do one last thing that was uncharacteristic for the Wicked
鉴于她最近的诸多行为都如此反常，内芙苦涩地想，她不妨再做最后一件不符合"好莱坞恶毒女王"人设的事。

Queen of Hollywood. If it really took the cake in her cockamamie plan to end her affair with Audrey, all the better. She never did things by half measure, anyway.
如果这真能为她结束与奥黛丽这段荒唐关系的计划锦上添花，那就再好不过了。反正她做事向来不留余地。

“I need you to go to the Mancini reception with me tonight.”
"今晚我需要你陪我去参加曼奇尼的招待会。"

Raising his yet unshaven face from his morning coffee, Dmitriy gave her a long look.
德米特里从晨间咖啡杯上抬起尚未剃须的脸，久久凝视着她。

“The Providence a week ago, the Love Affair premiere the very day you came back from New York. Now the Mancini thing. Are we having a love affair of
"一周前的普罗维登斯号，你从纽约回来当天《风流韵事》首映，现在又是曼奇尼这档事。我们这是在发展

our own here, dorogaya?”
自己的风流韵事吗，亲爱的？"

The Russian word cut sharply. Far sharper than he ever could fathom, even though he was aware she was fluent. She sidestepped the past and focused on the
那句俄语词锋利如刀。远比他能想象的更为锋利，尽管他知道她俄语流利。她避开了过往，将注意力集中在

present. He was being suspicious and facetious, bringing up a long forgotten endearment. Neve knew she was no longer dear to him. But she needed him for this.
此刻的他显得多疑而轻佻，提起那个早已被遗忘的昵称。涅芙心知自己已非他珍视之人，但此刻仍需借他之力。

And if his attitude and crass jokes were what she had to tolerate to get the job done, she’d do it. It wasn’t that bad. She could stand this.
若完成此事必须忍受他这般态度与粗鄙玩笑，她也甘之如饴。这不算太糟，尚在承受范围之内。

“Spare me, dear.”
"饶了我吧，亲爱的。"

He gave her a long look and put his cup down carefully.
他长久凝视着她，小心翼翼放下茶杯。

“I may need you to tell me what exactly is going on here, but you know I’ll do whatever you need.”
“或许需要你告诉我这里究竟发生了什么，但你知道我会全力配合你。”

Yes, he wasn’t the issue in their relationship. Neve sighed deeply and sat down to explain in detail what had to happen at the reception. She was certain
是的，他从来不是他们关系中的问题所在。内芙深深叹了口气，坐下来详细说明接待仪式上必须完成的流程。她确信

Dmitriy was glad he wasn’t drinking his coffee anymore. He might have choked on it otherwise.
德米特里庆幸自己此刻没在喝咖啡，否则他可能会被呛到。

So here she was in all her splendor, wearing an off-the-shoulder, gold McQueen gown and dancing with a thoroughly bored and just a touch tipsy Dmitriy. Did he
于是此刻她盛装出席，身着麦昆设计的露肩金色礼服裙，与兴致缺缺且微醺的德米特里共舞。他是否

really need all that liquid courage to do what needed to be done? It was so hard to get good help these days. Neve almost shook her head in disdain. But any
真的需要靠酒精壮胆才能做该做的事吗？这年头找个靠谱的帮手太难了。涅瓦几乎要轻蔑地摇头。但任何

show of displeasure would be caught by Audrey who, Neve had noticed, had been watching their display as a ridiculously happy couple like a hawk from the
不满的迹象都会被奥黛丽察觉——涅瓦注意到，自从她和德米特里走进丽思酒店拥挤的舞厅那一刻起，对方就像鹰隼般紧盯着

moment Neve and Dmitriy had made their way into the Ritz’s crowded ballroom.
这对装模作样的"幸福情侣"。

And Neve knew that Audrey was watching, because Neve, in turn, was watching Audrey. In fact, her whole evening, the insipid greetings and endless ass-
涅瓦知道奥黛丽在监视，因为她自己也在反监视。事实上整个晚上，那些乏味的寒暄和无休止的奉

kissing that she had to endure from famous and not-so-famous actors, directors, producers and executives alike, was made marginally better because Audrey was
她不得不忍受来自知名或不太知名的演员、导演、制片人和高管们的亲吻，而奥黛丽的存在让这一切稍微好受了一些

in the same space. Breathing the same perfume-saturated air. Gliding on her red-soled Louboutins among the rich and famous, as if she belonged. Well, she looked
置身同一空间。呼吸着同样香水弥漫的空气。踩着红底鲁布托高跟鞋在名流间游走，仿佛她本就属于这里。确实，她看起来

like she very much belonged. A gorgeous backless dress with slits so high, they made those beautiful legs go for miles.
完全就是这里的人。一袭露背华服，开衩高得让那双美腿更显修长。

Everyone needed to speak to Neve. She was just that important. But everyone wanted to speak to Audrey. She was just that beautiful and attractive. And
人人都需要和内芙交谈。她就是这么重要。但人人都想和奥黛丽说话。她就是如此美丽迷人。而

Neve’s eyes followed her every move across the room, from one group of ridiculous, classless people to the next. Audrey’s smile, which she displayed openly and
内芙的目光追随着她穿梭全场，从一群庸俗可笑的宾客到另一群。奥黛丽毫不掩饰地绽放笑容，

often, seemed genuine in a place where absolutely nothing else was. Not the teeth, not the hair, and not the breasts. Everything was for sale in their world, it was a
在这个虚假横行的地方，唯独她的真诚显得如此真实。不是那些假牙，不是那些假发，也不是那些假胸。在他们的世界里，一切都可以明码标价，只要

matter of paying the price.
付得起代价。

As Dmitriy led her back to their table, Neve closed her eyes. No, not everything was for sale. Not everything could be bought, even in Hollywood. She
当德米特里领着她回到座位时，妮芙闭上了眼睛。不，并非所有东西都能交易。即便在好莱坞，也有些东西是金钱买不到的。她

opened her eyes just in time to see Audrey politely decline a glass of champagne from one of the sons of an oil magnate. He was all burnished gold skin, muscles
刚睁开眼，就看见奥黛丽礼貌地谢绝了某石油大亨公子递来的香槟。那个男人浑身泛着古铜色的光泽，肌肉

and money. But Audrey did not want him. As she managed to gently extricate herself from his clumsy clutches, her eyes unerringly found Neve as she sat down in
还有金钱。但奥黛丽并不想要他。当她巧妙地挣脱他那笨拙的纠缠时，目光不由自主地落在刚在

her spot at the central table. But Audrey did not approach.
中央餐桌落座的妮芙身上。但奥黛丽没有上前。

How ridiculous to want to talk to her, to know that she wanted to talk to Neve, too. Yet being forced to spend her time plotting an utterly insane charade that
多可笑啊——明明渴望着与她交谈，明明知道对方也渴望与自己说话。却被迫耗费心力策划这场荒谬绝伦的伪装，

would make sure they never spoke again.
只为确保她们永不再有交集。

“Neve…” Ah, and here was one person in particular with whom Neve really did not want to speak. Juno made her way over and unceremoniously plopped
“妮芙……”啊，偏偏是这个妮芙最不愿交谈的人。朱诺径直走来，毫不客气地

down in Dmitriy’s chair, who understood that he was not immediately needed and made his escape, carrying away his plate of food.
一屁股坐在德米特里的椅子上，后者识趣地端着餐盘溜走了——显然此刻没人需要他。

“My assistant kept trying to find you all day. Is ‘unavailable’ the new ‘I made a big boo-boo and am avoiding my boss?’” A slightly trembling hand reached for
“我的助理找了你一整天。‘没空’就是‘我搞砸了大事正在躲老板’的新说法吗？”微微发抖的手伸向

Neve’s untouched wineglass and dragged it closer. So the old hag was already in her cups. Perfect.
妮芙那杯未动的葡萄酒，把它拖到面前。看来这老巫婆已经喝高了。真妙。

“You aren’t my boss, Juno. I work for the Board.”
"你可不是我上司，朱诺。我为董事会效力。"

“You always loved your semantics. We both know who runs that Board–”
"你向来爱玩文字游戏。咱俩都清楚谁在操控那个董事会——"

“And we both know who runs Gannon McMillan and who makes said Board very, very happy.” Juno drained the glass and opened her mouth, but Neve had
"而我们也心知肚明是谁在掌管甘农·麦克米兰，又是谁让那个董事会乐得合不拢嘴。"朱诺将杯中酒一饮而尽，刚想开口，但内芙已经

enough. And Audrey was looking more and more tempting by the second, watching her with concern from across the room, clearly aware of what was happening
受够了。奥黛丽在房间另一端忧心忡忡地注视着她，显然明白发生了什么，每分每秒都显得愈发诱人。

between the two women.
两位女性之间。

“Juno, I made a business decision. I make them daily. Hourly. Stay is making us a lot of money, mostly—if not only—due to the chemistry between the two
“朱诺，我做了个商业决定。我每天都在做决定，每小时都在做。Stay 给我们带来了巨额收益，主要——甚至可以说唯一的原因——就是你们两人之间的化学反应。”

leads. These things happen. I will not kill the golden goose. And do not send me any more of your poker buddies.”
这种事时有发生。我不会杀鸡取卵。还有，别再把你那些牌友往我这儿塞了。

Juno snapped her fingers, and a server appeared behind her shoulder.
朱诺打了个响指，一名侍者立刻出现在她身后。

 “Another.” She raised an empty glass towards him. He vanished just as quietly as he’d appeared. Neve braced herself for an argument. For an onslaught of
“再来一杯。”她将空杯朝他举起。他消失得和出现时一样悄无声息。奈芙做好了争辩的准备，迎接即将到来的

bitchery. No, Juno couldn’t technically stop her, but she could make things very difficult for her if she really wanted to. And she was famous for her conservatism.
婊子行为。不，严格来说朱诺没法阻止她，但如果真想刁难，朱诺绝对能让她寸步难行。况且这位可是出了名的保守派。

Yet the older woman tipped back in her chair and lazily stretched her legs in front of herself.
可那位年长的女人却向后仰靠在椅子上，慵懒地向前伸展双腿。

“Donny was a dick anyway. And honestly, this is so small. So insignificant. Do your thing, Blackthorne. And don’t disappoint me.” With that, she pretty much
"唐尼本来就是个混蛋。说实话，这事太小了，根本不值一提。做你该做的，布莱克索恩。别让我失望。"说完这些，她几乎

snatched the wine glass from the approaching server and was gone.
从迎面而来的侍者手中夺过酒杯便消失了踪影。

Neve blinked once, then pushed away the plate in front of her, if only to give her hands something to do. Juno didn’t care. How… odd?
内芙眨了眨眼，随即推开面前的餐盘——至少让双手有个着落。朱诺毫不在意。多么…奇怪？

However, someone else in the room cared very much, and Neve could feel Audrey’s gaze on her again, their eyes meeting as Neve raised her own. But she
然而房间里另有人对此极为在意，内芙再次感受到奥黛丽的目光，当她抬眼时两人视线交汇。但她

just shook her head at Audrey’s silent question and looked around for Dmitriy. It was time to get the show on the road.
只是对奥黛丽无声的询问摇了摇头，转而环顾四周寻找德米特里的身影。是时候让好戏开场了。

She signaled her husband, and while he nodded in her direction, she could tell he was barely keeping himself from rolling his eyes at her. In fact, just that
她向丈夫使了个眼色，虽然他朝她点了点头，但她能看出他正强忍着不对她翻白眼。事实上，就在

morning when she’d told him that she needed a very public and very inappropriate show of spousal affection, he’d done just that.
当天早上，当她告诉丈夫需要他在公开场合做出极其不合时宜的夫妻亲昵举动时，他就已经这么做了。

He’d rolled his eyes at her and said, “Dorogaya, honestly, you are the smartest woman I know, but occasionally you make decisions that completely contradict
他当时翻了个白眼说道："亲爱的，说真的，你是我认识的最聪明的女人，但有时你做的决定会彻底推翻

my previous statement. You really need me to do that? In public? To ensure that said public is convinced that we are as idyllic as we appeared in our recent
我之前的评价。你真需要我那么做？在众目睽睽之下？就为了让大家都相信我们还像最近展现的那样恩爱？"

outings? Who the fuck cares, Neve? It’s Hollywood, nothing is real.”
郊游？谁他妈在乎啊，内芙？这里是好莱坞，没一样东西是真的。”

His words echoing Dr. Moore’s took the cake. She was so tired of it all.
他这番话简直和摩尔医生如出一辙，堪称极品。她受够了这一切。

“Dear…” She drew out the word at him to the point that her tone was pure venom. “In this town, particularly in this town, someone always cares.” Before she
“亲爱的……”她拖长音调对着他说，语气里满是剧毒般的恶意。“在这个地方，尤其是这个地方，总有人会在乎的。”还没等她

deigned to explain herself further, he gave her a leer.
屈尊进一步解释，他就冲她露出了猥琐的笑容。

“Aha, so it’s like that…” But he’d just waved away any explanation she was or wasn’t willing to give him. “Fine, Neve, let Barnaby give my assistant the
“啊哈，原来是这样啊……”但他只是摆摆手，打断了她无论是否愿意给出的解释。“好吧，奈芙，让巴纳比给我的助理那个——”

details. I’ll be there and I’ll do… Well, you.”
细节我会处理。我会到场，然后我会…嗯，你懂的。

And so Dmitriy was playing his part well enough tonight. He was a brilliant director after all, and not a half-bad actor, if his hands and his face were anything to
因此，德米特里今晚的表现相当出色。毕竟他是一位才华横溢的导演，若论其手势与神情，演技也丝毫不差。

go by. The look of desire was almost genuine, Neve thought. And his hands, gliding closer and closer to her ass as he pulled her towards him, told a story of their
时光流逝。那种渴望的眼神几乎可以假乱真，内芙心想。而他的手，在将她拉向自己时，一寸寸滑向她臀部，无声诉说着他们之间的故事。

own. And even as her husband was guiding her in the direction of the spurious bathroom in the back, Audrey’s eyes met hers, and for a second Neve thought
自己。就在丈夫领着她朝后方虚假的卫生间走去时，奥黛丽的目光与她相遇，有那么一瞬间，内芙觉得

Audrey could read her thoughts, her fear and apprehension, because she took several steps forward and was getting close enough, close enough to reach out to.
奥黛丽能读懂她的心思，读懂她的恐惧与忧虑，因为她向前迈了几步，距离近得足以触手可及。

But Neve did no such thing.
但内芙没有这样做。

And then, just as Dmitriy opened the door for her, the music changed, and the slow dances were over, with the new beat thrumming agony in her blood. The
就在德米特里为她推开门的那一刻，音乐骤变，舒缓的舞曲结束了，新节奏的鼓点在她血液里震颤出痛楚。

reality of what was about to happen dawned on her, and she felt cold sweat at the base of her spine.
意识到即将发生的事实时，她后颈渗出了冷汗。

Neve was about to have Dmitriy fuck her in the bathroom in the middle of a reception. As ghastly as that sounded, and as little appeal as it held for her, she
妮芙即将在酒会中途的洗手间里与德米特里交合。尽管这听起来骇人听闻且对她毫无吸引力，她却

was also about to add even more humiliation to her already rather painful evening and make Audrey stand guard by the bathroom door.
要在本已难堪的夜晚再添羞辱——还得让奥黛丽守在洗手间门口放风。

Predictably, upon being issued an order to “mind the door” from Neve, Audrey’s eyes widened in comprehension, and then the look of shock was surpassed
不出所料，当妮芙下达"看好门"的指令时，奥黛丽先是瞪圆了眼睛恍然大悟，随即震惊的表情被更强烈的

by an expression of hurt so pronounced that Neve almost reconsidered. It was beyond cruel how much she was hurting her. To make her live through the sounds
内芙脸上流露出的痛苦神情如此明显，以至于她几乎要改变主意。这样伤害她实在太过残忍——让她被迫听着

of Neve being taken just behind the closed door, not even two feet away.
仅一扇门之隔，不到两英尺外传来内芙被侵犯的声音。

Except Dmitriy smiled at her and just stood there, inches away from her in the empty bathroom without touching her.
但德米特里只是对她笑着，在空荡荡的浴室里与她近在咫尺却未触碰她。

“Wha—” A finger to her lips and a heavy grunt was his response, and then he did push her back with an exaggerated bang. His smile never left his face as he
"什——"他用手指抵住她的嘴唇，伴着一声沉重的闷哼作为回应，随后夸张地猛推她撞向墙壁。他脸上始终挂着那抹笑容，

acted out a nearly brilliant sex scene against the bathroom door, with people in close proximity certainly hearing his performance. And he did it all without so much
在浴室门上演了一出近乎完美的激情戏码，近在咫尺的人们肯定都听见了他的表演。而他全程甚至

as laying a finger on her or mussing her hair.
连她的手指都没碰一下，也没弄乱她的发丝。

And the Oscar goes to…
奥斯卡奖应该颁给……

With her thoughts racing from astonishment to relief, Neve finally stepped up her own end of the bargain and threw her head back with a loud moan. If she
思绪从震惊迅速转为释然，内芙终于履行了她的承诺，仰头发出一声高亢的呻吟。如果她

sounded fake to her own ears, well, nobody but her needed to know that.
这谎言连她自己听着都觉得假，不过嘛，除了她没人需要知道这点。

It was over rather quickly, Dmitriy clearly having no desire to prolong the farce, and with a low growl and a sharp, painful bite on her naked shoulder that was
一切结束得相当快，德米特里显然无意延长这场闹剧，随着一声低沉的咆哮，他在她裸露的肩膀上狠狠咬了一口，那疼痛尖锐而

sure to mark, he drew away from her.
他肯定注意到了，便从她身边退开。

She raised her eyebrow at him but he just laughed before leaning in close to her again and whispering in her ear, “I’ll do many things, dorogaya, but I won’t be
她对他挑了挑眉，他却只是笑着再次凑近她耳边低语："亲爱的，我会做很多事，但我不会——"

used quite like that. Our arrangement was never ugly. Let’s not stoop that low now.” He gave her a surprisingly gentle peck on the lips, one that was sure to
从未被如此对待。我们的约定从不丑陋。现在别自降身价。”他出人意料地轻吻了她的唇，这一吻必定

transfer some of her lipstick onto him, and stepped out of the bathroom.
会将她唇上的口红蹭到他脸上，随后他走出了浴室。

Looking in the mirror, trying to assess the damage to her appearance, Neve reasoned that the pain in her shoulder was penance and just part of the price she
尼芙望着镜子，试图评估自己面容的受损程度，她认为肩上的疼痛是赎罪，只是她很快就要付出的

would be paying very soon.
代价的一部分。

“For the better, for the better, this is for the better.” The whispered chant did nothing to prepare her to face the music.
“为了更好，为了更好，这一切都是为了更好。”这低声的念叨丝毫没能让她做好面对现实的准备。

Unable to stomach the look on her own face, Neve swept out of the bathroom. One glance at Audrey, and the seething rage on her face was enough to tell
内芙无法忍受镜中自己的表情，猛地冲出浴室。只需瞥见奥黛丽一眼，对方脸上翻腾的怒意就足以说明

Neve the shot she’d taken had more than hit its mark.
她射出的那一箭早已正中靶心。

“Audrey, good. Since you’re still here, bring me my wrap and get Barnaby to call for the car.” Even as she spoke, she knew it would not be a successful
“奥黛丽，很好。既然你还在这儿，把我的披肩拿来，再让巴纳比叫车。”话刚出口她就知道，这注定是徒劳的

forestalling tactic. Audrey’s face was undergoing a number of transformations reflecting the emotions that ran rampant through her. Hurt, anger, rage, and then, at
先发制人的策略。奥黛丽的面容正经历一系列变化，反映出她内心汹涌的情绪：受伤、愤怒、暴怒，直到——

the mention of the wrap—her eyes finally landing on the bruised shoulder, showing the teeth imprints by now—Audrey’s face shut down. It was as if something had
当提及披肩时——她的目光最终落在那片淤青的肩膀上，此刻还清晰可见齿痕——奥黛丽的表情瞬间凝固。仿佛有什么东西

broken inside her, and she just stopped responding.
在她体内碎裂了，她彻底停止了反应。

For all the strength of the emotion, Audrey seemed to recover quickly, and her fingers flew, tapping on her phone, no doubt telling the missing-in-action
尽管情绪如此强烈，奥黛丽似乎恢复得很快，她的手指在手机屏幕上飞快敲击，无疑是在通知那个失踪的

Barnaby that he needed to let Neve’s driver know he was needed immediately.
巴纳比需要立即通知内芙的司机待命。

After finishing with her phone and getting the wrap, Audrey gently deposited the silk on Neve’s shoulder, careful both of the crowded room and prying eyes, as
奥黛丽挂断电话取来丝巾后，轻轻将丝绸搭在内芙肩头。她既留意着拥挤房间里窥探的目光，又

well as of the painful bruise. Neve could tell how much it bothered her, a slight catching of breath betraying her distaste for the mark.
小心避开那片触目惊心的淤伤。内芙能从她骤然屏住的呼吸中，察觉她对这道伤痕的厌恶。

While something had definitely broken in Audrey at the sounds, sight, and at the sheer cruelty of what Neve had done, she knew she would not escape
尽管内芙所作所为的残忍声响与景象已让奥黛丽内心某些东西彻底破碎，但她明白自己无处可逃

unscathed from this situation, and a conversation would be forthcoming. Audrey would want to be heard, to spew all the venom that Neve had been building in her
毫发无损地脱身于此境，一场对话即将到来。奥黛丽会渴望被倾听，渴望倾泻内芙在她心中积攒的所有怨毒。

these past two weeks. She just hoped it wasn’t tonight, when she was so battered, sore, and emotionally drained from this humiliating little spectacle she herself
这两周以来。她只希望不是今晚，此刻她身心俱疲，遍体鳞伤，情绪也被这场自导自演的屈辱闹剧消耗殆尽。

had enacted.
已颁布。

In making her escape from the ogling crowd, but mostly from Audrey, Neve ducked into the car without a backward glance. She barely blinked anymore at the
为了逃离那些盯着她看的人群——主要是为了躲开奥黛丽——内芙头也不回地钻进了车里。她几乎已经对这一切麻木了，

cameras, but the screaming of the paparazzi still made something inside her flinch. Hence it took her a moment to realize that karma was paying her for all her sins
闪光灯虽被挡在车窗外，狗仔们的尖叫声仍让她内心某处隐隐作痛。正因如此，她过了片刻才意识到——这是报应来清算她所有的罪孽了

tonight, because just as her driver was about to close the door, Audrey slipped in right behind her, eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
就在司机即将关上车门的刹那，奥黛丽闪身钻了进来，眼眸里噙着未落的泪光，在夜色中格外明亮。

“To the office, Mitch, please.”
"去公司，米奇。"

Even as her eyebrow rose in question, Neve took the time to be amazed at Audrey’s courage. So she would be confronted in her own office, in the place
尽管疑惑地挑起眉毛，内芙仍不禁为奥黛丽的勇气暗自惊叹。看来这场对峙注定要发生在她的办公室，那个她最熟悉

where it had all started, where Audrey felt in control enough to have taken the first step and to have initiated this ridiculous dalliance between them.
一切开始的地方，奥黛丽曾在这里感到足够掌控局面，迈出了第一步，开启了他们之间这场荒谬的调情。

Perhaps it was for the best, the whole affair coming full circle. So Neve just nodded and kept her silence throughout the ride until they entered the darkened
或许这样最好，整件事兜兜转转回到原点。于是内芙只是点点头，在全程保持沉默，直到她们进入那栋漆黑的

building.
大楼。

“What do you think you’re trying to accomplish?” Audrey whirled on her the moment the door to the elevator closed. “This isn’t a bad romance trope that
"你以为自己在做什么？"电梯门关上的瞬间，奥黛丽猛地转身质问她，"这可不是什么烂俗爱情桥段，

you’re reenacting here, is it? The total failure to communicate that leads to the main characters’ painful separation? It’s considered inelegant and outdated, Neve.
你在这里重演的，是不是？那种导致主角痛苦分离的彻底沟通失败？这被认为是不优雅且过时的，内芙。

Nobody wants to read or watch that anymore!”
现在没人想读或看这种东西了！

What was it about her life recently that everyone around her just had to mention absurdities like outdated literary or cinematic tropes? First Dr. Moore, now
最近她生活中到底发生了什么，让周围每个人都非得提那些过时的文学或电影桥段之类的荒谬言论？先是摩尔医生，现在又是

Audrey. Hadn’t her own life pretty much proven once and for all that people would consume content that is good, bad, or mediocre as long as it was en vogue?
奥黛丽。她自己的生活不早就一劳永逸地证明了，只要内容流行，人们就会消费——无论质量好坏平庸？

In this town, she was the one setting the trends. And Audrey of all people should know better than to rely on any kind of permanence in Hollywood. People,
在这座城里，她才是引领潮流的人。而奥黛丽比谁都清楚，在好莱坞不该指望任何永恒的事物。人们，

like fads, were never permanent here. Because nothing was real, nothing you could touch, feel, smell–and even then, it was usually yanked out of your reach, so
就像时尚风潮，在这里从来不会持久。因为一切都不真实，没有你能触碰、感受、嗅闻的东西——即便有，通常也会被猛然抽离，

you should never, ever believe in its perpetuity. Neve would know all about that. And, she thought, Audrey was about to.
所以你永远、永远不该相信什么永恒。内芙对此再清楚不过。而她心想，奥黛丽马上就会明白了。

Audrey, who was standing there, holding her ground, so fearless yet again, and Neve wanted to cry for reasons that she did not care to examine. Sure, pushing
奥黛丽站在那里，坚守立场，又一次无所畏惧，内芙突然想哭——至于原因，她不愿深究。当然，推开

Audrey away was a bad trope, just like a boss having an affair with an employee was one, and a middle-aged, lonely woman having an affair with a girl almost half
奥黛丽离开是个糟糕的桥段，就像老板与员工搞外遇一样老套，而一个孤独的中年女人与几乎小她一半的女孩发生关系更是如此

her age was the trope to top all others. Neve was close to becoming one massive walking cliché. In her profession, that spelled death. Nobody could do this to
她的年龄成了最老套的梗。内芙几乎要活成一个行走的陈词滥调。在她这行，这无异于自寻死路。没人能对她做出这种事

her, she would never allow it.
她绝不会允许这种事发生。

Even under these ghastly circumstances, Neve appreciated Audrey’s sarcasm and her perceptiveness. God, she was going to miss her, her intelligence, her wit.
即便在如此骇人的境况下，内芙仍欣赏奥黛丽的讽刺与敏锐。天啊，她会想念她的聪慧与机敏。

The show must go on, though. She had to finish her role to regain her peace of mind.
演出必须继续。她必须完成自己的角色，才能重获内心的平静。

“It would have to be a romance first for this to be a romantic trope, bad or otherwise.” Her tone was deceptively cool, even though Audrey’s capability to see
"首先得是爱情故事，才能算浪漫桥段，无论好坏。"她的语气故作冷静，尽管奥黛丽能轻易

right through her with ease had rattled her considerably.
看穿她的伪装，这让她相当不安。

Audrey recoiled as if Neve’s words had hit her like a slap across the cheek. She started, then seemed not to know how to follow the opening salvo.
奥黛丽像被扇了耳光般猛地后退。她张了张嘴，却不知该如何接住这记开场重击。

Neve swept out of the elevator, and without looking back, entered her office. The enormous studio complex was mostly empty, and the darkness outside the
内芙快步走出电梯，头也不回地进了办公室。偌大的制片厂区几乎空无一人，窗外的夜色

windows contrasted sharply with the glaring lights in the hallways. Her empire didn’t look as impressive as it did during the day, when the bustle and activity of
窗户与走廊刺眼的灯光形成鲜明对比。她的帝国在白天熙熙攘攘、生机勃勃时显得气势恢宏，此刻却黯然失色。

hundreds of worker bees drowned out the loneliness of their queen.
数百只工蜂的嗡鸣淹没了蜂后的孤寂。

“You’re forgetting yourself, Audrey. I will not allow this presumptuous behavior.” Trying to regain the upper hand, Neve chose attack as the best defense.
"你太放肆了，奥黛丽。我绝不容忍这种僭越行为。"为重新占据上风，内芙选择以攻为守。

“Commandeering Mitchell, hijacking my plans, speaking to me this way… Romance? I think not.”
"征用米切尔，劫持我的计划，用这种方式对我说话…浪漫？我看未必。"

Audrey’s eyes were no longer tear-filled. They brimmed with hurt and resolution.
奥黛丽的眼中不再噙满泪水，取而代之的是受伤与决绝。

“I see what you’re doing, Neve. Romance tropes be damned. You’re breaking up with me in the most despicable way you could think of. Funny how you
"我明白你的把戏了，妮芙。去他的浪漫桥段。你正用能想到的最卑劣方式和我分手。可笑的是你"

pride yourself on all that courage and all that groundbreaking bravery in this world of glitter and velvet ropes, yet you have to screw your husband in the Ritz’s
总自诩在这纸醉金迷的世界里勇气过人、胆识非凡，却偏要在丽兹酒店和你丈夫上床

bathroom to try to hurt me enough to leave you!”
“在浴室里试图伤害我，就为了让我离开你！”

The sheer amount of truth that was contained in a handful of sentences was uncomfortable for Neve to swallow. Yes, everything around them was fake. From
这短短几句话里包含的赤裸真相让内芙难以咽下。是的，他们周围的一切都是虚假的。从

the scenery to the people. Nothing was real except Audrey, and Neve knew exactly why she was so attracted to her. The honesty of who she was and, more
布景到人群。除了奥黛丽，没有什么是真实的。内芙完全明白自己为何如此被她吸引。她本真的模样，更

importantly, what she did to Neve were essential. She touched Neve like nobody else. Neve felt her. And she would absolutely never allow herself to feel again.
重要的是她给内芙带来的感受，这些才是关键。她触碰内芙的方式无人能及。内芙能感知到她。而她决不允许自己再次感受这一切。

Look at what it was making her do.
看看这让她做了什么。

And the perceptiveness that Audrey had to see right through her foolishness, through her absolutely idiotic attempt… Well, that was nothing new, Audrey’s
而奥黛丽能一眼看穿她的愚蠢，看穿她那绝对白痴的企图……好吧，这并不新鲜，奥黛丽的

intelligence was part of that attractive parcel. But she didn’t expect to be read as easily, no matter how out-of-character and ridiculous she was acting. So she
聪慧本就是她魅力的一部分。但她没想到会被如此轻易地看穿，无论她的行为多么反常和可笑。于是她

leaned in slightly, opening her stance, and looked Audrey right in the eye. And when she spoke, her voice was infused with mockery.
微微前倾，调整站姿，直视奥黛丽的眼睛。当她开口时，声音里充满了嘲讽。

“You’re being delusional. Breaking up? We would have had to have been together in some grotesque fashion for something like that to even occur. We had a
"你真是异想天开。分手？我们得先以某种荒唐的方式在一起过，才谈得上分手。我们不过是

fling. You must be out of your mind to believe it was anything other than that. I have my family and my marriage. I’ve been neglecting both. I don’t explain myself to
露水情缘。你肯定是疯了才会觉得不止于此。我有家庭和婚姻，却一直疏于经营。我从不向

my employees. Yet here I am.”
员工解释私事。但现在却破例了。"

“I see.” Audrey moved closer to her, and it took all of Neve’s experience and her vaunted courage not to take a step back. But something inside her fractured
"明白了。"奥黛丽向她逼近，内芙用尽毕生历练和引以为傲的勇气才没有后退。但她内心某处已然碎裂

as she stood her ground, something broke into two sharp pieces, one desperate to reach out to Audrey, and one just as desperate to escape. Neve wanted to
当她坚守立场时，某种东西裂成了两片锋利的碎片——一片拼命想触碰奥黛丽，另一片同样拼命想要逃离。妮芙想要

reach in and take those fragments out, because they were tearing her to shreds.
伸手取出那些碎片，因为它们正将她撕成碎片。

Clearly oblivious to the battle that wrought and bludgeoned Neve, Audrey continued, “You’ve had enough of us, and you’re moving on. Would it have dented
显然对妮芙内心激烈的挣扎毫无察觉，奥黛丽继续说道："你已经受够我们了，你要继续前进。难道从谎言的王座上走下来

your crown to climb down from your throne of lies and talk to me? Just fucking talk to me. Not around me, not over me, but talk to me. Something changed and
和我谈谈会损害你的王冠吗？就他妈的和我说说话。不是拐弯抹角，不是高高在上，而是真正和我对话。有些东西变了"

you’re done with me, but surely you could have just told me?”
你已经对我厌倦了，但至少可以直说啊？”

Audrey’s voice rose slightly with the questioning inflection at the end of the sentence, but she kept it low, and Neve felt like crying again. Audrey clearly wanted
奥黛丽句尾的疑问音调略微上扬，却仍压着音量，这让内芙再次想哭。奥黛丽显然渴望

to scream. To hurl things and words at Neve. But she deliberately did not. How could she be this gentle, this careful with Neve when Neve was being anything
尖叫。想朝内芙砸东西、说狠话。但她刻意克制着。当内芙表现得如此不堪时，她怎能还这般

but?
温柔，这般小心翼翼？

Neve was slipping into emotion, into guilt. So she desperately wanted to get out of this conversation, out of this office, and out of this mess of her own creation.
内芙正陷入情绪与愧疚的漩涡。她如此迫切地想要结束这场对话，逃离这间办公室，摆脱自己一手造成的混乱局面。

But she knew she had to keep pushing, had to keep hurting Audrey in order for her to leave and never come back. Because for all her resolute actions and cruel
但她明白必须继续施压，必须持续伤害奥黛丽，才能迫使对方永远离开。因为尽管她行动决绝、言语残忍

words, Neve knew deep down that her own legendary willpower was no match for the havoc Audrey was wreaking inside her.
内芙心底清楚，自己那传奇般的意志力根本抵挡不住奥黛丽在她内心掀起的风暴。

And there was one more thing. Neve knew Audrey had to be far outside her reach, because if the shards in her chest were any indication, she herself would
还有更重要的一点。内芙知道必须让奥黛丽远离自己的可及范围，因为若胸口的刺痛感能说明什么，那就是她自己终将

never be able to truly stay away. That was the crux of it all and the reason for her cruelty and the spectacle. She could keep lying to Dr. Moore and to Audrey. But
永远无法真正远离。这就是问题的核心，也是她残忍行径和这场闹剧的原因。她可以继续对摩尔医生和奥黛丽撒谎，但

it was time to be honest with herself. Neve would not be able to stay away. Audrey had to be made to hate her. She simply would not be able to stand knowing
是时候对自己诚实了。内芙无法远离。必须让奥黛丽恨她。只要知道

Audrey was close by. And so she pressed on.
奥黛丽近在咫尺，她就无法忍受。于是她继续施压。

“I’m surprised by you, Audrey. I thought you had enough sophistication to understand that this little arrangement was for our mutual physical satisfaction. I
"你让我很意外，奥黛丽。我以为以你的世故，应该能明白这种小安排只是为了满足我们彼此的生理需求。我

guess this level of sophistication was too much to expect.” She prayed that the desperation in her voice could pass for indifference, because she couldn’t even
看来是我高估了你的悟性。”她暗自祈祷声音里的绝望能被误认为冷漠，因为此刻她连

swallow past the lump in her throat. If this failed, if Audrey didn’t take the bait, Neve would never be able to do this again. How had Dr. Moore put it? Flaying?
喉头的哽咽都难以咽下。若这次失败，若奥黛丽不上钩，内芙就再没勇气重演这场戏。摩尔医生怎么说的来着？活剥？

Indeed. So she kept hammering.
没错。所以她继续咄咄逼人。

“What did you think was happening here, Audrey? What did you think we were doing? We were fucking! I’ll admit it was satisfactory, but I’m surprised that
“你以为我们在做什么，奥黛丽？你以为这是什么？我们不过是在上床！我承认体验尚可，但真意外你竟把

someone who regularly pontificated to me and to everyone else who’d listen about the strength of her ambition, would settle for being a cheap version of the other
一个经常向我——以及所有愿意倾听的人——高谈阔论自己雄心壮志的人，最终却甘愿成为另一个女人的廉价替代品。

woman.”
女人。”

If anyone knew when her own words would deliver a fatal blow, it was Neve. She had perfected and honed that sense of accuracy to cut to the quick. It was
若论谁能预知自己的话语何时会给予致命一击，那非妮芙莫属。她已将这种精准打击的能力磨砺至臻境。

part of her charm. Nobody cut people at the knees or the heart, as accurately as Neve Blackthorne. And so she could tell that she had just delivered that killer
这正是她的魅力所在。没人能像妮芙·布莱克索恩那样，精准地直击他人膝盖或心脏。所以她立刻意识到，自己刚才给出了那记绝杀。

blow.
重击。

While Audrey had been trying to gather steam into her arguments and was certainly delivering some painful truths of her own, Neve ended the battle before it
当奥黛丽正试图为自己的论点积蓄力量，也确实道出了一些令人痛苦的真相时，尼芙却在战火

even had a chance to fully begin.
尚未全面燃起前就终结了交锋。

Audrey flinched and turned away from her, obviously hiding her tears. Neve vividly remembered the imagery of cutting one’s own leg off while trying to escape
奥黛丽瑟缩着转身避开，显然在隐藏泪水。尼芙清晰地记得那个画面——就像为逃命而亲手斩断自己的腿。

a bear trap. You were gaining freedom while losing a limb, the pain and the cost excruciating.
捕熊夹。你正以失去一条肢体为代价换取自由，这种痛苦与代价令人难以承受。

“God, Neve. Why are you doing this? This… all of this? It’s so unnecessary. One word from you and I would have surrendered my life, my future, for you. I
"天啊，奈芙。为什么要这样做？这一切...所有这一切？根本没必要。只要你一句话，我本可以为你献出生命和未来。我"

thought…”
以为..."

So she was right, Neve thought. She had guessed Audrey loved her, but to have the confirmation now, amidst all this carnage… She’d think about it tomorrow,
看来她猜对了，奈芙心想。她早就怀疑奥黛丽爱着她，但此刻在这片狼藉中得到证实...这件事还是留到明天再想吧，

she’d think about it tomorrow. She threw her shoulders back, looked down her nose, and lowered the boom.
她决定明天再考虑这件事。她挺直腰板，居高临下地睨视着，然后抛出了重磅炸弹。

“You thought what? You thought it was love? Don’t be an idiot! I thought I could count on your maturity to understand these things. Others did, so I just
"你以为是什么？你以为这是爱情？别犯傻了！我原以为以你的成熟度能理解这些事。别人都懂，所以我自然就..."

assumed…” Neve trailed off strategically, the dangling end of the declaration not giving Audrey any respite.
奈芙刻意让话语悬在半空，这句未完成的宣言丝毫没有给奥黛丽喘息的机会。

If this conversation was opening her eyes to anything, it was how young and naive Audrey still was. Perhaps the realization was even fortifying and justifying
如果说这场对话让她看清了什么，那就是奥黛丽仍然多么年轻天真。或许这个认知反而强化并正当化了

Neve’s actions a bit. Maybe not the way she was going about it—she knew her cruelty was still over the top—but she could see that Audrey’s naiveté and her
内芙的行为有些过头。或许不是她采取的方式——她明白自己的残忍依然过分——但她能看出奥黛丽的天真和她的

feelings had taken a pretty firm hold on her brilliant mind. Surrender her life?
情感已经牢牢占据了她聪慧的头脑。献出生命？

“Others?” Somehow it was possible for Audrey to have turned even paler, her tear-brimmed, green eyes huge and the only splash of color on her bloodless
"其他人？"不知怎的，奥黛丽的脸色竟能变得更加惨白，那双盈满泪水的绿眼睛睁得极大，成为她毫无血色的脸上

face. Her pale lips were moving without a sound passing through them.
唯一的色彩。她苍白的嘴唇无声地蠕动着。

Neve chose not to dignify the question with an explanation. After all, she was good, but some lies were better left unexplained to avoid getting lost in the
尼芙选择不浪费口舌解释这个问题。毕竟她虽善良，但有些谎言最好不加说明，以免陷入

details. So she turned away, facing the darkness of the sky and the myriad of lights, her eyes jumping from one to the next, to the next, seeking purchase, seeking
细节的泥沼。于是她转过身去，面对暗沉天幕与万千灯火，目光在星点之间跳跃流转，寻找支点，寻找

refuge from the heart she was breaking just a few feet away from her.
远离身后咫尺之遥那颗正被她伤透的心的避难所。

“We seem to have a situation here, Audrey. I cannot continue to work with you if you’re operating under some misplaced impression that what has been
"奥黛丽，我们似乎陷入了僵局。若你始终抱着错误认知工作，我无法继续与你共事。"

happening in the past couple of months meant anything at all.”
过去几个月发生的一切都毫无意义。

“Four months! Almost five. Stop pretending you don’t remember!” Audrey clasped her shoulder and turned her around violently, pushing her against the floor-
“四个月！都快五个月了。别装得好像你不记得了！”奥黛丽一把抓住她的肩膀，粗暴地把她转过来，将她推倒在地——

to-ceiling window. “Do you want me to make you remember?”
落地窗前。“要我帮你回忆起来吗？”

Neve was too experienced not to see the kiss coming from a mile away. Perhaps she was even hoping it would come, baiting Audrey the way she had. Still,
内芙经验老道，早在一英里外就预见了那个吻的到来。或许她甚至暗自期待着这一刻，就像她引诱奥黛丽那样。不过，

when it arrived, it was brutal and sweet at the same time.
当它降临时，既残忍又甜蜜。

Audrey’s mouth was bruising, and her hands were gripping just a touch harder than they needed to. Neve knew her arms would be sporting the evidence of
奥黛丽的唇吻得生疼，双手的力道也比必要更重了些。妮芙知道自己的手臂上会留下这场

this farewell. She took more of the penance she had accepted earlier would be coming her way, and she took it with equanimity, refusing to struggle against the
告别的印记。她承受着早先就预料到的惩罚，平静地接受这一切，拒绝抗拒这令人窒息的

crushing embrace.
拥抱。

For the second time in one evening, she welcomed the pain, knowing too well that once it was all over, she would miss even this. She knew that this ache
同一个夜晚里，她第二次拥抱这份痛楚，深知当一切结束时，连这疼痛都会令她怀念。她明白这种痛

would feel insignificant in the emptiness that awaited her.
在等待她的虚无中将变得微不足道。

She even allowed herself the small, selfish weakness of tentatively answering the kiss, licking into Audrey’s mouth, savoring one last time. Audrey’s mouth was
她甚至纵容自己怯怯地回应那个吻，带着小小的自私与脆弱，舌尖探入奥黛丽唇间，最后一次细细品味。奥黛丽的唇

all pain and tears underneath the sweetness that always brought longing and want to Neve. The taste of that elusive solace, of remembrance of all the nights they’d
在甜蜜之下尽是痛楚与泪水，那滋味总让内芙心生渴望。那转瞬即逝的慰藉滋味，那些共度良宵的回忆

helped each other drive the darkness from the door.
彼此携手驱散门前的阴霾。

Neve indulged for just a moment before going completely still, trusting that, despite her anger, Audrey would never truly hurt her. It struck her that, although she
内芙只放纵了片刻便彻底静止，她深信即便奥黛丽盛怒之下也绝不会真正伤害她。这个念头击中了她——虽然自己

was treating her despicably, Audrey loved her and would never cross that line with her.
待她如此不堪，奥黛丽却依然爱着她，永远不会越过那条底线。

As expected, Neve’s stillness must have penetrated Audrey’s anger, and when she raised her face from Neve’s mouth, it was etched with shame.
果然，内芙的静止穿透了奥黛丽的怒火。当奥黛丽从她唇间抬起头时，脸上刻满了羞愧。

“I’m sor–”
“我很抱——”

“Save it, Audrey. It was fun while it lasted. While I’m not averse to some rough play, I’m just not in the mood tonight.” Her tone was mocking again, knowing
“省省吧，奥黛丽。虽然玩得挺开心，但今晚我没兴致陪你玩粗暴游戏。”她的语气又带上了嘲弄，明知

it would only amplify Audrey’s shame but also smooth out the rough edge of guilt the girl was feeling for bruising Neve. She really didn’t want Audrey’s guilt on her
这会加剧奥黛丽的羞耻感，却能抚平那女孩因弄伤内芙而产生的愧疚。她实在不愿让奥黛丽的负罪感也压在自己

conscience as well. Her heart, her feelings, her hurt—it seemed inevitable that all of those would land squarely in Neve’s court—but she did not want Audrey to
良心上。那颗心，那些情绪，那些伤痛——似乎注定都要由内芙来承受——但她绝不愿看到奥黛丽

flog herself for something Neve had provoked in her search for escape.
奥黛丽因内芙在寻求逃避时激起的情绪而自责不已。

“So, it all meant nothing to you, then?” The voice was quiet, and now the tears were falling unchecked, as if Audrey wasn’t aware of them and hence wasn’t
"所以，这一切对你来说毫无意义？"声音很轻，此刻泪水不受控制地滑落，仿佛奥黛丽并未察觉，因此也

trying to wipe them away. Neve almost whimpered under the onslaught of tenderness for her. Almost reached out…
没有试图擦拭。内芙在这突如其来的柔情攻势下几乎呜咽出声。几乎就要伸手...

“I enjoyed myself. I enjoyed you. However, I was unaware you were operating under some foolish pretense that this was more than it is. I thought you knew
"我玩得很开心。我喜欢和你在一起。但我不知道你竟愚蠢地以为这段关系不止于此。我以为你明白"

that certain things are what they are, nothing more.”
有些事物就是它们本来的样子，仅此而已。

“You enjoyed me.” It seemed to be a statement, so Neve remained silent. Audrey’s eyes burned so bright, so much feeling concentrated in all that green. So
"你喜欢过我。"这似乎是句陈述，所以内芙保持沉默。奥黛丽的眼睛燃烧得如此明亮，所有情感都凝聚在那片翠绿中。如此

much beauty breaking in front of Neve. “My father used to tune pianos. He used to take me with him sometimes. I remember he’d start with one note, and would
美丽的破碎就在内芙面前展开。"我父亲以前是调音师。有时他会带我一起去。我记得他总是从一个音符开始，然后慢慢

move slowly to another, then another. Once he’d have a middle A, he’d then tune the lower A…”
移到另一个，再一个。当他调好中央 A 音后，就会接着调低八度的 A 音..."

Audrey stood utterly still, her lips barely moving, her big teary eyes emotionless at last.
奥黛丽一动不动地站着，嘴唇几乎没动，那双含泪的大眼睛终于失去了所有情绪。

“Strange how I’m thinking about this now, and I have no idea why I’m even telling you this. Maybe to say that, to me, for the longest time, you appeared as a
"奇怪的是我现在竟想起这些，更不明白为何要对你说这些。或许是想告诉你，在我眼中，长久以来你都像一件

priceless musical instrument. One crafted by hands of centuries-past maestros. Beautiful and majestic. Just slightly out of tune. As if you moved through life with
无价的乐器。由数百年前大师亲手雕琢而成。华美而庄严。只是略微走音。仿佛你生命中的每个步伐都带着

just a small variation of sound, and all you needed was to find that one note to correct the rest to. You know, they adjust full octaves to that one note. A whole
细微的音律偏差，而你需要做的只是找到那个基准音来校准其余音符。要知道，整个音阶都会以那个音为准。一整个

piano is tuned to essentially one sound…”
钢琴调音本质上只有一种标准音色...

She was sure Audrey hadn’t envisioned this as an uppercut. But it very much was one. A small variation. Well, here she was being othered yet again.
她确信奥黛丽并未将这句话视为一记上勾拳。但这确实就是。一个小小的变奏。看吧，她又再次被排除在外了。

Deficient. And so she was. Had always been. Neve bit the inside of her cheek. For once, the metallic taste of blood did nothing to ground her.
残缺。她确实如此。向来如此。内芙咬住口腔内壁。这一次，鲜血的铁锈味丝毫没能让她清醒。

“How very patronizing of you to think I’m somehow broken. And how very, very naive. With this little speech, you’re simply proving that my decision was
"你觉得我哪里出了问题，这种居高临下的态度可真够呛。而且简直天真得可笑。你这番高论恰恰证明了我的决定"

perfectly justified. Naive, immature and unsophisticated. Did you imagine yourself to be that one note? My savior.” She heard the bitter sarcasm in her own voice,
完全正当。天真、幼稚、不谙世事。你以为自己是那唯一的音符吗？我的救世主。"她听出自己声音里苦涩的讽刺，

but with the girl getting closer to the truth with every sentence uttered, Neve just wanted it all to stop. “There are over 200 strings on a piano, Audrey. Don’t strain
但随着女孩每说一句话都更接近真相，内芙只想让这一切停止。"钢琴有超过 200 根琴弦，奥黛丽。别太

yourself.”
勉强自己。"

“At least I’d have done my best. I do have a perfect musical ear. It seems what I lack is time. And you lack courage. Or maybe I was just fanciful. And your
"至少我尽了全力。我确实拥有完美的乐感。看来我缺少的是时间。而你缺少勇气。或许只是我异想天开。而你的

heart isn’t out of tune at all. Maybe it simply wasn’t ever in this concerto.”
心从未走调，或许它本就不属于这首协奏曲。

Audrey looked at her for a moment, the bright eyes drying under Neve’s scrutiny. Then her shoulders straightened, and she seemed to regain her composure.
奥黛丽凝视着她片刻，那双明亮的眼睛在尼芙的注视下渐渐风干泪痕。随后她挺直肩膀，似乎重新找回了镇定。

“Consider this my resignation, Neve. Thanks for everything. Or is it thanks for nothing?”
"就当这是我的辞职信吧，尼芙。感谢一切。或者说——感谢虚无？"

Neve watched Audrey as she turned on her heel and exited the office. She stared silently as Audrey briskly walked out of the reception area, out of Gannon
尼芙看着奥黛丽利落转身离开办公室。她沉默地注视着那道身影快步穿过接待区，消失在甘农大厦的门外。

McMillan, and out of her life. If all of the above got suddenly dimmer, Neve chose to ignore any and all references about Icarus and the sun that appeared in her
麦克米兰，以及从她的生活中消失。如果上述一切都突然变得黯淡，内芙选择忽略脑海中出现的任何关于伊卡洛斯和太阳的隐喻。

mind.
思绪。

 4

NEVE AND THE 21 BLOCKS
内芙与 21 个街区

nd now?”
现在呢？

“A Neve was getting better at reading the normally impassive therapist, but the sleepless nights and the amounts of whiskey still lingering in
“内芙越来越擅长解读这位通常面无表情的治疗师了，但那些无眠的夜晚和依旧挥之不去的威士忌酒气

her system were making it difficult. Disdain? Disappointment? Or simply a lack of interest, since the question was asked in a tone that did not
她的系统让这变得困难。是轻蔑？失望？还是单纯缺乏兴趣，因为提问时的语气并没有

particularly invite an answer.
特别期待一个回应。

“Now nothing. I’m not thinking about her anymore. She’s…” Saying it out loud was what had driven Neve to the bottle in the first place, and it had
“现在什么都没有了。我不再想她了。她已经……”正是把这句话大声说出来，才让内芙一开始就拿起了酒瓶，而且它已经

not become easier despite the passage of days. “She’s gone.”
日子一天天过去，痛苦却并未减轻。"她走了。"

“Are you cured, then? Since you’re not thinking about her anymore?”
"那你现在痊愈了吗？既然你不再想她了？"

Yes, definitely disappointment.
是的，绝对是失望。

“I’m only asking because, when you came to me all those months ago, you had a game plan. You had your four untouchables–your son, your job, the
"我这么问只是因为，几个月前你来找我时，是有完整计划的。你有四个不可触碰的底线——你的儿子、你的工作、"

way the world saw you and your sexuality, your husband even…” Dr. Moore pointed her Montblanc at the sparsely populated chessboard that stood
世人看待你与你的性取向的方式，甚至包括你的丈夫..."摩尔医生用她的万宝龙钢笔指向稀疏摆放的棋盘

between them on the coffee table. The Queen, surrounded by her defenses. “You had to remove Audrey from your life in order to keep them. By hook,
那棋盘搁在两人之间的咖啡桌上。王后棋子被她的防御工事团团围住。"你必须将奥黛丽从生活中剔除才能保全这些。不择手段

crook, or whatever it all ended up transforming into. Your plan has succeeded. You have managed to free yourself from Audrey.”
最终演变成任何形式。你的计划成功了。你确实摆脱了奥黛丽。"

Each word was like a slap.
每个字都像一记耳光。

“I have.”
“我有。”

“Then why are you still here?”
“那你为什么还在这里？”

“What, me coming to you doesn’t conform to your vision of an Ice Queen? Showing weakness, or whatever totally asinine theory you have been
“怎么，我来找你就不符合你心目中冰霜女王的形象了？展现脆弱，或者你这几个月来一直鼓吹的那些愚蠢理论？”

spouting for months?” Neve’s voice was barely above a whisper, but each word was a lash.
内芙的声音轻若耳语，却字字如鞭。

“I’ll let you know when you lose your crown, Neve. Why are you still here?”
“等你王冠落地时我会通知你的，尼芙。你怎么还在这儿？”

“Because it seems that I’m still not free.” The truth hurt in ways she could not yet allow herself to fathom.
“因为看来我仍未获得自由。”这个真相带来的刺痛，她尚不敢深究。

“And so, have we come full circle?” Dr. Moore took a deep sip from her mug.
“所以，我们又回到原点了？”摩尔医生深深啜饮了一口杯中物。

“Is this you telling me ‘I told you so’? Isn’t this abusing whatever deontological ethics you pretend to follow?”
“你这是在说‘我早告诉过你’吗？这难道不是对你标榜的道义伦理的亵渎？”

Neve’s snarl was met with a smile. “Ah, but I’m not treating you. Merely keeping your secrets.” Another sip. “You haven’t answered my question.”
面对尼芙的怒容，对方只是报以微笑。"啊，但我不是在治疗你。只是保守你的秘密而已。"她又抿了一口茶。"你还没回答我的问题。"

Neve looked behind the pale halo of her therapist’s hair and struggled to keep her voice even. Lying was becoming harder with each day. Or maybe
尼芙望着心理医师苍白发丝形成的光晕，竭力保持声线平稳。说谎正变得日益艰难。或许——

just here, in this office, to this woman who seemed to see through her like Audrey used to. Except Audrey was no longer looking at her. At all.
仅仅是在这间诊室里，面对这个仿佛能像奥黛丽曾经那样看穿她的女人。只不过奥黛丽已经不再注视她了。永远。

“I am not thinking about her. I’m not.” Shockingly, a sob threatened to escape. God, Neve Blackthorne breaking down like a common person in
"我没有在想她。真的没有。"令人震惊的是，一声呜咽几乎要冲破喉咙。天啊，尼芙·布莱克索恩居然像个普通人那样崩溃——

therapy. She wasn’t even undergoing any therapy, for crying out loud. She clamped down on the emotion and reached for what little honesty she could
治疗。说真的，她甚至都没在接受任何治疗。她强压下情绪，试图抓住仅存的那点诚实

muster. “I am not thinking about her, and I can’t stop thinking that there are exactly twenty-one blocks between where I am and where she is.”
坦言道："我没在想她，却控制不住地计算着此刻我们之间正好隔着二十一个街区。"

“Twenty-one blocks?”
"二十一个街区？"

“Yes, right now, there are exactly twenty-one blocks between us. Me, here in your office, and her, hopefully still asleep in her bed in her shabby
"对，此时此刻，我们之间精确地隔着二十一个街区。我，在你办公室里；而她，但愿还在她那间寒酸"

apartment. It’s 7 AM. She’s not a morning person, more of a night owl. But if she is awake right now, her hair is disheveled, and she is staring blearily
公寓。早上七点。她不是个早起的人，更像夜猫子。但如果此刻她醒着，头发一定乱糟糟的，睡眼惺忪地发着呆

into her coffee, those squinting eyes shadowed by sleep, slightly dulled by it, as she tries to clear the cobwebs from her mind.”
她往咖啡里加糖时，睡意未消的眼睛微微眯起，略显迟钝，正努力驱散脑海中的混沌。

In the ensuing silence of the room, the steady stream of early traffic was barely audible. The luxury of quiet in the threatening onslaught of noise
房间陷入一片寂静，清晨的车流声几乎难以察觉。在这喧嚣肆虐的世界里，静谧实属奢侈

outside.
外面。

“You know, I rarely speak about my own life to my patients, but since we established that this isn’t what you’re paying me for, I will tell you this.
"你知道吗，我很少对病人谈论自己的生活，但既然我们已经确认这不是你付费咨询的目的，我就破例告诉你。

Only once in my life, many years ago, was there a person who knew exactly how I woke up, what I’d do, and what my eyes looked like in the morning
在我生命中仅有一次，那是很多年前，有个人完全清楚我如何醒来、会做什么事，以及我晨光中的眼眸

light. And I regret very much that I did not follow them to the ends of the world.”
是什么模样。我万分后悔当初没有追随他们到天涯海角。"

The words were warm, tinged with something Neve had not heard yet in this office, and the previous disappointment was gone. Winning affection by
这些话带着温度，夹杂着妮芙在这间诊室里从未听过的情愫，先前的失望感已然消散。通过

being pathetic. What a concept.
可悲至极。多么讽刺的概念。

“Therein lies our problem though, Doctor. She was willing to go to those ends. And I could not let her. Because unlike yours, her regret would have
"但问题就在这里，博士。她甘愿走到那一步。而我不能允许她这样做。因为与您不同，若她真的一意孤行，她将承受的悔恨——"

come had she actually gone the distance.”
会远比现在更甚。

A huff was all she got as her answer.
回应她的只有一声不屑的冷哼。

“In any case, I am not thinking about her anymore. No, I’m not. And whiskey helps me to continue to not think about her if it becomes too much. If I
“无论如何，我已经不再想她了。是的，不再想了。如果实在难以忍受，威士忌能帮我继续不去想她。如果

can’t stand it anymore.” She hoped the stone-cold resolution in her voice would spill over into her waking hours and into her sparse dreams.
我再也无法承受。”她希望自己声音里那种铁石般的决绝能渗透进清醒时分，渗入那些零星的梦境。

“Mom?”
“妈妈？”

Harlan and the ever faithful Sheppard scrambled into the room, the dog enjoying the full-time presence of his boy during his school break. She scrambled to
哈兰和他永远忠实的牧羊犬冲进房间，这只狗正享受着学校假期里男孩全天候的陪伴。她慌忙

shove the glass under the table, hearing it break in the process, and then simply closed her eyes at the thought of the mess and Harlan still seeing it, no matter how
将玻璃杯推到桌下，听着它在过程中碎裂，然后一想到那片狼藉和哈兰仍会看见，便索性闭上了眼睛

much she tried to hide it from him. At almost ten, he was quite astute. Surely her genes had won whatever battle they had wrought with Armand’s.
无论她如何试图掩饰，他都心知肚明。快十岁的孩子已经相当敏锐。显然在这场与阿尔芒基因的较量中，她的基因大获全胜。

She opened her eyes to catch the tail end of concern in her son’s, who rushed into the office, his dog—a rescue mutt, completely unsuitable and thoroughly
她睁开眼，捕捉到儿子眼中转瞬即逝的担忧。他冲进办公室时，身后跟着那条收养的杂种犬——完全不合时宜却又彻底

undignified, yet much beloved—on his heels.
不体面，却深受喜爱——紧随其后。

“Mom, can I come to the studio with you today? I’ll even leave Shep at home, just so he doesn’t inconvenience anyone there.”
“妈妈，我今天能跟你一起去工作室吗？我甚至可以把谢普留在家里，这样他就不会打扰到那里的人了。”

“May I…” The correction came automatically, and she saw Harlan’s expression relax a little as a cheeky smile replaced the concern. Had he said it on
“请问我可以……”她条件反射般地纠正道，看见哈伦的表情放松了些许，顽皮的笑容取代了先前的担忧。他是故意

purpose? To see if she cared enough? If she was sober enough? No, no, no, he didn’t know about any of that, about checking on your parents’ inebriation or
这么说的吗？想试探她是否足够在意？是否足够清醒？不，不，不，他根本不知道这些事，不知道要检查父母是否醉酒或

anger levels. Would they lash out? Would they… No, Harlan was a happy, well-adjusted child. He didn’t have to try to find out if his mother really cared.
情绪暴躁。他们会突然发火吗？他们会……不，哈伦是个快乐、适应良好的孩子。他不需要试探母亲是否真的关心自己。

“You may, if that’s what you want to do on your few days off school. You may even take Sheppard. I never tire of hearing Gustavo squeal at the dog’s
“如果你想在放假的这几天这么做，当然可以。你甚至可以带上谢泼德。我永远听不腻古斯塔沃被那条狗

excessive, if unrequited, love for him.” She smiled, and Harlan’s grin turned mischievous. They shared a glance that co-conspirators normally do. Poor Gustavo.
单方面过度热情的爱意吓得尖叫的样子。”她微笑着，哈伦的笑容变得顽皮起来。他们交换了一个同谋者般的眼神。可怜的古斯塔沃。

 Still, she was his mother, and she could read him like an open book.
不过，她毕竟是他的母亲，能像读一本摊开的书一样看透他的心思。

“Why the buttering up, sweetheart?”
“突然这么讨好我，是有什么小心思呀，宝贝？”

The blue eyes widened, then dropped. Caught. “I wanted to see some people over at HQ, is all.”
那双蓝眼睛睁大了，随即低垂下来。被逮个正着。"我只是想去总部见几个人而已。"

Ah, an ulterior motive.
啊，原来别有用心。

“Some people?” She stood up and walked towards him on legs that were only a little unsteady. He was getting tall, his silky dark mop of hair—perpetually in
"几个人？"她站起身，双腿微微发颤地走向他。他长高了，那头丝绸般的深色乱发——总是

need of a haircut—reaching her sternum. Soft and feathery like her own. Disheveled unlike hers. At the touch of her hand to his chin, he raised his face to hers, and
需要修剪——已经能碰到她的胸骨。和她一样柔软如羽毛，却不像她的那样整齐。当她的手触到他的下巴时，他仰起脸看向她，

mother and son watched each other, suddenly wary. Her lifelong instincts of self-preservation knew a blow was coming. His guileless expression never wavered as
母子俩对视着，突然都警惕起来。她与生俱来的自我保护本能预感到打击即将来临。而他天真的表情始终未变

he delivered it.
当他说出那句话时

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen Audrey, mom. Last time, she said she’d show me some things around the pavilions.”
"妈妈，我好久没见奥黛丽了。上次她说要带我去亭子那边看看。"

The words were so innocent. The bluest of eyes so pure. So unlike her violet ones. She was happy, perhaps for once, that among so many similarities in their
话语如此纯真。那双蓝眼睛澄澈得不掺一丝杂质。与她的紫眸截然不同。或许这是她第一次庆幸，在两人众多相似之处中

faces, she wasn’t looking into her own eyes right now, as his tentative voice was filled with longing for Audrey. Yes, she had left a mark on more than Neve. How
此刻她凝视的并非自己的面容，因为他试探的语气里满是对奥黛丽的渴望。是的，她留下的印记远不止在涅芙身上。

very predictable of her. Too bright not to touch the light-starved around her. And Harlan seemed to be even more like his mother than she’d thought he was. Just
这很符合她的作风。光芒太耀眼，难免会灼伤周围渴求光明的人。而哈兰比他想象中更像他的母亲。

as captivated by that light.
同样被那光芒俘获。

Perhaps she’d have shielded Harlan from Audrey, had their affair begun earlier. After all, one never introduces one’s mistress to one’s child. But Harlan had
若那段情缘开始得更早，她或许会阻止哈兰接触奥黛丽。毕竟没人会让情妇认识自己的孩子。但哈兰已经

met Audrey well before Neve succumbed to temptation. And Audrey had been much too irresistible a friend for the then eight-year-old boy. She didn’t even have
在妮芙屈服于诱惑之前，我就认识了奥黛丽。对当时那个八岁男孩来说，奥黛丽是个根本无法抗拒的朋友。她甚至不需要

to try. She was herself, kind, funny, interesting. Harlan was enraptured. Like mother, like son.
刻意表现。她天性如此——善良、风趣、充满魅力。哈伦为之神魂颠倒。真是有其母必有其子。

Her silence must have stretched for too long because he reached over and linked his smaller fingers with the ones still caressing his face.
她的沉默持续得太久了，于是他伸出小手，将手指与仍轻抚他面颊的那只手交缠在一起。

“Mom?”
"妈妈？"

Neve was terrified that, if he called for her again, if he said Mom again, the walls would come down, and she simply would fall apart. She had just enough
尼芙害怕如果自己再次呼唤她，如果再喊一声妈妈，心墙就会崩塌，自己将彻底崩溃。她仅靠体内那点

whiskey in her to keep herself together, but the flood was building inside her, and if she broke in front of her son, she would not be able to stand it. She was barely
威士忌强撑着保持完整，但内心的洪水正在不断上涨。若在儿子面前失态，她将无法承受。此刻的她已然

holding on as it was.
濒临崩溃边缘。

“Audrey doesn’t work for me anymore, sweetheart.” Did she just end the sentence on a sob? She knew she must have shocked Harlan because, in the next
"奥黛丽不再为我工作了，亲爱的。"她这句话结尾是否带着啜泣？她知道自己肯定吓到了哈兰，因为紧接着

second, his thin arms encircled her waist, and he buried his face in her chest.
其次，他纤细的双臂环住她的腰，将脸埋进她的胸口。

She could stand this, she could stand, she could stand this, rang like a mantra in her mind as she ran her fingers through his silky hair.
"我能承受这个，我能承受，我能承受这个"，这句话像咒语般在她脑海中回响，同时她的手指穿过他丝缎般的发丝。

The morning after Audrey had resigned, Neve made Barnaby get her coffee from a different place than usual and did not think about Audrey. She had fired the first
奥黛丽辞职后的次日清晨，妮芙让巴纳比去一家非惯常的咖啡店买咖啡，并且刻意不去想奥黛丽。她已连续解雇了

three spokespeople Gustavo brought in without an explanation, demanded her assistant change her schedule ten times, and smirked all the way to lunch with
古斯塔沃引荐的前三位发言人而未作解释，要求助理十次更改她的日程安排，直到午餐会面时嘴角仍挂着冷笑

Angelina because Barnaby and Gustavo just might walk into traffic from panic and exasperation alone. She did not think about Audrey.
安吉丽娜心想，巴纳比和古斯塔沃光是惊慌失措就可能会冲到马路中间去。她压根没考虑奥黛丽。

She’d worked in silence with Gustavo on a strategy for their new project and ignored his sideways glances and quiet sighs. After the fourth sigh, she threw him
她与古斯塔沃默默制定新项目策略时，无视了他频频的侧目和轻声叹息。在第四次叹息后，她终于忍不住

out of her office and followed that up by tossing the printed copy of their game plan in the trash. Quentin would have to hawk his project to someone else. What
她走出办公室，随手将打印好的项目计划书扔进了垃圾桶。昆汀得另寻他人推销他的项目了。什么

was he thinking, casting all these willowy, brunette knockoffs, anyway? Of course, her anger had nothing to do with Audrey.
他到底在想什么，选这些苗条的黑发模仿者？当然，她的愤怒与奥黛丽毫无关系。

When she happened to overhear Gustavo mention to Barnaby that the LA Tribune was checking the references of one Audrey Avens, applying for a position
当她偶然听到古斯塔沃向巴纳比提起《洛杉矶论坛报》正在核查一位名叫奥黛丽·埃文斯的求职者资料时

as Senior Entertainment Columnist, Neve pretended not to hear it. She really didn’t have time to think about nonsense. If she subscribed to the Tribune a couple of
申请的是资深娱乐专栏作家的职位，内芙假装没有听见。她实在没空理会这些无聊事。如果几周后她订阅了《论坛报》

weeks afterwards, it was simply because she continued to not think about Audrey.
那纯粹是因为她持续贯彻着对奥黛丽的不闻不问。

When she couldn’t stand it anymore, she did what she’d told Dr. Moore she would. Her determination to not think about Audrey was becoming too much.
当再也无法忍受时，她做了曾对摩尔医生承诺过的事。这份对奥黛丽的刻意遗忘正变得难以承受。

She needed some help. Just to make sure she succeeded, that is. Because Audrey and journalism seemed to be a match made in heaven, and in mere months, it
她需要些帮助。只是为了确保她能成功，毕竟奥黛丽与新闻行业简直是天作之合，短短数月内

had become very hard to ignore the rising star in LA entertainment journalism.
这位洛杉矶娱乐新闻界的新星已令人难以忽视。

In her eagerness to get said help, she called Elinor Moncrief. They went way back. Elinor had always been very bright, so Neve didn’t need to say very much.
急于寻求帮助的她拨通了埃莉诺·蒙克里夫的电话。她们是老交情了。埃莉诺向来聪慧过人，因此内芙无需多言。

“Darling, in case you have not been paying attention, a new reporter at the LA Tribune is doing some satisfactory reporting on the local scene. Perhaps New
"亲爱的，若你尚未注意到，《洛杉矶论坛报》有位新晋记者对本地娱乐圈的报道相当出色。或许《纽

York Times International might take a look at her? If her work might lead to said reporter being recruited to any of their European offices, that might be satisfactory
《纽约时报》国际版或许会考虑她？如果她的作品能让她被招募到他们在欧洲的任何一家分社，那应该就令人满意了

as well. “
了。”

Laughter at the other end of the line wasn’t quite what Neve had expected.
电话那头传来的笑声完全出乎内芙的意料。

“You don’t call for years, and when you do, instead of saying ‘Hello love, how have you been?’ you insinuate that you’re doing me a favor, when in fact I
“你多年不打电话来，好不容易打一次，不说‘亲爱的，最近好吗？’反倒暗示是在帮我忙，可实际上

suspect I’d be taking a problem off your hands.”
我猜我这是在帮你解决一个难题。”

Yes, Elinor had always been exceptionally bright, like someone else Neve knew, and was absolutely not thinking about. So when the Editor-in-Chief of New
是的，埃莉诺向来聪慧过人，就像某个纽维认识却极力不去想起的人。所以当《纽约时报》国际版的主编

York Times International did not mince words and went straight for the jugular, Neve was not surprised.
毫不拐弯抹角直击要害时，纽维并不感到意外。

The thought of Elinor’s intelligence and unerring ability to ferret out her weaknesses in obviously knowing exactly what Neve was asking for made her think of
想到埃莉诺的机敏，以及她总能精准揪出自己软肋的本事——显然完全明白纽维所求为何——这让纽维不禁想起

Elinor’s bright, eager brown eyes looking up at her from her knees. They went way back indeed. Neve had thought that part of her life over and done with, a
埃莉诺那双明亮热切的棕色眼眸正从跪姿仰望着她。她们确实相识已久。涅芙原以为那段人生早已翻篇，不过是

mindless indulgence, reckless abandon. Reckless… Indulgence… No, of course, none of that made her think of Audrey. At all.
无谓的沉溺，肆意的放纵。肆意...沉溺...不，当然，这些思绪与奥黛丽毫无关联。毫无。

Neve needed distance if she was to continue on her quest. Perhaps an ocean between them would prove to be enough. Distance, that’s all there was to it.
若要继续追寻答案，涅芙需要保持距离。或许隔着一片海洋才足够。距离，仅此而已。

Maybe Dr. Moore was right? And maybe Neve herself was wrong? But it was too late now. She had hurt Audrey. She’d pushed her away as hard and as
或许摩尔医生是对的？而涅芙自己才是错的？但为时已晚。她已伤害了奥黛丽。用尽全力将她

cruelly as she knew how, making damn sure she would never come back. She’d ended the ridiculous affair, and yet here she was, months later, wandering through
她用最残忍的方式斩断了这段荒谬的关系，确保对方永远不会回头。然而数月后的此刻，她却在

her quiet Malibu mansion in the middle of the night, dragging her fingertips over the surfaces that still held memories of them together.
深夜徘徊于马里布寂静的豪宅中，指尖抚过那些仍留有两人共同记忆的物件表面。

She was pathetic, and she felt utterly disgusted with her own displays of such maudlin behavior. She felt untethered and lost and in desperate need of a
她厌恶自己这副多愁善感的可悲模样，感到前所未有的迷失与空虚，迫切地需要

distraction while waiting for Elinor to help with putting the necessary distance between her and her drug of choice.
某种消遣——在等待埃莉诺帮她与那剂致命诱惑保持安全距离的日子里。

The universe was sadly proving to her that she had to be mindful of her wishes. Because the much wished-for distraction materialized unexpectedly one
宇宙正悲哀地向她证明，许愿时必须格外谨慎。因为她日夜期盼的"分心之事"竟在不久后的某个

morning soon thereafter as she walked into the reception area of Gannon McMillan, and it was very unpleasant indeed. She was aware that normally her
清晨不期而至——当她踏入甘农·麦克米伦公司的接待区时，那场面确实令人极度不适。她心知肚明，通常自己

appearance in the offices was announced well before the elevator doors opened onto the third floor, security alerting her assistant to her imminent arrival, resulting
抵达办公室前早有通报，电梯门还未在三楼开启，安保系统就会提醒助理她的到来，导致

in everyone within sight scrambling to attention or to imitate a flurry of activity.
视线范围内的所有人都会慌忙摆出恭敬姿态，或假装忙得不可开交。

On that particular day, neither her assistant nor any other lackeys were jumping to attention, nor were they greeting her. In fact as she strode closer, she saw
那天，既没有助理也没有其他跟班殷勤地迎上前来，甚至无人向她问好。事实上当她大步走近时，她看见

Barnaby and the new girl, one of the numerous recent hires in Gustavo’s department with whom he was still unsuccessfully trying to replace Audrey. The girl,
巴纳比和那个新来的女孩——古斯塔沃部门最近招的众多新人之一，他至今仍试图用这些人取代奥黛丽却未能如愿。那个女孩，

whose name Neve still had not bothered to learn, huddled close to Barnaby’s computer.
内芙至今都懒得记住她的名字，此刻正紧挨着巴纳比的电脑。

“Oh fuck me, this is just ridiculous!” Barnaby’s predictable exclamation sounded both exasperated and impressed at the same time. “A hundred thousand
"我靠，这也太离谱了！"巴纳比标志性的惊呼声里混杂着恼怒与赞叹。"整整十万

subscribers? In 6 months? And what the hell are they even subscribing to? It looks like a bunch of ragtag stories about your neighborhood lesbians. A hundred
订阅用户？六个月？他们到底在订阅什么啊？看起来就是些关于你们社区女同的杂七杂八故事。一百

thousand subscribers! Are there even that many sapphics in the whole of California? I mean, sure, she was ‘exceptionally bright’...” Neve could tell that Barnaby
万订阅用户！整个加州有这么多女同吗？我是说，没错，她确实"才华横溢"..."内芙能听出巴纳比

was trying to imitate her by quieting his voice and affecting a rather snooty accent. “But to land on her feet like this?”
正试图模仿她——压低声音，装出傲慢的腔调。"但能这么快就站稳脚跟？"

The appellation of ‘exceptionally bright’ could only be referring to one person, since Neve had heard it—or rather said it herself—many times during Audrey’s
"才华横溢"这个称呼只能指向一个人，因为内芙在奥黛丽任职期间多次听到——准确说是亲口说过——

tenure at Gannon. Her attention immediately piqued, she slowed her pace, stopping just out of sight of her wayward employees.
在甘农大学的任职期间。她的注意力立刻被吸引，放慢脚步停在那些不守规矩的员工视线之外。

“From all these gushing comments, it looks like she has not only landed on her feet, but also in a lot of laps. And rumor has it, it’s not just the comments that
"从这些滔滔不绝的评论来看，她不仅站稳了脚跟，还坐进了不少人的大腿。而且传闻说，滔滔不绝的可不止是评论。"

were gushing either.” The girl’s snicker was positively obscene.
女孩的窃笑下流得令人发指。

“Don’t be disgusting. It’s more than enough that these fans of hers are gross as can be. Fawning over her like… like groupies. It’s positively indecent how they
"别这么恶心。她那些粉丝已经够让人反胃了——像追星族一样巴结她...简直不知廉耻。"

throw themselves at her in these comments. ‘Oh Audrey, step on my neck! Oh, I’d give anything for her to choke me.’ It’s filthy.” Barnaby was making gagging
评论区里的人都对她趋之若鹜。"奥黛丽，踩我脖子吧！""我愿意付出一切让她掐死我。"简直下流。"巴纳比做出干呕的

noises.
动作。

“I don’t know, Barnaby...” The voice of the new girl was suddenly shy and unsure, but there was a breathless quality to it that Neve immediately disliked. “I
"我不知道，巴纳比..."新来的女孩突然变得羞怯犹豫，但那种上气不接下气的语气让妮芙立刻感到不适。"上周五

saw her last Friday night at the Infinity Club opening. I mean, she’s like a celebrity now, you know. My friend and I spent an hour in line waiting to be admitted, and
在无限俱乐部开业派对上我见到她了。她现在可是名人级别，你懂的。我和朋友排队等入场就花了一小时，

the guard on the door just flung the velvet rope open for her, like she was an actress or something. And she does so look like her namesake. That Old Hollywood
门口的保安直接为她掀开天鹅绒隔离绳，就像对待女明星似的。她确实人如其名，带着那种老好莱坞

charm and adorably nice. The whole gay scene knows her. That blog of hers is so popular, and she’s just so uh, beautiful and approachable, so yeah, all the
的迷人魅力，可爱又亲切。整个同志圈都认识她。她的博客超受欢迎，而且她真是呃，又美又没架子，所以没错，现场所有

women there were all over her. It wasn’t indecent or anything, she was just so nice and uh, hot and well…”
姑娘都围着她转。倒不是什么下流场面，她就是那么友善又呃，性感还..."

The girl trailed off and took a deep breath. Neve got an unpleasant foreboding.
女孩突然噤声，深吸了一口气。尼芙产生了不祥的预感。

“I introduced myself, and she was really sweet. I mean, we danced and yes, she’s so popular but so cute about it, totally unassuming and uh, well, one thing led
“我做了自我介绍，她真的特别温柔。我们一起跳舞，没错她确实很受欢迎，但那种魅力又很自然可爱，完全不做作，然后，呃，事情就这么...”

to another…”
“向另一个……”

At this point, Neve understood exactly why the breathlessness in the voice had bothered her. The worthless wench was lusting after her Audrey! It was
此刻，内芙终于明白为何那声音中的喘息令她如此不安。那个卑贱的女人竟敢对她的奥黛丽心怀不轨！

preposterous. Her mouth went dry. How dare this… this… Neve closed her eyes. How dare she put her hands on something that was Neve’s?
荒谬至极。她的嘴巴发干。这个……这个……内芙闭上眼睛。她怎么敢碰属于内芙的东西？

And on the heels of the rage came shock. Her stomach filled with ice. It had been weeks. Months! This was finished, over. Why was she still reacting with this
愤怒之后接踵而至的是震惊。她的胃里仿佛灌满了冰。已经过去几周了。几个月了！这件事明明已经结束，翻篇了。为什么她还会产生这种

intensity? She’d gotten what she wanted. She’d rid herself of the distraction that was Audrey. This was beyond enough.
激烈的反应？她已经得到了想要的东西。她摆脱了奥黛丽这个干扰因素。这已经远远足够了。

While the power of her rage astounded her, it also sobered her like a summer thunderstorm sweeping through. She was being irrational. She needed to calm
虽然怒火的强度令她自己都震惊，但就像夏日雷暴席卷而过般，这情绪也让她清醒过来。她正在失去理智。她需要冷静

down. This wasn’t like her at all.
下来。这完全不像平时的她。

But her nascent and absolutely unjustified possessiveness aside, Neve was also curious, and she wanted to find out more about Audrey. So she reached deep
尽管她这种初生且毫无道理的占有欲暂且不论，内芙确实对奥黛丽产生了好奇，渴望了解更多。于是她深深

for her control and took a cleansing breath, trying to steady herself as she listened for more.
吸了一口气，强自镇定地继续聆听，试图稳住自己颤抖的身躯。

“What do you mean, one thing led to another? You fiend. You slept with Audrey? Our Audrey?” Barnaby’s outrage and proprietary inflection would have been
"什么叫'事情就这么发生了'？你这恶魔。你和奥黛丽睡了？我们的奥黛丽？"巴纳比愤怒的质问声中透着强烈的占有欲，这般情形

amusing under other circumstances, but Neve just closed her eyes and held her breath, desperately trying to catch the answer to the question. She swayed just a
放在平日或许令人发笑，但此刻内芙只是紧闭双眼屏住呼吸，拼命想听清那个关键答案。她身形微晃，

bit.
一点。

“Neve! Good morning!” Gustavo, who was rounding the corner towards the reception area, jerked her from eavesdropping on her gossiping employees.
"内芙！早上好！"正拐向接待区的古斯塔沃突然出现，打断了她偷听员工闲聊的举动。

Belatedly, she remembered that he was her nine o’clock appointment, and it was precisely a quarter to. As naturally as possible, as if she had not just spent five
她这才想起他是自己九点钟的预约客户，而现在正好差一刻九点。她尽可能自然地调整状态，仿佛方才那五分钟的失神从未发生。

minutes desperately trying to hear whether her former spokesperson fucked her current spokesperson, Neve favored Gustavo with a glare and a nod before
几分钟里拼命想听清她前任发言人是否睡了现任发言人，内芙朝古斯塔沃投去一记怒视并点了点头，随后

striding into her office and ignoring the pair huddled behind Barnaby’s desk.
大步走进她的办公室，对躲在巴纳比办公桌后的那两人视若无睹。

It would have been highly entertaining, the way the two of them scattered like mice at the light, except she still hadn’t gotten her answer and by the look of
本该是场绝妙的闹剧——看他们像见光的老鼠般四散逃窜，可惜她仍未得到答案，而他们脸上

sheer panic on their faces, it was unlikely she ever would. Was she above asking? She really wasn’t, but Gustavo’s long, speculative look told her he was assessing
那副惊惶失措的表情，显然她永远也问不出来了。她拉不下脸追问吗？倒也不是，但古斯塔沃那道意味深长的打量目光让她明白，他审视的

her for more than just whether she’d overheard the latest gossip. Gustavo, damn him, had always been too perceptive for his own good and knew her way too
远不止她是否偷听到最新八卦。该死的古斯塔沃向来敏锐过头，对她又了解得

well.
好吧。

So a discreet inquiry was out of the question, because Gustavo would know exactly why she was asking right away. Not knowing left jealousy burning like
所以悄悄打听是不可能的，因为古斯塔沃立刻就会明白她为何询问。这种未知让嫉妒如同

acid in her stomach. One of her more noble reasons—at least the ones she’d been telling herself—in pushing Audrey away, had been to set her free, to live a new
胃酸般灼烧着她的五脏六腑。当初推开奥黛丽的那些高尚理由——至少是她一直自我安慰的那些——本是为了还她自由，让她能拥抱新

life, to pursue other things. Apparently, Neve had not factored in what Audrey’s freedom would mean for her. Wasn’t she supposed to be done with all this by
生活，追寻别样天地。显然，内芙从未考虑过奥黛丽的自由对自己意味着什么。她不是早该彻底放下这一切了吗？

now?
现在？

Sitting down at her desk and opening her laptop, it didn’t take her very long to find out that, apparently, Audrey had pursued a great many things. And a great
她坐到桌前打开笔记本电脑，很快就发现奥黛丽显然追求过许多事物。还有许许多多

many women. Many unsuitable things, and many unsuitable women, by the looks of it. So many unseemly, unsuitable, totally unacceptable women with long legs
女人。从表面看，都是些不恰当的事物和不合适的女人。那么多不得体、不合适、完全不可接受的长腿

and big breasts, and why was Neve torturing herself this way? Her breasts were perfectly acceptable, if on the smaller side. Audrey used to adore them… Spend
大胸女人——内芙为什么要这样折磨自己？她的胸部明明很完美，虽然偏小了些。奥黛丽曾经多么痴迷它们啊...

hours on them… God, she was losing her mind, wasn’t she?
花了好几个小时研究这些…天啊，她是不是疯了？

Already captivated by the flood of information Google was providing about her former spokesperson’s pursuits, Neve canceled her nine o’clock meeting,
妮芙已经彻底沉迷于谷歌提供的关于她前任发言人的海量信息，她取消了九点的会议，

despite her cheeks flaming. Gustavo and his perceptiveness would have to wait. Plus, she couldn’t deal with him right now, anyway. How was she supposed to
尽管双颊发烫。古斯塔沃和他的敏锐洞察力只能先放一边了。况且她现在也没法面对他。当发现奥黛丽·埃文斯竟是网络红人时，

focus when it turned out Audrey Avens was an internet sensation? Audrey Avens–the living lesbian legend, judging by the rave reviews and drooling comments
她还怎么集中注意力？根据那些狂热好评和垂涎三尺的评论来看，奥黛丽·埃文斯简直就是活生生的女同传奇。

from all corners of the internet. Neve ended up canceling her whole morning.
来自互联网的各个角落。内芙最终取消了她整个上午的安排。

Vanity Fair had a short blurb about the LA Tribune entertainment columnist who was ‘setting the blogosphere alight’ with funny, insightful stories, pictures, and
《名利场》杂志简短提及了这位《洛杉矶论坛报》的娱乐专栏作家，她以风趣犀利的报道、图片和

little articles about being gay and single in LA. There was nothing remotely little about it. Audrey had put her Gannon contacts to good use, was a welcome guest
关于在洛杉矶身为同性恋单身人士的小文章"点燃了整个博客圈"。这绝非微不足道。奥黛丽充分利用了她与甘农集团的人脉关系，成为各类派对

at every party or nightclub, and was using her access and connections to write about the scene and the people around her.
和夜店的座上宾，并借助这些资源撰写关于周围场景与人物的报道。

Every post and every picture told a story, a captivating snapshot of a life being well lived, interspersed with humor, warmth and compassion. Even in writing
每篇帖文、每张照片都在讲述故事，展现着一段精彩人生的迷人片段，其间点缀着幽默、温情与同理心。即便在描写

about her burgeoning love life, Audrey managed to find humility and humanity in essentially one-night stands that did not degrade or disrespect her partners. Her
自己蓬勃发展的感情生活时，奥黛丽仍能从本质上的一夜情中找到谦逊与人性光辉——这些经历从未贬低或轻慢她的伴侣们。她那

many, many, many partners. Reading about each encounter was painful. Neve chose not to analyze this pain. There had been enough thoughts and brooding. It was
数不清的伴侣们。阅读每次邂逅都令人心痛。内芙选择不去剖析这种痛苦。她已经思虑得够多、沉溺得够久了。是时候

time to do something.
采取行动了。

She called Elinor.
她拨通了埃莉诺的电话。

“Darling, this blog of hers reads like a book full of adventures; captivating and titillating, witty and salacious, showing off a gift for writing that I’ve rarely
"亲爱的，她这个博客读起来就像本冒险故事集；引人入胜又撩人心弦，妙语连珠还带着几分色气，展现出的写作天赋实在罕见

encountered. Audrey is very talented,” Elinor gushed.
奥黛丽确实才华横溢，"埃莉诺滔滔不绝地说。

“Her subject matter is puerile, definitely obscene, and occasionally profane.” Neve couldn’t help herself, seething about her friend not leaving well enough alone
"她写的内容幼稚可笑，绝对下流，偶尔还亵渎神明。"内芙忍不住咬牙切齿，对朋友这种得寸进尺的行为怒火中烧。

and continuing to discuss the one topic she herself did not want to even touch. Or maybe she still wanted to touch too much.
而她还在继续讨论那个连她自己都不愿触碰的话题。或许是因为她依然渴望触碰得太深。

“Be that as it may, she manages to maintain a focus on humanity and humor. Her voice is strong and genuine, her style is fresh and distinct, her topics authentic
"尽管如此，她仍能保持对人性和幽默的关注。她的声音有力而真诚，风格清新独特，主题真实坦率"

in their unabashed honesty of her pursuits, ranging from sexual gratification to happily ever after.” Elinor sounded positively smitten.
"从性满足到幸福结局，她对追求毫不掩饰的坦诚。"埃莉诺的语气里透着明显的迷恋。

“Are you charmed, then?” Neve spat out. She couldn’t help herself. Venom was almost choking her. She had to spew it somewhere. She herself was charmed,
"所以你被迷住了？"妮芙突然迸出这句话。她控制不住自己，毒液几乎要让她窒息，必须找个地方喷涌而出。她自己何尝不是被迷住了，

despite feelings of possessiveness eating her alive. Elinor just chuckled at her angry outburst and hung up on her.
尽管占有欲几乎要将她吞噬，埃莉诺却只是对她愤怒的爆发报以轻笑，随即挂断了电话。

At work, she tried to reign in her vitriol as much as possible, which was easier said than done since she rarely denied herself a good outburst when one was
工作时，她竭力克制自己的刻薄言辞，但这谈何容易——毕竟她向来不放过任何合理宣泄情绪的机会。然而即便对于她这样鲜少为自己行为失当而后悔的人而言，

warranted, but even for someone who rarely regretted the unfairness of her own behavior, things were getting more and more out of hand. So out of hand, in fact,
事态也正变得越来越失控。事实上已经失控到这般地步——

that she found herself sitting face to face with Juno Buchanan over overpriced canapés in some new, hip, and truly horrible place that the chairwoman sadly
她竟不得不与朱诺·布坎南面对面坐在某家新潮又糟糕透顶的高级餐厅里，对着价格虚高的开胃小食，而这位女主席还一脸遗憾。

favored.
偏爱。

“Neve…” The affected way Juno said her name always grated. A little scolding, a little affectionate, prolonging the ‘e’ to where it was tortured to near
“妮芙…”朱诺那种矫揉造作呼唤她名字的方式总让人牙酸。带着几分责备，几分亲昵，把尾音拖得老长，简直要把那个

exhaustion. Juno perhaps thought it made Neve feel special–the fact that she had her own way of pronouncing the two syllables of the name. Instead, Neve
元音折磨到断气。朱诺或许觉得这样会让妮芙感到特别——毕竟她用独特的方式念出这两个音节。但实际上，妮芙

resented every single patronizing sound that came out of Juno’s mouth.
憎恶从朱诺嘴里吐出的每一个居高临下的音调。

“Neve, I hear you are on a rampage.” Despite the grotesque accusation–and talk about the pot calling the kettle black, since Juno was notorious for her own
"奈芙，听说你正在大闹一场。"尽管这指控荒谬可笑——何况五十步笑百步，毕竟朱诺自己就以......

eccentricities when she was in a bad mood and certainly for going on firing tears. But despite the admonishing, something told Neve the older woman was not
她心情不好时的古怪行为，更别说动不动就掉眼泪了。但尽管受到责备，内芙总觉得这位年长女性并非真心责备她。

really angry with her.
真的很生她的气。

Before she could answer, Juno waved her away. “I’m not here to give you a sermon on staff morale. If they wanted morale, they’d never work another day in
她还没来得及回答，朱诺就挥手示意她离开。"我来这儿可不是给你上员工士气课的。要真在乎士气，他们早该辞职不干了。"

the entertainment industry.”
娱乐产业。”

Neve glanced outside at the paparazzi who were chasing some poor starlet to her car that was waiting curbside as she exited the restaurant.
尼芙望向窗外，狗仔队正追着某个可怜的小明星跑向路边等候的汽车——她刚走出餐厅。

“I hate this town.” At Neve’s surprised, raised eyebrow, Juno laughed. “Pish, you hate it, too. It sucks you dry. The tainted misery of Tinseltown. Nothing is
“我讨厌这个城市。”看着尼芙惊讶挑眉的模样，朱诺笑出声来。“得了吧，你也讨厌这里。它把你榨干了。这座浮华之城的腐朽苦难。没有什么是

free, and everyone has an agenda.”
免费的，每个人都在算计。”

They looked at each other for a long moment before her interlocutor reached for the horrible concoction she was drinking. Something frothy. Neve held her
他们久久对视着，直到对话者伸手去拿她正在喝的那杯可怕混合物。某种泛着泡沫的东西。妮芙保持着

silence.
沉默。

“Gah, you are utterly impossible. I’m not here to lecture you because people are finding you more irascible than usual. You are on course to make Gannon
"天啊，你简直不可理喻。我来不是为了训斥你，虽然大家都觉得你比平时更易怒了。你正为甘农创造

more money than in any other year, so why would I care? I am just here so when those board members ask me why Neve Blackthorne is firing people by the
比往年更多的利润，我何必在意？我来只是为了当董事会成员问我妮芙·布莱克索恩为什么开始大批解雇

dozen and canceling projects left and right, I’ll be able to say we had a delightful lunch, and our financial projections are double the previous year. So answering my
在到处裁员砍项目的当下，我还能说我们享用了一顿愉快的午餐，而且财务预测比去年翻了一番。所以回答我

own earlier question, I don’t care, Neve. I don’t care.”
之前的问题——我不在乎，内芙。我根本不在乎。"

As the older woman dug into something that looked like cat food, Neve once again looked out the restaurant window where the photographers were now no
当这位年长女士舀起一盘猫食般的食物时，内芙再次望向餐厅窗外。那些摄影师此刻肯定正虎视眈眈地

doubt intent on their next victim—whoever that might be—coming out of the establishment. When the flashes went off, Neve turned to her carbonated water and
等着下个从餐厅出来的倒霉鬼——无论那是谁。闪光灯亮起的瞬间，内芙转身拿起了她的气泡水。

ignored the emptiness in her chest. She just wanted to go home, lie on the sofa where Audrey had held her close, and scroll through the wretched blog, which
她无视胸口的空洞。只想回家躺在沙发上——那个奥黛丽曾紧紧拥抱她的地方——继续翻看那个糟糕的博客，如今

brought her more emotion than anything else these days.
唯有它能唤起她些许情绪波动。

Occasionally, among the blog posts about the trivial and the mundane, Audrey discussed things that Neve did not want to be reminded of. The latest one was
在那些琐碎日常的博文间，奥黛丽偶尔会提及妮芙不愿回想的往事。最新一篇

about movies, Audrey’s love for them as she attended some premiere or another. She quoted a classic, the ‘here’s looking at you kid’ being nicely incorporated
是关于电影的，记录她参加某场首映式时对电影的热爱。她引用了一句经典台词"永志不忘"，巧妙地融入

into the essay’s narrative.
融入文章的叙述中。

Neve was instantly transported back to a rainy evening they’d spent simply sitting on her back deck. The promise—or threat—of perimenopause seemed to
内芙瞬间被带回到一个雨夜，那时她们只是坐在她家的后廊上。围绝经期的征兆——或者说威胁——似乎

have eluded her and she was regular like clockwork, so when she’d gotten her period that evening, it had not surprised her. What did surprise her was that for
与她擦肩而过，她的经期仍像钟表般规律，所以那晚来月经时，她并不感到意外。真正让她惊讶的是，

some reason, when she’d noticed blood on the underwear that Audrey gently slid off her thighs, she hadn’t canceled the evening tryst and simply sent her lover on
不知为何，当奥黛丽轻轻褪下她腿间的内裤、她发现血迹时，她竟没有取消当晚的幽会，而是任由爱人继续

her way. Perhaps that fact should have given her pause. But it hadn’t.
她的行事方式。这个事实本该让她有所迟疑，但她却置若罔闻。

She shoved away the thoughts of why, but when Audrey still reached for her, Neve demurred and sidestepped the embrace. She wasn’t a prude by any stretch
她驱散了那些追问缘由的念头，可当奥黛丽再次伸手相拥时，内芙却婉拒着避开了。她绝非假正经之人，

of imagination, but despite Audrey’s blushing willingness to still go forward with their lovemaking, Neve for once took charge of how the evening would go. After a
但尽管奥黛丽红着脸仍愿继续缠绵，内芙破天荒地主导了这个夜晚的走向。匆匆淋浴后，

quick shower, she simply poured them whiskey. She just wanted to be in Audrey’s presence. God, Neve should have run for the hills then and there. How did she
她只是为两人斟上威士忌。她只想静静待在奥黛丽身边。天啊，内芙当时就该头也不回地逃开。她怎么会

not see that they were in too deep?
他们难道没意识到自己已深陷其中？

They sat and looked at the ocean and traded little trivia tidbits about the Golden Era of Hollywood.
他们坐着眺望大海，交换着关于好莱坞黄金时代的小趣闻。

“We had a class at my boarding school. An elective. The History of American Cinema. I was fascinated. Then they had to cut that. The school went through a
"我寄宿学校有门选修课，《美国电影史》。我着迷极了。后来课程被取消了。学校经历了

massive reform and a major downsize. And then it just burned down.” Audrey did not seem torn up about it.
大规模改革和严重缩编。最后整栋楼都烧毁了。"奥黛丽说起这事时显得并不难过。

“Excuse me? Your school burned down? And you went to a boarding school?”
“什么？你们学校烧毁了？然后你就去了寄宿学校？”

“Yeah, back home in Massachusetts. I have to say, I only caught the tail end of its glory days before it was almost bankrupted, but it was gorgeous. A small
“是啊，在马萨诸塞州的老家。不得不说，我只赶上了它辉煌时期的尾声，之后就几乎破产了，但那地方美极了。是海岸外的一座小

island off the coast. Picturesque. The scent of jasmine everywhere.” Audrey kicked off her heels and stretched her long legs.
岛。风景如画，到处都飘着茉莉花香。”奥黛丽踢掉高跟鞋，舒展着她修长的双腿。

“And does it surprise you that my folks had the kind of money to send me to a private school? They did. Well, while dad was still alive. Then he died, the
“是不是很意外我父母有足够的钱送我上私立学校？他们确实有。嗯，至少在我爸还活着的时候是这样。后来他去世了，

school burned down, and mom brought me back home. I went to a public school for my high school years. But that History of Cinema class stayed with me. I
学校烧毁了，妈妈带我回了家。高中时期我去了公立学校就读。但那门电影史课程始终萦绕在我心头。我

knew I was hooked. What about you?”
知道自己彻底着迷了。你呢？"

Her eyes were alight with curiosity, and Neve was reluctant to extinguish it. She should have known then and there that she was in over her head. Not even her
她眼中闪烁着好奇的光芒，内芙不忍心浇灭这份热情。她当时就该意识到自己已深陷其中。就连她的

husbands were allowed to ask her those kinds of questions. They all knew better.
丈夫们都不被允许问这类问题。他们都很清楚界限。

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” So she smiled slyly instead and reached out to Audrey, combing her fingers through the long, luscious, mahogany tresses.
"你难道不想知道吗？"于是她狡黠一笑，伸手抚向奥黛丽，手指穿过那丰盈的桃花心木色长发。

“Fine then, keep your secrets.” Audrey caught her hand and kissed her knuckles one by one before her mouth moved lower to tease the sensitive skin on the
"好吧，那就守着你的秘密。"奥黛丽捉住她的手，逐个亲吻指节，而后双唇下移，逗弄起

inside of her wrist.
她腕间敏感的肌肤。

“Ah…” Neve could not suppress a moan and also a smile. How easy some things were with this girl. How utterly joyful in the dullness of the everyday
"啊..."妮芙不禁逸出呻吟，同时漾起微笑。与这姑娘相处时，某些事总是如此简单。在这平淡日常里，竟能获得如此纯粹的欢愉。

drudgery and treachery in this town. “No need to bring up the hobbits…”
这个镇子充斥着苦差与背叛。"不必提起霍比特人……"

“I knew I could count on you to know the nerdy references. Now come here,” Audrey patted her lap. “I know you said no sex, but indulge my make-out
"我就知道你会懂这些宅梗。过来，"奥黛丽轻拍自己的大腿。"虽然你说不要做爱，但满足下我亲热的"

desires.”
欲望吧。

Neve had tried for an imperious eyebrow raise. She really wasn’t a lap-straddling kind of person, but they fit so well, and Audrey had looked so delicious. So
内芙试图摆出威严的挑眉表情。她本不是个喜欢跨坐别人腿上的人，但她们身形如此契合，而奥黛丽看起来又那么诱人。

Neve had not protested that being able to recognize a quote from a trilogy with seventeen Academy Awards wasn’t nerdy. It was professional. Or something.
内芙没有反驳能认出获得十七项奥斯卡奖的三部曲台词并不算书呆子行为。这是专业素养。或者诸如此类的说法。

Neve couldn’t seem to help herself. She read the blog posts and tortured herself with the memories they evoked. And there was one more thing. The pictures on
内芙似乎控制不住自己。她阅读那些博客文章，任由它们唤起的记忆折磨自己。还有一件事。博客上的

the blog stood out just as much as the writing, some random, some mundane, some breathtaking in their simplicity and clean lines. Capturing everyday life, Audrey
图片和文字一样引人注目，有些随意，有些平凡，有些则以简洁的线条美得令人屏息。奥黛丽用独特视角

was giving it a unique perspective.
捕捉着日常生活。

Among the images of LA and its many women were wonderfully candid pictures of Audrey herself. Neve’s critical eye could detect flaws in the photographer’s
在洛杉矶的众多女性影像中，奥黛丽自己的照片尤为真实动人。奈芙犀利的眼光能看出摄影师技术上的瑕疵

technique but not in the model, smiling blindingly at the camera, holding a Starbucks go-cup, or looking pensively at the rose-tinted dawn sky.
却挑不出模特的毛病——她对着镜头绽放耀眼的笑容，手握星巴克随行杯，或是凝望着玫瑰色的黎明天空沉思。

Audrey was perfection in every shot, the long waves of silken hair falling over her shoulders, the big, wondrous eyes dominating a flawless face, the high
每张照片里的奥黛丽都完美无瑕：丝绸般的长卷发垂落肩头，那双摄人心魄的大眼睛占据着无懈可击的面庞，高挺的

chiseled cheekbones, denoting a recent loss of weight, and the jutting collarbones telling a similar story and tugging at Neve’s already tender and abused
雕塑般颧骨显露出近期消瘦的痕迹，突出的锁骨诉说着同样的故事，撕扯着奈芙本就脆弱不堪的心弦。

heartstrings.
心弦。

Even more heart-rending and bringing a sting to Neve’s eyes were the funny, touching selfies of Audrey looking rumpled and sleep-creased, adorably hamming
更令内芙心碎、眼眶刺痛的是奥黛丽那些可爱又动人的自拍——她头发蓬乱，脸上还带着睡痕，却依然俏皮地对着镜头做鬼脸

it up for the shot, all tangled hair and beloved eyes. Beloved? What was this madness?
她为拍照摆好姿势，乱发蓬松，双眸惹人怜爱。惹人怜爱？这是何等痴狂？

“Well, you wanted her to have a life. Beware what you wish for, because you might just have it all.” Except it didn’t feel like she had it all. It felt like she’d lost
“好吧，你希望她拥有自己的人生。小心许愿，因为你的愿望可能会全部实现。”只是这一切并不像她所期望的那样。感觉更像是她失去了一切。

everything.
一切。

 “I’m sorry, Neve, I didn’t catch that.” Neve flinched, not realizing she had spoken out loud, until Gustavo appeared in front of her with a concerned look on his
"抱歉，内芙，我没听清。"内芙猛地一惊，这才意识到自己刚才竟把心里话说了出来。古斯塔沃突然出现在她面前，脸上写满了

face.
担忧。

“Why are you here, Gustavo?” For the life of her, she couldn’t remember them having a meeting of any kind, and his expression didn’t bode well at all. He
"古斯塔沃，你来干什么？"她绞尽脑汁也想不起他们约过要见面，而他此刻的表情怎么看都不像有什么好事。他

looked slightly subdued and a bit apprehensive, which meant he wanted to talk to her about the one thing she really did not want to talk to him about.
他看起来有些压抑和不安，这意味着他想和她谈论那件她最不愿提及的事。

Neve had a vague suspicion that, while she and Audrey had fooled many people, they hadn’t been successful in deceiving those closest to them. While she
内芙隐约怀疑，尽管她和奥黛丽骗过了许多人，却没能瞒过最亲近的那些人。虽然她

kept Barnaby too overworked and too enraptured by the Neve Blackthorne public persona to see much else around him, Gustavo had not been as easily swayed
让巴纳比忙得无暇他顾，又沉醉于"内芙·布莱索恩"的公众形象而无心观察周围，但古斯塔沃可没那么容易被

by her attempts to disguise her recent affair.
她掩饰最近这段恋情的把戏所蒙蔽。

If he had an inkling of how she spent her mornings instead of attending meeting after excruciating meeting filled with talentless hacks, then he was here now to
若他稍有察觉她是如何度过那些早晨——而非参加一场又一场充斥着庸才的煎熬会议——那他此刻前来

offer sympathy, or worse, advice. He had probably imbibed some alcoholic fortifier to get his gumption up. Astute he might be, but at least she was glad she still
要么是表达同情，要么更糟，是来提建议的。他八成喝了点壮胆酒才攒足勇气。他或许精明，但至少她仍能

scared him somewhat.
让他心存几分畏惧，这让她稍感欣慰。

Still, Neve wanted none of his input or, god forbid, compassion or whatever it was that had taken him all this time to get the courage to say. Her resulting glare
然而，内芙对他的意见——或天可怜见的同情心，抑或他鼓足勇气要说的任何话——都毫无兴趣。她回以的凌厉目光

seemed to scorch him, and he faltered in his response.
那目光似乎灼伤了他，他的回答变得支支吾吾。

“Ah… I guess I can always come by later, if you’re busy.” He was giving her both a way out and a way into the conversation, but Neve was having none of
"啊...如果你忙的话，我改天再来也行。"他既给了她脱身的借口，又留了继续交谈的余地，但内芙完全不吃

that.
这套。

“Immensely busy. Barnaby, get me Elinor Moncrief.” Belatedly, she realized that her avoidance tactic had backfired massively, Gustavo’s face turning from
"忙得要命。巴纳比，给我接埃莉诺·蒙克里夫。"话一出口她就意识到这个回避策略彻底适得其反——她看见古斯塔沃的脸色从

sympathy to downright pity as he turned and left her office. Of course, Gustavo knew who Elinor was now, and he must have some idea of who Elinor had been to
他转身离开她办公室时，眼神中的同情已彻底化为怜悯。古斯塔沃当然知道埃莉诺现在的身份，也一定隐约猜得到埃莉诺曾经对他意味着什么。

her twenty years ago.
二十年前的她。

He was her right-hand man even then, as she’d plucked him from the obscurity of working for a second-rate production company on Broadway and dragged
那时他已是她的得力助手，她从百老汇一家二流制作公司的默默无闻中发掘了他，将他拽入

him along for the ride of both their lifetimes when she was hired for Gannon–first as a lowly executive, and then appointed as the youngest CEO of a US movie
她受雇于甘农公司时，就带着他一起踏上了两人生命中最精彩的旅程——最初只是一名卑微的高管，后来被任命为美国电影公司最年轻的首席执行官

studio ever. As her eyes and ears, Gustavo naturally saw not just what was out there, but also what was next to her. Or who was next to her, in the case of Elinor,
有史以来最出色的工作室。作为她的耳目，古斯塔沃自然不仅能洞察外界动向，更清楚她身边发生的一切。比如埃莉诺就常伴其侧，

or damn it, Audrey.
或者见鬼，奥黛丽也是。

It mattered little, though. At the end of the day, Gustavo would keep his counsel. What was most important right now was that Neve was not getting any
不过这都无关紧要。归根结底，古斯塔沃会守口如瓶。眼下最重要的是，妮芙始终未能

distance from her addiction. She continued to consume every bit of information she could get, whether it was through the LA Tribune bylines—which were getting
摆脱她的成瘾症。她仍在贪婪吞噬能获取的每一条信息，无论是通过《洛杉矶论坛报》的署名专栏——那些报道正变得

better and longer every day—through the office gossip that still occasionally spilled over details about the former spokesperson, and now via the accursed blog,
一天比一天更好也更漫长——办公室的闲言碎语仍不时泄露着关于前任发言人的细节，如今又通过那该死的博客，

that kept her up at night, because she inhaled every word and gazed at every picture.
那些内容让她夜不能寐，因为她贪婪地咀嚼着每一个字眼，凝视着每一张照片。

She still needed her distance though, because that way lay her only salvation, and so she was supremely displeased that it had been three months since she’d
但她仍需保持距离，因为这是她唯一的救赎之道。正因如此，当三个月过去却仍未兑现

called Elinor to cash in on the favor, and no such favor had materialized.
当初请埃莉诺帮忙时许诺的回报时，她感到极度不快。

“Neve, even I know better than to require a reminder from you!” Elinor’s businesslike voice and aggressive approach did little to put a hitch in Neve’s stride.
"内芙，就连我都知道不该劳烦你提醒！"埃莉诺公事公办的语气和咄咄逼人的态度丝毫没能打乱内芙的步伐。

“If no reminder is required, Elinor, then why haven’t things progressed?” Neve clutched the phone, her white knuckles standing in sharp relief to the blue veins
"既然不需要提醒，埃莉诺，那事情为何毫无进展？"内芙紧攥电话，她修长手指上暴起的青筋与煞白的指节形成鲜明对比

running the length of her narrow, long-fingered hand.
在她纤细的手掌上蜿蜒。

As ridiculous as she felt, as humiliating as it was, asking her former paramour for help in dealing with her current obsession, knowing she was very close to
尽管感到荒谬难堪，尽管要向旧情人求助来解决当前执念令人屈辱，但她清楚自己已濒临

surrendering to her utmost desire was worse. It wasn’t a matter of whether Neve would, but when she would not be able to stop herself from making the trip to
屈服于内心最深处的渴望更为糟糕。问题不在于内芙会不会去，而在于她何时会无法克制自己前往

Silver Lake and knocking on Audrey’s door. Distance was sorely required.
银湖，敲响奥黛丽家门的冲动。她们之间急需保持距离。

“Things have not progressed, dearest, because your girl is very good at negotiating.” There was no salaciousness or innuendo in Elinor’s tone - neither in the
"事情毫无进展，亲爱的，因为你家那位姑娘太擅长谈判了。"埃莉诺的语气里既没有轻浮的暗示——无论是

endearment Elinor had started to use twenty years ago and had maintained ever since outside of public settings, nor in the assumption that Audrey was hers.
这个二十年前就开始使用、此后在非公开场合始终保留的亲昵称呼，还是将奥黛丽视为己有的那种理所当然。

Because whether the girl lived a rich and busy life as the hippest entertainment reporter and ‘celesbian’ about town in Hollywood, Neve knew that her own heart
因为无论这个女孩在好莱坞过着多么丰富多彩、忙碌充实的日子——作为最时髦的娱乐记者和城中"名人蕾丝边"——内芙心里明白

would never accept calling her anything other than ‘her Audrey.’
自己永远无法用"她的奥黛丽"之外的任何称呼来唤她

“She is negotiating everything, from her position, to her portfolio, to her legal rights to that fantastic blog of hers, since—as you know—the Times is normally
"她正在协商所有事项，从职位安排到作品集权限，再到她那精彩博客的法律归属——你也知道，《纽约时报》向来

very circumspect in what our reporters blog about and how they do it. So, there are a lot of conditions on both sides. In the meantime, she remains in LA.
对我们记者的博客内容和发布方式有严格规定。所以双方都提出了许多条件。在此期间，她仍会留在洛杉矶。"

However, I’m quite pleased to tell you I like her a lot, and if all goes well, I’ll be even more pleased to welcome her here in my offices. By the way, dearest, how’s
不过，我很高兴地告诉你，我非常喜欢她，如果一切顺利的话，我会更高兴地欢迎她来我的办公室。对了，亲爱的，你最近

her French?”
她的法语？

And now there was both mocking salaciousness and innuendo in Elinor’s voice, each one sadly perfectly justified, since Neve could feel the heat rising in her
此刻埃莉诺的声音里既带着嘲弄的轻佻又暗含影射，每一点都令人遗憾地完全合理——因为内芙能感觉到自己脸颊发烫

cheeks at the memory of Audrey’s French.
想起奥黛丽说的法语，她的脸颊泛起了红晕。

 5

NEVE’S EPIPHANY
妮芙的顿悟

t’s been a year, Neve.” Dr. Moore leaned over and took the pencil from the coffee table in front of her, fingers brushing off imaginary dust. The
"已经一年了，妮芙。"摩尔医生俯身从面前的咖啡桌上拿起铅笔，手指拂过并不存在的灰尘。

“I office was too pristine for such things as dust to even attempt to appear here. God, she was ascribing animate thought to dust now.
这间办公室一尘不染得连灰尘都不敢造次。天啊，她现在居然赋予灰尘以生命意识了。

“I am capable of reading the calendar, you know.”
"我能看懂日历，你知道的。"

Neve was stalling and did not care that her therapist knew it. She’d done nothing but stall and drag time by its sumptuous collar ever since Audrey
妮芙在拖延时间，而且毫不在意她的心理治疗师看穿这点。自从奥黛丽

had left for France. Still, she was here, in this spotless office in front of this unflappable woman who had listened to her for the sum total of 52 hours,
动身前往法国后，她除了拽着时间的华美衣领拖延度日外什么都没做。但她此刻仍坐在这间一尘不染的诊室里，面对这位始终沉静倾听她倾诉 52 个小时的女士，

and perhaps she owed her just a little bit of honesty.
或许她至少该给出几分坦诚。

Like clockwork, the hissing voice reared its head.
那个嘶嘶作响的声音如发条般准时浮现。

Don’t tell…
别说……

But Neve dug her nails into her palms and pushed through the fear. Small victories. But these days, she was ready to take the small ones.
但内芙将指甲深深掐进掌心，强压着恐惧继续前行。微小的胜利。但如今，她已准备好接受这些微小的馈赠。

“If there is one thing that I do not regret about this…” She stumbled over the words, trying to find one that fit and did not reveal too much at the
"如果说这件事有什么让我不后悔的..."她磕磕绊绊地斟酌着用词，试图找到既贴切又不会暴露太多的表达，

same time, “... estrangement, it is the obvious growth that Audrey has undergone since then.”
那就是这段疏离让奥黛丽获得了显而易见的成长。

“Do you believe you’ve done her a kindness?” The pen stopped its slow scroll in the notebook.
"你认为这是对她的仁慈吗？"笔记本上缓慢移动的钢笔突然停住了。

“There is nothing kind about what I’ve done.”
“我所做之事并无善意可言。”

“And what have you done?”
“那你究竟做了什么？”

Neve chose to ignore the obvious bait.
妮芙选择无视这明显的挑衅。

“You aren’t expecting me to answer that, are you? Elinor was right. The girl is growing by leaps and bounds, her work getting better and better, her
“你不会真指望我回答吧？埃莉诺说得对。那女孩进步神速，作品越来越出色，她的

writing and her photography getting a distinctive quality and style that is unmistakable for anyone else.” Neve took a moment to collect herself. Her
她的写作和摄影作品逐渐形成了一种独特的品质与风格，让人一眼就能认出是她的手笔。"内芙停顿片刻平复情绪。

eyes trailed toward the window and the palm trees in the distance. She really hated this town. The oppressive heat, the traffic. What was she doing
她的目光飘向窗外，落在远处的棕榈树上。她打心底厌恶这座小镇——令人窒息的酷热、拥堵的交通。自己究竟为何要

here?
来这里？

When she turned back, Dr. Moore was waiting patiently for her to continue.
当她转回身时，摩尔医生正耐心等待她继续讲述。

“All I mean is that her voice stands out whether she is writing about the plight of Sudanese migrants or about alternative uses for scarves she’s been
“我只是想说，无论是描写苏丹移民的困境，还是探讨围巾的别致用法，她的文字总能脱颖而出。”

taking off French women in an effort to try to prove another preconceived notion of hers that all French women wear them. I love that voice.”
脱下法国女人的衣服，试图证明她另一个先入为主的观念——所有法国女人都穿它们。我喜欢那个声音。”

“Just the voice?” The pencil started its slow, torturous beat again, even as Neve’s heart stopped.
“只是声音吗？”铅笔又开始缓慢而折磨人地敲击着，尽管内芙的心跳已经停止。

Cannes Film Festival began as an unmitigated disaster. Every new screening was a waste of time and seemingly a ton of money. Not even the latest Gannon-
戛纳电影节开幕之初堪称一场彻头彻尾的灾难。每场新片放映都像是浪费时间，还似乎耗费了巨额资金。就连最新的加农作品也——

produced take on the #metoo movement, which was received with modest acclaim and thoroughly unenthusiastic platitudes. They weren’t booing, but Neve felt it
这部关于#MeToo 运动的作品反响平平，只获得了些许赞誉和完全缺乏热情的客套评价。观众虽未喝倒彩，但尼芙能感觉到

was only a matter of time. She was starting to have serious doubts that she would have anything of note to show for this year when all was said and done.
这只是时间问题。她开始严重怀疑，当一切尘埃落定时，自己今年是否真能拿出什么值得一提的作品。

It was worrying her, because she had never, ever, in all her years with the studio, walked away empty-handed during an awards season. But at this rate, she
这令她忧心忡忡，因为在工作室的这些年里，她从未在颁奖季空手而归过。但照这个趋势下去，

would have nothing to put in her glass display come February.
等到二月来临，她的玻璃展示柜里将空空如也。

Neve could blame herself. After all, she’d seen all three cuts before approving them into distribution to festivals and private screenings. She could practically
妮芙完全可以责怪自己。毕竟在批准这三版剪辑送往电影节和私人放映前，她都亲自审阅过。她几乎能

hear the litany of ‘awards don’t make you worthy of love, Neve’ and ‘you will not lose everything you have simply because a movie will fail’ in a voice that was
听见那串熟悉的念叨——"奖项不会让你值得被爱，妮芙"、"你不会因为一部电影失败就失去所有"，那声音

remarkably similar to Dr. Moore’s.
简直和摩尔医生一模一样。

It did quiet the other voice in her head that was screaming. There will always be someone better, always. It’s not that hard, since you’re defective! But the
这确实让脑海中那个尖叫的声音安静了些。"永远会有比你更好的人，永远。这又不难，毕竟你本来就有缺陷！"但那个

fake Dr. Moore, who had not said any of the above since she was not treating Neve, was currently winning by the skin of her teeth, and Neve chose to call it a
假摩尔医生（她根本没说过上述那些话，因为她并非负责治疗内芙）此刻正以毫厘之差领先，内芙决定将这称为

victory and listen to that voice instead.
一场胜利，转而听从那个声音。

A few moments later, she shook her head and tried to focus on the task at hand. Fixing what she must have messed up while she was moping like a complete
片刻后，她摇摇头，试图专注于手头的工作。修复那些她肯定搞砸了的事情——当她像个彻头彻尾的

fool over… Nobody, she’d been moping over nobody at all.
傻瓜般为……不，她根本没在为任何人消沉。

Gustavo’s grim face and periodic tsking unsettled her further. It was a sign that her current torpor was not simply because of her persistent dark mood. Neve’s
古斯塔沃阴沉的面容和时不时的咂嘴声让她更加不安。这迹象表明她目前的迟钝状态并非仅仅源于持续的低落情绪。内芙的

irascibility of the last year was easily explained and had nothing to do with the new trends in moviemaking, but Gustavo’s gloom was certainly due to the quality of
去年易怒的脾气很容易解释，与电影制作的新潮流毫无关系，但古斯塔沃的忧郁无疑源于

the films being screened in front of them during the first two days of the festival. It was a bad omen, since Gustavo usually reserved judgment until at least day
电影节头两天在他们眼前放映的影片。这是个不祥之兆，因为古斯塔沃通常至少要等到第三天才会做出评判。

three.
三。

Sure, the fact that all the movies were bad was bittersweet, since their rivals were having just as dismal of a showing, but that their three flagships of this year
当然，所有电影都表现不佳的事实令人五味杂陈，毕竟他们的竞争对手也同样惨淡，但今年这三部旗舰作品

were not garnering standing ovations, was not something either Neve or Gustavo liked to see.
未能赢得经久不息的掌声，这可不是内芙或古斯塔沃乐于见到的局面。

“I don’t remember things being this glum when we watched Unity back last month. Should we consider re-cutting it?” Gustavo’s lips pursed, either at the
"我不记得上个月看《团结》试映时有这么糟糕。我们要考虑重新剪辑吗？"古斯塔沃抿着嘴，不知是因为

situation or at the wine he was gulping. Neve drank hers without tasting it.
当前处境，还是因为他正大口吞咽的葡萄酒。内芙机械地灌下杯中酒，全然尝不出滋味。

As was becoming their little tradition on these European jaunts, most nights—after attending the various after-parties—they shared a nightcap in the form of a
在这些欧洲短途旅行中，他们逐渐形成了小习惯——多数夜晚参加完各种余兴派对后，总会共饮一杯睡前酒作为

bottle of red wine at the bar of whichever hotel they were residing in. While at the Cannes festival, it was the lounge at Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc, where the Gannon
在他们下榻的任意一家酒店的酒吧里喝瓶红酒。在戛纳电影节期间，则是在伊甸豪海角酒店的休息室，那里是甘农

contingent was staying.
该部队正在驻扎。

The luxurious surroundings, all caramel leathers and soft carpets, did nothing to soothe the mood. After two glasses and more discussion about tentatively
奢华的周遭环境，满目焦糖色皮革与柔软地毯，丝毫未能缓和气氛。两杯酒下肚，又进行了更多关于初步

reshooting or re-cutting some of the scenes in at least two of the movies with content they could successfully film in LA instead of incurring sky-high expenses by
在至少两部电影中重拍或重新剪辑部分场景，用他们能在洛杉矶成功拍摄的内容替代，而非因重返冰岛或爱尔兰取景而承担天价费用，

returning to locations in Iceland or Ireland, Gustavo excused himself to make a call.
古斯塔沃借故离开去打了个电话。

As she waved him away and drained her glass, her mind spun. She could already see both the amount of work, if done right, and the expenses spreadsheets.
她挥手示意他离开，将杯中酒一饮而尽，思绪翻涌。她已能预见——若处理得当——所需的工作量，以及那些开支报表。

None were things she liked to even entertain, but if organized properly, they could be accomplished. Scenes reshot, budgets expanded to pay for it all. She’d make
这些都不是她愿意考虑的事情，但若妥善安排，仍可完成。场景可以重拍，预算可以追加来支付这一切。她会确保

it work, and Gustavo’s PR would put lipstick on the very pretty pig. Neve closed her eyes and massaged her temples. She should have paid closer attention. Her
它奏效了，而古斯塔沃的公关手段不过是给这头漂亮的猪涂口红罢了。内芙闭上眼睛，揉着太阳穴。她本该更留心的。她

flagship movie of the season…
本季度的旗舰电影…

You will never amount to anything!
你永远都不会有出息！

 Stop, stop, stop…
停下，停下，快停下…

“Are you okay?” Gustavo’s sudden appearance by her elbow startled her and his voice, particularly the note of concern in it, made her slowly take her fingers
“你还好吗？”古斯塔沃突然出现在她身侧，这让她吓了一跳，而他声音里那抹明显的关切，让她缓缓将手指

off her face and give him a disgusted look.
从脸上移开，并向他投去一个嫌恶的眼神。

“Order more wine, Gustavo…”
“再点些酒来，古斯塔沃……”

“...and mind your own business.” He finished for her, but signaled for the bartender.
“……管好你自己的事。”他替她补完了后半句，却还是向酒保打了个手势。

She really should go up to her suite and get a plan in place for what could and would be changed in Unity. She had won two Academy Awards years ago for
她真该回套房好好规划一下能在 Unity 中做出哪些改变。毕竟几年前她就曾两度摘得奥斯卡奖杯。

directing, and her eye was as impeccable as ever. Well, when she was not being a total fool. But she had no desire to return to her rooms. As sumptuous and
她的执导眼光一如既往地无可挑剔。当然，在她不犯傻的时候。但她毫无回到房间的意愿。尽管那些房间奢华而

comfortable as they were, and as much work as she had, her suite also held a set of papers that had been waiting for her ever since she’d checked in on Sunday
尽管她的套房舒适宜人，工作也堆积如山，但自周日入住以来，那里始终放着一叠等待她处理的文件

night.
夜。

Dmitriy had followed through and filed for divorce, his attorney sending the paperwork to Cannes to avoid any further delays and proceed with the dissolution
德米特里已着手办理离婚手续，其律师将文件寄往戛纳以避免进一步延误，推进婚姻关系的解除

of marriage. Even though Neve was the one who had broached the subject of separation to Dmitriy, it grated on her that he’d proceeded with the course of action
婚姻的终结。尽管是妮芙先向德米特里提出分居，但他果断采取行动的做法仍令她感到刺痛。

quite this efficiently.
如此高效。

Two months ago, as New York Times International Edition published its first article under Audrey Avens’ byline, Neve had drunk herself into a near stupor and
两个月前，当《纽约时报》国际版首次刊登奥黛丽·埃文斯的署名文章时，内芙曾把自己灌得烂醉如泥

told Dmitriy, who’d found her slumped on the couch in the ground floor study, that their arrangement was no longer working for her.
她告诉德米特里，他们之间的安排对她不再奏效了。当时德米特里在一楼书房发现她瘫倒在沙发上。

“I guess it hasn’t been working for either of us, Neve. And for some time now.” Dmitriy’s hands had been sure and gentle as he helped her up. As if she was
"我想这个安排对我们俩都不奏效了，妮芙。而且已经有一段时间了。"德米特里扶她起来时，双手坚定而温柔。仿佛她

fragile, as if he was trying to avoid the big, messy, bleeding wound dead center of her chest, he’d handled her with such care. He also watched her with the
是易碎的，仿佛他正试图避开她胸口正中那个巨大、凌乱、流血不止的伤口，他如此小心翼翼地对待她。他也用那种

expression of someone who knew not doing so would be fatal. She turned her face away from him.
知道不这样做就会致命的人的表情注视着她。她把脸转开不看他。

“I hope you don’t think I’ll apologize…” Her head was spinning, and she wished he had just left her in the study, the room still bringing her solace when not
“希望你别指望我会道歉……”她感到天旋地转，多希望他刚才就让她留在书房里——那个仍能在无人时给予她慰藉的房间

much else could.
其他事物都无法企及。

“I’d accept it if you did. I’d even apologize right back. I wish I could say we had a good run, but…” Dmitriy trailed off as he helped her navigate the stairs to
“如果你愿意接受，我会欣然同意。我甚至也会立刻道歉。真希望能说我们曾有过美好的时光，但……”德米特里扶她走下楼梯时，声音渐渐低了下去。

the second floor.
二楼。

“Except we had no run to speak off.” Neve extricated herself from his arms when they reached the top and slumped against the doorway to her bedroom. She
"可惜我们根本无路可逃。"当他们爬到顶层时，内芙挣脱了他的怀抱，瘫靠在自己卧室的门框上。她

was apprehensive about going inside, the space holding no memories and none of that solace, since Audrey had never crossed its threshold.
对进入房间感到犹豫，这个空间既没有回忆，也毫无慰藉可言——因为奥黛丽从未踏足过这里。

“Not much of a run, no. Do you want me to draw up the paperwork?” They’d watched each other like rival soldiers across enemy lines. His gaze had held so
"确实算不上逃跑。需要我现在起草文件吗？"他们像敌我对峙的士兵般互相审视。他目光中

much pity that Neve wanted to slap him across his handsome face.
饱含的怜悯让内芙恨不得给那张俊脸来上一巴掌。

“Do what you wish, Dmitriy.”
“随你便，德米特里。”

Looking back now, sitting on a high leather stool ensconced in the corner of the Bellini Bar inside the Cap-Eden-Roc, Neve thought that he actually could be
此刻坐在卡普-艾登-洛克酒店贝里尼酒吧角落高脚皮凳上的妮芙回想起来，觉得他偶尔确实能表现出

efficient on occasion. Too bad said efficiency was occurring at the end of their relationship. Perhaps things could have gone differently between them if he’d shown
高效的一面。可惜这种高效偏偏出现在他们关系的尾声。倘若他早些展现出

such diligence and zeal before.
这样的勤勉与热忱，或许两人的结局会有所不同。

You’re not being fair to him, a voice that was suspiciously similar to Dr. Moore sounded in her ear. Funny how Neve’s conscience now had a face and a
你这样对他不公平，一个酷似摩尔医生的声音在她耳边响起。有趣的是，内芙的良心现在居然有了具体的模样和

name. Dr. Moore would have a field day if she knew.
名字。要是摩尔医生知道这事，准会乐不可支。

She shook her head and laughed mirthlessly at the absurdity of her thoughts. Even if Dmitriy had been Mr. Efficiency himself, there was no chance in heaven or
她摇摇头，对自己荒谬的念头发出苦涩的轻笑。就算迪米特里是效率先生本尊，任凭他有通天彻地的本事

hell he could have stopped Hurricane Audrey from causing the sheer destruction she’d unleashed on Neve’s life. Continued to unleash, Neve corrected herself.
也阻止不了奥黛丽飓风对内芙人生造成的毁灭性打击——现在依然在持续肆虐，内芙在心里纠正道。

A year after Audrey had walked out of the Gannon offices, she still consumed Neve’s thoughts. And despite the time and distance, the feeling of desolation
奥黛丽离开甘农公司一年后，她依然占据着内芙的思绪。尽管时光流转、相隔两地，那种孤寂感

was as acute as it had been six months ago, when the emotions had cut her to ribbons every night, and she’d drowned herself in whiskey and self-pity. She
仍如半年前那般尖锐——当时每个夜晚情绪都将她撕成碎片，她只能沉溺于威士忌与自怜之中。她

couldn’t even say that, in the time that had passed, she’d found a better coping mechanism than alcohol.
甚至无法宣称在这段逝去的时光里，自己找到了比酒精更好的应对方式。

Audrey was no longer just a cab ride away, but at regular intervals, she still unwittingly prompted reminders of herself, and Neve found herself utterly
奥黛丽不再是一趟出租车就能抵达的距离，但她仍会不经意间留下存在过的痕迹，而内芙发现自己始终

powerless to avoid them. She still read Audrey’s blog about the exploits of a young journalist trying to find her place under the sun. She smiled, and for the first
无力回避这些。她仍在阅读奥黛丽的博客，那是一个年轻记者试图在阳光下找到自己位置的冒险故事。她笑了，这是长久以来第一次

time in a long time, she felt like it was a genuine, if regretful one. Neve had been that sun once. And Audrey was her Icarus.
发自内心的笑容，尽管带着遗憾。妮芙曾是那轮太阳。而奥黛丽是她的伊卡洛斯。

The months following Audrey’s move to France were a fascinating series of stories about French cafes, French croissants, and the unadulterated joy that
奥黛丽移居法国后的几个月里，博客记录了一系列迷人的故事：法国的咖啡馆、法式牛角包，以及那种纯粹的快乐——显然

apparently were French women. Oh, so many beautiful, available, and chic French women.
这就是法国女人。哦，那么多美丽、单身又时髦的法国女人。

When she’d arrived in Paris, Audrey had sheepishly admitted that she’d moved to France with some deeply ingrained cliches about them and had set out to
初到巴黎时，奥黛丽曾不好意思地承认，自己带着对法国人根深蒂固的刻板印象来到这里，并决心

either prove or disprove them all, one blog post at a time.
通过一篇篇博文来验证或推翻这些成见。

Months later, she was on cliche number eight, after covering French kissing and the perpetual impression of all foreigners that French women are particularly
数月后，在写完法式热吻和外国人普遍认为法国女性特别

sexually liberated. The last article’s cliche pertained to their preferences for shaving or waxing their body hair. The 3,000 word post was funny and interspersed
性开放这两篇后，她正着手写第八个刻板印象。上篇文章探讨了法国女性对脱毛方式的偏好，那篇 3000 字的博文风趣幽默，字里行间

with anecdotes about cultural grooming practices, and Neve could easily draw her conclusion that Audrey had done quite “thorough research” for the article.
从那些关于文化仪容习惯的趣闻轶事中，妮芙不难得出结论——奥黛丽为这篇报道做了"相当彻底的研究"。

Peripherally, Neve was aware that Audrey was becoming as much of a staple of the nightlife in Paris as she had been in LA following their breakup. Her
妮芙隐约意识到，自从她们分手后，奥黛丽在巴黎夜场逐渐变得像在洛杉矶时一样如鱼得水。她的

connections from Gannon and the Tribune, augmented by her own ‘star power’ and current employment at Times, were opening a lot of doors for her.
人脉网络——既有来自甘农和《论坛报》的旧关系，又因她自身的"明星光环"及目前在《时代周刊》的任职而扩展——正为她打开许多扇机遇之门。

In the preceding months, Neve had also become aware that Elinor decided to use Audrey quite differently than her Tribune editor had, moving her away from
过去几个月里，妮芙也注意到埃莉诺对奥黛丽的使用方式与《论坛报》那位编辑截然不同，开始让她远离

entertainment and into human interest stories covering migration and human trafficking across Europe.
从娱乐新闻转向报道欧洲移民与人口贩卖等社会议题。

“She is utterly wasted reporting on those ridiculous posers, dearest. With her empathy, her heart, and her open mind for a good story, she’s perfect for
"让她报道那些装腔作势的名流简直是暴殄天物，亲爱的。以她的共情能力、赤子之心和对好故事的敏锐嗅觉

covering the most gut-wrenching beats there are. She really brings out the best and the worst in both her subjects and the stories. She has such a talent for the
完全能驾驭最撕心裂肺的题材。她总能让采访对象和故事本身展现出最光明与最阴暗的面向。在催泪报道方面

tearjerker, Neve. Not to sound over-the-top, but really, she’s done some amazing things with stories nobody at my Editorials or Features wanted to touch for
她确实天赋异禀，内芙。不是我夸大其词，那些连我们编辑部专题组都避之不及的选题，经她之手都成了震撼人心的杰作

months!”
几个月了！”

The Times editor had all but gushed during their short lunch a month ago when she had visited LA for some conference or another. If Elinor’s eyes were glinting
《泰晤士报》编辑一个月前在洛杉矶参加某个会议时，与她在短暂午餐中的交谈几乎带着溢美之词。如果埃莉诺谈起奥黛丽时

just a touch too bright when she spoke of Audrey, Neve tried not to dwell on it.
眼中闪烁的光芒过于明亮，内芙也尽量不去多想。

Occasionally Neve saw Audrey’s photographs accompany her reporting, and the work would reflect such empathy and poignancy, it would take her breath
偶尔内芙会看到奥黛丽的照片配在她的报道旁，那些作品总是饱含如此深刻的共情与哀婉，每每令她屏息。

away.
离去。

“She’s really diving deep with her photography these days, dearest. If I didn’t know her and her thirst for storytelling and writing, I might be afraid that I could
“她最近在摄影上真是下足了功夫，亲爱的。要不是我了解她对故事和写作的渴望，我可能会担心她会……”

lose her to some fashion magazine down the road or, you know, a film studio!” Elinor had smiled, and there’d been just a touch of rebuke in that gesture that had
怕她将来被什么时尚杂志或者电影公司给抢走！”埃莉诺当时笑了笑，那笑容里带着一丝责备的意味

not quite reached the eyes.
笑意未达眼底。

As Gustavo bid her good night, Neve reached for her glass again. It had been a couple of days since her latest therapy session, where Dr. Moore had casually
当古斯塔沃向她道晚安时，尼芙再次伸手去拿她的酒杯。距离她上次与摩尔医生的治疗已经过去了好几天，那次治疗中医生不经意间

upended her world to the beat of a Montblanc pen against the smooth surface of her palm.
她的小世界随着万宝龙钢笔在她光滑掌心的轻叩节奏而天翻地覆。

Neve remembered how sitting upright in that comfortable chair in front of her therapist—her skin flushed and struggling to draw breath as her chest was being
内芙记得自己如何在那位心理治疗师面前的正直坐姿——她皮肤泛红，胸口起伏艰难地试图呼吸

constricted by some unseen vise—she had realized she loved more than that voice, that through all the fear, all the terror and pain, she loved Audrey.
被某种无形的钳子紧紧束缚着——她意识到自己爱上的不只是那个声音，在所有的恐惧、所有的惊骇与痛苦中，她爱的是奥黛丽。

What had she done? She had gone and fallen in love, amidst panic attacks and tears, with a girl who haunted her dreams. And under the dim light of a bar in
她究竟做了什么？在阵阵恐慌与泪水中，她竟不可救药地爱上那个萦绕梦境的女孩。而当她晕眩麻木地坐在

Cannes, nauseous and numb, Neve realized just how deep her feelings ran. Surely it was the worst time to recognize how hopelessly, senselessly she was in love
戛纳酒吧的昏黄灯光下时，内芙才惊觉这份情愫有多深。偏偏在这最糟糕的时刻，她意识到自己无可救药地、荒唐地爱上了

with someone she’d pushed away in a fit of cruelty and fear.
那个曾被自己用残忍与恐惧推开的姑娘。

She shook her head at herself. Neve Blackthorne was known for her perfect timing, yet here she was, in the midst of an impending divorce that was about to
她对自己摇了摇头。以精准时机掌控闻名的内芙·布莱克索恩，此刻却深陷即将爆发的离婚风波中

go very public, having earth-shattering revelations about love.
公开宣扬，对爱情有着惊天动地的领悟。

“Dr. Moore, I’m fairly certain my heart is incapable of such gauche banalities as love,” she’d told her therapist before she’d escaped the wretched session
"摩尔医生，我非常确定我的心无法容纳诸如爱情这般庸俗的情感，"她在逃离那场糟糕的治疗前对心理医生说道

twenty minutes early.
提前二十分钟。

And wasn’t she supposed to be above such a lack of sophistication? The irony wasn’t entirely lost on her, since that had been one of the many targeted
她不是应该超脱于这种缺乏教养的行为吗？这种讽刺并未完全逃过她的注意，毕竟这正是众多针对她的指责之一

accusations she had thrown Audrey’s way when she had told her she had feelings for Neve. Such foolishness.
她曾对奥黛丽倾吐自己对妮芙的感情时，那些掷向奥黛丽的指责是多么愚蠢啊。

Yet no doubt about it, her heart was beating double-time, and she was on the verge of hyperventilating. Oh, what had she done?
然而毫无疑问，她的心跳正以双倍速度狂跳，几乎要窒息了。天啊，她都干了些什么？

The rhythmic clicking of high heels on marble broke through her reverie, and the effect of the interruption stopped her impending anxiety attack dead in its
高跟鞋在大理石地面上有节奏的咔嗒声打断了她的遐想，这突如其来的干扰将她即将爆发的焦虑症生生扼在了

tracks. She had to wonder about what deity was ironically turning the tables on her. Here she was, confessing to herself that she had feelings for Audrey, whom she
萌芽状态。她不禁怀疑是哪位神明在讽刺性地扭转局面——此刻她正坦承自己对奥黛丽怀有感情，而这位

had treated horribly to save her own skin—and said deity laughed in her face by sending this particular girl to this particular bar in the heart of Cannes right at that
为了保全自己而残忍对待他人——而那位神明却偏偏在那一刻，将那个特别的女孩送到戛纳市中心这家特别的酒吧，对着她放声大笑

moment.
就在那个瞬间。

She would have recognized that gait anywhere. God knows she’d waited for Audrey to walk into a room often enough to know the cadence of her steps.
无论在哪里，她都能认出那种步态。天知道她曾多少次等待奥黛丽走进房间，早已熟悉她脚步的韵律。

Despite her training and her attempts at grace, Audrey was innately just a tiny bit clumsy. It was so endearing how her stride would occasionally falter. It did not
尽管受过训练并努力保持优雅，奥黛丽骨子里仍带着一丝笨拙。她偶尔踉跄的步伐是如此可爱。这并不

waver this time though, and once the heels were muffled by the lush carpet that surrounded the bar, Neve knew her time to collect herself and her wayward feelings
这一次她没有犹豫，当高跟鞋的声响被酒吧周围厚实的地毯吞没时，内芙知道她整理心绪的时间

was up. The girl was standing right behind her.
到了。那个女孩就站在她身后。

In her mind it was like one of the classic Hollywood movies. She was almost tempted to turn around with a retort of, ‘of all the gin joints in all the world,’ but
这场景在她脑海中犹如经典好莱坞电影。她几乎要忍不住转身说出那句"全世界那么多酒吧"，但

Neve was never trite or given to cliches. Roll camera. Action.
内芙从不落俗套。镜头开拍。Action。

The scene unfolded in slow motion as Neve turned, and her eyes met Audrey’s. The sight hit her square in the chest with the power of a defibrillator. No girl.
当尼芙转身时，整个场景如同慢动作般展开，她的目光与奥黛丽相遇。这一瞥如同除颤器般精准击中她的心脏。眼前站着的已不是当年那个女孩。

Not anymore. A tall, slim woman was standing in front of her. The luscious, brunette locks were gone, replaced by a short, boyish pixie cut, with longer bangs
取而代之的是一位高挑纤瘦的女子。昔日浓密的棕褐色长发消失无踪，取而代之的是俏皮的短发波波头，额前垂落的刘海

falling teasingly over her eyes. “So very French”.
顽皮地轻扫过眼眸。"真是法式风情十足"。

She must have said it out loud, because the otherwise inscrutable features softened, and a mirthless smile blossomed on the pouty lips.
她肯定是不自觉说出了声，因为对方那原本难以捉摸的面容突然柔和下来，饱满的双唇勾起一抹不带欢愉的微笑。

“When in France… Good evening, Neve.”
“在法国的时候…晚上好，奈芙。”

The generous mouth moved, and distantly Neve registered the words, but her mind was busy, engaged in cataloging all the changes in the face and body she
那张丰润的嘴唇开合着，奈芙恍惚听见了问候，但她的思绪正忙着清点这张脸庞与身体上

thought she had known as well as her own.
她曾以为熟悉如己的所有变化。

The short hair revealed a narrower face, the remnants of the youthful fullness it had still held last year gone. The change, in turn, unveiled stunning sharp
短发勾勒出更削瘦的面容，去年尚存的青春丰盈已消逝无踪。这种转变反而凸显出惊人的锐利

cheekbones that were offset by eyes that seemed to dominate the beloved face. Beloved. Not madness anymore.
颧骨被那双似乎主宰着挚爱面容的眼睛所中和。挚爱。不再是疯狂。

The cut also uncovered the long expanse of Audrey’s graceful neck, all alabaster skin and translucent veins. A pulse was beating somewhat erratically just
这道切口还展露出奥黛丽修长优雅的脖颈，肌肤如雪花石膏般洁白，血管若隐若现。脉搏在

beneath the delectable angle of the jaw, and to Neve’s surprise she understood that her slow appraisal of the changes in Audrey was unnerving the woman and
下颌诱人曲线下方略显紊乱地跳动着，令内芙意外的是，她意识到自己缓慢审视奥黛丽变化的方式让这位女士

making her uncomfortable, perhaps even angry.
感到不安和不适，甚至可能激怒了她。

As their eyes met, the anger became apparent. Anger and something else, something hiding in those wide green depths. Something that looked remarkably like
四目相对时，愤怒显而易见。愤怒中还夹杂着别的情绪，潜藏在那双碧绿眼眸的深处。那神情像极了——

desire.
渴望。

Words were escaping Neve. How could she be expected to speak when all her senses were alight with a terrible, unfathomable longing that had been unknown
话语从内芙的唇边溜走。当她的所有感官都被一种可怕而难以理解的、前所未有的渴望点燃时，她怎能开口说话呢？

to her until now? If she thought she’d been missing Audrey while not seeing her for a year, well, she was certainly dying for her now that she was standing right in
直到现在才对她产生这种感觉？如果说一年不见奥黛丽时她以为自己已经够想念了，那么此刻当奥黛丽真真切切站在面前时，她简直思念成疾

front of her, glaring at her like someone might at one’s mortal enemy. But even that forceful glare was doing things to Neve’s insides. The strength of that gaze was
她面前，瞪视她的眼神如同面对死敌。但即便是那充满敌意的目光，也在尼芙体内激起阵阵涟漪。那道目光的力量

making her wet, was making her crave, made her want to beg to be bent over this very bar stool, rich patrons of the Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc be damned.
令她情动，令她渴望，令她恨不得当场趴在这吧台椅上哀求，管他什么蔚蓝海岸酒店的高贵宾客。

She wanted to say, “An entire year has passed and I still want you, want you with the heat of a supernova. But I’m so afraid, dear heart, I’m so afraid…” But
她想说："整整一年过去，我依然渴望你，如同超新星爆发般炽烈地渴望。但我多害怕啊，亲爱的，我多害怕..." 但

Neve held her tongue and bit her lip. Nothing had changed.
尼芙咬住嘴唇沉默不语。一切都没有改变。

“I see little has changed, Neve.” Audrey’s words startled her out of her reverie. God, was she this transparent? “I see you still don’t deign to offer me the
“看来没什么变化嘛，尼芙。”奥黛丽的话将她从恍惚中惊醒。天啊，自己就这么容易被看穿吗？“看来你还是不屑于对我施舍

common courtesy of simple human communication. Answering greetings is still beneath you?”
最基本的人际交往礼仪。连回应问候都配不上你的身份？”

Ah, the brash boldness was new too, but blessedly Audrey was still not a mind-reader. Neve grappled to find her infamous dismissive tone of voice.
啊，这份莽撞的胆量倒是新鲜，不过谢天谢地奥黛丽依然不会读心术。尼芙努力找回自己那闻名遐迩的轻蔑语调。

“You’ve grown daring in your exile in France.”
“在法国流亡的日子让你胆量见长啊。”

Audrey sputtered at the words, and it was gratifying to see that, despite Audrey’s newly gained otherworldly quality to her husky tone and mature posture,
奥黛丽被这番话呛得语塞，令人欣慰的是，尽管她沙哑的声线和成熟的姿态已带有超脱尘世的气质，

Neve still had the power to easily provoke this woman.
内芙依然能轻易激怒这个女人。

Not bothering to hide her wry smile at the realization, Neve waved her hand carelessly. “No, no, that wasn’t intended as a question. But this next one is. I
意识到这点后，内芙毫不掩饰地露出讥笑，随意摆了摆手。"不，那不算提问。但接下来这个才是——我

assume you’re disturbing my evening for a reason?”
猜你打扰我的夜晚总该有个理由？"

“I need to speak to you.”
“我需要和你谈谈。”

“Well, you’ve spoken to me. Clearly, your objective has been accomplished. Now run along.” She made a production of dismissing Audrey with a tilt of her
“哦，你已经和我谈过了。显然，你的目的已经达到了。现在可以走了。”她夸张地歪着头对奥黛丽下了逐客令

head and returned her attention to her fourth glass of wine. It tasted bitter on her tongue. Please, please, leave. I cannot stand that. I cannot stand that at all.
随后又将注意力转回她的第四杯酒。酒液在她舌尖泛着苦涩。求你了，快走吧。我受不了这样。我实在受不了这样。

“Don’t be rude, Neve. Invite me up to your room.” Audrey’s assertiveness had always been so attractive, so very tantalizing, but Neve refused to give in, even
“别这么无礼，内芙。请我进你房间吧。”奥黛丽的强势向来如此迷人，如此令人心痒难耐，但内芙拒绝让步

when fighting this feeling was torture.
与这种感觉抗争简直是种折磨。

“I think not, Audrey. I’m not sure what you wanted to achieve by showing up here, but for old times’ sake or not, I’m not in the mood.”
"我想不必了，奥黛丽。我不清楚你出现在这里想达成什么目的，但无论是否念及旧情，我现在都没这个心情。"

To her surprise, Audrey laughed and, just like Pavlov’s dog, ingrained, habitual emotions were unleashed in Neve again. Audrey’s laughter had always brought
令她意外的是，奥黛丽笑了起来，而就像巴甫洛夫的狗那样，根深蒂固的习惯性情绪再次在妮芙体内翻涌。奥黛丽的笑声总能带来

elation, trepidation, and arousal. As if Neve needed any more of that. The scent of Audrey, Chanel, and that unique fragrance that was all woman had had her on
狂喜、悸动与情欲。仿佛妮芙还需要更多刺激似的。奥黛丽身上香奈儿的香水味，混合着那种独属成熟女性的气息，早已让她

edge since the moment Audrey had stepped close enough for Neve to sense it.
从奥黛丽靠近到能让内芙察觉的那一刻起，优势就已显现。

“God, what the fuck am I even doing here?” Audrey rolled her eyes but did not move away. “Invite me up to your room, Neve. You’ll want to hear me out. I
“天啊，我他妈到底在这儿干嘛？”奥黛丽翻了个白眼，但并未挪动脚步。“邀请我去你房间吧，内芙。你会想听我把话说完的。我

don’t think you want me to spill the details of how your boss is trying to sell the studio out from under you right here in the middle of one of the most popular
你大概不想让我在这儿——全城最热闹的地方之一——把你老板正打算背着你卖掉工作室的细节全抖出来吧

lounges of the festival. God knows who in here is even now wondering what the hell it is you’re doing talking to the Gannon pariah.”
音乐节的休息区里。天知道现在有谁在纳闷，你究竟为什么要和甘农家的弃儿搭话。

The short monologue stopped Neve’s glass halfway to her mouth and made her take a furtive look around. Seeing some vaguely familiar faces in the shadows
这段独白让内芙举到半空的酒杯骤然停住，她偷偷环顾四周。在休息厅昏暗处瞥见几张似曾相识的面孔

of the lounge, Neve signaled the bartender to charge her room for the drinks she’d consumed this evening, stood up, and wordlessly exited the Bellini, Audrey’s
内芙向酒保示意将今晚消费记入房账，起身无言地离开贝里尼酒吧，奥黛丽的高跟鞋

heels clicking an almost uniform rhythm behind her.
在她身后踏出近乎均匀的节奏声。

The elevator ride took forever and did nothing to quell her desire or her memories of being ravished in similar elevators in other hotels, only without the state-
电梯上升得无比漫长，既无法平息她的欲望，也抹不去那些在其他酒店类似电梯里被侵占的回忆——只不过少了政府

of-the-art discreet cameras that were now recording their every move.
最先进的隐蔽摄像头此刻正记录着他们的一举一动。

Her hand, however, was steady as she keyed open her suite. Audrey’s low whistle at the surrounding luxury made Neve bristle.
然而她打开套房时，手却稳得出奇。奥黛丽对周遭奢华发出的低低口哨声让妮芙寒毛直竖。