Archive of Our Own ^beta

In a way, hooking up felt like a totally normal trajectory for their relationship.
從某種角度來說，上床似乎是他們關係再自然不過的發展。

They were horny young guys literally banned from hooking up with anybody else. The options for releasing sexual frustration were limited to four, and his best friend seemed like the safest choice. Not to mention Soobin was the only one Beomgyu had ever thought of like that, putting him far above the others on the list of people to potentially ask to fuck in order to platonically release sexual frustration.
他們是血氣方剛的年輕男孩，卻被明令禁止與其他人發生關係。發洩性慾的選項只有四個，而他的摯友顯然是最安全的選擇。更別說范奎是唯一讓玟奎產生過這種念頭的人，在「為了柏拉圖式發洩性慾而可能求歡」的名單上，范奎遠勝其他所有人。

He didn’t have the courage to bring it up until they got wasted in Beomgyu’s childhood bedroom, which should’ve been weird, but for some reason wasn’t at all. Now, two months later, the whole thing is a nonfactor in Beomgyu’s life. The transition from ‘best friends’ to ‘best friends who get each other off’ was so seamless he barely thinks about it anymore, even as it’s happening.
直到兩人在玟奎兒時臥室喝得爛醉，他才鼓起勇氣提出這個要求。照理說這應該很尷尬，但不知為何完全沒有。如今兩個月過去，這件事在玟奎生活中已無足輕重。從「摯友」到「互相解決需求的摯友」的轉變如此自然，他甚至很少再去思考這件事，就連實際發生時也不例外。

At least, he didn’t until today.
至少在今天之前，他確實沒多想。

Normally, the most they do is kiss and rub against each other until they come in their boxers like teenagers. This very recently—as in the past-week recently—escalated into Soobin touching Beomgyu’s dick, which today somehow escalated into them fucking for real. Like, for real for real.
通常他們最多就是親吻和互相磨蹭，直到像青少年一樣在內褲裡射精。但就在最近——真的是上週才發生的事——情況升級到秀彬開始撫摸范奎的陰莖，而今天不知怎麼地，他們竟然真的做愛了。是真的，貨真價實的那種。

It feels like he blinked and then suddenly Soobin had his fingers up Beomgyu’s ass and Beomgyu was turning to jelly under him. He has no idea how Soobin roped him into doing this.
感覺就像他眨了個眼，突然間秀彬的手指就插進了范奎的屁股裡，而范奎在他身下軟得像灘果凍。他完全不知道秀彬是怎麼說服他做到這一步的。

Okay, that’s a total lie. Beomgyu dreamed for years of having Soobin take him apart like this, so it didn’t take that much convincing. He’s more confused about what prompted Soobin to bring it up in the first place, why they moved on from kissing and grinding at all.
好吧，這完全是謊話。范奎多年來一直夢想著秀彬能這樣徹底佔有他，所以根本不需要太多說服。他更困惑的是，到底是什麼促使秀彬一開始提出這個要求，為什麼他們會從單純的親吻和磨蹭發展到這一步。

“Ow,” Beomgyu hisses, kicking Soobin in the side when Soobin accidentally presses in a bit too hard, a bit too fast. “That fucking hurts.”
「痛死了，」范奎嘶聲罵道，當秀彬不小心插得太深太快時，他往秀彬腰側踹了一腳。「他媽的超痛。」

“Of course it hurts,” Soobin snaps in response, his absurdly big cock balls-deep in Beomgyu. “I’m inside your asshole.”
「當然會痛，」秀彬沒好氣地回應，他那尺寸誇張的陰莖正深深埋在範奎體內。「我可是插在你屁眼裡。」

Beomgyu groans, throwing his arms over his face.
範奎呻吟著，把手臂蓋在臉上。

“Can you not say it like that?” he requests, squirming around to find a comfortable position. It doesn’t do much to ease off the pain, though, and the sting sends a shock up his spine. He withholds a moan. “It’s—it’s not sexy when you say the word ‘asshole’.”
「你能不能別這樣說？」他扭動身體想找個舒服的姿勢，但這對緩解疼痛沒什麼幫助，那股刺痛感沿著脊椎竄上來。他忍住一聲呻吟。「當你說『屁眼』這個詞的時候...一點都不性感。」

Soobin’s brows knit together. “But it’s the truth?”
秀彬皺起眉頭。「但這是事實啊？」

“You’re the worst dirty talker in the world.”
「你是全世界最不會講色情話的人。」

“I’m not dirty talking!” Soobin shouts, hitting Beomgyu on the shoulder, presumably out of instinct. Beomgyu yelps—now that actually hurt, and not in the sexy way. Soobin never knows his own strength.
「我才沒有在講色情話！」秀彬大喊著，本能反應似地捶了杋圭肩膀一拳。杋圭痛呼出聲——這下是真的痛，而且一點都不性感。秀彬總是拿捏不好自己的力道。

Beomgyu closes his eyes, squeezing his legs around the side of Soobin’s head. “You can start moving,” he says, neutrally. Not too eager and not too mean. He just wants to get it over with, honestly.
杋圭閉上眼睛，雙腿夾緊秀彬的頭側。「你可以開始動了。」他語氣平淡地說。不太熱切也不太刻薄。說真的，他只是想快點結束這一切。

“Fine,” Soobin grumbles, and slides his cock out until the head tugs on Beomgyu’s rim, before slamming back in so hard the bed shakes.
「好啦。」秀彬咕噥著，將自己的性器緩緩抽出，直到龜頭卡在杋圭的邊緣，接著又重重地撞進去，力道大得連床都跟著晃動。

Beomgyu’s toes curl, and he muffles all his noises with one hand while Soobin learns how to hold a rhythm. It’s sloppy and uncoordinated and Soobin’s cock keeps slipping out by accident, but fuck it’s good, heat building in the pit of his stomach and chest tightening alarmingly fast.
範奎的腳趾蜷縮起來，他用一隻手摀住所有聲音，而秀彬正學習如何保持節奏。這很笨拙又不協調，秀彬的陰莖還不時意外滑出，但該死的這感覺真好，他下腹逐漸升溫，胸口以驚人的速度緊繃起來。

Not because Soobin is some sort of sex god or anything—he’s just blessed with a big dick and heightened focus, both of which he uses liberally on Beomgyu. And Beomgyu certainly isn’t complaining.
不是因為秀彬是什麼性愛之神之類的——他只是天生擁有傲人尺寸和超強專注力，而這兩樣他都毫不吝嗇地用在了杋圭身上。當然，杋圭可是一點怨言都沒有。

He sort of wished the whole experience would be terrible, so that they had something to laugh at, but it really isn’t. Beomgyu comes with a whimper not too long later, hips lifting into the air as he spills all over his own stomach.
他其實有點希望整個過程會很糟糕，這樣他們就有東西可以嘲笑，但事實並非如此。沒過多久，Beomgyu 就帶著一聲嗚咽達到了高潮，臀部抬離床面，將自己弄得滿身都是。

Untouched. So, if anything, Soobin will laugh at him.
保持原樣。所以，真要說的話，秀彬會笑他。

The only thing that is terrible is Soobin coming to a stop while deeply seated in Beomgyu, and then… nothing. Just Soobin’s fingers digging into his sides and the dull sensation of the condom bulking up from all the cum.
唯一糟糕的是，Soobin 在深深埋入 Beomgyu 體內時突然停下，然後…什麼也沒發生。只有 Soobin 的手指掐進他腰側，以及保險套因裝滿精液而鼓脹的鈍感。

And Soobin comes a lot. A lot. He keeps going and going and going and Beomgyu lies there awkwardly, struggling not to pout. Soobin comes so much and yet none of it gets inside or on Beomgyu.
秀彬來了很多次。很多次。他一次又一次地來，而范奎只能尷尬地躺在那裡，努力不讓自己噘嘴。秀彬來了這麼多次，卻沒有一點進入范奎體內或沾在他身上。

It irritates him, because he just generously gave Soobin his hole in the most unsexy way possible (because of Soobin, not him). The least Soobin can do is something hot at the end, like come on his face or inside him properly.
這讓他很惱火，因為他剛剛以最不性感的方式大方地讓 Soobin 使用了自己的後穴（這都要怪 Soobin，不是他的問題）。Soobin 至少該在最後來點火辣的，比如射在他臉上或好好射進他裡面。

Soobin pulls out and they both sigh. Beomgyu feels strangely empty now, hole clenching around nothing, and he scowls when he sees Soobin tug the condom off, soft cock settling against his thigh.
秀彬抽了出來，兩人同時嘆了口氣。範奎此刻感到一種莫名的空虛，穴口徒勞地收縮著，當他看到秀彬扯下保險套、軟下的陰莖貼在大腿上的模樣時，不禁皺起了眉頭。

There’s so much cum that it leaks out as Soobin attempts to tie the condom, getting all over his fingers and even the sheets.
精液多得在 Soobin 試圖綁緊保險套時溢了出來，沾滿了他的手指甚至床單。

“You came so much,” Beomgyu observes. “Next time, don’t wear a condom.”
「你射了好多，」範奎觀察道。「下次別戴套了。」

“What? I have to wear one,” Soobin says, frowning. He doesn’t flinch at Beomgyu’s ‘next time’. “And I don’t come that much.”
「什麼？我也得穿一件啊。」秀彬皺著眉頭說。他對范奎那句「下次再說」毫無反應。「而且我也沒那麼常射。」

“No, you don’t, and yes, you do.” Beomgyu forces himself to sit up properly, and he gingerly prods at his own entrance with his index finger. It’s all puffy.
「不，你沒有，但其實你有。」范奎強迫自己坐直身子，小心翼翼地用食指探向自己的後庭。那裡已經腫脹不堪。

Soobin squints at him. Once the condom is neatly wrapped up, he tosses it into the trash. Beomgyu almost swears it’s going to break from how full it is of Soobin’s cum. He’s genuinely shocked when it doesn’t.
秀彬瞇眼看著他。保險套被整齊地包好後，他隨手扔進垃圾桶。範奎差點就要罵出口，因為那玩意兒裝滿了秀彬的精液，看起來隨時會爆開。當它居然沒破時，他真心感到震驚。

What a waste of perfectly good cum. Like, Beomgyu doesn’t have a cum kink, but it can be sexy if used correctly. And while the sex itself was fine, they are sorely in need of increased sexiness.
真是浪費了這麼好的精液。雖然說，范奎並沒有對精液的癖好，但如果用對方式，還是可以很性感的。而雖然他們之間的性愛本身還算可以，但他們實在太需要提升性感度了。

Beomgyu tsks and decides, “Four out of ten.”
Beomgyu 嘖了一聲，決定道：「十分之四。」

Soobin glares at him, sitting back down on the bed. He doesn’t even grab a towel or anything for them. “Are you rating me?”
秀彬瞪著他，坐回床上。他甚至沒拿條毛巾或任何東西給他們。「你是在給我打分數嗎？」

“Three out of ten now,” Beomgyu says, and Soobin has the audacity to look annoyed. “Another mark gone because you didn’t clean us up.”
「現在只剩三分了，」范奎說道，而秀彬竟敢露出一臉不耐煩的樣子。「又少了一分，因為你沒把我們清理乾淨。」

“Clean yourself up!” Soobin shouts, cheeks warming. He reaches over, probably to smack Beomgyu or something like that, but Beomgyu dodges with a grin.
「把自己弄乾淨點！」秀彬喊道，臉頰發燙。他伸手過去，大概是想揍范奎之類的，但范奎咧嘴一笑躲開了。

“Hyung, you’re supposed to be taking care of me,” he whines. “I’m giving you my ass, shouldn’t you do what I want in return?”
「哥，你應該要照顧我才對，」他撒嬌道。「我都把屁股給你了，你不該照我想要的做嗎？」

“Not when what you want is for us to go raw and get cum everywhere and then I’m the one who has to clean it up,” Soobin grumbles.
「除非你想要我們不戴套然後搞得滿地都是，最後還得由我來收拾。」秀彬抱怨道。

“Embrace your inner cum fountain,” Beomgyu advises. Something promptly obscures his vision not even half a second later as Soobin slams a dirty pillow straight into his face, shutting him up.
「釋放你內在的噴泉吧。」范奎建議道。話音未落，秀彬立刻將髒枕頭直接砸在他臉上，遮蔽了他的視線，讓他閉上嘴巴。

“Shut up,” Soobin says, and Beomgyu bursts into laughter when he sees how rapidly Soobin’s cheeks are turning red. “I’m not a—I’m not even going to repeat it. You’re so mean to me.”
「閉嘴啦，」秀彬說，范奎看到他臉頰迅速泛紅的樣子忍不住大笑。「我才不是——我連說都不想說。你對我好壞。」

Beomgyu coos, obnoxiously shoving himself into Soobin’s space and hugging him, much to Soobin’s chagrin. He seems irritated by Beomgyu’s words, and Beomgyu files that reaction into his brain for later, smile growing. He’ll never pass up on ways to piss Soobin off.
范奎發出撒嬌的聲音，硬是擠進秀彬的空間並抱住他，讓秀彬相當不悅。他看起來被范奎的話惹惱了，而范奎將這個反應記在腦中以備後用，笑容逐漸擴大。他永遠不會放過任何能惹毛秀彬的機會。

If not only because it means he’s all Soobin thinks about for those few seconds he pretends to be annoyed.
如果不是因為這意味著在假裝惱火的那幾秒鐘裡，他滿腦子都是秀彬。

Like most things they do, they pick up on how to have good sex pretty quickly after that.
就像他們做的大多數事情一樣，在那之後他們很快就掌握了享受美好性愛的訣竅。

Soobin stops calling it his asshole and moves onto marginally sexier terms such as the abridged hole, and Beomgyu learns how to do more than lie there and take it. Beomgyu is almost positive Soobin does research after that first time, because his foreplay-to-fucking ratio improves drastically, and that’s not even something Beomgyu complained about.
秀彬不再稱呼它為他的屁眼，轉而使用稍微性感一點的詞彙，像是簡稱的洞。而範圭也學會了不只是躺在那裡承受一切。範圭幾乎可以肯定秀彬在第一次之後做了研究，因為他的前戲與做愛比例大幅提升，而這甚至不是範圭曾經抱怨過的事情。

All in all, getting bent over Soobin’s desk becomes something Beomgyu genuinely looks forward to doing when time permits. It also helps that Soobin is really fucking hot, and Beomgyu really loves staring at him, especially when he’s completely focused on Beomgyu.
總而言之，被壓在秀彬的辦公桌上這件事，已經成為範奎真心期待在有空時能做的事。更棒的是秀彬真的他媽的性感，範奎超愛盯著他看，尤其是當他全神貫注在範奎身上的時候。

It’s practically as good as an arrangement like this will get, so Beomgyu can’t complain that much.
這樣的安排已經算是相當不錯了，所以范奎也不能抱怨太多。

One thing that doesn’t change, however, is how insistent Soobin is on using a condom. That is the one thing Beomgyu will continue to complain about.
然而有一件事始終沒變，那就是秀彬堅持要使用保險套。這正是范奎會持續抱怨的唯一一件事。

Beomgyu got it. Past tense. It made sense when they first started because they were new and practising safe sex, but they are no longer new and they’ve done a lot of other nasty stuff like have Soobin’s tongue in his ass. So he doesn’t see why Soobin is still so dead set on wearing it.
Beomgyu 懂了。過去式。一開始他們這麼做還說得通，畢竟是新手又在實踐安全性行為，但他們早就不新了，還玩過更下流的花樣，比如讓 Soobin 用舌頭舔他的屁股。所以他實在不懂 Soobin 為什麼還這麼堅持要戴套。

Statistically, if they do it once a week without a condom, that’s not that dangerous, right? Surely it’s worth the risk. The incredibly minor risk, because they’re not fucking other people or anything like that. And they get tested every two weeks for good measure.
統計上來說，如果他們每週無套做愛一次，應該不算太危險吧？這風險絕對值得一冒。畢竟這風險微乎其微，因為他們又沒跟其他人亂搞什麼的。而且為了保險起見，他們每兩週就會做一次性病檢查。

Some time later, he finds himself it the not-unusual position of being lowered onto Soobin’s cock like a rag doll, because Soobin is a bitch who likes to misuse his natural strength during sex to fuck Beomgyu in ways that make his brain turn to static. Like this—Soobin gripping his waist, lifting him up and down with little to no effort from Beomgyu himself, Beomgyu’s own cock rubbing against their stomachs as he bounces.
過沒多久，他發現自己又陷入那個見怪不怪的處境——像破布娃娃般被緩緩放到秀彬的性器上。因為秀彬這混蛋總愛在床笫之間濫用他的天生神力，用各種讓範奎腦子變成雜訊的方式幹他。就像現在這樣——秀彬掐著他的腰，幾乎不需要範奎自己使力就能把他上下擺弄，範奎那根在彈跳間不斷磨蹭著兩人腹部的慾望。

“Hyung—” he manages to get out, and Soobin hums lowly, completely concentrated on driving himself as far as he can into Beomgyu. And holy shit is that far. He swears he can feel Soobin’s cock all the way in his fucking throat, it’s nestled so deep inside him. “Hyung—”
「哥——」他勉強擠出聲音，而 Soobin 低聲哼著，全神貫注地將自己盡可能深入 Beomgyu 體內。天啊，那真的深得離譜。他發誓自己甚至能感覺到 Soobin 的陰莖一路頂到他該死的喉嚨，就這麼深深地埋在他體內。「哥——」

He rakes his nails down Soobin’s chest, and Soobin groans, suddenly shoving Beomgyu down so his back is on the mattress, one leg squished on the bed and the other falling onto Soobin’s shoulder for easy access. Beomgyu hates this position because it’s so exposing, but he can’t deny how fucking hot it is to have Soobin looming over him like this, and how big he feels when Beomgyu’s all spread out and ready to take him.
他用指甲刮過秀彬的胸膛，秀彬呻吟著突然將範奎推倒在床墊上，背部陷入柔軟的布料中，一條腿蜷曲在床上，另一條腿則垂落在秀彬肩頭方便行事。範奎討厭這個姿勢因為太過暴露，但他無法否認當秀彬這樣籠罩著他時有多麼該死地性感，尤其當他完全敞開準備接納時，那種被填滿的龐大感更是令人戰慄。

The edge of the condom rubs against his hole every time Soobin thrusts back in, and Beomgyu squeezes his eyes shut, hips squirming every time.
保險套的邊緣每次在秀彬頂入時都會摩擦他的穴口，範奎緊閉雙眼，每次都會扭動臀部。

“Take it off,” he requests, though it comes out more like a beg, especially as his voice breaks on the last word. He swallows to fix it, but it’s becoming increasingly hard to both breathe and talk as his vision blurs from all the heat tingling in his body. “Take it off.”
「把它拿掉，」他要求道，儘管聽起來更像是在哀求，尤其當最後一個字音都破碎時。他吞了吞口水想穩住聲音，但隨著體內熱度讓視線模糊，呼吸和說話都變得越來越困難。「把它拿掉。」

“No,” Soobin answers, somehow sounding childish at the same time he sinks his cock into Beomgyu.
「不要，」Soobin 回答，聲音聽起來有些孩子氣，同時將自己的陰莖插入 Beomgyu 體內。

“You’re so—” Beomgyu’s back arches, and Soobin cuts him off with a slow roll of his hips, cock rubbing against Beomgyu’s warm insides, filling him up in ways Beomgyu didn’t even know was possible. Beomgyu only barely covers his mouth in time before letting out the most embarrassing noise he’s ever made.
「你真是——」范奎的背脊猛然弓起，修彬用緩慢的腰際擺動打斷了他的話語，灼熱的性器在范奎體內摩擦，以他從未想像過的方式將他填滿。范奎險些來不及摀住嘴，發出了這輩子最羞人的呻吟。

“I’m so?” Soobin taunts. He’s grinning like he’s won, and Beomgyu knees him in the side of the face as hard as he can in this position. Which isn’t that hard.
「我很怎樣？」秀彬挑釁道。他笑得像是贏了什麼似的，在這個姿勢下，杋圭用膝蓋使勁往他臉側頂去。其實也沒多使勁。

“Fuck you!” he says instead, and Soobin laughs.
「去你的！」他改口說道，而秀彬笑了。

“We’re literally fucking right n—”
「我們他媽的正在——」

Beomgyu slaps his hand over the back of Soobin’s neck and pulls him down, swallowing the rest of his words into a kiss. If Soobin isn’t going to comply and fuck him properly—as in, without the condom—the least he can do is not make shitty jokes during sex.
范奎一手拍上秀彬的後頸，將他往下拉，用吻吞沒他未竟的話語。既然秀彬不打算乖乖配合、好好上他——也就是說，不用保險套——那至少在做愛時別講那些爛笑話。

Thankfully, the only noise made after that is them gasping into each other’s mouths and Soobin slamming into Beomgyu’s lower half, and the moment Soobin gets a hand around Beomgyu’s cock, he’s gone.
幸好，之後僅剩的聲響便是他們在彼此唇間喘息，以及秀彬猛烈撞擊范奎下半身的動靜。當秀彬的手握住范奎的陰莖時，他瞬間就潰不成軍。

“Soobin—hyung,” Beomgyu cries out, the heel of his foot digging into Soobin’s back as his entire body tenses. Beomgyu comes all over Soobin’s hand, while Soobin squeezes him tight and curses loudly, emptying himself into the condom.
「秀彬哥——」範奎哭喊著，腳跟抵在秀彬的背上，全身緊繃。範奎在秀彬手中釋放，而秀彬緊緊摟著他，大聲咒罵著將自己傾注進保險套裡。

They stay there panting for a solid minute after. Beomgyu’s head spins, and his chest burns as he tries to catch his breath.
他們就這樣氣喘吁吁地躺了整整一分鐘。范奎的腦袋暈眩，胸口灼熱，努力想平復呼吸。

“Fuck,” Beomgyu says, blinking up at the ceiling.
「靠，」范奎眨著眼望向天花板。

Soobin lifts his head, still dazed, and so Beomgyu takes initiative and grabs Soobin’s hand, bringing it to mouth. His own cum sticks to the tips of Soobin’s fingers, and Beomgyu swirls his tongue around them, eyes closing as he tastes himself. Salty, but not too bad, and Beomgyu loves having Soobin’s fingers in his mouth.
秀彬仍有些恍惚地抬起頭，於是範圭主動抓起秀彬的手，將他的手指湊到自己嘴邊。秀彬指尖還沾著範圭的精液，範圭用舌頭纏繞著那些手指，閉上眼睛品嚐自己的味道。鹹鹹的，但還不錯，而且範圭很喜歡秀彬的手指在自己嘴裡的感覺。

“Holy shit,” Soobin breathes out.
「靠北，」秀彬低聲說道。

Beomgyu licks them until they’re perfectly clean and dripping with his spit. Soobin’s fingers slip out, resting on Beomgyu’s plump bottom lip.
範奎舔得它們一乾二淨，還沾滿了他的口水。秀彬的手指滑了出來，停在範奎豐滿的下唇上。

“Now, wouldn’t it be a lot sexier if that was your cum and not mine?” Beomgyu says, raspily. “If you would just pull out and take off the condom for once—”
「現在，如果那裡面是你的而不是我的，不是更性感嗎？」范奎沙啞地說。「只要你肯拔出來，把保險套拿掉一次——」

“No,” Soobin says for the fiftieth time, and well. It was worth a shot. Especially because of how Soobin’s cock fattens up again slightly from watching Beomgyu lick his fingers. “I’ll get us a towel.”
「不要。」水彬第五十次這麼說，好吧。至少試過了。尤其是看到彬圭舔手指時，水彬的傢伙又稍微脹大了一些。「我去拿條毛巾。」

He pulls out, leaving Beomgyu mournfully empty once more, and Beomgyu huffs.
他抽身而出，再度讓范奎感到空虛不已，范奎不禁氣呼呼地哼了一聲。

The sex is practically as good as it can get. Practically, but not actually, and Beomgyu will figure out how to get Soobin to cave, because there’s no way it’s simply Soobin being a stickler for safe sex. No way. Beomgyu isn’t even asking for Soobin to fuck him raw anymore; all he’s asking for is Soobin to come on him. Normal people do that all the time. It’s not even remotely out of the ordinary.
這場性愛幾乎已經好到不能再好了。幾乎，但還不夠，而范奎會想辦法讓秀彬屈服，因為秀彬不可能只是因為堅持安全性行為就拒絕。不可能。范奎甚至已經不再要求秀彬無套上他了；他只希望秀彬能射在他身上。正常人隨時都在這麼做，這根本一點都不奇怪。

There’s something deeper going on, and Beomgyu is going to get to the bottom of it. (The bottom being what Soobin is so concerned about, not Beomgyu.)
事情沒那麼簡單，范奎一定要查個水落石出。（所謂水落石出是指秀彬在擔心什麼，而不是范奎自己。）

Beomgyu swears he doesn’t have a cum kink. He’s not dreaming of drinking Soobin’s cum by the gallon. He just doesn’t understand why Soobin is so resistant to getting his cum inside anything but the condom.
Beomgyu 發誓他沒有那種對精液的癖好。他並沒有幻想著要大口喝下 Soobin 的精液。他只是不明白，為什麼 Soobin 除了保險套之外，就是不肯讓自己的精液進入任何地方。

And just because he doesn’t have a kink for it doesn’t mean he can’t like certain aspects of it. For example: coming on somebody’s face. That’s hot, right? That’s something near-universally accepted as being sexy, and Soobin refuses to do it. He’ll let Beomgyu do it to him, but not the other way around, and Beomgyu highly doubts it’s because Soobin is concerned about bottom rights and Beomgyu internalising getting on his knees.
他對這方面沒有特殊癖好，並不代表他不能喜歡某些環節。比如說：射在別人臉上。這很性感對吧？這幾乎是全世界公認的性感行為，但秀彬就是不肯做。他會讓範奎對他這麼做，但反過來就不行。範奎嚴重懷疑這根本不是因為秀彬在乎零號權益，或是擔心他會把下跪的動作內化成習慣。

Plus, the whole idea of Soobin coming on him or in him is fucking hot. Not the cum itself, but the marking and possessiveness of it—Beomgyu isn’t immune to liking attention. In fact, he would say he’s pretty open about enjoying it, especially Soobin’s attention. He gets all fluttery inside when he thinks about Soobin rubbing his cum between Beomgyu’s lips and sticking his fingers in his mouth and saying how good he looks all for Soobin and—
再加上，想到秀彬射在他身上或體內的畫面簡直火辣到不行。不是精液本身，而是那種標記與佔有的感覺——范奎可不是那種不喜歡被關注的人。事實上，他完全可以大方承認自己很享受這種感覺，尤其是來自秀彬的關注。每當想到秀彬將精液抹在他唇間、把手指探入他口中，還說著他這樣只為秀彬的模樣有多誘人時，他內心就忍不住悸動不已——

Anyway.  總之。

Is he saving his cum for his real future partner? Because if so, that seems a bit backwards. They already took each other’s first times. First creampie doesn’t seem nearly as romantic in comparison.
他是要把精液留給真正的未來伴侶嗎？如果是這樣，感覺有點本末倒置。他們已經互相奪走了彼此的第一次。相較之下，第一次內射似乎就沒那麼浪漫了。

“Hyung,” Beomgyu mumbles into Soobin’s mouth. Soobin hums, not breaking away, so Beomgyu gives his lower lip a small nip.
「哥，」範奎輕聲呢喃著，嘴唇貼在秀彬的唇上。秀彬低哼一聲，沒有退開，於是範奎輕輕咬了一下他的下唇。

Soobin pulls back with a huff, sweaty hair matted to his temples and lips bright red from being played with.
秀彬氣呼呼地抽身退開，汗濕的髮絲黏在太陽穴上，被玩弄過的雙唇泛著豔紅。

He’s so fucking pretty Beomgyu forgets what he was going to ask, and Soobin frowns at his silence. “What?”
他媽的也太美了吧，范奎瞬間忘了自己要問什麼，秀彬對他沉默皺眉。「幹嘛？」

Beomgyu snaps himself out of his daze a few times by blinking down at Soobin’s lap instead of his face. His cock tents his boxers, a little wet spot at the front, and Beomgyu licks his lips.
范奎眨了眨眼，幾次將自己從恍惚中拉回現實，目光落在秀彬的大腿上而非臉龐。他的性器在內褲下撐起帳篷，前端還有一小塊濕漬，范奎不自覺舔了舔嘴唇。

“Can I?” he asks, reaching for Soobin’s hips.
「可以嗎？」他問道，伸手探向秀彬的腰際。

“Can you…?” Soobin trails off.
「你可以…？」秀彬話語漸弱。

“Help you with that?”  「幫你解決那個？」

Soobin follows Beomgyu’s gaze to his own crotch. “Uh… well, I thought we were just going to… y’know…” He waves his hand.
秀彬順著範奎的視線看向自己胯下。「呃…這個嘛，我以為我們只是要…你知道的…」他擺了擺手。

Beomgyu pouts. “But I want to touch it,” he whines, and tries to tug down Soobin’s boxers. Soobin stops him, his hands slapping over Beomgyu’s. “Why are you so shy? I literally see your dick every other day now, hyung.”
范奎嘟著嘴。「但人家就是想摸嘛，」他撒嬌道，伸手想扯下秀彬的四角褲。秀彬一把按住他的手制止。「幹嘛這麼害羞？哥的傢伙我現在幾乎天天都看得到耶。」

“Because I like touching you more than I like you touching me,” Soobin answers.
「因為比起你碰我，我更喜歡碰你。」Soobin 回答。

Beomgyu scowls. Soobin is nice, but he’s not a saint. Not letting Beomgyu have his cum is one thing, but not letting Beomgyu touch him at all? That’s just bizarre.
范奎皺起眉頭。秀彬人很好，但他不是聖人。不讓范奎得到他的精液是一回事，但完全不讓范奎碰他？這就太奇怪了。

“Hyung—”  「哥——」

Soobin muffles his words with a kiss, deeper and wetter than before. Beomgyu melts into it, thoroughly distracted for a few minutes, until Soobin’s lips begin to slow their movements.
秀彬用一個吻堵住了他的話，比之前更深更濕潤。范奎融化其中，完全分心了幾分鐘，直到秀彬的唇開始放慢動作。

“Will you at least come on my stomach or something,” Beomgyu pesters. Soobin’s cock is fully hard now, poking him in the thigh, and Beomgyu nuzzles his knee against it.
「至少射在我肚子上之類的嘛，」范奎不死心地糾纏著。秀彬的陰莖此刻完全勃起，正戳著他的大腿，范奎用膝蓋輕輕蹭了蹭那硬挺的部位。

“No,” Soobin answers, and Beomgyu groans.
「不要。」Soobin 回答，Beomgyu 發出一聲呻吟。

“I don’t understand why—”
「我不懂為什麼——」

“Don’t worry about it,” Soobin interrupts. He reaches around Beomgyu’s body for the bottle of lube sitting behind him, popping the cap open.
「別擔心，」秀彬打斷道。他伸手繞過杋圭的身體，拿起放在他身後的那瓶潤滑液，啪地一聲打開瓶蓋。

“Is it a cleanliness thing or—ah!”
「是潔癖的問題還是——啊！」

Soobin cuts him off properly this time by prodding a finger against his hole, and Beomgyu curls up in his lap, silenced against his will.
這次秀彬用指尖抵住他的穴口，徹底打斷了他的話，范奎蜷縮在他腿上，被迫安靜下來。

“I’m serious, Gyu, don’t worry about it,” Soobin repeats. He kisses Beomgyu’s temple as he hooks his finger inside him, causing Beomgyu to groan.
「我是認真的，奎，別擔心這個，」秀彬又說了一遍。他將手指勾入范奎體內，同時親吻他的太陽穴，讓范奎忍不住呻吟出聲。

How can Beomgyu not worry about it? This is about Soobin too! It can’t be comfortable to come inside a condom every single time. If this is truly for Beomgyu’s benefit somehow, it’s not working!
范奎怎麼可能不擔心這件事？這也關係到秀彬啊！每次都得在保險套裡射精，怎麼可能會舒服。如果這真的是為了范奎好，那根本沒用！

But Beomgyu’s determination quickly dissipates as Soobin digs his fingers in deeper and deeper, and then his cock. When Soobin catches his hand and entwines their fingers together, Beomgyu comes so hard he blacks out momentarily.
但隨著秀彬的手指越探越深，接著是他的性器，範奎的決心很快便消散殆盡。當秀彬抓住他的手與他十指緊扣時，範奎高潮到瞬間眼前發黑。

Stupid sexy Soobin, he thinks, half fondly and half bitterly, before passing out that night.
那個性感得要命的蠢蛋秀彬，他半是寵溺半是苦澀地想著，當晚就這麼昏睡過去。

“… don’t understand why he can’t just suck it up and…”
「...真搞不懂他為什麼就不能忍一忍...」

“Hyung.”  「哥。」

“… take off the fucking condom at least at the end so it’ll…”
「…至少最後把該死的保險套拿掉吧，這樣才能…」

“Beomgyu hyung.”  「範奎哥。」

“… get on my stomach or something and I can lick it off his fingers because that would be really hot and…”
「…趴在我肚子上之類的，這樣我就能從他手指上舔掉，因為那樣真的超性感而且…」

“Beomgyu!”  「範奎！」

Beomgyu’s mouth shuts abruptly as Taehyun worms his way into his line of sight, glaring at him so icily it feels like he’s been thrust into a snowstorm.
範奎的嘴突然閉上，泰亨擠進他的視線範圍，冰冷地瞪著他，那眼神讓範奎感覺自己像是被扔進了暴風雪中。

Oops. He might’ve rambled on for a bit too long there.
哎呀。他可能有點講得太久了。

“When I said you could tell me anything, I did not mean the details of your and Soobin hyung’s sex life,” Taehyun grits out.
「我說過你可以跟我說任何事，但可不包括你跟秀彬哥的性生活細節，」太顯咬牙切齒地說道。

“But that defies the word anything,” Beomgyu retorts. Who else is he supposed to go to? Yeonjun? Fuck no, he’ll end up giving him step-by-step instructions on how to ‘make it better’, and Beomgyu doesn’t need that level of nitpicking in his life. Kai? He’s not sure Kai knows what sex is.
「但這就違背了『任何事情』的承諾耶，」范奎反駁道。不然他還能找誰商量？演俊？才不要，那傢伙肯定會給他來個「改善性愛品質」的逐步教學，范奎的人生可不需要這種吹毛求疵的指導。凱伊？他懷疑凱伊連性愛是什麼都不知道。

… Alright, that might be a slight (major) exaggeration, but Kai simply is not the person he thinks of when he thinks which one of my friends should I talk about Soobin’s dick to? So it’s a no for him too. By default, that leaves Taehyun. And Taehyun always says Beomgyu can go to him for anything.
...好吧，這可能有點（非常）誇張，但當他思考「該跟哪個朋友聊秀彬的屌」時，凱伊從來不是首選。所以這選項也出局。這樣一來，就只剩泰賢了。而泰賢總說范奎什麼事都能找他商量。

And, honestly, it took a lot of effort for him to work up the courage to spill his feelings to Taehyun, okay? So he would appreciate it if Taehyun didn’t act so… like that. This is a legitimate problem for Beomgyu! His complaints about his sex life are valid.
說真的，他可是鼓足勇氣才敢向泰賢傾訴這些心事好嗎？所以如果泰賢別擺出那副...德性，他會很感激的。這對范奎來說可是正經八百的困擾！他對性生活的不滿完全合情合理。

When he tells this to Taehyun, it does not sway the younger boy in the slightest into wanting to listen.
當他把這件事告訴泰賢時，絲毫沒有動搖這個年輕男孩想聽的意願。

“Why are you telling me all this? You know you can just talk to him about it, right?”
「你幹嘛跟我說這些？你知道你可以直接跟他談吧？」

“I have!” Beomgyu bemoans. He aggressively shakes Taehyun’s shoulder. “So many times. But he always says ‘no’ without any explanation.”
「我有啊！」范奎哀嚎著，用力搖晃泰亨的肩膀。「講過好幾次了。但他每次都只會說『不要』，連個理由都不給。」

“Maybe he hates cleaning up.” Taehyun shrugs. “If he secretly wants it, he’ll come around. You know him. He always takes forever to work through his ‘feelings’.” Taehyun uses air quotes.
「可能他討厭收拾吧。」泰亨聳聳肩。「如果他心裡其實想要，遲早會妥協的。你了解他，他總是要花超久時間處理自己的『感覺』。」泰亨比出引號手勢。

“Ughhhh.” Beomgyu groans, knocking his head against Taehyun’s shoulder. “I hate him. He’s so annoying.”
「唉——」范奎把頭撞在泰亨肩上呻吟。「我超討厭他。有夠煩的。」

“I can agree that he’s annoying sometimes, but we both know you don’t hate him,” Taehyun laughs.
「我承認他有時候是挺煩人的，但我們都知道你其實不討厭他啦。」太顯笑著說。

“What is that supposed to mean?” Beomgyu glares.
「你這話是什麼意思？」杋圭瞪著眼。

“I think you know,” Taehyun says.
「我想你心裡有數。」太顯說。

Beomgyu glares harder. Taehyun, completely unaffected, reaches over and ruffles Beomgyu’s hair like he’s some sort of overgrown pet. Which… he might very well be, in Taehyun’s mind.
范奎瞪得更用力了。泰亨完全不受影響，伸手揉了揉范奎的頭髮，彷彿他是某種過度生長的寵物。而這...在泰亨心中，他很可能就是如此。

He does know. But he didn’t know Taehyun did, and they certainly don’t need to talk about it.
他確實知道。但他不知道泰亨也知道，而且他們當然不需要談論這件事。

“He has a soft spot for you,” Taehyun continues, “he’ll give in eventually. Be patient, hyung.”
「他對你有特別的偏愛，」泰亨繼續說道，「他最終會讓步的。耐心點，哥。」

Being patient is physically impossible for him, but Taehyun’s words give him an idea, so maybe this conversation wasn’t totally useless after all.
對他來說保持耐心簡直是生理上不可能的事，但泰亨的話給了他一個主意，所以或許這次對話終究不是完全沒用的。

“Hyung, let’s—let’s make a deal,” Beomgyu says, mentally berating himself for losing his cool halfway. But to be fair to himself, it’s hard to remember how to speak when Soobin is mouthing at his neck, sucking light marks into his skin. “Hyung, listen to me.”
「哥，我們——我們來做個交易吧，」范奎說道，心裡暗自責怪自己話說到一半就亂了方寸。但說句公道話，當秀彬在他頸間又啃又吮、留下淺淺印記時，真的很難記得該怎麼說話。「哥，聽我說。」

“What?” Soobin asks, not lifting his head from Beomgyu’s neck. He leaves a kiss under Beomgyu’s jaw, and Beomgyu’s heart does something funny.
「什麼？」秀彬問道，頭仍埋在范奎的頸間。他在范奎的下巴處落下一吻，讓范奎的心跳漏了一拍。

He pushes it down and continues on his mission, “I’ll ride you and clean up afterwards, if—”
范奎壓下悸動，繼續他的提議：「我來騎你，之後我會負責清理，如果——」

“Really?”  「真的？」

It’s hilarious how quickly Soobin perks up at that. His invisible tail wags furiously. Beomgyu wonders if it’s from him sitting on Soobin’s dick, or from him offering to clean up—god knows Soobin has complained about both enough times to make either believable.
秀彬聞言立刻精神抖擻的模樣實在滑稽，彷彿有條看不見的尾巴在瘋狂搖擺。范奎不禁想著，這究竟是因為自己正坐在秀彬的性器上，還是因為主動提出要清理的承諾——天知道秀彬曾為這兩件事抱怨過多少次，哪個理由都說得通。

“You didn’t let me finish,” Beomgyu says. “I’ll ride you and clean up afterwards if you pull out at the end and come on my face.”
「你沒讓我說完，」范奎說。「如果你最後拔出來射在我臉上，我就騎你然後事後清理乾淨。」

The reaction is instantaneous. Soobin scowls, returning to nipping Beomgyu’s neck, this time ever-so-slightly harsher. “No,” he says.
反應來得飛快。秀彬皺起眉頭，繼續輕咬著范奎的頸項，這次力道稍微重了些。「不行，」他說。

Beomgyu sighs and squirms until Soobin’s nose is no longer nestled against him and he can look him in the eyes properly. “Can you at least tell me why? Like, do you have a fear of your own cum or something? Because I know it’s not about being safe and this seems like a really weird hill to die on. You know, so many people would pay to come on this face—” Not that Beomgyu would let them, but he knows they’re out there.
范奎嘆了口氣，扭動身體直到秀彬的鼻子不再抵著他，能好好看著對方的眼睛。「至少告訴我為什麼好嗎？該不會你對自己的精液有恐懼症之類的？因為我知道這跟安全性無關，而且這理由也太詭異了吧。你知道有多少人願意花錢射在這張臉上——」雖然范奎不會讓他們得逞，但他清楚大有人在。

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Soobin purses his lips, eyes flitting away from Beomgyu’s as he answers.
「我不想談這個。」秀彬抿起嘴唇，回答時視線從范奎臉上移開。

Beomgyu is going to slap him, and not in the sexy way.
範奎要賞他一巴掌，而且可不是那種性感的方式。

“Fine,” he says, falling back onto the bed and bringing Soobin with him. “Deal’s off, then.”
「好吧，」他說著往後倒在床上，順勢把秀彬也拉了下來。「那交易取消。」

“Gyuuuu,” Soobin whines. Poor thing. He must have really wanted Beomgyu to ride him and-or clean up instead. But sucks to be him, because Beomgyu made him an offer and he rejected. That’s not Beomgyu’s fault!
「嗚——」秀彬哀嚎著。可憐的傢伙。他一定真的很想讓範奎騎他或是幫忙清理。但算他倒楣，因為範奎已經提出條件卻被他拒絕。這可不是範奎的錯！

“No,” Beomgyu says, mocking Soobin’s tone. “I’m back to being a pillow princess. Hurry up now.”
「不要，」範奎模仿著秀彬的語氣。「我要繼續當我的枕頭公主。快點啦。」

He can feel Soobin glaring by how he bites Beomgyu’s collarbone—properly bites, teeth catching the delicate skin and pulling until the mark is left. Beomgyu moans loudly, dragging his nails down Soobin’s upper back.
他能從秀彬咬他鎖骨的方式感受到那股怨氣——貨真價實地咬，牙齒陷進細嫩的皮膚裡拉扯，直到留下印記。範奎大聲呻吟，指甲沿著秀彬的背脊往下刮。

But he doesn’t seem to mind Beomgyu’s tactic of lying there and taking it, because he still comes just as hard, muffling a cry of Beomgyu’s name into the crook of his neck.
但他似乎並不介意范奎這種躺著承受的策略，因為他依舊高潮得厲害，將呼喊范奎名字的呻吟悶在他的頸窩裡。

He just doesn’t come where Beomgyu wants him to.
他就是不來范奎希望他去的地方。

Sadly, they do have jobs, and sometimes those jobs make it so that they don’t have a lot of free time. Especially not free time where they can have sex, because that requires the entire evening off and the following morning so they can sleep in out of exhaustion.
可惜的是，他們確實有工作，有時候那些工作讓他們沒有太多空閒時間。尤其是能發生性關係的空閒時間，因為那需要整個晚上和隔天早上都休息，這樣他們才能因疲憊而睡到自然醒。

Comeback preparations start up again and they go a whole three weeks without fucking. Beomgyu has no idea if that’s a long time for the average person or not, but it feels like a long time. Working so much exhausts them all, which in turn makes them all grumpy, and this is probably the time in which Beomgyu needs the sexual release the most.
回歸準備工作又開始了，他們整整三個星期沒有做愛。范奎不知道對一般人來說這算不算很長，但感覺起來真的很漫長。工作過度讓他們全都精疲力竭，這反過來又讓大家脾氣暴躁，而這段時間大概就是范奎最需要性愛來釋放壓力的時候。

He’s not surprised when, on their one day of the month off, Soobin crawls into bed with him at six in the morning and pulls down his boxers.
當他們一個月唯一的休息日來臨時，凌晨六點秀彬鑽進他的被窩並扯下他的四角褲，他一點也不感到意外。

“‘M not even awake yet,” Beomgyu pretends to complain, even though he’s secretly glad Soobin was both brave and determined enough to walk all the way to his room (a solid five steps away) to fuck him. Getting an early start so they can fuck multiple times today—smart.
「我還沒醒呢。」范奎假裝抱怨，其實暗自高興秀彬既有勇氣又夠堅決，願意走過那段漫長路程（其實也就五步之遙）來上他。這麼早開始就能今天多來幾次——真聰明。

And morning sex isn’t something they do often. Beomgyu loves it, having Soobin rock into him while spooning him, the warm breath against his neck making him shiver with every thrust. Most of their sex is casual and laid-back. This is more intimate, and Beomgyu admits that he loves the feeling of being cherished this much.
他們不常做晨間愛。范奎很喜歡這種感覺，當秀彬從背後環抱著他緩緩挺進，溫熱的吐息拂過頸間，每次頂弄都讓他顫慄。他們做愛多半隨性輕鬆，但這樣更親密，范奎承認自己很享受被如此珍視的感覺。

He comes with a quiet gasp, and he doesn’t have enough energy to make a snarky comment on the condom. Soobin lies down next to him after wiping himself off, and Beomgyu moves in to kiss him without hesitation.
他輕喘著氣，連對保險套說句挖苦話的力氣都沒有。秀彬擦乾淨自己後在他身旁躺下，而范奎毫不猶豫地湊上前吻他。

He’s so handsome when he first wakes up, which is unfair because Beomgyu always looks horrible and under-slept. It really speaks to how sexually frustrated Soobin is that he finds Beomgyu’s bedhead hot. But Beomgyu doesn’t mind being stared at if it means he can unabashedly stare at Soobin in return—at his swollen lips and glossy, tired eyes and how the morning sun lights up his face like an angel’s.
他剛睡醒的樣子帥得犯規，這對總是看起來糟透了、睡眠不足的杋圭來說實在太不公平。這充分說明了玹準有多麼慾求不滿，才會覺得杋圭的亂髮很性感。但杋圭並不介意被盯著看，如果這意味著他可以毫無顧忌地回望玹準——看著他腫脹的嘴唇、閃著疲憊光芒的眼睛，還有晨光如何將他的臉龐照得像天使般閃耀。

Beomgyu swallows, pulling back from their kiss as both his heart and brain go haywire. Soobin smiles at him, all sleepy and cute despite having his monster cock shoved up Beomgyu’s ass less than ten minutes ago, and Beomgyu feels his cheeks warm at the sight.
范奎吞了吞口水，從他們的吻中抽離，此刻他的心臟和大腦都亂成一團。儘管不到十分鐘前才把那根巨物塞進范奎體內，秀彬仍帶著睡意對他微笑，那模樣可愛得讓范奎臉頰發燙。

He rolls onto his other side, his back to Soobin’s chest, and mumbles, “I’m going back to sleep.”
他翻身轉向另一側，背對著秀彬的胸膛，含糊地咕噥道：「我要繼續睡了。」

Soobin chuckles against his nape. “Okay, Gyu. Goodnight.”
秀彬輕笑著將氣息吐在他的後頸上。「好喔，奎。晚安。」

“Good morning,” Beomgyu slurs, and falls back asleep as the sun rises.
「早安，」範奎含糊地說，隨著太陽升起又沉沉睡去。

For the rest of the month, the only time they spend together in private is in locked dressing rooms and the company practice rooms during breaks between classes and meetings. Other than that, it’s work nonstop, and neither of them have the energy to fuck after a full day of dancing and singing, no matter how badly Beomgyu wishes they did.
這個月剩下的日子裡，他們唯一能私下相處的時間，只有上鎖的化妝間和公司練習室裡課堂與會議間的空檔。除此之外就是不停工作，經過整天跳舞唱歌後，兩人都沒力氣做愛了——無論范奎有多希望他們還有精力。

It’s only after their comeback actually begins that Beomgyu begins getting antsy over the lack of sex. He’s fully aware of how that makes him sound like some sort of sex addict, but he can’t help it. It’s Soobin’s fault for fucking him in the first place. Beomgyu was just going along for the ride.
直到他們真正開始回歸後，范奎才開始因為缺乏性愛而感到焦躁不安。他完全清楚這樣聽起來像某種性成癮者，但他就是忍不住。這都要怪修彬一開始就上了他。范奎只是順勢而為罷了。

They’re doing another all-black concept, tight shirts and even tighter pants, and it takes all of Beomgyu’s human decency not to throw himself at Soobin when he sees his thighs in the leather pants they put him in today.
他們又搞了個全黑造型，緊身 T 恤配上更緊的褲子，當 Beomgyu 看到 Soubin 今天穿的那條皮褲勾勒出大腿線條時，他得用盡身為人類的全部理智才能克制自己不撲上去。

Soobin catches his gaze from across the room and grins at him. That motherfucker.
秀彬從房間另一頭捕捉到他的視線，還衝他咧嘴一笑。那個混蛋。

After the performance, they change back into their street clothes, and Beomgyu makes it a point to not glance in Soobin’s direction even once. Soobin in stage clothes is hot, but Soobin in his regular hoodie and sweatpants is equally attractive, just in a different way.
表演結束後，他們換回便服，范奎刻意一次都沒往秀彬的方向看。穿著舞台服的秀彬很性感，但套著連帽衫和運動褲的秀彬同樣迷人，只是魅力不同罷了。

Soobin forces his way into the car beside Beomgyu and saddles up right next to him.
秀彬硬是擠進車裡，坐到杋圭旁邊，緊挨著他。

“What?” Beomgyu asks, without looking at him. He’s tired, and he doesn’t have the emotional energy to deal with Soobin’s teasing over how Beomgyu finds him hot. Like yeah, of course he does, he has eyes, can they move on now please?
「什麼？」范奎問道，沒有看向他。他累了，沒有多餘的情緒能量去應付秀彬對他覺得秀彬很性感的調侃。就像，當然啊，他又不是沒長眼睛，可以請他們現在就翻篇嗎？

But to his surprise, Soobin doesn’t talk. Instead, he wordlessly shoves his hand down Beomgyu’s pants, right underneath both his sweatpants and boxers.
但令他驚訝的是，秀彬沒有說話。相反，他默默地將手伸進范奎的褲子裡，直接穿過運動褲和內褲。

“What the fuck!” Beomgyu hisses, cheeks flaming.
「搞什麼鬼！」范奎低聲咒罵，臉頰燒得通紅。

“It’s fine, these windows are super tinted,” Soobin whispers. “Just be quiet.”
「沒關係，這些車窗貼了超黑的隔熱紙，」秀彬低聲說。「只要安靜點就好。」

It’s true that nobody can see inside, and there’s a separator dividing them and the front seat with the driver, but still. Soobin wraps his long, long fingers around Beomgyu’s cock and Beomgyu shoves his face against Soobin’s shoulder, biting his lower lip so hard it hurts.
確實從外面看不見車內，而且駕駛座與後座之間還有隔板，但還是...秀彬修長的手指環繞著范奎的性器，范奎把臉埋進秀彬肩膀，下唇咬得發疼。

Just be quiet. Yeah, right. Easy for Soobin to say—he’s not the one having his cock played with in the car by his unfairly hot best friend.
安靜點？說得倒容易。對秀彬來說當然簡單——他又不是那個被帥到犯規的摯友在車上把玩性器的人。

Soobin rubs his thumb over the slit of Beomgyu’s cock and Beomgyu’s vision flashes white. Fuck, it’s good. Fuck, he missed Soobin’s hands on him. His own aren’t the same, not even close.
秀彬的拇指摩挲過范奎性器頂端，范奎眼前頓時一片空白。該死，這感覺太棒了。該死，他有多想念秀彬的手。自己的手根本比不上，差遠了。

He gasps without meaning to and Soobin kisses him, gently pumping Beomgyu’s cock. “Shhh,” he soothes, and Beomgyu whimpers, strangled and throaty as he tries to stay quiet.
他無意間倒抽一口氣，秀彬隨即吻上他，同時溫柔地撫弄著杋圭的性器。「噓——」秀彬輕聲安撫，杋圭則發出壓抑而沙啞的嗚咽，努力保持安靜。

Soobin slips his other hand under Beomgyu’s shirt, all the way up to his chest, and it only takes one light flick of his nipple and a harsh pump of his cock to have him spilling into Soobin’s hand.
秀彬的另一隻手滑進範奎的襯衫底下，一路向上探至他的胸膛，只需輕輕撥弄乳尖再加上對他陰莖的猛烈抽送，就讓他在秀彬手中釋放了出來。

Without a moment of hesitation, Soobin brings his fingers to his own lips and licks Beomgyu’s cum off them, lashes fluttering, tongue poking out and getting them all wet.
沒有絲毫猶豫，秀彬將手指湊近自己的唇邊，舔去上面沾著的范奎精液，睫毛輕顫，舌尖探出將手指舔得濕潤。

If they were at home, Beomgyu would a) be hard again already, and b) begging Soobin to put those fingers inside him, but they’re not. So all he can do is watch in stunned silence, pressing his thighs together to will his erection away. They aren’t doing this two times in the car, no matter how nice the sight of Soobin licking Beomgyu’s cum off his fingers is.
如果他們在家裡，范奎會 a) 立刻又硬起來，以及 b) 哀求秀彬把那些手指放進他體內，但他們不在。所以他只能震驚地沉默注視，夾緊雙腿試圖讓勃起消退。他們不會在車上做第二次，無論秀彬舔去手指上范奎精液的畫面有多美妙。

Once he’s finished, he rubs Beomgyu’s waist and waits until Beomgyu has caught his breath to ask, “Better?”
結束後，他輕撫范奎的腰際，等到范奎氣息平復才問道：「好點了嗎？」

“Better what?” Beomgyu returns, still a bit lost from his orgasm. Normally when they fuck at home, he curls up in bed after and they hug or chat about random shit until they fall asleep, but all he can do right now is catch his breath and attempt to act normal. It’s disorienting.
「什麼更好？」范奎回問，高潮後的餘韻讓他還有點恍惚。通常他們在家做愛後，他會蜷縮在床上，兩人相擁或閒聊些無關緊要的事直到睡著，但現在他只能喘著氣，試著表現得若無其事。這種感覺令人暈頭轉向。

“You seemed distracted today,” Soobin says, shrugging. “And tired. I figured you needed this.”
「你今天看起來心不在焉的，」秀彬聳聳肩說，「而且很累。我想你需要這個。」

Beomgyu sucks on the inside of his cheek. He was distracted by Soobin, but Soobin is ever-so-slightly off the mark as to why Beomgyu was staring at him all day. Honestly, he barely thought about sex. Mostly, he thought about how ridiculous it is that somebody can be as handsome as Soobin is, and how he wanted to climb him like a tree. But like, not in a sexual way. Just in a way.
範圭咬著自己的臉頰內側。他確實因為秀彬而分心，但秀彬對於範圭整天盯著他的原因卻有點誤解。老實說，他幾乎沒在想那檔事。大部分時候，他只是在想怎麼會有人能像秀彬這麼帥，還有他多想像爬樹一樣攀在他身上。但不是那種色色的方式，就只是一種感覺。

It’s sweet that Soobin was thinking about him, though. Even if Soobin touching him in the car gave him the shock of his life. Beomgyu knows it’s only about sex, but it’s sweet how Soobin wanted to help.
不過，秀彬想著他的樣子還是很貼心。即使秀彬在車上碰他的那一下讓他嚇得魂飛魄散。范奎知道這只是關於性，但秀彬想幫忙的心意還是很溫暖。

Or maybe Soobin just wanted to touch Beomgyu’s dick. That’s an option too. But Beomgyu would like to think Soobin considered Beomgyu’s happiness somewhere in the decision-making process that led up to him getting Beomgyu off.
或許秀彬只是想摸到杋圭的屌。這也是一種可能。但杋圭寧願相信，在秀彬決定要幫他打手槍的過程中，多少有考慮到他的感受。

“What about you?” he asks.
「那你呢？」他問道。

Soobin rests his cheek on the cushion of his seat. “What about me?”
秀彬把臉靠在座椅的靠墊上。「那我呢？」

Beomgyu rolls his eyes. “You know what.”
範奎翻了個白眼。「你知道的。」

“... Well, we’ll be home in ten minutes.”
「...反正再十分鐘就到家了。」

“Pretty presumptuous of you to assume that I don’t already have plans when we get back,” Beomgyu sniffles, lifting his head. He obviously doesn’t, but that’s beside the point.
「你還真敢假定我回家後沒其他計畫啊，」範奎吸了吸鼻子抬起頭。他顯然沒有，但這不是重點。

“What plans could you possibly have? Playing video games? Sleeping?” Soobin’s brows raise like he’s seriously confused. Beomgyu smacks him for real for that one.
「你還能有什麼計劃？打電動？睡覺？」秀彬挑起眉毛，一臉認真困惑的樣子。這回范奎可是結結實實給了他一拳。

“Those are important plans, okay?” Beomgyu huffs. “Spending time with friends and sleeping are important endeavours, hyung, just because you don’t do them doesn’t mean—”
「這些可是重要行程好嗎？」范奎氣呼呼地說。「跟朋友聚會和睡覺都是人生大事耶，哥，就因為你自己不這麼做並不代表——」

“Do you want to take a shower together when we get back or not?” Soobin interrupts.
「我們回去後要不要一起洗澡？」秀彬打斷道。

Beomgyu cuts off abruptly. Well, he’s not going to say no to that, even if it’s not what he thought was going to happen tonight. He also didn’t think Soobin would touch his dick inside of the car, so. He’s already past the point of rationality.
範奎突然噤聲。好吧，就算這和他預想的今晚發展不同，他也沒打算拒絕。更何況他壓根沒料到秀彬會在車上就摸他的老二。此刻的他早已將理性拋諸腦後。

“... Fine,” he says.
「...好吧，」他說。

“Fine,” Soobin returns.  「好吧。」秀彬回應道。

Thank god the drive back is fast, because Beomgyu’s willpower is not strong enough to overrule how hard he is still.
謝天謝地回程車程很快，因為範圭的意志力還不足以克服他依然硬挺的狀態。

The cum issue (he really needs to find a better phrase for it, because that one is seriously misleading) falls to the back of his mind as they wind up their promos, mainly because they shift to fucking in the shower, where Soobin’s cum sadly washes down the drain whether or not he wears a condom.
精液問題（他真得找個更好的說法，因為這個詞實在太容易誤導了）在宣傳期結束後就被他拋到腦後，主要是因為他們轉戰淋浴間做愛，而無論秀彬有沒有戴套，他的精液都會可悲地隨著水流沖進排水孔。

They also, surprisingly, start having less sex the more free time they have, because Soobin wants to make a song and Beomgyu wants to help him. That ends up occupying most of their alone time together, going back and forth writing lyrics and melodies and brainstorming ideas; the most they do is kiss, and that always has the aftereffect of making Beomgyu pliant and sleepy.
令人意外的是，隨著空閒時間變多，他們做愛的次數反而減少了，因為秀彬想創作一首歌，而範圭想幫忙。這最終佔據了他們大部分獨處時光，反覆推敲歌詞旋律、腦力激盪構想；最多就是接吻，而這總會讓範圭變得溫順又昏昏欲睡。

The sex only returns when they finish the first draft of the song and it gets sent off to the company for revisions, leaving them with nothing particularly important to do. That brings them back to the same problems they had before they started all this—being bored, restricted, and restless.
只有當他們完成歌曲的初稿並提交給公司修改後，性愛才會重新回到他們的生活中，因為那時他們沒有什麼特別重要的事情可做。這讓他們又回到了開始這一切之前的那些問題——無聊、受限和焦躁不安。

Beomgyu is happy when Soobin drags him into his room and throws him on the bed, since it means he’s not the only one wondering if fucking is back on the table. Which it is, very much so, judging by how Soobin literally fucks him on his table.
范奎很開心當秀彬把他拖進房間扔到床上時，因為這意味著他不是唯一一個在思考性愛是否重回選項的人。而事實證明確實如此，從秀彬直接把他壓在桌上幹的舉動就能看出來。

Aside from his earlier grievances, the routine is good. Comfortable and easy and warm. That’s not a word he thought he’d ever say about having sex with his best friend, but it makes sense in a way. There’s nobody else who would treat him as well as Soobin does, in that they know him like the back of their hand.
除了先前的那些不滿，這樣的日常其實還不錯。舒適、輕鬆又溫暖。他從沒想過自己會用這些詞來形容和摯友的性事，但某種程度上這確實說得通。沒有人能像秀彬那樣對他如此溫柔，畢竟對方對他的了解就像熟悉自己的掌紋一樣。

He doesn’t even have the energy to complain about it anymore to Taehyun—or at least not until Taehyun brings it up again.
他連向泰亨抱怨的力氣都沒有了——至少得等到泰亨再次提起這件事。

“Do you ever give him blowjobs?”
「你有幫他口交過嗎？」

Beomgyu quite literally spits out the tea he was drinking, all over his shirt and bedsheets.
范奎直接把嘴裡的茶噴了出來，弄得襯衫和床單上到處都是。

“Ew,” Taehyun comments, while Beomgyu coughs his lungs out.
「噁心，」泰亨評論道，而范奎則咳得像是要把肺都咳出來似的。

“What the fuck?” he wheezes. They’ve been sitting here on their phones in silence for half an hour and the conversation topic Taehyun brings up is that one? He was the one who kept complaining about Beomgyu talking about it! Hypocrisy much?
「搞什麼鬼？」他氣喘吁吁地說。他們已經默默滑手機半小時了，結果泰賢提起的話題居然是這個？之前一直抱怨範奎老是講這件事的不就是他嗎？有夠偽善的！

“I said, do you ever—”
「我說，你有沒有——」

“Please don’t repeat it,” Beomgyu begs, his chest burning with the pain of having nearly choked. “Why are you…”
「拜託別再問了，」范奎哀求道，胸口因差點嗆到而灼痛不已。「你為什麼要...」

“I’m just curious.” Taehyun shrugs. He doesn’t even look up from his phone, like they’re having a conversation as casual as the weather.
「只是好奇而已。」太顯聳聳肩。他甚至沒從手機上抬起頭，彷彿他們只是在閒聊天氣般隨意。

Beomgyu curls his knees against his chest, resting his chin on them and hiding his red cheeks with his arms. He doesn’t really have a reason not to tell Taehyun. Maybe Taehyun has a good reason for asking. Maybe he wants to give somebody a blowjob and is going to ask for advice. Beomgyu wouldn’t be a good hyung if he lied or didn’t answer.
范奎將膝蓋蜷縮抵著胸口，下巴擱在膝蓋上，用雙臂遮住發燙的臉頰。他其實沒有理由不告訴太顯。或許太顯這麼問是有原因的。也許他想幫誰口交所以來尋求建議。如果說謊或不回答的話，自己就不算是個稱職的哥哥了。

“No,” he answers. “But that’s not that weird, is it?”
「沒有，」他回答。「但這也不算太奇怪吧？」

“Um. That is pretty fucking weird, I think,” Taehyun says. Beomgyu coughs again, this time on purpose, but Taehyun continues despite Beomgyu’s attempts at interrupting him, “You guys go all the way but you don’t touch each other’s dicks? How does that make sense?”
「呃。我覺得這他媽有夠怪的，」泰賢說。范奎又咳了一聲，這次是故意的，但儘管范奎試圖打斷他，泰賢還是繼續說道：「你們都做到最後了卻不碰對方的老二？這哪門子道理？」

“I mean…” Beomgyu critically reviews his and Soobin’s recent sexual encounters. “I never touch him, but he touches me a lot.” Okay, that sounds depressing when he says it out loud. He quickly corrects, “But that’s what he wants. I try and he says no. I think he’s just into giving.”
「我是說…」范奎認真回顧了他和秀彬最近的親密接觸。「我從來不碰他，但他卻經常碰我。」好吧，這話說出口聽起來有點慘。他趕緊修正：「但那是他想要的。我試過，他說不要。我想他只是喜歡給予。」

“I don’t know,” Taehyun says, tapping his finger against his chin. “I think it’s odd how he’s never let you touch him.”
「我不知道，」泰賢用手指輕點著下巴說道。「我覺得很奇怪，他從來不讓你碰他。」

“Well, I touch him sometimes,” Beomgyu protests, though ‘sometimes’ is equivalent to ‘once or twice in the entire four months they’ve been fucking’. But it’s not that odd when you consider the trajectory of their relationship—they escalated from kissing and heavy petting to fucking rather fast, with not much time in the in between stage. And now all they do is kiss or fuck.
「我偶爾也會碰他啊，」范奎抗議道，雖然這個「偶爾」相當於「在他們上床的四個月裡只碰過一兩次」。但考慮到他們關係的發展軌跡，這其實不算太奇怪——他們從親吻、愛撫快速升級到上床，中間幾乎沒有過渡期。現在他們要麼接吻，要麼做愛。

Beomgyu has long accepted that Soobin never seems to want to get off unless they have sex for real. So what if Beomgyu hates the idea that Soobin doesn’t like Beomgyu touching him back? That’s Beomgyu’s problem. Beomgyu and his stupid, gross feelings that he gets when he thinks too hard about Soobin.
范奎早就接受了一個事實：除非真的做愛，否則秀彬似乎永遠不想高潮。就算范奎很討厭秀彬不喜歡被他觸碰這件事，那又怎樣？這是范奎自己的問題。是范奎每次過度思考秀彬時，那些愚蠢又噁心的感受在作祟。

“I’m just saying, maybe it’s some food for thought,” Taehyun hums.
「我只是說，或許這值得思考一下，」泰亨哼著說。

Beomgyu eyes him suspiciously. “What brought this up?”
范奎狐疑地盯著他。「怎麼突然問這個？」

“Nothing,” Taehyun says, even more suspiciously. “I was only thinking about it because…”
「沒什麼，」太顯說，語氣更加可疑。「我只是剛好在想這件事，因為⋯⋯」

“Because?” Beomgyu prods.
「因為？」范奎追問。

“Because you two are so fucking loud it’s difficult not to think about, and it’s only ever you moaning,” Taehyun deadpans. “Seriously, you know other people live here, right?”
「因為你們兩個他媽的吵到讓人很難不去想，而且永遠都是你在呻吟，」太顯面無表情地說。「說真的，你知道這裡還住著其他人吧？」

Beomgyu squawks, affronted, and rapidly shakes Taehyun until Taehyun throws him off and their conversation turns into a lighthearted squabble instead.
范奎氣得哇哇大叫，猛搖太顯直到被甩開，兩人的對話隨即轉為輕鬆的拌嘴。

Beomgyu shouldn’t care about what Taehyun thinks. Or, well, he should, but not to the point where it impacts him for real. He listened to Taehyun’s opinion, mulled it over, and decided it was bullshit. Nobody knows Soobin better than him.
范奎本不該在意太顯的想法。或者說，他理應參考，但絕不該讓這些念頭真正影響自己。他聽取了太顯的意見，深思熟慮後認定那根本是胡說八道。沒有人比他更了解秀彬了。

Supposedly. Beomgyu believes that, but what if there’s something obvious he’s missing here? What if Soobin is sending him nonverbal cues and he’s missing them? What if Beomgyu is being a horrible partner right now by not pushing the issue like Soobin wants?
理論上是這樣。范奎相信這一點，但如果他忽略了什麼顯而易見的事呢？如果秀彬正在用非語言的方式暗示他，而他卻沒察覺呢？如果范奎現在因為沒有像秀彬希望的那樣追問下去，而成為一個糟糕的伴侶呢？

Logically, Beomgyu knows he should trust Soobin. But… but maybe Taehyun has a slight point with how weird it is that Soobin a) won’t cum anywhere near him and b) won’t let Beomgyu touch him.
從邏輯上來說，范奎知道自己應該相信秀彬。但是...但是泰賢說的或許有那麼一點道理，因為秀彬的行為確實有點奇怪：一) 絕不在他附近射精 二) 不讓范奎碰他。

Is he embarrassed by his body? That seems unlikely, but it’s not totally out of the question. Soobin, despite his awkwardness, has just as much depth of feeling as everybody else does. (It’s shocking to Beomgyu too sometimes.) He’s only bad at showing it.
難道是對自己的身體感到難為情？這似乎不太可能，但也不是完全沒這個可能。秀彬雖然笨拙，但和其他人一樣有著豐富的情感（有時候連范奎也會對此感到驚訝）。他只是不善於表達而已。

Beomgyu doesn’t want to figure this out of selfishness or because he has feelings for Soobin or anything like that—but as his friend. Beomgyu is worried about him.
范奎並不想因為自私或對秀彬有什麼特別的感情才去弄清楚這件事——純粹是出於朋友的立場。范奎很擔心他。

So. New plan, which is the same as the last plan he formed after speaking to Taehyun, but with a lot more emphasis on how concerned he is for Soobin.
所以。新計畫，其實跟他和泰賢談完後制定的上一個計畫一樣，只是更加強調他對秀彬的擔憂。

The opportunity comes later that evening, when Soobin returns from his solo schedule and Beomgyu wastes no time in dragging Soobin into his room.
機會在當天晚上來臨，秀彬結束個人行程回來後，范奎立刻把他拖進自己房間。

“Uh,” Soobin says, as Beomgyu pushes him onto his back and climbs on top of him. “Hi?”
「呃，」秀彬被范奎推倒在床上壓住時開口。「嗨？」

“Hi,” Beomgyu says back to him. He leans over and plants his arms on either side of Soobin’s head, kissing him square on the mouth.
「嗨，」范奎回他。他俯身將雙手撐在秀彬頭部兩側，直接吻上他的唇。

“Did—did you miss me today?” Soobin asks, laughing. He wraps his arms around Beomgyu’s hips, keeping him tucked nice and close.
「你——你今天有想我嗎？」秀彬笑著問道。他雙手環抱住范奎的腰際，將他緊緊摟在懷裡。

“No,” Beomgyu lies. In reality, he probably spent more time thinking about Soobin today than anything or anybody else—and that’s saying something, because he’s an idol and there’s always lots to think about.
「才沒有。」范奎撒謊。事實上，他今天花在思念秀彬的時間，恐怕比思考其他任何人事物都來得多——這可是相當驚人的，畢竟身為偶像的他總有無數待辦事項縈繞心頭。

“Oh, really?” Soobin teases with a smile. He pokes Beomgyu’s sides. “So that’s why you cornered me the moment I walked in? Because you weren’t thinking of me?”
「哦，真的嗎？」秀彬笑著逗他，手指戳了戳范奎的腰側。「所以你一見面就把我堵在牆角，是因為根本沒想我？」

“I didn’t say I wasn’t thinking of you, I just said I didn’t miss you,” Beomgyu says shiftily, squirming on Soobin’s lap until Soobin kisses him to make him stop.
「我又沒說不想你，只是說沒那麼想念而已，」范奎眼神游移地辯解，在秀彬腿上扭動直到對方用親吻讓他安靜下來。

He feels like a stupid lovesick teenager when he wonders, did Soobin miss him, too? And moreover, does Soobin look forward to moments like this as much as he does?
當他忍不住猜想秀彬是否也想念自己時，感覺就像個患了相思病的蠢高中生。更甚者，秀彬是否也和他一樣期待這樣的親密時刻？

Probably not, if he’s secretly uncomfortable. Beomgyu’s lips falter mid-kiss, and he pulls back slightly.
如果對方其實感到不自在，那答案大概是否定的。范奎的吻突然遲疑，微微拉開了距離。

Soobin tilts his head at him, stroking his hip bone, over his sweatpants. “What’s wrong?”
秀彬歪著頭看他，手隔著運動褲輕撫他的髖骨。「怎麼了？」

“I want to try something,” Beomgyu says. He thinks he has a better chance of succeeding now than he did the first time he asked to do this, purely because they’re better at the sex thing than they were before.
「我想試試看，」范奎說。他覺得這次成功的機會比第一次提出時大得多，純粹是因為他們現在對這檔事比之前更在行了。

“... Alright.” Soobin props himself up on his elbows, and Beomgyu sits up properly, so he can look him in the eyes while he speaks.
「...好吧。」秀彬用手肘撐起身子，而范奎也端正坐好，這樣他說話時就能直視對方的眼睛。

You have to be firm, Beomgyu, he tells himself.
范奎告訴自己：你必須堅定一點。

“I want to touch you,” Beomgyu proclaims, and he feels Soobin instantly freeze underneath him. “Please?”
「我想觸碰你，」范奎宣告道，他立刻感覺到身下的秀彬僵住了。「可以嗎？」

“I want to touch you,” Soobin counters. He sits up, jostling Beomgyu slightly, so he can bury his face against Beomgyu’s neck and lick up his throat. “I was thinking about you all day.”
「我想碰你，」秀彬反駁道。他坐起身，輕輕推了推杋圭，好讓自己能將臉埋進杋圭的頸間，沿著他的喉嚨舔舐。「我一整天都在想你。」

The graze of his teeth along Beomgyu’s throat makes an excellent case as to why Beomgyu should give up on his plan, but Beomgyu manages to find it in himself to shove Soobin off him before he forgets about his goal.
範奎喉間掠過的齒痕，完美說明了為何他該放棄這個計畫，但範奎仍設法在迷失目標前推開了秀彬。

“Stop trying to distract me,” Beomgyu huffs. The flicker of guilt on Soobin’s face says it all. Soobin is so emotionally constipated sometimes, it’s frustrating. “I don’t understand why you won’t let me.”
「別想轉移我注意力，」範奎氣呼呼地說。秀彬臉上閃過的愧疚說明了一切。這傢伙有時情感遲鈍得令人抓狂。「我不懂你為什麼不讓我這麼做。」

“I just like the way things are right now,” Soobin says, and something about that breaks Beomgyu’s heart a little. “Why is that so bad? You aren’t blue balling me or anything.”
「我只是喜歡現在這樣，」秀彬說道，這句話不知為何讓范奎有點心碎。「這樣有什麼不好？你又沒有讓我失望還是怎樣。」

“Because…” Beomgyu chews on the inside of his lip. How does he say this without sounding hopelessly obvious? “I want to give back to you as much as you give me.”
「因為…」范奎輕咬著下唇內側。該怎麼說才不會顯得過於明顯呢？「我想回報你，就像你給予我的一樣多。」

Soobin laughs. “You do,” he assures him, and Beomgyu only pouts harder. He doesn’t believe that in the slightest. As much as Beomgyu loves being a pillow princess, that’s not all he wants to be. Not for Soobin. “Maybe someday. But not today, okay? I’m too tired to try something new.”
秀彬笑了。「你已經做到了，」他保證道，但范奎卻嘟嘴得更用力了。他一點也不相信這句話。雖然范奎很享受當個被寵壞的小公主，但那並不是他全部想要的。至少對秀彬不是這樣。「或許有一天吧。但今天不行，好嗎？我太累了，沒力氣嘗試新花樣。」

“You promise?” Beomgyu holds out his pinky.
「你保證？」范奎伸出小拇指。

Soobin rolls his eyes, but wraps his own pinky finger around Beomgyu’s. “Promise.”
秀彬翻了個白眼，但還是用自己的小拇指勾住范奎的。「保證。」

“Okay,” Beomgyu relents. “I’m holding you to that.”
「好吧，」範奎讓步了。「我可記住你說的這句話了。」

“Fine,” Soobin says, seemingly unbothered. “Now let me pamper you, asshole.”
「好吧。」Soobin 說道，看起來毫不在意。「現在讓我好好寵你，混蛋。」

“Hyung, don’t call the person you’re about to fuck an asshole,” Beomgyu advises, lifting his chin.
「哥，別把即將要上的人叫混蛋，」範奎抬起下巴建議道。

“I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to your asshole,” Soobin says jokingly.
「我沒在跟你說話，我在跟你屁股說話，」秀彬開玩笑地說。

Beomgyu is so stunned by how terrible it is that he can only blink at Soobin in silence.
範奎被這糟糕的玩笑震驚到只能無言地對秀彬眨眼。

Thank god, Soobin doesn’t seem to be in the mood to continue making awkward word plays, and instead returns to peppering kisses on Beomgyu’s neck, soft and steady until Beomgyu is a puddle in his arms.
謝天謝地，秀彬似乎沒心情繼續這些尷尬的文字遊戲，轉而繼續在範奎的頸間落下輕柔而穩定的吻，直到範奎在他懷中化成一灘水。

Beomgyu’s findings will have to continue another day. But he will find out. Soobin can’t run forever.
Beomgyu 的發現得改天再繼續了。但他總會發現的。Soobin 不可能永遠逃避。

Another day? What a fucking lie that was.
改天？這真是天大的謊言。

Every single time Beomgyu brings it up after that night, Soobin makes up some excuse as to why Beomgyu can’t get him off. Or they go straight to fucking, and Soobin comes in the condom like normal, buried deep inside Beomgyu and so close yet so far.
自那晚之後，每次範奎提起這件事，秀彬總會找些藉口推託，不讓範奎幫他解決。要不就是直接做愛，秀彬照常戴著保險套射在裡面，深深埋進範奎體內，如此親近卻又如此遙遠。

It’s getting irritating, because there’s obviously something wrong here, but it seems like Soobin is going out of his way to stop Beomgyu from finding out. This seems way deeper than just ‘Soobin dislikes his own cum’.
這情況越來越令人煩躁，因為很明顯哪裡不對勁，但看起來秀彬正刻意阻止范奎發現真相。這似乎遠比「秀彬不喜歡自己的精液」還要複雜得多。

And to be honest, Beomgyu thought they were way past intentional miscommunication like this, after all the catty fights they had as roommates.
老實說，范奎以為經歷過室友時期那些針鋒相對的爭吵後，他們早該超越這種刻意隱瞞的溝通方式了。

Soobin must be able to tell Beomgyu is growing more annoyed at him, because he begins distracting Beomgyu with other things, too. Video games, movies, eating out together, random late-night conversations. They even go to an amusement park together.
秀彬一定察覺到范奎對自己越來越不耐煩，因為他開始用其他事情轉移范奎的注意力。電玩遊戲、看電影、一起外出用餐、隨興的深夜談心。他們甚至還一起去了遊樂園。

He knows the issue has something to do with him touching Soobin, and Soobin’s obsession with condoms, and maybe Soobin being embarrassed, but Beomgyu has no idea what the connection between those things are.
他知道問題跟他觸碰秀彬有關，也跟秀彬對保險套的執著有關，或許還因為秀彬感到尷尬，但范奎完全搞不懂這些事情之間有什麼關聯。

Despite his better judgement, he even returns to Taehyun and elaborates on the issue, and Taehyun has nothing for him. That doesn’t exactly inspire Beomgyu with confidence.
儘管理智告訴他不該這麼做，他還是回頭找泰亨討論這個問題，而泰亨也給不出什麼答案。這可一點都沒讓范奎感到安心。

And it’s sort of scary, to Beomgyu, not knowing what’s going on between them, what exactly lurks in Soobin’s mind when they’re together. Beomgyu was fine with this arrangement when he was positive he knew what Soobin thought of him, but now…
對範奎來說，這種不確定感有點嚇人——他不知道他們之間究竟怎麼了，也不明白當他們在一起時，秀彬腦海裡究竟潛藏著什麼念頭。當他確信自己了解秀彬對他的想法時，他還能接受這樣的相處模式，但現在...

It’s not that he wants to stop. He just wants to know what the fuck is going on.
他並不是想停止這段關係。他只是想搞清楚他媽的到底發生了什麼事。

They’re alone in the living room, shoulder-to-shoulder, watching one of Soobin’s silly romance animes. Beomgyu obviously isn’t paying attention at all, only watching Soobin watch the TV.
他們獨自在客廳裡肩並肩坐著，看著秀彬喜歡的那種傻氣愛情動畫。範奎顯然完全沒在注意劇情，只是盯著秀彬看電視的側臉。

Normally, staring at Soobin’s face is his favourite pastime. But right now, it feels more like he’s uncovering the final pieces of a puzzle than anything.
通常來說，凝視秀彬的臉龐是他最愛的消遣。但此刻，這感覺更像是在拼湊拼圖的最後幾片碎片。

Maybe it’s not that deep. Maybe Beomgyu’s theory about Soobin wanting to save his cum for his future partner was right. Given his taste in media, Beomgyu wouldn’t be surprised. Maybe Beomgyu is overthinking everything.
或許事情沒那麼複雜。或許範奎的理論是對的——秀彬想把精液留給未來的伴侶。考慮到秀彬平時的媒體品味，範奎一點也不意外。或許是範奎自己想太多了。

But if he’s not, he would never forgive himself for overlooking it. Why is this so difficult? Why can’t Soobin just tell him? They gave each other their first times. How could whatever this is possibly be more embarrassing than that?
但如果他沒想多，他永遠不會原諒自己錯過這個線索。為什麼這件事這麼難？秀彬為什麼就不能直接告訴他？他們連彼此的第一次都給了對方。現在這種事怎麼可能比那時候更尷尬？

He sighs and leans his cheek on Soobin’s shoulder, slumping against his side. He cares about Soobin, a lot, and it’s unnerving to think he’s missing something here.
他嘆了口氣，將臉頰靠在秀彬肩上，整個人軟軟地倚著對方。他真的很在乎秀彬，正因如此，才更讓他心慌——總覺得自己似乎漏掉了什麼重要的線索。

“You getting tired?” Soobin questions, throwing an arm over Beomgyu’s shoulder and squeezing.
「你累了嗎？」秀彬問道，一邊將手臂搭在范奎肩上並輕輕捏了捏。

“A bit,” Beomgyu admits. Physically tired? Not at all. Emotionally tired? Definitely.
「有一點吧，」范奎承認。身體上的疲憊？完全沒有。心理上的疲憊？那倒是真的。

Soobin reaches for his laptop and presses the spacebar, pausing the video.
秀彬伸手拿過筆電，按下空格鍵暫停了影片。

“You can keep watching,” Beomgyu protests, but he knows there’s no point. Soobin is one of those people who loves to talk about shows after watching them; Beomgyu passing out halfway defeats the purpose of watching it together.
「你可以繼續看啊，」範奎抗議道，但他知道這沒用。秀彬是那種喜歡看完節目後討論劇情的人；範奎看到一半睡著就失去了一起觀影的意義。

“Is something wrong?” Soobin nudges him. “You’ve been out of it all day.”
「怎麼了嗎？」秀彬用手肘輕推他。「你一整天都心不在焉的。」

Has he been that obvious? He berates himself internally. Soobin is way too perceptive sometimes, at least when it comes to Beomgyu. He should’ve put more effort into being present.
他表現得有那麼明顯嗎？他在心裡責備自己。有時候秀彬實在太敏銳了，至少在涉及范奎的事情上是這樣。他應該更努力保持專注的。

“Just thinking,” Beomgyu admits, purposely vague. He clings to Soobin’s arm, pressing his nose to it and breathing Soobin’s cologne in. He recently switched bottles, and Beomgyu loves the new one. It’s more mellow, like the deep scent of burning wood, and it reminds him of being wrapped up around the campfire. The same cosy feeling he gets around Soobin himself.
「只是在想事情，」范奎含糊其辭地承認道。他緊抓著秀彬的手臂，把鼻子貼上去深吸著秀彬的古龍水香氣。秀彬最近換了香水瓶，而范奎很喜歡這款新香。它更為溫和，像燃燒木頭的深沉氣味，讓他想起圍繞營火被包裹的感覺。就像待在秀彬身邊時那種同樣舒適的溫暖。

Soobin rests his head on top of Beomgyu’s. “About something bad?”
秀彬把頭靠在范奎的頭頂。「在想不好的事嗎？」

“Not exactly,” Beomgyu says, though in his head he would classify it as very bad, yes, solely because he’s not used to not understanding Soobin. It’s discomforting.
「不完全是，」范奎說，儘管在心裡他會把這件事歸類為非常糟糕，沒錯，純粹因為他不習慣無法理解秀彬。這令人不安。

Soobin slips his arms underneath Beomgyu’s and hoists him onto his lap. Beomgyu doesn’t even pretend to fight back, and instead nestles against him.
秀彬將手臂滑到杋圭下方，一把將他抱到自己腿上。杋圭甚至懶得假裝掙扎，反而依偎進他懷裡。

If Soobin is insecure, he hides it pretty well. Which leads Beomgyu to believe it’s exclusively sex-related—but also, Soobin is almost always the one who initiates.
如果秀彬感到不安，他掩飾得相當好。這讓範奎相信這純粹與性有關——但同時，秀彬幾乎總是主動的那一方。

Like now, as Soobin toys with the drawstring of his sweatpants and murmurs into his hair, “Can I?”
就像現在，秀彬把玩著運動褲的抽繩，在他髮間低語：「可以嗎？」

“We’re in the living room,” Beomgyu mumbles, playing the responsible one solely so Soobin can convince him to do otherwise.
「我們在客廳耶，」範奎咕噥著，刻意扮演理智的一方，只為了讓秀彬能說服他改變主意。

“Nobody will come out,” Soobin says.
「不會有人出來的，」秀彬說。

“Because they know we’re in here.”
「因為他們知道我們在這裡。」

“Does it matter why?” Soobin chuckles quietly. “I don’t want to move. I like it here.”
「原因重要嗎？」秀彬輕聲笑了笑。「我不想動，我喜歡這裡。」

“Impatient,” Beomgyu huffs. He rests his hand on Soobin’s nape, bringing him closer, and they kiss until Soobin’s laptop flickers into sleep mode, blanketing them in darkness.
「沒耐心。」範奎哼了一聲。他將手搭在秀彬的後頸，將他拉近，兩人親吻直到秀彬的筆電螢幕轉為休眠模式，黑暗籠罩了他們。

He’s completely unsurprised when Soobin pulls out a condom from his backpack, because of course he brought one. Beomgyu helps him roll it on, which is the most he ever gets to touch Soobin’s cock, and holds onto Soobin tightly as he fingers him open.
當秀彬從背包裡掏出保險套時，他一點也不意外——畢竟這傢伙肯定會隨身攜帶。玟奎幫他套上橡膠薄膜，這已經是他能碰觸秀彬性器的極限了。在對方用手指替他擴張時，他緊緊攀住秀彬的臂膀。

The sex is still good. That’s not the issue at all. Beomgyu just feels guilty about enjoying it so much, when Soobin is going through whatever it is he’s going through. They keep each other quiet by kissing, Soobin’s hands resting on Beomgyu’s lower back, Beomgyu’s hands fisting his hair.
性愛依然美好。這根本不是問題所在。范奎只是對自己如此享受感到內疚，尤其當秀彬正經歷著那些事情時。他們用親吻讓彼此安靜下來，秀彬的手輕放在范奎的腰際，范奎的手指則緊抓著他的髮絲。

They really, really shouldn’t be doing this in the living room when at least one of the others is likely still awake, but Beomgyu is—he’s not desperate, but he is needy. He needs to know that Soobin actually enjoys this, that he isn’t secretly only doing all of it for Beomgyu’s sake.
他們真的、真的不該在客廳做這種事，至少其他成員可能還有人醒著，但范奎——他並不是絕望，而是渴望。他需要知道秀彬真的享受這一切，而不是只為了范奎才勉強配合。

Soobin lets out a low whine while sucking on Beomgyu’s lip as he comes, unloading into the condom. A few seconds later, his hand wraps around Beomgyu’s cock, and Beomgyu follows suit.
秀彬含著范奎的唇瓣發出一聲低沉的嗚咽，同時達到高潮，將一切釋放在保險套裡。幾秒後，他的手握住范奎的性器，范奎也隨之釋放。

“I’m sleepy now,” Soobin sighs, soft cock still inside Beomgyu.
「我現在想睡了。」秀彬嘆息道，疲軟的性器仍留在范奎體內。

“Your fault,” Beomgyu tells him, but he’s not complaining.
「都是你的錯。」范奎對他說，但語氣裡沒有半點埋怨。

Soobin lifts his head and smiles at him. He does appear sleepy, but so heartachingly beautiful and fond at the same time, it’s impossible for Beomgyu to worry about Soobin not enjoying this. Nobody unhappy could be so peaceful after sex.
秀彬抬起頭對他微笑。他看起來確實有些睏倦，但同時又美得令人心碎、溫柔得讓人疼惜，這讓范奎根本無法擔心秀彬不享受此刻。沒有哪個不快樂的人能在事後如此平靜。

Beomgyu’s heart stutters in his chest, and he gives Soobin a peck on the lips without thinking. They head back to their rooms shortly after cleaning up, and Beomgyu lies in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling for a solid hour before he’s able to pass out.
范奎的心臟在胸口漏跳一拍，他不假思索地輕啄了一下秀彬的嘴唇。收拾完後不久他們便各自回房，范奎躺在床上，茫然盯著天花板整整一個小時才終於睡著。

Back to the drawing board, he supposes.
看來得重新來過了，他心想。

He’s in the middle of making his coffee the next morning when he’s pulled aside and forcibly dragged into Kai and Taehyun’s room.
隔天早上，他正在煮咖啡時，突然被拉到一旁，硬生生拖進了 Kai 和 Taehyun 的房間。

“Um, is this some sort of intervention?” Beomgyu asks. Yeonjun taps his finger against his arm, scoffing; Kai scratches the back of his head and shrugs; and Taehyun only stares at him with those big, bottomless eyes of his.
「呃，這是在開什麼批鬥大會嗎？」范奎問道。然竣用手指敲著手臂，嗤之以鼻；Kai 抓了抓後腦勺聳聳肩；而 Taehyun 只是用他那雙深不見底的大眼睛直盯著他。

The silence says everything.
沉默說明了一切。

“Beomgyu,” Taehyun says eventually. Beomgyu crosses his arms and raises a practised brow at him, as judgemental as possible.
「範奎，」泰賢最終開口。範奎雙臂交叉，熟練地挑起一邊眉毛，擺出最嚴厲的審視表情。

“Taehyun,” he says back.
「泰賢，」他回喚道。

“I think you know why we’ve called you here.”
「我想你明白我們為何找你來。」

“This isn’t fair!” Beomgyu whines. “It was his idea!”
「這不公平啦！」范奎抱怨道。「明明是他的主意！」

“You know he has no self-control when it comes to you,” Taehyun says, closing his eyes. “I thought you were the responsible one in this relationship.”
「你知道他對你完全沒有自制力，」泰賢閉上眼睛說。「我以為這段關係裡你才是比較負責的那個。」

“We are not in a relationship,” Beomgyu sniffles. Kai groans and mutters something about them being stupid, which is completely unhelpful. “But fine. I won’t let him do it again.”
「我們才沒有在交往，」範奎吸著鼻子說。Kai 呻吟著嘀咕了些關於他們很蠢的話，這完全於事無補。「但好吧。我不會再讓他這麼做了。」

“That’s not the only thing,” Taehyun says. “Kai?” He gestures towards Kai.
「不只這件事，」泰賢說。「Kai？」他朝 Kai 比了個手勢。

“I am begging you guys to keep it down,” Kai says, jumping forward and holding onto Beomgyu’s sleeve and absolutely refusing to let go no matter how hard he struggles, like some sort of parasite. “Hyung. I’m serious. Begging.”
「拜託你們小聲點，」Kai 說著撲上前抓住範奎的袖子，像某種寄生蟲般死都不肯放手，無論範奎怎麼掙扎。「哥。我是認真的。求你了。」

“We’re not that loud!” Beomgyu hisses, shaking his arm. “Put on some relaxing whale sounds or something to drown it out!”
「我們才沒那麼吵！」范奎嘶聲說道，甩了甩手臂。「放點鯨魚的舒緩聲音之類的來蓋過去啦！」

“You kind of are that loud,” Yeonjun sighs. Beomgyu shoots him a look of betrayal. “I’m sorry! But it’s true. These walls are thin, okay? I can hear you guys from down the hall sometimes. Like, across the damn apartment.”
「你們確實有那麼吵，」然竣嘆了口氣。范奎投來一個被背叛的眼神。「抱歉！但這是事實。這些牆很薄，好嗎？我有時候在走廊另一頭都聽得到你們的聲音。就像，他媽的公寓對面那樣。」

Beomgyu’s entire face goes red. “You waited six months to tell me this?”
范奎整張臉漲得通紅。「你等了六個月才告訴我這件事？」

“It’s been worse lately,” Yeonjun says, mournfully. “These past few weeks.”
「最近更糟了，」然竣哀傷地說。「過去這幾週。」

“Normally I can just ignore it, but…” Kai covers his face with his hands. He finally lets go of Beomgyu, thank god. “Even I have limits, hyung. Even I have limits.”
「通常我都能置之不理，但…」Kai 用雙手摀住臉。謝天謝地，他終於放開了 Beomgyu。「連我也有極限的，哥。連我也有極限。」

Beomgyu’s brows furrow. Have they been louder the past few weeks? He doesn’t think so, but… then again, he’s been more focused on Soobin during sex than himself, so maybe he has. And if he has, then he is genuinely apologetic, because the absolute last thing he wants is for their friends to hear them.
范奎皺起眉頭。他們最近幾週真的比較大聲嗎？他不這麼認為，但...話又說回來，做愛時他的注意力都放在秀彬身上而非自己，所以或許真是如此。如果真是這樣，那他確實感到抱歉，因為他最不願意的就是讓朋友們聽見他們的動靜。

“Okay,” Beomgyu says. “I’ll tell him.”
「好吧，」范奎說。「我會告訴他。」

Yeonjun makes the loudest, most pained noise of relief known to mankind. “Thank fucking god. See, I told you he’d listen.”
然竣發出了人類史上最響亮、最痛苦的解脫嘆息。「謝天謝地。看吧，我就說他會聽勸的。」

“Of course I would,” Beomgyu pouts. He’s a superb listener, thank you very much. The best listener, if he’s allowed to quantify it. “I don’t want you guys hearing us as much as you don’t want to hear us.”
「我當然會啊，」范奎噘嘴道。他可是個超級好的傾聽者，謝謝指教。如果硬要量化，他絕對是最棒的傾聽者。「我也不想讓你們聽到我們，就像你們不想聽見一樣。」

“Thank you, hyung!” Kai yells, hugging him tightly. “Now, is everything going alright? Is he treating you well?”
「謝謝哥！」Kai 大喊著緊緊抱住他。「現在一切都還好嗎？他對你好嗎？」

“Stop trying to be my hyung, Kai,” Beomgyu scolds gently, and Kai huffs cutely. “We’re fine, don’t worry.”
「別老想當我哥啦，Kai。」Beomgyu 輕聲責備，Kai 可愛地哼了一聲。「我們很好，別擔心。」

“Are you planning on confessing soon?” Kai asks.
「你打算很快告白嗎？」Kai 問道。

Beomgyu chokes, and Yeonjun elbows Kai on the side, scowling. Yeah, Beomgyu isn’t even going to dignify that one with an answer.
Beomgyu 嗆到了，Yeonjun 用手肘頂了 Kai 一下，皺著眉頭。是啊，Beomgyu 連回答這個問題都覺得多餘。

“My coffee is probably done by now,” Beomgyu says. “I’ll tell him later.”
「我的咖啡應該已經煮好了，」范奎說。「我晚點再告訴他。」

“But—mmmf,” Kai begins, only to be promptly shut up by Yeonjun’s hand over his mouth.
「但是——唔，」凱伊剛開口，就被然竣的手迅速摀住了嘴。

“Thanks, Beomie,” Yeonjun says. Beomgyu squints between them, then at Taehyun, who’s strangely quiet. “We appreciate it.”
「謝啦，Beomie。」Yeonjun 說道。Beomgyu 瞇著眼在他們之間來回看了看，又望向異常安靜的 Taehyun。「我們很感激。」

“... No problem.” Beomgyu gives them a small, slightly concerned wave, then wanders back to the kitchen without looking back.
「...沒問題。」范奎給他們一個小小的、略帶擔憂的揮手，然後頭也不回地晃回廚房。

His mug of coffee is on the kitchen counter, the spot replaced with Soobin’s usual one. The owner of the mug has his head shoved into the fridge, and Beomgyu creeps up on him, slapping his hands against his back.
他的馬克杯放在廚房流理台上，原本的位置被 Soobin 常用的杯子取代。杯子的主人正把頭探進冰箱裡，Beomgyu 躡手躡腳地靠近，雙手啪地拍上他的背。

“Boo!”  「哇！」

“What the fuck—ow, shit,” Soobin yelps, hitting his head on the side of the fridge as he jumps back. “Beomgyu, what the fuck!”
「靠北——幹，痛死，」秀彬往後跳時撞到冰箱側邊，忍不住叫出聲。「范奎，你搞什麼鬼啦！」

Beomgyu’s eyes widen. “I didn’t think you’d get that scared.” He stands on his toes so he can reach the side of Soobin’s head, and presses a light kiss to the spot he accidentally hit. “There.”
范奎睜大眼睛。「沒想到你會嚇成這樣。」他踮起腳尖，伸手輕撫秀彬剛才撞到的部位，在上面落下一個輕吻。「好了。」

Soobin rolls his eyes at him, but Beomgyu sees him fighting back a smile. Rubbing the spot, he stands up properly. “What were you talking to the others about?”
秀彬對他翻了個白眼，但范奎看見他努力憋笑的樣子。秀彬揉著撞到的地方，重新站直身子。「你剛才跟其他人聊什麼？」

“You heard us?”  「你們在說什麼？」

“I couldn’t hear what you guys were saying, just that you were talking.” Soobin holds onto Beomgyu’s arms, hands drawing over his shoulders. “Everything okay?”
「我聽不清楚你們的對話，只知道你們在說話。」秀彬抓著范奎的手臂，雙手滑過他的肩膀。「一切都還好嗎？」

Beomgyu instinctively steps closer to him, nodding. “Everything’s fine,” he assures.
范奎下意識地靠近他，點了點頭。「一切都很好。」他保證道。

“Do you feel better?”  「感覺好點了嗎？」

It takes Beomgyu a second to realise Soobin is referring to last night. “Yeah,” he says. He still doesn’t have a plan, but he does feel slightly better. If anything, he’s positive that Soobin’s issue isn’t with them having sex. That was the worst-case scenario, so now anything else is more manageable in comparison.
范奎花了一秒才意識到秀彬指的是昨晚的事。「嗯，」他說。他還是沒有計劃，但感覺稍微好一點了。至少他確定秀彬的問題不在於他們發生關係這件事。那是最糟的情況，所以相較之下其他事情都好處理多了。

“Good.” Soobin releases him and then reaches for his own mug of coffee. “We have, like, four hours before we leave. Do you want to finish that show?”
「很好。」秀彬鬆開他，然後伸手去拿自己的咖啡杯。「我們大概還有四個小時才出發。你想把那個節目看完嗎？」

It’s eight o’clock in the morning, and Beomgyu would usually use this time to work on music or play games—but he’ll never pass up the opportunity to spend more time with Soobin. He’s not sure if Soobin is only asking him to hang out because he’s trying to distract him, but whatever.
現在是早上八點，范奎通常會利用這段時間創作音樂或打電動——但他絕不會錯過任何能跟秀彬多相處的機會。他不確定秀彬邀他一起打發時間是否只是想轉移他的注意力，不過無所謂啦。

“Sure,” Beomgyu says. He giggles when Soobin swoops down and kisses his temple. “Let me cut up an apple first.”
「好啊，」范奎說道。當秀彬俯身親吻他太陽穴時，他咯咯笑了起來。「先讓我切個蘋果。」

“Take your time.”  「慢慢來。」

He’ll tell Soobin about the noise complaints later. For now, he just wants to sit on Soobin’s bed with him and with his silly harem anime while the birds chirp outside their window.
關於噪音投訴的事晚點再告訴秀彬吧。此刻，他只想和秀彬一起坐在床上，看著那部蠢萌後宮動畫，聽著窗外鳥兒啁啾。

One thing Beomgyu will say about fucking his best friend is that it brought them closer together. Physically, but also emotionally—Soobin’s the only one who has ever taken him apart like that, and it takes a certain level of trust that he’s given nobody else. That’s special in itself.
范奎會這麼形容和他最好的朋友上床這件事：這讓他們更親密了。不只是肉體上，情感上也是——秀彬是唯一一個能這樣徹底瓦解他的人，而這種程度的信任他從未給過其他人。光是這點就夠特別了。

Eventually, his frustration towards Soobin’s mysterious grudge towards cum diminishes into plain curiosity. Because no matter what way Beomgyu looks at Soobin and their relationship, Soobin isn’t unhappy, and that reassures most of his worries.
最終，范奎對秀彬那股對精液莫名怨恨的挫敗感，逐漸轉化為單純的好奇。因為無論范奎從哪個角度看待秀彬與他們的關係，秀彬都沒有不快樂，這讓他大部分的擔憂都得到了安撫。

He considers dropping it entirely, but he really just wants a straightforward answer. It’s going to drive him insane if Soobin doesn’t tell him.
他考慮過乾脆放棄追問，但他真的只想要一個直截了當的答案。如果秀彬不告訴他，這件事會把他逼瘋。

There’s a decent stretch of time in between then and when Beomgyu finally chances bothering him about it. The location, time, mood all matter when annoying Soobin. If he’s too annoyed, he’ll leave. He has to be in the right mindset for Beomgyu to badger him into caving. Soobin, despite his size and personality, is very delicate inside. Beomgyu knows this better than anybody.
從那時到范奎終於找到機會煩他為止，中間隔了相當長一段時間。地點、時機和氣氛都很重要，要惹惱秀彬得看準這些。如果他被惹得太煩，就會直接走人。必須讓秀彬處於恰到好處的心境，范奎才能死纏爛打到他投降。儘管秀彬有著高大的身形和性格，內心卻非常纖細。這點沒有人比范奎更清楚。

They’re lying in Beomgyu’s bed together, the sun having just set and brought the moon’s glow through the window instead. The curtains flutter from a light autumn breeze, and Beomgyu plays a game on his phone, his back to Soobin’s chest, while Soobin absently flips through a book behind him.
他們一起躺在范奎的床上，夕陽剛落下，取而代之的是月光透過窗戶灑進來。輕柔的秋風吹動窗簾，范奎背對著秀彬的胸膛玩著手機遊戲，而秀彬則在他身後心不在焉地翻著書。

It seems like a good time to bring it up. Soobin is in a good mood, as far as Beomgyu can tell, and Beomgyu himself isn’t nervous. He doubts there’ll be a better time to ask his best friend slash fuck buddy why he refuses to take off a condom.
現在似乎是個好時機。就范奎所知，秀彬心情不錯，而范奎自己也不緊張。他懷疑還有什麼更好的時機，可以問他這位既是摯友又是砲友的對象，為何堅持不願拿下保險套。

“Hyung,” Beomgyu says. Soobin hums and flips a page in his book. “Can I ask you something? Something serious?”
「哥，」范奎開口。秀彬輕哼一聲，翻過書頁。「我能問你一件事嗎？很嚴肅的那種？」

Soobin shifts slightly, setting his book down, and nudges Beomgyu until he turns around so they can face each other.
秀彬微微挪動身子，放下手中的書，輕輕推了推范奎直到他轉過身來，兩人面對面。

“What’s wrong?” Soobin asks, immediately concerned, and Beomgyu holds back a laugh at how earnest he is.
「怎麼了？」Soobin 立刻關切地問道，Beomgyu 看著他那認真的模樣忍不住想笑。

“Nothing is wrong,” Beomgyu reassures him. He finds Soobin’s hand and holds it in his lap. “I just wanted to talk.”
「沒事啦，」范奎安撫他，一邊找到秀彬的手，輕輕握在自己膝上。「只是想聊聊而已。」

Soobin raises a brow at him, dubious, but nods. “About…?”
秀彬挑眉看著他，一臉懷疑，但還是點了點頭。「關於什麼的？」

“You can’t get mad at me, okay?” Beomgyu says.
「你不能生我的氣，好嗎？」范奎說。

“Is it something that’ll make me mad?”
「是會讓我生氣的事嗎？」

“Well…” Beomgyu twists his mouth, pouting. “Maybe, but I’m not asking to make fun of you. I’m asking because I want to know.”
「這個嘛...」范奎噘起嘴，露出委屈的表情。「可能會吧，但我不是要取笑你才問的。我是因為想知道才問的。」

Soobin crosses his arms. He looks slightly more distrustful now. Beomgyu should’ve gone straight into the question with no preamble, but it’s too late for that now.
秀彬交叉雙臂，現在看起來更加不信任了。範奎應該直接切入問題，不該拐彎抹角，但現在已經來不及了。

“Okay,” Soobin says. “Go ahead.”
「好，」秀彬說。「說吧。」

Well, it’s now or never. “Why won’t you let me touch you?” Beomgyu blurts out. Soobin opens his mouth to speak, but Beomgyu continues before he can, “Why won’t you take off the condom? Why won’t you cum on me? Why do you get so embarrassed whenever I ask? Is it something to do with… do you like someone else? Do you have some weird view of sex where you think you fucking me isn’t real but me touching you back would be? Do you think that cum is some sort of romantic gesture and—”
好吧，現在不說就沒機會了。「為什麼不讓我碰你？」范奎脫口而出。秀彬張嘴想說話，但范奎搶先繼續說道：「為什麼不把保險套拿掉？為什麼不射在我身上？每次我問你為什麼都這麼尷尬？是不是因為……你有喜歡的人了？還是你對性有什麼奇怪的看法，覺得你幹我就不算真的，但我碰你就會是？你覺得射精是某種浪漫的表示嗎——」

“Beomgyu,” Soobin says. Beomgyu freezes. “How many times do I have to tell you I don’t want to talk about it?”
「范奎，」秀彬說。范奎僵住了。「我要跟你說多少次我不想談這個？」

“I know you don’t,” Beomgyu insists. He mirrors Soobin’s body language, crossing his arms over his chest. “But I think I have a right to know. You know it makes me feel awkward too? How would you feel if I never let you touch me? Or every single time I came, it was out of sight? It makes me feel like this is all about me.” Beomgyu picks at a loose thread on his sleeve. “And I don’t want it to be all about me.”
「我知道你不想，」范奎堅持道。他模仿秀彬的肢體語言，雙臂交叉在胸前。「但我覺得我有權知道。你知道這也讓我很尷尬嗎？如果我一直不讓你碰我，你會怎麼想？或者每次我射精都避開你的視線？這讓我覺得這一切都只關乎我。」范奎撥弄著袖口的一根鬆脫線頭。「而我不希望一切都只關乎我。」

Soobin sighs deeply, arms falling back to his sides so he can hold on to Beomgyu’s hips. “I understand what you’re saying, but—”
秀彬深深嘆了口氣，雙臂垂回身側，好讓他能扶住范奎的腰。「我懂你的意思，但是——」

“If you understood what I was saying, then you would tell me,” Beomgyu interrupts. “Are you embarrassed? Is that it? I didn’t think you were insecure, but…”
「如果你聽懂我在說什麼，你就會告訴我，」范奎打斷道。「你在難為情嗎？是這樣嗎？我沒想到你會這麼沒自信，但……」

Soobin’s cheeks flare, and Beomgyu’s mouth falls open.
秀彬的臉頰瞬間漲紅，范奎驚訝得張大了嘴。

“You are embarrassed!” he accuses, and the way Soobin tries to shove him off only confirms his suspicions. But—what? Embarrassed over what? He puts his cock inside Beomgyu practically every week. What could be worse than that?
「你害羞了！」他指控道，而秀彬試圖推開他的舉動只更加證實了他的猜測。但——什麼？為了什麼害羞？他幾乎每週都會把老二放進范奎體內。還有什麼比這更糟的？

“Beomgyu, seriously, I’m not going to…” Soobin bats Beomgyu’s hands away when he tries to cup his face. “It’s not that deep, okay?”
「范奎，說真的，我不會……」當范奎試圖捧住他的臉時，秀彬拍開了他的手。「沒那麼嚴重，好嗎？」

“Stop lying to me,” Beomgyu snaps. He empathises with Soobin’s plight of being embarrassed over seemingly nothing, because Beomgyu too gets embarrassed by seemingly random things. But that doesn’t mean he’s going to stand by and allow Soobin to continue making excuses when Beomgyu is so close to figuring this out.
「別再騙我了。」范奎厲聲說道。他理解玟瑣因為一些看似微不足道的事情而感到尷尬的處境，畢竟范奎自己也常被一些莫名小事弄得難為情。但這並不代表他會袖手旁觀，任由玟瑣在真相即將大白之際繼續找藉口。

Especially if he’s embarrassed over something. Around Beomgyu! When Beomgyu is supposed to be the person he’s most comfortable around.
尤其是當他因為某些事感到尷尬時。而且是在范奎面前！范奎明明應該是他最自在相處的人才對。

“Beomgyu—”  「范奎——」

“I just don’t understand what you’re embarrassed of,” Beomgyu continues. “I’m the one asking to touch you. I want you to come on me or in me or whatever. I’m not going to make fun of you for something I’m asking for.”
「我只是不懂你在尷尬什麼，」范奎繼續說道。「是我主動要求碰你的。我想要你射在我身上或裡面，隨便怎樣都好。我不會因為自己提出的要求而取笑你。」

“Holy shit,” Soobin whispers, rubbing the heel of his palms against his eyelids, “Beomgyu, I’m serious. Drop it.”
「天啊，」秀彬低聲說道，用手掌根部揉著眼皮，「范奎，我是認真的。別再說了。」

“No,” Beomgyu refuses, knowing full well how childish he sounds. “You saying my name over and over isn’t going to change my mind.”
「不要，」范奎拒絕道，完全明白自己聽起來有多孩子氣。「你一直重複叫我的名字也不會改變我的心意。」

“I’m saying your name because you aren’t listening to me—”
「我叫你的名字是因為你根本沒在聽我說話——」

“Why do you think that I, as your best friend, am just going to continue letting you think whatever obviously false concept it is you’re thinking about—”
「你為什麼會覺得，身為你最好的朋友，我會繼續讓你抱著那些明顯錯誤的想法——」

“Because I know what you’re going to say and—”
「因為我知道你要說什麼，而且——」

“How can you know what I’m going to say when I don’t even know what you’re talking about!” Beomgyu shouts.
「我都不知道你在講什麼了，你怎麼可能知道我要說什麼！」范奎大吼。

They stare each other down, Soobin’s eyes narrowed and Beomgyu’s lips pursed. Soobin is an idiot if he thinks Beomgyu will back down. This isn’t only about sex, it’s about Soobin keeping something from Beomgyu that’s affecting Beomgyu as well.
他們互相瞪視著，秀彬瞇起眼睛，而杋圭則抿緊嘴唇。如果秀彬以為杋圭會退縮，那他就太蠢了。這不僅僅是關於性，而是秀彬對杋圭隱瞞了某些事，而這件事也影響著杋圭。

“You are so insufferable sometimes, you know that?”
「你有時候真的很讓人受不了，你知道嗎？」

The words register in Beomgyu’s brain only after Soobin sweeps him off of his spot in between Soobin’s legs and onto his back instead, his head hitting the pillow with a small ‘oof’.
直到秀彬將杋圭從自己雙腿間的位置一把拉起，轉而將他壓倒在床上，杋圭的頭撞上枕頭發出輕微的「嗚」聲後，這句話才真正進入杋圭的腦海。

“Do you really want it that bad?” Soobin questions, both hands slipping under Beomgyu’s shirt.
「你真的那麼想要嗎？」秀彬問道，雙手滑入杋圭的襯衫底下。

His brain short circuits as he feels Soobin’s cool palms tickle his stomach, and all he says in return is, “Huh?”
他的腦袋瞬間當機，因為秀彬冰涼的手掌正搔癢著他的腹部，而他只能愣愣地回了一句：「蛤？」

“I said, do you really want it that bad?”
「我說，你真的那麼想要嗎？」

Is this a trick question? “Yes,” he says. “Of course I do, I’ve been asking you for months to—”
這是在耍我嗎？「當然，」他說。「我當然想，這幾個月來我一直求你——」

Soobin shuts him up by shoving his face underneath Beomgyu’s shirt, fitting his lips around one nipple and grazing it with his teeth. Beomgyu gasps, bucking into his touch, and throws his arms around Soobin’s shoulders.
秀彬直接把臉埋進范奎的 T 恤底下，用嘴唇含住一邊乳頭，牙齒輕輕刮過，成功讓他閉上嘴。范奎倒抽一口氣，身體不由自主地迎向他的觸碰，雙臂環上秀彬的肩膀。

“Fuck, Soobin,” he curses. “You—you could’ve warned me.”
「靠，秀彬，」他咒罵道。「你——你至少該先說一聲。」

“You’re testing my patience,” Soobin says, tongue circling Beomgyu’s chest as he speaks. “I don’t have time to warn you.”
「你是在挑戰我的耐心，」秀彬說著，舌頭在範奎的胸口打轉。「我可沒時間警告你。」

“So—” Beomgyu struggles to speak as Soobin moves to the other side of his chest, lapping at the little nub there as well, his hand tweaking the one left behind. “So you’ll let me?” he asks breathlessly.
「所——」範奎在秀彬移向胸口另一側時掙扎著開口，同樣舔弄著那處的小突起，手則玩弄著被遺忘的另一邊。「所以你會讓我嗎？」他氣喘吁吁地問。

“Let you what?”  「讓你怎樣？」

“Touch you,” Beomgyu says, half-pleading. “Can I suck you off?”
「碰你，」範奎半懇求地說。「我可以幫你口交嗎？」

Soobin pulls his head out from underneath Beomgyu’s shirt. His hair is all messy, face a splotchy red and lips slick from his own spit. Beomgyu watches him as quietly as possible, waiting for his answer.
秀彬從範奎的 T 恤底下探出頭來。他的頭髮亂糟糟的，臉頰泛著斑駁的紅暈，嘴唇還沾著自己的唾液閃閃發亮。範奎盡可能安靜地注視著他，等待他的回應。

It feels like forever before Soobin speaks, “If I let you, will you shut up about it?”
彷彿過了永恆那麼久，秀彬終於開口：「如果我答應你，你能保證不再提這件事嗎？」

Beomgyu cracks a smile. “No promises,” he says, honestly.
Beomgyu 露出一抹微笑。「不保證喔，」他誠實地說。

Soobin scoffs, climbing up his body to lay a small kiss against his open mouth. “On your knees, then.”
秀彬輕哼一聲，攀上他的身體，在他微張的唇上落下輕吻。「那就跪著吧。」

A shiver runs down Beomgyu’s spine.
一股顫慄竄過範奎的背脊。

Holy shit. It’s really happening. Fuck. Fuck.
靠。真的要發生了。幹。幹。

Beomgyu scoots down the bed and onto the carpeted floor, allowing Soobin to take his spot on the bed. He sinks onto his knees, placing himself in between Soobin’s thighs, and blinks up at him.
範奎滑下床，跪在鋪著地毯的地板上，讓秀彬佔據他原本在床上的位置。他跪坐在秀彬雙腿之間，仰頭眨著眼望向他。

He can see the outline of Soobin’s cock from this angle, tenting his jeans, and the shallow rise and fall of Soobin’s chest as he watches him.
從這個角度，他能看見秀彬的陰莖輪廓撐起牛仔褲，還有秀彬注視他時胸口那淺淺的起伏。

He still has no idea what was holding Soobin back this whole time, but he isn’t about to complain. Not when Soobin is finally giving him what he’s been literally begging for.
他依然不明白是什麼阻擋了秀彬這麼久，但他不打算抱怨。尤其是當秀彬終於給了他一直以來苦苦哀求的東西時。

“How do you want to do this?” Soobin brushes his fingers through Beomgyu’s hair, and everything seems so much more from this position. Soobin’s height, the width of his hand. Beomgyu likes it a lot, like he knew he would.
「你想怎麼做？」秀彬的手指梳過范奎的髮絲，從這個角度看來一切都更加鮮明。秀彬的身高、手掌的寬度。范奎非常喜歡這種感覺，就像他早已知曉自己會愛上一樣。

“This is for you, hyung,” Beomgyu says, shutting his eyes. “You tell me.”
「這是為你準備的，哥。」范奎閉上眼睛說道。「你來告訴我。」

Soobin laughs wordlessly and lifts himself up slightly so he can pull down his pants, then his boxers, freeing his cock. It’s already hard, sitting against his thigh, and Beomgyu’s mouth literally waters.
秀彬無聲地笑了笑，微微抬起身子好讓他能褪下褲子，接著是內褲，釋放出他的陰莖。那早已硬挺，緊貼著大腿，范奎的嘴巴簡直要流出口水來。

It’s rare he ever gets to lay eyes on it for longer than a few seconds. Usually it goes straight inside him.
他很少有機會能盯著看超過幾秒鐘。通常都是直接進到他體內。

He shouldn’t be getting this excited over just seeing Soobin’s cock when he takes it once a week or more, but here he is.
他不該只是看到秀彬的陰莖就這麼興奮，明明每週至少都會碰它一次，但他現在就是這樣。

He licks his lips and glances up at Soobin, who nods.
他舔了舔嘴唇，抬眼看向秀彬，對方點了點頭。

“Okay,” Beomgyu breathes out. He wraps his fingers around the shaft, dragging his index finger along the prominent vein on the side.
「好。」範奎輕聲說道。他用手握住莖身，食指沿著側面凸起的血管滑動。

Soobin’s eyes stay fixed on him, unwavering, and it emboldens Beomgyu to press forward and lap at the slit. He’s waited so long for this, he doesn’t know where to begin. All he knows is that he loves having Soobin watch him, and he loves having Soobin’s cock near his face, and he wants to hear Soobin moan because of him.
秀彬的目光始終緊盯著他，毫不動搖，這讓範奎鼓起勇氣向前湊近，舔弄頂端的小孔。他等這一刻等太久了，甚至不知道該從哪裡開始。他只知道他喜歡讓秀彬看著他，喜歡秀彬的陰莖靠近他的臉，更想聽見秀彬因為他而發出的呻吟。

In summary, he just wants to make Soobin happy. Preferably by sucking his cock and having him cum on Beomgyu’s face. Is that too much to ask?
總而言之，他只是想讓秀彬開心。最好是能含著他的老二，讓他在範奎臉上射精。這樣的要求會太過分嗎？

“‘M gonna start,” Beomgyu announces. Soobin squeezes strands of Beomgyu’s hair between his fingers, urging him forward, and Beomgyu sinks down onto his cock.
「我要開始了。」范奎宣布道。秀彬用手指纏繞著范奎的髮絲，輕輕推著他向前，范奎便緩緩坐上了他的性器。

No amount of shoving his own fingers into his mouth and pretending they were Soobin’s cock could have prepared him for this. He can’t keep his eyes open, as much as he wants to watch Soobin’s face, because of how blissful it is to have Soobin finally in his mouth. Only a few centimetres in and it already has Beomgyu’s vision blurring.
再怎麼將自己的手指塞進嘴裡、假裝那是秀彬的性器，也無法讓他為此刻做好準備。他無法睜開眼睛，儘管多麼想注視秀彬的表情，但光是秀彬終於進入他口中的那份快感就足以讓他視線模糊。才進入幾公分，就已經讓範奎眼前一片朦朧。

“Shit.” He hears Soobin whisper, a quiet whine, and Beomgyu hums around his cock. He circles his tongue around it, wetting as much as he can with his spit before pulling back and doing the same to the head.
「靠。」他聽見秀彬低聲抱怨，帶著一絲微弱的嗚咽，而范奎則含著他的陰莖輕哼。他先用舌頭環繞著柱身，盡可能地用唾液潤濕它，接著退開，對龜頭也如法炮製。

He doesn’t care how messy he’s being, or how desperate. This is one thing he is desperate for. He’ll be as filthy as he can, if it’s to show Soobin that he’s serious about this.
他不在乎自己有多狼狽，也不在乎看起來多麼飢渴。這是他唯一渴望的事。只要能向秀彬證明他是認真的，他願意變得再骯髒不堪都無所謂。

Soobin gently thrusts forward, and Beomgyu gasps in surprise, delighted. He looks up and sees Soobin eyeing him wearily, as if to ask, is this okay?
秀彬輕輕向前挺進，杋圭驚喜地倒抽一口氣，滿臉歡愉。他抬眼看見秀彬正疲憊地注視著他，彷彿在問：這樣可以嗎？

Beomgyu answers by sucking harshly, hollowing his cheeks around Soobin’s cock and moaning lowly.
杋圭以用力吸吮作為回應，雙頰凹陷含住秀彬的陰莖，同時發出低沉的呻吟。

Two hands grip the back of his head, guiding him, and Beomgyu allows himself to be directed. Keeps his jaw slack, lips parted for Soobin to slide his cock in between, and it’s like heaven. His whole body tingles.
兩隻手抓住他的後腦勺引導著，杋圭順從地任人擺佈。他放鬆下顎、微張雙唇讓秀彬的陰莖滑入其間，這感覺宛如天堂。他全身都在顫慄。

Something salty touches Beomgyu’s tongue, something slick that’s not his own spit, and he whimpers. Oh, god. He’s finally going to have Soobin’s cum. He’s already getting hard from sucking him off—he’s pretty sure he could come just from having Soobin come inside him.
鹹鹹的液體觸及范奎的舌尖，那滑膩的觸感不屬於自己的唾液，他忍不住嗚咽出聲。天啊，他終於要得到秀彬的精液了。光是替對方口交就已經讓他硬得發疼——他幾乎可以確定，光是讓秀彬射在自己嘴裡就能讓他高潮。

The gentle back and forth of Soobin’s cock in his mouth in contrast to the sharp tug of Soobin’s fingers in his hair—it’s so much. Too much, but not enough. He works his tongue around Soobin’s cock, greedily taking in as much as he can, far past the point of what he should, for his first time. But he can’t hold back. He wouldn’t be able to, even if he tried.
秀彬的陰莖在他口中輕柔地來回抽送，與秀彬手指在他髮間粗暴的拉扯形成鮮明對比——這實在太過分了。過分得令人難以承受，卻又遠遠不夠。他貪婪地用舌頭纏繞著秀彬的陰莖，第一次就遠遠超出了應有的限度。但他無法克制。即使嘗試，他也做不到。

He pulls back for air and Soobin smears pre-cum along his bottom lip before nudging the tip slightly forward again. Beomgyu opens his mouth diligently for him, allowing Soobin to rest his cock on his tongue.
他退開來換氣，而秀彬將前液抹在他的下唇上，然後又輕輕將龜頭往前推。杋圭順從地為他張開嘴，讓秀彬能將陰莖擱在他的舌頭上。

“I like you more when you shut up like this,” Soobin murmurs, and Beomgyu laughs right against the head of his cock.
「你像這樣閉嘴的時候我更喜歡你。」秀彬低語道，而杋圭的笑聲直接抵在他的龜頭上。

“That’s such a lie,” he slurs, voice slightly muffled by Soobin’s cock. The taste is so distinct, and the weight is so much heavier than he imagined it to be.
「才怪，」他含糊地說，聲音因為秀彬的陰莖而有些悶住。那味道如此鮮明，而重量比他想像中還要沉得多。

Maybe it’s because he’s used to taking Soobin in his ass and not his mouth, but he swears Soobin’s cock feels even bigger like this, his cheeks bulging slightly to accommodate his girth.
或許是因為他習慣了讓 Soobin 進入他的後庭而非口腔，但他發誓 Soobin 的陰莖這樣感覺起來更加巨大，他的臉頰微微鼓起以容納那粗大的尺寸。

Soobin is alarmingly gentle as he fucks Beomgyu’s mouth, never sliding in too far. Beomgyu reaches for him with one hand, wetting his shaft with his spit and then pumping what he can’t get inside. Soobin groans, fisting Beomgyu’s hair and then petting it right after.
秀彬在進入範奎口中時異常溫柔，從不深入太多。範奎用一隻手撫摸他，用唾液潤濕他的性器，然後上下套弄他無法完全含住的部分。秀彬呻吟著，先是緊抓範奎的頭髮，隨即又輕柔地撫摸。

“Fuck, Beomgyu,” Soobin gasps, and Beomgyu preens hearing him fall apart. “You’re so…”
「操，範奎，」秀彬喘息著說道，而範奎聽到他失控的聲音不禁得意起來。「你真是⋯⋯」

Beomgyu releases Soobin’s cock with a little pop, licking up the line of spit connecting his lips to the tip. “I’m so what?”
範奎輕啵一聲鬆開秀彬的陰莖，舔去連接他嘴唇與頂端的銀絲。「我真是怎樣？」

He rubs his thumbs into the head, lapping up more of the pre-cum that dribbles out, and Soobin shudders.
他用拇指揉搓著頂端，舔舐著更多滲出的前液，秀彬因此顫抖不已。

“You’re so pretty,” Soobin says, breathless, and Beomgyu immediately flushes. “So fucking pretty.”
「你好美。」喘著氣的秀彬說道，而范奎立刻漲紅了臉。「美得該死。」

“You’re supposed to say that I’m hot,” Beomgyu mumbles, to cover up his delight. The warmth in his chest expands exponentially hearing Soobin’s words, especially as Soobin strokes the top of his head, over his scalp and towards his forehead.
「你應該說我很性感才對。」范奎咕噥著，試圖掩飾內心的雀躍。聽到秀彬的話語，他胸口的暖意呈指數級擴散，尤其當秀彬的手撫過他的頭頂，沿著頭皮滑向前額時。

“You are hot, but.” Soobin sucks in a deep breath. “You’re beautiful, too.”
「你是很性感，但是。」秀彬深吸一口氣。「你也美得不可思議。」

Beomgyu nearly comes right then and there. He gives Soobin’s cock one last hard suckle before resting his cheek against his thigh and asking, “Will you come in me?”
范奎差點當場高潮。他最後用力吸吮了秀彬的性器一次，隨後將臉頰靠在大腿上輕聲問道：「要射在裡面嗎？」

Soobin continues to brush Beomgyu’s hair as he admits, “I don’t know if I’ll last.”
秀彬繼續梳理著杋圭的頭髮，坦承道：「我不確定自己撐不撐得下去。」

“Right now, then,” Beomgyu says. He would love to stay on his knees and cradle Soobin’s cock within his mouth for hours, but not today. He’s been waiting for this for so, so long. For Soobin to fill him up and give him every last bit of himself—he’s dreamt of it. Literally.
「就是現在，快點。」范奎說道。他其實很想跪著把秀彬的陰莖含在嘴裡好幾個小時，但今天不行。他已經等了太久、太久了。等著秀彬填滿他，把自己的一切都給他——他連作夢都在想這件事。真的。

“Come here.” Soobin helps him up. His legs are so shaky they nearly buckle under his weight. He would fall if it wasn’t for Soobin’s arm around his waist, pulling him back onto the bed. “Let me do it.”
「過來。」秀彬扶他起來。范奎的雙腿抖得厲害，幾乎撐不住自己的重量。要不是秀彬摟著他的腰把他拉回床上，他肯定會跌倒。「讓我來吧。」

“Don’t—don’t take your time,” Beomgyu says, stammering when Soobin tugs down his boxers. His own cock is so red and hard, leaking at the tip. “I won’t last long either.”
「別——別慢慢來，」當秀彬拉下他的內褲時，范奎結結巴巴地說。他自己的陰莖已經又紅又硬，前端還滲出了液體。「我也撐不了多久。」

“Good to know,” Soobin chuckles, not unkindly, and smears lube all over his fingers.
「知道了。」秀彬輕笑，語氣並不刻薄，同時將潤滑液塗滿手指。

He’s gentler than normal as he opens Beomgyu up; maybe because going too hard would have Beomgyu coming all over his stomach, but also maybe because it just feels right. They’re doing something new, and it requires a certain level of delicateness that they don’t normally have. Beomgyu clings to Soobin’s other arm as he spreads three fingers inside him, pressing against his walls, so wonderfully big.
他比平常更加溫柔地為 Beomgyu 做準備；或許是因為太過粗暴會讓 Beomgyu 直接射在他肚子上，但也可能是因為這樣感覺剛剛好。他們正在嘗試新事物，這需要某種他們平時沒有的細膩。當 Soobin 將三根手指伸入他體內，抵著內壁擴張時，Beomgyu 緊抓著 Soobin 的另一隻手臂，那感覺美妙得令人難以置信。

And Soobin’s cock is way, way bigger. Beomgyu is so lucky. For a lot of reasons.
而秀彬的那話兒可大得多了。范奎真是幸運。有好多原因呢。

“You’re probably going to regret this,” Soobin says, pulling his fingers out.
「你之後八成會後悔的。」秀彬說著抽出了手指。

Beomgyu laughs out loud. “You’re so stupid,” he says plainly, reaching for Soobin. Soobin obliges to his request, opening his mouth for Beomgyu to shove his tongue into. Beomgyu gives him a nip on the lip for his insolence, then murmurs, “I literally don’t know what you’re talking about, so hurry up and come in me already.”
杋圭放聲大笑。「你真是有夠蠢。」他直白地說，伸手拉過秀彬。秀彬順從他的要求，張嘴讓杋圭把舌頭探進來。杋圭懲罰性地輕咬他下唇，接著低語：「我根本聽不懂你在說什麼，所以拜託快點進來。」

“Alright, alright.” Soobin kisses the corner of his lips.
「好啦，好啦。」秀彬輕吻他的嘴角。

He grips the base of his cock and lifts one of Beomgyu’s legs over his shoulder. There’s no sticky latex as he rubs it against Beomgyu’s hole, only him, and Beomgyu tenses in anticipation.
他握住自己性器的根部，將 Beomgyu 的一條腿抬到肩上。當他將性器抵在 Beomgyu 的穴口磨蹭時，沒有黏膩的乳膠阻隔，只有他赤裸的觸感，讓 Beomgyu 因期待而繃緊了身體。

“Loosen up, Gyu,” Soobin urges, and Beomgyu does his best to relax his muscles as Soobin thrusts past his rim, slow and precise, further and further until he’s fully seated inside him.
「放鬆點，Gyu。」Soobin 催促道，而 Beomgyu 盡力讓肌肉放鬆，感受 Soobin 緩緩而精確地推進，越過他的邊緣，一寸寸深入，直到完全埋入他體內。

His eyes water as Soobin snaps his hips forward, plunging his cock inside him, the tip grazing his prostate, and him saying he’s not going to last was an understatement. He’s so full and Soobin is so warm and raw inside him, so fucking perfect, his whole body shakes with the amount of effort it takes not to come.
秀彬猛然挺腰，將自己的性器深深埋入他體內，頂端擦過前列腺時，他的眼眶瞬間湧出淚水。他說自己撐不了多久根本是輕描淡寫。體內被填得如此滿溢，秀彬的炙熱與粗糙在他體內輾轉，該死的完美，他渾身顫慄著用盡全力才沒讓自己當場高潮。

“Soobin,” Beomgyu whines. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck. Soobin—” He makes a mental note to apologise to the others, because he can’t stay quiet. He can’t.
「Soobin，」Beomgyu 呻吟著。「靠。靠，靠。Soobin——」他在心裡記著要跟其他人道歉，因為他實在安靜不下來。就是沒辦法。

Soobin quiets him with another kiss, and while his movements are slow, they’re deep every time. Beomgyu quivers, only held down by the weight of Soobin’s body and his hand on his hip. Beomgyu finds that hand and laces their fingers together, digging the pads of his fingers into Soobin’s palm.
秀彬用另一個吻讓他安靜下來，雖然他的動作緩慢，但每一次都深入骨髓。範奎顫抖著，只能被秀彬身體的重量和他放在臀部的手壓制住。範奎找到那隻手，與他十指交扣，將指尖深深陷入秀彬的掌心。

“Is this what you wanted?” Soobin asks, as he bends Beomgyu in half, lifting his ass off the bed and oh god, Beomgyu has to bury his face into his pillow so he doesn’t scream. He’s stretched so wide, splayed out in the perfect position for Soobin to shove his entire cock in him.
「這是你想要的嗎？」秀彬問道，同時將範奎折成兩半，抬起他的臀部離開床鋪——天啊，範奎不得不把臉埋進枕頭裡，以免自己尖叫出聲。他被撐得這麼開，以完美的姿勢攤開，讓秀彬能將整根性器塞進他體內。

“Yes,” he gasps out, tearing Soobin’s sheets off the corner of his beds as he tries to brace himself against Soobin’s steady pace. “Took you long enough,” he says, trying for cheeky, but it just sounds shaky and choked off. He’s right on the edge.
「嗯，」他喘息著，一邊將手從秀彬的床單邊角扯開，試圖穩住自己以應對秀彬那穩定的節奏。「你動作也太慢了，」他試圖用調侃的語氣說道，但聲音卻顯得顫抖而哽咽。他已經瀕臨極限了。

He feels Soobin shudder, in the strain of his thighs and his grip around Beomgyu’s hand. “You ready?”
他感覺到秀彬在顫抖，大腿緊繃著，手也緊握著范奎的手。「準備好了嗎？」

“Are you—are you seriously asking that?” Beomgyu says, trying to laugh. He loops his free arm around Soobin’s shoulders, clenching around Soobin’s cock, relishing in the startled moan Soobin gives. “Hyung, I fucking dreamed of this, do you have any idea how—oh, fuck—”
「你——你是認真的在問這個嗎？」范奎試圖笑著說。他空著的那隻手環住秀彬的肩膀，同時收緊了握住秀彬性器的手，享受著秀彬因驚嚇而發出的呻吟。「哥，我他媽夢到這個場景多少次了，你根本不知道——喔，操——」

He knew Soobin wouldn’t take long to come, judging by his words and from Beomgyu sucking him off, but it still takes him by surprise when he’s mid-sentence and Soobin’s cock is still driving into him. Wet, wet heat fills him up, and he’s seen Soobin’s cum nearly burst the condom before, but fuck it feels endless when it’s inside him, so much that it drips down his thighs and onto the sheets before Soobin is even finished.
他知道秀彬不會讓他等太久，從對方的話語和範奎正替他口交的動作就能判斷，但當他話說到一半，秀彬的陰莖仍在他體內抽送時，還是讓他猝不及防。濕熱的液體充滿了他體內，他見過秀彬的精液幾乎要撐破保險套的樣子，但該死的，當那些東西在他體內時感覺永無止境，多得甚至在秀彬還沒射完時就順著他的大腿流到床單上。

“Holy—oh my god,” Beomgyu gasps, dragging his nails down Soobin’s spine, curling his fingers into his shirt as Soobin keeps going and going. The muscles in his stomach strain as the sensation of Soobin filling him up builds, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.
「天啊——噢我的天，」範奎喘息著，指甲沿著秀彬的背脊劃下，手指緊抓著他的襯衫，而秀彬持續不斷地深入。他腹部的肌肉緊繃，從頭頂到腳趾都能感受到秀彬填滿他的快感逐漸累積。

Soobin wraps his hand around Beomgyu’s cock and he’s a goner, crying out into Soobin’s chest as Soobin fucks him through the sharp wave of pleasure. The bed creaks from how hard Beomgyu trembles. He’s never come so hard in his life.
秀彬的手環繞著範奎的陰莖，他瞬間潰不成軍，在秀彬胸前哭喊出聲，而秀彬則帶著他衝過那波尖銳的快感。床鋪因範奎劇烈的顫抖而吱呀作響。他這輩子從未如此激烈地高潮過。

“Beomgyu, Beomgyu, Beomgyu,” Soobin whispers over and over, practically drooling as he slurs his words against Beomgyu’s neck. They’re a fucking mess by the time Soobin finally slows his movements to a full stop, leaving them both panting.
「範奎、範奎、範奎，」秀彬一遍又一遍地呢喃著，幾乎是流著口水，含糊不清的話語落在範奎的頸間。當秀彬終於放緩動作直至完全停下時，他倆都已氣喘吁吁，場面一片狼藉。

So full. So fucking full. Beomgyu feels bloated from all the cum and Soobin’s cock splitting him open, but in the best way possible, like he’s finally come to the end of a long journey.
好滿。他媽的滿到不行。範奎感覺自己被精液和秀彬的陰莖撐得發脹，但這感覺該死的好，彷彿終於結束了一場漫長的旅程。

Beomgyu wants to say something funny, but he literally can’t think of the words. His brain has turned to mush and the only thing in it is the feeling of Soobin’s cum trickling out of him. God, there’s so much of it. He might be in heaven.
範奎想說些俏皮話，但他真的詞窮了。他的腦子糊成一團，唯一能感受到的就是秀彬的精液正從他體內緩緩流出。天啊，量也太多了吧。他可能正在天堂。

After what feels like forever, Soobin pulls out. Beomgyu’s hole flutters around nothing and the rest of Soobin’s cum drips onto his thighs.
感覺像是過了永恆之後，玟爀終於抽了出來。杋圭的後穴空虛地顫動著，剩下的精液滴落在大腿上。

“Beomgyu…” Soobin inhales sharply, rubbing his cock against Beomgyu’s fluttering stomach. There’s still droplets of cum seeping out from the tip even as he softens, and Beomgyu goes cross-eyed, watching it roll down the shaft and onto his skin. “Fuck.”
「范奎…」秀彬倒抽一口氣，將自己仍微微顫動的性器抵在范奎起伏的腹部。即便逐漸軟化，前端仍滲出幾滴精液，范奎盯著那白濁順著柱身滑落至自己肌膚，視線不禁失焦。「幹。」

“Eloquent,” Beomgyu quips, but he’s just as shaken up as Soobin. His body physically hurts from pleasure, which he didn’t even know was possible.
「真會說話。」范奎嘴上調侃，實則和秀彬一樣心神震盪。快感造成的生理性疼痛超乎想像，他從未體驗過這種極致。

Soobin flops onto the bed beside him, trying to catch his breath. It takes forever for Beomgyu to bring himself back to the present and feel like a human being again, or a semblance of one. He’s not sure he’s the same Beomgyu he was an hour ago. He’s a changed person.
秀彬癱倒在他身旁的床鋪，大口喘著氣。范奎花了許久才讓意識回籠，重新感覺自己像個人類——或至少是類人的存在。他不確定自己是否還是一小時前的范奎，此刻的他已然蛻變。

Carefully, he scoops up some of Soobin’s cum on his thighs and licks it off his finger. It’s bitter, and Soobin snorts at the face he makes.
他小心翼翼地掬起大腿上秀彬的精液，舔去指尖的殘留。苦澀滋味讓他皺眉，秀彬見狀嗤笑出聲。

“I told you it wouldn’t be that good,” Soobin says, voice hoarse.
「我跟你說過不會那麼好的，」秀彬說道，聲音沙啞。

“It’s only because it’s drying,” Beomgyu sniffles, petulant. “If you came in my mouth, I’d swallow it all.”
「只是因為快乾掉了啦，」範奎抽著鼻子，鬧脾氣地說。「要是你射在我嘴裡，我一定全部吞下去。」

Soobin just laughs at him, sounding absolutely bone-tired, and closes his eyes.
秀彬只是笑著看他，聽起來累得骨頭都要散了，然後閉上眼睛。

Beomgyu isn’t sure how Soobin coming in his mouth would be, but he can say with absolute certainty that Soobin fucking him raw was worth the hype. If Soobin makes them go back exclusively to condoms after this, he’s going to go ballistic. They need to do fifty-fifty at least, though Beomgyu wouldn’t complain if they ultimately ditched them forever.
範奎不確定秀彬射在他嘴裡會是什麼感覺，但他可以百分之百確定，秀彬無套幹他完全值得那些誇張的傳聞。如果秀彬之後又堅持要他們只用保險套，他絕對會發瘋。至少也該五五開吧，雖然要是他們最後永遠都不用套了，範奎也不會抱怨。

Once Beomgyu’s breathing has gone back to normal, he rolls onto his side, squishing himself against Soobin and tangling their legs together so the older boy can’t escape. Not that he could even if he tried; he seems like he’s about to pass out at any moment.
等範奎的呼吸恢復正常後，他翻身側躺，把自己擠進秀彬懷裡，雙腿纏住對方不讓年長的男孩逃跑。不過秀彬就算想逃也辦不到；他看起來隨時都會昏睡過去。

“Can you please tell me why you were so scared of that? Because it turned out pretty fucking good.”
「你能不能告訴我，你當時到底在怕什麼？因為結果他媽的好極了。」

“It’s not that…” Soobin groans, as he always does whenever Beomgyu nags him about this, but the fact he doesn’t instantly shut Beomgyu down tells him that he might get an answer once and for all. He sure hopes so, considering what they just did. “I wasn’t scared.”
「不是那樣的…」秀彬呻吟著，一如往常每當範奎對他嘮叨這件事時的反應，但他沒有立刻打斷範奎的話，這讓範奎覺得自己或許終於能得到答案。考慮到他們剛才做的事，他確實希望如此。「我沒有害怕。」

“You seemed scared,” Beomgyu says, speaking truthfully. He wraps his arms around Soobin’s neck, settling his cheek onto Soobin’s chest. “I was seriously worried. Like, genuinely worried.”
「你看起來很害怕，」范奎誠實地說。他雙手環住秀彬的頸項，將臉頰貼上秀彬的胸膛。「我真的好擔心。就是，發自內心的那種擔心。」

“I just didn’t want to deal with—I didn’t know how you’d react,” Soobin explains, but that doesn’t explain anything at all.
「我只是不想面對——我不知道你會怎麼反應，」秀彬解釋道，但這根本什麼都沒解釋清楚。

“React to what?”   「對什麼有反應？」

“All the… cum. Everywhere,” Soobin says.
「就是那些...精液。到處都是。」秀彬說。

Beomgyu lifts his head just enough to shoot Soobin the single most confused look he can muster.
范奎勉強抬起頭，給了秀彬一個他所能表現出的最困惑的表情。

“What?” Beomgyu says again.
「什麼？」范奎又說了一次。

“The first time we fucked, you made—some stupid comment about my cum,” Soobin snaps, cheeks warming, and Beomgyu has half a mind to still find him cute even as he mumbles his way through his explanation, “and I know it meant nothing to you, but it was embarrassing and I didn’t want to have to deal with it again.”
「我們第一次上床時，你對我的...那個...說了蠢話，」秀彬氣呼呼地說，臉頰發燙。即使他支支吾吾解釋的樣子，範奎還是覺得他可愛得要命，「我知道你沒那個意思，但那真的很尷尬，我不想再經歷一次。」

Beomgyu literally doesn’t know what to say.
範奎真的不知道該說什麼。

“You thought I was… what, disgusted by how much you came? Are you for real?” If it were any other situation, Beomgyu would keep his tone mild and understanding, but come on. This deserves all the judgement in his voice and more, because it’s so utterly silly. Six months of dodging Beomgyu’s questions for this? “Do you think I’d have begged all these months for this solely to make fun of you for it?”
「你以為我...什麼？嫌棄你射太多？你是認真的嗎？」要是換作其他情況，範奎會保持溫和理解的語氣，但拜託。這件事完全值得他用最嘲諷的語氣對待，因為實在太荒謬了。躲了範奎六個月的問題就為了這個？「你覺得我這幾個月拼命求歡，就只是為了取笑你這個？」

“Not solely,” Soobin grumbles. His ears go red, telling Beomgyu he’s fully aware of how ridiculous he sounds. Good! It offended Beomgyu that Soobin would even think of something so ridiculous at all. “But I—you know, I care about what you have to say, okay? Even when it’s just a joke like that… even when I know it’s a joke, it still… I don’t know.”
「不完全是，」秀彬咕噥道。他的耳朵變得通紅，讓範奎知道他完全清楚自己聽起來有多荒謬。很好！秀彬居然會想到這麼荒謬的事，這讓範奎感到被冒犯了。「但我——你知道的，我在乎你要說的話，好嗎？即使是像那樣開玩笑的時候……即使我知道那是玩笑，它還是……我不知道。」

“Oh my god,” Beomgyu groans, cuddling closer, “hyung.” What is he going to do with Soobin? His stupid, sexy, adorable Soobin. “I promise, it was just a joke. But regardless, first of all, why didn’t you fucking tell me? You know I would have reassured you if you needed it. You can’t bottle it up forever. And, hyung, I find it hot. I only joked about it because I was mad at you because I find it hot.”
「天啊，」範奎呻吟著，更貼近了些，「哥。」他該拿秀彬怎麼辦？他那個又蠢又性感又可愛的秀彬。「我發誓那只是個玩笑。但不管怎樣，首先，你他媽的為什麼不告訴我？你知道如果你需要，我會安慰你的。你不能永遠憋在心裡。而且，哥，我覺得這很辣。我開玩笑只是因為我對你生氣，因為我覺得這很辣。」

“Okay, but it’s still embarrassing. It’s so much.” Soobin glares at his own cock. “Like, can it calm down a little?”
「好啦，但還是很尷尬。這也太多了。」秀彬瞪著自己的老二。「就不能稍微冷靜一點嗎？」

Beomgyu hates him sometimes. Honestly. Almost as much as he loves him.
范奎有時候真的很討厭他。說真的，那份厭惡幾乎和他對他的愛一樣深。

He squishes Soobin’s cheeks, ignoring his noise of complaint. “Well, personally, I love it,” he says, rubbing his thumbs all over Soobin’s blush. “Both your cum and your cock.”
他用力捏著秀彬的臉頰，無視對方的抗議聲。「不過就我個人而言，我超愛的，」他用拇指摩挲著秀彬泛紅的臉頰，「無論是你的精液還是你的老二。」

Soobin laughs and whines at the same time, “I know that now.”
秀彬邊笑邊抱怨道：「我現在知道了啦。」

“You better,” Beomgyu says. “I’m serious, hyung, if you need me to regale you with how much I love it, then say the word and—”
「你最好說到做到，」范奎說道。「我是認真的，哥，如果你需要我滔滔不絕地告訴你我有多愛它，那就說一聲，然後——」

“I definitely do not need that,” Soobin laughs, placing his hands over Beomgyu’s. “But I get it. Don’t worry. I guess I just needed to see it for myself.”
「我絕對不需要那樣，」秀彬笑著說，把手放在范奎的手上。「但我明白了。別擔心。我想我只是需要親眼看看。」

“Please feel free to show me as many times as you need.” Beomgyu shifts to lie fully on top of him, wrapping himself around Soobin like an octopus.
「你需要多少次都可以，儘管來吧。」范奎整個人趴到他身上，像隻章魚一樣緊緊纏住秀彬。

Soobin pats his head in return, and Beomgyu smiles into his chest. God, he’s so fucking relieved this whole ordeal is finally over. He feels like he’s been rewarded for his past few months of persistence with sticky, dry cum on his thighs and bedsheets and Soobin’s content little smile a few centimetres away from his own.
秀彬回拍了拍他的頭，而範奎把臉埋進他胸口笑了。天啊，他媽的終於解脫了，這整場折磨總算結束了。過去幾個月的堅持似乎得到了回報——大腿和床單上黏膩乾涸的精液，還有秀彬那張距離自己僅幾公分的滿足笑臉。

Really, Soobin finally letting Beomgyu touch him and Soobin being happy are the only two things Beomgyu wanted, so he won here.
說真的，秀彬終於讓範奎碰他、還有秀彬感到開心，這就是範奎唯二的願望，所以他贏了。

They should clean up, but Beomgyu is too comfy and pleased with their position, even as the dried cum becomes increasingly more uncomfortable. It’s far overshadowed by the weight of Soobin’s arms around him and the fan of his breath over the crown of Beomgyu’s head.
他們該清理一下了，但範奎對現在的姿勢太過舒適滿足，即使乾掉的精液越來越讓人難受。這點不適完全被秀彬環抱他的臂彎重量，以及噴灑在他髮頂的呼吸給掩蓋了。

Beomgyu is half-asleep when Soobin wakes him up by saying, “You know, being obsessed with my cum is pretty gay.”
當秀彬用「你知道嗎，迷戀我的精液還挺 gay 的」這句話把他弄醒時，範奎已經半夢半醒。

“You’re pretty gay,” Beomgyu returns instantly. Not his best comeback, but it works. And is true. Beomgyu’s ass is sore enough to prove it.
「你也挺 gay 的，」范奎立刻回嘴。這不是他最厲害的反擊，但很有效。而且說得沒錯——范奎痠痛的屁股就是最好的證明。

“Aww, Gyu.” Soobin rolls onto his side, pulling Beomgyu in closer. “You think I’m pretty?” he says, sugar-sweet.
「哎喲，圭。」秀彬翻了個身，把範圭拉得更近。「你覺得我很漂亮嗎？」他甜膩膩地說道。

“Not as pretty as me,” Beomgyu sniffles, instead of saying yes, fucking obviously. Because, yes, fucking obviously. Is there anybody in the world prettier than Soobin? He hasn’t seen them yet, if they exist.
「沒我漂亮啦，」范奎吸了吸鼻子，沒有直接說出「廢話當然是」這種話。因為，廢話當然是。這世界上還有人能比秀彬更漂亮嗎？至少他還沒見過這樣的人。

Soobin smiles broadly, and he speaks his next words more gently, “Yeah. You’re right. You are prettier.”
秀彬燦爛地笑了，接著用更溫柔的語氣說：「對啊，你說得沒錯。你比較漂亮。」

No punchline, no laughter. Just quiet agreement that Beomgyu is pretty. It’s not even said as a joke.
沒有笑點，沒有笑聲。只是靜靜地認同范奎確實很漂亮。這甚至不是玩笑話。

Beomgyu blushes like mad as the words sink in.
當這句話真正傳進耳裡時，范奎的臉瞬間漲得通紅。

“… That’s pretty gay,” he says, throat suddenly dry. He knows what Soobin thinks of him, of course, he says it during sex all the time, but… saying it during pillow talk is a completely different story.
「…這也太 gay 了吧，」他說道，喉嚨突然一陣乾澀。他當然知道秀彬對他的看法，畢竟對方在床笫之間總是把這話掛在嘴邊，但…在枕邊細語時說出口完全是另一回事。

“Well, you just said so yourself.” Soobin throws an arm over Beomgyu’s chest, holding him like he would a teddy bear. “I’m pretty gay.”
「嗯，這可是你自己說的。」秀彬將手臂環上范奎的胸口，像抱著泰迪熊那樣摟住他。「我超 gay 的。」

Beomgyu puffs out one cheek, chancing looking Soobin right in the eyes. They’re so serene, like he’s finally at peace—which, for Soobin, is an incredibly rare occurrence. Beomgyu is still waiting for him to laugh or something, but he doesn’t.
範奎鼓起一邊臉頰，大膽地直視秀彬的眼睛。那雙眼眸如此平靜，彷彿他終於找到了內心的安寧——對秀彬來說，這可是極其罕見的狀態。範奎還在等他笑出來或什麼的，但他沒有。

“… Are you confessing because you got to creampie me?” Beomgyu asks, seriously.
「...你告白是因為能內射我嗎？」範奎認真地問道。

“What?” Soobin guffaws. “No! What the fuck. I’m confessing to you because I like you.”
「啥？」秀彬爆笑出聲。「才不是！靠北喔。我告白是因為我喜歡你。」

“So you are confessing to me!” Beomgyu jabs a finger against Soobin’s chest, his voice rising in mock offence to cover up the fact he suddenly feels like screaming and crying at the same time.
「所以你就是在跟我告白！」範奎用手指戳著秀彬的胸口，假裝生氣地提高音量，掩飾自己突然想尖叫又想哭的複雜情緒。

“I guess so,” Soobin says. He catches Beomgyu’s hand before he can move it away, using his own superior-sized hand to hold on to it. Curse his monstrously large limbs and unfairly naturally strong grip. “You have to say it back now.”
「我想是吧。」秀彬說道。他在玟奎把手抽走前一把抓住，用自己那雙大得誇張的手緊緊握住。可惡他那異常巨大的四肢和天生強勁的握力。「現在你得說回來了。」

“Pretty arrogant of you, thinking I’ll say it back,” Beomgyu snaps, but the smile on his lips gives him away. Not to mention the years of longing stares. And the fact his heart rate just went through the roof, and he’s about to cry, and he’s been letting Soobin fuck him for months, and…
「你還真敢說啊，以為我會回你嗎？」范奎嗆聲，但嘴角的笑意卻出賣了他。更別提這些年來那渴望的眼神，還有此刻心跳快衝破胸膛的事實，他幾乎要哭出來了，而且這幾個月來他都讓秀彬上他，還有...

“Beomgyu,” Soobin protests. “Are you going to say it back or not?”
「范奎啊，」秀彬抗議道。「你到底要不要回我那句？」

“Maybe,” Beomgyu says, shiftily, in the single most obvious way possible. “I do let you fuck me. That’s pretty gay.”
「可能吧，」范奎閃躲地說，用最明顯不過的方式。「我都讓你上了，這夠 gay 了吧。」

“Many times,” Soobin agrees.
「很多次，」秀彬附和道。

“And I am a little obsessed with your cum,” Beomgyu admits.
「而且我有點迷戀你的精液，」范奎承認道。

“That’s established now.” Soobin drums his fingers along Beomgyu’s sides impatiently. “And?”
「這已經確定了。」Soobin 不耐煩地用手指輕敲著 Beomgyu 的側腹。「然後呢？」

“And…” Beomgyu trails off. “Why do I have to say more?”
「而且…」范奎話說到一半就停了。「為什麼我還得繼續說下去？」

Soobin pouts. “Aren’t you supposed to be a romantic? How is any of that romantic?”
秀彬嘟起嘴。「你不是應該很浪漫的嗎？這些話哪裡浪漫了？」

“How is it not romantic?” Beomgyu gripes. “We have sex and cuddle and laugh about it and we just had a cute little moment where you confessed your fears to me and I reassured you. Literally what part of that isn’t romantic?”
「這哪裡不浪漫了？」杋圭抱怨道。「我們做愛、擁抱、一起大笑，剛剛還有個可愛的小時刻，你向我傾訴你的恐懼，而我安慰了你。說真的，這整件事有哪一點不浪漫？」

“... Well, when you put it like that…”
「...嗯，當你這麼說的時候...」

“Exactly,” Beomgyu says. “But if you really need to hear it,” Beomgyu pretends to roll his eyes as he plants a big, wet smooch on Soobin’s nose, “I like you too.”
「沒錯，」范奎說。「但如果你真的需要聽到這句話，」范奎假裝翻了個白眼，同時在秀彬的鼻子上印下一個濕漉漉的大吻，「我也喜歡你。」

“Good, because I don’t know what I’d do if we went through all that and you rejected me,” Soobin says, sounding legitimately relieved, and Beomgyu laughs. “Cry, probably.”
「太好了，因為我不知道如果經歷了這一切後你拒絕我，我該怎麼辦，」秀彬說，聽起來真的鬆了一口氣，范奎笑了。「可能會哭吧。」

“Feel free to cry happy tears,” Beomgyu chirps. “Cry because my dick sucking game is so good. Boost my ego more.”
「儘管哭出幸福的眼淚吧，」范奎輕快地說。「哭是因為我口交技術太棒了。再多誇誇我。」

“I can’t lie—”  「我沒辦法說謊——」

“Hyung!” This time, Beomgyu’s gasp isn’t fake. “Shut up. You loved it.” Soobin averts his gaze and Beomgyu pouts harder, “You did love it, right?”
「哥！」這次范奎的驚呼可不是裝的。「閉嘴。你明明很喜歡。」秀彬移開視線，范奎噘嘴噘得更用力了，「你確實很喜歡對吧？」

Soobin squeezes him tighter and says, “Obviously. You know how long I waited for that?”
秀彬把他摟得更緊，說道：「當然。你知道我等了多久嗎？」

“Are you fucking kidding me? It’s literally because of you that we had to wait so long, I was the one getting all worried for you, thinking you secretly hated having sex with me or you were intensely insecure inside or—”
「你他媽在開玩笑嗎？就是因為你我們才等這麼久，我才是那個整天替你擔心的人，還以為你其實很討厭跟我上床，或是內心超級沒安全感——」

Soobin shuts him up with his favourite method—capturing Beomgyu’s lips and sliding his tongue in between them. His mouth, greedy and just as sloppy as their sex, quickly drowns all of Beomgyu’s complaints out.
秀彬用他最愛的方式讓範奎閉嘴——擒住範奎的雙唇，將舌頭滑入其間。那貪婪的吻與他們雜亂的性愛如出一轍，轉瞬便淹沒了範奎所有的抱怨。

Beomgyu can’t think of a single actual complaint about his and Soobin’s relationship now, so he quiets down and indulges himself in a long, perfect kiss with his stupid, sexy, cute boyfriend.
Beomgyu 現在實在想不出他和 Soobin 的關係有什麼好抱怨的，於是他安靜下來，沉浸在那個又蠢又性感又可愛的男友給他的漫長完美親吻中。