Chapter Index  章節目錄

CHAPTER ONE - WINTER CHAPTER TWO - SPRING CHAPTER THREE - SUMMER CHAPTER FOUR - FALL

When Butters leaves South Park for college, Kenny leaves, too. He moves to Ohio and rents a shitty apartment that's half an hour from Oberlin. Butters has a room in the dorms that his parents are paying rather dearly for, but he stays with Kenny most nights, keeping warm under the blankets piled onto Kenny's floor mattress as Halloween draws near and the temperature drops.
當巴特斯離開南帕克去上大學時，肯尼也跟著離開了。他搬到俄亥俄州，租了間離歐柏林學院半小時車程的破爛公寓。巴特斯雖然有父母花大錢供給的宿舍房間，但萬聖節將至氣溫驟降，多數夜晚他都和肯尼擠在鋪滿毯子的地板床墊上取暖。

Kenny works two jobs just to pay the rent on the place and takes handouts that Butters sneaks from the cafeteria, his meal plan also funded by his parents. If they knew about Kenny they would cut Butters off, but their relationship is a secret to everyone but Cartman, and he's too happy in his own post-high school romantic bliss to give them any trouble.
肯尼打兩份工才勉強付得起房租，靠巴特斯從食堂偷渡的餐點過活——那些餐費同樣來自巴特斯父母的補助。若他們知道肯尼的存在肯定會斷了金援，但這段關係除了卡特曼外無人知曉，而卡特曼正沉浸於高中畢業後的戀愛甜蜜中，根本懶得找他們麻煩。

When they're sitting at a campus coffee shop, Butters tucked under Kenny's arm while he works on a paper for his gender studies class, Kenny reading and not enjoying Gravity's Rainbow, which Butters has been assigned for his freshman lit class, Kenny looks up from the book and thinks he spots actual trouble coming, his grip on Butters tightening instinctively. Someone familiar has just entered the coffee shop. Damien fucking Thorn, walking in with a chirpy-looking blond stud who has the nerve to smile sweetly at Kenny's scowl as the two approach their table.
當他們坐在校園咖啡廳時，巴特斯依偎在肯尼臂彎裡寫著性別研究課的報告，肯尼則皺著眉頭閱讀《萬有引力之虹》——這是巴特斯大一文學課的指定讀物。肯尼突然從書頁間抬起頭，直覺告訴他有麻煩上門，他下意識摟緊了巴特斯。咖啡廳門口出現了熟悉的身影——該死的戴米安·索恩，身旁還跟著個金髮陽光型男，那傢伙竟敢對著肯尼的怒視露出甜笑，兩人徑直朝他們的桌子走來。

"I thought you were supposed to be enduring centuries of soul-crushing charades," Kenny says when Damien stares down at him, hands in the pockets of his black pea coat. Kenny's heart is pounding. Butters is oblivious; Kenny has never confessed to him about the abusive relationship with Damien that he subjected himself to for now reason, thinking he was saving the world from evil. "How did you escape?" Kenny asks, beginning to wonder how he and Butters will.
「我以為你該在忍受數世紀的精神折磨才對。」當戴米安雙手插在黑呢大衣口袋裡俯視他時，肯尼說道。他的心臟狂跳不已。巴特斯渾然不覺——肯尼從未向他坦承那段自以為在拯救世界而忍受的虐待關係。「你怎麼逃出來的？」肯尼質問，同時開始思索自己和巴特斯該如何脫身。

"I asked God to strip me of my immortal soul," Damien says. His voice seems different. Deeper, but less threatening, less angry. Everything about him seems different, in fact— Maybe losing one's immortal soul will have that effect, if he's actually telling the truth.
「我祈求上帝剝奪我不朽的靈魂，」達米安說道。他的聲音聽起來不一樣了。更低沉，卻少了威脅性，少了憤怒。事實上，他整個人都顯得不同了——或許失去不朽的靈魂確實會帶來這種改變，如果他說的是實話。

"The charades were that bad?" Kenny asks, raising his eyebrows.
「猜謎遊戲有那麼糟嗎？」肯尼挑起眉毛問道。

Damien looks at the blond guy standing next to him and laughs. There's something weird about it— Something ... warm.
戴米安看著站在身旁的金髮男孩笑了起來。這笑容有些古怪——帶著某種...溫暖的感覺。

"You do hate charades," the blond guy says, smoothing Damien's black bangs from his forehead. Damien's lashes flutter under this attention; he nearly swoons. Kenny's mouth drops open. "I guess you guys don't recognize me," the blond says, still smiling like this is the best day ever. "My name is Gary Harrison— We went to elementary school together briefly, before my family moved back to Utah."
「你真的很討厭比手畫腳呢。」金髮男子說著，伸手將戴米恩額前的黑色瀏海撥開。戴米恩的睫毛在這般親暱舉動下輕顫，幾乎要暈厥過去。肯尼張大了嘴。「看來你們沒認出我來，」金髮男子仍掛著笑容，彷彿今天是他人生最美好的一天。「我是蓋瑞·哈里森——我們小學時曾短暫同班過，後來我家搬回猶他州了。」

"Okay," Kenny says, none of that ringing a bell for him. His gaze slides back to Damien, but Damien is still gazing at Gary as if he's Gary's willing slave, awaiting his next order.
「好吧，」肯尼說，這些話對他來說完全沒印象。他的目光又滑回戴米恩身上，但戴米恩仍像個心甘情願的奴隸般盯著蓋瑞，等待他的下一個指令。

"Oh, hey!" Butters says. "I remember you! You were real nice to me when we were kids. How've ya been, Gary?"
「噢，嘿！」奶油仔說。「我記得你！我們小時候你對我可好了。最近過得怎樣啊，蓋瑞？」

"Very well." Gary smiles at Damien again. "I'm at BYU now. We're just in town for the day. Damien has some business here." Gary rubs Damien's back. "Go on," he says, softly. Kenny's skin crawls with secondhand embarrassment at the sight of Damien, of all people, being treated so tenderly. Damien sighs and stares into Gary's dreamy blue eyes for a few beats before turning to Kenny again.
「很好。」蓋瑞再次對戴米恩微笑。「我現在在楊百翰大學。我們只是今天進城一趟。戴米恩在這裡有些事要處理。」蓋瑞輕撫戴米恩的背。「說吧，」他輕聲說道。肯尼看著戴米恩——偏偏是戴米恩——被如此溫柔對待，尷尬得渾身起雞皮疙瘩。戴米恩嘆了口氣，凝視著蓋瑞那雙夢幻的藍眼睛片刻，才又轉向肯尼。

"I gave up my immortality because I heard Gary's prayers," Damien says. "While I was in Heaven. What he was praying for is personal, but it moved me. To put it mildly. I begged God to make me mortal so I could be with Gary, and God answered my prayers. My father was furious, of course— Why, I don't know. It's not like I won't end up back in Hell with him when this mortal body fails me. But Gary will be there, too, and that's all that matters."
「我放棄了永生，因為我聽見了蓋瑞的祈禱，」達米安說。「那時我還在天堂。他祈求的內容很私人，但確實打動了我。說得保守點。我懇求上帝讓我成為凡人，這樣我就能和蓋瑞在一起，而上帝回應了我的祈禱。我父親當然氣瘋了——為什麼呢？我也不知道。反正當這具凡人身軀衰竭時，我終究會回到地獄與他作伴。但蓋瑞也會在那裡，這才是最重要的。」

"Wait," Kenny says. "I remember you now, Gary, the Mormon kid. So he's going to Heaven, Damien, ha! Joke's on you after all. With the whole, um. Stripping someone of their eternal love thing that you. Tried to do."
「等等，」肯尼說。「我現在想起來了，蓋瑞，那個摩門教的小子。所以他會上天堂，達米安，哈！終究還是你被耍了。就憑你那個，呃，試圖剝奪某人永恆之愛的伎倆。」

"Oh no," Gary says. "I left the church. That's what I was praying to God about, in part. I still feel close to Him, but I grew disenchanted with the church. Anyway, enough about me. Damien, go ahead. Tell him."
「噢，不，」蓋瑞說。「我離開了教會。這正是我部分向神禱告的內容。我依然感覺與祂親近，但對教會逐漸感到失望。總之，關於我的事就說到這。達米安，換你了。告訴他吧。」

Damien sighs and squares his shoulders. There's no red flame in his eyes now. He seems annoyed but determined.
戴米安嘆了口氣，挺直肩膀。此刻他眼中已不見紅色火焰。他看起來有些惱怒卻又堅定不移。

"Kenny," Damien says. "I'm sorry."
「肯尼，」戴米恩說。「我很抱歉。」

Kenny just stares, then glances at Butters, who looks very confused.
肯尼只是盯著看，然後瞥了一眼看起來非常困惑的阿ㄆ一ㄚˇ。

"Okay," Kenny says when he turns back to Damien. "Noted."
「好吧，」肯尼轉回身面對戴米恩時說道。「知道了。」

"I shouldn't have abused you for my own entertainment and sense of petty vengeance," Damien says, hurrying the words out. "It was wrong of me. I regret it. I hope you will forgive me, but that's up to you. I'm sorry, truly."
「我不該為了自己的娛樂和微不足道的報復心而虐待你，」戴米恩急忙說道。「這是我的錯。我後悔了。我希望你能原諒我，但這取決於你。我很抱歉，真的。」

"Fine," Kenny says. "Okay."
「好吧，」肯尼說。「沒問題。」

"Oh, and I found Jesus," Damien says, airily. "He's sort of living in God's basement right now, taking a little time to reevaluate His afterlife, watching a lot of Netflix. But He's okay. He's thinking about returning to Earth when He gets his shit in order. Maybe for grad school."
「喔，還有我找到耶穌了，」戴米恩輕描淡寫地說。「祂現在暫住上帝家的地下室，花點時間重新思考死後生活，整天狂追 Netflix。不過祂沒事啦。等祂把爛攤子收拾好，可能考慮重返人間讀個研究所什麼的。」

"Fuck," Kenny says, wincing. "Um, of course. Sure, yeah."
「靠，」肯尼皺著臉說。「呃，當然。好啊，沒問題。」

"I think Kenny needs some time to process all this, hon," Gary says, rubbing Damien's back again. "Let's give them some space. Have a blessed day, guys."
「親愛的，我想肯尼需要點時間消化這一切，」蓋瑞說著，再次輕拍達米安的背。「我們給他們點空間吧。祝你們有美好的一天，大夥。」

Damien shrugs when Kenny frowns at him, and then turns to leave with Gary. They don't even order any coffee on their way out. They came all this way just for that. Kenny turns back to Butters.
肯尼皺眉看向達米安時，他只是聳聳肩，接著便和蓋瑞轉身離開。他們甚至連杯咖啡都沒點就走出店門。大老遠跑來就為了這事。肯尼轉頭望向巴特斯。

"What was all that about?" Butters asks. He touches Kenny's cheek and strokes his thumb under Kenny's eye. "He said— He abused you?"
「剛剛那是怎麼回事？」巴特斯問道。他輕觸肯尼的臉頰，拇指撫過肯尼的眼眶下方。「他說——他虐待你？」

"He— Yeah. I— That was, um. My ex-boyfriend. He abused the shit out of me. I didn't want you to know, I— Guess I was embarrassed. For getting myself into that and not leaving, and—"
「他——對。我——那是，呃。我的前男友。他把我虐得超慘。我不想讓你知道，我——大概是覺得很丟臉吧。因為讓自己陷入那種情況又沒離開，而且——」

"Oh, Kenny!" Butters pushes his laptop onto the table and throws his arms around Kenny, holds him tight. Kenny wraps his arms around Butters and sinks into the feeling of security that lives here, anytime they hold each other, still so overcome, every time, by the soaring relief of it: Butters loves him. Kenny belongs wholly to Butters now. It feels so good, better than any return to life he's ever known. "It's not your fault," Butters says, very seriously, cupping Kenny's face in his hands when he pulls back. "I know that feeling like you— You think that it must be something did wrong. But no way, mister. You can't blame yourself for the bad things other people have done to you."
「噢，肯尼！」奶油寶把筆電往桌上一推，張開雙臂緊緊抱住肯尼。肯尼回抱住他，沉溺在這份安全感裡——每次相擁時，那種洶湧而至的安心感總讓他難以自持：奶油寶愛他。現在的肯尼完完全全屬於奶油寶了。這種感覺太美妙，比他經歷過的任何重生都要美好。「這不是你的錯，」奶油寶捧住肯尼的臉，神情無比認真地拉開距離說道，「我懂那種感覺...你會覺得一定是自己哪裡做錯了。但門兒都沒有，先生。別人對你做的壞事，你千萬別往自己身上攬。」

"I know, you're right." Kenny presses his face to Butters' cheek. "I love you," he says, for the third time today. "You're so— I just love you."
「我知道，你說得對。」肯尼將臉貼近巴特斯的臉頰。「我愛你，」他今天第三次這麼說。「你真是——我就是愛你。」

They kiss for a while before ordering another latte to share. It's outside of their budget, but it seems like an occasion to celebrate. When it arrives they trade sips and return to their paper writing and reading, respectively. Kenny thinks he knows a little something about heaven, probably more than the Mormons with their charades, up in the clouds. More than most people who've ever lived, he'd bet.
他們親吻了一陣子後，又點了一杯拿鐵共享。這超出他們的預算，但似乎是個值得慶祝的時刻。當咖啡送來時，他們輪流啜飲，然後各自回到寫報告和閱讀的狀態。肯尼覺得自己對天堂略知一二，大概比那些在雲端上玩猜謎遊戲的摩門教徒懂得更多。他敢打賭，自己比大多數活過的人都要了解天堂。

---

Kyle thought he would like college. He does like that it represents a literal and figurative escape from his parents and the shitshow that's going on in his childhood home which made even giving birth in Hell seem like a peaceful respite in comparison, and he likes that his parents are paying for a nice apartment that's big enough for both him and Ike, who has moved in with Kyle after threatening to file for legal emancipation. Less good is the fact that Kyle can't concentrate on his course work as much as he'd like to because he's constantly worried about Stan.
凱爾原本以為自己會喜歡大學生活。他確實喜歡這象徵著從父母身邊以及童年家中那場狗屁倒灶的鬧劇中解脫——那混亂程度甚至讓在地獄分娩相比之下都像是一種寧靜的喘息。他也喜歡父母出錢租的這間寬敞公寓，足夠容納他和搬來同住的弟弟艾克——這小子在威脅要申請法律脫離親權後就搬來跟凱爾住了。但比較不妙的是，凱爾發現自己無法如預期般專注於課業，因為他無時無刻不在擔心史丹。

He supposes ‘worried' isn't really the right word. Preoccupied might be better. He's still friends with Stan, but that's all. They don't feel like best friends anymore, since their return to Earth. They don't feel like mother and son either, which is a relief, but Kyle still holds a pillow at night and imagines it's Stan, protected in his arms and rebuilt, body and soul, from Kyle's pain, humiliation, from everything he had to offer.
他想，「擔心」這個詞或許不太準確，「心事重重」可能更貼切些。他與史丹仍是朋友，但也僅止於此。自從回到地球後，他們之間再也不復從前那種摯友的親密感。令人慶幸的是，母子般的彆扭關係也消失了。但每當夜深人靜時，凱爾仍會抱著枕頭，幻想懷裡護著的是史丹——用他的痛苦、屈辱，用他所能付出的一切，親手重塑了那個男孩的身與心。

On Halloween, Ike goes out to some costume party and Kyle sits on the couch with horror movies on TV and a pizza that intends to consume alone. Stan made some vague overtures about doing something together on Halloween, since they always spent this night together as kids, but he's been flaky since school start, probably making new and more exciting friends. Friends who didn't once hold Stan in their makeshift Satan-generated wombs before pushing them out of their assholes. Cool friends like that.
萬聖節這天，艾克跑去參加化裝派對，凱爾則窩在沙發上看著電視播的恐怖片，獨自享用一整份披薩。史丹曾含糊提議要一起過萬聖節——畢竟他們小時候總是一起度過這個夜晚——但自從開學後他就變得心不在焉，八成是交了更酷的新朋友。那些朋友可沒把史丹塞進臨時搭建的撒旦子宮裡再從屁眼擠出來過。對，就是那種超酷的朋友。

There's a knock on Kyle's door a little after nine o'clock, after he's finished half his pizza. He grabs the bag of fun-sized Snickers that he got on the off chance that some trick-or-treaters might show up to these college apartments and mostly, actually, for the excuse of being able to eat the whole bag himself after nobody showed up. He opens the door, Snickers bag in hand, and finds Stan in what appears to be a Freddie Mercury costume, fake moustache and all.
九點剛過，凱爾吃完半個披薩時，門鈴響了。他抓起那包迷你士力架——原本是預備著萬一有小朋友來這棟大學公寓要糖時可以發，但說實話主要是為了在沒人來訪時能名正言順地獨吞整包。他開門時手裡還抓著巧克力袋，發現斯坦穿著弗雷迪·墨丘利的裝扮站在門口，連假鬍子都黏得妥妥貼貼。

"Hi," Stan say, adjusting his junk at the front of his deep-V, white unitard. "I— My roommates thought this would be funny, I guess because I'm gay? I don't know. They paid to rent it for me and everything. A bunch of people at this party I was just at Instagrammed it. But the party was boring, and I was getting drunk, and I walked here, just. Wishing I was with you."
「嗨，」史丹說著，一邊調整他那件深 V 白色連身衣褲襠處的布料。「我...我室友覺得這樣會很好笑，大概是因為我是同志吧？我也不清楚。他們還特地花錢幫我租了這套衣服。剛才派對上一堆人都在 IG 上傳我的照片。但那派對超無聊的，我喝得有點茫，就晃到這裡來...只是...好希望此刻能陪在你身邊。」

"Come in," Kyle says, wanting to rip that moustache from Stan's handsome face. With it, Stan looks like his fucking father. Kyle is so tired of weird parental drama mixed with sexual tension. When Stan is in his foyer, Kyle does rip the moustache off. Stan makes a pained little noise that is mixed with something like gratitude.
「進來吧。」凱爾說道，恨不得把史丹那張帥臉上的鬍子給扯下來。留著這玩意兒，史丹活像他那個該死的老爸。凱爾受夠了這種摻雜著性張力的詭異家庭劇碼。當史丹踏進玄關時，凱爾真的動手扯下了那撮鬍子。史丹發出一聲夾雜著類似感激之情的小小痛呼。

"Oh," Stan says, looking down at the moustache when it's in Kyle's hand. "I forgot I was wearing that."
「噢，」史丹低頭看著凱爾手中的假鬍子說道。「我都忘了還戴著這個。」

Their eyes meet. Kyle drops the moustache and the Snickers bag, the latter landing with an almost liquid splat on the tile in the foyer.
他們的目光相遇了。凱爾鬆開了手中的假鬍子和士力架袋子，後者落在門廳的磁磚上，發出幾乎像液體般的啪嗒聲。

"Hi," Stan says again, his voice shaking now. Kyle is already leaning up onto his toes, already grabbing Stan's perfect jaw line, already kissing him even before their lips touch, somehow— It's unstoppable, more real than anything they've ever been put through, as solid as the hard-won ground they're standing on.
「嗨，」史丹又說了一次，這次聲音有些顫抖。凱爾已經踮起腳尖，手指扣住史丹稜角分明的下顎線條，在雙唇相觸前就吻了上去——這股衝動無法阻擋，比他們經歷過的任何事都真實，就像腳下這片得來不易的土地般堅實。

"I don't care," Kyle says when he can speak again, Stan still trying to kiss him like he's afraid he won't ever get this again so he'd better keep this one chance going for as long as he can. "I don't care, Stan, do you? What happened, whatever— I don't care, I just need—"
「我不在乎，」凱爾終於能開口時說道，史丹仍不斷試圖親吻他，彷彿害怕再也沒有這樣的機會，所以必須把握這僅有的時光盡可能延續。「我不在乎，史丹，你呢？發生了什麼事，無論如何——我都不在乎，我只想要——」

Kyle glances down without even meaning to. He wants to whoop and jump and clap his hands over his head when he sees Stan's big, hard dick straining against the front of the cheap Freddie-style unitard. He restrains himself and beams up at Stan instead.
凱爾不經意地往下瞥了一眼。當他看到史丹那根又大又硬的傢伙把廉價的弗雷迪式緊身衣前襠撐得緊繃時，他簡直想歡呼跳躍、高舉雙手鼓掌。但他克制住了自己，轉而對史丹露出燦爛的笑容。

"Kyle," Stan says. "I loved you even when I was possessed by Satan. I loved you when I was five years old and you retaught me how to tie my shoes. I loved you when we got back to South Park and you wanted to die because— Well, because of everything. I should have been there for you."
「凱爾，」史丹說。「就算我被撒附身的時候，我也愛著你。五歲那年你重新教我綁鞋帶時，我就愛上你了。當我們回到南方公園，你因為——嗯，因為所有事情而想尋死的時候，我依然愛著你。我當時應該陪在你身邊的。」

"I wasn't ready to have you back," Kyle says. "But now— Yeah. I can't live without you. Not for— Not for another second. That's what this whole fucked-up thing was about, really. That I would have laid down more than my life just to have you back. And I did."
「我還沒準備好讓你回來，」凱爾說。「但現在——是啊，沒有你我活不下去。連——連一秒都不行。這整件該死的事其實就是這樣。為了讓你回來，我連命都可以不要。而我確實這麼做了。」

"I know you did," Stan says. He kisses Kyle again, moaning into Kyle's mouth with what sounds like wonder when he's allowed to, and when Kyle's tongue slips out to stroke against Stan's. They kiss all the way to the bedroom. Kyle rips the unitard when he hurries to get it off of Stan, and doesn't care. Fuck Stan's roommates. They can pay the damn deposit for this costume.
「我知道你有。」史丹說。他再次吻上凱爾，當凱爾允許時，他帶著近乎驚嘆的呻吟將氣息送入凱爾口中，而凱爾的舌尖也滑出與史丹交纏。他們一路吻進臥室。凱爾急著扯下史丹身上的緊身衣時撕破了布料，但他毫不在意。去他媽的史丹室友們——這套戲服的押金就讓他們付吧。

Kyle's eyes get wet when Stan finally slides into him again. Not because of the time Stan very distinctly slid out of him. He's on the verge of crying because he needs this to be real, something he can finally keep. Because he would still do anything, anything.
當史丹終於再次滑入凱爾體內時，凱爾的眼眶濕潤了。不是因為先前史丹明顯抽離的那一刻。他幾乎要哭出來，因為他需要這一切都是真實的，是他終於能牢牢抓住的東西。因為他仍然願意付出任何代價，任何代價。

"I'm so sorry," Stan says, whispering this against Kyle's mouth.
「對不起，」史丹低語著，雙唇輕觸凱爾的嘴。

"For— What? It's okay, dude, we both needed some time—"
「為——什麼？沒事的，老兄，我們都需要一點時間——」

"No, I mean, for before— For the way it must have seemed like I was using you. Crawling in through your window like that. Saying all that dumb shit, practically forcing you—"
「不，我是說，之前——對於我那樣利用你的感覺。就那樣爬進你的窗戶。說了那些蠢話，幾乎是在強迫你——」

"Shh, okay. Yeah, you were pretty fucked up. It was fucked up, just— thank you. For recognizing that. But you're just— You always felt, like. Mine? Like my responsibility. Before the shit that went down in Hell. Oh my god, Stan, we went to Hell together!"
「噓，好。對，你那時真的糟透了。那真的很糟，只是——謝謝你。謝謝你明白這點。但你一直——你總覺得，像是。我的？像是我的責任。在那些地獄裡的破事發生之前。天啊，史丹，我們一起下過地獄！」

"I know, dude, I know." Stan is thrusting gently even while saying so, and crying a little. Kyle loves him so much, kisses him so hard. "I'd return the favor," Stan says, sniffling, his thrusts getting harder. "If you needed me to."
「我知道，兄弟，我知道。」史丹一邊說著一邊輕輕抽送，眼角泛著淚光。凱爾好愛他，用力地吻著他。「我也會為你做同樣的事，」史丹吸著鼻子說道，動作逐漸加重。「只要你需要。」

"Thanks," Kyle says, and when he starts laughing he can't stop, but Stan is laughing, too, still crying, and still fucking him. It's a good combination.
「謝啦。」凱爾說道，而當他開始大笑時，他停不下來，但史丹也在笑，仍在哭泣，同時他媽的還在幹他。這真是絕妙的組合。

When they're finished they return to the living room and split the rest of the pizza before starting in on the bag of fun-size Snickers. No trick or treaters come. Kyle falls asleep on Stan's naked chest and doesn't wake until he hears Stan shushing Ike as he enters the apartment around three in the morning.
他們完事後回到客廳，分食剩下的披薩，接著開始吃那包迷你士力架巧克力。沒有小孩來按門鈴要糖。凱爾在史坦赤裸的胸膛上睡著了，直到凌晨三點左右聽見史坦對進門的艾克發出「噓」聲才醒來。

"Kyle's sleeping," Stan says, pushing his fingers into Kyle's hair. Kyle pretends to still be asleep and soon enough he is, dreaming of things that are truly, finally happening.
「凱爾在睡覺，」史丹說著，手指輕輕梳過凱爾的髮絲。凱爾假裝仍在熟睡，沒多久便真的沉入夢鄉，夢裡那些事終於、確確實實地發生了。

---

Cartman drops his laundry off at Liane's before driving to the Broflovski house. He checked the garage for her car before letting himself in but is still nervous when he creeps through the living room to leave the huge bag of stinking clothes near the coffee table. He stares at it, reconsiders, and moves it to the laundry room so she won't have to haul it there. Sheila draws the line at doing his laundry. Cartman tells himself he'll get in touch with his mother later and leaves.
卡特曼把髒衣服丟在莉安家後，便開車前往布羅夫斯基家。他先確認車庫裡沒有她的車才溜進去，但當他躡手躡腳穿過客廳，把那袋臭氣沖天的衣物放在茶几旁時，仍緊張得要命。他盯著那袋衣服想了想，最後還是拎到洗衣間，省得她還得費力搬運。希拉可是明說了不會幫他洗衣服。卡特曼暗自盤算晚點再聯絡母親，隨即離開了。

It's snowing hard, and there's another storm coming, supposedly due to arrive around midnight. Though it's only three o'clock the sky is already darkening, and the town is quiet. It's Friday, and later there will be drinking and music at the town's few bars, but it's nothing like the scene at CSU, and Cartman is glad. He's started sleeping with other guys, but something about this town and the house where he's headed keeps calling him home, every other weekend or so, and it's not just laundry-related.
大雪紛飛，另一場暴風雪即將來襲，預計午夜時分抵達。雖然才下午三點，天色已開始轉暗，整個小鎮一片寂靜。今天是星期五，晚些時候鎮上為數不多的酒吧會開始有酒飲和音樂，但完全比不上科羅拉多州立大學的喧鬧場景，卡特曼對此感到慶幸。他開始和其他男人上床，但這座小鎮和那棟他正前往的房子，總在呼喚他回家——每隔一兩個週末就會回來，而這不僅僅是為了洗衣服那麼簡單。

As he'd hoped, Sheila's car is gone when he arrives. Gerald has a pussified little electric car, and it's sitting in the driveway, three inches of snow collected on its roof. Their driveway needs shoveling. Ike moved to Boulder to live with Stan and Kyle, apparently preferring the sound of their gay lovemaking to that of Cartman being fucked by Gerald. Cartman gets it, sort of. It's not like he ever had a dad to hypothetically hate for fucking a guy who's almost thirty years younger than him and had some confused ideas about Hitler as a child, but if Liane was suddenly fucking Kenny or something he'd be pissed as hell, though he supposes that's impossible since Kenny moved off to Kentucky or some shit to tend to the needs of Butters' bleached asshole while Butters goes to some prissy private school.
如他所願，當他抵達時，希拉的車已經不見蹤影。傑拉德有輛娘炮的小電動車，此刻正停在車道上，車頂積了三吋厚的雪。他們的車道需要剷雪了。艾克搬去波德和斯坦與凱爾同住，顯然寧願聽他們搞基的動靜，也不想聽見傑拉德幹卡特曼的聲響。卡特曼多少能理解——畢竟他又沒有老爸可以假設性地怨恨，怨恨對方搞上一個年紀小他快三十歲、小時候還對希特勒有些糊塗想法的傢伙。不過要是莉安突然和肯尼搞上什麼的，他肯定會氣炸，雖然他猜這不可能，因為肯尼早就搬去肯塔基還是什麼鬼地方，專門伺候奶油寶那漂白過的屁眼，而奶油寶則去上某間裝模作樣的私立學校。

Cartman feels wistful as he approaches the front door, digging out his key. He's not sure what for: not those so-called friends of his youth, because fuck those guys. Cartman hasn't actually seen Kyle since he returned home with Stan and packed up his shit to leave for college, mostly because Kyle refuses to see him and barely even speaks to Gerald, still all butthurt about the fact that Gerald and Cartman found love in a hopeless place, but Cartman fully intends to accept Sheila's invitation to join them for Thanksgiving, and Kyle can just get over himself if he doesn't want to miss the sweet potato casserole with the little crumbly sweet things on top. More for Cartman, if Kyle decides to be a little bitch and eat with the Marshes.
卡特曼掏出鑰匙走向家門時，心中泛起一絲惆悵。他不太確定這情緒從何而來——肯定不是為了那些所謂的童年玩伴，去他媽的傢伙們。自從和斯坦一起返鄉後，卡特曼其實就沒再見過凱爾，那傢伙忙著打包行李去上大學，主要原因是凱爾拒絕見他，甚至連跟傑拉德都很少說話，還在為他爸和卡特曼在絕境中找到真愛這件事鬧彆扭。但卡特曼打定主意要接受希拉的邀請參加感恩節聚餐，要是凱爾不想錯過鋪滿酥脆甜粒的番薯焗烤，最好自己看開點。如果那小子決定當個娘炮跑去馬許家吃飯——哼，更多美味還不都歸卡特曼。

It's tiring, having a pseudo-stepson. Cartman needs to Kyle to behave himself so that Gerald won't get all mopey because his feelings are hurt and he thinks he's a bad father or whatever. Fuck Kyle's ungrateful ass. Gerald is a great father. Cartman might not know shit about having a dad, but he can tell.
有個假繼子真是累人。卡特曼需要凱爾乖乖聽話，這樣傑拉德才不會因為感情受傷、覺得自己是個爛父親之類的而整天悶悶不樂。去他媽的凱爾這忘恩負義的傢伙。傑拉德明明就是個好爸爸。卡特曼或許對「有爸爸」這檔事一竅不通，但他看得出來。

"Ey, babe," he says when he finds Gerald in his home office, going through some shithead client's messy box of documents.
「嘿，寶貝，」當他在自家辦公室找到傑拉德時，這傢伙正埋頭整理某個混蛋客戶亂七八糟的文件箱。

"Oh, hey," Gerald says. He tilts his chin and accepts a kiss on the cheek when Cartman hugs him from behind. "I hoped that was you. How was the drive from school?"
「噢，嘿，」傑拉德說道。當凱子從背後抱住他時，他微微抬起下巴接受了臉頰上的吻。「我就希望是你。從學校開車過來還順利嗎？」

"Pretty shitty, the traffic sucked and it's snowing hard. Is that the Talbot case?"
「爛透了，交通超糟還下大雪。那是塔爾博特案嗎？」

"No, this is a new client, a lawyer who's being sued by a former client. The circle of legal life."
「不，這是新客戶，一位被前客戶提告的律師。法律界的生生不息啊。」

"Jesus. Do you guys have beer?"
「天啊。你們這有啤酒嗎？」

"I don't think so, but there's some wine in the fridge."
「我不這麼認為，不過冰箱裡有些葡萄酒。」

Cartman can't find a clean wine glass, so he drinks wine out of a coffee mug and watches the snowfall through the kitchen window. The wine is pink but it tastes okay. Cartman can't really tell, with wine. He normally drinks vodka mixed with Gatorade, or rum with Coke, or whiskey sours, or whatever's around, really. College is about getting laid and getting fucked up, and the classes are a pain in the ass, but Gerald helps with his papers sometimes. He says they're fun, compared to writing briefs about RICO violations and real estate malpractice.
卡特曼找不到乾淨的紅酒杯，只好用馬克杯喝著葡萄酒，透過廚房窗戶看著飄落的雪花。這酒是粉紅色的，但喝起來還行。其實卡特曼不太會品酒。他平常都喝伏特加混運動飲料，或蘭姆酒加可樂，要麼就是威士忌酸酒，反正手邊有什麼就喝什麼。大學生活就是約炮和喝到爛醉，上課簡直煩死人，不過傑拉德偶爾會幫他寫報告。傑拉德說比起寫那些《反勒索及受賄組織法》違規案件和房地產業務過失的訴訟摘要，幫他寫報告還挺有趣的。

"All done," Gerald says when Cartman has finished a mug full of wine and has started in on some leftover pasta salad.
「搞定了，」傑拉德說道，這時卡特曼已經喝完一整杯葡萄酒，正開始吃剩下的義大利麵沙拉。

"Remember when I asked you to fuck me on that table?" Cartman asks, nodding to it.
「記得我請你在那張桌上幹我嗎？」凱子指著桌子問道。

Gerald grins and nods. "You know," he says, "You've grown up a lot since then."
傑拉德咧嘴一笑並點點頭。「你知道嗎，」他說，「從那時起你真的長大不少。」

"It was only six months ago," Cartman says, though he thinks he knows what Gerald means. He's started lifting with some of his friends at school and has lost a little weight, despite all the drinking. He might have just gotten taller. His dad was six foot five, apparently. "I guess I grew up because you finally fucked me." Not on the kitchen table, not even in this house. Two weeks before Kyle came home, they got a room at the Airport Hilton. It was magical. They went to the pool afterward and shot hoops in the little basketball net that hung over the shallow end, then got kicked out of the jacuzzi for being overly affectionate in view of other guests.
「那不過是六個月前的事，」卡特曼說道，儘管他覺得自己明白傑拉德的意思。他開始和學校裡的一些朋友一起健身，儘管酗酒還是瘦了一點。或許只是因為他長高了——聽說他老爸有六呎五吋高。「我想我長大是因為你終於上了我。」不是在廚房餐桌上，甚至不是在這個家裡。就在凱勒回家前兩週，他們在機場希爾頓開了房間。那簡直像魔法。後來他們去游泳池，在淺水區上方的小籃球框投籃，接著因為在其他客人面前太過親密而被趕出按摩浴池。

"Want to go upstairs?" Gerald asks.
「想上樓嗎？」傑拉德問道。

"There's too much garlic in this stuff," Cartman says, still forking pasta. "My breath will stink."
「這東西蒜味太重了，」凱子邊攪著義大利麵邊抱怨，「我嘴巴會很臭。」

"You can use my mouthwash. C'mon, before Sheila gets back."
「你可以用我的漱口水。快點，趁希拉還沒回來。」

Cartman follows Gerald upstairs, swishes mouthwash over his teeth for thirty seconds and can still taste garlic after he spits. He doesn't really care. He's already getting hard inside his jeans. At school, so far, he usually tops. Most guys who are into him expect him to be toppy as fuck in bed. He takes it as a compliment, but he misses this when he's gone. He walks into what used to be Kyle's bedroom, already pulling off his shirt. Gerald is in the bed, naked under the blankets.
卡特曼跟著傑拉德上樓，漱口三十秒後吐掉，嘴裡仍殘留著大蒜味。他其實不太在意，牛仔褲裡早已硬挺。在學校裡，到目前為止他通常都是主導者。大多數喜歡他的男生都期待他在床上強勢得不得了。他把這當作讚美，但當對方不在時，他會想念這種感覺。他走進曾經是凱爾的臥室，一邊脫下襯衫。傑拉德躺在床上，毯子下赤裸著身子。

"Come here," Gerald says, reaching for him. "Big boy."
「過來，」傑拉德伸手抓向他。「大男孩。」

Cartman snorts, secretly liking this. Or maybe not secretly, since he's hard for it.
卡特曼哼了一聲，暗自喜歡這樣。或許也不算暗自，因為他已經硬了。

"Can you, uh." Cartman still gets embarrassed by the idea that he can just ask for what he wants and get it. It seems like a trick, but Gerald is never tricking him, somehow. "Eat me out?" Cartman says, mumbling it like it's all one word.
「你能不能，呃。」卡特曼對於自己可以直接開口要什麼就能得到這件事還是會感到尷尬。這感覺像個騙局，但不知為何，傑拉德從來沒騙過他。「幫我口交？」卡特曼說道，含糊地快速說完，聽起來像是一個詞。

"Sure," Gerald says, as if Cartman just asked him to please pass him the salt. "But c'mere and kiss me first. I've missed you."
「好啊，」傑拉德說，彷彿凱子只是請他幫忙遞個鹽巴。「不過先過來親我一下，我想死你了。」

Cartman whines in agreement. They don't talk that much while Cartman is at school. It's Cartman's fault, mostly. He gets distracted. Suddenly dudes want to be fucked by him. It's surreal. Gerald had told him this would happen, but Cartman hadn't believed him. He believes Gerald about stuff now, generally, because Gerald is smart. He thinks Cartman can actually pass all his classes and graduate in four years. That sounds more outlandish than ‘dudes will want to fuck you' did to the ears of high school Cartman, but he's going to try to make it come true, anyway.
凱子抱怨著表示同意。凱子在學校時他們沒怎麼交談。這多半是凱子的錯，他總是分心。突然間就有男生想被他上，簡直超現實。傑拉德早就告訴過他會發生這種事，但凱子當時根本不信。現在他基本上都相信傑拉德說的話了，因為傑拉德很聰明。傑拉德認為凱子真的能通過所有科目並在四年內畢業。這聽起來比「會有男生想上你」對高中時期的凱子而言更荒謬，但他還是會努力讓這個預言成真。

The sex is good, and Cartman whimpers during the eating-out stage, because he knows Gerald likes it when he does this and because he feels like fucking whimpering and he can do whatever the fuck he wants. The sound of the garage door opening while he rides Gerald's dick makes him come, the sort of startle of it making his orgasm particularly powerful, and he wonders if she'll hear him shouting. Probably not; she's kind of hard of hearing. Which is maybe why she's always talking so goddamn loud. Cartman likes her, though, sort of. She's a good cook and she's cool about all this sex stuff, which makes sense since apparently she does her own weird sex shit on the side. Cartman doesn't want to know.
性愛很美好，凱子在口交階段發出嗚咽聲，因為他知道傑拉德喜歡他這樣做，也因為他他媽的就想嗚咽，而且他愛幹嘛就幹嘛。當他騎在傑拉德的屌上時，車庫門打開的聲音讓他高潮了，那種驚嚇感讓他的性高潮特別強烈，他想知道她是否會聽到他的叫喊聲。大概不會；她有點耳背。也許這就是為什麼她說話總是那麼他媽的大聲。不過凱子還算喜歡她。她是個好廚師，而且對這些性愛的事情很開明，這很合理，因為顯然她自己也在搞一些奇怪的性愛花樣。凱子不想知道。

He falls asleep in Kyle's old bed and is alone there when he wakes. It's dark outside, still snowing. The house smells like some kind of baking casserole. He gropes for his pants on the floor and digs out his phone. There's a message from his mom.
他在凱爾的舊床上睡著了，醒來時獨自一人。窗外天色已暗，雪仍在下著。屋裡飄著某種焗烤料理的香氣。他摸索著撿起地板上的褲子，掏出手機。螢幕上顯示著母親傳來的訊息。

Got your laundry started, sweetie! Hope you'll be home for dinner. I'm making your favorite lasagna.
親愛的，我已經開始洗衣服了！希望你能回家吃晚餐。我正在做你最愛的千層麵。

Cartman snorts. His favorite lasagna, as if he has several lasagnas he likes and this is the best one. Liane didn't finish high school. Sometimes in her texts she uses ‘there' when she should have used ‘they're.' It embarrasses him, like most things she does.
卡特曼哼了一聲。他最愛的千層麵，好像他喜歡好幾種千層麵而這只是其中最好的一種似的。莉安沒讀完高中。有時候她在簡訊裡會把「they're」誤寫成「there」。這讓他覺得很丟臉，就像她做的大部分事情一樣。

He dresses and goes downstairs to find Gerald and Sheila watching Jim Lehrer and having wine in actual wine glasses. Liane watches Fox News and drinks gin and tonics with diet tonic. Cartman sighs.
他穿好衣服下樓，發現傑拉德和希拉正用真正的葡萄酒杯喝著酒，觀看吉姆·萊勒的節目。莉安則一邊看福斯新聞，一邊喝著琴通寧調酒（使用低卡通寧水）。卡特曼嘆了口氣。

"Ey, Sheila," he says, and they both turn.
「嘿，希拉，」他說道，兩人同時轉過身來。

"Oh, Eric, hello! I didn't hear you come down. Would you like something to drink? We're having wine, but I've also got milk and ginger ale."
「噢，艾瑞克，你好！我沒聽到你下樓。想喝點什麼嗎？我們在喝葡萄酒，不過也有牛奶和薑汁汽水。」

Ginger ale sounds pretty good, and so does just staying here and getting fucked by Gerald again instead of driving through the snow and dealing with his mother. But something has happened to him. It's probably Kyle's fault. Too many night spent in that pussy's bed, on his old Terrance and Phillip sheets, where Kyle probably got fucked by Stan's weepy hippie cock like a thousand times before Cartman moved in. Probably some kind of weak, useless guilt crap crept into Cartman that way, leeched from the germs Kyle left in those sheets, too deep to be washed out in the laundry.
薑汁汽水聽起來不錯，留在這裡再讓傑拉德幹一次也比開車穿越風雪去應付他老媽來得好。但這傢伙身上發生了某種變化。八成是凱爾的錯。在那娘炮的床上度過太多夜晚，鋪著他老舊的特倫斯與菲利普床單——凱爾大概早被史丹那根哭哭啼啼的嬉皮老二幹過上千次，直到卡特曼搬進來。某種軟弱無用的罪惡感八成就這樣滲進卡特曼體內，像凱爾留在床單上洗也洗不掉的細菌一樣深植其中。

"Thanks," Cartman says. "But I gotta go. My mom's cooking."
「謝啦，」凱子說。「但我得走了，我媽在煮飯。」

"Oh, isn't that nice! Well, you tell Liane hello from us. And come over for dinner before you go back to school. I want to hear all about your Roman History course!"
「噢，這不是很好嗎！幫我們向莉安問好。回學校前記得來吃頓晚餐，我想聽聽你羅馬歷史課的所有趣事！」

"Heh. Okay." Cartman looks at Gerald and lifts his hand. "See you tomorrow," he says.
「呵。好吧。」卡特曼看著傑拉德，舉起手。「明天見。」他說。

"Goodnight, sweetheart," Gerald says. "Drive safe."
「晚安，親愛的，」傑拉德說。「開車小心。」

It's only a three minute drive to Liane's house. All the streets are empty. Families are inside eating dinner. There's something angry that twists in Cartman's gut when he considers that he's returning to this house where he ate dinner on the sofa while she went in and out of the kitchen, bringing him whatever he asked for. It's her fault he's fat. Those are her genes, not Jack Tenorman's. Liane only avoided being fat by being psycho about food. Most of the time she didn't eat dinner, just read magazines at the kitchen table and jumped to answer Cartman's every demand. If she was so worried about being fat that she skipped meals, why the hell did she let him stuff himself like that? He's in a bad mood by the time he parks in her driveway, which also needs to be shoveled. He's sure as shit not doing it.
開車到莉安家只要三分鐘。街道上空無一人，家家戶戶都在屋內吃晚餐。當卡特曼想到自己正要回到那個家——那個他總是在沙發上吃晚餐，而她則在廚房進進出出，把他要的東西一一端來的地方——一股怒火就在他胃裡翻攪。他會這麼胖都是她的錯。是她的基因害的，跟傑克·泰納曼一點關係都沒有。莉安之所以沒發胖，完全是因為她對食物有病態的執著。大多數時候她根本不吃晚餐，只是坐在廚房餐桌前翻雜誌，隨時跳起來滿足卡特曼的所有要求。既然她這麼怕胖到連飯都不吃，那他媽的為什麼要放任他這樣胡吃海塞？當他把車停進她家車道時，心情已經糟透了——車道上的積雪也該鏟了，但他打死都不會動手。

"Poopsikins?" she calls when he lets himself in. He can hear the laundry machines tumbling away in the room between the den and the kitchen.
「小臭臭？」當他走進門時，她這麼喊道。他能聽見洗衣機在客廳與廚房之間的房間裡轟隆隆地運轉著。

"I've asked you not to call me that," he says when he walks into the kitchen to find her pulling a huge loaf of garlic bread from the oven. It smells pretty good. So does the lasagna, which is under foil on the stove top. Cartman peeks at it while she leans over to kiss his cheek. "Extra cheese," he says, approvingly. It's not like he eats this kind of shit all the time at school. He can have a cheat day.
「我跟你說過別那樣叫我。」他走進廚房時說道，看見她正從烤箱裡取出一大條蒜味麵包。香氣撲鼻。爐台上用錫箔紙蓋著的千層麵聞起來也很不錯。凱子偷瞄了一眼，而她傾身親了他的臉頰。「加了雙倍起司。」他滿意地說。反正他在學校也不是天天吃這種垃圾食物——偶爾放縱一天無妨。

"I have shaky cheese, too," Liane says, meaning shitty powdered parmesan. The Broflovskis use real, stinky parmesan that they put in a little grinder with a crank on the side. Like the kind they have at Olive Garden. "What's the matter, baby?" Liane asks, reaching up to pat his cheeks like he's still three years old. "You look a little grumpy."
「我也有搖搖起司，」莉安說，指的是那種劣質的帕瑪森粉。布羅夫斯基家用的是真正的臭帕瑪森起司，裝在一個側邊有搖柄的小研磨器裡，就像橄欖園餐廳用的那種。「怎麼啦，寶貝？」莉安伸手拍拍他的臉頰，彷彿他還只是個三歲小孩。「你看起來有點悶悶不樂。」

"Don't say grumpy." Cartman puts his hand on her head. It's a gesture of fondness. "Thanks for doing my laundry," he says. "Mommy."
「別說脾氣差啦。」卡特曼把手放在她頭上，這是一個充滿疼愛的舉動。「謝謝妳幫我洗衣服，」他說。「媽咪。」

"Of course, of course! I don't mind! I get to see you, so it's an even bargain! Sit down, you look tired. Do you want a beer? Or can Mommy make you a gin and tonic?"
「當然、當然！我一點都不介意！能見到你，這交易很划算啦！坐下來吧，你看起來累壞了。要來瓶啤酒嗎？還是讓媽咪幫你調杯琴湯尼？」

"Gin and tonic— Ugh, but you only have that shitty diet tonic."
「琴通寧——噁，但你只有那種難喝的低卡通寧水。」

"Not so, I got the regular kind when you texted me that you'd be home! Just in case." She makes him a double with a squeeze of fresh lime and kisses his cheek again when she delivers it. She always seems so desperate, even with him, and he doesn't get why she can't find a man. She's still good-looking.
「才不是呢，收到你簡訊說要回家時，我就買了普通款！以防萬一嘛。」她調了杯雙份的給他，還擠了新鮮萊姆汁，遞酒時又親了他臉頰。她總是顯得那麼飢渴，連對他都是，他不懂她為何找不到男人。她明明還挺漂亮的。

"Were you with Gerald and Sheila?" she asks when she sits down next to him with her own drink.
「你跟傑拉德和希拉在一起嗎？」她拿著自己的飲料在他身旁坐下時問道。

"Just Gerald," Cartman says, sharply. Nobody wants to believe that he doesn't fuck Sheila, too. It's perverted. "Yeah, me and him had sex, and then Sheila was like, Eric, in exchange for making my husband a happy man in a way that I never could, can I please cook you dinner? And I was like, nah, bitch. My mom's a way better cook."
「只有傑拉德，」凱子尖銳地說。沒人願意相信他沒跟希拉上床，這太變態了。「對啦，我跟他搞過了，然後希拉就說：『艾瑞克，看在你用我永遠做不到的方式讓我老公開心的份上，讓我煮頓晚餐給你吃好嗎？』我就回她：『免了，賤貨。我媽煮的比妳好吃多了。』」

"Oh, Eric!" Liane giggles and swats his shoulder. "You're so bad!"
「噢，艾瑞克！」莉安咯咯笑著輕拍他的肩膀。「你真壞！」

It still feels like a compliment, coming from her. Cartman grins. He eats two big pieces of lasagna and three slices of garlic bread while telling Liane about how awesome college is going and how much his teachers appreciate his bold commentary during lectures and how many guys are fighting over him because they wish he would be their exclusive boyfriend. Some of it is true. Kinda.
從她口中聽到這些話，依然讓人覺得是種讚美。卡特曼咧嘴笑了。他一邊吃著兩大塊千層麵和三片蒜香麵包，一邊跟莉安吹噓大學生活有多棒，教授們多欣賞他在課堂上大膽的發言，還有多少男生為了爭奪當他專屬男友的機會而大打出手。有些部分是真的啦，大概吧。

"I'm so proud of you, baby," Liane says at one point. It's true, somehow, and it feels pretty good to hear, even coming from someone who watches Fox News and once encouraged him to idolize Hitler. She's a fucked up old broad, and Cartman is lucky to be alive, lucky to have Gerald and a place to run to when he needs to get the hell out of here. But being in his mother's kitchen still feels pretty good, for some reason, for now.
「寶貝，我真為你感到驕傲。」莉安在某個時刻這樣說道。不知怎地，這話聽起來很真誠，即使出自一個看福斯新聞、還曾鼓勵他崇拜希特勒的女人口中。她是個糟糕的老女人，而卡特曼能活著真是幸運，幸運有傑拉德這個避風港，當他需要逃離這鬼地方時能有個去處。但不知為何，此刻待在母親的廚房裡，感覺還是挺不錯的。

---

"I can't do this," Kyle says when they're parked outside of his parents' house, Stan behind the wheel and the banana pudding Stan insisted on making clutched in Kyle's lap. Stan reaches over to squeeze Kyle's leg.
「我辦不到，」凱爾說道，他們把車停在他父母家門外，史坦握著方向盤，而史坦堅持要做的香蕉布丁正被凱爾捧在腿上。史坦伸手捏了捏凱爾的大腿。

"We'll just stay for an hour," Stan says, reminding Kyle of the plan they've been going over all month. "Then we'll head over to my parents' place. We've got a good excuse to leave."
「我們只待一個小時，」史坦說道，提醒凱爾他們已經討論了整整一個月的計畫。「然後我們就去我爸媽家。我們有很好的理由可以離開。」

"But I'm not obligated to go in there at all! Ike still refuses!"
「但我根本沒義務進去！艾克還是拒絕！」

"Yeah, well, Ike is a little brat. I know you're justified in being angry with your parents," Stan says, hurrying this part out when Kyle gives him a look of hellfire. "But, you know. I also know you don't want to sever your relationship with them completely, and you've got to start somewhere. And they are paying for your tuition and your apartment—"
「是啊，艾克就是個小屁孩。我知道你有理由對你父母生氣，」史坦趕緊把這段話說完，因為凱爾正用殺人的眼神瞪著他。「但你也知道，我明白你並不想完全斷絕和他們的關係，總得有個開始嘛。而且他們還在幫你付學費跟公寓租金——」

"They'd fucking better be! After what they did!"
「他們最好他媽的給我滾！看看他們幹了什麼好事！」

"I know— I know. Dude, let's just go in. The anticipation is killing me."
「我知道——我知道啦。兄弟，我們直接進去吧，這種等待簡直要我的命。」

"Killing you? Stan! How do you think I feel?"
「殺了你？史丹！你知道我有多難受嗎？」

"Nervous, and still mad, and like— Like you really want to go in and see them. C'mon, dude. Let's go."
「緊張，還很火大，而且就像——就像你真的想進去見他們。來吧，老兄。我們走。」

Kyle sighs and allows Stan to take the bowl of pudding from his tightly tensed hands. Stan gets out of the car, and he's relieved when Kyle does, too. All the way here, Stan wasn't sure Kyle would actually go through with this, but it's important. Kyle was very close to his parents, before this. It's been hurting him not to see them or even speak to them, and he loves Thanksgiving. Stan just wishes Cartman had enough tact to stay the fuck away during this delicate moment, but Cartman remains the most tactless person on the planet, his giant truck parked in the driveway already.
凱爾嘆了口氣，讓史丹從他緊繃的手中接過那碗布丁。史丹下了車，當凱爾也跟著下車時，他鬆了口氣。一路上，史丹不確定凱爾是否真的會堅持到底，但這很重要。在這之前，凱爾與父母非常親近。不能見面甚至不能交談一直讓他很痛苦，而且他熱愛感恩節。史丹只希望卡特曼能識相點，別在這敏感時刻來攪局，但卡特曼依然是這星球上最不懂看場合的人——他那輛巨型卡車早已停在車道上。

"If I brandish a fork and try to stab him in the face," Kyle says as they walk toward the front door, slowly, "Don't actually let me do it."
「如果我揮舞叉子想戳他的臉，」凱爾一邊緩步走向前門，一邊說道，「千萬別真的讓我得逞。」

"Kay."  「好。」

"He's not worth jail time for assault, and he would press charges, even after all he's done."
「他不值得因為毆打而坐牢，而且就算他幹了那些事，他還是會提出告訴的。」

Kyle says so like Cartman should be willing to let Kyle stab him in the face with a fork at least ten times, on principal. Stan pats Kyle's back and prays Cartman won't provoke Kyle intentionally, though he knows that's a fool's hope.
凱爾說，就原則上而言，阿ㄆㄧㄚˇ至少該心甘情願讓他用叉子戳臉十次。史丹拍拍凱爾的背，暗自祈禱阿ㄆㄧㄚˇ別故意激怒他，雖然心裡明白這根本是痴心妄想。

Stan passes the pudding to Kyle and rings the doorbell. He can hear laughter inside, as if they're having a big old time already. He suppresses a groan, still having a hard time believing that Cartman has charmed his way into Gerald's bed and has also made himself comfortable at Sheila's dinner table. Randy swears up and down that it's a threesome arrangement between all of them, but Sharon says it's only Gerald and Cartman fucking on occasion, and Stan is more inclined to trust his mother's opinion on the subject.
史丹將布丁遞給凱爾，按下了門鈴。屋內傳來陣陣笑聲，彷彿他們早已玩得不亦樂乎。他強忍住呻吟，至今仍難以置信卡特曼居然能哄得傑拉德讓他上床，還大搖大擺坐在希拉的晚餐桌前。藍迪信誓旦旦說他們三人搞多 P，但雪倫堅稱只有傑拉德和卡特曼偶爾上床——在這件事上，史丹更傾向相信母親的判斷。

Sheila opens the door and shrieks in joy at the sight of Kyle, nearly upsetting the bowl of pudding when she hugs him. She's crying a little, talking so fast that she's lapping herself.
希拉打開門，一看到凱爾就開心地尖叫起來，擁抱他時差點打翻那碗布丁。她流著一點眼淚，說話快得連自己都跟不上。

"Look at you two!" she says when she pulls back to beam at Stan. "A couple of lovebirds, college sweethearts, oh, I always knew it! Didn't I always say so, Gerry?"
「看看你們兩個！」她後退一步，對著史丹眉開眼笑地說。「一對恩愛的小情侶，大學時代的甜蜜戀人，噢，我早就知道了！傑瑞，我不是一直都這麼說的嗎？」

She turns to Gerald, who is lingering in the doorway to the den, smiling nervously.
她轉向傑拉德，他正緊張地微笑著，在書房門口徘徊。

"You sure did," he says. "Come on in boys, come out of the cold."
「你確實做到了，」他說道。「進來吧，孩子們，別在外面受凍了。」

"Thanks for having me," Stan says when Kyle remains silent, his face hard.
「謝謝招待，」當凱爾保持沉默、臉色僵硬時，史坦說道。

"Oh, hush," Sheila says, swatting at Stan. "Our home is always open to you, Stanley."
「噢，閉嘴啦，」希拉邊說邊輕拍史坦。「我們家永遠歡迎你，史丹利。」

"Is there anyone in my graduating class that's not true for?" Kyle asks, beginning to turn red in a shade that Stan associates with both rage and embarrassment. He's not sure which this is— Maybe both. "Have Craig Tucker and Clyde Donovan moved in here as well, since last we spoke? Are they sharing Ike's room and joining in on the orgies?"
「我們這屆畢業生裡，有誰不是這樣的嗎？」凱爾問道，臉開始漲紅成史丹既熟悉又陌生的色調——那種混合著憤怒與難堪的酡紅。他分不清此刻是哪種情緒，或許兩者皆有。「自從我們上次談話後，莫非克雷格·塔克和克萊德·多諾萬也搬進來了？他們是睡在艾克的房間，還是一起參加那些淫亂派對？」

"Kyle," Sheila says, sharply. "That's enough. Come in, come have a glass of wine. You look like you could use one, oy."
「凱爾，」希拉嚴厲地說。「夠了。進來吧，喝杯酒。你看起來需要來一杯，唉。」

Stan rubs his hand across Kyle's shoulders, knowing that comment will enrage him. When Stan walks toward the kitchen, he gently guides Kyle along with him, bracing himself for what he knows he'll find there: Cartman, at the kitchen table. Stuffing his face with appetizers.
史坦的手輕撫過凱爾的肩膀，深知那句話會激怒他。當史坦走向廚房時，他溫柔地帶著凱爾一起移動，同時為即將面對的景象做好心理準備：卡特曼，就坐在廚房餐桌旁。正狼吞虎嚥地吃著開胃菜。

"Ey, Kyle," Cartman says. He's sort of red, too, maybe just from the exertion required to eat heartily, though actually he looks like he's lost about twenty pounds since graduation. "Stan," he adds, nodding to him.
「嘿，凱爾，」阿ㄆㄧㄚˇ說。他的臉也有點紅，可能是因為大口吃飯太費力，不過說真的他看起來比畢業時瘦了快二十磅。「史丹，」他朝對方點點頭補充道。

"Hey," Stan says, tightly. Kyle says nothing. He drops into the seat farthest from Cartman, still holding the pudding with both hands.
「喂，」史丹語氣緊繃地說。凱爾沒有回應，雙手仍緊握著那盒布丁，逕自坐到離卡特曼最遠的座位上。

"Let me put that in the fridge," Sheila says, easing it from his grip. "Stan, what can I get you to drink? We have some very good craft beer."
「我來把這個放進冰箱，」希拉說著，輕輕從他手中接過。「史丹，你想喝點什麼？我們有些很棒的工藝啤酒。」

"Stan doesn't drink," Kyle says, sharply.
「史丹不喝酒的，」凱爾尖銳地說。

"It doesn't really mix well with my meds," Stan says when Sheila gives him a surprised look.
「這跟我的藥不太合，」當希拉露出驚訝的表情時，史丹這麼說道。

"What're you on?" Cartman asks, cracking pistachios at the table. The little papery bits inside the shell are getting everywhere, scattered onto his sweater and the table.
「你在嗑什麼？」卡特曼問道，一邊在桌上剝著開心果。果殼裡那些薄紙般的碎屑四處飛散，落在他的毛衣和桌面上。

"You don't have to answer that," Kyle says, as if Stan doesn't know that.
「你不用回答那個，」凱爾說，好像史丹不知道似的。

"Lexapro," Stan says, unashamed. He finally found a good therapist at the campus health center, after trying two others who didn't work out. He's going to work up to the ‘my boyfriend gave birth to me via his ass' thing eventually, maybe through some kind of complex metaphor.
「樂復得，」史坦毫不避諱地說。在換過兩位不合適的治療師後，他終於在校園健康中心遇到一位好心理師。關於「我男友用屁股生下我」那件事，他打算循序漸進地談，或許會用某種複雜的隱喻來表達。

They sit down to dinner after Liane Cartman arrives. She's suddenly dating Mr. Mackey, and they both dominate the conversation at dinner, which is a relief. Liane seems happy and maybe a little tipsy, and Mackey is practically swooning toward her. Cartman seems to want to object to this but doesn't. When Mackey brings up a story about a teacher who lost his job recently for vaping weed during school hours, Cartman says there's a professor at CSU who does that, and everybody turns a blind eye.
莉安·卡特曼抵達後，大家便坐下來用餐。她突然和麥基先生開始交往，晚餐時兩人主導了整個談話，這反而讓人鬆了口氣。莉安看起來很開心，或許還有點微醺，而麥基幾乎是神魂顛倒地朝她傾身。卡特曼似乎想反對這種情況，但終究沒開口。當麥基提起最近有位老師因在校期間吸食大麻電子菸而丟了工作時，卡特曼說科羅拉多州立大學也有位教授這麼做，但大家都睜隻眼閉隻眼。

"This guy I'm fucking is in his class," Cartman says, scooping more sweet potato goop onto his place. "Astronomy. Ha!"
「我搞的那傢伙就在他班上，」卡特曼說著，又舀了一匙地瓜泥到盤子裡。「天文學。哈！」

"Excuse me," Kyle says. "You're sleeping with people your own age now? Does that mean—" Kyle glances at his mother, then at his father. "This bullshit is behind you?"
「不好意思，」凱爾說道。「你現在都跟同年齡的人上床了？這是不是意味著——」凱爾瞥了他母親一眼，又看向父親。「這些狗屁倒灶的事你已經放下了？」

"Kyle," Gerald says. "Let's not discuss personal matters like that in mixed company."
「凱爾，」傑拉德說。「我們別在有外人在場的時候討論這種私事。」

"Nah, it's fine," Cartman says, sneering. "I get around, you know, I'm open to many experiences. Not everybody looks at the first dick they're handed and thinks: he's the one! This is it for me, forever!"
「才不，沒差啦，」卡特曼嗤之以鼻地說。「我經驗豐富得很，懂嗎？我可是來者不拒。又不是每個人都會對第一根遞到眼前的屌就認定：就是他！這輩子就非他不可了！」

"Well, no," Kyle says. "Considering yours was the first dick I was handed, I can certainly relate to looking for other options."
「呃，才不是，」凱爾說。「考慮到你的是我拿到第一根老二，我當然能理解要找其他選擇的心情。」

"What, what?" Sheila says, dropping her fork. Liane is giggling into her napkin, and Mackey looks like he's trying not to laugh, too. They walked here, and they keep bringing up weed, so it's possible they're both baked.
「什麼，什麼？」希拉說著，叉子從手中掉落。莉安正用餐巾掩嘴竊笑，麥基看起來也憋著不敢笑出來。他們是走路過來的，而且一直提到大麻，所以很可能兩人都嗨了。

"Wait," Stan says, when he allows himself to hear what Kyle just said. "Wait— What? When?"
「等等，」史丹說，當他終於聽進凱爾剛剛說的話。「等等——什麼？什麼時候？」

Cartman has gotten very red. Gerald looks like he just swallowed a bug. Kyle, meanwhile, looks quite pleased with himself as he saws at a piece of roast turkey.
卡特曼的臉漲得通紅。傑拉德的表情活像剛吞了隻蟲子。與此同時，凱爾切著烤火雞肉片，看起來對自己相當滿意。

"Oh, Cartman and I lost our virginity together at sixteen," he says. "I topped. And always did, afterward, when I was desperate enough to return to that perfunctory experience. But anyway, then Stan expressed his feelings for me, and it changed my life for the better— The far, far better." Kyle leans over and kisses Stan on the lips. It's a closed-mouth kiss and brief, but Stan still gets a little hard in his pants for the look Kyle gives him. "I love you so much," Kyle says, wiping a bread crumb from the corner of Stan's mouth. "Please forgive me for lowering myself to fucking Cartman before I was saved by your love."
「噢，卡特曼和我十六歲時一起破處的，」他說。「我在上面。之後每次我走投無路回頭找這種敷衍了事的性愛時，也都是我在上面。但總之，後來史坦對我表白心意，徹底改變了我的人生——變得超級無敵好。」凱爾傾身吻上史坦的唇。只是個輕觸即離的閉唇吻，但凱爾凝視他的眼神仍讓史坦褲襠微微發硬。「我愛死你了，」凱爾說著，抹去史坦嘴角的麵包屑。「請原諒我在被你的愛拯救之前，竟自甘墮落到跟卡特曼上床。」

"I— I forgive you," Stan says.
「我——我原諒你。」史坦說。

Everyone is silent. Stan is a bit gut-punched, but it doesn't last long. He returns his attention to his plate, dragging a big forkful of stuffing through gravy, and when Kyle reaches for his hand under the table, Stan takes hold of his and squeezes.
所有人都沉默不語。史丹感到一陣揪心，但這感覺並未持續太久。他將注意力重新放回餐盤上，用叉子叉起一大坨沾滿肉汁的填料，當凱爾在桌下伸手握住他時，史丹也回握住對方並輕輕捏了捏。

"Anyway," Kyle says. "Ike says hello, and that he will cross the threshold of this house again when you guys have made restitution to him in the form of a Tesla. That's his price."
「總之，」凱爾說。「艾克要我轉達問候，還說等你們用一輛特斯拉補償他之後，他才會再踏進這個家門。這就是他的條件。」

"Ike is a brat," Sheila says. "And so are you. Oy, Kyle, this disrespect! I hope you have children of your own someday. Then you'll understand what you've put us through."
「Ike 是個小混蛋，」Sheila 說。「你也是。唉呀，Kyle，這種不敬！希望你哪天也有自己的孩子。到時候你就會明白你讓我們經歷了什麼。」

Kyle starts laughing under his breath. Stan glances at him, and Kyle loses it then, laughing hard.
凱爾開始低聲竊笑。斯坦瞥了他一眼，凱爾這下徹底憋不住了，放聲大笑起來。

"What the hell's so funny?" Cartman asks.
「這到底有什麼好笑的？」凱子問道。

That makes Stan laugh, and eventually he and Kyle have to excuse themselves to completely lose it in hysterical laughter in the den while the rest of the group at the table mutters about how strange it is that Kyle should find this comment so amusing. Stan never thought he would consider what they went through in Hell funny, but now that he thinks at it, in light of what Sheila said: yeah, it is. He pulls Kyle to him when they're both red in the face from laughter and almost breathing normally again and kisses him in the low light from the fireplace, confident that they can go back in there and face everyone. They've pretty much proven, in their own unique way, that they can face anything as long as they're together.
這讓史丹笑了出來，最後他和凱爾不得不藉故離開，在書房裡笑得前仰後合，而餐桌上的其他人則嘀咕著凱爾竟然會覺得這句話如此有趣真是奇怪。史丹從沒想過他會認為他們在地獄的經歷很有趣，但現在回想起來，根據希拉說的話：沒錯，確實是。當他們都因大笑而滿臉通紅、呼吸幾乎恢復正常時，他在壁爐的微光中將凱爾拉向自己並親吻他，確信他們可以回到那裡面對所有人。他們已經以自己獨特的方式證明，只要在一起，他們就能面對任何事情。

 

-Bamfcrawler-  《當南園的燈火熄滅時，第二章－春》

 

-Mad Tuna-  《當南園的燈火熄滅時，第三章－夏日》

 

 

 

• « Previous Chapter  〈上一章〉