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Chapter Text  章節正文

Beomgyu calls Yeonjun at nine in the morning, which is probably too early to wake him up after a night of partying. It’s the absolute longest he can bring himself to wait, though, especially since he’s been awake and throwing up since seven-thirty himself.
范奎在早上九點打給然竣，這個時間點對剛結束整夜派對的人來說可能太早了。但這已經是他能忍耐的最極限等待時間，尤其當他自己從七點半就醒來並開始嘔吐。

“Gyu,” Yeonjun croaks into the phone. “I’m half dead. What time…”
「Gyu，」然竣對著電話沙啞地說。「我快死了。現在幾點...」

“Nine,” Beomgyu says. “I think I threw up one of my lungs.”
「九點，」範奎說。「我覺得我把肺都吐出來了。」

“Drink water, go back to bed. Call me back at noon.”
「喝水，回去睡覺。中午再打給我。」

“Can’t sleep. I gotta talk to you.”
「睡不著。我得跟你聊聊。」

“It has to be now?”
「非得現在嗎？」

“Has to be now.”  「就是現在。」

Beomgyu leans his head back onto the tiled wall of his bathroom. He’s sitting on the floor next to his toilet, his arms resting on his propped-up knees. It’s been at least twenty minutes since the last time he threw up, so he thinks he’s in the clear. His stomach is beyond empty, and the headache is setting in instead. If he can keep down a few sips of tea, maybe he can take a chance on some ibuprofen with a bit of leftover rice. And then he can force himself to leave his apartment and get to work repairing everything he just broke.
范奎將頭靠在他浴室磁磚牆上。他坐在馬桶旁的地板上，雙臂擱在屈起的膝蓋上。距離他上次嘔吐至少已經過了二十分鐘，所以他覺得自己應該沒事了。他的胃早已空空如也，取而代之的是逐漸加劇的頭痛。如果他能喝下幾口茶而不吐出來，或許可以試著配點剩飯吃顆布洛芬。然後他就能強迫自己離開公寓，去收拾他剛剛搞砸的一切。

It wasn’t easy to wake up to a phone full of texts he never should have sent. So many messages, and yet none of them were saying what Soobin really needed to hear from him: a genuine apology, and a hope for the future. To ask him for a chance, and to give him one of his own.
醒來看到手機裡滿是不該發出的訊息並不好受。那麼多條訊息，卻沒有一條是說出秀彬真正需要從他這裡聽到的：真誠的道歉，以及對未來的期許。請求給他一個機會，也給自己一個機會。

Beomgyu knows he has to stop hiding from who he’s been, and who he has to be. He’s not ashamed of what he wants anymore — he wants it too badly. And he can only hope it’s not too late. Soobin’s done enough to try to fix it. It’s Beomgyu’s turn.
范奎知道他必須停止逃避過去的自己，以及他必須成為的那個人。他不再為自己的渴望感到羞恥——那份渴望實在太過強烈。而他只能祈禱一切還不算太遲。秀彬已經付出夠多努力來修補這段關係，現在該輪到范奎了。

He’d been so worried about how everyone would react, but now that someone finally gave him that terrible reaction he was so afraid of, Beomgyu feels so stupid for thinking it would matter. It didn’t change a thing about how badly he wants Soobin to see Yeonjun raging at him: all it did was make Beomgyu want to shout his own desire out even louder. He was wrong about Soobin, and he wants everyone to know.
他曾經那麼擔心眾人會如何反應，但當終於有人給出他最恐懼的那種糟糕回應時，范奎才發現自己擔心得有多愚蠢。這絲毫沒有改變他多麼渴望秀彬能看見然竣對他發怒的模樣：唯一的作用是讓范奎更想大聲宣告自己的慾望。他誤解了秀彬，而他要讓所有人都知道這件事。

He should have told them all, right from the start. Yuna at work: I think my ex is still into me, am I crazy about this? Kai outside the coffee shop: Kai-ya, I think I fucked up back then. Help me? Yeonjun, literally any time: I’ve been texting Soobin again. No, I’m not kidding.
他早該從一開始就告訴所有人。對工作中的有娜說：我覺得我前男友還喜歡我，是我太自作多情嗎？對咖啡店外的凱說：凱呀，我覺得當年搞砸的人是我。幫幫我好嗎？對任何時候的然竣說：我又開始和秀彬傳訊息了。不，我沒在開玩笑。

He wishes he could scream it into Soobin’s heart, loud enough that everyone he knows can hear it too: I want to be better for you. For me. Will you let me?
他多希望能把這句話直接吼進秀彬心裡，響亮到所有認識他們的人都能聽見：我想為你成為更好的人。為我自己。你願意給我機會嗎？

“Can I come over?” Beomgyu says.
「我可以過去嗎？」范奎說。

Yeonjun grunts.  然竣哼了一聲。

“I’m not asking, actually. I’m coming over.”
「其實我不是在問你。我要過去了。」

“Beomgyu, I know I have to apologize to you,” Yeonjun says. His voice is kind of strained, like he’s stretching in bed. “I want to apologize. But, like, can I apologize later?”
「范奎，我知道我得跟你道歉，」然竣說。他的聲音有點緊繃，像是在床上伸懶腰。「我想道歉。但，呃，可以晚點再道歉嗎？」

“Text me your buzzer code, and I’ll come over with coffee,” Beomgyu says.
「傳你的門禁密碼給我，我帶咖啡過去。」范奎說。

“‘Kay. If you bring me coffee.”
「好啊，如果你帶咖啡來的話。」

It’s a Herculean effort to get himself out of the house, but Beomgyu pulls it off. He manages to get himself in and out of the shower without his shaky legs giving out underneath him, soaping the dried makeup off his face and scrubbing down all his scent glands. Afterwards, he brushes his teeth for the third time that day, layers on a new inhibitor patch and wraps himself up in his comfiest jeans and an oversized flannel. He keeps down both the rice and the pain meds, which is a win.
要踏出家門簡直像完成一項艱鉅任務，但范奎還是辦到了。他勉強撐著發軟的雙腿完成淋浴，洗掉臉上乾掉的妝容，並徹底清潔所有氣味腺體。之後他又刷了當天第三次牙，貼上新的抑制貼片，套上最舒適的牛仔褲和寬大法蘭絨襯衫。值得慶幸的是，他總算能嚥下米飯和止痛藥了。

Even Beomgyu’s darkest sunglasses don’t help with the throbbing pain of stepping out into the sun, but no headache can stop him. He’s on a mission. He hails a taxi and brings a plastic bag with him, though, just in case; he doesn’t have room for a cleaning fee in his monthly budget, and the hurdles of taking the metro feel insurmountable to his tired brain.
就連范奎最黑的太陽眼鏡也擋不住踏進陽光時的陣陣刺痛，但再劇烈的頭痛也阻止不了他。他有任務在身。他招了輛計程車，隨手拎了個塑膠袋以防萬一；畢竟他這個月的預算可沒留清潔費的空間，而疲憊的大腦實在無法應付搭地鐵的種種麻煩。

Beomgyu distracts himself from his nausea during the car ride over to Yeonjun’s by forcing himself to map out what he wants to say to him, as meticulously as he can. What he’s seeking isn’t an apology — at heart, he feels that it’s his own fault that Yeonjun did what he did, and thus it’s his own fault that Soobin felt what he felt. Instead, he’s seeking a sounding board. He’s already leaned on Taehyun and Kai’s kindness enough. It’s time to seek guidance from the most unlikely source of it, and if he can win Yeonjun over, then he’ll know he’s making the right decision.
在前往延俊家的車程中，范奎強迫自己仔細規劃要對他說的話，藉此轉移暈車的不適感。他尋求的並非道歉——從心底裡，他覺得延俊的行為是自己的錯，也因此秀彬的感受也是自己的責任。相反地，他需要一個傾聽的對象。他已經過度依賴太顯和凱的善意了。現在是時候向最不可能給予指引的人尋求建議，而如果能說服延俊，他就會知道自己做了正確的決定。

His fingers twitch around his phone, clutched in his lap. It’s the first day since he and Soobin started texting that he hasn’t been constantly on edge, waiting for his text or teetering on the brink of sending one himself. Soobin asked for space, and he wants to give him that space.
他的手指在手機上微微抽動，手機緊握在膝上。自從他和秀彬開始傳訊息以來，這是第一天他沒有持續處於緊繃狀態，不再等待對方的訊息或猶豫是否要主動傳送。秀彬要求空間，而他想給予對方這個空間。

Besides, all that his chaotic, impulsive texts and calls have done this weekend is make a fucking mess of this whole situation. Until he’s totally sure what he wants to say, reaching out can only make it worse.
況且，這個週末他那些混亂衝動的訊息和通話只把整個情況搞得一團糟。在完全確定自己想說什麼之前，主動聯繫只會讓事情變得更糟。

There’s one thing he needs to do, though. Beomgyu opens up the text thread with Unknown Number and clicks save as new contact. Then he closes his eyes and tries his hardest not to cry. The letters of his name look so pretty across the top of their text thread: Soobin. It’s just Soobin, his Soobin.
不過有一件事他必須做。範奎打開與「未知號碼」的對話串，點擊儲存為新聯絡人。然後他閉上眼睛，努力不讓自己哭出來。對方名字的字母在對話串頂端看起來如此美好：秀彬。就只是秀彬，他的秀彬。

There’s a coffee shop on the same block as Yeonjun’s apartment building. Beomgyu buys two iced Americanos and a pastry just in case Yeonjun has a hungry kind of hangover, even though all the food smells in the shop kind of make him feel sick again. Then he hurries over to Yeonjun’s building, letting himself in with the door code and taking the steps up to Yeonjun’s third floor apartment instead of waiting for the elevator.
在與然竣公寓同一個街區有間咖啡廳。儘管店裡所有食物的氣味都讓範奎再次感到反胃，他還是買了兩杯冰美式咖啡和一個糕點，以防然竣宿醉後會餓。接著他匆忙趕往然竣的公寓大樓，輸入門禁密碼自行進入，沒有等電梯而是直接走上三樓然竣的住處。

He bangs on the door with his elbow, and a distant voice inside calls out, “It’s open!”
他用胳膊肘敲了敲門，裡面傳來遙遠的喊聲：「門沒鎖！」

Beomgyu balances both drinks in one hand and turns the doorknob.
Beomgyu 一手拿著兩杯飲料，轉動門把。

“But lock it behind you!” Yeonjun’s voice says from his bedroom. He sounds groggy. Beomgyu is all but positive that he went back to sleep after their phone call.
「但記得把門鎖好！」延俊的聲音從臥室傳來，聽起來還帶著睡意。範奎幾乎能確定他在通完電話後又睡著了。

Yeonjun’s apartment isn’t the fanciest, but it’s much nicer than Beomgyu’s, with a general sleekness to its furnishings befitting of his trendy image as a model. Unfortunately it’s always a cluttered mess, decorated more with piles of clothes than actual decor. Beomgyu is used to that by now. He steps over the mound of shoes nearly blocking the door, kicking off his own, and hurries past the messy kitchen straight to Yeonjun’s bedroom. Inside, he finds a darkened room with all the curtains firmly drawn and a lump in the middle of the bed, where Yeonjun is huddled under his blankets. The room smells strongly of caramelized ginger, spicy notes under a hint of sweetness: Yeonjun’s scent, usually cloaked by his inhibitor patches and rut regulator pills.
延俊的公寓算不上豪華，但比範奎的住處講究多了，家具線條簡約流暢，很符合他身為模特兒的時尚形象。可惜屋裡總是亂得像颱風過境，與其說是裝潢，不如說是用成堆衣物堆砌出來的空間。範奎早已見怪不怪。他跨過玄關那堆幾乎堵住門的鞋子，踢掉自己的球鞋，匆匆穿過凌亂的廚房直奔延俊的臥室。昏暗的房間裡，窗簾緊閉，床中央隆起一團棉被山——延俊正蜷縮在裡頭。空氣中瀰漫著濃郁的焦糖薑味，甜香底下藏著辛辣調：那是延俊的信息素，平時總被抑制貼片和易感期調節藥壓制著。

“Hi,” Yeonjun mumbles. “Fuck, I can’t believe you’re up and walking. What time is it?”
「嗨，」延俊含糊咕噥，「靠，你居然能起床走動...現在幾點？」

“Like, ten,” Beomgyu says, picking his way through the mess of Yeonjun’s bedroom to put the bag with the pastry down on his nightstand. “Sit up. I brought the coffee.”
「大概十點吧，」範奎邊說邊在雜物堆中開路，把裝著麵點的紙袋放到床頭櫃上，「坐起來，咖啡我也帶來了。」

“You’re my hero,” Yeonjun says weakly, slowly emerging from under his blankets to prop himself up in bed. He’s bare-chested, his hair a tousled mess and his neck free of any patch, and for a moment, Beomgyu is hit by how unlikely their friendship is. He wonders if it’s normal for him to be so comfortable here in this room flooded with pheromones, staring at his gorgeous, half-naked alpha friend, a man who he would trust with his life — a man who his omega could so easily view as a potential mate.
「你是我的英雄。」然竣虛弱地說，緩緩從被窩裡鑽出來，撐起身子靠在床頭。他赤裸著上身，頭髮亂糟糟的，頸間沒有任何抑制貼。這一刻，范奎突然意識到他們的友誼有多麼不可思議。他不禁懷疑，自己怎麼能如此自在地待在這間充滿費洛蒙的房間裡，直視著這位英俊半裸的 Alpha 好友——這個他願意託付性命的人，這個他的 Omega 本能會輕易視為潛在伴侶的男人。

It’s not like it’s unheard of for alphas and omegas to be friends, especially when inhibitor patches and suppressant shots are so ubiquitous, but it’s definitely unusual for unmated alphas and omegas to have as easy of a friendship as Beomgyu and Yeonjun’s. Beomgyu’s been in Yeonjun’s room countless times before, both before and after he was single, and he’s never really felt affected by their hypothetical compatibility. Now, he can’t help wondering why that is. He thinks he knows why Yeonjun’s never made a pass at him: even if he was ever interested, Yeonjun always talks about not having time for a committed relationship with his career, and he knows Beomgyu would never have been interested in a casual hookup. But even so… why has Beomgyu’s omega never felt tempted by Yeonjun?
Alpha 和 Omega 成為朋友並非前所未聞，尤其在抑制貼片和阻斷劑如此普及的時代。但像範奎和然竣這樣未結對的 Alpha 與 Omega 能如此輕鬆自在地相處，確實相當罕見。範奎曾無數次進出然竣的房間——無論是在然竣單身前或單身後——他從未真正感受到彼此理論上的相容性所帶來的影響。而現在，他忍不住開始思考箇中原因。 他大概明白為何然竣從未對他出手：即使曾有過興趣，然竣總掛在嘴邊的是事業忙碌無暇經營穩定關係，而且他清楚範奎絕不會對隨意的肉體關係感興趣。但即便如此……為何範奎體內的 Omega 從未對然竣產生過渴望？

You already have your alpha, a little voice tells him. You’ve always had your alpha, and it’s not him. It’s a hopeless thought, and a stupidly romantic one considering that until just weeks ago, he never expected to even see Soobin again. Still, Beomgyu can’t help feeling that it’s true.
你已經有你的 Alpha 了，一個小小的聲音告訴他。你一直都有你的 Alpha，而那個人不是他。這個想法既絕望又愚蠢地浪漫，畢竟就在幾週前，他從未想過還能再見到秀彬。然而，範奎無法不覺得這是真的。

Beomgyu tears his eyes away from Yeonjun’s muscular chest and holds out one of the cups.
範奎將視線從然竣肌肉結實的胸膛移開，遞出其中一個杯子。

“Put a shirt on,” he scolds him. “You have company.”
「把衣服穿上，」他責備道。「有客人在呢。」

“I will if you find me one,” Yeonjun says, sitting up further in bed and taking the drink. At least he has pajama pants on, the waistband of them poking out from the blanket. “Oh, don’t open the… god, Beomie, are you trying to kill me?”
「只要你幫我找一件，我就穿，」然竣說著，從床上坐起身接過飲料。至少他還穿著睡褲，褲頭從毯子下露了出來。「噢，別打開那...天啊，範奎啊，你是想殺了我嗎？」

Beomgyu had just cracked open one of the curtains, letting in a stream of sunlight.
Beomgyu 才剛拉開其中一片窗簾，讓陽光流瀉而入。

“How are you even this hungover?” he asks. “You were barely drinking.”
「你怎麼會宿醉成這樣？」他問道。「你明明沒喝多少。」

“You were too drunk to notice how much I was drinking,” Yeonjun says bracingly, bringing his straw to his lips.
「你當時醉得太厲害，根本沒注意到我喝了多少。」然竣語氣堅定地說著，同時將吸管湊到嘴邊。

Beomgyu finds something on the floor that looks vaguely like an undershirt and tosses it at Yeonjun.
范奎在地上找到一件看起來像是汗衫的東西，隨手扔給然竣。

“So. Let’s talk about it,” he says, perching on the edge of the bed.
「所以，我們來談談吧。」他坐在床邊緣說道。

“Not wasting any time, are you?” Yeonjun balances his drink precariously on his mattress to pull the shirt over his head, and Beomgyu has to admit that it’s definitely easier to focus with Yeonjun’s abs covered.
「還真是一刻都不浪費啊？」然竣把飲料搖搖晃晃地放在床墊上，套上那件衣服，范奎不得不承認，遮住然竣的腹肌確實讓他比較容易專心。

“I don’t want to wait. I’ve got a lot to get through.”
「我不想等。我有很多事要處理。」

“Let me start, then,” Yeonjun says, grabbing his cup again. “Gyu-ya, I’m so sorry. It wasn’t my place.”
「那就讓我先開始吧，」然竣說著，再次拿起他的杯子。「奎啊，真的很對不起。我不該那樣做的。」

Beomgyu shakes his head.  范奎搖了搖頭。

“I want to talk first, okay? And then I want your opinion on something.”
「我想先談談，好嗎？然後我想聽聽你對某件事的看法。」

Yeonjun looks surprised.  然竣露出驚訝的表情。

“You don’t want me to—”
「你不想讓我——」

“Apologize? Not particularly.” Beomgyu smiles. There have been far too many apologies flying in every direction around him in the past day. “I just want to tell you the story, from the beginning, so you know what went wrong. Because it’s my fault.”
「道歉？倒也不是。」范奎微笑著說。過去這一天裡，他身邊已經有太多人互相道歉了。「我只是想從頭告訴你整個經過，讓你知道哪裡出了錯。因為這都是我的錯。」

“Uh, okay,” Yeonjun says, confused.
「呃，好吧。」然竣困惑地回應。

“Oh, and I got you a croissant, if you’re hungry,” Beomgyu adds, gesturing at the nightstand.
「對了，我幫你買了可頌，如果你餓的話。」范奎補充道，指了指床頭櫃。

“God, no.” Yeonjun crinkles up his nose. “The last thing I want is food.”
「天啊，不要。」然竣皺起鼻子。「我現在最不想碰的就是食物。」

“Well, if you need a pick-me-up midway through this, it’s there,” Beomgyu says, and takes a deep breath. “Okay. So I don’t know what Taehyun and Kai told you, but… basically, I started all this, not Soobin-hyung. He didn’t pursue me or anything like that. It was all me.”
「如果你需要中途振作一下，隨時可以。」范奎深吸一口氣說道。「好。我不知道泰亨和凱跟你說了什麼，但...基本上，這一切都是我主動的，不是秀彬哥。他沒有追求我或做任何類似的事。全都是我的主意。」

“Yeah, that’s what Taehyunnie said.”
「嗯，泰亨也是這麼說的。」

“I texted him after I saw him again, when I tried to pay him back. It was just… a moment of weakness, I guess. But seeing him just made me realize that I missed him for more than him being my boyfriend, you know? I missed talking to him. And it seemed like he wanted that, too, so I started up a dumb conversation, just to sate that urge.”
「我再次見到他後，就傳訊息給他，那時是想還他錢。這大概...算是一時軟弱吧。但見到他的那一刻，我才明白自己想念的不只是身為男友的他，懂嗎？我懷念和他聊天的時光。而他似乎也有同樣感受，所以我就開了個蠢話題，只為滿足那股衝動。」

“And he texted back,” Yeonjun says, nodding. Taehyun definitely told him the gist of this.
「然後他回訊了。」然竣點頭說道。泰亨肯定已經跟他講過事情梗概。

“Yeah. He… he really texted back.”
「對。他...他真的回訊了。」

Beomgyu smiles, and incredibly, Yeonjun returns it.
範奎笑了，令人意外的是，然竣也回以微笑。

“You’re so naive,” he says, fondly. “Anyone could have told you he’d text back. Any alpha, at least.”
「你也太天真了，」他寵溺地說。「隨便誰都能告訴你他會回訊息的。至少任何一個 Alpha 都會這麼說。」

“After the break up that we’d had? Nah. But he did, and I just… it made me so happy, Junie-hyung. It felt so good. I missed talking to him so, so much.”
「在我們分手之後？才怪。但他確實回了，我就只是...這讓我好開心，俊尼哥。那種感覺太棒了。我超級、超級想念和他聊天的時光。」

“Why didn’t you tell me?”
「你為什麼不告訴我？」

“I didn’t tell anyone. Not Kai, even. I was so… so afraid you’d all tell me I was an idiot, and that I should stop. That it was unhealthy. And I didn’t want to stop.”
「我沒告訴任何人。連凱都沒說。我真的...好害怕你們都會說我是個白痴，叫我別再這樣了。說這樣不健康。但我不想停下來。」

Yeonjun slurps at his straw, furrowing his brows like he’s about to disagree.
Yeonjun 吸著吸管，皺起眉頭，一副準備反駁的樣子。

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t have said that,” Beomgyu says defensively. “And I’m not upset about it. Of course you would have said that. I’d have said it myself, if one of you guys was talking to their shitty ex again. But the thing is…”
「別裝得好像你不會說那種話一樣，」Beomgyu 防衛性地說道。「而且我沒有生氣。你當然會那麼說。如果換作是你們任何一個人又跟爛前任聯絡，我也會說一樣的話。但問題是…」

Beomgyu rolls his own coffee cup between his hands, feeling the ice shift inside it. He’s been too focused on his words to even take a sip yet.
范奎雙手轉動著自己的咖啡杯，感受冰塊在杯中晃動的觸感。他太過專注於組織言語，至今都還沒喝上一口。

“He wasn’t a shitty ex,” Beomgyu says. “I don’t think he ever really was all the things I thought he was. We just weren’t…ready for each other yet, I guess. We never meant to hurt each other the way we did.”
「他不是個糟糕的前任，」范奎說道。「我想他從來就不是我以為的那種人。我們只是...還沒準備好面對彼此吧。我們從沒想過要那樣傷害對方。」

Yeonjun doesn’t say anything.
然竣沒有接話。

“I know you’re about to tell me that I’m gaslighting myself, and I shouldn’t blame myself, and that I’m making excuses for him. And I love you for caring for me like that, hyung. If you weren’t by my side these two years, I’d never have gotten to this place where I’m able to say… that I need to blame myself. I hurt him, too. Just like he hurt me.”
「我知道你接下來要說我在自我欺騙、不該責怪自己、還替他找藉口。哥這樣關心我，我真的很感激。如果這兩年沒有你陪在身邊，我永遠不可能走到今天這個能坦然說出...我也需要自責的位置。我也傷害了他，就像他傷害我一樣。」

Beomgyu looks back at Yeonjun’s face. His expression is impenetrable, but Beomgyu soldiers on. Yeonjun’s expression doesn’t matter. He needs to put all these thoughts together, no matter what.
範奎回頭看著然竣的臉。他的表情難以捉摸，但範奎還是堅持說下去。然竣的表情不重要，無論如何他都必須把這些想法整理清楚。

“Everything you said to him yesterday was true to me once, but it’s not anymore. And I don’t think it was ever really true, like, objectively true. It makes me feel sick when he tells his side of the story, because it’s just my story backwards, and I can’t help thinking, like… can they both be true? What if it’s his version that’s true?”
「你昨天對他說的那些話，曾經對我來說也是真的，但現在已經不是了。而且我覺得那些話從來就不是真的，客觀來說不是。聽他講述他的版本時讓我覺得噁心，因為那根本就是我的故事倒過來講，我忍不住想...難道兩個版本都能是真的嗎？萬一他的版本才是真的呢？」

“What’dya mean?” Yeonjun asks, straw still in his mouth and voice quiet.
「什麼意思？」然竣嘴裡還叼著吸管，聲音很輕。

“He thinks I just didn’t think he was good enough for me, the way I thought the same about him. He’s been wondering what went wrong for years, just like I have. Why I threw him out, when I’ve been wondering why he left.”
「他以為我覺得他配不上我，就像我也曾這麼想過他一樣。這些年他一直在想到底哪裡出了問題，就像我一樣。我想知道他為什麼離開，而他卻在困惑為什麼我要趕他走。」

“Beoms, that’s pushing it,” Yeonjun says testily. “You know you never wanted him to leave. You shouldn’t take that blame.”
「範奎，這太過分了，」然竣煩躁地說。「你知道你從來就不希望他離開。你不該把責任攬在自己身上。」

“It’s not that simple,” Beomgyu insists. “It’s not about blame, it’s about… perspective. Why do I get to be right about this, when he came away from it with as much hurt as I did?”
「事情沒那麼簡單，」範奎堅持道。「這不是誰對誰錯的問題，而是...看事情的角度。為什麼我能自以為是對的，當他承受的痛苦和我一樣多？」

Yeonjun slurps from his straw again, and Beomgyu barrels on.
Yeonjun 又吸了一口飲料，Beomgyu 繼續滔滔不絕地說著。

“And honestly, I don’t care who’s right anymore. It matters a lot more to me that I hurt him, even if I didn’t try to. If he’s back in my life, like, even just as a friend, I can’t live without making that right again. That’s not the kind of friend I am.”
「說真的，我已經不在乎誰對誰錯了。對我來說更重要的是我傷害了他，即使那並非我的本意。如果他重新回到我的生活，哪怕只是作為朋友，我也必須彌補這個錯誤。這不是我對待朋友的方式。」

“I know you’re not, Gyu-ya,” Yeonjun says. “Huh.”
「我知道你不是那種人，Gyu-ya。」Yeonjun 說。「嗯。」

“Huh?”  「嗯？」

Yeonjun sets his drink down on the nightstand, next to the untouched pastry.
Yeonjun 將飲料放在床頭櫃上，就在那塊未動過的糕點旁邊。

“So you really want him back,” he says, settling back down and crossing his arms. “What you just said — ‘even just as a friend.’ You want him for real.”
「所以你真的很想挽回他，」他重新坐好並交叉雙臂說道。「你剛才說的——『就算只是當朋友也好』。你是真心想要他回來。」

Beomgyu balls his free hand into a fist for strength. If he’s going to tell this to Soobin, he needs to be able to tell it to Yeonjun.
Beomgyu 握緊空著的那隻手給自己打氣。如果連 Soobin 都要坦白這件事，那他至少得先能對 Yeonjun 說出口。

“Yeah, I do.”  「對，我就是想。」

Yeonjun gives him a slow nod, processing.
Yeonjun 緩緩點頭，思索著。

“I have a lot to tell him,” Beomgyu says. “A lot of things to ask for, and a lot of things I have to own up to. I dunno. It’s gonna be a mess, I bet, but… I need to try. I’ve gotta be honest with him about how I feel.”
「我有很多話要告訴他，」Beomgyu 說。「有很多事情想要求他，也有很多事情必須坦白。我不知道，肯定會一團亂吧，但...我必須試試看。我得誠實告訴他我的感受。」

“You still love him,” Yeonjun says, like he’s stating a fact.
「你還愛著他，」Yeonjun 說，彷彿在陳述一個事實。

Beomgyu nods.  Beomgyu 點了點頭。

Yeonjun sighs.  Yeonjun 嘆了口氣。

“Damnit, Beomie. Literally years of work trying to get you out in the field again, and it was all for nothing.”
「該死的，Beomie。花了整整好幾年想辦法讓你重返現場，結果全都白費了。」

Beomgyu breaks into an elated giggle. He can tell Yeonjun is putting a face on for him, that he’s not nearly as chill about this as his casual statement makes him seem, but the fact that he’s willing to put that face on means the world to Beomgyu.
Beomgyu 突然迸出一陣開心的笑聲。他看得出來 Yeonjun 是在為他強裝鎮定，實際上根本沒有表面上說得那麼雲淡風輕，但光是 Yeonjun 願意為他這樣強撐，對 Beomgyu 來說就意義重大。

“You hate this,” Beomgyu says. “Don’t lie about it.”
「你明明很討厭這樣，」Beomgyu 說。「別說謊了。」

“Okay, then I won’t,” Yeonjun says. “I don’t know if I like it, Beomgyu. I have to get used to it.”
「好吧，那我就不說了。」然竣說。「我不確定自己喜不喜歡這樣，范奎。我得先習慣看看。」

“You might not have to,” Beomgyu admits. “I haven’t been very kind to him. He might be over me.”
「說不定你根本不需要習慣。」范奎坦承。「我對他並不好。他可能已經對我沒感覺了。」

Yeonjun scoffs.  然竣嗤之以鼻。

“What?”  「怎樣？」

“I think it’ll take a lot more than me yelling at him for him to get scared off, based on what Taehyunnie told me about those text messages,” he says.
「根據泰亨尼告訴我的那些簡訊內容，我覺得光靠我對他大吼大叫，要把他嚇跑可沒那麼容易。」他說道。

Beomgyu swallows. He feels like he might cry.
範奎嚥了嚥口水。他覺得自己快要哭了。

“I want you to be real with me, Junie-hyung,” he says, to keep himself on target. “What were you worried about, last night? When you went at him?”
「我要你對我說實話，俊熙哥，」他說道，試圖讓自己保持專注。「昨晚你對他出手時，到底在擔心什麼？」

“You know what I was worried about. I think I made it pretty obvious.”
「你知道我在擔心什麼。我覺得我表現得很明顯了。」

“I want to hear it again.”
「我想再聽你說一次。」

“Well, I remember what you were like after he left,” Yeonjun says, reaching for his cup again. “I never want you to feel like that again. And whatever shit you’re saying now, you can’t take away that he did that to you. He did it once, he could do it again.”
「我記得他離開後你的樣子，」然竣說著，再次伸手拿起他的杯子。「我永遠不想再看你那樣。不管現在你說什麼鬼話，都改變不了他對你做的事。他做過一次，就可能再做一次。」

“I guess he could,” Beomgyu says. “I guess I could do it to him, too. I could hurt him again.”
「或許吧，」範奎說。「或許我也會對他做同樣的事。我可能再次傷害他。」

“You wouldn’t.”  「你不會的。」

“But I did, hyung. There’s no point pretending that I didn’t. I never realized I could hurt someone like that, and I know that now. I think that makes a difference. I think I know…”
「但我做過了，哥。假裝沒發生過沒有意義。我從沒想過自己能那樣傷害一個人，現在我知道了。我想這會有所不同。我想我明白...」

He looks back at his cup, at the melting ice cubes. He feels a bit like he’s running out of steam, like the more he pushes out all these thoughts that have been building up inside him, the less strength he’s left with. But he’s not quite done yet.
他低頭看著杯中逐漸融化的冰塊，感覺自己就像快耗盡能量的機器，越是把積壓在心底的想法傾吐出來，剩下的力氣就越少。但他還沒說完。

“I know how much I matter to people,” Beomgyu says. “How much I mean to him. And I’m not going to take that for granted again.”
「我知道自己對大家有多重要，」范奎說。「也知道我對他意味著什麼。這次我不會再把這些視為理所當然了。」

Out of his peripheral vision, he sees Yeonjun sit up straighter, drawing his knees up by his sides to be able to lean over to him. His hand comes to rest on Beomgyu’s shoulder.
餘光裡，他看見然竣坐直身子，雙膝屈起側身向他靠近。那隻手輕輕搭上了范奎的肩膀。

“You said you don’t want me to apologize, but I’m gonna do it anyway,” he says. “I really was out of line. It doesn’t even matter what I said, if I was right, or if it was bullshit, or whatever. I shouldn’t have taken over from you like that.”
「你說不想聽我道歉，但我還是要說，」然竣開口。「這次我真的太過分了。不管我說的話是對是錯、是真心還是屁話，都不重要。我不該那樣越俎代庖的。」

“Hyung, it’s really okay. It’s like I said. You thought you were protecting—”
「哥，真的沒關係。就像我說的，你以為你在保護——」

“But I shouldn’t have assumed you needed protection,” Yeonjun insists. “That was the dumbass alpha in me, being a control freak. There’s no excuse for that.”
「但我不該擅自認定你需要保護，」然竣堅持道。「那是我體內該死的 Alpha 本能作祟，控制慾太強。這沒什麼好辯解的。」

“Yeah, sure. Thanks, hyung.”
「嗯，好吧。謝了，哥。」

Yeonjun pulls his hand away, leaning back in the bed and frowning at his coffee.
然竣抽回手，向後靠在床頭，皺眉盯著手中的咖啡。

“What’s wrong?” Beomgyu asks.
「怎麼了？」范奎問道。

“I guess I’m just… confused about why exactly you even want him, when you have so much bad shit in your history,” he says. “Is it the sex? Because you can get good sex elsewhere, Beoms.”
「我只是...搞不懂你為什麼還想要他，你們之間明明有那麼多糟糕的過往，」他說。「是因為性嗎？因為你可以在別處找到更好的性愛啊，范奎。」

Beomgyu’s thoughts flash to the heat, to Soobin under him, Soobin filling him, Soobin having him memorized even after all this time.
范奎的思緒閃現那些炙熱的時刻——秀彬在他身下，秀彬填滿他，即使過了這麼久，秀彬仍能將他的一切記得清清楚楚。

“It’s not the sex,” he says. “I mean, it’s not not the sex. It’s partially the sex. It’s not just the sex.”
「不只是因為性，」他說。「我是說，不完全是因為性。有一部分是，但不僅僅是。」

Yeonjun rolls his eyes at Beomgyu’s pink cheeks.
Yeonjun 對著 Beomgyu 泛紅的臉頰翻了個白眼。

“Okay, so it’s the sex, then.”
「好吧，所以問題出在性愛這件事上。」

“Nooo,” Beomgyu whines. “It’s, like… the sex only matters because it’s sex with him.”
「才不是咧，」范奎哀嚎道。「重點是...因為是跟他做愛，所以才特別有意義。」

“So then it’s not the sex? Is he bad in bed?”
「所以問題不在性愛本身？他在床上很糟嗎？」

Beomgyu swats at him as Yeonjun snickers.
范奎作勢要打他，而然俊在一旁竊笑。

“It’s how he makes me feel,” Beomgyu says sternly. “In lots of ways. I dunno.”
「是他帶給我的感覺，」范奎嚴肅地說。「各種層面上。我也說不清。」

“Yeah, about that,” Yeonjun says. “Remember how he made you feel like you were fucking worthless? What’d he have to say for himself about that?”
「對啊，關於那件事，」然竣說。「還記得他是怎麼讓你覺得自己一文不值嗎？他對這點有什麼好解釋的？」

“I’m not worthless. He doesn’t think I’m worthless.” Beomgyu thinks back over the texts Soobin sent him on Friday, before everything devolved into chaos and hurt. Soobin sees worth in him that Beomgyu himself can’t see.
「我才不是一文不值。他並不覺得我沒價值。」範奎回想著週五時秀彬傳給他的訊息，在那一切陷入混亂與傷害之前。秀彬在他身上看到了連他自己都看不見的價值。

“And you heard this from him directly? If he gets another fancy-ass job, he’s not gonna toss you for a trophy wife?”
「這話是他親口告訴你的？要是他又找到什麼高級工作，難道不會為了娶個花瓶老婆而甩掉你？」

“I think he thinks I am the trophy wife,” Beomgyu says. “I’m pretty sure he always thought that. I’m the one who couldn’t see it.”
「我覺得在他眼裡我才是那個花瓶老婆，」範奎說。「我很確定他一直這麼想。只是我自己沒看出來罷了。」

Yeonjun looks skeptical, but Beomgyu can’t help thinking that he’s missing something.
Yeonjun 看起來半信半疑，但 Beomgyu 忍不住覺得他似乎遺漏了什麼。

“Hyung, a lot of things have changed,” he says. “I think the whole thing changed both of us. I think we might be ready for each other this time.”
「哥，很多事情都變了，」他說。「我覺得整件事改變了我們兩個。或許這次我們都準備好面對彼此了。」

He can feel his lip quivering. He hopes it’s true.
他能感覺到自己的嘴唇在顫抖。希望這是真的。

Yeonjun’s eyes drop to Beomgyu’s lips, and his expression softens.
Yeonjun 的視線落在 Beomgyu 的唇上，表情逐漸柔和下來。

“Come here,” he says, patting the empty pillow next to the one he’s leaning back on. “Need a shoulder to cry on?”
「過來吧。」他拍了拍自己靠著的枕頭旁邊的空位。「需要借個肩膀哭一下嗎？」

“Nah. Just…”  「不用。只是⋯⋯」

Yeonjun pats the pillow again, and Beomgyu clambers over to it gratefully, ditching his own coffee. He curls up next to Yeonjun on top of the covers, and Yeonjun reaches for his hand, squeezing it.
然竣又拍了拍枕頭，杋圭感激地爬了過去，順手放下自己的咖啡。他蜷縮在然竣身旁的被子上，然竣伸手握住他的手，輕輕捏了捏。

“So if you have all this worked out, why are you here with me?” Yeonjun asks quietly. “You know you don’t need my approval.”
「既然你都已經想清楚了，為什麼還來找我？」然竣輕聲問道。「你知道你不需要我的同意。」

“I know. But I wanted to tell you the story myself. I fucked so much up by not being honest about this, Yeonjun-hyung.”
「我知道。但我想親口告訴你這個故事。就因為在這件事上不夠誠實，我搞砸了太多，延俊哥。」

Yeonjun works his hand free of Beomgyu’s and rests it on his scalp instead, gently patting his hair. It feels so different than it did when Soobin stroked his hair during his heat. This is careful and deliberate; Yeonjun knows their boundaries, and won’t overstep them. But there were no boundaries with Soobin.
延俊將手從范奎掌中抽離，轉而輕撫他的髮梢，小心翼翼地拍著他的頭髮。這感覺和修彬在他發情期撫摸他時截然不同。延俊的動作謹慎而克制；他清楚兩人之間的界線，不會越界。但和修彬相處時，從來就沒有界線可言。

“Are you just talking about being honest with me?” Yeonjun asks.
「你指的只是對我誠實這件事嗎？」延俊問道。

Beomgyu squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head.
范奎緊閉雙眼搖了搖頭。

“I might have fucked it all up,” he says, voice trembling. “I think I was in denial, at first, that I have to swallow some of my own pride, you know? And he got all frustrated with me over text, because I was all like I didn’t do anything wrong and he was like I thought you were different and I was like no, I thought you were different and like…”
「我可能搞砸了一切，」他聲音顫抖地說。「一開始我可能是在否認，你知道嗎？我得吞下一些自尊心。然後他在訊息裡對我超不爽，因為我一直說我沒做錯什麼，他就回『我以為你跟別人不一樣』，然後我就說『不，我才以為你跟別人不一樣』之類的...」

Yeonjun lets out a huff.
Yeonjun 嘆了口氣。

“I basically shut him out,” Beomgyu sniffs. He’s doing an adequate job of holding the tears in, but only barely. “And then I tried to apologize with, like, the world’s messiest text, but then last night… hyung, I called him, and he was so hurt, and I just couldn’t… couldn’t be there for him the way I wanted to. Couldn’t figure out how to make room for his feelings, and I feel so guilty.”
「我基本上把他拒於門外了，」Beomgyu 吸了吸鼻子。他勉強忍住淚水，但也就差那麼一點。「後來我試著傳了大概是有史以來最混亂的道歉訊息，但昨晚...哥，我打給他，他受傷得很深，而我卻...卻沒辦法像我想的那樣陪在他身邊。不知道該怎麼騰出空間容納他的感受，我覺得好愧疚。」

“I feel like he probably won’t hold anything that happened last night against you,” Yeonjun says. “It wasn’t anyone’s finest hour.”
「我覺得他應該不會因為昨晚的事怪你，」Yeonjun 說。「那時候誰都沒辦法保持最佳狀態。」

“I’m scared he’ll see all of that mess and just think, like, this bridge is too burned to fix.”
「我好怕他看到這一切後，會覺得...這座橋已經燒得太徹底，修不好了。」

Yeonjun lowers his hand to stroke Beomgyu’s upper back.
然竣將手放下，輕撫著杋圭的背脊。

“All you can do is tell him how you feel,” he says. “I don’t know if I can give any better advice than that. If the issue is that you’ve shut him out, then open up.”
「你唯一能做的就是告訴他你的感受，」他說。「我想不出比這更好的建議了。如果問題在於你把他拒之門外，那就敞開心扉吧。」

“And you’re not gonna judge me for this? You’re not gonna call Hueningie and start gossiping about me as soon as I leave?”
「而且你不會因為這件事評判我吧？不會等我離開就立刻打電話給休寧凱，開始八卦我的事吧？」

“No, I’m definitely going to do that,” Yeonjun says, though his tone is light. “Look, Gyu-ya. If you’re about to ask if it’ll be weird in the group if you date him again… probably! Not gonna lie about that. We’ll all have to figure out how to make that friendship work again, and there’s so much baggage there now.”
「不，我絕對會這麼做。」然賢語氣輕鬆地說。「聽著，圭啊。如果你是想問重新和他交往會不會讓團體氣氛變尷尬...很可能會！這點我不騙你。我們都得重新學習如何維繫這段友誼，更別說現在還多了這麼多歷史包袱。」

“Do you ever miss him?”
「你有想念過他嗎？」

“Not like Kai does.” Beomgyu looks up at Yeonjun’s face. He’s staring at his ceiling, pensively, still stroking Beomgyu’s back with one hand. “But yeah, of course there were moments. I always used to go to him with all my alpha issues, and I missed that. Taehyunnie’s not the same, he’s too reasonable to complain to. All he does is give advice, and who wants that?”
「不像凱那樣想。」範圭抬頭望向然賢的臉。對方正若有所思地盯著天花板，一手仍輕撫著範圭的背。「但當然，有些時刻還是會想。以前我所有關於 alpha 的煩惱都會找他傾訴，我確實懷念那種感覺。泰煥不一樣，他太理性了根本不適合抱怨。他只會給建議，誰想要那種東西啊？」

Beomgyu laughs, and Yeonjun smiles down at him.
範圭笑了起來，然賢低頭對他露出微笑。

“So when are you seeing him again?”
「那你什麼時候要再見他？」

“I have no idea,” Beomgyu admits. “I’m afraid to text him. You have no idea how stupid I was on text last night.”
「我也不知道，」范奎坦承。「我不敢傳訊息給他。你根本無法想像我昨晚傳的訊息有多蠢。」

“Yeah? Tell me.”  「是嗎？說來聽聽。」

Beomgyu cringes, crinkling up his face.
范奎皺起臉，露出尷尬的表情。

“Don’t wanna. It was bad, trust me.”
「才不要。那太糟了，相信我。」

Yeonjun prods him in the side, and Beomgyu squeals.
然竣用手肘戳了他的腰側，範奎立刻尖叫出聲。

“Fine, fine…he gave me an easy lay-up to tell him how I feel, and I completely blew it. Just missed my chance by a mile.”
「好啦好啦...他明明給了我絕佳機會表白，結果我完全搞砸了。簡直錯失良機。」

“You should pull a rom-com,” Yeonjun suggests. “Like, a stupid grand gesture.”
「你該學學浪漫喜劇那套，」然竣提議。「比如來個浮誇的蠢告白。」

“You think?”  「你覺得呢？」

“Beoms, I have no idea what the guy likes anymore,” Yeonjun says, shrugging. “And I’m not gonna scheme with you about how to get you back together with him. Make your own reckless choices.”
「范奎啊，我現在完全搞不懂那傢伙喜歡什麼了。」然竣聳聳肩說，「而且我才不要跟你一起策劃怎麼讓你跟他復合。你自己做那些衝動的決定吧。」

“Yeah, yeah,” Beomgyu says dismissively. His thoughts are too busy racing to complain about that. Maybe he should show up at Soobin’s door with flowers and chocolates and tell him he loves him, but he has no idea where Soobin lives.
「好啦好啦。」范奎敷衍地回應。他腦中思緒飛轉，根本沒空抱怨這個。或許他該帶著鮮花和巧克力出現在秀彬家門口，告訴他自己愛他，但他根本不知道秀彬住哪。

“Whatever you do, wear that maroon sweater that falls off your shoulder,” Yeonjun says. “That one was his favorite of yours. I’ve heard way too much about you in that sweater.”
「不管你打算做什麼，記得穿那件會從肩膀滑落的酒紅色毛衣。」然竣說，「那是他最喜歡看你穿的一件。我聽過太多關於你穿那件毛衣的事了。」

“Oh, really?” Beomgyu asks, surprised, and then — “wait, you said you wouldn’t scheme with me!”
「真的嗎？」范奎驚訝地問，然後——「等等，你剛才說不會幫我出主意的！」

Yeonjun laughs and rolls over onto his belly, hiding his face in his pillows.
Yeonjun 笑著翻過身趴著，把臉埋進枕頭裡。

“Part of my apology,” he says, muffled, and lets out a long groan. “God damn, Beomie. You’re really gonna make me the fifth wheel again?”
「這是我道歉的一部分啦，」他悶悶地說，然後發出一聲長長的呻吟。「天啊，Beomie。你真的又要讓我當電燈泡了嗎？」

“Don’t jinx it,” Beomgyu says, heart pounding.
「別烏鴉嘴，」Beomgyu 說道，心跳加速。

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”  「好啦好啦，隨便你。」

Yeonjun stretches again, propping himself up on his elbows and reaching for the mostly-empty cup he’d ditched in his pillows.
Yeonjun 又伸了個懶腰，用手肘撐起身子，伸手去抓那個被他丟在枕頭堆裡、幾乎見底的杯子。

“Look, talk to Kai. He said they’ve been chatting, too. He’d be more help than me.”
「聽著，去跟 Kai 聊聊。他說他們最近也有在傳訊息。他比我更能幫上忙。」

“Do you think he knows Soobin’s address?”
「你覺得他知道 Soobin 的住址嗎？」

Yeonjun shrugs, but Beomgyu is already pulling his phone out of his pocket.
Yeonjun 聳聳肩，但 Beomgyu 已經從口袋裡掏出手機。

“Don’t rush into something stupid,” Yeonjun says warily, watching him unlock it.
「別衝動做傻事，」然竣謹慎地看著他解鎖手機。

Beomgyu shakes his head.  范奎搖了搖頭。

“If I was gonna rush into something stupid, it’d have happened weeks ago,” he says. “I think we’re past rushing into it.”
「如果我真要衝動做傻事，幾週前就該發生了，」他說。「我想我們早就過了衝動的階段。」

“Yeah, fair.”  「嗯，有道理。」

“Think I can call Kai, or are they still asleep? Ten-thirty’s not too early, right?”
「你覺得我能打電話給 Kai 嗎？還是他們還在睡？十點半不算太早吧？」

“Oh, so you don’t care about waking me up, but your precious Hueningie gets to sleep in?”
「哦，所以吵醒我沒關係，但你寶貴的 Hueningie 就可以睡到自然醒？」

“Exactly.”  「沒錯。」

Yeonjun scoffs something about no respect at him as Beomgyu finds Kai’s contact.
在 Beomgyu 找著 Kai 的聯絡人時，Yeonjun 對他嘟囔了幾句沒大沒小之類的話。

“Put him on speaker,” Yeonjun says as soon as it starts ringing.
「開擴音。」電話剛響起，Yeonjun 立刻說道。

“Wow, you really want in on the scheming.”
「哇，你真的很想參與這個計劃耶。」

“Yah, you’re such a brat,” Yeonjun complains, but Beomgyu puts the phone on speaker for him.
「呀，你這小子真調皮，」然竣抱怨道，但杋圭還是幫他開了擴音。

“Morning, hyung,” Kai’s bright voice says. He’s too chipper, and something about the white noise in the background makes it sound like he’s outside. “Feeling terrible?”
「早安，哥，」休寧凱活力十足的聲音傳來。他精神過於亢奮，背景的白噪音讓人感覺他好像在外面。「感覺很糟嗎？」

“Not as terrible as me,” Yeonjun calls out.
「沒我糟啦，」然竣大聲回話。

“Oh, you’re with Yeonjun-hyung?”
「哦，你跟 Yeonjun 哥在一起啊？」

“Yeah. We had to talk,” Beomgyu says.
「對啊，我們得談談。」范奎說。

“Yeah, I figured,” Kai says. “All good?”
「嗯，我猜也是。」凱說。「都還好吧？」

“If things weren’t good, you saying that would have made it awkward,” Yeonjun says.
「要是事情不順利，你這樣問會讓場面很尷尬耶。」Yeonjun 說。

“Hey, I’m trying to be polite.” Kai’s voice sounds light — the two of them must have talked through their own tensions after Beomgyu went home the night before. Yeonjun was right that no one had been on their best behavior.
「嘿，我可是在保持禮貌。」Kai 的語氣聽起來很輕鬆——看來昨晚 Beomgyu 回家後，他們倆已經化解了彼此間的緊張氣氛。Yeonjun 說得沒錯，大家之前的表現確實都不太得體。

“Where are you guys?” Beomgyu asks. “You sound…active.”
「你們人在哪啊？」Beomgyu 問道，「聽起來...挺熱鬧的。」

“Oh, Taehyunnie’s at the gym. I’m at the farmer’s market in Malli-dong,” Kai says. “He wanted me to get him a bunch of stuff to cook for dinner this week.”
「喔，Taehyunnie 在健身房。我在麻里洞的農夫市集，」Kai 說，「他要我買一堆食材，準備這週的晚餐。」

“They need to just get mated already,” Yeonjun says to Beomgyu under his breath.
「他們乾脆直接結為伴侶算了。」Yeonjun 低聲對 Beomgyu 嘀咕道。

“What was that?”  「那是什麼？」

“Nothing,” Yeonjun says airily.
「沒什麼。」然竣輕描淡寫地說。

“Look, can you come over to hyung’s?” Beomgyu asks. “I need your brain.”
「欸，你能來哥這邊嗎？」范奎問。「我需要你的腦子。」

“Not really,” Kai says apologetically. “I have all this raw meat in my bag from the butcher stand.”
「不太方便耶。」凱抱歉地說。「我背包裡還放著肉攤買的生肉。」

“You do know I have a fridge,” Yeonjun points out.
「你應該知道我有冰箱吧？」然竣指出。

“What’d you need help with?”
「你需要幫什麼忙？」

“Soobin-hyung,” Beomgyu says.
「秀彬哥，」范奎說。

“Ooooh. Duh. Did you talk to him after Yeonjunnie-hyung blew up?”
「噢～對齁。然竣哥發飆後你有跟他談過嗎？」

Beomgyu shoots Yeonjun a look, but Yeonjun doesn’t look bothered, mouthing accurate.
范奎瞪了然竣一眼，但然竣看起來毫不在意，嘴型準確地說著。

“Yeah, I did, and it was a disaster,” Beomgyu says to the phone.
「對，我試過了，簡直是一場災難，」范奎對著電話說道。

“Ah. It can’t have been that bad, Beomgyu-hyung.”
「啊，應該沒那麼糟吧，范奎哥。」

“Oh, but it can.”  「噢，但真的就是那麼糟。」

Kai sighs.  Kai 嘆了口氣。

“Hyung, just talk to him,” he says. “Just tell him how you feel. No more of this evasive stuff.”
「哥，你就跟他談談吧，」他說。「直接告訴他你的感受。別再這樣躲躲藏藏的了。」

“Yeah, I know that. But I’m still working on the how.”
「嗯，我知道。但我還在想該怎麼做。」

“Like, call him? Text him, and make a time to meet up? You know, how people talk?”
「比如說，打電話給他？傳訊息約個時間見面？你知道的，就像一般人那樣談話？」

“He’s probably gonna screen my calls,” Beomgyu says. “Honestly, I don’t think calling him is the right move. Nothing good has been happening for us over the phone lately.”
「他八成會拒接我電話，」范奎說。「說真的，我覺得打電話不是好主意。最近我們在電話裡都沒好事。」

“Maybe text him tomorrow morning, then. Give yourselves a day of space.”
「那明天早上傳訊息給他吧。給彼此一天冷靜的空間。」

Beomgyu sticks his lower lip out at Yeonjun in an exaggerated pout.
范奎對著然竣誇張地噘起下唇。

“Oh, Beomie doesn’t like that,” Yeonjun laughs. “He doesn’t want to wait, Kai-ya. He wants to do a dramatic gesture.”
「哎唷，我們范奎不開心啦，」然竣笑著說。「他不想等耶，凱啊。他想來個戲劇性的大動作。」

“Yeah, well, maybe he shouldn’t,” Kai says. “I’m sorry, hyung, but you probably shouldn’t.”
「是啊，搞不好他真不該這樣。」Kai 說。「抱歉啊哥，但你可能真的不該這麼做。」

“Wouldn’t Soobin-hyung like that?” Beomgyu persists. “He put himself out there for me, and I fucked it up. Wouldn’t he like it if I did something big and stupid for him?”
「Soobin 哥不會喜歡這樣嗎？」Beomgyu 不死心地追問。「他為我付出那麼多，我卻搞砸了。如果我也為他做些瘋狂又愚蠢的事，他不會開心嗎？」

“Such as?”  「比如說？」

“I dunno. Maybe I should book him for a whole day and take him on a picnic instead.”
「不知道耶。或許我該包下他一整天的時間，帶他去野餐什麼的。」

“I’m gonna say you should probably leave the alpha service out of this grand gesture,” Yeonjun says wisely.
「我覺得你最好別把 alpha 服務算進這個大驚喜裡，」然竣明智地說。

“And his day rate is six million won,” Kai adds. “That would be a hell of a pricy picnic.”
「而且他一天的收費是六百萬韓元耶，」休寧凱補充道。「這野餐也太貴了吧。」

“Kai, just get over here,” Beomgyu whines. “Put the meat in Yeonjun-hyung’s fridge. I need you to help me. We can do the workshopping I didn’t let you do last night.”
「凱啊，快點過來啦，」范奎哀嚎著。「把肉放到然竣哥的冰箱。我需要你幫忙。我們可以來做昨晚沒讓你參與的企劃討論。」

“Ugh, fine,” Kai complains, though it doesn’t sound that grudging. “I’ll come over as soon as I’m done here. How long are you staying at hyung’s?”
「唉，好啦，」休寧凱抱怨道，不過聽起來倒沒那麼不情願。「我這邊弄完就過去。你會在哥家待多久？」

Beomgyu looks at Yeonjun, who waves a hand through the air dismissively.
範奎看著玧準，後者漫不經心地揮了揮手。

“I’ll cancel my plans. No way am I making it out to a networking lunch with a bunch of influencers when my head feels like this.”
「我會取消行程。腦袋這種狀態還要去跟一群網紅吃社交午餐，門都沒有。」

“I’ll be here all day,” Beomgyu says to the phone. “Come whenever you can, Kai-ya.”
「我一整天都會在這。」範奎對著電話說。「你方便的時候過來就好，Kai-ya。」

Yeonjun doesn’t want to keep talking about it after they hang up the phone. He says Beomgyu needs to get Soobin out of his brain for a while, and so they relocate to the living room to watch TV. Yeonjun curls up on one corner of his couch with his eyes hidden under a throw pillow, moaning about the sound being too loud, while Beomgyu puts on an old season of a dating show so convoluted that it makes his own love life feel like smooth sailing. Trying to explain the ins and outs of the show to Yeonjun, who’s barely even watching but still has a lot of opinions to offer, is a welcome distraction. He’s thought about basically nothing but Soobin this weekend, and a few episodes in, he feels more like himself. His mood is lighter, and he feels stronger, more confident.
掛斷電話後，玧準不想繼續討論這件事。他說範奎需要暫時把秀彬從腦海中趕出去，於是他們轉移到客廳看電視。玧準蜷縮在沙發一角，眼睛藏在抱枕底下，抱怨音量太大；而範奎則播放了一季錯綜複雜的戀愛實境秀，相比之下讓他覺得自己的感情生活簡直一帆風順。向幾乎沒在看卻意見很多的玧準解釋節目細節，成了令人愉快的分心方式。這個週末他腦海幾乎只有秀彬，但看了幾集後，他感覺更像原來的自己了——心情更輕鬆，感覺更堅強、更有自信。

When Beomgyu lets Kai in an hour later, who loads a huge grocery bag right into the fridge and collapses dramatically onto an armchair like he’s a weary traveler, he feels very good about the dumb thing he’s about to say to him. This feels like a good kind of dumb — risky, but not reckless.
一小時後，當范奎讓凱進門時，看著對方把一大袋雜貨直接塞進冰箱，然後像個疲憊的旅人般誇張地癱倒在扶手椅上，他對自己即將要說的蠢話感到異常坦然。這種蠢似乎帶著某種美好——冒險卻不莽撞。

“Here I am, ready to workshop,” Kai says, smiling. His cheeks are still pink from the fall chill setting in outside. “Let’s do all the strategizing you didn’t let me do last night.”
「我來啦，準備好開工了。」凱笑著說，外頭的秋寒讓他臉頰仍泛著粉紅。「來討論你昨晚不讓我參與的所有戰略吧。」

“I need something very specific from you,” Beomgyu says, settling back down on the couch.
「我需要你幫個非常具體的忙。」范奎說著重新窩回沙發。

“Okay, shoot.”  「好啊，說來聽聽。」

“Soobin-hyung’s address.”
「秀彬哥的地址。」

“What? I don’t have it.”
「什麼？我沒有啊。」

“I know you don’t. But I bet you can get it for me, can’t you?”
「我知道你沒有。但我打賭你能幫我弄到，對吧？」

“Holy shit, you really are gonna pull a rom-com,” Yeonjun says, sitting up straighter and letting the pillow fall from his face.
「靠，你還真的要走浪漫喜劇路線耶。」然竣說著挺直身子，讓枕頭從臉上滑落。

“Beomgyu-hyung…”  「范奎哥…」

Kai looks weary.  Kai 看起來很疲憊。

“Don’t you think you should let it rest for a bit? Give him some time, after yesterday?”
「你不覺得該讓這件事緩緩嗎？經過昨天那樣，給他點時間吧？」

“No,” Beomgyu says, determined. “We left it in such a bad spot yesterday. I can’t let him keep thinking like that for long.”
「不行，」范奎堅決地說。「昨天我們把事情搞得太糟了。我不能讓他繼續那樣想太久。」

“Like what?”  「像是什麼？」

“Thinking that I don’t love him,” Beomgyu says. “Kai-ya, imagine you’re in my shoes with Taehyun. Would you be able to let it rest?”
「覺得我不愛他，」范奎說。「凱啊，想像一下你站在我的立場面對泰賢。你能就這樣算了嗎？」

Kai looks over at Yeonjun, who shakes his head, a tiny smile on his full lips.
凱看向然竣，後者搖了搖頭，豐滿的唇上掛著一抹淺笑。

“I’m just a spectator,” Yeonjun says. “Don’t ask me what I think about all this. I’m not getting in the way anymore.”
「我只是個旁觀者，」然竣說。「別問我對這一切有什麼看法。我不再插手了。」

“So you want me to conjure up Soobin-hyung’s address, huh?” Kai grumbles, turning back to Beomgyu. He breaks into a wide smile. “Quite the demand. Do I get paid for this?”
「所以你是要我變出秀彬哥的地址囉？」凱伊嘟囔著，轉頭看向范奎。他突然咧嘴一笑：「這要求可真大。有酬勞嗎？」

“You get paid in your best friend’s happiness,” Beomgyu bubbles. “Best friends, plural.”
「酬勞就是你最好朋友的幸福啊，」范奎雀躍地說，「而且還是『最好朋友們』，複數喔。」

“He’s not my best friend anymore,” Kai points out, pulling his phone out of the pocket of his hoodie. “All we’ve done in the last two years is text about anime recommendations and work out who’s buying the tickets when we go see Avatar.”
「他早就不是我最好的朋友了，」凱伊邊說邊從連帽衫口袋掏出手機，「過去兩年我們只傳訊息討論動漫推薦，還有去看《阿凡達》時誰要負責買票。」

“But maybe he will be again,” Beomgyu says happily. He pats the couch next to him, and Kai relocates, letting Beomgyu curl up against his side and look over his shoulder as he starts scrolling through his texts with Soobin. “So how are we doing this?”
「但說不定會重新變成好朋友嘛，」范奎開心地說。他拍拍身旁的沙發，凱伊挪了過去，讓范奎能蜷靠在他身側，越過肩膀看他開始滑動與秀彬的對話紀錄。「所以我們要怎麼做？」

“I’m assuming there’s a reason you can’t just ask him yourself?” Yeonjun says.
「我猜你應該有什麼原因不能直接問他吧？」然竣說。

“Of course he can’t,” Kai says. “That seems desperate.”
「他當然不能啊，」休寧凱說。「那樣感覺太猴急了。」

“Yeah, duh.”  「對啊，廢話。」

“Glad I asked,” Yeonjun says, shrugging. He rolls over on the couch, curling up against the back cushion and burying his eyes against it. “Giving in to my headache. Poke me if you need me.”
「幸好我有問，」然竣聳聳肩說道。他在沙發上翻了個身，蜷縮著靠向椅背，把臉埋進靠墊裡。「我要向頭痛投降了。有事再叫我。」

Thank god for Kai. It doesn’t take long for him to come up with the perfect plan: offering to drop off a DVD set of some show he been into with Soobin years ago and happened to mention again this past week, in their first few timid texts exchanged.
幸好有 Kai 在。他很快就想出了絕妙的主意：提議要送一套多年前和 Soobin 一起追過的影集 DVD，剛好這週聊天時又提到了這部劇，就在他們最初幾條怯生生的簡訊往來中。

“I don’t even know if there is a DVD set of Cowboy Bebop,” Kai says, pressing send.
「我甚至不確定《星際牛仔》有沒有出 DVD 套裝，」Kai 按下傳送鍵說道。

“What? So say something else then!”
「什麼？那快改傳別的內容啊！」

“Too late.” Kai giggles. “I mean, he’s gonna say no.”
「來不及啦。」Kai 咯咯笑著。「反正他肯定會拒絕的。」

“And then what?”  「然後呢？」

“I refuse to take no for an answer,” Kai says. “Tell him I’m going over to his neighborhood anyway, or something. Don’t worry about it, Beomgyu-hyung. This part’s on me.”
「我可不接受拒絕，」Kai 說道。「告訴他我反正都要去他那區，隨便編個理由。別擔心啦，范奎哥，這部分交給我處理。」

The wait for Soobin to respond is agonizing. Beomgyu can’t focus on the dating show anymore, not now that there’s a ticking time bomb in Kai’s phone. At noon, Kai makes a pot of ramyun for them all to share, and Beomgyu picks at his serving, too nervous to eat, even though his body is finally ready for nutrients.
等待秀彬回覆的過程簡直折磨人。范奎再也無法專心看戀愛實境秀，此刻 Kai 手機裡就像有顆倒數計時的炸彈。中午時分，Kai 煮了鍋拉麵和大家分食，范奎卻食不知味地撥弄著麵條，過度緊張讓他即使身體急需營養也咽不下食物。

“I should tell Taehyunnie to get over here,” Kai says, watching Yeonjun devour noodles as if he hadn’t been cursing at the concept of food all morning. “Maybe we could watch a movie.”
「我該叫泰煥尼過來，」Kai 看著然竣狼吞虎嚥的模樣說道，明明這傢伙早上還對食物概念罵罵咧咧的。「或許我們可以一起看部電影。」

“Did he text yet?” Beomgyu asks anxiously.
「他傳訊息了嗎？」范奎焦急地問道。

“Nah. It’ll ring when he—oh!”
「還沒。等他一——啊！」

Kai had glanced at his phone perfunctorily, just to satisfy Beomgyu’s request, and now is grabbing it, wide-eyed.
凱只是敷衍地瞥了眼手機，想滿足范奎的要求，現在卻瞪大了眼睛抓著手機。

“Shit, thought I’d taken it off silent,” he says, and Beomgyu moans.
「靠，我以為我關靜音了，」他說道，范奎發出一聲哀嚎。

“What’d he say? How long ago did he text?”
「他說什麼？他多久前傳訊息的？」

“Ten minutes ago. He says…” Beomgyu waits an agonizing three seconds while Kai reads the message. “Sorry, couldn’t get to my phone until now… yeah, he says that it’s a sweet offer, but I don’t have to, he can pirate it somewhere.”
「十分鐘前。他說...」范奎煎熬地等了凱伊讀訊息的這三秒。「抱歉，剛剛沒辦法拿手機...對，他說這提議很貼心，但不用了，他可以自己找盜版資源。」

“Would you download a car?” Yeonjun quotes in his most ominous voice.
「你會下載一台車嗎？」然竣用他最陰森的語氣引用這句網路迷因。

Beomgyu twists his chopsticks between his fingers nervously, but Kai is already typing out his response.
范奎緊張地用筷子在指間轉來轉去，但凱伊已經在回覆訊息了。

“We got this, Beomgyu-hyung. Easy-peasy. I’m insisting.”
「我們可以的，範奎哥。小菜一碟。我堅持。」

“He lives in Seongsu-dong, if you’re telling him you’re going to be near him,” Beomgyu says. “You could say you’re, like…”
「他住在聖水洞，如果你要告訴他你會在他附近的話，」範奎說。「你可以說你像是⋯⋯」

“Making up a dentist appointment in Seongsu-dong tomorrow,” Kai says breezily, still typing. “Gonna be in his neck of the woods. Easy to drop it off.”
「明天在聖水洞預約了牙醫看診，」凱伊輕鬆地說，手指仍在打字。「剛好在他家附近。順路送過去很方便。」

“He’s gonna see right through this,” Yeonjun chortles. “Couldn’t you just bring it to the movies?”
「他一定會看穿這個藉口的，」然竣咯咯笑著。「你不能直接帶去電影院嗎？」

“Damn, he responds fast these days,” Kai says. “I literally just pressed send and he’s already typing.”
「靠，他最近回訊息超快的，」Kai 說。「我才剛按下傳送，他就已經在打字了。」

“Maybe all those years of us nagging him about his bad texting got to him,” Beomgyu says, trying to keep his voice bold and teasing. His hands are jittering on his chopsticks, to the point that he has to lay them down and weave his fingers together to keep them still.
「搞不好是我們這些年一直唸他回訊息太慢，終於奏效了，」Beomgyu 試圖讓自己的語氣聽起來大膽又戲謔。他的筷子在手中不停顫抖，最後只好放下筷子，十指交扣讓雙手停止發抖。

“Hm. Okay. He says…”  「嗯。好。他說⋯⋯」

Beomgyu and Yeonjun wait in silence while Kai reads Soobin’s texts.
Beomgyu 和 Yeonjun 沉默地等待 Kai 讀完 Soobin 傳來的訊息。

“He says he can meet me by the tea shop in his building, and wants to know what time I get out of work tomorrow. Maybe we could have a cup of tea? Wait, still typing…actually I might have something to talk about with you.”
他說可以在他大樓旁的茶店見面，還問我明天幾點下班。或許我們可以一起喝杯茶？等等，他還在輸入...其實我可能有事情想跟你談談。

“Oh my god, is it about me?” Beomgyu says in a rush.
「天啊，是關於我的事嗎？」范奎急忙問道。

“Safe bet,” Yeonjun says.
「十之八九。」然竣說。

“Did he tell you the address?”
「他有告訴你地址嗎？」

“I mean, he told me the name of the tea shop, so basically.”
「我是說，他都告訴我茶館的名字了，基本上就是這樣。」

Soobin is within reach. All that’s left is for Beomgyu to go to him.
秀彬近在咫尺。現在就等范奎去找他了。

He stands up, scraping his chair back loudly on the floor.
他站起身，椅子在地板上刮出刺耳的聲響。

“You’re going now?” Yeonjun asks.
「你現在就要去？」然竣問道。

“Yeah. Don’t wanna wait.”
「對啊。我不想等了。」

“You don’t even know if he’s there, Beomgyu.”
「你甚至不確定他在不在那裡，范奎。」

“Then I’ll wait for him,” Beomgyu declares. “He’ll come home eventually. What else am I gonna do today? Sit around and freak out about this all day? And then do the same thing at the office tomorrow? I’m not waiting for Kai to gather evidence for me tomorrow. I need to do this myself.”
「那我就等他，」范奎堅定地說。「他總會回家的。我今天還能做什麼？整天坐在這裡為這件事發慌？然後明天在辦公室繼續這樣？我不打算等凱明天幫我蒐集證據。我得自己來。」

That seems to be a good enough point that Yeonjun doesn’t complain further.
這個理由似乎足夠充分，讓然竣沒再繼續抱怨。

“Want me to come?” Kai offers, but Beomgyu shakes his head.
「要我陪你去嗎？」Kai 提議，但范奎搖了搖頭。

“This is on me. I’ll call you if I need you to come piece me back together after.”
「這次算我的。要是我需要你來幫我收拾殘局，我會打給你。」

“Oh, hyung. Not gonna happen.”
「噢，哥。不會有那種事的。」

“Anything can happen,” Beomgyu says darkly.
「什麼事都有可能發生，」范奎陰沉地說。

“At least go home and change into that sweater,” Yeonjun says, exasperated.
「至少回家換上那件毛衣吧，」然竣無奈地說。

“He’s probably not gonna be wearing anything at all for that long,” Kai says to Yeonjun.
「他大概根本不會穿任何東西那麼久啦，」Kai 對 Yeonjun 說。

“Kai-yaa,” Beomgyu complains. “I’m not going to hook-up with him. This is about feelings.”
「Kai 呀，」范奎抱怨道。「我又不是要跟他約炮，這關乎感情好嗎。」

“Yeah, right, feelings,” Kai smiles. “Just go, Beomie-hyung. I’ll text you the location.”
「是啦是啦，感情嘛，」Kai 笑著說。「快去吧范奎哥，我傳地址給你。」

Beomgyu doesn’t want to think of racing across the city to show up uninvited at Soobin’s doorstep as reckless, but it certainly is impulsive. At every step of the way, he second-guesses himself. After all, isn’t it terribly presumptuous of him to think Soobin would even want this? What if he’s busy today, and Beomgyu showing up at his doorstep will only be a nuisance? What if he’s not home at all? Fuck, what if he’s working?
範奎不願將自己衝動地穿越整座城市、不請自來地出現在秀彬家門口的行為視為魯莽，但這確實是一時衝動之舉。一路上他反覆質疑自己：這樣做會不會太自以為是？萬一秀彬今天根本不想見他呢？要是他正忙著，自己的突然造訪只會造成困擾怎麼辦？或者他根本不在家？該死，萬一他在工作呢？

He should give him a call, but for some reason, calling him feels scarier than showing up at his door. At least if the dramatic scene goes south, Beomgyu can chalk it up to being hopelessly lovesick, and laugh about it one day. Remember that time you tried to win your ex back by borderline harassing him?
他應該先打個電話，但不知為何，打電話比直接上門更讓人害怕。至少如果這場戲碼演砸了，範奎還能歸咎於自己無可救藥的相思病，將來某天還能當笑話講。記得那次你差點騷擾前男友只為挽回他嗎？

It isn’t hard to find the building, just an aging five-story structure above a cute little tea shop, and a buzzer system is built into the wall next to the door. Beomgyu clicks through it to find Choi Soobin, 3B, and then freezes. All he has to do is push that button. Just push the buzzer button. Just do it.
那棟建築不難找，只是間五層樓的老舊公寓，樓下有間可愛的小茶館。門邊牆上裝著對講系統。範奎滑動螢幕找到「崔秀彬 3B」後突然僵住。現在只要按下那個按鈕就好。只要按下對講鍵。按下去就對了。

Suddenly, the door opens as someone exits the building, and Beomgyu grabs the handle without thinking as it swings closes behind her. He slips into the building, finding himself in a small, drab lobby, facing a flight of stairs.
突然間，大門被人推開，有人從建築物裡走出來。范奎不假思索地抓住即將關上的門把，順勢溜進建築物內。他置身於一個狹小單調的大廳，面前是一段樓梯。

Is it creepy of him to just go straight to Soobin’s door? Too late to worry about that. Beomgyu takes the stairs up to the third floor two at a time. There are two apartments on the landing, and his eyes zip to Soobin’s unassuming door. His neighbor has an umbrella stand out in front of the door and a mat to wipe shoes on, printed with a cute pattern of paw prints, but Soobin’s doorway is bare.
就這樣直接去找秀彬的房門會不會很變態？現在擔心這個已經太遲了。范奎兩階併作一步衝上三樓。樓層平台上有兩間公寓，他的目光立刻鎖定秀彬那扇樸素的門。鄰居門前擺著傘架和印有可愛爪印圖案的擦鞋墊，但秀彬的門口卻空無一物。

I should have brought something, Beomgyu thinks in a panic. Flowers, or a bottle of wine, or a card. Something to make this meaningful. But he has nothing but himself and his thoughts, and the thing he knows he wants to say the moment he lays eyes on Soobin: I’m here to apologize. I’m sorry for everything. Can we talk?
我應該帶點什麼來的，范奎慌張地想。鮮花、一瓶紅酒，或是一張卡片。任何能讓這一切顯得有意義的東西。但他除了自己和滿腦子思緒外什麼都沒帶，還有那句一見到秀彬就想說的話：我是來道歉的。對不起，一切都是我的錯。我們能談談嗎？

No point dragging this out. Beomgyu knocks on the door, and waits.
再拖下去也沒意義。范奎敲了敲門，然後等待。

And waits. And waits. No answer. He knocks again — nothing.
他等待著。繼續等待。沒有回應。他又敲了一次門——依然毫無動靜。

Damn, he should have called him first. Beomgyu leans up against the bare wall of the hallway, mind racing through his options. It could mean anything that Soobin isn’t home — he could be out running errands, or out to lunch with a friend, or… fuck, he could be working, and be gone all day. He hadn’t responded for at least a half hour when Kai texted him, which could mean a job, but the fact that he’d responded at all probably means whatever he was doing was over. Maybe he’ll be back soon?
該死，他應該先打電話的。范奎倚靠在空蕩的走廊牆壁上，腦海飛速盤算著各種可能性。秀彬不在家可能意味著任何情況——可能是出門辦事，或是和朋友吃午餐，或是...幹，他可能在工作中，整天都不會回來。凱傳訊息給他至少半小時都沒回覆，這可能表示他在工作，但既然他最終回覆了，大概表示手頭的事情已經結束。或許他很快就會回來？

Beomgyu slides down the wall, settling onto the floor with his legs crossed. He might as well wait for a while and see what happens. He’s got his phone to entertain him, and a brain full of thoughts he should probably spend more time sorting out, anyway.
范奎順著牆壁滑坐下來，盤腿落在地板上。反正他也不妨等一會兒看看情況。他有手機可以打發時間，還有滿腦子思緒需要好好整理。

At some point, “a while” crosses over into “a long time.” Beomgyu watches videos on mute with the captioning on, just in case noise would catch the attention of one of Soobin’s neighbors. Someone walks down the stairs, giving him an odd look, and he hears a few doors opening and closing on the levels below him, but no one kicks him out, and so he keeps waiting, losing track of time until suddenly his phone alerts him to switch on low-battery mode. He jolts himself out of his stupor and realizes that it’s been hours.
不知不覺間，「一會兒」變成了「很久」。范奎將影片調成靜音模式，開啟字幕功能，深怕聲響會驚動到秀彬的鄰居。有人走下樓梯，投來異樣眼光，他聽見下方樓層幾扇門開關的聲響，但始終沒人趕他走。於是他繼續等待，直到手機突然跳出低電量提示，才猛然驚覺時間已流逝數小時之久。

With a sinking feeling in his chest, he realizes that Soobin must be on a job. As far as he knows, Soobin doesn’t tend to be especially social on the weekends; from all their texting, it’s been easy to glean that Soobin doesn’t really have close friends the way Beomgyu does anymore. Working seems like the most easy explanation for why Soobin would have been gone from noon to… holy shit, six P.M. Has it really been that long?
胸口泛起一陣沉悶，他這才意識到秀彬八成是去工作了。據他所知，秀彬週末通常不太社交；從兩人傳訊的內容不難推斷，秀彬早已不像范奎這樣擁有親密好友。工作顯然是最合理的解釋——從中午到...天啊，晚上六點？居然過了這麼久？

Beomgyu stands and stretches. He should call him. If Soobin hasn’t come back home in a half hour, he’ll call him. Or maybe he’ll text him, if he chickens out of calling him. One way or another, he’ll have to get in touch with him.
范奎起身伸展筋骨。他該打電話了。如果半小時內秀彬還沒回來，他就打。或者...如果臨陣退縮，至少傳個訊息。無論如何，他都得聯繫上對方。

He settles back against the wall, sets an alarm for 6:30, and closes his eyes.
他靠著牆壁重新坐好，設定了 6:30 的鬧鐘，然後閉上眼睛。

When his phone starts buzzing violently in his lap Beomgyu startles, nearly hitting the mute button to turn his alarm off. Just in time, he realizes that it wasn’t his alarm. It’s only 6:27, and Soobin is calling him.
當手機在腿上劇烈震動時，范奎嚇了一跳，差點按下靜音鍵關掉鬧鐘。就在這時，他發現那不是鬧鐘。現在才 6:27，是秀彬打來的電話。

Soobin. The first time he’s seen that name flash across his screen in two years. Soobin is calling him.
秀彬。這是兩年來第一次看到這個名字出現在手機螢幕上。秀彬正在打電話給他。

He takes a deep breath and answers the phone.
他深吸一口氣，接起了電話。

“Hyung?”  「哥？」

“Where are you?”  「你在哪？」

Soobin’s voice is hard to read, especially in Beomgyu’s half-napping state.
秀彬的語氣難以捉摸，尤其對半夢半醒的範奎來說更是如此。

“I’m… okay, I can explain.”
「我...沒事，我可以解釋。」

“You’re not in my building, are you?”
「你該不會在我這棟樓吧？」

Beomgyu hesitates, but it’s not like he’s going to deny it.
范奎遲疑了一下，但他也沒打算否認。

“Yeah,” he says. “How did you…”
「對啊，」他說。「你怎麼會...」

“Jesus, Beomgyu. What are the…okay, stay there. Don’t go anywhere.”
「天啊范奎，你到底...好吧，待在那別動。哪裡都別去。」

Soobin hangs up, and Beomgyu is left staring at his phone screen, flashing that there are two minutes left until his alarm.
秀彬掛斷了電話，范奎盯著手機螢幕發呆，上面顯示鬧鐘還剩兩分鐘就要響起。

How did Soobin know? Did Kai tell him? Where has he been? Beomgyu turns off the alarm and curls up in a ball, clutching his legs in his arms and burying his face in his knees. His thoughts are racing even faster than they have all day, and all he can do is hide from them. Soobin is going to be here, and he has to carry through on his plan. He’s probably going to cry, isn’t he? He can’t cry. Maybe it’s a good thing if he cries.
秀彬怎麼會知道？是凱告訴他的嗎？他這幾天到底去了哪裡？范奎關掉鬧鐘，蜷縮成一團，雙手環抱著雙腿，把臉埋進膝蓋裡。他的思緒比一整天都還要混亂，只能選擇逃避。秀彬就要來了，他必須執行自己的計畫。他可能會哭出來吧？不行，不能哭。或許哭出來反而是件好事。

Beomgyu hears the front door open three floors down and leaps to his feet, but no one walks past on the stairs — it’s just a downstairs neighbor. Fuck, he needs to calm down. At this rate he won’t be able to say anything at all to Soobin when he finally comes back. He’ll be too much of a nervous ball of emotions.
范奎聽見三層樓下的大門開啟聲，猛地跳了起來，但樓梯間沒有人經過——只是樓下的鄰居而已。該死，他必須冷靜下來。照這樣下去，等秀彬真的回來時，他會緊張到一句話都說不出來。他現在根本就是顆情緒過載的毛球。

He’s been here in this hallway for so long that he’s stopped noticing the way the overhead light buzzes at an infuriatingly high pitch. His phone’s at five percent battery, so the minutes drag on, with no distractions anymore. But the moment he hears Soobin’s footsteps on the stairs, all that boredom and monotony washes away. It’s like he’s been there for minutes instead of hours, and anticipation surges through him so quickly that he feels electrified.
他在這條走廊待了太久，久到已經聽不見頭頂燈管那惱人的高頻嗡嗡聲。手機電量只剩 5%，時間變得格外漫長，再也沒有任何事物能分散注意力。但當他聽見玟準上樓的腳步聲時，所有無聊與單調瞬間一掃而空。彷彿他只等了幾分鐘而非數小時，期待感如電流般竄過全身，讓他整個人為之一振。

He can tell it’s Soobin instantly. The sound of his footsteps is so familiar, leaping heavily up the stairs, taking the flights so quickly that Beomgyu barely has time to stand before he wheels around the corner and into view.
他立刻認出那是玟準的腳步聲。那聲音熟悉得令人心安，沉甸甸地躍上台階，飛快地轉過樓梯平台，快得讓范奎還沒來得及站直身子，對方就已轉過走廊拐角出現在眼前。

“Beomgyu,” Soobin says. “You’re…”
「范奎，」玟準開口，「你怎麼...」

He has his satchel over his shoulder, the same one from Beomgyu’s heat, and his hair looks damp. Beomgyu doesn’t dwell on it, drinking in his face instead, the way his brows are creased together in some kind of confusion. He’s so beautiful, always so beautiful.
他肩上掛著那個單肩包，和范奎發情期時見到的是同一個，髮梢還帶著濕氣。范奎沒多注意這些細節，只是貪婪地凝視那張臉——微蹙的眉間透著某種困惑。他真好看，永遠都這麼好看。

“Hi,” Beomgyu says, steadying himself against the wall.
「嗨，」范奎扶著牆穩住身子說道。

“You’re here,” Soobin says.
「你來了，」秀彬說。

“Yeah, I am.”  「嗯，我來了。」

Soobin stands there in front of his door, staring at him, and all the words Beomgyu planned to say fly out of his head. He takes a shaky breath and opens his mouth, hoping that whatever comes out is good.
秀彬站在自家門前盯著他看，范奎原本想好的台詞全從腦中飛走了。他顫抖地吸了口氣，張開嘴，希望無論說出什麼都好。

“I love you,” Beomgyu blurts out. “Um. Yeah. So much.”
「我愛你，」范奎脫口而出。「呃。對。超愛你。」

Soobin just stares at him.
秀彬只是盯著他看。

“That’s mostly why I cried. During heat. You asked, but I…didn’t answer, so, uh, that’s why.”
「那就是我發情期哭的主要原因。你問過我，但我...沒回答，所以，呃，就是這樣。」

He watches Soobin’s lips part, hanging open a fraction of an inch.
他看著秀彬的嘴唇微微張開，停滯在半開的狀態。

“I should have told you,” Beomgyu says. “I don’t even know when I should have told you, but I should have told you. I wanted to tell you. And…”
「我早該告訴你的，」范奎說。「我甚至不知道該在什麼時候告訴你，但我就是該告訴你。我想告訴你的。而且…」

He lifts a shaky hand and drops it again, no idea what he meant to do with it. His body is acting of its own volition.
他抬起顫抖的手又放下，完全不知道原本想做什麼。他的身體正不受控制地行動著。

“Well, now I told you,” he finishes lamely.
「好吧，現在我告訴你了，」他最後笨拙地說道。

Beomgyu doesn’t think Soobin has blinked since he laid eyes on him. Now, he fumbles blindly for his doorknob, his hand awkwardly bent behind his back.
范奎不覺得秀彬從看見他後有眨過眼。此刻，他正笨拙地反手摸索著門把，動作顯得有些彆扭。

“You should come inside,” Soobin says. “Do you want to?”
「你應該進來，」秀彬說。「你想嗎？」

Right, that’s where they should have started. The hallway probably wasn’t the best place for any of what Beomgyu just said.
對，他們一開始就該從這裡開始。走廊大概不是范奎剛才說那些話的最佳場所。

“Yeah,” Beomgyu says. “I mean, I’m here, after all.”
「是啊，」范奎說。「畢竟我人都來了。」

“Right,” Soobin says, finally turning around to the door to type in the code. “It’s a mess. I wasn’t expecting guests.”
「也是，」秀彬終於轉身輸入門鎖密碼。「屋裡很亂，我沒想到會有客人來。」

“No worries. I didn’t exactly tell you I was coming.”
「沒關係。反正我也沒事先說要來。」

Soobin swings the door open, and Beomgyu follows him into the apartment. It’s not so different from his own, just a one-room studio filled with basic furniture and sparsely decorated. Soobin switches the light on as he pulls off his shoes, and his general untidiness swims into view; nothing as bad as Yeonjun’s, but it’s clear from the piles of belongings stacked around the room and his unmade bed that he doesn’t put a lot of effort into keeping this place up. There’s a small pile of unpacked boxes in one corner, and Beomgyu wonders if he only recently moved in, or if he’s just never finished unpacking.
秀彬推開門，玟奎跟著他走進公寓。這裡和他自己的住處沒什麼不同，就是一間單人套房，擺著基本家具，裝潢簡樸。秀彬脫鞋時順手開了燈，屋內隨處可見的凌亂頓時一覽無遺；雖然不像演俊家那麼誇張，但從房間各處堆放的物品和沒整理的床鋪來看，顯然他不太費心維持整潔。角落有幾箱未拆封的紙箱，玟奎不禁猜想他是剛搬來，還是單純一直沒整理完。

“I have to clean Odi’s enclosure,” Soobin says apologetically, and Beomgyu finds it in the far corner of the room, a fenced-off section of the floor filled with soft toys and flannel pouches, one of which Odi is definitely hiding in. “I’m sorry if it smells.”
「我得清理 Odi 的窩，」秀彬歉然道。玟奎在房間遠角發現了那個用圍欄隔出的區域，裡頭擺滿絨毛玩偶和法蘭絨睡袋，Odi 肯定就躲在其中一個裡面。「抱歉，可能有點味道。」

“No, not at all.”  「不會，完全沒聞到。」

Soobin shuts the door and hangs his satchel on a hook next to it. He doesn’t step further into the apartment, though. He just stands against the door, staring at Beomgyu again.
秀彬關上門，把斜背包掛在門邊的掛鉤上。但他沒有往屋內走，只是靠著門再次凝視玟奎。

Beomgyu doesn’t move either. He has no idea how welcome he is in this space, whether Soobin will throw him out after he finishes saying his piece, so he has to say it quickly.
范奎也沒有動。他不確定自己在這個空間是否受歡迎，不知道秀彬聽完他的話後會不會把他趕出去，所以他必須快點說完。

“Hyung, I’m—”  「哥，我——」

“Could you…say that again?” Soobin interrupts. “What you said in the hall?”
「你可以...再說一次嗎？」秀彬打斷他。「你剛才在走廊上說的話？」

Beomgyu twists his fingers together into a knot. Be brave, be brave.
范奎的手指扭成一團。勇敢點，勇敢點。

“Um, I love you.” Fuck, why is his lip quivering? “I’m so sorry I haven’t… haven’t really shown it. I’m so, so in love with you.”
「呃，我愛你。」該死，他的嘴唇怎麼在發抖？「對不起我一直沒能...沒能好好表達。我真的、真的好愛你。」

He drops his eyes to the floor instead of reading Soobin’s reaction. He needs to keep going.
他垂下視線盯著地板，不敢看秀彬的反應。他必須繼續說下去。

“I don’t need you to say anything. You’ve told me enough, and now I have to talk. And maybe after yesterday you don’t even care what I have to say, but… I have to try to tell you how I feel, okay?”
「你不用說什麼。你已經說得夠多了，現在換我說。也許經過昨天的事，你根本不在乎我想說什麼，但...我必須試著告訴你我的感受，好嗎？」

“Okay,” Soobin says quietly.
「好。」秀彬輕聲回應。

“Hyung, I’m so sorry,” Beomgyu exhales. “I hate that I never thought twice about what happened. I never wanted to accept that I fucked it up, too. It was too easy to blame you, and so I did. But I wasn’t good to you, was I? No, that’s… that’s not a question. I wasn’t. I… I understand why you thought I wanted you to leave. I made you feel that way. I had no idea I was hurting you, and I hate that I did that to you.”
「哥，對不起，」範奎嘆了口氣。「我討厭自己從沒好好想過發生的事。我從來不願承認我也搞砸了。把錯推給你太容易了，所以我就這麼做了。但我對你也不好，對吧？不，這…這不是問句。我確實沒有。我…我懂你為什麼會覺得我想趕你走。是我讓你這麼覺得的。我完全沒意識到自己傷害了你，我恨自己這樣對你。」

“Beomgyu.”  「范奎。」

“I’ve got more to say,” Beomgyu insists, flickering his eyes up to Soobin’s face for a second before racing them back down to the floor. God, in that one second he feels like his heart rate shoots up to something dangerous, and he barely even registers Soobin’s blank expression. “Can I…”
「我還有話要說，」范奎堅持道，目光快速掠過秀彬的臉龐又立刻垂向地板。天啊，就在那一秒鐘，他感覺自己的心跳飆升到危險的程度，甚至沒能看清秀彬面無表情的臉。「我可以...」

“Yeah, talk.”  「嗯，說吧。」

“I don’t know what to tell you to convince you that I do want to be right for you, when everything I’ve done makes you think the opposite, but whatever it is, I’m going to try to say it a billion times.” It bursts out of him, all wavy and wobbly from the thickness building in the back of his throat. “I don’t even know if you fucking… if you want to try this, or if it’s stupid to think we can try this again, or if I can say for sure that we’re ready to try again, but I want to try again. I’d do anything in the entire world to try again, even if it doesn’t… doesn’t work. And I don’t want you to be a secret. I’ve told everyone how I feel about you now. I want you to be mine.”  
「我不知道該怎麼說服你，讓你相信我真的想成為適合你的人，尤其當我做過的一切都讓你覺得相反的時候。但無論如何，我會試著說上一億次。」這些話從他喉嚨深處湧出，因為哽咽而顯得顫抖不穩。「我甚至不確定你他媽的...還想不想試試看，或者想著我們能重新開始是不是很蠢，又或者我能不能確定我們已經準備好再試一次——但我就是想再試一次。就算最後...沒有結果，我也願意做這世上任何事來換取重來的機會。而且我不想把你當成秘密。我現在已經告訴所有人我對你的感覺了。我想要你成為我的。」

His voice cracks on the last word, and in his peripheral vision he sees Soobin’s hand jerk in place, like he wanted to move it and thought better of it.
他的聲音在最後一個字上破了音，眼角餘光瞥見脩寧的手突然抽動了一下，像是想伸手又臨時改變主意。

“Just one more thing. Um, okay, two more things?”
「還有一件事。呃，好吧，其實是兩件？」

“Go ahead.” Soobin sounds weird too, quiet and choked off.
「說吧。」脩寧的聲音聽起來也很奇怪，既輕又悶。

Beomgyu takes a deep breath and races through his words, as fast as he can, before he chickens out.
範奎深吸一口氣，趁自己還沒退縮前，用最快的速度把話一口氣說完。

“You made me so happy just for those few minutes I got to see your face last night, and getting to text you has been the best part of every day,” he babbles. “Uh, and… okay. I think I’d rather swear off alphas for the rest of my life than not get to spend another heat with you so… yeah. That’s… that’s how I feel.”
「昨晚能見到你的臉，光是那短短幾分鐘就讓我開心到不行，每天能傳訊息給你都是我最期待的時刻，」他語無倫次地說著。「呃，還有...好吧。我想我寧願這輩子都不再碰任何 alpha，也不要錯過和你共度的下一次發情期...所以...對。這就是...我的真心話。」

Beomgyu keeps his head ducked, but he lifts his eyes to Soobin’s face. He has to see how all his blubbering, stream-of-consciousness words landed.
范奎始終低著頭，但此刻他抬眸望向秀彬的臉龐。他必須確認自己那些語無倫次的真心話究竟產生了什麼效果。

Soobin is still unreadable, his face composed and expressionless. That probably isn’t a good sign.
秀彬的表情依然深不可測，面容平靜得看不出情緒。這恐怕不是什麼好兆頭。

He clears his throat.  他清了清喉嚨。

“Can I tell you where I was today?” Soobin says.
「我可以告訴你我今天去了哪裡嗎？」秀彬說。

“Uh. Yeah. At a job?”
「呃。好啊。去工作？」

“Well, yeah. And then at the gym.”
「嗯，對啊。然後去了健身房。」

“Is that your gym bag, too?” Beomgyu asks, gesturing at the satchel. Stupid, awkward. He talks too much when he’s nervous.
「那個也是你的健身包嗎？」范奎指著那個手提包問道。蠢死了，尷尬爆表。他一緊張就會話太多。

“I guess,” Soobin says, shifting his weight to lean in front of the bag, as if he could hide the evidence. “But after that. I was at your apartment, Beoms.”
「大概吧，」秀彬說著，將身體重心前傾擋在袋子前，彷彿這樣就能隱藏證據。「但之後呢。我那時在你家，範奎。」

Beomgyu’s mouth falls open.
範奎的嘴巴張得老大。

“Exactly,” Soobin says. His expression finally cracks into a little smile. “I was going to tell you I needed to step away from all this, and I couldn’t wait any longer to end it.”
「沒錯，」秀彬說。他的表情終於裂開一絲微笑。「我本來要告訴你，我需要從這一切抽身，而且我再也等不下去了，必須結束它。」

“Oh,” Beomgyu says in a little voice. Step away? End it?
「噢，」範奎小聲地說。抽身？結束它？

“I couldn’t keep feeling something for you that you didn’t feel back,” Soobin says. “It was eating me alive all morning. I could barely do my job. All I could think about was how much it hurt that you didn’t feel it back.”
「我無法繼續單方面對你抱有感情，」秀彬說。「整個早上這念頭都快把我逼瘋了。我幾乎無法工作，滿腦子只想著你沒有回應這件事讓我多痛苦。」

“I…”  「我...」

Beomgyu’s words trail off, and Soobin lets him process what that means. And when he does…
范奎的話語逐漸消失，秀彬讓他慢慢消化這句話的含意。當他終於理解時...

“I feel it back,” Beomgyu says. “Hyung…”
「我有同樣的感覺，」范奎說。「哥...」

“Can I hug you?” Soobin asks. His eyebrows arch up, begging.
「可以抱抱你嗎？」秀彬問道。他的眉毛上揚，帶著懇求的神情。

“Please do,” Beomgyu whispers.
「拜託你抱我。」范奎輕聲說。

Soobin reaches him in one step and circles Beomgyu’s waist in his arms. He squeezes him as tight as he can, so tight Beomgyu can barely inflate his lungs, and as Beomgyu lifts his own arms to Soobin’s neck, Soobin buries his face flat into the top of Beomgyu’s shoulder. His scent is suddenly everywhere, pouring into Beomgyu’s nose, cinnamon and cloves whirling around him as he tucks his chin over Soobin’s torso. Beomgyu knows just what that wave of scent means, but Soobin tells him anyway.
秀彬一步跨到他面前，雙臂環繞住范奎的腰際。他使盡全力緊擁著他，緊到范奎幾乎無法呼吸，當范奎抬手環上秀彬的頸項時，秀彬將整張臉深深埋進范奎的肩窩。他的氣息突然無所不在，肉桂與丁香的馥郁竄入范奎鼻尖，當范奎將下巴抵上秀彬胸膛時，那股香氣便繚繞周身。范奎當然明白這陣氣息浪潮的含意，但秀彬仍在他耳畔低語傾訴。

“Beomie,” Soobin whispers. “I’m so overwhelmed.”
「范奎，」秀彬輕聲說道。「我快承受不住了。」

With every shallow inhale, it feels like Soobin’s scent is replacing all the air inside him, squeezing out his own breath, forcing tears out of his eyes. Beomgyu can’t think of anything else to say except the same thing he’s already said.
每一次淺淺的吸氣，都彷彿秀彬的氣息正取代他體內所有的空氣，擠壓出他自己的呼吸，逼出他眼中的淚水。范奎除了重複已經說過的話，再也想不出其他話語。

“I love you so much, hyung,” he says. “Never stopped.”
「我超愛你的，哥，」他說。「從來沒停過。」

“I can’t believe that,” Soobin whispers. “How is that real?”
「我不敢相信，」秀彬低語。「這怎麼可能是真的？」

“Can you really not?”  「你真的不相信嗎？」

Soobin just shakes his head into Beomgyu’s body.
秀彬只是把頭埋進范奎的身體裡搖了搖。

“Scent me,” Beomgyu says. “Please. You’ll know.”
「聞聞我，」范奎說。「拜託。你會明白的。」

Soobin doesn’t need to be told twice. He turns his head and presses his face straight into Beomgyu’s neck, right over his inhibitor patch. If Beomgyu’s pheromones are reacting to their embrace the same way Soobin’s are, that patch is probably completely useless right now, doing absolutely nothing to stifle the flood of desperate, needy pheromones stirring inside him. And sure enough, as Soobin nuzzles his nose against the patch, a lick of Beomgyu’s own peach scent breaks through the cloud of Soobin’s.
秀彬不需要他再說第二遍。他轉過頭，直接將臉埋進范奎的頸窩，正對著他的抑制貼片。如果范奎的費洛蒙也像秀彬的一樣對這個擁抱有反應，那片貼現在大概完全沒用，根本壓制不住他體內翻湧的渴望與渴求。果然，當秀彬用鼻子蹭著那片貼時，一絲范奎自己的蜜桃香氣穿透了秀彬的氣息雲霧。

Soobin groans, and Beomgyu’s knees give out.
秀彬發出一聲呻吟，范奎的雙腿頓時發軟。

“Fuck,” Soobin breathes. “Fuck, Gyu-ya.”
「該死，」秀彬喘息著。「該死，奎啊。」

“See?” Beomgyu whimpers. “I—hyung, gonna collapse.”
「看吧？」范奎嗚咽著說。「我...哥，我要撐不住了。」

Soobin grips him even tighter around the waist, fully holding up his weight.
秀彬更用力地環住他的腰，完全撐住他的重量。

“Need to talk,” Soobin murmurs. “So much to talk about.” But he’s made no effort to stop scenting him, rubbing his cheek against Beomgyu’s neck now, and Beomgyu can feel it in his belly, a bubble of need. He feels like he’s floating, an incredible release of days of tension.
「得談談，」秀彬低語。「有太多事要說了。」但他絲毫沒有停止標記的意思，現在正用臉頰磨蹭著范奎的頸部，范奎能感覺到腹中那股需求的躁動。他感覺自己飄浮著，多日緊繃的情緒獲得難以置信的釋放。

“Missed this,” Beomgyu chokes out. “The way you make me feel.”
「好想念這個，」范奎哽咽地說。「你讓我感受到的這種感覺。」

“Have you always missed me?”
「你一直都在想我嗎？」

Beomgyu nods frantically, and Soobin finally pulls his face back to look over Beomgyu’s, to drink in his overflowing eyes. His brow looks painfully crunched up.
范奎瘋狂點頭，秀彬終於將臉拉開些距離，好仔細端詳范奎那雙淚水盈眶的眼睛。他的眉頭痛苦地緊蹙著。

“You’re crying,” Soobin murmurs. He makes to unravel an arm from around Beomgyu’s waist, probably to wipe his tears, but Beomgyu sways too much on his unsteady legs, and Soobin grips him again instead.
「你在哭。」秀彬低語。他試圖抽出一隻原本環在范奎腰間的手臂，可能是想替他拭淚，但范奎搖搖晃晃的雙腿讓他站不穩，秀彬只好又將他摟緊。

“Missed you so, so much,” Beomgyu chokes out, and Soobin shakes his head, his lips twisting up in a rueful smile.
「好想、好想你...」范奎哽咽著說，秀彬搖搖頭，嘴角揚起一抹苦澀的微笑。

“I’ve missed you the whole time, too. For years, Beomgyu. And I’ve hated myself for so long.”
「我也一直好想你。這些年來都是，範奎。我恨透了自己這麼久。」

“Don’t do that,” Beomgyu sniffles.
「別這樣，」範奎吸了吸鼻子。

“I can’t help it. Everything I texted you, I meant.”
「我忍不住。傳給你的每則訊息，都是真心的。」

“When you said you weren’t good enough?”
「當你說自己不夠好的時候？」

“Yeah. Beoms, I’ve… I’ve fucking agonized over you. I can’t even tell you how I hard I took it, thinking I ruined what we were. A whole year of just the worst depression. I was so confused about what I’d done to deserve it.”
「嗯。範奎，我...我他媽的為你痛苦得要命。我甚至說不出來我有多難受，以為自己毀了我們之間的一切。整整一年都處在最糟的抑鬱狀態。我完全搞不懂自己到底做錯了什麼要承受這些。」

Soobin swallows, his jaw tensing, but his voice is still steady when he keeps going.
秀彬嚥了嚥口水，下顎緊繃，但當他繼續說下去時，聲音依然平穩。

“It took me so long to stop thinking I’m…well. A terrible person, I guess. That this wasn’t all my fault, and even once I accepted that, it was so hard to stop hating myself.”
「我花了很長時間才不再認為自己是...呃，一個糟糕透頂的人吧。才明白這不全都是我的錯，但即使接受了這點，還是很難停止厭惡自己。」

It’s Beomgyu’s turn to hide in Soobin’s shoulder.
這回換範圭把臉埋進秀彬的肩膀裡。

“I thought the same about you,” he mumbles. “I was wrong.”
「我對你也是這麼想的，」他低聲說道。「我錯了。」

“And then I tried blaming you, and it wasn’t any better. Just made me so bitter and empty.”
「然後我試著怪罪你，情況也沒好轉。只是讓我變得更加憤世嫉俗又空虛。」

“Me too,” Beomgyu whispers. Everything Soobin is saying feels like a mirror of his own journey, the same struggles in reverse. First bitter and empty, and then suddenly filled with self-hate.
「我也是，」范奎輕聲說。秀彬說的每句話都像在映照他自己的歷程，只是順序相反。先是憤世嫉俗又空虛，然後突然充滿自我厭惡。

“Can we sit?” Soobin asks. “I feel like I’m gonna pass out if I don’t sit.”
「我們能坐下嗎？」秀彬問道。「我覺得再不坐下就要暈過去了。」

Beomgyu nods, and Soobin lifts him right into the air, hooking one of his strong hands underneath his rear. Beomgyu squeals, and Soobin huffs out a puff of air close to a laugh.
範奎點點頭，修彬立刻將他騰空抱起，一隻結實的手臂穩穩托住他的臀部。範奎驚呼出聲，修彬則在近距離呼出一口帶著笑意的氣息。

“You’re so loud, for such a tiny person,” he says, carrying him into the room, and for a moment, this is normal. Just Beomgyu’s Soobin, teasing him.
「你個頭這麼小，嗓門倒挺大。」他邊說邊抱著人走進房間，有那麼一瞬間，這一切都再平常不過。就像範奎熟悉的修彬，總愛逗弄他。

“You like me this way,” Beomgyu says, all watery.
「你就喜歡我這樣。」範奎聲音帶著濕漉漉的鼻音。

“True. Um, is…bed okay? I’m not trying to start anything, just my couch is kind of a mess—”
「確實。呃...床可以嗎？我沒別的意思，只是沙發有點亂——」

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Beomgyu says, and Soobin lowers him down to sit on the edge of his unmade bed. Beomgyu won’t untangle his arms from around his neck, though, and Soobin laughs for real this time, toppling down to sit next to him, as close as he can, so that Beomgyu can keep an arm around his shoulders.
「嗯，沒事的。」范奎說道，於是秀彬將他輕輕放下，讓他坐在那張未整理的床沿。然而范奎仍不願鬆開環繞在秀彬頸間的手臂，這次秀彬真心實意地笑了出來，順勢跌坐在他身旁，盡可能貼近，好讓范奎能繼續摟著他的肩膀。

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Soobin says. “I’ve thought about it so many times. You, here with me. Wanting to be here with me.”
「真不敢相信你就在這裡。」秀彬低語。「我想像過無數次這樣的場景。你，和我一起待在這裡。願意和我一起待在這裡。」

“And you believe me? That I’m sorry?”
「那你相信我了嗎？關於我的歉意？」

“You don’t need to keep saying it.” Soobin can finally lift his hand to Beomgyu’s cheek, wiping one escaped tear with his thumb. “I need to say it.”
「你不需要一直道歉。」秀彬終於能抬手輕撫范奎的臉頰，用拇指抹去那滴逃逸的淚水。「但我需要說出來。」

“You already did. I just wasn’t listening.”
「你已經說過了。只是我當時沒在聽。」

“Well, let me tell you again. I’m so fucking sorry, Beomie. There are so many things I fucked up.”
「那讓我再說一次。我真的他媽對不起你，範奎。我搞砸了太多事情。」

“But I’m the one that threw you out,” Beomgyu says.
「但把你趕出去的人是我。」範奎說。

Soobin shakes his head. “I’m the one who left. Every day since, I’ve wished I’d fought for you. But that one day, I gave up instead.”
秀彬搖搖頭。「選擇離開的人是我。從那天起，我每天都在後悔沒有為你堅持下去。但那天，我卻選擇了放棄。」

Beomgyu takes a shuddery breath. He needs to find room for all these words to fit inside him, storing away these precious admissions that he’s longed to hear. Soobin had put it best: this is completely overwhelming to his thoughts, his body, his senses.
范奎顫抖地吸了口氣。他需要為這些話語在心裡騰出空間，珍藏這些他渴望已久的真心告白。就像秀彬說得最好：這對他的思緒、身體和感官來說都太過衝擊了。

“So many little things, too. Every time I made you cry. There were way too many of them, Beomie. And…when I called you a bitch last week, god, the moment I pressed send…”
「還有好多小事。每次我惹你哭的時候。真的太多太多了，范奎啊。還有...上週我罵你賤人的時候，天啊，當我按下發送鍵那瞬間...」

“Yeah, not great,” Beomgyu sniffles.
「嗯，確實不太好。」范奎抽噎著說。

“I’m sorry, Beomgyu,” Soobin whispers again. “Will you forgive me, if I earn it?”
「對不起，范奎。」秀彬又輕聲說道。「如果我努力彌補，你會原諒我嗎？」

Beomgyu nods, his eyes spilling all over Soobin’s thumbs, and Soobin’s dimples smile into his cheeks.
範奎點點頭，他的淚水浸濕了秀彬的拇指，而秀彬的酒窩在他臉頰上綻開笑容。

“All day, I’ve been thinking about how I must have misread you, and how it was all over again, and instead…”
「一整天，我都在想我一定是誤解你了，一切又要重來一遍，但實際上...」

“You don’t want it to be over, right?”
「你不想就這樣結束，對吧？」

Soobin laughs.  秀彬笑了。

“Fuck, Beomgyu. What do you think?”
「操，范奎。你覺得呢？」

Finally, Beomgyu smiles too.
終於，范奎也笑了。

“No?”  「不要？」

“No, I don’t want it to be over. Do you?”
「不，我不想結束。你呢？」

“Never,” Beomgyu says. “If we get this right, I want you forever.”
「永遠不會，」范奎說。「如果我們這次做對了，我要你永遠屬於我。」

 Soobin’s dimples disappear. His hand walks into Beomgyu’s hair, combing through its length and gripping on tight.
秀彬的酒窩消失了。他的手探進范奎的髮間，梳理著髮絲然後緊緊握住。

“Let me kiss you?” he asks.
「讓我吻你好嗎？」他問。

“But what about you?” Beomgyu asks back. He’s desperate to hear it. “Do you want—”
「那你呢？」范奎反問。他迫切想聽到答案。「你想要——」

“If we get this right, I’d…” Soobin hesitates.
「如果我們成功了，我會…」秀彬猶豫了。

“When we get this right,” Beomgyu corrects.
「等我們成功的時候，」范奎糾正道。

“I’ll mate you the moment you tell me you want it,” Soobin says. His scent flares up, spicier. “When we get this right.”
「只要你開口說想要，我就會立刻與你結為伴侶，」秀彬說。他的信息素猛然爆發，更加辛辣。「等我們成功的時候。」

Beomgyu tilts his head, and Soobin meets him halfway. His lips are soft as they ever were, plush against Beomgyu’s skin, but it’s only moments before he’s pouring into him, tongue harsh through Beomgyu’s lips, grazing Beomgyu’s teeth. That bubble of need bursts inside Beomgyu’s belly, escaping as a weak moan, and the sound forces a growl out of Soobin’s alpha, something deep and low that sinks right to Beomgyu’s pelvis. This is his alpha, his alpha. Beomgyu feels it in his ribs, an aching need to give him everything.
范奎偏過頭，秀彬隨即迎了上去。他的嘴唇一如既往地柔軟，貼在范奎肌膚上如天鵝絨般細膩，但不過片刻便長驅直入，舌頭粗暴地撬開范奎的唇瓣，擦過他的齒列。那股渴望的氣泡在范奎腹中炸裂，化作一聲虛弱的呻吟逸出，這聲音立刻激起秀彬體內 Alpha 的低吼，那低沉渾厚的聲浪直直灌入范奎骨盆。這是他的 Alpha，他的 Alpha。范奎在肋骨間感受到這份悸動，那是種甘願獻上一切的疼痛渴望。

Lips still locked together, Beomgyu clambers onto Soobin, hips straddling his lap, and Soobin winds both hands into his hair, gripping on tight like he’s afraid Beomgyu will disappear. It makes him feel so special, so wanted, so needed. Beomgyu arches his chest into Soobin’s, draping his arms delicately down his back. He doesn’t need to hang on. His alpha isn’t going anywhere.
雙唇仍緊密相貼，范奎跨坐在玟準腿上，雙手輕柔地環繞著他的背脊。他不需要抓牢——他的 Alpha 哪裡也不會去。

It’s real: Soobin wants him. Beomgyu can taste Soobin’s need in the tang of his saliva, and it makes his own mouth water. His lips are already so wet with Soobin’s spit, he’s nearly drinking it. He can’t get enough, and when Soobin lifts his lips from Beomgyu’s, he whines for him to come back.
這是真的：玟準想要他。范奎能從對方唾液的鹹澀中嚐出這份渴望，這讓他自己也口乾舌燥。他的唇早已被玟準的唾液浸得濕透，幾乎像是在啜飲瓊漿。他貪得無厭地索取著，當玟準的唇短暫離開時，他立刻發出不滿的嗚咽。

Soobin presses their faces together, from their foreheads down to the tips of their noses.
玟準將兩人的臉龐緊密相貼，從額頭到鼻尖都嚴絲合縫。

“You’re the only person who’s ever made me feel like this,” Soobin breathes. He’s panting, out of breath in a way that ignites Beomgyu’s omega. “Never stopped thinking about it.”
「你是唯一讓我產生這種感覺的人。」玟準喘息著說道，他急促的呼吸聲點燃了范奎體內的 Omega 本能。「從來沒停止想念這種感覺。」

“Feel like what?”  「感覺像什麼？」

“I can’t even describe it. Like I’m full of warmth.”
「我甚至無法形容。就像全身充滿溫暖。」

His eyes fall to Beomgyu’s neck. If he scents him again, Beomgyu will fall apart. And as much as he wants to fall apart, he knows he can’t just yet.
他的目光落在范奎的頸部。如果再聞一次他的氣味，范奎會徹底崩潰。儘管他渴望崩潰，但他知道現在還不行。

“Hyung, what—what are we doing?” he asks. “I mean, are we… are we gonna talk, or…”
「哥，我們...我們在做什麼？」他問道。「我是說，我們...要談談嗎，還是...」

“Yeah, we need to talk first,” Soobin says. “So much we have to talk about first.”
「對，我們得先談談，」秀彬說。「我們有太多事情得先說清楚。」

He doesn’t sound like he means it.
他的語氣聽起來不像是認真的。

“Then we can’t keep…um…”  「那我們就不能繼續...呃...」

Beomgyu wonders if Soobin can smell the slick that’s starting to dampen his underwear.
Beomgyu 不禁好奇，Soobin 是否聞得到他內褲開始被浸濕的黏膩。

“‘Course,” Soobin says bracingly. “Right. Of course.”
「當然，」Soobin 振作精神說道。「對。當然。」

He winds his fingers out of Beomgyu’s hair, and Beomgyu immediately hates himself for deescalating this whole situation. His scalp feels cold.
他將手指從范奎的髮絲間抽離，范奎立刻為自己緩和了整個局面而感到自我厭惡。他的頭皮一陣發冷。

“I love it like this,” Soobin says, petting the strands of hair that drape down Beomgyu’s neck. His eyes are racing down Beomgyu’s jaw, across his throat, up to his eyes again. “You were right about growing it out. You look gorgeous.”
「我喜歡這樣，」守彬輕撫著垂落在范奎頸間的髮絲說道。他的目光沿著范奎的下顎線游移，掠過喉結，又再度對上雙眼。「留長是對的。你看起來美極了。」

Soobin always used to throw around words like that far too easily — gorgeous, stunning, perfect — and Beomgyu had always brushed them off like they meant nothing. He never felt like they made sense.
守彬向來總能輕易脫口說出那些詞彙——美極了、驚艷、完美——而范奎總是當作耳邊風，彷彿那些話毫無意義。他從不覺得那些讚美合乎情理。

“Thank you,” Beomgyu whispers, closing his eyes and sitting in the word, letting it weigh as heavily as it should. Gorgeous.
「謝謝。」Beomgyu 輕聲說道，閉上雙眼沉浸在這句話裡，讓它如實地沉重壓在心頭。真美。

“You looked so incredible last night, even just in those pictures you sent. I was like, don’t go to that club, It’s a bad idea, don’t do it, but I kept looking at those pictures, and honestly, I probably was gonna just jerk off to them if I didn’t—”
「你昨晚看起來太迷人了，光是那些你傳的照片就讓我受不了。我當時心想，別去那間夜店，那不是個好主意，別這麼做，但我一直盯著那些照片看，說實話，要不是我——我大概會直接對著它們打手槍。」

“God, last night,” Beomgyu groans. “I’m so embarrassed.”
「天啊，昨晚的事，」范奎呻吟道。「我超丟臉的。」

“Did you even hear what I just said?” Soobin says. “I’m embarrassed. Showing up like that when I knew you weren’t in a state to do what I wanted…I got so thirsty for you, Beomie, I lost my sense.”
「你有聽到我剛才說什麼嗎？」秀彬說。「我才覺得丟臉。明明知道你當時狀態不對，還那樣出現...我對你太渴求了，范奎，整個人都失去理智了。」

“What did you want?”  「你本來想幹嘛？」

“To get a read on you,” Soobin says simply.
「只是想確認你的狀態，」秀彬簡單地回答。

“And what was your read?”
「那你當時是怎麼解讀的？」

“Well, my read was obviously wrong, because it wasn’t that you’re in love with me.”
「呃，我的解讀顯然是錯的，因為事實並非你愛上了我。」

“I talked to Yeonjun-hyung this morning,” Beomgyu says, opening his eyes and bringing his hands to Soobin’s chest so that his nervous fingers can fidget with his shirt. “You were so right, on the phone. Everything he said last night came from me. And I never wanted you to hear all that. It’s all the things I said to them all to hide from how much I missed you.”
「我今天早上跟然竣哥談過了，」範奎睜開眼睛，將雙手放在秀彬胸前，不安的手指開始撥弄對方的衣襯。「你在電話裡說得沒錯。昨晚他說的每句話都源自於我。而我從來沒想讓你聽到那些。那些都是我用來掩飾有多想你的藉口。」

Soobin nods.  秀彬點了點頭。

“I’m so sorry you had to hear it,” Beomgyu sniffs. “I think I’d just about die if I heard that you thought I’d used you.”
「真抱歉讓你聽到那些話，」范奎吸了吸鼻子。「要是我聽到你覺得我在利用你，我大概會當場死掉。」

“Yeah, it sucked,” Soobin says. “To put it mildly.”
「是啊，糟透了，」秀彬說。「說得保守點。」

“But I meant what I said on the phone, too. I don’t think any of it anymore. All your texts… well, Taehyunnie told me that he could tell how much you liked me for me from them, and he’s usually right.”
「但我在電話裡說的也是真心話。那些想法我全都沒有了。你傳的那些訊息…嗯，泰煥跟我說他從中看得出你有多喜歡真實的我，而他通常都是對的。」

“You showed him the texts?” Soobin asks, scandalized. “Do you have zero shame?”
「你把訊息給他看了？」秀彬震驚地問。「你一點羞恥心都沒有嗎？」

“Yep,” Beomgyu grins. “He’s the whole reason I sent that… uh, manifesto yesterday. Um, well, he actually explicitly told me not to send a manifesto, but, like…”
「對啊，」范奎咧嘴一笑。「他就是我昨天傳那封...呃，宣言的原因。嗯，其實他明明警告過我不要發什麼宣言的，但你知道...」

“You did anyway. Classic.” Soobin slips his hands into Beomgyu’s back pockets, clutching him a little closer. “He must have had a ball, reading those texts… I could never tell if you were flirting or just being friendly, it was so stressful…”
「你還不是做了。老樣子。」秀彬把手滑進範奎的後口袋，將他摟得更近些。「他讀那些簡訊肯定樂壞了⋯⋯我永遠分不清你是在調情還是單純友善，壓力超大⋯⋯」

“Flirting,” Beomgyu says, and Soobin’s dimples pop into his cheeks. “Don’t get sidetracked. The point is… what happened at the club is my fault. And I should have got my shit in order before I invited you. I was just so…um, well, I just really wanted to see you. So badly that I just turned my entire brain off to make it happen.”
「調情啦，」範奎說，秀彬的臉頰立刻浮現酒窩。「別轉移話題。重點是⋯⋯俱樂部那件事是我的錯。我應該在邀你之前先把爛攤子收拾好的。我只是⋯⋯呃，就真的很想見你。想到直接關掉大腦不管後果了。」

“Beomgyu-ya, if you were never gonna let me hear any of that, were you ever gonna tell me that you felt it?” Soobin asks.
「範奎啊，如果你本來就不打算讓我知道這些⋯⋯」秀彬問道，「你會有打算告訴我你的感受嗎？」

“Um, what do you mean?”
「呃，什麼意思？」

“I need to hear it,” Soobin says, squeezing his fingertips into the meat of Beomgyu’s ass. “Like, it fucking sucked to hear it, but Yeonjun was just telling me all the ways I made you feel. All the lessons I have to learn about what went wrong. I want to hear all that, even if it made me feel so defensive.”
「我需要聽你說，」秀彬說著，手指深深陷入範奎的臀肉裡。「雖然聽起來他媽的超難受，但然竣只是告訴我所有讓你感受不好的事。那些我必須學會的教訓，關於哪裡出了錯。我想聽這一切，即使這讓我覺得很想辯解。」

Beomgyu rests his head on Soobin’s forehead, letting his eyes close again.
範奎將額頭抵在秀彬的額頭上，再次閉上雙眼。

“You’re not mad?”  「你不生氣嗎？」

“No, I’m not mad,” Soobin says. “Not when you’re here, on my lap, telling me you want me again, despite it all.”
「不，我不生氣，」秀彬說。「當你就在這裡，坐在我腿上，告訴我經歷這一切後還是想要我——我怎麼可能生氣。」

“That’s not a good reason to not be mad,” Beomgyu says, making a face.
「這不能當作不生氣的好理由啦。」范奎做了個鬼臉說道。

“Well, I was mad, last night, in the moment. But right now, I kind of feel…like all that shit had to come to the surface for you to be here, right now. That makes it worth the pain of having to hear it.”
「嗯，我昨晚當下確實很生氣。但現在，我感覺...好像所有那些破事都必須浮上檯面，才能讓你此刻出現在這裡。這樣想的話，那些痛苦就值得了。」

“And about Junie-hyung. I talked to him, and—”
「至於俊尼哥的事，我跟他談過了，然後——」

“We can talk about that stuff later,” Soobin interrupts. “I’m still not done with the biggest part of my apology.”
「那些可以晚點再聊，」秀彬打斷道，「我最重要的道歉還沒說完呢。」

“Which would be?”  「哪一個？」

“Which would be…can’t believe I haven’t said it yet, huh?”
「哪一個...不敢相信我還沒說出口，對吧？」

“Said what?”  「說什麼？」

Beomgyu knows what, but he’s willing to play dumb.
范奎心知肚明，但他樂意裝傻。

“That I love you.”  「我愛你。」

Beomgyu opens his eyes.  范奎睜開雙眼。

“Say it again,” he tells him. He needs to see those words leaving Soobin’s lips to believe them.
「再說一次，」他對他說。他需要親眼看見那些話從秀彬的唇間吐出才能相信。

“I love you,” Soobin says, an incredulous smile spreading across his face. “Oh— oh, angel, don’t cry.”
「我愛你，」秀彬說道，難以置信的笑容在他臉上綻放。「噢——噢，天使，別哭。」

No chance. Beomgyu flat-out sobs.
沒門。范奎直接哭出聲來。

“Fuck, you’re such a pretty crier,” Soobin laughs. His expression is the opposite of Beomgyu’s; he can’t stop smiling. “Always been so jealous of that.”
「靠，你哭起來真他媽好看，」秀彬笑著說。他的表情和范奎完全相反，嘴角止不住上揚。「一直都很嫉妒你這點。」

“Kiss again,” Beomgyu sniffs out, and Soobin obliges, pecking him short and sweet on his cupid’s bow. “Hyung, you— you— said it.”
「再親一次，」范奎抽噎著說，秀彬順從地在他唇峰上落下短暫而甜蜜的吻。「哥你——你——說出來了。」

“I love you?”  「我愛你？」

Beomgyu shakes his head. Soobin exhales.
範奎搖了搖頭。秀彬嘆了口氣。

“Angel,” he breathes out. “Can I keep saying it?”
「天使，」他輕聲說道。「我可以繼續這樣叫你嗎？」

Beomgyu nods, trembling. It’s just a word, but it feels like a promise.
範奎顫抖著點頭。雖然只是一個詞，卻感覺像是一個承諾。

“Not too much. I’ll wear it out.”
「別叫太多次。我會把它用壞的。」

“You’ve got a—a whole two years to make up for,” Beomgyu says through his tears. “You won’t wear it out.”
「你可是——可是有整整兩年要補償呢，」范奎含著淚說。「這點時間哪夠用。」

Soobin taps their foreheads together for just a moment, like he needs one more second of closeness. Then he leans backwards, putting distance between them and gently urging Beomgyu off of his lap with one hand.
秀彬輕輕用額頭抵住他的，彷彿還需要多一秒的親密。隨後他向後退開，拉開兩人之間的距離，一手輕推著讓范奎從自己腿上起身。

“Maybe I should take you out for dinner, so we can talk properly,” Soobin says, watching Beomgyu settle down cross-legged.
「或許我該帶你出去吃晚餐，這樣我們才能好好談談，」秀彬看著范奎盤腿坐定的模樣說道。

“We can’t have this conversation in public. I’m gonna cry the whole time.”
「不能在公共場合談這個。我會從頭哭到尾的。」

“That’d be a sight. Both of us sobbing around a barbecue grill.”
「那畫面一定很精彩。我倆圍著烤肉架哭成一團。」

Soobin’s bed is pressed up against the wall, with a window above the head of it. He scoots back against that window now, resting his head back on the glass, framed by the open curtains and the setting sun. His chest is still rising and falling heavily, his adam’s apple twitching in his throat, and Beomgyu tries to memorize this sight. Soobin, the night he became his again.
秀彬的床緊貼著牆壁，床頭上方有扇窗戶。此刻他往後靠向那扇窗，後腦勺抵著玻璃，敞開的窗簾與落日餘暉構成了他的畫框。他的胸膛仍劇烈起伏著，喉結在頸間顫動，範奎試著將這景象烙印在腦海——這個秀彬重新屬於他的夜晚。

“Are you afraid?” Soobin asks, reaching out his hand.
「你在害怕嗎？」秀彬伸出手問道。

Beomgyu takes it.  範奎握住了那隻手。

“Of what?”  「什麼原因？」

“There were reasons this happened,” Soobin says. “A lot of them, right?”
「這一切發生都是有原因的，」秀彬說。「很多原因，對吧？」

So many reasons, and Beomgyu knows he has to remember them one day, so they can sort them all out. He can’t quite place them right now, though, and he thinks that’s okay.
確實有太多原因，范奎知道自己總有一天必須記起這些，才能把它們一一釐清。雖然此刻他還無法完全理出頭緒，但他覺得這樣也沒關係。

“And so many reasons I want you back,” Beomgyu says. “I’m not afraid at all.”
「而且有太多原因讓我想挽回你，」范奎說。「我一點都不害怕。」

“Tell me one of them.” Soobin toys with the joint of his index finger.
「告訴我其中一個。」秀彬把玩著自己的食指關節。

“You take me seriously,” Beomgyu says immediately. “I ask you about the dumbest things, and you indulge me. Or when I tell you that I’m being stupid, you tell me that my thoughts matter.”
「你把我當一回事，」范奎立刻說道。「我問你最蠢的問題，你都會縱容我。或者當我說自己很蠢的時候，你會告訴我我的想法很重要。」

“Maybe it’s just because I’m even stupider.” Soobin grins sheepishly. He grabs Beomgyu’s hand around the knuckles and yanks, hauling his body up to the head of the bed. “Let me tell you one of my reasons?”
「可能只是因為我更蠢。」秀彬靦腆地笑了笑。他抓住范奎的指節用力一拉，將他的身體拖到床頭。「讓我告訴你其中一個理由？」

Beomgyu settles in on his side, gazing up at him. Soobin looks even broader from this viewpoint.
范奎側身躺好，仰望著他。從這個角度看，秀彬的身影顯得更加寬闊。

“You make me smile even on the worst days,” Soobin says. “Even when I was texting you on the way to an awful job, you’d say something that made me forget all about the shit. How do you do that? You’re like a happy virus.”
「即使是最糟的日子，你也能讓我笑出來。」秀彬說。「就連我傳訊息告訴你要去做那份爛工作時，你總能說些讓我忘掉所有狗屁倒灶的話。你是怎麼做到的？簡直像快樂病毒一樣。」

He pulls their clasped hands to rest on his thigh, and Beomgyu resists the urge to dig his fingers into his thick muscles.
他將兩人交握的手拉到自己大腿上，范奎強忍著想用手指掐進那結實肌肉的衝動。

“Okay, another one,” Beomgyu says. “I feel so safe around you. Even during the heat, when I hadn’t seen you for so long, and I was so…vulnerable. But it wasn’t scary to be like that around you. Because you just felt safe to me.”
「好，再來一個。」范奎說。「在你身邊我感覺特別安心。就連發情期那時候，明明那麼久沒見你，我又那麼...脆弱。但在你面前那樣一點都不可怕。因為你就是給我一種安全感。」

“I will be,” Soobin says quietly. “Always. I’ll try so hard to be.”
「我會的。」秀彬輕聲說。「永遠都會。我會非常努力做到。」

“And I want you because no one else teases me the right way,” Beomgyu adds. “Like, kind of mean, but it still feels like a compliment. And I can tease you back, and you’ll still kiss me afterwards. No one else can do that.”
「因為只有你能用對的方式逗我，」范奎補充道。「就是那種帶點刻薄，卻又像在誇我的感覺。而且我也可以反過來逗你，事後你還是會親我。這點別人可做不到。」

“They fucking better not,” Soobin says, squeezing their hands together tighter. “Did you ever… date anyone?”
「他們最好他媽的別想，」秀彬說著，更用力地握緊兩人交纏的手。「你之前有...和誰交往過嗎？」

“No,” Beomgyu says truthfully. “I barely even tried.”
「沒有，」范奎老實回答。「我連試都沒怎麼試過。」

Soobin takes a second to dwell on that, unhinging his jaw and re-locking it, but if the concept of Beomgyu pining after him alone for two years causes him to feel some kind of way, he doesn’t share it.
秀彬花了一秒消化這句話，下顎鬆開又咬緊。但若范奎獨自暗戀他兩年這件事讓他心有所感，他也沒有表現出來。

“I tried dating, but it was awful,” Soobin says. “It fucking hurt. I felt like my alpha hated everyone who wasn’t you, and my therapist said I just had to keep putting myself out there, and the heartache would go away. But then I started this job, and dating got even harder, and the heartache still hadn’t gone away. So I just gave up.”
「我試過跟別人交往，但糟透了。」秀彬說。「他媽的痛死了。感覺我的 alpha 本能厭惡所有不是你的人，心理治療師說我必須繼續嘗試接觸新對象，心痛的感覺就會消失。但後來我開始這份工作，約會變得更困難，而心碎的感覺依然沒有消退。所以我乾脆放棄了。」

Beomgyu doesn’t want to have to think about Soobin’s job. He doesn’t want to have to face the complications of their new realities, not until it sinks in that this is real.
范奎不想去思考秀彬的工作。他不想面對兩人新現實中的複雜問題，至少在真正接受這一切是真實的之前還不想。

“I have more reasons I want you,” Beomgyu says. “Wanna hear them?”
「我還有更多想要你的理由。」范奎說。「想聽嗎？」

“I think it was my turn,” Soobin says, teasing. “Don’t be so eager.”
「現在應該輪到我了吧。」秀彬調侃道。「別這麼心急。」

“Okay, then talk.”  「好吧，那說說看。」

“Our babies would be so cute,” Soobin says, and cackles as Beomgyu punches his thigh with their held hands. Oh, they would, they would.
「我們的寶寶一定會超可愛的，」秀彬說著，在玟奎用他們交握的手捶他大腿時咯咯笑起來。噢，他們會的，他們一定很可愛。

“Hyung, be serious!”  「哥，認真點啦！」

“I am! You don’t think so?”
「我很認真啊！你不這麼覺得嗎？」

“No, I think so. I definitely think so. But that’s irrelevant.”
「不，我也這麼覺得。我絕對是這麼想的。但那不重要。」

“That’s why I cried during your heat,” Soobin says thoughtfully, his face recomposing himself.
「這就是為什麼我在你發情期時哭了，」秀彬若有所思地說，臉上的表情重新整理好。

Beomgyu blinks. “Because we’d make cute babies?”
範奎眨了眨眼。「因為我們會生出可愛的寶寶？」

“No, not — okay, that wasn’t the best transition, I see that.” Beomgyu snickers at him, and Soobin rolls his eyes. “No, because — well, I just couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d lost. That I had you, physically in my arms, but everything that mattered was gone. I kept thinking about how we used to have a future, you know?”
「不，不是——好吧，這轉折確實不太順，我懂了。」範奎對他竊笑，秀彬翻了個白眼。「不是因為——唉，我就是忍不住一直想著我失去的東西。明明你就在我懷裡，但所有重要的事物都消失了。我不斷想著我們曾經擁有的未來，你懂嗎？」

Beomgyu’s smile melts away. Thinking about the Soobin of the past planning for their future together hurts like a fresh wound. He’d never really trusted that Soobin had wanted that future, even though he knows Soobin must have told him a hundred times.
范奎的笑容逐漸消失。想起過去那個與他一起規劃未來的秀彬，就像揭開一道新傷口般疼痛。他從未真正相信秀彬想要那樣的未來，即使他知道秀彬可能已經告訴過他上百次。

“Yeah, that feeling that… that being together was a moment in time, and it had to end. I felt that, too.”
「是啊，那種感覺...就像在一起只是短暫的時光，終究要結束。我也有同樣的感受。」

“It sucked,” Soobin says.
「糟透了。」秀彬說。

“Eloquent,” Beomgyu says, forcing a wobbly smile.
「真是文采斐然。」范奎勉強擠出一個不穩定的笑容。

He runs his thumb over the back of Soobin’s knuckles.
他用拇指輕撫著秀彬的指節。

“What was my heat like for you?” he asks, curiously.
「我的發情期對你來說是什麼感覺？」他好奇地問道。

Soobin exhales, twisting his lips up.
秀彬呼出一口氣，抿了抿嘴唇。

“You really want to know?”
「你真的想知道嗎？」

“So badly.”  「糟透了。」

“Fucking awful,” Soobin says. “Basically my worst nightmare. I’d done so much work to try and get over you, and then there you were, and you were lovely and smelled so perfect and… you needed me to care for you so badly, even though you were the same person who I knew had stopped wanting me. It was surreal, Gyu-ya. Like everything was back to normal, but it had all gone so wrong along the way.”
「簡直糟透了，」秀彬說。「基本上就是我最大的惡夢。我費盡心思試著放下你，結果你就在那裡，那麼可愛、聞起來那麼完美，而且……你那麼需要我照顧你，即使我知道你就是那個已經不再想要我的人。這太不真實了，範奎啊。就像一切都回到正軌，但其實早就徹底走樣了。」

He slides down in the bed, until he’s laying down too, facing Beomgyu, their clasped hands clutched between them.
他在床上滑下來，直到也躺平面對範奎，兩人交握的手緊扣在彼此之間。

“And then I had to have sex with you,” he says, quieter. “You can imagine what that was like.”
「然後我還得跟你做愛，」他輕聲說。「你可以想像那是什麼感覺。」

“I can remember what that was like,” Beomgyu corrects.
「我還記得那是什麼感覺，」范奎糾正道。

“It was different for you. It was a relief for you. For me…”
「對你來說不一樣。那對你是一種解脫。但對我來說...」

Soobin brings his free hand to his face, scrubbing over it.
秀彬用空著的那隻手抹了抹臉。

“I think about you every time,” he says, palm still over his eyes.
「每次我都會想到你，」他說，手掌仍覆在眼睛上。

“Every… job?”  「每份…工作？」

“Every one. Even if it’s just for a moment, I think about you. No one ever compares.”
「每一份。即使只有一瞬間，我也會想起你。沒有人能比得上你。」

Beomgyu squirms. He wants to be closer, to hear those words with his nose tight to Soobin’s scent.
范奎不安地扭動身子。他想靠得更近，在緊貼著秀彬的氣息時聽見這些話。

“It’s torture to have this job when you’re not over your ex,” Soobin says matter-of-factly.
「當你還沒放下前任時做這份工作簡直是折磨，」秀彬直截了當地說。

Beomgyu needs to see more than his lips moving. He reaches for Soobin’s other hand, peeling it away from his eyes, twisting those fingers together too.
范奎需要的不只是看著他的嘴唇蠕動。他伸手抓住秀彬的另一隻手，將它從自己眼前撥開，也將那些手指交纏在一起。

“Did you think about me?” Soobin asks, his eyes begging. “When you touched yourself?”
「你有想過我嗎？」秀彬問道，眼神中帶著懇求。「當你碰自己的時候？」

It’s a nosy question, but Beomgyu wants to answer it.
這是個過於好奇的問題，但范奎想回答它。

“Yeah, of course,” he says, thighs clamped together just in case. “Wished I wasn’t alone.”
「嗯，當然，」他說，大腿緊夾著以防萬一。「希望我不是一個人。」

“I had this one client…” Soobin hesitates. “Damn, I really shouldn’t talk about this.”
「我有個客戶...」秀彬猶豫了一下。「靠，我真的不該講這個的。」

“You can talk about it. You can tell me anything.”
「你可以說啊，什麼都可以告訴我。」

“Yeah, but this is, like…”
「是啦，但這個...怎麼說...」

“Don’t be ashamed,” Beomgyu urges. “We have to talk about it. We gotta do more talking this time, okay?”
「別覺得難為情，」范奎催促道。「我們得好好談談。這次真的要多溝通，好嗎？」

To be fair, talking was always one of their strongest suits, but not about the things that mattered. Just about the dumb shit, teasing and flirting and poking at each other, avoiding the dark corners of themselves that needed to be shared the most.
平心而論，他們向來最擅長的就是聊天，但從不觸及真正重要的事。總是圍繞著那些無關緊要的蠢事，互相調侃、調情、戳弄對方，刻意避開那些最需要分享的陰暗角落。

Soobin surveys him, pulling half of his lower lip between his teeth for a moment, and then he nods, resolved. Beomgyu watches it spring back into place, full and pink. They have to talk more.
秀彬審視著他，下唇被牙齒輕咬住片刻，隨後堅定地點頭。范奎看著那飽滿粉嫩的唇瓣彈回原位。他們確實需要更深入的對話。

“Okay, then. I had this client once who looked just like you from behind,” Soobin says. “I couldn’t finish the appointment. I cried afterwards.”
「好吧。我曾經有個客戶從背後看簡直跟你一模一樣，」秀彬說。「那次我沒辦法完成預約服務。結束後我哭了。」

“Why couldn’t you finish?” Beomgyu asks, hoping.
「你為什麼沒能完成？」范奎帶著期盼問道。

“Well, I could finish. Finished way too well, actually, and that’s what made me such a mess, when I came out of that fog and realized it was him, and not you. I had to refund him for the rest of his heat when I ran out as fast as I could.”
「其實我完成了，而且完成得太過頭了。當我從那團迷霧中清醒過來，發現是他而不是你時，整個人都崩潰了。我以最快速度逃離現場，還得退還他發情期剩餘時段的費用。」

“Oh,” Beomgyu breathes.  「噢。」范奎輕聲吐氣。

He wants to bare his neck for Soobin so badly it’s making him feel itchy. Wants to rip off his patch, tear off his shirt, cling to him and smother him in the scent of peaches. Soobin scoots a little closer, and even just an inch of closer proximity amplifies his own scent. Beomgyu wants to drown it out with his own.
他渴望向秀彬袒露後頸的衝動強烈到讓他渾身發癢。想撕掉抑制貼、扯開襯衫、緊抱住對方，用蜜桃香氣將他淹沒。秀彬稍稍挪近了些，僅僅幾公分的距離就讓他的費洛蒙更加濃郁。范奎想用自己的氣味徹底覆蓋它。

“Give me more,” Beomgyu whispers.
「再多給我一點，」范奎低聲呢喃。

“You sure?” Soobin’s lips shrink into a tense line. He’s trying to hold back, and Beomgyu wants him to give in.
「你確定？」秀彬的嘴唇抿成一條緊繃的線。他正試圖克制自己，而范奎卻渴望他屈服。

“Please. Please.”  「求你了。拜託。」

Soobin untangles their hands and brings his to the edge of Beomgyu’s inhibitor patch. He drags his nail under the corner of it, peeling it away just enough that the adhesive tugs at his skin. Beomgyu can’t hold back his gasp, and Soobin’s eyes narrow.
秀彬鬆開兩人交握的手，將自己的手指移到范奎抑制貼片的邊緣。他用指甲輕輕掀起貼片一角，讓黏膠微微拉扯著皮膚。范奎忍不住倒抽一口氣，秀彬的眼睛隨即瞇了起來。

“I need to say more first,” Soobin murmurs. “I don’t want you to think it’s just about sex.”
「我得先多說幾句，」秀彬低語道。「我不想讓你覺得這只是關於性。」

“I know it’s not just about sex. Hyung, I know.”
「我知道這不只是關於性。哥，我明白的。」

“I wanna make this last. I wanna do this right.”
「我想讓這段關係長久。我想好好經營。」

“I know. I know.”  「我知道。我都懂。」

Beomgyu scoots in even closer, so close their fronts are almost touching, and rests his hand on the side of Soobin’s head, running a fingertip over the shell of his ear. His hair is cut the shortest behind his ears, prickly under the very tips of Beomgyu’s fingers.
范奎又挪近了些，近到兩人胸口幾乎相貼。他將手搭在秀彬的頭側，指尖輕撫過他的耳廓。秀彬耳後的髮絲修剪得極短，在范奎指尖下刺刺癢癢的。

“During heat. You told me I made you feel like you weren’t good enough for me, back then.”
「發情期的時候。你說過...那時候我讓你覺得自己配不上我。」

Beomgyu nods.  范奎點點頭。

“I’ve never thought that about you, ever,” Soobin says, his eyes going almost as round Beomgyu’s. “And whatever I did to make you feel that way… please help me fix it, Gyu-ya. Please.”
「我從來沒那樣想過你，一次都沒有。」秀彬說著，眼睛睜得幾乎和范奎一樣圓。「無論我做了什麼讓你產生那種感覺...拜託幫我彌補，奎呀。求你了。」

What does Beomgyu need? He’ll have so much time to tell him, and Soobin will listen.
范奎需要什麼？他有大把時間可以告訴他，而秀彬會傾聽。

“Be softer.” Beomgyu smiles at him, his vision going blurry as his watery eyes crease. “Make room for me. Notice me when I’m… feeling small.”
「溫柔一點。」范奎對他微笑，淚水模糊了視線，眼尾泛起皺褶。「為我留點空間。當我...感到渺小時，請注意到我。」

“I don’t even know what that means,” Soobin laughs. “You’re never small. You take up all the space in my brain, Beomie.”
「我甚至不懂那是什麼意思，」秀彬笑著說。「你從來不渺小。你佔據了我腦海的全部空間，范奎啊。」

“But I feel small, and you didn’t notice. That’s what matters.”
「但我感覺渺小，而你沒發現。這才重要。」

Beomgyu rubs his thumb across Soobin’s cheekbone.
範奎用拇指輕撫著秀彬的顴骨。

“I think you’ll notice this time,” he says. “And I won’t keep it in, if you don’t. Whatever I need from you to make this last, I’ll tell you. You can trust me, okay?”
「我想這次你會注意到，」他說。「如果你沒發現，我也不會隱瞞。無論我需要你怎麼做來維持這段關係，我都會告訴你。你可以相信我，好嗎？」

Soobin nods.  秀彬點點頭。

“Then right now…” Beomgyu takes a breath. “What I don’t need is more talking.”
「那麼現在...」範奎深吸一口氣。「我最不需要的就是更多對話。」

Nothing Soobin could say right now would sink in, anyway, not when Beomgyu’s thoughts are filling up with a droning refrain: alpha, alpha, alpha. Soobin’s eyes are fixed on Beomgyu’s, his chest rising and falling rapidly, and Beomgyu doesn’t have to wonder what he feels anymore. No more weight on his shoulders.
此刻無論秀彬說什麼都無法進入範奎的腦海，他的思緒正被單調重複的囈語佔據：Alpha、Alpha、Alpha。秀彬的目光緊鎖著範奎，胸膛劇烈起伏，範奎再也不必猜測他的感受。肩上的重擔終於卸下。

“What do you want instead, angel?” Soobin murmurs.
「那我的天使想要什麼呢？」秀彬低聲呢喃。

“Want you…want you to take my clothes off,” Beomgyu says.
「想要你...想要你脫掉我的衣服，」範奎說道。

Soobin takes it as an order. Beomgyu gasps as he pounces on him, straddling his hips with his heavy weight and pulling off his flannel sharply, getting Beomgyu’s undershirt caught around his ears in his haste to rip that off too.
秀彬將這視為命令。當他猛然撲上來時，範奎倒抽一口氣——秀彬用沉甸甸的重量跨坐在他腰際，粗暴地扯掉法蘭絨襯衫，急著連同內搭 T 恤一起剝下時甚至讓衣料卡住了範奎的耳朵。

“Hyung! Too much!”  「哥！太超過了！」

“You told me to. I need to.”
「是你叫我做的。我需要這樣。」

The shirt tugs free, and Soobin throws it off the bed. His gaze is wild down Beomgyu’s bare chest. He presses his palms to Beomgyu’s skinny pecs, and his touch inflames Beomgyu’s skin.
襯衫被扯開，秀彬隨手扔下床。他的目光狂熱地掃過範奎赤裸的胸膛，手掌壓上範奎單薄的胸肌，那觸感讓範奎的皮膚如火燒般發燙。

“Still sensitive here?”  「這裡還是很敏感嗎？」

He rolls Beomgyu’s nipples between his thumbs and forefingers and pinches, both at the same time. Beomgyu’s spine leaps off the bed, a split-second of a yelp escaping from his lips.
他用拇指和食指同時揉捏著范奎的乳頭，還用力掐了一下。范奎的背脊瞬間從床上彈起，一聲短促的驚叫從唇間逸出。

“Fuck,” Soobin curses. “And they’re so pink.”
「操，」秀彬低咒。「而且顏色這麼粉嫩。」

“Hyung, gentle,” Beomgyu whimpers. His hands scrabble uselessly up Soobin’s arms. Not like he really wants to stop him, and he knows Soobin can tell. He’s pouring slick into his underwear, twinge after twinge of arousal flashing through his groin. Soobin’s alpha nose would have to be broken to miss that.
「哥，輕點...」范奎嗚咽著，雙手徒勞地在秀彬手臂上抓撓。其實他並不是真的想阻止對方，而他知道秀彬也心知肚明。他的內褲已經濕透，股間一陣陣情慾的刺痛不斷閃現。除非秀彬的 Alpha 嗅覺失靈，否則不可能沒發現。

“Gentle,” Soobin repeats, giving Beomgyu’s nipples one more thrilling pinch before feathering his hands down his chest instead. “I’ll be gentle for you, angel.”
「輕點是吧，」秀彬重複道，在范奎乳頭上又留下一個令人戰慄的掐痕後，轉而用指尖輕撫過他的胸膛。「我會對你溫柔的，天使。」

“Kiss again?”  「再親一次？」

Soobin lowers his torso flat onto Beomgyu’s, hooking his arms under Beomgyu’s shoulders and bringing their lips together again. Beomgyu feels like he’s under a warm blanket, being tucked in for a good night’s sleep. He lets Soobin lead the kiss, lightly pressing their lips together again and again, as gentle as he asked for, and when Soobin pulls back to twist his head to the other side, Beomgyu sneaks in a nibble, nipping at his lip. It’s the only thing he can bite right now, when Soobin’s neck is so far away.
秀彬將上半身平貼在範奎身上，雙臂環繞範奎的肩膀，再次將兩人的唇瓣相貼。範奎感覺自己彷彿被裹在溫暖的毛毯裡，正被細心掖好被角準備安睡。他任由秀彬主導這個吻，讓兩人的唇瓣一次又一次輕柔相觸——正如他所要求的溫柔。當秀彬稍退後轉頭換邊時，範奎偷襲似地輕咬了他的下唇。此刻他能咬到的只有這裡，畢竟秀彬的脖頸離得實在太遠。

“You’re the cutest kisser,” Soobin smiles, lapping his tongue over his own lower lip, the site of Beomgyu’s feeble little bite. “It’s such a turn on, kissing you.”
「你接吻的樣子最可愛了，」秀彬微笑著，伸出舌頭舔了舔自己的下唇——那是范奎剛才輕輕咬過的地方。「和你接吻真的讓人很興奮。」

“It is?” Beomgyu shifts his legs underneath Soobin’s hips. Soobin lets him work a thigh up against his groin, evaluating. He’s enormous already.
「真的嗎？」范奎在秀彬的胯下挪動雙腿。秀彬任由他將大腿抵上自己的鼠蹊部，細細感受著。他已經硬得發燙。

“Yeah.” Soobin smirks. “What if I knotted in my pants? Just from kissing you?”
「是啊。」秀彬咧嘴一笑。「要是我褲子裡打結了怎麼辦？就只是親了你而已？」

“I’d make fun of you forever,” Beomgyu says, trying so hard to sound playful and not let on how those words just made his belly feel weak. “I’d make you eat me out ‘til you can go again.”
「我會笑你一輩子啦，」范奎努力讓語氣聽起來像在開玩笑，不讓對方察覺那些話讓自己肚子發軟。「我會讓你吃到我能再來一次為止。」

“Is that my dinner?” Soobin teases, and Beomgyu whines at him, hyuuung. “Come on, you liked that. Don’t lie, baby.”
「那是我的晚餐嗎？」秀彬開玩笑地說，而范奎對他發出哀鳴，哼～「拜託，你明明很喜歡。別說謊了，寶貝。」

The relief is so palpable in his expression, in his giddy smile. Every second that passes is more proof that it’s real, more evidence to convince each other that they mean it. Beomgyu wants to catalogue every second of those dimples and file the memories away as proof that the bad part is over.
他臉上的表情、那雀躍的笑容中流露出的寬慰如此明顯。每一秒流逝的時間都更加證明這是真實的，更多證據讓彼此確信他們是認真的。范奎想把那些酒窩的每一秒都記錄下來，將這些記憶歸檔作為糟糕時光已經結束的證明。

“Oh my god, you loved that,” Soobin says gleefully, as Beomgyu squirms under him. “Oh, Beomie.”
「天啊，你超愛這個的，」秀彬歡快地說著，范奎在他身下扭動。「噢，范奎呀。」

Beomgyu hauls him back down by the hair, nuzzling their lips together.
Beomgyu 一把抓住他的頭髮將他拉回，兩人的唇瓣親暱地相貼。

“This is a lot,” he whispers. He’s gonna cry again. His breath is hitching, getting stuck in his chest. This is all too much Soobin, even though it’s just what he wants. “Barely even seen you, and now you’re…and now…”
「這太多了，」他低聲說道。他又要哭了。他的呼吸變得急促，卡在胸口。這對秀彬來說實在太過頭了，儘管這正是他想要的。「才剛見到你，現在你卻...現在...」

“Let me keep stripping you,” Soobin murmurs back. “Let me see you, angel.”
「讓我繼續脫掉你的衣服，」秀彬輕聲回應。「讓我看看你，天使。」

He drops his head down Beomgyu’s bare chest, dragging his chin down his sternum as Beomgyu splays his fingers through his tidy hair, ruining it.
他將頭垂落在范奎赤裸的胸膛上，下巴沿著胸骨下滑，而范奎的手指則穿過他整齊的髮絲，將它弄亂。

“Keep saying it,” Beomgyu gasps.
「繼續說，」范奎喘息著說道。

“My angel,” Soobin whispers, pressing a kiss to the midline of Beomgyu’s ribs. “My stubborn little angel omega. Two whole years, and you never really gave me up, did you? Never found anyone to touch you like I can?”
「我的天使，」秀彬輕聲低語，在範奎的肋骨中線落下一吻。「我倔強的小天使 Omega。整整兩年，你從未真正放棄我，對吧？從來沒找到能像我這樣觸碰你的人？」

It’s possessive in a way that ticks all of Beomgyu’s deepest, darkest boxes. “Never, never,” he breathes. “And what about you?”
這種佔有慾正中范奎內心最深處、最陰暗的角落。「永遠不會，永遠不會，」他輕聲說道。「那你呢？」

“I’m even worse,” Soobin murmurs to Beomgyu’s navel. “I did try to give you up. Tried to drown you out, and I still dreamed about you.”
「我比你更糟，」秀彬對著范奎的肚臍低語。「我確實試過放棄你。試著把你淹沒在記憶裡，卻依然夢見你。」

His chin catches the waistband of Beomgyu’s pants, and Beomgyu jolts his shoulders up halfway to sitting.
他的下巴勾住了范奎的褲頭，范奎猛地聳起肩膀，半坐起身。

“No, your shirt first,” he says, propped on his elbows.
「不，先脫你的襯衫。」他用手肘撐著身子說道。

“Oh?” Soobin looks up at him, surprised.
「哦？」秀彬抬頭望向他，露出驚訝的表情。

“Take it off, or I won’t let you keep going.”
「把它脫掉，否則我不會讓你繼續。」

Soobin grins, lifting his head. “Oh, you won’t let me. How will you stop me?”
秀彬咧嘴一笑，抬起頭來。「哦，你不讓我繼續？那你打算怎麼阻止我？」

Beomgyu bites his lip and fixes his eyes on Soobin’s, narrowing them in his most threatening glare. It’s just for show, but it’s cute how quickly Soobin hauls himself up on his knees, scrambling to obey, just like he always used to.
范奎咬著下唇，目光緊盯著秀彬的眼睛，瞇起雙眼擺出最具威脅性的瞪視。雖然只是裝裝樣子，但秀彬立刻跪直身子慌忙照做的模樣實在可愛——就像他過去總是那樣。

“Fucking terrifying,” Soobin declares, flinging his hands up. “Shirt, you said?”
「嚇死人了，」秀彬高舉雙手宣稱。「你說要脫衣服？」

“Shirt. Off.”  「衣服。脫掉。」

“Yes, sir.” Soobin is wearing a simple long-sleeved t-shirt, and he pulls it over his head by the back of the collar. His hair emerges from it even more tousled, and as he peels the sleeves off his arms, Beomgyu gets his first real, lucid look at Soobin’s new body. He thinks his eyes skimmed over all of this during heat, too unfocused and feverish to truly drink in the full story of the changes.
「遵命，長官。」秀彬穿著一件簡單的長袖 T 恤，他抓住後領將衣服從頭上扯下。脫衣時他的髮絲變得更加凌亂，當他將袖子從手臂褪下時，范奎這才真正清醒地看清秀彬的新身體。他猜想發情期時自己的視線也曾掠過這些變化，只是當時太過恍惚燥熱，無法真正細看這些改變的全貌。

The view doesn’t disappoint. Maybe he’ll miss the softer, skinnier Soobin once the novelty wears off, but for now, he’ll feast on this version.
景色並未讓人失望。或許新鮮感消退後，他會懷念那個更纖瘦柔軟的秀彬，但此刻，他只想盡情享受這個版本。

Soobin tosses his shirt to the side, and his muscles react to the gesture, tensing under his arms and across his chest as he lifts and lowers them. He has abs now, and his broad shoulders are thick, not bony. Beomgyu trails his hand up Soobin’s forearm, working it up towards his shoulder, and Soobin watches him trace the seams of his muscles, bicep meeting tricep.
秀彬隨手將上衣扔到一旁，當他舉起又放下手臂時，肌肉隨之牽動，在腋下與胸膛間繃出線條。他現在有了腹肌，寬闊的肩膀厚實有力，不再像從前那般骨感。範奎的手沿著秀彬的前臂向上游移，緩緩攀至肩頭，秀彬注視著他指尖劃過肌肉紋理，看著二頭肌與三頭肌的接合處。

“You like it, right?” Soobin asks quietly. He sounds genuinely anxious that Beomgyu might not, which is hilarious.
「你喜歡這樣，對吧？」秀彬輕聲問道。他語氣裡透著真切的忐忑，彷彿擔心範奎可能不喜歡——這念頭實在荒謬得可笑。

Beomgyu works his fingertips over his shoulder, across his collar bone, down Soobin’s chest. He drags them across Soobin’s navel and feels his hard belly tense as he inhales, letting them linger just as they’re poised to cross down onto the last inches of skin above Soobin’s low-slung waistband.
範奎的指尖滑過自己的肩膀，越過鎖骨，一路向下撫摸秀彬的胸膛。他的手指緩緩劃過秀彬的肚臍，感受對方因吸氣而緊繃的腹肌，在即將觸及秀彬低腰褲上方最後幾寸肌膚時刻意流連徘徊。

Here, Soobin once had a floaty, wispy trail of soft little hairs for Beomgyu to trace. He’s hairless everywhere now, isn’t he? He wasn't always that way.
在這裡，秀彬曾經有著輕柔飄逸的細軟髮絲讓范奎可以撫摸。現在他全身都光溜溜的了，不是嗎？他以前可不是這樣的。

“For the job,” Soobin explains, watching Beomgyu’s index finger catch in his navel. “You like me this way, too?”
「為了工作，」秀彬解釋道，看著范奎的食指陷入他的肚臍。「你也喜歡我這樣嗎？」

“Any way, as long as it’s you,” Beomgyu says, and Soobin suppresses a shy smile, his upper lip thinning as he squeezes his lips together. If this is really happening, it’ll only be a few weeks before they’ll be mocking each other for that kind of genuine sweetness instead of blushing at it. Beomgyu can’t wait.
「不管怎樣，只要是你就好。」範奎說道，秀彬壓抑著一抹害羞的笑容，上唇抿得薄薄的，雙唇緊閉。如果這真的發生了，再過幾週他們就會互相嘲笑這種真摯的甜言蜜語，而不是為此臉紅。範奎已經等不及了。

“Good, because when the job’s gone, no more waxing for me,” Soobin says nonchalantly. “Too painful.”
「很好，因為等這份工作結束後，我就不用再除毛了，」秀彬漫不經心地說。「太痛了。」

His eyes flicker up to Beomgyu’s face, logging his reaction, and Beomgyu frowns as the implications of that register. What’s happening to the job?
他的目光迅速掃向范奎的臉龐，捕捉著對方的反應，當意識到這句話的含意時，范奎皺起了眉頭。那份工作怎麼了？

“We’ll talk after,” Soobin says quickly. His hands are already at his own waistband. “Want me to take this off too?”
「我們待會再談，」秀彬迅速說道。他的手已經搭在自己的褲腰帶上。「這個也要脫掉嗎？」

“No, talk now,” Beomgyu insists. His hand falls onto the back of Soobin’s, gripping his wider palm and locking it in place. “I don’t want you to worry about it right now. Your job.”
「不，現在就說清楚，」范奎堅持道。他的手覆上秀彬的手背，緊握住那更寬大的手掌，將其固定住。「我不想你現在還操心這個。你的工作。」

Soobin grabs Beomgyu’s hand in his own, squeezing tight. He looks uncertain of his next words, his confidence halted, and Beomgyu’s heart aches for him. How nervous he must be bringing this baggage to the table with him, and how insensitive it was for Beomgyu to just tell him not to worry. Of course he’s worried.
秀彬緊緊握住范奎的手，神情猶豫，話語卡在喉頭，范奎看著他，心頭一陣酸楚。他一定很緊張，帶著這些包袱來談這件事，而范奎卻只是輕描淡寫地叫他別擔心，實在太不體貼了。他當然會擔心啊。

“I just mean, we’ll work it out,” Beomgyu tries to explain. “It’s not changing anything I feel about you, okay?”
「我只是想說，我們會解決的，」范奎試著解釋。「這並不會改變我對你的感覺，好嗎？」

“And we don’t have to work it out,” Soobin says. “I’ll leave the job tomorrow. I don’t want the job.”
「我們根本不需要解決這件事，」秀彬說。「我明天就辭職。這份工作我不想要了。」

“Hyung, what?”  「哥，你說什麼？」

Soobin grins.  秀彬咧嘴一笑。

“Is that what you wanted to hear?”
「這就是你想聽的嗎？」

“No, it — I mean, I don’t not — but just like that, you’re —”
「不，這——我是說，我不是不願意——但就這樣，你——」

“I knew this was part of the deal the moment you texted me that hedgehog video,” Soobin says, bringing Beomgyu’s hand to his lips. “If a miracle ever happened and you gave me a chance, that job would be over. I can’t do it, Beomgyu.”
「從你傳給我那支刺蝟影片的瞬間，我就知道這是交易的一部分，」秀彬將范奎的手貼近唇邊說道。「如果奇蹟發生，你給了我機會，那份工作就結束了。我辦不到，范奎。」

“Hyung, that’s—that’s a big choice,” Beomgyu stammers, heart pounding.
「哥，這——這可是個重大的決定啊，」范奎結結巴巴地說，心臟怦怦直跳。

Soobin shakes his head. The motion drags the bow of his lower lip against Beomgyu’s knuckles.
秀彬搖了搖頭。這個動作讓他下唇的弧度輕擦過范奎的指節。

“There is no choice. If you want me, my alpha is all for you. I don’t want it any other way.”
「沒有選擇的餘地。如果你要我，我的 alpha 就完全屬於你。我不想要其他方式。」

He lowers Beomgyu’s hand to his waistband, pressing his fingertips to the button of his jeans and leaving them there. This is mine, Beomgyu thinks.
他將范奎的手拉至自己的腰際，指尖按在牛仔褲的鈕扣上就這麼停駐。這是屬於我的，范奎心想。

“Is that coming on too strong?” Soobin asks anxiously. “I just wanted you to know before we, like… do anything, but if that freaks you out…”
「這樣會不會太直接了？」秀彬緊張地問道。「我只是想在我們...做任何事之前讓你知道，但如果這讓你覺得不舒服...」

“Not at all,” Beomgyu mumbles. He works his finger in a circle around the button of Soobin’s jeans, and Soobin withdraws his own hand to let him take full control.
「完全不會。」範圭低聲說。他的手指在秀彬牛仔褲的鈕扣上畫著圈，秀彬則抽回自己的手，讓他完全主導。

“Good. I can’t help it, Beoms. Like, a few of the other guys have partners, but the thought of — I mean, honestly, I wouldn’t even be able to do the job anymore, like, physically. Maybe their alphas can do it, but mine couldn’t.”
「那就好。我忍不住嘛，範圭。其他幾個成員都有伴侶了，但一想到——說真的，我可能連工作都沒辦法繼續，生理上就做不到。也許他們的 Alpha 可以，但我的不行。」

“Soobin-hyung,” Beomgyu pipes up, cutting off his nervous chatter. “We don't have to talk about it now, okay?”
「秀彬哥，」范奎打斷了他緊張的絮叨，「我們現在不用談這個，好嗎？」

“Okay,” Soobin says, his anxious expression immediately calming. “If that really freaked you out, I can take it back.”
「好吧，」秀彬說道，臉上焦慮的神情立刻平靜下來。「如果那真的嚇到你了，我可以收回。」

“Didn’t freak me out.” Beomgyu toys with the button, tugging at it. “Can’t take it back.”
「沒嚇到我。」范奎把玩著鈕扣，輕輕拉扯著。「收不回去了。」

He feels like the news is washing through his body inch by inch. His omega is waking up to a new world over and over again; first, a world where Soobin wants him, now a world where Soobin wants him badly enough to upturn everything in his life for him. Pounds of tension and anxiety are lifting by the minute, and a surge of elated, hysterical energy is overtaking him instead.
他感覺這消息正一寸寸滲透全身。他的 omega 正一次次醒來面對新世界：先是秀彬想要他的世界，現在是秀彬願意為他顛覆生活中一切的世界。成噸的緊張與焦慮正逐漸消散，取而代之的是一股狂喜到近乎歇斯底里的能量席捲全身。

Sure, Beomgyu knows that Soobin leaving his job won’t be simple. But his mind can’t focus on the consequences of that choice when it has a half-naked Soobin in front of him.
當然，范奎知道秀彬辭職不會是簡單的事。但當面前站著半裸的秀彬時，他的心思實在無法聚焦在那個選擇的後果上。

He unhooks the button of Soobin’s jeans, and once it’s open, the pressure of Soobin’s bulging erection on his fly immediately pops the zipper halfway down.
他解開了秀彬牛仔褲的鈕扣，一旦敞開，秀彬勃起的慾望頂著褲襠的壓力立刻讓拉鍊崩開了一半。

“It’s so eager,” Beomgyu giggles. He pokes the hardness in Soobin’s crotch with the tip of his finger, and suddenly Soobin’s hand is on his wrist, grabbing it so tightly his skin stings.
「它還真熱情呢。」范奎咯咯笑著，用指尖輕戳秀彬胯下的硬挺，突然間秀彬的手就扣住了他的手腕，力道大得讓他皮膚發疼。

“Don’t torture me,” Soobin chokes.
「別折磨我。」秀彬啞著嗓子說。

Beomgyu sits up straight, bringing his free hand back to Soobin’s fly.
范奎直起身子，空著的那隻手又探向秀彬的褲襠。

“Hyung, we’ll talk about it more later. I just want…”
「哥，晚點我們再好好談。我只是想要⋯⋯」

He pulls the zipper all the way down, and Soobin releases his wrist to let him use both hands again. He works Soobin’s pants and boxers down his hips as best he can with Soobin’s legs still spread around Beomgyu’s own, straddling him. That’s not very far, unfortunately.
他將拉鍊一路拉到底，秀彬鬆開了他的手腕，讓他能再次使用雙手。秀彬的雙腿仍跨坐在範奎身上，範奎盡可能地將秀彬的褲子和內褲褪下臀部。可惜能褪下的幅度並不大。

“Finish that sentence?” Soobin asks, quietly, but Beomgyu shakes his head. He gives Soobin’s jeans one little weak tug downwards, just enough to make it an order, and Soobin rolls off of him to free his legs enough to obey, the only valid reason Beomgyu would accept for parting from each other’s bodies right now.
「把話說完？」秀彬輕聲問道，但範奎搖了搖頭。他虛弱地向下輕扯秀彬的牛仔褲，力道剛好足以形成命令，秀彬便從他身上翻開，騰出足夠的腿部空間來服從——這是此刻範奎唯一能接受兩人身體分開的正當理由。

“You saw me naked a few weeks ago,” Soobin says as he strips, sounding mildly amused. “This is nothing new.”
「你幾週前就看過我裸體了，」秀彬一邊脫衣服一邊說，語氣帶著些許好笑。「這沒什麼好大驚小怪的。」

Beomgyu shakes his head again. He can’t stop staring at Soobin’s left thigh, thick muscles tensed up as he steps out of his jeans. He won’t look at his cock yet; he’s saving it for last. Dessert.
范奎又搖了搖頭。他無法停止盯著秀彬的左大腿，那結實的肌肉在脫下牛仔褲時緊繃著。他還不打算看向對方的性器，他要留到最後。甜點。

“Didn’t really…process it,” Beomgyu says.
「還沒真的…消化完。」范奎說。

“Ah, that heat sickness was a beast,” Soobin says wisely. “But the tea helped, didn’t it?”
「啊，那發情熱真是要命。」秀彬一副過來人的口吻。「不過茶有幫上忙吧？」

“Come back here,” Beomgyu whines.
「回來啦。」范奎撒嬌道。

“What if I don’t want to?” Soobin laughs. He flings his hands out to his sides and just stands there, presenting himself totally nude for Beomgyu, two feet away and out of reach. Evil. “What if I want you to appreciate all my hard work first, seeing as you couldn’t do it properly during heat?”
「如果我不想呢？」秀彬笑著說。他雙手一攤就站在那裡，全身赤裸地展示在范奎面前，距離兩步遠卻搆不著。真惡劣。「要是我想讓你好好欣賞我的辛苦成果呢？畢竟你發情時根本沒辦法好好看清楚。」

Beomgyu finally forces his eyes to settle on his erection. Just looking at a cock has never really done much for him; only alphas think omegas like getting dick pics. But this is obviously different. This, he wants to appreciate.
范奎終於強迫自己的目光停留在他的勃起上。光是看著一根陰莖從來沒能真正引起他的興趣；只有阿爾法才會以為歐米茄喜歡收到屌照。但這顯然不同。這個，他想好好欣賞。

Soobin steps closer, and Beomgyu leans out to grab him, trying to contain as much of his erection in his hands as he can. His hands are woefully inadequate. He spans them around the base of Soobin’s cock and the tip of it overflows out of his palms, a bead of shiny precum bubbling from its swollen head.
秀彬靠得更近，范奎傾身抓住他，試圖用雙手盡可能包覆住他勃起的部位。他的手掌實在力不從心。他環握住秀彬陰莖根部時，前端仍從指縫溢出，腫脹的龜頭滲出一滴晶瑩的前列腺液。

Soobin’s fists clench by his sides, letting Beomgyu have free reign of his body. It makes him feel powerful, watching him desperately try to control himself. In their old life, day-to-day, Beomgyu was so powerful with Soobin, nothing like how helpless he felt being during heat.
秀彬的拳頭在身側緊握，放任範圭自由掌控他的身體。看著對方拼命試圖控制自己的模樣，讓他感到一股權力感。在他們過往的生活中，範圭對秀彬總是如此強勢，與發情期時那種無助感截然不同。

He wants to have that again. Maybe he can.
他渴望再次擁有那種感覺。或許這次可以。

“Remember when I used to…”
「還記得我以前總是...」

Beomgyu pulls his hands away from Soobin’s cock in a flash and, giggling, watches it bob tantalizingly in midair.
範圭突然將手從秀彬的性器上抽離，咯咯笑著看它在半空中誘人地晃動。

“Okay, rude,” Soobin complains, as Beomgyu paws at his cock with his knuckles, sending it bouncing again.
「喂，很沒禮貌耶，」秀彬抱怨道，只見範圭用指節輕彈他的老二，讓它又彈跳了起來。

“It’s so funny,” Beomgyu laughs. “It’s like one of those cat toys that you stick on a wall, you know?”
「超好笑的，」范奎笑著說。「就像那種你黏在牆上的貓玩具，懂嗎？」

“This, I didn’t miss,” Soobin teases, diving for his armpits. He squishes Beomgyu to the bed, squealing and flailing and whining, stop tickling me! “You called my dick a cat toy, that deserves punishment—”
「這個我可沒想念，」秀彬調侃著，伸手去搔他的腋下。他把范奎壓在床上，范奎尖叫扭動著抱怨，別再搔我癢了！「你居然說我的老二像貓玩具，這該受懲罰——」

“Bet you did miss this,” Beomgyu laughs, trying and failing to dodge Soobin’s ruthless hands. “Bet you—missed me fucking with you—such a tame alpha—”
「打賭你一定想念這個，」范奎笑著說，試圖躲開秀彬無情的手卻失敗了。「打賭你——想念我捉弄你——這麼溫順的 alpha——」

“Don’t call me tame,” Soobin growls exaggeratedly, gnashing his teeth an inch above Beomgyu’s nose.
「別說我溫順，」秀彬誇張地低吼著，牙齒在范奎鼻尖上方一寸處磨得嘎吱作響。

“Yeah? Show me what you are, then.”
「是嗎？那就讓我看看你的真面目。」

Soobin’s eyes flare wide, and mercifully, the tickling stops as he grabs Beomgyu’s fly instead.
秀彬的眼睛瞪得老大，謝天謝地，當他改抓住范奎的褲襠時，那陣搔癢總算停了下來。

“Permission granted?” he asks, barely waiting for Beomgyu to nod breathlessly before he starts tearing through the buttons. “Ah, I remember these pants, too many fucking tiny buttons—”
「准許了嗎？」他問道，幾乎沒等喘不過氣的杋圭點頭，就開始粗暴地扯開鈕扣。「啊，我記得這條褲子，他媽的鈕扣有夠多——」

“It’s just because you’ve got huge alpha hands,” Beomgyu chimes in. “And all my other pants have a zipper, so stop bitching.”
「還不是因為你有雙巨無霸 alpha 手掌，」杋圭插嘴道，「我其他褲子都有拉鍊，別再抱怨了。」

“Fuck, I missed this,” Soobin says. “You’ve got such a smart mouth. I hate it.”
「靠，我超懷念這個，」秀彬說，「你這張嘴真是伶牙俐齒。我恨死了。」

He loves it, Beomgyu feels in his belly that he loves it. Soobin kisses Beomgyu on that mouth now, leaning down to smother his lips as he fumbles through the final button of Beomgyu’s fly, and Beomgyu remembers far too late that he’s wearing his least sexy underwear.
他愛死了，杋圭從腹底感受到他愛死了。此刻秀彬俯身吻上那張利嘴，用唇瓣封堵的同時笨拙地解開杋圭褲襠最後一顆鈕扣，而杋圭這才驚覺自己穿著最不性感的那條內褲——實在太遲了。

“I’m not wearing anything cute,” Beomgyu rushes to say, as Soobin pulls away to start working his pants down his legs. “Actually, I’m wearing, like, my laundry day underwear, ‘cause I didn’t finish folding—”
「我沒穿什麼可愛的內褲啦。」范奎急忙說道，就在秀彬抽身開始褪下他的褲子時。「其實我穿的是那種洗衣日專用的舊內褲，因為我還沒折完——」

“You think I give a shit what panties you’re wearing?” Soobin interrupts. “When it’s you in them?”
「你以為我會在乎你穿什麼內褲嗎？」秀彬打斷道。「尤其是穿在你身上的時候？」

He squeezes Beomgyu’s pants down his ass, and Beomgyu shuts up as he wriggles to help him out. Not only is he in an aging pair of simple cotton underwear, but from the coolness of the room’s air on his crotch as Soobin spreads his legs wide and settles between them, he can tell that he’s starting to slick through them. Mortifying.
他將范奎的褲子往下扯到臀部，范奎安靜下來，扭動著身子配合他脫下。不僅是因為他穿著一條老舊的純棉內褲，更因為當秀彬將他的雙腿大大分開、置身其間時，房間的冷空氣直接觸及他的胯下，讓他意識到自己已經濕透了內褲。真是丟臉至極。

“Shit,” Soobin breathes, eyes glued between Beomgyu’s legs. “I did this to you already?”
「靠，」秀彬低喘，目光緊盯著范奎的雙腿之間。「我已經把你弄成這樣了？」

Beomgyu buries his face in his hands.
Beomgyu 把臉埋進雙手裡。

“Why so shy, babe?” Soobin murmurs. Beomgyu feels his hands sliding up his skinny thighs, broad enough to wrap nearly halfway around them. “Do you know what this does to me?”
「寶貝，怎麼這麼害羞？」秀彬低語。范奎感覺他的雙手正沿著自己纖細的大腿向上滑動，那手掌寬得幾乎能環抱住大半。「你知道這對我有多刺激嗎？」

Soobin grazes his thumb over the wettest part of Beomgyu’s underwear, a line down the heart of his cunt, and Beomgyu’s breath catches. He peeks at Soobin’s dick through the gaps between his fingers, so engorged that the loose skin where his knot forms doesn’t look so loose anymore.
秀彬的拇指輕撫過範奎內褲最濕潤的部分，沿著他私處的中心線滑下，範奎的呼吸頓時一滯。他從指縫間偷瞄秀彬的性器，那處腫脹得連平時鬆弛的結節皮膚都繃緊了。

“Yeah. If I could get even harder, I would.”
「對啊。要是能再硬一點，我會更爽。」

“Take them off,” Beomgyu commands, dropping his hands.
「脫掉。」范奎命令道，同時放下雙手。

This time, Soobin takes it slow. He pulls Beomgyu’s underwear down so slowly that the crotch of it clings to his cunt, peeling off in a languid way that feels grotesque to Beomgyu. Not to Soobin, though. He groans, eyes fixed to Beomgyu’s slit as it appears from under the soaked fabric.
這次，秀彬放慢了動作。他緩緩拉下范奎的內褲，慢到布料仍黏附在他的私處，以一種令范奎感到怪異的慵懶方式逐漸剝離。但秀彬可不這麼覺得。他低聲呻吟，雙眼緊盯著那片從濕透布料下逐漸顯露的縫隙。

“You have no idea,” Soobin breathes. “No fucking idea.”
「你根本不知道，」秀彬喘息著。「他媽的完全不懂。」

He works Beomgyu’s underwear down to his knees, and Beomgyu kicks them off, spreading his legs again.
他將范奎的內褲褪至膝蓋，范奎踢掉它們，再次張開雙腿。

“No idea…”  「不知道...」

Soobin fans his thumbs back down Beomgyu’s folds, working one right over his opening to gather the slick there.
秀彬用拇指沿著范奎的皺褶往下滑動，其中一根正好覆在他的穴口，蒐集那裡的濕潤。

“How gorgeous you are,” he says throatily, lifting his wet thumb to his lips and licking it clean.
「你真是美極了，」他嗓音沙啞地說道，將濕漉漉的拇指舉到唇邊，舔了個乾淨。

“Do I taste good?” Beomgyu whispers.
「我嚐起來好吃嗎？」范奎輕聲問道。

Soobin answers with his body, grabbing Beomgyu’s thighs to bend them back to his head and diving his head down. He licks a line down Beomgyu’s cunt before he can react, and a spasm of pleasure shoots through Beomgyu’s belly.
秀彬用身體回應，抓住范奎的大腿往他頭部彎折，俯身向下。在范奎來得及反應前，他沿著范奎的私處舔舐而下，一陣快感的顫慄瞬間穿透范奎的腹部。

“Hyung, I don’t— don’t need— god,” Beomgyu whimpers.
「哥，我不——不需要——天啊，」范奎嗚咽著。

Soobin grazes a thumb over Beomgyu’s clit, working it up into his patch of wispy pubic hair. Beomgyu’s body is hypersensitive from all the pheromones, begging for more attention, and just that touch is unbearably intense. But Soobin doesn’t touch him again after that, no more licks, no more strokes. He hovers, just gazing down at Beomgyu’s cunt, leaving his fingers an inch too far north of his most sensitive spot.
秀彬用拇指輕撫著范奎的陰蒂，手指游移進那片細軟的陰毛中。范奎的身體因費洛蒙作用而極度敏感，渴求更多愛撫，光是這樣的觸碰就讓他難以承受。但秀彬之後卻沒再碰他，沒有舔舐，也沒有撫弄。他只是懸在上方，俯視著范奎的私處，讓手指停留在距離最敏感地帶僅一寸之遙的位置。

“What, can’t I look?” he says, when Beomgyu lifts his head to glare at him. “It’s like stress relief.”
「怎麼，不能看嗎？」當范奎抬頭瞪他時，秀彬這麼說道。「這就像減壓一樣。」

“You know what’s stress relief?” Beomgyu complains. “Coming. That’s stress relief.”
「你知道什麼才是減壓嗎？」范奎抱怨道。「高潮。那才叫減壓。」

“Oh, I’ll make you come,” Soobin says dismissively. “But you got to bat my dick around. Gimme a second to appreciate your pussy, okay?”
「噢，我會讓你高潮的，」秀彬漫不經心地說。「但你剛才可是把我的老二當玩具耍。讓我好好欣賞你的小穴一會兒，行嗎？」

He spreads Beomgyu’s thighs even wider, and Beomgyu can literally feel the slick drooling out of him at the sight of his alpha between his legs.
他將范奎的雙腿分得更開，范奎能真切地感受到自己體內湧出的濕潤，當他看見自己的阿爾法跪在腿間時。

“Fuck, you’re perfect,” Soobin breathes, gathering the new burst of wetness with his thumb again. “God damn, Beomie. You really didn’t share this with anyone else?”
「操，你太完美了。」玟爀喘息著，再次用拇指接住新湧出的愛液。「該死的，范奎。你真的沒和別人分享過這個嗎？」

“I wasn’t lying.” Beomgyu shudders at the feeling. He tweaks his hips down, seeking more pleasure as Soobin’s thumb lifts off again.
「我沒有說謊。」范奎因那觸感而顫抖。他將臀部向下微調，在秀彬拇指再次抬起時尋求更多快感。

Soobin reads him right. Instead of stroking back up Beomgyu’s folds, he sinks the tip of his thumb gently through Beomgyu’s opening.
秀彬準確地讀懂了他的心思。他沒有繼續撫摸範奎的皺褶，而是將拇指指尖輕輕探入範奎的入口。

“Shit,” Beomgyu gasps, flinging his head back until all he can see is the window behind the bed. Full, full, his omega wants something inside him, something more—
「靠...」範奎喘息著向後仰頭，直到視線裡只剩下床後的窗戶。滿的、要滿的，他的 omega 渴望體內被填滿，渴望更多——

“Needy,” Soobin mumbles, pressing in further. His scent is growing heavier and heavier, pheromones dripping down the back of Beomgyu’s nose like syrup. “You’re so needy, angel. Made to be filled.”
「真貪心。」秀彬低語著更深入了些。他的信息素越來越濃烈，費洛蒙像糖漿般沿著範奎的鼻腔後側流淌。「你這麼飢渴啊，天使。生來就該被填滿的。」

He fans a hand flat on Beomgyu’s stomach to keep him from convulsing again. His broad fingers nearly span it.
他將手掌平貼在範奎腹部防止對方再次痙攣。那寬大的手指幾乎能橫跨整個腰腹。

“Then fill me already,” Beomgyu moans.
「那就快點填滿我，」范奎呻吟著。

“Isn’t that skipping a few steps?”
「這樣是不是跳太快了？」

“You think I’m not ready for it?”
「你覺得我還沒準備好嗎？」

His hands flail uselessly, reaching down for Soobin, as if they could reach his cock.
他的雙手徒勞地揮動著，向下伸向秀彬，彷彿這樣就能碰到他的陰莖。

“No, you’re ready,” Soobin says. “I just…”
「不，你準備好了，」秀彬說。「我只是…」

Beomgyu settles his head back down, just in time to see Soobin crawling over his body again. That blanket is back, Soobin’s weight on his chest, his forearms blocking out Beomgyu’s peripheral vision.
范奎重新躺好頭，正好看見秀彬再次爬過他的身體。那條毯子又回來了，秀彬的重量壓在他胸口，前臂擋住了范奎的餘光。

Soobin drags his nose down the soft skin just in front of Beomgyu’s ear.
秀彬的鼻尖輕輕滑過范奎耳前的柔軟肌膚。

“It’s not reckless to do this, is it?” he murmurs to Beomgyu’s ear, so soft that it’s almost a hum, like he’s afraid to let Beomgyu truly know how anxious he is.
「這樣做不算魯莽吧？」他在范奎耳邊低語，聲音輕得幾乎像在哼唱，彷彿害怕讓范奎真正知道他有多焦慮。

“Maybe it is,” Beomgyu whispers back. “But I can’t not. I need you.”
「或許是吧，」范奎輕聲回應。「但我沒辦法不這麼做。我需要你。」

Soobin nuzzles the tip of his nose into Beomgyu’s earlobe, and Beomgyu flings his legs around his hips, clutching onto him desperately to ride through the tingles ricocheting through his body. He grabs Soobin’s neck, fingertips colliding with his plasticky inhibitor patch. It’s barely hanging on by a thread, soaked through with sweat and overloaded with scent.
秀彬用鼻尖輕蹭著范奎的耳垂，范奎則將雙腿纏上他的腰際，拼命緊抱住他，讓那股在體內竄動的酥麻感帶著自己起伏。他抓住秀彬的後頸，指尖觸碰到那塊塑膠質地的抑制貼片。那貼片早已被汗水浸透，浸滿了費洛蒙氣息，僅靠一絲黏性勉強附著。

“I want a fresh start,” Beomgyu says. “And I want it to start here.”
「我想要重新開始，」范奎說。「而我想從這裡開始。」

He can feel the heat of Soobin’s cock jutting into the point of his hip bone. He doesn’t know how Soobin’s resisting, and as much as he knows it’s a good thing that Soobin’s trying to be careful, he’d really rather be driving Soobin mad, sending him spiraling into manic lust.
他能感受到秀彬勃發的性器正抵著自己的髖骨。他不明白秀彬為何還能忍耐，儘管知道對方試圖謹慎是好事，但他更渴望讓秀彬為自己瘋狂，墜入失控的情慾漩渦。

“Don’t make me wait any more,” Beomgyu begs. “Please, hyung.”
「別再讓我等了，」范奎央求道。「求你了，哥。」

He drops his hand to his own neck and rips off his inhibitor patch. A cloud of sugary-sweet peaches erupts into the air, the flow of his scent bursting into a deluge, and Soobin’s eyebrows contort.
他將手垂至頸部，猛然撕下抑制貼片。一股甜膩蜜桃香氣瞬間在空氣中炸開，信息素如洪水般傾瀉而出，秀彬的眉頭頓時緊蹙。

“My scent,” he growls. “Mine now.”
「我的氣味，」他低吼著。「現在是我的了。」

“Taste it,” Beomgyu pleads, his voice shrinking to a whine.
「嚐嚐看，」范奎哀求道，聲音逐漸轉為嗚咽。

Soobin takes his fill, burying his face in Beomgyu’s scent gland. Beomgyu’s thoughts are feral, filled with the raw need to give himself to his alpha, the thirst to be devoured. Soobin is succumbing to his own urges, sucking onto him with enough force that his teeth graze Beomgyu’s skin. A shadow of what he might finally get to have, one day, if they get this right.
秀彬盡情汲取著，將臉埋進范奎的氣味腺體。范奎的思緒變得野性，充斥著將自己獻給 alpha 的原始渴望，渴求被吞噬的慾望。秀彬也屈服於自己的衝動，用力吸吮到牙齒都刮過范奎的肌膚。這是他們若能做到完美，終有一天他或許能真正擁有的預兆。

It’s becoming completely unbearable to be empty.
體內的空虛感已變得完全無法忍受。

“Pl…please,” Beomgyu whimpers, hoping it says enough.
「拜…拜託，」范奎嗚咽著，希望這簡短的話語已足夠表達。

“Here,” Soobin mumbles against Beomgyu’s neck, his nose buried dead on target now. “Take off mine.”
「這裡，」秀彬抵著范奎的頸間低語，鼻尖此刻精準埋入腺體。「把我的也撕掉。」

Beomgyu’s fingertips are shaking so hard that he can barely grip onto the edge of Soobin’s patch, but the moment he finds enough strength to pull it off of him, he feels that desperate tension ebbing immediately. Soobin’s scent, already so strong, suddenly triples in nuance. For the first time in years, he’s smelling his alpha’s totally un-muted scent, and all the delicate edges of Soobin’s mood bite into his senses; the depth of his anxiety, the richness of his desire, the warmth of his comfort. It’s overwhelming.
范奎的指尖顫抖得如此劇烈，幾乎抓不穩秀彬抑制貼的邊緣。但當他終於使勁扯下那片貼布時，那股緊繃的絕望感立刻如潮水退去。秀彬原本就濃烈的氣息，突然在層次上暴增三倍。多年來第一次，他聞到了阿爾法完全未經抑制的氣味，秀彬情緒中所有細膩的稜角都啃噬著他的感官：焦慮的深度、慾望的濃烈、安撫的溫暖。這太過強烈了。

“You’re trembling,” Soobin observes.
「你在發抖。」秀彬注意到。

“Please.”  「拜託。」

“You’re trembling because you need me to fuck you.”
「你抖成這樣是因為需要我幹你。」

His voice is low and throaty, incredulous. He’s saying it out loud to make himself believe it.
他的嗓音低沉沙啞，帶著難以置信。他大聲說出來是為了讓自己相信這件事。

“Duh,” Beomgyu whines.  「廢話，」範奎抱怨道。

“I’ve fantasized about this so many times. You know what I would do? In my fantasies?”
「我幻想過這個場景無數次。你知道在我的幻想裡，我會怎麼做嗎？」

“You’d fuck me. Fuck me.”
「你會上我。狠狠地幹我。」

“No. I’d eat you out for an hour first. As penance.”
「不。我會先花一個小時用嘴服侍你。當作贖罪。」

“Fuck that,” Beomgyu gasps. He’s quaking now, at the end of his rope. God, if Soobin did that, he wouldn’t last a minute.
「去他的，」范奎喘息道。他現在渾身顫抖，已經到了極限。天啊，要是秀彬真這麼做，他連一分鐘都撐不住。

“Next time,” Soobin murmurs. “Ready?”
「下次吧，」秀彬輕聲說道。「準備好了嗎？」

He shuffles his hips to slot them properly against Beomgyu’s. Beomgyu grips on tight around his shoulders, bracing for the onslaught of sensation as he feels Soobin shimmying his cock down into place between his legs.
他挪動臀部，讓自己與範奎的身體完美貼合。範奎緊緊環抱住他的肩膀，感受著秀彬將性器緩緩滑入自己雙腿之間的位置，準備迎接那股即將襲來的強烈感官衝擊。

Soobin’s neck is right there, bare and begging him. Beomgyu’s omega can’t resist. Scent him, scent him.
秀彬的頸項就在那裡，赤裸裸地誘惑著他。範奎的 omega 無法抗拒。標記他，標記他。

Beomgyu plunges his teeth into Soobin’s scent gland instead, just as Soobin sinks his cock into Beomgyu’s cunt. Not too deep, nothing close to a mating bite. But—
范奎的牙齒轉而陷入秀彬的氣味腺，就在秀彬將性器埋入范奎體內的那一刻。不算太深，遠不及結契咬痕的程度。但——

“Ahhh, fuck,” Soobin howls into the pillow next to Beomgyu’s head. “Fuck, angel, mmmmhh—”
「啊…操，」秀彬對著范奎頭側的枕頭低吼。「該死…天使…嗯啊——」

Beomgyu wails into his neck in return. Soobin’s taste is so indulgent, a whirlwind of spices coating his tastebuds, stimulating enough that it takes a second for him to process the sensation of Soobin’s cock pressing into him deeper, deeper. But when he does, he goes limp, his teeth nearly falling out of Soobin’s neck.
范奎以埋在他頸間的嗚咽回應。秀彬的氣息如此縱情，香料風暴席捲他的味蕾，強烈得讓他遲了一瞬才意識到那根性器正往體內更深、更深處推進。當他終於察覺時，整個人瞬間癱軟，牙齒幾乎要從秀彬頸間滑落。

“Baby, baby, if you keep—keep biting, I’ll—”
「寶貝…寶貝，要是你繼續…繼續咬，我會——」

Beomgyu’s arms are so tight around Soobin’s chest that he can hardly fathom how he’ll be able to move enough to thrust into him, but Soobin manages it. He jerks his hips out and back, leaving Beomgyu nearly empty, and plunges desperately into his cunt again, deeper this time. And then deeper again, and then — he must nearly be hilting himself in Beomgyu’s pussy, and Beomgyu feels like his walls are melting around him, molding to him as if his body remembers every inch of Soobin.
范奎的手臂緊緊環繞著修彬的胸膛，緊到他幾乎無法想像自己該如何移動身體來進入對方，但修彬還是辦到了。他猛然向後抽離，幾乎讓范奎體內空虛，接著又急切地插回那處柔軟，這次進得更深。然後更深，再然後——他幾乎要整根沒入范奎體內，而范奎感覺自己的內壁正因他融化，順應著他的形狀，彷彿身體記得修彬的每一寸。

All the details are flooding back to him now, all the little tiny things he couldn’t recall during heat, when he was half out of his mind and Soobin was a nervous wreck. The way Soobin stalls a millisecond too long at the end of his thrusts, as if trying to let the full size of him truly sink in, the way his breath starts to squeak as his inhales grow faster and faster, the way all those babbling, uncontrollable words come along with an absolute explosion of scent that makes Beomgyu feel drunk. All the details that make Soobin his alpha.
此刻所有細節如潮水般湧回他腦海，那些發情期時他神智不清、秀彬緊張到崩潰時想不起來的細微末節。秀彬每次頂入後總會多停滯那毫秒片刻，彷彿要讓自己完全沒入他體內；呼吸隨著節奏加快逐漸變得急促尖細；那些失控的囈語總伴隨著信息素的大爆發，讓範奎醉得暈頭轉向。所有這些細節，都讓秀彬成為專屬於他的 Alpha。

“Beoms, stop, it’s too— too—”
「範兒，別這樣，太——太——」

Beomgyu lets his jaw hang slack, unhitching from Soobin’s skin, and he can smell the tension unfurl in Soobin’s scent.
Beomgyu 鬆開了下巴，從 Soobin 的肌膚上移開，他能聞到 Soobin 氣息中那股緊繃感逐漸消散。

“Almost made me knot,” Soobin grunts, grinding his hips against Beomgyu and locking his cock in as far as it’ll go. “Wish you bit me for real, marked me, claimed me…”
「差點讓我打結了。」秀彬低吼著，將臀部抵著範奎磨蹭，將自己的陰莖盡可能地深入。「真希望你真的咬我、標記我、佔有我⋯⋯」

Beomgyu wails. Soobin knows what he likes.
範奎啜泣著。秀彬清楚他的喜好。

He’s totally full, Soobin’s cock head ramming into his cervix, but his body forgot that this should hurt. He arches his back instead, clinging even closer to Soobin’s chest, and when Soobin starts working his hips again, his voice is intolerably low, a heavy murmur right into Beomgyu’s ear.
他已經完全被填滿，秀彬的龜頭頂入他的子宮頸，但他的身體早已忘記這理應帶來疼痛。他反而弓起背脊，更加緊貼秀彬的胸膛。當秀彬再次擺動腰肢時，那低啞得令人難耐的嗓音化為沉重呢喃，直接灌入範奎耳中。

“You take it like you’re made for me,” he breathes. “Your cunt knows it’s mine.”
「你接納我的樣子，就像天生為我而存在，」他喘息著說。「你的小穴知道它屬於我。」

Fuck, is Beomgyu gonna come already? This soon? He can feel it, undeniably; numbness flooding his core, ecstasy growing closer and closer, just barely out of reach.
該死，範奎這就要高潮了嗎？這麼快？他無法否認那股感受；麻木感淹沒核心，狂喜愈來愈近，卻仍差那麼一點。

“I felt that,” Soobin growls. He drops one hand to Beomgyu’s thigh, locking him in place so that his thrusts land square on target. “Squeezing me so tight, falling apart for me, such a good boy, good omega, perfect—”
「我感覺到了。」秀彬低吼道。他一手按在範奎的大腿上，將他固定住，讓每一次挺進都能正中目標。「夾得這麼緊，為我崩潰的樣子，真是個乖孩子，好 Omega，完美——」

He presses their lips together, and Beomgyu comes as if on command. It settles through his bones, heavy, lingering nothingness, an absolutely mind-wiping pleasure. The only thing that breaks through his dulled senses is Soobin’s sudden gasp and the jolt of pressure that follows it. Soobin is knotting, and Beomgyu thinks he wouldn’t mind getting stuck here, just living forever in this orgasm, teetering indefinitely on the border of pleasure and pain.
他將兩人的唇瓣緊貼，而范奎彷彿聽令般迎了上去。這股感受穿透他的骨髓，沉重而綿長的虛無，一種徹底抹去心智的快感。唯一穿透他遲鈍感官的，是秀彬突然的喘息與隨之而來的壓迫感。秀彬正在結成，范奎想著自己並不介意被困在這裡，永遠活在這次高潮中，在快感與痛苦的邊界上無限期地搖擺。

“F-fuck, fuck, angel, mmmnnnh.”
「該、該死，天啊，天使，嗯嗯嗯...」

Soobin is whimpering like a puppy, his sounds trickling through the fog into Beomgyu’s ears. Beomgyu can vaguely feel Soobin’s nails digging harshly into his shoulders and the wetness of Soobin’s tongue dragging raggedly across his lips, but he doesn’t want to feel anything at all. Wants to just exist as Soobin’s omega, coming on his knot, taking and taking and taking his load until it sticks. He’s such a good boy, right?
秀彬像小狗般嗚咽著，他的聲音穿過迷霧流入范奎耳中。范奎能模糊感受到秀彬的指甲狠狠掐進自己肩膀，以及秀彬濕潤的舌頭粗魯地掠過他的唇瓣，但他什麼都不想感受。只想作為秀彬的 Omega 存在，在他的結上高潮，不斷接納、接納、接納他的精液直到它凝固。他是個好孩子，對吧？

He rolls his head to the side on the pillow, baring his neck, and even in the peak of his own orgasm, Soobin gives him what he needs, canines dangerously deep into the skin above his scent gland. No way would Beomgyu’s alpha pass up a chance to bite his omega.
他將頭側向枕邊，露出頸部，即便在自己高潮的巔峰時刻，秀彬仍給了他所需的——犬齒危險地深陷在他氣味腺上方的皮膚裡。範奎的阿爾法絕不會放過咬他歐米茄的機會。

“Alpha, am I— was I—”
「Alpha，我是不是——我曾經——」

Beomgyu is slipping into a daze, coming down from his orgasm and falling into something much deeper. All that’s left is the stretch in his cunt and the sharpness in his neck.
范奎逐漸陷入恍惚，高潮過後墜入更深層的迷離。此刻僅存下體被撐開的飽脹感與頸間尖銳的刺痛。

“Mine,” Soobin whispers. “You are.”
「我的。」秀彬低語。「你是。」

Beomgyu lets his last fears go. He’s going to have him, no matter what it takes.
范奎釋放了最後的恐懼。無論付出什麼代價，他都要得到這個人。

Getting knotted out of heat doesn’t have quite the same power to knock Beomgyu out, but it still takes a solid while for him to feel fully lucid again. Even when he finally opens his eyes, he still feels kind of like he just chugged something carbonated, and all the bubbles got stuck in his brain. Soobin’s face is so close that he has to cross his eyes to focus on it, and that only makes him feel dizzier.
被熱潮期打結的狀態雖然不至於讓范奎完全昏厥，但還是讓他花了好一陣子才徹底清醒。即使終於睜開眼睛，他仍感覺像是灌了整瓶氣泡飲料，所有泡泡都卡在腦子裡嗡嗡作響。秀彬的臉近得讓他必須鬥雞眼才能對焦，這反而讓他更暈了。

It’s so nice to exist in Soobin’s space. To just be close to him, underneath him, embracing him. He lets himself float, and Soobin watches over him, fully alert. It makes Beomgyu feel as safe as Soobin had promised he would.
能存在於秀彬的空間裡真是太好了。僅僅是靠近他、在他身下、擁抱著他。他讓自己漂浮著，而秀彬則全神貫注地守護著他。這讓範奎感受到秀彬所承諾的那種安全感。

“It’s been a long knot,” Soobin murmurs, combing through the hair over Beomgyu’s right ear with his fingertips. Enough time has passed that Beomgyu knows the knot would be deflating by now, if this wasn’t such an intense session.
「這結打了好久，」秀彬低語，指尖輕梳過范奎右耳上方的髮絲。時間流逝得夠久，若非這次纏綿如此激烈，范奎知道那結此刻早該鬆開了。

“’S okay. You know I like them that way.”
「沒關係啦，你知道我就愛這樣的。」

Beomgyu yawns. His muscles are all floppy now, and they will be until the knot deflates.
範奎打了個哈欠。他現在全身肌肉都軟綿綿的，在結消退前都會是這樣。

“Sorry I came so fast,” Soobin blurts out, while Beomgyu is still mid-yawn. “It’s kinda hard to… I mean, like, you just tighten up so much when you come, and I’m fucking weak, I couldn’t hold it in.”
「抱歉我這麼快就射了，」秀彬脫口而出，當時範奎還在打哈欠。「這有點難...我是說，你高潮時會夾得超緊，而我他媽的沒用，根本忍不住。」

“It’s sexy,” Beomgyu says, the moment the yawn passes. “It’s sexy that you’re weak for me. It’s hot that you came too fast.”
「這很性感，」范奎在打完哈欠後說道。「你對我毫無招架之力的樣子很性感。你這麼快就高潮的樣子很火辣。」

“You’re a weird one,” Soobin says, and Beomgyu shrugs. “Can I hold you the other way?”
「你真是個怪咖。」Soobin 說道，Beomgyu 聳了聳肩。「可以換個方式抱你嗎？」

“What, spooning?”  「什麼，要抱抱嗎？」

“Yeah. My favorite.”  「嗯，我最愛了。」

Soobin’s real favorite is being the little spoon, and they both know it, but that doesn’t work when they’re knotted. Instead, Beomgyu nods, letting Soobin gingerly bend his knee back and delicately twist his body around, slotting in behind him as Beomgyu rolls onto his side. He grimaces as the knot tugs inside his entrance, but Soobin moves carefully enough that it only hurts for a second, and then his arms are back around Beomgyu as if they’d never left.
秀彬其實最喜歡當被抱的那個，他們彼此都心知肚明，但當他們還連在一起時這姿勢就行不通了。於是範奎點點頭，讓秀彬小心翼翼地將膝蓋往後彎，輕柔地轉過身來，當範奎側躺時從後方貼近。當結在他體內牽動時他皺了皺眉，但秀彬動作足夠謹慎，疼痛只持續了一瞬，接著他的雙臂又環抱住範奎，彷彿從未鬆開過。

“You’re good at that now,” Beomgyu says. “Less clumsy.”
「你現在很擅長這個了，」范奎說。「沒那麼笨手笨腳了。」

“Yeah, too much practice. But now you get to reap the rewards of all that practice, huh?”
「是啊，練習太多了。但現在你可以收穫所有那些練習的成果了，對吧？」

Beomgyu twists his head back, puckering up, and Soobin props himself up on one elbow to get a better angle to kiss him. He lets his lips rest on Beomgyu’s for too long, just reveling in their contact.
范奎扭過頭，噘起嘴，秀彬用手肘撐起身子，調整角度好親吻他。他的唇在范奎的唇上停留太久，只為沉醉於這份接觸。

When he pulls away, Beomgyu sighs, wiggling his hips to settle even further on the knot. A trickle of wetness escapes from his entrance, sliding hot down the crease of Beomgyu’s groin, and he catches the bead of fluid with his finger, bringing it to his mouth.
當他抽身離開時，范奎嘆了口氣，扭動臀部讓結更深地嵌入體內。一股濕熱的液體從他穴口溢出，沿著股溝滑落，他用手指接住那滴液珠，送入口中。

“Is that you or me?” Soobin smiles.
「那是你還是我的？」秀彬笑著說。

Beomgyu licks it. Bitter, in a good way.
範奎舔了舔。苦中帶甜，滋味不錯。

“You, mostly,” he says, and licks his lips exaggeratedly.
「主要是你啦，」他說著，還刻意舔了舔嘴唇。

“Nasty,” Soobin beams at him.
「真噁心，」秀彬對他燦笑。

“Disgusting,” Beomgyu agrees. They can’t stop smiling at each other. “Cuddle me closer?”
「超噁的，」範奎附和道。兩人止不住對望傻笑。「抱緊一點？」

He rolls his head back down to face away from Soobin, expecting to feel his arms pull him tight again. Instead, he feels a delicate touch in his hair.
他將頭轉向另一側，背對著秀彬，預期會再次被那雙手臂緊緊摟住。然而，他感受到的卻是髮絲間輕柔的觸碰。

“Is it long enough to braid?” Soobin asks. “Could I try?”
「長度夠編辮子嗎？」秀彬問道，「我可以試試看嗎？」

“You know how to braid hair?”
「你會編頭髮？」

“Nope.”  「不會。」

Soobin giggles as Beomgyu shakes his hair back from his forehead, stretching his neck out to let it cascade onto his pillow. It’s probably not quite long enough to braid, just barely skimming his shoulders, and all the layers that his hairstylist cut into it the last time he went for a trim wouldn’t make that easier.
秀彬輕笑著，看著範圭將額前的頭髮往後撥，伸長脖子讓髮絲如瀑布般散落在枕頭上。他的頭髮可能還不夠長到能編辮子，髮尾才剛碰到肩膀，加上上次修剪時造型師剪的層次，讓編髮更不容易了。

But he’s not going to stop Soobin from playing with his hair, not when his big hands are weaving through it so gently.
但他不會阻止秀彬玩他的頭髮，尤其是當那雙大手如此輕柔地穿梭在髮絲間時。

“Don’t get it tangled,” Beomgyu says.
「別把我的頭髮打結了，」範圭說道。

“I used to watch my noona do this to her own hair,” Soobin muses, picking out sections of hair from the crown of Beomgyu’s head. “Except she kind of just went like…” Beomgyu feels his hair shaking around, tugging at his roots, and Soobin makes a little wooshing noise. “And then it would be done, like, super fast.”
「我以前常看我姊這樣弄自己的頭髮，」秀彬一邊說著，一邊從杋圭頭頂挑出幾縷髮絲。「不過她大概就是這樣...」杋圭感覺自己的頭髮被扯著髮根晃來晃去，秀彬還配了咻咻的音效。「然後唰地一下就弄好了，超快的。」

“I think there’s a bit more technique to it than that,” Beomgyu chortles.
「我覺得這還需要更多技巧，」范奎輕笑著說。

“I can learn.”  「我可以學。」

Beomgyu lifts his foot, hooking it around Soobin’s legs to tug their hips even flusher together. This is the quietest moment of his whole day, the first time his heart has been able to fully settle down. He’s full of warmth radiating from the knot, calmness from Soobin’s touches.
范奎抬起腳，勾住秀彬的腿，讓兩人的臀部更加緊密貼合。這是他一整天中最寧靜的時刻，心臟首次能夠完全平靜下來。他感受到結所散發的溫暖，以及秀彬觸碰帶來的平靜。

“Feels good?” Soobin murmurs, gently grinding up into his body again.
「感覺好嗎？」秀彬低語，再次輕輕地將身體貼近他。

“Good,” Beomgyu breathes. “You?”
「很好。」范奎輕聲說道。「你呢？」

“Like heaven.”  「像天堂一樣。」

Beomgyu lets that word surround him, too. Gorgeous, perfect, like heaven.
范奎讓這個詞也環繞著自己。美妙、完美，宛如天堂。

“The worst pain I ever felt was my first rut without you,” Soobin says quietly.
「我經歷過最痛的，是第一次發情期沒有你在身邊。」秀彬低聲說道。

“Oh?”  「哦？」

“My alpha was ripping me up from the inside out for losing you. Felt like I’d broken all my ribs.”
「我的 alpha 因為失去你而從內到外撕裂著我。感覺就像斷了所有肋骨。」

“Hyung…”  「哥…」

They should stop talking and just sit in this togetherness, feeling their bond weaving itself back together with every second that they stay knotted and embracing, but nothing will really heal without more talking.
他們應該停止交談，就這樣靜靜地依偎在一起，感受著每分每秒彼此纏繞擁抱時重新編織的情感連結，但若不繼續對話，什麼也無法真正癒合。

“You told me I was cruel to you.”
「你說我對你很殘忍。」

“I shouldn’t have said that.” Soobin lets go of Beomgyu’s hair and starts over again, picking up a larger chunk this time.
「我不該那樣說的。」秀彬鬆開撫摸范奎頭髮的手，重新開始梳理，這次抓起了更大一綹髮絲。

“Maybe… maybe not right then, yeah. Wasn’t the best time. But I needed to hear it, if that’s really how you felt, just like you said you needed to hear what Yeonjun told you. And I need to tell you all the painful things I felt, too. Like how I thought you stopped loving me.”
「或許...或許不是當下吧，對。那確實不是最佳時機。但我需要聽到那些話，如果那真的是你的感受，就像你說你需要聽聽然竣告訴你的事一樣。而我也需要告訴你所有讓我痛苦的感受。比如我曾以為你不再愛我了。」

Soobin takes a moment to think, and Beomgyu inhales and exhales, inhales and exhales, each exhale making him conscious of the intrusion in his body. He thinks the knot might finally, finally be going down, the tension inside him receding a hint.
秀彬花了一點時間思考，而範圭持續深呼吸著，每一次呼氣都讓他意識到體內異物的存在。他感覺那個結或許終於、終於要解開了，體內的緊繃感稍稍消退了些。

“I want to know why you lost trust in me back then,” Soobin says, finally. “I never want to take that trust for granted again. I want you to believe deep down that you always come first to me, you know? I think that’s where I went wrong. I let you stop believing that.”
「我想知道當時你為什麼對我失去信任，」秀彬最終開口說道。「我再也不想把那份信任視為理所當然。我希望你打從心底相信，對我而言你永遠是第一位，懂嗎？我想這就是我犯錯的地方。我讓你不再相信這件事。」

“Then we have to sit down and really, really talk about what happened,” Beomgyu says. “Like, tell each other everything that hurt back then, and everything that still hurts. Cry it all out. A full post-mortem.”
「那我們就得坐下來好好、徹底地談談當時發生的事，」範圭說。「像是，把當時所有受傷的事、現在依然會痛的事都告訴對方。哭個痛快。來場完整的『事後檢討』。」

“Not the most romantic term to toss out when we’re knotted,” Soobin says. “Does that mean our relationship is undead?”
「在我們纏綿的時候說這個可不太浪漫，」秀彬說道。「這意思是我們的關係是活死人嗎？」

Beomgyu ignores him. “And I was thinking… um, we should…uh, maybe talk to someone. Like, a therapist. Because I’m kind of shit at my own feelings, and…”
范奎無視他。「我在想...呃，我們應該...嗯，或許該找個人談談。像是心理諮商師。因為我對自己的情緒實在很不在行，而且...」

Soobin laughs so suddenly that his body twitches, jerking the knot tight against Beomgyu’s walls. Maybe it’s not deflating after all.
秀彬突然笑到身體抽動，讓繩結在范奎體內猛地收緊。看來這東西根本沒在消氣。

“Ow! Fuck, when will this thing go down already?”
「痛！靠，這玩意到底什麼時候才會軟掉啊？」

“You said you liked it, remember?” Soobin chuckles. “Beomie, I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you. It’s just…you’re so serious about this, and I can’t believe…”
「你說過你喜歡的，記得嗎？」秀彬輕笑。「范奎啊，抱歉，我不是在笑你。只是...你這麼認真對待這件事，我實在不敢相信...」

“Of course I’m serious,” Beomgyu says crossly, as Soobin swoops down to drop a row of kisses down the side of his neck, ringing his scent gland. “If we’re gonna dig through our past, it’s probably going to be an emotional clusterfuck, and we have to get this right, remember?”
「我當然是認真的，」范奎不悅地說，同時秀彬俯身在他頸側落下一連串親吻，環繞著他的氣味腺。「如果我們要挖掘過去，那可能會是一團情感混亂，我們必須處理好這件事，記得嗎？」

“Beomgyu, there is nothing—I want more—than to take you to couples’ therapy,” Soobin says to Beomgyu’s skin, hushing his voice seductively and kissing him over and over. “I’ll even pay your share. It’ll be our second first date.”
「范奎，沒有什麼——我比什麼都更想——帶你去伴侶諮商，」秀彬貼著范奎的肌膚低語，聲音帶著誘人的輕柔，一遍又一遍地吻著他。「我甚至會幫你付你那份。這會是我們的第二次初次約會。」

“I thought you were taking me out to dinner for our second first date.”
「我還以為你要帶我出去吃晚餐，慶祝我們的第二次初次約會呢。」

Soobin’s hand palms his stomach, stroking his bare skin.
秀彬的手掌貼在他的腹部，輕撫著他裸露的肌膚。

“Not tonight. We’re ordering in. I’m not letting you get dressed again tonight.”
「今晚不行。我們叫外賣。今晚我不會再讓你穿上衣服。」

“Oh? What if I get cold.”
「哦？那我要是冷到了怎麼辦。」

“Then I’ll keep you warm. Are you staying the night?”
「那我來幫你取暖。你要留下來過夜嗎？」

He says it casually, but Beomgyu knows what it means to him.
他說得隨意，但范奎明白這句話對他的意義。

“If you’ll let me.”  「如果你願意的話。」

“I’ll let you,” Soobin smiles.
「我願意。」秀彬微笑著說。

“Then yes, alpha, I’m staying,” Beomgyu says obediently, just as he feels a shift between his legs. Soobin is just barely soft enough for a trail of fluid to start escaping the tight seal of Beomgyu’s entrance.
「那麼是的，alpha，我會留下來。」范奎順從地說道，就在這時他感覺到雙腿間一陣異樣。秀彬才剛稍微軟化，就有一絲液體開始從范奎緊閉的入口滲出。

“Oh, damn. Lemme get a towel. Get your knees for me?”
「噢，該死。讓我拿條毛巾。幫我把膝蓋抬起來好嗎？」

Soobin slides out of him, rolling off the bed, and Beomgyu lets out a squeak at the sudden loss of feeling inside him. He rolls his knees up to his chest, just barely managing to keep it all in, and Soobin is back in ten seconds with a washcloth from his bathroom, tucking it under Beomgyu’s rear.
秀彬從他體內滑出，翻身下床，范奎因體內突然的空虛感發出一聲輕呼。他將膝蓋蜷縮到胸前，勉強阻止液體流出，而秀彬十秒後就從浴室拿了條毛巾回來，墊在范奎臀下。

“Thanks,” Beomgyu says, letting his legs flop down to the bed. He feels heat trickling to his cheeks as Soobin stares at his cunt, watching the mess seep out of him with hunger painted across his face. “You’re still into this?”
「謝謝。」范奎說著讓雙腿癱軟在床上。當秀彬緊盯著他那處，看著混濁液體從他體內滲出、臉上寫滿渴望時，他感到熱度湧上臉頰。「你還對這有興趣？」

“You’re the one that officially declared that you have a breeding kink on my form,” Soobin says, sinking a finger into Beomgyu and pulling it out with another gush of fluid. Beomgyu gasps, his belly seizing up, and Soobin’s face relaxes into an elated smile. “I get to have one, too.”
「是你自己正式在我的表格上聲明你有繁殖癖的，」秀彬說著，將一根手指插入範奎體內，抽出來時又帶出一股液體。範奎倒抽一口氣，腹部緊繃，秀彬的臉上則綻放出欣喜的笑容。「我也可以有一個。」

Beomgyu is about to say something appropriately teasing, something like guess you weren’t kidding about those beautiful babies, but just then, his stomach rumbles aggressively.
范奎正準備說些恰到好處的調侃話，像是「看來你沒在開玩笑那些漂亮寶貝的事」，但就在這時，他的肚子不爭氣地大聲咕嚕起來。

“Fuck, it’s late, isn’t it?” Soobin says, eyes darting to the clock on his small TV. “I’m feeding you. And maybe we take a break from…like, feelings talk, you know? Just enjoy each other?”
「靠，已經很晚了吧？」秀彬說著，目光瞥向小電視上的時鐘。「我來餵飽你。或許我們該暫停...那種談心的話題，懂嗎？就單純享受彼此的陪伴？」

“I’d like that, too,” Beomgyu says, watching Soobin fish his phone out of his abandoned pants.
「我也正有此意，」范奎看著秀彬從丟棄的長褲裡掏出手機。

“Udong-myeon sound good?”
「烏龍麵聽起來不錯？」

“My third favorite.”  「我第三喜歡的。」

“After your mom’s tteokbokki and that thing from Daegu, right?” Soobin lists off, unlocking his phone. “Hey, look who it is.”
「僅次於你媽做的辣炒年糕和大邱那家店的東西，對吧？」秀彬一邊數著一邊解鎖手機。「嘿，看是誰傳訊息來了。」

He turns his phone around to show Beomgyu his notifications, with an unread message from Kai right at the top.
他轉過手機向範奎展示通知欄，最上方赫然顯示著凱未讀的訊息。

“I owe him a thank you,” he says, smiling sheepishly.
「我該跟他道個謝。」他靦腆地笑著說。

“Yeah? Why?” Beomgyu’s brain clicks the pieces into place. “He told you I was here, didn’t he?”
「是嗎？為什麼？」范奎的腦中突然將一切拼湊起來。「他告訴你我在這裡，對吧？」

“Sort of.” Soobin turns his phone back around towards him as he opens up Coupang Eats. “I was gonna wait until tomorrow to text you and talk to Kai first, to make sure I wasn’t making another stupid mistake. He texted me today about, like, dropping something off, so I was gonna see him—” Soobin pauses, furrowing his brow. “Wait a sec. That was…”
「算是吧。」Soobin 將手機轉回自己面前，同時打開 Coupang Eats。「我本來打算明天再傳訊息給你，先和 Kai 談談，確認自己不會又犯蠢。他今天傳訊息說要拿東西過來，所以我本來要見他——」Soobin 突然停住，皺起眉頭。「等等，那該不會是...」

“Yeah, that was to get me your address,” Beomgyu shrugs. “So what?”
「對啊，那是為了拿到你的地址，」Beomgyu 聳聳肩。「所以呢？」

Soobin flicks his bare thigh, and Beomgyu squeals.
Soobin 彈了一下他光裸的大腿，Beomgyu 立刻尖叫出聲。

“Sneaky,” Soobin scolds.  「心機鬼，」Soobin 責備道。

“You did the same as me today,” Beomgyu defends himself. “I just had the extra chore of getting your address.”
「你今天跟我做的事半斤八兩，」范奎為自己辯解。「我只是多了一項任務：拿到你的地址。」

“Yeah, fair.” Soobin ruffles his free hand back through his hair. It leaves it all tousled, the short bits sticking up endearingly in the back. “Well, anyway. I was too much of a wreck when I got to the gym, and I couldn’t wait a day to get it all out. I figured, fuck it, might as well go right to you. Kai might not tell me anything I want to hear even if he is willing to spill your feelings. So I went right to your apartment from the gym, but you weren’t there. And I remember you told me on Thursday that you were planning on spending Sunday playing video games all day and sleeping off your hangover, so when you weren’t there, I had a feeling you were, like, shitting on me with Yeonjun or something—”
「嗯，有道理。」秀彬用空著的那隻手胡亂撥了撥頭髮，後腦勺的短髮翹得亂七八糟，反而顯得可愛。「總之，我到健身房時整個人都快崩潰了，實在等不及要把話說清楚。我想說去他媽的，乾脆直接找你。就算 Kai 願意透露你的想法，他講的也可能不是我想聽的。所以我從健身房直奔你家，但你不在。我記得你週四說過打算週日整天打電動順便睡掉宿醉，所以當你不在家時，我就覺得你該不會是和然竣在一起說我壞話之類的——」

“Soobin-hyung,” Beomgyu interrupts. “You really felt that way? That I would be shitting on you, after last night?”
「秀彬哥，」范奎打斷道。「你真的這麼想嗎？覺得昨晚之後我會對你這麼差勁？」

“Yeah,” Soobin says, his accelerated momentum stopping short as he looks up at Beomgyu again. “I… it feels dumb now. But yeah. Completely.”
「嗯，」秀彬說著，突然停下急促的腳步，再次抬頭望向范奎。「我...現在想想覺得很蠢。但沒錯，完全就是這樣。」

Beomgyu chews his lip. If he flung his arms around Soobin right now, if he poured the words I love you into his ears over and over, would it heal two years of festering wounds?
范奎咬著嘴唇。如果現在立刻抱住秀彬，如果在他耳邊一遍遍傾訴「我愛你」，這樣能治癒兩年來潰爛的傷口嗎？

No. It’ll come with time. Just like Soobin had said he wanted to earn back Beomgyu’s trust, Beomgyu knows all he can do is show that he cares, again and again. He has to earn his trust, too.
不，這需要時間。就像秀彬說過他想重新贏得范奎的信任一樣，范奎明白自己唯一能做的就是不斷展現他的在乎。他也必須贏得對方的信任。

“Well, point is, I didn’t want to sit there like a dumbass waiting for you if you weren’t even coming home,” Soobin continues, looking back at his phone and flicking down the screen with his thumb. “So I texted Kai and just said, like, are you with Beomgyu? And Kai was like, no, why, and I was like, not to be creepy but do you know where he is by any chance and Kai was like, wait, you’re not at home, are you? And that’s when I knew.”
「總之，我不想像個白癡一樣坐在那裡等你，如果你根本沒打算回家的話。」秀彬繼續說道，視線回到手機上，拇指滑動著螢幕。「所以我傳訊息給愷，問他是不是跟你在一起。愷回說沒有啊怎麼了，我就說不是要當變態跟蹤狂啦但你知道他在哪嗎？然後愷就回：等等，你該不會不在家吧？那時候我就知道了。」

“He didn’t text me about that,” Beomgyu grouses. “Some best friend.”
「他根本沒傳這種訊息給我，」范奎抱怨道。「什麼最佳好友嘛。」

“No bitching about Kai, when he’s the whole reason you’re here,” Soobin says.
「別抱怨愷了，要不是他你現在也不會在這裡。」秀彬說。

He tosses his phone down on the bed and clears his throat.
他把手機扔到床上，清了清喉嚨。

“Twenty minutes until the food gets here. Want me to make you come again?”
「食物還要二十分鐘才會到。想讓我再讓你高潮一次嗎？」

Beomgyu shoots upright in surprise, and the trickle of cum turns into a rush onto the washcloth.
Beomgyu 驚訝地直起身子，精液從涓涓細流瞬間變成湧泉般噴灑在毛巾上。

“Hyung, that’s—I thought we were going to, like, chill and watch something—”
「哥，那個——我以為我們是要，呃，放鬆看個什麼東西——」

“No, we were going to enjoy each other,” Soobin corrects devilishly. He’s already crawling towards Beomgyu, walking him flat to the bed, and Beomgyu holds him off with his palms on his chest. “Doesn’t that count?”
「不，我們是要好好享受彼此，」秀彬邪惡地糾正。他已經朝範奎爬去，把他壓平在床上，範奎則用手掌抵住他的胸口阻擋。「這不算嗎？」

“And I’m literally dripping still, you really want to lick me?”
「而且我下面還在流欸，你真的要舔我？」

“I’ll stick to your clit,” Soobin says nonchalantly. “That’s the funnest part, anyway. The way you try to squirm…”
「我就專攻妳的陰蒂好了，」秀彬漫不經心地說。「反正那才是最有趣的部分。看妳想扭動逃開的樣子⋯⋯」

He pouts out his full lower lip, and Beomgyu drops his defenses, letting his arms fall and his legs splay open. Who’s he fucking kidding? Of course he wants it.
他噘起豐滿的下唇，范奎便卸下防備，雙臂垂落，雙腿敞開。他到底在騙誰啊？他當然想要。

Soobin’s smiling eyes light up.
秀彬笑彎的雙眼閃閃發亮。

“Let’s stay at yours next time, so we can use your toys,” he says eagerly. “Vibrators, right?”
「下次去你家吧，這樣就能用你的玩具了，」他興致勃勃地說。「是震動棒對吧？」

“Yeah,” Beomgyu says weakly. “You don’t need them to get me off.”
「嗯，」范奎虛弱地說。「你不用那些也能讓我爽。」

“Nah, but it’ll be so fun,” Soobin says. “Ready, baby?”
「才不會，這超好玩的啦，」秀彬說。「準備好了嗎，寶貝？」

It doesn’t take twenty minutes. It’s more like five, and then five minutes off, and then another five on. By the time the food gets there, Beomgyu’s body feels wrung out, like Soobin had sucked all the life out of him each time he closed his lips around his clit. Having soup brought to him in bed on a tray helps perk him up, though, and the shower they take together after dinner gives him another energy boost for what he has a feeling will be a night with very little sleep.
根本用不到二十分鐘。大概五分鐘就夠了，休息五分鐘，然後再來五分鐘。等外送到的時候，範奎已經全身虛脫，彷彿每次秀彬用嘴唇含住他的陰蒂時，都把他體內的精力全吸乾了。不過，有人把湯裝在托盤裡送到床上給他喝，確實讓他精神好了些，而晚餐後一起沖的澡，更讓他恢復了元氣——他有預感，今晚大概沒什麼機會睡覺了。

First, they need to catch their breaths. No more big talks tonight; it’s time to try out being boyfriends again, to cuddle up in bed to watch a K-drama on Soobin’s laptop and let things settle. Beomgyu cracks open two beers in Soobin’s kitchenette while Soobin pulls up the episode, and as he carries them back to the nightstand, his eyes catch on something lighting up in his pile of clothes on the floor: his neglected, nearly-dead cell phone.
首先，他們需要喘口氣。今晚不再談論嚴肅話題，是時候重新嘗試當男友的感覺，蜷縮在床上用秀彬的筆電追韓劇，讓一切沉澱下來。在秀彬的小廚房裡，范奎開了兩罐啤酒，而秀彬則調出劇集。當范奎把啤酒帶回床頭櫃時，他的目光瞥見地板上那堆衣服裡有東西在發亮：他那被遺忘、幾乎沒電的手機。

“Tell them I say hi,” Soobin says, watching Beomgyu set down the beers and stoop to grab it. “Well, maybe I can tell them myself, huh? Kai’d be cool, but would the others want me to?”
「幫我跟他們打聲招呼。」秀彬看著范奎放下啤酒彎腰去拿時說道。「不過，或許我可以自己跟他們說？凱應該沒問題，但其他人會想見我嗎？」

“If they don’t today, they will soon,” Beomgyu says distractedly, opening his texts. “It’ll work out, hyung.”
「如果今天沒有，他們很快就會了，」范奎心不在焉地說，一邊打開他的訊息。「會沒事的，哥。」

hueningie  輝映啊
Soooo update hyung?? :p
所以～哥有更新嗎？ :p

[…]

taehyun
lack of update feels like the update
沒更新反而像更新了
lol  笑死

yeonjun  然竣
Kai was totally right
Kai 說得完全沒錯

taehyun
?
about?  關於什麼？

yeonjun
How long his clothing stayed on
他的衣服能撐多久
Or should I say how not long
或者我該說撐不了多久

taehyun  太顯
.
why would you  你為什麼要這樣
say that.  說出來。

hueningie  休寧凱
Okay stop texting guys
好了別再傳訊息了各位
If they’re actually doing it
如果他們真的在做那件事
The buzzing would be so distracting
嗡嗡聲會讓人分心到不行

yeonjun
Doing it  做了

taehyun  太顯
i promise he does not normally say doing it to mean sex
我保證他平常不會用「做」來指性行為
we are adults  我們是成年人了

hueningie  休寧凱
What’s wrong with saying doing it :(
說「做」有什麼問題啦 :(
It’s polite :(  這樣很禮貌 :(

Beomgyu shakes his head, laughing.
Beomgyu 搖搖頭，笑了。

“What?” Soobin asks, reaching for his beer.
「什麼？」秀彬問道，伸手去拿他的啤酒。

“Nothing. Just…they’re rooting for us. Even Yeonjun.”
「沒什麼。只是…他們在為我們加油。連然竣也是。」

“That’s a start,” Soobin says quietly.
「這是個開始，」秀彬輕聲說道。

Beomgyu lowers his phone.
范奎放下手機。

“I know what you’re going to ask,” Soobin says. “And I do want them back. I do. It’s just…weird.”
「我知道你想問什麼，」秀彬說。「我確實想讓他們回來。真的。只是…感覺有點怪。」

Beomgyu doesn’t ask him to unpack that word. He’s not sure if Soobin’s ready to do so.
范奎沒有要求他解釋那個詞。他不確定秀彬是否準備好這麼做。

“I think they’ll be relieved to have you back,” Beomgyu says. “They loved you so much, hyung. They wouldn’t have been so shocked and upset at what happened if they didn’t. And I think they’ll be so, so sorry that you were so lonely.”
「我想他們會很慶幸你回來了，」范奎說。「他們那麼愛你，哥。如果不是這樣，他們對發生的事就不會那麼震驚和難過了。而且我想他們會非常、非常抱歉讓你這麼孤單。」

“Yeah, sure. I get it,” Soobin says noncommittally.
「嗯，當然。我懂，」秀彬不置可否地說。

“We’ll play it by ear,” Beomgyu says gently. “I’ll help. I owe you that.” 
「我們見機行事吧，」范奎溫柔地說。「我會幫忙的。這是我欠你的。」

Soobin shakes his head.
秀彬搖搖頭。

“They chose to do what they did,” he says. “And I chose to let go of them. Don’t fall on this sword. We have to figure it out without you.”
「他們選擇了他們的行為，」他說。「而我選擇放下他們。別把這把劍往自己身上攬。我們得靠自己解決。」

He lifts his beer to his lips and takes a deep sip.
他舉起啤酒杯，深深啜飲了一口。

“I’m going to help anyway,” Beomgyu insists. “If I don’t, I’d explode from guilt.”
「我還是要幫忙，」范奎堅持道。「如果不幫，我會因為內疚而爆炸的。」

“Fine by me, then,” Soobin says, unable to hold back his smile. “I’m not gonna lie, though. Kind of looking forward to Yeonjun-hyung and Taehyunnie begging for my forgiveness. ”
「那好吧，」秀彬說著，忍不住露出微笑。「不過老實說，我挺期待看然竣哥和太顯求我原諒的樣子。」

“Fucking alphas,” Beomgyu groans, as Soobin puffs up his chest, smirking at him.
「該死的 alpha，」范奎抱怨道，而秀彬則挺起胸膛，對他露出得意的笑容。

me  我
for the record the clothing lasted at least a half hour
根據紀錄，那件衣服至少撐了半小時
and kai  還有凱
never say doing it again
別再說要再來一次
even making love would be better
就算是做愛也會比較好

taehyun
it absolutely would not be better
這絕對不會更好
stop texting us  別再傳訊息給我們了
go get your man hyung!
快去追你的男人吧，哥！

yeonjun
❤️

All things considered, Monday morning is disastrous. Beomgyu has to use Soobin’s toothbrush and borrow his comically too-large button-down shirt to wear to work, because he wakes up far too late to make it back to his own apartment and change.  His body aches all over from overuse, and even taking a vigorous shower that morning couldn’t rub out the glaringly possessive alpha scent lingering all over him. The commute to his office is far less convenient from Soobin’s apartment than from his own, and it takes even longer because of the detour to buy an emergency inhibitor patch at a drugstore. Plus, his finger hurts, because Odi pricked him twice when he dared try to pet him goodbye.
總的來說，星期一早晨簡直是一場災難。范奎不得不使用秀彬的牙刷，還借了他那件大得滑稽的鈕扣襯衫去上班，因為他醒來時已經太晚，根本來不及回自己公寓換衣服。他的全身因過度使用而痠痛不已，即使早上洗了個熱水澡，也無法洗掉他身上那股明顯佔有慾十足的 alpha 氣味。從秀彬的公寓到辦公室，通勤比從自己家出發要麻煩得多，而且因為繞道去藥局買緊急抑制貼片，花費的時間更長。更糟的是，他的手指還隱隱作痛，因為當他膽敢試圖摸摸 Odi 道別時，被牠扎了兩下。

But yet it’s not disastrous at all, because Soobin combed his hair for him while Beomgyu borrowed that toothbrush, and his too-large shirt only makes Beomgyu think of how well Soobin’s long arms envelop him. Beomgyu can’t complain about the reasons for his aching, pheromone-coated body — Soobin taking him on his knees, Soobin pounding him against the wall, Soobin feeding his cock down his throat in the shower that morning. Odi’s warming up to him already — the second prick was far less painful than the first. Oh, and the inconvenient commute is the best commute Beomgyu’s made in years, because Soobin comes with him, holding his hand on the metro and kissing him goodbye in the park across from his office.
但這一切卻一點也不糟糕，因為在范奎借用牙刷時，秀彬替他梳理了頭髮，而那件過大的襯衫只讓范奎想起秀彬修長的手臂是如何完美地環抱住他。范奎無法抱怨自己那充滿費洛蒙、隱隱作痛的身體——秀彬讓他跪著承受、將他抵在牆上衝撞、清晨淋浴時將性器深深送入他喉嚨。歐迪（Odi）已經開始適應他了——第二次穿刺遠比第一次來得不痛。噢，還有那不便的通勤路線，竟是范奎多年來最美好的通勤時光，因為秀彬陪著他，在地鐵上緊握他的手，並在他辦公室對面的公園裡吻別。

“Wish me luck on the whole quitting my job thing,” Soobin says, cupping Beomgyu’s cheeks and kissing him one more time. “And if you feel guilty for a second, text me, so I can yell at you.”
「祝我好運吧，關於辭職這件事。」秀彬捧著范奎的臉頰，又親了他一下。「要是你有一秒覺得愧疚，就傳訊息給我，我好罵你。」

What comes next for him job-wise is still a mystery, first on the list of practical details they need to talk about once they’re ready to return to their feelings. But apparently most of those earnings from his six-million-won day rate had been going to a hefty emergency fund, so Soobin says he’s got some wiggle room on covering his rent. Life got cheaper when I didn’t have a high-maintenance omega to spoil, he had said in bed that morning, and Beomgyu had turned his back and sulked for a whole thirty seconds.
他接下來的工作方向仍是個謎，這是等他們準備好重新面對感情時，首先要討論的現實問題之一。不過顯然他那六百萬韓元日薪的大部分都存進了豐厚的緊急備用金，所以玟爀說他在支付房租方面還有些餘裕。「當我不需要寵壞一個高需求的 Omega 時，生活開銷就變便宜了，」那天早上他在床上這麼說，然後範奎就轉身生悶氣，整整氣了三十秒。

The shirt is the most glaring giveaway that Beomgyu had an extraordinary morning, for sure. Soobin had promised that it looked fashionably big, not walk-of-shame big, but the moment Beomgyu walks behind his desk, Yuna sets her pen down at her own, staring at him.
那件襯衫絕對是最明顯的證據，證明范奎今早過得非比尋常。秀彬明明保證過這件 oversize 襯衫穿起來是時尚感而非事後狼狽感，但當范奎剛走到辦公桌後方，俞娜立刻放下手中的筆，直勾勾地盯著他。

“Um. It’s a Monday,” she scolds.
「呃，今天是星期一耶。」她責備道。

“Yeah? So?”  「所以呢？」

“You spent the night with someone on a Sunday? What in the world has happened to your love life?”
「你星期天晚上跟別人過夜？你的感情生活到底發生什麼事了？」

“I’ve got news,” Beomgyu beams, tossing himself down on his chair. “I got back with my ex.”
「我有消息要宣布，」範奎燦笑著把自己扔進椅子裡。「我跟前任復合了。」

Yuna’s jaw drops.  Yuna 的下巴都要掉下來了。

“I think I mentioned him once or twice. The one from uni?”
「我應該提過他一兩次吧？大學時認識的那個？」

“Yeah, maybe,” she says. “Since when has he been around again? This is the friend, right? From your heat?”
「或許吧，」她說。「他什麼時候又開始出現在你身邊了？就是那個朋友對吧？你發情期時的那位？」

Beomgyu nods, and Yuna lets out a ha!
范奎點點頭，由娜發出一聲「哈！」

“Knew it was more than a friend! Picture, now.” She starts to roll her chair out from her desk towards him.
「我就知道不只是朋友！照片，現在。」她開始把椅子從書桌前滾向他。

“Oh, he’s so hot,” Beomgyu says proudly. “And so funny. And…”
「噢，他超帥的，」范奎自豪地說。「而且超有趣。還有...」

“And good in bed?” Yuna prompts, lowering her voice and ducking her head confessionally.
「床上功夫也很好？」由娜壓低聲音促狹地問道，像告解般低下頭。

“Yeah, that,” Beomgyu concedes. “But I was gonna say… and I think he’s crazy about me.”
「對，就是那樣。」范奎承認道。「但我本來要說的是…我覺得他為我瘋狂。」

Yuna laughs.  Yuna 笑了。

“Oh, I can tell he’s crazy about you,” she says, leaning in closer and taking a whiff of the air around Beomgyu’s desk. “This whole office will be able to tell. You need to double up on patches, stat. Need another one?”
「噢，我感覺得出來他為你瘋狂，」她靠得更近，嗅了嗅范奎辦公桌周圍的空氣。「整個辦公室都會發現的。你得立刻加倍貼抑制貼，需要再來一片嗎？」

“After the picture.”  「拍完照之後。」

Beomgyu takes out his phone, and just like so many days before, he has a text waiting for him. It’s not from Unknown Number anymore. It’s from Soobin.
范奎拿出手機，和往常一樣，有一則訊息正等著他。這次不再來自未知號碼，而是秀彬傳來的。

soobin  秀彬
Did anyone notice the shirt
有人注意到那件 T 恤嗎
Maybe if those fuckheads from Friday show up again
要是禮拜五那群混蛋又出現的話
You can tell them you have an alpha as big as that shirt
你可以告訴他們你男友的氣場跟那件 T 恤一樣大
See if they try you then
看看他們敢不敢動你

me  我
u have the stupidest ideas
你的點子有夠蠢
its so cute  超可愛的

soobin  秀彬
Yeah who am I kidding
是啊 我在騙誰呢
You can tell them off yourself
你可以自己罵回去啊
With that big loud voice of yours
用你那副大嗓門
Terrifying 😬  嚇死人了 😬

“Picture, picture,” Yuna chants, but Beomgyu lowers his phone. He could tell them off himself. He can.
「拍照、拍照，」Yuna 不斷喊著，但 Beomgyu 放下了手機。他完全可以自己開口制止他們。他做得到。

“Yeah, before I do,” Beomgyu says. “I just thought of something, like, work-related.”
「嗯，在我去之前，」范奎說。「我突然想到一件事，跟工作有關的。」

“Oh?” Yuna looks disappointed. They rarely actually talk about work.
「哦？」由娜看起來有些失望。他們其實很少談論工作的事。

“I think I should go to HR about that thing that happened on Friday,” Beomgyu says, fidgeting with his phone. “When that client…harassed me. Would that be, like, too dramatic? Is that okay?”
「我覺得我應該去人力資源部報告上週五發生的事，」范奎擺弄著手機說道。「就是那個客戶...騷擾我的時候。這樣會不會太誇張？這樣做可以嗎？」

“Oh, god, of course,” Yuna says, immediately dropping her whiny tone and reaching to grip his shoulder. “Definitely report it, Beomgyu-ya.”
「天啊，當然可以，」由娜立刻收起抱怨的語氣，伸手抓住他的肩膀。「一定要去申訴，范奎啊。」

“You think?”  「你覺得呢？」

“I do. I didn’t want to bring it up again on my own. I thought you’d be all, like, I don’t need to make a scene.”
「我確實這麼想。只是不想自己再提起這件事。我以為你會覺得，呃，沒必要把事情鬧大。」

“Is making a scene bad?”
「把事情鬧大不好嗎？」

Yuna shakes her head.  Yuna 搖了搖頭。

“It’s not really making a scene to stick up for what you deserve, is it?” she says, smiling. “Want me to go with you?”
「爭取自己應得的東西，這不算是無理取鬧吧？」她微笑著說。「要我陪你去嗎？」

“What, right now?”  「什麼，現在就要？」

“Right now.”  「現在就要。」

“And the picture?”  「那照片怎麼辦？」

“Can’t your boyfriend wait?”
「你男朋友不能等嗎？」

His boyfriend can definitely wait. He’d want to wait. He’d want Beomgyu to make himself proud, and he’d be proud of him for it. He’ll tell him he’s worth standing up for himself — that Soobin knows he’s worth standing up for, and it’s time for Beomgyu to know it, too. That’s what it was always about, isn’t it?
他的男朋友絕對可以等。他會願意等的。他會希望范奎為自己感到驕傲，也會為此以他為榮。他會告訴范奎，他值得為自己挺身而出——秀彬知道他值得被捍衛，現在是時候讓范奎也明白這點了。這不就是一直以來的重點嗎？

Yuna squeezes his shoulder.
有娜捏了捏他的肩膀。

“Look at you blush,” she teases. “Haven’t used the word boyfriend in a while, huh? What’s his name?”
「看你臉紅的，」她調侃道，「好久沒用『男朋友』這個詞了吧？他叫什麼名字？」

“Choi Soobin,” Beomgyu smiles.
「崔秀彬，」范奎微笑著說。

“I still can’t believe it only took you two whole heats to move back in together,” Yeonjun says, dropping the last box of Soobin’s clothes onto Beomgyu’s bed and wiping his sweaty forehead. “You heard we all took bets, right?”
「我還是無法相信你們只花了整整兩輪發情期就搬回來同居了，」然竣說著，把最後一箱秀彬的衣服扔到範奎床上，一邊擦著汗濕的額頭。「聽說我們都下注賭這件事了吧？」

“Yeah, and you lost,” Soobin says, looking up from the IKEA dresser he’s trying to assemble with Kai, twice the height of Beomgyu’s current one, to accomodate twice the clothing. “You thought we’d hold out for a year?”
「對啊，而且你輸了，」秀彬說著，從他正和 Kai 一起組裝的 IKEA 衣櫃抬起頭來。這個衣櫃比玟琦現在用的那個高兩倍，就是為了裝下兩倍的衣服。「你以為我們能撐一年？」

“Because that’s what Beomgyu told me your therapist said to do. Don’t rush into anything, give it time…”
「因為這是范奎告訴我，你的治療師建議的做法。不要急著做任何決定，給它一點時間……」

“This is the fiscally responsible decision,” Taehyun says wisely. “Why pay two rents?”
「這是財務上最明智的決定，」太顯明智地說。「何必付兩份房租？」

“Taehyunnie’s got the right idea,” Soobin says, turning back to his dresser drawer. “And I’d never see Beoms anymore if I wasn’t already crashing here every night. Those night classes have stolen my boyfriend. I’m already in bed pining for him when he gets home from them.”
「太顯說得對，」秀彬轉回身繼續整理衣櫃抽屜。「要不是我幾乎每晚都睡在這，我根本見不到范奎了。那些夜間課程偷走了我的男朋友。他下課回家時，我都已經在床上想他想得發慌了。」

“So who won the bet?” Beomgyu cuts in. He sticks his tongue out at Soobin, who winks at him. With the amount Soobin’s already whined about Beomgyu’s newly busy schedule in the two weeks since his class started, you’d think Beomgyu had shipped himself off to boarding school, not signed up for a twice-a-week law firm management course. Be careful what you wish for, Beomgyu teases him each time. You build up my confidence, you gotta suffer the consequences.
「所以賭局誰贏了？」范奎突然插話，朝玟爍吐了吐舌頭，對方則對他眨眨眼。自從范奎開始上課這兩週以來，玟爍已經抱怨過無數次他新排滿的行程，那程度簡直像范奎是去寄宿學校唸書，而不是每週只上兩堂律師事務所管理課程。每次范奎都會這樣調侃他：許願要小心啊，你幫我建立自信，就得承受後果囉。

When he finishes the course, maybe he’ll muster up his courage and leave the reception desk for greener pastures elsewhere. Nothing too crazy, just a fresh start at a kinder workplace, some kind of low-level management role that might pay for a one-bedroom instead of a studio. That doesn’t sound too scary. But Soobin had been right, all those years ago. It feels good to do something scary once in a while, when he’s not afraid to fall anymore.
當他完成課程後，或許會鼓起勇氣離開接待櫃檯，去尋找更美好的前程。不需要太瘋狂的改變，只要能在更友善的工作環境重新開始，擔任某種基層管理職位，薪水足夠租一房一廳而不是小套房就好。聽起來並不那麼可怕。但就像秀彬多年前說過的，偶爾做些令人害怕的事情感覺很好——當他不再害怕跌倒的時候。

And maybe Soobin will get back into his field again, too, instead of sharpening his flimsy English skills as a bartender at a tourist-trap restaurant in Hongdae. Maybe soon, maybe never. Life will be good either way, especially when Soobin seems to smile so much more this time around, no matter where he's working.
或許秀彬也會重返自己的專業領域，而不是在弘大那些專坑觀光客的餐廳裡當調酒師，磨練他那蹩腳的英文。可能很快，也可能永遠不會。無論如何生活都會很好，特別是這次重逢後，秀彬似乎無論在哪工作都笑得比以前更多了。

“I won the bet,” Kai says proudly. “Six-and-a-half months on the dot.”
「我賭贏了，」Kai 得意地說。「整整六個半月，一天不差。」

“Maybe he rigged it,” Taehyun pipes up. “I bet he planted the seed in Soobin-hyung’s head, because if you’d lasted two more weeks, I’d have won.”
「說不定他動了手腳，」泰賢插嘴道。「我打賭是他把這個念頭種在秀彬哥腦子裡的，因為要是你再撐兩週，贏的人就是我了。」

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be helping with this?” Kai frowns at him. Taehyun has made himself far too comfortable on Beomgyu’s velvet couch, considering he’s supposed to be part of the assembly team.
「喂，你不是應該來幫忙嗎？」凱伊皺眉看著他。泰賢在範奎的天鵝絨沙發上坐得太過愜意，明明他該是組裝團隊的一員。

“I’m Odi-sitting,” Taehyun says, gesturing vaguely to his enclosure in the corner. Beomgyu had to downsize his bookcase to make room for it, ditching a box of his favorite romance novels in Yeonjun’s walk-in closet. The things he does for love.
「我在照顧歐迪啦，」泰賢隨手指了指角落的飼養箱。範奎為了騰出空間，不得不縮小書櫃尺寸，還把一箱最愛的愛情小說扔進了然竣的步入式衣櫥。這就是為愛付出的代價啊。

“If that’s the last box, I’m gonna head out. Early morning,” Yeonjun says, stretching. “Soobin-ah, still on for tomorrow night?”
「如果這是最後一箱，我要先走了。明天一大早，」然竣伸著懶腰說。「秀彬啊，明晚的約定還算數吧？」

“Still on, hyung,” Soobin agrees, his voice slipping into something slightly too formal. It’s been a bit harder for the two of them to get past the weirdness than it was for Soobin and Taehyun, but Beomgyu can see them both trying. Yeonjun’s newest thing has been dropping by Soobin’s bar a half-hour before closing on a slow night and hogging his attention, running up a tab that Soobin never makes him pay and then tipping the whole tab amount instead. Soobin always comes back from those nights a bit misty-eyed, but Beomgyu won’t ever make him share what they talk about.
「還在努力呢，哥。」秀彬附和道，嗓音不自覺帶上過分正式的腔調。比起秀彬和泰煥之間的情況，這兩人之間的尷尬氛圍更難化解，但范奎看得出來他們都在嘗試。最近玧準總愛在生意清淡的夜晚打烊前半小時晃到秀彬的酒吧，霸佔他的注意力，積欠一堆酒錢——而秀彬從不向他討債——最後卻又將整筆帳單金額當作小費留下。每當這種夜晚結束後，秀彬總會帶著朦朧淚眼回來，但范奎永遠不會逼他吐露兩人究竟談了些什麼。

Yeonjun heads for the door, reaching an arm out to beckon Beomgyu over for a goodbye as he steps into his boots.
Yeonjun 走向門口，伸出一隻手招呼 Beomgyu 過來道別，同時踩進靴子裡。

“You’re both glowing, you know,” he whispers into his ear.
「你們兩個都在發光呢，知道嗎？」他在他耳邊輕聲說道。

“It’s just hot in here,” Beomgyu demurs. “I’m sweaty.”
「只是這裡太熱了，」Beomgyu 推託道。「我流汗了。」

“Sure, sure.” Yeonjun pulls away, smiling, and reaches for the door. “Well, I’m off. Careful with that screwdriver, Kai-ya.”
「好吧，好吧。」Yeonjun 微笑著退開，伸手去開門。「那我走囉。Kai-ya，小心那把螺絲起子。」

Beomgyu can’t stop staring at Soobin the rest of the evening, even as Soobin keeps giving him quizzical looks, mouthing what? at him the fourth time their eyes meet. Kai and Taehyun look like they’re glowing sometimes, radiating contentedness at each other, but he can’t tell if Soobin has that same shine to him, no matter how much he stares.
整個晚上，范奎都無法停止盯著秀彬看，即使秀彬第四次與他四目相對時，用嘴型無聲地問他「怎麼了？」。凱和泰煥有時看起來像在發光，彼此散發著滿足的氛圍，但無論他盯著看多久，都無法確定秀彬是否也有同樣的光芒。

“What was that about?” Soobin says, shutting the door behind Kai and Taehyun. “I don’t have something on my face, do I?”
「那是怎麼回事？」秀彬說著，關上了跟在凱和泰亨身後的門。「我臉上沒沾到什麼東西吧？」

“Do we glow?” Beomgyu asks.
「我們在發光嗎？」范奎問道。

Soobin grins.  秀彬咧嘴一笑。

“What’d you mean, like, are we radioactive?”
「你是什麼意思，像是我們有輻射嗎？」

“Yeonjun-hyung said that we’re glowing.”
「然竣哥說我們在發光。」

“I know you do,” Soobin shrugs. “Like you’ve got a halo.”
「我知道你有，」秀彬聳聳肩。「就像你頭上有光環似的。」

“Oh, don’t make an angel joke.”
「噢，別開天使玩笑。」

“A real-life angel,” Soobin says, walking towards him. “All golden and shiny.”
「活生生的天使，」秀彬邊說邊朝他走去。「全身金光閃閃的。」

He tackles Beomgyu back onto his bed. Their bed, now.
他把范奎撲回床上。現在是他們的床了。

“What about me? Do I glow?”
「那我呢？我會發光嗎？」

“I don’t think so,” Beomgyu tells him. “Definitely not a celestial being.”
「我想不會，」范奎告訴他。「絕對不是什麼天界生物。」

“Eh, whatever. I’d much rather be here with you than fucking around in some celestial realm.” Soobin peers up at him, nestling his chin on Beomgyu’s sternum. His eyes crease into the loveliest slivers as he smiles, and Beomgyu traces the crow’s feet fanning from one of his eyes with his pinky finger.
「哎，隨便啦。我寧願在這裡陪你，也不想在那什麼天界鬼混。」秀彬把下巴抵在范奎的胸骨上，抬眼望著他。他笑起來時，眼睛瞇成最可愛的細縫，范奎用小指輕撫他眼角綻開的魚尾紋。

“Maybe you need a new contact prescription, if you think I glow. Or you have cataracts.”
「如果你覺得我在發光，那你可能需要換副新眼鏡。或者你有白內障。」

In the corner, Odi squeaks angrily.
角落裡，Odi 氣呼呼地吱吱叫著。

“You wanna feed your son?” Beomgyu asks, petting Soobin’s hair now.
「想餵你兒子了嗎？」范奎問道，一邊輕撫著秀彬的頭髮。

“Tell him I’m busy,” Soobin groans, burying his face in Beomgyu’s chest and inhaling. “I’ve got a date with my omega. Very important business. Hugging.”
「跟他說我很忙，」秀彬把臉埋進范奎胸口深吸一口氣，悶聲抱怨道：「我要跟我的 Omega 約會。非常重要的事。抱抱。」

That sounds good to Beomgyu. Nothing feels quite as good as being held by his alpha at the end of a long, tiring day. They’re sweaty from unloading all the boxes from the moving truck, but Beomgyu loves the smell of Soobin’s sweat, and Soobin probably loves Beomgyu’s more, from the way he’s breathing in his damp shirt right now. The sound of his breathing is a balm to any of Beomgyu’s lingering anxieties about the one wobbly leg on their new dresser or the way their toiletries don’t quite all fit in the tiny bathroom. Maybe it was too early to move back in together, but he’s never felt so sure of a decision in his life. This is his alpha, and no place is home without him anymore.
這對范奎來說聽起來不錯。在漫長疲憊的一天結束時，沒有什麼比被他的 alpha 擁抱更美好的事了。他們因為從搬家卡車上卸下所有箱子而汗流浹背，但范奎喜歡玟彬汗水的氣味，而玟彬可能更愛范奎的味道——從他現在正深深嗅著范奎濕透上衣的模樣就能看出。玟彬的呼吸聲像是一劑良藥，撫平了范奎心中關於新衣櫃那條不穩的腿，或是浴室太小放不下所有盥洗用品的隱隱焦慮。或許現在復合同居還太早，但他這輩子從未對一個決定如此確信。這就是他的 alpha，沒有他的地方就不再是家。

“So many moving boxes to deal with,” Soobin mumbles. “Can we just leave them and play League?”
「這麼多搬家箱子要處理，」秀彬低聲抱怨。「我們能不能先放著去打英雄聯盟？」

“You deal with them first. Then League.”
「你先處理他們的事，然後再來聯盟。」

“Or you deal with them, and I deal with feeding Odi.”
「不然你處理他們，我來負責餵歐迪。」

“Or you deal with them, and then I play League naked.”
「不然你處理他們，然後我裸體打英雄聯盟。」

Soobin’s head shoots up.  秀彬猛地抬起頭。

“Deal,” he grins devilishly. “And you play on my lap.”
「成交，」他露出惡魔般的笑容。「而且你要坐在我腿上打。」

“How would that even work?”
「這要怎麼運作啊？」

“Maybe it means we don’t play League,” Soobin shrugs. “Maybe we do…something else, hm?”
「或許意思是我們不打《英雄聯盟》了。」秀彬聳聳肩。「也許我們該做點...別的事，嗯？」

Beomgyu’s eyes float above Soobin’s head, landing on his locked front door. The vision is still so sharp in his head: Soobin appearing on the other side of that door, exactly as Beomgyu remembered him, but somehow still a stranger. The door has a new entry code now, one for both of them. Six digits — 125313. Their birthdays.
範奎的視線越過秀彬頭頂，落在緊閉的大門上。那幅畫面仍清晰地烙印在他腦海：秀彬站在門外的模樣，明明和記憶中分毫不差，卻莫名帶著陌生感。如今門鎖已換成兩人共用的新密碼——六位數 125313。他倆的生日。

Thank you, missed suppressant shots, Beomgyu thinks. Thank you, Luxury Pleasures.
謝啦，該死的抑制劑注射。範奎心想。謝啦，奢華歡愉。