Archive of Our Own ^beta

Beomgyu wakes up feverish and hot all over and he just knows. He’s had the flu before, and a bad case of pneumonia once. This is neither.
范奎醒來時全身發燙發熱，他立刻就明白了。他以前得過流感，也曾經罹患嚴重的肺炎。但這次完全不同。

His sheets stick to his skin and he has to peel himself off his bed, a herculean effort with how badly his head throbs. He takes a solid five minutes to sit himself up properly, then another five to swallow down the bile in his throat. By the time he manages to fish out his phone, his hands are shaking.
床單黏在他的皮膚上，他必須費力地把自己從床上剝離，頭痛欲裂讓這個動作變得異常艱難。他花了整整五分鐘才勉強坐起身，又用了五分鐘嚥下喉嚨裡的酸水。當他終於摸到手機時，雙手正不住顫抖。

He should call their manager. It’s protocol—when somebody presents, they notify management straight away. That’s what they did for Taehyun and that’s what they did for Kai.
他應該打給經紀人。這是標準程序——當成員出現分化徵兆時，必須立即通知管理團隊。泰顯和休寧凱當時都是這麼處理的。

Their manager is a beta too. He’ll have no issues in making sure Beomgyu has everything he needs. Putting aside the fact Beomgyu is contractually obligated to contact him first, he’s the most logical choice.
他們的經紀人也是個 Beta。由他來確保范奎獲得所需的一切資源不會有任何問題。撇開合約規定必須優先聯繫經紀人這點不談，這確實是最合理的選擇。

Beomgyu should really call their manager.
范奎真的該打電話給他們的經紀人。

He calls Soobin.  他打給了秀彬。

Their rooms are beside each other, and he hears Soobin’s phone ring once, twice, three times. Soobin is a heavy sleeper on a good day; it’s not unreasonable to think he might not wake up.
他們的房間就在隔壁，他聽見秀彬的手機響了一次、兩次、三次。秀彬平時就是個睡得很沉的人；認為他可能不會醒來並非沒有道理。

On the fifth ring, he hears the bed shoved against the other side of the wall creak, then Soobin’s voice, gruff and low from sleep, comes through the receiver: “Beomgyu?”
在第五次鈴聲響起時，他聽見隔壁床鋪被推擠的吱呀聲，接著秀彬的聲音從話筒傳來，因剛睡醒而沙啞低沉：「范奎？」

“Hyung,” he says. His throat is so sore. He needs water desperately; he must be insanely dehydrated from how badly he’s sweating. “Hyung, I think I’m presenting.”
「哥，」他開口，喉嚨痛得要命。他急需喝水，肯定因為流太多汗而嚴重脫水了。「哥，我好像要分化了。」

The line drops.  線斷了。

Beomgyu’s door swings open a moment later.
沒過多久，范奎的房門被猛地推開。

Beomgyu’s heard stories about how the senses change after you present, but hearing and experiencing it firsthand are two different things. His vision literally blurs when he catches Soobin’s scent. It’s so much stronger than normal. A forest on an autumn evening. He can smell each leaf, each airy note.
范奎聽過不少關於分化後感官變化的故事，但聽說和親身體驗完全是兩回事。當他聞到秀彬的氣味時，視線真的模糊了起來。那氣味比平常強烈許多，像是秋日傍晚的森林。他能聞到每一片葉子、每一縷輕盈的氣息。

Something wet rolls down his thighs. Beomgyu groans, pressing his legs together in a way he hopes is subtle enough that Soobin won’t realise it’s a reaction to him.
有濕潤的液體順著他的大腿滑落。范奎呻吟著，試圖不動聲色地夾緊雙腿，希望秀彬不會發現這是對他的反應。

“Shit,” Soobin whispers. He’s cute like this, frazzled and half-asleep. Not the time, Beomgyu’s rational mind supplies to him, while his newborn omega instincts preen at Soobin being so worried, all for him. “Shit. Shit.”
「該死，」秀彬低聲說道。他這樣子很可愛，既慌亂又半夢半醒。現在不是時候，范奎的理智這麼告訴他，但他新生的 Omega 本能卻因秀彬如此擔心他而暗自雀躍。「該死。該死。」

“I’m so hot,” Beomgyu bemoans. He tips his head back and closes his eyes. More of Soobin’s scent fills his lungs. More slick drips out of him. His heart is pounding like crazy.
「我好熱，」范奎哀嘆道。他仰起頭閉上眼睛。更多秀彬的氣味充斥他的肺部。更多愛液從他體內流出。他的心臟瘋狂跳動。

“What do you need?” Soobin takes a tentative step forward, like he’s scared to walk too far into Beomgyu’s room. If Beomgyu had better control over his muscles, he would get up and pull Soobin onto his bed. It’s probably for the best he can’t muster the energy to drag him over.
「你需要什麼？」秀彬試探性地向前一步，彷彿害怕太過深入范奎的房間。如果范奎能更好地控制自己的肌肉，他會起身把秀彬拉上床。或許他現在沒力氣把人拖過來反而是件好事。

“Water. Cold.” He licks his lips and thinks. Protocol. There’s a protocol for this, even if he failed step one. “Call management. And…”
「水。冰的。」他舔了舔嘴唇思考著。流程。這種情況有標準流程，即使他已經搞砸了第一步。「打電話給經紀人。還有...」

“And?” Soobin prompts. Beomgyu opens his eyes and sees him already on his phone, finger hovering over their manager’s number.
「還有呢？」秀彬催促道。杋圭睜開眼睛，看見他已經拿著手機，手指懸停在經紀人的號碼上方。

He takes in another breath. It’s like his room has been transformed into a forest.
他深吸一口氣。整個房間彷彿變成了一座森林。

“Your hoodie?” Beomgyu asks, batting his lashes, giving Soobin his most practised pair of puppy dog eyes.
「你的連帽衫？」范奎眨著眼睛問道，用他最擅長的小狗眼神望著秀彬。

Soobin’s breath hitches. He laughs, “You sure you don’t want Yeonjun hyung’s?”
秀彬的呼吸一滯。他笑著說：「你確定不要玧準哥的？」

Yeonjun’s scent is pleasant. It’s sharper, a rich spice, less relaxing and more the sort that gives him a rush of energy. He imagines now that he’s presented, it’ll light his insides on fire. It already does. It’s nice; it’s a good way to keep him awake.
然竣的氣味很怡人。那氣息更為銳利，帶著濃郁的辛香，不那麼令人放鬆，反而讓他感到一陣能量湧現。他猜想現在自己既然已經分化，這氣味會讓他體內燃起火焰。事實上已經開始了。這感覺不錯；是讓他保持清醒的好方法。

But it’s not Soobin’s. Soobin’s is soft and calm. And with how badly Beomgyu’s head hurts and his muscles are tensed, he needs calm.
但這不是 Soobin 的。Soobin 的氣味柔和而平靜。而考慮到 Beomgyu 頭痛得厲害且肌肉緊繃，他需要平靜。

He shakes his head. “Please?” he pouts.
他搖搖頭。「拜託？」他噘嘴道。

By the way Soobin hesitates, he knows he’s already won. Soobin sets his phone down on Beomgyu’s desk, still on the contacts screen, and tugs his hoodie off and over his head.
從 Soobin 猶豫的樣子來看，他知道自己已經贏了。Soobin 把手機放在 Beomgyu 的桌上，螢幕仍停留在通訊錄頁面，然後脫下連帽衫並從頭上拉下來。

It hits Beomgyu right in the face when he throws it straight across the room. Beomgyu clutches it tight to his chest. He doesn’t bury his face in it yet, because even though he’s going into heat he hasn’t lost all semblance of propriety. But only just.
那東西直直飛過房間，正中范奎的臉。范奎將它緊緊抱在胸前。他還沒把臉埋進去，儘管他正進入發情期，但至少還保留著最後一絲理智。不過也就僅此而已了。

“Thank you,” he murmurs.  「謝謝，」他低聲說道。

“Of course.” Soobin sighs. “Okay, I’ll… I’ll get you water, then call hyung. Don’t move.”
「當然。」秀彬嘆了口氣。「好吧，我...我去給你倒水，然後打電話給哥哥。別亂動。」

“Do you think I can move?” Beomgyu asks, snorting. He squishes his thighs closer together. If he were to stand up, he’s sure a fountain of slick would pour out. He’s sitting down right now, clenched tight to stop the flow, and it’s still getting all over his sheets.
「你覺得我動得了嗎？」范奎嗤笑一聲問道，雙腿夾得更緊了。要是現在站起來，他敢肯定會流出一大灘濕黏。此刻他正緊繃著身子坐著，試圖阻止液體流出，但床單還是被弄得一塌糊塗。

“Fair enough.” Soobin gives him a tired smile. “I’ll be right back.”
「好吧。」秀彬疲憊地笑了笑。「我馬上回來。」

The moment he’s gone, Beomgyu shoves his nose into Soobin’s hoodie and moans. Soobin must’ve slept in it. The scent is so fucking strong.
秀彬一離開，范奎就把臉埋進他的連帽外套裡呻吟。秀彬肯定穿著這件衣服睡過覺，氣味他媽的濃得要命。

If Beomgyu were to think rationally, he would recognise that spending the first heat with an alpha’s clothing by his side—his best friend that he’s been in love with since the day they met as unpresented teenagers—is a terrible idea. For many reasons.
如果范奎還能理性思考，他就會意識到在初次發情期時身邊放著 Alpha 的衣服——那個從他們還是未分化青少年時就愛上的摯友——是個糟糕透頂的主意。有太多理由了。

But he’s not thinking rationally. He shouldn’t have to; he’s the one in heat. And since Soobin, the mature and responsible one between them, doesn’t bring it up, can Beomgyu be faulted for not speaking up either?
但他現在根本無法理性思考。發情期的他本來就不需要思考。既然秀彬——他們之間成熟負責的那個——都沒提起這茬，范奎保持沉默又有什麼錯呢？

Soobin spends the rest of the day flitting in and out of Beomgyu’s room. He’s the only one allowed in aside from their manager, because he already exposed himself to Beomgyu’s scent and vice versa. No point in keeping them separated now.
秀彬這一天剩下的時間都在進出著范奎的房間。除了經紀人之外，他是唯一被允許進入的人，因為他已經接觸過范奎的氣味，反之亦然。現在把他們分開已經沒有意義了。

Their manager is pissed at Beomgyu for calling Soobin before him, but there was a reason for that, and Beomgyu doesn’t regret his choice at all. He doubts Soobin would have appreciated being locked out of Beomgyu’s room all week, unable to check on his condition. This way was better for both of them.
他們的經紀人因為範奎先打電話給秀彬而不是他而火大，但範奎這麼做是有原因的，而且他一點也不後悔自己的選擇。他懷疑如果整個星期都把秀彬鎖在門外，不讓他查看自己的狀況，秀彬會有多感激。這樣對他們兩個人都比較好。

Beomgyu has to say, Soobin’s self-control is impressive. Yeonjun’s too, for that matter, though he’s confined to restlessly pacing outside Beomgyu’s room, banned from stepping inside. Beomgyu is sure his scent must be like ambrosia in the air, arousal thick and clear, and yet neither of them do anything untoward to him. No matter how badly his scent signals for it.
范奎不得不說，秀彬的自制力令人印象深刻。當然，連玹也是，儘管他只能在范奎房門外焦躁地來回踱步，被禁止踏入房內。范奎確信自己的氣味肯定像空氣中的神饌，濃烈而明顯的發情氣息，然而他們兩人都沒有對他做出任何越矩的行為。儘管他的氣味已經強烈地傳遞出需求。

It’s a little annoying, because he wishes somebody would break down his door and fuck him, but their consideration is sweet.
這有點煩人，因為他多希望有人能破門而入然後上了他，但他們的體貼還是很窩心。

“I have more water,” Soobin says. Beomgyu rolls onto his back so he can tilt his head to the door. His limbs are like jelly. It hasn’t even been a day, but it’s felt like years. The pain isn’t too bad, but the discomfort is immense.
「我拿了更多水來。」秀彬說。范奎翻身仰躺，好讓自己能轉頭望向門口。他的四肢軟得像果凍。明明還不到一天，卻感覺像過了幾年。疼痛不算太劇烈，但那種不適感實在難以忍受。

Things would be so much better if Soobin just fucked him. That’s not even just his heat talking. Beomgyu always wants Soobin to fuck him—it’s only that now it would actually be helpful.
要是秀彬直接上了他就好了。這可不只是發情期在作祟。范奎無時無刻都想讓秀彬上他——只是現在這麼做確實會有所幫助。

“Can’t move,” Beomgyu mumbles. He’s not even trying to entice Soobin to come closer; he literally couldn’t move even if he wanted to. His stomach is cramping like crazy, and every twitch of his body is like a knife through his gut. He’s so fucking empty, too. Everything feels wrong, like he’s off balance despite the fact he’s lying down.
「動不了，」范奎低聲咕噥。他根本不是在引誘守彬靠近；就算他想動，也真的動彈不得。他的腹部痙攣得厲害，每次身體抽動都像有把刀刺進腸胃。該死的是他體內空蕩蕩的，一切都不對勁，明明躺著卻感覺天旋地轉。

“Do you need me to—”
「你需要我——」

“Please,” Beomgyu says.  「拜託了。」范奎說道。

Soobin shuts the door behind them and then locks it before making his way across the room, two ice cold bottles in his hand.
守彬隨手關上門並上鎖，然後穿過房間走來，手裡握著兩瓶冰涼的飲料。

“You’ll need to sit up,” Soobin says, sounding apologetic.
「你得坐起來才行。」秀彬說道，語氣帶著歉意。

Beomgyu groans. He does his best to move on his own, but in the end Soobin has to help him, supporting his back until he can lean against the headboard on his own.
範奎呻吟著。他努力想自己移動，但最後還是得靠秀彬幫忙，扶著他的背直到他能自己靠上床頭板。

“Is it that bad?” Soobin’s fingers run through his hair. He rarely ever plays with Beomgyu’s hair; that’s more Yeonjun’s thing. Soobin has long fingers though, and they drag harder across Beomgyu’s scalp. A little pleasant tingle runs down his spine.
「有那麼糟嗎？」秀彬的手指穿過他的髮絲。他很少這樣玩弄範奎的頭髮，這更像是炫竣會做的事。不過秀彬的手指修長，在範奎頭皮上刮搔的力道更重些。一陣愉悅的顫慄順著他的脊椎流竄而下。

“It doesn’t hurt that bad. It…” Speaking is much more difficult when Soobin is distracting him like this, nails running down Beomgyu’s scalp, like he’s some sort of animal. He might as well be. He certainly feels like one. “It’s just a lot. It’s really… uncomfortable.”
「沒那麼痛。只是...」當秀彬這樣分他的心時——指甲刮過他的頭皮，彷彿他是某種動物——說話變得困難許多。他可能真的就是。此刻他確實感覺自己像頭野獸。「就是...很不舒服。真的很...難受。」

Soobin’s scent spikes with worry and Beomgyu’s mouth literally waters.
秀彬的氣味因擔憂而驟然濃烈，範奎的嘴巴簡直要流出口水來。

How the fuck does Soobin smell so good? Beomgyu wants to bury himself against Soobin’s chest and wrap around him like an octopus.
該死的，秀彬怎麼能這麼香？範奎想把自己埋進秀彬的胸膛，像章魚一樣纏住他。

“I see,” Soobin says simply, and Beomgyu can tell from his expression that he doesn’t quite get it. “Well, here. Water should help. Open up.”
「我懂了。」秀彬簡短地說，但範奎從他的表情就看出他根本沒搞懂。「來，喝水應該有幫助。張嘴。」

Beomgyu’s cheeks flush and he tries not to let his stupid brain run off with those words into an inappropriate direction, but he fails. He’s glad his scent is so muddled from his heat that the flare in his body at the image he conjures doesn’t change it any.
範奎的臉頰發燙，努力不讓自己愚蠢的腦袋把這句話帶往不恰當的方向，但他失敗了。幸好發情期讓他的氣味混亂不堪，以至於腦海中浮現的畫面引起的身體躁動，絲毫沒改變他的氣息。

Open up. God, Beomgyu is a horrible friend, but he would do anything for Soobin to repeat those words in another context right now.
張嘴。天啊，範奎真是個糟糕的朋友，但此刻他願意付出一切，只為聽秀彬在另一個情境下重複這句話。

His lips part and Soobin presses the bottle of water to his mouth, tipping his head back until it flows down. He does it slowly, giving Beomgyu time to swallow, and the rush of cold that goes through him is just incredible.
他的唇瓣微啟，秀彬將水瓶抵上他的嘴，輕抬起他的頭直到水流下喉嚨。動作很輕緩，給杋圭足夠時間吞嚥，那股沁涼流竄全身的感覺簡直美妙得難以置信。

He drinks it all down without breaks, with Soobin’s hand guiding him, holding him steady.
在秀彬手掌的引導與扶持下，他一口氣喝完整瓶水，中途沒有停歇。

The tip of the bottle slips away from his lips and Beomgyu sighs happily. Some of the fog in his brain lifts dissipates. He feels more like a human being now.
瓶口離開唇邊時，杋圭滿足地嘆息。腦中部分迷霧逐漸散去，此刻他總算感覺自己更像個活生生的人。

“Better?” Soobin questions.
「好點了嗎？」秀彬問道。

It’ll only last for a few minutes, maybe half an hour at most, but he nods. “You can leave the other one here.”
這只會持續幾分鐘，最多半小時，但他點了點頭。「你可以把另一件留在這裡。」

“Alright.” Soobin sets the other bottle on Beomgyu’s bedside table, then throws the empty one into the trash underneath it.
「好了。」秀彬把另一瓶水放在杋圭的床頭櫃上，然後將空瓶扔進下方的垃圾桶。

His eyes land on his own hoodie, spread over Beomgyu’s pillow, and while it’s dark in Beomgyu’s room, he’s sure Soobin has good enough eyesight with his glasses on to see the wet stains on the fabric.
他的目光落在自己的連帽衫上，那件衣服攤在范奎的枕頭上。雖然范奎的房間很暗，但他確信戴著眼鏡的秀彬視力夠好，足以看清布料上的濕漬。

It no longer smells like Soobin, or not wholly so. It’s like a weird mix of them, though Beomgyu can’t place what his own scent is. His brain is too overwhelmed to process the actual smell of it.
那件衣服不再聞起來像秀彬的味道，或者說不完全像。它像是他們兩人氣味的奇怪混合，雖然范奎說不上來自己的氣味是什麼。他的大腦太過混亂，無法真正辨識出其中的氣味。

“What do I smell like now?” Beomgyu asks, while Soobin is dazed. He wants to know before tomorrow, when his heat gets so bad he won’t be able to talk.
「我現在聞起來是什麼味道？」范奎問道，此時秀彬還有些恍惚。他想在明天之前知道答案，等到他的發情期嚴重到無法開口說話時就來不及了。

“Huh?”  「嗯？」

“My scent.” Beomgyu sniffs the air, jokingly showing him how to smell.
「我的味道。」范奎嗅了嗅空氣，開玩笑地示範給他看該怎麼聞。

“It’s really light. Kind of like oranges?” Soobin’s face twists like he’s deep in thought. “It doesn’t suit you at all.”
「真的很淡。有點像柳橙？」秀彬皺著臉，一副陷入深思的模樣。「一點都不適合你。」

Beomgyu barks out a laugh. “You don’t think I’m fruity enough?”
范奎突然大笑出聲。「你覺得我還不夠娘砲嗎？」

The eye roll Soobin gives him is legendary. “Not what I meant. I just expected something… stronger.”
秀彬給他的那個白眼簡直是傳奇。「我不是那個意思。我只是期待更……強烈一點的東西。」

A few months ago, a week after Beomgyu’s birthday, they held a late party for him and took guesses on what his scent would be. Soobin guessed chocolate then. Beomgyu wonders if he’s disappointed by how light it is compared to the richness he was expecting.
幾個月前，在范奎生日過後一週，大家為他辦了場遲來的慶生派對，當時還猜測他會是什麼樣的氣味。那時秀彬猜是巧克力味。范奎不禁想著，比起預期中的濃郁香氣，這樣清淡的味道會不會讓他感到失望。

“Is it bad?”  「這樣不好嗎？」

Soobin instantly shakes his head. “Not at all,” he hurries to say. “It’s… no, it’s really nice. It’s not what I expected, but it’s nice. Don’t worry.”
秀彬立刻搖頭。「一點也不，」他急忙說道。「這...不，真的很好聞。雖然和我想的不一樣，但很舒服。別擔心。」

“I wasn’t worrying,” Beomgyu teases, even though he absolutely was.
「我才沒擔心呢，」范奎調侃道，儘管他剛才明明擔心得要命。

Soobin scoffs at him. “Get some rest. Call me if you need me.”
秀彬對他嗤之以鼻。「去休息吧。需要我就打電話。」

Beomgyu hums. He watches as Soobin stands and leaves; he hears Yeonjun speak quietly to him in the hall, but their voices are too soft for Beomgyu to listen in on.
范奎輕哼著歌。他看著秀彬起身離開；他聽見玹準在走廊上輕聲對他說話，但他們的聲音太輕柔，范奎聽不清楚內容。

He’s glad his first heat came now, in between two comebacks. It’s been an actual fear that he would present during promotions and they’d have to cancel half their schedules because of him. They have little to do right now though, nothing urgent at least, and he’s free to ride out his first heat in peace. As peaceful as a first heat can be.
他很慶幸自己的第一次發情期發生在兩次回歸之間。這確實曾是他最害怕的事——萬一在宣傳期發作，團隊就必須因為他而取消一半的行程。現在他們正好處於空檔期，至少沒有緊急行程，他可以安心度過人生首次發情期。雖然所謂的「安心」對初次發情而言根本是奢望。

The next day is worse, as expected, and the next one is even worse than worse, to the point where Soobin has to hand off his caretaker duties to their manager.
第二天情況如預期般惡化，到了第三天更是變本加厲，嚴重到秀彬不得不將照顧他的職責移交給經紀人。

A part of Beomgyu wants to throw a fit at the loss of his major source of comfort, but another reminds him smugly that it means Soobin is so affected by him he can’t stand to be near him.
范奎內心有部分想為失去主要慰藉來源而大發脾氣，但另一個聲音卻得意地提醒他：這正代表秀彬受他影響之深，深到無法忍受待在他身邊。

In apology, Soobin gives him more of his clothes to calm himself with. It’s against the wishes of their manager, but all Beomgyu has to do is pout and Soobin’s resolve falters.
為了道歉，秀彬給了他更多自己的衣服來安撫他。這違背了經紀人的意願，但珉奎只需要嘟起嘴，秀彬的決心就會動搖。

With more of Soobin’s clothing, Beomgyu powers through his discomfort to fix himself what might be considered the worst nest of all time. He doesn’t care how objectively bad it is, though, as long as Soobin’s scent surrounds him.
抱著更多秀彬的衣物，範奎強忍著不適，為自己搭建了一個可能是史上最糟的巢穴。但他不在乎這巢穴客觀上有多糟糕，只要秀彬的氣息能環繞著他就好。

If Beomgyu was thinking rationally, he would recognise why nesting with Soobin’s clothing is a terrible idea. At the very least, he should have asked Yeonjun for some stuff as well, to balance out Soobin’s scent. Make it more like a pack nest rather than one from his alpha.
如果範奎當時能理性思考，他就會明白用秀彬的衣物築巢是個多麼糟糕的主意。至少，他也該向然竣要些東西來平衡秀彬的氣味，讓巢穴更像團體共用的，而非只來自他的 Alpha。

But he wasn’t before, so he certainly isn’t now, delirious and only half-conscious.
但先前他沒這麼做，現在神志不清、半夢半醒的狀態下就更不可能了。

In the end, he’s pretty sure the only reason he gets through his heat with his sanity intact is because he spends the entire time breathing in Soobin’s scent, over and over, until he passes out. And to be honest, that’s perfectly fine with him.
最終，他確信自己能在發情期保持理智的唯一原因，就是整個過程都不斷呼吸著秀彬的氣息，直到昏睡過去。老實說，這樣對他來說完全沒問題。

Beomgyu expects things to change after that, both between him and Soobin and him and the rest of the group, but they don’t. Not nearly as much as he expected anyway. Yeonjun is a little more careful around him, Taehyun dotes on him a bit more, and Kai clings to him in awe, but their day-to-day life is largely the same. He’s glad his presentation didn’t cause any rifts in their relationship dynamics.
范奎原以為那之後一切都會改變，無論是他和秀彬之間，或是他與其他成員的關係。但事實並非如此——至少遠不如他預期的那樣。然竣在他身邊時多了幾分謹慎，太顯對他更加寵溺，而休寧凱則帶著崇拜緊黏著他，不過日常相處大抵如常。他很慶幸自己的第二性別揭露沒有在團體關係中造成裂痕。

The only thing that really changes is how fucking irresistible Soobin’s scent becomes. Every time Soobin peels off his scent suppressants at the end of the day, Beomgyu’s veins light up and heat pools throughout his body.
唯一真正改變的，是秀彬那該死的好聞氣味變得越來越令人難以抗拒。每當秀彬在一天結束時撕下氣味抑制貼，范奎的血管就會發燙，熱流在全身蔓延。

He has to resist throwing himself at Soobin every evening because he just wants to smother himself in his scent. If he could bottle it up and carry it around, he would.
他每晚都得強忍著不撲向秀彬，因為他只想讓自己沉浸在那股氣息裡。要是能把這氣味裝瓶隨身攜帶，他絕對會這麼做。

It’s a Soobin-exclusive thing too, which makes it worse; Yeonjun’s scent can make him tingly sometimes, but nowhere near the level Soobin’s does. As much as he would like to chalk it up to biology, it’s clearly not. It’s clearly because his body is aware of his feelings for Soobin and is reacting in a way it deems appropriate.
而且這只對秀彬有效，這讓情況更糟；有時賢俊的氣味會讓他微微發麻，但遠不及秀彬帶來的強烈感受。儘管他很想將這歸因於生理反應，但顯然並非如此。這顯然是因為他的身體察覺到他對秀彬的感情，並以它認為合適的方式作出反應。

It’s a real problem. Especially since things haven’t changed and Soobin still hugs him, still cuddles up beside him, still treats him like the best friend that he is.
這真是個大問題。尤其是情況毫無改變，秀彬依然會擁抱他，依然會依偎在他身旁，依然把他當成最好的朋友那樣對待。

“I’m not going to start treating you differently,” Soobin confirms when Beomgyu brings it up. “Why would I? Alphas and omegas can’t be close friends now? Don’t tell me you believe in that bullshit.”
「我不會因此就對你另眼相待。」當范奎提起這件事時，秀彬如此保證。「為什麼要這樣？現在 Alpha 和 Omega 就不能當好朋友了嗎？別告訴我你信那套鬼話。」

It’s sound logic. Alphas and omegas can be close friends. Of course.
這是合理的邏輯。阿爾法和歐米茄當然可以成為親密的朋友。

Alphas and omegas can be close friends, but Beomgyu isn’t sure his omega and Soobin’s alpha can be.
Alpha 和 Omega 可以成為親密的朋友，但范奎不確定他的 Omega 和秀彬的 Alpha 是否也能如此。

It’s almost inappropriate how casual Soobin is with him still, but Beomgyu wouldn’t trade it for the world.
秀彬對他的態度依然如此隨性，這幾乎有點不合適，但范奎絕不願用任何東西交換這種相處模式。

Still, though, it is a problem at its heart, and he can’t just let himself get wet every time Soobin comes near him. They are idols still and the reaction is more inconvenient than anything, even if his brain enjoys romanticising it.
然而，這終究是個核心問題，他不能每次秀彬靠近時就讓自己濕透。他們畢竟還是偶像，這種反應除了帶來不便別無他用，即使他的大腦很享受將此浪漫化的過程。

He avoids Soobin for a few days trying to figure out what to do, but predictably, Soobin catches on and corners him, concerned why Beomgyu is ignoring him.
他躲了秀彬幾天試圖想出解決辦法，但不出所料，秀彬察覺後堵住了他，擔憂地詢問范奎為何避而不見。

“I think I just need to get more used to it. Maybe because your scent was the first one I smelled, I have a stronger reaction to it,” Beomgyu says.
「我想我可能只是需要再多習慣一點。或許因為你的氣味是我第一個聞到的，所以我的反應才會這麼強烈。」范奎說道。

He can’t lie about the issue. He doesn’t see the point. And he doesn’t think Soobin will judge him for it. After all, it can be blamed on biology, even though Beomgyu knows that’s not the root of the problem.
他無法在這件事上說謊。他覺得沒有必要。而且他也不認為秀彬會因此評判他。畢竟這可以歸咎於生理因素，儘管范奎心裡明白這並非問題的根源。

“Okay…” Soobin says. His brows furrow. “That makes sense, but what can we do about it?”
「好吧…」秀彬皺起眉頭說道。「這樣說得通，但我們能怎麼辦？」

Beomgyu chews on his lower lip and chances, “You can give me more of your clothing? And I can try desensitizing myself to it.”
范奎咬著下唇，鼓起勇氣提議：「你可以多給我幾件你的衣服？讓我試著對氣味脫敏。」

“Won’t that just make it worse? If that worked, shouldn’t being around me make things better naturally?”
「這樣不是只會讓情況更糟嗎？如果這招有用，那待在我身邊不就該讓事情自然好轉嗎？」

“I think there’s a breaking point. Like, it’s bad until it suddenly gets better, but it requires a lot to get to that point. Does that make sense?” Beomgyu is talking out of his ass right now, but the logic is sound when said out loud.
「我覺得總有個臨界點。就像，情況會一直很糟，直到突然好轉，但要達到那個點需要付出很多。這樣說得通嗎？」范奎現在根本在胡說八道，但大聲說出來時，這邏輯聽起來倒挺合理。

“Mm.” Soobin drums his fingers along his chin. He’s handsome, naturally, but he’s mostly cute like this, all focused on helping Beomgyu navigate his new life as an omega. “Alright. Let me look through my laundry.”
「嗯。」秀彬用手指輕敲著下巴。他當然很帥，但此刻專注於幫助玟奎適應 omega 新生活的模樣，更多的是可愛。「好吧，讓我看看我的洗衣籃。」

Soobin gives him a new set of clothing every week for Beomgyu to scent and then return. By two months Beomgyu’s reaction is no longer as strong—his made-up plan actually worked—but Soobin continues to give Beomgyu his clothing and Beomgyu continues to accept it.
秀彬每週都會給玟奎一套新衣服讓他留下氣味後歸還。兩個月後，玟奎的反應不再那麼強烈——他臨時起意的計畫居然奏效了——但秀彬依然持續給玟奎衣服，而玟奎也依然接受著。

Beomgyu sees the way Soobin treats the other omegas in his life. Taehyun and Kai, Arin, his best friend from middle school—he’s close to all of them and yet he’s not going around giving them his hoodies or rubbing his scent all over their necks. Kai is just as clingy towards Soobin at a surface level, but he still smells like himself, not himself with a layer of Soobin over him.
范奎看著秀彬對待生命中其他 Omega 的方式。泰亨和凱、雅凜，他國中時最好的朋友——他跟他們都很親近，卻不會隨便把自己的連帽衫給他們穿，也不會在他們脖子上到處蹭自己的氣味。表面上看凱對秀彬也很黏人，但他聞起來還是自己的味道，而不是被秀彬的氣味覆蓋的自己。

The difference between them and Beomgyu is that Soobin treats Beomgyu like he’s his. Giving him his clothes to sleep with every week, diligently re-scenting them, so Beomgyu never runs out. It’s textbook courting from a shitty romance novel.
他們與範奎的差別在於，秀彬對待範奎就像對待自己的所有物。每週都給他自己的衣服伴他入睡，勤奮地重新沾染氣味，讓範奎永遠不會短缺。這簡直是從爛俗愛情小說裡抄來的標準求偶套路。

He can’t tell if Soobin realises what he’s doing, what kind of impression he’s giving Beomgyu’s omega by gifting him his scent so consistently. If he does realise it, he doesn’t seem to care or have any intention of taking things further.
他無法確定秀彬是否意識到自己在做什麼，這樣持續地贈送自己的氣味會給範奎的 Omega 留下什麼樣的印象。就算他意識到了，似乎也毫不在意，更沒有進一步發展的意圖。

And if he doesn’t—which is far more likely—Beomgyu isn’t about to offer the information up.
而如果他沒意識到——這可能性大得多——範奎也不打算主動點破。

They both win this way, Beomgyu with his delusions that Soobin is courting him and Soobin having the peace of mind knowing Beomgyu is happy and satisfied, as an omega in his pack should be.
這樣雙方都各取所需：範奎可以繼續幻想秀彬在追求自己，而秀彬則能心安理得地知道範奎作為他族群裡的 Omega 既快樂又滿足。

The fact they’re both satisfied with the arrangement is what matters, or at least that’s what Beomgyu tells himself to cope.
他們對這樣的安排都感到滿意才是最重要的，至少這是范奎用來安慰自己的說法。

Sometimes Beomgyu wants to shout from the rooftops how much he loves Soobin. How he’s able to have his cake and eat it too, keeping their friendship while continuing to pine for him. How happy he is with how things have worked out. Partially so everybody else will know and partly as reassurance to himself.
有時候范奎真想站在屋頂上大聲宣告他有多愛秀彬。他多麼幸運能魚與熊掌兼得，既維持著他們的友誼，又繼續暗戀著他。他對現狀感到無比幸福。一半是想讓全世界都知道，一半是為了說服自己這一切都是真的。

But if he’s too open about his happiness, they’ll be separated. What they’re doing is directly against their contracts—the no dating policy specifically, even if they aren’t anywhere close to dating—so he has to swallow it down. He has to take Soobin’s hoodies off when they leave the apartment, even if all he wants to do is to keep himself wrapped in Soobin’s scent forever.
但如果他太過張揚這份幸福，他們就會被迫分開。他們現在的行為直接違反了合約條款——特別是禁止戀愛的規定，儘管他們離正式交往還差得遠——所以他必須把這份喜悅嚥下去。離開公寓時他必須脫下秀彬的連帽衫，即使他只想永遠被秀彬的氣息包圍。

He can tell that Soobin dislikes it when he puts his suppressing patches on in the morning, masking Soobin’s scent on him.
他能感覺到秀彬不喜歡他每天早上貼抑制貼片，掩蓋身上秀彬的氣味。

And so makes a show of putting them on because of this—because he loves the way Soobin’s eyes narrow and his nostrils flare in irritation when Beomgyu’s scent disappears.
於是他刻意裝模作樣地戴上它們——就因為他喜歡看秀彬皺起眉頭、氣得鼻孔微張的樣子，當杋圭的氣味突然消失時。

He feels like he’s in high school again, his love renewed. Not that he was ever falling out of love with Soobin in the first place, but being so closely claimed by him hits different from how he was pining before he presented.
他感覺自己彷彿又回到了高中時代，那份愛意重新煥發。倒不是說他對秀彬的愛有絲毫減退，而是如今被對方如此強烈地佔有，與分化前那段暗自傾慕的時光截然不同。

Right before their comeback, everything goes to shit, as is normal for their preparations. Soobin, as the leader, always takes the brunt of it, even when the fuck-ups are one of their faults.
回歸前夕，所有準備工作都亂成一團，這對他們來說已是常態。身為隊長的秀彬總是首當其衝承受壓力，即便搞砸的是其他成員的錯。

As Soobin’s best friend, it worries him to see him so stressed. As his omega, at least in his own head, it hurts.
作為秀彬最好的朋友，看他壓力這麼大讓范奎很擔心。而作為他的 omega——至少在他自己心裡是這麼認定的——這讓他心如刀割。

He can tell it’s bad when not even Kai can get through to him. Beomgyu isn’t even jealous of how close Kai and Soobin are because—aside from the fact it’s Kai and it’s impossible to hold a negative feeling towards him—he’s important to Soobin’s happiness, and Soobin’s happiness is important to him. He despairs when Kai returns to him one evening and reports that his and Soobin’s scenting session didn’t make Soobin any less stressed.
當連凱都無法讓秀彬敞開心扉時，范奎知道情況真的很糟。他完全不嫉妒凱和秀彬的親密關係，因為——除了凱本身讓人無法對他產生負面情緒外——凱對秀彬的幸福至關重要，而秀彬的幸福對他而言就是一切。某天晚上當凱回來告訴他，他們的氣味安撫也沒能減輕秀彬的壓力時，范奎徹底絕望了。

“Maybe you should try, hyung,” Kai says delicately, as if unsure about Beomgyu’s reaction. But Beomgyu is more confused than anything, because Soobin and him have never scented each other properly.
「哥，或許你該試試看。」Kai 小心翼翼地說道，似乎不確定 Beomgyu 會有什麼反應。但 Beomgyu 只感到更加困惑，因為他和 Soobin 從來沒有好好交換過氣味。

“He’s never scented me before. I don’t know if now is the time to start,” he says. He would love it, yes—god, would he love it—but he doesn’t want to make Soobin feel worse by introducing something new into their lives.
「他從來沒有標記過我的氣味。我不確定現在是不是開始的好時機。」他說道。他當然會喜歡——天啊，他絕對會愛死——但他不想在他們的生活中引入新事物，讓秀彬感覺更糟。

“He’s never scented you for real, sure, but…” Kai purses his lips. “He really likes when you smell like him… judging by all the clothes he gives you. So I think it’s worth a shot. What’s the worst that can happen?”
「他確實從未真正標記過你，但是...」Kai 抿了抿嘴唇。「根據他送你那麼多衣服來看，他真的很喜歡你身上有他的味道...所以我覺得值得一試。最糟能發生什麼事呢？」

Kai has a point. Alphas are naturally possessive; it’s the knowledge of knowing their omega or their pack is safe with their mark. It’s why Soobin gives him all those pieces of clothing in the first place, however subconscious those thoughts are. So maybe it is worth a shot.
Kai 說得有道理。Alpha 天生就有佔有慾；他們會透過標記來確認自己的 Omega 或整個團體是否安全無虞。這也是為什麼 Soobin 一開始會給他那麼多衣物，儘管這些想法可能潛意識居多。所以或許值得一試。

“Alright,” he concedes. “I’ll try.”
「好吧，」他讓步了。「我試試看。」

Kai giggles at him. “Good luck.”
Kai 咯咯笑著對他說：「祝你好運。」

Soobin’s door is locked when Beomgyu approaches his room, and his attempt to kick it open does absolutely nothing. Fortunately, the sound catches Soobin’s attention, and the door opens a moment later to reveal him groggy and exhausted.
當 Beomgyu 走近 Soobin 房間時，門是鎖著的，他試圖踹開門卻毫無作用。幸運的是，聲響引起了 Soobin 的注意，片刻後門開了，露出他睡眼惺忪、疲憊不堪的樣子。

Beomgyu coos and cups his cheeks, “Our poor hyung. You look like shit.”
Beomgyu 輕聲哄著並捧住他的臉頰，「我們可憐的哥哥。你看起來糟透了。」

Soobin laughs half-heartedly and bats his hands away. “What do you want?”
秀彬勉強地笑了笑，撥開他的手。「你想幹嘛？」

“Can I come in?”  「我可以進來嗎？」

With some reluctance, Soobin steps aside, wordlessly making way for Beomgyu to enter. It’s a much easier endeavour than he expected; he expected to have to fight Soobin to be allowed inside. Since he moved Odi into the living room a few months ago, he rarely allows anybody into his bedroom.
秀彬有些不情願地讓開，默默為範圭騰出空間讓他進入。這比他預期的要容易得多；他原本以為得和秀彬爭執一番才能獲准進入。自從幾個月前把 Odi 移到客廳後，秀彬就很少讓任何人進他的臥室了。

It smells like him, of course it does, and Beomgyu’s body instantly relaxes. Soobin’s scent is like a blanket for him now. It sinks into his blood every time he smells it and reminds him he’s well-loved by an alpha. His alpha.
當然，房間裡充滿了他的氣味，範圭的身體立刻放鬆下來。如今秀彬的氣息對他來說就像一條毯子。每次聞到這氣味，它就會滲入他的血液，提醒他正被一個 alpha 深愛著。他的 alpha。

“I’m a little tired. I don’t think I’m up for playing anything tonight,” Soobin admits, one arm crossed over his chest.
「我有點累了。今晚應該沒辦法玩什麼。」秀彬坦承，一隻手交叉在胸前。

Beomgyu smiles at him. “I know. I wanted to ask if you…”
杋圭對他微笑。「我知道。我是想問你...」

Soobin tilts his head at him, and it’s so heartachingly endearing that Beomgyu loses his train of thought momentarily.
秀彬歪頭看著他，那模樣可愛得讓杋圭一時忘了自己要說什麼。

“If I…?”  「如果我...？」

Beomgyu swallows. “I know you scented Kai earlier, but I was wondering if you wanted to… try it with me, as well.” He pauses. Maybe it would be better to frame it as something he wants. “I’ve been feeling anxious lately and—”
杋圭嚥了嚥口水。「我知道你剛才標記了愷...但我在想，你要不要...也跟我試試看。」他頓了頓。或許該說成是自己想要比較好。「我最近一直覺得很焦慮，所以——」

“Okay,” Soobin cuts him off, a little too eagerly, and they both go red. “I mean, yeah. Sure. Why not?”
「好。」秀彬打斷他，語氣有點過於急切，兩人都紅了臉。「我是說，嗯。當然。有何不可？」

Why not indeed, Beomgyu thinks.
有何不可呢，范奎心想。

It’s normal for packmates to scent each other. Soobin and Kai do it a lot, probably the most out of all of them, but sometimes he sees the others do it as well. Yeonjun and Taehyun, Taehyun and Kai, even Kai and Beomgyu himself, one time. They likely do it less than a normal friend group would because of their busy schedules, but it’s certainly not weird.
同團成員互相標記氣味是很正常的事。秀彬和杋圭就常這麼做，可能是所有人當中最頻繁的，但有時他也會看到其他成員這樣做。像是玹準和太顯，太顯和杋圭，甚至杋圭和范奎自己也有過一次。或許因為行程繁忙，他們這麼做的次數比一般朋友團體要少，但這絕對不算奇怪。

Soobin scents Beomgyu indirectly all the time, through the clothing he gives him and the cuddling they do every so often on the couch, but he’s never properly scented him until now.
秀彬總是用間接的方式標記范奎，像是給他穿自己的衣服，或是偶爾在沙發上摟抱，但直到現在他才真正好好地標記了他。

As he soon learns when Soobin’s nose grazes the base of his throat, it’s a whole other level of bliss.
當秀彬的鼻尖輕蹭過他喉結下方時，範奎才明白——這完全是另一層次的極樂。

Beomgyu sinks into Soobin’s sheets, happy to lie there and allow Soobin to nose at him. He thought he was happy right after his first heat, drunk on hormones from drowning in an alpha’s scent all week, but this is even more incredible. He never thought his body could be so completely at peace, so warm and floaty and pleasured without it being sexual.
范奎沉入秀彬的被褥中，樂於躺在那裡讓秀彬用鼻子蹭他。他原以為自己在第一次發情期後就已經夠幸福了，整週沉浸在 Alpha 氣味中的荷爾蒙讓他醉醺醺的，但此刻的感覺更加不可思議。他從未想過自己的身體能如此全然平靜，如此溫暖、輕飄飄且愉悅，卻不帶絲毫情慾。

It’s because it’s Soobin. Scenting with the others has never felt like this. It’s all Soobin, as usual, and Beomgyu is scared his body is truly beginning to believe that Soobin is his.
因為對方是秀彬。和其他人進行氣味標記時從未有過這種感覺。一如既往地，全是秀彬的氣息，而范奎害怕自己的身體真的開始相信秀彬是屬於他的。

Soobin’s lips press to his skin and a purr rumbles in Beomgyu’s chest before he can hold it back.
秀彬的唇貼上他的肌膚，范奎還來不及壓抑，胸口就發出一聲滿足的呼嚕聲。

He can tell Soobin is enjoying it as well—that the longer they lie there with Soobin nuzzling him, the less sour his scent becomes, the less tight his muscles get.
他能感覺到秀彬也很享受——當他們躺在那裡，讓秀彬蹭著他的時間越長，秀彬的氣味就越不那麼酸澀，肌肉也越不那麼緊繃。

“Did it help?” Beomgyu asks when Soobin pulls away. He’s so winded even though all he did was lie down and allow Soobin to hug him close.
「有幫助嗎？」當秀彬退開時，范奎問道。儘管他只是躺著讓秀彬緊緊擁抱，卻已經氣喘吁吁。

“Yeah.” Soobin’s voice is so quiet. “It did.”
「嗯。」秀彬的聲音輕得幾乎聽不見。「確實如此。」

Beomgyu’s fingers brush back Soobin’s fringe. His alpha’s eyes are shut, and Beomgyu wishes he brought his phone so he could snap a picture of this: Soobin so relaxed, all because of him.
范奎的手指撥開秀彬額前的瀏海。他的 Alpha 閉著眼睛，范奎真希望自己有帶手機，這樣就能拍下這一刻：秀彬如此放鬆，全都是因為他。

“We can do it again tomorrow?” he suggests.
「我們明天可以再來一次嗎？」他提議道。

“I’d like that,” Soobin says, and Beomgyu can’t hold back his smile, his chest so full of love he feels as if he’s about to burst.
「我很樂意。」秀彬說道，而玟圭忍不住揚起嘴角，胸口滿溢的愛意讓他幾乎要爆炸。

Soobin might only love him like a friend, but Beomgyu is greedy and he’ll take whatever he can get guilt-free.
或許秀彬只把他當朋友般喜愛，但玟圭很貪心，只要能無愧地獲得些什麼，他都會接受。

For now, he’ll let himself have this. There’s no harm in it. Not as long as he keeps reminding himself to keep his delusions and reality separate. Even if his body thinks he’s Soobin’s, his mind knows otherwise, and his brain is what controls him in the end.
現在，他允許自己擁有這一刻。這沒什麼不好。只要他持續提醒自己，別把妄想和現實混為一談。即使他的身體認為自己屬於秀彬，他的理智也明白並非如此，而最終掌控他的終究是理智。

He’s not some slave to his instincts or anything; he can hold himself back even as his omega throws a tantrum every night because it believes Soobin should be kissing him before bed. Or something silly and romantic like that.
他可不是什麼被本能奴役的傢伙；即使他的 omega 每晚都在鬧脾氣，認為秀彬應該在睡前親吻他，或做些類似這種愚蠢又浪漫的事，他依然能克制自己。

Everybody eventually falls in love with somebody or something, and while Beomgyu’s might be a little more personal than most, it’s not a crime to pine over your best friend.
每個人終究都會愛上某人或某物，雖然範奎的愛戀可能比大多數人更私密些，但暗戀自己最好的朋友並不是什麼罪過。

Although he’s starting to think maybe it should be, if not just for his own sake.
儘管他開始覺得，就算不為別人著想，至少為自己著想，這或許該算是種罪過。

Beomgyu has to assume that the others all know he’s in love with Soobin. At this point, the only person who doesn’t know is Soobin himself, and that’s because Beomgyu is very careful not to do anything too revealing directly towards him.
範奎不得不假設其他人都知道他愛上了秀彬。到了這個地步，唯一不知情的人就是秀彬本人，而這是因為範奎非常小心，避免直接對他做出任何太過明顯的舉動。

The others, however—they bear witness to all the longing stares Beomgyu gives Soobin, and that alone is damning enough.
然而其他人——他們都見證了范奎投向秀彬的每一道渴望目光，光是這點就夠罪證確鑿了。

None of them speak to him about it though, not for months and months, not even a year and a half after his presentation. A year and a half of Soobin giving Beomgyu his clothes and now scenting him every so often, and still, nobody speaks up.
但沒有人對他提起這件事，幾個月過去了，甚至在他分化後一年半都無人提及。這一年半來，秀彬不斷將自己的衣物給范奎，還時不時為他留下氣味標記，卻依然沒有人開口。

There are so many things none of them talk about out loud. Beomgyu is glad he’s not the only one silencing himself.
有太多事情他們都心照不宣。范奎很高興自己不是唯一保持沉默的人。

One day, Taehyun pulls him aside and requests to go to the gym with him. Which is whatever—they go to the gym together all the time. Taehyun is the best gym buddy he has, and Beomgyu doesn’t think twice about allowing him to tag along.
某天，泰亨把他拉到一旁，要求和他一起去健身房。這沒什麼——他們本來就經常一起健身。泰亨是他最棒的健身夥伴，范奎想都沒想就答應讓他同行。

It’s only when they get to the gym and Taehyun is more focused on staring holes into the side of Beomgyu’s face than working out that Beomgyu realises he’s been singled out for a reason.
直到他們抵達健身房，而泰亨專注於在昡奎臉側盯出洞來而非鍛鍊時，昡奎才意識到自己被單獨叫出來是有原因的。

“Hyung,” Taehyun says.  「哥，」泰賢說。

“Taehyun,” Beomgyu answers.
「泰賢，」範奎回應。

“What’s been happening with you and Soobin hyung lately?” Taehyun asks. He really doesn’t beat around the bush, does he.
「你和秀彬哥最近怎麼了？」泰亨問道。他還真是開門見山，不是嗎。

“Lately?” Beomgyu repeats.
「最近？」範奎重複道。

“For the past year.”  「過去這一年來。」

“Nothing,” he says. It’s technically the truth. They’re best friends, same as always.
「沒什麼。」他說道。嚴格來說這確實是實話。他們依然是最好的朋友，一如既往。

“For some strange reason, I don’t believe that.”
「不知道為什麼，我就是不相信。」

Beomgyu pauses lifting his weight to glare at Taehyun. “No matter what it seems like, the relationship between him and I is the same as you and him. He scents me, yeah, but our relationship is the same.”
范奎停下舉重動作，瞪著泰賢。「不管看起來怎樣，我和他的關係就跟你和他一樣。他是會標記我沒錯，但我們的關係沒變。」

“But it’s the intention that matters, hyung.”
「但重點是心意啊，哥。」

“What do you mean?”  「什麼意思？」

“Do you want something to happen?”
「你想要發生些什麼嗎？」

Standing up, Beomgyu sets his weights down and puts a hand on his hip. “What brought this up all of the sudden? It’s been a year since I presented and you suddenly want to talk about it now?”
范奎站起身，放下手中的啞鈴，一手叉腰。「怎麼突然提起這個？我都分化一年了，你現在才想談？」

Taehyun sighs, long-suffering. “I feel like you might be falling too deep, hyung.”
Taehyun 嘆了口氣，一副受盡折磨的樣子。「哥，我覺得你好像陷得太深了。」

That doesn’t answer Beomgyu’s question exactly, but he says anyway, “Well, I disagree with you. I don’t think the intention matters. Not in this case. No matter what I feel for him, so long as neither of us acts on it, nothing will change and therefore nothing will happen.”
這並沒有完全回答范奎的問題，但他還是說道：「好吧，我不同意你的看法。我認為意圖並不重要，至少在這件事上是如此。無論我對他懷有什麼感情，只要我們都沒有付諸行動，一切就不會改變，因此什麼也不會發生。」

Beomgyu has gotten very good at rationalising all of this by now.
范奎現在已經很擅長為這一切找理由了。

“Just don’t do anything stupid,” Taehyun advises. He doesn’t hug Beomgyu or pat his back or ruffle his hair like the others might when trying to comfort him, but his words tell Beomgyu enough about how much he cares: I’m worried for you. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. Please be careful.
「只要別做蠢事就好。」太顯建議道。他沒有像其他人試圖安慰范奎時那樣擁抱他、拍拍他的背或揉亂他的頭髮，但他的話已足以讓范奎明白他有多在乎：我為你擔心。我不會粉飾太平。請你小心。

But he’s four years too late and they both know it. The not stupid thing to do would have been to nip Beomgyu’s initial crush on Soobin in the bud before it grew into the monstrous love he holds for him now.
但他們兩人都心知肚明，這提醒已經遲了四年。真正不愚蠢的做法，本該是在范奎對秀彬最初的迷戀萌芽時就扼殺它，而不是讓它成長為如今這般龐大的愛意。

“I’ll try,” Beomgyu says.
「我會試試看。」范奎說。

When he hears he and Soobin are to be roommates for the entirety of their international tour, he almost bursts everybody’s eardrums screaming in excitement.
當他得知自己和秀彬將在整個國際巡演期間成為室友時，他興奮得幾乎要尖叫到震破所有人的耳膜。

Soobin doesn’t seem as happy as he does, but Beomgyu can tell he’s secretly relieved. After all, they were roommates once upon a time; they know all of each other’s habits already and no other pair could be as comfortable as they are with each other purely because of that.
秀彬看起來沒有他那麼開心，但范奎能看出他其實暗自鬆了口氣。畢竟他們曾經是室友；早就熟悉彼此的所有習慣，純粹因為這點，再沒有其他組合能像他們這樣相處得如此自在。

Of course, the last time he roomed with Soobin was before he presented—but he doesn’t see it being an issue. He smells like Soobin all the time now, when he’s not wearing scent suppressors, and they’ve gotten used to the routine of scenting. There are no more lines they can reasonably cross short of mating for real.
當然，他最後一次和秀彬同房是在他分化之前——但他不認為這會是個問題。現在只要沒用氣味抑制劑，他身上總是帶著秀彬的味道，他們也已經習慣了互相標記的日常。除了真的結合之外，他們之間已經沒有什麼界線可跨越了。

Their first stop is Atlanta, and the five of them go sightseeing at night, eager to use their free time in America to the fullest. Beomgyu, as the designated camera-holder, snaps lots of pictures of everybody so they can post them online later.
他們的第一站是亞特蘭大，五個人晚上一起去觀光，迫不及待地想充分利用在美國的自由時間。身為指定的攝影擔當，范奎幫大家拍了很多照片，這樣他們之後可以上傳到網路上。

He takes a few extra of Soobin just for himself, but nobody has to know that.
他偷偷多留了幾張秀彬的照片給自己，不過這事沒人需要知道。

People recognise them out on the streets, which is as strange as it is flattering. They sign lots of autographs that night and return to the hotel tired but pleased. The vibes are good, and Beomgyu is even more excited than before to kick off their performances.
走在街上被人認出來，既讓人受寵若驚又覺得怪不自在。那晚他們簽了無數張簽名，回到飯店時雖然疲憊卻很滿足。氣氛很好，而范奎比之前更期待接下來的表演。

The hotel room he and Soobin are sharing is tiny, and there’s only a sliver of a gap in between their beds. It makes it easy to chat, which is bad, because they should be sleeping—but dreaming about Soobin isn’t nearly as nice as talking to him is.
他和秀彬共住的飯店房間很小，兩張床之間只有窄窄的縫隙。這讓他們很容易聊天，但這很糟糕，因為他們應該要睡覺了——不過夢見秀彬可遠不如和他說話來得有趣。

“Are you nervous?” Beomgyu asks.
「你緊張嗎？」范奎問道。

“For what? The tour?”  「為了什麼？巡演嗎？」

“Mm.” Beomgyu rolls onto his side so he can face Soobin, only to find Soobin already watching him. He flushes, the skin on the back of his neck prickling under the intensity of Soobin’s stare, but keeps his own gaze steadfast.
「嗯。」范奎翻身側躺，好面對秀彬，卻發現秀彬早已注視著他。他在秀彬熾熱的目光下臉頰發燙，後頸肌膚微微刺痛，但仍堅定地回望對方。

“A little,” Soobin admits. “I keep thinking, what if something goes wrong? It’ll haunt us forever.” He rolls his bottom lip in between his teeth, sighing, “But…”
「有一點，」秀彬承認道。「我一直在想，萬一出了什麼差錯怎麼辦？那會成為我們永遠的陰影。」他咬著下唇嘆了口氣，「但是⋯⋯」

Beomgyu has the same worries. They all do, he’s sure. “But…?”
杋圭也有同樣的擔憂。他確信大家都有。「但是⋯⋯？」

“Well.” Soobin sniffles, then smiles. “I have you, so…”
「這個嘛。」秀彬吸了吸鼻子，然後笑了。「有你在身邊，所以⋯⋯」

Beomgyu’s breath hitches.
杋圭的呼吸一滯。

“You do,” he agrees. Soobin has him. All of him. “If you start overthinking, I’m here to tell you to shut the fuck up.”
「你確實是，」他附和道。秀彬擁有他。完完整整的他。「要是你又開始鑽牛角尖，我會叫你閉嘴的。」

Soobin laughs and says, “Overthinking? I think that’s you, not me. But thank you.”
秀彬笑著說：「鑽牛角尖？我覺得那是你，不是我。不過謝啦。」

There’s no arguing with that. Beomgyu smiles in return, close-lipped, his heart hammering so hard he’s scared it’s going to jump out of his chest.
這點無從反駁。範圭回以一個抿唇的微笑，心跳快得讓他害怕心臟會直接蹦出胸口。

It’s so easy to fall asleep with Soobin in the room, less than a metre away. Beomgyu dangles his arm off the side of the bed on purpose, willing Soobin to reach for his hand in the space in between their mattresses.
有秀彬在房裡，距離不到一公尺的地方，入睡變得如此容易。範圭故意把手垂在床邊，期待秀彬能在兩張床墊之間的縫隙中握住他的手。

He doesn’t, but Beomgyu still has sweet dreams anyway, of the same rosy encounter in a forest that smells strikingly like Soobin. Beomgyu wrapped up in Soobin’s arms and scent, and Soobin with his head buried in Beomgyu’s hair.
他沒有，但范奎依然做了個美夢，夢見在那片散發著濃郁秀彬氣息的森林裡，再次遇見那抹玫瑰色的身影。范奎被秀彬的雙臂與氣息緊緊包圍，而秀彬則將臉深深埋進范奎的髮絲間。

The concert goes well, and all the fans comment on how much more chipper Soobin is than normal.
演唱會進行得很順利，粉絲們都注意到秀彬比平常活潑許多。

As selfish as it may be, Beomgyu thinks he deserves some credit for that.
儘管這可能很自私，但范奎認為自己值得一些讚賞。

Soobin and Beomgyu visit the beach in Houston. Just the two of them and a bodyguard trailing a few feet behind them. Soobin forces Beomgyu to take pictures of him silhouetted by the sunset, and Beomgyu obediently does so. Two for the fans, and two only for him. It’s becoming a habit for him to hoard photos of Soobin for himself.
秀彬和範奎去了休士頓的海灘。只有他們兩個人，還有一個保鏢跟在幾步遠的後方。秀彬硬要範奎幫他拍剪影照，範奎乖乖照做了。兩張給粉絲，兩張只留給自己。他開始養成私藏秀彬照片的習慣。

In Dallas, Soobin manages to snag a Switch from one of their local staff and they stay up all night before the concert, trying to beat random people online in Splatoon.
在達拉斯，秀彬設法從當地工作人員那裡弄到一台 Switch，演唱會前他們整晚沒睡，試著在《漆彈大作戰》裡打敗線上隨機匹配的玩家。

In New York, they take more pictures, this time on the rooftop of their hotel. Once Beomgyu is finished snapping photos, Soobin swipes the camera out of his hands and smiles, “You too.”
在紐約，他們拍了更多照片，這次是在飯店頂樓。等範奎拍完照，秀彬一把搶過相機笑著說：「換你。」

“Me too, what?” Beomgyu tilts his head.
「我也是，什麼？」范奎歪著頭問道。

“I want to take pictures of you too,” Soobin clarifies, and gestures for Beomgyu to step in front of the sunset.
「我也想幫你拍照。」秀彬澄清道，並示意范奎站到夕陽前。

“You’ll just take embarrassing photos where I’m blinking and then post them online,” Beomgyu grumbles but he obliges, posing with a peace sign as Soobin takes overly dramatic shots of him.
「你只會拍我眨眼時的醜照然後上傳到網路上，」范奎抱怨著，但還是乖乖比出和平手勢，讓秀彬拍下一堆誇張的戲劇性照片。

Soobin does post a picture of Beomgyu blinking, but he also sends Beomgyu all the good ones he took, and Beomgyu can’t help but think he looks so much prettier through Soobin’s lens than his own.
秀彬確實上傳了一張范奎眨眼的照片，但他也把拍得好的照片全都傳給范奎。范奎忍不住覺得，在秀彬鏡頭下的自己，比自拍時好看太多了。

Beomgyu is well aware of how lucky he is, getting these brief moments with the person he loves. He can’t take pictures of Soobin when they’re alone without coming off as creepy, but he can burn the image of Soobin’s smile into his brain and never let it go.
范奎很清楚自己有多幸運，能與心愛之人共享這些短暫時刻。獨處時他不敢明目張膽地拍秀彬的照片，怕顯得太詭異，但他能將秀彬的笑容深深烙進腦海，永遠珍藏。

Six stops later, he goes into heat in the middle of their one week break in Tokyo, because of course he does.
六站過後，他們在東京為期一週的休假期間，他竟突然進入發情期——果然這種事總挑最糟的時機發生。

It’s the compounding of stress and anticipation and his body’s knowledge that they have a week's break; there is, technically, no better time for it to happen. Nobody is upset over it other than Beomgyu. Even Soobin seems happy for him, since it means there’s no danger of it occurring during a less opportune time.
這是壓力、期待與身體感知到一週假期共同作用的結果；理論上來說確實沒有比這更合適的時機了。除了范奎本人，沒人為此感到困擾。連秀彬都為他高興，畢竟這意味著不會在更不湊巧的時段發生意外。

But being in heat means he has to be alone all week. Away from the rest of the members, away from Soobin. Alone on their one week off. He’s miserable.
但發情期意味著他必須獨自度過整個星期。遠離其他成員，遠離秀彬。在他們難得的一週休假中獨自一人。他痛苦不堪。

It’s worse when his body thinks Soobin should be there, wrongly believing Soobin is his alpha, and so his scent clinging to all of Beomgyu’s clothes feels mildly like torture. It staves the worst of the physical symptoms off, but mentally, he might be dying.
當他的身體誤以為秀彬應該在身邊，錯誤地認定秀彬是他的 Alpha 時，情況變得更糟。秀彬的氣味纏繞在范奎所有衣物上，感覺簡直像種折磨。這雖然緩解了最嚴重的生理症狀，但心理上他可能快死了。

Soobin enters his room late at night, way past when everybody else has gone to sleep. Beomgyu doesn’t move, too scared of what might happen if he does so.
秀彬在深夜進入他的房間，遠超過其他人入睡的時間。范奎一動也不敢動，太害怕如果動了會發生什麼事。

What he’s scared about, he’s not sure. But he’s blazing hot, covered in slick and sweat, and his alpha just entered the room. There’s a non-insignificant chance he’ll move and jump Soobin on instinct.
他不確定自己在害怕什麼。但他渾身發燙，沾滿體液和汗水，而他的 Alpha 剛走進房間。他有不小的機率會本能地撲向秀彬。

“Are you allowed to be in here?”
「你可以在這裡嗎？」

“Well…” Soobin scratches the back of his neck. “Not really? But nobody else is awake, so it should be fine.”
「這個嘛…」秀彬搔了搔後頸。「其實不算？不過反正其他人都還沒醒，應該沒關係啦。」

Beomgyu laughs, but it sounds faint even to his own ears. He doesn’t have the energy to fake it. Everywhere, from his cheekbones to his ankles, aches with need.
范奎笑了，但那笑聲連他自己聽來都微弱。他連假裝的力氣都沒有。從顴骨到腳踝，全身都因渴望而疼痛。

Soobin sits down on the bed across from him, brows knitted together in worry.
秀彬在他對面的床沿坐下，眉頭擔憂地緊蹙著。

“I just wanted to check up on you,” he says. He’s careful not to touch Beomgyu, not even from over the sheets.
「我只是想確認你沒事。」他說。他小心翼翼地避免碰到範奎，連隔著被單都不敢。

“I’m fine.” Beomgyu sighs. As if Soobin would believe that. “I’ll be fine,” he corrects.
「我沒事。」范奎嘆了口氣。好像秀彬會相信似的。「我會沒事的。」他改口說道。

“Is it the heat itself that’s bothering you? Or…?”
「是炎熱本身讓你困擾嗎？還是…？」

“I’m just upset I can’t go out,” Beomgyu mumbles. Half his face is squished against his pillow. He wants to sink deeper into it, but then Soobin won’t be able to hear his voice. “I had so much I wanted to do this week.”
「我只是因為不能出門而煩躁，」杋圭把半張臉埋進枕頭裡嘟囔著。他真想整個人陷進枕頭裡，但這樣秀彬就聽不見他說話了。「這週明明有好多想做的事。」

“Is that it?” Soobin asks.
「就這樣？」秀彬問道。

Beomgyu lifts his head slightly. “What do you mean?”
杋圭微微抬起頭。「什麼意思？」

“Is that all you’re upset about?”
「你就只為了這件事在生氣嗎？」

“... What do you mean?” Beomgyu repeats.
「...你這話是什麼意思？」范奎重複道。

Soobin looks away from him. The tips of his ears are flushed red, and with the current haircut he has, he can’t hide them.
秀彬別過頭不看他。他的耳尖泛著紅暈，而現在這個髮型讓他根本無處可藏。

“I thought maybe…” Soobin struggles to speak. “The—the last time you went into heat, you used my scent to get through it. If you need it again—“
「我以為也許...」秀彬艱難地開口。「你上次發情期，是用我的氣味撐過去的。如果你還需要——」

“I shouldn’t,” Beomgyu interjects. He holds onto the sheets tightly. “I shouldn’t take more of your stuff. You don’t have that many clothes.” If he takes Soobin’s clothes to nest with, Soobin will have none left to actually wear.
「我不該這樣，」范奎插話道，他緊緊抓著床單。「我不該再拿你的東西了。你的衣服本來就不多。」要是他把修彬的衣服拿去築巢，修彬就沒衣服可穿了。

“I could give you just one or two,” Soobin reasons. “And then I could scent you. Like, directly. That’s even better than having clothing, right?”
「我可以只給你一兩件，」秀彬解釋道。「然後我就能直接在你身上留下氣味。這樣比衣服更好，對吧？」

Soobin has to recognise the implications of what he’s offering. He can’t be that dumb. An alpha scenting an omega during their heat—it’s unheard of between friends. Not even between packmates.
秀彬必須明白自己提議的含義。他不可能那麼遲鈍。一個 Alpha 在 Omega 發情期時留下氣味——這在朋友之間聞所未聞。就連同個狼群成員間都不會這麼做。

The problem is, Soobin could be that dumb. And while Beomgyu should say no, now that Soobin has put the image into his mind, he doubts he’ll be able to rest without it.
問題是，秀彬可能真的那麼遲鈍。而雖然範奎應該拒絕，但既然秀彬已經把這個畫面植入他腦海，他懷疑自己若得不到就無法安心。

And besides, they’ve done so much already. So much they shouldn’t be doing. So, Beomgyu reasons, is it that bad to keep going?
更何況，他們已經做了那麼多不該做的事。所以範奎心想，繼續下去真的有那麼糟嗎？

As long as it doesn’t hurt. That’s the philosophy he took on at the beginning. It will hurt Beomgyu greatly in the end, he thinks, but as long as it doesn’t hurt Soobin—
只要不造成傷害。這是他一開始抱持的信念。最終這會讓范奎非常痛苦，他心想，但只要不傷害到秀彬——

Beomgyu rubs his eyes with his fists, inhaling shakily.
Beomgyu 用拳頭揉了揉眼睛，顫抖地吸了一口氣。

“It would be better, yes,” he says, quietly. He licks his lips. “You would do that for me?”
「這樣確實會比較好。」他輕聲說道，舔了舔嘴唇。「你會為我這麼做嗎？」

“I scent you all the time,” Soobin points out, firmer, seemingly emboldened by Beomgyu’s reaction. He crosses his arms. “You’re my best friend. It’s not like we don’t do it every day anyway. We do. So if you want it now as well, don’t… don’t say no just because you think you should. Not when I’m offering.”
「我隨時都在標記你啊，」秀彬更堅定地指出，似乎被範奎的反應鼓舞了。他交叉雙臂。「你是我最好的朋友。反正我們每天不都這樣做嗎？我們確實如此。所以如果你現在也想要，別...別只因為你覺得應該拒絕就說不。尤其是我主動提議的時候。」

He stares Beomgyu down, as if waiting for Beomgyu to reject him, or do the responsible thing and point out how stupid this is.
他直視著範奎，彷彿在等待對方拒絕，或是做出負責任的決定指出這有多愚蠢。

He doesn’t. He just tilts his head to the side, exposing his neck, and shivers when he hears Soobin growl, low and anticipatory.
他沒有。他只是將頭偏向一側，露出頸部，當聽到秀彬發出低沉而期待的吼聲時，他顫抖了一下。

He wonders what he looks like to Soobin. If he looks cute and pretty, needy to just the right amount, flattering in how obviously he wants Soobin. Or if he looks desperate and pathetic, like the bitch in heat he actually is, all of his ugly, repressed desire laid bare.
他想知道在秀彬眼裡自己是什麼模樣。是恰到好處的可愛漂亮，帶著恰到好處的渴求，那種明顯想要秀彬的模樣令人愉悅；還是顯得絕望又可悲，就像他實際上是隻發情的母狗，所有醜陋壓抑的慾望都暴露無遺。

Honestly, he has no idea. It’s probably a bit of both. He knows he’s pretty, but he’s just as pathetic too.
老實說，他毫無頭緒。可能兩者都有吧。他知道自己漂亮，但也同樣可悲。

Soobin climbs over him, one arm bracketing Beomgyu’s head, and fuck, fuck, Soobin is so fucking big. He smells like a fucking dream. If Beomgyu were to lift his knee right now, it would brush against Soobin’s crotch.
秀彬跨坐在他身上，一隻手臂撐在范奎頭側，天啊，該死，秀彬他媽的大得驚人。他的氣味美好得像場夢。如果范奎現在抬起膝蓋，就會蹭到秀彬的胯下。

It’s good he doesn’t have the energy to move.
幸好他已經沒力氣動彈了。

“Stay still, pup,” Soobin says, and there’s so much slick dampening the sheets below him it feels like he doused them in water. He moans. “You good?”
「別動，小狗。」秀彬說道，床單上浸潤的液體多到像是被潑了水般濕透。他呻吟著問：「你還好嗎？」

Soobin hovers over him, his nose right over Beomgyu’s throat, but not quite pressed against it. His breathing stutters, like he’s equally affected as Beomgyu is.
秀彬俯身靠近他，鼻尖懸在范奎的喉嚨上方，卻沒有真正貼上去。他的呼吸變得斷斷續續，彷彿和范奎一樣深受影響。

“Yes,” he whispers, when he realises Soobin is waiting for him to confirm.
「嗯。」當他意識到秀彬在等待確認時，輕聲回應道。

“Stay still,” Soobin repeats, and Beomgyu nods.
「別動。」秀彬又說了一遍，范奎點點頭。

Soobin leans forward, buries his nose into the crook of Beomgyu’s neck, and scents him.
秀彬向前傾身，將鼻尖埋入杋圭的頸窩，深深嗅聞他的氣息。

Beomgyu clutches onto the front of his shirt, desperate to anchor himself against the waves of pure bliss that pass through him. Soobin kisses his scent gland then licks around it, scenting him like he’s his, drinking up his taste like it’s all for him.
杋圭緊抓住秀彬的衣襟，在洶湧而至的純粹快感中拼命想穩住自己。秀彬親吻他的腺體，接著用舌尖環繞舔舐，像宣示主權般標記著他，彷彿這份甜美只為他一人存在般盡情啜飲。

His legs won’t stop shaking and he parts them, not-so-subtly trying to get friction on his cock, hard and leaking underneath the sheet which separates his body from Soobin’s.
他的雙腿止不住顫抖，不自覺地分開，隔著阻隔兩人身體的床單，明顯試圖讓早已硬挺濕潤的性器獲得些許摩擦。

He can smell his own arousal in the air, mixing with Soobin’s scent, sharp and focused.
空氣中瀰漫著他自己的情慾氣味，與秀彬的氣息交織在一起，既濃烈又專注。

What are we doing, he wants to ask, at the same time he thinks, please don’t stop scenting me. He says neither, only leans into Soobin’s touch and makes himself small and compact in Soobin’s arms. Beomgyu is big, but Soobin is much bigger. The perfect size.
我們在做什麼，他想問，同時又想著，拜託別停止標記我。他兩句話都沒說出口，只是更貼近秀彬的觸碰，讓自己在秀彬懷裡縮得嬌小而緊實。範奎個頭不小，但秀彬更加高大。完美的尺寸。

They really are so perfect for each other. Best friends for life. Beomgyu can’t imagine growing old without Soobin by his side in some capacity.
他們真的如此契合。一生的摯友。範奎無法想像沒有秀彬以某種形式陪伴在側的晚年。

Soobin’s teeth nip at his skin and he gasps. God, he’s going to smell like Soobin for days. He’s going to sweat his own scent like crazy and he’s still going to smell like Soobin because Soobin is going to town scenting him, and Beomgyu is fucking delirious from how amazing it all is.
秀彬的牙齒輕咬他的肌膚，他倒抽一口氣。天啊，接下來幾天他身上都會帶著秀彬的味道。他會瘋狂地散發自己的費洛蒙，卻依然縈繞著秀彬的氣息，因為秀彬正賣力地標記著他，而這一切美好得讓範奎簡直要瘋了。

The heat is getting to be unbearable. His toes curl and he tilts his neck even more to the side, showing off all the spots Soobin has kissed, needing more. He’s so close. Just a little more—
熱度幾乎令人難以忍受。他的腳趾蜷曲，脖頸更加偏向一側，展示著所有被秀彬親吻過的痕跡，渴求更多。他已經那麼接近了。只差一點點——

Soobin sucks a mark into his neck and Beomgyu digs his nails into Soobin’s shoulders, rolls his hips, and whimpers out a tiny, close-lipped “Alpha” as he comes.
秀彬在他頸間吮出一枚印記，而范奎的指甲深深陷入秀彬肩膀，腰臀擺動，在達到高潮時抿著唇發出一聲細弱的「Alpha」。

Soobin barely touched him but it’s still the best orgasm he’s ever had. Cum smears over his stomach and down his thighs, mixing with all the slick, and he goes completely boneless, tucked against Soobin’s chest.
秀彬幾乎沒怎麼碰他，但這仍是他經歷過最棒的高潮。精液沾滿腹部並沿大腿流下，與濕滑體液混在一起，他整個人完全癱軟，蜷縮在秀彬懷中。

When his head clears, heat staved off from the presence of an alpha and his small bit of relief, his heart fucking seizes.
當他的腦袋清醒過來，那股因 alpha 存在而暫時消退的熱度與些微的緩解，讓他的心臟他媽的揪緊了。

Soobin signed up to scent him, not have Beomgyu come all over himself like a fucking teenager. What is wrong with him? The backs of his eyes burn.
秀彬本來只是答應要幫他氣味標記，不是要讓範奎像個該死的青少年一樣把自己搞得一團糟。他到底是怎麼了？眼眶深處灼熱發疼。

“Shhh. It’s okay,” Soobin says instantly, holding him tightly. He’s stopped scenting him, but he won’t lift his head still. “You’re in heat. It’s okay. I get it.”
「噓，沒事的。」秀彬立刻說道，緊緊抱住他。他已經停止氣味標記，但依然沒有抬起頭。「你正在發情期。沒關係，我明白。」

Beomgyu’s throat hurts. He thinks he might cry. The worst part is it’s all so perfect. His entire body is thrumming with muted pleasure still, satisfied and safe. He’s an omega in heat, held tight in the arms of an alpha who clearly cares about him, and at surface level, isn’t that all he needs?
範奎的喉嚨發痛。他覺得自己可能要哭了。最糟的是這一切該死的完美。他的全身仍因壓抑的快感而顫慄，滿足又安全。他是個發情中的 omega，被明顯在乎他的 alpha 緊緊擁在懷裡，表面上看來，這不就是他需要的一切嗎？

He’s pretty sure the memory of Soobin sucking on his skin will carry him through the entire rest of this heat with no problems. The rest of his heat will be easy.
他相當確定，秀彬吮吸他肌膚的記憶將能讓他安然度過這次發情期的剩餘時光。接下來的發情期會輕鬆許多。

They lie there for what feels like forever, until Beomgyu stops panting and his eyes dry up. Soobin strokes his fingers through Beomgyu’s hair in an attempt to coax him.
他們就這樣躺著，彷彿過了永恆那麼久，直到范奎停止喘息、淚水乾涸。秀彬用手指梳理著范奎的髮絲，試圖安撫他。

Once Beomgyu is no longer delirious, Soobin asks him, “Do you want anything else?”
當范奎神智恢復清醒後，秀彬問他：「你還需要什麼嗎？」

All his body wants Soobin to hold him down and fuck him until he can’t see straight. All Beomgyu wants is for Soobin to be his.
他的身體渴望秀彬能壓制他、操到他視線模糊。范奎內心深處只想要秀彬完全屬於自己。

But he can’t answer either, and he gets tongue-tied, trying to think of something else to say.
但他也答不上來，舌頭像打了結，努力想擠出些別的話。

It feels like there’s an opportunity here, but he’s not sure what.
感覺這裡有個機會，但他不確定是什麼。

“Beomgyu?” Soobin prompts when Beomgyu doesn’t respond. His voice and scent are both laced with concern.
「範奎？」秀彬見範奎沒有回應，出聲喚道。他的聲音和氣息都透著擔憂。

“No,” Beomgyu answers softly, because he’s a coward. A coward who just took advantage of his best friend and will now spend the rest of the week fucking himself to the memory. “Thank you, hyung.”
「沒事，」範奎輕聲回答，因為他是個膽小鬼。一個剛佔了自己最好朋友便宜的膽小鬼，接下來這週都將靠著這段記憶自慰度日。「謝謝你，哥。」

Soobin inhales slowly and, after a very long moment, says, “Alright. You’re welcome. Don’t mention it.”
秀彬緩緩吸了一口氣，過了很久才說：「好吧。不客氣。別放在心上。」

It feels like the opportunity just slipped away.
機會就這樣溜走了。

Soobin lifts off of him and Beomgyu smiles, and hopes Soobin can’t tell how close he is to crying. He can, most likely, because of course he can, because it’s Soobin and nobody in the world knows him better. But if Soobin is pretending, then Beomgyu can too.
秀彬從他身上離開，玟圭笑了，希望秀彬看不出他有多想哭。他大概看得出來，當然了，因為他是秀彬，這世上沒有人比他更了解玟圭。但如果秀彬在假裝，那玟圭也可以。

His hand falls from Soobin’s shirt and he curls up, rolling back onto his side so he can hug a pillow. His cock is still half-hard in between his legs, and it squishes against the damp fabric.
他的手從秀彬的襯衫上滑落，蜷縮起身子，翻身側躺以便能抱住一個枕頭。他的陰莖在雙腿間仍半硬著，擠壓在潮濕的布料上。

The second Soobin leaves, he’s going to fuck himself on his own fingers, the tingling on his neck from the hickey Soobin left still fresh, and it’s going to simultaneously be the best and worst feeling he’s ever had. So full of love, but also so horribly empty at the heart of it.
秀彬一離開，他就會用手指自瀆，脖子上秀彬留下的吻痕仍隱隱發麻，那將是他感受過最美好也最糟糕的時刻。滿溢著愛意，卻又在心底空虛得可怕。

“I love you,” Soobin says. He doesn’t hesitate. The words are so confident and it breaks Beomgyu’s heart. “You know that, right?”
「我愛你。」Soobin 毫不猶豫地說。他的語氣如此堅定，讓 Beomgyu 心碎。「你知道的，對吧？」

Soobin loves him. He knows this. Soobin would probably fuck him if he asked, purely out of obligation, as Beomgyu’s best friend. It would irrevocably fuck up their friendship, even more so than they already have, but he would do it, because he loves Beomgyu.
秀彬愛他。他知道這一點。如果他開口，秀彬大概會跟他上床，純粹是出於義務，作為範奎最好的朋友。這將無可挽回地毀掉他們的友誼，甚至比現在更糟，但他還是會這麼做，因為他愛範奎。

If only it was in the same way as Beomgyu loves him.
要是能像范奎愛他一樣就好了。

He wants to throw a pillow at Soobin and slap him and pull him closer and kiss him and sit on his dick and he wants so, so much, Soobin’s question of is there anything else you want was doomed from the start because Beomgyu would never have enough time to list all the things he wants.
他想朝秀彬扔枕頭、想打他、想把他拉近親吻、想坐在他的老二上，他想要的太多太多了，秀彬問他「還有什麼想要的嗎」從一開始就注定徒勞，因為范奎永遠沒有足夠的時間列出他所有渴望的事物。

“Mm. I love you too, hyung,” he says.
「嗯。我也愛你，哥。」他說道。

He can’t remember the last time they exchanged I love yous in private rather than for a filming. It’s been a long time. Beomgyu doesn’t say it anymore because the words are too raw.
他已經不記得上次他們私下說「我愛你」而不是為了拍攝是什麼時候了。已經很久了。范奎不再說這句話，因為這些字眼太過赤裸。

“Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?”
「要我等你睡著再走嗎？」

Against his better judgement, he nods. He isn’t close to sleeping, and he mostly just wants to get something inside himself, but again, if Soobin is offering, Beomgyu can ignore his own needs to accept what he’s being given.
儘管心裡覺得不妥，他還是點了點頭。他其實離睡著還遠得很，主要只是想要填飽肚子，但既然秀彬主動開口，范奎可以暫時忽略自己的需求，接受對方的好意。

“Scoot over,” Soobin says, and nudges Beomgyu until he’s shifted to make enough room for him. Soobin doesn’t lie down exactly, but he sits slumped enough that Beomgyu can bury his face into his side and breathe in that scent he loves so much, freshly fallen leaves and running water.
「挪過去點。」秀彬說道，輕輕推了推范奎，直到他挪出足夠空間。秀彬沒有完全躺下，而是半靠著身子，讓范奎能把臉埋進他身側，深深吸著那股他最愛的氣息——新落的樹葉與潺潺流水。

Beomgyu has an entire forest in his head based solely off of Soobin’s scent; a vast, winding trail of tall trees and shallow rivers. He likes to imagine going on a date there with Soobin. He would pick up a leaf and joke, “Is this you?” because they smell the same. Soobin would laugh and shake his head and then kiss him to shut him up.
Beomgyu 的腦海中有一整片森林，全因 Soobin 的氣味而生；那是一片廣闊蜿蜒的小徑，高聳樹木與淺淺溪流交織。他總愛幻想和 Soobin 在那裡約會。他會拾起一片落葉開玩笑說：「這是你嗎？」因為它們聞起來一模一樣。Soobin 會笑著搖頭，然後用親吻堵住他的嘴。

He reserves this image only for the most difficult of times, when he truly craves the feeling of being loved in the same way, even if it’s only in his imagination.
他只在最艱難的時刻保留這個畫面，當他真正渴望以同樣方式被愛的感覺時，即使那僅存在於他的想像中。

This is one of those times, and it’s made infinitely easier by Soobin’s hand stroking down his back, coaxing him into shutting his eyes and losing himself in his thoughts.
此刻正是這樣的時刻，而秀彬輕撫他背脊的手讓一切變得無比輕鬆，誘哄他閉上雙眼，沉溺於思緒之中。

He falls asleep sometime overnight. He’s not sure whether it’s with Soobin, but when he wakes up, he’s alone. His lips are so dry they’re peeling and his entire body aches. Not in the fun way, either.
他在某個夜晚睡著了。不確定是否和秀彬一起，但醒來時只剩他一人。嘴唇乾裂到脫皮，全身痠痛。而且不是那種愉悅的痠痛。

There’s a fresh towel, a glass of water, and a bottle of painkillers next to his pillow, and he uses them all in turn. The towel to wipe the sweat off his face, the water to clear his throat, then the pills, swallowed dry, to ease some of the ache.
他的枕邊放著一條乾淨的毛巾、一杯水，還有一瓶止痛藥，他依序使用這些東西。用毛巾擦去臉上的汗水，喝水清喉嚨，然後乾吞藥片，稍微緩解疼痛。

Having Soobin around must have helped. His heat only lasted two days. He’s fortunate it didn’t make things worse.
有秀彬在身邊肯定幫了大忙。他的發情期只持續了兩天，幸好沒有讓情況變得更糟。

The door swings open to reveal Soobin balancing two trays of food in his arms, glasses full of juice precariously close to tipping off the edge. When he sees Beomgyu awake, he smiles.
門一打開，只見玟瑣正捧著兩盤食物，眼鏡上掛著的果汁杯搖搖欲墜。當他發現範奎醒著時，臉上綻開了笑容。

It doesn’t reach his eyes.
那笑意未達眼底。

“You’re up. Good morning,” Soobin greets. He sets the trays down on the table by the TV. “How are you feeling?”
「你醒啦。早安，」秀彬打招呼道。他把托盤放在電視旁的桌上。「感覺怎麼樣？」

“I’m…” Beomgyu runs a hand through his hair. Ugh, it’s absolutely disgusting. The first thing he’s going to do after he eats is shower. “I’m better than I was yesterday.”
「我...」范奎用手梳過頭髮。呃，真是糟透了。吃完飯後第一件事就是去洗澡。「比昨天好多了。」

“Good. Good. I brought us food, and if there’s anything else you need, I can run out and—“
「很好，很好。我帶了食物來，如果還有其他需要，我可以馬上出去——」

“Just you,” Beomgyu says. Soobin blinks at him and Beomgyu clarifies, red-faced, “I don’t want to be alone. If that’s okay.”
「只有你。」范奎說。秀彬眨了眨眼看著他，范奎紅著臉解釋道：「我不想一個人待著。如果可以的話。」

At least he can blame his flush on the remnants of his heat.
至少他可以把臉紅歸咎於發情期的餘韻。

“Why are you even asking? Of course it’s okay. Shut up,” Soobin says, and Beomgyu laughs, his throat in terrible amounts of pain. “I have stuff I want to talk about anyway. Can you come sit? Or do I need to carry you?”
「你幹嘛還問？當然可以啊。閉嘴啦。」秀彬說，范奎笑了，喉嚨痛得要命。「反正我也有話想聊。你要不要過來坐？還是要我抱你？」

It’s only because Beomgyu is so used to overexerting his body for work that he’s able to drag himself over to the table. If he were a lesser man, he would’ve collapsed onto the floor the moment he got on his feet.
只因為范奎早已習慣為了工作過度操勞身體，他才能勉強拖著自己走到桌邊。要是換作體力差一點的人，恐怕一站起來就會直接癱倒在地上了。

He sits down at the table, across from Soobin, and relaxes against the back of the chair. The food doesn’t smell nearly as appetizing as Soobin does, but the sight of it makes his stomach rumble with hunger.
他在餐桌前坐下，與秀彬面對面，整個人放鬆地靠向椅背。食物的香氣遠不及秀彬身上散發的誘人氣息，但眼前的餐點仍讓他的胃因飢餓而咕嚕作響。

Soobin is still giving him that same placid smile, and Beomgyu is compelled to speak up, “I know it must be awkward for you, but I really…” want to thank you, he’s about to say, diplomatically, but Soobin interjects before he can finish.
秀彬依舊掛著那抹平靜的微笑，而范奎忍不住開口：「我知道這對你來說一定很尷尬，但我真的...」他本想禮貌地說出「想謝謝你」，卻被秀彬打斷了話語。

“It’s not. You’re my best friend, Beomgyu. I’m happy to.”
「才不是這樣。你是我最好的朋友，范奎。我很樂意。」

Best friend. Best friend. Best friend.
最好的朋友。最好的朋友。最好的朋友。

There’s really no reason for Soobin to constantly bring it up unless he’s trying to drive the point home: Beomgyu is Soobin’s best friend, and that’s that.
除非是想強調重點，否則秀彬實在沒有理由一直提起這件事：范奎是秀彬最好的朋友，就這樣。

It makes sense then, why Soobin is acting so weird.
這樣一來，秀彬行為如此古怪也就說得通了。

What a curse and a blessing it is to be Soobin’s best friend. He knows him better than anybody else in the entire world. It’s almost too much knowledge. He wishes he wasn’t so aware of how Soobin feels towards him.
能成為秀彬最好的朋友，既是詛咒也是祝福。他比世界上任何人都更了解秀彬。這份了解幾乎太過沉重。他多希望自己沒有如此清楚地意識到秀彬對他的感受。

“If you say so,” Beomgyu says, avoiding confirming or denying his own relationship with Soobin.
「如果你這麼說的話。」范奎說道，既不承認也不否認自己與秀彬的關係。

They eat in silence, Beomgyu spooning plain oatmeal into his mouth like he hasn’t eaten in days—which he hasn’t, as far as he’s aware—and Soobin nibbling on a dry waffle.
他們沉默地吃著，范奎像好幾天沒吃飯一樣——就他所知確實如此——把平淡的燕麥粥一勺勺送進嘴裡，而秀彬則小口啃著乾巴巴的鬆餅。

Eventually, when they’re almost finished, only playing with the last scraps of their food, Soobin clears his throat and says, “I was thinking, though.”
最終，當他們幾乎吃完，只剩下一點食物殘渣時，秀彬清了清喉嚨說道：「不過，我在想。」

“That’s not good,” Beomgyu jokes. He jokes to cover up how scared he is, and he does a terrible job at it.
「這樣不太妙耶。」范奎開玩笑地說。他試圖用玩笑掩飾內心的恐懼，但演技實在爛透了。

Soobin chuckles, but he doesn’t complain, which tells Beomgyu everything he needs to know about whatever Soobin is about to say—it’s going to be bad. It’s so bad not even dry humour can cover it up.
秀彬輕笑出聲，但他沒有抱怨，這讓范奎完全明白秀彬接下來要說的話——肯定很糟糕。糟糕到連乾澀的幽默都掩蓋不了。

“I was thinking, though, um. It—it might be better if you switch to rooming with Kai or Taehyun.” Soobin scratches his cheek. Beomgyu’s heart falls into the pit of his stomach. “If this happens again somehow, or if it happens for one of them, it’s better that you guys room with another omega. This… it could’ve been really dangerous between us. We shouldn’t take the risk.”
「我在想，呃...或許你換去跟 Kai 或 Taehyun 同房會比較好。」Soobin 搔了搔臉頰。Beomgyu 的心沉到了谷底。「萬一這種事又發生，或是發生在他們其中一人身上，你們還是跟其他 Omega 同房比較好。這次...我們之間的情況真的很危險。不該冒這種風險。」

The oatmeal he’s eating, completely plain, suddenly tastes like ash on his tongue. Bitter and out of place.
他正在吃的燕麥粥，原本平淡無味，此刻卻突然像灰燼般在舌尖發苦，顯得格格不入。

We shouldn’t take the risk—after what, a month and a half of them rooming together? Half a year of Soobin scenting him? Why is Soobin making up some bullshit excuse to get away from him now?
我們不該冒這個險——他們同住才一個半月？秀彬標記他都半年了？為什麼秀彬現在要編些爛藉口逃開他？

It’s not as if Beomgyu presented yesterday. This relationship between them, between Soobin’s alpha and Beomgyu’s omega, has existed for nearly two years now. If Soobin were that worried about the omegas in his pack being too close to the alphas, he wouldn’t have agreed to room with Beomgyu in the first place.
范奎又不是昨天才分化的。他們之間——秀彬的阿爾法與范奎的歐米茄——這種關係已經存在快兩年了。如果秀彬真的那麼擔心團裡歐米茄與阿爾法走得太近，打從一開始就不會同意和范奎同房。

And quite frankly, Beomgyu is fucking angry. Because he doesn’t even know what he did wrong. Was Soobin scenting him during his heat a test? Did he fail it somehow?
老實說，范奎他媽的超火大。因為他根本不知道自己哪裡做錯了。難道秀彬在他發情期時標記他是個測試嗎？他是不是搞砸了什麼？

Of course he did. Every fucked up thing that’s happened between them has been because of him. He shouldn’t be surprised. After all, he’s the one who lied through his teeth when Soobin asked him if he wanted anything else. He’s the one who accepted Soobin’s offer, born of pure concern for his best friend, then twisted it into something dirty and lewd.
他當然搞砸了。他們之間所有糟糕透頂的事情都是因為他。他根本不該感到意外。畢竟，當秀彬問他還想要什麼時，是他滿口謊言。是他接受了秀彬純粹出於對摯友關心的提議，卻把它扭曲成骯髒下流的事。

It’s natural that Soobin would pull away after all that. Beomgyu would too, if his omega best friend got off under him so blatantly, like some kind of whore.
在那樣的情況下，秀彬會退縮也是理所當然的。要是換成自己的 Omega 摯友在自己身下如此放蕩地高潮，像個娼妓似的，範奎也會這麼做。

He’s still mad though.  他還是很生氣。

“Okay,” he says, tone completely neutral. “I understand.”
「好，」他的語氣完全平淡。「我明白了。」

He doesn’t understand at all.
他根本不明白。

Soobin gives a little noise of relief, like he’s relieved Beomgyu understands the underlying meaning in his words. That couldn’t be further from the truth. But he’s too scared to ask, to make things even worse by disrupting whatever delicate understanding Soobin thinks they have right now, so he keeps his mouth shut.
秀彬發出一聲如釋重負的輕嘆，彷彿慶幸範奎理解了他話中的弦外之音。但事實恰恰相反。只是他太害怕開口詢問，害怕打破秀彬此刻以為他們之間那種微妙的默契會讓情況更糟，所以他選擇保持沉默。

It’s for the best. Only bad things seem to happen when Beomgyu voices what he wants.
這樣對大家都好。每當範奎說出他想要什麼，似乎只會帶來不好的結果。

The next morning, their manager asks them if they want to switch room assignments. Soobin requests to be alone.
隔天早上，經紀人詢問他們是否想更換房間分配。秀彬要求自己一個人住。

Beomgyu doesn’t protest.
Beomgyu 沒有抗議。

They get to Osaka. Beomgyu rolls his suitcase into his new room with Kai. Two omegas rooming together is more peaceful. There’s no stress.
他們抵達大阪。范奎拖著行李箱走進與凱同住的新房間。兩個 Omega 同住一室更顯平靜，沒有壓力。

He crawls under his sheets, shoves his head under his pillow, and cries.
他鑽進被窩，把頭埋進枕頭底下哭泣。

“Oh, hyung,” Kai says. He drapes himself by Beomgyu’s side and holds him close. He’s so much bigger than Beomgyu now, and his sweet, comforting scent sinks its way into Beomgyu’s lungs until his heart rate slows. Beomgyu’s only scented Kai once in his whole life, so he’s not used to the calming effect. He can see why Soobin would think he needed this. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”
「噢，哥。」凱說著便挨近范奎身旁，緊緊抱住他。現在的凱比范奎高大許多，那甜美安撫的氣息滲入范奎肺腑，直到他的心跳漸緩。范奎這輩子只聞過凱的氣味一次，還不習慣這種鎮定效果。他現在明白為何秀彬會認為他需要這個。「沒事的，一切都會好起來。」

“I’m fine,” Beomgyu sniffles, because even if Kai is an omega and Soobin’s other best friend and surely won’t judge Beomgyu for his grief, he’s still Beomgyu’s dongsaeng. He has to keep up some pretense of maturity.
「我沒事。」范奎吸著鼻子說。即便凱是 Omega、是秀彬的另一位摯友，肯定不會因他的悲傷而評判他，但凱終究是他的弟弟。他總得維持些許成熟的表象。

“You’re fine,” Kai repeats back to him. “You’re fine.”
「你沒事，」Kai 又對他重複了一遍。「你沒事。」

Even people as purehearted as Kai lie sometimes, apparently.
顯然，就連像 Kai 這樣純真的人偶爾也會說謊。

When their tour ends and they return to the dorms, it surprises Beomgyu that Soobin continues to give him his clothing.
巡演結束回到宿舍後，讓範奎意外的是，秀彬依然持續把自己的衣服給他穿。

He doesn’t scent Beomgyu directly anymore, but he still keeps his scent clinging to Beomgyu’s skin by way of his hoodies. It’s like they’re back to the poor man’s version of claiming. The type that could be argued as being strictly platonic.
他不再直接對範奎進行氣味標記，但仍透過連帽外套讓自己的氣味縈繞在範奎肌膚上。這就像是回歸到窮人版的宣示主權方式，那種完全可以辯解為純粹柏拉圖式的類型。

Beomgyu continues to bundle himself up in Soobin’s hoodies, but now that he knows what being scented properly feels like, what having Soobin over him is like, it’s not the same. It’s not enough.
範奎依然將自己裹在秀彬的連帽外套裡，但如今他已體會過真正被氣味標記的感覺，知曉秀彬覆蓋自己時的滋味，這一切便不再相同。遠遠不夠。

Soobin makes him so greedy.
秀彬讓他變得如此貪婪。

Yeonjun gives him clothing as well, as he’s trying to ease Beomgyu off his affection for Soobin’s scent. Beomgyu finds himself wearing Yeonjun’s clothes more and more over Soobin’s, because they don’t make him want to throw himself off a bridge out of heartbreak. It’s a big point in Yeonjun’s favour.
Yeonjun 也給了他衣服，試圖減輕 Beomgyu 對 Soobin 氣味的迷戀。Beomgyu 發現自己穿 Yeonjun 衣服的次數越來越多，勝過穿 Soobin 的，因為這些衣服不會讓他心碎到想跳橋自殺。這對 Yeonjun 來說是個大大的加分。

He plays video games with Soobin, stays up all night chatting with him, practises with him alone after work, eats with him at midnight—nothing changes. None of these things have changed since the day Beomgyu presented and it seems like they never will.
他和 Soobin 一起打電動、徹夜聊天、下班後單獨練習、半夜一起吃宵夜——一切如常。自從 Beomgyu 分化以來，這些事從未改變，似乎也永遠不會改變。

Beomgyu enjoys it all. Of course he does. He loves hanging out with Soobin; if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have fallen for him at all. But he can’t tell if Soobin is enjoying it as well, or if he’s simply continuing what he believes is obligation.
Beomgyu 很享受這一切。當然啦。他喜歡和 Soobin 混在一起；如果不喜歡，他根本不會愛上他。但他無法確定 Soobin 是否也同樣享受，還是只是出於他認為的義務感在維持這些互動。

A few weeks after their tour ends, Music Bank hosts a two-day festival of all their former MCs. It’s on the other side of the city, so their management decides it’s better for Soobin to stay in a hotel there and return early in the morning the following day.
巡演結束幾週後，《Music Bank》為歷任 MC 舉辦了為期兩天的慶典活動。地點在城市另一端，所以經紀公司決定讓 Soobin 住在那邊的飯店，隔天一早再回來。

Soobin packs his bags, gives them all hugs, then bids them goodbye.
秀彬收拾好行李，給每個人一個擁抱，然後向他們道別。

He manages to sleep on the first night purely from exhaustion; they had a long day, and he passes out the moment his head hits the pillow.
他第一晚純粹因為筋疲力盡而睡著了；他們度過了漫長的一天，頭一碰到枕頭就昏睡過去。

The second night, though, he tosses and turns in bed for hours, restless. He can’t hear Soobin on the other side of the wall. There’s no draft coming in from the vent carrying his scent. It’s all wrong, like something is missing.
然而到了第二晚，他在床上翻來覆去好幾個小時，始終無法入睡。他聽不見牆另一邊傳來秀彬的動靜，通風口也沒有飄來屬於他的氣息。一切都不對勁，彷彿少了什麼重要的東西。

His feet drag him to Yeonjun’s room without his mind having any input, and he knocks on the door before he can chicken out and turn away.
他的雙腳不經大腦思考就拖著他走向然俊的房間，還沒來得及退縮轉身，手就已經敲上了門。

Yeonjun takes one look at him, sighs, then shakes his head. “Oh, Beomie.”
Yeonjun 看了他一眼，嘆了口氣，然後搖搖頭。「唉，Beomie 啊。」

He tugs Beomgyu into his room and sits him down on his bed. Yeonjun’s room is very messy, items all over the floor and his sheets half on the ground. It also smells very much like him, naturally, and while it’s not exactly relaxing, it’s a scent he associates with home. Which is good enough for now.
他把 Beomgyu 拉進房間，讓他坐在床上。Yeonjun 的房間非常凌亂，東西散落一地，床單有一半垂在地上。房間裡當然也充滿了他的氣味，雖然不怎麼讓人放鬆，但這味道讓 Beomgyu 聯想到家的感覺。目前這樣就夠了。

“What happened?” Yeonjun questions, taking the spot beside Beomgyu. He throws an arm around his shoulders and pulls him closer. Like this, the two year age gap between them seems immense.
「發生什麼事了？」Yeonjun 問道，在 Beomgyu 身旁坐下。他伸手摟住 Beomgyu 的肩膀，把他拉近。在這樣的距離下，他們兩歲的年齡差距顯得格外巨大。

“I couldn’t sleep,” Beomgyu answers, closing his eyes.
「我睡不著，」范奎回答，閉上了眼睛。

It’s not that Soobin has to be around for Beomgyu to fall asleep. If Beomgyu really wanted to, he’s sure he could ignore the nagging long enough to pass out.
並不是非得有秀彬在身邊，玟準才能入睡。如果玟準真的想睡，他確信自己可以無視那些嘮叨，撐到睡著為止。

The problem is, he doesn’t want to. What he wants is to show off how difficult it is when Soobin is away, how intense Soobin’s claim on him is still, how good of an omega he is, restless without his alpha.
問題是，他並不想這麼做。他真正想展現的是當秀彬不在身邊時有多難熬，秀彬對他的佔有慾依然如此強烈，以及身為一個沒有 alpha 就無法安定的 omega，他有多麼稱職。

It’s very stupid. Soobin has made it clear that he doesn’t feel the same way. But Beomgyu is a very stupid person.
這真的很蠢。秀彬已經明確表示他沒有同樣的感覺。但范奎就是個很蠢的人。

“Do you want to sleep here?” Yeonjun’s voice is kind, non-judgemental. Beomgyu nods, hiding his face against Yeonjun’s shoulder. He wishes Yeonjun wouldn’t wear so much cologne. His natural scent is so much nicer. “Alright, let me rearrange the bed so we can both fit, and then we can try sleeping.”
「你想睡這裡嗎？」然竣的聲音很溫柔，不帶任何評判。范奎點點頭，把臉埋進然竣的肩膀。他希望然竣不要噴那麼多古龍水，他自然的氣味好聞多了。「好吧，讓我重新整理一下床鋪，這樣我們兩個都能躺下，然後我們可以試著睡覺。」

He pats Beomgyu’s lower back, nudging him until he stands back up. Pillows get pushed aside and the sheets get fixed to make room for them both, and then Yeonjun gestures for him to climb in.
他輕拍著范奎的後腰，輕推著直到他重新站起來。枕頭被推到一旁，床單也被整理好，為兩人騰出空間，然後然竣示意他爬進被窩。

Beomgyu isn’t used to sleeping beside anybody. Not even Soobin—that’s Kai’s thing with him, and Beomgyu has never felt the need to intrude. It takes a while for him to get used to the weight draped over his back, but when he does, he finds he likes it a lot.
范奎不習慣和任何人同床共枕。就連秀彬也不例外——那是愷和秀彬之間的事，范奎從不覺得有必要介入。他花了一段時間才適應背後那份重量，但當他習慣後，發現自己其實很喜歡這種感覺。

He should rely on the others more often.
他應該多依賴其他人一些。

“Comfy?” Yeonjun has his hand over Beomgyu’s stomach, holding him close, but it’s not pressuring. It makes Beomgyu realise just how utterly non-platonic the way he and Soobin touch each other is.
「舒服嗎？」然竣的手搭在杋圭的肚子上，將他摟近，但並不帶壓迫感。這讓杋圭意識到，他和秀彬之間的肢體接觸有多麼地超越友誼範疇。

“Yeah,” Beomgyu breathes out. “Thank you, hyung.”
「嗯，」范奎輕聲說道。「謝謝你，哥。」

“Mm. Go to bed, Beomie,” Yeonjun says kindly, and it doesn’t take long for Beomgyu to drift off after that, all of Yeonjun’s calming pheromones lulling him to sleep.
「嗯。去睡吧，範奎，」然竣溫柔地說，而範奎沒過多久就睡著了，然竣那令人安心的費洛蒙讓他沉沉睡去。

“... can’t keep doing this anymore.” It’s Soobin. Beomgyu would recognise that voice anywhere, from ten feet under water or through a raging storm. “It’s killing me.”
「...我不能再繼續這樣下去了。」是秀彬的聲音。範奎在任何地方都能認出那個聲音，無論是在十英尺深的水下，還是在狂風暴雨中。「這讓我痛苦不堪。」

“Then tell him,” Yeonjun answers, softly. Quietly. They’re trying not to wake him up. It’s too late for that, but he stays perfectly still, keeps the rise and fall of his chest as steady as he can to mimic a deep slumber.
「那就告訴他吧。」然竣輕聲說道，語氣溫柔。他們試著不吵醒他。雖然為時已晚，但他仍保持一動不動，盡可能維持平穩的呼吸起伏，假裝自己仍在熟睡中。

“I can’t, hyung.”  「我不行，哥。」

“Yes, you can. All you have to do is open your mouth and tell him. It’s that easy.”
「當然可以。你只需要開口告訴他就好。就是這麼簡單。」

“You know that’s not true. He…” Soobin pauses, and for a moment, the only thing Beomgyu can hear is the pounding of blood in his own ears. “He relies on me. I can’t take that away from him.”
「你知道那不是真的。他……」秀彬停頓了一下，霎時間，杋圭只能聽見自己耳中血液奔流的聲音。「他依賴著我。我不能剝奪他這份依靠。」

It doesn’t take a genius to know what they’re discussing. Beomgyu squeezes his eyes shut even tighter, grateful he’s not facing them so they can’t see his lip wobble.
不用天才也能猜到他們在討論什麼。范奎緊閉雙眼，甚至更加用力，慶幸自己背對著他們，這樣他們就看不到他顫抖的嘴唇。

“Well, then you’re going to have to figure it out, because it’s clear neither of you can keep going like this.” Long fingers pat Beomgyu’s head lovingly. They’re Yeonjun’s. He can just tell.
「好吧，那你得自己想辦法解決了，因為很明顯你們兩個再這樣下去不行。」修長的手指溫柔地拍了拍范奎的頭。是然竣的手。他光憑觸感就能認出來。

Soobin sighs loudly. “I know,” he murmurs. “It’s not fair to him. I know. I’ll—I need to think about it for a bit.”
秀彬大聲嘆了口氣。「我知道，」他低聲說道。「這樣對他很不公平。我知道。我——我需要再考慮一下。」

“Alright,” Yeonjun relents. “You go do that, Soobin-ah.”
「好吧，」然竣讓步了。「你去吧，秀彬啊。」

“I will. I… Thank you for listening, hyung.”
「我會的。我…謝謝你願意聽我說，哥。」

“You know I’m always here for both of you,” Yeonjun says, and with that, the door unlocks and Soobin’s footsteps grow quiet in the distance.
「你知道我永遠都會在你們身邊的。」然竣說完，門鎖應聲解開，秀彬的腳步聲逐漸消失在遠方。

Beomgyu gives it a few minutes before he ‘wakes up’. He would wait even more, but he’s not sure how much longer he can hold back his tears.
Beomgyu 給了自己幾分鐘才「醒來」。他其實可以等更久，但他不確定自己還能忍住眼淚多久。

Snuggling in closer to Yeonjun, he breathes in his musky scent, holding back the sharp choke in his throat. It comes out as a hiccup and Yeonjun jolts, finally realising he’s awake.
他更貼近地依偎在然竣身邊，深吸著對方那麝香般的氣息，強忍住喉間那股尖銳的窒息感。最終只發出一聲打嗝，然竣這才猛然驚覺他已經醒了。

“Hey,” Yeonjun soothes. “How long have you been awake, Beomie?”
「嘿，」然竣輕聲安撫道。「你醒多久了，杋圭？」

Beomgyu isn’t oblivious to the panic edging his words. The fear that he was eavesdropping. It was a private conversation, after all. If Beomgyu were a good person, like he thinks he is, he would fess up right now to overhearing it. It’s only fair.
范奎並非沒有察覺到自己話語中流露的慌亂。那種害怕被發現偷聽的恐懼。畢竟那是段私人對話。如果范奎真如他自認的那般正直，此刻就該坦承自己無意間聽到了內容。這才公平。

“Not long,” he whispers. “I had a nightmare.”
「沒多久，」他低語道。「做了惡夢。」

The lie rolls easily off his tongue, and that says it all.
謊言如此輕易地脫口而出，一切盡在不言中。

“Ah.” Yeonjun brushes his bangs off his face, revealing his eyes to the dim light in the room. The sun must be just rising. “Are you going back to sleep?”
「這樣啊。」然竣將瀏海撥開，讓雙眼能適應房內微弱的光線。想必太陽才剛升起。「要再睡會兒嗎？」

“What time ‘s it?” He slurs his words on purpose.
「現在幾點？」他故意含糊不清地說著。

“Five o’clock or so?” Yeonjun guesses.
「大概五點左右？」然竣猜測道。

“Yeah.” The idea of being awake sounds terrible; knowing Soobin is in his room across the hall, thinking of ways to push Beomgyu away. Rightfully, too.
「嗯。」醒著的念頭聽起來糟透了；知道秀彬就在走廊對面的房間裡，想著各種推開範奎的方法。而且，他這麼做也是理所當然的。

“Go back to sleep then,” Yeonjun says. It’s not an order, but he injects just enough of his presence as an alpha into it that Beomgyu is compelled to listen.
「那就回去睡吧。」然竣說。這不是命令，但他注入了一點 alpha 的氣勢，讓範奎不得不聽從。

To his complete lack of surprise, Soobin approaches him the following week, hands shoved into the pockets of his sweatpants.
完全不出所料，秀彬隔週就來找他，雙手插在運動褲口袋裡。

“I… We need to stop this. You sleeping in my clothes and all that,” Soobin says, waving at the space in between them. “People are talking, and…”
「我...我們得停止這樣。你穿我的衣服睡覺之類的。」秀彬揮手指著兩人之間的距離。「大家都在說閒話，而且...」

Beomgyu’s lips twist. “Are they? Or do you just not want this anymore? Because it’s okay if you don’t, hyung. You don’t have to scent me, or give me your clothes, or anything. Not if you don’t want to. I’d feel worse if you forced yourself.”
範奎的嘴唇扭曲。「是嗎？還是你只是不想要這樣了？因為如果你不想，沒關係的，哥。你不必標記我，或給我你的衣服，或任何事。如果你不想要的話。如果你勉強自己，我會更難過。」

Soobin exhales through his nose, eyes closing. “It’s better this way. I think we both need space.” His fingers dig into his palms. “And we aren’t… I don’t want anybody to get the wrong idea.”
秀彬用鼻子呼出一口氣，閉上眼睛。「這樣比較好。我想我們都需要一些空間。」他的手指掐進掌心。「而且我們不是...我不想讓任何人誤會。」

The anybody, evidently, being Beomgyu.
很明顯，那個「任何人」指的就是范奎。

“If that’s what you want,” Beomgyu says.
「如果這是你想要的。」范奎說。

Soobin gives a little sigh of relief. “Thank you for understanding.”
秀彬如釋重負地輕嘆一聲。「謝謝你的理解。」

He’s breaking things off for Beomgyu’s sake, supposedly.
他說是為了范奎好，才決定結束這一切。

Because he pities Beomgyu for having such strong feelings for somebody who doesn’t like him back.
因為他同情范奎對一個不喜歡自己的人懷抱如此強烈的情感。

Because he loves Beomgyu and doesn’t want to lead him on.
因為他愛著范奎，不想給他虛假的希望。

Because Beomgyu is his best friend and he hates the idea of Beomgyu being sad because of him.
因為范奎是他最好的朋友，他討厭范奎因為自己而難過的想法。

There are lots of reasons, probably. They’ve built up a lot of baggage over the past few months.
可能有很多原因吧。過去幾個月他們之間積累太多心結了。

But just like everybody else who’s warned Beomgyu about his feelings—Soobin is too late.
但就像其他警告過范奎要小心自己感情的人一樣——秀彬也來得太遲了。

There is no turning back from this. There is no way Beomgyu can dig himself out of his hole now. He’s Soobin’s forever, even if Soobin doesn’t want him, and it’s both sick and enlightening in a way. It’s morally wrong, but it feels right and Beomgyu will cling to that feeling for as long as he can.
這已經無法回頭了。范奎現在再也無法從這個深淵中爬出來。即使秀彬不想要他，他也永遠屬於秀彬，這種感覺既病態卻又莫名地令人頓悟。這在道德上是錯誤的，但感覺卻是對的，而范奎會盡可能長久地緊抓著這種感覺不放。

It’s not like he has a choice. There will never be anybody else for Beomgyu, and that’s okay. There are some people in the world who never win, and if he has to be one of them, then so be it. Romance isn’t everything. He has a successful career and a pack and a loving family and everything else he could possibly need.
他別無選擇。對範奎來說，這世上永遠不會有其他人，但這樣也好。世界上總有些人永遠贏不了，如果必須成為其中一員，那也無妨。愛情並非一切。他有成功的事業、團隊、充滿愛的家庭，以及所有可能需要的一切。

He has Soobin.  他有秀彬。

It’s not in the capacity he wants, but he has him, and that’s what matters.
這並非他理想中的方式，但他終究擁有他，這才是最重要的。

Or at least that’s what Beomgyu thinks.
至少，這是范奎所想的。

But then Soobin starts avoiding him, and Beomgyu realises how badly he fucked things up.
然而隨後秀彬開始避開他，范奎這才意識到自己把事情搞砸得多嚴重。

Soobin wasn’t worried about breaking off the arrangement of him giving Beomgyu his clothes. He was worried about breaking off their friendship.
秀彬擔心的不是終止給范奎衣服的約定，他擔心的是毀掉兩人之間的友誼。

If Beomgyu knew that was what Soobin meant, he wouldn’t have agreed so easily. But in hindsight, he should’ve known that’s what Soobin meant by needing space. Obviously, he fucking needs space. Beomgyu must have been suffocating him, forcing Soobin to reciprocate his actions.
如果范奎早知道修彬是這個意思，他就不會這麼輕易答應了。但事後回想起來，他早該明白修彬所謂需要空間是什麼意思。顯然，他他媽的就是需要空間。范奎肯定讓他窒息了，逼得修彬不得不回應他的舉動。

Going cold turkey off Soobin’s scent is painful. Physically painful, that is. Not only mentally. His skin itches all the time and lying in his room just makes him nauseous and he can’t seem to get comfortable no matter what he’s wearing or where he is.
突然戒斷修彬的氣味令人痛苦。是生理上的痛苦，不僅僅是心理上的。他的皮膚總是發癢，躺在房間裡只讓他感到噁心，無論穿什麼或身在何處，他似乎都無法感到舒適。

It’s so bad he throws up at one point, at two in the morning when only Taehyun is awake. Taehyun runs out of his room, shocked and horrified to find Beomgyu on his knees in front of the toilet.
情況糟到他一度嘔吐，凌晨兩點只有泰亨還醒著。泰亨衝出房間，驚恐地發現範奎跪在馬桶前。

“Hyung?” he says, alarmed. He kneels down beside Beomgyu, patting his back as Beomgyu coughs out the last bits of their dinner. “Hyung? Are you sick—?”
「哥？」他驚慌地喊道，跪在范奎身旁，輕拍他的背，范奎咳出晚餐最後的殘渣。「哥？你不舒服嗎——？」

“No,” Beomgyu answers. He stands up on shaky legs, nudging Taehyun’s hand off him. “I think I ate something bad.”
「不要，」范奎回答。他顫抖著雙腿站起來，輕輕推開泰賢的手。「我想我可能是吃壞東西了。」

It’s a flimsy excuse considering they all had the same thing to eat. Taehyun eyes him, a frown marring his brows and lips.
這理由實在牽強，畢竟大家吃的東西都一樣。太顯盯著他看，眉頭和嘴唇都皺了起來。

“Hyung…”  「哥…」

“I’ll take medicine and tell our manager tomorrow that I’m not feeling well,” Beomgyu promises.
「我會吃藥，明天再跟經紀人說我不舒服。」範奎承諾道。

“Okay,” Taehyun says, uneasy. “But if it gets worse overnight, wake one of us up. Please.”
「好吧，」太顯不安地說。「但如果情況在夜裡惡化，一定要叫醒我們其中一個。拜託了。」

Beomgyu nods. He lets Taehyun wet a towel for him and dab the sickness off his mouth. After Taehyun confirms Beomgyu takes the medication, he returns to his own room.
范奎點點頭。他讓泰溙幫他弄濕毛巾，輕輕擦去他嘴邊的嘔吐物。在泰溙確認范奎服藥後，便回到自己的房間。

He leaves the door open, and Beomgyu’s heart aches. They all care about him so much. Beomgyu wishes he could do more in return, but he’s too busy getting sick and spiralling over not being allowed to wear his best friend’s clothes.
他讓門保持敞開，范奎的心隱隱作痛。大家都這麼關心他。范奎多希望能多做些什麼回報他們，但他光是忙著生病、忙著因為不能穿最好朋友的衣服而陷入情緒漩渦就夠嗆了。

Which, when he puts it like that, might be the stupidest thing he’s ever done. And he’s done a lot of stupid things.
當他這麼說的時候，這可能是他做過最蠢的事了。而他做過的蠢事可不少。

Oh well. He’s starting to accept that maybe his personal life is just irrevocably fucked up.
唉，好吧。他開始接受或許自己的人生就是這樣無可救藥地一團糟了。

Even though he knows this is all his fault, he still misses Soobin so much.
儘管知道這一切都是自己的錯，他還是好想念秀彬。

He’s right beside Beomgyu all the time, almost twenty-four-seven, and yet he’s not actually there at all. Not for Beomgyu. And god, does Beomgyu miss him.
他幾乎 24 小時都待在範奎身邊，卻又彷彿根本不存在。至少對範奎來說是如此。天啊，範奎真的好想他。

By the end of the month, Beomgyu is ready to rip his hair out. Comeback season is rearing its head once more, meaning everybody is on edge, and every time he catches Soobin’s scent, he nearly throws up. Not because it’s bad but because it’s too good, and he has no choice but to lock himself in his room the moment they get home so he doesn’t smell it.
到了月底，范奎簡直快抓狂。回歸季又再度來臨，意味著每個人都緊繃到極點，而每當他聞到秀彬的氣味時，他幾乎要吐出來。不是因為難聞，而是因為太好聞了，他別無選擇，只能一回家就把自己鎖在房間裡，以免聞到那味道。

He prays that once they begin working again for real, he’ll be able to ignore it. And for a while he can—they keep the scent suppressors on almost all day and Soobin’s scent disappears. It’s still difficult on a human level to be around Soobin, because he loves him, but at least it’s no longer sickening.
他祈禱等他們真正重新開始工作時，自己就能忽略這件事。有段時間確實可以——他們幾乎整天都戴著氣味抑制器，秀彬的氣味也消失了。以人類情感層面來說，待在秀彬身邊仍然很煎熬，因為他愛他，但至少不再令人作嘔。

Two and a half weeks before their comeback, they’re practising their choreography and for the first time in ages, Beomgyu is more focused on work than his personal life. The choreographer even compliments him on the sharpness of his moves, and he spends the rest of the day glowing. He can still do some things right.
回歸前兩週半，他們正在練習編舞，時隔許久，范奎終於比關注私生活更專注於工作。編舞老師甚至稱讚他動作俐落，讓他接下來一整天都容光煥發。他還是能把某些事情做好的。

Then something wet rolls down the inside of his boxers and he flushes so hard he goes tomato red. Fuck, he didn’t realise he needed to go to the bathroom so badly.
接著一股濕意滑過他的內褲內側，他瞬間漲紅了臉，整張臉紅得像番茄一樣。該死，他根本沒意識到自己這麼急著要上廁所。

“Need to pee,” he yelps, and sprints out of the room. Thank god they’re right beside the bathroom on this side of the floor.
「我要尿尿。」他大叫著衝出房間。幸好他們這層樓的房間就在廁所旁邊。

When he peels off his sweatpants and underwear, though, he gasps.
然而當他脫下運動褲和內褲時，他倒抽了一口氣。

Slick. It’s slick, rolling down his inner thighs, wetting his underwear. It’s slick, and he’s not even aroused. The only time omegas ever randomly get wet like this is when they’re in pre-heat.
濕滑的。那液體濕滑地沿著他的大腿內側流下，弄濕了他的內褲。這濕滑的感覺，而他甚至沒有被挑起情慾。Omega 會這樣無緣無故濕潤的唯一情況，就是他們進入發情前期。

But that’s not possible.  但這不可能。

Is it?  是這樣嗎？

His hands shake as he wipes himself clean. It seems to have stopped, but just in case, he stuffs his pants with tissue paper. Not exactly the most elegant solution, but it’ll have to work for now.
他的手顫抖著擦拭自己。血似乎已經止住了，但為了保險起見，他還是用衛生紙塞進褲子裡。這方法算不上優雅，但眼下也只能這樣了。

There’s no way he’s going into heat. It hasn’t even been three months since his last one, and he’s on regulating suppressants. But he’s also not turned on even in the slightest, so why the fuck is he leaking like he is?
他不可能進入發情期。距離上次發情甚至還不到三個月，而且他還在服用調節抑制劑。但他也沒有絲毫性慾高漲的感覺，那他媽的為什麼會像現在這樣滲出體液？

He doesn’t know the answer, but he does know it likely has something to do with Soobin.
他不知道答案，但他確信這肯定跟秀彬有關。

His confusion must show on his face because when he returns to the practice room, everybody flocks to him, fretting over his condition. He laughs and brushes them all off, saying his poor bladder just couldn’t hold anymore, to which Yeonjun rolls his eyes and calls him gross.
他臉上的困惑一定很明顯，因為當他回到練習室時，大家都圍了上來，擔心他的狀況。他笑著把他們都打發走，說自己膀胱無力憋不住了，惹得然竣翻了個白眼罵他噁心。

He is gross, but not for the reason Yeonjun believes.
他確實很噁心，但不是然竣想的那種原因。

All night, he waits for it to happen again, but it doesn’t. Maybe it’s a weird side effect of losing Soobin’s scent on him? He checks Naver search and finds some posts from people stating they had the same issue after moving away from their crushes, so that seems like the logical reason.
整晚他都在等待那種感覺再次出現，但什麼都沒發生。或許是因為秀彬留在他身上的氣味消失了才產生的奇怪副作用？他查了 Naver 搜尋，發現有些人發文表示在遠離暗戀對象後也有相同問題，這似乎是最合理的解釋。

It’s unfortunate and annoying, but there’s nothing he can do about it except grin and bear through it.
這既不幸又惱人，但他除了咬牙忍耐外別無他法。

He likes to think of himself as a brave person. He gets scared easily, yes, but when it comes down to it, it’s rare he ever runs from danger. He has a pretty high pain tolerance; physical pain has never scared him.
他喜歡認為自己是個勇敢的人。沒錯，他很容易受驚嚇，但當事情臨頭時，他很少會逃避危險。他的耐痛能力相當高；身體上的疼痛從來嚇不倒他。

This, though. This might be his limit.
但這次。這次可能是他的極限了。

His stomach hurts so badly he takes one step off his bed and literally keels over from the sting. He holds his arms around his middle, putting pressure on it to try and alleviate some of the pain, but it does nothing. He’s pretty sure it actually makes things worse.
他的胃痛得如此劇烈，才剛從床邊踏出一步就真的痛到彎下腰。他用雙臂環抱住腹部，施加壓力試圖減輕一些疼痛，但毫無作用。他相當確定這反而讓情況變得更糟。

He can’t reach for his phone to call anybody and he can’t walk, so he does the only thing he can think to do: he screams.
他無法伸手拿手機打電話給任何人，也無法行走，於是他做了唯一能想到的事：他尖叫。

Luckily, it’s something he’s very good at.
幸運的是，這正是他最擅長的事。

“Beomgyu?” He hears Soobin call, and then his door is being flung open. Yeonjun races to his side, holding him up with an arm around his waist. “What happened?”
「范奎？」他聽到秀彬在呼喚，接著房門被猛地推開。然竣衝到他身邊，一手環住他的腰將他扶起。「發生什麼事了？」

“Are you in pain?” Yeonjun asks.
「你痛嗎？」然竣問道。

Beomgyu nods, lips pressed together tightly. If he opens his mouth, he’s going to end up screaming again involuntarily.
范奎點點頭，雙唇緊抿。要是他開口，恐怕又會不自覺地尖叫出聲。

“He’s burning up,” Yeonjun rests his palm over Beomgyu’s forehead. “Like really burning up.”
「他燒得好厲害，」Yeonjun 將手掌貼在 Beomgyu 的額頭上。「真的燙得嚇人。」

Yeonjun helps him stand, and he tenses his jaw so hard keeping his mouth shut that it makes his entire face throb. Fuck. Fuck, it hurts. He can’t imagine anything in the world being more painful than this. Big, fat tears roll down his cheeks and he whimpers as Yeonjun shifts him in the wrong direction, bringing another stab to his gut.
Yeonjun 扶他站起來，他咬緊牙關閉緊嘴巴，整張臉都痛得發麻。幹。幹，好痛。他無法想像世界上還有比這更痛的事。大顆大顆的淚珠滾落臉頰，當 Yeonjun 把他往錯誤的方向移動時，他又發出一聲嗚咽，腹部再次傳來一陣刺痛。

“Shit—Sorry,” Yeonjun chokes.
「靠——抱歉，」然竣嗆到。

“Maybe it’s appendicitis?” Soobin says. His eyes are wide and frantic, and his hands shake so badly he fumbles taking his phone out of his pocket, almost dropping it. “Let me… I’ll call, you stay with him.”
「該不會是盲腸炎吧？」秀彬說道。他的雙眼瞪大、神情慌亂，雙手顫抖得連手機都掏不穩，差點摔在地上。「讓我...我來打電話，你陪著他。」

Yeonjun drags him back to his bed so he can sit down, and then guides Beomgyu to curl up on his lap so he can hug him. It doesn’t help much, but it’s something.
Yeonjun 把他拉回床上讓他坐下，然後引導 Beomgyu 蜷縮在他的大腿上，這樣他就能擁抱他。這沒有太大幫助，但總比沒有好。

He passes out shortly after anyway—thank god—so it doesn’t matter.
反正他沒多久就昏過去了——謝天謝地——所以也沒差。

“Beomgyu hyung!” is the first thing he hears when he comes to. Vanilla fills the room, but it’s tinged with bitterness. “Are you awake now?”
「範奎哥！」這是他醒來時聽到的第一句話。房間裡瀰漫著香草氣息，卻夾雜著一絲苦澀。「你現在清醒了嗎？」

Beomgyu nods, neck creaking from lack of use.
Beomgyu 點點頭，脖子因久未活動而發出喀喀聲。

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Kai asks, and he almost sounds angry.
「你為什麼什麼都不說？」Kai 問道，語氣幾乎帶著怒意。

Beomgyu’s lips part and he takes in a deep, unsteady breath. He’s no longer in pain, but he’s boiling hot. It’s like he’s standing directly underneath the summer sun.
Beomgyu 的嘴唇微張，深深吸了一口不穩定的氣息。他已經不再感到疼痛，但全身滾燙得像是直接站在盛夏的烈日下。

“What?” he croaks.  「什麼？」他沙啞地說道。

Kai sighs and reaches for Beomgyu’s hand. “You’ve been asleep for two days.”
Kai 嘆了口氣，伸手握住 Beomgyu 的手。「你已經昏睡兩天了。」

Beomgyu’s brows furrow and he tries to glance down to see if he has some sort of surgery scar, but there doesn’t seem to be anything amiss aside from the IV hooked into his arm.
Beomgyu 皺起眉頭，試著低頭查看自己身上是否有手術疤痕，但除了手臂上插著的點滴外，似乎沒有任何異狀。

“Why?” Is he supposed to know what’s going on?
「為什麼？」他應該知道發生了什麼事嗎？

Kai’s face pinches as he answers, slowly, “They said your body thinks it’s being rejected by its mate.”
Kai 的臉皺了起來，緩緩答道：「他們說你的身體認為自己被伴侶排斥了。」

Oh.  噢。

“Oh.”  「喔。」

That… makes much more sense than it should.
這...比原本以為的還要合理得多。

“And you’re—you’re going into heat as a reaction to that,” Kai continues.
「而你——你因為那樣的反應進入了發情期，」Kai 繼續說道。

“So I am going into heat?” Beomgyu asks for confirmation.
「所以我現在是要發情了嗎？」范奎確認道。

Kai frowns. “You knew it was happening?”
凱皺起眉頭。「你早就知道會發生這種事？」

Beomgyu’s mouth opens, then closes, then opens again. He sighs. He can’t lie to Kai. “I didn’t know I was going into heat. But the… symptoms. The signs and stuff have been there. I didn’t realise it was serious, though—”
范奎的嘴張開，又閉上，再次張開。他嘆了口氣。他無法對凱說謊。「我不知道自己要進入發情期了。但那些...症狀。徵兆之類的一直都在。只是我沒意識到情況這麼嚴重——」

“Of course it was serious!” Kai yells, the words stilted, like he’s trying not to cry. Beomgyu’s eyes widen and he shuts up instantly. “Even if it wasn’t serious, you still should’ve told somebody, hyung. Why would you just suffer by yourself?”
「當然是認真的！」Kai 大喊，語氣生硬，彷彿在強忍淚水。Beomgyu 瞪大了眼睛，立刻閉上嘴。「就算不嚴重，你也該告訴別人啊，哥。為什麼要一個人硬撐？」

“I…” I don’t know, he’s about to say. But that’s a lie. “I was embarrassed.”
「我…」他不知道該怎麼說。但這是謊言。「我覺得很丟臉。」

“We’re both omegas, it’s not—”
「我們都是 Omega，這不——」

“Not about the slick, or the possibility of going into heat, or anything like that,” Beomgyu interrupts, “but because of the cause. Getting so—so dependent on Soobin hyung—it’s pathetic.”
「不是因為發情期快到了，或是其他類似的原因，」范奎打斷道，「而是因為這件事本身。變得這麼——這麼依賴秀彬哥——真的很可悲。」

“It’s not pathetic. It’s biology,” Kai hisses. “You shouldn’t be embarrassed over something that—”
「這不可悲。這是生物本能，」Kai 低聲說道。「你不該為了這種事感到難為情——」

“Ah, you’re awake.”  「啊，你醒了。」

Both he and Kai glance over to the doorway, where a man in a white coat stands, glasses pushed up to the bridge of the nose. He must be the doctor. Beomgyu would bow, but he can’t move much.
他和 Kai 同時望向門口，一位穿著白袍的男子站在那兒，眼鏡推至鼻樑上。想必是醫生。Beomgyu 想鞠躬致意，但他幾乎動彈不得。

The doctor gets him up to speed, repeating what Kai said in more polite terms: Beomgyu, somewhere deep inside, truly believed Soobin was courting him; and with that came a build up of hormones as his body prepared for the bond to be consummated. But when Soobin suddenly pulled away, it left his body scrambling to regulate itself once more, and now he’s going to heat.
醫生簡要說明狀況，用比 Kai 更委婉的措辭重複了同樣的話：Beomgyu 內心深處確實相信 Soobin 正在追求他；隨之而來的是體內荷爾蒙激增，為締結伴侶關係做準備。但當 Soobin 突然抽身，讓他的身體再度陷入調節混亂，現在即將進入發情期。

In summary, his omega thinks that if he manages to get Soobin to fuck him, they’ll stay together. Not that they were ever together in the first place, but that’s the reasoning behind it all.
簡而言之，他的 omega 認為只要設法讓 Soobin 與他結合，兩人就能永遠在一起。雖然他們從未真正交往過，但這就是整件事背後的邏輯。

He rubs his face with his fists, taking all the information in. And he thought he fucked up their relationship badly before—this is somehow even worse. It’s almost impressive, the hole he’s dug himself into. It takes actual skill to fuck up your life this badly. Beomgyu is so talented.
他用拳頭揉了揉臉，試圖消化所有訊息。他原本以為自己之前已經把他們的關係搞砸得很慘了——沒想到現在情況居然還能更糟。這坑挖得簡直令人嘆為觀止，要把人生搞砸到這種程度還真需要點本事。范奎真是天賦異稟。

“You have two options—you can either spend your heat with the individual your body thinks it’s mated to, or we can administer a drug that’ll put you to sleep until the heat passes.” The doctor crosses his arms. “We’ll discharge you right now since you’re awake, but if you choose the latter option, you’ll have to return whenever your heat begins.”
「你有兩個選擇——要嘛和你的身體認定已經結合的對象一起度過發情期，要嘛我們可以給你注射藥物，讓你睡到發情期結束。」醫生雙手交叉抱胸。「既然你現在清醒了，我們會立刻讓你出院。但如果你選擇後者，每次發情期開始時都必須回來。」

“Do I need to decide now?”
「我現在就得決定嗎？」

He doesn’t think he has much of a choice here, since he doubts Soobin will want to spend his heat with him. Not like that. But—but what if?
他覺得自己其實沒什麼選擇餘地，畢竟他懷疑秀彬不會想和他一起度過發情期。不是那種關係。但——萬一呢？

He should at least speak to Soobin before he chooses, he reasons.
他理性地認為，至少該先和秀彬談過再做決定。

“No. As I said, if you choose to get knocked out, you’ll have to come back. But if not, you can just stay at home and I’ll see you again for your follow up appointment next week.”
「不，就像我說的，如果你選擇被打昏，就得再回來一趟。但如果不這麼做，你可以待在家裡，我們下週回診時再見。」

“Hyung…” Kai says. A warning, though Beomgyu isn’t sure what for.
「哥…」Kai 開口，語氣帶著警告，但范奎不確定是為了什麼。

“Okay.” Beomgyu plasters a smile on his face, ignoring Kai. “Thank you.”
「好。」范奎擠出笑容，無視凱伊。「謝謝。」

The drive back to the dorms is incredibly uncomfortable. Not just because Kai won’t stop glaring at him, but because their company douses him in cologne to ensure he doesn’t leave his heat scent anywhere, and it makes him choke every time he breathes in.
回宿舍的車程簡直難受得要命。不僅是因為 Kai 一直瞪著他，更因為公司在他身上噴了滿滿的古龍水，確保他的發情氣味不會殘留任何地方，每次呼吸都讓他嗆得半死。

Yeonjun and Taehyun seem pissed off at him as well and Beomgyu retreats to his room right away, without saying anything to any of them. There’s two weeks until their comeback and Beomgyu might have fucked it all up because he couldn’t put on his big boy pants and admit the loss of Soobin was affecting him more than he expected.
延俊和泰顯看起來也對他很不爽，而範奎二話不說就直接躲回自己房間。距離他們回歸只剩兩週，範奎可能把一切都搞砸了，因為他沒能像個成熟的大人一樣承認，失去秀彬對他的影響遠比預期來得大。

Sure, it was embarrassing. But Kai is right—he still should’ve said something.
沒錯，這確實很丟臉。但 Kai 說得對——他還是應該說點什麼的。

He should’ve done a lot of things. But he can’t do anything about all those mistakes now. He’ll let them stew in their anger for a bit, shit talk him amongst each other; they deserve to hate him for a while. He certainly hates himself.
他本該做很多事的。但現在對那些錯誤已經無能為力了。他會讓他們先氣一陣子，彼此間說說他的壞話；他們有權利恨他一陣子。畢竟他現在也超討厭自己的。

Soobin is chosen as the one to take care of him until his heat kicks in, for two reasons: one, because he’s the person Beomgyu has to give an answer to anyway; and two, because everybody else is too pissed at him to speak.
秀彬被選中照顧他直到發情期來臨，原因有二：其一，反正他是范奎必須給出答覆的人；其二，其他人都氣到不想跟他說話。

Which he thinks is fair enough.
他覺得這樣很公平。

Soobin brings him food and towels and other things he needs for his pre-heat, but he never lingers long enough for Beomgyu to start a conversation with him, and Beomgyu can’t find the courage to interrupt him as he’s leaving the room.
秀彬會為他帶來食物、毛巾和其他發情期前需要的物品，但從不待得夠久讓杋圭有機會和他交談，而杋圭也始終鼓不起勇氣在秀彬離開房間時叫住他。

Soobin’s avoidance is enough of an answer, isn’t it? If Soobin can’t stand to be around him, then—Soobin joining him for his heat is completely out of the question.
秀彬的閃避已經足夠說明一切了，不是嗎？如果秀彬連待在他身邊都無法忍受，那麼——要秀彬陪他度過發情期根本是天方夜譚。

He hates how commonplace silence has become between them. They’re both talkative people; they used to be able to chat for hours without a single break. Now they can’t even speak a few words to each other.
他厭惡沉默在他們之間變得如此稀鬆平常。他們倆明明都是健談的人；曾經可以連續聊上好幾個小時都不間斷。如今卻連對彼此說幾句話都辦不到。

He takes all his clothes except his boxers off because he’s dangerously close to overheating, then nibbles on his plate of chicken while watching a drama on his laptop. He’s never had a pre-heat before—they don’t happen every time, and all of his heats have started abruptly in full force, for better or for worse—but he finds that it’s rather boring. Especially with the medicine they gave him taking the worst of the actual heat off him, he doesn’t have much to do other than watch TV and stare at his ceiling.
他脫掉身上所有的衣物，只留著內褲，因為他熱得快要中暑了。他一邊啃著盤子裡的雞肉，一邊用筆電追劇。他從來沒有經歷過發情前期——這並非每次都會發生，而且他過去的發情期總是來得又急又猛，無論好壞——但他發現這段等待實在無聊透頂。尤其是醫生開的藥已經緩解了最難熬的發情症狀，現在除了看電視和盯著天花板發呆，他實在沒什麼事可做。

The peace doesn’t last for long, because a few hours later, while he’s drifting in and out of sleep, his entire body seizes with a bone-deep need to be fucked open and he wails.
這份平靜並未持續太久，因為幾小時後，當他在半夢半醒間浮沉時，全身突然被一股深入骨髓的渴望攫住——渴望被徹底佔有——他忍不住啜泣出聲。

Soobin must have been waiting for him, because he’s inside Beomgyu’s room in a flash.
秀彬一定是在等他，因為他瞬間就出現在範奎的房間裡。

“Fuck. Beomgyu?” Soobin rushes to his bedside. His scent, his voice, everything about him—all of it brings Beomgyu relief. He’s safe. He’ll be okay. Soobin is here. “Is it starting?”
「該死。範奎？」秀彬衝到他的床邊。他的氣息、他的聲音，關於他的一切——都讓範奎感到安心。他安全了。他會沒事的。秀彬在這裡。「開始了嗎？」

Beomgyu rolls closer to him, attempting to throw himself against Soobin’s chest. He can’t bring himself to speak. All he can focus on is the sudden need he has for Soobin’s hands on him, his lips on his skin, anything. He needs his alpha. It’s not a want. It’s a need.
範奎滾向他，試圖撲進秀彬的懷裡。他說不出話來。他唯一能專注的，就是突然間對秀彬雙手觸碰的渴望，對秀彬雙唇貼上肌膚的渴求，任何接觸都好。他需要他的 Alpha。這不是想要，而是需要。

He whines.  他抱怨著。

“Oh, god. It’s starting, isn’t it?” Soobin stops Beomgyu from rolling straight off the bed by grabbing his shoulders. “Have—have you decided on what you want to do yet?”
「天啊。要開始了，對吧？」秀彬抓住杋圭的肩膀，阻止他直接滾下床。「你——你決定好要做什麼了嗎？」

For a second he’s not even sure what Soobin is talking about, until he recalls what the doctor said before he was discharged from the hospital: he can either spend his heat with Soobin, or ride it out in unconsciousness.
有一瞬間他甚至不確定秀彬在說什麼，直到他想起出院前醫生說的話：他可以選擇和秀彬一起度過發情期，或是在無意識狀態下熬過去。

Is… Soobin seriously offering the first option?
秀彬……是認真在提供第一個選項嗎？

Is Soobin asking Beomgyu if he wants to spend his heat with him? Because if so—
秀彬是在問杋圭要不要和他一起度過發情期嗎？因為如果是這樣——

“Beomgyu. Beomgyu, hey. You need to listen to me.” Soobin cups his face and Beomgyu’s eyes flutter shut, a deep moan leaving his lips. Soobin’s hands are big and cool and feel just like an ice pack against Beomgyu’s poor overheated cheeks. “Beomgyu.”
「範奎。範奎，嘿。你得聽我說。」秀彬捧著他的臉，範奎的雙眼輕顫閉上，一聲深沉的呻吟從唇間逸出。秀彬的手掌寬大而冰涼，貼在範奎發燙的臉頰上就像冰敷袋般舒適。「範奎。」

“I’m listening,” Beomgyu rasps.
「我在聽。」范奎沙啞地說。

“You need to tell us what you want to do. They can either knock you out for the week and you’ll wake up when it’s over, or… I can help you. But you have to choose now, while you’re still coherent.” Soobin’s thumb brushes along the curve of his cheek.
「你得告訴我們你想怎麼做。他們可以讓你昏迷一整個星期，等一切結束後再醒來，或者…我可以幫你。但你現在就得決定，趁你還清醒的時候。」秀彬的拇指輕撫過他的臉頰曲線。

Beomgyu sighs. “What do you think, hyung?” he asks. He doesn’t have the patience to go back and forth with Soobin like this.
範奎嘆了口氣。「哥，你覺得呢？」他問道。他沒有耐心跟秀彬這樣來回爭執。

He’s in heat because of Soobin, smelling like sugar because of Soobin, leaking slick everywhere because of Soobin.
他發情是因為秀彬，渾身散發甜膩氣味是因為秀彬，四處滲出黏滑體液也是因為秀彬。

The only choice to be made here is from Soobin. Not him.
這裡唯一需要做出選擇的人是秀彬。不是他。

Soobin bites his lip. Beomgyu’s pupils dilate, watching his teeth sink into the skin, his vision honing in on Soobin’s canines, his mind reeling while imagining the sensation of just how sharp they’d be against his throat.
秀彬咬住下唇。範奎的瞳孔擴張，盯著牙齒陷入唇肉的畫面，視線聚焦在秀彬的犬齒上，腦海裡翻騰著想像——那對尖牙抵住自己喉嚨時會有多鋒利。

It’s beginning to smell like a fucking whorehouse in here, with how wet Beomgyu is getting, waiting for Soobin to hurry and do something. The longer Soobin has his hands on him, the more he leaks.
這裡開始散發出他媽的妓院氣味，因為范奎已經濕得一塌糊塗，等著秀彬快點做點什麼。秀彬的手在他身上停留得越久，他就流得越多。

“You have to say it in words,” Soobin says, hoarsely. “You need to actually say it, Beomgyu. I can’t assume.”
「你得用說的，」秀彬沙啞地說道。「必須親口說出來，范奎。我不能擅自揣測。」

Beomgyu’s eyes flicker back up to Soobin’s. They’re dark and hooded, completely unreadable to him. No trace of fear nor happiness. The lack of emotion makes it easier to tell the truth. Soobin won’t give him a reaction either way.
范奎的目光再次對上秀彬的雙眼。那雙眼睛深邃而低垂，對他來說完全無法解讀。既沒有恐懼，也沒有快樂的痕跡。這種情感的缺失反而讓說出真相變得更容易。反正秀彬也不會給他任何反應。

He might as well be honest out loud for once. Soobin already knows. Beomgyu knows he knows. He’s known for a while, since Soobin stopped speaking to him—but now the evidence is tangible and there’s no option of denial.
他不如就誠實一次吧。反正炫彬早就知道了。範奎也清楚他知道。自從炫彬不再跟他說話，他就已經明白——但現在證據確鑿，連否認的餘地都沒有。

“I want you,” Beomgyu whispers, and nuzzles into Soobin’s touch.
「我要你。」範奎低語，蹭向秀彬的撫觸。

Even the words I want you said out loud can’t convey the desire Beomgyu feels. But it’s close enough. It’s better this way; if Soobin understood the depths of Beomgyu’s love, he’s sure the alpha would run off in the other direction, terrified. Beomgyu is terrified of himself sometimes.
就連我想大聲說出的那些話語，也無法完全傳達范奎內心的渴望。但這樣已經足夠接近了。這樣反而更好；要是秀彬真正理解范奎愛得有多深，他確信這位 Alpha 肯定會嚇得轉身就跑。有時候，范奎連自己都感到害怕。

Soobin draws back. He’s careful not to show too much; even his scent is muted. “Okay. I’ll be back in a few minutes, alright? I promise. I just need to—I need to grab some stuff. And talk to some people. And sign some papers. And then we can…” He trails off.
秀彬往後退了一步。他小心翼翼地不流露太多情緒，連信息素都刻意壓抑著。「好。我幾分鐘後就回來，可以嗎？我保證。我只是需要——我得去拿些東西。還要跟一些人談談。簽些文件。然後我們就能……」他的話語逐漸消失在空氣中。

“Okay.”  「好。」

“I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”
「我馬上回來。別動。」

He finds it funny that Soobin always says that to him. It’s not as if Beomgyu can go anywhere. Both literally and metaphorically.
他覺得好笑，秀彬總是對他這麼說。反正玟圭哪兒也去不了，無論是字面上還是比喻上都是如此。

Soobin pulls off his hoodie and passes it to Beomgyu, presumably to tide him over until he returns, then practically sprints out of the room. He trips over his own feet and almost crashes straight into the wall.
秀彬脫下連帽衫遞給范奎，大概是讓他先撐著等自己回來，接著幾乎是用衝的跑出房間。他絆到自己的腳，差點直接撞上牆壁。

Beomgyu would laugh watching if he wasn’t so close to breaking down. The moment Soobin is out of sight, he collapses. The only lifeline he has is Soobin’s hoodie.
如果 Beomgyu 不是瀕臨崩潰，他可能會笑著看這一切。Soobin 一離開視線，他就垮了下來。他唯一的救命稻草就是 Soobin 的連帽衫。

Just like his first heat.
就像他的第一次發情期一樣。

By the time Soobin returns, he’s shed all his clothes and rolled onto his stomach in a desperate attempt to get some friction on his cock. He literally feels when Soobin enters—the air thickens and suddenly the room grows so much hotter. He didn’t even know that was possible.
當秀彬回來時，他已經脫光了所有衣服，趴臥著絕望地試圖讓自己的陰莖獲得些許摩擦。他真切地感受到秀彬進入的那一刻——空氣變得濃稠，房間突然變得更加燥熱。他甚至不知道這竟然可能發生。

Soobin kneels down on the bed behind him. The mattress dips under their weight and he rolls Beomgyu over onto his back so they can look at each other. Beomgyu can’t focus on anything, his vision blurred by tears.
秀彬在他身後跪上床墊。床墊因他們的重量而下陷，他將范奎翻轉成仰躺姿勢，好讓他們能看著彼此。范奎無法集中注意力，淚水模糊了他的視線。

“What do you want?” Soobin whispers.
「你想要什麼？」秀彬低聲問道。

“You,” Beomgyu answers, like he wanted to the first time Soobin asked him, months ago in the hotel in Tokyo.
「你，」范奎回答，就像幾個月前在東京飯店裡，當秀彬第一次問他時，他就想這麼說的那樣。

Soobin laughs gently. His hands roam down Beomgyu’s body, over his waist and then his stomach. The muscles in his tummy tense when touched, and he arches against Soobin’s palms.
秀彬輕聲笑了。他的手在范奎身上游移，掠過腰際然後來到腹部。當被觸碰時，他腹部的肌肉繃緊，整個人往秀彬的掌心弓起身子。

“You need to be more specific, pup,” Soobin says. “I… I don’t know what I’m doing either, so.”
「你得說得更清楚點，小傢伙，」秀彬說道。「我…其實我也不知道自己在幹嘛，所以。」

“... Do you really want to hear the answer?” Beomgyu asks, one last time, just to be sure.
「...你真的想聽答案嗎？」范奎最後一次問道，只為了確認。

“Of course I do,” Soobin breathes out. “I want to help you. It’s—this is my fault. I’ll help you. Just tell me what you need.”
「我當然願意，」秀彬輕聲說道。「我想幫你。這——這是我的錯。我會幫你的。告訴我你需要什麼。」

“I need you in me.” Beomgyu licks his lips and withholds a whimper as Soobin holds onto him tighter, hearing his words. “I’m so empty, hyung.”
「我需要你在我裡面。」范奎舔了舔嘴唇，在聽到秀彬的話後，他強忍住嗚咽，而秀彬將他摟得更緊。「我好空虛，哥。」

“God,” Soobin mutters. His eyes roam over Beomgyu’s body, bare and flushed from head to toe. Beomgyu’s skin erupts into goosebumps under his gaze. “God. Beomgyu…”
「天啊，」秀彬低語。他的目光掃過范奎赤裸的身軀，從頭到腳都泛著紅暈。范奎的肌膚在他的注視下泛起雞皮疙瘩。「天啊...范奎...」

He sounds so affected already and Beomgyu moans, not resisting as Soobin parts his thighs. Soobin’s fingers dance along his inner thighs, smearing slick across his skin. The heat in Beomgyu’s stomach is coiled so tight already, moments away from snapping.
他聽起來已經如此動情，而范奎呻吟著，沒有反抗當秀彬分開他的雙腿。秀彬的手指在他大腿內側游移，將濕滑塗抹在他的肌膚上。范奎腹中的熱度已經緊繃到極限，隨時可能崩潰。

He squeezes his eyes shut, his breathing coming out laboured and wet. The words tumble out of him, not of his own volition, “I want you. Hyung, please. I want you. I want you so bad, I want—”
他緊閉雙眼，呼吸沉重而濕潤。話語不受控制地從他口中傾瀉而出：「我想要你。哥，求你了。我想要你。我太想要你了，我想要——」

It really is such a poor substitute for how badly he needs Soobin’s cock in him. In his mind, he thinks he might die without Soobin’s knot. It’s that bad.
這真的只是個糟糕的替代品，他多麼需要 Soobin 的陰莖進入體內。在腦海中，他覺得沒有 Soobin 的結可能會死。情況就是這麼糟。

“I’ve got you,” Soobin reassures him. Two of his fingers, so blissfully long and thick, slide home, and Beomgyu gasps. “I’ve got you, Beomgyu.”
「我抓住你了，」秀彬安撫他。那兩根手指，又長又粗，愉悅地滑入，範奎倒抽一口氣。「我抓住你了，範奎。」

And he does.  而他確實這麼做了。

It should feel clinical; Soobin is helping him purely because the only other option is drugging Beomgyu into unconsciousness, and that isn’t exactly a legitimate choice for somebody like Soobin, who takes everything as a personal responsibility. Soobin may have chosen this option, but it wasn’t his choice.
這應該感覺很公式化；秀彬純粹是因為別無選擇才幫他，唯一的替代方案就是讓杋圭服藥昏迷，而對秀彬這種把一切都當成個人責任的人來說，那根本不算正當選項。秀彬或許選了這個方案，但這並非出於他的本意。

He’s so good at faking it, though. He seems to know exactly what Beomgyu needs, how to run his fingers across and inside Beomgyu’s body to mimic the way Beomgyu’s always dreamed of Soobin fucking him.
不過他真的很擅長假裝。他似乎完全知道范奎需要什麼，知道該如何用手指在范奎身上游走、進入他的身體，完美模仿出范奎一直夢想著被秀彬上的樣子。

He comes three times before Soobin even gets inside him properly, and then another time as Soobin’s cock pushes in, Beomgyu on his hands and knees and Soobin’s chest pressed to his back.
范鈞還沒真正進入他體內，他就已經高潮了三次，接著當范鈞的陰莖頂入時，他又來了一次——此刻的範奎四肢著地，范鈞的胸膛緊貼著他的背脊。

“So tight,” Soobin murmurs against his nape. “Gotta loosen up, baby. You need to let me in.”
「好緊，」秀彬貼著他的頸後低語。「放鬆點，寶貝。你得讓我進去。」

Soobin is so big, he’s so fucking big, and Beomgyu’s eyes roll back into his head in pure bliss before he goes completely limp. One of Soobin’s hands on his nape, holding him down, and the other on his hip. Soobin shifts, dragging his cock out just enough to shove back in after a second, and Beomgyu’s legs twitch from pleasure.
秀彬的尺寸太大了，他媽的大得驚人，範奎在極樂中翻起白眼，隨後完全癱軟。秀彬一手按著他的後頸，將他壓制，另一手則扶在他的腰際。秀彬挪動身子，先將性器抽出些許，停頓片刻後又猛然頂入，範奎的雙腿因快感而顫慄。

Soobin presses a kiss to the top of his spine and Beomgyu shudders, digging his nails so deep into the mattress he leaves marks on his sheets.
秀彬在他的脊椎頂端印下一吻，杋圭顫抖著，指甲深深掐進床墊，在床單上留下痕跡。

It takes all his energy to stay present, to focus on memorising how fucking perfect it all is: Soobin splitting him open, pushing in deeper and deeper, the bed rattling beneath them from the force of Soobin’s thrusts.
他耗盡全力才能保持清醒，專注記住這該死完美的一切：秀彬將他徹底打開，不斷深入再深入，床鋪在秀彬衝撞的力道下嘎吱作響。

If there’s one thing he’s learned from this entire ordeal, it’s that he needs to savour every moment.
若說這段煎熬讓他學到什麼，那就是必須細細品味每個當下。

Somewhere along the way, Soobin flips him onto his back again, and fuck, Beomgyu has never seen anything more beautiful than Soobin over him and inside him at the same time, his huge cock nestled deep inside Beomgyu, his large hands tight around Beomgyu’s waist, his black hair matted with sweat to his temples. Beomgyu loves him so much.
不知何時，秀彬又將他翻了過來。該死，對玟奎而言，此刻壓在他身上、同時深深埋入他體內的秀彬簡直美得令人窒息——那根巨物在他體內深處抽送，寬大的手掌緊掐著他的腰際，黑色髮絲因汗水黏附在太陽穴旁。玟奎愛死他了。

“Alpha,” he pants. Soobin’s eyes snap towards his face from where he was staring at his own cock reentering Beomgyu. “Soobinnie hyung.”
「Alpha，」他喘息著。秀彬的目光從盯著自己再次進入範奎的性器上猛然轉向他的臉。「秀彬哥。」

“I’m here,” Soobin reassures him. He leans over to kiss Beomgyu’s forehead, practically folding Beomgyu in half to do so. His cock drives in so deep it makes Beomgyu’s toes curl.
「我在這。」秀彬安撫他，傾身親吻范奎的額頭，幾乎將他對折才能做到。他的陰莖插入得如此之深，讓范奎的腳趾都蜷曲起來。

“Knot me,” he begs. It’s not a demand so much as a question. He’s not sure what he would do if Soobin said no, though. “I need to be full of you. I need…” The tip of Soobin’s cock drags along his insides and he keens, choking out, “Need your knot. I need your knot. Hyung…”
「綁住我，」他哀求道。這與其說是命令，不如說是疑問。但他不確定如果秀彬拒絕的話，自己會做出什麼事。「我需要被你填滿。我需要……」秀彬的性器頂端劃過他的內壁，讓他發出高亢的呻吟，哽咽道：「需要你的結。我需要你的結。哥……」

Soobin groans. “You will be,” he promises. He finds Beomgyu’s hand and laces their fingers together, over Beomgyu’s stomach. “I’m going to fill you up so good, baby. I promise. Can’t wait to see you all round and fucked out. You’re so pretty.” He rolls his hips and Beomgyu gasps, drool slipping out from between his lips. “You’re so pretty. God, you’re perfect for me, aren’t you? My pretty, perfect omega. Gonna fuck you until you pass out, just like you deserve.”
秀彬呻吟著。「你會是的，」他承諾道。他找到范奎的手，在范奎的腹部上方與他十指交扣。「我會把你餵得飽飽的，寶貝。我保證。等不及要看你被幹得渾身圓潤的樣子了。你真美。」他擺動臀部，范奎喘息著，唾液從唇間滑落。「你真美。天啊，你簡直是為我而生的，對吧？我可愛又完美的 Omega。我要幹到你昏過去，這是你應得的。」

He’s rambling, and even now, Beomgyu has enough presence of mind to think, he’s so cute.
他絮絮叨叨的，即使到了現在，范奎仍有足夠的清醒想著：他真可愛。

And then, I love him. Because that’s what follows the first thought, always and forever.
然後，我愛他。因為這就是緊接在第一個念頭之後的，永遠都是如此。

Soobin knots him at the same time he spoons him, both his arms squeezed around Beomgyu’s middle. Beomgyu sighs happily, feeling Soobin’s cock fatten up inside him. It’s so much better than how he dreamed of it being. And he already thought it would be perfect.
秀彬一邊用湯匙式擁抱環住范奎的腰際，一邊將他繫緊。范奎滿足地嘆息，感受著秀彬在他體內逐漸脹大的炙熱。這比夢境中想像的還要美好許多——而他原本以為那已經夠完美了。

“You still here with me?” Soobin questions. His knot has gone down, but his cock is still pulsing inside Beomgyu, half-hard.
「你還在我身邊嗎？」秀彬問道。他的結已經消退，但陰莖仍半硬著，在範奎體內脈動。

“Mm.”  「嗯。」

The incessant need in him has receded, satisfied for now. He’s not sleepy exactly, but he’s not entirely awake anymore either.
他體內那股無止盡的渴望已經消退，暫時得到了滿足。他算不上睏，但也並非完全清醒。

“Can I tell you something?” Soobin presses his lips to the crown of Beomgyu’s head, his nose buried in Beomgyu’s hair. Soobin’s warm breath fans out over the back of Beomgyu’s neck with every intake of air, and he shivers.
「我可以跟你說件事嗎？」秀彬將唇貼上杋圭的頭頂，鼻尖埋進他的髮絲間。每次呼吸，秀彬溫熱的氣息都會拂過杋圭後頸，惹得他微微顫抖。

“Mm.”  「嗯。」

“I’m really happy,” Soobin says, softly, quietly, like he’s divulging some dark secret. “This is a really shitty situation, but I’m still happy. I guess that makes me selfish.”
「我真的很開心，」秀彬輕聲說道，彷彿在透露某個黑暗的秘密。「這情況糟透了，但我還是很開心。我想這代表我很自私吧。」

He shifts, and it stirs his cock inside Beomgyu, sending a bolt of heat down his spine. Beomgyu groans in delight.
他動了動，那根在範奎體內的東西隨之攪動，一股熱流竄下他的脊椎。範奎愉悅地呻吟出聲。

“W—Why?” Beomgyu asks, breathless. “Why are you happy, I mean?” He’s doing his best to keep the conversation going, but Soobin’s cock, thick within him, makes a prominent case for him to keep getting distracted.
「為、為什麼？」范奎氣喘吁吁地問道。「我是說，你為什麼這麼高興？」他努力想讓對話繼續下去，但秀彬那根埋在他體內的粗大陰莖，卻讓他不斷分心。

“I’ve dreamt of this for so long.”
「我夢見這一刻已經好久了。」

That admittance brings Beomgyu’s thoughts back to the present quite quickly.
這個承認讓范奎的思緒迅速回到了當下。

“... What?”  「...什麼？」

He swallows, unsure of what else to say, what to do with the information Soobin just offered up. It could be the effects of all the pheromones between them and his own muddled mind facing Beomgyu’s heat—but he sounds sincere that Beomgyu reconsiders.
他嚥了嚥口水，不確定該說些什麼，也不知道該如何處理秀彬剛剛透露的訊息。或許是因為彼此間交織的費洛蒙，又或許是他面對范奎發情期時混亂的思緒——但秀彬聽起來如此真誠，讓范奎不禁重新思考。

Soobin says nothing more and instead wraps his hand around Beomgyu’s cock, pumping him to the slow, steady pace of his thrusts as he begins to move again.
秀彬沒再多說什麼，只是用手環握住范奎的陰莖，隨著自己再次開始抽插的緩慢而穩定的節奏，替他上下擼動。

There’s a gentle hand in Beomgyu’s hair and a purr already rumbling in his chest when he opens his eyes.
范奎睜開眼時，有隻溫柔的手正撫過他的髮絲，而他胸口已傳來滿足的呼嚕聲。

“Hey,” Soobin greets. Beomgyu is surrounded by him. His blankets and pillow and scent and even the air. It’s all him. Beomgyu tries to sit himself up on his elbows, but his muscles give out instantly.
「嘿，」秀彬打招呼道。範奎被他包圍著。他的毯子、枕頭、氣味，甚至空氣。全都是他。範奎試圖用手肘撐起身子，但肌肉立刻使不上力。

“Soobin,” he rasps. His voice is so tiny, and he can’t seem to project it any louder.
「秀彬，」他沙啞地低語。聲音微弱得幾乎聽不見，似乎怎麼也無法提高音量。

“Shh.” Soobin gently pushes him back down. “Your heat finally broke. You need to eat.”
「噓。」秀彬輕柔地將他按回床上。「你的發情期終於結束了。你得吃點東西。」

Beomgyu’s mouth is painfully dry. It makes it difficult to speak, but he manages, “How long was it?”
杋圭的嘴巴乾得發疼。這讓他說話變得困難，但他還是勉強開口：「持續多久了？」

He has a vague recollection of what happened, but it’s all hazy. Like looking through a tinted window. The images flicker in and out and he’s not entirely sure what were dreams and what actually happened.
他對發生的事只有模糊的印象，一切都朦朦朧朧的。就像隔著一扇有色玻璃窗看出去，畫面忽明忽暗，他分不清哪些是夢境、哪些是真實發生過的事。

The last thing he can fully recall is Soobin telling him how happy he was. Fucking Beomgyu through his heat.
他最後能完整記得的，是秀彬告訴他自己有多快樂。在發情期裡狠狠操了范奎。

He’s still not sure what to do with those words.
他至今仍不知該如何面對那些話。

Soobin pulls a carton of fruit off the bedside table and sits it on his lap. It’s only after Beomgyu has eaten his first strawberry that Soobin answers, “Five days. You barely slept or ate. It was… rough.”
秀彬從床頭櫃拿起一盒水果放在腿上。直到范奎吃完第一顆草莓後，秀彬才回答：「五天。你幾乎沒睡也沒吃。那段時間...很煎熬。」

“Oh,” is all Beomgyu can think to say.
「喔。」范奎只能擠出這個回應。

Five days. That’s a long time for a heat. The most Beomgyu has had before this was three.
五天。對發情期來說太長了。范奎之前最多只有三天。

Soobin feeds him diligently, pressing the strawberries to Beomgyu’s lips, purposely avoiding touching him with his fingers. Beomgyu imagines himself reaching out and lapping the juices off Soobin’s hand; he imagines himself sucking on Soobin’s fingers and looking up at him the same way he did when he sucked his dick last night.
秀彬細心地餵著他，將草莓輕抵在范奎唇邊，刻意避免讓手指碰觸到他。范奎幻想自己伸手舔去秀彬手上的果汁；他幻想自己含住秀彬的手指，用昨晚替他口交時同樣的眼神仰望著他。

But he can also imagine Soobin pulling away, getting flustered and leaving Beomgyu alone, so he doesn’t chance it.
但他也能想像秀彬會退縮、慌亂地離開范奎，讓他獨自一人，所以他不敢冒這個險。

Even now, he’s scared. Even after what Soobin said. Especially after what Soobin said.
直到現在，他依然感到害怕。即使在聽完秀彬那番話之後。特別是聽完秀彬那番話之後。

The strawberry melts on his tongue, and it takes a while for him to swallow it, lost in thought. He doesn’t understand why Soobin would say something like that. Why Soobin would reveal something so personal so late—weeks after he stopped speaking to him?
草莓在他舌尖融化，他出神地咀嚼許久才嚥下。他不明白秀彬為何要說那樣的話。為何要在斷聯數週後——直到現在才揭露如此私密的心事？

He understands the implications of Soobin’s words. But he doesn’t understand why he would say it only now.
他明白秀彬那番話的弦外之音。卻不懂為何偏偏選在此刻坦白。

“Beomgyu…”  「范奎...」

The last strawberry passes in between Beomgyu’s lips. He chews and swallows it slowly, buying himself time to find the courage to say, “Hyung.”
最後一顆草莓滑入范奎的唇間。他緩慢地咀嚼吞嚥，為自己爭取時間積攢勇氣開口：「哥。」

Soobin falters. Beomgyu has never seen him like this before, not around Beomgyu. Hands restless, leg shaking, eyes flickering everywhere but Beomgyu’s. He’s nervous.
秀彬明顯動搖了。范奎從未見過他這副模樣，至少在自己面前不曾如此。雙手不安分地動著，腿不停抖動，眼神四處游移就是不敢看向范奎。他在緊張。

Nervous around Beomgyu. Is that how far they’ve fallen? Soobin once said that Beomgyu was the only person he’s truly comfortable with. Beomgyu would have said the same if they’d asked him.
在范奎面前緊張。他們之間的關係竟已疏遠至此？秀彬曾說過范奎是唯一能讓他真正放鬆的人。若有人問起，范奎也會這麼回答。

But that was before they fucked during Beomgyu’s heat, caused by two years of them flirting on and off.
但那都是在發情期失控交合之前的事了——這場意外源於他們兩年來若即若離的曖昧關係。

“You knew and didn’t tell me,” Soobin says, accusatory, and Beomgyu bristles even though he knows Soobin has the right to be upset with him. “I know you weren’t aware of the extent of it, but you—you knew something was going on. Because of me. And you didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you tell me?”
「你明明知道卻不告訴我。」秀彬語帶指控地說，儘管範奎明白秀彬有理由對他生氣，他還是忍不住豎起防備。「我知道你不清楚事情的全貌，但你——你確實知道有什麼事正在發生。因為我。而你卻沒告訴我。你為什麼不告訴我？」

Because I’m a fucking coward, he snaps in his head.
因為我是個該死的懦夫，他在心裡怒吼。

“I don’t know,” he says out loud, automatically. The default answer to everything.
「我不知道，」他不假思索地脫口而出。這是他對所有問題的標準答案。

“You don’t know,” Soobin repeats in disbelief.
「你不知道？」秀彬難以置信地重複道。

Beomgyu shrugs. Now he sees why Soobin waited until he was finished with the strawberries to talk. Beomgyu has nothing to pretend to be busy with any longer, and all he can do is pick at his nails nervously.
范奎聳了聳肩。現在他明白為什麼秀彬要等到他吃完草莓才開口談話了。范奎已經沒有假裝忙碌的藉口，只能緊張地摳著自己的指甲。

“Beomgyu,” Soobin says, firmly. Beomgyu’s head snaps up, his eyes going wide.
「范奎，」秀彬堅定地說。范奎猛地抬起頭，雙眼睜大。

It’s not how he normally speaks to Beomgyu. Soobin isn’t a genius, but he has street smarts, and he’s smart enough to know how to leverage his voice so it doesn’t trigger Beomgyu’s instinct to submit and listen.
這不是他平常對待范奎的說話方式。秀彬雖非天才，但懂得人情世故，他足夠聰明知道如何運用聲線，才不會觸發范奎順從聽話的本能。

He isn’t exercising that knowledge right now.
此刻他卻沒有運用這份認知。

Right now, he’s acting like Beomgyu’s alpha.
此刻，他正以范奎的 alpha 姿態行事。

Consciously. On purpose. With full knowledge of what he does to Beomgyu.
刻意為之。蓄意而為。完全清楚自己對范奎造成的影響。

“What?” Beomgyu snaps, and it comes out harsher than he meant for it to. But he can’t help it. His stomach is doing flips, happy flips, his body thrumming with the satisfaction of being acknowledged by his alpha after so long.
「什麼？」范奎脫口而出，語氣比他預期的還要尖銳。但他控制不住——他的胃正快樂地翻騰著，身體因終於被他的 Alpha 認可而滿足地顫動。

“I could’ve been helping you this entire time if—if you’d just told me,” Soobin says. He curls his hands into fists in his lap. “Why would you suffer alone?” He repeats the same words Kai told him last week.
「如果你早點告訴我，我就能一直幫你了。」秀彬說道，雙手在膝上握成拳頭。「為什麼要一個人受苦？」他重複著上週凱伊對他說過的同樣的話。

Beomgyu swallows the lump in his throat. Tries to, anyway. He fails.
Beomgyu 嚥下喉頭的硬塊。至少他試過了。但他失敗了。

“Nothing is worth losing you, hyung,” he says, like it’s obvious. Which it is. It should be. “What if I told you and you thought I was creepy?”
「沒有什麼比失去你更糟了，哥，」他說得理所當然。確實如此。本該如此。「要是我告訴你，你覺得我很噁心怎麼辦？」

“Why the fuck would I think you were creepy?”
「我他媽怎麼會覺得你噁心？」

“Having your supposed best friend so obsessed with you he sends himself into heat…” Beomgyu chuckles dryly. He’s misrepresenting himself a bit here, because in no way is he simply obsessed with Soobin, but the core of it is true. “How is that not creepy?”
「你所謂最好的朋友對你痴迷到發情...」范奎乾笑幾聲。這話有點扭曲事實，因為他對秀彬絕不僅僅是痴迷，但核心倒也沒錯。「這樣還不夠噁心嗎？」

“Because you—” Soobin sounds utterly baffled. “What do you think has been happening the past few months?”
「因為你——」秀彬聽起來完全一頭霧水。「你覺得過去幾個月發生什麼事了？」

“You’ve been ignoring me?” If Soobin tries to argue against that, no way is Beomgyu going to back down without a fight. Regardless of Soobin’s intentions, he hasn’t given Beomgyu the time of the day in weeks.
「你一直在躲我？」如果秀彬試圖反駁，范奎絕對不會輕易退讓。無論秀彬的本意為何，他已經好幾週沒給范奎任何關注了。

Soobin huffs, “Well, yes, but—I was only ignoring you because I thought you thought I was creepy.”
秀彬嘆了口氣，「嗯，是這樣沒錯，但——我躲你只是因為我以為你覺得我很噁心。」

Beomgyu stares at him blankly. It’s not that he doesn’t know what to say, because he does—What the fuck?—but he’s so shocked the words won’t come out.
范奎茫然地盯著他。不是因為他不知道該說什麼，而是因為他太震驚了——幹你娘——那些話卡在喉嚨裡說不出口。

Soobin notices his lack of ability to speak and continues, mumbling, “I thought… after what happened in Tokyo, you knew how I felt and were too nice to tell me to fuck off—”
秀彬注意到自己說不出話來，便繼續咕噥著：「我以為...在東京發生那件事後，你懂我的感受，又不好意思直接叫我滾——」

Beomgyu finally regains the ability to speak so he can say, “What the fuck would give you that idea?”
范奎終於找回說話的能力，脫口而出：「你他媽怎麼會有這種想法？」

“I asked you if you wanted anything else and you said no, I said I loved you and—”
「我問你還想要什麼，你說沒有，我說我愛你然後——」

“And I said I love you back!” Beomgyu hisses.
「然後我也說了我愛你！」范奎咬牙切齒地低吼。

“Well, you weren’t very clear about how you meant it—”
「呃，你當時也沒說清楚你的意思——」

“You could have just asked!”
「你明明可以直接問我啊！」

Soobin levels him with a glare. “I was scared too, Beomgyu,” he says, and then his shoulders slump. Beomgyu’s heart instantly softens. “I’d asked you and you said no. I wasn’t about to ask you for a second time—because if I got things wrong, what would you have done? Pulled away from me anyway? I tried to let things continue normally after that, but…” He inhales sharply. “Having you around all the time with my scent on you…”
秀彬瞪了他一眼。「我也很害怕好嗎，范奎，」他說，接著肩膀垮了下來。范奎的心立刻軟了。「我問過你，但你拒絕了。我哪敢再問第二次——萬一我搞錯了，你會怎麼做？直接疏遠我嗎？之後我試著讓一切如常，但是……」他深吸一口氣。「整天看著你帶著我的氣味在身邊晃來晃去……」

Something warm seizes Beomgyu’s heart. “Was it that difficult, hyung?” he teases.
一股暖意攫住了范奎的心。「有那麼難嗎，哥？」他調侃道。

“Yeah,” Soobin responds, seriously. “It was.”
「是啊，」秀彬認真地回答。「確實是這樣。」

Beomgyu inches closer until he’s right in front of Soobin.
杋圭慢慢靠近，直到站在秀彬面前。

It seems inconceivable that Soobin has been suffering this entire time, just as Beomgyu has.
難以置信的是，Soobin 一直以來也像 Beomgyu 一樣承受著痛苦。

“I knew you liked me, but—” Soobin’s lower lip snags in between his teeth, as it always does when he’s nervous, and Beomgyu wants to kiss him so badly. “The way you acted, how distant you were… I thought you just didn’t want to pursue it. Or it was in like a—an alpha and omega way—”
「我知道你喜歡我，但是——」秀彬的下唇又像往常緊張時那樣被牙齒咬住，讓範奎忍不住想狠狠吻上去。「你表現得那麼疏遠...我還以為你根本不想發展下去。或者這只是某種——阿爾法和歐米伽之間的關係——」

Beomgyu laughs hysterically, “‘An alpha and omega way’?”
範奎歇斯底里地笑了，「『阿爾法和歐米伽的關係』？」

Soobin’s cheeks go red. “You know what I mean.”
秀彬的臉頰瞬間漲紅。「你知道我的意思。」

“No, I don’t. Tell me, hyung.” Beomgyu can’t help joking with him. His heart is about to burst from pure joy.
「不，我聽不懂。告訴我嘛，哥。」範奎忍不住逗他。滿溢的喜悅讓他的心臟幾乎要炸開。

If this is a dream, he better wake up now, before he’s irrevocably fucked up by how real it all feels. How it is to finally have his hopes fulfilled.
如果這是一場夢，他最好現在就醒來，免得被這一切真實的感受徹底搞砸。終於實現希望的滋味竟是如此。

“I didn’t know if it was just my scent, or,” Soobin stammers, “you’re acting like this is my fault when you weren’t exactly clear either!” He jabs Beomgyu’s chest with his index finger and Beomgyu giggles.
「我不知道這是不是只是我的味道，還是，」秀彬結結巴巴地說，「你表現得好像這是我的錯，但你也沒說清楚啊！」他用食指戳了戳范奎的胸口，范奎咯咯笑了起來。

“No omega is going to walk around wearing your shit unless they’re in love with you, hyung. Your taste in hoodies sucks.”
「沒有哪個 Omega 會穿著你的破衣服到處走，除非他們愛上你了，哥。你對連帽衫的品味爛透了。」

“Fuck, sometimes you make me—” Soobin grabs him by the shoulders and forces Beomgyu to look at him. “You drive me fucking insane, you know that?”
「幹，有時候你真的讓我——」秀彬抓住他的肩膀，強迫范奎看著自己。「你他媽快把我逼瘋了，你知道嗎？」

A smile crosses Beomgyu’s face. “So you’ve said.”
一抹笑意掠過范奎的臉龐。「你是這麼說過。」

Soobin snorts, knocking their foreheads together. They’re so close he can feel Soobin’s breath fan out, over his own lips, every time he exhales.
秀彬輕哼一聲，額頭抵著他的。兩人近得每次秀彬呼氣時，他都能感受到那股氣息拂過自己的唇瓣。

“I hate you sometimes,” Soobin admits. Beomgyu hums. “You frustrate the hell out of me. But god, Beomgyu. I love you so much. Nothing you could do would ever make you lose me.”
「有時候我真討厭你，」秀彬坦承。范奎輕哼回應。「你總能把我氣得半死。但老天，范奎啊，我愛你愛得要命。無論你做什麼，都永遠不會失去我。」

Beomgyu laughs. He doesn’t know what else to do. He laughs because Soobin just said I love you, coming off five straight days of them fucking—four of which Beomgyu can barely remember. He laughs because Soobin is smarter than he seems and yet still too dumb to have made the first move. He laughs because he himself is stupid, maybe even more so than Soobin.
范奎笑了。他不知道還能作何反應。他笑是因為秀彬剛說了「我愛你」，在他們連續纏綿五天後——其中有四天范奎幾乎記不清細節。他笑是因為秀彬比表面看來聰明，卻又蠢得沒能主動踏出第一步。他笑是因為自己也很蠢，或許比秀彬更甚。

He laughs because he loves him and he can finally say it in the way he’s always meant, “I love you too.”
他笑是因為他愛他，終於能用始終想表達的方式說出口：「我也愛你。」

He doesn’t realise he’s crying until Soobin brushes away one of the stray tears. He’s not sobbing, or even crying that hard, but it’s not because he isn’t feeling enough. It’s because he’s feeling too much and he’s too overwhelmed to even cry properly. Soobin holds him close, peppering kisses all over Beomgyu’s face until he whines, ticklish.
直到秀彬輕輕拭去他臉頰上那滴不聽話的淚珠，他才發現自己哭了。他沒有啜泣，甚至稱不上嚎啕大哭，但這並非因為感受不夠深刻——恰恰相反，是洶湧的情緒太過飽滿，滿到他連好好哭泣的餘力都沒有。秀彬將他摟得更緊，細碎的吻像雨點般落在范奎臉上，直到怕癢的他發出抗議的嗚咽。

It’s all out in the open now. There’s no choice to make other than the final one.
現在一切都攤在陽光下了。除了最後的選擇，別無他法。

“Take my first kiss?” Beomgyu requests, pursing his lips cutely.
「要我的初吻嗎？」范奎可愛地噘起嘴請求道。

Soobin raises a brow at him. “How do you know we didn’t kiss already and you just forgot?”
秀彬挑眉看著他。「你怎麼知道我們沒接過吻，只是你忘了？」

Beomgyu rolls his eyes. “I know you, hyung. You’re too much of a gentleman.”
范奎翻了個白眼。「我了解你，哥。你太紳士了。」

Soobin laughs, shaking his head, and then kisses him.
秀彬笑著搖搖頭，然後吻了他。

Five days after he fucked Beomgyu through his heat, two years after Beomgyu presented, five years after Beomgyu fell in love with him, and Beomgyu thinks, finally: he’s mine.
在他讓范奎度過發情期的五天後，在范奎分化完成的兩年後，在范奎愛上他的五年後，范奎終於心想：他是我的了。

Beomgyu writes a whole apology to the other three before he leaves his room again, two days later. It’s barely comprehensible, and he cries halfway through, but he somehow gets it all out before Kai tackles him.
兩天後，當范奎再次踏出房門前，他寫了整篇道歉信給另外三位成員。內容幾乎語無倫次，寫到一半還哭了出來，但在被 Kai 撲倒前，他總算勉強把信寫完了。

“Hyung,” Kai sniffles. “I wasn’t mad at you. I was just worried.”
「哥，」凱伊吸了吸鼻子。「我沒有生你的氣，我只是很擔心。」

Taehyun hums in agreement. “I was afraid we’d have to intervene for real.”
泰賢輕哼一聲表示同意。「我還真怕我們得來真的。」

“No more hiding things?” Yeonjun makes Beomgyu promise.
「不再隱瞞任何事了？」然竣要范奎承諾。

Beomgyu nods, entwining his pinky finger with Yeonjun’s. They shake on it.
范奎點點頭，用小指勾住然竣的手指。他們就此約定。

Soobin smiles at him from over Yeonjun’s shoulder, and later, after thoroughly smothering Beomgyu in his scent and his kisses, laughs at him. “No more hiding things, huh?”
秀彬從然竣肩後對他微笑，後來在徹底用氣味和親吻淹沒范奎後，笑著調侃他：「不再隱瞞任何事了，嗯？」

“What is that supposed to mean?” Beomgyu pouts.
「這是什麼意思？」范奎噘起嘴。

Soobin tugs down the collar of Beomgyu’s shirt, low enough to reveal the dip underneath his collarbone, where Soobin bit him last night. The mark has faded into a thin scar, and it tingles when Soobin grazes a finger over it.
秀彬拉下范奎的衣領，低到能露出鎖骨下方的凹陷處——昨晚秀彬在那裡咬了一口。咬痕已褪成一道細疤，當秀彬用手指輕撫時，那裡仍會微微發麻。

“If I’m hiding it, that means you’re hiding it too,” Beomgyu grumbles. He’s not hiding it. He just didn’t think that his apology was the time he should bring it up. Besides, he has a feeling they’ll figure it out before he can tell them.
「如果我隱瞞這件事，那代表你也在隱瞞。」范奎咕噥道。他並沒有隱瞞。他只是覺得道歉的場合不適合提起這件事。再說，他感覺在能開口前他們就會發現了。

“I never said I wasn’t,” Soobin hums, lips dragging up Beomgyu’s throat. “I am. Just for a little while… I want this for only us.”
「我可沒說我不是。」秀彬低聲哼著，雙唇沿著杋圭的頸部游移。「我是。就這麼一會兒……我只想我們獨享這一刻。」

Beomgyu’s heart flutters dangerously.
范奎的心跳危險地加速。

“You’re an asshole,” he says, and shoves Soobin off.
「你這個混蛋，」他說著，把秀彬推開。

“What?” Soobin topples onto his ass, flicking away the bangs over his eyes. “What did I do?”
「什麼？」秀彬跌坐在地上，撥開眼前的瀏海。「我做錯什麼了？」

“You can’t just say shit like that!” Beomgyu yells, climbing onto his lap. He gives Soobin his best pout, batting his lashes and saying sweetly, “Don’t you know I’m a weak little omega—”
「你不能就這樣亂說話！」范奎大喊，爬到他腿上。他擺出最委屈的噘嘴表情，眨著睫毛甜甜地說：「你難道不知道我是個柔弱的小 Omega——」

Soobin raises a brow at him. “You can lift me up without breaking a sweat. I don’t think you can be considered weak. And you’re only a few centimetres shorter than—”
秀彬挑眉看著他。「你連汗都不用流就能把我舉起來，這樣可不能算弱吧。而且你只比我矮幾公分——」

“I was just in the hospital, my heart could give out at any moment—”
「我才剛出院，我的心臟隨時可能停止——」

“What heart?” Soobin snorts.
「什麼心臟？」秀彬嗤之以鼻。

“Hyung!” Beomgyu whines.  「哥！」範奎哀嚎道。

“Can you guys please shut up? Some of us are trying to be normal, thank you,” Taehyun’s dry voice cuts through their petty argument, all the way from the living room.
「你們能不能閉嘴？我們有些人正試著當個正常人，謝謝。」太顯冷淡的聲音從客廳傳來，打斷了他們幼稚的爭吵。

Beomgyu and Soobin glance at each other, cheeks going red, and then they both laugh.
范奎和秀彬對視一眼，臉頰泛紅，然後兩人都笑了出來。

It doesn’t take long for the other members to find out, and one of them must tell their manager, because he comes storming all frantic and flustered one night, demanding to see Beomgyu’s neck.
其他成員很快就發現了這件事，其中一人肯定告訴了經紀人，因為某天晚上他氣急敗壞地衝進來，堅持要檢查范奎的脖子。

Soobin whistles, pretending to be intensely distracted by his phone. Beomgyu tugs down the collar of his shirt, just above where Soobin’s mark on him is, and smiles dazzlingly, “There’s nothing, see?”
秀彬吹著口哨，假裝專心盯著手機。范奎拉下衣領，剛好露出秀彬在他身上留下的印記位置，燦爛一笑：「什麼都沒有，看到了嗎？」

“Lower, Beomgyu,” their manager scowls, unamused.
「低一點，範奎，」他們的經紀人皺著眉頭說道，一臉不悅。

Beomgyu sighs and pulls it lower. When their manager’s eyes land on the mark, he groans, burying his face in his hands.
範奎嘆了口氣，把衣領拉得更低。當經紀人的目光落在那個印記上時，他哀嚎一聲，把臉埋進手掌裡。

“You two…”  「你們兩個...」

“Hey, it’s better than them never talking again,” Yeonjun pipes up, leaning against Beomgyu’s doorway.
「嘿，總比他們永遠不說話來得好，」然竣靠在範奎門框上插話道。

“He has a point,” Beomgyu agrees sagely.
「他說得有道理，」範奎一臉瞭然地附和。

“Barely,” their manager mutters.
「勉強吧，」經紀人低聲嘟囔。

Beomgyu can’t find it in himself to feel guilty over it, not when he’s so happy. And, as Yeonjun said, it saves them all frustration in the end, so really, it’s a win for everybody.
范奎發現自己對此毫無愧疚感，尤其當他如此快樂時。而且，正如延俊所說，這最終省去了大家的挫折感，所以說真的，這是雙贏的局面。

“Maybe we should send him a gift basket,” Soobin suggests.
「也許我們該送他一個禮物籃。」秀彬提議道。

“A gift basket? Like what, chocolates? He would just give it to us.” Beomgyu sits perched against Soobin’s chest, his laptop sitting in between his legs. They’re looking up gift ideas, obviously—specifically apology gift ideas, because their manager took most of the heat from their company and that Beomgyu does feel a little bad about. “What about something practical? Like… I don’t know. Clothing? Clothing is practical.”
「禮物籃？像是巧克力那種嗎？他大概會直接分給大家吃吧。」杋圭靠在秀彬胸前，筆電擱在雙腿之間。他們正在搜尋禮物靈感——確切來說是道歉禮物，因為經紀人替他們扛下了公司大部分的責難，這讓杋圭確實感到有些過意不去。「不如送點實用的東西？像是...我也不確定。衣服？衣服很實用啊。」

He clicks into the clothing section on the site and scrolls until he finds something half-decent. A padded jacket, 600 USD. Not bad.
他點進網站的服飾區，滑動頁面直到看見還算像樣的款式。一件羽絨外套，600 美元。還不賴。

“You want to get our manager clothing as an apology gift.”
「你想送經紀人衣服當作道歉禮物。」

Beomgyu can’t see Soobin’s face, but he can hear from his tone how unimpressed he is by the idea.
Beomgyu 看不見 Soobin 的臉，但他從對方的語氣就能聽出這個點子有多不討他喜歡。

“Why not? It’s better than chocolates he isn’t going to eat.”
「為什麼不？總比送他不會吃的巧克力好。」

“Right.” Soobin clicks out of the clothing tab for him. Beomgyu rolls his eyes. “He won’t wear it. We both know it. He wears the same two jackets all the time. He hasn’t even worn the one Yeonjun hyung gave him last year.”
「也是。」秀彬幫他關掉服飾分頁。范奎翻了個白眼。「他不會穿的。我們心知肚明。他永遠只穿那兩件外套。連去年賢俊哥送他的那件都沒穿過。」

“Well, you don’t have any better ideas,” he accuses.
「反正你也沒更好的主意。」他指控道。

“Yes, I do. I said we should give him a gift basket.”
「我有啊。我說過該送他禮物籃。」

Beomgyu shoves the laptop aside so he can spin around, his thighs planted on either side of Soobin’s own. He’s still getting used to being able to sit on Soobin’s lap like this, and it fills him with a rush every time.
范奎把筆電推到一旁，好讓自己能轉過身來，雙腿跨坐在秀彬的大腿兩側。他還在適應能這樣坐在秀彬腿上的感覺，每次這麼做都讓他心跳加速。

“That’s not a better idea. That’s just an idea.” He squishes Soobin’s cheeks in his hands.
「那才不是更好的主意。那只是個主意而已。」他用雙手擠壓秀彬的臉頰。

“Stop,” Soobin whines, smacking his hand away, but Beomgyu is relentless, pulling his cheeks apart and laughing at the way his skin stretches. “Gyu, stop.”
「住手啦，」秀彬哀嚎著拍開他的手，但范奎不肯罷休，繼續拉扯他的臉頰，看著皮膚被拉長的樣子大笑。「奎啊，別鬧了。」

“Not until you admit my idea is better!”
「除非你承認我的主意比較好！」

“Why the fuck does that matter?”
「這他媽的有什麼關係？」

Beomgyu scoffs. “Because my idea is better, and I refuse to let you believe anything otherwise.”
杋圭嗤之以鼻。「因為我的主意比較好，而且我絕不會讓你覺得有其他可能。」

Soobin stares him dead in the eyes and they glare at each other for a solid minute before Soobin sighs dramatically and says, “Your idea is terrible and would probably just make him hate us even more.”
秀彬直直盯著他的眼睛，兩人互瞪了整整一分鐘後，秀彬戲劇性地嘆了口氣說：「你的主意爛透了，搞不好只會讓他更討厭我們。」

Beomgyu gasps and grabs the nearest pillow so he can smack Soobin in the face.
杋圭倒抽一口氣，抓起最近的枕頭就往秀彬臉上砸。

“Hey!” Soobin yelps, and snatches up the other pillow, tackling Beomgyu onto the bed.
「喂！」秀彬驚叫一聲，抓起另一個枕頭，把范奎撲倒在床上。

Things devolve pretty quickly from there, and they probably shouldn’t be letting Soobin bite him everywhere when they just got in trouble for that exact reason—but they’re newly mated and have five years of repressed sexual tension built up, so who can blame them?
事情很快就變得一發不可收拾，他們明明才因為同樣的理由惹上麻煩，實在不該放任秀彬到處咬他——但他們才剛結為伴侶，又積壓了五年的性張力，誰能怪他們呢？

They end up sending their manager the gift basket. He gives it to the other three with specific instructions not to share it with Soobin and Beomgyu.
最後他們還是把禮籃送給了經紀人。經紀人把禮籃分給另外三位成員，特別交代不准分給秀彬和范奎。

It’s a small price to pay to be able to call Soobin his.
能宣稱秀彬是屬於他的，這點代價根本微不足道。